“Baa,” the lamb said as it pushed itself up against Rarity’s leg.

Rarity sniffled and buried her face further into the hay bale. “I’m a coward,” she mumbled through the straw.

“Baa,” the lamb said in a way that clearly indicated it had no idea what Rarity was talking about.

Rarity turned around slumped down next to the lamb, rubbing the tears from her eyes. Hadn’t she just finished resolving that everything would be okay?

Applejack still cared about her. That was what she wanted, but then…

It wasn’t supposed to hurt this bad. Applejack didn’t mean any harm in winning Dash that teddy bear, but…

… But it was special because she’d won it for Rarity. Had Rainbow really earned that now, too? Applejack had given the pegasus everything that used to belong to her.

I’ll always love you, Rares. Please don’t ever forget that.

Rarity snorted at the thought. “Sure, you’ll always love me, until some stupid feathered lush comes along, and…”

Rarity winced. That was too mean.

“Baa?” the lamb asked.

Rarity shook her head. “Forget I said that, dear.”

Still… It hurt. There was no shame in admitting that it hurt. It was just a stupid bear, but it may as well have been a dagger thrust directly into her spine and twisted.

“Rarity, where are you?” Fluttershy’s voice rang out amidst the crackling pops of the fireworks overhead. Rarity groaned. Now she hadn’t only ruined her own night, but Fluttershy’s as well, by forcing her to miss the fireworks to look for her.

“I’m over here,” she called between sniffles.

“Oh goodness Rarity, are you okay?” Fluttershy asked as she touched down on the ground next to her.

Rarity tried to force a laugh, but it came out completely distraught. “No, Fluttershy, I am not okay.” She bit her tongue against another sob as she felt her friend’s wing wrap around her back.

“... Do you want to talk about it?” Fluttershy asked.

“No,” Rarity said reflexively, and buried her face in Fluttershy’s chest.

To her surprise, Fluttershy didn’t force the issue. She felt her hoof gently stroke her back, but she seemed content to let her cry into her pelt for now. Rarity took it as a kindness.

The two of them sat there, plus the lamb, for long enough that Rarity lost track of the minutes. A couple times she tried to glance upward to see the fireworks display, but it was no use with all the tears blocking her vision. Even if she couldn’t enjoy them, she hoped Fluttershy at least got to watch.

Fluttershy… Poor Fluttershy. Rarity had felt selfish before, but this was a new low.

“I’m sorry,” Rarity croaked.

“It’s okay, Rarity,” Fluttershy whispered.

“It’s not okay,” Rarity said as a fresh wave of tears rolled down her face. “I don’t deserve a friend like you.”

Fluttershy’s hoof stopped moving for a moment before Rarity felt her head being jerked up to eye level. Fluttershy’s eyes burned deeply into her own, wide and searching. “Rarity, why would you even say that?” she asked quietly.

“Because…” Rarity pulled her head free from Fluttershy’s hooves and cast her gaze back down to the ground. “Fluttershy, I…” She bit her lip as the confession danced at the tip of her tongue. “... I haven’t been completely honest with you about why we’re here.”

A quick glance at Fluttershy showed that her friend had barely moved. Rarity took a deep, shaky breath and continued. “I didn’t invite you here just to see the fair. The truth is, I was hoping to use you to…” The breath hitched in Rarity’s throat. “... to make Applejack jealous.”

“I know,” Fluttershy said.

Rarity blinked away her tears and sniffled. “You do?”

Fluttershy exhaled softly and nodded. “I didn’t want to say anything in case I was wrong, but you’ve been acting a little… Off.”

“I’m so sorry, Fluttershy,” Rarity whispered. “I owe you an explanation.”

Fluttershy shook her head. “You don’t owe me anything, Rarity. If you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t have to. But I’m willing to listen if you do.”

Rarity bit her lip as her entire form shook with another sob. “I miss Applejack.”

Fluttershy gave a quiet acknowledgment and resumed stroking her back.

“I miss her so much.”

“It’s okay, Rarity,” Fluttershy soothed. “Let it out.”

Rarity wiped her muzzle with a hoof and took a deep, shuddering breath. “I’m so stupid. I never should have let her go.”

“You’re not stupid,” Fluttershy said quietly. “You made the best decision you could with the information you had at the time. Nopony blames you for that.”

“Well they should,” Rarity protested between wails. “I’ve been acting like a spoiled brat.”

“You need stop speaking of yourself like that, Rarity.” Fluttershy’s voice was calm and stern. “Tell me what happened.”

It took another few minutes of tears before Rarity was able to find her voice again. “I… I still love her. But I didn’t realize it until it was too late.”

Fluttershy’s hoof continued stroking her back. When she caught up with her breath enough to speak again, she continued. “It hurt, seeing her with Rainbow. I’m not proud to admit it, but it hurt, and then… I got jealous.”

“That’s completely natural,” Fluttershy said.

“But… but what right did I have? I did the exact same thing to her when I dated Octavia. What right do I have to be jealous now?” Rarity finally gave up on salvaging her makeup and rubbed her eyes, smearing mascara all across her face and hooves.

Fluttershy cocked her head. “You… dated Octavia?”

“Ye-he-hess,” Rarity admitted in a multisyllabic sob. “I dumped Applejack, turned around and dated another pony without a second thought! So then when Applejack started seeing Rainbow I thought it would be okay because I had Octavia, but then I found out she got back together with Vinyl!”

Fluttershy hesitated to say anything as Rarity wept loudly into the night sky. “But… Why’d you date Octavia if you still loved Applejack?”

Rarity took a slow deep breath as she looked back to Fluttershy. She swallowed hard and closed her eyes. “I’m going to sound like the worst pony ever when I say this, but… I was okay with us breaking up as long as… as long as Applejack wasn’t,” she squeaked.

Fluttershy’s neutral stare broke for just a second, but it was enough for Rarity to see it; The judgment.

Rarity swallowed again. “Because… If Applejack wasn’t okay with it, then that meant…” Another sob broke her momentum. “Then that meant, it was okay that I wasn’t fully okay with it, either.”

Fluttershy’s gaze was completely inscrutable. She could only imagine the wrath that must be building up behind her friend’s eyes. “But n-now she is okay with it, a-and I’m st-still n-not. I’m… I’m a b-bad pony, Fluttershy,” she said.

Fluttershy’s silence finally broke as she shook her head. “You’re not a bad pony, Rarity, you just made a bad decision.”

“I am a b-bad pony, F-Fluttershy. I’m the w-worst p-pony I’ve ever m-met,” Rarity cried.

Fluttershy continued shaking her head as she stroked Rarity’s back and gently whispered “Shh.” Silence droned on, broken only by Rarity’s wails and the exploding fireworks overhead. Finally Fluttershy spoke.

“Do you know why I like animals, Rarity?”

Rarity wiped her eyes and looked at her. “Umm… Because they’re c-cute?”

Fluttershy laughed. “That’s true, but it’s not what I was looking for. No, I like animals because they’re honest. Ponies, like us, we lie, and we cheat, and we scheme, and we’ll do just about anything to get what we want. If we like a pony a little too much, we wonder if we should hide it because we’re afraid of rejection, or that the other pony would hate us if they found out. Animals aren’t like that, though. Animals just love, without worry or care. You can say that it’s because they don’t know any better, that they don’t have the same level of sentience that we do, but… Well, sometimes I think they’re all the wiser for it.”

Rarity blinked away a few more tears. “Okay…”

“It’s relevant, I promise,” Fluttershy said quickly. “You see, I can tell a lot about ponies by how they treat animals. If a pony is willing to treat an animal, a creature that only wants love and kindness with no agenda, like it’s not worth loving, I know that’s not a pony I’m going to get along with. But it goes both ways, you see. Animals might be simple, but they’re not stupid. If you were a bad pony, do you think Mr. Baasworth would have been snuggling against your leg for the last half hour?”

Rarity looked down at the lamb, who seemed to have drifted off to sleep at some point. Before she had a chance to reply, Fluttershy continued.

“You make him feel safe. Safe enough that he knows he’ll be alright if he naps next to you, because you’re a good pony, and you’d defend him if you needed to,” Fluttershy said.

Rarity looked back to Fluttershy and smiled through the remnants of her tears. “I guess I can’t argue with that.”

Fluttershy nodded decisively. “That’s right. So stop being so down on yourself, please. You’ll get through this.”

“But… What am I supposed to do now? I don’t know how to cope with this. I couldn’t even watch a fireworks show with Applejack because of a teddy bear,” Rarity groaned. “I’m pathetic.”

Rarity watched as Fluttershy clearly waged an internal war over how to respond. She gritted her teeth, took deep breaths, stared into nothingness, and finally spoke.

“You need to be happy for Applejack.”

“But… But–”

“No buts,” Fluttershy said as stamped her hoof. “Um, sorry, that was harsh. But I mean it. You still love Applejack, you say?”

Rarity nodded mutely.

“Then you need to be happy for her, that she’s found somepony that appreciates her and that makes her happy. I’m not saying it will be easy, but… If you really love her, you–”

“I need to let her go,” Rarity interrupted, finishing the cliche. She sniffled one last time and wiped her nose. “You’re right, of course. I had my chance, and I squandered it.”

“Yes,” Fluttershy said apologetically. “... You know I’m here for you, Rarity, any time you need to talk. If it starts to hurt too bad, or even if you’re just feeling lonely… Come talk to me. You’re not alone, you know,” she said as she pulled Rarity into a warm embrace.

Rarity nodded. “Of course. Thank you.”

“Do you want to go watch the end of the fireworks?” Fluttershy asked.

Rarity shook her head. “I’m a mess, and I don’t think I can stand to face Applejack right now, not after… this.”

Fluttershy nodded. “I understand. What will you do, then?”

Rarity sighed as she dusted herself off and looked toward the railway. “I think I’ll just take the night train back to Ponyville. I’d quite like to sleep in my own bed, tonight.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” Fluttershy asked.

“Thank you darling, but I think I’ve taken enough of your time for one day. Plus, I think I need some time alone to think. You should stay and enjoy yourself,” Rarity added.

“Alright,” Fluttershy said. “I’ll see you at the spa this weekend?”

“Absolutely,” Rarity said, and turned toward the train station.

“Applejack, you’re looking the wrong way,” Rainbow said with a clumsy nudge.

“Huh?” Applejack snapped back to attention. “Sorry, I guess I’m a mite distracted. That was a nice Weeping Willow, weren’t it?”

Rainbow leaned in close and smiled. “It’s alright. The Grand Finale’s probably gonna start any second.”

Applejack felt Rainbow’s wing drape across her back and arched her back under the feathers.

“Something wrong, AJ?” Rainbow asked.

“... No, I’m fine,” Applejack said quickly. “Just… Just a little hot out here, you know?”

Rainbow eyed her suspiciously for a moment before giggling and withdrawing her wing. “Okay, whatever you say.”

Applejack bit back all the curses she wanted to spew at herself and pushed herself closer to Rainbow instead. This was ridiculous.

Fluttershy was checking on Rarity. She didn’t need to be concerned.

Of course, that was all it was. Platonic concern. Her good friend was upset, and she felt a completely normal, natural level of concern about her well being. Nothing more.

That was, after all, what Rarity had said she wanted, wasn’t it? She’d made it quite clear.

You need to move on, she’d said. So Applejack would. Of course she would. An Apple never went back on their word.

She sighed deeply as Rainbow snuggled up next to her and turned her gaze back to the show, where fire and light consumed the sky.

Carousel Boutique was as empty as she’d left it that morning. Dark. Quiet.

Peaceful.

A quick twist of her key and Rarity was inside. She stifled a yawn as she made her way to the kitchen. Opal was with Pinkie at Fluttershy’s cottage, so she got herself a glass of water and headed up the stairs.

By the time she managed to get into bed it was well past four in the morning. She hadn’t slept on the train; Even if she’d found a position comfortable enough in those boxy seats, there was no chance her thoughts would have let her. Instead she’d spent that time searching, fruitlessly, for an answer to the question at the forefront of her mind.

Can I really be happy for her?

As her head hit the pillow and her sleep mask covered her eyes, she traced back to the only conclusion she’d been able to come to.

I’ll just have to try.