I'm gonna make soooooooooooooooo many people mad one day.

"This is wrong. Really, really, wrong."

"Lee, don't you think you're reacting the wrong way?"

"No, Twili-cunt. This is wrong and stupid beyoooond measure. You don't even know..."

"How?" Twilight gestures to the window and the passing landscape below the drifting zeppelin, "You're on an all-expense paid trip for Manehatten to be on an actual game show that's gonna be viewed all over Equestria! Most ponies would kill for this type of thing!"

Lee slowly shakes his head, "You aren't seeing the f*cking problem..."

"Then what is the problem!"

"The problem..." Lee leans over and grabs Twilight by the shoulders, "... is that it's BESTIALITY DAMMIT!"

A dragon's scaly feet pitter-pattered its way across the wooded floor of Golden Oaks Library. Clutched in his hands was a very official letter not addressed to the very important princess residing in the library, but rather to the strange, new, bipedal occupant named Lee.

"Lee! You got something in the mail!"

With the sound of rushing air and shaking shelves, Lee leaped off of the bookcase he had perched upon and slammed heavily upon the wooden floor before Spike, inciting much pain from the impact. Of course, Lee did not care, because he looked quite cool during the act. "What was that, L'il Nig?"

Spike responds by handing Lee the letter in question. Lee peers at the envelope's the return address to see that it was from Manehattan, which he realized was a stupid pun off of Manhattan but he decided not to question it because that was a story for another day. There seemed to be some other text in minuscule writing at the lower left side, but he ignored it for now. Lee tears the envelope open and pulls out the cherry-colored contents. He unfolded the paper and was immediately hit with the overly sweet scent of women's perfume which he would now dub as, "whore-musk".

"Congratulations, Lee-chan~! You've been chosen as the last contestant for the world famous dating show MY LITTLE DATE: CHERRY BLOSSOMS WANING OVER THE CRESCENT SPRINGTIME MOON~! By opening this letter, you agreed to all the terms and conditions, meaning that you will be required to take part in the show or face heavy lawyering. This was all specified on the front of the letter in text on the bottom left. The magic on the opened letter gives us immediate notification, so don't try to run! Use the enclosed zeppelin tickets for Manehattan to take two other guests. You better run, the zeppelin leaves at 9 AM!

"Wait... what the Hell... 9 AM?"

A purple glow envelops the red letter in Lee's hands and slips it towards a certain Twilicorn who caught ear of the show's name. She skimmed the letter with a growing smile, "Wow! This is amazing that MY LITTLE DATE: CHERRY BLOSSOMS WANING OVER THE CRESCENT SPRINGTIME MOON~! finally picked their first non-pony contestant, and its you, no less!."

"Hold up, I'm still—"

*BANG BANG BANG* goes the door.

"Got it!" Spike says as he plods to the door. He twists the doorknob with a soft click and opens the gate, "Welcome to Golden Oaks Libr—grah!" before being overwhelmed by a flood of flashing lights.

The head of a brown stallion touting a camera forces its way through the opening. His greedy eyes scanned the abode until it found the human. "Mr. Newsom! How does it feel to be the first non equine to contest on... GET OFFA ME YA CHANNEL 8 DOLTS, HE'S MINE!" the photographer bucked a gray reporter Pegasus who had been attempting to squeeze by, sending the stallion sailing off, only to be replaced by a scowling, magic-ready unicorn mare carrying a tape recorder.

"Oh no you don't, no Channel Five dirt pony's takin' our interview! Channel One isn't gonna lose to some two-bit station!"

"You better think again!" shouts a yellow earth pony mare boasting a microphone, galloping towards the Channel One Reporter. She charges with her head lowered, ramming the unicorn yards away. She looks up at the gaping Channel Five stallion with a devil-may-care smile, "Miss me, Channel Five?"

Channel Five stutters and blinks wildly, "Ch-ch-channel Two? But I thought our partnership after the disaster at Presscon 2013 ended?"

Channel Two giggles, "As if we'd ever forget the good times Channel 5 brought? We're friends to the end..." she looks away and blushes, "maybe even more..."

Channel Five sighs and assumes a wide, open-mouth smile. "Oh, Channel Two's Hot Scoop, I didn't know you felt that way."

"Channel Five's Quick Quote," Channel Two's Hot Scoop eyes glimmer with tears of joy, "I've always felt this way!"

However, before the two could embrace in a love-charged grip, a green aura envelops Channel Two, picks her up, and chucks her into town while she carried a heartbroken scream. The green unicorn culprit carrying the large video camera saunters into view, smirking in victory.

Tears streamed from Channel Five's eyes as he howled, "CHAAAAANNNEL TWOOOOOO!!!!" he blinks away the tears and focuses his growing rage upon the green unicorn, "Channel Three, you heartless mother-bucker... I'LL END YOU!!!!" the berserk stallion launches himself onto the unicorn, and joins the frenzy as countless other reporters claw and tear at each other to interview the human.

In mere seconds, Twilight Sparkle's property evolved into a frenzied battle royale, filled with flashing cameras and ramming News Vans, over the prize of journalistic honor and possibly love.

Spike rises from the ground, and slams the door shut. He rubs the afterimages from the lights out of his eyes and groans, "Lee, I think it's for you."

"Bestiality?" Twilight raises an eyebrow in question.

Lee sighs, "Yeeeeeeeees, damn it. Bestiality: f*cking beasts."

Twilight shifts on the cushioned seat towards the sleeping Spike, "Beasts? You mean like dragons or manticores..?"

"You know what? I'm just gonna shut up." Lee pinches the bridge of his nose and snorts, "It's probably completely normal here to f*ck whatever has a hole. I mean, why else wouldn't you tell L'il Nig that his crush is an abomination against nature? Anyways, when are we gonna get to that sad excuse of an enterprising city? I'm gettin outta this sh*t as soon as possible... I ain't sexin' no horse."

Twilight frowns, "You do know that the letter said that you're legally bound to contest in the show, correct?"

Lee snorts, "Whatever, I don't believe in lawyers anyway."

Twilight can only roll her eyes at his strange beliefs, knowing that whatever logic she uses will just be bounded back to her through sheer ridiculousness.

The intercom placed in the corner of the cabin cracked as the pilot made an announcement, "Arriving at drop off shortly. Passengers, please exit your cabin and rendezvous at the lobby. You will be met with further instructions from that point on."

Lee cracks his knuckles and rises from the seat. "About f*cking time they tell us something or actually let us go anywhere."

Twilight gently jostles Spike awake, places him on her back, and gets to her hooves as well, "It is a bit strange, isn't it? The whole time we've been here, we weren't allowed to wander much farther than the restroom, and there are only five or six other passengers aboard. Weird, considering the size of this zeppelin..."

The trio exit the cabin and traverse down the long, red, carpeted hallway. As the party walked, they noticed how eerily quiet it was. Yes, there was the faint tune of some radio station playing, but the sound only sank into silence along with the buzzing or wooshing of the wind. This was a dead silence. The sound of no other living being other than the three. Now they couldn't help but be filled with a foreboding feeling that accompanied their minds whenever something weird was about to happen.

They finally reach the mahogany door at the end of the hall.

Lee twists the doorknob, "Let's do this sh*t." and throws the door open to see a blast of flashing pink lights intermingled with generic, Japanese-pop music.

"LEE CHAN IS HERE~!" coos a female voice with a horribly forced Japanese accent. Sure, Stringy Linguini (from some time ago) may have had a forced accent, but good God, this was bad.

"Oh, what the—"

While Lee and company reeled from the display, a set of hooves picked Lee up, and carried him across the lobby. The hooves drop him onto a metal platform and retreat to a safe distance.

Lee stands and slowly opens his eyes now that the flashing has stopped. He was in the lobby, for sure. Same circular room, same red carpet, same padded furniture, same gaudy crystal chandelier, it was all the same except for the five new ponies also standing on metal platforms.

"Just what the Hell is going on?!" Lee shouts to the surrounding ponies.

"Lee-chan~, please don't use shouting, it isn't moe~!" the ponies and Lee looked up to see the source of the voice: a sleek, snow-white, earth pony mare with a pink, bobbed manecut and a long, curled tail, both of which were streaked with red highlights. She wore a cherry-red Japanese schoolgirl uniform covered in hearts and butterflies. She was sliding down a steel pole that lowered from the ceiling as she winked at everyone with her pink eyes and unnatural speed.

Spike grimaced at her dancing form, "Twilight, it's hurting my eyes..."

Twilight, however, gasped and clapped her hooves, "It's the host of MY LITTLE DATE: CHERRY BLOSSOMS WANING OVER THE CRESCENT SPRINGTIME MOON~!, Strawberry Cure! She successfully set up strong couples on this show every time, without fail! Her mastery over love even netted her an award from Cadence!"

Lee nearly vomits at the sight, "It's a damn monster is what it is..."

"Konichiwa, everypony!" Strawberry Cure croons with a wave of her hoof, "I'm your super-kawaii~ host, Strawberry Cure! And this is, MY LITTLE DATE: CHERRY BLOSSOMS WANING OVER THE CRESCENT SPRINGTIME MOON~!"

"Wait," asks a nervous white, earth pony stallion with a sweeped, brown mane and blue eyes. On his flank was a cutie mark of a megaphone. "I thought that the show was back in Manehattan?"

Strawberry Cure pouts, "Oh, Barro-san, love is always a surprise, so it only makes sense that MY LITTLE DATE: CHERRY BLOSSOMS WANING OVER THE CRESCENT SPRINGTIME MOON~! always is a surprise~! Go ahead and introduce yourselves!"

A pink spotlight shines on a red pegasus stallion with a short orange mane and flame as a cutie mark. The pegasus flares his nostrils and wings, "I AM FIREBLAZE!!!!!!! I'M GONNA BLAZE THROUGH THIS GAME SHOW WITH MY FIERY SPIRIT!!!" the room goes silent at his sudden outburst. "Um... blaze?" yet awkward silence persisted.

"Teeheeheeheeheeeheeheehee!" the spotlight shifts to the giggler: a dark purple pegasus with a bluish-purple mane tied into a short ponytail. Her cutie mark appeared to be three dark blue stars. "You see, uh, I was trying to break the tension by... uh... well, you see what I tried to do.. I'm Starlight Shadow?"

Spike nudges Twilight, "Hey, doncha think she reminds you of, well, you? Except in Pegasus form?"

Twilight raises an eyebrow, "What're you talking about?"

Spike began to number off traits on his claws, "Well, she's colored like you, her mark is similar to yours, even her name, Starlight Shadow, reminds me of yours, Twilight Sparkle. You see?" Twilight responds with a very tired sigh, and closes her eyes.

Spike curls his lip and points at Starlight Shadow, "Are we seriously just gonna ignore this?"

The spotlight swivels to a charcoal grey earth pony mare with a black mane. Her mark appeared to be poker chips before a deck of cards. Taped to her side was the name, 'Ace Five'. She appeared to be... pawing... at a stuffed mouse toy with her haunches high in the air, as if she were a kitten. She rolled onto her back, mewled, and scratched at her ears with her hind legs. Everyone seemed really confused.

Lee looks at Cure with a blank expression, "Why is she acting like a cat?" Strawberry Cure only shrugs. "Well, I gotta admit that it's f*cking cute. Rock on."

The pink beam moves from Ace Five to a light gray unicorn with a spiky-curled, crimson mane. Her cutie mark was an orb of crimson fire filled with three 'Z's. She cleared her throat to speak, but...

"Why is there a toilet paper roll on your head?"

As Lee stated, there was in fact a toilet paper roll covering the unicorn's horn. She gestures to it with a hoof, "Oh, that's my horncap. You see, I occasionally have magical surges that I can't control, so I wear a horncap to—"

"But that's a toilet paper roll."

"Yes, uh, I accidentally left my cap at home and... I figured I could Placebo Effect myself if I had something to cover it up. Anyways, I am Florarena Crimsonflame. I'm a defense lawyer. I special—"

"CRIMSONFLAME?!" Fireblaze exclaims, "Blaze... Crimsonflame... CRIMSONBLAZE FOR THE WIN!!!!!!!"

Florarena looks away, "Oh no..."

The light pans to Lee, where he promptly says, "F*ck off."

So it drifts to the last contestant, a blue unicorn with a white mane and tail, and a cloud as a cutie mark. He immediately snorts, "Oh, right, that toilet paper roll reaally oughta work. And somepony who knows how to read and adhere to schedules acts like a cat, suuuure that makes sense! Ooooh. I'm Silver Lining, and I definitely would love to get with these totally normal mares. Whoopee."

Lee rolls his eyes, "Oh God, it's one of those guys. I'm gonna need that lawyer if he talks like that to me..."

The spotlight switches off, signalling the end of introductions with a fanfare of more, crappy J-pop music.

Barro raises a hoof, noticing that the spotlight completely ignored him, "Um, you forgot—"

"—Okay, Pony-chans~," Strawberry Cure cheers, "now that the introductions are over, it's time to start the first love~love~ challenge!"

Lee raises a hand, "Uh, I actually don't want to be a part of this."

Strawberry Cure giggles like a schoolgirl, "Oh, Lee-senpai~, you joke so much! Of course you wanna be a part of this! If you accidentally opened the letter, you could have ripped up the tickets and ended it right there, like it said on the tickets themselves!"

Lee's jaw drops in disbelief. "I really need to read more..."

"The first love~love~challenge," Strawberry announces with a twist around the pole, "is an Embracing-Free-Fall!"

Starlight raises a hoof, "Ignoring the obvious fact that this sounds completely dangerous, where are we supposed to be diving off?"

Strawberry Cure winks, "Right here, just look at what you're standing on~!"

Lee peers at the metal platform he stood on. He takes a deep breath, and remembers his incredible fear of heights. "Oh, f*ck my ass."

Author's Notes:

Yup, it's gonna be a multi-parter. And yup, I took some of the OCs to the extreme end of their given personality. It's all in jest.

Here are the users who provided the OCs

BarroBroadcaster as Barro himself. He is writing Dan Vs the Magic of Friendship.
Florarena Crimsonflame as Florarena Crimsonflame.
Fireblaze as Fireblaze
Starlight Shadow as Starlight Shadow
Ace Five is from Nova Blast (he gave me the personality as playful, so I decided to have a little fun with it.)
Silver Lining is from the silver-maned pony

Thanks so much for letting me use your OCs!

This is gonna be awesome.