Orion wandered through the great halls of the castle, gazing at the paintings and tapestries that adorned the walls. The marble busts the stood on pedestals. The bronze statues that were almost as big as he was. And for the first time in a long, long time, he was actually thinking clearly.

Why was he such an idiot? Why was he so careless? Why was he so cold? Why was he so cruel? ... Why couldn't he save them...?

He had never thought about things like this before now. He never had to. Everything had always worked out in the end, more or less. If he charged in to a situation that was dangerous, he would destroy everything. If he couldn't destroy everything, he would destroy what he could and let his friends do the rest. But now... there was nothing to destroy. Everything on this world was peaceful and beautiful.

Why?

Because it is.

But... why?

Don't question the good things in life.

I can question anything I fucking what to!

You can, but it'd get you nowhere.

Shut up! you don't know anything!

I'm you.

I fucking hate you! Just shut up!

You hate yourself?

Yes! er... No! ... I don't know! Just- just leave me alone...

It's hard to leave yourself alone, you know.

I've done it before, I can do it again.

...

That's what I thought.

Orion turned another corner and came stomach-to-muzzle with another one of those cute little ponies. It was a cream colored female with light brown hair and tail with green eyes. She had a tattoo of a silver platter on her backside and was wearing one of those fetishy maids outfits. You know the ones, with the lace and the leggings?

And who are you referring to?

The audience.

... I won't even ask.

"Do you have any ice cream?" Orion asked the mare. "I really want some ice cream. Rodian Road if you have it."

The pony stared open-mouthed at him for a long while, the whole time he just looked at her with his stupid grin.

"If you don't have any, can you at least get me a bottle of Sullistan gin?" he asked her.

She opened and closed her mouth a few times before actually answering him. "I- I... I'm sorry... sir. I... don't know what that is," she breathed.

Orion's face fell as he looked at her. "Oh... Well, I guess I can go without..." he mumbled, giving her the most pathetic face he could manage.

She stared at him for a moment, taking in his face. For some reason, he reminded her of a small child. A very, very, large small child. She smiled at him warmly. "If you follow me, we can see what we can find you in the kitchen," she said in a motherly voice.

Orion smiled bright and clapped his hands together. "Yay!" he cheered. "Adventure!~" he yelled.

She rose a brow at the strange creature in front of her, but couldn't help but smile at his behavior. Maybe her usually boring day just got better...

***

Mavis snorted in laughter. "Yeah, that's totally how this is going to play out," she said in a sarcastic voice.

With a final shake of her head, she started reading again...

***

... They walked down the halls along the ever-present plush red carpet, having pleasant conversation about cheese, frogs, and the warping and shattering of the Galaxy.

"So, if the Hyperdrive of a ship reaches full speed, but isn't activated, it will actually move the Universe around you at supersonic speeds, but you'll still be going at normal speed. If this happens, you can effectively travel through time. But if you go too slow and activate the Hyperdrive, it'll tear a hole through space and could possibly create a black hole. I'm not sure how it works, but jumping through Hyperspace doesn't actually move you, per say. It actually creates a wormhole in space where you are, and where you want to go. After that it sends you through, and the velocity of your starship breaking lightspeed will close both ends so the Universe isn't consumed by itself. This is actually information that a lot of people don't know. I'm not sure why, but when they designed those things, they never really created a manual..."

The mare trotting next to him, Silver Platter. No, really, that's her name.

Again, who are you talking to?

I already told you, the audience.

You know what? Fuck this. I'll be in the bar...

Oh, say hi to Wilfred for me while you're there!

Yeah, yeah...

Anyways, the mare was staring at him with wide eyes and a slack jaw as she trotted. "Are... Are you serious...?" she asked in amazement.

Orion nodded. "Yeah. Not one drivers manual in the whole dammed Galaxy," he said.

She shook her head at him. "No! No, no ,no! Not the manual, the Hyperdrive! The time travel! The wormholes! Is that all true?!"

Orion blinked at her in confusion before comprehension dawned on him after a while. "Ooooohhh... I don't fucking know. It sounded good though, didn't it?" he asked with a chuckle and a smile.

She stared at him for a few seconds in silence as they walked. Then she proceeded to facehoof. "I don't think my sanity can stand to be around you any more..." She suddenly felt something prod her backside and yelped. She looked up and saw that Orion was staring at her with glassy eyes.

He spoke in a tone that both soothed her and sent fear coursing through her mind. "If you want, I can help you get more comfortable around me. A lot more comfortable." He walked around in front of her and stopped. "Just say the word, and you'll feel better than you have ever felt before in your life."

She gulped audibly as sweat began to form on her brow. "Uh... Well, I d- don't think that I... That I could do that while on duty..."

He stepped forward, his eyes narrowing and his smile actually straightened itself out.

She tried to step back, she really did. But something about the way he was looking at her made her feel... excited! She wasn't sure exactly, but she thought that whatever it was that he was about to do to her, she wanted it. Badly. "I- I- I c- can't! I- I'm on duty! I... I... Should we find somewhere more private?"

He smiled wider slightly an-

"Hey Silver, what's that thing with you?"

They both turned around, Silver Platter with very, very, very rustled jimmies and Orion with a dopey grin and slightly unfocused eyes.

A regular pony stallion wearing a chef's hat and an apron stood in front of a pair of swinging doors, eyeballing the two of them with an unsure expression.

Silver gave him a filthy look.

"Hi! I'm God!" Orion introduced loudly.

The stallion raised his brow a little higher. "Really? Well then 'God', do you think that you can let Silver here get back to work?" he asked with spite in his voice.

"Excuse me?" Silver spat out. "Who do you think you are, Broth?"

Orion smiled even goofier at him. "Your name's Broth?" he asked in an amused tone.

The chef bristled. "That's 'Head Chef Broth', you overgrown monkey!" he growled at Orion.

At that moment, the air around them seemed to gain weight. The noise of the castle stopped, leaving the feeling of deafness about them. And a feeling of pure dread crept into their minds.

Orion's smiled straitened itself out again and his eyes almost seemed to glow. "I'm a monkey?" he asked in a silly voice, cocking his head to the side fast enough to crack the joints. "I'm a monkey?" he asked again, this time not as silly.

Broth tried to sneer at him, but every time he even looked at Orion, the feeling of dread increased tenfold. It became hard to breathe. The air was crushing him. He couldn't move. He couldn't move! He couldn't breathe! He needs air! He's going to die! He's going to die! He's dying! Oh, sweet Celestia, he's going to die! He's going to die!

He tried to gasp in a breath of air, but ended up screaming out in blind terror. A sound that clawed at your soul and formed jagged cracks in your sanity.

Orion smiled even wider as he aimed his hand at the stallion, palm outwards.

He screamed so loud that Silver had to cover her ears as she fell to the floor crying in fear. She felt like her mind was going to explode. Her ears were burning. Her mind was burning. She was burning. By the Sun, she was dying! She was dying! She was going to die! Her mind was going to explode and she was going to die! She was dying! She was going to die!

Orion flicked his middle finger.

The wave of Force was so strong that you could actually see it physically push through the air and slam into the screaming and crying form of "Head Chef Broth", sending him flying through the swinging doors of the kitchen and at once the feeling of dread and fear and horribleness left Silver.

She looked up and saw the smile on Orion's face as he walked into the kitchen. She shivered as she stood back up. Unsure as for what else to do, she walked into the kitchen after Orion.

She immediately wished she hadn't.

***

"Called it," said Mavis. She continued to read...

***

The lights in the kitchen were either not working or were flickering on and off. The pots and pans of food were knocked over, having spilled their contents all over every surface near them. Spoons, knives, spatulas, and other such cooking tools were scattered around everywhere. Even the ponies working in the kitchen were scattered around the place in various positions on the floor, or over an upturned table, or even hanging from the spice racks. It was a mess.

The moans and groans of the cooks, the creaks from damaged hinges, the falling of utensils, the still-lit burners left unattended, and her own hoofsteps echoed throughout the room, creating a nightmarish symphony in the destroyed room.

"Hello?" she called out, only being answered by the sounds of the kitchen. "Orion? Are you there?" she called again.

The sound of singing.

She swiveled her ears around to hear what she thought was... singing.

"... All around the Rutolo bush, the Rancor chased the Wamp rat..."

She slowly walked towards where the sound was coming from.

"... The Rancor thought t'was all in fun, til pop, goes, the Womp rat..."

She walked around a counter and thought she heard the sound of squishing being repeated over and over again. Along with whimpering.

"... A credit for a spool of thread, a credit for a needle..."

She pushed a small rolling tray-table out of her way and saw what was making the noise. She almost vomited.

"... And this is how the Rancor goes, pop, goes, the Womp rat..."

Orion brought the huge, square butcher knife down again, chopping further into the flesh of Broth. "That leg's gotta come off. Otherwise, it'll get infected and you'll die. You don't want to die, do you? Well? Do you?" He laughed, causing Silver to lower herself to the floor slightly. He brought the knife down again. "Of course you do right now. The pain is unlike anything you've ever felt before. But what about in a year or two? Huh? What then?" He brought the knife down, hacking almost completely through Broth's leg. "Well, if you still want to die, you could always just jump into a pot of boiling soup. Hell, I'd eat that. I bet you'd taste like a tender baby Bantha." Orion laughed again, bringing the knife down and separating the hoof from the leg.

Broth's eyes rolled up into his head and he fell to the floor and passed out. He was bleeding. A lot.

Orion turned around and smiled his usual goofy smile at Silver. "Hi Silver," he said happily. He leaned down and put on Broth's hat, adjusting it just right so it sat crookedly on his head. Next was his apron.

"Orion... you killed him..." she whispered.

He looked at the body without concern. "No I didn't, he's only kinda dead," he said reassuringly. He looked at her. "Do you want me to kill him?" he asked just as happily as before.

"No!" she screeched. She galloped over to him and started using her maid's hat as a bandage to stop the bleeding. "Help me stop the bleeding!" she screamed at Orion.

He thought for minute and came up with the perfect plan. "Okay! I need peanut butter! Lots and lots of peanut butter!" he said, very seriously.

She looked at him in confusion. "What...?"

He pointed a finger at her dramatically. "Do we have the necessary tools nurse?!" he yelled at her.

She shook her head. "What are you talking about?" she asked, lost.

"I need all the peanut butter we have if I'm to save him nurse! you should know this; you've been doing this longer than I have," he said as if he were really a doctor at a hospital and she were really a nurse working with him.

"I- I don't know! I have no idea if there's any peanut butter! Just help me!" she yelled.

Orion grabbed the bit of hoof the was laying on the counter and the knife with his other hand. "Keep him stable nurse, I know just where to go to get the supplies we need. In the meantime, this heart needs to get on ice, stat!" He then sprinted out of the room faster than a being of his size should have been able to move, leaving a confused and panicking Silver to slow the bleeding of her older brother, Broth.

***

Orion sped through the halls, faster than any Human had the right to be. Anybody who saw him would see nothing but a black and grey blur, followed by a gust of wind that would push them over.

He turned a few more corners, and... Yes, there it was!

He stopped right in front of the dining room doors and took half a second for the wind to catch up to him. The second he felt the breeze, he pushed the doors open.

The doors swung open slowly, leaving him standing in the center of the frame with his hood up and his robes billowing out from the wind coming up from behind him. A deadly serious expression on his face. The hat and apron took a little away from the effect, but still, he looked totally badass.

Well, he would have, if anybody was looking at him.

He grumbled in annoyance and walked closer as the doors closed behind him.

Roland was talking with the ponies about something. He didn't know what, but it didn't really matter. "He... He hurt her. Not badly, but she got a scare."

Orion wondered what the were talking about briefly, but damn it, he had a dying pony he had to fix! "Hey, do we have any peanut butter?" he asked.

At his words, all of the ponies, and of few of his friends jumped in their seat and screamed. they turned to him with wide eyes, instantly seeing the knife and piece of hoof.

Roland stood up and glared at him. "Orion, what did you do?" he growled.

Orion smiled wider. "There's been a horrible accident in the kitchen and I was with my nurse. We're trying to preform a frontal lobotomy, but we cut too deep and we need all the peanut butter to gum up the wound," he said in a perfectly reasonable voice.

Sharpe stood up, knocking his chair over and march in front of Orion, grabbing his collar when he was close enough. "What did you do?!" he hissed out, his tongue flicking angrily.

Orion put on a sad face. "I... I just told you... Don't you believe me?" he asked in a hurt voice.

All of the ponies present felt a pang of guilt in their heart.

Sharpe didn't. He shook Orion violently. "What did you do, you fucking idiot?!"

Orion smiled and booped Sharpe on the snout. "Catch me if you can, gecko man!" he cried as he slammed his open palm into Sharpe stomach.

Sharpe's eyes widened. Then he went flying back across the room hard enough to go through the dining hall's wall and the wall in the next room, stopping on the third wall which crumbled to the ground as he rolled into the room.

They all looked to the large whole made by Sharpe and saw that in the first room, Prince Blueblood was taking a shower... with the new Marexican gardener, Pedro. They both went red in the face and darted out of the room, screaming.

A certain white unicorn mare donned an evil smile about the gossip she could spread all over Canterlot about that one...

The second room held a very confused Flash Sentry staring at them over a newspaper as he sat on a toilet.

Twilight blushed at seeing her crush doing this.

Flash blushed even harder. Then he sprinted out of the room, leading a trail of toilet paper behind him.

The third room contained three Night Guards standing around a tied up blue earth pony mare with a black mane and tail and pink eyes. The mare was panting hard with liquids running down between her hind legs. There were various accusations written on her in red ink, such as 'thief', 'abuser', 'addict', 'whore', and other things like that, as well as multiple penises and other such body parts. All of the guards looked first at the thing that had landed in the room with them, then at the eyes that were staring at them from the dining hall. They all had raging erections and one of them was whipping her.

Luna narrowed her eyes.

All three guards gulped audibly.

Sharpe sprinted out of the room screaming. "I'm going to fucking kill you!"

Roland and Celestia both proceeded to smack their respective forelimbs into their face.

The maniacal laughter of Orion could be heard throughout the castle, causing every guard, maid, and other inhabitant to shudder in horror.