Two Days Later:

“So… yesterday… was fun…” J said looking at Star. “Sorry… two days ago… I can’t even remember yesterday… I think it’s a good thing too.”

“My chest still hurts from the near five heart attacks…” Star said.

“I had to change my pants five times after that…” J said taking a sip of his coffee.

“No coffee for me… I don’t need to be any more jumpy.” Star said, pushing the put away.

“I couldn’t sleep… AJ refused to go home again…” J said, “I just want the memories to go away so I can sleep again.”

“I’ll take another brain tumor please…” Star said, giving a weak chuckle.

“May… maybe Zecora can give us something to wipe all of our memories… that’ll be better than… remembering it constantly.” J said staring straight ahead. He slumped forward and woke up instantly when his head slammed against the table. “Agh! Yes let’s see if anyone has anyway of erasing memories…”

“Hey it’s not that extreme… No one is getting their memories wiped.” Star said sternly.

“THAT WAS AWESOME!” Pinkie screamed, causing Star to jump a foot in the air.

“No just so we can all sleep peacefully again.” J said.

“I… Still say… No.” Star said again.

“Okay… okay… then… just theirs. So I can sleep without AJ waking up in the middle of the night to make sure I’m still awake.” J said.

“Whatever…” Star said, “I just want to go relax… Maybe we should go to the spa?”

“Sure… it’d be nice and relaxing…” J said. “Oh wait Rarity and I are already going… but you can still join us.”

“Yep sounds good.” Star said, already moving to the front door.

“Great maybe I can fall asleep while getting a massage.” J said standing up and following him, “And… please wait until I’m rested before… pillaging my ass.”

“Oh right… You still keeping your end of the bargain?” Star asked, “I can understand if you don’t want to…”

“Oh yeah and while we walk to Rarity’s you can explain what you meant when you said you’d rather I don’t save your life again and I should let you die.” J said.

There was a pause, “Can… We not talk about this right now…” Star said weakly.

“Sure… let’s just go to the spa… forget I said anything.” J said giving a weak smile.

“I’ll go… Wake everyone up.” Star said.

---------------------------

“I can feel my sperm count dropping… It feels so good.” Star said with a sigh, relaxing into the hot tub.

J shot awake, “Huh? Oh yeah… it does… hey don’t we have one?” He said.

“Shhh…” Star said, pressing a finger to J’s lips, “Just… Shhh…”

J rolled his eyes. “Star. What you said before. I want to know… why would you say that?” He asked.

“It was… Just a heat of the moment thing… You know…” Star said hesitantly.

“No. It wasn’t was it?” J questioned, “You… actually… want to die… or you’d rather I didn’t save you.”

Star sat there silently, unresponsive.

“Look… had you died all that time ago… I wouldn’t be here either. Saving you saved the both of us… it’s selfish reasoning… I understand if you hate me because of that. But… even then look… you can’t honestly say you don’t like this… look at who you first fell in love with and tell me you would have wanted to die all those years ago.” J said. “Go ahead and tell me that.”

“I don’t do rhetorical questions.” Star said, “Ask me one I can answer.”

“Then… why would you have not wanted me to save you?” J asked.

“Because I don’t deserve to be saved.” Star said.

J cupped his hand and slapped Star, “Shut it. You more than deserved to be saved.” He snapped, “Don’t talk like that. Don’t ever say that.”

Star climbed out of the tub and into his chair, wheeling to the door.

“If anything you should have let me fall out the window.” J said, “I was being selfish when I gave up all that to save you. I deserved to die then.”

“Yeah… Yeah you did.” Star said, closing the door behind him.

J got out of the tub and walked to the door. “Then why did you save me?” He asked quietly as he opened the door and walked inside.

“I’m going home.” Star said as he moved to the exit.

“It’s not like I can stop you.” J said, “Next time it comes to me dying Star… just remember how selfish I am and let it happen.”

Star stopped and glared at him, “Will you shut up with your goddamn self pity. I’m sick of it already.” He shouted.

“Self pity?” J questioned, “Yeah. Sure. Maybe you should take your own advice.”

“Well I would… But I can’t reach it because I’m stuck in this chair.” He said sarcastically. “What a shame.”

J shook his head, “No it isn’t.” He said, “You’re better off without me… I’m going for a long walk. Maybe you can get better without me around. I’ll just fuck it up for you.” He walked out of the spa.

“Ya just run away. It’s something you’re actually good at!” Star shouted.

“Yeah it is!” J shouted back, “Maybe this time there won’t be a reason for me to come back!”

“Well don’t you worry about that, because I’m not going home.” Star said.

“You and I don’t even share the same home. We never have Star.” J said, “I never had a home.”

“Neither did I.” Star said.

“Bull shit here’s your home. All I bring with me where I go is hate and misery. To things I know all to well. So I’m leaving maybe things will change without me.” J said.

“Well I won’t be around to see it. So I guess the world will never know.” Star said.

“And I found one thing we can agree on Star.” J said.

“It’s a Christmas fucking miracle.” Star said.

“I deserve to die. So I’m making easy on the both of us. I’m doing it myself this time.” J said turning around, “That way I know it’s done right. Goodbye Star.” He started walking off, “And this time. Don’t save me. And don’t come looking.”

“Good… A mutual agreement.” Star said, moving in the other direction.

---------------------------------

J entered the Everfree he wandered around for a good fifteen minutes before he saw Zecora. He slowly approached her.

She looked over with a smile, “Ah hello my friend, what brings you back to this dead end?” She asked.

“I… had a falling out with my closest friend…” He said kneeling down beside her, “I actually didn’t expect to find… ah I should know you do live here.” He chuckled weakly.

“Just taking stock, please walk with me and talk.” She said as she collected a few plants on the ground.

He shrugged, “I’m not going back any way… I don’t see why not.” He said

A few minutes later they arrived at Zecora’s house, taking a seat. “It may not be that roomy… But take a seat and tell me what has you so gloomy.” She said.

He sighed as he sat down, “I guess… it’s just the fact that the only thing I’m good at any more is causing problems and running from them…” He said weakly. “Everyone would be better off without me…”

“While I’ve heard a lot of this banter, running away is never the answer.” She said sternly.

He looked down at the ground, “Maybe… running isn’t the answer but it’ll give everyone time to recoup from what I’ve done.” He said quietly, “At least they can be happy when I’m not there ruining it for them.”

“A lot of problems you have been through… But you wish to change, is that true?” She asked.

“I do… but now… the way it is. I don’t have much to go back to if I do change.” He said.

She shook her head, “All friendships come at a price, but please may I give you some advice?” She asked.

He looked up at her, “Go ahead…” He said.

“I see your pain, you’ve been lead estrange… But only YOU can make you change.” She said.

He closed his eyes for a few moments. He breathed out heavily a few times, “I…” He stammered, “Don’t… know what to say…”

“Coffee?” She said with a smile as she handed him a cup.

“Thank you… I haven’t slept much in a few days.” He said taking it and sipping some, “It’s been too hard to sleep recently.”

She turned away to mix a few things into a pot, stirring as she hummed.

He watched for a little bit before moving his chair closer. He looked over at her, “Thanks… for listening…” He said quietly.

“Anytime.” She said.

“Like a lot of things recently… it seemed like you knew I’d come back… Though I can’t say it’s a bad thing.” He said.

“You see me and my house are unimpaired… When you live in the Everfree, for anything you are prepared.” She laughed.

He smiled a little, “Can… I tell you something?” He asked.

“Go ahead.” She said.

He looked down, “It’s nice just having a friend… Over the years… it’s been lost to me what a friend was… having only one.” He said quietly.

“I know you have more.” She said, gently placing a hand on his injured arm, “I can tell you are well cared for.”

“Maybe I do…” He said. His hand gently laying on her leg.

She placed her hand on his, “The heart is fragile like paper and glass… But all your troubles will come to pass.” She said sincerely.

He closed his eyes and smiled a little, “If… it isn’t to early to ask, what do you think of me?” He asked.

“From what I’ve seen you’ve been quite kind… And if you can’t see that you’d have to be blind.” She giggled.

He laughed his smile growing, “I can see that you think more of me…” He said scooting closer to her.

She smiled, “Your influence spreads like grass… I admit when you left, I missed that cute ass…” She laughed.

His smile quickly turned to a look of surprise, “That’s… a first…” He said. “Is… there anything else?”

“Yes… I will tell you in time.” She said, placing a kiss on his cheek, “But nothing I could tell you in form of rhyme…”

He kissed her cheek, “I can wait…” He whispered. “Zecora you’re more amazing than you understand… and I’m sure you want to know how...”

“Your words are swell… Don’t let me stop you, do tell.” She said with a grin.

“The first one I’m sure you know, you’re as beautiful as freshly fallen snow.” He said.

“These compliments I will allow… Don’t stop now.” She said, running her hand across J’s chest slowly as she circled behind him.

“Oh your sway and stance… The way you move puts me in a trance.” J said.

“You’re quite the romance…” She whispered.

He gently grabbed her head and kissed her.

Zecora circled back to the front, sitting in his lap as the two of them kissed.

“Whether its a hit or a miss… I love it when we kiss.” He said connecting his lips with hers again.

“While I don’t want this moment to end… I know you are in need of your friends.” She said.

He placed his hand lightly on her cheek and gave her one final kiss.

--------------------------------

J entered the house and walked upstairs. He heard the sound of running water and walked to the bathroom.

“Star… I wanted to say I’m sorry for what I said…” J said through the door.

There was no response.

“I understand if you’re mad at me still… but I said things… that even under the worst circumstances… I didn’t mean.” J said.

There was again, no response.

“Star… please… I wanted to fix this… for once I’m not going to run anymore.” J said.

J’s feet were suddenly soaked. He looked down to see water spilling out from under the door.

“Star?” J shouted as he grabbed the handle and trying to open it, only to find it was locked. He started banging on the door.

“Star!” He yelled, kicking the door open. The bathwater was overflowing from the tub, soaking the floor in it. Star’s head was hung forward and the water had a red tint to it. One of his arms was dangling out of the tub, his fingertips hovering just above the floor as blood dripped from them. His wrists were slit...

Author's Notes:

I love writing for Zecora. No matter how irritating it can get sometimes!