Once upon a time, in the magikal lands of "Anonyquestria" there lived a purple unicorn, named "Sparkly Twilight". Sparkly lived in a bush/CD store, and had a pet lizard, named Spikey-Wikey.
Ms. Twilight had 5 friends,

Shutterfly, a blonde photographer.

Pink Diagram Pie, she makes pie charts.

Dashing Rainbow, who's madly in love with:

Jack yer Apples, an orange farmer.

And last, and probably least, Whiny Little Beeatch.

The two hacker goddesses of Anonyquestria are called "Trollestia" (The goddess of pissing people off)
and Lun4FTW1 (Goddess of the Night)

Jack yer Apple's bro "FatArse Macintosh" is addicted to Big Macs.
His cutie mark is a fat pony with his mouth full.
And he always says "yupeee" to a free Big Mac.

.....

He secretly is in love with his sister, but she just thinks he's a fatass.

Shutterfly has a pet tiger, named "Seraphic". She also shoots more than just pictures.

She's ex-SF, in fact, and brought down Anonyquestria's greatest threat:

OsamabinGryphon12345.

Single hoofedly, I might add.

She was all like "FREEZE MOFO!"

And he was all like "NO WAI N00B!"

And she was all like "BANGBANGBANG!!!"

And he was all like "DAMMIT NOW I GOTTA RESPAWN!"

Let's peek into Whiny Little Beeatch's house, shall we?

She lives in the "The Roundhouse of Whinyness"

Hmm, she appears to be deciding what to wear to the K.K.K. tonight.

K.K.K. = KGrand KGalloping KGala

Whiny just can't decide what to wear to it.

So she made a dress from her tears, wetness = more points in her true love's eyes.

Her true love is, of course, Ssgt. Blackburn, AMC. (Anonyquestrian Marine Corps)

Little does she know, that the other interest in her life, Spikey-Wikey the lizard, *IS*, in fact, the one and the same!

The band was playing jazz, sax blaring loudly...

Whiny Little Beeatch said: "I LUURV YOU BLACKBUM!"

Blackburn said "THAT'S racist!"

Whiny said: But we're at the K.K.K.!

Blackburn said "Oh, right."

Let's take this time to investigate this Blackburn fellow, shall we? He is a Marine stationed against the "PLR" (Pony Liberation Resistance)

Blackburn was awarded a Silver Star with Valor attachment, for killing a rat in a drain pipe.

His buddy "Weird" Al Floormatkovic(AKA Dream Warrior, AKA The Milkshake Man) is his best friend ever.

Floormatkovic is a light machine gunner, with a cutie mark of a terrorist losing the top of his head, thanks to a bullet.

Their commander "Sgt. Foaly" AKA "RAMAREZ GET YOUR FLANK OVER HERE" is a well meaning sort, if a bit dull.

So, Whiny and Blackburn start randomly fighting in front of everybody (There was a gryphon in the crowd.)
And they disappear into a cloud of smoke.

They emerge looking very....

Happy.

To say the least.

The gryphon(Her username was Gild4) exclaimed "GET AN F'IN ROOM!"
Whiny exclaimed "But we are F'ing!"

Gild4 then put a gun to her head, cleansed her memory, and respawned.

The band started clopping furiously.
Which was rather awkward because they were on a tall stage.

All in all, a fairly tame night at the K.K.K.

That is, until the Froot Loops exploded, and the rest, as they say, is history.

KaaaaBLOOOOOOOOOIIIIEEE!!!!

The band looked on at the explosion, awed, and with their hooves down their pants.

Blackburn was already on top of Whiny, that makes that bit easier, though extricating one's self while under attack is not as easy as may first appear. Guests were pelted with Froot Loops while frantically running for the doors.

An evil being stepped out on to a balcony, he had an unusual skin, looked a lot like a hairless gorilla.
His username was "PonyHater1337".

"I'VE FOUGHT MUDCRABS MORE FEARSOME THEN YOU!" he yelled, firing a "Generic Bad Guy Machine Gun"(Totally not a PKM.) at anypony he could see. Blackburn picked up Whiny and ran for the door, dodging all Froot Loops as he ran.
"We gotta get the squad to stop this crazy ape!" he thought.

"Squad?" you might ask, "three guys is a small squad.." Well, perhaps I forgot to mention a few people?

________________________________________________________

Leader: Sgt. Foaly.

We met him already.

2iC/Designated Marksman: Ssgt. Blackburn.

Yeah, we met him too.

Automatic Rifleman: PFC Alfred Floormatkovic.

We also met him, as well.

Rifleman Anti-Tank: Cpl. Camper.

AKA "THAT MOTHER FING CAMPING SON OF WINONA!"

Noob/1337 720-noscoper extraordinaire: PFC Montage.

Catchphrase? "BEWM! HEADSHAWT!"

"Special" Forces: "Beetle"

You can squash him like a bug.

Also, pour gasoline over him and set him on fire.

Special Forces: "Spectre"

He's British, which explains the spelling of his name.

Rifleman/Foaly's beeatch: PFC Ramarez

RaMAREz... get it?!?

*snicker*
___________________________________________

Anyway, that's the squad, though only Blackburn is off base on leave right now. Whiny and Blackburn ran towards the AMC base, conveniently located next door.

Blackburn ran through the doors, bumping into a guy with a mohawk.
"OI! Watch where yer walkin'!" he yelled.

"Yeah? What'cha gonna do, beat me up, Scotty?"

*thwak!*

"Ow"

Foaly appeared in a nearby doorway. Not very pleased, either.

"MELTLEGEN! No fighting in the war room! We've got an ugly ape to kill, and we don't have time to beat each other up!"

Soap and Blackburn looked at each other, shook hooves, and went on about their own ways.

......

Blackburn quickly found his synthetic hands which would allow him to fire a gun, as well as his armor and "Scoped Good Guy Assault Rifle" (Totally not a G36.).

Everybody ran around over, back to the K.K.K., where mudcrabs were proving ineffective against PonyHater1337 as weapons.

"Ramarez! Take Montage and Camper to the left, Spectre, you take the rest of 'em to the right, I need a drink." Sgt, Foaly said, even though the bar had been riddled with bullets.

Floormatkovic was suppressing PonyHater, and Spectre and Blackburn went to flank PonyHater.
"THERE HE IS!" Blackburn yelled, firing his assault rifle somewhere in PonyHater's direction.

Spectre was feeling really bad-flank that day, and he stuck PonyHater with a Semtex.

"A BOMB!" PonyHater1337 exclaimed before asploding.

"Well dun...*hic*!" Foaly said.

"Spiiiiiiiike! I'm hooome!" Twilight called as she open her door after returning from Zecora's.

"I got that tea from Zecor-" Twilight stopped as she realized Spike was nowhere to be found.
"I do hope he's not at Rarity's doing, well... her.." she cringed somewhat at the thought as she checked Spike's bed upstairs. Anatomy books can easily influence young minds..

-------------------

"AW YEAH!" Spike said, "Saved the girl, killed the bad guy...".

One '/dance' command later, Ssgt. Blackburn boogied his heart out, or did so at least until the animation ended.

"*hic*" Foaly belched, as Ramarez, Montage and Camper walked back over to the bar.
"Man, I think I'm never gonna get his guts out of my hair.." Floormatkovic complained. "Dude, you have 1/4 inch hair and were wearing your helmet." Camper said. Floormatkovic countered with a poorly placed "ROFLAMO i was troling u".

Foaly was complaining that he was just a "bloody black Scottish cyclops", and Ramarez and Spectre were arguing that he was, in fact, neither Scottish, nor a cyclops.

-------------------

"SPIIII-oh, *THERE* you are!" Twilight yelled as she checked her basement, Spike was on her computer playing "Adventures in Anonyqustria", a popular RPG set in modern-day Equestria. "I was calling you, wondered were you were.." she said. "Oh yeah, sorry, I had the headphones on, got a little sucked in.." Spike said, "..but this game is just SO AWSUM!" Twilight asked "Isn't that what Rainbow said about her catapult idea?"

Spike blinked.

Then something clicked. "OHNONONONONO! WHAT IF SHE FINDS OUT I'VE BEEN IMPRESONATING HER?!!? I.... I... I could be sued! I could be locked up! AHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhh" Spike exclaimed, running around with his arms flailing like one of those inflatible things outside of car dealerships.

"Uh, Spike, I don't think that, uh, Spike? SPIKE?!?" Twilight said, before simply levitating him in front of her. "Spike, I can't find any law that would even allow you to sue for simply quoting a pony..."

"Huh?"

"..You don't have to worry, Rainbow isn't going to lock you up for quoting her on accident."

"Oh. Uh, umm..."

"Well, I've got to go through the mail, I suppose you can keep playing, though I'll want a turn later." Twilight said, walking up the stairs.

-------------------

"Sorry guys, was AFK" Blackburn said.

"LOL das cool"

"kk"

"Roger"

"*hic*"

-------------------

Twilight put the mail in front of her on the table.

"Hmm.."

"They really have ads for everything now, don't they?" she thought "Hmm,
allen wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters, trailer hitch demagnetizers and automatic circumcisers.."

"Wait. WHAT?!?!" Twilight felt a wave of nausea overcome her.

"HELLO MAREFRIENDS! IS YOUR STALLION NON-KOSHER? DOES EXTRA SKIN FEEL FUNNY IN BED? WELL WORRY NO MORE! JUST BUY THE BRONCO 'CURCUMSISE-O-MATIC', SOMEHOW SUBDUE HIM LONG ENOUGH TO STRAP IT TO HIS BALLS, TURN IT ON, AND HEY PRESTO, HE'S KOSHER!"

Twilight immediately set the offending paper on fire with da magiks, and then quickly trotted over to the bathroom.