My tears have finally started to dry up. I peel my head away from the underside of the cobblestone bridge I've been sitting under, wipe my eyes and sniff in violently. The smoke saturated sky is several shades lighter. Luna has begun raising the sun. I stand up and climb out of the small tunnel I've been weeping in. Ash and soot fall from my mane every step.

The wounded ponies have mostly been carried off at this point. Those who wander the streets now concern themselves with burying the dead, stomping out the remaining fires, or just grieving.

I see one mother holding the limp body of her son to her chest, her broken tears running across his lifeless eyes. I see a son crying in joy, after finding his elderly father limping through the streets. I see a family huddle together like birds in a nest, staring at the disintegrated remains of their house. I see a young filly in tears, wailing in the streets for her mother, who is nowhere in sight. I keep on trudging to the hospital.

The looming country style sanctuary is one of the few buildings left untouched. If I had to guess Aka was probably saving this for last, knowing there'd be more ponies here looking for medical aid during his rampage. There’s a large crowed out in front of the building. Dozens if not hundreds of ponies sit on the lawn outside with grave anxious faces. Some of them cry, some of them sit still, some glance as I pass by.

I rinsed myself in the river while I was still sobbing; Aka had a lot of blood. Can’t imagine I look the pristine filly I pretend to be, though. Can’t imagine I’ll be pretending for much longer.

I push my way through the front entrance. The dying and gravely injured ponies that were pouring in here earlier have all been taken away, now it's just worried relatives and friends waiting terrified for a verdict they have no control over. I step over a worried couple and bump past a lonely older stallion sitting with his head craned down. I notice Mr. Cake in the corner of the room with a distraught look on his face. He nestles both his sleeping infants wrapped in blankets in his arms. Mrs. Cake is nowhere in sight.

I walk down the hall. Nurse Red Heart calls and tells me to wait in the lobby. I look at her with a dim fizzle of demonic energy. She doesn’t say another word. I look for the room Scootaloo is in, keeping my senses open for any sign of her. The rooms are full of many voices, doctors calmly asking nurses for supplies, patients moaning in pain, and constant weeping. In the midst of this, I hear Scootaloo’s voice. She’s chatting with someone whom I soon identify as Spike.

“You weren’t there, you don’t know anything that happened!”

“Neither were you, but you still trust her.”

Scootaloo growls. “No, but I was with her afterword. I saw what she was like yesterday. She stepped out of her house eyes red with tears and was sobbing throughout the entire day. We both were.”

“After everything, you just told me, and everything that’s happened, that's nowhere near enough.”

“Sweetie did not kill Apple Bloom!”

My head pops up like a jack in the box. I stop my hoof from turning the doorknob and press my ear against the wall.

“Celestia damnit Spike, she was her best friend! She was torn apart when she died! She risked her life to protect her, she risked her life to protect you! Hell, she’s out there right now, fighting to stop whatever monster has been destroying town! She’s done nothing but protect us, and now you’re criticizing her for it!”

There’s a long silence. If Scootaloo's livid rant has effected Spike at all, he doesn't show it in his voice. “I’m not criticizing her for that Scootaloo, I’m glad she’s fighting for us. All I’m saying is that given the recent demon attacks, maybe we should be just a little suspicious of the friend we just found out is a demon, and was the last one to see Apple Bloom conscious.”

“Go to hell Spike, she’s done nothing but save us since she revealed herself.”

“You mean since you discovered her secret?”

“Whatever, my point still stands.”

Spike groans. “Don’t you think it’s at least a little strange that she’s outright refusing to tell the elements? Princess Luna? Her sister, at the very least?”

There’s another long silence. Scootaloo stutters several times before she can give an answer. “She’s… She’s just scared, that’s all. You would be too in her situation.”

“Yeah, I would. But I’d also trust Twilight and Luna enough to come clean about everything. At the very least, I would’ve asked them for help if I knew there was an insane cultist sneaking around with a gaggle of demons, threatening to turn the town into a bonfire. Think about that Scootaloo. The elements could’ve taken care of Alda in a heartbeat, but Sweetie was so scared of having the Order come after her she never even considered reaching out to them for help. She was so terrified of Equestria's soldiers, she forgot their greatest heroes were her best friends. Now, look what happened because of that.”

I can only imagine him pointing out the window, to the ash clouded sky and the blood caked streets. “I want to believe that Sweetie was just worried about herself, I really do. But you’ve gotta admit, the timing and the circumstances just scream suspicious. What’s to say, Sweetie, herself isn’t part of this invasion?”

“Fuck you! Sweetie would never betray us!”

There's another pause, then Spike sighs. “How can you be so sure! She lied for two straight years about what she was, and the moment she’s found out all hell literally breaks loose? Face it Scootaloo something isn’t right about this!”

“Something isn’t right with your head, that’s what’s-”

I twist the knob and throw open the door, letting it bang against the wall. Spike and Scootaloo jump at the sudden entrance. I stand in the doorway looking at them with heavy sagging eyes.

“Sweetie Belle, you’re back,” Scootaloo says.

I nod my head and lumber into the room. I trudge to a small stool in the corner and climb up on it. The legs creak and moan as I adjust myself to sit forward. I stare straight ahead in silence.

The room is as quiet as a graveyard for a moment, but it doesn’t take long for Scootaloo to start asking, “Is Alda’s snake dead?”

I turn to her slightly and nod my head.

“Thank Celestia,” she breaths.

There’s another long silence. I try to turn my head, to look them in the eyes, to smile, to move, to do anything. All I can do is stare at the floor like there’s a drain there with my intestines spiraling down it.

“Um, the doctor says I’m going to be fine by the way,” Scootaloo says. I finally manage to tear my gaze away from the checkerboard tile and look at her. She’s propped up in bed on several layers of pillows, her arm is suspended in a cast and fresh bandages are wrapped around her head. There’s a drip bag hanging next to her bed, her contracted pupils showing they’ve got her on painkillers. Guess that explains the slightly dopey smile on her face.

“I’ll have to stay in bed a few days, and I’ll probably still be wearing a cast long after that, but yeah, I should be good.”

I can’t bring myself to return the grin, but I do push out a small admission of relief. “Th-that’s, good to hear Scootaloo. That’s really good to hear.”

She smiles and nods her head; there’s a twitch in her face like that small movement caused her pain.

Silence comes back yet again, this time like a heavy snowfall that won’t let up. I look towards Spike, who winces at my gaze. His eyes are wide open and his claws fidget together like he’s trying to peel a layer of paint off them. I decide to look back at the floor tiles before I give him a heart attack. His breath is labored for several moments, then he takes a long deep breath and speaks.

“Are you… are you okay Sweetie Belle?”

I glance in his direction. His fist is clenched up near his teeth like he’s about to bite his claws off. “You look like something's bothering you. You’re not hurt are you?”

Hurt, broken, suicidally depressed; take your pick.

“I’m fine Spike,” I say quietly.

He gives a sheepish smile and nods his head, before looking away.

“How are you holding up?” I ask.

“Uh, me?” Spike stutters. “Um, well, I’m doing pretty good for someone who was drenched in blood a few minutes ago, and just found out a friend of theirs is a flesh eating demon who rips apart monsters with her bare hooves.”

Scootaloo chuckles sheepishly. Her eyes are wide with anxiety, yet she can’t wipe the drug induced smile off her face. “Yeah, hope you’re not mad Sweetie, but I sorta spilled the beans. He was pretty hysterical when he got in here and from the sound of things he had already seen you in… all your demonic glory.”

“It’s okay Scootaloo. I was planning to explain everything to him when I got back anyway.”

She takes a deep sigh and eases her head back into her pillow. If I didn’t know better I’d say she was more relieved to hear that than she was when I told her Aka was dead.

The silence is shorter and less intrusive this time, broken as soon as Scootaloo recovers her breath. “So, what are we gonna do now?”

I slouch my head back and breath nails out my lungs. “Well, the first thing I need to do is lay low. The Order is sure as hell going notice this, if they’re not sending agents out already they will soon enough. Whatever defensive rituals I’ve got set up will have to come down. Thankfully those very same agents should keep any other demons or cultists from coming into Ponyville. If they clamp down too much, however, I may have to leave town for awhile.”

Maybe I could go back with my parents. With all the chaos Asmodeus is stirring up things might have calmed down, or gotten worse.

I sigh aloud and lower my face into the cups of my hooves, resisting the urge to spear them through my eyes.

“Hey, come on Sweetie, it’s not all bad,” Scootaloo says. “You stopped Alda, saved the town, saved me. We’re still here for you.”

“Uh, yeah, of course, we are,” Spike mumbles, looking away and gripping his tail like he’s wringing a damp rag.

Scootaloo scoffs at him. “What I mean is we have your back. Whatever you have to do to stay safe, we’ll be ready for it.”

Tied to a bed and doped up on meds, yet she still remains the optimist. She’s either very resilient or very high, maybe both. I try to take whatever comfort I can away from her words and find just a tiny bit sinking in. “Thanks, Scootaloo.”

She beams, “You know I'm always here for you.”

Her optimism flows over me, and for one brief moment, I find myself smiling. It’s less than a second, ends quicker than a flash of lightning, but that short subtle curve of the lip is all Scootaloo needs to be assured that I’m alright. She closes her eyes and rests her head back on the pillows, allowing her doped up smile to usurp her entire face.

For me however, the moment of joy is all too fleeting. My gaze returns to nothing in particular, and my thoughts drift back to the depressing void that is my future. My imagination runs loose with images of hooded ponies infesting the town, turning over every stone for signs of demonic activity, ready with hidden blades and flesh melting potions at the slightest provocation. Then there’s Asmodeus, supposedly trying to capture the elements alive, and having already captured one of them. I’m still a little skeptical of Aka’s story, but if it is true… I have no idea how to respond to it. Equestria is fucked without the elements, and even if the other elements could mount a rescue, the captive has probably already been subjected to horrors beyond mortal comprehension. She’d be a frail shell, crying out for death at every moment. I really don’t want to believe it’s true, but the mere fact that Asmodeus is still running around after these past few days probably means Rarity and her friends are having some trouble.

A thought suddenly strikes me. I look over at Spike, who has still yet to break eye contact with me or blink more than once every thirty seconds. “Spike, do you mind if I have a word with you?”

He snaps straight up. He looks at Scootaloo for aid, but receives only goofy smile and a weak wave with her good arm. He gulps loudly and follows me out the door, tapping the ends of his claws together in disjointed rhythm. We walk down the hallway past the depressing waiting room, to the opposite wing. We walk to the far end and enter the very last room which opens up to a large office decorated with rewards and certificates from prestigious medical colleges. There’s no one else in the room, not surprising given the sheer number of patients flooding in. I usher Spike in and lock the door behind us. There’s a moment of silence. I look at Spike, his head bowed low, looking at his own claws. I stare him dead on, contorting my face into an expressionless mask.

“I realize you have a great deal of trust in Luna, and I have no doubt that she’d do everything in her power to keep Equestria and its citizens safe, but you can’t let that trust lead you to do something stupid.”

His surprised look is like a firework, there for a moment, then the darkness of fear creeps back in. “And… what exactly are we talking about when you say ‘something stupid’?”

“Don’t think it hasn’t crossed my mind that you could send a letter to Twilight or Luna. You probably think it’s a good idea, but I’m telling you right now—” I walk forward slowly, glaring him down in such a way that he starts to move back, keeping pace with my own steps. “—If Luna discovers what I am. She. Will. Kill me. That’s not an exaggeration, that’s not an unlikely turn of events, that’s a fact. You will get me killed if you send a message.”

I can see the beads of sweat starting to pour through the microscopic slits in his scales. His heart-beat hastens and so does his breathing. He bumps against the large mahogany desk near the back and almost jumps in fear. He watches me approach, trembling and shaking like an abandoned newborn foal. “M-M-Maybe, y-you shouldn’t… j-j-jump t-t-t-to c-c-conc-clusions, like that. L-Lun-na is a v-v-very, eh, understanding. Sh-she, she might make an exception, for you.”

He continually hunches inward like a deflating balloon, holding one set of claws in the other, his eyes wandering to whatever fixtures that can take him away from my threatening eyeballs.

“You have seen one side of her Spike. The side that’s awkwardly adjusting to a thousand years of lost time and finds amusement in scaring fillies. You haven’t seen the side that founded the Order, that would kill me without asking questions, just as she and her soldiers have done with every demon since they were first founded. They have never spared one of my kind Spike, they won’t start with me.”

I halt my advance and make labored sigh. “Especially when I'm so close to the Elements, and a cavalcade of shit has hit the fan.”

I turn my head halfway towards the door, towards the outside, and the catastrophe that just occurred. I remind myself I did everything I could, that there was nothing more I could do. I remind myself that ponies still died.

“And what reason do I have to trust you?”

Spike says it in a whisper, clearly not meaning for me to hear it. He doesn’t know about my acute senses yet. There’s a pounding urge to lash out at him, to spit back everything I’ve done to keep him and everyone else safe, to scream he has no right to judge me for being scared. An urge, strongest of all, to call him a dick. But I bite that urge. I bite hard and swallow it down with all the pointless guilt and tears I’ve buried in my stomach. Yelling at him won’t do me any favors.

I breathe deeply through my nostrils, my lips scrunched too tightly to allow in air, and snort like an angry bull. I take great care to keep even the slightest hint of malice out of my voice. “Spike, how much did Scootaloo tell you about Alda and her snake?”

He gives me the thinnest slither of eye contact. “She told me she was a cultist, working for this… Auzmandayus guy. Said she threatened to kill everyone in town, and that was her snake out there carrying out her threat.”

“Did she tell you that she repeatedly tried to coax me, her, and Apple Bloom into joining Asmodeus? That on top of being responsible for Apple Bloom’s death she was also the reason Scootaloo is currently injured, and that the whole reason she came here was so that she could gather information on Twilight and her friends so that her boss could have a fighting chance in killing them?”

Horror sinks deeper into Spike’s face with every fact I reveal. He shakes his head, slowly, like the point where his neck and skull meet is rusty.

“Well it’s all true, and Scootaloo could back me up on all of it,” I say. “You can ask her yourself if you want proof. She could also tell you that I killed her and her pet serpent, as well as dozens of other demons that have been trying to enter Ponyville ever since the elements left.”

“And why are you telling me this?”

“Look, I lied to you and so many others from the first moment I started living here. You have every right to be suspicious of me, I understand that. But I’m not your enemy. I’ve been defending Ponyville from these demons ever since they started showing up, and I’ll continue to do so in the future.”

Spike’s meek face suddenly gets a shade of aggression. “You lied for years Sweetie, you’re not gonna earn back that trust in a day.”

“I know, all I’m asking is that don’t get me killed in the meantime.”

Spike stutters. He looks away from me and cups his chin, rubbing his middle finger against the side of his jaw. Then he turns back to me. “If you really understand why I don’t trust you, then you’ll let me message Twilight and Luna. They’re the only ones I can rely on right now, the only ones I can trust.”

I inhale deeply, biting down hard to keep my lips from contorting into a scowl. It takes every ounce of control to keep my voice down, and even then there’s a blade in my tone. “Think. This. Through. If you don’t give me the benefit of the doubt, what makes you think a sect of demon hunters will?”

“You’re a sibling of one of the elements.”

“Doesn’t count for shit. For all, they know I could be a changeling that just took Sweetie Belle’s place.”

“But if you explain what you’re doing–”

“Spike, I don’t know how I can make this any clearer, so try to get this through your thick scaled head.” I march up to him and hiss in his ear. “The last pony who would ever trust me at this point is Luna.”

I back off and glare in his eyes. “Do you really want to risk killing me, just so you can feel a little safer? Imagine for one second, you send a letter to Luna, and wake up the next morning to find that I have disappeared, never to be heard from again.”

The thought takes seed in his brain and sprouts a horrific expression on his face. I lean in and continue to feed the nightmare. “Could you live with yourself, if that happened? After I warned you, it would happen? What would Twilight think, if she found out? How do you think Rarity would react, if she knew her sister was killed, because of you? Would she even look at you again? Hell, you can barely look me in the eye right now. How could you face Rarity, knowing you were partly to blame for my death?”

His teeth bite hard, and his eyes squeeze together like he’s in pain. “Alright, I won’t send a message. I won’t tell Luna.”

“Good. Now come on, we’ve kept Scootaloo long enough.” I turn back towards the door.

“But I still want you to tell the Elements.”

I freeze up just as I’m reaching for the knob. I twist around back towards Spike, my eyes sunk deep with haggard vexation. “What parts of this conversation did you hear, and at what parts were you too busy jacking off to listen?”

Spike gets a light blush and his face twists in discomfort. “Look, if you really think telling Luna will put you in danger I won’t say a word, but I see no excuse for why you can’t trust the Elements.”

“It’s got nothing to do with trust. They’re working side by side with the Order, master spies as well as hunters, it’d slip out to them eventually.”

“And what if it did? The elements wouldn’t let the Order touch you.”

“Luna would demand my death.”

“And they’d all stand by you, wouldn’t let Luna or her soldiers lay a hoof on you.”

“She’d be sneaky. You’d wake up one morning and find that I’ve ‘disappeared’ or ‘ran away’.”

“Do you think Twilight and her friends are idiots? They’d know right away what happened, especially if you warned them about your suspicions ahead of time. Luna isn’t stupid enough to risk turning Equestria’s greatest soldiers against herself, definitely not now when the kingdom is being invaded, by the literal forces of hell!”

I stare at him for a moment, thinking. “If I tell them now, after the demon attack, it’ll make me appear suspicious.”

“And if you wait, and let them find out on their own, it’ll seem even more suspicious.” He folds his arms against his chest. “Any other excuses you’d like me to burn up?”

I don’t answer.

“Well?”

“Do you think they’ll trust me? No bullshit, just tell me straight up. Do you honestly think that?”

The question startles him. He turns a little and rubs his chin with his thumb and index claw. “Well, like I said, trust isn’t gained in a day.”

“Okay, but will they protect me? If Luna does find out and tries to come after me, do you really think they’d have my back?”

He eases up a bit and nods his head. “If you came out, and were completely honest with them, then yeah, I think they’d be on your side.”

I think for a long moment. I meet Spike’s eyes momentarily. “Let me think it over a bit.”

Spike groans. “Oh come on Sweetie, you know you can’t keep it hidden forever.”

“I said let me think it over!” I shout. “I’m playing with life and death here Spike, I can’t afford to make any mistakes.”

Spike’s lips peel up to show bared teeth. “Fine, but I’m not dropping this. I want a straight answer, soon.”

I grunt and turn around towards the door. “Tell Scootaloo I need to be alone for awhile, and, that I’m sorry I wasn’t quick enough to save her.”

Spike closes his eyes for a moment, then nods his head. I exit the room and shut the door gently behind me, and grip the doorknob hard enough to bend it off its screws.

Goddamn, that dragon!

I march down the hall as I barricade mumbled expletives inside my mouth.

I’ve got enough to worry about concerning the Order without adding the possibility of getting blasted into the underworld by the elements… Oh, what am I thinking, even I can see it would never come down to that.

I sigh and keep my head low as I walk through the lobby and out the front door.

Rarity would have my back at least after she was done shrieking and fainting from shock. Fluttershy and Pinkie might also give me the benefit of the doubt. Rainbow Dash would be a little more hostile, but she might listen to Scootaloo. Twilight would take a little convincing, but I could probably get her to come around. And Applejack… Would she even give me a chance, after what happened with Apple Bloom?

Even if she doesn’t suspect me of murdering her like Spike, I was the reason she was out there that night, I was the reason she walked into that trap, that she even considered slashing her hoof in the first place. Now add the fact that Big Mac has gone insane, the town is on fire, and Granny Smith is alone, I would be surprised if she didn’t want to buck my fucking skull in like one of her apple trees. And that’s assuming she isn’t currently being held captive by some sadistic hell spawn cumming acid into her ass.

I stop in the middle of the road and bite my lip. Aka had to be lying about that. There’s no way Asmodeus would allow any of the elements to live if he had one in his jaws. It would be insane of him, right?

I take a deep breath in and breathe out as I sit down in the dirt. I empty my mind of all thoughts. Where are the elements? I focus on that one thought for a few seconds, giving it complete and total attention. Images begin to form behind my eyelids. Then a blinding flash and a sharp pain in my head.

I grunt and fall on my back, both hooves pressing against my head. It feels like somepony is running a shaving razor across my brain. I lay in agony for several moments until the pain recedes enough for my mind to wade through other thoughts.

Someone blocked my clairvoyance. That’s a very bad sign. Only powerful demonic magicks could do that.

I sit up and try again, squeezing my skull trying to wring the last drops of pain from my head. I need to try something different. Aka said they only captured one element, so if I check on each one individually I should be fine, or I’ll get a minor concussion from the otherworldly backlash.

I clear my mind and focus on an image of Rarity. What is she doing right at this moment? I focus for a few seconds, and then I get a vision. I see my sister, sitting in a dumpy room I don’t recognize. Fluttershy is beside her, eyes red from tears. Rarity is forcing a smile and helping her groom a little white mouse with a tiny comb.

Mountains of anxiety collapse in my chest. Thank Celestia she’s alright. My worries return however as I realize what this means. It isn’t the Order blocking my clairvoyance, so Aka probably wasn’t bluffing about capturing one of the elements.

I slide my front hooves forward so I’m sitting with my stomach flat on the ground. I groan and lay limp as I clear my mind again. This time I focus on Twilight, and where she is at the current moment. I give all my concentration to that one thought, and then another vision forms. I see Princess Twilight standing outside in what I think is Los Pegasus, talking with Applejack, no, arguing with her. My clairvoyance doesn’t pick up any of what they’re saying, but Applejack looks pissed, and Twilight seems desperate to try and convince her of something.

I blink my eyes and come back to the real world once more. So the Princess is still safe. Spike will be happy to hear that. Though judging by their behavior so far it looks as though their encounters with demons have been just as traumatic as I thought it would.

I close my eyes again and blank my mind. This time I focus on Rainbow Dash. I concentrate on her for several moments, then there’s a quick bang in my brain.

My hooves shoot up to clamp my head and the ringing pain but then slide to cover my eyes, and the tears that leak out. I fall forward and bury my face in the ground.

That confirms it. It’s over. Asmodeus has Rainbow Dash, and now there’s no way he can be stopped. Everything I’ve been fighting against, every trial I’ve endured, all for nothing. Even if they somehow manage to rescue her, by the time they do so, she’ll probably be too broken to go on once Asmodeus’s followers get through with her.

I can only imagine what they're doing to her right now. Rape and torture occurring simultaneously, her agonized cries egged on by the demons who get off on her screams. They’ll eventually cut off her wings, probably after allowing her some faux freedom to fly, or taunting her with sights of others flying. They’d remove them slowly, over countless agonizing hours, digging through her flesh and bone with a scalpel and tweezers. Then when they finally remove the wings completely they’d lay the severed limbs in front of her as they fucked the stumps in her back. They’ll literally use her as a toilet, smear excrement and piss in her face until she vomits, then force her to lick everything up. She’ll be abused and tortured until she’s nothing but a jigsaw of blood and bone, held together only by her captor’s cruel desire to see her suffer.

Tears roll down my face and splatter on the ground. I strike the dirt where the tears land, stand up and walk off.

I wind up wandering through Ponyville, the strange ruined town that I saved with my own two hooves; what a hollow victory that seems now. Everywhere I look I see doomed survivors sifting through the remnants of their lives, taking solace in what they have left, weeping for dead loved ones they’ll soon be joining. Asmodeus will roll over this town. He’ll bury all of Equestria. There’s nothing stopping him now. He’ll torment the citizens until death is sought after as salvation, and preserving life becomes the ultimate cruelty. He’ll drag me into the twisting depths of hell, and make me suffer the most agonizing torture he can place me under, day in, day out, forever and ever.

My legs go weak and my knees buckle out from under me. I hit the ground face first and lay there with my tear speckled cheeks in the dirt. I knew this day would come; the day of my damnation, the day I’d forever regret being born and spend every waking moment praying for oblivion. All good things come to an end, and I will never again know anything good. Good will become a distant memory, a thought that taunts me through every moment of ceaseless agony and unbearable pain. I lament my existence already.

I rub my face in the dirt and let it soak up my tears. It takes me a minute to notice, in my sorrow and terror, that I’m lying a few feet away from the body of Filthy Rich.

I perk my head up when I see him, splayed out next to a partially collapsed brick building. I crawl towards him with my chest against the ground, weeping and trembling still. His face is the same as Big Mac’s and that mare who killed her kid, sheer horror on a level mortals can’t comprehend. There’s a large indent in his head and blood leaking down his whole face. My eye is then drawn to the splats of blood on the brick wall in front of him. It seems like he was thrown into it hard enough to shatter his skull, or maybe, he ran into it himself, after seeing something terrible.

“Daddy!”

Diamond Tiara shrieks her whole way over to her father and kneels in the tiny pond of blood flowing forth like shadows from the dimming fires. Her faded unblinking eyes quiver and moisten until she crumbles on top of his body. She wails, begging her father to wake up, to stand, to take her home. She throws her face down next to his head, pleading with Celestia to wake her from this nightmare.

I stand on the sidelines with a needle in my heart. I know full well there’s nothing I could do to comfort her in this situation, but I'd feel like shit just leaving her there alone.

I take tentative steps towards the sobbing mop of mane draped over her father’s corpse. I pause a nail’s length away, at a loss for words. I rest my hoof gently on the point of her shoulder. She doesn’t move, doesn’t react. For a moment I mourn with her, allowing more sorrow laden tears to water the ash covered ground.

“Are you happy now?”

I look up from the black splotches on the ground and see Diamond glaring over her shoulder, her eyes fountains of hate.

“Are you happy now!” she shouts. “Happy that this happened?”

“No. No, I’m not.”

“Don’t lie!” She swats my hoof off her shoulder and bars her teeth like an animal. “This is exactly what you wanted. To have me lose someone close, like you with that little Apple buck.”

“I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy, much less a conceited little bitch like you.”

“Yeah right! You’d do anything to make me miserable. Take pictures of my vag while I’m asleep, play the victim to turn the town against me…” She looks down at her father’s body, her fury filled eyes going wide in some horrid realization. “You could’ve murdered him yourself.”

She stares at her father’s dented bloody head and her breath goes short. She turns towards me in one slow jerky movement. “You killed my dad, didn’t you.”

I stare at her furious for a moment, then whip myself around and walk off.

“You did it. You did it you, evil murderer!”

“Keep treating everyone who gives you sympathy like that Tiara, sees how many of them want you miserable then!” I shout over my shoulder.

“So you admit it, you love seeing me suffer!” she screams back. “Well drink it all in you heartless monster! I hope you’re happy, and I hope that dirt farming friend of yours is plowing mud in hell! I hope everyone close to you dies and you spend the rest of your miserable life sobbing alone and cold like I am now!”

My legs clamp up like there are a thousand ton weights in each of them. Rage. Pure, fucking, rage. I swerve on my back hooves and march toward her. Diamond grinds her hooves into the ground and howls.

“Go ahead, do your worst, monster! I'm not going to stand here and be intimidated any mo-”

Full force, demonic strength, the back of my hoof slams against her right temple. Her head goes flying off into the air and her body somersaults a short distance before sliding across the dirt.

My ridged muscles go lax, my breathing slows. I feel like I’m coming down from an orgasm. My eyes anchor to ground, trying to stop me from turning to the headless corpse off to the side. It suddenly hits me what I’ve done. I look around flustered, checking every road, cloud, and burned building with a keen eye. Miraculously, no one saw me.

I look at Tiara’s bloody neck stump and edge away from the evidence as a verdict is reached in my brain

I killed a pony. I killed an innocent pony. Not a rapist, not a murderer, just a cunt.

I crossed a line with this one. I shouldn’t have done that. It was wrong.

That’s what I tell myself; over and over in my head, but I don’t feel that way. There’s this swelling joy in my chest, an insane happiness that climbs and soars in my throat. I feel an urge to laugh. I laugh at the horrible thing I did.

I tilt my head to the sky, tears cutting down my open eyes.

“God. Is this what You want me to be like?”

I stare at the cloudy soot-filled sky, awaiting a lightning bolt to affirm my question. “I can do that if You want me to. I’ll be a good little succubus, kill anyone I find offensive, rape anything I find moderately arousing. Fuck, I will grind my cunt against Tiara’s severed lifeless face and literally fuck her brains out. Let those who can actually gain salvation work for it.”

I chuckle and cry at the same time. “Or maybe that’s not what you want at all. Maybe, you’re just a fucking sadist, who uses everyone with good intentions as a cum rag!”

I swing my hoof as if to throw a bomb at the sky. I grind my teeth and stomp around as I shout. “I know I’m no angel. I literally touch myself, while snapping the joints off my enemies as they scream in pain for mercy, but at least I have self-control. I don’t harm innocents, I don’t kill anyone unless they’ve hurt others first, in most cases unless they’ve tried to hurt me or my friends. Why am I getting all this shit, while Asmodeus and his army of psychopaths are free to detonate the continent? How can You let them continue on, as they drive mortals insane from sheer brutality, ring their bodies until they plead for death, set fire to their homes, families, and children, then laugh as they watch their lives turn to ash. Why are You letting them win!”

Another moment goes by without a response. I lose a tug-of-war match with my eyelids, fall to the ground, folding in my knees. “I want to believe, so badly, that You are good. If You’re not good then there’s no such thing as good, but even in my most twisted fucked sense of morality I can see nothing good about You.”

I throw my hooves up to the sky. “What’s the game plan here? Sit back on Your fat flabby ass as Asmodeus flays all of Equestria! Watch his cunt head demons run howling through the streets, raping the infants they tear out of their mother’s wombs? Laugh Your fucking lungs out as I’m made to watch Rarity, Scootaloo, and all of my friends suffer and die before my eyes, or no, maybe I’ll die and You’ll damn me to hell before that happens. Fuck, You’re gonna do it at some point, might as well quite teasing and stick in already!”

I slam my hooves to the ground and rip up the very earth He placed beneath me. “Come on! Violate Me! Rape me! Turn my greatest pleasure into the most unbearable pain. Tear my flesh off, lite my eyes on fire, rend my soul into a thousand pieces then put it back together again so can repeat the whole process. You’ll never be satisfied until I’m suffering under the full extent of Your powers. You’ll probably do the same to Apple Bloom, just to spite me!”

My breath comes out like molten boulders, almost painful to exhale. I scowl at the sky, expecting the tar black clouds to split, and angels to descend down on rivers of light, ready to give me all the answers. Isn’t that the least I can ask for, some fucking clarity? I don’t get a response of course, why would I? I might as well have spent the last minute yelling at Diamond Tiara’s shattered skull.

I tear my gaze away from the heavens with a scornful groan. I’m left wading through my angry thoughts: thoughts of setting paradise on fire and raping every angel in it, of standing before an uncaring God and telling Him how much of gaping shitting asshole He is, of cursing His name right up to the very moment He slams my ass into the furthest most unbearable parts of hell, of the ceaseless inconceivable agony I’ll be facing while Asmodeus and his army indiscriminately rape, torture, and cannibalize every pony in Equestria, of Rarity, my mom, Scootaloo, and every friend I may not see again in a few days, who I’ll hopefully never see again.

Then I think of Apple Bloom. I can still see the burrowing fault lines in her face, twisted so deeply in hatred. I can hear the anger in her voice, even as her strength receded and she faded into unconsciousness. I still feel her last words, the barb of a scorpion embedded in my heart, “We can’t be friends anymore.”

Was there any way she could’ve known those would be her final words? Would she have said something different if she did? Would her different words be even more painful?

For several moments I stand there pondering that last question, like a complicated emotional puzzle that kills my soul every time I touch it. I walk back home, tuning out the depressing anguish wafting over the town. I lock myself in my bedroom, switch off the lights, and pull back the curtains so not even the faintest slither of light can enter. I pull out my spell book from the dresser, undo the seal, and flip through the pages until I find a necromantic ritual. It’s basic, simple, very similar to the one Alda performed in the forest, only smaller.

I draw a summoning circle using some flour I brought up from the kitchen, then set up six black candles on the outer rim of the circle and light them all with a flash of demonic energy. I stare into the light of the candles, glowing like hungry eyes in the darkness. Then I scrounge under my bed and grab the final two components; a pair of silver edged trimming scissors and Apple Bloom’s crusader cape.

I press the soft cotton fabric to my cheek. It’s so similar to my own cape, but smells of grass and zap apples. I had planned to leave this with her the night I visited her body. I wanted to fasten it around her neck, leave it as a final goodbye, but then I broke down, and for whatever reason, I brought it back home with me. Perhaps I had subconsciously known I was going to do this.

I place the cape in the center of the summoning circle, then stand back and look at for a moment. The child sized cape seems intimidated by the sinister flames and the oil black candles, like they’re surrounding it, about to tear it to pieces like a pack of wolves. Somehow, this thought scares me.

I feel as though my body were turned to dry clay, like some instinctual part of me is stopping me from proceeding. I don’t want to know if I’m wrong. If Apple Bloom isn’t where I hope she is, I don’t want to find out, I want to stay in ignorance forever. At the same time, I need to do this. I need to know. This isn't about discovering Apple Bloom’s fate or securing my own peace of mind, this is finding out whether God is good, or not.

I inhale a deep breath that rattles my chest like the tail of a snake. I clench my eyes shut, bite my lip until the flesh is numb, then lift up my rigid arm and place the open blade of the scissors on the soft part of my hoof. My whole body clenches up. Tears leak out. I jerk my arm down and cast my hoof out, staining the insignia of the crusader cape forever in blood.