If you were to tell me a thousand years ago that I would be worried about a single pony, I would have laughed at you and shaken your hoof, claw, hand, or whatever limb you had and thanked you for the good joke. Before I rained chocolate milk over your head and have pigeons fly out your ears, of course. All in good fun I assure you.

Truth was I was actually worried for a single pony, along with a few others I had actually grown quite close to over the past year and a half since my “reformation” as it was called. Couldn’t they use a better word than that? Sounds so boring, why not “Discord’s miraculous three-sixty face turn”! Sounds better don’t you think? Of course I’m getting off track now; you want to hear about my story right? That’s how this thing usually goes I believe. Well you know who I am, and what I am, so there is no point in talking about my past. And chances are if you are reading this you already know the most shocking event that not even I saw coming. Not that it truly surprised me.

The death of Princess Twilight Sparkle.

How am I not surprised by this? Well, you’d normally think for a country that runs on “Harmony” that the thought of assassinating one of their own would be ludicrous. Thing is, “Harmony” is just another world for “Stability”. And when you change the status quo, like Twilight was trying to do, you make a few enemies. Now I was all for her attempts at changing Equestria, after all it had been the same for almost a thousand years while every other nation went through some sort of change. And change, in of itself, is chaotic, so how could I not support her efforts?

The problem is that ponies hate the very notion of change, or at least those who are in power or are stubborn in their beliefs. Ponies are such fickle creatures. One moment they are praising you and loving you for saving them from danger, the next minute they want to kill you because you want to introduce a new change in culture, politics, economics, social norms, or anything really. Oh, Twilight Sparkle wanted to change so much from allowing inter-racial marriage, to introducing electricity to replace steam power, and changing the Council of Nobles into a structure where it was based on voted representatives from each city instead of those of high birth. That last one I think is what did her in.

She was warned of course, by her teacher, her friends, and even myself to be careful. Not that I cared about her personally, mind you. I was worried that if something happened to her I would be forced to deal with the aftermath; which is what I’m dealing with now. I was there when Fluttershy got the message that Twilight was dead, naturally as her friend I comforted her in this time of sorrow. I was saddened, having grown used to my former enemy, but I was not in tears. I was not close to Twilight like I was with Fluttershy or some of the other ponies of Ponyville.

I watched them place Twilight in Princess Celestia’s museum for departed students, and said my brief goodbyes. All done in secret, however, as I doubt many wanted me there, even if I was close to a few of them. However, I knew the real challenge would not be dealing with Twilight’s death, but the reaction to it, especially the ones reflected in my best friend in the world.

My best friend.

Still funny to say that, really. I’ve never had a friend before. Never. Ponies never liked me, even when I was trying to be good long ago and use my magic to make them laugh. Maybe if I had friends back then things would have been different, but the past is the past. We all have to move on.

Anyway, it had been a month since the funeral and, despite my best efforts, I was still unable to get Fluttershy to laugh again. That brat Angel and the rest of the animals tried helping Fluttershy alongside me, but she only did her usual chores before retreating back in her room to weep. The worst part was that no matter what I did, I couldn’t make her smile. I even wounded my own pride and tried to get her friends to help me out, but they were still as emotionally damaged as she was. Except for Pinkie Pie; that girl recovered in a week, or so it seems. Still, even together nothing we did could get Fluttershy out of her house nor stop her from crying. I was beginning to get desperate and, as much as I hate to say it, worried.

Fluttershy, in some way or another, was the most important thing I had in my life right now, especially since I was trying my best to be good as it were. She was the only pony that showed me kindness. She was willing to put up with me, even after I used her multiple times to prevent myself from being turned to stone again. She never lost faith in me. She cared about me. She saw me as a friend who just needed a little kindness and so I sought to repay that kindness. But when she finally approached me asking for my help, I couldn’t give it to her. Why? Well, let me tell you.

I was eating some ice cream topped with waffle bits and cucumbers when I saw Fluttershy come down stairs in a hurry. This was a surprise to me since she had rarely ever shown any sign of excitement since Twilight’s death; mostly she just dragged herself around like she was still at the funeral. Pushing her long, tangled mane out of the way, Fluttershy looked at me with hope in her bloodshot eyes and said, “Discord! I’ve got it! I know how we can fix everything!”

I was a bit confused by this, but I only urged her to continue. “Your powers can do a lot right?! Anything you can think off?!” she pleaded.

“Of course! What do you want me to do? Make the clouds look like monkeys? Turn the backyard into a beach? Summon a giant dancing panda on roller skates?” I asked, with glee. I was excited because not only was I going to cause some mischief, but I was also getting a chance to help Fluttershy out of her funk.

Of course, that all changed when she stated her request. With a wide smile, she said, “I want you to bring Twilight back from the dead.”

Oh boy.

Yeah, you could imagine how awkward I was feeling. Despite what I’ve been bragging about, there are some things my powers cannot do. For instance, I couldn’t create sentient life, only animate it and, at most, give it instincts. My powers didn’t work on the Everfree Forest, then again I doubt any magic can change that place. And I couldn’t revive the dead. Believe me, I’ve tried once for a prank a long time ago but I was left hanging around in a cemetery for hours before I gave up.

It pained me to do tell her, but I soon rubbed the back of my neck and sighed. “I can’t do that.”

The happy smile, the first I had seen on Fluttershy’s face for a long time, slowly turned into a sorrowful frown as her eyes looked at me with disbelief. “W-what? But… your powers… you can do anything.”

“I… can’t…,” I said, “There are some things I cannot do, Fluttershy. And bringing back Twilight is one of them.”

“No! No! No!” screamed Fluttershy, as she kicked a nearby lamp as hard as she could, breaking it. She turned towards me, her eyes filling with tears. “That can’t be true! There has to be a way, some kind of magical way to bring her back! She can’t be gone for good! Not after everything we’ve been through, it just can’t end like this! I don’t want it to end like this! I want my friend back!”

“Fluttershy, I know this is hard, believe me, but you have to accept that she’s gone now,” I said, doing my best to comfort her. I looked around and saw the animals watching us, nervously. I didn’t blame them; a hysterical Fluttershy was a rare and discomforting sight. She continued to sit there, crying and muttering Twilight’s name as I walked over and calmly put my claw on her hoof. “Come on, Fluttershy. Maybe there is something else I can do for you?!”

With a smile, I dressed up like a ship captain and said, “How about a cruise on the S.S. Discord! I can take us to any sea where you can relax, have fun, and even see ocean animals.”

“No…” muttered Fluttershy.

“Hmm,” I then snapped my figures and was dressed up in as a chef, flipping Angel, to my amusement, in a frying pan. “Then how about a five course meal! I’ve been all over the world and know the finest of dishes!”

“Please stop….”

I should have probably stopped there, but I kept going anyway.

“Oh, I know!” I snapped my fingers again and this time appeared as a ringmaster, with my good buddy angel struggling to juggle a bunch of pointy swords while riding a unicycle. What? The guy always told me he always wanted to be a superstar. “Or maybe…”

“No! Just stop! Just stop!” screamed Fluttershy. She had turned on The Stare at full capacity, which sent all her animals scurrying to their safe havens, leaving me alone to face her wraith. Thankfully, I was immune to such a thing, but Fluttershy didn’t care and got right up into my face. At least she was showing some emotion other than sadness. Anger was the next part on the five stages of grief I think. “You think this is something you can joke about, Discord?! Twilight is dead! One of my best friends is dead and you can’t do anything with those worthless powers of yours! What kind of ‘great spirit of chaos’ are you?! What kind of friend are you?! I bet you don’t even care! You never care about anything, but yourself! You don’t know what it’s like to lose somepony you cared about!”

I raised a finger to correct her but then I stopped short of speaking up. Why? Because she was right.

“You're right about one thing,” I answered, snapping my fingers and getting rid of my uniform. I stared back at her, crossing my arms. “I don’t know what it’s like to lose somepony you care about, because before you I had nopony to care about in my life.” Fluttershy’s stare slowly lost its power as her eyes slowly retreated back to their gentle norm. Figuring I was on a roll, I continued, “Yes, Twilight did die. Am I sad? Yes, but I wasn’t as close to her as you were and I can’t understand your feelings. But at the same time, can you understand mine?”

I closed my eyes, and mumbled, “Do you remember when I told you that I snuck into her funeral? I saw all of you, mourning for her over her casket. I saw everypony crying for her, remembering her, praying for her and it made me realize something. I’m never going to get that. I’m ageless, I don’t know if it’s even possible for me to die. But you can. You will die one day, Fluttershy, and I will mourn for you, but you at least will be remembered when that time comes. I’ll be around until existence itself ends or at least for a very long time. I’ll probably outlive even Celestia and Luna.”

“T-that’s not true… you can make more friends! Ponies who will love you!” shouted Fluttershy, wiping the tears from her eyes.

“But for how long? Will I just keep making friends until I can’t take the losses anymore? Twilight was lucky to have lived a life surrounded by friends and family, I will never get that,” I said, clutching my fist. “And you know what’s even more annoying! I never used to care about that until I met you! So you are wrong about something. I do care about somepony! You, Fluttershy! I care about you! And when you… die maybe then I’ll know what you’re feeling, but I don’t want to feel that now! What I want to see is you get better… I want you to smile again. And if I can’t make you smile… if I can’t make my best friend feel better then how can I really understand all this friendship stuff anyway?”

Even though I was yelling she wasn’t shrieking in fear, instead she stood there, looking at me with sympathy and regret. Damn those eyes, how innocent they were to me. I didn’t want her pity, I just wanted her to be happy. But here I am, spilling my guts out to this pony, and no, I was not crying a tear.

“Fluttershy, you and your friends are the first ponies to actually care about me. Do you know what my earliest memories of my existence are? I was called a monster everywhere I went around with nopony showing me any friendship or love. I was feared or hated because of my appearance or my magic. I just wanted to have fun, but I was denied that constantly. So I figured if being nice wasn’t going to cut it, I had to be a bit… forceful.”

“Is… is that why?” asked Fluttershy, standing up. I nodded. There was a bit more to it, but that was enough for her. “I… I never knew…”

“Of course you didn’t. Most ponies don’t know. To be honest you have no idea how lucky you are to have even have had a friend like Twilight Sparkle. Even if your time together was cut short,” I snorted.

“What do you mean?” asked Fluttershy, tilting her head.

I sighed. Was it really this hard for some ponies to see what was in front of them? What they had? Then again, they aren’t exactly ageless beings who have been around for a long time and learned a thing or two. Figuring I might as well humor her I said, “Fluttershy, you may have lost Twilight, but you at least had her as a friend. You at least have friends you can make memories with. Friends you can grow old with, experience life with, and the die with. I don’t have that. I’ve never had a single good memory with a friend until I befriended you and the others. And when all of you die, I’ll be still alive and kicking as far as I know. I’ll have to live for thousands of years while you and your friends are up in some afterlife playing harps or whatever it is they do up there. At least when you die, you’ll be loved and mourned. Who will mourn for me? Celestia? Luna? None of us are close, despite sharing immortality, and I doubt we ever will be.”

I honestly admit it. I couldn’t help but be jealous of Twilight. All of these ponies had come to say goodbye because they loved her so much. Who would be there for me when my time came, if it ever? I could make new friends sure, but would it be worth it knowing that chances are they would die and I never would? It was annoying. If I didn’t feel friendship then maybe I wouldn’t have to worry so much about all this. But then I remember all the smiles, laughs, and actual fun times I’ve had since becoming good. And it’s worth it, much more than conquering Equestria and bringing back the age of chaos. It’s worth it, being with Fluttershy and her friends. Twilight Sparkle, you were damn right about Friendship. I only wish I had the chance to tell you that in person.

Lost in my thoughts, I almost missed Fluttershy tackle me with a hug. She kept apologizing, for either yelling at me or not taking regard of my own feelings, I don’t know. I hugged her back and let her continue to weep until her eyes were dried. For some reason, I felt good inside. Maybe it was because I did a good deed or maybe it was because I let loose some of my own emotions thanks to all this. Either way, I felt good or that’s all that mattered. “Let me help you, Fluttershy. What do you want?” I whispered.

Fluttershy lowered her head, and for a long time she remained silent until she said, “I want to see Twilight.”

I levitated just outside of the memorial gardens. Fluttershy wanted to talk to Twilight alone and I was going to respect that. While waiting, I looked up at Celestia’s room in the distance. She still had yet to come out of her room since Twilight’s funeral. I wondered when, if ever, she was going to come out. The rumors that were spreading about her were funny to say the least. Seriously, they ranged from her committing suicide to preparing to set all of Equestria with her fury over the actions of those who hated Twilight. Maybe now she’ll finally see that her so called “precious and innocent subjects” aren’t’ as innocent as she’d like them to believe

I soon saw Fluttershy come out of the gardens. She still had some tears in her eyes, but she was smiling, giving me hope that there was a chance she would be fine. “Better?” I asked.

“Much,” answered Fluttershy, yawning. “Can we go home? I want to go to bed.”

“Why? Got plans?” I joked, but to my surprise she nodded. “Really? What kind?”

“I plan on having a picnic tomorrow. Maybe see if the girls are willing to come, and if you want to come join us you can.” Fluttershy lowered her head and shuffled her hooves. “You’re right. I need to start moving on, but I don’t want to do it alone. I want… I need my friends. And that does include you, Discord. I’m so sorry for what I did.”

I smiled. “I’ll forgive if you allow one thing.” I then snapped my fingers and summoned another pink cloud, letting it rain chocolate milk into a cup I summoned. “I bring the refreshments.”