Two ponies climbed up onto the top of the Red base, one clad in maroon armor, named Twilight "Simmons" Sparkle, the other in orange armor, named Applejack. They stood there, overlooking the box canyons landscape. Twilight turned to Applejack.

"Hey Applejack?" Twilight said.

"Yeah?" Applejack replied.

"Have you ever wondered why we're here?" Twilight asked.

"Is one ah life’s great mysteries ain't it? Why are we here? Ah mean, are we the product ah some cosmic coincidence, or is Celestia really a goddess that created everything an' is now watching everything? Ya know, wit' a plan fer us an' stuff. Ah don’ know, sugarcube. But it keeps me up at night."

"...What? I mean why are we out here, in this canyon."

"Oh. Uh... yeah." Applejack rubbed her hoof along her neck.

"What was all that stuff about the Goddesses?"

"Um... hm? Nothing." Applejack said quickly.

"You wanna talk about it?" Twilight asked, her face showing concern.

"No."

"You sure?"

"Yes'm." Applejack was getting annoyed.

"Seriously though. Why are we out here? Far as I can tell, it's just a box canyon in the middle of no where."

"Mhmm." Applejack nodded.

"The only reason we set up a Red Base here, is because they have a Blue Base over there. And the only reason they have a Blue Base over there, is because we have a Red Base here."

"Yeah. That's cus we're fighting each other."

"No no. But I mean, even if we were to pull out today, and if they would come take our base, they would have two bases in the middle of a box canyon. Whoopdee-fucking-doo."

"What's up wit' that anyway?" Applejack asked, confusion and annoyance plain on her face. "Ah mean, ah signed on ta fight some aliens. Next thing ah know, Master Chief’s gone an' blown up the entire Covenant armada an' ah’m stuck in the middle of nowhere, fightin' a bunch of blue ponies."

/-/-/-/

Meanwhile, on the edge of a nearby cliff, a pony in cobalt armor, named Luna, is watching the two Reds with the scope of her sniper rifle. Sitting behind her is a pony named Lavernius, or Tucker, who is wearing cyan armor.

"What are they doing?" Tucker asked.

Luna looked away from the scope of the sniper rifle and turned to Tucker. "What?!" she asked, aggravated.

"I said, what are they doing?" Tucker repeated.

"God damn, I'm so sick of answering that question."

"You have the fucking rifle, I can’t see shit. Don’t start to bitch at me cause I'm not gonna sit up here and play with my di-"

Luna quickly interrupted Tucker. "Okay look, they’re just standing there, and talking. That's all they're doing. That’s all they ever do, is just stand there and talk. That’s what they were doing last week, that’s what they were doing when you asked me five minutes ago. So, five minutes from now, when you ask me, 'What are they doing?' my answer's gonna be, 'They’re still just talking, and they're still just standing there'.” Both of them fall silent for a few minutes.

"What're they talking about?"

"You know what? I fucking hating you." Luna states angrily.

"Yeah, yeah. You know you love me." Tucker teased.

Luna facehoofed before turning back to her sniper rifle, looking back at the Reds.

/-/-/-/

"Talk bout' a waste of resources." Applejack began. "Ah mean, we should be out there findin' newer and intelligent forms of life, ya know, fight em'."

"Yeah, no shit. That's why they should put us in charge." Twilight pointed out.

"Hey ladies!" shouted Big Macintosh or Sarge, a large colt in red armor. "Front and center on the double!"

"Fuck!" Twilight said to herself.

"Yes sir!" Applejack called out to Big Mac. The two Reds walked down the ramp that led up to the top of the base and walked towards the waiting Sergeant, who was tapping his right forehoof impatiently.

"Hurry up ladies! This ain't no ice cream social!" Big Mac called out to the two mares.

Twilight and Applejack stopped and exchanged looks. "Ice cream social?" Twilight asked.

"Stop the pillow talk you two! Anyone wanna guess why I gathered you here today?" Big Mac asked the two.

"Um... is it because the war is over an' ya're sendin' us home?" Applejack asked, a confused look on her face.

"That's exactly it, Private." Big Mac stated mockingly. "War's over. We won. Turns out you're the big hero and we're going to hold a parade in your honor. I get to drive the float, and Twilight here, IS IN CHARGE OF CONFETTI!!"

"Ah'm no stranger ta sarcasm, sir." said Applejack.

"Goddamn it Private! Shut your mouth or I'll have Sparkle here slit your throat in your sleep!"

"Oh I'd do it, too." Twilight said with a wink.

"I know you would, Twilight. Good mare." Big Mac paused for a few moments before speaking again. "Couple of things today ladies. Command has seen fit to increase our ranks here at Equestrian Gulch Outpost Number One."

"Oh crap. We're gettin' a rookie." said Applejack.

"That's right, dead pony. Our new recruit will be here within the week, but today we recieved the first part of our shipment from Command." Applejack and Twilight exchanged looks as Big Mac turned towards the base. "Lopez, bring up the vehicle!" A large, armor plated, jeep like vehicle rolled up to the three reds, a pony in brown armor who looks similar to Doctor Whooves in the front seat.

"Shotgun!" Twilight called out.

"Shotgun!" Applejack called out a split second later, before realizing it was too late. "Fuck!"

Big Mac cleared his throat. "May I introduce you to our new light reconnaissance vehicle." Big Mac motioned to the jeep. "It has four inch armor plating, mag bumper suspension, a mounted machine gunner position, and total seating for three. Gentlecolts, this is the M12 LRV! I like to call it the Warthog."

"Why warthog, sir?" Applejack asked.

"Because M12 LRV is too hard to say in conversation, son."

"Ah know, but why Warthog? Ah mean, it ain't look much like a pig."

Big Mac's face showed confusion, as he paused and thought about what Applejack just said. "Say that again."

"Ah think it looks more like a Puma." Applejack pointed out.

"What in Sam Hell is a Puma?" Big Mac asked.

"Uh... you mean like the horseshoe company?" Twilight asked.

"No, it's a big cat. Like a lion."

"You're making that up." Big Mac stated.

"Ah'm tellin' ya, it's a real animal!"

"Twilight, I want you to poison Applejack's next meal."

"Yes, sir!" Twilight replied.

Big Mac pointed at the front of the Warthog. "Look, see these two tow hooks? They look like tusks and what kind of animal has tusks?"

"A walrus." Applejack replied.

"Didn't I just tell you to stop making up animals?!"

/-/-/-/

Back at the cliff, the two blues were still watching the reds.

"What is that thing?" Tucker asked.

Luna lowered her rifle and turned back to Tucker. "I don't know, man. Looks like they've got some sorta car down there. We'd better get back to base and report it."

Tucker was taken aback. "A car?! How come they get a car?!"

"What are you complaining about, man? We're about to get a tank in the very next drop."

"You can't pick up chicks in a tank." Tucker pointed out, disappointed.

"Oh you know what? You could bitch about anything couldn't you? We're about to get a tank, and you're worried about chicks. What chicks are we gonna pick up, man? And secondly, how are you gonna pick up chicks in a car that looks like that? Besides, I'm a chick, so it doesn't really matter to me."

Tucker sighed. "What kind of car is it?"

Luna looked back the Reds and the vehicle with her sniper rifle. "I dunno, I've never seen a car like that before. It looks like a... uh... like a big cat of some kind."

"What? Like a Puma?"

"Yeah, man, there you go."

/-/-/-/

"So unless anybody has anymore mythical creatures to suggest as a name for the new vehicle, we're going to stick with the Warthog. How about it, Applejack?" asked Big Mac, teasingly.

"No, sir. No more suggestions."

"Are you sure? How about Bigfoot?"

"It's okay."

"Unicorn?"

"Sir, Unicorns are real." Twilight pointed out, pointing her hoof at her horn.

"Eeyup... thank you Private. What about a Sasquatch?"

"Leprechaun?" Twilight asked.

"Hey, he ain't need any help, Sparkle." Applejack pointed out, agitation apparent in her voice.

"Pheonix?" Big Mac asked.

"Those are real too, sir." Twilight pointed out.

"Shut up Sprinkles!" Big Mac ordered.

"Yes, sir!"

"Celestia kill me now..." Applejack muttered to herself.

"Hey Twilight, what's the name of that Mexican lizard? Eats all the goats."

"Uh... I believe that would be the chupacabra, sir."

"Hey Applejack, chupathingy! How about that? I like it, gotta ring to it."