“Oh man,” I whispered, licking my lips. I closed my eyes, using only my nose to know my surroundings. My nostrils flared to better inhale the intoxicating scent that made my mouth flood with saliva and my heart beat faster.

I had been waiting for this day for so long. Longer than I’d care to admit. The succulent flavor of what I was about to taste had not been on my lips in what felt like forever. But finally, it was mine. All mine. And I was going to enjoy every damn second of it.

My hands squeezed into its squishy exterior. My fingers didn’t sink to much into it, but I can still feel the meat underneath under all the fluff. A sure sign this particular tasting would be especially delicious.

Opening my mouth wide, my tongue was the first to reach it. I wiggled my tip in a bit, enjoying the first luxurious tang of flavor that latched onto my tongue. Right then and there I wanted to tear it to pieces. But no, I waited. Just to enjoy it for all its worth.

Moving my mouth over it, I gave it a gentle squeeze with my lips. Just then, a bit of its interior squirted into my mouth. A shudder went through me at the thought of what was to come. I had it all to myself, tongue and mouth latched on, just begging and pleading with all their might for me to dive right in. So the last of my inhibitions fell, crashing to the floor of my morality as the temptation of hungry lust overpowered my mind.

Then I took a huge bite and chewed to my heart’s content.

“You’re disgusting,” a feminine voice said before me.

Opening my eyes, I looked at the face of the mare. Blue coat and even a darker blue mane with a streak of silver, she stared at me with her bright green eyes with a positively morbid expression. “What?”

She grimaced, turning her head to the side and avoiding eye contact. “The way you’re eating that. It’s just… weird.”

I raised a brow at her. “Yeah, so?”

She sighed, holding a hoof to her muzzle. “Well, first thing’s first, Tom. We’re at a mall for crying out loud! People can see us.”

I looked around quickly. All I could see was shoppers and uninterested patrons passing by without a glance. Turning back to her, I said, “No one’s even looking. You’re making something out of nothing again, Pixie. Just relax.”

“Yeah, well, can’t you eat your food like a normal pony?”

I stared at her with a deadpan expression.

Pixie blushed, smiling her cutest yet awkward grin at me. “Oh right, sorry Tom. I forget sometimes.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” I said, setting my burger down on my wrapper. Grabbing a couple of fries to munch on, I muttered through a mouthful of fried potatoes, “But just chill, Pixie. Ain’t no one is gonna care either way if I eat weird.”

“But Tom, I care,” Pixie rebutted me, holding a hoof over her chest. “You really should eat with more manners, and you know what. Especially in public.”

“Does it look like I care what other people think?” I ask her, picking my burger back up to point at the passing crowd of mall goers. “I eat my burger however I want, and that’s the only thing that matters.”

“And your marefriend you’re eating with doesn’t?” she asked me, crossing her hooves.

To avoid answering her for a moment longer, I take another bite from my burger. “Now you’re just twisting my words,” I said, pointing a finger in her direction over the burger’s grease laden bun.

“Eww, Tom, at least swallow first!” Pixie implored. She held up hooves and waved them at me.

I gulped the remainder of my mouthful and took a sip from my soda. “Hey, I thought we were having a conversation. I know you hate it when we eat and don’t talk.”

Pixie huffed. “I’d prefer to talk to someone who isn’t chewing at the same time.”

I rolled my eyes, picking up a fallen pickle that had fallen on my wrapper and popping it in my mouth to chew on. Nothing beat that tangy taste, especially when its covered in mayonnaise and mustard. Not that wretched ketchup. Commoner condiment, really.

After licking my fingers one last time, I said to her, “Well, then eat yourself. You have your… salad thingy right there.” I waved my hand at her simple meal of leafy greens and what were apparently flowers sprinkled throughout.

Fork in hoof, she pierced some of her salad and brought it closer to her mouth. “Fine then, I will. At least what I’m eating can be considered healthy, unlike that abomination of grease you always love to eat.”

“When the meat is packin’, I’m always smackin’!” I laugh, biting a huge chunk of fast food deliciousness. The buns were greasy and squishy, but boy did they ever have that gooey fluff you just love in soft bread. Then there was the burger, which was top rate junk food levels of flabby, easy to chew on and having that tasteless quality that you get addicted yet not really enjoyed about. Next up was the juicy tomato that you can never properly bite out of and eventually falls off the burger later on. Lettuce was… really, what was the point of it? It did absolutely nothing for burger taste. I guess it’s more of a tradition, really. Then, of course, were the onions, which were crisp and had a certain crunchiness that made the burger all the more enjoyable. Last, but certainly not least, the tanginess of the pickles and mustard with mayonnaise to complete the works. I would be lying if I wasn’t moaning of the pure, unfiltered ecstasy that was coursing through my body.

I could cover the cheese as well, but then I’d be lying in a pool of my own bliss.

“Ugh!” Pixie sighed, facehoofing without taking a bite of her salad. “You really are impossible, you know that?”

“And that’s why you love me,” I said, flecks of my spits mixed with the burger landing on the table. Along with Pixie, unfortunately.

“Oh, gross!” Pixie shouted, brushing her mane and face while shooting me a hard glare. “You know how much I hate meat, and you got it all over me!” Just great, Tom! Just great!”

“But aren’t you made of meat…?” I pointed out, grabbing a napkin to wipe off a smidge of onion on her nose.

Knocking my hand away and using the napkin herself, she scowled at me while cleaning away her face of my half-chewed burger. It was kind of adorable, I had to admit. “Yeah, and I prefer not to eat it.”

“You ponies being vegans must suck, am I right?”

“It doesn’t. And only some of us are vegans. I’m a vegetarian myself,” she reminded me. “If you would care to remember.”

“Babe, I do care,” I said, licking some mustard from my finger. “This is like, what, the third time I’ve eaten meat in front of you? I know how icky you can get about me eating it.”

“For good reason, Tom,” Pixie said, sticking her tongue out in disgust at my burger. “That used to be a living, breathing animal!”

“Yeah.” I nodded my head, licking my lips to clear away some of the residue from the burger. “And now it’s a dead, cooked animal. Just the way the circle of life works, babe.”

“Do you really have to enjoy that circle so much?” Pixie asked me, wincing at the large slurping noise I made to suck up the condiment mess in my burger. “I mean, eating just vegetables isn’t so bad.”

I pulled back the side of my mouth, showcasing my canines. “Pixie, does this look like the teeth of someone who munches on hay all day?”

“Tom, please, there’s stuff all in your teeth!” Pixie begged me, holding her hooves up. Groaning under my breath, I released my lip and went back to eating my meal. Noticing my lack of concern for my contravore habbits, Pixie frowned and said, “Okay, if you want to clog your arteries and live with the knowledge you’re eating what used to be a living being, fine by me. At least I’ll live with a clean conscience and clean bill of health.”

I shrugged, popping in a couple more fries into my maw before taking another bite from my burger. “Whatever floats your boat, babe. You just haven’t been blessed by the deliciousness that is burgers to truly know of their divine nature.”

Pixie rolled her eyes. “Divine my—”

I shoved the remains of my burger into her face. “How art thou not blessed with the holiness that is your lord and savior, ye burger of saintliness?”

Holding back a laugh, Pixie pushed my hand away. “Tom, stop!” she giggled, a slight blush turning her blue cheeks purple. “I don’t want to eat your half-eaten burger, okay.”

“I sure am glad of that, since I’m gonna do it myself,” I replied, tearing away half of the burger. It was running wet now, condiments and grease dripping on my wrapper and down my face. I used a couple of fries to soak up this mess, along with enjoying for later as well as I threw them down my gullet.

Pixie looked away, head rested on her hoof as she silently chewed on her own food. “Why can’t we be like that couple over there?”

Looking to where she was pointing at, I saw a woman eating a salad with her coltfriend. The stallion levitated over a fork and the lady took a bite from the food, while she in turn did the same for him. It was a very cute and overly-cliche eating scene you see with couples. Particularly young ones, since once you’re in a relationship for a bit you find out how contrived and time wasting doing something like that is. Plus, if you miss, you get a fork in the cheek.

Wiping a greasy hand over my shirt, I said, “Well, I think I can pull off the body. Fitting into the skirt would be a tight squeeze, but I’m sure I can manage. Finding the right cup size for the bra can be a toughy, but not too taxing. And you don’t mind putting on some muscle weight and getting your mane cut, right?” I turned back to Pixie, and most troubling, her frowning face. “I’m guessing that isn’t the answer you wanted…”

“Why do I even bother?” Pixie asked, more to herself than to me.

Gulping the last of my burger, I reached over and pinched her cheek. “Because you wuuuuuuuv me?”

“Ew, Tom, your fingers are still greasy!” Pixie shouted. She was now wiping desperately at her face where I touched, while I was wiping my hands on my napkin while laughing with a fake evil intention. “Jerk,” she added in.

“Yeah, and you’re dating one,” I pointed out, crumbling the rest of my wrapper.

Pixie stared off in another direction, frown still planted firmly on her face. Rubbing my chin in thought, I grabbed two of my fries and stuck them in my mouth.

“Pixie, I’m coming for your blood!” I said, pretending my french fry canines were fangs as I reached out for her.

Staring back at me, Pixie snickered at my cheesy yet comical appearance. “Oh Tom,” she said, fluttering her eyelashes at me, “you always do know how to make me laugh.”

Snacking on the fries in my mouth, I pointed a finger dramatically upwards. “Then you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!” Time to put on the showstopper.

Grabbing my soda, I inserted with great care the straw into my right nostril. Then with a snort, I sucked through my nose, closing the other nostril up. Slowly but surely, a stream of soda ascended up the straw to my nose. Once there, I sucked it down my nasal passageway to empty out in my throat. Once you got used to the fizziness, it was an oddly tingling sensation for your nose. Like snorting up snot, except this one had bubbles and was one of the lead causes of obesity. In no time flat, the soda was empty.

Removing the straw from my nose while soda leaked from my nostril, I shot her a smile and asked, “So, how was that?”

Pixie stared at me with wide eyes and an open jaw that I swear to God actually reached the floor. “That… was…” Pixie gagged into her hoof, the blueness of her cheeks turning a bit on the green side.

“Awesome?” I guessed.

Answering me with another gag, Pixie got out of her seat and started rushing to the nearest restroom, moving as fast as three hooves while one was holding back her vomit could take her.

Leaning back in my seat with my hands behind my head, I nodded to myself. “Yeah, it was awesome.”