Pinkamena rummaged through the toy box in her room looking for the final touch to her ensemble. Atmosphere is important when one is doing evil deeds Pinkie told herself. Whether in her playroom with a guest or plotting that guests “invitation” everything must be planned perfectly. Set the right tone and you control the course of the event. A lesson she had learned years ago back when she threw what were considered the best parties in Ponyville. Every streamer hung, balloon floating, snack tray placed and record played helped guide the momentum of the room and separated a Pinkie Party from any old party.

“Aha!” Pinkamena exclaimed. She pulled a red cloth from her toy box and draped it around her neck. She turned to the mirror to give her outfit one last check before addressing the assembled guests. Over her head was her mighty helmet, tied around her neck and draping over her flank a flowing cape and her legs and hooves clad in black. ”Perfect!” Pinkamena chirped. She turned towards the room giving it once over. Black Streamers stemmed from the ceiling, lanterns lined the corners providing a flickering light for the room and a big banner was spread across the wall.

*The Council of One-Shot Villians*

Pinkamena approached the table setup in the center of the room. Each of the six seats occupied by one of her new henchponies. In the first stool sat Gilda the Griffon. A small Alligator wearing a fake beak with feathers glued to his hide stared at Pinkamena. The second stool sat Trixie, a Bag of Flour with a previously “donated” Horn taped on it adorned in a Wizards hat and cape. Flim and Flam looking remarkably like a ball of lint and a bucket of turnips were seated just to the left wearing flat boater hats and black bow ties. They were probably planning some new evil scam. A pile of Rocks with bullhorns was next to the brothers sitting very assertively. The last and most dangerous guest was a known terrorist who had demolished Town Hall for reasons yet unknown to Pinkamena. Pinkamena stared in admiration at the very frightened wall-eyed pegasus sitting on the final stool. her forehooves and wings tied up and her mouth gagged. She will be the one to help me do in Rainbow Dash. Pinkamena said to herself.

“Perfect.” Pinkamena cooed softly. With your help “I will soon put that infernal pegasus in her place.”

---

Derpy’s eyes shot left and right across the room taking in the very strange scene. Various inanimate objects and one baby gator were dressed up like several trouble makers that had come through town. At the center of all of this sat the towns resident nut job wearing a lampshade with eye holes cut into it, tube socks and blanket…

All I wanted was my morning breakfast. Derpy thought glumly. She had not been expecting the canvas sack shoved over her head as she exited Sugarcube Corner this morning. Her ears perked up as she heard something about putting a pegasus in her place. Derpy gave another attempt at struggling against her bonds to no avail. She shifted around helplessly as Pinkamena mimed introductions for each of the other members *clop, clop* she heard the other Mares hooves approach. Pinkamena was eye to eye with her. She felt a pink hoof press against her throat and raise up until it was under her chin.

“Well?” Pinkamena said with an annoyed tone. “Aren’t you going to introduce yourself, we are all waiting.”

“Mmmmmff, Mmmgg, Awwmff” Derpy said through her gag. *Crack* Her head swung to the side as the pink hoof collided with the side of her face. She opened her eyes slowly, it wasn’t that hard a hit but the shock cut through her.

“Speak up!” Pinkamena yelled. Derpy may be a dangerous building destroying terrorist but Pinkamena knew she had to establish herself as the leader early. She would not allow the grey mare to ignore her like this.

“MMMFFF, MMMRRRFFF, MAHHH!!!” Derpy replied.

Pinkamena looked at the gagged mare screaming at her. Suddenly cluing in she said “Oh I gagged you, how silly me”

Derpy just gave Pinkamena a deadpanned look. Derpy’s eyes widened as Pinkamena pressed her muzzle to her own. She felt Pinkamena’s teeth press lightly against her own as the pink mare bit down on the gag and pulled.

*Gasp!*

Derpy started coughing loudly do to the new volume of incoming oxygen. Her mind reeled. She immediately shoved the fact that the insane lampshade headed mare could have removed the cloth gag without locking lips to the back of her mind and focused on the situation at hoof. Derpy realized it would take all her cunning and skill to trick the unbalanced mare into letting her go. She could not give any ground; she had to be strong and confident. She couldn’t, wouldn’t let the Pinkamena see her fear. Derpy was mentally preparing herself to negotiate her release when she train of thought was interrupted.

“Derpy?” Pinkamena said with concern towards her new team mate who seemed to be focusing intently on something in her head.

Derpy’s eyes shot open and she bellowed “Please don’t kill me, I am just the Mailmare and I live alone and don’t have money for ransom so I don’t know why you would want to kidnap me because if I disappeared no one would even notice because I am so unimportant!” She took a deep breath after her unplanned panicburst.

“No one would even notice” Pinkamena mimicked with a smirk.

“Awww Feathers.” Derpy said with a look of panic.

Pinkamena had set up this little play to get Derpy to help her but the delicious terror in her eyes was just too good to pass on. Dash could wait; she had a new playmate right here who by the looks of her shivers desperately was in need of some special attention. Pinkamena walked over to Gilda / Gummy putting her arm around the Gator and said in a deep voice “This Dweeb is useless you should take care of her.”

“What a great idea Gilda.” Pinkamena replied in her own voice.

Derpy gulped loudly.

Pinkamena wrapped her right foreleg around a cake knife set out on the snack table and licked her lips at the thought of what her new guest would taste like… after some tenderizing. Pinkamena turned towards Derpy a hungry look in here eye. Suddenly a thought crossed her mind. What if this is a trick. She destroyed Town Hall publicly without being arrested; this may be a ploy to ambush me.

Derpy regaining some of her calm decided that if she was going to die it would be with dignity. She put on the most defiant glare she could muster and stared into Pinkamena’s eyes… Well one of her eyes stared into Pinkamena’s eyes. The other rolled off to the side on its own accord. My stupid eye condition won’t even let me die dignity. Derpy thought.

Pinkamena followed the bound mare’s loose eye. It was pointing at one of the Lanterns sitting next to some low hanging streamers Pinkamena had used to decorate her lair / bedroom. Next to that a tall cabinet sat near to the door. Pinkamena's smirk was replaced with a look of shock. That diabolical terrorist was obviously planning to jump over to the lantern using her unbound hind legs and light the streamers with the lantern on fire putting the whole room in flames. Worse she was going to knock over the cabinet trapping both of us in the room to die. Pinkamena was obviously staring at the most dangerous mare in Ponyville. She did the only thing she could. She lunged at Derpy.

*Slice.*

Derpy stood slack jawed as Pinkamena cut off the ropes binding her forelegs and wings. Before she could contemplate what was going on Pinkamena put a foreleg around Derpy’s shoulder and smiled as wide as she could.

“Here have some cake.” she said pushing a plate in front of Derpy. "You just let your Auntie Pinkamena Pie take care of you."

Derpy flushed, embarrassed by her over reaction. Pinkamena may not be… normal but she obviously wasn’t trying to kill me. Derpy thought. She was just cutting off the ropes. I wonder if this is what she has to do to get ponies to hang out with her since… that day. Derpy took a fork full of cake into her mouth as Pinkamena trotted towards the front of the table.

*Bang*

Pinkamena slammed her hoof onto the table. “Listen up everypony! I have a special task for all of you. You all have something against Rainbow Dash or her so called best friends.” Pinkamena said gesturing wildly. “Well now is the time for our revenge.”

Derpy looked up from her cake and started to pay attention to the ranting mare. Rainbow Dash. she thought. This is starting to get interesting… in a good way. Derpy remembered all of Dashes cruel words from when she destroyed Town Hall. Dash had complained about working with her at Applejacks Rodeo Party, every single Winter Wrap Up and any other project where she and Dash worked together.

Sure I'm a bit of a klutz but Rainbow Dash always kepes her distance like I'm poison. Silently mocking hme with her smug attitude and thinking less of me because I was blacklisted from every weather team in Equestria. I can’t even own a cloud home anymore since the time I accidentally let the clouds electric charge build up. Sure it wasn’t great that I turned my home into… What was that Newspapers headline? Oh right, Black Floating Cloud Fortress Rains Electric Death on Trottingham. But do I really deserve those mocking looks like I am less than her… Derpy thought to herself. A Pinkie Prank would be just the thing to humble Rainbow Dash.

Derpy knew the pink mare was an artist at pulling pranks. She could not wait to hear what Pinkamena had planned for the arrogant Pegasus. Perhaps some sort of pudding explosion or itching powder under her wings. Whatever Pinkamena’s plan was they would have the last laugh.

“…and once I have flayed off her hide I will use the rest of her as ingredients to bake the Cupcakes… Derpy are you listening to the plan?” Pinkamena said with an annoyed look on her face.

“Uhhh.. Sorry. I was off in my head again. What are we doing?” Derpy replied jarred out of her thoughts.

“Never mind you will learn on the way, let’s get to work. Derpy will come with me, the rest of you stay here a guard the lair.”

Derpy grabbed the stool holding Pile of Rocks with bull horns on and shook it. She mimed in a deep voice. “If anypony breaks in here, I will give them something to fear.” She then giggled at her own joke. I can see why she would find this fun. Derpy thought. Maybe Pinkamena isn’t so crazy after all.

Pinkamena looked over pleased that her new assistant had her sense of humor. Removing her Lampshade, Cape and Socks and throwing them along with most of her evil lair into the toy box she and Derpy set out.

---

-Plan A-

Derpy stared up at the Cloud Castle she knew she would never be able to own. Her old Cloud Castle that her parents had left to her when they passed was small by comparison. She had been forced out and she had to sell it to repair the damage to her old home town. A twinge of jealously shot through Derpy as she watched the beautiful rainbow waterfalls that cascaded over the sides of the Castle. Rainbow Dash was up there right now oblivious to her upcoming humiliation.

“Ok” said Pinkamena “here is what you do.“ She placed a syringe in Derpy’s mouth. “It is only 10 am so Dash should still be asleep. Just fly up there and poke her with the needle. Then carry back down and toss her in this bag.” She threw a burlap sack in front of Derpy.

This seems a little extreme. Derpy thought, but who am I to argue with a pranking genius. She eased her mind playing out what they were going to do to the pegasus. Maybe they were going to bleach her coat or ruin her mane. Derpy took off floating up towards the cloud home. Landing in front of the door she placed her ear against it. She was shocked that she could hear a faint voice and a rustling of hooves from the other side.

“Damn it, it’s cider day already. How could I oversleep again this year.” Came the voice followed by a loud…

*Bang*

The front door opened smacking Derpy and she went reeling over the edge of the cloud house her ears ringing.

“Just leave the mail in the box!” the Rainbow streak said as it whipped off into the distance.

Derpy spread her wings catching herself in her fall. She breathed a sigh of relief dropping the needle in her mouth. Oops she said as the needle fell to the ground below her. I better go tell Pinkamena. Derpy thought. Gliding to the surface she saw her partner in crime lying on the ground a needle sticking out of her back. Derpy leaned over the pink mare and asked. “Are you alright?”

“This is going to become a running gag isn’t it?” Pinkamena whispered before fading into unconsciousness.

---

Pinkamena slowly started to feel the world come into focus. She felt comfortable surrounded by blankets and pillows and something else that was pressing against her back. Her eyes darted around the dark room. The walls were water damaged and chunks of the drywall had been bashed out. She could see a door frame with no door. Inside she could make out a few kitchen appliances. Who would keep a kitchen in their bedroom? she thought. Struggling against the tranquilizer cloud floating through her brain she slowly began to turn her head. Pinkamena saw a small crooked wooden table with a mailbag on top, a single chair sat next to it. Behind the table was the bedroom door… No. Pinkamena realized. Starlight shown through a small window on the door, It's the front door. This place could barely be called a home, more like a shack.

Rainbow Dash had gotten away again and I'm stuck near paralyzed… again in some run down shack somepony called a home. Pinkamena lay their wondering how her day could get any worse. She felt the soft warm object behind her start to shift through the covers. Turning around with great difficulty she came face to face with her new cohort. Unable to move and entangled in the other sleeping mare Pinkamena realized there were worse places she could be stuck in.

The early morning sun streamed in through the windows. Derpy awoke staring into the face of her new friend beneath her. The pink mare was wearing a huge grin on her face. Derpy looked down and noticed the position she unconsciously rolled herself into. “Gah!”  She yelled jumping off the bed away from the other mare. Derpy careened into the wall and bits of drywall fell off conking her in the head.

Pinkamena giggled at the sight and said “That explains the condition of your home... How did we end up here?”

“Oh ahhh, I, umm” Derpy muttered trying to control the blush on her face. “I lived nearby so I dragged you here.”

“Well that’s another day lost to a sedative induced nap… don’t ask.” Pinkamena deadpanned sitting up on the bed.

”Lets get going I have been up for three hours.”

“Three hours… awake?” Derpy asked.

“It wasn’t that boring in fact it was educational, did you know you are a very, very heavy sleeper?” Pinkamena smirked again.

Shoving this new information to the back of her mind to keep the removing the gag thoughts company. Derpy began to make breakfast for her new friend. Well her only friend since Golden Harvest disappeared last month leaving a hastily scrawled note saying that she was moving. Not helped by the fact that she was constantly reminded of the pony after buying 10 Carrot Cakes at Sugarcube Corner. Every few weeks Sugarcube Corner had a bulk sale on a new baked good and with what few bits Derpy had to scrimp wherever she could. These bulk sales really her helped out.

“Where is the bathroom, I could use a shower?” Pinkamena yelled from the living room / bedroom.

“There is an outhouse out back, you can use the sink to clean up after I’m done cooking” Derpy replied. She heard the front door slam and sighed. The first thing Pinkamena would see walking out the door is Rainbow Dash’s Cloud Castle. Derpy thought. The same Castle I have to see every morning mocking me. All because I am a little clumsy. Because I have new debts to pay every time I crash into something. Because I am terrible at making weather and have to settle for minimum wage delivery jobs that eat up half my salary in paying for broken mailboxes. Derpy felt disgusted that Pinkamena had to see her home but there was nowhere else in dragging distance. Pranking that arrogant Rainbow Dash isn’t going to make this better, this life where no one will let me near their homes for worry of what I will damage. Where I am too ashamed to bring anyone to my shack for what they will think. I am going to this through with this prank, because it made me a friend.

---

-Plan B-

“It is simple Derpy” Pinkamena said in an annoyed tone as they approached Applejacks farm spying a long line of Ponies rounded over the hill. A year ago Pinkamena would be with them, no first of the pack already getting her twenty mugs of cider. Crossing into the apple tree field Pinkamena looked up at the sky. “All you have to do is push a Raincloud over Sweet Apple Acres. Then you bring a small storm cloud and hide inside the regular rain cloud.” Pinkamena gestured up with her foreleg.

“How will this help us get Dash?” Derpy asked.

“Rainbow Dash loves Cider so if we rain on her day she will be the first pegasus to rush up and clear it.” Pinkamena picked up one of the empty Apple barrels that littered the farm in her forelegs and stood it up right. “When she hits the storm cloud she will get shocked and fall into the barrel” Derpy gave a salute and flew off to set up the trap.

Having a pegasus on her side was quite the convenience. She briefly wondered if the terrorist pony would even stick around to help her party with Dash. Who knows she thought. I may even help Derpy with her evil deeds; I've never demolished a building before. As she thought about her new clumsy friend she noticed the sky getting darker. Pinkamena smiled devilishly at her own plan as the first drops of rain began to fall over the farm.

---

“And this is a yearly event?” Princess Luna asked as she walked alongside her sister’s apprentice.

“Yes,” replied Twilight. “It is quite a hit around here, you picked an excellent time to come for a royal tour of Ponyville. Let’s go see what Applejack is doing.”

The Princess and her guide walked past the long line of Ponies reaching a vary annoyed looking Applejack and a cyan pegasus lying on the ground with a bulging gut.

“Yah shouldn’t gorge yourself like that RD.” Applejack said with a disapproving look.

“Well without Pinkie buying up all the cider I can finally drink my fill.” replied Dash. She felt another twinge of guilt at this thought. She turned to Applejack and said “You should talk to her. She needs friends, they are the most important thing to her and we snubbed her.”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “Weren’t you the one in a panic yellin about her goin mad?” said Applejack.

“I was wrong okay, Pinkie’s always been eccentric and well she is… I guess a little more… you know... but she was our friend for a long time.” Dash said. “Just think about it.”

I dun know RD I guess I could” Applejack started but was soon cut herself off as she noticed site of the princess approaching. Applejack bowed and said “Your Majasty.” Rainbow Dash tried to get up but only managed to roll over and belch earning another annoyed look from applejack and every other pony in earshot.

Luna laughed at the boated Rainbow Dash's display then turned towards Twilight. “I guess you weren’t kidding about the Cider.”

*Drop…… drop… drop, drop, drop.*

The Derpy induced rain cloud glided over the Cider stand soaking the ponies in line. Applejack looked up at the clouds with an angry look. “Rainbow Dash I paid good money for a guaranteed clear day. What in tarnation is goin on?”

“Don’t look at me, it’s my day off. I am not responsible for all the weather in Ponyville!” Rainbow Dash shouted defensively.

“Look whatever. Can you clear it up for me?” Applejack said in a defeated tone.

Rainbow Dash fluttered off the ground before succumbing to the mix of gravity and six litters of cider. She groaned and shook her head.

Applejack facehoofed at the sight of the disabled mare lying in a heap. Ponies were already starting to leave. “Is there a pegasus  who can clear these clouds for me?!” Applejack bellowed.

The princess stepped forward. “We shall do it. We haven’t pushed a cloud in over one thousand years.” Luna said with a look of delight. "What fun!"

Before anypony could object her powerful Alicorn wings flung her to the sky.

---

*BANG!!!*

Pinkamena jumped for joy as light flashed across the sky. Rainbow Dash had sprung her trap. She watched a pony fall out of the sky and hit her barrel. “I can finally put a lid on all of this.” Pinkamena exclaimed walking towards the barrel with Derpy hovering just behind her.

Derpy’s eyes widened in horror at the sight of the fallen princess Luna crumpled in the barrel. She was just beginning to stir.

“Umm… Pinkamena what do we do.” Derpy said turning her head to the side.

Neither the Pinkamena shaped dust cloud nor the bright pink blur extending over the hill responded. Derpy followed her friend’s example flying off fast as she could. In the distance a loud shouting filled the air.

---

Derpy and Pinkamena stood in front of Sugarcube Corner. So far no pony had come after us. Derpy looked over at Pinkamena and said. “So what now.”

“We wait it out until the heats off. There will be other chances to capture Dash. Don’t worry she will get her just desserts..." Pinkamena replied "Well be baked into them really.” Pinkamena winked. “See ya later Derpy” Pinkamena said walking into Sugarcube Corner shutting the door leaving a stunned Derpy behind.

Pinkamena pulled up the trap door in the basement descending into her “V.I.P” Party Room. She trotted over to her work bench opening up her journal and turning to the index. Running her hoof down the page she came to the name she was looking for. Dumping the party hat on the table she sifted through the numbers. Finding the number she was looking for she held it in her hoof. *69* Derpy’s number. Pinkamena giggled at the obvious joke. The number looked like a pair of cross eyes. She lit her kerosene torch and placed it above a small container of ashes containing the numbers of the seven ponies she had partied with, the entire Cake family and the owner of the local hardware store.  She dropped the number through the flame the ashes landing in the container.

Pinkamena sighed. She had a friend again and she didn’t know how to feel.

---

Derpy lay on floor of her shack staring at the cracked ceiling. Her mind was racing as she desperately tried to deny or spin what she had heard. Her day with Pinkamena had been the best one in years. It was a day where she didn’t focus only on her petty jealousies of the more well off ponies in town. A day where she really talked to somepony instead of just a polite hello. A day where somepony treated her like an equal instead of the mentally retarded klutz everypony thought she was.

What should I do? Derpy thought.