It was a day like any other in Ponyville. Twilight Sparkle was in the library reading as heavily as she usually did, sitting on a beanbag cushion. Spike was reading too, except the book he appeared to be digesting was just a cover for a hidden naughty magazine inside. He wasn’t too fond of Play Stallion, but it would have to do.

Suddenly Spike felt pressure in his belly. He dropped the book and burped green flames, producing a scroll. Twilight abandoned her literature and went to investigate.

“A letter form Princess Celestia?” She asked Spike.

“Obviously.” He sputtered. “I wish the princess would use mail ponies for deliveries, less acid reflux.”

“Then what good would you be?” Twilight glared.

“Ouch!” Spike jumped. “Twilight burn!”

The baby dragon knelt over and picked up the scroll. He opened it and began to read aloud.

“Ahem! Dearest student Twilight Sparkle, there is a matter of disastrous consequences at hand. You and your friends’ appearances are requested immediately at the royal palace. More will be explained upon your arrival. Sincerely, Princess Celestia.”

“Oh no,” Twilight gasped. “a matter of disastrous consequences? We better go round up everypony else.”

“I’ll help.” Said Spike running for the door.

“No Spike, you stay here.” Commanded Twilight. “This could get dangerous. You stay here and hold down the fort.”

With that said, Twilight vanished in a zap of magical energy. Spike sighed. He felt left out and abandoned, but at least he had some pony porn to keep him company. He picked up the dirty magazine and smiled.

“Spankable flanks and tails that never fail.” He chuckled flipping the page.

Twilight went to each of her friend’s houses and explained to them about letter from the princess. Each of them seemed concerned and agreed to follow her to the royal palace to rise to the occasion. Except for Apple Jack, she was in the middle of a giant family reunion pajama party.

“No pony can ‘dump the truck’ like me.” The orange mare exclaimed. “Who’s gonna keep this party going if I leave.”

“This is a matter of dire consequences.” Twilight warned. “There might not be a party to come back to if you don’t answer the princesses call.”

Apple Jack reluctantly agreed. The Mane Six traveled to Canterlot in record time. They arrived at Celestia’s palace and were greeted by the Princess herself.

“Princess Celestia!” Twilight exclaimed. “We arrived as soon as we could.”

“Thank you Twilight Sparkle and friends.” The Princess said gratefully. “Please come with me quickly. We need a quick briefing before we can get down to business.”

The ponies followed their ruler to large room with a conference table in the middle and projector screen. Each of the ponies had a seat, the Princess stood at the front of the room and grabbed a remote.

“I have gathered all of you here today in response to a disaster only hours in the making.” The alicorn explained. “It seems that the Cutie Mark Crusaders have once again released Discord from his stony prison.”

Twilight face hoofed.

The princess cued the projector, which played surveillance video of the CMCs all licking and dry humping Discord’s statue in the royal garden.

“Sweetie Bell!” Shrieked Rarity in disgust. “What a junior slut!”

“That a girl.” Apple Jack smirked as she watched her younger sister grind on Discord’s face.

“So he’s been released from the spell we cast on him with the elements of harmony?” Twilight gathered.

Celestia nodded her head slowly.

“So it seems.” The princess responded. “We need to one up Discord in a big way. The element’s of harmony aren’t cutting it anymore.”

“So does this mean Discord is somewhere filling the skies with cotton candy clouds and chocolate milk rain?” Pinkie Pie asked excitedly.

“Probably.” Celestia sighed. “but that doesn’t matter. We can destroy him once and for all with the help of a certain deity. One that can only be summoned by the element’s of harmony.”

“What do we need to do?” Twilight said stepping up.

Celestia magicked a trunk to the table and produced the respective elements.

“Arm yourselves with the elements and follow me.” Celestia commanded.

The ponies complied, each placing the jewelry on their bodies. They all followed the Princess to a secluded part of the castle. It was a dead end hallway with a large wall closing it off. The wall was encrusted with jewels in the shape of the astrological symbol for male.

The seven just stared at it for a while.

“Is this a door of some kind?” Twilight asked.

“Yes,” Celestia answered. “and the only way it will open it is with the elements of harmony.”

“Okay!” Said Twilight. “Get ready girls.”

The ponies’ eyes began to glow as they levitated. They blasted their friendship beam at the wall. It lighting up the jewels until they shone like the sun.

Meanwhile, Discord had traveled to Ponyville and began inflicting a new type of evil: his libido hypnosis. Anypony that fell victim to it began to lick him incessantly.

“Yes!” He thundered, lightning cracking over head. “Now all off Ponyville will suck my big toe like it was the sustenance they crave.”

With that, he whacked the roof off the Ponyville elementary school and dipped his tail in. The students without hesitation began to suck any part of him they could latch onto.

Discord giggled with glee. He summoned a large canvas of sorbet clouds and rained delicious ice cream drippings all over Ponyville, causing each pony to become tasty and lickable. The whole town soon was overrun with desert carving ponies who just wanted a taste of each other.

“Now! This is what chaos is really about.” He laughed. “If only Twilight and friends were here to see this. They could truly appreciate what I have accomplished.”

Back at the castle, the wall the ponies had activated with their friendship powers had become a portal. It swirled like a whirl pool. Soon a figure stepped through it as the portal closed behind it. Princess Celestia looked overjoyed. She ran over to the figure and bowed.

Twilight had never seen the Princess bow to anyone before, so she bowed as well, scared that she might disrespect the deity that emerged. All the other ponies followed suit.

“Arise!” A wonderful and commanding voice said.

All the ponies and the Princess stood. They looked up to see a very sexy, very naked Chuck Norris.

Twilight bowed again, weeping.

“He’s so beautiful!” She cried.

“I’m unworthy! I’m unclean!” Apple Jack confessed, falling to her face.

Chuck Norris raised his hand, demanding silence. He walked over to Princess Celestia and motioned for her to stand up.

“You have summoned me?” He asked in a booming voice.

“Yes your amazingness.” Celestia answered. “We have summoned you with the elements of harmony to help defeat the evil which is Discord. We humbly ask for your assistance.”

Chuck Norris thought for a second, then began to pace down the hallway, scratching his beard. The ponies watched him anxiously, waiting for an answer.

“Fine.” Chuck answered.

All the ponies gasped in relief.

“Under one condition…” He continued.

All the ponies gasped again.

“I need a kissing contest first.” He demanded. “Whoever can make me the perkiest will motivate me to defeat this Discord.”

“You heard him girls.” Celestia reiterated. “Get to work making him perky.”

All the ponies gulped in anxiety.

Twilight stepped up.

“I accept the challenge.” She announced.

With that, Chuck picked her up off the ground and began to kiss her ferociously. They made out for a few seconds before Twilight screamed and jumped from his arms.

“What’s the matter?” Celestia asked.

“That beard!” Twilight exclaimed. “It was too much for this mare to handle!”

“Amateur.” Apple Jack scoffed. “Come here you big naked, sexy man.”

The orange earth pony and the super human swapped spit for a few minutes before she backed away in horror.

“I can’t do it!” She barked. “Not only is his beard too gruff, but his tongue punched the back of muh throat!”

Chuck Norris crossed his muscular arms and tapped his foot impatiently.

“Surely one of you ponies has what it takes to make me perky.” He bellowed.

“Oh! Me! Me!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed.

She locked muzzle to mouth with Chuck Norris and slurped sexily with him for a while. Soon Pinkie slumped to the floor exhausted.

“Help!” She cried. “He snuck into my tummy and stole all my food. Now I have no energy!”

Rarity stepped up to relieve Pinkie, with her dainty demeanor.

“Mr. Norris.” She addressed. “Let me show you how a true lady works.”

The two made out for what seemed like an eternity. Every pony was hopeful that Rarity was the ticket, but then she backed away quickly.

“I taste tobacco.” She winced. “I can’t stand tobacco!”

“I’m growing impatient!” Chuck roared. “Is somepony going to get me going or not?!”

Rainbow Dash rose from the floor and grabbed Chuck Norris’s face. She began to suck on his nose, then his lips, using every bit of her lesbian powers to turn him on. Chuck’s super muscular tongue began to be too much for her and she had to abandon the embrace shamefully.

The rainbow colored pony slowly flapped away, feeling the shame of defeat.

All attention was turned to Fluttershy. The shy pony shrieked when she realized it was her turn to get a reaction out of Chuck Norris.

“You can do it.” Twilight encouraged. “Just avoid his mustache as much as possible.”

Fluttershy gulped and proceeded over to the naked Texas ranger. She fluttered over to him and began to kiss his face. She eventually locked lips with him and gave the muscular super human a magnificent make out. She put everything she had into it. Explored every bit of his mouth, licked every inch of his lips and even swallowed some of his chewing tobacco. The ranger eventually pushed her away and looked at his own manhood. It was aroused. All the ponies cheered. Fluttershy beamed with pride.

“Well done Fluttershy.” Celestia cheered. “You did well.”

“Everypony.” Chuck Norris said licking his lips. “because you have been so sexy, I will eradicate the evil that you call Discord.”

All the ponies bowed.

“Oh, thank you oh mighty ranger of the round house kick.” The ponies said.

With that said, the Texas ranger flew like super man out of one of the stained glass windows of the palace.

“Now that’s some one who’s been using their bowflex.” Rainbow Dash laughed.

Chuck Norris, manhood erect, flew over Equestria, all the way to Ponyville. He saw ice cream clouds in the sky and decided that Discord was close by. He landed in Ponyville square and looked around for a while before seeing the twisted son of a gun draconequus. The evil faggot was sitting in the middle of the market getting his toes sucked on by mesmerized ponies.

“Oh!” Discord chuckled. “Chuck Norris I presume.”

Chuck said nothing, he only walked closer, fists clenched.

“What you going to do hoss?” The ancient being coaxed. “Way lay me into next Saturday? I can’t be defeated unless the element’s are involved.”

Chuck Norris just kept on coming.

Discord felt a drip of nervous sweat streak down his brow.

“Why are so worked up?” Discord asked, becoming more concerned. “I’ve never done anything to wad your panties.

Chuck Norris walked up to Discord and put him in a choke hold.

“I don’t wear panties you faggot tramp.” The mighty Chuck roared as he smothered the chaotic beast.

“Wait! Wait!” Discord wailed. “ There’s got to be a compromise we can reach.”

“Are you a good kisser?” Chuck asked harshly.

“I kiss well enough for my mother.” Discord admitted.

“That’s gay.” Chuck Norris snapped.

He then grappled Discord and shoved him into a ball, compressing him with his enormous Texas ranger strength until he was bite sized. The ranger then grabbed a wad of tobacco and shoved it in his mouth along with Discord. He chewed on it for a while before spitting red out his mouth.

All the ponies in Ponyville instantly were snapped out of their sex crazed daze. They saw the naked Chuck Norris and bowed out of respect.

“Oh naked ranger of the earth Texas, you are worthy of our praise.” The ponies all shouted.

“Whatever.” Chuck Norris said as he began to fly through the air, until he disappeared.

Soon, Ponyville returned to It’s faggoty self and all the ponies took turns licking lead pipes until they sustained brain damage.

The end.