A Royal Pain

By Alaborn

Standard disclaimer: This is a not for profit fan work. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is copyright Hasbro, Inc. I make no claim to any copyrighted material mentioned herein.

Chapter 5: A Royal Swim

Pop.

That was a sound Prince Blueblood wasn’t expecting to hear. To his side, the organic mass he had summoned was dissolving with a slightly disturbing sizzling sound. And the transformation on his own body, while feeling strange, was proceeding silently. So where did that pop come from?

The cocoon of blankets around his body was suddenly pulled away. He turned and flinched at what he saw.

Princess Twilight Sparkle loomed over him. Anger didn’t even begin to describe the expression on her face. Raw magical energy, like flames, flickered over her body and lit her eyes. He watched as she took the blankets and sheets into a tight ball, which she then immolated. All the while, she never took her eyes off him.

“Upstairs. Now,” she ordered.

Blueblood jumped to his hooves and scurried up the stairs. Twilight Sparkle followed, the stomping of her hooves resounding through the basement. Once back in the library, she slammed the door hard. Her horn flared, and a locking spell sealed the basement door.

“How could you be so stupid? What were you thinking?” Twilight Sparkle yelled at Blueblood. He didn’t know how to respond, but she wasn’t going to let him speak anyway. “Do you even know the kind of danger you were in? Do you?” She pressed her muzzle to his. “Sit. Down.” she ordered.

Blueblood backed up until he collapsed onto a couch. “Princess Twilight Sparkle, I can explain,” he started.

“Yes, you can explain. Explain what the hell you were thinking!”

“I was just trying to fix myself,” he said weakly.

“Fix? Fix?? I know what you were trying to do, from the spells I detected. And you should thank your lucky stars that your plan was never going to work. Princess Celestia wasn’t making casual conversation when she told you about the life magic at work here. You could have killed yourself!”

Twilight Sparkle closed her eyes and pressed her hooves to her forehead. She retreated to the kitchen, coming back with a kettle of boiling water and a cup with willow bark. She poured the water in the cup, and stared at it while waiting for her tea to be ready.

Blueblood waited silently, staring at the walls, while occasionally stealing a glance at the upset alicorn in the room. Twilight Sparkle was breathing heavily and still looked extraordinarily angry. Finally, she took a gulp of her tea and set her cup back down.

“Okay, I’ve decided what you’re going to do,” Twilight Sparkle said, finally speaking in a calmer voice. She concentrated, and pulled one book off a library shelf, depositing on the couch next to Blueblood. “While I’m gone, you’re going to read this book, and write for me a thousand words about what you learned and how it relates to your current situation.”

Prince Blueblood stared at her, dumbfounded. “Are you... are you assigning me a book report?”

“Yes. Yes, that’s exactly what I’m doing,” she replied. “It’s the best I can think of on short notice. When I get back, we’re going to have another talk. Now, do you know why I risked my own health, making three long range teleports with barely enough time in between to recover my magical energy?”

“Why?”

“Because when those alarms from my spell matrix triggered in my mind, I was afraid you were in trouble, maybe even dying. In the time you spent here, away from Canterlot, away from the petty nobles and their petty pettiness, I came to see you as a good pony, maybe even a friend. And if I can save a dying friend, then I’m going to do anything I can.

“But then I came home and saw a pony who cared only about himself and his position. And if that’s all you care about, then let me make one thing absolutely clear, Blueblood. I outrank you. One word to Princess Celestia, and you’re going back to Canterlot, where your new baby bump can be on full display. So, if you don’t want that to happen, I highly suggest you get to reading that book.”

Blueblood glanced at the book, entitled Seven Medical Miracles. He tucked it under his foreleg. “As you wish, Princess,” he replied formally.

“There’s one more thing. I want you to promise not to do anything to harm yourself or your foal,” Twilight Sparkle said.

“Fine. I promise,” he replied.

“This is serious. Make a Pinkie Promise.” She waited, but then realized Blueblood probably wouldn’t know what that was. “Repeat after me. ‘Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.’”

“Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my ow!” Blueblood, repeating Twilight Sparkle’s words and mimicking her gestures, accidentally poked himself in his eye. “What’s so special about that?”

“Nopony breaks a Pinkie Promise,” she explained. “Because breaking a Pinkie Promise is the surest way to lose a friend....”

“Forever!” Pinkie Pie warned. Blueblood blinked. The pink mare had popped out of a vase that was clearly too small to fit her. And besides, wasn’t she supposed to be in Canterlot?

“Thank you, Pinkie Pie,” Twilight Sparkle said, completely unfazed. She finished her tea. “Now, the chariot should be arriving soon. I’ll leave you to your book. And Blueblood? If you have any worries, I want you to talk to me. I’ll be there to listen to you, because that’s what friends do.”

“And I think I see the chariot now!” Pinkie Pie said, pointing out the window.

“Okay, Blueblood. I’m heading back to Canterlot,” Twilight Sparkle said. “And I’m serious. I want you to be able to talk to me.”

“Have a safe trip, Princess, Pinkie Pie,” Blueblood said He stayed safely ensconced on his couch while the two mares departed. Once they were gone, and the library was again silent, he could hear the pounding of his heart.

The anger Twilight Sparkle had shown was terrifying. Even after teleporting all the way from Canterlot, a nearly impossible feat even in three hops, she still unleashed enough magical power to make the average unicorn jealous. But more frightening was Pinkie Pie, who revealed herself to be an earth pony who defied all laws of magic.

But then the rational side of Blueblood’s mind kicked in. What, exactly, would Twilight Sparkle do? And could an oath of a magical nature, made under duress without all parties having a full understanding of it, hold in a court of law? Surely not.

Then why did the prospect of losing Twilight Sparkle’s friendship bother him so?

Blueblood sighed and picked up the book. It was an easy read, likely adapted from a series of lectures or magazine articles. Assuming she had read the book before, Twilight Sparkle was probably thinking of the second and the seventh case. The first of those concerned a mare, left brain-dead following a tragic accident, and the complications surrounding keeping her body alive so that her foal could grow to term.

The final story in the book was particularly interesting. For one, one of the doctors involved was his own doctor back in Canterlot, Well Heart. The case involved a griffin stallion and pegasus mare trying to have a foal. The two races are normally compatible, but this mare had suffered numerous miscarriages. The doctors discovered that her body was treating the embryo like a foreign invader, fighting it like an infection. It took incredible feats of medicine and spellcraft to trick the mare’s body into believing the embryo was part of itself, forming a protective barrier that still allowed the foal to develop normally. And in the end, all the difficult work paid off, and the couple had a healthy hippogriff filly.

Blueblood rested a hoof on his abdomen. If something like that had happened to him, he never would have learned about the finer details of seapony reproduction, and he would be back in Canterlot. But he suspected that was not what Twilight Sparkle wanted to see him write. He set aside the book, planning on writing his report later.

Getting back outside was a relief for Prince Blueblood. He was alone, just him and his thoughts, and focusing on his work put the thoughts of angry princesses out of his mind. Today, he was surveying the border between two of the outlying farms on the edge of the Everfree Forest. The town’s laws had a variety of provisions, probably traditions that had been codified, detailing how borders worked with the forest. Long story short, he didn’t have to go into that accursed forest, and he was glad.

Walking along the border between the Apple and Carrot farms, he tried not to look at the buildings. Giant images of their respective crops adorned the buildings in a most garish fashion. He kept his eyes on the border, right until the point when it ran into a pond.

He checked his maps, finding no disagreement that the border ran through the pond and that the water was shared by both farms. It was a pleasant-looking body of water, with ice collecting along its edges, clear where the afternoon sun broke through the trees and shined on the surface.

He suddenly realized he hadn’t gone swimming since leaving Canterlot. And he wanted to.

The ridiculous thought wouldn’t leave his mind. He stuck his hoof in the freezing water, but soon felt warmth radiate down his leg. He felt for his magic, and noticed the seapony magic at work with his own.

That made sense. Seaponies lived in the water during winter, after all.

Blueblood set down his tools and maps and struggled out of his tight jacket. After disrobing, he tested the water again with his hoof. Satisfied, he dove into the pond.

Crystal clear water flew past Blueblood as he swam, powerful kicks of his legs propelling his body across the pond. It felt so right and natural, like he was back in his element. He practiced several strokes as he swam laps across the pond. At times, he swam briefly under the ice at the edge of the pond. The winter sun filtered through the ice was a sight to behold.

Blueblood thought about Twilight Sparkle’s suggestion about learning about the magic manifesting in him, truly understanding it in a way that would allow him to replicate this feeling of being home within the water using only his horn. But then he remembered the anger on her face. He doubted she would ever trust him enough to teach him magic again.

Suddenly, his swim became rote, mere exercise to work his muscles. He persisted, swimming enough laps to approximate his normal swim routine at home. Then, to cheer himself up, he decided to end his swim with a jump. He swam down, nearly touching the bottom of the pond, before ascending rapidly. His legs kicked as the water got brighter and he approached the water’s surface. He breached the surface, but not with the dolphin-like grace he pictured in his mind. Maybe a true seapony could have made that jump, but all he accomplished was a quick belly flop, splashing water everywhere. Blueblood swam to the edge of the pond and pulled himself out of the water. Then he heard applause, the stomping of hooves. He realized with horror that he had an unexpected audience.

“Bravo, bravo! I never thought I’d see somepony crazy enough to swim in the middle of winter!”

Blueblood cleared his throat. “Sorry. It was presumptuous of me to swim without your permission.”

“Ah, don’t you worry none. Anypony’s free to use the swimming hole. Of course, most ponies wait until it’s warm out. Name’s Golden Harvest, by the way.”

“Prince Blueblood. I found the water surprisingly pleasant,” he replied. He assessed this mystery mare. She was an earth pony with a golden coat, a curly orange mane, and a cutie mark of carrots adorning a well-toned flank. She probably spent a lot of time bending over. A hint of a smile crossed his face as he pictured the scene in his mind.

“I can’t wait to tell my husband about this!” she continued.

“Oh,” Blueblood uttered. While some ponies cared little about marital bonds when pursuing a mare, in particular his friend Full Sail, Blueblood had bad memories of one such pursuit that, well, didn’t turn out as he had expected. “What do you mean by that?” he asked.

“It’s a running joke. If there’s some disaster befalling Ponyville, or some unusual visitor, or even a big shindig, I’m the one in town to witness it, while Golden Grain is tending to the farm. And the day he’s tending to the cart in town? Something funny happens here.”

“I suppose. I’ve never really thought of Ponyville that way.”

“Why don’t you come inside and warm up?” Golden Harvest offered. “You’ve got to be freezing.”

“Thank you, but I’m fine,” Blueblood tried to say, but the warming magic finally ceased in the middle of his sentence. His last words were lost, buried by the sound of his chattering teeth. He nodded in assent, picking up his clothes with his magic.

Golden Harvest’s home was old, cramped, and cluttered. But the fireplace was lit, and that was all that was important to Blueblood. The mare directed him to a chair near the fireplace, and passed him a crocheted blanket. He wrinkled his nose at the faint musty smell of the hoofcrafted blanket, but decided warmth was more important.

Golden Harvest returned, carrying a small glass of clear liquid. “This will help you warm up,” she said as she gave him the glass. Blueblood sipped, feeling a pleasant burn as strong liquor went down his throat. He did feel warmer.

Blueblood examined the alcohol, taking in its aroma and savoring the lingering taste on his tongue. “This is quite good,” he said. “There’s just the faintest hint of flavor, and I can’t place it. What is it?”

“It’s carrot vodka, made with this farm’s crop. Golden Grain distills it himself. Sorry we don’t have any champagne.”

Blueblood sniffed. “Champagne gets old after a while. There’s a few of us in Canterlot who appreciate a good hard liquor. If you have a bottle for sale, I think I’d like to send one off as a gift.”

Golden Harvest smiled. “Now that I can do!” She headed out of the room, soon coming back with a crudely labeled bottle. “We charge twenty bits per bottle. If you want to come back later, we can work something out, or you can stop by the market....”

“No need. I can pay now,” Blueblood interrupted. His pouch always contained a lot more than twenty bits. He levitated the pouch out of his jacket, resting on a nearby table, and pulled out enough bits for the purchase.

“Aren’t you going to finish your glass?” she asked.

Blueblood examined the glass. Once he knew it was alcohol, he didn’t want to drink it anymore. “I am working, you know,” he said.

Golden Harvest laughed sharply. “Sure, working. Could’ve fooled me.”

“I was surveying your property before I took a break,” Blueblood said.

“So I’ve heard. And how do you like Ponyville?”

“It’s... tolerable,” Blueblood said.

“You must have pissed off Princess Celestia something fierce to get sent out here.”

Blueblood choked over the mare’s bluntness. He searched for a diplomatic response. “I suspect Princess Celestia thinks it would do every noble some good to stay away from Canterlot for an extended period. And I’m in no place to argue with her when I’m asked to do my job.”

“Hey. Anypony with good taste in liquor is welcome around here. Broth’s probably ready.” Golden Harvest departed the room once again. This time, she returned with a chipped clay mug. Steam rose from the liquid it held.

“Thank you,” Blueblood said as he accepted the mug. He inhaled the aroma of the vegetable broth before sipping. The flavor of carrots predominated. The warm liquid was very welcome. Before he knew it, he was holding an empty mug, and feeling much better.

“Best way to deal with winter,” Golden Harvest said.

“The best way to deal with winter is to stay inside,” Blueblood said. “But we can’t always get what we want.” Blueblood’s smile faded as he realized just how true that statement was.

“Yeah,” Golden Harvest said, quieter than before. Blueblood noticed a hint of sadness in her expression. An awkward silence filled the room, one that couldn’t be covered by the crackling fire.

“I suppose I should get going,” Blueblood said. “Thank you very much for your hospitality, Golden Harvest.”

She perked up. “Yeah, it was nice meeting you, Prince Blueblood. Maybe we’ll see you at a barn dance later!”

“Perhaps,” he replied, in lieu of immediately rejecting her offer. Who did she think he was? But as he forced his growing form into his jacket, Blueblood thought about the day. To be invited into somepony’s home, just like that? Back in Canterlot, a visit that wasn’t part of a formal party or a business deal would immediately be suspect. But this mare welcomed him into her home, for no reason other than to be hospitable. It was... nice.

After completing his workday, Blueblood returned to the library. The book was still there, waiting for him to write his book report. Best to get that out of the way now.

He started his writing with a summary of the stories and their shared theme, the triumph of pony will over adversity, of medicine and magic over any problem. It was blatant padding of word count, but Twilight Sparkle couldn’t fault him for following her instructions to the letter. Then, it was time to write about the stories that hit closest to home.

“The urge to carry on one’s lineage is one of the basest and strongest instincts of any species, including ponies,” he wrote. Blueblood shuddered as he remembered just how true that was. “Thus, it is not surprising the efforts doctors and unicorns went to in order to help Yellow Rose and Fair Weather ensure the health of their foals. But they shared a common characteristic. The families wanted their foals.”

Blueblood stared at the page. He knew what he wanted to say, and he knew that if he wrote those words, it would upset Twilight Sparkle. He searched his mental lexicon of diplomatic phrases, but nothing felt right. She said she wanted to talk. If he remembered correctly, she said that multiple times. Blueblood was going to give her something to talk about. He picked up the quill pen in his magical aura and dipped it in the inkpot.

“In other circumstances, we never would have learned their names,” he continued writing. “Had Fair Weather found love with a pony, she would not have suffered problems with her pregnancies, and she would have been just one of many normal, happy mothers. I find myself wishing to have her condition. Then I would have remained blissfully ignorant of how a stallion could become pregnant, and I would be leading my own life in Canterlot. I may never be as important as the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony. I may pale in comparison when my life’s accomplishments are weighed against somepony like Doctor Well Heart. But in that, I would not mind, as it was the life I made for myself.”

Blueblood replaced the quill pen in the inkpot. He felt his heart pounding. Writing this, finally putting into words what was in his mind, was a welcome cathartic experience.

He would have a lot to talk about when Twilight Sparkle returned.

Author's Notes:

Memo to Blueblood: Don't piss off Twilight Sparkle.

The next chapter will be entitled "A Royal Menace".