Pinkie Pie had fallen asleep. She didn't know how or when. Perhaps it was to pass her emotions of her visit to Ponyville. But it didn't help. In fact, her visit played over in her dreams. Except in her dreams she looked like how she did when she was happy.

She was hyper sensitive. The sensation of being watched that she had felt, the same sense that made her feel uncomfortable and leave felt like a thousand red hot needles stabbing her all over. It made her feel just that little bit more upset than she already was.

All of a sudden she saw two ponies she was sure she knew walking around, but facing the opposite direction.

***

"you can open your eyes now" On Luna's command, Rainbow Dash opened her eyes. and there she was in Ponyville. She would have thought she had woken up if Luna wasn't still there

"Ponyville?"

"Yes. The same as it is, but in a dream. Pinkie's dream"

"So she's alive?"

"It gives us more hope, however, it may be that she is dead and her spirits roaming Ponyville. To know she is alive, we must find her physical form in her dream"

Despite the words Luna just spoke, Rainbow Dash was far from discouraged. "well should we go find her"

"may not be easy, but if it's worth trying for, yes"

"Of course it's worth trying for"

"Then I suggest we visit her former home first" they started there journey to Sugarcube Corner. Rainbow Dash was amazed. It felt as if she was actually awake, but with hope of finding Pinkie Pie. Her curiosity piqued. "If we were to go where I was sleeping, would we see me asleep?"

"No, you don't usually see yourself in a dream, you just see from your own perspective. This is a bit different, but apart from the Dreamscape and walking with me, the entire town will be deserted, the only ponies here will be us, and any pony in Pinkie's Dream, or if she has died, any pony she manifests too"

Rainbow Dash was loving this, there is no way Twilight knew any of this, and here Luna was teaching her all about it. But then again, she had to ask about it, after all, small talk makes any pony look like a silly filly, and around royalty, small talk wouldn't do in Rainbow Dash's opinion.

"what happens if Pinkie Pie wakes up Luna?"

"then we will be forced back to Dreamscape. The shock would most likely wake you up though"

With that, the two ponies entered Pinkie Pies former home, we'll, they arrived at the door, it was derelict and dilapidated, clearly no pony was home. They turned around and noticed they were being followed the whole time. Not by any old pony. But by....

"Pinkie Pie?"

The pursuer spoke. She didn't seem to happy "how did you get here Dashie"

This annoyed Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie disappears for three years, didn't even bother to write once, and now she seems unhappy to see somepony who was one of her best friends "Oh nothing much, just looking for a friend who decided to run away and not even keep in touch, and i can't believe I'm hearing you sound so disappointed to see one of us, are we not important to you anymore? I guess there's no point even trying to get you back then. Goodbye Pinkie"

Pinkie Pie looked upset. Luna spoke on noticing this drop of emotion "Rainbow Dash, causing her sudden emotion could wake her"

Rainbow Dash spoke with a lump in her throat, as if she was about to cry "What's the point, I know she's alive, and she don't want us here. I should leave"

Pinkie Pie spoke "I tried to come back, but it felt awful, and i do want to see you, I don't mind seeing anypony, I just didn't expect it. It's just I don't think I can face Applejack again, and when I tried to come back, I felt as if I was being watched, and I don't want anypony seeing me how I am"

"You look normal though"

"No I dont"

"Pinkie, you do"

"This is just a dream. People wouldn't even believe it's me when they saw me, I look like a completely new pony"

New pony. That struck some form of realization from Rainbow Dash. The almost lifeless looking form that Rainbow Dash encountered. Rainbow Dash felt her heart sink. Rainbow Dash was the reason she felt as if she was being watched, Rainbow Dash was the reason she went away again

"Pinkie, I saw you, at least I think I did. And if that was you, you need help"

"I know I do Dashie. Since the first day... I don't want to continue"

"I know Applejack lied to you, but what about the rest of the towns ponies, what about me? Twilight? Fluttershy? Rarity? The Cakes? The Pies? Hay even Spike is missing you. Applejack lied, she told me, but no pony else deserves this. Everypony else thinks your dead. Why, because one pony lied to you?" Rainbow Dash could no longer heed Luna's warning, she was furious "you're starving yourself, you've abandoned every pony, you look so short on the life that only I believed you had in the first place, for one pony"

Pinkie Pie began crying now "I'm sorry Dashie. I'll end it all"

***

Rainbow Dash awoke screaming, in cold sweat. She must have been forced out of Pinkie Pies dream. Luna had said Pinkie Pie waking up would force her back into Dreamscape, but the shock would most likely wake her up.

Now she was left pondering. I'm sorry Dashie, I'll end it all. What did that imply. Was she going to come back? Was she going to live better? Or....No, surely not, please don't say she was implying that. Rainbow Dash felt a sense of urgency. Pinkie Pie was alive, but for how much longer. She looked outside to notice it was still night. Still, not much more sleep would be gracing her worried frantic mind.

***

Pinkie Pie awoke in her ruined old bed. Did she really just see Rainbow Dash and Luna. She reasoned that it was just a dream, Rainbow Dash and Luna couldn't help being there, but it seemed so lifelike, and she hadn't seen anypony in a dream since the first year she was away. It did give her something to ponder on though. She couldn't go back to Ponyville, her previous experience would disallow her to, she couldn't keep living like this and everypony thought she was dead anyway. Maybe it be better for her if she was, everypony was already used to the idea. For some reason, she decided to take a nap first, then tomorrow, she would do it.

***

This dream felt much less oppressive that the last. She felt healthy, free to bounce around, and in a shimmering meadow, providing an absolute abundance of space. In this dream it was night time, however, moonlight lit the meadow perfectly, with a range of wildlife that made her feel completely serene. The glow of fireflies, the chirping of crickets, Luna's ethereal mane...wait Luna again.

"Young Pinkie Pie, please do not be alarmed" Luna spoke softly, a voice that was almost so alluring that Pinkie Pie felt her eardrums being massaged. She had never heard Luna speak in such a way. The best way to describe the voice was her older sisters voice with a hint of Fluttershy's voice. She just sat waiting for more words from the pony princess "I apologize on behalf of Rainbow Dash, she did enter your dream, I brought her, so I apologize for the intrusion"

Pinkie Pie found it hard to argue with this voice, it was so relaxing "She hates me now. one chance I had at turning things around with at least one of my friends, and I let off that I was disappointed to see her"

"She does not hate you Pinkie Pie, she's just worried about you. She's the only pony who believed you are alive"

"and i treat her like that. I'm an awful pony. I don't deserve any of them any more, and I don't deserve you coming to comfort me. I deserve to be left alone, as I am. I don't deserve any pony. Some filly is probably having nightmares right now, and I'm not deserving of a dream visit. Please Luna, go watch over those who deserve it"

"If you wish me out of a dream, I must comply, but I fear what may befall you if you continue in isolation, would you like to be left alone"

"It's what I deserve Princess Luna, go and watch over some pony who deserves it"

"very well, be safe Pinkie pie". With that, Luna disappeared and Pinkie Pie was left alone in the meadow. It was a beautiful place. She felt calm, the place was calm. However, when her thoughts in her dream changed, so did the landscape

She began thinking angry thoughts, the sky changed to a deep red, a stream of blood appeared right next to her. She was angry, angry at herself. If she wasn't such a stupid fillyfooler with stupid emotions in the first place, none of this would have happened. Her anger pushed her into a sprint in her dream. Anger towards self increased as she thought about how she treated Rainbow Dash and Luna she ran faster, bones began to appear out of the ground. More anger, faster running, blood began raining from the lacerations that had formed in the red sky, she could even taste it. The dream felt so lifelike. More anger compiled, a dense black forrest appeared, angry black trees. Thorns like razors. She ran through it all, before a final extreme burst of self hatred caused her to scream at herself. She opened her eyes. It was black, all black. There was nothing. Well almost nothing. Just off her sight she saw a sight that got her attention, it was a tree. No, Fluttershy didn't turn into a tree, it was the fact that off a branch hung a rope, and the rope had a noose tied. Dangling limply from the noose was a rag doll that was once Pinkie Pie

***

Pinkie Pie woke up. This dream of would have shook the very world of any pony else, yet it didn't even bother her. In her dream it did, but in reality, it just made her feel weird. She had to do it, she had to end her suffering, everypony already thinks she's dead, so it wouldn't bring about any fresh pain. She had to kill herself

But how and where would she do it so that her body would never be found. She found a discarded length of rope, and tied it into a slip knot. After a large amount of rummaging, she found the pair of saddlebags she had left with. They were practically empty, apart from a few balloons that would have been put there when she was happy. She tossed them to the ground and put the loose slip knot in one of the rope. She decided to take her memories with her. She wanted to take them with her till death, she had always vowed she would, and now her death was coming, she could fulfill that vow. She packed them into the other saddlebag.

She decided the place no pony would ever dare venture too far into, the everfree forest.

***

After about an hour of walking. Pinkie Pie had reached a spot so far in the everfree that she was sure no pony would ever look. There were a vast covering of thick branches, several low enough to suit her need. There were brambles with razor sharp thorns, almost similar to how she dreamed, but without the gore. And there were the most beautiful flowers ever. They appeared to be some mythological plant, they had a yellow center, like a daisy or dandelion, but the petals were almost frosted glass like. Sort of a translucent white, kind of like an opal. However there was little time to survey the area. Pinkie Pie felt it was long overdue. She picked a lowish branch that looked pretty strong. It looked suited to her needs. Low enough to climb, high enough to hang and strong enough to support. She tied the none noose end to the branch before climbing back down. She piled a few rocks underneath, one was quite large in size, but was easily maneuverable. She stood atop the rock tower. She had a last glance at the sky. Not much light entered the Everfree Forest, but she estimated it would be day by now. She put her neck in the noose, before kicking the rock support away. She gasped her last breaths before the world went black around her.

Author's Notes:

I first want to apologize that this chapter contains graphics scenes that may upset some people quite deeply. I apologize for any feels brought up there. Now I know I said that this wasn't going to be uploaded till tomorrow, but I'm going to town to finish Christmas shopping, and then the new episode airs at half 3 (UK time) So I decided I'd upload a day early, and make my next upload on Sunday. Also if I'm honest, it's also because Call of Duty has annoyed me somewhat and i have little else to do. Anyhow. Enjoy