Pain.

Sharp, stabbing pain.

Rarity’s brain pounded against her skull. Light burned her eyes, even before they opened. Her legs transmuted themselves to iron at the slightest attempt to move them.

Everything hurt.

Slowly and carefully, Rarity lifted one eyelid a fraction.

Ow.

Her bedroom. Good, good start; When thoroughly debilitated, it was nice to be in the comfort of one’s own home.

Rarity closed her eye and inched her body toward the edge of the bed, each wiggle forcing another dagger directly into her cranium.

Getting to the bathroom by memory wasn’t easy, but she knew her own house well enough to manage it. She manually pulled the blinds down and turned on the faucet, swiping a wash cloth off her linen stand and dampening it before draping it over her forehead. The water seeping into her pores brought some immediate relief, but not enough.

Rarity willed her eyes open and fumbled through her medicine cabinet until she found the bottle of ibuprofen, tapping out three pills and lapping enough water from the faucet to swallow them.

Undignified, maybe, but seriously, ow.

Rarity rested her forehead against the marble counter top as she waited for the medicine to take effect.

Maybe it was a cliche, and maybe she knew it was a lie, but Rarity resolved, after this, she would never drink again.

… What had happened last night? It was fuzzy. Pinkie threw a party, and… Booze.

The minutes pounded against her skull. Survival. Just had to survive this for a few more minutes, and then she’d be fine.

She couldn’t think of anything right now, the pain was too distracting. Standing like this, crumpled over the counter, wasn’t particularly comfortable. Perhaps – if she was careful – she could make it back to the bed?

Thankfully, she was suffering from very little in the way of nausea, which was a pretty lucky break.

If she was going to do this, there was no point in hesitating; Rarity raised herself off the counter, staggered to the door, threw it open, and–

… Saw Applejack in her bed.

Rarity blinked. She rubbed her eyes and blinked. She coughed up phlegm, rubbed her eyes, and blinked.

Applejack slept in her bed.

Rarity felt her legs fall out from under her as the events of the previous night came flying back into her mind. It wasn’t a dream. They’d really…

Oh dear. Rarity clutched her hooves over her mouth as the conspicuously missing nausea made itself known.

This is bad.

… Is it bad?

It’s bad. Yes. I think. I–

Rarity covered her eyes with her hooves. How did this happen? The images in her mind blurred and shifted. The party… The letter…

Rarity stood slowly, her legs violently shaking the whole way. This… This couldn’t have happened.

She made her way over to the bed and looked at the mare still asleep; She looked… peaceful.

Rarity closed her eyes and exhaled. She always used to look this way, back when…

Of course, in those days, she would have been forcing her to wake up by now. The sheets were a mess, and for pony’s sake, if she left her hair down like that for too long without taking the proper precautions it would tangle. She was so beautiful, though, sleeping without a care in the world, as far as she could see.

Rarity bit her lip. What would she say when she woke up? What did this mean? Were they back together? Would she be happy? Upset? Angry, even? What about Rainbow Dash?

Applejack rolled over to face the middle of the bed.

Rarity stared at the back of her head as her mind dug for answers, but she knew none would come until Applejack awoke.

But… Until then, maybe… Maybe she could just pretend… It hurt, because she knew it wouldn’t be real, but…

Before she could stop herself Rarity was back under the covers, lying face to face with her lover. She watched in silence as the sleeping mare snored quietly, Equestria’s most adorable whinny punctuating each breath, and how had that ever annoyed her?

Applejack rolled onto her back and Rarity felt the sheets tighten around her. Rarity couldn’t help but giggle. Applejack always was a sheet-hog. She remembered how she used to get out an extra blanket when Applejack was staying the night, so that if worse came to worst, she wouldn’t have to freeze to death, and–

“No, Granny, I don’t want oatmeal fer breakast,” Applejack mumbled. Rarity shuddered as she fought to control her impulse to reach out and hold her, clutch her tight and never let go. But she couldn’t. Those days were gone, and if she did, this moment – this one beautiful, perfect moment – would be over. She could look, but she couldn’t touch.

Applejack’s rolled again, her foreleg landing across Rarity’s neck. Rarity inhaled sharply as she waited for Applejack to startle awake, but she didn’t; Instead she mumbled something about orange juice and continued snoring.

Rarity felt a bead of sweat roll down her forehead as she gazed at Applejack’s eyelids. She wanted them to open so badly; To see those giant emerald orbs flutter open and shame the sun itself with their brightness, smiling back at her…

Rarity panted. Applejack touched her and didn’t wake up… Maybe… Maybe, if she was careful… She could just reach out, and… Just a little bit…

Rarity felt Applejack’s mane against her hoof and took a deep breath. Slowly she stroked her hoof down the lock, reveling in its softness. Applejack smelled like sweat, and soil, and rain. It was all Rarity could do not to bury her face in the other pony’s coat, just to soak up as much of that scent as she could.

Applejack mumbled something unintelligible. She would wake up soon, Rarity knew it. The moment of truth approached rapidly. There was no longer any point in delaying. Tentatively, Rarity reached out and touched Applejack’s cheek.

Applejack’s eyes fluttered briefly. Rarity felt her heart skip a beat. Slowly, one eye crept open, the hazy gloss of sleep quickly fading. Applejack gave a tiny, sleepy smile.

“Good morning,” Rarity whispered so quietly she wasn’t even sure she heard herself.

“Mornin’,” Applejack whispered back, and Rarity felt her heart flood with warmth.

Applejack closed her eyes and yawned, then shook her head. “Wait…”

Rarity felt her breath freeze in her lungs. “Wait?”

Applejack knitted her brow for a moment, and when her eyes reopened, the smile was gone. “You… I… No…” She shifted backwards and fell off the bed, taking the sheet with her and landing in a heap on the floor.

“Don’t freak out,” Rarity pleaded as she crawled to the edge of the bed and tried to pull the sheet off of Applejack, who grunted as she wriggled around the floor, trying to disentangle herself.

“I don’t know what happened,” Rarity wheezed as she pulled the sheet off her friend with a painful burst of magic. “I just woke up, and you were here. I think… I think, we–”

“You think – You think we – Oh, Celestia…” Applejack buried her face in her hooves. Rarity could see her whole body trembling. She shook like a leaf.

“It’s okay,” Rarity murmured. “just – just stay calm, and we’ll figure this out.”

Applejack took a deep breath. “So last night… We…”

Rarity bit her lip. “I… I think so, yes.”

Applejack stood up and walked over to the window. Rarity scratched her neck as she waited out the silence, until it became unbearable. “Applejack, I don’t know how it happened exactly, but… We were drunk, and, sometimes, ponies make… decisions, that they might not otherwise, when… when under the influence.”

Rarity took a deep breath. Applejack continued staring out the window.

“And… Um… I know that neither of us wanted to this to happen, necessarily, but it’s not the worst possible thing, is it?” Rarity giggled, but the lack of response made her regret it. “I mean, we’re okay, right? We could have gotten hurt, or seriously sick, if we were drunk enough to… well… But we didn’t, and that’s… Um… good.”

Rarity felt sweat beading on her brow. “And… If we did, um, what we did, then maybe that means something? I mean, maybe we should talk, about… Um… About us?” Rarity swallowed hard. “I… I don’t want to assume anything, or overstep my bounds, but… It would seem to me, if… Um… If this happened, then, maybe… Maybe…”

“Applejack, please say something,” she squeaked.

Applejack’s shoulders raised and lowered, and she turned her head slightly. “You’re unbelievable,” she muttered.

Rarity shifted uncomfortably. “Um… What?”

Applejack turned around and Rarity saw tears streaming down her cheeks. “You are fucking unbelievable!”

Rarity recoiled. “What!?”

Applejack snorted and wiped her eyes. “You’re not fucking stupid, Rarity, so stop acting like it!”

Rarity gaped. “A-Applejack, calm down,” she stammered.

“Calm down? Calm down!?” Applejack spat on the floor. “How the hay can you expect me to calm down!?”

Rarity searched Applejack’s eyes for some idea of what was going on, but all she saw was fire. “Why are you so angry?”

“Gosh, I don’t know, Rarity. Why would I be angry after finding out I cheated on my girlfriend?”

“Okay, not an ideal situation I admit, but is it really worth getting this riled up abou–”

Applejack interrupted her with a laugh, tears still trailing down her face as she shook her head. “Unbelievable! I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.”

“I don’t understand, Applejack! Please, just… calm down, and we’ll talk about it.”

Something visibly snapped. “Don’t you fucking tell me what to do!” Applejack roared, raising a trembling hoof into the air. “Don’t you fucking dare!”

“Okay, I’m sorry!” Rarity cried as she lifted her hooves to guard her face. “I won’t! It’s not about what I want.”

“Really? Because it seems to me it’s always about you! Always about what you want! I begged you – begged you – to give us one more chance, and you wouldn’t even consider it! No, you wanted me to move on! You wanted me to find somepony else! So I did! I fucking moved on, because that’s what you said you wanted! Now what am I supposed to think? You didn’t want that after all?”

“I still love you, Applejack, and I guess I just thought… I thought maybe you still loved me too, but I guess I was wrong.”

“OF COURSE I STILL LOVE YOU!” Applejack screamed at the top of her lungs. “How could I not!? You think I’m that shallow? That vapid? You spend that long growing together with somepony, that doesn’t just vanish at the tip of a hat! No, it’s like havin’ your leg cut out from under you; Like havin’ two legs cut out from under you! You forget how to stand on your own! But I did it, I soldiered on, even though you’d barely even give me the time of day! I put on my best smile, and bottled up my hurt, because you didn’t want to see it! Because you didn’t want to feel bad! Well guess what Rarity? You keep fuckin’ with somepony the way you’ve been fuckin’ with me, ponies get hurt!”

“I know! I know that now, and I’m sorry! I didn’t realize what I was letting go,” Rarity sobbed. “I made a mistake.”

Applejack howled with laughter. “I must have mud in my ears, because I know I didn’t hear that right. You made a mistake? Rarity made a mistake? Impossible. Rarity doesn’t make mistakes; Applejack makes mistakes! Applejack embarrasses Rarity at high class functions! Applejack tracks snow in the house during winter! Applejack snores too loudly, or works too late, or forgets anniversaries, or whatever the fuck else is the flavor of the day! But Rarity? No, Rarity never makes mistakes. It’s not like Rarity ever makes Applejack feel insignificant, or like she’s ashamed of her when they go to the city! Rarity never blows off Applejack’s rodeo so that she can go to some big city garden party,” Applejack slipped into her old Manehattan accent for a moment, “where all the most important ponies will be in attendance, surely you understand, darling.”

“Please, stop!” Rarity cried.

“But no. We don’t talk about those things, ‘cos they don’t fit the narrative.”

“I’m sorry,” Rarity croaked between sobs, “I’m so sorry…”

“Don’t be,” Applejack sneered. “This is just another in a long line of fantastic fuck-ups by your token mud pony.”

Rarity gasped. To hear Applejack use that slur against herself hurt more than every other awful word she’d said combined. “Please, don’t talk about yourself like that,” she wheezed.

“And why shouldn’t I?” Applejack spat again. “That’s all I am; A stupid mud pony that somehow managed to briefly catch the eye of Equestria’s brightest, shinin’est diamond.”

Rarity sobbed; She couldn’t do anything else. Every breath she took in came out in a series of ragged starts and stops.

Applejack chuckled. “And ya know what the worst part is? Even after all this?”

Rarity raised her head an inch and opened one eye enough to barely make out Applejack’s form. “W-What is i-it?”

“I still love you,” Applejack said, completely devoid of the tenderness Rarity wished for. “I still love you, and I guess that just makes me all the more dumb, don’t it.”

Applejack sat down and stared at the floor, her anger seemingly depleted. Rarity took several deep breaths and waited until she was sure she could speak without shaking. “Sometimes, love isn’t easy, or it doesn’t make sense… But… Applejack, I know I’ve made so many mistakes, more than anypony could count. But… I love you. I don’t know what else to say. Why do you feel like this is bad?”

“Because,” Applejack said, sneering at the floor, “I shouldn’t love you. I should hate you, but I can’t. I want to, but I can’t. And I hate that.”

Rarity rolled her tongue across her teeth. Her tears had finally subsided, enough that she felt she could walk over and sit down next to Applejack. “Just tell me what to do. Tell me what I can do to make it better, and I’ll do it.”

Applejack met Rarity’s gaze, the previous fire now only smoldering embers. “You want to know what you can do?”

“Yes. Please.” Rarity smiled as softly as she could. “For you, I’ll do anything.”

Applejack frowned. “Leave. Me. Alone.”

The words alone knocked the wind out of Rarity’s lungs. “What? No!”

Applejack nodded, standing up and crossing to the door. “Stay out of my life, and leave me alone.”

Rarity gaped. How had they wound up here? Moments ago, she was saying… But… “Please, Applejack, I can’t! Not that! Anything else, pick anything else and I’ll do it, just don’t make me live without you!”

“Hmm…” Applejack tapped her chin with her hoof. “What was it you said to me? You need to find somepony else.”

“Why?” Rarity cried out, her own voice sounding miles away. “Why are you doing this?”

Applejack glanced down at the ground, and then over to Rarity. “We're poison to each other, Rarity. I love you, but yer're poison.”

The slam of the door echoed through Rarity’s head long after the sound had passed. Applejack was gone.

She’d finally done it. She’d pushed too hard, and now Applejack never wanted to see her again.

Rarity wiped her eyes, and was surprised to find they were dry.

… There was nothing that needed to be done today. No one would notice if she didn’t open the boutique today. No, she was exhausted. She had a hangover to sleep off. She could pick an excuse later.

Rarity slipped under the covers, crawled to the head of the bed and clutched her pillow to her chest. It smelled like sweat, and soil, and rain.