Byte sized

by Sir Hat

Chapter 1: Discord.exe

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Man it's cold outside, even in spring the nights get so bloody cold. At least I'm back home, bloody criminal to be stuck outside in this.

I locked my door and hurried to my office. Spring session was over and I was going to be spending quite a bit of time in here. I ran my hand along the hard wood of the door before letting my hand fall limply on the knob. It seemed weird to complain about staying up all night for classes when others would kill for my position.

A lofty government grant meant for a high end university being used on a community college meant I lived pretty well despite only working weekends. But it didn't really matter, college sucks so most days I duck out early and come home to browse the internet.

"Bloody...start..." I plopped down in my chair and poked the power button with my toe. The familiar dim whirl of the machine broke the silence. Windows...desktop...chrome...now what...

I circled the mouse around before clicking the search bar. Whenever I was bored I usually just searched random crap, today was going to be no different.

Tin can. The first search of the day was simply tin can, today was going to be productive....

Porn...porn...cosplayer...grown men with doll...porn...picture of- op- never mind...porn... Why did my friend tell me to look this up?

I was cut off before I could navigate away. A large popup sat infront of the back button.

You've won! Click here to claim prize!

Well...I- actually...I don't think I've once seen where these go. I check to see if my antivirus was up to date and clicked it. I always wondered how blatant they would be about trying to get your credit card, like...would they just outright ask for it or would they be more subtle.

I clicked the claim button.


Run Run

Oh that wasn't good...there is no place to exit...bollocks.

Uhhh....run? I clicked the run. It flashed for a moment before disappearing. Replaced by a video clip seconds later.

Oh great...more of this, god don't let it be porn...

I watched as the video clip ran on, some jockish cartoon character was poking some yellow one. She reeled back and shot up towards the screen. A few moments passed before the scene should have shifted, instead she plinked off the screen like a bug, "Huh?" She felt around in front of her, "What th-"

"Well this is weird-" I was cut off by a tiny hoof sticking out of my monitor followed by the entire front half of the cartoon. I felt my eye twitch as she crawled out of my screen. I could feel myself suppressing a freakout as the tiny creature plopped out of my monitor and onto my keyboard, closing the video and sending it back to desktop.

"What the hay- whoa!" She finally looked up at my face, her eyes shot wide as did mine. She started backing up, bumping into the monitor, "W-w-what the hay are you!?"

I quickly looked around my desk, an empty pint was quickly made into a makeshift prison, trapping the tiny thing snugly inside it. I slid it towards the end of my desk, letting air flow from a small gap at the bottom.

My brain was racing, mostly shooting to one realization: my friend was going to freak the hell out. "Okay...this...what is this...I don't know...but...I...uh- bollocks!" I grabbed the side of my head with my free hand. Maybe I'm drunk; maybe I just need to sleep this off. Where can I put this thing...closet!" I cupped my hand at the bottom of the glass, the cyan pony pounding her hooves against it as I carried her.

"Hey you let me outta here before I- I...well I don't know but it won't be good!" Her breath was quickly fogging the inside of the glass, "Please! I don't like tight spaces!" She looked to be a little bigger than my hand, the size of a three month kitten, or a pug which meant the glass was a rather tight squeeze.

I hurried into my bedroom, pulling my closet door open and tossed the rainbow maned mare to the floor, "Hey!" She managed to shout back before I slammed the door. A loud tapping coming from the other side, "Hey- I- I don't like it in here! It's too dark!" She sounded like she was starting to panic.

In all fairness I was starting to panic as well. My heart was racing, this was a bit like that time I trapped a squirrel in the house, only now it could fly and talk so...also nothing like that time with the squirrel.

"Please, I don't like the dark!" The voice squeaked from the inside of my closet. I felt a quick pang of guilt before running to find some sort of illumination. I found an old flashlight in my kitchen drawer and turned it on, running back to the closet I was rammed into by the mare trying to escape. She managed to regain her composure and start flying away from me. I pushed the bedroom door closed with my foot while trying to grab her.

"Don't touch me! She growled hovering out of my reach.

"Don't touch you? What?! Just what the hell are you!?" I yelled grabbing a nearby stool and stepping up.

"Me!? What the hay are you!? You're bigger than a dragon!"

"And you're- a tiny- horse!" I said between swipes. This wasn't working... I abandoned my current plan and found an old army cap. Back on the stool I used it like a makeshift net, after two failed attempts she bumped into a wall and sat dazed long enough for me to snatch her up. "Gottcha!" I pulled the hat closed and stepped down.

The cloth started bulging as she kicked at the hat, "Let me go, let me go!" She cried as I slowly reached my fingers inside the opening, "Ah!" She squealed as I managed to grab her by her barrel, "No no no no no!" She started trying to push me off with her hooves and kick me away with her back legs. I slowly pulled her out of the hat and into view. She was frantically pushing my hand, trying to either push me away or herself free.

"What in the world..." I shifted my grip and let my other hand hold her rump up as to not let her lower body hang, "This is just...crazy!" She was insanely soft, I was by no means squeezing her but my grip was tight enough to feel her muscles move as she tried to pull away. Her breathing was soft as she panted against my finger, her hooves pressing their hardest to free her.

She picked her head up, her magenta eyes growing wide for a second before looking down and biting down on my finger. It didn't hurt, more of a slight pressure than a bite. I was about to say something about calming down when I felt a warm trickle on my lower hand, "Did you just..." I lifted her up and sure enough she had had an accident, "...I...you just...man..."

She got slightly red as I closed my hand to keep it off the floor. I started walking into the bathroom, holding her over the sink and letting her back legs touch down on the basin. "I- I'm not scared!" she shouted up at me, hair flying about as she did.

"You just peed on my hand..."

"Did not!" I cocked an eyebrow at her, "...that's...not mine..."


"You're a liar!"

"How am I a liar!?"

"Cause you...you, you never told me what you were!"

"...that's not lying, that's just not saying anything...and you peed on me...I think I deserve an answer first!"

"Make me!"

I cocked my eyebrow again, lifting her up and out of the sink, turning on the faucet and hovering her above it, her back legs curled up as she got close, "What's wrong? Don't like ice cold water in the middle of the night?" I asked with a smug smile.

"I- you wouldn't!" She snapped at me, prompting me to let her rump fall under the flow for a moment, "AH- Geez that's cold!" She shrieked as I brought her back up. "Jerk!"

"Yep...now, what are you!?" I shook her a bit, nothing too much just enough to rattle her.

"Rainbow Dash! B-Best flyer in Equestria!" I recognized a few words from my friend, idiot never shut up about it.

"...okay...now...why are you here?" I asked leaning in to meet her eye to eye.

"I don't know! I was flying when I hit some wall! I felt around and pushed through! How was I supposed to know what would happen?!"

"You sho-" My voice caught as I was about to scold her. This just happened because you did something stupid too... "Huh...so..."

"So?" Asked the rainbow maned one.

I waited there for a moment, turned off the sink and set her down, "If I let you go you're not going to fly around are you, I mean I don't want you dripping everywhere..."

Her face flushed as she looked down, "I'm not scared...fine..."

I slowly relaxed my grip, letting her sit on her own in the sink, "So...stay here, I'll be right back with some...I don't know...a bowl or something..." I walked out and closed the door behind me. I hurried into the kitchen and found a soup bowl that looked about big enough. I hurried back to my bathroom and found the mare still sulking in the sink.

"What is that?" She asked, leaning on the edge of the sink.

"...well...you've got wings right? So a bird bath?" I turned on the bathtub tap and waited until it got warm before filling the bowl, adding soap, and setting it on the floor of the tub. A quick squirt of body wash would have to suffice. I turned back to the sink and pinched the mare's scruff and hovered her over the bowl.

"Hey wait! Wait! WAIT!" She kicked her hooves as I lowered her in, "What if it's- Ah- ahhh~" She eased as I sunk her into the hot water. I let her slip out of my hands and into the water. She moaned as she slipped fully into the steamy water, her muzzle the only thing poking out. I stepped into the tub, sitting on the edge. "Oooohhh my gosh..." She dunked her head under it before popping back up and whipping her mane around, "Ow ow ow ow ow!" She started rubbing her eyes, "Why doe-"

"Soap in your eyes?" I asked reaching for a towel.

"Yeah...hey wait!" She threw her hooves out, "I don't...I'm not getting out yet!" She crossed her forelegs and sank a little deeper.

"...not...not worried about what I am anymore? Cause...as much as I hate to say it...I think I know who you are..." I set the towel hanging over the side of the tub.

"Well...you...you didn't do anything bad...but...big things are usually dangerous...but...this..." She lifted her hooves out of the water, "So...what are you?"


"Is that like a monkey? Cause you kinda look like a monkey." She leaned her head back and folded her ears to submerge them.

"...uh...I'm compelled to say yes...but no. It was a joke: human is what I am but my name is Sean." I dipped my hand into the water and poured a bit over her.

"Hey! ...do that again."

I smiled as I dipped my hand back into the water and poured it slowly over her, she lifted herself up and snaked her head around the fall. "So...not scared of me?"

She shook her head crazily, sending water all over the tub, "Well...there is one thing you're missing to be really scary-"

"You peed yourself!"

"-I- you...you were...I don't...anyways...you don't have sharp teeth, every big scary thing should have sharp teeth!" She dunked herself one last time before crawling out and stretching. She shook her head and rump, flapping her wings sent droplets everywhere. "So...you know me?"

"Long story...I'll explain later..." I grabbed the towel and scooped her up into my lap. Taking the towel between my fingers I ran it across her head, following the arch of her back and pinching any moisture off her tail.

"I can- hey!" I quickly flipped her on her back and started drying off her underside, "S-t-oop it!" She tried to hold it back, but quickly lost the battled and started laughing maniacally as I dried off her barrel.

"What's wrong? Ticklish?" I finished drying her and let the towel fall away. I brought my finger across her belly and started rubbing tiny circles; sending her into a giggling heap of kicking limbs.

"Stop- stop- stop!" She was almost crying so I gave her some rest. She quickly curled up and rested on her side. "I-pfff- don't do that!" She started glowing red as she looked away.

I gave a weak smile as I bundled her up in the towel, cradling her like a baby and walking back to my room. I set her down on my bed while I rummaged through my closet. "No...no...no...no!"

"What are you doing?"

"Looking- for...aha!" I pulled a worn ushanka from my closet. I punched the center inward, making a crater to fit the mare in. I quickly set it down next to my pillow and set her inside it.

"Hey wha-"

"Tired...bed...hat will be warm." I managed to finish up just as a massive yawn washed over me. "Shazbot..." I quickly undid my jeans and shirt, tossing them in a small heap across the room. "Just...gonna get some sleep...and figure this out in the morning..." I crawled into bed, my head facing Rainbow Dash, who was watching me from the top of the hat.

"But I-"

"Shhh" I said closing my eyes.

"But I'm not-"


"Not tire-"

I reached my hand up and grabbed her back, quickly digging my nails into her coat and scratching her sides, "Shhhh..."

"That's not going...to...work...I'm not even...tired...and...ahhhhh~" She finally gave up and pushed back against my hand. I ended up just letting my hand hold position and letting her scratch herself with my hand. I fell asleep to the feeling of a soft coat rubbing my palm and my fingers digging slightly into her coat.

I half expected to wake up massively hungover or coming down from some sort of hallucinogen in the morning. It doesn't really matter though, this is actually a pretty good way to fall asleep.

"Hey...hey...wake up..."

"Eughwhua?" I grumbled, opening my eyes to the pitch black room, "What?"

Rainbow had been pressing her forelegs against my nose, "I...I gotta go to the little fillies room..."

I rubbed my eyes and rolled onto my back, "Which one...one or two?"


"Christ..."I laid back down and reached up to pull the door open, "Bathroom is...*yawn* first door on the left...just...in the toilet or...just not on the floor..."


"Uuugghhh...fine..." I rolled out of bed, my legs sore and joins stiff. I felt around and flicked on the light. Dash flew up and followed me into the hall, her back lags crossed and rocking slightly in the air. I felt my way into the bathroom and flicked on the light, "Go do your thing...I'll wait...somewhere..." She gave me a confused look before flying into my bathroom.

"Hey how do I...oh!"

I had a quick laugh before trundling back towards my bedroom. I was caught mid-thought and changed course to my office. I stumbled and knocked over my chair, kicking it aside I took up my position in front of the computer. Log in...alright...and...ready.

The screen was blinding to my unadjusted eyes. After a bit of watering my eyes finally adjusted. One am...this is ridiculous...I rubbed my head and looked around my desktop. A new shortcut sat dead center in the screen.

It was a picture of one of the characters from the show smiling widely and giving a thumbs up. Discord.exe.

"This..." I felt an extreme urge to click it again. I decided I would hold off until I could figure out who I was dealing with right now. I would have to call my friend in the morning, for now though I think it was about time to get back to sleep.

I closed up my office and started back to my room, Dash met me in the hall, "So...productive?" I asked walking past. She narrowed her eyes angrily and followed. I quickly crashed back in my bed and curled up.

"So...you...naw you wont mind..." I was about to look for her when she landed next to me, digging her lower half under the covers. I looked down at her, "What?"

I just shook my head, "Oddly comfortable around me already..."

"Well...I figure if you try something, I could take ya..."

"...you peed yourself..."

"And I- ...I thought you were gonna crush me, and after the dark place I was...I was scared..." She sounded kinda down about it.

"I'm not criticizing..." I reached up and started pulling her into my face, "I guess it was a little scary..."

"Hey no no no!" She pushed off my face, "Hey! No!"

I eased up, "What...I'm trying to hug you..."

"...oh! ...I thought...actually...you probably can't fit me in your mouth anyways..." She gave a quick laugh, her hooves still pressed into my forehead.

I gave her an incredulous look, "And hair is terrible...now..." I pulled her undercarriage onto my face, her coat was warm against my cheek. She tried to push off a few times before settling in, her breathing slowed as I scratched along her spine.

Once again I drifted off to sleep with a warm body pressed up against my cheek. I could feel her kick slightly as I breathed across her stomach. A soft heartbeat rumbling in my ears was a nice change from the usual silence. It was going to be a very cozy night.

Author's Notes:

Bloody...butterballs biscuit Remember to read my other stuff if you liked this.

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