“Argh! This isn’t busy work, this is punishment! This is torture! I have rights, dammit!” Eris swore, swinging her fist at the ceiling. “Rights, I tells ya! I plead the fifth!”

William remained thoroughly baffled, regardless of his attempts to focus.

It seemed like such an odd thing to the boy, and held his attention for the longest time. The enormous stained glass window shined seemingly with a light all its own, the shimmering colors granting it a splendorous shine. But William was oblivious to the glister of the glass, his mind roiling in contemplation.

The depiction was clearly of Discord stricken with some kind of beam by numerous ponies, one of which in particular held his devout concentration. Rainbow Dash, along with colored representations of her friends, stood baring something at the image of the draconequus as he shielded himself in vain. His brows furrowed in thought even further. To his knowledge, no one had even mentioned such an occurrence to him.

Although the more that he thought about it, his mother tended to be generally vague about her past with Discord.

“… How peculiar.”

“Whuzzat?” Eris cocked her head, wiping a bead of sweat from her brow before tossing the sponge into the refilled bucket with a hint of contempt. “Are you gonna just stand there and look pretty, cupcake, or are we going to get this crap done today?”

“Eris, take a look at this…” he began, covering his mouth with his hand while gripping his chin. “Hmm.”

“Oh, that?” she flicked her eyes at it, disinterested. She cracked her back in discomfort, staring up at the window beside him. “Yeah, dad told me ‘bout that. He got turned into a rock.”

“Oh.”

William blinked, the thought finally registering.

“Wait, what?”

“Yep,” she scratched the side of her nose distractedly. “Way back before he got roaming rights again. Dad got turned into a statue by the Elements of Harmony.”

“I’ve heard of that before!” William snapped his fingers suddenly, remembering. “I have definitely heard that crop up, ‘Elements of Harmony’. What are they? Why was Father turned into a statue? And wouldn’t that just be a minor inconvenience to a living god?”

Eris yawned, slumping tiredly over his shoulder and using him to prop herself up as she slouched.

“He had his powers frozen, because he was wrecking shit, and that would be your mom and her friends.”

“What?”

“I answered all of your questions, but backwards!” Eris said excitedly, but then frowned. “Well, actually, if I’d answered backwards, it would be sdneirf reh dna mom ruoy eb dluow taht dna ,tihs gnikcerw saw eh esuaceb ,nesorf srewop sih dah eH.”

William was so thoroughly disturbed by the sound of her flawless imitation of a backwardly playing record that he couldn’t find it in himself to ask her anything else. He only continued to gaze up at the numerous stained glass windows, light cast in and throwing pools of dappled sun onto the floor. His thoughts grew darker as he contemplated and wondered.

Why would Mother fail to mention something that seemed rather eventful like that? Or anyone else, for that matter? Why would they have been fighting, and what could Discord have done that was so terrible that he was sealed in stone?

It wasn’t much farther down the line of windows that William spotted quite a few more, and his mind was abuzz as he left the cleaning supplies behind, forgotten.

Some of the stained glass representations were of Celestia herself, and many seemed to signify some portions of history that he recognized from his studies; the treaty of Neighpan, where Celestia stood before an impressive pagoda with ponies in straw hats. One with Princess Luna with a long double shadow hanging over the moon, another with what looked to be a distant army lining clouds.

His mouth slowly dropped when he finally found one much, much further away, and it didn’t take long for his sharp frown to return.

There was another of Discord, the first in quite a while.

The draconequus was shown to be much larger than previously, taking up a large amount of the window. Cackling madly, Discord dangled what William was horrified to distinguish as ponies screaming in pain over fiery pits, toying with them like they were no more than puppets.

“What the f-”

“Oh, are you kidding me?” Eris threw up her hands in disgust. “We have to wash all of these, too?!”

“Eris, look,” William pointed with a slightly shaking hand. “Is – I think that’s…!”

She blinked, craning her neck.

“Hmm? Oh. Yeah, that’s dad,” Eris shrugged. “He told me ‘bout that. I wouldn’t go getting too worked up over it, tiny.”

“Why not? And don’t call me tiny!”

“Done yet?”

Both of them jumped at the sound of another voice echoing through the hall, and for a moment William had the wild impulse to hide his hands behind his back. He fiddled with the edge of the too short skirt in embarrassment, forcing himself instead to focus on the filly dragging a bucket of cleaning supplies with her.

“Hey!” the draconequus waved cheerfully. “Need some help there? Let me get that for ya.”

She snapped her talons with a scowl, grumpy look returning quickly.

“Oh. Wait. I can’t,” she rolled her eyes sourly. “Shocker.”

“You know, you could always just pick things up,” the light pink, almost white earth pony filly stared at them, letting out a puff as she stopped. William stared at her vibrantly red and messy mane, as the longer he stared the more he was ensured that her head was actually on fire. She wore a similar outfit to theirs, although hers seemed doubly wrinkled and worn. “Lazy days make for long hours, you know.”

“Hello,” William nodded politely. “Thank you for the supplies.”

“Hmm?” the filly blinked, tilting her head at him strangely. Her voice was light and lilting, but her movements were jerky, like she were resisting the urge to twitch. “Oh, this isn’t for you guys,” she giggled. “Missus Trimming put me on window duty as punishment.”

“See!” Eris threw up her arms in despair. “I told you it was punishment!”

“Well, we certainly are grateful for the assistance,” William nodded again. “Pleasure to meet your acquaintance, miss.”

“Oh. Uh, hi!” the filly beamed. “M’name’s Velvet. Guess you’re the replacements. Are you Eris?”

“Actually,” Eris butted in. “That would be me.”

“Cool!” Velvet gained a significant amount of interest, which made William… slightly jealous, for reasons that he could not ascertain. “So you’re the one Missus Trimming was nagging about. She is such a pain in the flank.”

“Heh heh. I know, right?” she grinned, relaxing slightly. Even William managed to loosen up a little bit around the mellow filly. “This here’s my brother. He’s adopted.”

Velvet made a small ‘o’ with her mouth, nodding slowly and shooting the boy another snooping gaze.

“So if she’s Eris, that would make you…?”

Eris butted in, smirking.

“He’s the worst oppai maid ever.”

“What?”

“Desu desu desu ne, kawaii!” Eris giggled, batting her eyelashes.

“I seriously have no idea what you’re saying,” Velvet stared at the sniggering draconequus.

“Just call him tiny.”

“My name is William!” he growled, crossing his arms.

“Yeesh,” the draconequus rolled her eyes. “Now you sound more like the old bat.”

“Missus Trimming does seem to be a bit, er…” William cleared his throat, irritated with himself for losing his temper so easily.

“Bitchy?” the draconequus snickered.

“Nail. Head.” Velvet smacked one hoof into the other, grinning.

“Is she always like that?” he asked conversationally, grabbing one of the sponges at beginning to work his way upward on one of the windows. “Missus Trimming seems rather severe.”

“Yeah, mostly,” Velvet shrugged, digging around in her bucket for a towel and passing it to the once-again grumpy Eris.

“I feel pity for her husband,” William snorted.

“I don’t think she’s actually married anymore,” Velvet rolled her shoulders. “Mean ol’ bitch probably chased him off, or sommat.”

“Ha!” Eris dashed water on the window, suds running down it freely. “Or maybe she just calls herself that ‘cause nobody would ever touch that rusty old poon with a ten foot pole.”

“Or,” William snickered. “Or maybe she nagged him to death.”

“Or maybe,” Missus Trimming said sharply, “she’s standing right behind you.”

“Fffffffffuck.”

“Insubordination!” Trimming paced back and forth in front of them quietly, each of them dead silent as she wore a path in her office. “Disrespect toward the head maid! Blatant disregard toward priorities! And worst of all, slacking off on the job!”

William cringed with her every word, although the other two standing on either side of him didn’t seem to be nearly as affected.

“I’m terribly sorry, ma’am,” his stomach churned in knots. “It won’t happen again.”

“Won’t happen again?” Trimming’s voice lowered a bit, but lost absolutely none of its fierceness. “Do you have any idea how furious I am at you three?”

“Slightly moderately above averagely pissed?” Eris offered.

“I ought to have the lot of you court marshalled!” she glowered at them. “Toilet duty – all of you! One week, toiletries!”

Eris let out a loud moan, but Velvet seemed to take it in stride.

“Yes, Missus Trimming,” she bowed her head quietly. “We’ll get on it, right away.”

“Oh-ho, no,” the enraged mare ceased her pacing. “You’re all going to be working separately. Velvet? You get the third level.”

“Again?”

“March!” Trimming barked, and Velvet was quick to spin on the spot and speed out the door without another word. It snapped heavily shut behind her, leaving the other two at her mercy.

“And as for you,” she frowned at the idling Eris, who was busy picking her nose. “You’re going to be working on the staff toiletries. I suggest you get busy, they’re on the second floor, west wing.”

“Yippee,” Eris balked unenthusiastically. “Just what I wanted. This is even better than a freaking puppy.”

“You’ll be doing it with your toothbrush if you speak out of line again,” Trimming deadpanned.

Eris opened her mouth to say something, but snapped her jaw shut angrily. She stomped out the same way Velvet had left, muttering foul words under her breath and uselessly clicking and clacking her talons together.

William was a tad sorry to see her go, as it meant that he was left completely unshielded from the wrath of the head maid. He flinched again when the door snapped loudly shut, and he fidgeted awkwardly with the hem of the uncomfortable uniform, slowly growing more and more uneasy as the silence became deafening.

He was suddenly very aware that the skirt was too short, that the frills stuck out in a silly fashion, and the self-consciousness did nothing to help his position.

“And as for you…” Trimming finally spoke, slowly beginning to pace again. “Hmm. Where to put you.”

She leaned in closely, sharp yellow eyes piercing him as he realized that he was holding his breath.

“… What are you?” Trimming inspected him with a hint of curiosity. “What even are you?”

“My-my name is William, Missus Trimming,” he cleared his throat nervously.

“Yes. I already knew that,” her nostrils flared, but she continued searching him, quietly stepping around him as if she were searching for something. “But that doesn’t mitigate my inquisitions. What are you?”

Trimming frowned even harder, pausing by his side and peering into the rigid boy’s ear.

“I’ve never seen anything quite like you before…” she hummed. “Certainly not equine, not a draconequus like the other at all. Possibly minotaur, at least half…”

“Er, actually,” William started, sweat beginning to gather uncomfortably on his back. “Um, I’m-”

“No!” she cut him off, making him jump. “No, no. Shh, let me guess. I just love the mystery of it.”

He was a little thrown off by her statement, but remained still nonetheless. She circled him more closely, and William was reminded of a shark seeking dinner as she grinned at him.

“You wouldn’t happen to be part griffin, would you?” she guessed. “No? Hm. So strange.”

The more Trimming fired off question after question as to what he was, the more William suspected that she was enjoying being wrong. She grew a tiny little bit more excited each time, even going so far as to begin lifting his limbs to measure and weigh them.

“What about zebra? Just a little bit zebra? Hmm?” Trimming lifted his arm, scrutinizing his elbow. “No, you haven’t any stripes… I might almost guess chimpanzee, but you haven’t got nearly enough hair on you. At the very least, Zebrican.”

“I, er… I didn’t know you were so interested in guessing games,” William finally croaked, his voice feeling strangely light. He felt as if she were far too close, and the dainty scent of her pleasant pineapple perfume lingered and made his nose itch.

“Yes, well,” Trimming lifted his leg with her hoof, nearly knocking him off balance. He flushed, using his hands to push down hard on the uniform to keep it in place. “I can’t really-”

“Human,” William blurted at last.

Missus Trimming froze, as did William. However, whereas William had stopped out of awkwardness, the mare seemed absolutely livid.

“… It is an insult,” she dropped his leg sharply, menacingly stamping at the floor before her. “An outright insult to a mare’s intelligence to simply be given an answer.”

William dared not respond, or even to breathe too loudly as she loomed over him. She wordlessly placed her upturned hoof next to his face, and for a moment he was afraid that she was about to hit him. Instead, she gently brushed the underside of his chin, forcing him to embarrassedly look directly at her.

“Wouldn’t you agree…?” Trimming asked quietly, and a tiny shiver rippled inexplicably up his spine.

“I-I-I didn’t m-mean any disrespect, M-”

“You will be assuming duty over the guard’s barracks this week,” she continued as if nothing had happened, releasing him at long last. “And I will be receiving a detailed report on the magnitude of your efforts. Human.”

For the life of him, William did not know why her words as he was pushed out of her office made him feel so terrible.

Journal of William Zachariah Klaskovsky

I believe that Missus Trimming may have more to her than meets the eye.

I am not so certain that I wish to discover just what it might be.

And yet, I think that I already know the answer. Of course, I could simply be mistaking it for something else. I’m being puerile in my anxiety, doubtlessly. I think.

I find myself unable to sleep once again. Dratted nightmares. Possibly due to subconscious homesickness.

Eris is still annoying. I don’t like her. She keeps me from sleeping with something her constant I think I hate her Later. Just... later.

Dearest Scootaloo,

I promised that I would write, did I not?

…

Life here is terrible The weather is nice.

~ William