"Woo HOOO!! Lyra!" A nearby voice catcalled.

"Never figured those two for mare's mares."

"It's always the quiet ones don'cha know?"

"So how long do you reckon before Twi' starts causin' property damage?" This last was muttered by an orange mare who had been following said unicorn, 'just in case.'

"Hee hee... I dunno, think we should go 'rescue' her?" Rainbow Dash said, desperately trying to stay air born as she laughed.

WHUMP!

With a flash of violet magic, the once again minty green Lyra was thrown from the fountain, landing on her back several meters away and hitting her horn painfully in the process as her head fell back.

"Too late..." Applejack tilted her hat forward as she grimaced. She knew Twilight had been having a bit of a bad day and this was bound to make her even more unbearable than she had already been.

"Dash, why don' you grab Lyra and git her outta here? I'll see if ah can get Twi' calmed down, or at least back ta her place."

The pegasus rapidly glanced between the painfully moaning Lyra and the steaming Twilight Sparkle who was even now clambering out of the fountain, with a distinctly dangerous look in her eye.

"Good luck..." she muttered aside to her friend, before launching herself at Lyra and hauling tail out of the square as fast as her wings could carry them.

"No more interruptions!" Came the agitated shout from Twilight.

She turned and glared at a pony in the crowd, stabbing her hoof in his direction. "YOU! Is anypony still trapped in the area?"

"Um... I-I..." He stuttered taken aback by the sudden change from funny to downright frightening.

"YES OR NO!!" Twilight howled.

"No!" The poor stallion cried out, before bolting to hide behind a convenient pile of rubble.

"Fine. Next, where's the pony who was organizing everything? WHERE IS IROH?!"

There were a series of blinks, most of the ponies in the square looked around, but could not spot the human amongst them. A mutter of confusion rose amongst many of them as they asked each other if they had seen Iroh.

Twilight's eyes narrowed as she scanned the crowd for unfamiliar faces.

"Uh Twi?" Twilight's attention was brought to one side as she was approached by Applejack. "Ah think we need you over at the library righ' now."

"Is he there?" Twilight asked though she didn't wait for a reply as she turned and immediately started galloping towards her home, Applejack in hot pursuit.

Several stories above the rushing mares, Eff Stop lowered his camera, having taken dozens of photographs to look around for himself from his naturally higher vantage point.

He blinked as he realized that Iroh had indeed disappeared from the street he had been in before. Going higher, he scrutinized a wider area, even going so far as to crank up the zoom on his camera and use it as a makeshift telescope.

Eff Stop cursed as he came to the conclusion that Iroh had given them all the slip. How could somepony so... so different vanish so quickly?

The grey maned mare before Iroh struggled with her door, it simply would not budge! With a cry of exertion, she took a step back only to spin and plant both of her rear hooves into the wood, breaking the door off it's hinges.

"I was getting tired of that door anyway," she quipped as she stepped over it into the house.

Iroh shrugged as he stepped in after her. He paused for a moment before he followed Mayor Mare into her lounge room and grinned ruefully as he turned back to pick up the door and place it upright in the door frame. At his host's inquisitive look, he shrugged once more.

"It seems a shame to just leave your door lying there on the floor, there has been too much destruction already today."

The Mayor nodded to Iroh with a gentle smile as she turned back and seated herself on one of the couches.

"So. The mysterious Mr. Iroh and his magic teapot," she chuckled. "It sounds almost like the name for a foal's storybook. There have been oh so many rumors flying around about you my dear, that I simply had to meet you for myself and actually figure out what was true and what was not."

Iroh slumped down onto the opposite couch, finding it would be very comfortable, if it weren't so low...

"Well, there is one rumor I can put to rest for you. My teapot is simply a teapot, though it could be said that tea possesses a magic all of its own. But then, we did not come here to just talk about rumors, now did we?"

Iroh scrutinized the mare shrewdly. "I have dealt with many politicians and leaders before in my own home, so I am well aware of how your type works. So please just tell me. What do you want?"

Mayor Mare's pleasant smile slipped into a more neutral poker face. "What I want is simple, I want to know one simple thing. Who are you?"

Iroh's smile almost widened marginally before he reigned in the impulse and schooled his features. Often politics was like a game of Pai Sho, and Iroh was GOOD at Pai Sho, especially at frustrating his opponents to no end.

"I am but a simple traveler on this road of life," Iroh gestured expansively.

The Mayor remained non-plussed. "You do realize I can all but smell your amusement, right? I thought you wanted a straight conversation and instead you reply with riddles. My talent is politics for a reason you know. So, Mr. Traveler, let's cut to the chase: where are you going? Why are you here?"

Iroh sighed.

"I would like to be going back to my nephew, however, it seems that is not possible. As to why I am here? Who knows what the spirits intended for me when I was sent here. I don't even know who sent me here, just that this world as lovely as it is is not my own."

Mayor mare allowed herself a small smile. "If you don't know why you are here, why don't you stick around here for some time? I'm sure that the ponies in my town will be most accommodating of you, especially considering how much you have already done while you were here."

Iroh smelled a mole-rat... A big fat one...

"How do you know how much I have done here? We met only a few minutes ago."

Iroh narrowed his eyes and leaned forward slightly as he examined the mare a little more closely as she smirked back at him.

"A talent for politics may be one thing, but being false will not earn my respect."

Iroh pushed himself to his feet and stalked towards the door.

"Come and talk to me when your town is not in the middle of a disaster, I'm going back out to help," he called over his shoulder.

Grasping the door handle, he pulled the broken door completely away from its hinges, turned around with the door in his grasp, then backed through the doorway, replacing the door backwards in its frame as he went.

Grumbling about politicians, priorities and pesky spirits, he stepped off the porch of the house, only to find his foot did not reach the ground.

"Huh? Whoa!"

Iroh found himself swept off his feet, suspended in a lavender aura. He looked up again to find an unfortunately familiar purple unicorn smirking triumphantly as she stalked down the lane.

"Iroh?"

Iroh nodded twice before her horn lit up further and the world faded to black...

Dear Princess Celestia,

Please find below my report on a creature I had captured in the act of entrancing or otherwise influencing the good citizens of Ponyville this afternoon.

Preliminary report on subject 'Eye Row':

Subject is male, 14.18 Hooves in height, weighing 18 Stone, 12 Rock 8 1/2 Pebble.

Subject is at first glance mostly devoid of hair but for his head and limb joints, but on closer examination is covered sparsely with smaller finer hairs across the rest of his body.

The subject has fore paws and hind paws each with five digits, one of said digits on each forepaw is opposable in the same manner as for a minotaur.

Skin is a varying shade of brown from burlywood to bisque brown. Mane is sienna.

Captured via combined use of sleep spell and teleportation magic by Twilight Sparkle.

Subject has demonstrated ability to speak and understand Equestrian language prior to capture but is being kept sedated due to suspected mind control abilities as demonstrated by its communication with and delivery of orders to the townsponies of Ponyville before its capture.

Questioning of witnesses both before and after capture reveal that subject Eye Row has the ability to generate and manipulate fire using its paws. Further analysis of this ability will be forthcoming once it's source is isolated through thaumatic resonance scans.

Extended contact has reportedly been made with Lyra Heartstrings (unicorn, mare), Bon Bon (earth pony, mare), Vinyl Scratch (unicorn, mare), Mayor Mare (earth pony, mare) and Zecora (zebra, mare). Of particular interest is Lyra Heartstrings who was reportedly witnessed leaving the Everfree Forest in the company of the subject and has shown erratic and disturbing behaviour.

Physical Possessions.

Three apparent sets of clothing and one of armor. Pictures of each attached to this report,

- Cloth in maroon made from unknown fiber, possibly of sheep manufacture.

- Cloak, Robe with gold-yellow trim. Both with sienna highlights in single stripes.

- Second robe worn underneath robe, dark red or brown, heavily stained.

- Cloth in dark green and forest green, similar fibers to first set.

- Robe, no cloak. No sleeves.

- Second robe in lighter green colors, presumably worn in the same fashion as with above.

- Cloth in maroon, with a very large white embroidered collar.

- Full robe, the collar is almost two hooves wide and flexible. The collar would cover more than

a third of the subject's barrel when worn.

- Interestingly, this set of clothes was hidden under a false bottom of the bag and very well cared

for.

- Several connected plates of very strong, slightly flexible material with attached straps.

- I am unable to identify what this material is, except that it is somewhat reminiscent of dragon scales.

- Given the toughness of the material, I am lead to the conclusion that this is a form of armor.

- Paw shoes, two pairs

- The first pair has been made with wood and has two loops on one end which allow grip on the

subject's lower paws.

- The second pair has been made with woven plants, in a similar style to a woven basket and when

worn would appear to cover the lower paws almost completely.

- Saddlebag

- Made with similar material to the third set of clothing.

- Preliminary testing shows this material to be much stronger than the standard heavy cloth

used in saddlebags.

- 14 containers, each sealed with a twist top lid.

- Each container holds a different dried leaf or herb, reminiscent of tea leaves.

- Given the subject is known to have interacted with Zecora, whose talent is known to be potion

brewing, it is entirely possible that these are some kind of potion ingredient.

- One box, containing 64 round tiles: 32 white, 32 black, each tile has a different image on it.
- One circular cloth. One side has been divided into 264 squares and further colored into 8 sections.

- Obviously pieces for a game and its accompanying board.

- One bag containing coins of an unknown currency.

- One kettle, iron.
- One pot, iron.
- One wooden spoon.
- Two metal cups, copper.
- Two very smooth wooden sticks, narrower at one end than at the other and 1.6 hooves long.

While I make a more in depth examination of the subjects belongings, I humbly request the assistance of at least one unicorn
versed in the arts of mind reading and another capable of extinguishing or controlling fires.

Your faithful student,

Twilight Sparkle

"That should do nicely for now, Spike. Could you please send that to the princess with the photos on the counter?"

The unicorn stretched languidly as she turned away from the table currently holding her captive's possessions. "That should do it for now. In the morning, we'll take a closer look at it and see if we can figure out some more about it. Just let me renew that sleep spell and it will be time for a spell of sleep ourselves."

Spike shook his head at Twilight's bad joke while she giggled to herself and walked upstairs to the closest window so he could send the scroll and photos to Canterlot.

Author's Notes:

For nitpickers: Yes, I am well aware that imperial measurements (feet etc.) have been used in MLP in cannon, I just decided a slightly more ponified scale of measurements would work better for the story.