Starshadow's Diary

by KrisProwler

First published 15th of November, 2013

A recount of a certain pegasus's experiences in Ponyville, in her own words.

Since her time living with Starsong in Los Pegasus, Starshadow has kept a diary as a reminder of all of her experiences, good or bad, and how they've shaped her into the mare she's become. These are a recount of her experiences in Ponyville from her own perspective.

The purpose for these entries was to get a genuine reaction from the character’s perspective of what was happening around her as the events of the story unfolded, without being influenced by knowledge of future events. As such, each entry was written as the chapter in question came out, before any further information was available to me/Starshadow. Any inconsistencies that arise between this and the actual events of the narrative are resulting of this. Expect updates about a day or two behind the release of a new chapter in the main story.

"That Strong, Silent Type"

Dear diary,

So I made it to Ponyville today, finally. The train ride in was painfully uneventful. Maybe I should have flown after all… Well, even if I had, I would have had to wait for my gear to arrive by train.

I’m grateful to Vinyl Scratch for setting up this gig with me in mind. After Sapphire Shores cancelled her last tour out of the blue I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. Even if I had a regular gig back in Cloudsdale, the cost of living there is starting to get out of hand, and I promised myself I would never go to mom or Starsong begging for bits…

Hmm… Maybe it’s time I moved? It’s not as though there’s anything in Cloudsdale that I couldn’t find elsewhere.

Anyway, I’m really looking forward to this gig, even if it’s only a one night contract. I’ve worked with Vinyl a few times in the past and we sync together on an instinctive level; I doubt I’ve ever played behind anypony that matched my rhythm so perfectly. The mare’s pretty fun to hang out with, too.

The accommodations at this club, though, leave something to be desired. I’ll have to remember to ask the owner about why I was in the back alley trying to bring in all of my gear myself… Even if I am a freelance player, that’s just ridiculous.

Well, I supposed it worked out for the best, all things considered. Just as I was about to start the impossible task of trying to haul in the speakers myself, a tall, dark stranger came to my rescue. Actually, just calling him tall barely covers it; he’s easily the biggest stallion I’ve ever seen (and you and I both know I’ve seen quite a few). And not just big, either, this stallion is strong… like crazy strong! He brought in all of my equipment in two trips without even breaking a sweat! He said his name was Big Mac (I know, it figures, right?). I have to wonder if he lives up to that name everywhere? It took a little doing but I got him to stay for the show, so with any luck, I’ll be able to find out later tonight…

Oh well, no time to worry about all that now; it’s almost show time. Time I showed these country ponies why I’m the best there is at what I do! And even better; I’ve got a special audience tonight! I can’t wait to hear what he thinks of the view…

~ Starshadow

"That Music and Concert"

Dear diary,

Well, first off, I guess I should apologize for that country remark, earlier; these earth ponies really know how to party. The club was packed to the rafters, and I get the impression there were more that weren’t able to get in. The room was electric from the moment Vinyl and I hit the stage, and somehow managed to surge even higher from there. By the time we started the second set, even I was feeling it more than usual…

Though, I’ll admit, the crowd wasn’t the only thing that had me extra hyped tonight. Having Big Mac watching me backstage gave me extra incentive to bring my all to this show; it also gave me ample opportunity to mercilessly tease the seemingly stoic stallion. You should have seen him trying to pretend he hadn’t been staring straight down my foal hole after I started “dancing” for him; he was so adorable, stammering for something appropriate to say. It certainly made what I did to him after that allot more fun. I have to admit, I’m rather proud of the body paint idea (though it had been difficult to do myself without anypony noticing before we started the second set). I’m fairly certain I made my intension clear with that one. Knowing I had Big Mac’s undivided attention made everything else that much better.

Vinyl was in rare form tonight, too. I wasn’t really sure what to expect when she told me she set up the whole show herself, but she surprised me with how daring her ideas were; I’ll admit there were a few things that gave me pause when she told me what she had in mind. I wasn’t too keen on the idea of dancing center stage by myself when we were talking about it beforehoof, but by the time the cue came I was so lost in the energy of the crowd (and my special audience) that I went on without a second thought. And that climax…? Just… wow. That unicorn really knows how to play a crowd! I’m kind of surprised the ponies in the front rows didn’t just start clopping right then and there (I know I was having a hard time resisting the urge).

All in all, this was the best shows I played in… well, ever, I guess. Way out in the boondocks… Who knew…?

There was on unfortunate bit though… Vinyl invited me to join her on her upcoming tour, an invitation I desperately wanted to accept especially after tonight’s gig. Not only would that have solved my bit problem, but somehow working alongside Vinyl brings me to even higher performance highs, if that’s even possible. And, if we had free reign over the shows like we did tonight, we could drop some real showstoppers together… If only she were going anywhere but Canterlot…

Well, for the time being, there are more important matters to attend to. A certain stallion and I are headed back to my hotel room for a drink… And I intend to have a story to tell after tonight, one to make Vinyl flush with jealousy.

~ Starshadow

"That Apple Cider"

Dear diary,

Can’t talk too long; I’m kind of in the middle of something…

So it seems I may have underestimated Big Mac just a little bit. So the cider I told you about when I checked into the hotel yesterday? It turns out Big Mac’s family runs an apple orchard and they make it themselves. While we were in the bar, he told me he would introduce me to the manufacturer before finally revealing it was him; he apparently decided to exact a bit of revenge for my teasing back at the show (well, I guess I can’t really blame him after that). I can’t believe I didn’t piece the pieces together before that though… But that’s not the worst of it by a long shot. Desperate to get some of that amazing cider back home, and with my current financial woes, I, ah… I kind of offered myself in exchange. Of course I intended to do that anyway, but not in the bar, and certainly not as a trade for booze, of all things! But… I mean, this cider is so good…

Oh, and speaking of underestimations… Even my most generous imaginings failed to compare to what Big Mac is carrying between those rock-solid flanks. His cock, even at half mast, is monstrous! Are all earth ponies hung like this!? If so, I’ve been wasting my life! Celestia forgive me, but I doubt even she would be able to take the whole of this stallion’s flesh rocket!

Of course I’ve never been one to back down from a challenge (well, not when sex is involved, anyway). By the time I was able to take the whole of it down my throat, I felt as though I was being spit roasted… Can you imagine? Being spit roasted by one stallion? I thought for a second or two that his cock might actually choke the life out of me before he finally came (directly into my stomach, he’s… there are no words…). I should get a plaque for finishing him off without passing out.

Thankfully (sadly?), he came pretty quickly. I suppose it’s likely been a while since he’s gotten any action like this; I imagine most mares would immediately run screaming into the night at the sight of his endowment. The fact that I didn’t seems to have further endeared me to him though.

So, now it’s time for the main event. I’m chomping at the bit to have this beast inside of me. Of course, at my size, this stallion could literally split me in half, but Luna’s flank, what a way to go…

~ Starshadow

"That Massive Stallion"

Dear diary,

Last night was just… perfect… I never imagined I would ever say this, but I think I may have finally found my perfect stallion.

Once we got back to my room, things began to die down a little. I’ll admit, I was still a bit out of sorts from what had happened in the bar earlier, but I couldn’t let this opportunity escape me. Once we were on the bed, I turned the conversation back to Big Mac’s, ah… “big mac” (I know, that’s terrible, but I’m still in a bit of shock, okay?). Seizing the first opportunity, I set about getting him ready to go again.

Once I was able to size him up for real (again, just… wow…), my instincts took over. I tried to go down on him once more but, now that he was completely erect, this proved to be impossible, even with my considerable experience. But it had been enough to prepare him for the main course; my excitement hadn’t faded from earlier, thinking about this moment had me wetter than I can remember ever being.

Of course, even as prepared as we both were, the relative size difference between us proved to be too great to simply slide his girth in. Before I could even tell him that it was okay, though, Big Mac forced his way into me as deep as he could go (which, as it turned out, was less than half-way). Once he had successfully taken me, he wasted no time in hammering me. The intoxicating mixture of pain and ecstasy quickly washed away any semblance of hesitation from my mind.

At one point he stopped, apparently afraid he might be hurting me, but then my submissive nature had completely taken hold of me and I begged him to take me harder. To my surprise (and extreme gratification), his thrusting became even more savage after that, I felt as though he was filling every part of me.

As hard as he was riding my, my orgasm naturally came upon me quickly, but I couldn’t let myself just go until he let me cum (you know how it is when I get like this). Once I had his consent, though, I let myself fall into what was one of the most explosive climaxes I can recall. Meanwhile, Big Mac and his glorious stallionhood didn’t slow at all, as he ravaged my spasming hole, dragging my climax out even further. Before my first orgasm had completely faded, I felt him beginning to cum in me, sparking another orgasm that somehow hit me even harder than the first!

By the time I finally came down I was completely spent. The whole room seemed to fall away from me; I felt as though I was flying (actually, this was better than actually flying in every conceivable way). Somehow I made my way back to the bed (I guess Big Mac must’ve carried me there, my mind was a little hazy from fatigue by this point). I vaguely remember thanking him one last time before I finally passed out…

So, earlier I was thinking about sharing Big Mac with Vinyl before I headed back to Cloudsdale, since she seemed a little disappointed that I was leaving with him (I have to wonder if she was more bummed about Big Mac or me, though). Now, I’m not so sure I want share him, or myself, with anypony else. The big stallion clearly has the instincts of a dominant personality, despite being so seemingly reserved most of the time. With a little urging, he could be an incredible dom, the perfect mate for me; a partner when I want one and a beast when I need it…

Going back to Clousdale is becoming less and less appealing the longer I think about it. I wonder how much it would cost to rent a room out here in the sticks…?

~ Starshadow

"That Intimate Moment"

Dear Diary,

So, I don’t know if I’ve ever told you this, but I absolutely dread the next day after a wild night. Somehow it’s always awkward, no matter how close to or into the pony I was with. But so far, today has gone far beyond my expectations.

So after we woke up, I noticed to my surprise and mild disgust that the evidence of last night’s wild ride was still leaking out of me. The two of us decided to go for a shower together (that may not have been the best idea… there was barely room for a breath between us once we were both inside). While we were in the shower, Big Mac confirmed my earlier suspicions; the reason he hadn’t mentioned my cutie mark before was that he simply hadn’t noticed. Before he could start asking painful questions though, I told him (well, begged really) not to. I was surprised when he relented and actually seemed angry on my behalf. I was even more surprised when I felt my heart swelling at that thought.

I couldn’t help myself; I needed to show how I felt in that moment. That kiss… it was indescribable. I’ve never felt anything so intense and yet so sensual and meaningful (okay, maybe I’ve felt more intense things, but not kisses). Time seemed to stop around me and that perfect moment just stretched into eternity… well, until the hot water running out reminded us where we were…

I think I may actually be falling for the big stallion. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt this way about anypony, like, ever… Which made it all the sadder when the realization hit me that I would have to head back to Cloudsdale today. But of course, there’s no way I could afford to stay and still have enough bits left over from this gig to cover this month’s rent…

So, after promising I’d visit Big Mac out at his farm before I left, I headed over to Vinyl’s, as she was supposed to be holding my equipment for me after the after-party last night (and I’ll admit, I was a little curious about how her night had gone, too). So, she told me about the after-party (it was pretty wild, I’ll have to go over it in more detail with you later), and I (reluctantly) dished about my night with Big Mac. She told me she had had a crush on him for some time (I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised) but that he had always shot down her advances. Pity; I would have liked to have seen what kind of shape his monstrous stallionhood would have left her in… Well, maybe not now, but…

So anyway, here’s where my day goes from good to amazing! I told Vinyl that I was going back to Cloudsdale today because I couldn’t afford to stay here or buy my way out of my lease on my apartment. And get this: she offered to let me stay at her place, rent free, while she’s on tour in Canterlot! Even better, I’m taking over her regular gig at that club from last night! This couldn’t be more perfect! Within a month or two, I should be able to afford to start looking for a place here. Isn’t that the most generous thing you’ve ever heard of? Especially after I stole the stallion she’s been crushing on for ages… Hmm… probably better I didn’t bring that up around her too much …

Well, I need to go tell Big Mac that I’ll be around Ponyville for the foreseeable future. I can’t wait to see the look on his face! Hmm… I wonder if I should be a little concerned about what Vinyl had said about Big Mac’s sister… Oh well, I’ll deal with that if it comes up. No country mare’s going to keep me from what could be the best thing that’s ever happened to me…!

~ Starshadow

"That After-Party"

Author's Notes:

While it should be obvious, I should say that I waited to do this page until after Starshadow heard from Vinyl Scratch what had happened to her at the after-party. Thus, for the sake of continuity this chapter falls here rather than in numerical order.

Dear diary,

So, remember how I told you how I talked to Vinyl about the after-party? Well, ultimately, that was too good a story to not keep a record of this somewhere (I kind of doubt that Vinyl Scratch keeps a diary herself so…).

So, after I left and the club emptied out, and after she cleaned up from the concert, Vinyl stepped down to the dance floor herself to unwind. The ponies that had been allowed to stay for the private party (apparently hoof-picked by her manager and Vinyl herself) wasted no time in joining her on the floor. The boldest among them even started to grind on the DJ, which of course she had no qualms about reciprocating (not surprising, based on what I’d heard from other musicians who’ve worked with Vinyl in the past).

The ponies dancing with her, clearly their fantasies about the DJ getting the better of them, were soon all sporting healthy erections. The “dancing” steadily grew more erotic until one of the stallions accidently knocked her down to all-fours. Vinyl steadied herself, and then offered herself to her fans who were so worked up just being near her (heh, I’ll bet they weren’t prepared for that response).

One of the stallions took advantage of the opportunity grind his meat along her pussy and breasts. Before too long however, Vinyl had pushed him onto his back and proceeded to mount him cowgirl style. Apparently she was so worked up by the thought of me and Big Mac alone together (sorry, Vinyl…) that one cock simply wouldn’t cut it. She called the other two over to take her remaining holes.

After a little trial and error, the stallions found their rhythm and took Vinyl for a ride. The other ponies at the party were now openly clopping to the show before them, the few mares present finding partners themselves. The party-turned-orgy excited Vinyl even further and she came hard around the barrage of cocks. The first stallion that had been bucking her pussy came soon after and was replaced almost as soon as the hole was left vacant.

As things heated up, many of the stallions who were left partnerless began to hit their peak from the show around them. Once the one using her ass finished and pulled himself out of the way, Vinyl (now on her back) found herself being doused in cum by her audience. By the end, she was covered head to hoof in seed, while still more leaked out of her ass and a double helping from her well-used pussy.

Normally I would be kicking myself for opting out of a party like that… and I would be compelled to question how she could possibly be jealous of me and Big Mac after the night she had… But, knowing what I do now about each of them, I actually feel a little bad about the whole thing now. I’m not sure where my feelings stand concerning Big Mac just yet, but Vinyl had known and had been crushing on the massive stallion for years before I blew into town last night… I hope this doesn’t come between us if Big Mac and I become a thing later; Vinyl may be crazy, but she’s one of my closest friends and I would never intentionally hurt her with something like this…

~ Starshadow

"That Sibling"

Dear Diary,

I wasn’t sure what I was feeling for Big Mac earlier was actually love. I’ve never known this feeling for anypony other than Starsong or Silver Veil, and it’s different with them; they’re family, I don’t have any interest in them beyond that (I don’t think, anyway). But, now I’m quite certain. I love Big Mac. I really do…

When I made it to Sweet Apple Acres, I ran into an orange earth pony named Applejack. I guess she was the sister Vinyl had warned me about, and by the look of her, she was no slouch in terms of physical strength (certainly more so than I as a pegasus could ever aspire to). I decided better of mentioning what I was actually there for; even if she wasn’t the dangerous mare I’d been warned about, it wouldn’t be crazy to assume the family that made her feel so strongly about this has similar prejudice. Anyway, Applejack was happy to point me in the right direction once I told her that I was here to talk business.

Once I found Big Mac, I told him I’d be staying at Vinyl’s place for a while (I know it’s unlike me to pass up an opportunity to tease, but I was really excited). We kissed again in celebration, and his masculine scent began to catch my attention. I guess Big Mac must’ve noticed that I was getting wound up because he began to grind into me, pinning me against the trees and putting me at his mercy again. I’ll admit, I was actually pleasantly surprised at how forward he’d become after one night…

His forcefulness excited me even faster than usual; I was practically cumming by the time he let me down and turned to mount me. I lost control almost immediately once I had that glorious cock inside me again. My blissful screams could probably have been heard all the way back in the town proper, with how into it I was. Surprisingly, though, nopony seemed to notice the commotion and come to investigate; at one point I thought I felt somepony watching us, but that along with every other unnecessary thought when my first orgasm hit me. Big Mac, though, had apparently decided that he wanted his mare to drown in her bliss; he didn’t slow up at all, and instead seemed determined to make cum again and again. After the third, I lost count of how many times I climaxed… It felt as though I might somehow actually die of ecstasy…

Once again, by the time he finally came himself, I had completely exhausted my energy and simply collapsed under my weight. We embraced passionately again once we were able to catch our respective breaths. That’s when I heard the words I hadn’t realized until then that I longed to hear from the red stallion: “I love you”.

Even compared to what we did last night… well, there simply is no comparison. Now that I can feel the love we share in our aggressive mating as well as the powerful lust, the act of coitus is so far beyond exciting that I can barely stand it. I don’t know how I was okay with anything I’d done before Big Mac, and I know I don’t ever want to be apart from him again. Whatever comes of his family’s distaste of our union, I’ll face it bravely (for once) for the sake of this feeling I suddenly can’t live without.

~ Starshadow

"That First Job"

Dear Diary,

There’s no denying it, the last few days since I came to Ponyville have been more exciting than entire months of my life; I’ve found a stallion that I could see myself being with forever, I have a (somewhat) steady gig and a place to stay that I don’t have to pay for (again…), and now I feel like I don’t want to leave this place. If I weren’t so excited, I might actually stop to wonder if maybe things are moving a little too fast…

Anyway, today I decided to go back to my apartment in Cloudsdale and bring the rest of my stuff over. My place there and the room I’m in now were furnished so there isn’t much to get, but it would still take me a couple of trips myself and the cloud city isn’t just down the road from here… Big Mac offered to help of course, but as awesome as the big stallion is, he’s not a pagasus and there’s no spell I’ve ever heard of to allow him to walk on clouds… Instead he got two of his sister’s pagasi friends to help me. I’ll admit I was a little hesitant at first after finding out they were friends of Applejack's. These two seem friendly enough, though I’m not really sure what to make of either one of them just yet.

First there’s Rainbow Dash. She looked vaguely familiar (you’d think I’d remember that, ah, unique mane of hers), I think I may have seen her around the weather factory a few times… Anyway, the young mare is fairly aptly named, even from just meeting her, it’s pretty clear that her whole life is about speed. She says she’s a fan of my music, which it’s nice to hear she has good taste, I guess. Right there is where the similarities end though. Rainbow Dash seems to revel in flying while I prefer to walk. She’s brash and impatient and I suspect a little hyper-competitive too. Still she doesn’t seem like a bad sort. I think I’ll wait until I’ve known her a little longer to decide whether or not I like her.

Then there’s Fluttershy… To say I’m not sure how to feel about her would be a massive understatement. At first it didn’t seem like the mare had any redeeming qualities; then it happened. I don’t even know how to describe it; she just suddenly got this… stare… It was incredible! I’ve never been so completely cowed so instantaneously…! It’s a wonder I didn’t just throw myself at her hooves right there, but I couldn’t bring myself to move from that spot! And then, just as suddenly as it appeared, her incredible dominance just vanished…

We got a chance to talk while we were flying to Cloudsdale. I had planned to take the train to the zeppelin station below Cloudsdale, but Rainbow Dash made a point I couldn’t refute, saying that it would faster and cheaper to fly. Anyway, after spending a little time with her, I found Fluttershy to be unfailingly polite and actually quite sweet and caring and… well, shy. Still I wouldn’t mind spending some more time with the demure mare, maybe see if I can figure out how to bring out that dominant streak hiding in her…

Anyway, once we got to my place, Rainbow Dash, being a weather pony herself, started asking questions about how I could afford the place. I told them I had been a secretary to the CEO of the factory for a while (though I of course didn’t mention the details of my time under Stratus…). Thinking about that time though caused me to lose myself in the memories again… Even after all this time away from him, I’m not sure how I should feel about the things I did… the things he did for me, and to me…

Rainbow Dash eventually shook me from my reverie with news that a mailpony had been by with my mail. It’s kind of a shame; I would have liked to have seen my friend Derpy from remedial flight class a bit. I still don’t quite get how she got that job (heh, maybe she got it the same way I got my job; I hear she has a foal now so maybe…). There were two letters that stood out. The first was from Starsong; I can’t express how good it is to hear from her, it’s been way too long. I haven’t read the letter yet, I want to wait until I’m alone.

The other letter was something I’d hoped I’d never see… There was no name on it, but there’s no question it was from that fucking Luna-damned shit-bag cock-sucking bastard father of mine… I don’t know how he found me in Cloudsdale of all places (I suppose it’s a good thing I’m leaving for good now), but I know I have nothing to say to Polaris or his precious Star Family and I certainly don’t care to hear whatever insipid shit they have to say to me…!

Sorry to burden you with this, but I feel like if I don’t vent to someone, I might lash out at Rainbow Dash or Fluttershy and they have thus far done nothing to deserve my ire. Well, for now I guess I’ll have to live with the slight satisfaction of watching his stupid fucking letter being reduced to dust and cinders… I’ll have to be more careful from now on though; I have things in Ponyville I don’t want to have to leave behind…

~ Starshadow

"That Other Sister"

Dear Diary,

You’ve probably noticed that I’ve been warring with myself over my feelings for Big Mac the last few days. I’m so secure in my undying emotions one moment, and just as quickly it all seems like a fever dream. How am I supposed to know if this is love? I’ve never felt this before!

Well… I suppose none of that matters anymore. There’s no way I can see him anymore after what I did today…

After the excitement with the mail yesterday, I went to inform the landlord that I would be moving out. To my surprise and relief, he allowed me to break my lease without penalty, saying he already had a new tenant lined up for my apartment. Considering Stratus is still living across from me, odds are the new tenant is whatever mare he found to replace the poor mare that had replaced me after I left the weather factory. Well, whoever the new mare is, I wish her luck…

The flight back to Ponyville was uneventful, and soon enough I was alone in my new room at Vinyl’s, at long last able to read my sister’s letter in privacy. The content wasn’t all that surprising, just the usual; catching up, that she and Mother miss me, that kind of thing. She said she’d like to find time to come visit me, but I’ve heard that before from her. Every time a break in her schedule is opening, she’s approach by with a contract she simply can’t refuse (it must be nice to be that busy…). Apparently she’s been working with the mare whose room I’m now living in. This should prove useful in the future; I can write to her under the guise of this Octavia pony to avoid drawing Polaris’s suspicions once he realizes I’m not in Cloudsdale anymore. I wrote back to tell her about my move and that I would be using Octavia’s name to hide my presence from then on.

I dreamed last night for the first time in ages, though the details are completely lost to me now. Whatever it was, it must have been intense because I woke in a start clutching a pillow to myself for dear life. I remember Big Mac being involved, but beyond that, it’s lost to Luna’s realm…

Anyway, trying to figure it out was giving me a headache so I decided a little time out in the fresh morning air would do me good (on the ground, of course). Apparently things in Ponyville move at a much more lax pace than Cloudsdale or any of the other cities I’ve been to; there was hardly a stir when I went out into town, and the ponies I did see were all so friendly… I’m not sure what to think of that; it all seems so artificial to me. I guess small towns like Ponyville are different…

My walk inevitably led me down the trail towards Sweet Apple Acres; I can’t seem to stay away from the place, knowing that wonderful stallion is out in the orchard somewhere… It was here that my chance at a peaceful contented life came to a grinding halt…

On my way up the road I happened across a small shack built into a tree. The structure seemed to scream youthful exuberance, and sure enough, from out of the tiny structure three little fillies, one of each race, came out arguing loudly among themselves. Before I could remove myself from the potentially painful circumstance of having to be civil to foals, the three noticed and engaged me. The earth pony, who introduced herself as Applebloom, was in fact Big Mac’s kid sister; this only served to further complicate things… Then they went on to inform me that they were the Cutie Mark Crusaders; apparently their mission was to discover their cutie marks as soon as ponily possible.

My blood began to boil; here before me were some of my deepest, most intense hatreds made manifest. These fillies radiated the innocence and naivety of youth that I never once had in my own life. Add to that the fact that they were excited to the point of desperation to find their cutie marks, such a completely worthless endeavor in its own right, made even further infuriating by the fact that they seemed to believe that having a cutie mark is by far the best thing that can happen to a pony. I was already on edge when the subject shifted to my own cutie mark, and when Applebloom finally pointed out my scars… I just snapped.

The fillies wilted from my spiteful words, and I immediately regretted them (another feeling I’m not accustomed to). I crossed the line and I knew it… I wanted to apologize of course; before I had the chance however, Applejack came to the defense of her little sister, malice clear in her stance. She told me that she’d seen me and Big Mac in the fields the day before yesterday and accused me of trying to corrupt him… She threatened to hurt me if I didn’t leave immediately; given what she knows about me, from her point of view, I’d probably feel the same way…

I did the only thing I could do; I ran. Not just from the confrontation, which obviously wouldn’t have gone well for me (I’ve already seen that Applejack’s strength rivals that of her brother’s), but more importantly, I’d screwed up everything I was building in Ponyville. I turned both of Big Mac’s sisters against me. Applebloom and her friends won’t ever approach me again long enough for me to apologize, and there’s no question Applejack would strike me down on the spot if I ever approached her again. Even worse though, there’s no way Big Mac will want to have anything more to do with me once he hears what I did to his kid sister and how intensely Applejack now hates me…

I don’t know what I should do! I can’t just leave now; I don’t have any place to go to. And I can’t face Big Mac or any other pony in this town now either except for Vinyl, and she’ll be gone to Canterlot soon. Well, there’s Derpy, but she’s not exactly the reliable sort… I don’t even know where I’m running to anymore! What can I do? Please, somepony, anypony, tell me what I should do now…!

~ Starshadow

"That Scar"

Dear Diary,

I’m not even sure where to begin this entry… I’m so far from where I was earlier today…

After leaving Sweet Apple Acres behind me, I heard Big Mac running after me. At the time I was certain he meant to take revenge for Applebloom and Applejack, so panicked as I was. I tried to lose him in town before I eventually found my way back to Vinyl’s house and locked myself inside.

Big Mac stopped outside my door, rather than smashing through it like I kind of expected, and insisted he simply wanted to talk; despite myself, I eventually relented and let him in. Even then, I was expecting the worst, but to my shock (and confusion) I was met with what I now feel was genuine compassion and concern for me. His words and his presence were beginning to calm me down… until the conversation came back to my cutie mark. His words carried that same concern, but when reached down to touch my flank…

Out of instinct, I reared up onto my hind legs and lashed out with both forelegs, striking him across the side of the head and knocking him out cold. I still can’t quite believe that; there’s no way a tiny pegasus mare should be able to overcome such a powerful earth pony stallion… I must have caught him by surprise…

Regardless, I took it upon myself to look after Big Mac, all the while working myself into another hysterical frenzy. There was no way he would forgive me for what I did to his sisters, on top of what I’d just done to him, right?

By the time Big Mac finally came to, I was ready to just run, leave everything here behind me and just disappear somewhere… But that same genuine compassion greeted me… Even after I tried to get him to force himself on me, he simply kept that maddeningly gentle caress. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore and asked him flat out what he wanted from me. He said he wanted to help me to overcome the pain in my past. Of course he meant my cutie mark; it’s the most obvious of my scars after all…

I still don’t know why I relented. I’ve never even considered telling anypony about that day before now except Starsong, and that was only because I had no choice at the time… I certainly never wanted to think about that day or that place again. I lashed out violently at anypony that’s ever shown interest in it… But there was something in the back or my mind or my heart or something that compelled me to take a chance on Big Mac. So, for only the second time in my life, I told the story of my accursed cutie mark to another pony…

To his credit, Big Mac listened intently and was just as warm and comforting when I finished. I wasn’t sure what I expected his response to be, but I found myself longing for the comfort and compassion he had shown since we arrived at the house. So when he asked me to follow him, I went along hopefully.

He finally brought me to a small pond somewhere on the outskirts of the orchards (I’m guessing, as it took quite a while to walk there). The tranquil scene, gently lit by the reflection of the moon and dancing fireflies… It was just beautiful. I honestly can’t think of another way to describe it. It… further confused me, and Big Mac’s sudden offer to have me move in with him certainly didn’t help… What it did do, though, was really make me want him in that moment…

It seems I wasn’t quite through being surprised though. Big Mac engaged me and took control, as he had the first two times, but there was no aggression or savagery in his actions. In fact he seemed completely focused on my pleasure alone as he laid me down and moved between my flanks. His tongue was like magic upon my burning heat; I was actually a little taken aback by his skill, as I get the feeling he hasn’t been with that many mares. Before I could dwell on it, though, he brought me to a slow, labored, and surprisingly intense orgasm.

Even before I recovered from the shockingly heavy and drawn out climax, I felt him reposition himself above me and slide into me. Again, there was no savagery in his thrusting, just a gentle caress and steady rhythm. There was no pain to drive my senses wild, no sense of dominance from Big Mac to submit to… Yet it felt good… really good. Slowly and steadily I felt myself reaching the peak again, though not nearly as violently as usual. And yet, somehow, when I finally did cum, it felt better than any time I can recall. I don’t know how to explain it, but there was something more to it…

Afterwards the two of us lay side by side in the grass. The warmth of Big Mac beside me, along with his seed placed ever so lovingly inside of me is more than enough to keep me warm against the chill of night.

I know there are a million questions still swirling around in the back of my head that I should be addressing. Certainly the fact that I’ve known Big Mac for less than a week should be a concern… But right now, none of that matters. I’m happier and more content and, oddly enough, feel safer in this moment, lying out under the stars with this wonderful stallion, than I can ever remember feeling in my whole life. I have Big Mac to thank for this intoxicating feeling; if staying near Big Mac is what it takes to keep this feeling forever, then no matter how crazy or irrational it may end up being, that’s what I intend to do.

~ Starshadow

"That Sibling 'Love' "

Dear Diary,

This has been quite a night… well, I guess morning now; it’s hard to say, I’ve been pretty preoccupied tonight. After Big Mac and I, um… made up out by the pond, we laid together under the stars. I thought I would be content to simply bask in the warmth and safety of Big Mac’s embrace… but soon enough I felt the desire building again. Thankfully, I wasn’t the only one; a quick kiss and we were at it again.

… And again.

At some point, Big Mac decided we should head back to the barn; I honestly lost track of how long we were out at the pond… Anyway, once we got to the barn, we picked up right where we left off. Feeling bold, I pushed Big Mac down onto a haystack and hurriedly took his cock into my throat while it was still flaccid enough for me to take it all the way down. I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to the feeling of him rubbing the bottom of my throat (not that I’m complaining, mind you). I worked him as hard and fast as I could manage, and when I felt him beginning to grow and tense up, I pulled off of him and he came on my muzzle (that stallion’s got amazing stamina, on top of everything else).

Big Mac asked me again to move in with him. Part of me really wants to accept, but there are still so many uncertainties. I’ve only known Big Mac for four days, for pony’s sake! The idea of actually having a special somepony is so new and confusing to me… but also really exciting. I don’t really know what to think about it yet. Before I had time to dwell on it though, one of the barn doors suddenly slammed. Applejack had apparently been watching us for some time before running off. Big Mac went after his sister while I stayed in the barn. With him gone and the tension in the room with it, fatigue from the long night of rutting finally caught up with me and I finally passed out.

I awoke to a very angry Applejack baring down on me… She had locked the doors and the shutters to the barn; there was no getting around her. I tried to talk her down at first but she was set on having her confrontation. Her point was pretty clear; she wanted me gone from her, and more importantly Big Mac’s lives. I of course didn’t want to lose whatever it is that we’re building, but when she made her ultimatum: leave and never return or fight her… There’s no way I could fight Applejack. I’ve seen her working; that mare’s almost as strong as her brother. She would literally destroy me!

I’m not proud of this, but I didn’t see any other choice at the time… I told her I would leave… As I broke down at the idea of never seeing Big Mac again though, Applejack’s grandmother was suddenly in the barn consoling me. I don’t know when or how she got into the barn, but once I calmed down enough to acknowledge her she told me to go find Apple Bloom who would take me to Big Mac’s room.

The relief from getting away from Applejack’s wrath was enough to distract me from the awkward air between Apple Bloom and myself… until she tried to apologize to me. I assured her what had happened was my fault and apologized to her. I really did feel bad about unloading on her and her friends yesterday so I’m glad I got the chance to make amends. Hopefully Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo will be equally accepting…

A while later Big Mac came in and told me that his grandmother, Granny Smith, had explained to him why Applejack was so angry towards me. I wasn’t sure what to expect when he told me that, but I certainly didn’t expect to hear what he told me… Apparently, a few years ago while they were alone, Applejack went into a really intense heat. With no other stallions around (or so he says), Big Mac took it upon himself to sooth his sister’s out-of-control urges, though he insists they never went all the way. Anyway, after that Applejack started stalking her brother, jealously chasing off any mare that got close to him, apparently planning to jump him herself…

I’m not sure I believe Big Mac about the details of that week, but it does explain Applejack’s hostility towards me once she saw that I was getting close to him (and I hate to admit it, but part of me thinks the idea of the two of them together is pretty hot…). It’s good to know that her aggression towards me wasn’t because I wasn’t an earth pony… I’ve got enough of that racist nonsense in my life already.

Big Mac then told me Applejack was going to apologize to me. While it’s good that I can’t say I’m excited about the idea of being around her right now. Big Mac insisted though, and I can’t resist him when he asserts himself… I’ve got a bad feeling in the back of my head about this, but for now, I have to trust that Ma er… Big Mac has my best interests in mind. He hasn’t let me down yet, right…?

~ Starshadow

"That Apology"

Dear Diary,

It seems as though the emotional whirlwind I’ve been trapped in ever since I met Master Big Mac has only intensified now. Big Mac is by far the nicest, most generous Master I’ve ever had though so, no matter what else happens, I’ll do whatever it takes to keep him happy.

Once we got to the barn, Applejack confirmed what Master had told me about her being in heat and having developed feelings for him afterwards. It was clear Master felt the same way about his sister, but he thought he couldn’t do anything about it because of me. So of course I corrected him on that point.

Both Applejack and Master seemed to be confused at my willingness to share Master’s love, but that didn’t matter. To show my sincerity, I went over to Applejack, my fear of the larger mare now suppressed by my Master’s love for her, and pulled her into a kiss. Before I could deepen it though, she pulled away and retreated to her room. I guess I had come on a little strong for her, but I wasn’t about to give up; this was for Master after all…

When I found her in her room, Applejack was clearly drowning in confusion, just like Master and myself. I explained to her again that it was okay for her to be a part of our relationship as it would make Master happy, but she seemed more concerned with why I came onto her earlier. Even through my own uncertainty, I could tell that her protests were merely a mask, so I continued to press her. Eventually I backed her down into another kiss, and this time she didn’t resist.

Once AJ started getting into things, I moved to pull her legs into mine, feeling how turned on by the situation she was. My confidence steadily rising, I decided to help her further along. Rolling Applejack onto her back, I shifted to the end of the bed and dove into her honeypot. As expected, Applejack melted at my experienced ministration, my actions driven to greater intensity by the surprising sweetness of the mare’s juices (maybe it’s an Apple Family trait). Just before I could bring her to give me a real taste of it though, Master finally caught up with us, finally reminding me of my selfishness.

Shifting focus back to Master, I encouraged him to take my place between his sister’s legs. When he did, I helped him to guide that glorious cock towards her desperately quivering marehood. Meanwhile AJ was begging for the release I had inadvertently denied her. One final word of encouragement and Master drove into his sister as deep as he could go.

I hate to admit this, but part of me is a little jealous of the fact that AJ is able to take more of Master’s cock into her than I am. I know it’s just the difference in size between us, but…

Remembering myself a moment later, I set about the task of pleasing Master. While he began thrusting in earnest, I set about licking the portion of his cock that couldn’t fit inside AJ. I was vaguely aware of her wild thrashing as she finally came around Master, but Master was able to move me out of the way before she unknowingly struck me. From my new position behind Master, I now focused my attention on his balls. After a few moments, I noticed Master seemed to be ready to cum himself.

A somewhat selfish idea entered my thoughts then and, wanting to speed things up, I brought my tongue to Master’s anus while continuing to work his balls. My technique paid off immediately as Master began firing a huge load into his sister’s wanton hole. Once he was done and stepped back, I dutifully cleaned Master’s cock clean before bringing my attention back to AJ’s ravaged marehood, now overflowing with the mixture of hers and Master’s cum. I took in all of the mixture that leaked out of her (somehow the mixture of their cum was even tastier than I had imagined), silently wishing I could dive in and take a real taste…

Wanting to give AJ a taste of that delicious juice, I crawled up and kissed the now exhausted mare (well, admittedly, I was still pretty worn out from last night). After a few moments of this, Master moved to join us and we broke to let him lay down between us. Master teasingly told us that Granny Smith and Apple Bloom may have heard us, causing both AJ and myself to panic before he revealed he had been joking. Well… I guess I deserved that from all those times I teased him when I first met him (has it really only been five days since then…?). Still in this moment, with both AJ and Master with me, I was happy as fatigue finally caught up with me again.

Thinking about it now, I wonder if maybe AJ might have some latent submissive traits herself; there were a few instances earlier that really stood out to me (like how she ran rather than kicking me to death after I kissed her out of nowhere… ). If it is true, I know she can be just as happy being with Master and me as I am having her with us now. I’m not sure how I can bring that out in such a strong, prideful mare, but for Master’s sake, I’ll help her to become another perfect partner for him.

~ Starshadow

"That Visitor"

Dear Diary,

It’s been a quiet few days since Applejack and I, um, worked out our differences in regards to Big Mac. I also managed to apologize to Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo about my outburst. I’m so happy to have that weight off of my still somewhat cluttered emotions, especially with what’s going on right now…

My sister Starsong is in town! It’s been far too long since I’ve seen her. I’ve told you before how I used to dream about the two of us living together as a foal, and even though circumstances made my actual living experience with her a little strained, I don’t know anypony in all of Equestria I would be happier to see.

Well, I’m getting a little ahead of myself here…

So, the day after the threesome, I woke up to find Vinyl home after the first leg of her tour in Canterlot. Naturally, the first thing she did was force me to dish on my recent experiences with Big Mac. When she brought up Applejack getting in the way, I told her that I had made amends with Applejack (though for all our sakes, I neglected to give the details of how, and thankfully she didn’t press the issue).

After she was satisfied that she was caught up, she mentioned that I had mail (hoof-delivered by Derpy… by which I mean dropped through the chimney as she most likely flew backwards into the trees across the way from the house). I was hesitant at first, as the sender’s name had been covered by soot, but I figured it was almost impossible that Polaris could have already tracked me here…

In reality, the letter was from Starsong, saying that she and her friend from the orchestra, Octavia, were coming to town for a couple of days while she had a break in her schedule. I was beside myself with joy, but for some reason Vinyl seemed really down about the prospect of seeing her old friend and roommate. In all the time I’ve known her, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her anything but happy and energetic; even when she gets pouty (like when we talk about Big Mac), there’s an air of enthusiasm in everything she does. It’s one of the things I like about her. I’m not sure what to make of it, but at the time I didn’t have a chance to worry about her. The weekend had finally come, and it was time for my first solo gig in Ponyville…!

Nothing in particular to report about the performances themselves; I played mostly remixes of Vinyl’s tracks, and a few of my own works. The place was packed both nights though, despite not having Vinyl playing with me, and I actually made a few extra bits off of Bar Back, after I bet him I could carry a show by myself. It’s encouraging to know that my reputation in Ponyville is already that good. I should be able to save enough to find my own place by the time Vinyl comes back to town for good.

The next morning, while preparing for the day with my new ritual (coffee and a walk through the quiet morning streets of Ponyville), a knock sounded at the door. I opened it and found none other than my beloved big sister smiling across at me. She definitely looks like a mare from money now, so perfectly groomed, but she carries it all with such quiet class that she almost seems to glow in the light of Celestia’s sun…

Without a second thought, I embraced Starsong and we shared a slightly teary, long overdue reunion. Once we calmed down, Starsong introduced me to Octavia. The earth pony seems very nice and polite; I wonder if she also comes from money, she certainly has that air about her… I can’t begrudge her for it though, as she’s a fellow musician and thinks highly of my self-taught abilities. I do wonder how this calm, collected pony and Vinyl even became friends before; they don’t seem to have anything in common, save that they’re both musicians.

While talking to Octavia, I let slip that I had a special somepony. I was actually a little surprised at how excited Starsong was to hear me say that. While admittedly I’m not quite clear what my feelings for Big Mac are just yet, the idea of him being my special somepony does make me happy in allot of ways… I offered to take her and Octavia to meet Big Mac, but Octavia stayed behind, I assume to talk to Vinyl. I don’t know what happened between the two of them, but I hope for Vinyl’s sake that things work out. I don’t like seeing her like she’s been the last few days…

Anyway, I can’t worry about that now. Starsong and I are on our way to meet Big Mac; I’m more than a little nervous about this meeting. Big Mac has become a big part of my life in the last week or so, but Starsong has been my entire world for as long as I can remember. I hope she approves of him; I don’t know what I would do if they don’t like each other! Please, let this work out okay…!

~ Starshadow