The moment he walked in the door, the burly griffon at the front desk cracked a smile, and Flam tried as hard as he could to steel himself. He'd known this wouldn't be pleasant, but that grin was starting to make him worry.

"Hey! Hey guys!" the griffon shouted to the back room. "It's that guy from the pictures!"

Well, shit. "Let's just get this over with. How much do I owe---"

A greasy-maned mule ducked his head out of the darkroom, took one look at Flam, and burst out laughing. "Hey, buddy, I don't blame you for wearing a fake moustache!"

"Yeah, I'd be pretty embarrassed, too!" came from a zitty pegasus who was flicking through the photos, chuckling.

"I'm not the one in those photos!" he said through a tightly-clenched jaw. "I have a twin!"

"Oh yeah, sure! We've heard THAT before!"

He grabbed both ends of his moustache and tugged. "This is real. See? If it was me in the pictures, how could I have grown this overnight?"

The griffon shrugged. "For all we know, you've had this camera awhile."

"Argh!" He still wasn't sure why he was arguing---he was never going to see these idiots again, and it wasn't like he had much honour to stand up for, either. Still, they'd spent most of their lives trying to differentiate themselves from one another, and the last time there'd been confusion over who was who had ended up... pretty badly. And he did not like stallions, dammit!

"Look, you all work with photos. None of you are blind," he said as he turned to the side. Gesturing toward his cutie mark, he added, "So look at this."

The mule winced. "We've seen enough of your ass, buddy."

"My cutie mark!" he snapped. "Look at my cutie mark! I'll make this as simple as I can."

Snatching up the photos with his magic, Flam pointed at his face, then back down at his flank. "This is me." Then he threw the first photo down on the counter. "And that's my broth---oh, SWEET CELESTIA!"

He really shouldn't have looked. He knew he shouldn't have looked. Why had he LOOKED?!

"You think that's bad?" The griffon slid another one over. "Check this one out."

This time Flam tried to look away, but it was the very definition of a trainwreck. His own brother doing...

"What... what in Equestria is he wearing?!" Well, no wonder they hadn't seen his cutie mark.

A thought occured to him---If he was wearing those, why didn't I find them in the room?

And the second thought slapped right up as sharp, unexpected, and painful as a rake in the face: They were probably edible.

"That does it," he muttered, throwing a bag of bits on the counter. "I'm going to get shitfaced."

Flim groaned and tried to roll over, but his leg jerked back.

"Wha...?"

"Oh good, y'woke up," came Applejack's voice from somewhere beside him.

"Huh?" Again, he tried to turn to the side, but his left leg was stuck. So was his right; he could feel knots by his fetlocks. The ropes were thick and rough enough that he knew he could get cut, but the bonds were a little loose, so he could wriggle around a few inches.

Wait, ropes? He opened his eyes fully and looked up and the bindings. Both of his front hooves were bound to opposite bedposts, and a few jerks of his hindlegs proved that they were in a similar situation. Interesting...

"You were only out fer half an hour...otherwise, I woulda dressed ya up a little, too." Applejack flopped down on top of him and smiled. "Comfy?"

"What part of 'I'm a unicorn' do you not understand?" he sneered and he turned to give the ropes a blast. And...

"Huh?" Flim shook his still-foggy head and tried again, but for a second time his magic fizzled out halfway up.

"That part," she answered smugly. "I never did get how horn rings work."

He craned his eyes up; his mane covered the base of his horn, but he could see a glint of metal sticking out. "Why do you have a horn ring?!" he hollered.

"I don't," she said with a light blush. "Um, it's Mac's."

Flim started to thrash. "Is EVERY member of this family kinky, or just you two? If I look in Granny's closet, am I gonna find some latex outf---oh, why did I just say that? Now I'm going to have to scrub my brain."

"Shh, shh," she whispered, tapping his muzzle. "Don't hurt yerself."

He paused, trying to catch his breath. She was right; he could get hurt. There was some give in the bindings, but the rough ropes could scratch, or he could bruise if he yanked too hard. One of his ankles was already throbbing from where he'd been kicked at dinner. The knots were too far away for him to bite, and even if he could get at them, he didn't have the skills of an Earth pony at manipulating fiddly things with his mouth. He really was stuck.

"Pity I can't paddle you," Applejack said idly as she watched a bead of sweat form on his forehead. "You could use a good spankin'."

He thought fast. "If I'm in this position too long, blood is going to pool in my joints, and I'll barely be able to walk." It wasn't exactly true, but he figured she didn't know too much about his particular biology.

"Guess I better be quick, then."

"With what?"

Applejack rolled off him and opened the drawer on her nightside table. "A lil' somethin' a friend gave me last Hearth's Warming."

"Uh..." Flim swallowed heavily as he eyed the unpleasantly-realistic dildo she was waving in his face. "Did this 'friend' give you a bottle of lube, too?"

"Don't get excited, now. This ain't fer you." She sighed as she slid it down her body. "I don't know where you've been, an' last time I had to clean this off, uh..."

"What?"

"Well, my brother lifted the lid off the pot of boilin' water expectin' some pierogies."

He snorted. "Are you serious?"

"He sure looked funny after bathin' in peroxide."

She ducked her head to try to hide her grin, but Flim was already laughing. "My brother's caught me doing worse."

"I bet he has. Mmm..." Slowly and gently, she teased the tip around her pussy and, with a little gasp, began sliding it in.

He was watching with interest. "You do know you have the real thing right here, right?"

"A'course I do." Applejack eased herself down fully, her wet sex and the flared base of the dildo pressing down on his belly just a few inches above his pride. "I'm gonna have some fun, an' yer gonna lie there an' watch."

"I don't mind the show, but I do prefer something with a little more... audience participation."

She smiled and began to rock back and forth on her toy. "Tough."

Flim met her smile, but his eyes were still on the action. "Prosthetics just don't compare, my dear."

"Really?" She cocked her head. "Last time I checked, this one stays hard."

The look of shocked indignation made her giggle. "HEY! You drugged me! Did you forget that part?!"

"You drugged my brother. You had it comin'."

"He had it coming!" he snapped back. "That asshole tracked me down, broke into my hotel room, shoved a loaded gun in my face---"

"Unloaded."

"Unloaded, fine. And he coltnapped me, forced me onto a train, got me all the way back to this podunk little tow---wait." Flim sat up as straight as he could. "What did you just say?"

"The gun was unloaded," Applejack repeated. "He left all the bullets here."

After a moment's pause, he started to speak. "Are you telling me," he said with a slow iciness, "that I was never at risk of being shot? That he was bluffing the whole time? That he tricked me??"

"And tricked you good," she said with a wide smile.

"Applejack, put a pillow over my mouth. Now."

She did, and before she could ask why he began screaming into it. She couldn't help but laugh as the little of his face that was still visible went from his usual cream colour to red and then to purple.

"You done?" she asked as she lifted the pillow. He'd left spittle and dental imprints on the pillowslip.

"THAT SON OF A B---"

She shoved it back into his open mouth. It took another two minutes of muffled shouting and hollering before she finally put the pillow back. Flim was still red-faced and panting.

"Aw, are you sore?" she said with a fake pout.

"Of course I am! I thought my life was in danger!"

Applejack planted a little peck on his nose. "Nah. I think yer just mad that he out-conned you."

Flim seemed to calm down as he considered this. "Hm," he muttered with a bit of a smile. "Got me there."

"Gotcha here, too," she said, licking the tip of his horn.

"Ggg---!"

Applejack sighed as she traced her tongue around the spiral. "That feel good?"

"With the horn ring on, I can hardly feel it," he gasped.

"Oh no, y'ain't gettin' me to take it off that easy," she mumbled. "I think you can feel this"---a quick suck---"jes' fine."

"No, I don't feel anything. You may as well be licking my hooves."

Applejack paused. She really did have no idea how the rings worked; maybe they numbed them. If she wanted to tease him, she was going to have to switch tactics.

"Really?" She rubbed her hoof up and down his horntip. "Tell me, this ain't feelin' good?"

"No."

His dick slapped up against her back leg, and after a second of awkward silence, they both laughed.

"Dammit, I have the worst timing."

"Mm, naughty boy, lyin' t'me like that," she said with a slow spreading smile. "Yer gonna regret it."

He smirked back up at her. "What, are you going to spank me?"

The look on his face when he saw her bring her tail up to his side was so delightful Applejack wished she'd had the foresight to bring a camera. "No! Applejack, I'll kill you!"

"What? I thought y'said y'ain't ticklish."

"Applejack, I swear to Celestia, if you tickle me I'm going to---"

"Do what," she said, pushing on his bound legs, "Exactly?"

"Tomorrow morning I'm going to go downstairs and kick your dog!" he shouted. "I'm going to go right down there and kick him so hard in the nuts his puppies will feel it!"

Even he couldn't believe he'd just blurted out something so awful, but she just laughed.

"What? Is he fixed?"

"She could take you on in a fight," Applejack just said easily, sliding up closer to his face. "And if you ever threaten to kick Winona again, yer gonna get somethin' worse than a dildo up yer butt."

"Oh for the love of---I wasn't really going to do it!" he said in exasperation. "I'm not going to kick a dog!"

"So... that was another lie?" she grinned as she started lashing her tail around his sides.

Flim's spine arched and he began cackling. "AAH! No no nononohahaha!"

"Aw, yer so cute when you giggle like a li'l school filly," she said, switching to his other side. The way he was squirming around under her was sending the dildo up inside her in little jolts, and Applejack began to gasp.

"No nonahahahaha!" Tears were already streaming down his face as he thrashed around. "Stop-pa-pa-hahaha! Stop it! Bahahaha I'm gonna ki-hi-hi-hill you!"

Applejack put her mouth down against the crook of his neck and began nibbling gently. He was howling with laughter now, and she ran the fluff at the tip of her tail between his legs, tickling just under his balls.

"Stop! Sta-ha-hahahap! I can't bre-he-he-heathe!"

"Beg me," she whispered in his ear.

"Wha-ha-ha-hat?"

"I said beg me."

"Ple-he-he-hease!" Flim screamed when she took his ear into her mouth, rolling it around against her tongue. His hips stuttered on the mattress when he felt her press back against his cock. "Please! Please! Ple-hee-hee-ple--App-pa-ha-ha-Applejack, please!"

"What was that?"

"Oh, please, for Celestia's sake, please!"

She grinned when she felt a dribble of precum ooze out of his slit. "Hm?"

"Please," he gasped.

"Please what?"

"Please stop," he whimpered. "Please, I'm going to lose it."

"Mm-hm."

She kissed the corner of his mouth and pulled her tail away. "That was pretty good beggin', but I think you could do better." When she saw the look of worry, she laughed and kissed him full on the lips. "I'm-a let you off the hook this time."

"Oh, I'm not done," he panted.

"Really?"

"Applejack," he said, looking into her eyes, "Please, get rid of the stupid dildo. I....uh...."

She leaned forward, smiling. "Yeah?"

He actually looked a little embarrassed, but said it anyway: "Listen, I've been thinking about you ever since I regained consciousness---"

The smile was gone in a flash. "What, five minutes ago?!"

"No no, on the train."

"Huh?" Her hooves flew to his head and she began ruffling through his mane. "Oh no, did Big MacIntosh knock you out? Did he pistol-whip ya? Are ya hurt??"

He tried to twist his head away, but she was still prying through his hair. "Ow! Quit it, you're tickling me again!"

"This ain't good!" she fretted. "That was hours ago! Y'could be bleedin' in yer brain by now---"

"My brain is fine," he deadpanned.

"What did he do to you?!"

"He didn't---OW!---have to do anything!" he said with a sigh. "And stop messing through my mane, I'm fine!"

"Then why were you unconscious?"

"I fainted, okay?"

That at least made her stop. "Huh?"

"He told me you were pregnant, and I fainted," Flim said, trying to keep the irritability out of his voice.

After pausing to let that sink in, Applejack smoothed his mane back down and began to chuckle.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up," he said, blushing.

"That's better'n how I reacted," she smiled. "I puked."

"You at least had an excuse."

She shifted around until she was more comfortable, and wrapped her tail around his cock; she grinned when she heard him gasp, but kept her grip loose enough to be teasing. "So, I think y'said y'weren't done beggin'...?"

"I...AH!" He jumped when he felt the soft tip of her tail flicker around his flare. "I..."

Applejack began placing light kisses down his jawline. "C'mon, Flim, lemme hear it! Y'don't wanna get tickled again, do ya?"

"I... I need to be inside you."

She pulled back after leaving a wet mark on his neck. "What?"

"Please," he whispered. "Take the dildo out. I n-need to feel you."

Applejack just stared at him, and at first he thought he'd have to keep begging, but then her surprised expression changed to a small, gentle smile. "Aw... that was kinda sweet."

"I know it was. You don't have to tell me."

Turning around and lifting her tail so he had a good view of his competition, Applejack kissed the inside of his thigh, grinning when she felt his legs twitch. "Tell ya what," she said as she lowered herself down on his face, "You git this toy outta me, an' I'm all yers."

"Yes! Anything! ANYTHING!"

"Use yer teeth!"

As obediantely as he could, Flim took the base of the dildo in his mouth and began tugging it out.

"Ahh...."

She sighed when it slid out of her pussy, but she didn't let that little distraction deter her. Spinning around, Applejack grabbed the fake cock with her hooves and yanked it back.

"Tell ya what, Flim," she said with a malicious smile. "Yer so good with yer tongue... I think I should put it to the test."

He tried to say something but spluttered as she shoved the dildo in his open mouth.

"Take it," she whispered.

She had expected some resistance, but was startled---and a little impressed---when he tilted his head back, letting her slickened toy slide down his throat.

"Mmm," she mumbled as she shoved it in and out. "That taste good?"

"Mmmph!"

"Bet y'didn't see that one comin', huh?"

"Mm Hpmh Mff!"

"Y'know, yer a lot easier t'deal with when y'got yer mouth full," she said as she pulled it back out.

Flim coughed loudly and gasped until his lungs were filled again. "Warn me before you do that next time! I barely had time to take a breath."

She raised her eyebrow. "'Next time'?"

He looked away. "Well, I..."

"You, uh..." Applejack cleared her throat as she wiped the dildo on the sheets. "You wanna do this again?"

"It's just that I have a feeling I'll be here for awhile, and---"

She silenced him with a kiss. "Wanna move onto the main course?"

"I thought you'd never ask," he answered. "I really didn't."

"Want me to untie ya?"

He looked up at his bindings, and then turned his knowing smile to back to her. "Not....just yet."

Author's Notes:

Granny Smith in a latex outfit. You're welcome for that mental image.

Next chapter has some clop, too! :D