I slipped in past the hooded one and through the waterway. Once through it was a simple matter of slipping through the woods and across to the barrens. It never surprised me that the monk had come here, this place is wondrously tranquil in the winter, he was a fool to come in the summer.

Winter was simply amazing, why anyone would forgo the brisk chill of winter for the sweltering heat of summer was beyond me. Equestrian winter in the barrens were especially pleasing, the locals stay away, the caverns underneath are perfect places for hiding loot, and a herb with amazing potential for tea grows there in the bitter cold.

I reached the barren, perched in the edge of a tree overlooking the massive wastes. I watched from afar as a red headed pony ran across the frozen dust. "Buck, buck, bucking buck!"

Moments later a gryphon bolted after it. "I'll buck you, ya garden loving weirdo!"

I pulled my bow off my back and readied an arrow. I drew a bead on the dashing creature, pulling back at the last moment. I swapped arrows, dipped it in a poison, and loosed.

The arrow flew true and struck the gryphon on the flank, sending it spinning on the ground until it laid still. I dropped out of the tree with a heavy thud, sending dust flying up around me. I hurried towards the downed aniaml, the angry creature quickly yanking the arrow out and turning to me. "What's the big idea with...shooting me...you...pony loving...ape...thing-" the agitated beast stumbled before landing face first in the dust.

I walked slowly towards the creature, kneeling down next to it and examining the wound. Just like intended the arrow had barely dug in, delivering the stunning blow with only the smallest wound. "Oh dead Celestia you killed him!" the red headed pony bolted over and pranced in the dust. "I didn't- I mean thanks and all but that was a bit much!" I ignored her and poured a suave over the beast's wound. I quickly wrapped it and threw the beast over my shoulder. "You're gonna eat him aren't you!"

"What?" I finally asked boorishly. "Why in the love of god would I eat him?"

"Because you're a monster!" she stunned herself with her words. "Monster!" she started stomping around like a nutcase, refusing to actually leave.

"If I'm a monster then run away." I stated dryly, the mare simply tracing a circle on the ground and walking over.

"I uh...so I'm Rose...who are you?"

"Apparently a monster." I said with a laugh, "I jeer. On a serious note why was he chasing you?"

Rose walked a circle around me as I jogged towards the nearest town, a charming little hamlet with a pink pony and amazing food. "I might have...maybe I." I cocked an eyebrow at the mare, she quickly broke out into a wide blush as a grin went from ear to ear. "I called him a manticore's rear end and said he smelled like rock-o'-dile's fart."

I started laughing hard. "A manticore ass,"- I bounced the gryphon on my shoulder -"he weights about as much."

Rose started laughing nervously. She perked up when the gryphon let out a horrendously loud snore. "Oh! He's not dead!?"

I shook my head. "He's just going to wake up with a headache, maybe a bit of nausea."

Rose let out a long held sigh, "You...you're pretty cool for a thingy."

"I am the single best thingy you will ever meet." I reached down and tugged her tail.

She kicked a few times until I put her down. "No, the best thingy would be modest!" she huffed, looking adorable as she turned it into a pout. This is exactly why I liked the locals, they were damn adorable.

"Modesty must give way to honesty, and if I said I was anything but astounding I would be a liar."

She scrunched her muzzle up like mad as she failed to respond. She scrunched her muzzle up before sticking her tongue past her lips and letting out a ridiculous sound, "Flabaroopfffff."

I had a single moment of control before I had to stop, a low squeal resonating as I tried to hold it back. I lost it, my laughter forcing me to set the gryphon down and take a knee. "Wh-a-a-at?" I fell onto my ass as I continued to laugh, my face starting to hurt like crazy as my smile hardened. "Can't breath."

I could barely see Rose through my tears. "It's not that funny!"

I rolled onto my belly to try and keep the pain down. "On- oh dear lord- on the contrary. That was by far one of the most hilarious things I've seen a horse say since neigh!"

She stomped around me for a bit. "I'm going home!"

"Wait!' I managed to grab her tail. "Wait...I'm sorry."

She kicked my hand away and whirl around. "You don't look sorry!" she pouted, making me coo my sympathies.

"Don't do that...I can't handle it. I really am sorry...please let me escort you home." I stood up and put the saw like gryphon back on my shoulder. "Please...it's the least I can do."

She pursed her lips as she looked me over. "Fine, but you don't get to laugh at me anymore."

"Well then don't be hilarious." I coughed out instead of a laugh. "Phew...alright, I can do that."

She swayed her hips to the left. "You'd better."

Things got quiet as we made our way towards the town, my usual routine of gathering plants completely interrupted. "Might I ask then, why were you out in the middle of the barrens, in the middle of winter as well!"

Rose thrust a hoof towards the particular herb of which I covet. "I was getting snowy ash-blossom." she ran over and carefully plucked the plant. "It only grows-"

"In the barrens during winters."

Rose cocked her head as her ears flailed against her head. "Well...yeah. How did you know that?"

"I came for the exact same plant, and if I could find any nightshade that would be excellent."

Rose scratched her head. "Nightshade...you mean the pony? Cause she lives in Canterlot."

"The pony- no, the plant. I use it to make my poisons, I used a low dose to send this cretin to bed." I patted the gryphons bum, causing him to kick his legs. "Heavy bastard."

Rose nodded. "He was supposed to help me look, but he started getting snippy...said I wasn't going to pay him."

"Were you?"

Rose let out a solitary laugh. "Heck no!"

I smiled wryly. "So you're the villain here. Perhaps you should have taken the arrow!"

She scoffed at me. "You're not going to get near my flank with an arrow."

I tried to hide my smirk. "Not ruling out my other pointed weapons?"

It took her a moment to realize what my lewd smile meant. "Oh my gosh!" she lagged behind as she frantically squealed out her protest. "That's gross, you weirdo, why would you say that!?"

I blew raspberries as we walked. "I don't discriminate against anyone, I puncture all forms of sentient life." I hooked my finger against my bow to not seem horribly crass.

"You're gross."

"I know, but we're wasting daylight debating my perversions and your refinement." I ran past her and waited for her to get close. Once she was in reach I scooped her up and threw her over my other shoulder. "If you have more plants I believe we might have much to discuss!" I bolted off at double the speed.

"H-h-h-hey, stop- bouncing- me!" Rose complained as she kept smacking her tail into my face. I ended up biting it and running faster towards town. I had a time table to keep!