You know, I think this is going pretty well.

Are you serious?! This is fucking horrible!

How?

Are you fucking stupid?!

... No...?

Just look around us! It's a disaster area!

Well... it could be worse, y'know...

How could this possibly have gone worse?!

We could have been killed, for one thing. Another thing, we could have lost the game of dare.

It would have been batter if we did lose, you blundering idiot!

No it wouldn't have!

Yes, it really, really fucking would have!

Explain this to me, I'm not seeing your logic in this.

If we hadn't have done this, we wouldn't be here right now! If we didn't even play this damn game we would have just been able to walk in and have lunch with Clover and Icy! But noooooo~ you just had to fucking do this. You just had to!

Well, they had fun...

sigh, I guess...

So it was worth it.

No, it wasn't. It really fucking wasn't.

So would you rather we scold them for doing their part?

No, I'm not saying that at all. I'm just saying we should be setting some sort of example.

We a-

No! Don't you dare say that!

But-

No!

...

...

Butwearesettinganexample!!!

...

...

I hate you... So... so... fucking much right now...

Orion, Clover, and Icy were sitting at a large dining table in Canterlot castle with their arms, or hooves, crossed over their chests and a bored expression on each of their faces. They were in trouble again. For doing something they shouldn't have, again. And they were being lectured by Twilight as to why they were wrong, how they could have avoided trouble, and other such bullshit along those lines. Again.

Orion and his girls have been getting into trouble at the castle for over a week now. At first, the ponies started tearing up from how beautiful and touching it was that Orion was practically a father to Clover and Icy. But now, it was obvious that everybody- and pony- was getting tired of them. First, it was simple. A bucket of water here, a tack on a chair there...

Sigh... Good times... Good times...

Shut up, damn it! We're already in enough trouble as it is! Don't go interrupting the story!

Oh, so now it's you telling me to-

Both of you, shut the fuck up!

Anyways...

But as the days went by, the pranks and trouble escalated. First, it was a bottle of soap in the soup at dinner for Luna. Then, when she tried to wash away the taste with her tea, she found that her throat had been sealed shut from all of the super glue that had been dumped into her drink. If it wasn't for the fact that she was immortal...

Next, it was bowling balls above the barracks door. Almost twenty guards in the hospital, and two in critical condition.

On the same day, he got a pegasus guard some type of hat. He thought that Orion was being nice, and accepted it with a smile and a thanks. What he didn't know was that Orion and his girls had lined it with a highly conductive metal. So when he tried to fly in a storm... Pegasus pony BBQ.

At one point, Celestia had a talk with him, but the three of them fell asleep from boredom. The sight of Orion snuggled up with his girls in his shirt was just too cute to stop, so Celestia took a mental photograph and left them to it.

But this particular prank was just too far over the line. Eventually, Twilight's friends had to go back to Ponyville. They had jobs and lives of their own, after all. But just before they left, Orion gave them something. They didn't know what it was, but he had told them that when they got onto the train and away from the city, to push the switch on it and an awesome surprise would come out. They didn't expect much. After all, it was just a greyish-red ball the size of an orange. What could it possibly do? Well, as it turns out, it can explode into a great big fireball that consumes everything around it.

Rarity, Pinkie, and Fluttershy lost their manes. Applejack got a little singed and her hat was ruined. And since Rainbow Dash didn't really have much of a mane, she was mostly untouched, besides being slightly charred.

But the worse part was that it destroyed the side of the train car, and the train itself was derailed from the force of the explosion, leaving the five of them, and many other passengers, stranded in the middle of nowhere. Luckily, after a few hours of worrying about the train not reaching its destination, a search team was sent out and rescued all of the ponies.

Twilight was not happy. In fact, the only reason she hadn't disintegrated Orion was because Clover and Icy were in his shirt. She was certain that Orion only let them stay there because he knew that it would keep him alive.

Orion sighed again, looking at Twilight's horn, instead of her eyes. "I wonder if it's just a bony penis..." he mused aloud.

The two girls looked up at him. "What's a pen-is?" Icy asked him curiously.

He smiled at them. "I'll tell you when you're a few years older. But if anybody ever uses that word around you," he took on a look of cold rage, "I'll make sure they never talk again," he said in a cold voice.

Clover and Icy shrunk away from him.

He smiled at them in his usual goofy style. "Aw, don't be scared," he said as he pet their head. "You girls never have to be afraid of me. I'm the bad guy!"

They smiled at his weirdness.

He looked back at Twilight, completely unaware that she was being ignored, and stared at her horn again. He looked down at Icy. "Hmm..." He used his forefinger and his thumb to pinch the tip of Icy's horn and started rubbing his fingers together gently.

Icy yelped and started squirming around. She was whining and whimpering wordlessly, apparently in some form of agony.

He pulled his hand away and chuckled darkly, smiling to himself. He just found a new way to torture ponies that bothered him. He looked back up at Twilight, who was raving about some kind of repercussions for his actions, or something like that.

He felt a poke at his neck. He looked down to see Clover and Icy both staring at him with odd expressions, like they weren't sure what to express. He smiled at them happily. "Yes, my babies?" he asked.

They both frowned at his words. They weren't babies! They were full grown fillies, dang it! Oops, that's not a nice word to say...

"Well, are you just going to admire my amazingness or...?"

They both blushed from being called out for staring.

"Uh..." Icy rubbed her hooves together nervously.

Orion smiled at her even wider. "Yes...?" he teased.

Icy looked at her hooves, then back at him.

Clover elbowed her sister gently.

Icy glared at her sister, then looked back at Orion's smiling face. "Um... What, did you do?" she asked quietly, almost mumbling.

Orion gave her a confused look. "What did I do?"

She looked even more nervous. "Uh, when you, touched my horn... It was, uh, nice..."

Orion's smile slowly turned into a horrified slackened jaw.

She seemed to stare into his soul when she asked him this. "Can you... do it again?" she asked hopefully.

Orion shook his head so slowly that it was almost hard to tell if he really moved his head at all. "No," he whispered.

She deflated visibly, turning sad eyes to him. "But, why? It was nice, like a hug, but better. If you have a horn, we can-"

Orion clamped his hands over her mouth, giving them a wild-eyed look. "You can never tell anybody I did that," he whispered quickly. "And no, I won't do it again. And you won't be doing anything like I did until you're a lot older, do you understand me?" he hissed at them.

Icy pushed his hand away and glared at him. "Grown ups are always telling us that! 'When you're older.' I hate hearing that!"

Clover nodded. "It's dumb. We're old enough to know things. C'mon, tell us!"

Orion smiled sadly and rubbed their heads lovingly. "Girls, I'm trying to save you by not telling you this. If I told you what I knew about it, it would only hurt you." He wrapped his arms around them, hugging them against his chest tightly. "If it's like a hug, I'll give you all the hugs you could ever want. But please, don't ask me to do anything like that again."

They fought against his hug for a short time, but gave in eventually and cuddled into him.

Clover sighed into his chest. "When can we know?" she asked him, her voice muffled slightly.

Orion smiled knowingly. "Trust me on this one. When it happens, you'll know."

A throat cleared itself from in front of them.

All three of them looked to see Twilight giving them a half-annoyed half-cuteness-overloaded expression.

She tried to glare, but it turned into a smile from the massive amounts of cuteness that they were producing. "Can you at least pay attention?" she scolded them

Orion yawned loudly, smacking his lips at the end of it. "Nope. We're gonna go take a nap," he told her as he rose out of his seat.

Clover and Icy protested.

"No," Clover tried to shout, but it was ruined by a cute little yawn. "I don't wanna take a nap..." she trailed off as her eyes slowly closed.

Icy tried to smack her hooves into his chest, but did nothing. "I'm not tired," she said with an adorable yawn.

Orion smiled at them, somehow still maintaining his goofy smile while also making it look loving. "If you're not tired, you can always walk," he suggested.

They both made "Uh uh" noises and dug deeper into his black shirt.

Before Twilight could stop them, they were out the door and down the hallway. She sighed and rubbed her head with a hoof.

"Those three really are adorable together, aren't they?" a voice asked from behind Twilight.

She turned and saw princess Celestia standing behind her with a small smile on her face. "Princess, what are you doing here?" Twilight asked her.

Celestia strode over to her, her ever-present smile growing slightly. "I don't think you should be so hard on him."

Twilight's eyes went wide as she opened her mouth to speak.

Celestia continued before she could utter a single word. "I know that what he did was wrong, I'm not going to argue that. But I think that keeping them in here for over two hours while you yell at them is a bit harsh."

Twilight blinked. She turned an embarrassed look to Celestia. "It's been two hours?" she asked carefully.

Celestia smiled at her. "Actually, it's been around two and a half hours."

Twilight blushed slightly.

Celestia raised a hoof to her mouth and gave a graceful yawn. She let her eyelids droop slightly as she smiled at Twilight. "I think that Orion has the right idea. I'm going to take a small nap," she informed Twilight.

Twilight looked at Celestia oddly. "I think Orion's rubbing off on you..."

After a few seconds of thinking, Celestia took on a mildly horrified look. "I fear that you're right, Twilight. I need to warn Luna to be careful around him. Who knows what kind of habits she might pick up from him?"

Twilight and Celestia both shared a fearful shudder at the mere thought of it.

***

Mavis felt a spike of cold enter her spine at the thought of an all-powerful immortal goddess picking up habits from Orion.

***

... There was a banging on the door that signaled to Orion that somebody wanted in. It also signaled that his nap was probably over.

He stretched his limbs, hearing several loud cracks and pops from his bones. He rolled the two small equine forms off of him and pushed himself up from the bed, making his way over to the door.

Whoever it was banged on it again, seven times.

Orion banged on the door as well, seven times.

They banged again.

He banged again.

They banged.

He banged.

They banged.

He banged.

"Open the damned door!" the voice of Roland yelled.

Orion banged again.

"I swear to everything holy, I will shoot this door down!" he thundered.

He laughed and pushed the door open to reveal not only Roland, but Sharpe and Luna as well. "Yes offense, but I was sleeping."

Roland grabbed him and pulled him out of the room, closing it behind him. He let go of him when he knew that he wouldn't go back. "We need to talk," he said curtly, just before turning on his heel and walking quickly down the hallway.

Sharpe and Luna followed closely behind, while Orion swayed back-and-forth, humming a strange tune that was a little creepy, but kind of catchy at the same time.

Roland turned a corner and spoke. "While you were fucking off, we found the camp where the griffons were based at. We took three and killed the rest. Since then, the scouts have stopped coming close to the castle, but they're still out there."

Orion nodded slowly, but said nothing.

Roland continued. "Now, I've spoken with Celestia, and she won't condone torture. So, we need you to make them tell us what they know."

Orion smiled his goofy smile just a bit wider. "I get to torture them?" he asked hopefully.

Luna shot him a cold glare. "There will be no torturing in this castle," she said in a threatening voice. "The only reason I am not informing my sister of this is because I agree with Roland. We need information, and now."

Sharpe hissed quietly at this.

They turned another corner and came face-to-wood with a large set of double doors made of a dark wood and metal supports with strange runes inscribed on them.

"What's this?" Orion asked curiously.

Luna lit up her horn, powering the runes on the doors. "This is one of the many entrances to the dungeons," she said as the door swung open.

A wave of stale air washed over them, making them wonder just how long this particular door has been closed.

For a while they all just stood there, none of them wanting to go down first.

Then Orion cried out "Adventure!~" and sped down the dark corridor.

Roland sighed and shook his head. "He's going to regret doing things like that one day..."

***

Orion was jogging through the dimly lit corridors, taking lefts and rights seemingly at random. But he knew where he was going; his Orion Sense was tingling. And when he was a-tinglin', he was close to his goal. It's in the rules. He turned one last corner and saw a cage with three griffons in it. He smiled to himself and patted his own head in congratulations.

The griffons all looked at him with angry sneers on their faces. There was a large male with dull grey feathers, another male with clean white feathers, and a female with creamy white feathers with blue patches around her eyes.

Orion walked straight up to the bars and smiled at them. "Hello, my name is Smitty Werbenmangensen, and I'm your new warden," he said in a stuffy voice.

The female growled at him. "Go to Tartarus!" she yelled loudly.

Orion smiled wider. "Ah, you've got a mouth on you. I'll enjoy putting that mouth to work," he said suggestively, waggling his eyebrows at her.

One of the males, the one with grey feathers slammed against the bars and clawed at him with his talons. "Don't you dare speak to my mate that way, you disgusting creature!" he roared.

Orion laughed at the griffon's attempts to harm him. "I'll enjoy playing with you..." He then waved his hand at the cell's lock and a loud click was heard. Before the griffons could do anything, Orion entered their cell and locked the door again.

All of the griffons took battle positions as they glared at him.

He smiled just a little bit straighter and patted a black pouch hanging on the side of his hip. He opened the pouch and pulled out two objects. A large needle for one hand, and a deadly sharp surgical knife in the other. "Who wants to go first?" he asked calmly.

The grey griffon charged him. He didn't get far.

Orion stuck out his hand, lifting him off of the ground and slamming him back down in front of him. He bent down over the griffon with a demented smile and a glow in his eyes. "Now, I want to know everything there is to know about you guys."

Before he could let the first griffon speak, the other two charged him. The same thing happened, with slightly more painful results.

The first griffon looked at him with rage in his eyes. "I'll never betray my queen, or my country," he spat at his interrogator.

Orion laughed. "You just did. I didn't know you had a queen, and now I know who to kill," he said in a conversational tone.

The griffon cringed at his slip of the tongue. "You'll not get anything else from me!"

Orion shrugged. "Fine, I'd rather make you scream anyway," he said calmly. He struck out with the scalpel, piercing the griffon's left eyeball. He fiddled with the knife for a few seconds while the griffon screamed, then he pulled the knife out with the bloody eyeball still on the tip. "Mmm, tasty." Orion stuffed the eye in to his mouth and chewed it slowly before swallowing noisily, smacking his lips afterwards.

The sound of somebody throwing up behind Orion was just enough to make him smile wider, just enough to crack his lips.

Orion kicked the griffon into the wall and stuck the needle into his neck. He pulled the plunger out, filling the syringe with dark red blood. "Do you think that your other eye can double in size?" he asked the griffon while tapping the needle with the scalpel. He forced the needle into the griffon's other eye and started to push down on the plunger. "Let's find out!"

The griffon cried out and thrashed around, his eye starting to grow larger and leak blood and tears. When just over half of the syringe was empty, his eye popped, spraying a light shower of blood and some kind of clear fluid over Orion's front.

Orion seemed bored by this display of gore. "Eh, I've seen better."

"You... monster..."

Orion turned to see the second male staring at him with wide eyes. He smiled and put away the scalpel, trading it for a cylindrical device with a large screw in the middle and four barbed blades covering it. "Tell me what I want to know, and I'll make it quick and painful," Orion said in a voice shaky with excitement.

The griffon backed into the bars, never once taking his eyes off of Orion. "I- I w- won't-" but that's all Orion needed to hear.

Orion leaped forward and placed the strange device on the griffon's back, just between his wings. He pushed down on it roughly, and a high whirring sound was heard, like a dentist's drill.

And then the griffon started screaming. The device was drilling into his back, into his spine. It took only a second to break the skin, and hardly more than that to pass through the bone of his spine. Then he felt something cold jab into his eye. He lost sight on his right side from the needle.

Orion gave a quiet chuckle as he started pulling the plunger back, extracting the juices from his eye. The drilling mixed with the needle was enough to give Orion a painful erection.

When the needle was filled, all that was left of the eye was a tiny husk, much resembling a raisin.

Orion tapped a the device again and a horrible crunching sound was heard. The blades extended outwards, looking like a dragonfly's wings poking out of the side of the griffon. Orion pulled the device out, bringing with it a section of spine and what seemed like gallons of blood.

Orion turned to the last griffon, the female. "Tell me what I want to know, or I'll do even more fun things with you," he said in a quiet voice, walking towards her at a very slow pace.

She was crying, in fear and anger. She backed away from him, bumping into the bars of the cell. As he loomed over her, she shrank lower to the ground. "I... I can't tell you..." she whimpered.

Orion nodded slowly, emptying the syringe and wiping of the device on her head feathers. He put the two items in his pouch again. "Well, I'd be lying if I said I was sad to hear that," he told her, his smile so wide that his was tearing his lips. He reached into a pocket in his robes and pulled out a packet of small blue pills. On the front were the words: Triple overtime

She stared at the packet, not sure what to make of it.

Orion leaned down close to her and whispered into her ear. "I hope you're a screamer."

It took her a second to put two and two together, and when she did, her pupils shrunk down to pinpricks. "No..."

Orion nodded at her slowly, his eyes never leaving her own. "Yes..."

***

Roland, Sharpe, and Luna were walking through the dark hallways of the dungeon. Not really sure where Orion went, they decided it be best to just find the griffons first and Orion later.

Sharpe led them around another corner, sniffing for the griffons. "Y'know, this would have been easier if we took the same door down here," he complained.

Luna groaned, not for the first time, and replied. "Yes, but if we took the same route, we would draw suspicion from the guards, who would report to my sister. And after that it would only be a matter of time before she showed up and stopped us."

Sharpe hissed in annoyance. "I could take her," he grumbled to himself.

Luna glared but kept her mouth shut as they turned another corner.

Sharpe looked back at them. "I smell them, but I can smell Orion too. I... think he's with them."

Both Roland and Luna started walking much faster than before. If Orion had his way with the three of them, it wasn't going to be pretty. Not at all...

Sharpe turned a final corner and stopped dead in his tracks. His two traveling companions turned the corner and did the same.

At the sight in front of them, Luna almost puked.

One of the male griffons was missing both eyes and was bleeding heavily from the empty sockets, one of them still having the optical nerve hanging out. He was pawing at the ground, whimpering pitifully like a lost puppy.

The other male was missing one eye and most of his back. A large bloody hole was where his wings used to be, and they could see what was left of his spine and ribs through the blood and gore.

But what was almost more worrying was that the female was laying at an odd angle on her stomach, her back legs spread so far apart that it looked painful. Her tail was ripped off, blood soaking her back end where other things weren't. She was drooling heavily, almost foaming as if she were rabid and her tongue was hanging out of the side of her beak.

And then there was Orion, sitting on a bench outside of the cell, sipping a warm cup of coffee. Where he got the coffee, well, that's a mystery. But it was pretty easy to figure out what he did to the griffons.

Roland looked at Orion with a slack jaw. "You didn't..." he almost whispered.

Orion looked up from his cup of coffee and smiled at them stupidly. "Hey guys! I learned all kinds of cool stuff from them!"

Luna was on him like a wolverine was on an injured rabbit. "HATH THOU GONE INSANE?!?! WE TOLD THEE THERE WAS TO BE NO TORTURING OF OUR PRISONERS!!!!" she raged in her Royal Canterlot voice, slipping back into the olden tongue.

The force of which she yelled made Orion slide down the bench. But he still had his coffee!

Orion smiled at her and tossed his cup behind him, it shattering somewhere in the darkness. He waved a finger in front of her face. "Ah, but you said not in the castle. This is the dungeon!" he yelled, throwing his arms to the sides of him.

Luna's eye twitched in pure rage and hatred for him.

The blind griffon made a particularly loud noise, ruining the moment.

Orion scowled at him and waved his hand at him. "Oh, shut up, you big crybaby!"

The griffon's head imploded violently, then exploded. Luna, who was standing too close to the bars, was covered in bits of brain, pieces of shattered skull, and lots and lots of blood.

This time, she did puke.

Author's Notes:

I got me a new keyboard, so it's taken me a bit to actually get used to typing on this thing. Sorry for the prolonged chapter, but I had shit to do in the real world.