Starshadow's Diary

by KrisProwler

First published 15th of November, 2013

A recount of a certain pegasus's experiences in Ponyville, in her own words.

Since her time living with Starsong in Los Pegasus, Starshadow has kept a diary as a reminder of all of her experiences, good or bad, and how they've shaped her into the mare she's become. These are a recount of her experiences in Ponyville from her own perspective.

The purpose for these entries was to get a genuine reaction from the character’s perspective of what was happening around her as the events of the story unfolded, without being influenced by knowledge of future events. As such, each entry was written as the chapter in question came out, before any further information was available to me/Starshadow. Any inconsistencies that arise between this and the actual events of the narrative are resulting of this. Expect updates about a day or two behind the release of a new chapter in the main story.

"That Strong, Silent Type"

Dear diary,

So I made it to Ponyville today, finally. The train ride in was painfully uneventful. Maybe I should have flown after all… Well, even if I had, I would have had to wait for my gear to arrive by train.

I’m grateful to Vinyl Scratch for setting up this gig with me in mind. After Sapphire Shores cancelled her last tour out of the blue I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. Even if I had a regular gig back in Cloudsdale, the cost of living there is starting to get out of hand, and I promised myself I would never go to mom or Starsong begging for bits…

Hmm… Maybe it’s time I moved? It’s not as though there’s anything in Cloudsdale that I couldn’t find elsewhere.

Anyway, I’m really looking forward to this gig, even if it’s only a one night contract. I’ve worked with Vinyl a few times in the past and we sync together on an instinctive level; I doubt I’ve ever played behind anypony that matched my rhythm so perfectly. The mare’s pretty fun to hang out with, too.

The accommodations at this club, though, leave something to be desired. I’ll have to remember to ask the owner about why I was in the back alley trying to bring in all of my gear myself… Even if I am a freelance player, that’s just ridiculous.

Well, I supposed it worked out for the best, all things considered. Just as I was about to start the impossible task of trying to haul in the speakers myself, a tall, dark stranger came to my rescue. Actually, just calling him tall barely covers it; he’s easily the biggest stallion I’ve ever seen (and you and I both know I’ve seen quite a few). And not just big, either, this stallion is strong… like crazy strong! He brought in all of my equipment in two trips without even breaking a sweat! He said his name was Big Mac (I know, it figures, right?). I have to wonder if he lives up to that name everywhere? It took a little doing but I got him to stay for the show, so with any luck, I’ll be able to find out later tonight…

Oh well, no time to worry about all that now; it’s almost show time. Time I showed these country ponies why I’m the best there is at what I do! And even better; I’ve got a special audience tonight! I can’t wait to hear what he thinks of the view…

~ Starshadow

"That Music and Concert"

Dear diary,

Well, first off, I guess I should apologize for that country remark, earlier; these earth ponies really know how to party. The club was packed to the rafters, and I get the impression there were more that weren’t able to get in. The room was electric from the moment Vinyl and I hit the stage, and somehow managed to surge even higher from there. By the time we started the second set, even I was feeling it more than usual…

Though, I’ll admit, the crowd wasn’t the only thing that had me extra hyped tonight. Having Big Mac watching me backstage gave me extra incentive to bring my all to this show; it also gave me ample opportunity to mercilessly tease the seemingly stoic stallion. You should have seen him trying to pretend he hadn’t been staring straight down my foal hole after I started “dancing” for him; he was so adorable, stammering for something appropriate to say. It certainly made what I did to him after that allot more fun. I have to admit, I’m rather proud of the body paint idea (though it had been difficult to do myself without anypony noticing before we started the second set). I’m fairly certain I made my intension clear with that one. Knowing I had Big Mac’s undivided attention made everything else that much better.

Vinyl was in rare form tonight, too. I wasn’t really sure what to expect when she told me she set up the whole show herself, but she surprised me with how daring her ideas were; I’ll admit there were a few things that gave me pause when she told me what she had in mind. I wasn’t too keen on the idea of dancing center stage by myself when we were talking about it beforehoof, but by the time the cue came I was so lost in the energy of the crowd (and my special audience) that I went on without a second thought. And that climax…? Just… wow. That unicorn really knows how to play a crowd! I’m kind of surprised the ponies in the front rows didn’t just start clopping right then and there (I know I was having a hard time resisting the urge).

All in all, this was the best shows I played in… well, ever, I guess. Way out in the boondocks… Who knew…?

There was on unfortunate bit though… Vinyl invited me to join her on her upcoming tour, an invitation I desperately wanted to accept especially after tonight’s gig. Not only would that have solved my bit problem, but somehow working alongside Vinyl brings me to even higher performance highs, if that’s even possible. And, if we had free reign over the shows like we did tonight, we could drop some real showstoppers together… If only she were going anywhere but Canterlot…

Well, for the time being, there are more important matters to attend to. A certain stallion and I are headed back to my hotel room for a drink… And I intend to have a story to tell after tonight, one to make Vinyl flush with jealousy.

~ Starshadow

"That Apple Cider"

Dear diary,

Can’t talk too long; I’m kind of in the middle of something…

So it seems I may have underestimated Big Mac just a little bit. So the cider I told you about when I checked into the hotel yesterday? It turns out Big Mac’s family runs an apple orchard and they make it themselves. While we were in the bar, he told me he would introduce me to the manufacturer before finally revealing it was him; he apparently decided to exact a bit of revenge for my teasing back at the show (well, I guess I can’t really blame him after that). I can’t believe I didn’t piece the pieces together before that though… But that’s not the worst of it by a long shot. Desperate to get some of that amazing cider back home, and with my current financial woes, I, ah… I kind of offered myself in exchange. Of course I intended to do that anyway, but not in the bar, and certainly not as a trade for booze, of all things! But… I mean, this cider is so good…

Oh, and speaking of underestimations… Even my most generous imaginings failed to compare to what Big Mac is carrying between those rock-solid flanks. His cock, even at half mast, is monstrous! Are all earth ponies hung like this!? If so, I’ve been wasting my life! Celestia forgive me, but I doubt even she would be able to take the whole of this stallion’s flesh rocket!

Of course I’ve never been one to back down from a challenge (well, not when sex is involved, anyway). By the time I was able to take the whole of it down my throat, I felt as though I was being spit roasted… Can you imagine? Being spit roasted by one stallion? I thought for a second or two that his cock might actually choke the life out of me before he finally came (directly into my stomach, he’s… there are no words…). I should get a plaque for finishing him off without passing out.

Thankfully (sadly?), he came pretty quickly. I suppose it’s likely been a while since he’s gotten any action like this; I imagine most mares would immediately run screaming into the night at the sight of his endowment. The fact that I didn’t seems to have further endeared me to him though.

So, now it’s time for the main event. I’m chomping at the bit to have this beast inside of me. Of course, at my size, this stallion could literally split me in half, but Luna’s flank, what a way to go…

~ Starshadow

"That Massive Stallion"

Dear diary,

Last night was just… perfect… I never imagined I would ever say this, but I think I may have finally found my perfect stallion.

Once we got back to my room, things began to die down a little. I’ll admit, I was still a bit out of sorts from what had happened in the bar earlier, but I couldn’t let this opportunity escape me. Once we were on the bed, I turned the conversation back to Big Mac’s, ah… “big mac” (I know, that’s terrible, but I’m still in a bit of shock, okay?). Seizing the first opportunity, I set about getting him ready to go again.

Once I was able to size him up for real (again, just… wow…), my instincts took over. I tried to go down on him once more but, now that he was completely erect, this proved to be impossible, even with my considerable experience. But it had been enough to prepare him for the main course; my excitement hadn’t faded from earlier, thinking about this moment had me wetter than I can remember ever being.

Of course, even as prepared as we both were, the relative size difference between us proved to be too great to simply slide his girth in. Before I could even tell him that it was okay, though, Big Mac forced his way into me as deep as he could go (which, as it turned out, was less than half-way). Once he had successfully taken me, he wasted no time in hammering me. The intoxicating mixture of pain and ecstasy quickly washed away any semblance of hesitation from my mind.

At one point he stopped, apparently afraid he might be hurting me, but then my submissive nature had completely taken hold of me and I begged him to take me harder. To my surprise (and extreme gratification), his thrusting became even more savage after that, I felt as though he was filling every part of me.

As hard as he was riding my, my orgasm naturally came upon me quickly, but I couldn’t let myself just go until he let me cum (you know how it is when I get like this). Once I had his consent, though, I let myself fall into what was one of the most explosive climaxes I can recall. Meanwhile, Big Mac and his glorious stallionhood didn’t slow at all, as he ravaged my spasming hole, dragging my climax out even further. Before my first orgasm had completely faded, I felt him beginning to cum in me, sparking another orgasm that somehow hit me even harder than the first!

By the time I finally came down I was completely spent. The whole room seemed to fall away from me; I felt as though I was flying (actually, this was better than actually flying in every conceivable way). Somehow I made my way back to the bed (I guess Big Mac must’ve carried me there, my mind was a little hazy from fatigue by this point). I vaguely remember thanking him one last time before I finally passed out…

So, earlier I was thinking about sharing Big Mac with Vinyl before I headed back to Cloudsdale, since she seemed a little disappointed that I was leaving with him (I have to wonder if she was more bummed about Big Mac or me, though). Now, I’m not so sure I want share him, or myself, with anypony else. The big stallion clearly has the instincts of a dominant personality, despite being so seemingly reserved most of the time. With a little urging, he could be an incredible dom, the perfect mate for me; a partner when I want one and a beast when I need it…

Going back to Clousdale is becoming less and less appealing the longer I think about it. I wonder how much it would cost to rent a room out here in the sticks…?

~ Starshadow

"That Intimate Moment"

Dear Diary,

So, I don’t know if I’ve ever told you this, but I absolutely dread the next day after a wild night. Somehow it’s always awkward, no matter how close to or into the pony I was with. But so far, today has gone far beyond my expectations.

So after we woke up, I noticed to my surprise and mild disgust that the evidence of last night’s wild ride was still leaking out of me. The two of us decided to go for a shower together (that may not have been the best idea… there was barely room for a breath between us once we were both inside). While we were in the shower, Big Mac confirmed my earlier suspicions; the reason he hadn’t mentioned my cutie mark before was that he simply hadn’t noticed. Before he could start asking painful questions though, I told him (well, begged really) not to. I was surprised when he relented and actually seemed angry on my behalf. I was even more surprised when I felt my heart swelling at that thought.

I couldn’t help myself; I needed to show how I felt in that moment. That kiss… it was indescribable. I’ve never felt anything so intense and yet so sensual and meaningful (okay, maybe I’ve felt more intense things, but not kisses). Time seemed to stop around me and that perfect moment just stretched into eternity… well, until the hot water running out reminded us where we were…

I think I may actually be falling for the big stallion. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt this way about anypony, like, ever… Which made it all the sadder when the realization hit me that I would have to head back to Cloudsdale today. But of course, there’s no way I could afford to stay and still have enough bits left over from this gig to cover this month’s rent…

So, after promising I’d visit Big Mac out at his farm before I left, I headed over to Vinyl’s, as she was supposed to be holding my equipment for me after the after-party last night (and I’ll admit, I was a little curious about how her night had gone, too). So, she told me about the after-party (it was pretty wild, I’ll have to go over it in more detail with you later), and I (reluctantly) dished about my night with Big Mac. She told me she had had a crush on him for some time (I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised) but that he had always shot down her advances. Pity; I would have liked to have seen what kind of shape his monstrous stallionhood would have left her in… Well, maybe not now, but…

So anyway, here’s where my day goes from good to amazing! I told Vinyl that I was going back to Cloudsdale today because I couldn’t afford to stay here or buy my way out of my lease on my apartment. And get this: she offered to let me stay at her place, rent free, while she’s on tour in Canterlot! Even better, I’m taking over her regular gig at that club from last night! This couldn’t be more perfect! Within a month or two, I should be able to afford to start looking for a place here. Isn’t that the most generous thing you’ve ever heard of? Especially after I stole the stallion she’s been crushing on for ages… Hmm… probably better I didn’t bring that up around her too much …

Well, I need to go tell Big Mac that I’ll be around Ponyville for the foreseeable future. I can’t wait to see the look on his face! Hmm… I wonder if I should be a little concerned about what Vinyl had said about Big Mac’s sister… Oh well, I’ll deal with that if it comes up. No country mare’s going to keep me from what could be the best thing that’s ever happened to me…!

~ Starshadow

"That After-Party"

Author's Notes:

While it should be obvious, I should say that I waited to do this page until after Starshadow heard from Vinyl Scratch what had happened to her at the after-party. Thus, for the sake of continuity this chapter falls here rather than in numerical order.

Dear diary,

So, remember how I told you how I talked to Vinyl about the after-party? Well, ultimately, that was too good a story to not keep a record of this somewhere (I kind of doubt that Vinyl Scratch keeps a diary herself so…).

So, after I left and the club emptied out, and after she cleaned up from the concert, Vinyl stepped down to the dance floor herself to unwind. The ponies that had been allowed to stay for the private party (apparently hoof-picked by her manager and Vinyl herself) wasted no time in joining her on the floor. The boldest among them even started to grind on the DJ, which of course she had no qualms about reciprocating (not surprising, based on what I’d heard from other musicians who’ve worked with Vinyl in the past).

The ponies dancing with her, clearly their fantasies about the DJ getting the better of them, were soon all sporting healthy erections. The “dancing” steadily grew more erotic until one of the stallions accidently knocked her down to all-fours. Vinyl steadied herself, and then offered herself to her fans who were so worked up just being near her (heh, I’ll bet they weren’t prepared for that response).

One of the stallions took advantage of the opportunity grind his meat along her pussy and breasts. Before too long however, Vinyl had pushed him onto his back and proceeded to mount him cowgirl style. Apparently she was so worked up by the thought of me and Big Mac alone together (sorry, Vinyl…) that one cock simply wouldn’t cut it. She called the other two over to take her remaining holes.

After a little trial and error, the stallions found their rhythm and took Vinyl for a ride. The other ponies at the party were now openly clopping to the show before them, the few mares present finding partners themselves. The party-turned-orgy excited Vinyl even further and she came hard around the barrage of cocks. The first stallion that had been bucking her pussy came soon after and was replaced almost as soon as the hole was left vacant.

As things heated up, many of the stallions who were left partnerless began to hit their peak from the show around them. Once the one using her ass finished and pulled himself out of the way, Vinyl (now on her back) found herself being doused in cum by her audience. By the end, she was covered head to hoof in seed, while still more leaked out of her ass and a double helping from her well-used pussy.

Normally I would be kicking myself for opting out of a party like that… and I would be compelled to question how she could possibly be jealous of me and Big Mac after the night she had… But, knowing what I do now about each of them, I actually feel a little bad about the whole thing now. I’m not sure where my feelings stand concerning Big Mac just yet, but Vinyl had known and had been crushing on the massive stallion for years before I blew into town last night… I hope this doesn’t come between us if Big Mac and I become a thing later; Vinyl may be crazy, but she’s one of my closest friends and I would never intentionally hurt her with something like this…

~ Starshadow

"That Sibling"

Dear Diary,

I wasn’t sure what I was feeling for Big Mac earlier was actually love. I’ve never known this feeling for anypony other than Starsong or Silver Veil, and it’s different with them; they’re family, I don’t have any interest in them beyond that (I don’t think, anyway). But, now I’m quite certain. I love Big Mac. I really do…

When I made it to Sweet Apple Acres, I ran into an orange earth pony named Applejack. I guess she was the sister Vinyl had warned me about, and by the look of her, she was no slouch in terms of physical strength (certainly more so than I as a pegasus could ever aspire to). I decided better of mentioning what I was actually there for; even if she wasn’t the dangerous mare I’d been warned about, it wouldn’t be crazy to assume the family that made her feel so strongly about this has similar prejudice. Anyway, Applejack was happy to point me in the right direction once I told her that I was here to talk business.

Once I found Big Mac, I told him I’d be staying at Vinyl’s place for a while (I know it’s unlike me to pass up an opportunity to tease, but I was really excited). We kissed again in celebration, and his masculine scent began to catch my attention. I guess Big Mac must’ve noticed that I was getting wound up because he began to grind into me, pinning me against the trees and putting me at his mercy again. I’ll admit, I was actually pleasantly surprised at how forward he’d become after one night…

His forcefulness excited me even faster than usual; I was practically cumming by the time he let me down and turned to mount me. I lost control almost immediately once I had that glorious cock inside me again. My blissful screams could probably have been heard all the way back in the town proper, with how into it I was. Surprisingly, though, nopony seemed to notice the commotion and come to investigate; at one point I thought I felt somepony watching us, but that along with every other unnecessary thought when my first orgasm hit me. Big Mac, though, had apparently decided that he wanted his mare to drown in her bliss; he didn’t slow up at all, and instead seemed determined to make cum again and again. After the third, I lost count of how many times I climaxed… It felt as though I might somehow actually die of ecstasy…

Once again, by the time he finally came himself, I had completely exhausted my energy and simply collapsed under my weight. We embraced passionately again once we were able to catch our respective breaths. That’s when I heard the words I hadn’t realized until then that I longed to hear from the red stallion: “I love you”.

Even compared to what we did last night… well, there simply is no comparison. Now that I can feel the love we share in our aggressive mating as well as the powerful lust, the act of coitus is so far beyond exciting that I can barely stand it. I don’t know how I was okay with anything I’d done before Big Mac, and I know I don’t ever want to be apart from him again. Whatever comes of his family’s distaste of our union, I’ll face it bravely (for once) for the sake of this feeling I suddenly can’t live without.

~ Starshadow

"That First Job"

Dear Diary,

There’s no denying it, the last few days since I came to Ponyville have been more exciting than entire months of my life; I’ve found a stallion that I could see myself being with forever, I have a (somewhat) steady gig and a place to stay that I don’t have to pay for (again…), and now I feel like I don’t want to leave this place. If I weren’t so excited, I might actually stop to wonder if maybe things are moving a little too fast…

Anyway, today I decided to go back to my apartment in Cloudsdale and bring the rest of my stuff over. My place there and the room I’m in now were furnished so there isn’t much to get, but it would still take me a couple of trips myself and the cloud city isn’t just down the road from here… Big Mac offered to help of course, but as awesome as the big stallion is, he’s not a pagasus and there’s no spell I’ve ever heard of to allow him to walk on clouds… Instead he got two of his sister’s pagasi friends to help me. I’ll admit I was a little hesitant at first after finding out they were friends of Applejack's. These two seem friendly enough, though I’m not really sure what to make of either one of them just yet.

First there’s Rainbow Dash. She looked vaguely familiar (you’d think I’d remember that, ah, unique mane of hers), I think I may have seen her around the weather factory a few times… Anyway, the young mare is fairly aptly named, even from just meeting her, it’s pretty clear that her whole life is about speed. She says she’s a fan of my music, which it’s nice to hear she has good taste, I guess. Right there is where the similarities end though. Rainbow Dash seems to revel in flying while I prefer to walk. She’s brash and impatient and I suspect a little hyper-competitive too. Still she doesn’t seem like a bad sort. I think I’ll wait until I’ve known her a little longer to decide whether or not I like her.

Then there’s Fluttershy… To say I’m not sure how to feel about her would be a massive understatement. At first it didn’t seem like the mare had any redeeming qualities; then it happened. I don’t even know how to describe it; she just suddenly got this… stare… It was incredible! I’ve never been so completely cowed so instantaneously…! It’s a wonder I didn’t just throw myself at her hooves right there, but I couldn’t bring myself to move from that spot! And then, just as suddenly as it appeared, her incredible dominance just vanished…

We got a chance to talk while we were flying to Cloudsdale. I had planned to take the train to the zeppelin station below Cloudsdale, but Rainbow Dash made a point I couldn’t refute, saying that it would faster and cheaper to fly. Anyway, after spending a little time with her, I found Fluttershy to be unfailingly polite and actually quite sweet and caring and… well, shy. Still I wouldn’t mind spending some more time with the demure mare, maybe see if I can figure out how to bring out that dominant streak hiding in her…

Anyway, once we got to my place, Rainbow Dash, being a weather pony herself, started asking questions about how I could afford the place. I told them I had been a secretary to the CEO of the factory for a while (though I of course didn’t mention the details of my time under Stratus…). Thinking about that time though caused me to lose myself in the memories again… Even after all this time away from him, I’m not sure how I should feel about the things I did… the things he did for me, and to me…

Rainbow Dash eventually shook me from my reverie with news that a mailpony had been by with my mail. It’s kind of a shame; I would have liked to have seen my friend Derpy from remedial flight class a bit. I still don’t quite get how she got that job (heh, maybe she got it the same way I got my job; I hear she has a foal now so maybe…). There were two letters that stood out. The first was from Starsong; I can’t express how good it is to hear from her, it’s been way too long. I haven’t read the letter yet, I want to wait until I’m alone.

The other letter was something I’d hoped I’d never see… There was no name on it, but there’s no question it was from that fucking Luna-damned shit-bag cock-sucking bastard father of mine… I don’t know how he found me in Cloudsdale of all places (I suppose it’s a good thing I’m leaving for good now), but I know I have nothing to say to Polaris or his precious Star Family and I certainly don’t care to hear whatever insipid shit they have to say to me…!

Sorry to burden you with this, but I feel like if I don’t vent to someone, I might lash out at Rainbow Dash or Fluttershy and they have thus far done nothing to deserve my ire. Well, for now I guess I’ll have to live with the slight satisfaction of watching his stupid fucking letter being reduced to dust and cinders… I’ll have to be more careful from now on though; I have things in Ponyville I don’t want to have to leave behind…

~ Starshadow

"That Other Sister"

Dear Diary,

You’ve probably noticed that I’ve been warring with myself over my feelings for Big Mac the last few days. I’m so secure in my undying emotions one moment, and just as quickly it all seems like a fever dream. How am I supposed to know if this is love? I’ve never felt this before!

Well… I suppose none of that matters anymore. There’s no way I can see him anymore after what I did today…

After the excitement with the mail yesterday, I went to inform the landlord that I would be moving out. To my surprise and relief, he allowed me to break my lease without penalty, saying he already had a new tenant lined up for my apartment. Considering Stratus is still living across from me, odds are the new tenant is whatever mare he found to replace the poor mare that had replaced me after I left the weather factory. Well, whoever the new mare is, I wish her luck…

The flight back to Ponyville was uneventful, and soon enough I was alone in my new room at Vinyl’s, at long last able to read my sister’s letter in privacy. The content wasn’t all that surprising, just the usual; catching up, that she and Mother miss me, that kind of thing. She said she’d like to find time to come visit me, but I’ve heard that before from her. Every time a break in her schedule is opening, she’s approach by with a contract she simply can’t refuse (it must be nice to be that busy…). Apparently she’s been working with the mare whose room I’m now living in. This should prove useful in the future; I can write to her under the guise of this Octavia pony to avoid drawing Polaris’s suspicions once he realizes I’m not in Cloudsdale anymore. I wrote back to tell her about my move and that I would be using Octavia’s name to hide my presence from then on.

I dreamed last night for the first time in ages, though the details are completely lost to me now. Whatever it was, it must have been intense because I woke in a start clutching a pillow to myself for dear life. I remember Big Mac being involved, but beyond that, it’s lost to Luna’s realm…

Anyway, trying to figure it out was giving me a headache so I decided a little time out in the fresh morning air would do me good (on the ground, of course). Apparently things in Ponyville move at a much more lax pace than Cloudsdale or any of the other cities I’ve been to; there was hardly a stir when I went out into town, and the ponies I did see were all so friendly… I’m not sure what to think of that; it all seems so artificial to me. I guess small towns like Ponyville are different…

My walk inevitably led me down the trail towards Sweet Apple Acres; I can’t seem to stay away from the place, knowing that wonderful stallion is out in the orchard somewhere… It was here that my chance at a peaceful contented life came to a grinding halt…

On my way up the road I happened across a small shack built into a tree. The structure seemed to scream youthful exuberance, and sure enough, from out of the tiny structure three little fillies, one of each race, came out arguing loudly among themselves. Before I could remove myself from the potentially painful circumstance of having to be civil to foals, the three noticed and engaged me. The earth pony, who introduced herself as Applebloom, was in fact Big Mac’s kid sister; this only served to further complicate things… Then they went on to inform me that they were the Cutie Mark Crusaders; apparently their mission was to discover their cutie marks as soon as ponily possible.

My blood began to boil; here before me were some of my deepest, most intense hatreds made manifest. These fillies radiated the innocence and naivety of youth that I never once had in my own life. Add to that the fact that they were excited to the point of desperation to find their cutie marks, such a completely worthless endeavor in its own right, made even further infuriating by the fact that they seemed to believe that having a cutie mark is by far the best thing that can happen to a pony. I was already on edge when the subject shifted to my own cutie mark, and when Applebloom finally pointed out my scars… I just snapped.

The fillies wilted from my spiteful words, and I immediately regretted them (another feeling I’m not accustomed to). I crossed the line and I knew it… I wanted to apologize of course; before I had the chance however, Applejack came to the defense of her little sister, malice clear in her stance. She told me that she’d seen me and Big Mac in the fields the day before yesterday and accused me of trying to corrupt him… She threatened to hurt me if I didn’t leave immediately; given what she knows about me, from her point of view, I’d probably feel the same way…

I did the only thing I could do; I ran. Not just from the confrontation, which obviously wouldn’t have gone well for me (I’ve already seen that Applejack’s strength rivals that of her brother’s), but more importantly, I’d screwed up everything I was building in Ponyville. I turned both of Big Mac’s sisters against me. Applebloom and her friends won’t ever approach me again long enough for me to apologize, and there’s no question Applejack would strike me down on the spot if I ever approached her again. Even worse though, there’s no way Big Mac will want to have anything more to do with me once he hears what I did to his kid sister and how intensely Applejack now hates me…

I don’t know what I should do! I can’t just leave now; I don’t have any place to go to. And I can’t face Big Mac or any other pony in this town now either except for Vinyl, and she’ll be gone to Canterlot soon. Well, there’s Derpy, but she’s not exactly the reliable sort… I don’t even know where I’m running to anymore! What can I do? Please, somepony, anypony, tell me what I should do now…!

~ Starshadow

"That Scar"

Dear Diary,

I’m not even sure where to begin this entry… I’m so far from where I was earlier today…

After leaving Sweet Apple Acres behind me, I heard Big Mac running after me. At the time I was certain he meant to take revenge for Applebloom and Applejack, so panicked as I was. I tried to lose him in town before I eventually found my way back to Vinyl’s house and locked myself inside.

Big Mac stopped outside my door, rather than smashing through it like I kind of expected, and insisted he simply wanted to talk; despite myself, I eventually relented and let him in. Even then, I was expecting the worst, but to my shock (and confusion) I was met with what I now feel was genuine compassion and concern for me. His words and his presence were beginning to calm me down… until the conversation came back to my cutie mark. His words carried that same concern, but when reached down to touch my flank…

Out of instinct, I reared up onto my hind legs and lashed out with both forelegs, striking him across the side of the head and knocking him out cold. I still can’t quite believe that; there’s no way a tiny pegasus mare should be able to overcome such a powerful earth pony stallion… I must have caught him by surprise…

Regardless, I took it upon myself to look after Big Mac, all the while working myself into another hysterical frenzy. There was no way he would forgive me for what I did to his sisters, on top of what I’d just done to him, right?

By the time Big Mac finally came to, I was ready to just run, leave everything here behind me and just disappear somewhere… But that same genuine compassion greeted me… Even after I tried to get him to force himself on me, he simply kept that maddeningly gentle caress. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore and asked him flat out what he wanted from me. He said he wanted to help me to overcome the pain in my past. Of course he meant my cutie mark; it’s the most obvious of my scars after all…

I still don’t know why I relented. I’ve never even considered telling anypony about that day before now except Starsong, and that was only because I had no choice at the time… I certainly never wanted to think about that day or that place again. I lashed out violently at anypony that’s ever shown interest in it… But there was something in the back or my mind or my heart or something that compelled me to take a chance on Big Mac. So, for only the second time in my life, I told the story of my accursed cutie mark to another pony…

To his credit, Big Mac listened intently and was just as warm and comforting when I finished. I wasn’t sure what I expected his response to be, but I found myself longing for the comfort and compassion he had shown since we arrived at the house. So when he asked me to follow him, I went along hopefully.

He finally brought me to a small pond somewhere on the outskirts of the orchards (I’m guessing, as it took quite a while to walk there). The tranquil scene, gently lit by the reflection of the moon and dancing fireflies… It was just beautiful. I honestly can’t think of another way to describe it. It… further confused me, and Big Mac’s sudden offer to have me move in with him certainly didn’t help… What it did do, though, was really make me want him in that moment…

It seems I wasn’t quite through being surprised though. Big Mac engaged me and took control, as he had the first two times, but there was no aggression or savagery in his actions. In fact he seemed completely focused on my pleasure alone as he laid me down and moved between my flanks. His tongue was like magic upon my burning heat; I was actually a little taken aback by his skill, as I get the feeling he hasn’t been with that many mares. Before I could dwell on it, though, he brought me to a slow, labored, and surprisingly intense orgasm.

Even before I recovered from the shockingly heavy and drawn out climax, I felt him reposition himself above me and slide into me. Again, there was no savagery in his thrusting, just a gentle caress and steady rhythm. There was no pain to drive my senses wild, no sense of dominance from Big Mac to submit to… Yet it felt good… really good. Slowly and steadily I felt myself reaching the peak again, though not nearly as violently as usual. And yet, somehow, when I finally did cum, it felt better than any time I can recall. I don’t know how to explain it, but there was something more to it…

Afterwards the two of us lay side by side in the grass. The warmth of Big Mac beside me, along with his seed placed ever so lovingly inside of me is more than enough to keep me warm against the chill of night.

I know there are a million questions still swirling around in the back of my head that I should be addressing. Certainly the fact that I’ve known Big Mac for less than a week should be a concern… But right now, none of that matters. I’m happier and more content and, oddly enough, feel safer in this moment, lying out under the stars with this wonderful stallion, than I can ever remember feeling in my whole life. I have Big Mac to thank for this intoxicating feeling; if staying near Big Mac is what it takes to keep this feeling forever, then no matter how crazy or irrational it may end up being, that’s what I intend to do.

~ Starshadow

"That Sibling 'Love' "

Dear Diary,

This has been quite a night… well, I guess morning now; it’s hard to say, I’ve been pretty preoccupied tonight. After Big Mac and I, um… made up out by the pond, we laid together under the stars. I thought I would be content to simply bask in the warmth and safety of Big Mac’s embrace… but soon enough I felt the desire building again. Thankfully, I wasn’t the only one; a quick kiss and we were at it again.

… And again.

At some point, Big Mac decided we should head back to the barn; I honestly lost track of how long we were out at the pond… Anyway, once we got to the barn, we picked up right where we left off. Feeling bold, I pushed Big Mac down onto a haystack and hurriedly took his cock into my throat while it was still flaccid enough for me to take it all the way down. I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to the feeling of him rubbing the bottom of my throat (not that I’m complaining, mind you). I worked him as hard and fast as I could manage, and when I felt him beginning to grow and tense up, I pulled off of him and he came on my muzzle (that stallion’s got amazing stamina, on top of everything else).

Big Mac asked me again to move in with him. Part of me really wants to accept, but there are still so many uncertainties. I’ve only known Big Mac for four days, for pony’s sake! The idea of actually having a special somepony is so new and confusing to me… but also really exciting. I don’t really know what to think about it yet. Before I had time to dwell on it though, one of the barn doors suddenly slammed. Applejack had apparently been watching us for some time before running off. Big Mac went after his sister while I stayed in the barn. With him gone and the tension in the room with it, fatigue from the long night of rutting finally caught up with me and I finally passed out.

I awoke to a very angry Applejack baring down on me… She had locked the doors and the shutters to the barn; there was no getting around her. I tried to talk her down at first but she was set on having her confrontation. Her point was pretty clear; she wanted me gone from her, and more importantly Big Mac’s lives. I of course didn’t want to lose whatever it is that we’re building, but when she made her ultimatum: leave and never return or fight her… There’s no way I could fight Applejack. I’ve seen her working; that mare’s almost as strong as her brother. She would literally destroy me!

I’m not proud of this, but I didn’t see any other choice at the time… I told her I would leave… As I broke down at the idea of never seeing Big Mac again though, Applejack’s grandmother was suddenly in the barn consoling me. I don’t know when or how she got into the barn, but once I calmed down enough to acknowledge her she told me to go find Apple Bloom who would take me to Big Mac’s room.

The relief from getting away from Applejack’s wrath was enough to distract me from the awkward air between Apple Bloom and myself… until she tried to apologize to me. I assured her what had happened was my fault and apologized to her. I really did feel bad about unloading on her and her friends yesterday so I’m glad I got the chance to make amends. Hopefully Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo will be equally accepting…

A while later Big Mac came in and told me that his grandmother, Granny Smith, had explained to him why Applejack was so angry towards me. I wasn’t sure what to expect when he told me that, but I certainly didn’t expect to hear what he told me… Apparently, a few years ago while they were alone, Applejack went into a really intense heat. With no other stallions around (or so he says), Big Mac took it upon himself to sooth his sister’s out-of-control urges, though he insists they never went all the way. Anyway, after that Applejack started stalking her brother, jealously chasing off any mare that got close to him, apparently planning to jump him herself…

I’m not sure I believe Big Mac about the details of that week, but it does explain Applejack’s hostility towards me once she saw that I was getting close to him (and I hate to admit it, but part of me thinks the idea of the two of them together is pretty hot…). It’s good to know that her aggression towards me wasn’t because I wasn’t an earth pony… I’ve got enough of that racist nonsense in my life already.

Big Mac then told me Applejack was going to apologize to me. While it’s good that I can’t say I’m excited about the idea of being around her right now. Big Mac insisted though, and I can’t resist him when he asserts himself… I’ve got a bad feeling in the back of my head about this, but for now, I have to trust that Ma er… Big Mac has my best interests in mind. He hasn’t let me down yet, right…?

~ Starshadow

"That Apology"

Dear Diary,

It seems as though the emotional whirlwind I’ve been trapped in ever since I met Master Big Mac has only intensified now. Big Mac is by far the nicest, most generous Master I’ve ever had though so, no matter what else happens, I’ll do whatever it takes to keep him happy.

Once we got to the barn, Applejack confirmed what Master had told me about her being in heat and having developed feelings for him afterwards. It was clear Master felt the same way about his sister, but he thought he couldn’t do anything about it because of me. So of course I corrected him on that point.

Both Applejack and Master seemed to be confused at my willingness to share Master’s love, but that didn’t matter. To show my sincerity, I went over to Applejack, my fear of the larger mare now suppressed by my Master’s love for her, and pulled her into a kiss. Before I could deepen it though, she pulled away and retreated to her room. I guess I had come on a little strong for her, but I wasn’t about to give up; this was for Master after all…

When I found her in her room, Applejack was clearly drowning in confusion, just like Master and myself. I explained to her again that it was okay for her to be a part of our relationship as it would make Master happy, but she seemed more concerned with why I came onto her earlier. Even through my own uncertainty, I could tell that her protests were merely a mask, so I continued to press her. Eventually I backed her down into another kiss, and this time she didn’t resist.

Once AJ started getting into things, I moved to pull her legs into mine, feeling how turned on by the situation she was. My confidence steadily rising, I decided to help her further along. Rolling Applejack onto her back, I shifted to the end of the bed and dove into her honeypot. As expected, Applejack melted at my experienced ministration, my actions driven to greater intensity by the surprising sweetness of the mare’s juices (maybe it’s an Apple Family trait). Just before I could bring her to give me a real taste of it though, Master finally caught up with us, finally reminding me of my selfishness.

Shifting focus back to Master, I encouraged him to take my place between his sister’s legs. When he did, I helped him to guide that glorious cock towards her desperately quivering marehood. Meanwhile AJ was begging for the release I had inadvertently denied her. One final word of encouragement and Master drove into his sister as deep as he could go.

I hate to admit this, but part of me is a little jealous of the fact that AJ is able to take more of Master’s cock into her than I am. I know it’s just the difference in size between us, but…

Remembering myself a moment later, I set about the task of pleasing Master. While he began thrusting in earnest, I set about licking the portion of his cock that couldn’t fit inside AJ. I was vaguely aware of her wild thrashing as she finally came around Master, but Master was able to move me out of the way before she unknowingly struck me. From my new position behind Master, I now focused my attention on his balls. After a few moments, I noticed Master seemed to be ready to cum himself.

A somewhat selfish idea entered my thoughts then and, wanting to speed things up, I brought my tongue to Master’s anus while continuing to work his balls. My technique paid off immediately as Master began firing a huge load into his sister’s wanton hole. Once he was done and stepped back, I dutifully cleaned Master’s cock clean before bringing my attention back to AJ’s ravaged marehood, now overflowing with the mixture of hers and Master’s cum. I took in all of the mixture that leaked out of her (somehow the mixture of their cum was even tastier than I had imagined), silently wishing I could dive in and take a real taste…

Wanting to give AJ a taste of that delicious juice, I crawled up and kissed the now exhausted mare (well, admittedly, I was still pretty worn out from last night). After a few moments of this, Master moved to join us and we broke to let him lay down between us. Master teasingly told us that Granny Smith and Apple Bloom may have heard us, causing both AJ and myself to panic before he revealed he had been joking. Well… I guess I deserved that from all those times I teased him when I first met him (has it really only been five days since then…?). Still in this moment, with both AJ and Master with me, I was happy as fatigue finally caught up with me again.

Thinking about it now, I wonder if maybe AJ might have some latent submissive traits herself; there were a few instances earlier that really stood out to me (like how she ran rather than kicking me to death after I kissed her out of nowhere… ). If it is true, I know she can be just as happy being with Master and me as I am having her with us now. I’m not sure how I can bring that out in such a strong, prideful mare, but for Master’s sake, I’ll help her to become another perfect partner for him.

~ Starshadow

"That Visitor"

Dear Diary,

It’s been a quiet few days since Applejack and I, um, worked out our differences in regards to Big Mac. I also managed to apologize to Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo about my outburst. I’m so happy to have that weight off of my still somewhat cluttered emotions, especially with what’s going on right now…

My sister Starsong is in town! It’s been far too long since I’ve seen her. I’ve told you before how I used to dream about the two of us living together as a foal, and even though circumstances made my actual living experience with her a little strained, I don’t know anypony in all of Equestria I would be happier to see.

Well, I’m getting a little ahead of myself here…

So, the day after the threesome, I woke up to find Vinyl home after the first leg of her tour in Canterlot. Naturally, the first thing she did was force me to dish on my recent experiences with Big Mac. When she brought up Applejack getting in the way, I told her that I had made amends with Applejack (though for all our sakes, I neglected to give the details of how, and thankfully she didn’t press the issue).

After she was satisfied that she was caught up, she mentioned that I had mail (hoof-delivered by Derpy… by which I mean dropped through the chimney as she most likely flew backwards into the trees across the way from the house). I was hesitant at first, as the sender’s name had been covered by soot, but I figured it was almost impossible that Polaris could have already tracked me here…

In reality, the letter was from Starsong, saying that she and her friend from the orchestra, Octavia, were coming to town for a couple of days while she had a break in her schedule. I was beside myself with joy, but for some reason Vinyl seemed really down about the prospect of seeing her old friend and roommate. In all the time I’ve known her, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her anything but happy and energetic; even when she gets pouty (like when we talk about Big Mac), there’s an air of enthusiasm in everything she does. It’s one of the things I like about her. I’m not sure what to make of it, but at the time I didn’t have a chance to worry about her. The weekend had finally come, and it was time for my first solo gig in Ponyville…!

Nothing in particular to report about the performances themselves; I played mostly remixes of Vinyl’s tracks, and a few of my own works. The place was packed both nights though, despite not having Vinyl playing with me, and I actually made a few extra bits off of Bar Back, after I bet him I could carry a show by myself. It’s encouraging to know that my reputation in Ponyville is already that good. I should be able to save enough to find my own place by the time Vinyl comes back to town for good.

The next morning, while preparing for the day with my new ritual (coffee and a walk through the quiet morning streets of Ponyville), a knock sounded at the door. I opened it and found none other than my beloved big sister smiling across at me. She definitely looks like a mare from money now, so perfectly groomed, but she carries it all with such quiet class that she almost seems to glow in the light of Celestia’s sun…

Without a second thought, I embraced Starsong and we shared a slightly teary, long overdue reunion. Once we calmed down, Starsong introduced me to Octavia. The earth pony seems very nice and polite; I wonder if she also comes from money, she certainly has that air about her… I can’t begrudge her for it though, as she’s a fellow musician and thinks highly of my self-taught abilities. I do wonder how this calm, collected pony and Vinyl even became friends before; they don’t seem to have anything in common, save that they’re both musicians.

While talking to Octavia, I let slip that I had a special somepony. I was actually a little surprised at how excited Starsong was to hear me say that. While admittedly I’m not quite clear what my feelings for Big Mac are just yet, the idea of him being my special somepony does make me happy in allot of ways… I offered to take her and Octavia to meet Big Mac, but Octavia stayed behind, I assume to talk to Vinyl. I don’t know what happened between the two of them, but I hope for Vinyl’s sake that things work out. I don’t like seeing her like she’s been the last few days…

Anyway, I can’t worry about that now. Starsong and I are on our way to meet Big Mac; I’m more than a little nervous about this meeting. Big Mac has become a big part of my life in the last week or so, but Starsong has been my entire world for as long as I can remember. I hope she approves of him; I don’t know what I would do if they don’t like each other! Please, let this work out okay…!

~ Starshadow

"That Price to Pay"

Dear Diary,

My visit with Starsong was wonderful but all too short. Her latest contract called her and the orchestra back onto the road almost immediately after they arrived. Knowing how popular they are, though, I guess I should be grateful that I was able to see her at all…

Yesterday was spent almost exclusively at Sweet Apple Acres. When we arrived I introduced her to Big Mac and the rest of the Apple Family. With all the craziness from last week behind us, Applejack and Applebloom were perfectly fine with me and Starsong; Granny Smith was her usual friendly, slightly senile self. I must admit though, I’m a little weirded out by how AJ won’t look me in the eye anymore…

Say what you will about the Apple Family, but they’re certainly gracious hosts. The four of them are amazingly welcoming… you know, when you aren’t trying to break up their family or verbally assaulting their foals… Anyway watching her talking to Big Mac was more than a little nerve-wracking at first, but it seems she really likes him. I’m so glad; having her approval means more to me than I think even she realizes…

Once the pleasantries were over, Big Mac offered to show us around the farm. I don’t think Starsong has ever been on a farm or anything so simple like that before, but she seemed really enthusiastic to see everything… well, almost everything. When we went to the animal pens, she seemed a little overwhelmed by the stench. It was hard not to laugh at the look on her pampered face (sorry Starsong, I know it’s not your fault you were never exposed to how the common ponies live). After that, we wandered into the orchard proper. As we went further in, I couldn’t help but think of the day under the apple trees… and the night by the pond… Thankfully, Starsong didn’t seem to notice the tremendous blush in my face while I struggled to keep up our conversation.

Once we made our way back to the house, we sat down to lunch, though just calling it that seems like a severe understatement; this was nothing short of a feast. AJ and Granny Smith really went all out with the food. I’ve eaten with the Apples before (after Applejack and I, ah…‘made up’, Granny Smith had insisted I stay for dinner to make up for her granddaughter’s rudeness) so I knew the food would be delicious, but I’d never remember seeing that much food at once (I never used to eat with the family back home…). Over the meal, I got Starsong to try Big Mac’s hard apple cider (once again forcing myself not to think about the significance the drink has for the two of us), and as expected she seemed to really enjoy it (because come on, it’s by far the best drink in Equestria; and no, I don’t think I’m overstating it when I say that).

After the lunch feast, we went inside to chat while Big Mac finished his chores for the day. It was nice to get to catch up her, professionally and personally; it reminded me of when we were foals… When Big Mac came back, Starsong again peppered him with questions about him and me. He graciously answered them, though he tactfully (thankfully) avoided mentioning the specifics when she had asked him about how we met.

Anyway, eventually day gave way to night. Starsong, Big Mac and I all walked her back to her hotel before he walked me back to Vinyls. As soon as I got home, I went to sleep, knowing I’d have to get up extremely early to meet Starsong before her train left tomorrow.

I was a bit of a wreck at the station (I’m not really fond of trains; they remind me of unpleasant memories…). We had a small breakfast while we waited. There was no conversation; it wasn’t necessary, just being next to my beloved sister was enough (also I was falling asleep on my hooves…). Anyway, when the train finally arrived, Octavia pulled me aside and asked me to look out for Vinyl for her. I’m not sure what she meant specifically, but something in her voice says like whatever came between them wasn’t completely resolved… After Starsong and I said our goodbyes, I watched as the train pulled out of sight before heading home.

On my way back to Vinyl’s, Octavia’s parting words rung in my head; her comment was a stark reminder that I wasn’t the only pony with heavy things on their mind. I still don’t know what happened between the two of them, but Vinyl is my best friend (really my only close friend since I left Cloudsdale…) and I’m going to be there for her. If I have to stay with her in her house rather than move to my own later so be it; I can think of worse roommates than Vinyl, somepony with whom I have so much in common. Well, in the meantime, I guess I’ll just show her that somepony cares about her…

~ Starshadow

"That Home Away From Home"

Dear Diary,

Well, things are finally back to a steady pace around me, and hopefully now I’ll have some time to actually think about the last week-and-a-half.

Seeing Starsong again after seven years was wonderful, however brief as it turned out to be. Once she and Octavia left this morning, I spent most of the day just hanging out with Vinyl. Though she wasn’t very talkative, I could tell she was at least happy to have my company. I hope she feels a little more like herself before she has to go back on the road though…

Big Mac came over a few hours after noon; I had kind of expected him to be busy all day making up for yesterday, but he assured me he had finished his work early. He told me I just had to try these amazing cupcakes from the local pastry shop; while I’ve never had a huge sweet tooth myself, the way he described these cupcakes, and the fact that I hadn’t eaten since super early this morning, had me plenty excited to go and see for myself.

On the way to Sugarcube Corner, I thought I caught site of somepony I recognized from a time in my life better left in hazy memories… While it turned out to be just my imagination, I couldn’t help but think back to that time…

I don’t know if I’ve ever told you about the days just before I started writing to you; the first few weeks right after mom and Starsong rescued me… It’s definitely not something I like to remember. But I suppose that too is part of who I am now…

I remember the train from Canterlot to Los Pegasus fairly clearly compared to most of that time. I remember when Starsong had tried to take off my collar, and how distraught I was at the idea of being abandoned… I guess that part of me hasn’t changed all that much. When we finally got to her house, she had put me up in a separate room, but I had insisted on sleeping with her in her room. I don’t really remember this, but Starsong told me later that I had tried to go down on her the first few nights… Even with as far gone as I was, I can’t believe I almost did that; I’m not so repelled by the idea mind you, I love my sister more than anypony in the world, but the idea of forcing myself on her…

Of course I remember how she went about rehabilitating me by ordering me to be more independent. At the time of course, I just went along with it expecting some kind of reward from “Mistress”. When that didn’t happen, I fell even further into myself. As soon as I was allowed out by myself, I went out looking for trouble; and in a city the size of Los Pegasus, it wasn’t hard to find. I… ended up as the willing plaything of a street gang; the fact that I came away from that situation relatively unscathed was some kind of miracle…

It wasn’t long after that that Starsong ordered me to start keeping a diary, so I’m sure you remember the rest… Anyway, I really want to stop thinking about this right now. Big Mac and I are still on our way for cupcakes and I intend to enjoy them, as well as his company.

~ Starshadow

"That Pony From Her Past"

Dear D(illegible)

I’m sorry, but I don’t know how much of this I can get out now… Something terrible has happe(illegible)

I was on my way home from the club after my solo concert and I decided to stop outside Sweet Apple Acres. I remember thinking about the last time Master had taken me and it was starting to get me worked up. Then he(illegible)

(illegible)alled himself Thunderlane. He said he was with the gang that took me in when I first came to Los Pegasus. He told me to get back on the fence and I obeyed before I could even stop to think about what was happening.

My heart ached, and confusing thoughts assaulted my mind(illegible) I couldn’t help myself, my body reacted on its own and (illegible) Despite myself I came hard. Twice…

After that, I started to sink into that… dark place. I thought I had left all that behind when I threw off my collar(illegible) I was again, desperately begging to be taken. When he finally entered me, I pulled him down as deep as he could get, so(illegible) to get off…

Then, it finally all hit me at once, the reason for my hesitation and confusion. I couldn’t let this happen, not while I already had Master. I tried to tel(illegible) but he wouldn’t stop. I couldn’t (illegible) pain and confusion breaking my will even furt(illegible) dragged my head back by my mane and demanded I submit (illegible)

I… I gave up. I surrendered my(illegible)him…Master, I’m so sorry, I’ve betrayed you; I can’t (the rest of this page is illegible due to blurring from heavy water marks)

Author's Notes:

I'm aware this page is a bit of a mess... So was Starshadow when she was writing it... Actually, so was I when I was trying to channel her writing it... Anyway, I may, if there's demand for it, upload a complete, non tear-stained version of what she was actually trying to say here at some later date.

"That First Time"

Dear Diary,

Forgive me for my, ah… outburst before; I wasn’t able to face what happened to me last night… I haven’t really had time to process that yet, but right now I have even worse things on my mind… Master has ordered me to tell him about my past… all of it!

When I woke up earlier, I found that myself in Master’s house; Master had been laying with me since I passed out on the road. As soon as I was completely awake, the memories of my betrayal came flooding back to me. How could I even be close to him after what I said… what I did…? I tried to run, to apologize, anything I could think of, but when Master started to approach me, I just broke down…

Thankfully, Applejack was there as well and was able to comfort me long enough to calm down and not run from Master’s presence, though I still half-expected some cruel punishment for betraying him. As if on cue, Master asked me the one thing I could never tell him about… until he demanded I tell him everything… I’ve never told anypony about some of this, not even Starsong… but this was an order from Master… If it somehow meant I could be forgiven, I would do anything…

Thinking back to those days is difficult, but I had no choice. After Polaris caught me and saw what I had done to myself, he flew into a rage and began to beat me… savagely… The only reason the blows stopped coming was because he noticed that I had started touching myself… Looking back, I know that my paradoxical response to the pain is because of my masochism, but at the time I could only answer with confusion and pained moans… Polaris’s anger and revulsion finally boiled over and he demanded I leave the estate and never return; he had been so worked up that he almost lashed out at mom as well… Somehow, the thought of mom being in trouble because of me was even worse that the pain I was still in… After I was sure everypony was asleep, I left the Star Family Estate for the first and final time…

After I left the house, I remember all I could think about was my sister in Los Pegasus. I knew I couldn’t afford to pay to get that far with the few bits I’d collected, but I was a pegasus and, for the first time in my life, I was free of the barrier around the estate. I had read book after book about pegasi and flying and I was so sure that it would be as simple as it sounded in the books. I did everything the books had said; I felt the current catch me like I had dreamed about and I was sure I had done it… Reality hit me hard, along with the concrete roads of Canterlot; my wings, which I had never used before, simply weren’t strong enough to support me.

After the accident, the fact that I was now alone in the world really set in… Without my wings, there was no way I would be able to make it to Starsong, and I had no home to return to… I was ready to give up. I remember lying in an alley, sure that when I closed my eyes next, they would never open again… Sadly, I would wake to find myself in an even worse situati(illegible)

(A large part of this page is blank, save for several large water marks.)

I’m sorry… This memory… South Pole’s betrayal, even after all these years, still hurts. For all the hatred I hold for Polaris, at least he was honest about what he had wanted of me; nothing… I wanted so desperately to believe that I had finally found a place I could be happy all the time. I was close to mom, I could still see her and Starsong. I had a father figure that truly cared about me… But it was all an illusion, an ephemeral fantasia designed by a fillyphile so that I wouldn’t fight it when he…

Somehow, I managed to struggle through the story of my virginity… Once I finally stopped to try to collect myself, Master finally told me to stop, saying we would continue in the morning. After we stopped, thankfully Master left for his own room; I don’t know if I can be so close to him right now… Applejack started to leave as well, but I begged her to stay with me; she looked conflicted about it, but finally decided to stay. With her comforting warmth around me, I was finally able to calm down enough to write this entry.

I don’t know what’ll come of all of this when they know everything; even what I’ve told them so far seems to be too much for them to handle. I want to believe that they will understand, but how could they? Once they know the whole truth, will they shun me? Would they throw me out of their home and want nothing more to do with me…? I don’t think I could blame them if they did… I know it’s stupid to even think this, but Princess Luna… could you please freeze this moment in time? Maybe if the morning never comes, I can be happy with this quiet moment with Applejack forever…

~ Starshadow

"That Owner"

Dear Diary,

As soon as I was awake enough to, Big Mac and Applejack approached me again. Talking about the days after I became South Pole's pet is still difficult; even after all this time, that heartbreak seems to linger whenever I think of him...

Don't worry about me crying on you again; I think I've finally run out of tears...

After South Pole revealed his true colors, he took every opportunity to use me to his satisfaction. While it stopped hurting physically, every time felt as though my heart was being torn apart over and over... Finally, apparently satisfied with my lack of resistance, he forgot one night to lock the door behind him; I knew this was my chance...I had to get away from Canterlot... I had to find Starsong. But I wouldn't even make it to the door...

My own clumsiness betrayed me, and when South Pole saw me trying to leave, he snapped. He brought me back to his room, tied me down and... and forced me to submit to him completely... That was the night I first began to realize that I liked to be abused... that pain could get me off. It was also the night I gave up hope of meeting any other fate than this...

It didn't take South Pole long to break my already flagging spirit completely. I had already lost track of how long I had been in his mansion when a new figure came into my life, one to whom I still owe so much for saving me from completely giving up on myself... Sunset Flash.

I remember the first time I saw her... I had been clumsy in servicing South Pole earlier that day and he deemed it necessary to punish me on a paddling machine. The strikes had been lined up to hit directly on my pussy but the movement of the machine was too slow to ever allow me to get off on it. I was on edge for what seemed like months at the time before South Pole finally stopped the torturous machine and left me and the other filly alone in the room. She saw that I was desperate and suffering and, risking punishment herself, untied me and tongued me to a long overdue climax. After that, she and I saw each other allot. She was owned by South Pole's brother, North Pole, and the two worked closely together. Whenever North Pole came to visit, Sunset Flash and I were left alone together. She had been a slave much longer than I had, yet she somehow never seemed completely broken by her experiences... She was there for me when I broke down, and she taught me how to survive and make the best of my new life...

She was the best thing that happened to me while I was living in that acre of Tartarus; she was the reason I made it through that time. As much as I want to forget this whole chapter, I still miss her sometimes... I wish I knew what's become of her...

Anyway, life was beginning to get better for me under South Pole. With Sunset's advice and encouragement, I was able to please him greatly, and he in turn treated me more like a treasure, like he said he'd wanted to before I tried to run. I almost let myself believe I could be happy with that life; all my needs were being met, and South Pole was, more often than not, willing to see to my needs as well as his own... Then it suddenly all fell apart the day I was suddenly given to them...

Just as I was beginning to feel as though I might fall apart, I was saved by the arrival of, of all ponies, the newest Princess of Equestria, Twilight Sparkle. I still can't believe that she even knows who I am, much less is involved in looking for that Thunderlane pony. Actually, to be honest, I'm amazed that anypony is going this far out of their way to help me...

I suppose I should mention that the Princess had some strange unicorn bodyguard with her when she arrived. I'm... not really sure what to make of her, the mare didn't say a word to anypony the whole time they were there, even when AJ engaged her directly. I suppose that's part of being a Princess, but there's something... off about her.

After AJ left and returned with a "meal" (which was more of a feast), Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy arrived to discuss their search. Fluttershy seemed really riled up when they were talking about Thunderlane; under normal circumstances, it would be exciting... Nopony seems to have seen the stallion since the incident... two nights ago...? I'm having a hard time keeping track of time; the lingering thoughts of my latest ordeal and my going back through my darkest days has made it hard to think about anything else...

Finally my new friends and Princess Twilight left and (something was very thoroughly marked out here) Big Mac finally returned to his room. I want to go with him, I can see he's not himself lately, but somehow I can't bring myself to approach him without AJ with me... AJ and I finally went to bed ourselves and she let me cuddle up to her. I'm so grateful to AJ for staying with me at night; I know she isn't completely comfortable sleeping with me, but she's trying so hard for my sake... and having her holding me makes me feel... almost normal again.

~ Starshadow

"That Hurt"

Dear Diary,

I'm not sure where to start this entry... I'm not sure of allot of things right now. The last three weeks of my life feel like years; I don't know how to make sense of it...

I guess I should just start at the beginning, right...?

So, I had an... interesting surprise waiting for me this morning. I woke up to find my forehoof buried against my bedmate's already sopping wet marehood. At first she didn't notice that I was awake and apparently decided she had had enough, but the whole situation quickly went to my sleep-addled head and before I could stop to think about it, I was attacking her foal hole myself.

Despite being far stronger than me, she made no real effort to stop me. We ended up straddling one another, with me on top (I know weird right?). The shock at finding me reciprocating her naughty advances finally seemed to wear off at this point and she began to lap at my folds as well. More that pleasure, there was genuine affection in her touch. For a moment, I let that affection wash over me, comforting me... But I had a job to do; Applejack needed desperately to get off, and I was going to use everything I had ever learned about mares to make sure she had the most explosive orgasm she'd ever had.

Before too much longer, AJ was nearing her peak, and knowing this, I went straight after her most sensitive point, dragging her into a screaming orgasm. I wasn't satisfied with this though; AJ deserves only the highest, most intense pleasure... I continued my assault on her clit, driving her into a second climax before the first had even crested and, to everypony's surprise, she squirted. Hard. Harder than I've ever seen; harder than I can remember myself ever doing it... I was entranced, staring proudly at the results of my love-fueled ministrations.

So there's another thing... I think I'm in love with Applejack as well. The last few days have opened my eyes to how caring and generous she can be to those she cares for even a little bit. The things she's done for me... The more I'm thinking about it, I'm realizing I have the exact same feeling towards her as I do for her brother...

It's hard to believe this time two weeks ago, she was threatening to buck my skull in. Is it me, do you think? Am I too quick to trust, to call these foreign feelings love? It is something I have no real experience with before coming to Ponyville after all...

If nothing else, I have to thank her for allowing me the opportunity to feel my normal again. It's a nice feeling not being overwhelmed by fear and confusion every time a stallion enters my line of sight. I will have to make this up to Mast Big Mac later though...I've been really harsh to him the last few days, and then to do what I did with his sister right in front of him... I hope he isn't too mad at me...

Actually, I'm not sure how I feel about that either. All this talking about my past under South Pole and... the others... has really sparked my darker fantasies again. Just like Sunset said all those years ago... I've developed a taste for punishment; part of me longs for the pain and degradation... After everything I've told them, I wonder if I could get one or both of them to dom me...?

That was the end of the fun part of my day. Once everypony calmed down, I continued to tell the two of them my story. Today was especially difficult... I told them of the auction. It was a relatively calm day in the sense that nopony raped me, but it was also the day that my will began to shatter completely. It was the last time I saw my friend Sunset...

Thankfully, they didn't press me for too many details about my time under them... I actually don't remember much of it, I don't even know what their names are... What I do remember of that time is nightmarish, even weighed against all the other nightmares I've suffered through... Master wasn't so bad in the long run; he was twisted in his kinks and always found some new way to degrade me along with using me. I learned to live with that though, my pride was already broken long ago... Mistress, however... I've never met a more sadistic, cruel... and altogether clever pony in my entire life. Master had forbade her from "damaging his property", but somehow she found increasingly excruciating ways to torture me that never left a scar... Magic is truly amazing and terrible sometimes...

With that out, the next most logical question came up: how could such an underground exist right under the noses of Princesses? Some ponies believe the absolute power in Equestria, and indeed the world, is Princess Celestia and Princess Luna; even the two of them seem to believe it. But the truth is, the greatest power in Equestria is bits. The underground in Canterlot thrives because it is built around extreme wealth. Such wealth affords the underground the capacity to make problems literally disappear...

I could see that AJ wanted to go to Princess Twilight about what I had told them, but knowing what would come of it, I couldn't let the ponies I love take that risk for me. What happened to me was horrible, I realize, but it's in the past. I can't let that vile stain on my life affect me any more...

Besides, there's a much more recent stain I have to attend to...

In my exuberance to impress upon AJ how desperately I didn't want them to get hurt, I kind of let it slip that I've fallen for both Apple siblings... Before anypony could dwell on it though, Twilight arrived with news: Thunderlane had been captured (inside Ponyville apparently; it doesn't seem like the smartest place to hide out, but then it did take them three days to find him so...).

I don't know exactly what I want to say to him, but I know that I have to say something. I have to do something to close this chapter in my life, or I'll not be able to move on to all the other things hanging over my head. AJ and Big Mac... everypony that helped me to this point deserves better than that.

We're on our way to see him now. I don't know what to feel as the moment arrives, but knowing that I'll have two of the most important ponies in my world with me will bring me strength. I pray it will be enough...

~ Starshadow

"Breakout"

Dear Diary,

It's been a while since we last talked. Sorry about that. I've been in the middle of doing some serious soul-searching and, as usual for me recently, things are still happening really quickly around me.

Do you remember how I was going to confront Thunderlane before...? Well, I never got the chance. Nopony knows how, but he apparently cut himself loose and then just vanished... There is the possibility that somepony broke him out, but why would anypony want to help him?! Especially here in Ponyville, where crime is apparently so unheard of that there's only one permanent guard barracks in it... Anyway, the guards and Fluttershy turned the town upside-down looking for him and found no trace. Finally satisfied that he was no longer in Ponyville, the guard presence in Ponyville returned to normal and things started to get back to normal in town.

I'm not worried about Thunderlane coming after me again though, because I have the two strongest, most amazing ponies in Equestria by my side every day now... I am, however, still uncertain about where I stand emotionally. My feelings for AJ are just as strong as they were the morning we fooled around with each other, but I still love Big Mac as well, perhaps even more now that I know how generous he truly is...

Thankfully the next few days were pretty quiet. While the guards were tearing through Ponyville, Sweet Apple Acres was for the most part spared any such cacophony. I passed the days helping Big Mac and AJ on the farm any way I could. My days were simple but tiring; still it felt nice to be helpful to the stallion and mare I've come to adore...

That tranquility was suddenly shattered by Rainbow Dash barreling down on us with shocking news. Apparently miss Vinyl was off on a bit of an adventure of her own, unbeknownst to me. Vinyl had been at a concert to see Octavia perform. During the performance, Octavia apparently had some kind of "wardrobe malfunction" (neither the article nor the mares themselves would elaborate on that point...) Anyway, in order to keep Octavia from ending up in the middle of a scandal, she decided to cause one herself...

Vinyl left the concert hall before the orchestra and proceeded to attack the gathered press ponies, going so far as to wreck some of their offices before her tirade caught the attention of the Royal Guard. Even then, rather than surrender, she let the guards on a chase through the streets of Los Pegasus, causing further mayhem at every available opportunity. The whole scandal pretty quickly got a reaction in the form of her label completely dropping her...

Naturally I was shocked to hear about this, I didn't even know she had left town... Dash and I flew over to Vinyl and (sort of) mine's house to find she and Octavia in the middle of a... conversation... Or rather we fell into the middle of it (don't ask; let's just say that Rainbow Dash is a bit of a busybody sometimes...). Anyway, once things settled down, Vinyl and Octavia told us about what had happened themselves.

Vinyl seems to be in pretty high spirits considering she just essentially destroyed her own career... I wonder if I could talk Bar Back into letting her play with me again here in Ponyville, just the private shows like before. Though talking to Vinyl now, I'm wondering if she would even agree to it if I asked her...

Hmm, that reminds me; I need to go apologize to Bar Back for canceling my performances indefinitely out of the blue. I'm sure he's probably heard about what happened by now, but still...

When the question of what I had been up to came up though, the room quickly chilled. I wasn't able to find the words myself, but thankfully Dash's bluntness spared me from having to recount those events myself... Vinyl had no idea what had happened right after she left a week ago; I suppose it's understandable that she didn't hear about what was happening here (as she was too busy rampaging through the streets of Los Pegasus; I swear that mare is out of her bucking mind...). She and Octavia were both apologetic and supportive once they found out, of course.

At this point Applejack found us and told us there was a feast waiting for us back at Sweet Apple Acres. When we arrived at the barn though, another surprise was waiting for me...

I've made some wonderful friends in the short time I've been in Ponyville. Not including Big Mac and AJ (who are much more than mere "friends" to me now), I've been able to further strengthen my bond with Vinyl. I've also become closer to Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy; while I can't say the circumstances were pleasant, their support through all of this has been so heart-warming. Both pegasi mares were out to visit me on the farm every day while I was working with Big Mac and AJ.

I made a new friend tonight too, an earth mare named Pinkie Pie (though I guess it would be more accurate to say I had her friendship forcefully shoved down my throat...). Applejack and the others had offhoofedly mentioned their pink friend from time to time, but nothing could have prepared me for meeting the mare face to face. Pinkie Pie had set up a "surprise/cheer up" party for me while I was out with Rainbow Dash. Actually she kind of spewed it at me all at once... This mare has an... overwhelming presence about her; I'm not even sure how to describe it. She's not dominating or anything like that... In fact, she's the most aggressively sunny, friendly pony I've ever heard of, let alone met. But she's so... random, I guess? I don't know what to make of her, but somehow I can't help but smile at her presence.

After the party, Pinkie Pie told us to allow her to clean up the mess, producing a cannon that she somehow intended to use to do the job. Before I could question the logic of this though, AJ pulled me aside and said simply to not bother. The way she said that tells me there are probably allot of things about Pinkie Pie I shouldn't try to think too hard about...

After Big Mac, AJ and I got back to their house, I asked AJ if I could be alone with Big Mac and she agreed. Once we were alone, I finally let out the fear I'd been holding in all week. I asked the question, already knowing in my heart what the answer must be; how could anypony want to be with me after all the things I'd been through, and after I had betrayed them with somepony else... But to my surprise, Big Mac forgave me without a moment's hesitation, saying he still wanted me to be my special somepony.

I felt warm, contented, hearing him say those words... I've missed that feeling. I missed the security of his massive body wrapped around my own. I miss his compassion, his honesty. I miss him... We're going to be sleeping together for the first time since the attack tonight. I can't help but feel a little anxious; it's the first time since then that I've let myself be so vulnerable. But I believe in him, my stoic stallion. I know I can trust him.

... I know I can...

~ Starshadow

"Jealousy"

Dear Diary,

As you already know, I made up with Big Mac last night and we spent the night together. Things are far from perfect between us though, as today clearly illustrated...

So when we actually got to Big Mac's room last night, my nerve faltered again. All of the guilt and hesitation of the previous week flooded back into me while I stood there racking my brain trying to figure out some way I could make up my past failings to him. When I found myself being hefted onto his bed, I froze; I was certain that Big Mac meant to have his way with me. Of course I would have let him, after all he is my Master, even if he doesn't want to admit it... To my surprise and, well... relief, he merely cuddled in behind me before falling asleep himself.

It was... nice. Nicer than I probably deserved actually. I felt contented myself for the first time as I too drifted off to sleep a few minutes later.

I slept in late that morning, so naturally when I woke up Big Mac was long gone. I stumbled downstairs to find Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle apparently preparing breakfast for Sweetie Bell's older sister...

Rarity... Just thinking about her leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Everything about the way that mare looks and carries herself, and even her fucking name reminds me of Canterlot, of everything I hate about society ponies, particularly the Star family...

Sorry, where was I...? Oh right, breakfast. So the fillies had created a small mountain's worth of pancakes, which I was later informed were all experiments the two had concocted in some half-baked effort to earn their cutie marks or some such nonsense. While endearing, many of these cakes were frightening to look upon; there were some that looked like they had gravel in them...! Before I could escape though, Rarity beat me to it by excusing herself and leaving me to play guinea pig to the fillies' disturbing cake experiments... I suppose I should count myself lucky that I didn't end up violently ill.

Later that morning, once I finally escaped the two Crusaders, I headed out into the orchards intending to "help" Big Mac with his chores... by which I of course meant admire the big stallion's amazing stamina and strength (don't judge me, he's really hot when he's out there, working up a sweat...). But when I found him, to my shock (and profound annoyance), he was talking to that bitch Rarity. She had ditched me with the potentially poisonous "food" her little sister had prepared for her to run off and try to steal my Mas coltfrie stallion out from under my nose!

I snuck in closer to hear exactly what the conniving hag was up to, and found her, as expected, shamelessly flirting with him. Big Mac quickly turned her down, but the bitch wouldn't take the hint, even going so far as to try to seduce him with that ridiculously overly-curled tail of hers. Again, Big Mac turned her down and she finally decided she'd had enough for one day... But I know her type; I know she'll keep trying to break through the wall of stoicism that he carries himself with.

Every part of me burned to run out and tell the harlot off, but somehow I couldn't find the nerve... Even after Rarity left though, I couldn't find the strength to confront Big Mac about what had happened, so I snuck back to the farm. As I approached, I caught sight of another mare I'd never seen before talking to Applejack. The little pegasus smiled and flew off towards where I'd just left Big Mac. When I asked her about it, AJ told me that the mare's name was Flitter and that she was there to see Big Mac as well. She then told me not to worry myself over it, that he had always turned down offers from other mares... Somehow that doesn't actually make me feel any better...

As for this Flitter filly, she's a tiny little thing herself, about the same size as me, actually. Her pale blue fur and light gray mane, gives her and adorable, innocent look. She's actually quite cute, I'll admit, but... I don't know what it was, but there was just something about that little pegasus that I don't like...

I went back to the barn after that, holing myself up in the seclusion. I didn't want to face anypony, not even Dashie or Fluttershy or even Vinyl... I was struggling hard with the idea of losing my stallion to somepony else; somepony with less baggage. Though he said he accepted my history, it's pretty plain to see that he's still bothered by it...

Dinner came and went quietly. I went back into the kitchen and waited for Granny Smith and the others to head back to their own rooms before I made my move. I found Big Mac alone in the living room, seemingly troubled by his own thoughts; the sight of him made my decision much easier in that moment. I pounced on him before he really had a chance to figure out what I was up to, lying him down on his back so I could properly take on his glorious stallionhood. It was all working out perfectly; I was going to remind him that he didn't need anypony but me, his most faithful pet...

Then suddenly he pushed me off of him, the mood totally gone. I didn't know what I had done wrong and I panicked, begging for a second chance to please him. When he wouldn't let me, I... kind of broke down, leveling him with all the insecurity of the day's events had Big Mac was quick to reassure me that he loved me and me alone and all at once that twisting pain went away.

Once again I find myself in Big Mac's gentle, loving embrace. It's so peaceful and secure; I never want this feeling to fade... Now that I'm lying here thinking about it again, though, I hate to admit it but I'm still uncomfortable. Rarity and Flitter are both really attractive in their own ways, and I'm sure there are dozens of other mares with eyes for this amazing stallion, even if they aren't prepared for what being with him would mean physically. Even his own sister wants him... He says that he loves me more than anypony, but it's only a matter of time before he gets tired of dealing with my issues and... and I don't know what I would do if he left me now. I've never been this close to anypony before; if he or AJ left now...

No, I'm not going to think about that now. I'm in my stallion's gentle embrace again, and I won't let my own stupid concerns spoil the contentedness that brings me. Big Mac is mine now, and more importantly, he tells me so himself. I love hearing him say that. I should ask him about that more often...

~ Starshadow

"Guardian"

Dear Diary,

I can't even begin to describe how excited I am tonight; my sister Starsong is finally back in town, and this time she'll be staying with me for a while! The weeks since I last saw her have somehow been harder to bear that the years before, but it was so worth it. I finally have my beloved sister and my beloved friends all together, and of course my special somepony, and his very special sister as well... It's so perfect it has to be a dream.

So, you may have noticed I mentioned a special somepony... Big Mac and I have been talking over the last few days, ever since that unpleasantness with that bitch Rarity, I've... well, it wasn't pleasant for any of us. I got a little crazy and even after Big Mac was able to calm me down that night, the feeling still lingered. Thankfully nopony else came out looking to get between Big Mac and me, but still, the next couple of days were hard for me... I spent much of it trying to suppress the urge to hole up again or jump Big Mac out of nowhere...

The trials of the last few days did, however, help me to see just how good the friends I've made here in Ponyville actually are. A few days ago, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash came over with Scootaloo and we all went out together to give the filly a flying lesson; the foal tries so hard, I hope that hearing about how long it took me to learn to fly helped ease her mind a little... Yesterday, I went to the library to chat with Twilight; it's so amazing that the princess is willing to make time to just sit and talk with somepony like me. Before things got too intellectual, however, Dash... well, crashed in and starting going on and on about the "Daring Do" series. Twilight lent me the first book; I'll have to eke out some time to sit down and read it eventually. And of course, Big Mac and I have been together every night. We aren't actually having sex (I know, it's crazy, right?), but we've never been closer. I can finally say with some confidence that he is my special somepony.

Of course that still leaves AJ... But I've decided not to worry myself over it. I know that I love them both, that they obviously love each other, and that they both love me to varying degrees. There's no problems if we all love each other, right? Right.

So, today Fluttershy came over to drop off the Crusaders (the fillies had apparently had a sleepover at her cabin the night before), and the girls and I got into a game of tag. I held back a bit to make it fair for the fillies; I doubt anypony in town except maybe AJ could keep up with my real speed and agility on the ground. Actually, I can say for certain now; I can keep pace with the best of them... for a while.

Big Mac and AJ came out and found me and the fillies still engrossed in the game. Big Mac was asking AJ if she wanted to join us, but the mare declined, saying it wouldn't be fair to us... I'm not really sure what came over me in that moment, but I decided to call her out on her bluff...

Clearly Applejack has never seen what a real ground-based pegasus is capable of (... sorry Fluttershy, Scoots... ). While I don't fly with them very often, my wings actually dramatically increase my mobility on the ground, letting me make moves and cuts that would be almost impossible otherwise. There was no way Applejack could keep pace with me... Except, well... the mare's got an insane amount of stamina, and mine pretty quickly ran out.

Applejack caught up to me once I finally ran myself down and took us both to the ground. When we finally came to a halt, AJ had me pinned under her stronger frame. To my surprise, the still somewhat shy mare, rather that immediately pulling herself off of me, leaned in and kissed me. It was intense from the moment our lips touched, and we very quickly forgot our surroundings... I hope the Crusaders didn't see us, especially after I started grinding my suddenly needy marehood into her leg...

Unbeknownst to us at the time, we actually did have an audience. Starsong had just exited a taxi and since we apparently ended up on the road leading up to the house, the first thing she saw was us fooling around on the ground. Neither of us noticed her until Applejack heard the luggage she was carrying slip from her magic. AJ seemed panicked for some reason, but I couldn't contain my excitement at seeing Starsong again unexpectedly. I ran up and embraced her, headless of anything else, and soon enough we were all headed inside to get comfortable. We lost AJ and Starsong for a few minutes, but I'm sure it was nothing, probably Starsong just wanted to ask her about something about me and Big Mac or something...

Later after dinner, Apple Bloom wanted to try out an "herbal shampoo" she and the Crusaders had concocted earlier that day. I'd learned my lesson after that whole "breakfast" fiasco a few days ago, but of course Starsong wasn't yet aware of how dangerous the innocent little fillies were capable of being when they were together... Despite our attempts to dissuade her, she agreed to let Apple Bloom try it in her mane. So... a few moments after she applied it to her mane, the mixture somehow caught fire... I know I shouldn't laugh at that; it could have been really damaging if AJ and Big Mac hadn't reacted so quickly... But, well, we all warned her of pretty much that exact outcome...

Anyway, Starsong will be staying with me at Vinyl's; since she and Octavia are currently sharing her room (I wonder how close those two actually are these days...), that means Starsong'll be sleeping with me. It's so exciting; I haven't felt so close to my sister since the night before I left for Cloudsdale. It's all just too perfect. I wish this feeling could last forever...!

~ Starshadow

"Festival"

Dear Diary,

It's been a few days since Starsong came back to town and has been staying in my room with me at Vinyl's. When we got back to the room, she was going to sleep on the floor; it took a little doing, but I finally managed to convince her that it was okay to share the bed with me. It was so nice, just like Los Pegasus... I do wonder a bit at her reluctance to sleep with me though; it's not as though there's anything weird about two mares sharing a bed or anything...

The next day we properly introduced her to the rest of our friends (also Rarity...), and in almost no time she was one of the mares just like me. I'm amazed at how friendly everypony in this town is, it's almost stifling... Anyway, she and Rarity actually hit it off which, while the idea of her spending time with my sister sickens me, I suppose I can live with it so long as that marshmallow bitch stays clear of my Big Mac. Pinkie, naturally, practically assaulted her with her general hyper-activeness, but we were finally able to distract her away from Starsong by reminding her of the celebration coming up in the next couple of days. You see, Ponyville throws quite a festival in celebration of Nightmare Night I've discovered. I've been out on Nightmare Night a few times before, but it was usually just an excuse to have a wild party with Vinyl or some other music ponies... This was the first traditional celebration I've ever been to. It's quite the experience, to say the least.

The preparations were a bit unpleasant though... I had to have a costume made, as it's apparently traditional. I'm not really fond of wearing clothes, as they remind me of the upper class ponies and everything I hate about them... Also, as a filly, the only times I wore any clothes was when Mistre ... never mind that, I don't really want to think about that right now. Anyway, I needed a costume in a hurry which meant turning to the resident rich bitch... Thankfully, with Starsong here, I didn't have to deal with Rarity personally and, though I'm loathe to admit it, the harlot did manage to produce mine and Starsong's costumes in very short order...

Anyway, this morning AJ started feeling feverish and developed a bad cough and sneeze. Granny Smith said it wasn't anything too serious and that AJ would be okay in a day or two, but that she should stay in to take care of her granddaughter (personally it didn't seem all that serious to me; if I didn't know better, I might think those two just didn't want the headache of chasing the Crusaders around all night). So, it was left to me, Starsong, and Big Mac to chaperone the fillies.

I suppose it wouldn't be right to not talk about one of the most important parts of the festival... As I mentioned, I'm not really into clothes, but I remembered a book I read about Saddle Arabia a while back, and the sheer outfits the flank-dancers wear were really cool. Starsong was dressed as her personal idol, Beethoofen; despite the stuffy, old fashioned clothes, she still managed to look cute in it somehow... Anyway, Big Mac was a zombie, and I'll admit, the big stallion makes an imposing monster. Scootaloo was dressed as Daring Do; apparently she was a personal hero of hers ever since Dash introduced the filly to the books... Sweetie Belle was the monster from some horror movie or other; I don't know, I'm not really into horror films. Finally Apple Bloom was a mummy, which when paired with Big Mac, was hilariously cute.

After a little while of trick-or-treating, we ran into Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie. Dashie was, big surprise, also Daring Do (she and Scoots together were so adorable...). Pinkie, in typical Pinkie fashion, had dressed up as a lizard... that "ribbited" for some reason... Fluttershy had foregone a costume and seemed more than a little nervous about being out tonight; apparently Dash and Pinkie had dragged her out. Dash and the others offered to take the fillies with them for some more trick-or-treating and to the haunted house, literally dragging poor Fluttershy along with them. Starsong decided to go along with them so she and Sweetie Belle could continue their talk about singing. I was a little reluctant to see her go, but it did mean a little more alone time with Big Mac so...

The two of us went into the town proper to see the festivities in earnest. There were game stalls and food carts (which was a nice change of pace from the overwhelming amounts of candy flowing everywhere else). The Cakes had their own special treats they were giving out from Sugarcube Corner. Eventually we made our way to the offering statue; a statue of Nightmare Moon that everypony offers a portion of their treats to so that Nightmare Moon would eat it instead of them. Big Mac told me about how Princess Luna actually came to Ponyville's Nightmare Night festival a few years ago and was a big hit with the town's foals (while they ran from her in abject terror, apparently...).

Finally, we made our way to the haunted house Pinkie had mentioned. The place was perfect, like to a fault. It just screamed "Twilight designed and oversaw construction of this"... That said, I'll admit the work they put in really paid off and the effects and overall ambiance would normally be really scary; of course compared to some of the things I've lived through, nothing in the place really seemed scary to me... It did, however, give me a really bad idea, one that I found I couldn't resist.

My stallion's zombie costume was pretty convincing, and as it turned out he blended in perfectly with the decorations, which became clear when a couple of foals rounded the corner and started at the sight of the zombie staring back at them... Unfortunately, the big stallion's acting was less convincing than his appearance, so it fell to me to "help" liven up his performance. The area where he was positioned had his lower body and rear legs shielded from view, so I snuck in behind him and started to coax that monstrous stallionhood out of hiding. He certainly responded quickly enough; I guess with everything that's happened recently, he's been a little pent-up himself. Anyway, when we heard the next group approaching, I took that incredible cock to the root in one fluid motion.

As I predicted, his groan of pleasure was exactly the perfect touch to push his performance over the edge, which was complimented by the terrified shrieks of the poor foals that happened into the room right at that moment. Ha! How I wish I could have seen their faces... but oh well, it's not as though I didn't get anything out of it myself...

... Yeah, I know it was mean, but it was also funny so that makes it okay...

Don't you judge me!

Anyway, after that we decided it would be best to move on before the guard or somepony showed up, so we quickly exited the house. Outside we ran into Princess Twilight and her bodyguard Nightshade. Neither mare was in costume; the princess was apparently too busy micromanaging the haunted house's construction and operation, and Nightshade is incapable of smiling, much less having fun... Actually, the bodyguard was acting particularly wound up tonight; it seemed like she was looking for somepony in particular, and she was actually running off anypony that tried to approach Twilight or us. I don't know what's got her so worked up this time, but it did lead to an awkward little encounter with a certain pegasus friend of mine.

My old friend Derpy was in town again for the festival (though at the time none of us had any idea who she was as she was dyed black from head to hoof and was wearing a thick black cloak to boot). When she spotted me and Twilight she ran over, I presume to greet us; Nightshade, being on high alert as she was, saw her actions as hostile and ran to intercept. I'm actually not really sure what exactly happened after that, but the next thing I knew, Nightshade had tackled the "attacker" out of the sky and was most likely about to strike her down. Thankfully Twilight stopped her long enough for us to pull back the cloak, revealing a very confused but otherwise unharmed Derpy...

Speaking of confused, none of us were quite sure what to make of the mare's costume. She said she was a "Darkguard"... whatever that is... When Big Mac asked, she said something about them being some kind of secret assassin force under Princess Luna and some nonsense about an epic pony war in the distant past... It's insane, of course; no history books mention anything about a civil war between the princesses. Most books didn't even make the corolation between Luna and Nightmare Moon. Derpy was absolutely convinced the information she'd received (from a camel, apparently) was perfectly accurate though so there wasn't much point in arguing it. Anyway, Nightshade forced out the most begrudging apology in the history of pony (I know she's supposed to be a bodyguard, but that mare really needs to learn how to loosen up...) and she and Twilight took their leave.

Big Mac and I are on our way back to the farm now. Big Mac was really quiet earlier after the haunted house incident... I hope he's not mad at me about that. Well, when we get back to his room, I'll see about making it up to him... somehow...

All in all, tonight was the most fun I've had in quite some time. And more importantly, I got to spend most of it alone with my special somepony (I have to admit, that still feels a little funny saying that...). But that's not even the best part... Mine and Storsong's birthdays are coming up in a few days! This will be the first time we've been able to celebrate together since Starsong left the Star Family estate for Los Pegasus. I know it's not usually a big deal for me, but this year I have my beloved sister and all of my friends and my special somepony...! Now if only mom could be here too, it would be absolutely perfect...

Hmm... I wonder if Starsong remembers our little joke from when we were fillies? I'll have to remind myself to say it sometime that day...

~ Starshadow

"Surprise"

Dear Diary,

It's been such a wonderful day I don't even know where to begin. I honestly don't know what I could have done to deserve this much happiness, but now that I've felt it, I don't even know how to express this feeling...

... Okay, so allot has happened in the last couple of days, but I'll try to keep this as succinct as possible.

So, as I mentioned before, my birthday was today; I don't normally bother to celebrate my birthdays, but with almost everypony I care about here to help celebrate with me, I actually was looking forward to today. I don't know why I'm surprised by this, after everything I've seen of her before, but apparently Pinkie Pie already had my and Starsong's birthdays listed in her book despite neither of us telling her... When she came up to Starsong asking her about the plans for the parties (because why wouldn't she plan two parties right in a row from one another...), Starsong started to tell her not to, but I stopped her saying we'd rather just have one party for both of us. The look on my sister's face when she saw that I was looking forward to celebrating... I think she might have actually been more excited than I was... And she even remembered our little joke...!

The last few days have been a bit trying for another reason though. Ever since the night Starsong came back to Ponyville, Big Mac and I have been trying to find time to, well... buck each other's brains out like we used to. It's been plain to see that the poor stallion's been dying to get some action lately, and, truth be told, so have I... But until just now, every time we've tried has been derailed by some nonsense or another...

The days after Nightmare Night were scheduled for a huge rainstorm so the farm kind of shut down for the duration. Starsong spent most of her time with the fillies. It's really adorable how well she gets on with them, almost like a surrogate mother... at least until they cause some kind of crusading-related disaster, anyway... Applejack and Granny Smith still managed to find plenty to keep themselves busy of course, but since Starsong was here to watch the Crusaders, they had insisted Big Mac relax and spend his days with his special somepony (I'm going to have to remember to properly thank AJ for that later).

The first day, we spent just relaxing. After another failed attempt at jumping Mac's bones the night before, I was content to simply lose myself in those massive, comforting hooves of his. The second day we spent preparing the hard cider in advance of the party. Big Mac and AJ had some new blends they were trying out, and I volunteered my services as taste tester. That afternoon, Mac and I tried so many blends of cider... Oh my god it's even better than I remembered! Um... anyway, we got just a little tipsy in the process, and soon my thoughts were distracted by the hunky stallion right next to me. We were just getting ready get down to business before Applejack's voice cut in. Apparently the Crusaders managed to cause yet another mess out in the barn, and since that's where the party was going to be, Big Mac had to go help clean up.

I don't really remember this because the cider really started to kick in after AJ showed up, but apparently Big Mac carried me back to his room to sleep off the cider. A little while later, Starsong came in with some water and the two of us spent most of the afternoon together. She says I tried to make out with her, but I don't remember any of that... Anyway, before she left to go help Granny Smith with the cooking, she left me a bottle of her lotion, suggesting I make use of it when Big Mac finally got back from the barn.

When Big Mac finally did come back in, it was already almost midnight. After he went for a shower, I decided to take my sister's advice and help my stallion relax a little. I had him lay down on the bed and used the lotion to give him a full-body massage. I hate to admit it, but some of those skills I learned as a slave are really starting to pay off, if Mac's reaction is anything to go off of, I haven't lost my touch in the slightest... I thought I might get a little action out of him afterwards, but the poor stallion actually was completely exhausted and quickly fell asleep once he started to completely relax. Of course I finished my work, wanting to make certain that my special somepony was perfectly relaxed and ache-free when he woke up. Afterwards, I fell asleep myself.

I didn't sleep that long though; the excitement woke me up fairly early this morning. It's so weird, I feel like a little filly all of a sudden. I don't think even getting ready for a concert makes me that excitable...

Anyway, today started off in possibly the most awkward fashion I have ever been a part of... When Big Mac finally woke up, I had been awake for a while. We shared a few kisses and after Mac thanked me for the night before, he told me happy birthday. My heart just melted away; it was the first time anyone other than mom or Starsong had said those words to me and really meant them. I couldn't take it; I needed him right then and there. It was fairly clear he wanted me just as badly, as he was ready to go within seconds. Very slowly, I felt just the tip of his delicious cock slide into me... I was in heaven the moment I felt him inside me, and I was so desperate to get as much of him as I could, but before we could get to it for real, things took a painfully awkward turn...

With almost no warning, into the room burst the Crusaders, come to wish me a happy birthday. Now frozen in place, with Big Mac's cock still just inside me, we now had three little faces staring us down; thank Celestia we still had the blanket on enough to shield them from the business going on down there... I tried to figure out a way to explain away the position we were in, which was not easy while my body was so completely focused on that one inch of intense pleasure... The only thing my lust-addled mind could come up with was wrestling, which immediately backfired on us when the fillies decided to go for their wrestling cutie marks (yeah, I know, I really should have seen that coming, but like I said, I was fighting the throes of passion at that moment).

To make a weird situation worse(?), the Crusaders decided their first opponents would be me and Mac, and proceeded to jump onto the stallion's back, inadvertently driving his stallionhood as deep into me as it would go. Moments later the three started jumping on his back, causing him to buck into me, hard... I actually had to muzzle myself with a hoof to keep the cries of pleasure from ringing out. By the time AJ stumbled upon the scene herself, I was well on my way to the most embarrassing orgasm I would have ever experienced that didn't involve a Master...

So yeah... that's how my day started... Now that I'm thinking about it, I've had so many near misses with Apple Bloom and her friends that it has to be some kind of miracle that they haven't seen anything overtly explicit. Hmm... by that same logic, I'm not even sure if I can call that one a near miss. They may not have known about it, but they basically caused the very scene we were trying to prevent... I can only imagine the "fun" that would have been trying to explain why I was impaled on Big Mac's "thingie"...

Anyway, once the room was cleared out, I was kind of hoping we could get back to it (you know, because I was almost at the edge...), but all the interference kind of killed the mood, so I reluctantly got up and took a shower instead... Once we were both presentable, we made our way downstairs to where Starsong, AJ, and Granny Smith were all finishing up the food for the party. While we were all standing around, Starsong mentioned she heard the Crusaders had "woke us up" and about the whole "wrestling" thing. AJ made some joke about what happened, something about being hard or something, I forget, I was way too busy being embarrassed and fearing what Starsong might think about what happened. Thankfully, she wasn't able to put the pieces together, so I let it go.

Big Mac had run off after AJ after her little jab... I wonder... those two were gone for quite a while before they came back to the house, do you think they maybe snuck out into the orchard or something and had a quickie...? Don't get me wrong now, I'm not jealous of either of them in that case; I love them both and I'm happy that they love each other as well... It's just... well... I want to watch.

When they finally came back, Starsong and I started bringing the food out to the barn. Though to be honest, it was really more about sneaking a few of the almost painfully delicious pastries AJ and Granny Smith had made more than being helpful... Anyway, when we got in the barn, I almost dropped everything I was carrying. Pinkie had really outdone herself with the decorations, despite the Crusader's "help"; they had painted the entire interior of the barn and the roof was absolutely covered in balloons and streamers. There was already treats lined up on the side, presumably from Sugarcube Corner, and in the back was more games than I knew existed...

The remaining wall housed a makeshift stage upon which Vinyl and Octavia were setting up the DJ's equipment. This was quite a surprise; I wasn't sure if Vinyl was ever going to play again after her now infamous rampage in Los Pegasus. It's so good to know that she not only plans to keep working, at least on her own, but that she hasn't lost any of the spark that drove the crazy unicorn to the top of her craft before.

I can't help but wonder though... After everything she gave up to get Octavia back... I wonder if those two are actually having the kind of relationship Dash and I thought we were walking in on a while back...?

Once we got set up, the guests started trickling in. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy arrived right when the doors opened, I guess because Dashie had been so excited about getting her hooves on some of the Apple Family cider... It didn't take her long to empty almost half a barrel herself before anyone had realized she had inadvertently tapped one of the hard apple cider barrels... I'm going to have to remember to invite her over next time we do a cider tasting, Dash is just hysterical when she's drunk!

While that was going on, Fluttershy, Starsong and I were having a nice, quiet conversation about her seeing off the migrating birds. That mare's so amazingly dedicated to her animals, and just so pure and innocent... most of the time... I was kind of hoping to get a chance to talk to her about that other personality that seems to come out when things get crazy, but unfortunately a certain other mare was hanging all over her most of the night... when she wasn't making eyes at my special somepony...

... Bitch...

Derpy arrived on time and without any disastrous flying mishaps. She had her daughter Dinky with her, which this was the first time I'd seen the filly and I was surprised to discover she is a unicorn. That... raises so many questions in and of itself... Anyway, Dinky seems to be perfectly normal herself, unlike her mother (I'm seriously wondering if she just adopted her or something...).

Oh, that reminds me! You'll never believe this; I almost don't believe it myself and I saw it... Anyway, the other day, Derpy came over to ask about the party during that huge storm. I remember thinking she was crazy to even be out in that weather, but when she turned to fly away, I almost fell over. Through the raging wind and rain, Derpy Hooves somehow was able to fly perfectly and seemingly unhindered by the weather...! It's crazy just thinking about it! Does that mean that she's normally fighting against a storm that isn't there or something?

... Anyway, as the party went on, more and more of the townsfolk made their way over, many of whom I'd never met before that. The Cakes dropped in with their twins in tow (those two really make me hesitant to have foals of my own ever...). Flitter and her older sister Cloudchaser were there as well along with their friend Blossomforth. Flitter, thankfully, was either too shy or had the good sense to realize that I wanted nothing to do with her because she never really said anything to me. Cloudchaser and Blossomforth, on the other hoof, are both pretty nice mares themselves, I have no problem with either of them (Heh, they certainly didn't seem to have any problem with each other either...). Aloe and Lotus also arrived and spent most of the evening talking up their customers from their spa. The mayor also arrived along with Twilight and her shadow, Nightshade. Nightshade was her usual gloomy self, but I guess that's just the life of a royal bodyguard...

Then there was this massive pegasus stallion... I think he said his name was Bulk Biceps...? He's quite an experience, that one... The pegasus certainly lives up to his name; he looked like his entire body was one giant tensed-up muscle. He was a nice enough stallion I guess, but apparently he's not good at "inside voice"; the whole time we were talking, he kept shouting at me...

Throughout the evening, I met quite a few new ponies, as everyone was there to congratulate and celebrate me and Starsong. The warm atmosphere was nice, but it's not easy for somepony like me to be thrust into the spotlight like this (it's different when I'm on stage, the ponies are watching me, not bombarding me with questions and such). Thankfully Starsong was able to save me more often than not.

Most of the rest of the evening was spent talking with Dash. Apparently the pegasus mare gets super chatty when she's drunk... She had quite a few stories, some of which it was lucky that the foals in attendance weren't around to hear... I got to hear all about how she just finished the latest Daring Do novel and what she thought of it (I managed to avoid her spoiling it for me somehow). She told me about when she led Ponyville's tornado team when they had been selected to provide Cloudsdale's water supply and her time at the Wonderbolts Academy, among other things. She also grilled me about what it was like performing on the road and who else I'd played with.

Dash also apparently gets a little touchy-feely when she's drunk, but I'll tell you about that later...

The party went on like this through the evening until night fell and the foals in attendance were taken home. The Crusaders bid us all goodnight, saying something about a massive sleepover in the clubhouse with a few of their other friends. I'm not sure, but I think I saw Scootaloo and Apple Bloom sneaking a barrel of cider out of the barn when they left... I just hope they didn't accidently grab a barrel of hard cider; nothing good can come of a bunch of drunk foals alone in the middle of the orchard all night...

... Anyway, once they were gone, it was time for Vinyl and Octavia's performance. However, before I could get situated to watch the two, Vinyl pulled me up to the stage, saying I needed to join them on my "birthday gift". There on the stage, under a sheet was a brand new, top-of-the-line keyboard from that custom music shop in Seaddle. I've always wanted something from them, but they're so insanely expensive, even when I was doing well there was no way I could afford anything of theirs. I don't know how she could have possibly afforded it herself, especially in light of recent events. I guess there's something to be said for true celebrity status; something I couldn't even begin to grasp at my level of success...

Vinyl, as fucking crazy as she is, really is one of the best mares I've ever known... Still, I hope she didn't have to part with anything too important to her to afford this. I'm going to have to figure out some way to make this up to her someday...

The three of us played for about two hours. I have to say, there's something about playing alongside Vinyl; when she shifts into Pon-3 mode, her energy is just completely infectious. Anyway, after that, I had an idea. I talked to Starsong to see if she had any of her sheet music with her from the pieces she had been working on before she came down, and she actually did have the music from the solo she was working on. With all the sound fonts available to me on my new, fucking awesome keyboard, it only took me a few minutes to set up the orchestra lines. Then, with me playing the piano line, Starsong delivered her solo...

Playing alongside my sister was a dream come true, and hearing her sing after so many years was amazing! Obviously the operatic music wasn't what I would normally be into, but to hear Starsong voice it... it was simply sublime.

So, remember what I said earlier about Dash being really touchy-feely when she's loaded (also, the mare can really hold her alcohol)... Well, it seems she might have a bit of a thing for one of our other friends. While Starsong and I were playing, I noticed Dash and Fluttershy towards the back of the crowd. Dash appeared to be coming onto the other pegasus, but Fluttershy seemed to be missing the hints. Anyway, after a few minutes, Dash suddenly pulled Fluttershy into a deep kiss! It was so unexpected and hot that I almost forgot that I was playing... Fluttershy seemed to be melting into it for a moment before she suddenly realized what was happening and ran off in embarrassment. Thankfully, it looks like nopony else noticed so we should be able to keep her from freaking out too much later. Heh, I hope those two actually do end up becoming a thing, they're really cute together.

Finally, well into the next morning, the patry wound down and Pinkie and her magic cannon cleared out the mess as though it had never happened... Everypony in town, it seemed, had brought me something, and while most of it was just trinkets or otherwise unremarkable, the fact that everypony cared enough to bring something, even though many of them I hadn't met before tonight, was really heartwarming... Even Rarity had made me a dress... While it pains me to say so, I have to admit, the color and design really suit me... I just can't imagine when I'll ever wear it though, what with my immense distaste for wearing clothes...

Once we got back to the room, Big Mac gave me the greatest gift of the evening though... We finally, finally, were able to enjoy a nice, uninterrupted, brutally rough lovemaking session, like we used to. I should probably feel bad about how loud I got, but I'll deal with that tomorrow. I can barely move right now, and I love it...!

There's no question in my mind about this... Even compared to when I started performing, back when Vinyl first found me, or when I got my first big break, these last few weeks have been by far the happiest of my entire life. My sister and my special somepony (wow, it stills feels really funny calling him that...) just being here with me makes everything just... right. And now that I've finally felt my lover claim me as his once again after what felt like months (without any ridiculously awkward circumstances this time...), I'm content with whatever else happens... That said, I certainly wouldn't mind if things continued on like this forever.

~ Starshadow

P.S.: I wonder how mom is doing... I wish I could have seen her too; having her here too is the only thing that could possibly have made this time any better.

Author's Notes:

... Wow Starshadow... That was not succinct at all...!

"Misconceptions"

Dear Diary,

I'm not really sure what to say about today so far other than that I'm completely and totally stunned and confused right now. Something that I had simply accepted as truth was just blown up in my face...

Today started off well enough, before it turned painfully awkward... So, remember how Big Mac and I finally managed to find a moment to ourselves last night? Well, all that energy left over from all the near-misses we've had lately kind of didn't let up at all after I wrote you last... Yeah, we were at it all night and well into the morning. We'd probably still be going at it if AJ hadn't peeked in when she did. Though I guess it's probably a good thing she did; Big Mac and I both kind of forgot there were other ponies in the house by that point...

This point was driven home moments later when my gentle teasing of Applejack for not simply joining us let to her reminding us that Apple Bloom's room was being occupied by Starsong, whom I had completely forgotten had come home with us rather than going back to Vinyl's. As if on cue, Starsong came out of Apple Bloom's room, asking about a mysterious banging sound she's heard off and on all night... I swear to Luna, I think my heart stopped for a minute. If she had put two and two together...

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I don't want my sister to know what I'm getting up to. She's just so repressed... She's a really attractive mare too, it's so hard to believe she's never shared more than a kiss with anypony else. I know she has her public image to keep up as a Star and a member of the Canterlot Orchestra, but still... Honestly, if she were more open and knowledgeable about sexuality, I wouldn't hesitate at all to show her just how much she means to me. Sadly, things being the way they are now, having her walk in on us would just be painfully awkward...

... Actually, lately, since she's been in town, Starsong has been on my mind allot. Not really sure what to make of that...

Anyway, the point is, we may have gone just a little overboard on the sex thing last night, what with all the noise... Oh, and the small lake of mixed sex fluids we left on the bed...

So, once we got that mess and ourselves cleaned up, Big Mac and I headed downstairs for breakfast. When we came in, we found Starsong fussing over the Crusaders, who were looking considerably worse for wear. Applejack came in a moment later and explained that the fillies were suffering from pretty massive hangovers. Apparently when I saw them leaving with a barrel last night, they had indeed mistakenly grabbed a barrel of hard cider... I know I should feel bad, but I can't help but laugh at how uncharacteristically not randomly destructive the fillies were right then. Well, hopefully they learned something about drinking from this; if their smart, that's a mistake they'll only make once... Though knowing those three...

I have to admit, I'm a little curious as to what those three got up to while they were under the influence. They're at about the age where hormones are starting to come into play and with being alone and inebriated, combined with their seemingly boundless curiosities... (A large section of the page has been thoroughly crossed out)

... Sorry, sorry. I seem to have sex on the brain today...

Where was I...? AJ was going to stay in to help Granny Smith cook up a hangover remedy for the fillies (because of course she has one, why wouldn't she...?), and Starsong said she and Octavia were going to be at a meeting with a representative of the Canterlot Orchestra. We all wished Starsong happy birthday before she set out. With everyone else occupied, Big Mac and I set off to inform Scootaloo and Sweetie Bell's families that the two would be staying with us for the day at least. I also wanted to check in on Vinyl so we set out for Ponyville proper.

Our first stop was Carousel Boutique; Sweetie Bell's parents were out of town again so we had to go to... her... Thankfully, Big Mac was able to cut off that slut pony's advances before she could even really even get into them. After that, we went over to Scootaloo's, but there was nopony home... Come to think of it, I've never actually seen her parents, nor have I ever heard the filly talk about them. Dash told me once they're both messenger ponies, so I suppose it's not that hard to figure out how they're usually out of town. I guess they must really trust their daughter to keep out of trouble... They must really not know her...

After that, we passed through the market and Sugarcube Corner towards Vinyl's; after having met everypony at the party last night, it was much easier to greet everypony as we passed by. As we passed Sugarcube Corner, The Cakes were outside with the twins. Big Mac and Carrot Cake were discussing a recipe they were working out together while I tried to quietly escape the toddler foals... Unfortunately, these two seem to have extremely advanced control of their natural abilities for their age as the two flew/levitated themselves onto my back. To make matters worse, Cup Cake saw it happening and inadvertently hit me in my secret weakness...

She asked when I was going to have foals of my own...

... I almost fainted...

The very idea of having foals of my own, of having somepony else completely dependent on me, makes my stomach turn. There's no way I could ever see myself as a mother... Hmm... well, maybe with the right stallion by my side... Still, that would be a ways down the road. I'm still far too young for foals of my own...

Once we were able to disengage from that situation (though I have the sneaking suspicion I'm going to somehow get talked into foalsitting the two of them later...), we finally made it to Vinyl's place. She had the blackout curtains drawn, which usually meant she was sleeping off a hangover of her own, so we quietly let ourselves in. What we found instead was a very alert unicorn unabashedly jilling herself crazy to what turned out to be video footage of herself getting triple-teamed, fairly roughly, might I add...

It seems after-parties like the one she threw after our last show together were a common occurrence for Vinyl... Even so, I never imagined the crazy mare would tape those sessions... It was pretty high production value for what appeared to be home video footage though; I guess Vinyl's regular audience includes some ponies that know a thing or two about cameras.

Of course that shock was nothing compared to when she nonchalantly told me she'd sold the tape to a porn company to raise some funds...! I guess she did part with something kind of important after all to buy me that keyboard... or not... I don't know, it's hard to tell with this lunatic sometimes...

The obvious question (once I was able to steal Big Mac's attention away from the TV) was, how is Octavia going to react to this? Vinyl's reply: she won't, because she'll never find out... which now made us unwitting accomplices to this...

Naturally, just as we said it, Octavia walked in, apparently having forgotten something for her meeting. The three of us panicked and, while Octavia picked up the mail she'd dropped coming through the door, Big Mac turned to the TV, which was frozen on a particularly compromising scene, and did the first thing that came to mind; he put a hoof through it...

I'd chastise him for his incredibly senseless reaction, but it's not as though Vinyl or I handled things any better... When Octavia asked the obvious question of why Big Mac had just destroyed their TV, neither he nor Vinyl could come up with anything. On the spot, I said the first even remotely plausible thing I could think of; a parasprite...

... Not my proudest moment, I'll admit. I mean I know full well how devastating they can be; I was in Fillydelphia a few years ago when a huge swarm of the creatures suddenly blew through. My understanding though is the little pests are extremely rare, to the point that most ponies wouldn't know what they were until they started multiplying out of control. Thankfully, apparently the same thing had happened in Ponyville not too long ago so Octavia was familiar with the creatures...

Shockingly we came out of that little fiasco in the clear (though not before Vinyl almost blew it herself with a completely unnecessarily lewd comment...) and Octavia returned to the meeting. I'd had every intension of admonishing her for keeping something so huge from her special somepony, but before I could even begin, she told us that they weren't.

This, understandably, came as a bit of a shock to Big Mac and I; I mean, she threw away her whole life to save Octavia's career... It was almost like something out of one of those romantic comedies Starsong is so into. But when we asked her if they really weren't anything, she laughed harder than I've seen her in quite a while, as though the very notion of her and Octavia being a couple was so incredibly farfetched that it was ridiculous that we had even thought it.

I suppose this is what I get for assuming... I know Vinyl pretty well after all this time. She's fucking nuts, of this there can be no question, but there are a few things that she has always been dead-serious about. One of them was her music (though you'd never know how much work she put in at the studio when you watch her spin...), and another was her love life. Back before I met Big Mac, the way she would talk about him, there was no doubt in my mind that she'd drop everything else to be with him (which still makes it a little weird that she never fought me over him (of course I'm glad she didn't; I'd hate to lose her as a friend over something like that)). In all that time, I never heard a single word about Octavia; I didn't even know who she was until she and Starsong came to her house a few weeks ago...

Wow... I guess it is true then. There really isn't anything between Vinyl and Octavia... at least not as far as Vinyl's concerned anyway. I hope for both their sakes that that feeling is mutual...

~ Starshadow

"Reunion"

Dear Diary,

Hmm, where to begin...? It's always so awkward starting a new diary and this is an especially awkward situation to start from. Don't take it personally but I'm a little less than enthusiastic about starting anew right now...

I'm not really sure how to feel about what's happened, but I do know I need to get this out of my head before I lose it... I'm back home... The last place I ever wanted to be again...

Everything was going so perfectly in Ponyville. Well okay maybe not everything (in fact I actually had quite a few trials in my short time there now that I think about it), but I was happy; happier than I've been since maybe ever. I had my friends and my precious sister. My career was turning around. I had my special somepony...

The day everything changed started out so well. I was preparing for my first concert since... the last incident that day. I was especially excited about this show because I was debuting a new song I wrote after the birthday party, and Starsong was going to be in the audience. Big Mac and I spent most of that afternoon together in the park; I asked him to stay home that night so I could share the moment with Starsong so to make up for it we spent all day together. Right before I left for the club, the two of us snuck out to the pond on the edge of Sweet Apple Acres for a quickie (which naturally turned into a mini marathon session; we'd been a little pent-up lately...).

It was an especially nice walk over to the club, warm and full of my special somepony's seed...

Anyway, I met Starsong outside the club. Unbeknownst to me she had invited Applejack and (ugh...) Rarity along; thankfully Rarity declined, probably when she found out that Big Mac wouldn't be with us. While I had wanted to spend the night with just Starsong, having AJ in the audience was nice, though I get the impression that neither one of them was prepared for the atmosphere. After the first set, AJ, who had been out in the audience joined us backstage after bucking some poor stallion into the back wall; it was actually kind of hard not to laugh when it happened. After that, ponies around her gave her as wide a birth as they could...

After the concert, the three of us were on our way back to Sweet Apple Acres when we were stopped by three stallions; three more stepped out behind us. Everything after that is a blur. AJ charged into the ponies in front of us, yelling for me and Starsong to run. I took to the sky as soon as I could, though it pained me to leave my friend and sister behind. Then I heard it, Starsong, trying as well to buy me time to escape, cried out in pain as one of the stallions stood poised to attack her. I saw red in that moment; nopony hurts my sister and gets away with it! Without a second thought I turned and dove straight into the unicorn assailant, taking us both to the ground in a heap...

After that, it's kind of hazy. I guess the impact was rougher than I was prepared for... I remember trying to come to my sister's side again before somepony jumped onto my back. After that, it's a blank. I'm still not even sure how long it's been since the attack...

There are some fragmented memories between that and when I came to earlier today. None of them was pleasant though; I was tied up and getting bucked by somepony or ponies I didn't know, and though I didn't want it, I couldn't muster the strength to stop them or fight back at all... I don't know if it was just a nightmare though; when I woke up earlier I didn't feel hurt or sore at all and there was no evidence of anything having happened to me. For now, with everything else going on, I'm just going to assume that was just a disturbing nightmare...

You might wonder how such thoughts would even enter my subconscious mind, but trust me, if you knew my history you'd understand...

When I finally woke up again, I was staring at the painfully gaudy ornate ceiling that could only belong to one house that I've ever been in...I looked up and saw my room, just as I'd left it almost 10 years ago... Though I didn't want to accept it, there was no doubt that this was indeed the Star Family Estate.

My heart sank further when I heard the door open and close; I was sure that Polaris, by far my least favorite pony, was coming for me. Instead, the pony approached me, humming a song that as far as I knew only two ponies in Equestria had ever heard before. One was my sister Starsong, and the other was the pony that now sat at my side; my mother, Silver Veil.

I can't express how my emotions welled up in that moment; I haven't seen my mother since the night I ran away from the estate. Starsong's told me that mom was with her when she rescued me from the underground and moved me to Los Pegasus, but I can't remember anything from that night myself...

Once we finally finished our tearful reunion, mom explained to me that Polaris had brought me home; he's still obsessed with me fulfilling whatever my supposed destiny is from that stupid tome... Luna damn you old man! Why?! Why now? I was happy...

Anyway, during my outburst, I let it slip that I had a special somepony. Mom was of course excited, but at the same time she wanted to be certain he wasn't like the ponies she had to rescue me from years ago. While trying to explain my relationship with Big Mac to her, it finally dawned on me that I still wasn't entirely certain what he meant to me myself. Love is something that seems to come so easily to everypony else, but I've never known anything like the feelings I have for Big Mac (and, to a lesser extent, Applejack). But when I thought about it, about him, all of those doubts that have been plaguing me since I met him outside the bar that fateful night seemed to just melt away...

I know it now and can say it without any hint of doubt: I am in love with Big Macintosh. I just wish that I could tell him so myself...

Mom and I have got so much catching up to do. Among other things, I have to tell her about my time with Big Mac, about when I was happy. Hmm... maybe not all of it; there are a few details I'm sure she wants to know just a little as I want to tell her... Mom was gracious enough to bring you to me so that I could continue to vent my feelings to somepony. I'm sure my old diary is still sitting on the headboard of Big Mac's bed...

Don't get me wrong, I'm ecstatic to see my mom again, and under any other circumstances this would be one of the happiest day of my life. But having my new life stolen from me, and being back in this accursed house... And worse yet, nopony knows I'm here and, according to official Equestrian records, I don't even exist! Big Mac and my friends know about my lineage, but I doubt even Princess Twilight has the means to come to the estate and secure my release, legally or otherwise... It's only my mother's presence that's keeping me from completely falling apart right now... I don't know what to do; I'm wracked with fears and doubt and I'm completely trapped...!

I guess all I can do now is try to hold on to hope...

I hope Starsong and Applejack are okay... I hope I can figure a way out of this nightmare...

I hope I can see my special somepony again, even if only once, and let him know just how much he truly means to me...

~ Starshadow

"Confrontation"

Dear Diary,

I'll try to make this brief since I have a feeling I may not have the chance to keep writing to you pretty soon...

I never really spent a lot of time imagining what I would say to Polaris if I ever saw him again; I never really wanted to entertain the thought... But I must admit even I'm surprised at what happened. I wish I could say I was happy about how it went, but it seems the fucking bastard already had plans for me if I was defiant...

I had just finished getting my mom caught up on my time in Ponyville when Polaris came in, insisting mom leave to check up on Starsong. I had no idea Starsong was even here. I trust she's okay now since mom is looking over her; I don't know anypony stronger in healing magic. Unfortunately that's all I know right now. I hope she's back on her hooves sooner rather than later, for both our sakes...

With mom gone, the gravity of my situation truly hit me... The monster I'd been dreading for as long as I can remember was right in front of me, but instead of cower, all the rage and frustration that had been building over the course of my entire life finally erupted. Ignoring my fear of his magic (which, admittedly, cost me a few times...), I told Polaris exactly what I thought of him and his obsession with me and this fucking mark on flank... And most of all, I told him in no uncertain terms that I will never have anything to do with his precious family destiny.

To my utter shock, he actually backed off... momentarily. But then he opened the door and into my room walked another personal nightmare. Cirro Stratus; CEO of the Cloudsdale Weather Factory, and my most recent Master... That bastard Polaris actually laughed when he saw me recoil. He explained that he and Stratus had struck a business deal; the Star Family would gain majority control over the weather factory in exchange for my collar.

... I... I've just been sold back into slavery...! These ponies have reduced me to a bargaining chip.

Something about this doesn't seem to add up though... Why would Stratus be willing to give up so much just to get me back? I was in the same apartment he regularly "visited" me at for almost three years after I resigned my position as his secretary and in all that time he never bothered me at all. Something tells me I should be even more worried about this than I already am...

Hmm... At the same time though, living under Stratus again wouldn't be that bad. Though he was demanding of me and my body, he actually treated me really well. I certainly wouldn't have been able to launch my career without the gifts he showered on me. He could learn a thing or two about courtesy from South Pole though.

I hate myself for thinking this, but I sometimes look back on that time fondly... Though he stole so much from me in the beginning, once we understood each other, my life with him was really nice... Even being forced-upon, I could feel the genuine affection we developed for one another, despite the circumstances. I wonder if maybe

What the fuck am I saying?! I finally have my very own special somepony, for Luna's sake! There's no way I could be entertaining the thought that this could possibly be anything but a complete nightmare for me! That's not me anymore...

I don't know what to do... as long as I'm in this estate, my hooves are effectively tied (and quite possibly literally shortly...). Mom and Starsong have been taken out of the picture; I'm completely alone in this now... I don't know how I can face this alone. Big Mac, everypony... please come for me soon. Please find me somehow...

~ Starshadow

"Friends"

Dear Diary,

I'm in Tartarus, I'm sure of(illegible)ave no idea where I am now, but I am most certainly in the worst(illegible)

I'm sorry, please give me a moment to try to compose myself...

So after Polaris and Stratus left me, I kind of broke down. The very idea of being forced to marry that disgusting cock, let alone becoming his pet again, was too much in that moment. There was no point in trying to escape; I know Polaris has layer upon layer of magical security systems set up around the estate, most of which he probably created himself. I doubt even the princesses could break through the magic barriers in place around this estate from inside them...

Eventually I ran out of tears... I had one last sliver of hope left to me; Starsong is here at the estate and she and mom have always been on my side. With any luck the three of us could come up with some way to escape Polaris's clutches. I still can't believe what lengths that foal-fucker is going to just to get back at me for spurning the family... I stayed up as late as I could, hoping that eventually one or both of them would come, but they never did...

When I finally came to again, it was clear that I was no longer in my bed in the estate. Sometime in the night, somepony must have drugged me... again... I'm not even sure how much time has passed.

It quickly became apparent that I wasn't alone in the room. I heard breathing behind me which was quickly joined by a hoof slowly brushing up and down my back under my wings. The hoof began making its way towards my flank and I could hear the pony's breathing becoming heavy and labored (I didn't know at the time that my molester was actually an old friend...).

Not ready to simply surrender to this violation, I pretended to still be asleep while I formulated a plan. When I felt the hoof slide under my tail and begin teasing my tailhole though, I knew I couldn't wait any longer. In one motion I snapped my wings open and whipped my head up and back, catching the offender under the chin and sending her reeling to the ground. As quickly as I could manage, despite the dizziness from the blow I leapt atop my molester with the intent of striking her down at least long enough to subdue her while I figured out some means of escaping the nearly pitch black room I now found myself in. In the dim light around us I was able to make out a familiar fiery red and yellow mane, unmistakable for anypony else.

I can't express in mere words my shock and excitement in that moment to be reunited with my long lost friend Sunset Flash. In all the years since I escaped the underground myself, I always wondered what had become of my old friend. Seeing her again was like a dream come true... That excitement wouldn't last long though as reality hit me again. Hard...

Once we had recovered from the shock of our earlier skirmish, Sunset surprised me again by running forward and kissing me! So in shock was I that I nearly lost myself in it... But then everything that I was trying to get back to flashed through my mind... Big Mac, Applejack, all of my friends... I finally managed to find the strength to push Sunset off of me, quickly voicing my consternation, but things would only get worse from there...

Sunset cheerfully proclaimed how glad she was that I was the pony that was to marry her master (I can only assume she's referring to Stratus), and how she looked forward to sharing him with me, like we once had with North Pole and South Pole. She even seemed jealous of my getting so close to her master... Naturally, I recoiled from the very idea doing anything for that scumbag.

A moment later I stood in shocked silence as I slowly registered that my once best friend had just slapped me... That shock and malaise deepened when she just as suddenly began groveling at my hooves begging my forgiveness, that as her future Mistress, she had had no right to strike me.

It wasn't until she said it that the full weight of what was happening hit me... As that piece of shit's wife, I would become Sunset's mistress... Sunset Flash, the pony that had helped me survive what was then the hardest time in my life, my one true friend through that nightmare, would become my slave. I swear I nearly lost it right there, the fact that I hadn't eaten anything in Celestia knows how long being my only saving grace then...

I couldn't stand any more of that. The two of us had to escape this together. We would get out of this place, wherever it was, and make our way back to Ponyville. I was going to help Sunset find her will and be her own pony again, just as she helped me all those years ago...

I had my mission then; I had hope... But that hope was quickly dashed when Sunset responded. She asked me why she would ever want to leave her master, looking at me as though the very idea were completely illogical.

... It's too much to bear. Looking into her eyes now, all I can see is the torment and cruelty that I left her to suffer through alone. She's spent her whole life at the hoof of somepony, her body only being useful for somepony else's pleasure, until that horrific reality became the only one she was able to accept. She told me about how North Pole had released her when she too old for him and about how she was unable to function without somepony to serve under until Stratus had come along and "rescued" her..

I had Starsong to pull me away from that trap; Sunset had nopony... I should have been there for her! I should have saved her from this nightmare... instead I ran off to have my own life and my only friend was crushed under the weight of another pony's desires until her spirit was completely shattered... Sunset, I'm so sorry...

I can hardly stand to look upon her now, knowing all of this. Her eyes and her smile are just as happy and radiant as I remember, but there's nothing left of herself behind them. The pony I knew and had so relied upon, who had always been able to somehow maintain some sense of self-worth throughout everything she went through, is gone. Nothing of that pony now remains but her memories of how happy we used to be together... Worst of all though, I fear she's going to try to help her master break me, so that we can be together again...

... I don't know how much of this I can take. Meeting Sunset again was a brief ray of hope, but seeing her like this... completely broken, subservient, and so sickeningly happy to be so... I don't know how long I can hold out if she's working against me as well... I don't want this life again! I can't go back... Please Big Mac, Applejack, Starsong, mom... somepony... please find us soon... please save us both.

~ Stars(illegible)

"Hope"

Dear diary,

I can scarcely believe that I'm saying this, given where I was earlier this morning, but I'm home at last! Well, almost... Actually, I'm at Ponyville Hospital at the moment; they want to make sure there's nothing wrong with me after everything that's happened. But that doesn't matter right now. I'm back in Ponyville! With my friends...! With my special somepony! With Sunset...

When I think about how close I came to losing her forever though... I don't think that moment will ever stop haunting me, even knowing that things turned out okay...

As I'm sure you remember, I was really broken up about the state that I'd found my old friend in. I couldn't bare to be near her so I tried to find someplace in the warehouse, it turns out, where I could cry myself out until Stratus came for us. However even that "mercy" was taken from me when Sunset suddenly tackled me from behind and pinned me to the ground. I was so surprised by the sudden attack that I didn't even think to struggle at first.

Part of me knew what she had intended when she brought her face down between my legs and started her attack. I knew it and I knew I should resist, but sweet Celestia that mare is good with her tongue... I suppose it's to be expected, given that her whole life has revolved around pleasing other ponies this way... Anyway, my half-hearted protests never reached her it seemed, and before too long I was writhing uncontrollably under her... Thoughts of what I was trying to get back to (actually all thoughts at that point) were getting hazy...

Then she voiced what I should have realized all along; that she was preparing me for her Master. That thought finally rekindled my will to resist. While Sunset is larger than me and had all the leverage at that moment, my legs were still free. Flailing them wildly, I eventually caught Sunset under her chin, knocking her out cold...

I panicked; I was sure I had killed her... I don't know what I would have if I actually had... Thankfully I'd only knocked her out. A few minutes later she came to, apologetic once again for forcing herself on her future Mistress...

... I can't express how painful it was for me to hear her refer to me as Mistress...

When I told her, again, that I wasn't going to be her Mistress, Sunset began to break down. She was sure that it was because I didn't want her around... I suppose in her mind that made sense; I can remember from when I used to think that way and that would make sense... That said, there was no way I was going to allow myself to be the toy of another pony again, not after all the way I'd come since I left the underground (my time under Stratus notwithstanding...).

Of course I also couldn't abandon my old friend to this fate either, but convincing her to leave with me would be all but impossible... Thankfully I had two very important things going for me; Sunset remembered me as her old lover and as her one and only friend, and she knew that I had the same tastes as her, at least as far as she knew. Reluctantly, I convinced her to come with me under the pretext that my "master" would become hers as well so we could stay together (please forgive me Big Mac, you know I don't actually think of you that way anymore).

Sunset was on-board but clearly still reluctant. I needed to solidify her will somehow if we were going to have any chance at escaping. I knew only one way that was guaranteed to reach my old friend and without any hesitation I moved to express my love for my friend, the way we used to... The kiss got pretty heavy pretty quickly, but eventually we broke away. The smile she favored me with in that moment warmed my heart so much to witness. Unlike before, her expression and emotions felt genuine when she looked at me. She seemed so much like the filly I used to know...

In any case, Sunset was completely behind me now in my escape attempt. She told me there was a trash chute buried in the floor on the far wall of the room. Unfortunately, said chute was buried under a tower of crates full of Celestia-knows-what; whatever it was, it was fucking heavy... The two of us together were barely able to move the massive crates, and with every one that crashed to the floor as we went I cringed, expecting to be found out at any moment (even after Sunset had insisted that the room was soundproofed). But finally we reached the final crate and slowly pushed it aside.

There, on the floor right where Sunset had said it would be, was our ticket to freedom.

Freedom! It was right there within our grasp. But my luck wouldn't hold out any longer than that; just as we were preparing to leave through the chute, Stratus came down to the basement wondering what was taking so long for Sunset to prepare me...

I could see the conflict in Sunset's eyes clear as day. She wanted to be together with me again just as much as I did and she knew I wouldn't stay with Stratus. But helping me would mean disobeying her Master, something that her years of conditioning had made her consider so abhorrent that the very idea never would enter her mind normally... I hate to admit this, but for a moment I honestly expected her to try to stop me when Stratus commanded it. But my final plea to her heart was finally enough to make up her mind. She quickly pushed me down the chute before following me to freedom.

Once outside, I took flight behind Sunset; I wasn't sure where we were exactly so I had to rely on her to lead us back to some civilization before we could make our way to Ponyville. Our progress was slow going; her betrayal of her Master continued to weigh on her heavily. It was all I could do to keep her from turning around more than once, but the promise of joining me and my "master" was enough to keep her moving.

After what seemed like an eternity, we were far enough away from Stratus's mansion that I felt safe enough to take a breather. Landing on a nearby cloud, we both slumped over momentarily; the stress from the flight and clearing away the crates from our escape route was beginning to catch up with us both. Knowing that Sunset was still struggling with her decision to run with me and was about to comfort my friend again when I caught sight of somepony closing on our position fast...

Stratus...! I still can't believe it, but somehow he was able to make his way outside in time to see which way we had fled! There was no time to waste, no time to worry about where we were going anymore. We had to escape him now!

... Unfortunately, we were both still fatigued from our ordeal and eventually Stratus caught up with us. Once he was close enough, the bastard reached out and grabbed hold of my tail. I tried to pull free, despite the pain, but I couldn't break his grip.

What happened next I fear will haunt me for the rest of my life... Sunset saw that I was fighting with Stratus and wheeled around to try to help. Sadly the mare was no stronger than I am and fatigued as she was her attack only served to raise the stallion's ire. Before I could react, he let go of me; my own momentum sent me spiraling out of control for several seconds. When I finally recovered, I turned just in time to see him... he savagely bit down into his former slave's right wing and tore out her primaries.

... The whole thing happened so quickly, but at the time it seemed to drag on forever. Once Stratus let her go, Sunset, now unable to keep herself aloft, plummeted out of the sky. I could swear that she looked to me, pleading for me to rescue her somehow. I knew there was no way I would be able to catch her in almost complete free fall, but of course I tried anyway... Or rather I would have had Stratus not intercepted and restrained me...

... There was nothing I could do; I didn't have the strength left to pull free from Stratus. Every passing moment my will disintegrated. I had failed my closest friend when she needed me; I had led her to her death... What was the point of continuing to resist...? I turned away from the scene, unable to keep watching as Sunset quickly disappeared from view...

... So of course it came as a shock when I heard a familiar voice call out angrily moments later. I turned to find Rainbow Dash threatening Stratus. Apparently she, Fluttershy and Twilight were on their way to Stratus's mansion, acting on a hunch that something was off about the weather factory CEO's actions of late. Naturally, Dash had grown impatient and flown ahead of her slower companions, and thank Celestia she had as she came upon us just in time to witness Stratus maim Sunset and leave her for dead. She quickly closed the distance between her and us, and Stratus, the coward, used me as a shield.

I don't know what became of Stratus; Dash continued to give chase but the time he bought by throwing me into her was enough to secure his escape... Meanwhile, my only thought was of Sunset, resting on the cloud Dash had caught her with... The mare was still in shock, trying desperately to take flight... All I could think to do was wrap her in my hooves and wings and hold her until she finally began to calm down; she then promptly passed out from exhaustion.

Once Rainbow Dash returned, the two of us broke the cloud down into a makeshift bed which she used to ferry Sunset to Ponyville Hospital. I followed as quickly as I could of course. On the way I ran into Twilight and Fluttershy who immediately engaged me in a tearful (and slightly painful) reunion; honestly, Fluttershy is constantly challenging my perception of her. I suppose I should count myself fortunate that the other pegasus didn't break my neck, as hard as she hugged me...

The girls told me I had been missing for 11 days... It's hard to believe it was only that long; I felt as though I was lost forever...

The three of us teleported back to Ponyville (apparently Nightshade had showed her some trick for teleporting across long distances) before making our way to the hospital. Fluttershy and the nurses had insisted that I check in myself to make sure I was completely okay and after the day I'd had I wasn't about to argue with them. After asking about Sunset (she wasn't ready to have visitors just yet), I was brought to my room. Twilight stayed with me until the others arrived.

I was only allowed one visitor, I later found out, so it came as no surprise that when the time came everypony graciously stepped aside to allow Big Mac in.

There were a hundred thousand things I wanted to say to him in that moment, finally reunited with the one pony above all others that I had fought so desperately against my nature to return to... My special somepony; my true, unquestioned love. But all I could manage was his name before we feel into each other's hooves. That all-consuming embrace, his warmth is all I needed at that moment... Although I'll admit we ended up going further anyway, but, well... It is still my nature...

I know things are far from perfect right now. Polaris and Stratus are still out there, and I don't know if Sunset is going to be okay yet. But what I do know is that as long as I have all of my amazing friends and my special somepony, together we can make things right.

I'm sorry to say that is going to be my last entry in you, my friend. We only spoke for a short time, I know, but my true diary is still waiting for me at Sweet Apple Acres... at my home. Once I check out tomorrow, I intend to close our correspondence along with this chapter of my life. Thank you for listening to me so intently through all of this, and goodbye my crisis diary...

~ Starshadow

Author's Notes:

Wow, that was surprisingly difficult to get out. I guess two months out of character is a little too long... Anyway, as previously mentioned, with this up you can expect updates to continue shortly.