Iroh leaned back a moment as he gathered his thoughts.

"I left the Everfree forest this morning in the company of Miss Lyra out there. We were about five minutes from the edge of the forest when we heard a loud roar come from the direction on the town.

"When we exited the forest, the dragon could clearly be seen in the town, we could also see that many buildings were badly damaged and that the dragon seemed to be collecting things in what looked like a watertower.

"Lyra assisted me in getting closer to town -"

Here Celestia cut in with a question. "How did she assist you?"

"I tired out from all the running, so she picked me up with her magic and carried me the rest of the way up the last hill. Do all unicorns have a habit of picking others up and dragging them around?"

Celestia grinned ruefully. "It is not unheard of, but it is generally considered to be very rude to do it to somepony you do not know or who does not give you permission."

"When we reached the top of the hill, I assessed the situation. There were many pegasi flying around his body trying to either hurt it or chase it off by kicking it. With this in mind, I generated the largest lightning bolt I could at short notice. I don't know if they were warned somehow, but a lot of the pegasi started flying away before I had even half finished with the bolt.

"I aimed the bolt at the dragon's head, but he ducked at the last second, and caused my bolt to miss him and hit a pegasus on the other side of town. I don't know what happened to it, but I am fairly sure it is either dead or the possibly luckiest being around.

"I started charging up my next bolt when Lyra warned me there were more pegasi coming in. While I held it, she identified them as Wonderbolts, which I assume is some kind of militia, so I discharged what I had built up safely into the ground and made my way into town to lend what assistance I could."

As Iroh paused for breath, Celestia asked a question. "What were you doing in the Everfree in the first place?"

"I was foraging for food. At that point, I had only had contact with three of the residents. One of them was terrified of me, one was a small child, the other I was not sure what to make of her. That was Vinyl Scratch, the white unicorn outside. In the course of the trip, I came across a zebrican while I was being chased by timber wolves. It was while I was resting at her home that I met Bon Bon and Lyra."

Celestia nodded her understanding and motioned for Iroh to continue.

"I spent the next couple of hours assisting the locals in rescuing their friends, mostly by using fire bending to cut through walls or beams that were trapping them. I also made many suggestions to the locals on how to shore up the houses that were still partially intact so they would have shelter for the night.

"When I had just finished opening the last building, there was an incident involving Lyra and a purple unicorn. I don't know all the details, so it is not my place to tell you about that. While they were all distracted by the incident, I met the town mayor. She invited me back to her home and started digging for information much like many of the lesser politicians I have met over the years.

"Not seconds after I stepped out of the mayor's home, a purple unicorn called my name - the same one Lyra had spent a *ahem* romantic moment with. When I turned to respond, she hit me with a spell of some kind. When I woke up, I was being released from some kind of restraining device by a doctor and nurse.

"From there, they took me back to the hospital where I woke up after this whole fiasco began and Doctor Stable finished patching me up. The good doctor sent me down to town not long ago with some of your local money to find myself some food. As to why I am in here?"

Iroh shrugged, "I'm still confused about how I came to be in here getting a massage and roasting vegetables myself. All I know is it involves crusaders of some kind."

Celestia grinned ruefully. She knew all too well which three fillies were likely the cause of such panic. She wondered absently what scheme they had cooked up this time, as they always at least made for entertaining reading in Twilight's reports.

"And what of how you came to my lands? What can you tell me about that?"

Iroh sighed. "Not much, I'm afraid. One moment I was talking to my nephew as we were travelling to the city of Ba Sing Se, the next I was being woken by the desperate screams of what sounded like a girl trying to find someone. When the nurse spotted me hiding, I scared her a bit to find out what I could, but when she told me she was an Earth Pony, I decided to get out of there as fast as I could."

Celestia sat back and mulled over what she had heard for a moment, allowing the room to fall silent.

"I have heard speculation from some of my ponies that you were a retired guard of some type. Now that I speak with you myself, I cannot help but agree with them. Were you once a guard?"

Celestia had barely finished asking the question before Iroh started laughing. He laugh hard enough that it caught the attention of the mares in the spa, Lotus included, as she had joined the other mares in the water. All five craned their necks to try and look through the glass door of the sauna and try to figure out why Iroh was laughing.

Iroh finally wound down and wiped a tear from his eye.

"I have had many titles over my years, but I am sorry to say that guard was not one of them."

Celestia's curiosity was obviously piqued, so Iroh decided to throw her a bone.

"Would you prefer my titles in order of importance or in order of acquisition?"

Now that captured Celestia's interest, and it was an opportunity to get a read on this human's priorities.

"In order of importance if you would not mind."

"Very well. Most important, at least to me, was my title of father. Lu Ten was my pride and joy and I grieved greatly when I had to bury him."

Celestia took great care to keep her face impassive as she nodded her understanding.

"Next, Grand Lotus. That would probably mean little to you, but suffice to say, it is a group dedicated to achieving peace and balance in our world."

Iroh grinned widely, "Your guess was close that I was a former guard, but I am in fact a former General, though I have been retired from that for almost five years now."

As Celestia lost control of her stoic facade to her surprise, Iroh moved in for what he considered to be the perfect ironic finisher.

"My final, and least important title, was that of Crown Prince Iroh of the Fire Nation. Though I have acceded the throne to my younger brother, I still hold the title of Prince though I hardly find use for it."

Celestia sat there and tried to process what she had been told. The title General spoke of a military power, like the Griffon Empire, yet she had been hearing almost non-stop since she arrived how nice this old man was. That he apparently valued Balance, what she could probably call a cousin to Harmony placed him firmly in the camp of those with good intentions.

She almost didn't bother about his professions of parenthood, former parenthood she mentally corrected herself, as any decent parent of any race as far as she was aware was foremost proud of their offspring.

But his profession of royal title! This threw a massive turnip into the cake factory that was her prepared thoughts on how to deal with this highly dangerous stallion who had been somehow involved in the death of one of her subjects and the humiliation of her personal student. However well deserved that humiliation might have been.

"You have given me much to think on. For now, what would you prefer to be addressed as?"

Iroh smiled in understanding, it would take anyone time to absorb all the information he had just given them. "Iroh, just Iroh will do nicely, your highness."

"In private, should we meet again, you may call me Celestia. I have no doubt we will meet again after today. After all, it seems you attract trouble just as easily as my student does."

Iroh brought his hand to his heart as gave a shallow bow to Celestia. "As you wish," he said expansively.

"For now, you may return to your relaxation, and your food. It seems I have spoken to many of the wrong ponies in order to get an idea of who you are. You are certainly interesting, I will say that."

Celestia stepped back into the main room of the spa, followed by Iroh.

"Lyra Heartstrings. I would speak with you in private."

Lyra's ears sank as her nervousness rose. With a slight splash of water, she rose from the spa and trotted past the princess and into the sauna room, water still dripping from her coat.

Celestia's eye followed the mare, one eyebrow arched imperiously. When her subject was safely ensconced in the sauna, she turned back to the group. "I will be with the rest of you shortly."

After Celestia had turned and closed the door behind her, Iroh looked over the four mares in the large tub and shrugged.

"Mind if I join you ladies?"

Lotus Blossom murmured something from her place in between Bon Bon and Octavia, causing Bon Bon to break out into uproarious laughter while Octavia shot up like she had been poleaxed, her eyes wide and her expression shocked.

Vinyl rolled her eyes at the trio of earth ponies who were rapidly becoming thick as thieves and shifted herself to one side to make room for Iroh's larger frame.

"Come on in!" she cheered.

"Oooh! Lyra's pulled out the big guns!" cooed Lotus as she looked towards the sauna.

Iroh looked over his shoulder, one foot already in the spa bath.

He could not hear what was happening, but it was fairly clear as he observed Lyra on the floor in front of Celestia, her forelegs wrapped around one of the monarch's hooves.

"Wow... that has got to be the most shameless grovelling I have ever seen," remarked Octavia, her eyes narrowing as she watched the scene.

"Does she practice that?" Vinyl wondered aloud. "She's gotta practice that!"

"She does..." Bon Bon's voice was muffled by the hoof covering her face. "Every single time she comes up with a new hairbrained scheme."

"Does it ever work?" asked Iroh absently, too fascinated with the actions of the green mare who seemed to be begging up a storm to finish stepping into the spa.

Bon Bon partially uncovered her embarrassed face to peer at her housemate. "More than I care to admit, less than I hope it does now."

"What do you think she's doing all that for?" Lotus Blossom could not look away from the spectacle. It was like watching a carriage wreck in progress.

"She wants to keep Iroh here as a pet, from what I've heard of her." Vinyl's grin deepened as she turned back to face the mares across from her.

"Whaddya say, Bonny? Reckon you can get a big enough kennel? I'm sure he's already housebroken too."

"A kennel?!" sputtered Bon Bon, completely taken by surprise.

"What? No kennel? Does that mean he gets to sleep on the end of your bed? Woo hoo, lucky lucky, Iroh!"

Both Lotus and Octavia were laughing now, their laughter even infecting Iroh as he finished stepping into the water and tightened his towel around his waist before he sank gratefully into the water.

Iroh noticed a problem immediately.

"Octavia, would you and Lotus move a little to the side, please? I'm afraid I need a little more room for my legs."

As the mares scooted to the side, Iroh stretched his legs and crossed them at the ankle so that his feet were now between Lotus and Bon Bon.

"Aww... she's stopped now," complained Bon Bon as she looked towards Lyra and Celestia.

The group watched the two converse somewhat more calmly for a few moments. The calmness in their conversation was obviously being caused by Celestia.

"Bets?" asked Vinyl as she turned back to the group.

"Two bits she's pumping for information on our dear Iroh here," Octavia asserted smoothly.

"I got that," smiled Bon Bon, "She's asking Lyra to put him up for a while."

"I'll bet the princess is asking about her relationship with Twilight Sparkle. That kiss was hot!" said Lotus a she fanned her face with one hoof.

"WHAAAT?" Bon Bon and Octavia cried out in unison before turning to face the spa pony and trap her between them.

"Details!"

"Now!"

Iroh leaned to the side and spoke quietly to Vinyl. "Aren't you going to be joining in on that?"

Vinyl grinned, "Not my scene, dude. I moved out here with Octy to get away from the gossip and drama back in Canterlot. Why? You wanna join in with the natter nags?"

Iroh shuddered, recognizing the term easily enough as another way of saying 'girl talk'. In a country built on an island chain and dependent on the sea for food, there were more than enough fishwives to go around.

"I think I will pass on that wonderful opportunity. Seeing as you yourself are not a, ah, 'natter nag', perhaps you can tell me more about yourself? I have done too much talking these last few days and not a Pai Sho board in sight."

The conversation had been flowing for nearly half an hour before the group was surprised by the sound of Celestia's voice coming from the doorway into the sauna.

In front of her, Lyra stood half facing the group, her ears low and tear tracks staining the sides of her face.

"I have come to a decision."

In near unison, five heads turned to face Celestia and Lyra. There were gasps from all of the mares when they caught sight of the despairing and slightly shaking form of Lyra.

Celestia locked her gaze on Iroh, her voice stern. "Rise, Iroh. I would look you in the eye when I say this."

Iroh stood in the water and adjusted his towel, which had loosened before he stepped out and picked up his inner robe, draping it around his wet body.

Celestia rose to her full height, her wings arching slightly from her back added to her imposing form as she frowned down at Iroh.

"I have heard testimony from yourself as well as many others. Since coming to my lands you have terrorized my ponies, caused panic and disorder either directly or indirectly and took actions that directly caused the death of one of my ponies."

The mares in the tub were paralyzed, they could not look away from the terrible sight of Celestia's displeasure. Five hearts constricted with pure fear and Celestia's horn lit up.

"I'm afraid you have left me with no choice."

Author's Notes:

I'll just leave this here..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TUeUL7EW9M