Author's Notes:

2/02/2018

So just a heads up, this story is pretty dodgy with grammar, spelling, and pacing in the first chapters. It was pretty much a side fic written adjacent to my first one, and I was still pretty new with writing. Actually embarrasses me now that I look back on it.

Still, I've neglected to go through and re-edit it so far, as I like to use it as a comparison to my later ones and see how I've improved (ignore the people saying I never did. They lie, lie I say!).

So if you read this and go 'Bleh, should be edited better', leave a comment to let me know. I might have to then go through and edit this bitch.

“Damn it, why the hell is my arse so cold?”

The owner of the voice raised itself of the snowy ground, the tall human shaking its head to clear the drowsiness from its mind. He was dressed in a simple white singlet with multiple stains on the front and a worn pair of boxer shorts, the blue fabric adorned with icons of hearts and yellow smiley faces. He rubbed the sleep from its ice blue eyes before scratching behind one of its ears, messing up its tan-coloured hair in the process. Its ritual complete, the human scanned his surrounds, the snowy wasteland defiantly not the cheap hotel room he remembered passing out in.

Nigel M Chalmers, feared killer and a Commander in the Internal Security Agency, shifted from foot to foot, the snowy ground irritating his bare feet.

“Just what happened last night? There was the work party, the after party, the after-after party and then the kebab shop.” Nigel recounted out loud, using his fingers to keep track of the multiple events, “Then the holo-theatre, the opera, the horse-racing and then the hotel room, and I’m fairly certain that this is not a hotel room, no matter how cheap it was.”

Nigel looked down towards his feet, noticing a large amount of empty V8 vegetable juice bottles around him as well as what appeared to be a large, partially eaten wheel of cheese easily the size of a basketball. Chalmers retrieved the wheel and sniffed, his expert sense of smell revealing it to be a massive chunk of Bitto cheese, hardened by age. Nigel stared at the cheese, shrugged and stored it under his singlet, reasoning that by the looks of things he would need every ounce of nutrition in this wasteland to survive. He picked up one of the many empty bottles as well, filling it with snow in the hope that when it melted it would provide an adequate source of water.

Now, the only thing left to do was to find out where he was, Nigel scanning the horizon, revealing an endless expanse of nothing. He turned around, nothing but more snow and rocks, until he spotted a sliver of something in the distance. Nigel leaned forward and squinted, trying to bring the elusive object into focus, a task which proved futile.

“Guess it’ll have to do, maybe someone will be able to give me a lift back to the capitol.”

Nigel began to trudge off towards the spiral, leaving nothing behind except for vegetable juice bottles and a large, human-shaped imprint in the snow.
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Nigel had been walking for hours now, the sun barely visible in the sky due to the clouds shrouding the land in shadow. The snow in the bottle had melted, and proved to be safe to drink, providing him with the small comfort that if he was stuck out here then at least he would not run out of water for a while. He looked towards the spire, the shaft of what appeared to be crystal reaching high into the sky.

After he crested a small snowy ridge Nigel took in the sight arrayed before him. The spire was appeared to be part of a large crystalline structure, the structure possibly some sort of citadel or palace. A blizzard of snow was raging at the top of the structure, hiding it from view. Arranged around the crystal structure was a large city, multiple buildings that also appeared to be crystalline in nature surrounding it, forming a star shaped pattern.

Nigel headed towards the city, and it was not long before he reached the start of a long road, no gates or walls barring his way. He advanced towards the citadel, his cold feet stinging as they propelled him along the cobbled path. The buildings around him at first looking like they were empty, however on closer inspection Nigel could see frightened eyes staring out at him through closed windows, shades and blinds covering those who dwelled within. The majority of the buildings seemed to be residential dwellings, with a few smattering of shops in a few places. The buildings possessed smaller doors than what he was used to, more and more evidence pointing to the possibility that whatever lived in this city was not human.

Nigel reached the base of the citadel, four long legs holding it off the ground, much like the Eiffel tower back on Terra. There were no guards or sentries to block his way as he entered via a door set into one of the tower legs, ascending the staircase he found within. He strolled through a lavish entrance hallway, the walls covered in black crystal, no sign of life present at all in the lonely rooms. He reached a large spiral staircase, the circular walkway leading upwards, towards the top of the castle. Nigel began to ascend, muttering to himself “Whoever built this should get around to inventing bloody elevators.”

He reached the top of the staircase and was confronted with a large pair of double doors, the brown oak they were constructed from appearing firm and strong. Multiple sobs could be heard, filtering out from the other side, overlaid with maniacal laughter, the crystals growing out from the walls pulsing with a black glow every time a peal of laughter was released.

“Well, any port in a storm,” Nigel grumbled before pushing open the doors and striding into the room.

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King Sombra was having a good day. Having escaped from the banishment that was imposed on him by those wretched Equestrian Princesses, he had returned, his Empire of slaves returning with him. It had been easy regaining control of the empire, the citizens all fleeing from his presence, hiding in their pathetic excuses for homes. A few were not so lucky, however, a multitude of Crystal Ponies were chained up in his throne room, reminding him of the good old days. He glanced down at the six young mares chained to his throne, all of them huddled together as far as possible from him, another twenty ponies chained to the walls surrounding the room, black crystals locking their chains in place.

Sombra eyed one of the mares, his former personal servant by the name of Sparkling Scroll, the mare having functioned as an assistant back before his banishment. Sombra flashed a grin before levitating Sparkling up in his magic, the Mare beginning to thrash around, the chain attached to her neck clattering as she tried to escape. Sombra levitated her closer, stopping only when her face was right before his. Her eyes were clenched shut, tears streaming down her face before Sombra once again used his magic, forcing the mare’s eyelids open, revealing dull purple eyes. The mare continued to sob as Sombra began to levitate her closer, the other ponies chained to the throne, looking on in horror. Sombra began to open his mouth, revealing a forked red tongue as he began to lean for-

SLAM!

Sombra jolted back, his magic dissipating, the mare falling down, colliding with his armoured body before coming to rest at the foot of the throne, her head bleeding from a gash above her right eye. Sombra glared at the doorway, a strange bipedal figure dressed in a single white piece of dirty fabric and wearing a blue pair of pants on its forelegs, the pants covered in strange symbols, their bright colours of red and yellow clashing with the faded blue of the pants themselves.

“Sorry to interrupt,” the figure announced, “but I was wondering if you could kindly direct me to the nearest UIP military base?”

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Nigel glanced around the room after his opening statement, the forms of what appeared to be small ponies chained up against the walls of the room. In the middle of the room on a throne constructed of black crystal sat a black horse, a red horn lodged in the middle of its forehead indicating that it was a unicorn. The horse was wearing a crown and armour that appeared to be made of silver, a red flowing cape topping off the whole evil villain look. The horse glared at him intensely, its abnormally large eyes sporting red irises tinged with green around the edges.

At the foot of the throne was a prone pearl white pony, blood flowing from a cute to its head with colour of the vital fluid matching its crimson mane. It was attached to the throne via a chain, along with another five ponies that were currently gazing at him in terror, although Nigel noted that they were straining the chains around their necks, trying to get as far away from the seated horse as possible.

“Creature,” the black horse hissed, a forked tongue flickering out from between its lips, “why do you disturb me with your disgusting presence?”

Nigel was quite put-out at being referred to as disgusting

“I’ll have you know Horse, I was voted number one best looking psychopath of the year in UIP weekly!”

“I AM KING SOMBRA CREATURE!” The horse roared, jumping of the throne over the injured pony, landing in front of Nigel “I AM RULER OF THE CRYSTAL EMPIRE, MASTER OF ALL THESE WORTHLESS SLAVES!”

At the word ‘slaves’ Nigel’s brow furrowed, slavery viewed as a vile practice in the UIP “So, you're King Sombra, slaver, arsehole and premature ejaculator, that about right?”

Sombra’s glare intensified, he didn’t know what an arsehole was, but he certainly knew what the last insult meant
“YOU IGNORANT PEASANT! I’ll HAVE YOU FLAYED ALIVE FOR SUCH MOCKERY! ILL HAVE YOU PUT IN A ZOO, FOREVER DOOMED TO AMUSE ME LIKE THE FILTHY ANIMAL YOU ARE!”

“The only thing that belongs in a zoo,” began Nigel, utterly pissed off at this point, “is your skank of a mother, cause man, was she an animal last night.”

That was it; Sombra could take no more, even despicable, slave-driving tyrants hate people talking trash about their mothers “DIE YOU IGNORANT FOAL!”

Sombra’s horn became wreathed in black smoke before a black spike of crystal shot from the tip, striking Nigel in the chest, right where his heart was. Nigel was propelled backwards by the spike, the flimsy singlet providing no resistance to the crystal projectile. His body crumpled to the floor, the tail of the spike pointing upwards into the air. The surrounding ponies gasped, this was Sombra’s first kill since the end of his exile. Sombra turned around triumphantly, facing the ponies chained to his crystal throne.

“SEE WHAT HAPPENED SLAVES; SEE WHAT BECOMES OF THOSE WHO DISOBAY YOUR MIGHTY KING!”
The downed bipedal figure gave a twitch, going un-noticed by the evil King, Sombra being too preoccupied with his monologue

“I AM SOMBRA, MOST POWERFUL OF ALL UNICORNS!”

The biped picked itself up, moving over towards the remains of a wooden table before selecting a rather hefty ornate table leg

“I HAVE OUTGROWN ALL MORTALS! MY POWER UNMATCHED! MY STRENGTH BEOND REACH OF ANYTHING ELSE ALI-“

Sombra was interrupted by a tapping on his shoulder, the King turning around to view what dared intrude on his victory gloat.

Before him stood the bipedal creature, its appearance unchanged except for a long gash in its white cloth covering its upper body, seemingly unaffected by his crystal spike

“BUT HOW!?” Bellowed Sombra, incredibly confused as he saw his attack strike his target. The biped pointed to an item on the ground where it had fallen with one of its claws. Sombra gazed at the Wheel of cheese on the floor, the spike having impaled it before having its momentum halted by the steadfast dairy product

“I like my cheese aged,” answered the biped, before an ornate wooden table leg collided with Sombra’s face, knocking the King to the floor.

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Sparkeling Scroll watched through the stream of blood flowing down her head to the floor as the strange biped smashed the table leg it was carrying into the face of Sombra. The biped began to beat the King with the table leg, bringing down upon his head over and over

“This is- ‘CRACK!’ why you always- ‘CRACK!’ make sure your opponent- ‘SMASH!’ is not going to get back up- ‘CRACK!’ before you monologue- ‘CRACK!’ you tosspot!”

‘SPLAT!’

With a final swing the battered leg shattered Sombra’s skull, slaying the despicable slaver-king once and for all. The biped’s chest was heaving, the exertion of killing the former King taking its toll. The biped dropped the bloodstained table leg and turned to face Sparkling Scroll and the other ponies chained to the throne, its form covered in blood spatters, the gore of the dead king coating the surrounding area.

“So,” the blood-stained King-slayer began, “does this mean I’m now Emperor?”

Sparkeling Scroll fainted, the blood loss from her head wound combined with the violent display sending her into unconsciousness, the last thing she saw was a beam of sunlight piercing through clouds, shining light into the bleak throne room.