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Unprofessionalism at Its Finest

by RainbowBob

Chapter 3: Chapter 3: Trot Around Town

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Chapter 3: Trot Around Town

The trio stared up at a sign. One with curiosity, one with disgust, and another with a familiar smile. The light from the neon lettering on the sign bathed the area in a pink luminescence, with sounds of much merriment and joy being heard from within the building’s walls.

Finally, it was Barley who broke the silence by asking, “What do y’all think this place is?”

“A disgusting hole for pigs,” Shriek immediately answered.

“A fun time,” Blue said just at the same time as her.

“See what I mean?” Shriek said, glaring at Blue with revulsion.

“Yeah. You just don’t know how to have fun is all,” Blue laughed, turning away from the building and continuing down the street.

“I don’t even like mares!” Shriek called out, quickly returning to Blue’s side to not break their formation. “What is it with you perverted stallions and lesbians anyways? Is the thought of mares bedding with others mares that appealing to you?”

“Why don’t you ask yourself that question, then tell me.” Looking over his shoulder, Blue whistled to Barley and yelled, “Yo, Barley, we can head in there after hours! Alright mate? We gotta get this job done with so the Cap doesn’t chew our heads!”

Barley slowly backed away from the stunning sign, having been captivated by its bright lettering. “What’s even in a ‘Gentlecolt’s Club’ anyways?”

“Heaven,” Blue replied, breaking out in laughter when Shriek glared at him again.

“Stallions,” Shriek said with a roll of her eyes and pursing of her lips. “I expected a bit more maturity out of you guys.”

“Hey, lighten up, tight ass,” Blue snickered. “Or don’t, since I’m enjoyin’ the view either way.”

Shriek stopped in her tracks and covered her flank with her tail. Turning around and moving close to Blue with her face noticeably red under her black coat, Shriek said, “Now listen here, Blue. I don’t say this often, but I’ll say it right now. If you crack one more joke about anything related to my posterior, I will kick your ass. Got it?”

“... I am now sorely tempted to use ‘crack’ and ‘posterior’ in a joke now,” Blue said, still beaming a wide smile at her.

Groaning, Shriek walked around Blue to the left side while Barley took point on the right, their usual triangle formation. “I’m never going to walk in front of you ever again.”

“Fine by me. I can still give you a looksy from the side. And speaking of sides...” Blue said, winking at her. His wink quickly ended by a hard smack on the face from Shriek’s hoof. “What the—”

Shriek rolled her eyes and facehoofed. “You really are a pig,” she said, kicking at Blue’s back leg for him to keep walking.

Grumbling, Blue trotted forward and the trio soon made their way into the city. Canterlot buzzed visibly around them with its night time antics. Ponies on their nightshift job bustled to and fro on the streets, comforted by the light of illuminating streets lamps that bathed the roads in a warm glow, along with the presence of the trio of cadets themselves. Though totally unready and unqualified for the job of patrolling the Canterlot streets at night, none of the citizens would know that just by looking at them.

“Wow… I was expecting more of a challenge,” Shriek commented, eyes scanning her surroundings, prepared to pick up any signs of danger. “I mean, Canterlot is Equestria’s capital and oldest city. I thought there’d be more hubbub on the streets than this.”

“What do you expect from the most protected city in Equestria?” Blue muttered to her side. “Ever since the changeling invasion, not so much as a peep has gone off in Canterlot without the guard force all over it like pretentiousness on a noble. Heck, a proper crime hasn’t been committed in Canterlot in months.”

“Does that mean we ain’t gonna see no action tonight?” Barley asked dejectedly.

“Nah. Cap sent us out on an even more useless assignment than patrolling the castle halls.” Blue shrugged, shifting the spear strapped to his back in between his wings to a more comfortable position. “Way I see it, Cap’s got us out here so we don’t screw things up when the inspectors arrive back at the academy. So basically a wild goose chase if I’ve ever seen one.”

“Well, whatever this is, we’re going to do it to the letter,” Shriek said, keeping her diligence at a constant high. Eyes always skirting the streets for trouble, her ears raised up to detect even the faintest hint of danger nearby. “We’ll show them that Alpha squad can take a serious assignment like this and see it through with flying colors.”

“Yessiree, ma’am!” Barley shouted out in joy, turning his head to take another quick sip from his hidden flask.

Shriek thumped him on the back of his helmet again.

“Damnit, Barley, what’d I say about drinking on the job?”

Barley's eyes rolled and his head and he took a couple of stumbling steps, nearly faceplanting on the street. “Do it after midnight? With a side of crumpets with grape jelly an’ a spot of tea?”

“Well, can you hardly blame the guy?” Blue chuckled, pointing to Barley’s cutie mark of an actual barely crop crossed over a black hammer. “His special talent is practically drinking.”

“That isn’t a special talent,” Shriek said, rubbing the bridge of her muzzle with a hoof. “That’s one step away from an addiction.”

“Oh really then? What’re you so great at, oh miss first-class warrior?” Blue asked. The duo left Barley to collect his thoughts and still rolling eyes as he walked right into a lampost.

“Is this just as excuse for me to show you my flank?” Shriek asked with a furrowed gaze directed at Blue.

Smiling as innocently as he could, Blue said, “I assure you, it’s simple curiosity, and nothing more.”

“You’re a terrible liar, you know that?”

“Yes, well, I’m also a very determined and annoying stallion when I want to be.”

Walking quietly for a few seconds, Shriek shrugged nonchalantly. “Ah, might as well so you don’t pester me the entire night.” Shriek briefly glanced down at her cutie mark, a full moon with three claw marks in the center. “I guess I don’t have to tell you twice that I’m pretty nifty with a pair of iron claws?”

Blue nodded, staring down at the claws strapped to her forelegs. Claws he’s seen slice and dice a training dummy in mere seconds. “Yeah. I’m guessing that’s how you got your mark?”

“Actually, no, I received my mark a little before my training with my claws,” Shriek admitted.

“Then how’d you get your mark?”

Shriek blushed briefly, turning her head away. “It’s for… for something in my past.”

“Hmm…” Blue nodded his head. “So it’s for something in your past. But doesn’t apply now, does it?”

“Not really,” Shriek said, avoiding a direct answer. “I mean, it still does apply to me. It probably will for the rest of my life. But now as a guard, not so much.”

“Okay, okay, I think I gotcha,” Blue said in agreement. “It has something to do with what you used to do a lot of in the past, but not so much in the present. I think I finally get it.”

Shriek blinked in surprise at him. “You do?”

“Yeah. It actually makes sense now.” Blue cracked a grin. “You used to be a huge slut, weren’t you?”

Blue immediately ducked, catching Shriek off guard with his expectation of her attack. Though him rolling on the ground and unable to hold back his laughter hinted to her that he was seeing her strike coming a mile away.

“You bastard!” Shriek yelled at the still sniggering Blue. Blue couldn’t hold his laughter for much longer, tears streaking down his face as chuckles wracked through his body. “You have not one scrap of decency in your body, you know that?”

“Yeah! Ain’t I a devious lil’ rascal?” Blue turned on his stomach, pounding the street with a hoof as his laughter finally died out.

Shriek glared hot daggers at him. Particularly to Blue’s own cutie mark; that of a crescent moon with bat wings sprouting from the sides. Huffing under her breath, she aimed a sharp and kick that landed with painful intensity at it. This ended Blue’s laughter right quick as pained tears replaced his joyful ones.

“Damn… that really hurt!” Blue cried out, rubbing tentatively at the sore spot on his flank that radiated a painful spike in his leg.

Shriek leaned down and faced Blue eye to eye. “So did talking to you.” She then left him there, uncaring whether he stared at her ass or not.

Just to make matters worse was Barley, who promptly fell and crashed atop Blue. “Ah, Blue, whatcha doin’ sittin’ in the middle of the street?” Barley asked, adjusting his helmet so he had a clear line of sight again. Shaking his head to clear his impaired vision from Shriek’s hit on his noggin, Barley looked down at Blue. “Hey, mate, did I really knock into you so hard? You’re cryin’.”

“No… that was Shriek,” Blue gasped, his brain being overrun with intense pain sensations. “Pissed her off way too much this time.”

“Looks like it,” Barely noted.

Shriek walked away from the pair, not even bothering to glance back. She quickly melded with the crowd walking the streets, soon becoming indistinguishable from Blue and Barley’s sight.

Picking himself up, Barley said with conviction, “We gotta get her back.”

“Why should we?” Blue asked, getting back to all fours much slower and with more soreness in his rump than Barley. “She’s just in her usual mood. She’ll get over it.”

“But ain’t we supposed to finish this assignment as a team?” Barley asked. “Captain and even Shriek herself said so.”

“Well, if she ain’t gonna listen to the Cap’s orders, then neither do we.” Blue started down the path of the street and waved a hoof over his shoulder. “I’m out. Peace!”

“Blue!” Barley called out, grabbing the end of his teammate’s hoof. A kick and a quickening of his trot, however, left Barley in the dust. “Please, Blue, wait up!” Barley begged, reaching out with a hoof to the rapidly exiting Blue. “Shriek, come back! Mates, please, it doesn’t have to be like this!”

Neither bat pony could hear him, or even bothered to. They quickly mingled with the crowd, leaving Barley all alone. The small stallion hung his head down in despair, abandoned by both his teammates. “Ah nuts… I guess there ain’t gonna be any drinkin’ at the pub after work hours afterall…”

“Help! Somepony, please, help me!” a distant voice called out. Barley’s ears snapped to attention, his specially adapted bat pony hearing working on the double to pinpoint the location of the cry.

While a bat pony’s hearing isn’t too vastly superior than that of a regular pony’s, it does have certain benefits. If near enough to a sound, a bat pony has the ability to figure out the exact location it’s coming from, even in total darkness.

Right now, Barley’s ears picked up the noise coming directly westward. From the slums of the city, if his memory was correct. Although this was one of the situations he desperately hoped it wasn’t.

Like all major cities, Canterlot had its poorer districts. It’s common nature for poverty to coincide with wealth. While the Canterlot slums weren’t the most despotic or derelict places in Equestria, it sure wasn’t a place a pony wanted to prance around in at night.

“Oh man,” Barley blurted. Cries for help plus slums of the city equaled not a good situation at all. But what should he do? Abandon all inhibitions about his lack of training to handle such a situation and the major handicap of having no backup from his teammates and go in running blind? Or wait for Blue and Shriek to help him take on whatever was lurking in the shadows of the night.

A quick sip from his flask and he knew what he had to do.

“I’m comin’! Do not worry, fair citizen!” Barley called out, charging headfirst into the unknown threat of the call for help. Down alleyway and through twisting streets he ran, his wings flared out to give him extra speed as he made his way to where the call came from. Finally rounding the final corner, he withdrew the heavy hammer he had strapped to his side and slid to a stop before the entrance of a dead end alley, hammer resting lightly on his shoulder.

Inspecting the darkness of the dead end, Barley spotted a lone hooded figure wrapped in a cloak and laying still on the ground. Throwing caution to the wind he quickly made his way over, falling to his knees at the figure’s side as he tried to get a better look. “Oi, mate, you okay there?” Barley asked, nudging the figure with a hoof. “Whoa, what happened?”

“Robbers,” the figure grunted, the only hint of an appearance being that the voice was feminine. “Jumped me… took everything I had.”

“Dayum,” Barley murmured, shifting his eyes to the left and right. Just an empty alleyway with trash piled up in the corners and windows boarded up overhead. Nothing too much to worry about… he hoped. “Well, don’t ya worry ‘bout nothin’ else, ma’am. I’m a night guard, so I’m gonna get ya home safe and sound.”

“You’re a night guard?” the mare asked, complete bafflement following her statement.

Barley chuckled. “Well, I got the armor on, don’t I? May not look much of the part, but uniform ain’t gonna lie.”

“Well then…” Barley fell back, his legs having been kicked out from under him from the cloaked mare. Grunting at the sharp pain in his back, Barley tried to get up, only to find a dagger held in a pinkish magical glow being held against his throat. “I didn’t know the night guards were accepting little colts into their ranks. Looks like the stallions and mares in black are getting desperate.”

The figure’s laugh echoed throughout the abandoned alleyway. Which, unfortunately for Barley, wasn’t so abandoned anymore. Thugs and other goons of various degrees of toughness and downright filthiness slinked into the now literal dead end.

“Um… am I missin’ somethin’?” Barley asked, scooting away on his rump from the intimidating presence of the mooks who toted around ugly grins and even uglier weapons. Wooden bats with rusty nails running through them, lead pipes almost rusted entirely out, and even the traditional dagger and sword blade for the good ol’ stabbing and cutting action.

The figure’s dagger pressed harder on Barley’s throat, nearly drawing blood as Barley gulped under the strain of the cold steel pressed so closely to his skin.

“Oh, I do believe the lil’ colt here doesn’t know what’s happening!” the figure said to her grimy compatriots. The crowd of goons laughed, most sporting decayed and rotted toothy grins that Barley could smell the stench of, even from a distance. Throwing off her hood, the figure revealed herself to be a quite beautiful brown coated unicorn mare with a silver flowing mane and ruby eyes. “The name’s Scarlet, kid. And you are about to be mugged.”

“Mugged? Me? Oh no, you got the wrong stallion,” Barley assured her, licking his dry lips as he winced once more at the cold bite of steel against his adam’s apple. “I’m just a guard is all. I ain’t got no money or anythin’ worth much of your time. Honest!”

“Oh, but you are worth our time,” Scarlet said with a nod of her head. “I wonder how much the guard force will pay to have one of their own come back in one piece?”

“Um… not much?”

“Wrong answer!” Scarlet snapped, pushing the dagger’s edge closer to Barley. He was practically spread out like a pancake on the ground in a bid to avoid the dagger from slicing his neck in two. Still smiling wickedly, Scarlet leaned down and whispered, “See, my companions and I have been waiting an awfully long time to score big and get out of this dump of a city. Petty thefts just aren’t gonna cut it no more. But a ransom with one of the colts in armor…” Scarlet’s smile increased to new maddening levels that tarnished her beauty with how much Barley’s realized truly malicious she was. “We can earn a real big score from something like that.”

Before the pair could continue their riveting discussion on scores and threatening lives for easy money, a pair of familiar shouts could be heard in the distance.

“Damnit, Barley, where’d you go now?” Blue called out, the sound of his fast approaching hooves echoing off the walls.

“I swear, Barley, if we’re late because of you, you’re not getting a drop of booze from the pub for an entire week!” Shriek added in.

“Who the—” Scarlet began, before her dagger was knocked from her telekinetic grip with a hard kick from Barley.

Rolling to his side and grabbing his hammer, he cupped a hoof to his mouth and screamed, “Guys, it’s a trap!”

“Say what?” Blue asked, both him and Shriek arriving around the corner to end up in the alleyway. Which was currently filled to the brim with gritty criminals with an urge to crack some heads of authority figures.

“Oh shit,” Shriek said. Her eyes widened at the vastness of the criminal crowd, all of whom glared with a combined storm of hatred at the duo.

“What she said,” Blue added on in shock. He stopped in his tracks at the overwhelming and ugly odds before them. Definitely not what he was expecting with another Barley incident.

“Boys,” Scarlet said, pulling out several daggers from her cloak with her magic. Pointing them all in Barley’s direction, she smiled intently, “leave at least one of them alive so we can make a profit. Knock the others into submission if you can help yourself. Tonight we got our payday!”

“Well damn,” Blue said, quickly drawing his spear from his back as the overflowing tide of mooks and goons approached him and Shriek. “I knew I should’ve slept in tonight.”

Next Chapter: Chapter 4: Breaking Point Estimated time remaining: 16 Minutes
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