“You sure?” Fluttershy asked.

“Don’t worry about me. I’d sleep better at night knowing you have your own bed.” Star said, playfully shoving her.

“Alright…” She said quietly.

“Don’t worry, they said they would call if anything happens. You can come back in the morning. Just don’t let me keep you from what you would normally do during the day.” Star said.

“Well… What I would normally do is go to sleep with you…” She said with a sadness in her voice.

“Fluttershy…” Star said.

“I know I know…” She said, heading to the door, “Sleep well.”

“You too.” Star said, resting his head back and staring out the window. He closed his eyes, wanting morning to come already.

--------------------------

J walked into the hospital shortly after Fluttershy left. He wanted to talk to Star alone.

He quietly entered Star’s room and approached the bed.

J gently shook Star awake, “Hey buddy.”

“Mm… Good morning to you too sunshine.” Star said, stretching, “But usually it’s ‘Morning’ when you say that…” He said looking out the window.

“Yeah…” J laughed as he sat down beside the bed. “I just really couldn’t bring myself to come until now… Three times in one week is too much.”

“What’s up?” Star asked, sitting up straight.

“I just…” J began. He sighed, “I always thought I’d be the one to die first. I’d always expected that you’d outlive me.”

“Well you are just brimming with optimism toda- Tonight…” Star said with a chuckle.

J smiled a little, “Yeah… I guess I am… I… I guess almost losing my family is getting to me.” J choked back a tear, “This… this is something you wouldn’t ever have to live through… you and Scoots are the only family I’ve ever had… I almost lost her and now… you.”

“Hey, you stop right there.” Star said quickly, standing up from the bed and nearly falling to the floor.

J grabbed Star and put him back in the bed, “Hey… don’t get riled up.”

“If I can take a piss by myself I think I can beat some happiness into you.” Star said, standing and hugging J.

“At least you’re trying… I beginning to think that they feel I’m heartless…” J said as he hugged Star tightly, “I… I couldn’t bring myself to see you like this… It’s still hurting to come now…”

“Can we sit down?” Star asked, motioning to the edge of the bed.

“Yeah… that’s going to be better.” J responded as he sat down with Star. J then smiled fondly before a few tears welled up, “I… I remember a year or two back… I was sitting in a hospital bed almost ready to meet death… Do… do you remember that?”

“Yeah. Of course I do.” Star said.

“There’s something I wanted… to say then…” J began as he grabbed Stars hand, “I felt… good dying there… I felt completed… I saved your life… almost at the cost of my own. And you know what?”

“What?” Star asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I’d do it again… If right now… I could swap places with you… I would. And I wouldn’t regret it. You might not know it… because I try not to show it… but I’ve been depressed a lot recently… I guess the feeling of not knowing what’s going to happen to either of you is getting to me. And… the constant reminder of how little my side cares for me, is really starting to get to me… Twice I saw how close you’ve gotten with them…” J said quietly. A few tears flowed down his face, “It… it makes me appreciate just how close you are to me… Losing you would be like losing part of my soul… I can’t deal with that… I just can’t…”

Star laughs a little, looking down at himself.

“Hey… any other time I’d open up like this you’d be all over it… Why not now?” J questioned looking up a Star.

“No it’s not that… It’s just… I would love to be lost.” Star said with a smile.

J glared at Star, “You… you’d love to be lost?” He looked away and a few more tears welled up in his eyes, “No… no you wouldn’t… being lost… it’s the worst feeling there is… not knowing where you are or where you belong. The worst part about being lost is being alone… Knowing… barely anyone cares enough to find you… and those that do can’t… It’s scary. And I should know. Loneliness… it’s different for all of us… I’d… I’d love to know what you think it is for me.” J then looked up at Star.

“Oh no I’m not denying that, it’s all true. But think of it this way… All the problems you go through, all the fears, everything that you know will be on the road ahead… Gone. If you don’t know where you’re going, any path will take you there.” Star said, “But there is one thing that keeps shining a light ahead of me. Something that won’t let it happen. If you can believe it, I have been wanting to die for a long time.” He said laughing, “Oh this tumor… It’s ironic once you think about it. I had wanted everything to just… Slip away, for the longest time. Then you came into my life. And as you can see, it’s not ‘just’ you anymore. Since we came here, we have made friends, and hell… Even family. But I guess it just wasn’t meant to be… At least, not for me.”

“No… I… I guess not… I… I want to ask you… If it was me here instead of you… do you really think… any of them would come without you asking them too? Please… I don’t want you to lie to me.” J responded.

“No. Not all of them. Of course not all of them… Im the stud here remember?” Star laughed, “But there’s one… You know who i'm talking about.”

“Yeah… but that’s only four of you… While… during the day all of them visit you… I’d be left to myself most of the time… Scoots has school… You’d have a life outside of seeing me… Fluttershy has her animals to take care of… and I know Pinkie wouldn’t be able to stand seeing me like that… While you… you seem so sure of the outcome… I’d be stuck in the depression.” J said with a sigh, “No matter what I try… I can’t be who you are… I tried a date with Octavia… she didn’t even tell me she was going to another concert until the day she left… I figure Nurse Redheart and Doctor Creux just used me for sex. And Chrysalis has her own problems…” J began to cry, “No… no matter what… I’m alone except for you and Scootaloo… This… this world is so damn cold… so fucking cold… Sometimes I can barely take it… I feel alone and soulless… If you died… there wouldn’t be much left for me here… Compared to you… I’m just a side act… For so long I accepted it. I knew I couldn’t change it and I enjoyed just being friends with you. But… when I tried to make my own way… the realization hit hard. I can’t be a main act… I’m just along as a passenger. You and I both know it’s true… And until my spotlight comes… if it ever does… I’m just going to be a sideshow attraction while you stand as the ring master…” J laughed a little at the end.

“Well there’s one thing you’re wrong about. I’m not sure about everything.” Star laughed, “But I have one word that really is what keeps me pushing on.”

“Oh… what is it?” J asked quietly.

“Ambiguity.” Star said.

J smiled weakly, “Oh… That’s not what I expected…”

Star smiles, “Would you like me to elaborate?”

“Yeah… That’d be… great.” J responded quietly.

“Well… In the beginning I wanted the perfect ending. We all do right?” Star asked.

J laughed sadly, “Sure… all of us.”

“Well, I’ve learned the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme. And that some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, or end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what’s coming next. So no I don’t want a perfect ending. If it were, then what would be the point? What’s the point in reading the book if you already know how it ends.” Star said.

“There may not be a point…” J said. He looked away for a few seconds and quietly added, “Some of us just want a good ending…”

“One page at a time J.” Star said, pulling J into a hug.

“You can do that…” J responded returning the hug, “I can’t anymore.”

“Hey.” Star said, slapping J upside the head, “Getting sick of your attitude.”

“You never let me finish puny man. I’m all out of ink.” J said with a laugh, “Oh… that was a real sweet treat…”

Star stared at J for a long moment before bursting out laughing, falling back onto the bed, “Either you just grew a sense of humor or the meds are kicking in. Either way… I’m fine with it.”

“What didn’t Dash tell you?” J questioned.

“No… But she did make me hungry.” Star said, scratching his head.

“Was it the boston cream pie that got to you or the triple dipped cone?” J asked teasingly.

“No… I think it was the whipped cream.” Star said.

J cocked an eyebrow, “I don’t remember either of us making that pun… I was too busy with the marshmallow to think of whipped cream…” J shrugged, “Well… do you want to hear it?”

“I have a feeling one of us is going to have a headache after this… And it won’t be because of a brain tumor.” Star said.

J stared blankly at Star, “That… no…” J shook his head, “Enough with that talk for now… Now… You remember how I took Scootaloo out for ice cream after I beat Fluttershy?”

“And before we played Minecraft yes…” Star said.

“Well we met Dash along the way so naturally Scootaloo invited her along…” J began as he explained the entire episode at the ice cream store.

“Go on…” Star said, leaning in.

“Yeah… apparently she got sex from a banana split… and it was public.” J continued as he started the thorough description of the sex he had with Dash. “It ended with a S’mores sundae… I still want that Rainbow sundae though.”

“Well… You have made me realize one thing.” Star said bluntly.

“And what is that?” J questioned.

“Hospital gowns are not good for covering hard ons.” Star said, glancing down.

“Meh. I’ve seen it enough. It doesn’t bother me anymore… although what does bother me is the fact that Scootaloo was doing SOMETHING in the stall beside us… And now I’m beginning to think it’s something I’m familiar with… Ah… I remember the guy at the orphanage said she isn’t normal. And then tried to convince me she isn’t a filly.” J said as he scratched his chin.

“Oh well you act like it’s abnormal for your daughter to masterbate to her father pounding her idol in the stall of a bathroom while making it sound like a Tim Allen movie…” Star said.

J laughed, “Well another cue off that it’s something we have both done in the past was the… fuck it there was cum on the floor of the stall.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Star questioned.

J sighed, “Are you that thick headed Star? I’m trying to say Scoots is a herm! Oh damn… That’s actually a turn on.”

“Makes you think what the Cutie Mark Crusaders do in their alone time…” Star said, his head tilting upwards as he pictured it.

“Scootaloo is afraid to tell me. So what makes you think her friends know?” J questioned. “I mean… If I was in her position… I’d hide it.”

“Point taken.” Star admitted.

“I… I feel like confronting her and then… ya know… being a good parent and accepting it and tell her it’s alright. That doesn’t make me strange does it… wait… no that was the basement that ruined either of our chances of being normal. Anyway… I may confront her tomorrow.” J said as he looked at Star.

“No J, Pinkie is weird. Applebloom giving me a handjob in Applejacks shower is weird. Rarity watching her younger sister give me a blowjob and nearly suffocate is weird.” Star said.

“You forgot enforcing the word Science to make Twilight orgasm. That’s weird… If not a really useful thing to have.” J added.

“I take no responsibility for your rape juice… That came out wrong….. Wait…” Star stammered.

J was trying to contain his laughter. “Oh… oh god…” J then stopped laughing, “No… dreaming of having your daughter mount you is weird… it’s weirder than all of those other things put together.”

“Yeah well… What’s the fun in being normal?” Star asked.

J shrugged, “I don’t know… if we were in any way normal we probably wouldn’t be here right now.”

“Cheers to that.” Star said, raising a pretend glass.

J followed suit, “Cheers.”

“So… Did I tell you what happened to Applejack?” Star said.

“Nope.” J responded.

“Let’s just say she was a little ‘hoarse’ after the fun we had.” Star said.

“Okay…” J said shaking his head, “Still it’ll never be as great as what happened in the public bathroom between me and Dash… haha… she really enjoyed my cone…”

“Hey J…” Star said quietly, leaning in.

“Yeah Star?” J questioned while he turned to look at Star.

“If it makes you feel better… I was never going to rape you.” Star said with a giggle.

J glared at Star, “Great. From my point of view you were pretty damn close to raping my ass.”

“Not that I haven’t wondered what you ‘felt’ like…” Star said, his breath on J’s neck.

“Try that now and it won’t be the cancer that ends you.” J said looking at Star with a smile.

“Or what you taste like…” Star said, grabbing J’s crotch, licking his lips.

J removed Star’s hand, “Buddy you’re trying too hard. And I said not now. Today I’ve had enough with public sex.”

“Well alright… I look forward to seeing you after the surgery…” Star says with a sigh, “Hopefully…”

J cracked up, “Oh… to… too much… I…I feel I need to elaborate on my dream!”

“Well I’m not going anywhere. Go for it.” Star said, lying back.

“I didn’t mean I mounted Scootaloo.” J stated. “Let what that means sink in.”

“Uh huh…” Star mumbled, daydreaming.

“Good boy you understand now!” J said patting Star’s hand, “Don’t plan on me getting involved with any orgies of that kind ever.”

J noticed the large bulge in Star’s gown beginning to get stained as he drifts off deeper into his daydream.

J shook his head, “Ugh… looks like I’m the only one who’s not fully sure yet.”

“This might sound weird but… Do you mind if I take my clothes off?” Star said.

“We’ve known each other for ten years now. Nothing is strange anymore.” J responded, “But I’m not taking my clothes off.”

“No it’s just the fact that I have the mental imagery that would make any man explode… No pun intended… With lust, and i'm on pain meds that make everything feel good. And these gowns are only rubbing me every second of… Yeah.” Star said, staring at J, “I mean if you want to sit right there… Go for it.”

“Seeing as it’s you. Nowhere in this room is safe.” J responded. “And trust me it’s taking every ounce of willpower I can muster to keep my erection down…”

“Well you’re stronger than me in one way at least.” Star said, playfully pushing J with his foot.

“Guess so.” J said with a shrug. “Aaaannnndddd it’s gone!” J’s erection came to life, “Damn it. I can’t help but think of how great and pun filled sex with Pinkie in Sugarcube Corner would be… It would ruin the chances of anyone wanting to eat any form of dessert again!”

“Don’t get me wrong… But you need to take me out for ice cream next time.” Star said as his feet moved to J’s crotch, each toe moving individually.

“Sorry I don’t want to hurt you further.” J said pushing Star’s foot away, “And I already said no sex tonight.”

“A shame… Fluttershy just taught me how to do that too…” Star said with another sigh.

“I’m beginning to realize how scary she is… and it’s only further egging me to DO something. But… I don’t want to die just yet.” J said. He leaned back against the wall behind the bed, “Oh… did I tell you what I found out when I was in Canterlot?”

“No what?” Star asked curiously.

“Apparently Chrysalis has infiltrated the castle. Knowing her though… she’s not planning a takeover… I feel like she has something big planned… or she has someone of value that she’s attempting to get control of. Oh and she invited me to a wedding. She’s marrying the captain of the Royal Guard Shining Armor.”

“Well Im sure you’ll have a lot of fun.” Star said weakly, “And i’m sure the other’s will be there. Even the CMC. Guess I get to be alone for once.”

“It’s in three weeks man. I’m sure you’ll be recovered by then.” J responded patting Star on the shoulder. “Wait… That name… Oh fuck… she’s marrying Twilight’s brother!” J then burst out laughing.

“That’s… Interesting.” Star said half in disbelief.

“Very much so! Hm… I won’t tell her… neither will you… I have a feeling it will benefit us both not to.” J said

“Fair enough.” Star said with a shrug.

J looked at the door, “You said something about Minecraft?”

-------------------------------

“Hm?” I mumbled, looking at the door, then back to him.

J looked back at me, “You said you played Minecraft right?”

“With Fluttershy, yes.” I said, nodding.

“So did anything interesting happen? Or did you finally find my base?” J questioned with a smirk.

“Well uhh… Me and Fluttershy built a house… Then I found diamonds. Had sex… Then lost them.” I said.

“Hm… okay… anyone unusual on?” He questioned.

“Well actually…” I started, “There were two players that joined without us knowing. Stole our diamonds…”

“Well did you get their names?” He asked.

“Yeah, I think it was DarkmoonBlade, and Sun_Bro.” I said, “Ring any bells?”

“Oh them. Yeah… I know them both. Guess it’s time for a little war… I’ll get em good for the both of you.” J said, “They won’t know what happened before it’s too late.” He looked up at the ceiling.

“I’m sure you’ll show them how to properly use lava.” I said with a laugh.

“Oh you know me. When I’m done there will only be a crater filled with lava.” He said with a laugh. “But… I might prolong their suffering by destroying more than just one base… Mmm trolling it tastes so good when done right.”

“Hey… I could do it myself but, could you help me to the bathroom?” I asked.

“Sure.” J answered as he helped me up.

---------------------------------

I helped Star get into the bathroom and he shut the door behind himself.

“Hey.” Star said through the door.

“Yeah?” I answered.

“After this is all over… You can do whatever you want to Fluttershy. With her… Permission… Of course.” Star said.

“You take me for a rapist! I’m appalled! I would never harm her!” I said jokingly, “But nah… she’s your mate. I don’t think in her eye’s I’m much of a match. Ya know what… You can do whatever you want with Octavia and Vinyl. I really don’t care.”

“Well alright… But if you wake up one morning and Fluttershy has you down her throat, you know why.” Star said, laughing.

“Mhm sure. She’ll do that to you. Not me.” I responded with a small laugh, “So… I wanted to ask…. How hard was it to get her to leave? Although you and I both know that you wanted her to stay.”

“Oh… You know me. I just told her that I wouldn’t sleep until I knew she was comfortable. Plus this isn’t exactly a queen size mattress.” Star said.

“Okay… So… with the tumor… what were the doctor’s recommendations?” I asked as I leaned against the door.

“Chemo and Surgery.” Star said.

“I’m guessing you said no to Chemo?” I questioned.

“What do you think?” Star said angrily.

“I agree with you. Chemo’s messy… and it may not end to well… Who knows how our meds would react to it. Surgery is a lot… less messy and pain meds won’t affect the anti-feral drugs.” I responded calmly.

“I’m sorry…” Star said quietly.

“Hey don’t be. You don’t want chemo so you reacted like then when I commented on it.” I responded, “Damn that made so little sense…”

“Hey J…” Star said.

“Yeah?” I responded.

“Do you… Ever have ‘Good’ dreams?” Star asked.

“Real or sleep?” I questioned.

“Sleep.” Star asked.

“Not for a long time. Mostly I don’t dream… when I do it’s always nightmares.” I responded, “Why do you ask?”

“No reason… I just forgot what one looks like is all.” Star chuckled, “I’d love to have a nightmare if you can believe it. Waking up in a cold sweat…It’s stupid I know.”

“For most… yeah… If you’d actually like to know… It’s not a cold sweat I wake up in… it’s a lingering fear and depression… It sticks so vividly in my mind… But now it doesn’t really affect me much anymore. I guess eighteen years of suffering through them diminishes their effect.” I responded with a sigh. “So… what about you? And I mean real… what do you dream about?”

“Well… That’s why I asked. I don’t think… I’ve ever had one. Or at least, it’s been so long I can’t remember.” Star said.

I laughed, “I got that… I mean what real dreams do you have? Like… you know… ugh… I can’t give any examples…”

“Oh right… Sorry.” Star said quickly, “I uh… Don’t really know.”

“Hm… well… that’s… okay… I guess. I can’t really comment on that.” I said.

I could hear the toilet flush and the sink turn on.

“Sorry if that’s not the most helpful of answers.” Star said.

“Still it’s a lot better then my answer.” I responded.

“Hey, why don’t you tell me more about you and Rainbow Dash. I’m dying for some Ice cream.” Star said.

“Not much else did happen… Pinkie broke down the stall door to tell me you had a seizure… I rushed right there.” I responded.

Star doesn’t respond.

“Star?” I questioned as I got off the door.

I heard the sound of water overflowing and splashing to the floor.

“Shit…” I said under my breath. I kicked open the door. Star was on the floor, face down. I quickly rolled him onto his back and shook him. His nose was bleeding, “Shit… shit… not again…” I picked him up and carried him back in and placed him down on the bed.

I rushed out of the room and got a nurse, “My friends in his room…”

“Okay.” The nurse responded until she saw my face, “DOCTOR HE’S RELAPSING!”

She rushed into Star’s room. Shortly after a few more nurses joined her followed by the Doctor.

Star opened his eyes. “Pinkie broke down the stall? That’s new… Hey how did I get out here? And why are…” Star said, gazing at the nurse.

I approached the bed but was blocked by the doctor, “WE NEED A CRASH CART!”

I looked Star in the eyes for a few seconds, “I…” I held back some tears.

Star’s expression went blank for a few moments before he glanced over at me.

“Hey J… When did you get here?” Star asked.

“Sir you need to leave now! We’ll take care of him don’t worry!” One of the nurses said to me.

I looked down at the ground and walked out of the room. I started crying as I walked out of the hospital.