Mean and 'Mena
Chapter 1: Introspection
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“I, Pinkie Pie,
am a loser.”
There, I said it. Are you happy?
Whoever you are?
Wherever you are?
I hope you’re happy.
I just want you to be happy.
All of you.
What a mess
this dame is.
Sittin’ there,
Mopin’ at a party.
Her own party.
Can’t even have
any fun.
Won’t even take
any cake.
What kinda scum
does this to a gal?
Ups and leaves her
split like a flint?
“What’s that, Rocky?
Did you say something?”
“I said you ain’t a loser, Pinkie.
There ain’t anything wrong with youse.
It’s them that’s wrong.”
“Them?”
“Zem.”
And zat eez all
Madame Le Flour
will say of zem
in polite company.
“Them.”
Your old friends.
The ones you used to have.
Toots, wake up
and smell the pumice.
‘Fore it pummels ya.
They left ya.
Tossed by the wayside.
How clear
do I gotta make that?
What do I gotta say
to convince youse
that they were never
no good in the first place?
Ain’t my name Rocky,
or ain’t it?
Trust me.
“I trust you, Rocky.”
No. I don’t trust him.
He’s a plenty good friend.
The best stack of rocks
I’ll ever find.
But my other friends
were better.
I liked them more.
I want them to say
I’m not a loser.
“I trust you, Rocky.
But my parties aren’t...
They’re not good enough...”
Not anymore.
Not for them.
“Says who?
"Says who, huh?
Tell me.
Take a load off.
Rocky’s here.”
Indeed,
as well as zee Madame.
She eez here also.
We are here for you,
Miz Pinkie Pie.
“So tell me, toots:
Says who?”
“Says them.”
“And what of zem?
Zees party eez good.
I like zees party.
Does my word
not count
for somezing too,
eh?”
“It does,
Your words mean
a lot to me.
It’s just
they don’t like my
parties.
And their words mean
a lot too.”
Again with the ponies.
Again with the ponies!
Dame gives me a headache.
Have some punch,
ya crazy broad.
It’s a party.
Act like it.
“I want them to,
y’know,
to like me again.
Like they did before.”
“I’m your best friend now.
You don’t need nuffin’
and nopony else.”
“I guess...”
“But surely you jest,
sir Rocky.
Eet eez I
who am her
best friend now.”
“So I’m your best friend,
ignorin’ Biscuits there.”
Cheeky rockhead!
Zee nerve!
Zee stony nerve!
Why do I not leap
from my seat
and topple him?
Eet eez beyond me.
Eef Miz Pie could just
reach me over and
knock zee rock zhere...
Ah, zhank you, Miz Pie.
for doing zat for me.
You are a true friend.
I spit on zee rock!
“And zat eez
Madame Le Flour
to you!”
Ow, my head.
Don’t worry, Pinkie.
Know you didn’t mean
nuffin’ by it.
The sack, though...
"I'll call ya Biscuits.
Like what you're gonna be
when I’m through with youse.”
“Outrage!”
“Guys, guys.
Let’s not fight
over me.”
I try to stop them.
Put them on opposite
sides of the table.
Build Rocky back up.
Give Madame Le Flour
a look.
“I don’t want to lose
any more friends.”
Oh, zat will not happen.
“We will not leave you.
We love you, Pinkie.”
“Yeah, I ain’t goin’ nowheres.”
Maybe the sack might.
But not ol' Rocky.
Twilight Sparkle,
and Rainbow Dash,
and Applejack,
and Fluttershy,
and Rarity...
They’d said that too.
They’d said
they wouldn’t leave me.
Not for anything.
“I’ve been told that
before...”
“But we mean it.”
“Yes, yes!”
“Not like those others.”
“No, not like zem.”
“How do I know that?”
“It’s simple, doll.
We like ya.
They don’t.
Who else do ya got?
Who else do we got?
Look at me:
I’m rocks.
Where am I gonna
run off to?”
“Since you
put it like that,
I guess...”
I swear,
this mare
needs some sense
pounded inta her.
What do I need?
A sign?
Hmph!
Zee rock, with hees,
how you say?
Bluntness.
Eet eez no way to treat
a delicate flower
like Miz Pinkie.
“Darling, relax.
We are going nowhere.
We owe everyzing
to you!
And you alone!
As well as
zees magnifique party!
No?”
“You really,
really,
think it’s great?”
“Better.”
“Certainement!
Een fact, might I
sample a slice
of zat no-doubt
sumptuous cake?”
Oh, of course,
Madame Le Flour.
Anything for you.
Best friends do these
things for each other.
Don’t they?
“Have as much
as you’d like.
My other friends...
My used-to-be friends...
They aren’t going to
want it.
They’re not coming
to this party
anyway...”
Bravo,
applause.
Girl gets it at last.
"You don’t need them, toots.
You don’t need any of them.
Not to have
a good time.
This is a party.
You gotta live it up."
Can’t weigh yourself down,
with all these regrets.
Not when you got
new friends like us.
Better friends.
Like us.
“Oh, I am so pur-roud
of you,
Miz Pinkie!
You are finally
learning to let go!”
“Letting go?
Well, no.
I didn’t mean it
like that.”
“C’mon, Pinkie.
Ya got it in ya to drop ‘em.
Drop ‘em.”
Drop ‘em.
Drop ‘em like a sacka flour.
Ya got it in ya.
What if I
don’t want to—
don’t want to
let go?
“Eet really eez
for zee best.
Zey were not
treating you...”
Maybe
my old friends
don’t like me
anymore...
Miz Pinkie,
are you leestening?
Leesten to us.
We know
what eez best.
To ease your pain.
Eef only
you would leesten.
“Dearie?”
But can’t I
still like them?
Can’t I?
Can’t I?
I don’t know...
I want to.
They aren’t—
They weren’t
so bad.
“I think
we’re losin’ her,
Biscuits.”
“So eet seems.”
“Maybe we might
need
some back-up.”
“I zuppose...
you are correct.”
Ah! A boor zee rock eez.
And yet,
not as dumb as zee brick.
Do not worry,
Miz Pinkie.
We shall help.
Just can’t stand it...
Why do they
hate me
and my parties?
What did I do?
What could I
have fixed?
Done better?
“Miz Pinkie!”
I don’t know
what
I can do
to do better...
“Miz Pinkie!”
“Hey!”
Oh!
Rocky.
Madame Le Flour.
I’m
so sorry.
I should have
been listening.
I should have—
should have...
“Listen:
me and Biscuits
have been talkin’ it
over...”
“And we
zeenk zees party...”
“...Is bad?”
Oh for the love of—!
You’re killin’ me here!
Don’t you get it?
The parties
were never the problem.
You
were never the problem.
It was them.
It was always them!
We’ll get you
straight yet, toots.
“Non! We zeenk
zees party,
eez most wonderful.”
“Thank you,
I guess...”
“But perhaps,
more friends...?
To celebrate
zees occasion?
Gummy’s after-birzhday
is only once a year,
you know.”
“Friends?
I don’t have
all that many
more friends...”
Not since
I lost
all of mine.
I still have...
No, wait.
No I don't...
“I know a guy.
A good guy.
Tall, dark,
and turnip.
You’ll love him.”
“And Sir Lintalot!
He eez
zee most perfect guest.
So suave!
So chivalrous!”
“I guess
it couldn’t hurt.”
“That’s the spirit!”
“Oui, oui!”
“I can go
and get them
if you want.
I’ve got some
invitations left.”
Invitations
for my old friends.
For Twilight
and Dashie
and all the rest.
But maybe...
maybe I do
need some new friends.
Couldn’t hurt?
But—
“You promise
you’ll stay here,
right?
“You won’t
go anywhere?”
“Ain’t got no
place to go.”
“On my life,
Miz Pinkie.
We shall
stay put.
“Worry not,
Miz Pinkie.
We will do
all we can
to help make
zees party grand
for you.”
“And only you, toots.”
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This party
looks like it might
be a good party.
Maybe a great one.
And with
Mr. Turnip,
And Sir Lintalot,
And with
the party hats...
Maybe now
it’ll be the party
my friends deserve.
Maybe.
Maybe Maybe Maybe
Maybe Maybe Maybe Maybe
Maybe Maybe Maybe
But now to be
the best party host
I can be
so my new friends
won’t want to leave.
Like all the ponies did.
Smiles and punch
all around.
They settle in
on their stools:
Rocky,
and Madame Le Flour,
and Mr. Turnip,
and Sir Lintalot,
and Gummy.
They look...
happy.
They look happy.
To be here.
At my party.
“Thank you all
so much for coming
to this after-birthday party!
“It means so much
to Gummy...”
And it means
so much
to me.
And me.
And me.
It’s so good
to have
friends
again.
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