I spent the entire trip back to Ponyville trying to think of excuses for not going to the party. My thoughts went every possible route - from battle fatigue, to intergalactic battle amnesia. But, no matter what idea popped into my head, I couldn't see a possible solution that would end with me not upsetting Pinkie Pie. She kept babbling on about all the fun things we were going to do and how she really appreciated me putting my fears aside for her party.

Fucking dammit... I hate being the nice guy. When we made it to Ponyville, the sun was getting close to the horizon. Most of the girls went their separate ways but Rarity insisted that I go with her to the boutique, so I could get new clothes and let her fix up my current ones. I nod and go with her; I seriously hope Storm won't do anything stupid with Twilight, well... at least not without me there to pester him.

"Miles?" asks Rarity, getting my attention.

"Huh?"

"I asked you a question."

"Oh... yeah, I was... distracted." Rarity rolls her eyes as we approach her boutique.

"Honestly Miles, that is no way to treat a lady."

"Oh, sorry, what did you need to know?"

"I wanted to know how you liked your last ensemble."

"It was... nice." We reach the door and she looks back to me.

"Nice? Did you love it or not?"

"Uh, sure."

"It's either you loved it or not, so tell me!" she says as she begins to step towards me.

"Umm... well-"

"Tell me." She continues to get closer so I begin to step back.

"The thing is-"

"Tell me tell me tell me TELL ME!" I trip over something and she gets in my face, giving me a look that is some weird combination of a pout and a demanding glare.

"Alright! The shirt collar was off, the sleeves ended a little early, the buttons on the shirt were too large to fit the style of the shirt, and the fabric was too fragile." Rarity looks a little shocked by my outburst. "But, I appreciate the help..." Great, now I've probably pissed her off, goodbye free clothes.

Rarity takes a moment to compose herself before saying, "Well why didn't you say so?" Wait, what? "Don't worry Miles, my second attempt will be absolutely fabulous. I just know you'll love it." With that, she joyfully trots into her store. What the fuck is up with these people? One minute they're pissed and the next they're happy as can be. Gah, whatever, not like I'm one to talk. After I shake my head clear I stand back up and walk into the store. As I walk in, a pair of scissors buries itself into the door, missing my face by centimeters.

"OUT! I WANT YOU OUT OF MY STORE THIS INSTANT, YOU ROYAL PAIN IN MY FLANK!" Rarity yells at some unicorn stallion. He's fairly large, not quite as big as Big Mac, but pretty close. He's all white with styled blonde hair. His mark seems to be a gold plus sign with a blue one set behind it, being turned 45 degrees so the points show. He wears a black collar and is currently kneeling in front of Rarity, with a diamond ring on his horn.

"Please, Miss Rarity, you've dominated my mind ever since that regrettable night, won't you at least reconsider?" Wow... I can already tell by his voice that he's a complete pussy. He stands and tries to approach Rarity, but she trots away.

"I said no once, and I'll say no a thousand times more, NO!"

"Then I'll have to ask a thousand times more: Rarity, will you..."

"Oi! The lady said to get out, I think you should listen," I interrupt. He looks back and nearly falls over in recoil.

"GAH! What is that thing!? Stand back Miss Rarity, I shall deal with this." Really... he rears up and tries to charge me. I sidestep and smack him upside the head as he passes by, shaking my head at him. "Aw! My hair! You'll pay for that you beast!" He tries to charge me again, only to find similar results. I look over to Rarity and she looks a little worried... and unimpressed.

"Hey Rarity, should I throw out the trash?" I ask.

"Oh, if you could that would be divine, Miles dear."

"Dear!" He says as he looks between the two of us. "So that's the kind of company you wish to keep. Hmph, and here I thought you were a lady of refinement," he says as he turns back to Rarity. "I guess this would explain why you would want nothing to do with a stallion of my-"

"Hey, asshole, we're not-"

"Yes, Miles and I are together." We're what now? "If you wish to have my hoof in marriage, you'll have to get it from him." He looks back to me and scoffs.

"You truly believe a simpleton like him could possibly stand against the likes of me?"

"Hey! First off, shut the fuck up, I'd drop you quicker than a sack of rocks. Secondly, Rarity and I are-"

"Madly in love," Rarity says as she runs to my side and hugs my waist, "and he would fight within an inch of his life for me, right Miles?" She hits my leg and gives me a look. Fine, I'll go along with it. Damn she is going to owe me.

"Yeah, what she said," I say unenthusiastically, getting another kick from Rarity.

"Hmph, we shall see about that," he replies, getting in another fighting stance. I push Rarity off and step forward to get ready, but stop when he flashes out of the room. After a few seconds I figure he's left so I turn back to Rarity, only to get wrapped up in a hug.

"Oh, thank you Miles. Sorry for putting you in that awkward position, but I simply had to get that creep out of here," she says as she buries her face in my stomach. This is getting a little awkward.

"Who was that guy?"

"His name is Prince Blueblood, and he-"

"Prince! He's related to Luna!?" I'm going to jail.

"What, no. He is a member of the royal family. They are a step under Princess Luna."

"Alright... so, what was he doing here?"

"*sigh* He's been coming here for the past year, at least once a month, proposing to me. We met at the Grand Galloping Gala and... let's just say I saw his true colors and want nothing to do with him."

"What do you think the chances of me going to jail are?"

"Not likely. He's not supposed to be out of the palace grounds on his own." Oh sweet Barbra.

"Rarity..."

"Yes Miles?"

"You can let go now."

"Oh! Right." With a massive blush she lets me go and takes a few steps back. She plays with her hair a bit before trotting into her back room, mumbling to herself. I follow her in and lean against a nearby counter. She's levitating different objects back and forth, trying to distract herself in her work.

"So does Spike know about our newfound love?" Everything in the air drops as she trips over herself and falls over. I laugh as I walk over and help her back to her hooves. I fucking called it. "You alright?"

"Please don't tell Spike about what just happened. He doesn't know about what Blueblood tries."

"Tell him about what?" I ask. She looks up to me and puts one and one together. She gives me a small hug before getting back to work. "But in all seriousness, if he shows up again, feel free to give me a call." She gives me a smile and nods.

"So, on a completely different note, what are your pants made of? I've looked them over and can't identify what material it is," she asks while setting everything back in its appropriate place.

"Well, it's some composite material we made. I'm not entirely sure, but from what Tenera told me, it's apparently derived from plastic." She thinks about this as she begins to pull out a pile of clothes.

"Hmm... well, I'll have to bug you another time about it. Here are some more clothes I threw together for you. Hopefully they will fit your desire a bit better than the others did." I take the pile and look it over. Three pairs of pants; one being my old pair, one being blue and slightly rougher than the pair I have on, and the last being similar to the pair I have now; three shirts, a blue, a red, and a yellow one; and lastly some underwear.

"Thank you Rarity, I'll be sure to repay the favor someday."

"Don't worry about it. I know you don't think of me as a friend, but that doesn't mean I don't think of you as a friend." Wow... that was pretty touching.

"Yeah... don't worry, you're getting close. I'm going to get changed now." I quickly leave the room and go to the changing room. That was awkward. Anyway, I remove my armor and begin to get undressed. I switch to some new underwear and my old pants. I grab the blue shirt and unfold it. It has horizontal lines in a lighter blue going through it. It has a slight V neck and has short sleeves. I shrug and try it on. It fits, so I put my boots on and put the rest in my bag. When I step out I see Rarity waiting by the door.

"Well Miles? Let’s get a move on, we don't want to be late for Pinkie Pie’s party." Fuck.

"I was actually going to swing by Twilight's place to... drop off my bag." Nice cover.

"Alright, I'll escort you, let's get going." Well fuck me over. She walks out the door and I reluctantly follow. We make our way to Twilight's and meet her as she steps through the library door.

"Oh, hey you two. I was just about to head over to Pinkie’s, what brings you here?" Twilight asks.

"Miles wanted to drop off his bag before we went," Rarity explains.

"Actually, it’s good that we met up, now we can put your blade away," Twilight says as she walks back inside. Rarity and I follow her in, though I kind of hesitate. I look to the left and see the chest already opened, containing Storm’s sword in addition to my weapons. I pull out my holstered blade and place it inside. She shuts it and sets the force field back around it. I set the bag down next to the chest and look around.

"Where's Storm?" I ask. Twilight looks a little angered and looks away.

"He's in the back, setting the cots back up."

"Alright, well, why don't you two head on out. I'll grab Storm and meet you there."

"Alright, we'll do that," Rarity says as she pulls Twilight with her. We share a glance before they step out the door. What the fuck did he do now? I head to the back room and find him sitting in between the two cots, wings erect, another bruise on his face, and the dumbest look of satisfaction on his face." Okay, do I even want to know what happened?"

He lazily looks over to me and quickly tries to compose himself. "Well... you see... the thing is... this isn't what it looks like."

"What happened?" I ask as I walk up to him. He's still trying to get his wings down, hmm. I reach out to touch them but he jumps away.

"Don't touch them, they're sensitive!"

"What the fuck does that even mean?"

"It means just give me a minute to get myself under control!"

"Wow... now I need to know what happened."

"Nothing! Why would you say something happened? Does it look like something happened? Because nothing happened!" he says as he starts to sweat a little.

"Oh sweet Barbra, something did happen. What did you do?"

"Shouldn't we get to the party now? I think we should. It feels as if we're going to be late. Let's get going," he says before flying as quickly as possible out of the room. Oh, you can run but you can't hide. I run back to the front room and see him flying outside. Okay, maybe he can run.

"What's all the commotion about?" Spike asks as he walks out of the kitchen.

"I'm trying to get Storm to tell me something. You wouldn't happen to know what happened, would you?"

"No, I just heard Twilight yell something and then stomp out here." Damn, oh well, I can just ask at... the... party. "You alright Miles? You look a little pale."

"Oh, that's just because I'm about to torture myself by going to Pinkie's party."

"Really? I've got to see this," he says as he jogs out the door. He peeks back and says, "You coming?" What a dick. I follow him out and towards Sugarcube Corner. Halfway there, Storm flies down and joins us.

"So-"

"Not saying."

"Aw come on-"

"Nope."

"Whatever, I'll get you to spill your guts sooner or later."

"You keep thinking that."

"What's going on?" asks Spike.

"Nothing," Storm replies quickly. Spike looks between the two of us and finally just shrugs it off.

When we finally approach Sugarcube Corner I stop in my tracks. I can't believe I'm seriously about to do this. But, I said I would, and I'm not about to make myself into a liar. Who knows, maybe it won't be so bad. It might even be as good as my last birthday party, hopefully with a better ending though... that poor bus driver.

"You alright Miles? You look like you're on the verge of a mental breakdown," Storm asks with concern in his voice.

"Yeah, I'll be fine... she said there wouldn't be that many people right?"

"Yeah, just us and maybe a few others, no more than fifteen."

"Fifteen? I can handle fifteen, fifteen shouldn't be a problem. Well, *inhale, exhale* let’s get this over with." I put my hand on the door handle and look back. Storm is patiently waiting, while Spike is shaking his head. I look back and slowly open the door.

"SURPRISE!" A pink blur yells as confetti and streamers fly out of the room, making me fall flat on my back. I look up to see Pinkie Pie standing in the doorway, covered in confetti and wearing a colorful pointed hat. "Welcome to your JOB WELL DONE WITH THE DRAGONS AND THE TREEHOPPER AND THANKS FOR SAVING THE TOWN FROM THE COWS AND WELCOME TO PONYVILLE PARTY!"

"PARTY?" I yell as I try to get away, but can't seem to get up to run. Storm tried to get a hold of me, but I think I punched him. I stop moving and try to collect myself as I curl into a ball and hold my legs against my chest. Spike, Pinkie Pie and Storm walk over to me and look down at me.

"Was it something I said?" asks Pinkie Pie.

"Maybe, I think we should avoid the P-word for the time being," says Storm as he rubs his cheek.

"You mean ‘party’?" asks Spike, making me cringe.

"Yeah, that one."

"Well, I'll go inside and tell everypony, you guys work on getting him inside," Pinkie says as she runs back inside.

"Should we just drag him in?" asks Spike.

"Only if you want to get punched," Storm says as he continues to rubs his chin.

"How do you suggest we get him inside then?" Storm thinks about this for a second before he runs inside. After a few minutes he comes back with a confident smile.

"Hey Miles, the party is over, we sent everypony home. But the Cakes would still like to meet you, think you can handle that?"

"Maybe... I think... just give me a minute." I take a minute to let go of my legs and sit up. After taking a few deep breaths I stand to my feet and with a little encouragement I begin to walk inside. When I get to the door I hesitate for a second, before I open it and walk inside.

THAT FUCKING LIAR!

There has to be at least fourteen people here. I try to back out, but Storm gives me a little push that forces me inside. Once I get most of the way inside, every eye is on me. I begin to sweat bullets as I try to get out, but can't get past Storm. I finally give up and turn to the crowd with a forced smile. "H-hey..."

"Well now that everypony is here let’s get this par... er, small get-together started!" Pinkie yells as she turns on a record player. Once the music begins everyone goes back to their own discussions, looking away from me. I sigh in relief and take a nearby seat. That was painful.

"That was pretty pathetic," Spike says, getting a smack upside the head from Storm.

"Hey, he faced his fear and made it here, what more could you want?" I look up to Storm and give him a smile. Spike just shakes his head and walks off. "You going to be alright?"

"Yeah, I think. I'm going to stay here for a bit, you should go enjoy yourself." He looks back and walks over to the seat next to me.

"No way I'm leaving my wing stallion alone," he says as he takes the seat.

"Heh, you mean P.I.C.?"

"What's that mean?"

"Partner in crime."

"Heh, I like that. Alright, no way I'm leaving my P.I.C. behind." I give him another smile as I lean back and take a view of the party. There are some kids running around, laughing and playing. Big Mac is over by a drink bowl talking with Fluttershy. Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack seem to be playing a game on the wall. It looks like you blindfold yourself and try to pin a tail on a picture of a pony. Twilight and Spike are walking towards me.

"So, what do you think?" Twilight asks.

"Not too bad. My nerves are still a little shot, but I should be fine."

"You should try the punch, I think you would like it," she says as she levitates a cup over to all three of us; I think she forgot Spike. "To good friends," she says as she lifts her glass. I raise mine and the three of us tap glasses. Da fuck... Storm is holding his in his mouth. I guess that makes sense, can't really hold something without hands. I take a deep gulp from the cup and nearly choke on it.

"Whoa, there's alcohol in this."

"Is that a problem?" asks Twilight.

"No, I just wasn't expecting it," I say as I take another drink. It has a sweet taste, and if I had to guess, I would say it's about twenty proof, give or take. Once I finish my drink, Twilight quickly replaces it with a filled one. "Trying to get me drunk?"

"What? No. I just thought that if you had a few in you, you would ease up a little." Well, that may be a little true, I can feel the alcohol already taking the edge off my anxiety. I take another drink and look back to the game.

"What are they playing?" I ask as I point them out.

"It's pin the tail on the pony, want to try?" I look over to Storm, who only shrugs.

"Alright," I say, downing my drink in one swig, "let’s give it a try." I stand up and follow Twilight over to the wall. When we get there, all of the girls beam as I say I want a try. I kneel down and let Applejack blindfold me. They hand me the tail and tell me to stand, which I do. When I stand they begin to spin me in a circle, stopping me when I have no clue which direction I'm facing.

"Alright Miles, try and put it in the right spot," cheers Twilight. I reach out and try to find the poster, and when I find it I try to guess the best spot. After I push the tack in, I hear some laughter from behind, so I pull the blindfold off. Well, I got the tail in the right spot, if you count using other pictures as well.

"Well, do I get points for getting the right spot?"

"Mmm, no. But you do win another drink," says Twilight as she gives me a filled glass.

"Ad bonum temporibus," I say as I lift my glass and take another drink. Everyone looks at each other before taking a drink of their own.

"How many didja give 'em Twi? I think he's already drunk off his keister," says Applejack.

"This would only be his third one, though he did drink the last two pretty fast."

"I'm not drunk, I'm not even buzzed," I say as I take another drink. "That was just the language of my people." Twilight looks intrigued by this while everyone else just looks at me as if I'm crazy. Whatever, this drink is really good, but it doesn't compare to the drinks Inficiunt would mix.

The party goes on for a few hours like this; the girls make me play different games and try different foods and I try them without question. Bobbing for apples was pretty fun, plus apples taste pretty good. Almost every treat Pinkie made me eat was fucking delicious, I need to find out how she makes them. Spike and Storm were talking for a while, but soon separated. I asked him what that was all about, and he just said to not worry about it, so I drop it. I think I have an idea of what they talked about. Soon the record runs out, and Pinkie is about to start a new one when I stop her.

"That music was nice and all, but if you play another one like it, I may have to break it."

"Well, what kind of music would you prefer to listen to?" Pinkie asks.

"Let me show you," I say as I pull out my phone. Everyone is looking at me now, but thanks to my buzz, it doesn't bother me. I unlock it and slide to my music app. I open it and it goes straight to playing music, to which I pause before any sound comes out. I guess the crack broke it after all, because I can't get to the menu. The crack is also making it so I can't turn the shuffle on or skip songs. I guess I'll have to do one at a time.

"Hey, my phone is broken, so I can't pick the song that comes out, so we'll just have to deal with what comes up, is that alright?" Nobody responds, I don't think they understood what I mean - oh well, they'll figure it out. I go to the song and press the play button.

As the guitar riff fills the room, I turn the volume all the way up and begin to bob to the music. Everyone looks as if they never heard a rock song in their life, well, time they heard one. Once the singing begins I start to bounce in place while doing a slight fist bump. Okay, I might be a little more than buzzed, but whatever, I love this song and don't really care what they think right now.

"Annie are you okay, are you okay, you okay Annie..." I sing along, everyone is looking at me as if I'm crazier than before, but whatever, if they don't like it, they can leave. As the song continues I can see Big Mac and Storm getting into the music, bobbing their heads slightly, so I motion for them to join in.

"What do we do?" asks Storm as he steps forward.

"Just cut loose and have a good time," I say as I slam my side into him, making him nearly fall over.

"What the buck?" he says, but I ignore him as I begin to mosh on my own, thrashing about from side to side as I kick and punch. After a few seconds I stagger back as Storm slams into me and takes my place moshing, whipping his head back and forth as he spins in one direction, then in another... Atta boy. I run in and we just go fucking nuts. After a while, Big Mac joins in, followed by Pinkie, then Rainbow, and finally Applejack. The six of us thrash about for a good amount of the song. Damn, I took a slam from Big Mac and nearly fell over. Rainbow Dash and Storm took to the air and were bumping against each other as they both head banged. As the song hit the guitar solo, I reach up and grab Storm’s foreleg. I hold on to each of his forelegs as I begin to spin in a circle.

"Whoa, what are you doing?" he shouts.

"Just hold on and help me spin," I yell back. As he flies with me, I can start to feel all of the blood rush to my head. Storm is starting to look sick, so I let go and let gravity do its job. I fall back and trip Applejack, who somehow ends up on top of me, while Storm crashes into Rainbow and they collide into the drink bowl. As the song ends, the only sound left is all of us laughing.

"WOO, that was totally fun! Play another, play another!" Pinkie Pie chimes as she bounces in place.

"Please, could we try to act like civil ponies," complains Rarity.

"Aw come on Rare, it was just in good fun," says Applejack as she jumps off me. "What? Ya against having fun?"

"If acting like a complete barbarian is your idea of having fun, then you may count me out," Rarity replies as she walks out of the store with her head held high.

"Uh, I think we should follow Rarity's lead and call it a night," says Twilight. I think there was a bit of a slur to her voice.

Everyone agrees to this and says their goodbyes. Apparently, now I'm some kind of party king, ‘cause Pinkie says that was one of the best parties she had thrown. I think she mumbled "this month", but I'm not sure. As we leave, Twilight levitates Spike onto her back and the three of us begin to walk back. It wasn't so bad. Who knows, maybe I'll finally be able to get over my fear of parties after all.

The song (In case you forgot) was Smooth Criminal by Alien Ant Farm. I want to thank Cheesus for using his Brony Points to pick it out. Thanks for doing all those spell checks for me when I post. Thanks to everyone for reading and as always, Brony On!