Guilt was a horrible, nasty emotion that Rarity hated feeling. It was a waste of energy and focus that she rarely allowed herself to feel for long. More than that though, she hated that she couldn’t justify not feeling it. Would it have been so bad to let Applejack spend some time with her and Octavia last week?

Well, yes, it almost certainly would have been, but still. She and Applejack were friends. They’d promised to stay so, and yet she was already messing it up. Rarity let out a frustrated sigh.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to be friends with Applejack. She did, she really and truly did. It was just, her timing was always so awful! Perhaps if she hadn’t chosen to drop by while Octavia was over, she would have been willing to suffer through another afternoon of Applejack being awkward at her, but… Ugh. Rarity hated everything that was happening.

Applejack was just such a downer lately. That’s what it was.

Why couldn’t she just be happy? Rarity had embraced her newly found singlehood; She’d taken the time to rediscover all the wonderful things she’d forgotten while she was tethered in that awful relationship. Applejack, on the other hand, seemed to only discover new and exciting varieties of moping and self-pity. Now every time Rarity saw her, she had to watch her heart break behind her big emerald eyes every time she didn’t want to spend time with her.

It was torturous, and it was unfair. Unfair of Applejack to expect these things of her. Unfair of her friends to make her feel like she was to blame for it. Unfair of Applejack to make her feel like she had to be just that miserable as well.

Rarity knew it was wrong to resent Applejack for her unhappiness, but at least it gave her someone to blame other than herself.

It was somewhere in the middle of these jumbled thoughts that Rarity found herself agreeing to lunch with Applejack. She hadn’t seen her for almost a week, after all, and if nothing else agreeing to lunch would at least ease some of the guilt she felt.

“So, I was thinkin’ we could chow down at The Mane Street Cafe, unless you got somethin’ better in mind,” Applejack said as she walked alongside her.

Rarity nodded. “That sounds fine, dear.”

Rarity noticed several times that Applejack seemed to be stealing glances at her, quickly averting her eyes every time she turned to look. It was supremely annoying.

“So, uh, I see you’re wearin’ the scarf I got ya,” Applejack said with a smile.

Rarity nodded. She was. It was itchy.

“Looks nice,” Applejack said. Rarity was simultaneously frustrated and relieved that she had nothing immediately available to hit her head against.

“Thank you, dear,” she replied politely. “You look lo–”

Rarity stopped herself when she realized what she was saying. She glanced back at her companion, who had stopped dead in her tracks, looking at Rarity with wonder on her face.

Well, I’ve come too far now.

“Ahem. You look lovely yourself,” she finished, and cursed inwardly when Applejack’s smile regained some warmth. Not that she didn’t want her friend to feel good about herself – Celestia knew Applejack needed a self esteem boost these days – but it wouldn’t do to lead the poor dear on. Rarity made a mental note not to let it happen again.

They arrived at the restaurant and were quickly seated at a table on the patio.

“So, whatcha hungry for?” Applejack asked as Rarity eyed the menu.

“I think I’ll have the roasted lilies with sesame dressing. I haven’t had it for a while,” Rarity said as she put the menu down.

“Mmm, that sounds good. I think I’ll have the haycon cheese fries though, I worked up a powerful appetite earlier on the farm, and I think I’ll need the energy when I get back to it, heh heh,” Applejack said with a smile.

Rarity rolled her tongue along her lower lip. “I guess so,” she said.

The pair sat in silence for a minute as Rarity glanced around the patio. Finally she spotted the waiter approaching.

“Good afternoon, mademoiselles. What can I get for you today?”

Rarity and Applejack quickly placed their orders as the waiter wrote them down. “Thank you, it shall be out shortly,” he said with a bow before retreating inside the restaurant.

“So, uh, Rarity, how was yer week? I haven’t seen ya fer a few days,” Applejack asked in what appeared to be her best attempt at a casual manner as she inspected one of her forehooves.

Rarity rolled her eyes. “My week was fine. I’m all caught up on my orders, and there’s nothing big coming up, so I’m intending to take a short sabbatical to Manehattan next week. Fancy Pants invited me to a fashion show, and he wants me to come do some networking.”

“Well that sounds… uh, fun,” Applejack said with a very forced smile.

“It will be,” Rarity nodded.

“I, uh, so when do ya leave?”

“Monday morning, as it were. I shall return Friday, more than likely.”

“I, uh… Oh,” Applejack muttered.

Rarity raised an eyebrow. “Is something wrong, Applejack?”

Applejack glanced to the side and scrunched up her nose for a brief moment before shaking her head. “No, it’s fine. I’ll just… miss you.”

“I’ll only be gone for five days,” Rarity said, trying to sound encouraging and discouraging at the same time. She wasn’t sure if it worked.

“I guess,” Applejack sighed.

Rarity furrowed her brow. Every single thing she said these days was cause for another depressed sigh from the other mare. It was maddening.

“I… um, I got somethin’ to tell you, Rarity,”  Applejack said softly.

Rarity braced herself. She’s got it bad for you, Octavia’s words echoed in her head. Had she really let it seem like the door was still open?

“Wha–” Rarity coughed to clear her throat, “what might that be, Applejack?”

“I… Well, I’ve been tryin’ my best not t’let it show, but I’m not doin’ so good with… this. With bein’ friends. It’s hard, Rarity. It hurts, and I don’t know if I can really do it. ‘Cos I still love you.” Applejack cast her gaze down to the table, and Rarity could see the beginnings of tears forming in the corners of her eyes.

It was not fair.

“Could we… I mean, would you be willing to give it just one more shot?” Applejack asked, angling her eyes up to meet Rarity’s.

Rarity closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She would not betray her frustration. It was not Applejack’s fault that she was in love with her, though frankly Rarity was convinced she could at least try a little harder not to be.

Applejack’s voice raised half an octave as she apparently panicked when Rarity didn’t respond. “I promise I won’t mess up this time. Really, I can be better, I just need one more chance.”

Rarity noticed several of the ponies at adjacent tables glancing over and smiled apologetically to them. “Applejack, dear, we haven’t even had our food yet,” she said through clenched teeth.

“I promise, I won’t take you for granted ever again. I can be the mare you need me to be, I’ll stop drinkin’, and I’ll get Twilight to give me a book on etiquette, and I’ll just smile and nod when we go to those borin’ functions, and whatever else you say, just, please. I need you,” Applejack finished by clapping her front hooves together as if in prayer.

“Please, darling, you’re making a scene.”

“I–” Applejack stood up from the table to point an accusing hoof at Rarity, but then seemed to realize what she was doing as the entire patio went silent. She coughed into her hoof and sat back down. “... Right, I just promised not to do that. But see, I’m learnin’! Two weeks ago I woulda just rambled on right through your warnings,” she said with a sheepish grin.

Rarity rubbed her temples and sighed – something she found herself doing entirely too often lately. “Applejack, do we have to have this conversation now?”

Applejack looked down at the table in silence. Rarity felt the familiar pity creep onto her face again, wholly unwelcome.

“That’s yer answer, then? Ya won’t even consider it? Ya won’t even talk about it?” she asked, her voice dripping with bitterness and sorrow.

“I… I don’t know what to say,” Rarity paused as she searched for the words. “I hate seeing you this unhappy, but what do you want from me? To lie to myself? To lie to you?”

“But why’s it gotta be a lie? You said ya still loved me, unless… unless ya didn’t mean that, either,” Applejack finished softly.

Rarity winced. “Of course I meant it, but–”

“Then what’s the problem? I love you, you love me, and that’s all that should matter,” Applejack interrupted. “Please, Rarity, just one more shot?”

Rarity held her breath. This was inevitable, wasn’t it? There would obviously come a moment when she’d actually have to make a decision, and no amount of subtle hinting or casual dissuading would do. She had to say it.

“No,” she breathed out, her voice as tenuous as a thread between the blades of her scissors, “You need to move on.”

Applejack stared at her. Rarity saw disappointment turn to confusion to desperation to anger, and finally, to defeat. The other mare stood up from the table and pushed her chair in without a word.

“Applejack, sit back down, our food is going to be here any minute,” Rarity tried to scold her, but couldn’t summon much more than a fragile squeak.

“That’s alright, I wasn’t hungry anyway,” Applejack said, and immediately turned from the table and trotted off the patio.

Rarity stared at her hooves. Had she done something wrong? She couldn’t have. She couldn’t be blamed for being honest with herself, and if anyone should have understood that, it was Applejack… right?

“Mademoiselle, your food.”

Rarity looked up to see the waiter standing next to her, placing two plates on the table. She shook her head. “I’m sorry, my companion had to leave. Could you box up the hayfries? And bring me the check, please, I won’t be here long.”

The waiter nodded expertly and picked Applejack’s plate back up off the table. “Absolutely, madame,” he said before retreating back into the restaurant.

Rarity grasped her fork in her telekinesis and took a bite of the lilies.

They didn’t taste like anything.