Three Steps Back

by SusieBeeca

First published 4th of November, 2013

Applejack made a mistake a few months ago and has been carrying it around with her ever since. Literally.

A few months after the events of The Two-Step, the Apple family is trying to come to terms with Applejack's pregnancy, some in better ways than others. They find out that sometimes when you try to right a wrong, it only makes things worse. Especially when you have to deal with a very reluctant houseguest....

TvTropes page! (Thanks to The Literary Lord.)

Chapters with clop will be marked as such :)

OMG~! Featured on 21/04/2015! Thank you to all my lovely readers!

Growing Pains

"I'm so sorry, Cheerilee. It ain't gonna happen again."

"I should hope not," the teacher answered as she turned her frown to Apple Bloom. "I expected better of you."

"So did I," Applejack said with a matching expression. Her sister shrank a little under the adults' glare. "You were raised better'n that! What d'you have to say for yerself, huh?"

Biting her lip, Apple Bloom tried to straighten her back, and after a few moments she blurted "But she... she deserved it, AJ!"

"Nopony deserves to be hit in the face like that," Cheerliee said sternly.

"I didn't hit her! I slapped her! It's different!" she protested. "It didn't even leave a mark!"

Applejack sighed and rubbed her forehead. "Bloom, couldja... couldja maybe go get me a glass of water? The sun was real killer on the way over."

Her ears flopped down as she hung her head, but she mumbled "Okay" and shuffled out of the room, letting Applejack close the door behind her. Once she was gone, Applejack groaned and stretched out her back with a few audible pops. "Y'mind if I sit down, Cheerilee? I'm carryin' quite a load here."

"Oh! Of course not. Please," she said as she rose from the large padded chair, "make yourself at home."

She watched as Applejack carefully eased herself back into the seat, shifting to and fro before she found a comfortable position; sitting slouched back like Lyra did look awkward, but it took the heavy weight of her belly off of her spine. "Ah, much better. Thanks."

Cheerilee put a hoof on her shoulder. "I'm so sorry to have called you in, Applejack, but---"

"Nah, I'm the one who should be sorry. I jes' don't know what got into her!"

"Neither do I," she said as she shook her head. "She's never lashed out like this before."

"Well..." Applejack looked away, her face flushed a little. "She, uh, she was the last to hear about the baby, an' she ain't been takin' it too well."

"I see."

"That ain't an excuse, mind you," she added quickly.

"Of course not, Applejack," Cherrilee said, and moved her hoof a little lower down her foreleg. "Um, this might not be appropriate, but would you mind if I...?"

Applejack laughed when she saw the magenta hoof hovering over the swell of her belly. "Ah, go ahead! Most ponies don't even bother askin'---they jes' come up and start rubbin' me."

She smiled as she pressed the underside of her hoof against Applejack's coat. "That must be annoying."

"You have no idea. I feel like I'm in a pettin' zoo." She smirked. "Now I think I know how zebras feel when ponies touch their manes."

"What do you do when they invade your space like that?"

Applejack smiled as Cheerilee rubbed little circles against her. "If it's a mare doin' it, I rub her right back. If it's a stallion, I tell him he ain't allowed to touch it if he ain't the one who put it there."

Cheerilee's nervous laugh was cut off by Apple Bloom bumping the door open with her flank. "Here's yer drink, AJ," she said, splashing a little on her forehead as she trotted over. "I used a glass from the cafeteria... hope that's okay, Miss Cheerilee."

"Of course it is."

The water was tepid, but it still felt wonderfully soothing as it went down her dry throat.

"So, uh... am I in trouble?" she asked.

"You bet you are." With a groan, Applejack pushed herself out of the chair and got to her hooves. "We're gonna have a long talk on the way home."

"Okay," she said with a pout.

Apple Bloom kept her head low as she shuffled out of Cheerilee's office. She normally had to trot to keep up with her sister, but Applejack wasn't moving as fast as she used to. The very thought made her sigh. It wasn't as if the filly had never seen a pregnant mare before, but seeing that distended belly on her own kin was upsetting. Threatening, even. She'd always been the baby.

"Well, missy, you better have a good explanation fer what you did," Applejack said without looking back.

"Silver Spoon's a bitch! That's yer explanation!"

She immediately clapped a hoof over her own mouth, but instead of a reprimand, she got a chuckle.

"I know that, Bloom. Heck, everypony knows that. But that ain't a good enough reason to smack
her in the face."

"But, Applejack, she called you a whore!" she yelled, on the brink of tears. "She said yer like a train that anypony could ride!"

Applejack stopped short. "What?!"

Wiping at her moist eyes, she went on: "She, she even said I'm probably yer daughter and you went an' covered it up!"

"Apple Bloom," she said as evenly as she could manage, "Y'know that ain't true. We're sisters."

"I know! But---but--- I jes' got so mad I slapped her! I wasn't thinkin'!" She slumped down on her haunches. "It hurt so bad t'hear..."

She put a hoof on her shoulder. "Hey. Y'ever heard 'Sticks and stones may break my bones'..."

"Yeah," she said dejectedly.

"Well, whoever wrote that stupid lil' poem had his head stuck for far up his own butt he can see what he had fer breakfast."

Apple Bloom looked up in surprise.

"Listen, Bloom," she said as she pulled her sister close, "I know words can hurt. But y'can't go resortin' to violence when they do."

She began to sniffle. "Are ya mad at me?"

"No. I'm disappointed, but I ain't mad." Applejack sighed and put her chin on Apple Bloom's head, right on the knot of her bow. She knew it would catch up to her sister someday, but she wasn't about to tell her about the stares, the whispers, the outright hostility she herself had been facing for the past few months. She just hoped the rumours of the foal's sire hadn't yet gotten around to the younger generation. "There's a lotta small-minded ponies out there who'll say nasty stuff, but y'gotta learn to let it go."

"But..."

"Now, yer gonna calm yerself down, and then march right over to Silver Spoon's house and apologize."

"But she started it!"

Applejack pulled out of the hug and smiled. "And yer gonna say 'I'm sorry fer how I responded to yer rudeness. Next time I'll use my words instead a' my hoof'."

Apple Bloom blinked a few times, the tears clearing out of her eyes, and then grinned. "You got it, sis!"

With a swat on her flank, she said "An' you hurry back home, now! Big MacIntosh's makin' dinner."

She watched as her little sister trotted off, her head held higher than Applejack's own. She looked over at Mane Street, and then to the dusty trail that lead around the outskirts of Ponyville. It was probably best to take the long way home; she didn't want anypony to see her crying.

***

She'd barely gotten the front door open when Winona nearly bowled her over, yapping and lathering her face with dog drool.

"Whoa! Easy there, girl!" Applejack laughed and rubbed her hoof through the scruffy brown coat. "I was only gone a little while!"

She was surprised when her dog bolted away and made a beeline for the nearest tree; she squatted and let loose a stream of piss she'd obviously been holding for awhile.

That's odd, she thought. Big MacIntosh was supposed to let her out over an hour ago.

"Howdy! I'm back!" she called into the house. "Y'forgot to let Winona out, ya big knucklehead!"

The only sounds were Granny's snoring and the ticking of the clock.

"Hello? Anypony home?" She trotted into the kitchen, unconsciously chewing on her bottom lip. She couldn't quite tell what it was, but something felt... off. Since it was his turn to make dinner, she decided to look for him in the kitchen, following what seemed like the lingering smell of cooking. "Mac, are..."

Applejack froze in the kitchen doorway. A couple of pizza boxes were on the table---and her brother never, ever resorted to serving his family fast food when he'd promised to cook. A little prickle of worry started working its way up her back when she noticed a folded note on top of one of the boxes, next to a small pile of bits.

She unfolded the little slip of paper and frowned. The terse message only made her worry grow:

Sorry about dinner. Something came up. I'll be back in a day or so. Here's money to hire help until I get back.

She flipped it over, but that's all he wrote. The writing was sloppy---even for an Earth pony---and he hadn't bothered to sign it.

"What kind of rush was he in?" she mumbled.

Cold fear suddenly stabbed her like a dagger. Her brother was not the type to just abandon his responsibilities and go running off on a whim, unless---Applejack grimaced. Unless something really important happened. And he wrote that he'd be gone for at least a day, meaning he was now probably well on his way to another town.

Her legs began to shake as the pieces fell together. He hadn't quite been himself since the beginning of her pregnancy, and the sulking wasn't the worst part; he'd been spending at least an hour every night obsessively writing letters, and refusing to tell her what they were about. Now he was gone, on some apparently urgent business---

She was at a full gallop before she even realized it, head down and her ears blowing back into her mane as she charged toward the barn. "He didn't!" she panted. "No way! He wouldn't really---!"

Her heart plummeted when she kicked the barn door open.

There were two empty hooks and a dusty outline where the shotgun used to be.

***

"Can I help you, sir?" the receptionist said with a practiced sweetness.

"Eeyup." He approached the counter, easily looking over it. "I'm lookin' for a guest here. Got a message for him. Goes by the name of Flim."

"Just a moment, please."

As she flipped through the guestbook, Big MacIntosh glanced over his shoulder. He was glad he'd gotten here late; the lobby was empty save for himself and some gangly colt pushing a broom. The last thing he needed was a slew of witnesses.

The receptionist tapped her hoof against a page dated a day or two prior. "Yes, he is a guest here. You said you'd like to leave a message for him?"

"What's his room number?"

"Is he expecting you?"

"Uh... nope."

"Well," she said, sliding a clipboard and a quill over to him, "You may write the message here and we'll be sure to get it to him as soon as possible."

"Prefer t'do it face-to-face." He tried not to frown. "It's, uh, personal. What room's he in?"

"The confidentiality of our guests is very important to us," she said smoothly. The smile was still there, but it had tightened. "I assure you nopony will read the message but your friend."

After a moment of silence, he put a hoof on the clipboard and pulled it closer. 'Friend'. Hah! "Sure. Thanks."

"You're very welcome." She went back to polishing the emery board against her already-glossy hooftip.

She didn't look up until the sounds of scribbling and shuffling around ended and he slid the clipboard back to her; when she picked it up, however, she gasped, letting the emery board clatter to the counter. Paper money was rare in Equestria, reserved for higher denominations only. Clipped onto the paper were several bills, under which was written 'Go buy yourself something pretty'.

"I... see," she said slowly. "This is... certainly an interesting message."

"Eeyup."

This time the smile was genuine. "I'll be sure to get it to room 1367 after I get back from the spa."

***

"Apple Bloom, quit pickin' at yer pizza an' eat it," Applejack snapped.

The filly spat another mushroom slice onto the little pile she'd made at the side of her plate. "But I hate mushrooms! Big MacIntosh knows that!"

"I guess he wasn't thinkin' straight," she muttered. Even though she normally hated garlic and raw onion, she was on her seventh slice. The jam she'd spread on top helped a little.

"This ain't right," Granny said. "What coulda possessed him t'jes' take off?"

Applejack quickly took a swig of her milk to avoid having to answer. She hadn't told the rest of her family about the shotgun, and she decided it was best to keep it that way... for now, at least.

"Look," she said after she'd swallowed, "He didn't jes' bolt fer no reason. He thought this through, takin' the time to get us dinner an' leave some bits. I'll go into town first thing tomorrow an' round up some help."

"I don't even like thinkin' about where he is right now," Granny sighed. "I sure hope he ain't doin' somethin' stupid."

You and me both, she thought grimly.

****

The door creaked open and a stallion peered at him over the chain, but... it wasn't the one he was looking for. Just as Big MacIntosh was about to apologize, he heard a voice from inside the room that made his ears flatten against his head.

"Ugh, it's after midnight! Who the hell is knocking at this hour?"

"Uh..." the pegasus at the door was flicking his eyes from the Earth pony's face to the shotgun at his side. "It's a big angry stallion with a gun...?"

"Oh. That's probably for me," Flim said with a surprising ease as he sat up in bed. "Who is he?"

"I don't know," he said, "But he sure looks pissed."

"What else does he look like? C'mon, help me out here." Flim groaned and rubbed his head; this guy may be talented in other respects, but he sure wasn't very bright.

"He's huge, and he has a red coat, a short orange mane, freckles---"

The first jab of fear hit him in the gut. "And he's wearing a wooden work collar, right?"

The pegasus grinned. "Hey, good guess!"

"Shit piss tittyfuck!" Flim began scrambling with the blankets, frantically kicking and bucking; he had no idea how he always got himself so tangled up.

"You know him?"

"Close the door!" he shouted, throwing the coverlet off.

Before he could, one swift kick from Big MacIntosh sent it flying open, snapping the weak chain like a rubber band. The pegasus shrieked and took to the air as the angry stallion below him came stomping in.

Flim grunted as he forced the window open. "You're on your own!" he shouted over his shoulder before looking down at the busy streets below... very, very far below.

"Ugh," he muttered as he slumped back in the room. "'Let's get rooms on the thirteenth floor!' I said. 'It's never crowded on the thirteenth floor!' I said." He turned to the pegasus and began waving. "Hey, wings, help me out here!"

"I have a name," he said indignantly. He was hovering near the ceiling, far enough that Big MacIntosh couldn't reach him; he hadn't noticed yet that the gun-toting stallion underneath him wasn't paying him any attention. "And you were just going to leave me here with this lunatic!"

"I... I knew you could fly to safety," he stammered. It was partially true, but to be honest, he hadn't been thinking that far ahead.

"I can't outfly a bullet, genius!"

"I ain't gonna shoot you," he said as evenly as he could. He was looking across the room at Flim, and he didn't like what he saw; his eyes were darting back and forth, as if he was thinking something up. "He's what I came here for."

"Look, Big... whatever your name is, I did nothing wrong," he said, backing up.

His words came out like thin ice. "You took advantage of my sister when she was drunk."

"Wait, his sister?" That came from the third wheel, who was still staying out of harm's way.

"This is just a misunderstanding," Flim went on without breaking eye contact with Big MacIntosh. He also hadn't stopped scootching backwards. "We were both drunk. She wanted it as much as I did."

"Okay, seriously, what's going on here?"

Flim gritted his teeth. So much for trying ignore the other stallion in the room. "I don't know."

"You got two choices," the Earth pony said. "One, you come with me. Two, you go somewhere that's a lot hotter than it is here."

"You mean Tartarus?"

"Would you shut up?!" Flim shouted as his back hit the corner. "Can't you see this is between the two of us?"

Big MacIntosh now had the barrel of the gun a foot from the cream-coloured muzzle. "Well?"

The pegasus cocked his head down at them both. "Uh, you know murder is illegal, right?"

"Oh, just go!" Flim snapped. "You're a nice fellow, I suppose, but you're about as sharp as a sack of wet mice!"

He gasped, looking far more affronted than he should. "Well, you know what I think?"

"Not much, apparently!"

"I think you're an asshole," he said, moving between Flim and Big MacIntosh. He settled on his hooves and pushed his face up against Flim's. "And I hope he does shoot you! Who is he, anyway? Your husband?"

"Ugh!" Mac winced, but he didn't lower the gun. That was an image that wouldn't soon leave him.

"Oh please. You could do worse than me," Flim snorted. It probably wasn't a good idea to push his luck, but... "Your sister didn't seem to mind."

Had he not still been recoiling from the thought of being married to the stallion he hated most right now, he probably would have pulled the trigger. Instead he cocked the gun and aimed. "About that."

"You know what?" the pegasus said. "This is getting weird. I'm out."

"Thank you," Flim said as he watched him fly off, shaking his head.

"Get up," he said, gesturing with the gun. "Get to yer hooves."

He did, but kept one held up in front of him. "Now, before you think of firing that thing, well, uh, we weren't the only show in town, you know. The Wonderbolts are here too. In this hotel, specifically."

He tried not to smile as he saw the gun lowering an inch. "One shot and they'll be here in a flash. If I'm splattered against the wall, you'll have murder on your hooves. As it is, you have breaking and entering," he added, looking at the broken chain swinging from the door.

The gun lowered another inch, but Flim knew he had to tread carefully. "Now, put the gun down and we'll talk this over, hm? I know you're not big on that, but..."

The gun was back up in a flash. "The second I put this down, I know yer gonna try somethin'," he said. "I saw you schemin' over there."

"Scheming? I wasn't scheming!" he said, trying not to look down the barrel. "I was thinking!"

"About what?"

"Why you're here, for one." He frowned. "I didn't rape her, for Celestia's sake!"

"I know. She told me you didn't."

"Then why are you waving that thing around?"

"Ain't figured it out yet?" he said, nostrils flaring. "Applejack's pregnant."

He blinked. "Wh.... she... ?"

"Pregnant. And it's yours."

At first he thought Flim was rolling his eyes, but then they kept rolling right back up in his head. "Wh... but... I...." The colour drained from his face, and after wobbling back and forth a few times he slumped down bonelessly to the floor.

"Huh," he muttered, unimpressed. He kicked at the unicorn's haunches a couple of times but got no response.

"Hey, you still here?"

Big MacIntosh jumped and turned to the door. The pegasus was back with a sheepish smile.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry for calling you a lunatic. I didn't---oh sweet Celestia, you shot him?!" He blew into the room like a hurricane and landed on top of Flim's uninjured, if unconscious, body. "Oh no! No, no no! I didn't think you'd really do it!"

"I didn't!"

He picked up one of Flim's limp legs and let it flop back down. "Is he dead?!"

Mac looked down at the shotgun, which was devoid of any smoke, up at the clean, bloodless walls, and then back at the unicorn on the floor, who was wheezing lightly through his open mouth. "He fainted," he said flatly.

"Oh." The pegasus chuckled a little as he blushed. "I guess I am a bit of an idiot."

Author's Notes:

Heh. Flim and I swear the same way when we're startled.

Sorry this chapter started off a little sad---things will pick up!

Making Amends

Applejack hummed to herself as the trotted toward the barn. "How's the haulin' comin', Berry?"

"Very... slowly," she grunted. She'd pulled her mane up into a ponytail, but it was sticking to her neck with sweat. "I don't know how your brother does this every day!"

"Well, he's got ten times yer strength."

"I'd say a hundred." With a heave, she got the last of the hay bales in its place, and slumped back to the dirt floor. "Whew!" she said, wiping her brow. "That good enough, Applejack?"

She eyed the haphazard stack, but it didn't look like it was about to topple. "Sure thing. Say, I was gonna go get us somethin' to drink. Whaddaya fancy?"

Berry pulled the tie out of her mane, and sighed when it popped back up into a frizz. "You have any iced tea?"

Applejack grinned. "Long Island, I take it?"

"Uh, no. Just the regular stuff."

That gave her pause. "Really?"

A little blush stained her cheeks, and Berry scuffed at the dirt. "Uh... listen, do you have a minute?"

"A'course."

"There's something I've been meaning... well, let me show you instead." She trotted to the saddlebags she'd left at the barn door and began rummaging through them.

Applejack laughed. "Berry, the last time you pulled somethin' outta there you were unconscious fer three days."

"That was awhile ago," she said, sliding something across to her. Applejack leaned down and pulled it closer; it was a purple coin with a triangle embossed on it, inside of which was Four Months in blocky script.

Her eyes widened. "Is this what I think it is?!"

"Uh huh," she said with a smile.

"Really? Four months?"

"And a week, two days, and seven hours," she added sheepishly.

"Aw, Berry!" Applejack grabbed her and hugged her hard. "I'm so proud of you!"

She was still smiling, but she turned her head away. "Thanks."

She wanted to say 'I knew you could do it!', but that wouldn't exactly be true. "Was it hard?"

"You have no idea," she sighed. "I'm not even through all the steps."

"Which one are ya on?"

Pulling out of the hug, Berry looked at the ground, then back up, and off to her side. "Actually, Applejack, that's... why I'm here."

"Y'need my help?"

"Sort of. Listen..." She trailed off, still looking away. Finally, after screwing up her courage, she turned back to her friend. "The Ninth Step is, um, is making amends. That's why I offered to help while your brother was away."

"Y'didn't offer. Y'insisted."

"And I'm not taking any payment."

"Berry, I can't let you work all day fer no pay," she said gently. "And why'd you need t'make amends t'me?"

She winced. "Um. Applejack, uh... I... was..."

Applejack just leaned forward, nodding.

"I... I was the one who told everypony about you and Flim," she pushed out in a rush.

In the distance one of the cows lowed. Applejack blinked.

"I didn't mean anything bad by it!" Berry went on. "Really, I didn't! I wasn't thinking! I was drunk, and I liked the attention---"

"You liked the attention?" she said coldly.

"Applejack, I---"

"You think you've been through some tough shit, but you know what I've been goin' through? What my family's been goin' through?" she barked. "My sister's gettin' bullied! I won't even repeat what some ponies've said to my face! D'you know how much our sales dipped this year? Huh? Y'ever think of that?"

Her eyes were filling with tears. "I'm sorry!"

"Yeah, y'sure are!" Applejack gave the stack of hay a rough buck, and the top one fell hard. "You have no idea what kinda humiliation you put me through!"

"I wasn't thinking right at the time, I---"

"Yeah, typical drunk, only thinkin' about yerself!" She pointed at the open doors. "Get off my property!"

Berry opened her mouth, but closed it again and drooped her head. "I'm sorry, Applejack," she whispered as she put her saddlebags back on. "I can't take back what I did."

"GO! LEAVE!"

Applejack panted, shaking as she watched her former friend slink away. Her heart was beating so hard she could feel it in the back of her mouth. She'd been having mood swings for the past few months, but this one at least felt justified.

Just as she turned to go kick something else, a little glint on the floor caught her eye. Berry's four-month chip was still there.

The sound of the dinner bell rang across the orchard, and Applejack swallowed the saliva that was gathering up in her throat. She'd just have to deal with things later.

***

The smell coming from the house's open windows was welcoming, but that wasn't the first thing she noticed---Applejack's ears flattened against her head when she saw Granny on the porch, clacking the swing loudly against the wall. Uh-oh. She only did that when she was royally pissed.

"Uh... Granny?" she said as she tried to hide the quaver in her voice. "Somethin' the matter?"

"Yer sister's settin' the table," she answered without meeting Applejack's gaze.

"Um, good fer her?"

"With an extra chair."

Applejack had to take a couple of shaky steps backwards to keep her legs from giving out. "Wh-what?!"

"Yer brother came home while you were out." She finally turned her head just enough to give Applejack the side-eye. "And he brought somepony with him."

All the alarm bells in her head began to blaze. Run! Dye yer mane, change yer name, and move to Acoltpulco! RUN!

"Uh, G-Granny? D'you mind if I go, uh... do... somethin' fer a minute?"

"Take yer time," she muttered. "It's gonna take me awhile to calm down enough t'go back in there."

"Great!" she said as she took off in a gallop. She cleared the crest of a hill and made it down to the riverbank before she allowed herself to stop and pant heavily.

"This ain't happenin'!" she told her muddy reflection. "This can't be happenin'!"

With a loud groan, she knelt down and dunked her face in the river. The cool water felt wonderful flowing across her cheeks, and she left her breath out in a flurry of bubbles.

"Okay," she said quietly when she lifted her head. "If I can face Discord, I can face this. Right?" She wiped the water off her face with her fetlocks. "Right."

She'd learned not to ask how bad it could get.

***

Applejack cautiously peeked around the doorframe, and it felt like the bottom of her gut dropped out. Standing there in her own dining room was the stallion she hadn't seen in months, casually chatting with her little sister as they set the table. Very carefully and quietly, she stepped into the room.

"...an' then Scootaloo got her back leg all the way over her head!"

"Is that so?"

"Yeah, but she got stuck!" Apple Bloom giggled at the recollection as she slid a plate from her head to the table. "She couldn't get it back down, and she started hoppin' around tryin' to get it loose, and she fell down the clubhouse ladder!"

"I take it she didn't get a yoga cutie mark, then?"

"Nope! But the nurses gave her lots of candy an' chocolate milk, so she wasn't too upset."

"Maybe she can get..." His voice trailed off when his eyes met Applejack's. They both blushed, and she shuffled back a little. "Er, Apple Bloom, could you excuse me for a moment?"

She looked up, saw her sister's worried face, and then turned back to him. "Uh, sure. A'course."

Applejack quickly retreated into the kitchen, letting Flim follow her. He closed the door behind him, and they stood staring at each other for several long, anxious moments.

"Uh... hey there, Flim," she finally offered.

He took off his hat. "Hello, Applejack."

She shifted around a little and scratched the back of her neck.

"You're.... huge," he said, eyeing her belly.

"Yeah, that's kinda what happens," she said with a scowl.

"I, er, I didn't..." He coughed. "I didn't think you really were, um..."

"Knocked up?"

"I was going to say pregnant, but, yes."

Applejack looked at the floor. "Oh, Celestia. I thought I'd never see you again."

"I thought so too," he said, replacing his hat. "But, er, I... kind of hoped I would."

"Why?"

Before he could answer, Big MacIntosh entered the kitchen, glaring at his captive. "Dinner's comin' up," he muttered. "Both a'you---go wash up."

"Uh... the bathroom's upstairs, third door on the left," she said. "I'll use the kitchen sink."

Mac nodded at Flim. "Go."

Applejack turned the taps on, watching him leave; once her brother was out of the room, however, she darted through the door and went on tip-hooves up the stairs.

Flim had the water running, but he was splashing his face instead of washing his hooves. Without turning the taps off, he stared at his reflection, breathing heavily, his face still dripping.

She decided it best to hurry back downstairs. She knew anxiety when she saw it.

"Somethin' tells me this ain't gonna end well," she said under her breath.

As her family went about getting the food ready, Applejack went out to take her place---she'd been on her legs all day, and her back was aching. She gulped, however, when she saw the layout of the dinner table; while she, Apple Bloom, and Granny had glasses of sparkling juice, her brother had rather pointedly put a stein of Apple family cider in front of Flim's plate, as well as his own.

She was about to switch it when she heard hoofsteps coming down the stairs, and quickly took her place again.

"This looks nice," he said. "Where do I sit?"

"Uh... over there."

He raised an eyebrow when he saw his drink, but mercifully kept his mouth shut.

Everypony else took their places and, as usual, they let Granny say grace; Applejack noticed that while Flim did bow his head, he neither closed his eyes nor put his hooves together. She'd have to ask him about that later.

A full five minutes passed in silence, save for the sound of chewing and swallowing. Applejack tried as hard as she could to keep her eyes on her plate, but her appetite was almost gone.

"Well, we're a lively bunch, aren't we?" Flim said with his mouth full. "How 'bout that local sports team, huh?"

"Don't get cute," Applejack spat.

He smiled at her. "I thought you liked it when I get cute."

Her face went red. "S-shut up!" Then she turned to her brother. "Why'd you even bring him here?!"

"Y'know why," he answered without looking up.

"That's not what I meant. Why not both of 'em?" Applejack glared across the table at Flim. "I know I let it slip who... it was, but how didja know which one...?"

"I heard the news around town."

That settled a pall over the table, and they all nervously picked at their plates.

Applejack cleared her throat. "Really, though---why isn't Flam here? Wouldn't he be worried?"

"He probably is, considering he doesn't know where I am." Flim met Big MacIntosh's eyes. "He wasn't present when I was coltnapped."

"Is he gonna come lookin'?" That was Apple Bloom.

"Of course. It'll take him some time, but he'll track me down. He always does."

"I sure am sorry fer the circumstances," Granny said with as much politeness as she could muster. "But so long as yer here, well, yer our guest. Our home is yer home, too."

Big MacIntosh grimaced and opened his mouth to say something in response, but a withering look from his grandmother shut him up pretty quick.

"Thank you," Flim said. "I appreciate the, er, hospitality."

Granny nodded. "After dinner, the young'uns'll get the guest room ready."

He smirked. "Why bother? Doesn't Applejack have a big enough bedOW!!"

The kick from his left had probably come from Applejack, and, judging from the force of it, the one to his right from her brother.

"You don't wanna sleep in her room," Apple Bloom said innocently. "She snores like a timberwolf."

"Apple Bloom!"

He quickly stuffed a forkful of turnip loaf in his mouth to keep from bursting out laughing. "I know. And she whinnies in her sleep."

"I do not!" she protested. "Besides, you drool on the pillow!"

Big MacIntosh pressed a hoof to his forehead. "Can we please talk about something else?"

"Believe it or not, this isn't actually the most awkward dinner I've ever been to," Flim said as he took another bite.

"Find that hard to believe," Applejack muttered.

"I ruined a wedding once," he said with far too much pride.

"That," she said, "I do believe."

It was probably a bad idea to ask, but... she couldn't help it. "Whose wedding?"

"Flam's."

The only sound was the clink of Granny's fork as it fell to her plate.

"What?" he said, looking at the sea of shocked faces. "Nopony's perfect. I make mistakes. Speaking of which," he said, turning his attention to Applejack, "Have... uh... have you thought of a name yet?"

Without looking up from her plate, Applejack said "If it's a colt, I'll name him after Pa. If it's a filly, I'll name her after Ma." Then she met his eyes and patted her belly. "But if this is just gas, I'll name it after you."

Granny gasped. "Really, now!"

Flim actually smiled. "Impressive!"

"How long are y'stayin'?" Apple Bloom asked.

"He'll be here for awhile, Bloom," Big MacIntosh grumbled into his food. "He an' yer sister are gonna get married."

Her whole face lit up like a beacon. "Really??"

"NO!" they shouted in unison.

"Yes, you ARE," he said firmly.

Applejack turned her frown from Flim to her brother. "Mac, if he was my husband, I'd put poison in his cider!"

Flim laughed. "If you were my wife, I'd drink it!"

Granny placed her hoof over her mouth. "Hooo boy!"

"Whassa matter?" Applejack snapped. "Don't think you could handle me?"

"Oh, I don't mind handling you," he answered smugly. "But I don't want you tying me down. Tying me up, maybe---"

They all jumped when a huge red hoof crashed down on the tabletop.

"Big MacIntosh!" Granny scolded.

"Pass...the...salt," he said through clenched teeth.

Applejack reached out to do so, but stopped when she saw a green aura lift it up. As Flim placed it beside his plate, Granny turned to her grandson and prompted, "Well? Whaddaya say to our guest?"

"I'd say what I'm thinkin' out loud," he said as he snatched up the salt, "but there's a child present."

Apple Bloom folded her front hooves and pouted. "Hey! I know swears. You can say 'em in front of me."

"He's right, you know." Flim smiled at her. "You are a little young to be listening to vulgarities. You don't even have your cutie mark yet, my dear."

"That don't mean I'm a baby!"

"Of course it doesn't," he said soothingly. "You do seem quite mature for your age."

As Apple Bloom was puffing her chest out in pride, he went on: "You know, my brother got his a full month before I did. I never thought I'd hear the end of it."

"Really?"

Flim patted her on the head just above her ribbon. "Even though we're the same age---I'm twenty minutes older, even---he just wouldn't stop reminding me that he'd got his first. Caused quite a rift between us."

Apple Bloom frowned. "But I thought twins always got their cutie marks at the same time."

"No, that's an old pony's tale."

"So are y'two the same, or like the Cake twins?"

Flim finished his plate and pushed it back. "Who are the Cake twins?"

"They're Mr. and Mrs. Cake's foals. One's a unicorn, and the other's a pegasus."

"That means they're fraternal."

She looked confused. "Huh?"

"Twins are either fraternal or identical. Do you know what genes are, Apple Bloom?"

"Uh huh!" she said with a smile. "I did a group project in biology class a month ago!"

"Do you know where foals come from?"

"Watch it," Big MacIntosh warned.

Ignoring him, Flim continued "Well, fraternal twins are just two siblings who happened to share a womb at the same time. Identical twins, however, happen quite a bit after the sperm meets the egg. Nopony knows why, but sometimes that fertilized egg splits in half and turns into two babies who have exactly the same genes."

"Uh... does twinnin' run in families?" Applejack said. Her gut felt particularly sour.

"Only fraternal twinning," Flim answered. "Identicals are a fluke."

"So if ya'll have the same genes," Apple Bloom asked, "Does that mean you're exactly the same? Like, clones?"

"Mm, we're similar, but we're quite different at the same time. For example, I'm left-hooved; Flam isn't." He sipped from his stein. "Having the same genetic makeup doesn't make us exact copies, you know."

"Oh. So that explains it," she said, turning back to her dinner.

"Explains what?"

Apple Bloom shrugged. "Why yer brother's handsome and yer kinda... funny-lookin'."

Her timing couldn't have been better; her brother had just taken a gulp of his cider, and it suddenly sprayed out his nose across the table.

"Oh, Mac! Lookit what y'just did!" Applejack yelled as she jumped out of the way. Flim hadn't been quite so lucky; he scowled as he swept the dripping strands of mane out of his eyes.

Big MacIntosh stuffed his napkin against his face, blinking away the tears that were brought forth both from laughter and from the pain of the bubbly cider shooting through his sinuses. "I'm s-s-sorryhahahaHAHA!" he managed, getting up. "I'll go get some towels! I'm sorry-hee-hahaHAHAHA!"

"Now that was not polite, Apple Bloom," Granny said, pursing her lips to try to hide her smile.

"I'm sorry!" And she really did look it. "I didn't mean t'hurt yer feelins!"

Again, he patted her head, using his magic to wipe his napkin across his forehead. "I've been called worse." Shooting a look across the table, he added "Your sister had a few choice terms for me, if I recall correctly."

She stared back at him, unblinking. "'Good-fer-nothin' son of a whore' t'be exact."

"Applejack!"

"It's fine, Granny," Flim said with some surprising calmness. "I am a son of a whore."

"Really?" Apple Bloom's eyes went wide.

Looking up, Flim noticed that everypony present was staring at him---even Big MacIntosh, who had returned with a few towels. "It's not something I'm particularly proud of, but, yes, that is who I am."

Applejack suddenly felt the need to examine her dinner very closely. "Uh... really?"

"Yes." Flim swallowed the last of his cider, and offered: "I have no idea who my biological father is. My mother, well... she did what she had to do to make a living."

"Oh, you poor dear," Granny said under her breath.

"I didn't know that," Applejack mumbled into her mouthful.

"It's fine."

"No it ain't!"

Everypony else at the table turned to look at Applejack. Her face was hot and flushed. "Y'didn't tell me that!"

Flim raised an eyebrow. "Would it have made a difference?"

"A'course it would!" The lump in her throat was growing. "I didn't know you had t'live without a father, too!"

"And without a mother."

"Huh?"

"Oh, well..." This time she saw something flicker across his face, but---it was gone in a flash. "She, um... she's dead."

A horrible silence descended over the table.

To Applejack's surprise, her brother was the first to speak. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine. It's not like I miss her or anything."

"What...?"

"She died in childbirth," Flim said. "I never really knew her."

"I... I think the pies shoulda cooled by now," Applejack said, pushing her chair back. "I'll go get 'em."

***

There were two pies, one with cinnamon and one with rhubarb; she had just begun to cover the former with thick whipped cream when the kitchen door creaked behind her.

"I don't need help," she said without looking up.

"I know. I was looking for an excuse to get out of there."

"You too, huh?"

Flim brushed up beside her, and although she frowned, she didn't move away.

"You, er, really don't know if it's a colt or a filly?"

"I ain't psychic."

"You could get an ultrasound."

Applejack shook her head. "Why bother?"

"Just to make sure everything's alright. And to see what it is."

"Ma had the three of us jes' fine without all that fancy technology," she said, trying to keep the edge out of her voice. "If the natural way was good enough fer her, it's good enough fer me."

"Well, I can see this is an argument I'm not going to win." He held a hoof next to her belly. "Do you mind...?"

She laughed. "Go ahead. You put it there, after all."

"Are you sure about that?"

Flim yelped as she swatted his hoof away. "YES."

"It's just that, well..." He shrugged. "The way you acted that night made me wonder if it's really mine."

"It's yours," she growled, going back to covering the pie.

"But are you sure?" he needled. "Completely sure? One hundred percent?"

"The. Baby. Is. Yours," she repeated.

He put a hoof on her back. "I don't mean to be rude, Applejack, but you're... not exactly a saint. You did some things in bed that even the wildest mares I've been with would blush at. Honestly, it could be anypony's---"

His sentence was cut off when she slammed the pie in his face.

"Enjoy!" she said as she stormed out of the kitchen.

Apple Bloom was the first to notice: "Hey, where's the other pie?"

"It's right here," Flim said as he trailed after Applejack, using one of Granny's best towels to wipe off the blobs.

Big MacIntosh's chuckle was cut off when Granny said "Oh, Applejack, really now!"

"It's quite alright, Granny. It's not the first thing she's put on my face, and I'm pretty sure it won't be the last."

He shrieked and jumped a full foot backward when Big MacIntosh threw the table on its side. "THAT'S IT!"

"No! I didn't mean---"

The murderous look in the larger stallion's eyes made him suddenly feel quite athletic, and he took off in a sprint. He was glad he had a head start, because Mac was on his heels in an instant.

"Mac, no! Wait!" Applejack screamed as she did her best to chase them. "Don't hurt him!"

"I ain't gonna hurt him! I'm gonna kill him!"

"You can't hit him! He's a necrophiliac!"

That made him pause long enough for Flim to dive behind the sofa. "What?!"

"She meant hemophiliac," he said, peeking out over the cushions. "I---erk!"

Big MacIntosh pressed a hoof on Flim's throat, pinning him to the wall, and reared back for a killer left hook.

Applejack had to stop to catch her breath. "Don't! It ain't right to hit a bleeder! You know that!"

"Prove it!"

"Take your hoof off my neck and I'll talk," he choked out.

"You c'n talk jes' fine."

"See this bruise?" he said as he pointed to his muzzle. Mac had to squint, but there was a little brownish remnant just under one of his nostrils. "Your delightful sister slammed a door on me."

The hoof he'd cocked back for a punch began to lower. "She ain't seen you in months."

"Exactly!"

He let him go, and Flim slumped to the floor, coughing and clutching his throat. As Applejack hurried to his side, he looked up at the stallion towering above him and managed "And she put a drink in my face. A drink. What did you think I meant?"

"Uh..."

"Consarn it, Big MacIntosh!" Granny hollered from the doorway. "Get back in the dining room this instant!!!"

His ears drooped. "S-Sorry, Granny."

She bopped him on the head as he shuffled past her. "Go clean up the mess you made! Yer sister's cryin'!"

"You okay?" Applejack said as she rubbed a hoof across Flim's back.

He nodded. "Are you?"

"I'll answer that after I'm done havin' my heart attack," she said with a weak laugh.

Flim smiled, adjusting his crumpled tie. "You really thought he was going to kill me, didn't you?"

"Oh yeah."

He surprised her with a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you for the courageous rescue, then."

"Yeah, well..." She looked away, blushing a little. "Y'wouldn'ta needed it if you'd kept yer smart mouth shut."

"Yes, I have a habit of letting it get me in trouble," he said as he helped her to her hooves. "But this is still not the worst dinner I've been to, all things considered."

***

"There's signs of forced entry," Spitfire said as she pressed her hoof against the battered door. "But it couldn't have been a robbery, not with all this stuff left behind."

Flam was pacing back and forth in the room. "He wouldn't have left without his money. That's not like him."

"Was he alone last nigh---"

"Maybe he went for a walk! Y'know, go see the sights?"

"Don't talk over me, Soarin'," she snapped, then turned back to Flam. "He could have been in an altercation. Was he alone last night?"

He looked at the rumpled bed and frowned. "Considering I had to wear earplugs from about nine p.m. on, I'd sure say he wasn't."

"Do you have any idea who he---"

"Hey, maybe if we go for breakfast, he'll be back by the time we're done!"

Spitfire grit her teeth. "Soarin', that's your last warning!"

He withered a little under her glare. "S-sorry. But I am hungry."

"He didn't just go for a walk, and he's not at breakfast," Flam said as he sat down. Pacing wasn't helping, and he was still tired from the disrupted night's sleep. "He's gone. I just know it."

"When did you first notice he was gone?" she asked as she did another scan of the room. It was in total disarray, the bedcovers on the floor, empty bottles on the desktop, crumbs and half-eaten food ground into the carpet. She'd already pegged the missing pony as a bachelor.

"The front desk sent somepony up. The maid noticed the broken lock when she did her morning rounds, and we'd listed each other as our emergency contacts."

"Is there anypony who'd want to hurt your brother?"

Flam laughed bitterly. "How long do you have? A week? A month, maybe?"

"There's a chance a pegasus took him," she said, eyeing the open window. "A unicorn couldn't make it down from here on his own."

"Yes, I thought of that, too. Even Flim's not stupid enough to try the window."

"It wasn't one of us, though," she added.

"Of course not."

"Uh... maybe he forgot his key," Soarin' suggested. "He could've broken into his own room, you know."

Spitfire rubbed her temples. "The front desk gives out replacement keys, you idiot!"

"With all due respect, ma'am, you shouldn't be so hard on him," Flam said as he got up. "He's just trying to help."

"I don't need his help!" she said, her eyebrows knit. She turned to address her officer: "I can handle this on my own. You're excused."

"Okay," he said as he slunk away.

"Listen, uh...?"

"Flam."

"Listen, Flam," she said with a bit more gentleness. "I'm really sorry about this. This shouldn't have happened under our watch. I have contacts with the Royal Guard, and if you like---"

At the mention of the keepers of the law, Flam's eyebrows shot up. "Er, no, that's... that's fine! You don't have to do that!"

"Are you sure?"

"Uh..." He quickly looked at the clock. "He's only been missing for half a day; I'll have to wait twenty-four hours before filing a missing pony report."

"I can make things go faster if---"

He held up a hoof, shaking his head. "No, that's quite alright. I really appreciate you coming in to investigate, but I'll deal with the paperwork on my own."

After staring at him for a moment, Spitfire sighed and landed on her hooves. "If you insist."

"Thank you again, ma'am," he said as he accompanied her to the door.

"But if you do need any other help," she said before leaving, "You know where to find me."

"Thank you."

He waved after her as she flew down the hallway, then closed the door and pressed his forehead against it, groaning.

"Damnation, Flim, what kind of trouble have you gotten yourself into this time?"

With a heavy sigh, he walked back into the room and began gathering up his brother's things, which included, to his surprise, a camera he didn't recognize. It looked new, and cheap, the kind that they probably sell in the gift store downstairs; the counter at the top corner indicated that several photos had been taken. Flam turned it over in his hooves, thinking; knowing his brother, he'd probably have to bleach his brain after looking at the photos, but they were going to be the only clue as to who he'd been with the night before. He seemed to recall a 24-hour photo developing place around the corner.

Maybe not the only clue---when he got back to his room, right across the hall, the first thing he noticed was a note slipped under his door.

I know who took your brother. Meet me by the dumpster behind the hotel at nine. BRING THE CAMERA!!!

***

"Nice place," Flim said as he flopped down on the guest bed. "I've paid to be in worse rooms than this."

"Eeyup," he said from the door as he unrolled the sleeping bag.

"I don't suppose this place has room service, though."

"Here's how this is gonna go down," he said in a dangerously low voice. "You stay in this room, got it? I'm-a sleep right outside this door. You even think of goin' to see Applejack in the night, and I'll see to it yer legs bend in a bunch a' different places. Got it?"

Flim gave him a mock-salute. "Sure thing, warden."

"Good night," he said as we walked towards the door.

"Hey. Wait."

He did, but he didn't turn.

"Let me tell you something. Stallion to stallion."

Big MacIntosh turned his head slightly. "What?"

"Look." Flim rolled over on the bed. "I've been around the block a few times. Every town I go to, there's a bunch of loose mares just waiting to throw themselves at somepony new."

"You have ten seconds to improve my mood."

"Your sister isn't one of them."

This time he did turn, and fully. "What?"

"She's different."

They stared each other down. Flim blinked first, but he didn't seem to mind. "I can tell you aren't particularly pleased about this," he said, "but if there's anypony you should be angry at, it's me. Not her. Hey...?"

Mac had swayed a little, one of his eyelids drooping. Flim frowned. "You okay there?"

"Good night," he said as he slammed the door shut.

He groaned as quietly as he could once the door was shut and rubbed his temples. He'd been putting on a good front in the room, but now he could let his guard down; he felt like he'd been put through the wringer. Sure, he'd just gone through two of the most aggravating days of his life, but he shouldn't be this... exhausted. It felt like some black shroud was wrapped around his brain.

He just barely managed to crawl into the sleeping bag before losing consciousness.

***

The snores from outside let Flim know it was time to move. He opened the door an inch, ready to slam it shut again should his captor flinch; when he saw no movement, he stepped back on the creaky floorboard. Nothing. He smiled to himself. To think he'd been worried about the dosage for such a big guy---three pills took him down just fine.

He tapped at the side of Big MacIntosh's head. "You have no idea how tempted I am to draw something on your face right now," he whispered. "But I'm supposed to be nice, right?" Then he looked down the hall. "Besides, I have other business to attend to."

Author's Notes:

As you can probably guess, the clop comes in the next chapter.

Also, I sprinkled a couple of famous quotes in here. Name who said them and get a cookie!

Better The Devil You Know [clop]

It was usually not a bright idea to enter a grimy alleyway after dark, but nine o'clock was fortunately a bit early for the lowlifes to be out. Most of them, anyway. Flam rounded the corner and made his way down the small passage between the back of his hotel and an office tower until he was standing in front of the dumpster, overflowing with bags of trash and whatever leftovers the hotel had kept under the heat lamps too long.

"Hey. Over here."

Crouched in the shadow of the dumpster was a pony wearing what appeared to be a hoodie, covering the shape of his mane. Flam took another step forward, but a hoof shot up in front of the silhouetted figure.

"Ah ah, no, you just stay there."

Flam sighed and resisted the ruge to roll his eyes. He decided to play along---and not tell the other stallion he already recognized his voice. "Well?"

"Did you bring the camera?"

"What camera?"

He could see ears prick up under the hood. "Wha... what do you mean? Wasn't there a camera in the room?"

"No," he said, glad that lying came easily to those in his profession. "I thought all he took with him was his clothes, but I guess he must've taken that, too."

"Oh no," he whimpered. "Oh, that's not good!"

"Why? What exactly was on the film?" He tried not to imagine the expression on the face of whichever employee was unlucky enough to be processing it, probably as they spoke.

"Nothing!" he said quickly. "Uh, well, it's just... I'm not really, uh, photogenic, y'know?"

As Flam nodded, he went on: "And I just don't like the idea of pictures of me floating around out there, uh..."

"Tell you what," he said as he leaned against the dumpster. "You tell me where my brother went, and I'll do my best to get the photos back to you."

"I don't know where he went; I just know who took him."

"That'll do."

"So... your brother for the photos?" He held out a hoof, but made sure to keep it in the shadows.

"Deal."

They shook on it, and before Flam could drop his hoof, the other stallion added "I'll be here for another week. We have more shows to... I mean, uh, get them back to Room 1457! And the negatives, too!"

"Sure thing." Flam leaned forward until the tip of his muzzle was an inch in front of the shadows. "But if he's hurt----in ANY way---I expect to be... compensated, if you catch my drift."

"Of course."

"Now," he said, pulling away, "Tell me what you know."

***

Applejack finished brushing her mane and slid the hairbrush back into her top drawer, right beside the framed picture. Just like she did after her toughest days, she pulled it out and placed it beside the mirror so that they were looking back at her.

"So I guess you heard the news," she said. "I meant to tell ya sooner, but... There's gonna be another Apple."

She pressed her hoof against the glass frame. "Came a lil' earlier than I was hopin' fer, but... well... not much I c'n do now. Mac... he... he wants me t'get married. Can y'believe it?"

The two faces, long frozen in time, just smiled back up at her.

"I always wanted you to walk me down the aisle," she said quietly. "Guess that jes' wasn't meant to be."

She looked up at the mirror, and remembered back to the last time her mother had been sitting there, using that same hairbrush to pull the snarls out of her mane. Closing her eyes, she pictured that silhouette behind her, breathing gently on her neck, singing that sweet lullaby she'd then gone on to teach to Apple Bloom.

"The beautiful Whinnysee waltz," she murmured.

Goodnight, my darling.

"Goodnight," she whispered, leaning forward. Without opening her eyes, she placed a kiss on the mirror, and slid the photo back in the drawer. She let out a long-drawn breath, opened her eyes, and smiled back at her reflection.

Then she looked a little closer. To her surprise, she noticed the freckles that normally dotted her cheeks seemed to have spread to her chin. Applejack carefully lifted her bangs, and gasped when she saw them on her forehead, too. Her coat seemed thicker, shinier, as if she'd been rubbing almond oil into it.

"Dagnabbit," she muttered. "I'm glowin'."

"Do you always kiss the mirror before bed?"

"GYAH!"

She lept off the stool and jumped backwards. Flim was standing in the doorway, smiling at her.

"How long you been there?!"

"Just a few minutes."

"Git back t'yer room!" she hissed. "If my brother finds you, he'll crack yer head open like a melon!"

"Oh, he's sleeping quite soundly."

"He's a light sleeper," she said. Her heart was pounding.

"Not tonight he isn't." Flim stepped into the room and noiselessly closed the door behind him. "I may have... slipped a little something in his nightcap."

Applejack's jaw fell open. "You... you're unbelievable."

"It won't hurt him. It was just a small dose of anti-anxiety medication I carry around with me. With the way he was acting at dinner, I thought he could use it."

He wasn't happy when he saw the look on her face. He'd expected her to be indignant, but instead she looked away quickly, biting her lip.

'Anti-anxiety medication'? she thought as she rubbed a hoof against her belly, leaning back on the stool. The bleedin' thing, and now this? Jes' how sick is he?

"Applejack?"

An' what if it passes on...

"Applejack!"

She narrowed her eyes. "Why are ya here?"

"Well..." In the moonlight, Flim's smile looked almost genuine. "I just wanted to spend a little time with you, away from prying eyes."

"Oh yeah? To do what?"

He held his hoof out. "Would you care for a dance?"

Applejack crossed her front legs. "NO."

"C'mon. I'll sing."

She turned her back and was about to retort something when he began... and her eyes shot open.

"I was dancing with my darling To the Whinnysee waltz..."

Applejack rose from her seat, trembling all over. She hadn't heard that song sung out loud in a decade.

Flim smiled, his hoof still extended towards her, and kept singing. Very, very carefully, she put her hoof against his, and allowed him to pull her into an embrace.

"Yes, I remember that night," she sang quietly, "And the Whinnysee waltz..."

His hooves guided hers back and forth. She let him lead for once.

She let him sing the rest of the song, and... she couldn't believe it. She let herself melt against his body, slowly, carefully, listening to the gentle rythym she remembered so well. His voice was far different, of course, but those same, sweet old lyrics...

As the song ended, Flim tenderly leaned back and placed a kiss on top of her hoof. "Thank you."

"How didja know that song?!" she said as she pulled away.

"My big sister was a saloon singer." Flim paused to consider himself in the mirror, and carefully smoothed the white strands of his mane back in their place. "I heard you mention it, and it reminded me of her."

"Really?" Then something hit her---she remembered what he said at dinner. "Did she raise you?"

He paused, looking at her through the mirror. "Yes."

"So y'do have some family besides Flam. Yer sister---"

"She was always mean as cat shit," he spat.

"Oh." She certainly hadn't been expecting that reaction. "Sorry, I..."

Flim nudged the drawer open and lifted the photo with his magic. "So these are your parents?"

"Put that back!"

He looked at her with surprise. "What? I'm just---"

"I said PUT IT BACK!"

"Okay!" He returned it face-down. "I didn't mean anything by it, Applejack."

She let out a tense breath. ".... Me neither," she mumbled. "I'm sorry, I jes'..."

Flim put a foreleg around her shoulders and pulled her into a half-hug. "Shh. It's fine."

After a moment's hesitation, Applejack put her chin on his shoulder and allowed him to rub her back. "You came here for a reason, didn'tcha?" she whispered in his ear, looking at the closed door.

Nuzzliung up against her, he said "Of course I did."

"Well, I ain't gonna wait all night." She turned to walk towards the bed, flicking her tail up against his muzzle. Even as it slid back in place, she could feel his eyes on her backside, running up and down.

"You're... you're winking," he mumbled, a little droplet of drool at the side of his mouth.

Once she was flopped back down on the mattress, Applejack spread her hindlegs and shot him a winning smile. "C'mere!"

And he was on top of her in a flash. Giggling, Applejack lifted her hind hooves and rubbed them up and down his cutie marks. Flim pushed his face against her chest, moaning.

"Fuck," he hissed. "I've missed the sweet smell of your coat."

"Lemme feel that cock," she breathed. And, sure enough, when he leaned down to grind against her, she felt that hot, wet tip pressing against her belly. She wiggled down a few inches, groaning as she felt his heavy balls resting against her tenderness.

"How do you want it?" he asked, nipping at her neck.

"Y'gave it to me rough last time," she said as she traced the tip of her muzzle up his horn. "This time, I wantcha to be real gentle."

"Like this?"

"Ahh-AAH!"

All he'd done was rub up against her, the underside of his dick sliding between her lips, but it made her shudder.

"Shh," he softly whispered against her ear. "I know you're a screamer, but---"

"Hold on."

"What?"

With a grin, Applejack placed both front hooves on his shoulders and then flipped him on his back. "Last time, you got to taste me," she said as she began trailing her wet lips down his body. "Now it's my turn."

Applejack licked the base of his shaft, smiling as she heard him groan. She nudged her snout up against his crotch, and opened her mouth, letting her tongue sweep over his balls.

"Fuck yes," he moaned above her.

She took one in her mouth and began gingerly rolling it around; when the first few drops of precum began trickling down his shaft, she let it slide out of her mouth and moved to the other.

"Ah, Celestia," Flim said, panting. "Yes! Oh, Applejack... Yesssss. Suck my stones."

You could bite 'em off right now.

Her eyes widened, his left nut still in her mouth. Where had that voice come from?!

Instead of paying any attention to it, Applejack shifted in the bed, turned around, and plunked her dripping sex down on Flim's muzzle.

"Eat me," she demanded, shoving against him. Her open mouth quivered on his scrotum when she felt his tongue lash up against her.

"Mmmmph!" she moaned, pulling back and throating his cock.

"Mmm... naughty girl!" he said around her pussy. "Where'd you learn to do that?"

Her eyes flew open when she felt his tongue nudge a little higher, up above her slit, right under her tail. She had no idea what he was thinking. Why was he doing that.... there?

She spat his cock out. "Quit it! That's... dirty!" she exclaimed.

He pulled away just long enough to say "Tastes fine to me!" and then went back to rimming her.

"Ah! Don't.... ohh..." The feeling of tongue and lips against her in that most intimate spot was making her dribble from both ends. "Mmm. Oh, please..."

"You like it?"

"Mm-hmm," she moaned through her clenched teeth. Her tail flopped around his head until she found his horn, and began gently stroking it. "You sure have---ah!---some tricks up yer sleeve."

"I suspect you do, too."

She lifted herself from his lapping tongue. "Funny you should mention that."

He frowned when her tail stopped rubbing his horn. "What?"

Applejack smiled and placed a kiss on his cheek. "There's somethin' I been dyin' to try fer awhile now. You jes' stay there."

"Hey!" he said, sitting up. "Where are you going?"

"Be right back!" she called back to him as she left the room.

***

She was only gone a few minutes. When she came back, she was carrying a mug of cider on her head and another on her rump.

"Hey, you shouldn't be drinking that," he said. It surprised him a little to hear the concern in his own voice.

"This one's fer you." She put it down on the table next to his side of the bed. "The other's mine. It's just juice, don't worry."

With the practiced ease that was familiar to most Earth ponies, she looped her tail around the handle of her drink and held it up to his. "Cheers."

"To what?"

Applejack smirked. "To bad decisions?"

"Ha!" He clinked his mug against hers. "I'll drink to that."

They both downed a gulp, and Applejack crawled up on the bed next to him; still holding her juice, she gently pushed his hindlegs apart so she could move between them.

"So, you said you had a trick you wanted to show me...?"

"Uh-huh. Now you jes' lie back an' let me try this out." She could feel her cheeks heating up. "I never, uh, actually done this before."

"Done what?"

"You'll see." She put her drink down and stuck her muzzle into it. "I jes' gotta get somethin' out of here first."

"What are you..."

"Jes 'ie 'ack 'own," Applejack mumbled. She clearly had something in her mouth; her cheek was popped out a little. "Close 'er eyes."

Flim was glad he'd put his drink down, because when he felt the heat of her mouth and an ice cube he nearly jumped out of his skin. "Wha---?!"

"'Is mi' 'eel a l'il col'," she said with her lips at the tip of his cock. She traced the ice around the flare, over the slit, then took it back in her mouth along with the first few inches.

With a loud groan, Flim let her push him back into the sheets. Dear sweet Celestia, he could hardly believe she knew the ice cube trick! This mare was far more interesting than he first gave her credit for.

Applejack moaned as she rubbed her hoof gently across one of his balls. "Mmm?"

"It feels... amazing," he breathed. Even though he was already shaking, he reached for his drink. "You...ah!....You sure know how to treat a stallion. Talk about Southern hospitality!"

"Mmm-hmmph."

"And to think I pegged you for a virgin when I first saw you. You must have quite a few notches on your bedpost."

Applejack looked up with a frown, letting his dick slide out of her mouth. She spat out the ice. "Keep talkin' like that and yer gonna feel teeth."

He laughed. "Relax! It was a compliment." He took a big swig, and was a little surprised to see her eyes following his movements. "I'm just saying you're very talenAH!"

She'd throated him again.

"That," he said with a chuckle. "That's what I'm saying. You're very talented."

Flim grinned. A drink in one hoof and a pretty mare between his legs. It ended up even better than he'd hoped for. He'd been pretty sure he was going to get chased out of the bedroom at best, murdered at worst. It did seem a little odd that she'd been willing, but then again, he knew that the hormones could make mares go a little crazy when---

Then he winced. Right. She was pregnant. He couldn't believe he'd forgotten about that.

And he'd forgotten about her. Quickly finishing the drink, Flim shot a beam over her back.

"Mmmph?!" Applejack's eyes opened when she felt her tail lifting.

"Shh, just relax," he said, placing the mug back on the table. "It won't hurt the baby. I'm just going to help you out."

"What---AH!" She squeaked. She'd actually squeaked. Something staticky behind her was pinching her clit. "Nnng... that... you finished that drink already?"

"I was thirsty. I think I drooled and dripped all the way down the hall just thinking about you."

Applejack laughed, nuzzling against his dick. "Aw, knock it off. You really are a terrible sweet-talker. Mmm..."

The way he was tugging and pulling at her clit was making her tremble all over, but she had to finish what she'd started. She carefully dragged the tip of her tongue over his medial ring and worked her way back to the top with soft kisses. Suddenly the magic behind her fizzled.

"Hey, why'd you stop?"

"I can't concentrate when you're doing... that," he said weakly.

"Hmph! Stallions," she muttered, but she got back to sucking.

He normally would've said something back, but he was feeling a little tendril of worry curling up into a question: he had lost his concentration for a moment there, but he almost never broke off magic by accident. Running a machine at top speed, in reverse, while multiple sharp objects are being hurled at you sees to it you learn how to keep magic flowing. What just happened?

"Um... somethin' the matter?"

He looked down and his eyes nearly bugged out of their sockets. To his growing horror, he watched her push his limp cock back and forth between her hooves.

"Just---just keep going!" he said, his voice---if nothing else---rising. "It's fine, just go back to what..."

Applejack frowned and nudged his cock a few times. She licked it, then tried pulling it into her mouth. Nothing. "Mmph... I don't think---"

The hitch in his voice had turned to near-panic. "I swear, this has never happened before!"

Her knotted expression melted into sadness. "Is it... me?"

"No! No, you're beautiful," he said quickly. Then he shook his head. He was trying as hard as he could to think how to talk himself out of this one, but his brain felt fuzzy. "I just... I guess, uh... I feel tired. Maybe I had too much to drink..."

The drink.

She raised an eyebrow. "You okay, sugarcube?"

"No, I..." Flim put a hoof to the side of his head and groaned. No, something was definitely wrong. He could barely string words together now, and it seemed like a blanket of exhaustion was slipping around the edges of his mind. "I'm just... really... tired...?"

The drink!

"Oh..." he mumbled, looking at the empty mug. "You... bitch..."

He couldn't fight her off as she shoved him back to the mattress. "How does it feel, huh?" Applejack barked. "Huh? What's it like bein' drugged? Feel good?"

"I'm..." Too late, now. The edges of his vision were swimming. "Gonna..."

When he blacked out, Applejack smiled. She wasn't particularly proud of what she'd just done, but damn if he didn't deserve it.

"Sleep tight," she said, and placed a kiss on his forehead.

Author's Notes:

I actually got choked up writing this. (Well, part of it, at least). My late grandfather used to sing that song to his kids, and my dad still sings it to me. :)

EDIT: I thought the song was in the public domain, but it turns out it isn't, so I edited to chapter so that only a few lines were used, as per FimFiction's rules.

The Ties That Bind [clop]

The moment he walked in the door, the burly griffon at the front desk cracked a smile, and Flam tried as hard as he could to steel himself. He'd known this wouldn't be pleasant, but that grin was starting to make him worry.

"Hey! Hey guys!" the griffon shouted to the back room. "It's that guy from the pictures!"

Well, shit. "Let's just get this over with. How much do I owe---"

A greasy-maned mule ducked his head out of the darkroom, took one look at Flam, and burst out laughing. "Hey, buddy, I don't blame you for wearing a fake moustache!"

"Yeah, I'd be pretty embarrassed, too!" came from a zitty pegasus who was flicking through the photos, chuckling.

"I'm not the one in those photos!" he said through a tightly-clenched jaw. "I have a twin!"

"Oh yeah, sure! We've heard THAT before!"

He grabbed both ends of his moustache and tugged. "This is real. See? If it was me in the pictures, how could I have grown this overnight?"

The griffon shrugged. "For all we know, you've had this camera awhile."

"Argh!" He still wasn't sure why he was arguing---he was never going to see these idiots again, and it wasn't like he had much honour to stand up for, either. Still, they'd spent most of their lives trying to differentiate themselves from one another, and the last time there'd been confusion over who was who had ended up... pretty badly. And he did not like stallions, dammit!

"Look, you all work with photos. None of you are blind," he said as he turned to the side. Gesturing toward his cutie mark, he added, "So look at this."

The mule winced. "We've seen enough of your ass, buddy."

"My cutie mark!" he snapped. "Look at my cutie mark! I'll make this as simple as I can."

Snatching up the photos with his magic, Flam pointed at his face, then back down at his flank. "This is me." Then he threw the first photo down on the counter. "And that's my broth---oh, SWEET CELESTIA!"

He really shouldn't have looked. He knew he shouldn't have looked. Why had he LOOKED?!

"You think that's bad?" The griffon slid another one over. "Check this one out."

This time Flam tried to look away, but it was the very definition of a trainwreck. His own brother doing...

"What... what in Equestria is he wearing?!" Well, no wonder they hadn't seen his cutie mark.

A thought occured to him---If he was wearing those, why didn't I find them in the room?

And the second thought slapped right up as sharp, unexpected, and painful as a rake in the face: They were probably edible.

"That does it," he muttered, throwing a bag of bits on the counter. "I'm going to get shitfaced."

Flim groaned and tried to roll over, but his leg jerked back.

"Wha...?"

"Oh good, y'woke up," came Applejack's voice from somewhere beside him.

"Huh?" Again, he tried to turn to the side, but his left leg was stuck. So was his right; he could feel knots by his fetlocks. The ropes were thick and rough enough that he knew he could get cut, but the bonds were a little loose, so he could wriggle around a few inches.

Wait, ropes? He opened his eyes fully and looked up and the bindings. Both of his front hooves were bound to opposite bedposts, and a few jerks of his hindlegs proved that they were in a similar situation. Interesting...

"You were only out fer half an hour...otherwise, I woulda dressed ya up a little, too." Applejack flopped down on top of him and smiled. "Comfy?"

"What part of 'I'm a unicorn' do you not understand?" he sneered and he turned to give the ropes a blast. And...

"Huh?" Flim shook his still-foggy head and tried again, but for a second time his magic fizzled out halfway up.

"That part," she answered smugly. "I never did get how horn rings work."

He craned his eyes up; his mane covered the base of his horn, but he could see a glint of metal sticking out. "Why do you have a horn ring?!" he hollered.

"I don't," she said with a light blush. "Um, it's Mac's."

Flim started to thrash. "Is EVERY member of this family kinky, or just you two? If I look in Granny's closet, am I gonna find some latex outf---oh, why did I just say that? Now I'm going to have to scrub my brain."

"Shh, shh," she whispered, tapping his muzzle. "Don't hurt yerself."

He paused, trying to catch his breath. She was right; he could get hurt. There was some give in the bindings, but the rough ropes could scratch, or he could bruise if he yanked too hard. One of his ankles was already throbbing from where he'd been kicked at dinner. The knots were too far away for him to bite, and even if he could get at them, he didn't have the skills of an Earth pony at manipulating fiddly things with his mouth. He really was stuck.

"Pity I can't paddle you," Applejack said idly as she watched a bead of sweat form on his forehead. "You could use a good spankin'."

He thought fast. "If I'm in this position too long, blood is going to pool in my joints, and I'll barely be able to walk." It wasn't exactly true, but he figured she didn't know too much about his particular biology.

"Guess I better be quick, then."

"With what?"

Applejack rolled off him and opened the drawer on her nightside table. "A lil' somethin' a friend gave me last Hearth's Warming."

"Uh..." Flim swallowed heavily as he eyed the unpleasantly-realistic dildo she was waving in his face. "Did this 'friend' give you a bottle of lube, too?"

"Don't get excited, now. This ain't fer you." She sighed as she slid it down her body. "I don't know where you've been, an' last time I had to clean this off, uh..."

"What?"

"Well, my brother lifted the lid off the pot of boilin' water expectin' some pierogies."

He snorted. "Are you serious?"

"He sure looked funny after bathin' in peroxide."

She ducked her head to try to hide her grin, but Flim was already laughing. "My brother's caught me doing worse."

"I bet he has. Mmm..." Slowly and gently, she teased the tip around her pussy and, with a little gasp, began sliding it in.

He was watching with interest. "You do know you have the real thing right here, right?"

"A'course I do." Applejack eased herself down fully, her wet sex and the flared base of the dildo pressing down on his belly just a few inches above his pride. "I'm gonna have some fun, an' yer gonna lie there an' watch."

"I don't mind the show, but I do prefer something with a little more... audience participation."

She smiled and began to rock back and forth on her toy. "Tough."

Flim met her smile, but his eyes were still on the action. "Prosthetics just don't compare, my dear."

"Really?" She cocked her head. "Last time I checked, this one stays hard."

The look of shocked indignation made her giggle. "HEY! You drugged me! Did you forget that part?!"

"You drugged my brother. You had it comin'."

"He had it coming!" he snapped back. "That asshole tracked me down, broke into my hotel room, shoved a loaded gun in my face---"

"Unloaded."

"Unloaded, fine. And he coltnapped me, forced me onto a train, got me all the way back to this podunk little tow---wait." Flim sat up as straight as he could. "What did you just say?"

"The gun was unloaded," Applejack repeated. "He left all the bullets here."

After a moment's pause, he started to speak. "Are you telling me," he said with a slow iciness, "that I was never at risk of being shot? That he was bluffing the whole time? That he tricked me??"

"And tricked you good," she said with a wide smile.

"Applejack, put a pillow over my mouth. Now."

She did, and before she could ask why he began screaming into it. She couldn't help but laugh as the little of his face that was still visible went from his usual cream colour to red and then to purple.

"You done?" she asked as she lifted the pillow. He'd left spittle and dental imprints on the pillowslip.

"THAT SON OF A B---"

She shoved it back into his open mouth. It took another two minutes of muffled shouting and hollering before she finally put the pillow back. Flim was still red-faced and panting.

"Aw, are you sore?" she said with a fake pout.

"Of course I am! I thought my life was in danger!"

Applejack planted a little peck on his nose. "Nah. I think yer just mad that he out-conned you."

Flim seemed to calm down as he considered this. "Hm," he muttered with a bit of a smile. "Got me there."

"Gotcha here, too," she said, licking the tip of his horn.

"Ggg---!"

Applejack sighed as she traced her tongue around the spiral. "That feel good?"

"With the horn ring on, I can hardly feel it," he gasped.

"Oh no, y'ain't gettin' me to take it off that easy," she mumbled. "I think you can feel this"---a quick suck---"jes' fine."

"No, I don't feel anything. You may as well be licking my hooves."

Applejack paused. She really did have no idea how the rings worked; maybe they numbed them. If she wanted to tease him, she was going to have to switch tactics.

"Really?" She rubbed her hoof up and down his horntip. "Tell me, this ain't feelin' good?"

"No."

His dick slapped up against her back leg, and after a second of awkward silence, they both laughed.

"Dammit, I have the worst timing."

"Mm, naughty boy, lyin' t'me like that," she said with a slow spreading smile. "Yer gonna regret it."

He smirked back up at her. "What, are you going to spank me?"

The look on his face when he saw her bring her tail up to his side was so delightful Applejack wished she'd had the foresight to bring a camera. "No! Applejack, I'll kill you!"

"What? I thought y'said y'ain't ticklish."

"Applejack, I swear to Celestia, if you tickle me I'm going to---"

"Do what," she said, pushing on his bound legs, "Exactly?"

"Tomorrow morning I'm going to go downstairs and kick your dog!" he shouted. "I'm going to go right down there and kick him so hard in the nuts his puppies will feel it!"

Even he couldn't believe he'd just blurted out something so awful, but she just laughed.

"What? Is he fixed?"

"She could take you on in a fight," Applejack just said easily, sliding up closer to his face. "And if you ever threaten to kick Winona again, yer gonna get somethin' worse than a dildo up yer butt."

"Oh for the love of---I wasn't really going to do it!" he said in exasperation. "I'm not going to kick a dog!"

"So... that was another lie?" she grinned as she started lashing her tail around his sides.

Flim's spine arched and he began cackling. "AAH! No no nononohahaha!"

"Aw, yer so cute when you giggle like a li'l school filly," she said, switching to his other side. The way he was squirming around under her was sending the dildo up inside her in little jolts, and Applejack began to gasp.

"No nonahahahaha!" Tears were already streaming down his face as he thrashed around. "Stop-pa-pa-hahaha! Stop it! Bahahaha I'm gonna ki-hi-hi-hill you!"

Applejack put her mouth down against the crook of his neck and began nibbling gently. He was howling with laughter now, and she ran the fluff at the tip of her tail between his legs, tickling just under his balls.

"Stop! Sta-ha-hahahap! I can't bre-he-he-heathe!"

"Beg me," she whispered in his ear.

"Wha-ha-ha-hat?"

"I said beg me."

"Ple-he-he-hease!" Flim screamed when she took his ear into her mouth, rolling it around against her tongue. His hips stuttered on the mattress when he felt her press back against his cock. "Please! Please! Ple-hee-hee-ple--App-pa-ha-ha-Applejack, please!"

"What was that?"

"Oh, please, for Celestia's sake, please!"

She grinned when she felt a dribble of precum ooze out of his slit. "Hm?"

"Please," he gasped.

"Please what?"

"Please stop," he whimpered. "Please, I'm going to lose it."

"Mm-hm."

She kissed the corner of his mouth and pulled her tail away. "That was pretty good beggin', but I think you could do better." When she saw the look of worry, she laughed and kissed him full on the lips. "I'm-a let you off the hook this time."

"Oh, I'm not done," he panted.

"Really?"

"Applejack," he said, looking into her eyes, "Please, get rid of the stupid dildo. I....uh...."

She leaned forward, smiling. "Yeah?"

He actually looked a little embarrassed, but said it anyway: "Listen, I've been thinking about you ever since I regained consciousness---"

The smile was gone in a flash. "What, five minutes ago?!"

"No no, on the train."

"Huh?" Her hooves flew to his head and she began ruffling through his mane. "Oh no, did Big MacIntosh knock you out? Did he pistol-whip ya? Are ya hurt??"

He tried to twist his head away, but she was still prying through his hair. "Ow! Quit it, you're tickling me again!"

"This ain't good!" she fretted. "That was hours ago! Y'could be bleedin' in yer brain by now---"

"My brain is fine," he deadpanned.

"What did he do to you?!"

"He didn't---OW!---have to do anything!" he said with a sigh. "And stop messing through my mane, I'm fine!"

"Then why were you unconscious?"

"I fainted, okay?"

That at least made her stop. "Huh?"

"He told me you were pregnant, and I fainted," Flim said, trying to keep the irritability out of his voice.

After pausing to let that sink in, Applejack smoothed his mane back down and began to chuckle.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up," he said, blushing.

"That's better'n how I reacted," she smiled. "I puked."

"You at least had an excuse."

She shifted around until she was more comfortable, and wrapped her tail around his cock; she grinned when she heard him gasp, but kept her grip loose enough to be teasing. "So, I think y'said y'weren't done beggin'...?"

"I...AH!" He jumped when he felt the soft tip of her tail flicker around his flare. "I..."

Applejack began placing light kisses down his jawline. "C'mon, Flim, lemme hear it! Y'don't wanna get tickled again, do ya?"

"I... I need to be inside you."

She pulled back after leaving a wet mark on his neck. "What?"

"Please," he whispered. "Take the dildo out. I n-need to feel you."

Applejack just stared at him, and at first he thought he'd have to keep begging, but then her surprised expression changed to a small, gentle smile. "Aw... that was kinda sweet."

"I know it was. You don't have to tell me."

Turning around and lifting her tail so he had a good view of his competition, Applejack kissed the inside of his thigh, grinning when she felt his legs twitch. "Tell ya what," she said as she lowered herself down on his face, "You git this toy outta me, an' I'm all yers."

"Yes! Anything! ANYTHING!"

"Use yer teeth!"

As obediantely as he could, Flim took the base of the dildo in his mouth and began tugging it out.

"Ahh...."

She sighed when it slid out of her pussy, but she didn't let that little distraction deter her. Spinning around, Applejack grabbed the fake cock with her hooves and yanked it back.

"Tell ya what, Flim," she said with a malicious smile. "Yer so good with yer tongue... I think I should put it to the test."

He tried to say something but spluttered as she shoved the dildo in his open mouth.

"Take it," she whispered.

She had expected some resistance, but was startled---and a little impressed---when he tilted his head back, letting her slickened toy slide down his throat.

"Mmm," she mumbled as she shoved it in and out. "That taste good?"

"Mmmph!"

"Bet y'didn't see that one comin', huh?"

"Mm Hpmh Mff!"

"Y'know, yer a lot easier t'deal with when y'got yer mouth full," she said as she pulled it back out.

Flim coughed loudly and gasped until his lungs were filled again. "Warn me before you do that next time! I barely had time to take a breath."

She raised her eyebrow. "'Next time'?"

He looked away. "Well, I..."

"You, uh..." Applejack cleared her throat as she wiped the dildo on the sheets. "You wanna do this again?"

"It's just that I have a feeling I'll be here for awhile, and---"

She silenced him with a kiss. "Wanna move onto the main course?"

"I thought you'd never ask," he answered. "I really didn't."

"Want me to untie ya?"

He looked up at his bindings, and then turned his knowing smile to back to her. "Not....just yet."

Author's Notes:

Granny Smith in a latex outfit. You're welcome for that mental image.

Next chapter has some clop, too! :D

Quickening [clop]

WARNING (and I'm sorry to do this): this chapter contains some homo- and biphobia, so if that sort of thing upsets you, you should probably skip this one.

"I shoulda figured you'd like bein' tied up," she smirked.

"And I should have figured out that you like being on top." Flim jerked his hips when she began sliding down him. By Celestia, how had he never noticed how powerful her legs were before? Those muscles clenching against his sides could crush a skull!

Applejack winced a little and stood up. "Urgh... hold on."

"Do you want me to beg again?"

"No, I, uh, I gotta pee."

He sighed when the warmth of her body left his. "Make it fast, okay?"

"Gimme a sec'." She hopped off the bed and reached under it. "You better not watch."

"What, you're going to do it here?!"

She lifted the lid off the chamber pot and frowned. "Nope. It's full. Ah, damn! An' so am I." She slid it back under the bed, gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, and hurriedly trotted out of the room.

"Um, Applejack?"

"In a sec'!"

Flim turned his head as far as he could. "Applejack, you left the door open!!"

Well, ajar, but it was still enough to worry him. He definitely remembered the last time he'd been found tied to a bed... well, nopony told him that stallion was married!

A creak from outside made him jump, but it was just the house settling in the cool night air. Flim looked up at the horn ring. Big MacIntosh was out like a light, but what if Granny had to get up? The elderly don't sleep through the night, right? She'd notice the light was on, and if she came in to investigate, she'd see him trussed to her granddaughter's bed with his dick sticking straight up like a sundial. There was no way he could talk himself out of that---'Sorry, Granny, I slipped and fell onto these ropes?' Not likely. She was ancient, but he had a feeling she could still give a mighty kick to the nuts.

"Oh no," he said out loud, his eyes widening. "What if Apple Bloom---?!"

Then he relaxed. No... they probably had chamber pots, too. And he thought he'd seen a water pitcher on Applejack's dresser, so even if they needed a drink, there'd be no reason to leave their rooms...

The door creaked and Flim turned again. "Applejack?"

"Well, I'll be!" came a creaky voice from behind the door. "Is that you, sonny?"

"DON'T COME IN!" he screamed. "Fuck!! I'm sorry for swearing, but, but just stay there!"

"I must be hearin' things! What're ya doin' in there?"

Think, think! "I---Applejack had a backache so I offered to give her a massage. That's it! A... a completely platonic massage!" Oh, way to go, idiot. A massage? Really?

"Tell me somethin', young'un."

"W-what?"

"Do I do a good impression a'Granny's voice?" Applejack said with a smile as she pushed the door open.

"Argh!" He slammed his head back into the pillow. "That was not funny!"

"Yer right. It was hilarious."

"And please don't ever do that voice again," he said, looking at his cock. It had wilted a bit. "Look what you did to me!"

"Poor baby." She hopped back up on the bed and gave his member a little lick. It instantly popped right back up. "There. Better?"

"No. You're not on top of me yet."

Applejack laughed and sat down hard on his barrel. "Now I am."

"You know what I meant!"

"Ooh, testy." She shifted so that her rump was in front of his face, and grinned when he craned his neck up. At the last second, she yanked away from his tongue.

"Applejack, you're driving me crazy! You've been teasing me all night! I---"

"Hush." With a peck on his muzzle, she shuffled around until she was hovering over his cock. "I think I'm ready fer some fun."

Flim let out a long, shaking breath. He could feel the heat radiating off of her sex. "I've been ready since I got here."

"Cowgirl position okay with you?" she said, pushing back so the flare pressed against her wet lips.

"Yes. Please." He smiled up at her. "I want to look at your face when you come."

"Wait," she said, pulling off him.

"WHAT NOW?!"

"Jes' listen fer a minute," she said. She was chewing on her bottom lip, and for a moment Flim regretted shouting at her. "I... I know y'don't think it's yers, but... well, I can count, y'know. There ain't no way anypony else could be the father."

He tried to bump his hips up to meet her, but she moved away again. "Why not? What about the stallion you had before me? Or after?"

"There ain't been a stallion after you," she mumbled. She was blushing. "An', well, if the one before you got me pregnant... I'd have a foal in school by now."

That got his attention. "What, really?"

"Yeah, really. I bet you got somethin' smart t'say about that, huh?"

It really surprised her that he didn't. "And you, um, chose me to break your dry spell?"

"I was desperate."

"Oh, thanks."

"Naw, I didn't mean it like that!" She sat down on his belly, his dick resting against the swell of her haunch. With a sigh, she leaned down until they were cheek-to-cheek and whispered in his ear: "I jes' meant there's no way in a million years I ever thought I'd...y'know... with you of all ponies. I don't know what I was thinkin'."

"You were drunk and horny. We both were."

"It's more than that..." She trailed off.

"What... AH!"

His eyes rolled back when she slammed down on him, her butt slapping loudly against his hips.

"Took... it all... in one," he managed between gasps. "That's... really.... impressive."

"Mmm." Applejack squeezed her thighs together, just sitting there for a moment, relishing the feeling. Oh, yes. She'd certainly missed this. She could even feel it twitching a little inside her, something her dildo never could do. And warm... "Ah, that feels good."

"You know what would feel better? If you started moving."

"Take it easy, I'm gettin' there." She slowly slid up a few inches and then sunk back down, enjoying both the feeling of being filled again and the tortured little gasps coming from her partner.

"Mm, oh yeah," she mumbled with another bounce. "Ah... Ah... Oh, feels so big..."

"Didn't...fuck!...didn't you call it a toothpick?"

She laughed, quickening her bouncing. "I was tryin' t'get a rise outta you."

"You certainly did that!"

"Aw, did I hurt yer fragile little male ego?"

When his face pinched up, she stopped. "Hey," Applejack said, placing a hoof on his cheek. "I didn't mean nothin' by it."

She smiled when he relaxed. "Heh. I know. I saw the look on your face when you first got a glimpse of it."

The hot blush even crept up the back of her neck as she went back to bouncing. "Shucks, am I really that readable?"

"Nng!" He screwed his eyes closed and did his best to move against her rhythm. "Let's, ah! Let's just say I'd really love to play a game of high-stakes poker with you."

She hadn't even realized that the whole time she'd been on top of him, his tail had been softly running up and down her leg. "I'll admit I ain't good at that."

"I bet I could win with a pair of deuces!"

"Watch it, buster," she said, grinning. "I jes' might take ya up on that."

"You know I'd win. You couldn't trick me."

When she froze mid-slide he thought he'd pushed it too far, but then a very weird smile replaced the shocked expression. "I couldn't trick ya, huh?"

Applejack reached over to the nightstand and scooped up the empty mug. Bopping him lightly on the snout with it, she added "Y'sure about that, Sleeping Beauty?"

"....I'm never going to live that down, am I?"

"An' what about when I talk like this, young'un?"

Flim's back shuddered involuntarily. "Oh, Celestia, stop! That fucking voice, ugh!"

"Hyuk! You should see yer face right now!"

He rolled his eyes. "Har har."

"I meant it. You should see yer face." Applejack touched his cheek. "I put a lil' makeup on ya when you were out. See?"

She pulled her hoof back and, yes, there was a streak of what looked like rouge on it.

"WHAT---?!"

This time she threw her head back laughing, almost hopping up and down as her strong leg muscles started to take over. "Ahahahaha! Oh boy, that was a hoot!"

"Well, ah, at least you didn't draw a dick on my face. Ah! I can't count how many times Flam's done that to me."

She just snorted. Boys.

"Why... why do you have makeup?"

"I'm a girl," she said with a little edge in her voice.

"I figured that out awhile ago, my dear."

She couldn't believe what she said next. "Well, sometimes I wanna feel pretty!"

"You don't need makeup. Mmm... You're beautiful."

Applejack bit her lip and closed her eyes. Was he just saying that because he had to? No, she thought when she opened her eyes again. He looks like he means it.

She leaned a little to the side, pulling her left leg up.

"What.... are you---?!"

"I'm gonna twist on ya!"

And then she swung her leg right over his body, clenching on his cock. Applejack let out a wild cry as she spun around, squeezing her cunt down as hard as she could, and twisted right on top of him. She could feel his member jerk up against her.

Flim screamed. "APPLEJACK!""

"Puh-leeease!" she squealed as she sat down with a wet squelch.

"Fuck! Fuck! FUCK!!!"

Applejack's back was turned, of course, so she couldn't see his expression. But she knew what just happened. She'd felt it.

"Are you serious?" she barked, turning around. His cock slid out of her, as well as a gush of semen. "You just finished?!"

"Five.... five minutes, and I'll get hard again," he panted. "Two if you sit on my face."

She grabbed the pillow he'd screamed into earlier and started swatting his face with it.

"You! Are! Such! A! Stallion!" she shouted, punctuating every word with the pillow.

"I try. OW!"

"Argh! Y'didn't even let me get close!" She threw the pillow down beside him and flopped onto it, irritated beyond belief. "Y'know, I shoulda taken my friend's advice and switched teams! Ugh, stallions!"

"Whoa!" His eyelids had been drooping, but now he was fully alert. "A friend of yours tried to.... convert you?"

She knew that had been a mistake. "Uh...well...yeah."

"Oh boy! You just got infinitely more interesting!"

Applejack rolled away from his grin.

"Well, by all means, tell me more! I think I can be up and ready again quite soon, ha! Oh! Please tell it it was that adorable yellow pegasus with the cute little flank!"

"It wasn't Fluttershy," she said with a sharp, startling pang of jealousy. "An' never you mind her flank."

"It couldn't have been the one who looks like a drag queen..."

"Not Rarity, either."

"The nerd?"

"No! Stop guessin'!" She finally turned around again, scowling. That didn't diminish his smile at all, though. "An' don't get yer hopes up. Nothin' happened."

"That's disappointing. Weren't you at all curious?"

"NO." Applejack blushed and shook her head. "I wasn't raised that way, t'go swingin' around like that!"

She watched as the corners of his mouth pulled back down. "Oh."

"It ain't right."

Now his lips thinned to a line. "Applejack, I'm surprised at you."

"What?"

"One of your best friends likes mares, and then... you'd go and say something like that? I thought you'd be more open-minded."

"Ha! The last time a stallion told me t'be open-minded, he tried talkin' me into a threesome." She sighed and tried to nuzzle against him, but he didn't reciprocate. "Look, I ain't got a problem with fillyfoolers. My own cousin's a coltcuddler, y'know. It's jes... y'pick a side, and y'stick to it. Swingin' around's fer porn stars an' confused high school fillies."

"I.... see."

"What d'you care? You like mares." Applejack finally let herself smile, and moved to straddle his barrel. "An' y'know what?"

"What?"

"Even though yer a pain in the ass..." She leaned down and looked him in the eye. "I kinda like you."

There were a few seconds of silence, and then Flim chuckled. "You're lucky you're cute. I kind of like you, too."

"Hmm... I c'n tell," she said, wrapping her tail around his stiffening dick.

"Ah! Go easy on me! It's, er, still a little sensitive."

"Go easy? No way." With a few quick jerks, she'd brought him nearly back up to full mast, and then pressed her lips to his. His tongue was between them in a second, but she pushed back, sliding along the roof of his mouth. Her gasp was muffled when he started sucking, drawing her deeper, until the tip of her tongue was nearly in his throat.

"Mmm... mmm... mmm!"

She dimly remembered the way he'd sucked on her tongue the first time they'd been together, and how wet it had made her then. It was certainly having the same effect now... so he had a good memory, remembered what she liked. Not bad.

Then she also remembered his tongue had been on her ass not too long ago, and she pulled back with a smack.

"You ready to ride?"

"I---"

For some reason, she had a feeling she didn't want to hear the answer, so she kissed him again. Dirty though it was, she let him slip his tongue into her mouth. Pressing back blindly, Applejack wiggled her hips around until she felt the tip of his dick hit the mark.

"Okay," she said, pulling away from the kiss. "I'm gonna go slow this time."

Flim smiled and shifted his position a little. His limbs were starting to get sore, but he found that he didn't mind. "We have all night."

They sighed in unison as she began inching her way down. Neither spoke for a minute or two as she eased into it, grunting a little when he finally bottomed out.

"Oh sweet Celestia..."

Applejack squeezed him with her thighs. "You okay?"

"Ah..." He looked like he was in heaven. "You're still so tight!"

She chuckled and began gently rocking. "Take it easy. You better last longer this time 'round."

"I will. I promise."

Applejack suddenly lurched forward and gulped. "Hrk..."

"What? What is it?"

"I..." She put a hoof to her belly and retched a little.

Flim twisted his head to the side. "Okay, if you vomit on me, I am going to kick your dog."

"I ain't gonna puke," she whispered hoarsely, her eyes focused somewhere beyond his line of sight. "I.... just felt it move."

"Huh?"

"It moved," she said. She seemed to be in a daze as she looked down at her belly. "It just... rolled around inside me."

He looked down at where her hoof was. "Really?"

"I..."

Before he could say anything else, Applejack's head dropped and she burst into tears.

"Oh sweet Celestia! Applejack, what--?!"

To his shock, she kept rocking against him, her tears pouring down her face and throat.

"Wait...Applejack..." he said as a growing fear crawled up his neck, "Please. Stop."

"No," she sobbed. "Y'came here jes' t'fuck me, right? Well, I might as well give ya what you want!"

"I can't...I can't do this if you're crying!"

"Why do you care?!" she shouted. "All you ever wanted to do was fuck me! And fuck me over!"

"Applejack, are you crazy? Stop it!"

"Fine!" She yanked herself off him with a grunt and started biting at the ropes, sliding the ring off with a hoof. Once his magic was back, he turned his head and began untying the bindings on the other side. Between the two of them they managed to get him untangled, and Applejack kicked the ropes off the bed, turning her back to him. "Go back t'yer room if y'don't want to do it anymore."

She sobbed into her pillow as the mattress shifted, but instead of getting off the bed, he rolled closer. Spooning behind her, he carefully put a foreleg around her and kissed the back of her neck.

"Get out!"

"Applejack," he said gently, "Why are you crying?"

She turned around to look at him, then down at the swollen belly resting against his flat one. "Because I'm scared!"

"Shh." He kissed the tears off her face, even though they were quickly replaced. "I know. I'm scared, too."

"Why?" she said. He hadn't stopped kissing her cheeks. "You could jes' run off. I'm stuck with it."

"Shh. Don't talk like that." He began stroking her mane, and after a few sniffles, Applejack put her head against his chest.

"Well ya could!"

"Do you really think I'm going to run off?"

She sighed. "It's what you do fer a livin'."

"Speaking of which," he said, putting his chin on her head, "I've found out the hard way that you have family all over Equestria. Do you know how hard it's been finding a town that won't have some idiot in the crowd shouting out 'My cousin told me about you!'?"

"Cry me a river," she muttered as she wiped her face with the back of her hoof.

His chest shook against her face as he laughed. "And your psychotic big brother tracked us down once. I wouldn't be surprised if he did it again, this time with bullets. And probably a semi-automatic---"

"Stop."

The foreleg around her pulled her in tighter. "Shh, shh. I'm just teasing you."

He wasn't too shocked when she pulled away, but the strange look on her face puzzled him. "I jes' thought a' somethin'."

"What?"

"The last time I cried in front a'you, you laughed in my face."

"Well, uh..." He could feel his face heating up. He had kind of kicked himself for doing that. "That was then, this is now."

Applejack sighed and put her face back on his chest, but not before smearing the tears off his coat.

"For the record?"

"Mm?"

He kissed her flickering ear. "I didn't notice you were crying, sweetheart."

Applejack's breath hitched, but she kept her face pressed against him. That was.... strange, to say the least. That was the first time he'd called her by a term of endearment that didn't sound sneeringly sarcastic. And he'd said it softer---sweeter?---somehow, than his usual 'my dear'.

"W-what?"

"I said, I didn't see you were crying. If I had, I can assure you that I wouldn't have laughed."

"Really?"

She pressed her whole body against him, and jolted a little when she felt his still-hard cock pressing against her thigh. He just hugged her closer.

"And I'm not going to laugh at you now. It's okay, sweetheart. You can cry."

A fresh flood started. "I d-don't know what I'm gonna do!" she wailed against him. "I been so scared this whole time, an' when I felt it move, I jes'---I---I dunno..."

"It became real?"

"Yeah." Maybe she was that readable after all. "You got any bright ideas?"

"I was considering running around like a chicken with its head cut off, but I already did that on the train."

Even between her sobs she managed a laugh. "That ride over here musta been somethin'."

"Actually..."

Applejack pushed back to look at his face, and was shocked to see how contorted it was. "What? What is it?"

"I... have to give your brother credit. He's not a monster."

"A'course he ain't!"

"He talked me down from a panic attack."

"...Oh."

Putting her head back on his chest, she let out her breath and began stroking her hoof up and down his spine. Panic attacks. So that was what the medication was for.

"Y'know, he's real sweet an' kind. He never gets this mad."

"You're pregnant, sweetheart. And I'm the father. I'm really not surprised he's angry."

He smiled when he felt her mouth twist up.

"Y'shoulda seen how Granny reacted when she found out it was you."

"Oh?"

"Well..." Applejack chuckled. "She was in the pharmacy an' overheard some ponies gossipin' about it. We, uh, had to pay quite a bit fer all the stuff she broke."

"Snk--ahahahaha!"

"I had no idea she could throw a whole case a' baby food all the way down the aisle."

"Hm... speaking of 'down the aisle'," he said, "You, er, you don't really want to get married, do you?"

She sighed, the smile fading. "No."

"Well, what do we do now?"

Applejack put her hooftip again her chin and frowned. "Uh... well, it's Friday night..."

"So?"

"So the courthouse ain't open 'til Monday."

He nodded. "That gives us a few days to think of something."

"Oof!"

They both quickly looked down at where their midsections were touching.

"I felt that!" he said with a huge smile. "It kicked! I felt that one!"

"Hoo boy!" Applejack's smile came a little later, and it was crooked. "If that's what bein' kicked feels like, I got a bunch a'tress to apologize to."

Flim put his hoof against her belly, but he didn't say anything.

"Hey." She kissed his forehead. "Listen."

"What?"

"You. Um. You didn't..." Her leg pressed against his member. "You didn't get to finish."

"Neither did you."

"You wanna... go again?"

He moved his hoof from her belly to her shoulder, and gently pushed her onto her back. "Can I be on top this time?"

She spread her legs around him as he moved into position. "Heh! Sure."

"Hm." He leaned back a little and kissed her belly. "You get any bigger and it's going to be hard to fuck you missionary-style."

"Flim?"

"Yes?"

"Um..." Applejack turned away, but he pressed his snout against her cheek and nuzzled her until she looked him in the eye again. "I don't want you t'fuck me. Can... uh... can we make love instead?"

Author's Notes:

No prize if you can guess which friend tried to make AJ swing the other way, because it's just too obvious. :P

This was really hard to write. I'm not bisexual, but I did come out as such briefly in high school, and I got so much crap about it. It still amazes me to this day how few people understand it. I'd like to think AJ can be cool with gay people, but she wouldn't quite understand being bi---let alone coming from a guy. Speaking of which, if any of you were curious, one of the reasons I interpreted him that way is because someone once said to me "Male bisexuals are unicorns. They don't exist."

Idiot!

Poker Face

"Aw, man!" Soarin' pouted as he watched yet another stack of chips being swept away from him. "I don't believe it! That's the fifth time in a row!"

"Yeah, you must be having a bad day or something," Misty Fly said, ducking her grin behind her not-insignificant pyramid of chips. There was an unspoken rule amongst the Wonderbolts to avoid inviting Soarin' to any card games; his poker face was so terrible even Echo could see through it. It didn't help that every time he got dealt a face card his wings would pop open---and they'd flutter if he got an ace. Their rule didn't hold, however, if he asked to play, and so a group of them were raking in his take-home pay in a dark corner of the hotel bar.

"Yeah," Soarin' said with a groan as Spitfire flicked out the next round. "A really bad day. A day from Tartarus. A---"

Blaze gestured towards the bar with a nod of his head. "Heh. Not as bad at that guy's, I bet."

They all put a protective hoof over their face-down cards and turned to look. The only patron sitting at the bar proper was a gangly stallion who was pounding back a long line of shots.

"Eighteen... nineteen... twenty? He's doing twenty shots in a row?" Misty frowned. "That can't be healthy."

"Oh, it's him?"

She looked back in surprise. "You know him?"

Spitfire nodded. "He's the one we went to speak to earlier. His brother went missing..."

"That's odd. If a family member's missing, don't you think he'd rather be out there looking for him instead of getting liver cirrhosis?"

Nopony at the table noticed Soarin' slowly sliding down in his seat.

"Odd is exactly the word I'd use," Spitfire went on. "He was a real character, that one. Acted completely dodgy when I offered help. In fact, you know what?" Out of the corner of her eye, she clocked Blaze moving to switch a card, and kicked him under the table. "As soon as I mentioned the Royal Guards, he looked like he was about to panic."

"Trouble with the law, huh?" Blaze said, rubbing his leg against the chair. "Should we keep an eye on him?"

Spitfire tapped her hooftip against the table and slid her cards towards her chest. "Hm... he hasn't technically done anything wrong. Yet. Strikes me as just a small-time hood. We don't really need to waste our time---"

The stallion's ear twitched, and he turned around to face their table; even though he quickly snapped his attention back to his shots, Spitfire noticed a flicker of recognition between him and her captain, who---

"FUCK!" Soarin' shouted as he jumped from his seat. "I just remembered somethingIgottagobye!"

They all watched as he slammed through the crowd and disappeared into the stallions' room.

"Jeez, what was that about?" Blaze said.

Misty shook her head with a tut-tut. "I told him not to eat all those burritos."

He turned Soarin's cards over and let out a low whistle. "Damn! Not a moment too soon. He had a Royal Flush!"

"Misty, shuffle the cards and deal out the next round. Keep an eye on that one," she said, "And on Blaze, too. I saw him trying to switch a card out."

"I was not!"

"Hey!" she called after her boss. "Where are you going?"

"To get to the bottom of this."

Applejack smiled sleepily as the sound of the rooster's crow came through the open window. She stretched her legs and hugged herself a little under the comforter; it had been so long since she'd woken up warm and sore from a long night of lovemaking. She'd almost forgotten how nice it was to fall asleep in another pony's embrace...

"Ugh. It's too early to be conscious." Flim rolled over and put a foreleg around her. "I suppose that bird doesn't have a snooze alarm."

Her eyes shot open. That had ripped her out of her early morning reverie like a bucket of cold water. "Aah! Yer still here?!"

"Hm?"

She sat bolt upright and shoved him. "Get out!!" she said. "Y'said you'd leave after I fell asleep!"

"Oh, shit!" He started scrambling off the bed. "I just closed my eyes for a second---"

"Move, move!"

They both froze when the doorknob started to turn.

"Please tell me you locked it," Flim whispered.

"Applejack!" Big MacIntosh began pounding. "Applejack, you open this door RIGHT NOW!"

They looked at each other in horror, and then Applejack began her first ever game of charades, frantically gesturing under the bed.

"I'm gonna count to ten, and then I'm gonna kick it open!"

"Hold on, I'm just wakin' up!" she called to the door as she shoved her hooves against Flim's rump; his back legs were skittering, and he seemed to be stuck halfway under the bed.

"One, two, three..."

"Hurry up!" she hissed, ducking her head under the bed. "What's takin' so long?"

"Four, five, six..."

"My horn's stuck on a spring!"

"Seven, eight, nine..."

With a mighty shove---and a sproinging sound---she got him unstuck, and his back legs and tail disappeared just as her brother shouted "TEN!"

Applejack gasped and jumped back on the bed as Big MacIntosh delivered on his threat, sending the door flying into the room. She quickly pulled the covers up to hide the evidence of their activities the previous night.

"What'd you do that for?!" she shouted. "Y'broke my door right off its hinges!"

He stomped into the room, nostrils flaring. "Where is he?!"

"Uh... he ain't in his room?" Technically, not a lie.

"A'course he ain't! Now. Where. Is. He?!"

"Maybe he had to get up and pee." Still not a lie.

"Tell me where he is," he snarled pushing his face right up against hers.

"Why?"

"So I can KILL him!"

"Mac," she said as carefully as she could, "Jes' because he ain't in his room don't mean nothin'. Maybe he decided to be nice fer once in his life and go make some coffee."

They stared each other down. Applejack never had a good poker face, but she managed to meet her brother's glare without blinking.

"WACHOO!"

"Son of a bitch," she said, closing her eyes.

"Well it's not my fault you don't vacuum properly!" Flim snapped as he crawled out, smoothing the dustbunnies out of his mane.

"You're DEAD!!!"

"No! Mac, don't!" she cried out as she jumped between them. "Please don't!"

"You call yerself a stallion? Huh? You proud of yerself?!" he screamed over her shoulder as he tried to get around her, "Cowering behind a mare like that?"

She made sure to keep a jump ahead of him; while she didn't like being a living shield, she liked the idea of disposing of a corpse even less. "Mac, easy!"

"And YOU!" He rounded on her, making her flinch back against Flim. "How could you? How could you do that with HIM in THIS HOUSE?"

"I... I don't know!" she said helplessly. "He jes' came into my room an' we started talkin' and one thing led to another---"

There were veins popping out on his neck. "Applejack, I could kill you right now!!"

"Stop it!"

"Y'think Ma would be proud a'you, huh?!"

"STOP IT!" she shouted, tears prickling under her eyelids.

"Look, MacIntosh... you're angry," Flim said slowly, "But you're not going to do anything stupid."

"TRY ME!"

Applejack squeezed her eyes tight and felt a hot streak down her face. "Flim, fer fuck's sake, jes' shut up!"

"Just listen, both of you. You're pregnant, and I'm a bleeder. He's got more honour than to hit either one of us."

Applejack swallowed heavily, but she did notice that his words had an effect---her brother had backed off, just slightly.

Edging out from behind her, Flim said "Now, I'll admit this wasn't the smartest thing we could have done, but it's not a crime. What is a crime, however, is murder, and getting thrown in jail wouldn't be good for the family or the farm. He's not an idiot; he knows that."

Big MacIntosh huffed, but he didn't move.

"Besides," he finally said with a little smile, "If I'm dead, you can't make me marry her, now, can you?"

The silence that followed stretched on.

"You do still want us to get married, right?" Flim's smile had turned to a cocky grin. "Well, think it through; what do you suppose is going to happen---and quite regularly, I hope---once we're hitched? We're not going to sleep in separate beds, I can assure you of that... even if she does snore."

Big MacIntoshed turned, bent over, and started rooting around under the bed.

"Uh, Mac?" Applejack pressed her lips together. "He ain't under there anymore. What're y---"

When he saw what Mac had retrieved, Flim's eyes flew open. "No! No, don't!! Anything but---"

Without further ado, Big MacIntosh emptied the chamber pot over both of them, dropped it to the floor, and stomped off.

"YOU DID NOT JES' DO THAT!" she screamed at him.

Flim looked like he was going to faint. "I... had...my...mouth...open," he whimpered.

Soarin' was pacing around in a little circle, but when he saw her walk in he yelped and took to his wings.

"Spitfire!" he hissed. "This is the stallions' room!"

"I took the 'out of order' sign off the drinking fountain and put it out front," she said as she moved in on him.

"What if somepony tries to use the drinking foun---"

She didn't let him finish. "You know something that you're not telling me, Soarin'. You know I hate that."

"I... I know a lot of things you don't know," he started.

"That stallion at the bar. What about him?"

"Uh, his brother went missing and we went in to---"

"Cut the bullshit!" she shouted, pinning his shoulders to the wall. "The second you made eye contact, you took off like you'd seen a ghost. What is it about him that made you go all squirrelly?"

To her credit, she pulled back a little when she saw his ears and eyelids droop. "Oh. That bad, huh?"

He bit his lip and nodded.

"How bad are we talking?"

"Really bad."

"Specifics, Soarin'."

He drew in a breath, and after holding it for a second, he blurted "Okay I was the one his brother was with last night and I know who took him and we made a deal but if his brother gets hurt he wants me to pay up and I don't know what to dooo!"

"...Wait," Spitfire said as she watched him panting. "You were the one with him?"

"Y-yeah."

A very strange expression was creeping across her face. "And I suppose you two weren't just having a tea party in there."

"No," he said, blushing.

"For the love of Celestia, Soarin'," she said, the bewilderment apparent in her voice, "Since when are you a coltcuddler?"

"Uh... birth?"

His ears perked back up when she started to laugh.

"So, you're not mad at me?"

"Oh, I'm furious," she said with a smile. "But you just made me a thousand bits richer."

"What...?"

"We all had a bet going."

She turned her back on his frown and landed by the sink; after staring at them both in the mirror, she turned the tap on and ducked her head down for a drink.

"Okay, okay. Fine. We've dealt with slander before." She sat down and pressed a hoof to her face. "Nopony's going to take the word of some scumbag over a Wonderbolt's. We'll take it to court if we have to."

"We, uh, probably shouldn't do that."

"Why not?"

"There might be, uh..." He swallowed and looked away. "Evidence."

She raised an eyebrow. "Evidence?"

With a nervous step backward, Soarin' mumbled "He... um... had a camera?"

For a second his boss didn't respond, and then---well, he sure was glad he'd made some distance between them when she turned around and punched the mirror, sending shards skittering down on the sink.

"Hey! That's seven years' bad luck!"

"A camera?!" she screamed. "A CAMERA? How could you be so STUPID?!"

"H-he said he'd keep them for himself---"

"And you believed him?"

"Well, he seemed really nice!" he whimpered. "At first."

"So now somepony out there has a camera full of---I don't even know what, and I don't think I want to---and you were just planning on letting me find out the hard way?!"

"No!" he said, holding both front hooves up in front of him. "I told you, we made a deal! He seemed to know who the coltnapper was when I told him, and... and he said he was gonna go get his brother and then return the photos!"

"And you think you can believe him, too?"

"Well, no," he admitted. "But I don't have much choice."

Spitfire shot him a nasty look. "Not much choice? Soarin', when was the last time you saw the guy you made a deal with?"

"Five minutes ag...OH!"

They both slammed the door open at once, and Soarin' flew above the heads of the bustling bar patrons; he quickly scanned the room for horns, but the only one he was hoping to see was...

"He's gone," he said hopelessly.

Dirty Rotten Scoundrel

"GRA-A-A-ANNY!" Applejack screamed. "BIG MACINTOSH DUMPED MY CHAMBER POT ALL OVER ME AN' FLIM!"

"Did he now?" the old dam said from her rocking chair.

"Yeah! An' he got it all over my bed an' my rug an'..."

Granny turned her head a little, and they both saw her smirk. "So, Applejack, the two a'yes were in yer bedroom this mornin'? Eh? Issat what yer tellin' me?"

"Um...." She was glad her wet bangs were hanging over her face, hiding most of her blush. As soon as she heard the snicker from beside her, Applejack held up a dripping hoof and snapped "Not a word outta you!"

"Well. Serves ya' right." Granny turned around and went back to pushing the chair back and forth, squeaking both the floorboard and her rusty joints. "Don't think I don't know 'bout the colt y'snuck into yer bedroom when you were sixteen, young'un. At least he had the smarts t'climb out the window."

Ignoring Flim's laughter, Applejack just hung her head and mumbled "But he was a pegasus..."

"Now the both a'yes go an' get washed up! Yer drippin' all over the floor!" When she heard Applejack turn for the stairs, Granny added "Ah-ah! Nope! Y'ain't messin' up my nice clean bathroom with that muck! Out to the river! Git!"

With a sigh, Applejack nodded to Flim and headed for the mudroom. Out of the corner of her eye she saw him grab a bar of soap from the kitchen sink.

"She seems to be taking it well," he remarked as the screen door slammed behind them.

"Better'n Big MacIntosh..."

"Any reaction would be better than his."

They trotted along in silence over the crest of a hill and onto the muddy riverbank. Applejack shuffled her way into the water first. "C'mon in. It ain't as cold as it looks."

"If you say so," he said as he gingerly inched his way in. "I apologize in advance if I start speaking in soprano."

Applejack lowered herself from a standing position to sitting; when her belly submerged in the icy water she felt a sharp jump inside her, and couldn't help but smile a little. She tucked her legs protectively around her midsection, easing down into the sticky riverbed.

She opened her mouth to speak, but it turned into a gasp when she felt hooves on her back. They moved from her shoulder blades to scoop up her ponytail, and then with a surprising gentleness, Flim began tug the band loose.

"What're ya doin'?"

"I'm going to wash your mane."

"Uh... " She hadn't let anypony do that since she was a filly. "O-okay."

He spat the band out onto a rock, and rubbed the thick blonde hair between his hooves. He used his magic to scrub the bar of soap up and down her mane until he'd worked up enough of a lather. The acrid stink of stale urine slowly changed to the fruity smell of soap, and he smirked when he heard a quiet nicker from below him.

Applejack ducked her head under the water and tossed her mane back and forth, shaking the froth loose. When she resurfaced she turned to return the favour, but he was already soaping himself up.

"How long do you think the Warden's going to stay mad?" he asked casually.

"He was mad enough when I got knocked up," Applejack sighed. "Now he's furious."

"Mm-hm. He'll get over it."

"You don't know him like I do! He gets real pig-headed sometimes..."

"What? A stubborn Apple? Really?"

He managed to dodge the spray of water she shot at him.

"Applejack, listen to me," he said, placing a hoof on her shoulder. "He'll forgive you. Me? Probably not. But you have nothing to worry about."

"How can y'be so sure?"

The despondent look on her face tugged at something inside him, and Flim pulled her into a quick hug. "Remember last night when I said I ruined Flam's wedding?"

That had piqued her curiosity. "Uh huh."

"Well, it wasn't my fault. Er..." He bit his lip. "Okay, it was my fault. A bit. But it was the bride's sister who let the cat out of the bag."

"What?"

"During the rehearsal dinner, she got roaring drunk and started making a speech. She started going on about how nice and forgiving Flam was, to the point where everypony was starting to look confused. And, er..."

Applejack raised an eyebrow as she noticed his blush darken. "Then that stupid bitch said 'He's so kind to let his brother be his best man, even after he slept with his fiancee!'"

Her jaw just went slack. "Oh... sweet... Celestia."

He at least had the decency to look shame-faced. "Yes, it... didn't end well."

"What did he do?" she whispered.

Flim chuckled under his breath. "What do you think? He jumped across the table and beat the shit out of me." He'd finished washing the lather out of his coat, and climbed out of the river. After shaking most of the water out of his mane, he went on: "If it weren't for the groomsmen pulling him off of me, I probably would have died. As it was, I was in the hospital for two months. Seven transfusions."

Applejack was still sitting in the river, barely even aware of the water rushing around her. She was flat-out stunned.

"He came to visit me once," he added. "Just long enough to tell me the wedding had been called off and that he never wanted to see me again."

She joined him on the riverbank, but her eyes didn't meet his; they were a little higher. "Does that horn a'yers have much blood in it?"

"Uh...no. Why?"

"Good. Then I won't feel bad about doin' this." And she whacked it as hard as she could.

"OW! Jeez!"

"How couldja do that to yer own brother?!" she hollered as he groaned in pain. "Y'ain't nothin' but a dirty rotten scoundrel!"

"Weren't you listening?" Flim said sharply. "He put me in the hospital! Don't you think I've already paid for what I did?"

"I don't care! There ain't no good reason to do somethin' like that!"

"You're right. There isn't." Still rubbing his horn, he sighed and looked away. "What can I say? I was nineteen. I was young and stupid."

"Yer still stupid."

Ignoring that one, he said "Well, getting to the point of the whole story.... I really believed him. We split ways, and I didn't see him for four years."

"But...?"

"But, well, as Fate would have it, we ran into each other." He folded his legs and laid down on the grass. "We have the same magic, so sometimes when he's using his I can feel it. But only if we're close enough, about a hundred yards. I was in a saloon, and I'd already had a premonition when I saw the bouncer do a double-take when he looked at me. I found him on the dance floor, and before I could think of what it would look like, I ran up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder---"

She frowned, lying down next to him. "'What it would look like'?"

He shook his head, smiling, and put a foreleg around her shoulders. "You really don't dance much, do you? When you tap a dancer on the shoulder, it means you're cutting in. You want to take their partner."

"Oh!" She put a hoof over her mouth. "I guess that would be bad, considerin' you...?"

"You think? I dodged the punch," he said. Applejack noticed he hadn't removed his leg, so after a moment's hesitation, she leaned against him.

"The bouncer had his eye on me---I don't blame him, really---and threw us out before it could get any worse. I managed to talk Flam down---"

"Wait," she said. "He was ready to try an' knock yer lights out again, when he didn't hesitate before, and you jes'... talked him down?"

He waved his free hoof dismissively. "Please. I can talk myself out of any bad situation."

"Any bad situation? Like a bunch'a angry ponies who don't wanna pay fer cider with rocks in it?"

She laughed at his expression. "Or when a big angry stallion with a gun comes knockin'? You talk yerself outta that one, huh?"

"Okay," he said, his ears flattening.

"What about when y'go from a 'full salute' to half-mast---"

"OKAY!"

"I don't think y'talked him down," she went on, turning her smile away. "I think you ran away."

"Of course I did!" he snapped.

"And I think you screamed like a little filly the whole time!"

"Argh!"

This was way too much fun. "So when he was chasin' you all over town, did all the neighbours open their windows and point and laugh?"

"We got thrown in the drunk tank!" he said in exasperation. "Separate cells, thank Celestia. And I did talk him down. By morning."

After a silence, Applejack leaned over and nuzzled him gently. "Glad he could see it in his heart to forgive you."

"Well, it was hard. We still went our separate ways for awhile, but this time we kept in touch." Flim took his foreleg off her back, crossed his ankles, and then rested his chin on them. "It wasn't until our sister had a pretty bad health scare that we saw each other face-to-face again."

"She doin' okay now?"

"As 'okay' as she'll ever get," he said, rolling his eyes. Before Applejack could ask what that meant, he went on: "After that, I guess it just really hit us how important family was, seeing how little of it we actually have. We stuck together from then on, and well, the rest is history."

"I 'spose."

"Besides, look at this." Flim's tail swished against her flank, and she looked back down at his. "What do you suppose our cutie marks mean?"

"That ya work with apples?"

"Besides that. Mine is an apple slice; his is an apple with a slice cut out of it. Think it through, my dear."

"Well, let's see." She tapped her hoof against her chin, pretending to be deep in thought. "Heh! That's kinda kinky, actually! Yer 'little piece' is jes' the right size to slide into his---"

She finally let her laugh loose when she heard him groan. "I walked right into that one, didn't I?"

"I'm jes' givin' ya a hard time," Applejack said, and was relieved to see him smile back. "It means the two a' you are... what, parts 'a the same whole?"

"Yes. Or that we're... I don't know. We need each other to be whole." When he saw the look on her face, he added "Oh for Luna's sake, I didn't mean it that way. You're not a twin; you wouldn't understand."

"I wouldn't?" Applejack rubbed her flank up against his. "Y'know how I got my cutie mark? I was guided back home after tryin' to leave who I was behind."

"So?"

"So I feel empty without my family," she said softly. "....Jes' like you."

Again she rested her head against his shoulder, and they sat together in silence, watching as the last curve of the sun pulled off the horizon.

"It must be nice to have a place to call home," Flim said under his breath.

"Huh?"

"This isn't going to work, is it?" he went on, as if she wasn't there. "You're not going to leave your home or your family, and I can't just abandon Flam..."

She brushed her lips against his cheek. "Is he still sore 'bout his ex-fiancee?"

One ear twitched a little. "Yes. Of course he is. But we agreed to let bygones be bygones. He admits she'd have been terrible for him, anyway."

Applejack chuckled. "Oh, so you were doin' him a favour?"

"The marriage was doomed from the beginning. This mare, I... I just don't know what he saw in her."

She nudged his ribs. "Probably the same thing you saw."

Her smiled faded a little when she saw his jaw clench. "She was... look, there are no words to describe her. She was the most aggravating pony I've ever met," he said with a tight smile, "And I've met you."

"So why'd you sleep with her, huh?"

He laughed. "Trust me, Applejack, if you ever met her, you'd want to stuff something in that annoying maw, too. It's the only way to get her to shut up."

"Hey." Applejack's frown dissolved his smile. "I asked ya a question, an' that ain't a real answer."

"...Look," he said finally. "It was a long time ago. Before Flam grew that stupid moustache. It was late at night, after a party, and I was trying to sleep on the couch. She started cuddling up to me... it was dark..."

"She thought you were him?"

"I suppose so, at first."

Applejack narrowed her eyes. "But you knew better."

He held a hoof up as if she'd pointed a gun at him. "Hey, I didn't know it was her!"

"What, she had a twin, too?"

"No!" he said, pressing his lips together. "I told you, it was dark. I felt a mare rubbing up against me, and..."

"And you jes' decided t'have some fun even though y'had no idea who she was?"

"I was nineteen!" he said as he rose. "My hormones were going crazy---"

"That's no excuse!"

"You don't know what it's like being a teenaged colt."

"Oh yeah? Have you ever been in heat?"

She smiled when his face went red. "Well, no, but..."

"But nothin'." Applejack got to her hooves, too, and stretched her neck to the side until she heard a 'pop'. "As soon as y'found out it was her, y'shoulda stopped, hormones or no."

Flim scoffed. "Oh, right, go ahead and judge me, because you've never done something stupid while hormonal. On a completely unrelated note, how's the baby doing?"

The clang of a bell cut off her retort.

"Well," Applejack said acidly, "Breakfast's done. You ready t'face the music?"

"THERE HE IS!"

Spitfire tucked her wings against her sides and rolled out of her flying position, going in for a dive. An instant before colliding with a brick wall, her wings snapped open and caught the wind, propelling her to the side and down the alleyway she'd seen a flash of red-and-white tail disappear into.

"Do yourself a favour and stop running!" she shouted through the air whipping at her face. "I've got---"

Screeching to a halt on the dirty asphalt, Spitfire had to eat her own words---there was neither hide nor hair of him. "What?!"

Soarin' landed at her side a second later. "Well? Where is he?!"

"I..." She looked around her, her frown digging grooves into her face. There were four crooked, empty alleys and at least five doors hanging ajar; the mess of scuffled hoofprints on the ground were too entangled to discern. Groaning in irritation, she leaned against what looked like a long-abandoned caravan. "DAMMIT! I just had him! He was right there!"

"I know... I thought I saw him, too." Soarin' slumped to the ground. "Now what?"

"Looking for somepony, my good Wonderbolts?"

They both snapped their heads around, equally startled that somepony had been eavesdropping.

"Uh, yeah..." Soarin' said slowly, eyeing the odd-looking mare in front of him. "Did you happen to---"

"Would this pony be a rather dashing young stallion with a moustache and a striped vest?"

"Yes!" he said with a wide smile. He didn't notice Spitfire narrowing her eyes a little. "That's exactly who we're looking for! Did you see where he went?"

At that, the mare reared up on her hindlegs and tossed her mane over her shoulder. "Why, the Great and Powerful Trixie has the most exquisite of observational skills! She not only spotted said stallion while the two of you lost him, but she also had the keen presence of mind to notice where he was headed! The Gr---"

"Yes, you have eyes, and you used them," Spitfire said curtly. "We're very impressed. Now could you tell us where he went?"

Frowning, Trixie dropped back to all fours. "And if Trixie does divulge this information? What is in it for her?"

Soarin' bit the inside of his cheeks to keep from groaning. "You want money, too?"

"Trixie simply wishes you make it worth her while."

As soon as he noticed Spitfire's grin, Soarin' relaxed a little. He'd recognize her 'not gonna take shit' face anywhere. "Howsabout we don't ticket you for parking your caravan in a fire lane?"

The arrogant look on her face faltered. "Wh..."

"Or we could ignore the fact that you're trying to impede what's now a formal investigation. Sound good?"

The two mares glared at each other for a few seconds; then Trixie coughed, closed her eyes, and gestured to her left.

"He went down that alley," she said with a little ice in her voice. "When he came to the end of it, he looked both ways, and decided to take the right. If Trixie's memory serves, that route leads down to the docks."

Spitfire's smile returned. "See now? That wasn't so hard, was it?"

Before she could answer, Soarin' had grabbed one of her front hooves and begun shaking it enthusiastically. "Thank you! Thank you so much!"

"Trixie wishes you the best of luck on your search!" she called after them as they flew off. "You may need it."

Watching them leave, Trixie unconsciously fiddled with the clasp holding her robe together. After taking a few breaths, she poked her head into her caravan with a smile.

"They're go-o-one! You can come out now, pookie."

Author's Notes:

Confession time: part of me really wants to write a Flam/Trixie clop chapter, but I don't know if I can bring myself to do it. Literally every single one of my uncles has a moustache, which makes it a huge turn-off for me.... but STILL.