This is the unedited version. I will be out on business all of tomorrow, and will post the edited version as soon as I get home, assuming it is fixed up by then.

Tap tappa tap…

“EEEE!!!”

“WOAH!”

THUD!

“Oof!”

...

Smek. “Nnnnnnn…”

The tableau which saw the new guests realizing that Iroh was in the room was interrupted, only to be replaced with a new one.

Bonbon held her hoof against her head as she sat against the wall next to Zecora’s door, trying and failing to suppress a moan of both horror and frustration at the scene before her. Suddenly, she suspected, she would be the one in greater need of the headache cure rather than her mint green friend / roommate / test subject / pet psychopath…

Zecora stood next to the firepit, she could not help but stare in open disbelief at what she saw. She had been well prepared for the two mares to react in surprise, she had just as much expected fear, perhaps even a smidgen of terror – a semi-hermit zebra has to get her chuckles in where she can, even if it was a little mean spirited – but something like this?

Iroh lay spread eagle on his back, staring confusedly down at the unicorn who had all four legs wrapped tightly around his torso and upper thighs, her head slightly over one shoulder and her muzzle resting next to his ear.

“Really, Lyra? Can you not restrain yourself for five seconds?” Bonbon’s voice held the anguished annoyance of somepony who was seen just a little too much wackiness recently.

“Nuh. Uh.” Came the emphatic denial from the pony holding her prey to the floor.

“Just get off of him? Please?” Bonbon begged, glancing for help at Zecora, who was desperately trying to work out what in Tartarus was going on.

“Not happening. I missed two chances already, and I’m not going to miss a third. I caught me a human!” Iroh could hear the zealous smile even if he couldn’t quite see it.

‘This is NOT comfortable,’ Iroh’s back protested, agreement was felt from his abused shoulders and legs. ‘How can I get her off… oh right, THAT might work.’

“You know,” Iroh mused aloud as he wrapped his arms around Lyra, “I came to the forest looking for some dinner. I didn’t expect dinner to find me…”

The eyes of all three mares widened as Iroh casually turned his head and lathed a broad lick across his captive captor’s muzzle and cheek.

“Hmmm…” He smacked his lips, “Do you have any oregano or thyme, Miss Zecora?”

The three mares blinked in near unison.

Bonbon began to clamber to her hooves, preparing to charge and rescue her idiotic friend from this horrible carnivore.

Zecora took a step backwards and reached sideways for a bottle on her shelf, maybe she had misjudged this highly dangerous fire breathing, timberwolf smashing human.

Lyra on the other hoof, turned her head to wipe the drool off the side of her face on the cloth of Iroh’s robe and neck. She pulled her head back slightly, and lowered her eyelids as she stared directly into Iroh’s brown orbs.

“I don’t believe you.” She stated flatly, “If you really ate ponies, you wouldn’t have left town to find food.”

Iroh smiled as he turned his head to Zecora, “It looks like you were certainly correct about unicorns favoring their minds, but this does remind me, I really do need to find some food soon, I have not eaten since before I came here and tea can only do so much, much to my regret.”

Zecora carefully moved her head back to the shelf so she could place her potion back in its place and free up her mouth. “In which case, as soon as your lovers’ embrace you have ceased, I can bring out some food that we may feast.”

Lyra tightened her grip on Iroh, wiggling a little as she turned her head and peered from under Iroh’s chin at the cheeky zebra. “Nice try, but I know how this works. You get me to let go, and the next thing I know I’m waking up to a scary nurse and –”

“Num!”

“Eep!”

“You know,” Iroh mumbled around Lyra’s ear as he lightly bit down on it, “you could just ask me to stay around and answer your questions. No need to chew our ears off or anything…”

Iroh felt a shudder of what he hoped was apprehension run its way down Lyra’s spine before she jerked her head to pull the tip of her ear out of his mouth. “Okay, can I please stay near you for a bit so I can ask some questions? Maybe study your hands for a bit?”

“If you agree to stop holding me down, I don’t see why not,” Iroh bargained for his freedom from the mare who was starting to get quite heavy.

As she breathed a sigh of relief that she had misjudged the situation, Zecora crossed the room to open a cupboard which contained many bundles and hanging bunches of leaves and herbs.

“Now that we are back on track, let me see what I have for a snack.”

Zecora nosed her way through the contents. “I have grasses here both elephant and wire, tasty but drab. I also have bark and roots of manketti, jackalberry and baobab. If something Zebrican does not satisfy your glut, I have other leaves here, as well as some pine nut.”

Iroh held up a finger from where he was still laying on the floor while Lyra was in the process of extracting her hooves from underneath him and standing up. “That could be a problem. I don’t think I can eat any of that.”

“So our diets are quite different, I can safely assume. What is it that you need for your body to consume?”

Iroh grumbled as he sat up again, groaning as his legs had been forced into an awkward angle by Lyra’s tackle, causing him to get the horrible prickling sensation as the blood flow returned to his feet.

“Humans eat meats, fruits and vegetables. The animals here are different to those in my world, but I imagine most birds and fish will still be acceptable. Fruits should be easy enough, I managed to eat a few berries before those wolves found me earlier.”

Zecora scrunched her face in disgust. “If eating animals is what helps you tick, we won’t be much help, meat makes us sick.”

“That should be fine.” Iroh placated, “The whole reason I came out here was to do a little hunting. Unfortunately, all I managed to find were small birds that were no good to me, and those wooden terrors.”

“I hate to impose on you, but do you know of anywhere nearby where I might have better luck?” Iroh smiled apologetically at the ponies.

Zecora looked out the window thoughtfully as she considered Iroh’s request. “The birds in the forest all nest up high but there is a river with fish nearby.”

Iroh rubbed his beard in thought, “You know, I saw a group of Sun Islanders spearfishing some years ago, I always wanted to try my hand at that myself. If you could give me directions to the river, I will leave you ladies to your business. It will also allow me to eat without disturbing you.”

Zecora smiled at Iroh’s thoughtfulness, “Come, I shall show you the path, it is the same way I go for a bath.”

As Iroh walked out behind Zecora, he was swiftly followed by Lyra, who shuffled forward so that her barrel was brushing his hip.

Bonbon finally found her voice at that sight. “Lyra! What the hay are you doing? We came here for you, remember.”

Lyra grinned at her friend / roommate / scheme foiler / pet chocolatier. “Yup, and we found me a great cure for my headache, but if you think for a moment I’m letting him out of my sight, then you’ve been sniffing too many nougat fumes again. Besides, I wanna see what spearfishing is.”

Zecora was pointing a hoof down a small track that left the clearing in front of her home from beside a small flower patch.

“Just remember,” Zecora had chided Iroh while Bonbon and Lyra were talking, “Avoid touching the flowers of blue, for if you do not, the joke will be on you.”

“Of course, thank you for your help. Uhh… why are you following me?” This last Iroh addressed to the unicorn at his side.

“Like I said… spearfishing! I want to see it, I bet it will be awesome.”

Iroh arched an eyebrow at her. “You do realize I will be eating the fish I catch there, don’t you?”

“So what?” Lyra tossed her mane arrogantly. “Sure it might be gross, but maybe I’ll just gross you out by eating some apples in front of you. Big, crunchy ones.”

Iroh schooled his features, trying not to laugh at Lyra’s attempt at a threat. “You have a fair point. I am sorry, but I am not sure I caught your name, and I prefer not to disgust someone whose name I do not know.”

‘He wants to know my NAME! Ohmigoshohmigoshohmigosh! NO! Answer now, freak out later!’

“I’m Lyra. Lyra Heartstrings, what is your name?”

Iroh laughed at her enthusiasm, although inside he was already plotting ways to subvert her apparent obsession. Lyra reminded him all too keenly of a young boy he had met who also had not given him a moment’s peace.

“You may call me Iroh, just Iroh. It is a pleasure to meet you, young miss Lyra.”

Zecora and Bonbon stood and watched side by side as Iroh and Lyra walked down the path. Lyra froze up for a moment, falling behind Iroh, before shaking her head and breaking into a short canter to catch him up.

“This is not going to end well…”

“At least we know they will be in little danger, Lyra may be a little odd, but Iroh is stranger.”

“D-d-danger?!” Bonbon stuttered.

“But of course. Here in the Everfree, travelling requires a certain measure of bravery. Do not worry about your unicorn friend, the player of lyre. If a monster attacks them, it will literally be playing with fire.”

“Say WHAT?!” Bonbon shrieked in horror at the thought of being attacked by a monster of the Everfree, remembering the Ursa that had invaded town when Trixie had first visited.

“Do not worry yourself, for protecting others Iroh seems a paragon. Just stay clear when he breathes fire, just like a dragon.”

Zecora turned away from the entrance to the trail to the river. “Come, let us brew your headache potion. As we do, you can fill me in on the commotion.”

Giving one last look down the trail, Bonbon followed the Zebra into her home, suddenly feeling in need of just what Zecora was offering.

“Oh dear… where is everypony?”

Applejack and Rarity were walking through the marketplace on their way to the Carousel Boutique to drop off Rarity’s saddlebags as they searched for the fillies.

Applejack looked over to her family stall, which sat empty to one side, an ‘away on business’ sign sitting neatly on the counter. “Ah dunno. Looks to me like the same is happenin’ as when Zecora came to town. Dagnabit, Pinkie’s done it again!”

Rarity started shifting her bags into a more manageable formation for going through a door as her home came into sight. “I agree darling. Let’s find those fillies and get them home. I wonder what has come to town this time? Ah well, I expect we will find out in time. We do seem to attract some level of drama after all.”

A familiar buzzing came to their ears as Rarity was fishing in one of her bags for the key to her home.

“Oh I do believe I hear the girls now. Would you be a dear and see if you can call them while I get my bags inside?”

“Sure thing.” Applejack turned and galloped towards the distant buzzing sound of Scootaloo propelling her scooter. “COOO-EEE!!!” she called, using a sound she knew to travel a fair distance, “Apple Bloom! Scootaloo! Sweetie Belle! OVER HERE!”

In the distance, the trio of fillies perked up as Scootaloo brought her scooter around in a sharp turn and headed directly for the bellowing Apple.

Seconds later, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle came tumbling out of the cart attached to the back of the scooter and raced to greet their older sisters, Apple Bloom leaped to bring her forelegs around Applejack's neck, laughing in delight. Sweetie Belle bounded forward at an only slightly less frantic pace to be gathered up in a hug by Rarity.

As four sisters were reunited for the first time in more than a week, Scootaloo looked to the side as she heard hoofsteps coming up from behind her.

“It’s good to see your friends back with their sisters. It does me proud to see you look after them so well.” The orange mare with a navy cap over her curly blonde mane said.

Scootaloo leaned up against her, sharing a moment while her friends and their sisters were distracted. “They look after me just as much as I do them, Mom.”

The earth pony smiled proudly down at her daughter before leaning down to nuzzle the top of her head. “What matters to me is you have some good, dependable friends in them, but when are you going to get a nice coltfriend too, hmm?”

“Mo-om!” Scootaloo groaned in the aggrieved tone of all fillies being embarrassed by their mothers. “And she wonders why I never bring any of my friends home…” She grumbled to herself.

Sluuurp! Patoo! Patoo!

A changeling stood over a newly cocooned form. Shifting form to a unicorn, it picked up the bundle and levitated it into a large wardrobe.

The changeling’s form changed once again, reforming to a duplicate of it’s prisoner.

Green eyes flared in the dim light of the trot-in wardrobe.

‘Echoing Truth, this is Whispering Terror reporting in.’

’You have my attention, harvester. What is your report.’

‘Secondary disguise has been established. Information gathering is preliminary success. Non-pony has been confirmed as a species named human. Source confirms one magical ability, the ability to heat water through the use of an artifact. Threat level assessed as negligible.’

’Information is received. Due to events in Baltimare, love harvest has fallen behind schedule. Adjust your focus accordingly.

‘As you command.’

Whispering Terror’s eyes dimmed as he turned to leer at his prisoner. “It’s okay my dear, a little fear is good for the blood, you know. Your affection is quite sweet, even if it is a little stale, but don’t worry, I won’t be making use of you for long.”

The prisoner’s double inhaled deeply. “Ahh dread seasoned with a little hope. Your emotions will take a little while for me to extract and separate, but don’t worry… we will be making much better use of them than you are.”

The changeling laughed as he turned to walk away, leaving behind him a mare trapped in a green cocoon, her eyes wide as she realized her plight.

Author's Notes:

2 rapid fire chapters, this one probably with a heap of mistakes.

Yes, yes those shippy moments were deliberate, and no, no there will NOT be any clop/pairing there.

Kudos in advance to Avatar of Madness, the poor sod who is stuck with polishing this mess a little.