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Daring Do and The Letters From Her Publisher

by Grazy Polomare

Chapter 1: Chapter 1: Dear Ms. Yearling

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From the Publisher’s Office of Books and Crannies

Dear Ms. Yearling,

As usual, we’ve wired last month’s sale to the address you’ve written down. Might I add that a tree should not be the place to leave your money in. Beside the point, we’re all eagerly awaiting your next copy of the Daring Do series.

Your Publisher,

Bezzle Mint

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From the Publisher’s Office of Books and Crannies

Dear Ms. Yearling,

As you know, deadlines are approaching fast and we’d really like to see an update in terms of when you think you’ll be done with the novel.

Now, we’re not about rushing talent, but it’s hard to send an editor when you don’t even give us a home address, let alone a letter of acknowledgement.

Anyway, the board is excited to publish another Daring Do book soon, as the holiday season starts rolling in. Would make a great gift for every little filly and colt in the kingdom if you know what I mean.

Your Publisher,

Bezzle the Great Mint. (Hey, maybe you should use that in one of your books.)

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From the Publisher’s Office of Books and Crannies

Dear Ms. Yearling,

Well, I must say that upon receiving your letter, I’m a tad disappointed. I don’t mean to insinuate that I’m angry or anything. Writer’s block is common. It happens to the best of us, right?

We’re just a little worried. I mean, a delay by two months isn’t something that the fans are going to be thrilled about.

However, your good friend Bezzle talked with the board today and I think they are willing to let it slide, provided of course you give us a more reasonable explanation. You’re an author though, so that should come naturally, right?

On a side note, the message you wrote was rather sloppy in comparison to previous letters you’ve sent us. Is everything okay? It would really be easier if we weren’t delivering these notes to some tree in the woods you know.

Your Concerned Publisher,

Bezzle the Worried Mint.

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From the Publisher’s Office of Books and Crannies

Dear Ms. Yearling,

We haven’t heard from you, and as you can guess, the board’s getting a little nervous.

We’ve been receiving complaints from some rather impatient fans of yours demanding the current status of your latest novel. I've stashed a few of them in this letter. Do read them please, as I think it’ll give you a better understanding of the time restraint we’re working in.

Perhaps you could buy an actual house in the city? Fillydelphia is a great place to live in. And real estate has never been better. I’m quite sure it’ll appeal to your fancy.

Your Real-Estate Agent,

Bezzle Mint aka The Land Plotter (I actually think that would work well in the story. Just something to keep in mind.)

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From the Publisher’s Office of Books and Crannies

Dear Ms. Yearling,

Well it came a little sooner then the time table you gave us, but no pony here is complaining. In fact, I must say I’m rather impressed with you. But you do have an amazing publisher, so don’t forget to throw in a little thank you when you reply back.

Can you believe the board was going to put out a rescue notice for you? Like…the Royal Guard searching for the elusive A.K. Yearling? Everypony here was casting lots on whether or not you’d actually publish the novel. Well if you ever visit, I’m now the proud owner of two free dinners at Wheat the Stallions.

Anyway, our artists received the designs for the new cover. I must ask if you were inspired by anypony in particular, because the cyan sidekick looks very familiar. I'm not going to go and point hooves, but do be careful you're not plagiarizing anything.

My offer from the last letter is still open too, if you’re curious. I wasn’t kidding when I said Fillydelphia is a great place to visit in the winter, even after the parasprite catastrophe.

On a side note, we already delivered that copy you requested in Ponyville, and followed your explicit instructions to only allow the post office to know the specific address. Although I must ask...are you seeing anypony? Not that it's my business or anything but we're friends, right?

Your Friendly Publisher,

Bezzle the Rich Mint.

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Due to recent Equestrian postage laws, this formal letter had to be revised for various reasons, and we have provided approximate definitions of the words we had to replace. We do apologize for the inconvenience, and would like to offer a free stamp with your next letter.

From the Publisher’s Office of Books and Crannies

Dear Ms. Yearling,

Normally, I’d be writing this letter to address a certain issue. Perhaps something in your grammar, plot, or otherwise rudimentary problem that could be fixed in a jiffy. However, I feel it’s important to set a tone for the letter. And I shall do that right about now.

ARE YOU (expressive gesture of disbelief) KIDDING ME!?

We’re your publishers for Celestia’s sake! Normally I don’t write back with such ferocity or vulgar language, but I must say that this is absolutely terrible.

No…not terrible. Horrible. Abominable. Disgusting. Revolting. I can go on and on. I have the thesaurus right next to me.

Before we delve any deeper, let me just understand this.

Everything in your books—from that blue feline to the legendary rings to the dark tower to the griffin conspiracy—was real?

Every last bit of it?

Now don’t go pleading ignorance. You know the only time we’ve talked was through those (?poorly written?) letters you send me each day.

Let me just tell you the gravity of this situation. Your books contain around—I don’t know—multiple counts of vigilante justice, trespassing, grave robbing, misconduct, and disregarding the Griffin Border Peace Act of 455? Did I mention grave robbing? And that’s just the top of this filthy cauldron of offenses...and potentially lawsuits.

To say I banged my head on the table would be an understatement. I recently recovered from a concussion thank you very much.

We published this (unfavorable) book under fiction. FICTION! Fiction is for things that don’t happen in real life, (a donkey stuck in a well)!

Do you know how much trouble we’re in?

Let me just set the scale here. There’s the other big name publishers, followed by independent authors and fan fic writers. Then we have 15 tons of (digestive waste or manure)…and then there’s us.

Yep. Fall from grace wouldn’t you say?

You know, I’m not much of an avid reader myself for the whole fantasy genre. I usually get somepony who works under me to review the (specific digestive wastes from a bull) you send in each day.

But for Celestia’s sake, the whole building is being turned inside out! I don't know, but several kingdoms are claiming you've withheld critical information pertaining to national artifacts.

I hope you hid well, cause the Griffin Embassy just trashed my office to find that stupid goblet from book two. And if my associates are correct, they’re only the first, followed by a zebra shipping tycoon, the Changeling Hive, and maybe a couple dragons here and there.

We’ve been receiving countless letters demanding us to share your address. Since the infamous A.K. Yearling lives off the grid, every “bad guy” you’ve ever messed with has decided we’re the sole party responsible. Not that it would matter since we would still have to uphold our privacy policy. Now that I’m on the subject, does that explain the multiple break-ins we’ve had to report in the last year or so?


And to think I excused all of this on your writer’s block. Can you believe I actually argued with the board—yeah the whole board—in order to convince them that your profit would make up for the delay? I even had the tenacity to laugh at them when you did deliver. Because you know, it's my flank when you send a request for more time.

I may not have read Daring Do and the Griffin’s Goblet, but so help me now, I think I might just give it a go. At least it’ll give me some sort of defense when I explain to the griffin ambassador that our company soccer trophy is not his precious relic .

On a side note, did you know some of your enemies actually follow the book series? I thought that was interesting.

If you’re wondering where the (in a very uncomfortable position) I got this information—or how anypony got this information for that matter—look no further than the stupid purple alicorn in your latest novel (I actually skim through the pages just to make sure the characters aren’t offensive).

Basically, the giddy filly and her six (companions having a good time) friends were the Elements of Harmony! Yeah, saviors of Equestria for three times…or was it four? Oh wait…I forgot that you live like a (minotaur expression of attraction) hermit.

Anyway, she or one of them—maybe all of them—started spreading the big secret that you’re actually retelling your own adventures in some third-person (when a minotaur eats too much Meximane cuisine) narrative.

Well brilliant job Ms. Yearling aka Daring (meddlesome) Do aka the End of My Career.

If you haven’t already figured it out by now, we’re canceling any and all future novels that have anything to deal with this (problematic) story. That’s right, Books and Crannies are pulling a hardball to stay afloat, and may Discord help us if we succeed.

Oh…and if I ever find your (not very liked) house…I’m going to burn it down with all the fires of Tartarus.

Your Former Publisher of the Newly (not doing too well)-Up Books and Crannies Inc.,

Bezzle-I’m-Losing-My-Temper-Mint

P.S. You can forget about my offer to come to Fillydelphia. I also used up the dinner coupons to get myself drunk twice, hoping I would wake up to come to the realization that it was all just a bad dream. I think I’m still recovering from my last hangover as I write this, but I’ll let you know when I get better.

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Daring Do re-read the letter again, her magenta eyes studying each detail. It was remarkable how so much hate and anger could be packaged in such a tiny letter.

Tossing the parchment in the roaring flames of the campfire, Daring began to wonder exactly what would become of her career. Perhaps writing her adventures had been a fun gig for a while. But after this latest reply, there wouldn’t be a publisher in the entire kingdom who’d touch her books.

“All because I decided to write non-fiction as fiction? It was for the good of my own fans for crying out loud!”

She wanted to inspire her readers to pursue their dreams. Not have them worry about whether or not the hero—and author—of their treasured series would survive her next brush with danger.

So she said a little white lie to the publisher. Every author was bound to do it anyway. Bezzle Mint was just acting like a spoiled tart. He was just like Azhuizotl or Dr. Caballeron. Greedy, ambitious, and rotten to the core.

“Who needs publishing companies anyway? All they've ever cared about was how much profit they could make off another struggling artist’s masterpiece.”

She examined the address listed on the torn envelope.

1010 Golden Oaks Brook
Fillydelphia, Equestria.

“Well not this time.” Daring Do grabbed her pith helmet from the fireplace. “Bezzle Mint, it’s time we have a little chat.”

Next Chapter: Chapter 2: Daring Do and The Publisher's Dilemma Estimated time remaining: 32 Minutes
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