You’d think having a job as a princess would be great. I mean, that’s what every little filly wants to do when they get older, and if you look at how good the job looks at a quick glance, it seems really simple. To be a good princess in the storybooks, all you need is to have grace, charm, and beauty, and you’d have a kingdom that would prosper for a thousand years.

It doesn’t help that Auntie Celestia makes it look so easy. All she needs is a kind smile and a few wise words to solve any situation. Or so it seems. I knew that if anypony knew about all of the behind-the-scenes stuff that aunty needs to do just to get up, just getting up in the morning, then no pony would want to be a princess. Heck, if somepony offered them the job, they would run away screaming.

I know all of the hoops that her and Aunty Luna have to hop through. Heck, I even need to jump through the same hoops now! I mean, wouldn’t it be easier for everypony if we made just a tiny change and executed all of the nobles? I-

Oh, where are my manners, here I am dropping all of this onto your lap and I haven’t even told you my name. Allow me to introduce myself; I am Princess Mi Amoré Cadenza. But you can just call me Cadence.

Please, please please just call me Cadence, my name usually makes ponies so intimidated and I just really don’t like it. I love my mom and dad and all but you should’ve tried to spell Mi Amoré Cadenza when you were a filly; it wasn’t easy, I'll tell you.

It wasn’t easy growing up as an alicorn either. While most fillies and colts were outside playing, I had to deal with nobles that tried to control me, an overprotective aunt that used every little opportunity to groom me for the throne, and the seemingly endless tide of teachers that taught me everything from magic to history to how to correctly use a salad fork.

You might not think it, but a salad fork is surprisingly hard to use properly…

But I’m getting off topic, you’re not here to hear me talk about salad forks, you’re here for something important, I’m sure, and we will get to it as soon as possible…

As soon as I finish venting; you don’t know how nice it is to have somepony to just talk to for a change!

Now, I can’t go saying that my life was bad; I had the best food, housing, and education that money could buy. It was just a little too…. Much.

You should have seen Auntie’s face when I asked her if I could get a job so I could pay for my own things! I really wish she would have let me apply for that job at Big Buck, but my babysitting job couldn’t have gone better! I got my knight in shining armor, and a country to call my own and everything!

Yay me…

It isn’t like Shiny and I are practically losing our minds trying to run the Crystal Empire, which is completely different economically, traditionally, and culturally than Equestria is. I mean, these crystal ponies think leaching is the most advanced form of medicine!

But I still can’t help but admire my little ponies. The crystal ponies, even after the rule of Sombra, are still a strong, hard-working group. You wouldn’t believe how quickly they’ve started to adapt to our modern way of life, and how they’ve embraced me as their ruler. I’ve never seen a harder working, or a more loving, group of ponies in my life. It makes me proud to call myself their princess.

So proud that I’m sitting here in my office going through mountains of paperwork that may or may not improve their lives.

“I wonder if I can get one of those stamp thingies with my signature on it,” I muttered as I did a little spin in my wheelie chair. With as much flourish as I could muster after ten hours of bucking doing this, I signed the next paper.

“And that’s all I’m doing for the day!” I muttered, reading the papers title. “‘The proclamation of the solicit overuse of ice cream and the consumption of such by the nobles’? What the buck did I just sign?” Reading down the paper a little bit I couldn’t help but feel my eye twitch. “…Did I just sign a law that controls the use of ice cream? What th-”

“Your majesty, your majesty!” I heard somepony shout from my door, which was followed by rapid knocking.

Ooh, maybe something interesting is happening! I gleefully thought as I hopped up from my chair and trotted over to my door. Hopefully this will get me away from looking back over my paperwork! Composing myself, I gently opened my door to see the panicked face of one of my personal guards, the very adorable and kinda awkward Flash Sentry.

“Cadence, uhrm, I mean your majesty, come quickly,” the stallion said with panic in his voice, “Prince Shining Armor has found a Yeti in the diamond district!”

I grimaced in disgust and confusion at the mention of Yetis. Large, hairy, three-eyed creatures that enjoyed cruelty and the arctic conditions outside my kingdom with equal measure, the ape-like demons were hated and feared by my crystal ponies for the part they had played in their slavery to Sombra.

Something wasn’t right though; the Yetis couldn’t pass through the barrier that the crystal heart provided, as with Sombra. “Are you sure, Flash Sentry?” I asked, fearing that the barrier was weakening.

The stallion scrunched up his nose, in that adorable way he always did when he was thinking hard. “…I don’t know your majesty,” he said slowly. “What we found really doesn’t look like a Yeti. I mean, it doesn’t have three eyes and it can talk and stuff like that, um, Ma’am.”

Resisting the urge to pinch the stallion’s cheek, I trotted past him. “Do the guards have the creature, whatever it is, contained?” I asked as I motioned for him to lead the way.

Trotting in front of me, I couldn’t help but notice Flash twitch nervously. “Um… kinda,” he said.

I raised an eyebrow as we exited the castle. “How do you mean, Flash?” I asked as he looked nervously looked back at me.

“I mean, we have it tied up and everything, but it’s really not happy,” he showed me his hoof, which had a rather nasty bite on it. “It’s attacking anypony that gets close to it and yelling mean things at us, your majesty. We can’t get close enough to move it.”

I frowned at the information as we walked down the sapphire district toward where most of the businesses were, going through an alleyway to get to the diamond district. “Why didn’t Shining just use his magic to lift the creature?” I couldn’t help but feel slight annoyance at how most of my guards were earth ponies and Pegasi. I really should of asked Aunty to lend me a few of her unicorn guards…

“Well, the Prince tried, but….”

“But?”

“He got a little too close and the creature kinda… head-butted him.”

I couldn’t help but snort. “The creature head-butted a unicorn?”

Flash nodded. “You should’ve seen it, princess, the prince got like three feet of air and-”

“LET GO OF ME FOR FUCK’S SAKE!”

We both froze as the force of whatever yelled resonated all around us. Looking up, my guard whistled.

“That’s him; boy, is he loud, huh?”

“I’ll say,” I said as we continued down the road. All around us ponies were poking their heads out of their windows and doors, looking around to see what was making all of the noise. Trying to lighten the mood, I asked, “Does it look anything like Princess Luna? Because that sounded like Luna to me.”

He didn’t laugh.

I was about to give him a real zinger, a dirty joke that Aunt Luna told me that involves three ponies and a shovel, when I spied a large group of guards circling something.

“Cadence!” Somepony shouted.

Looking around, I couldn’t help but smile as I saw my Shiny galloping toward me. Because of all of the work we were doing, me trying to modernize the country and Shining training my new continent of guards, we hadn’t really seen each other in over a week.

Nuzzling each other, I couldn’t help but eye the gauze wrapped around his head. “So, Flash Sentry says that you found a creature running around… and he head-butted you.”

My husband snorted, a hoof going to his horn. “Yeah, I found this Yeti-looking thing running around scaring ponies. It took five of us to chain the bucking thing up.” We both flinched as the creature all but roared, still trying to free itself.

Looking toward where the creature was, I squared my shoulders. “Well, I guess I better say hello huh?”

Before I could take a step forward Shiny blocked my path, shaking his head. “No, Cadence, that thing's too dangerous to get anywhere close to.”

“Shining,” I said as soothingly as I could, “I am a princess, and it is my duty to protect my ponies. Now, I’m going to go over there and have a nice little conversation with whatever that is over there; maybe enlighten it on why you don’t head-butt mare’s husband's.”

That got a chuckle out of Shining as I walked past him. “Fine,” he said, following me. “But I’m coming with you, that thing’s nuts.”

With a gentle smile, I waited for the guards to make way, and, throwing a wink Shiny's way, I walked toward a being that was on its knees, its eyes closed and a vein popping out of its head as it strained against the chains that were holding it down.

Well, ‘he’ isn’t a Yeti, I thought as I looked over the rather beaten-down looking being. He, and I’m sure that the bit of hair under his muzzle makes it a he, was hairless except a blond patch on its head and mouth.

You could tell that it had spent several days out in the outside tundra, his ears and even some of its claws blackened with frostbite. Luckily it was wearing clothes, though they were torn and dirty; he probably wouldn’t of survived the arctic cold outside my domain without the rags.

Clearing my throat loudly I looked down at the creature. “Hello,” I said with the biggest and most serene smile I could muster. “My name is-”

His eyes snapping open, revealing green eyes, the creature looked at me before groaning. “Shit,” he said, shaking his head, “You fuckers brought your freaky alien queen and she’s gonna eat me!”

“I’m not going to eat you!” I sputtered, “I’m trying-”

“You’re going to eat me or lay your freaky alien babies in my stomach and you’re going to make me a sex slave or something!”

“I-I’m not going to do any of those things!”

“Which is exactly what an alien dog thingy that lays eggs in a guy’s belly and it also has a fuck-ton of sex slaves would say!” He said, pointing a claw accusingly at me, his chains rattling.

Sputtering again I looked at Shining, who was all but growling at the creature. “Yeti,” he snarled, “Watch your tongue, you are in the pre-”

Silencing Shiny with a wing, I calmly walked over to the creature, who was staring up at me defiantly.

“Well, hurry up and get it fucking over with, but remember, I’m gonna give you the worst case of indigestion you’ve ever fuckin’ had,” he snarled, staring up at me with a furious look in his eyes.

He’s terrified, I thought as I leaned down toward the creature, who closed his eyes and squared his shoulders, probably waiting for his untimely demise. What a silly creature, didn’t he know ponies couldn’t eat meat?

He flinched as I gently nuzzled his neck in what I hoped was a soothing gesture. “It’s okay, nopony’s going to eat you.” I told him gently, using my magic to unchain him.

“Cadence, don’t-” Shining began, but I ignored him, looking down at the creature with a smile.

“Hello. My name is Cadence, Princess of the Crystal empire,” I said as the confused creature looked up at me.

With a baffled look the creature looked down at his claws, rubbing them with a grimace. “Ares,” he muttered after a minute. “My name is Ares. Thanks for busting me outta those chains. When I find that white fucker that-” he stopped, clenching his side in pain, “Boy, am I messed up, I think I have some broken ribs or something...”

He didn’t flinch this time when I nuzzled him, “Can you get up, Mr. Ares? We need to get you to the hospital. I’m sure a creature-”

“Human,” he said with a sigh, “And no I can’t get up,” He smiled bitterly. “The ol’ adrenaline seems to have run out.”

I shook my head and levitated him onto my back, motioning my guards to stand down, and starting toward the castle. “You know it would have been a lot easier if you would have just calmly spoke to my husband,” I told the human as I felt his forelimbs gently wrap around my neck. “He would have gotten you some help.”

The ‘human’ snorted. “Your husband’s that white fucker in the stupid purple armor?” Shining huffed but didn’t say anything as he followed us into the castle.

“Yes, he is. Why?”

“As soon as he saw me he started to scream something about a fuckin-”

“Do you always have to swear?” I interrupted, annoyed at Ares’s foul mouth.

I could almost see his little grin. "Sorry, I have a bad case of potty mouth; it always ran in the family."

“…Oh… Alright…"

“Well, okay then. Now are you going to be quiet and let me finish?”

I snorted, “You know, most wouldn’t speak to a princess like that,”

This time I looked back to see him smiling. “A pretty pink princess, huh?”

I frowned. “Why are you making that sound like a joke?”

He sighed. “I’ll tell you the joke later, if this frostbite doesn’t kill me.”

“And why would your frostbite kill you, creature?” Shiny asked, now trotting side-by-side with me. “Yetis do quite well out in that cold.”

I felt Ares tiredly turn toward my husband. “First off, I’m a human, not a Yeti. I mean, you can see my ears and my fingers can’t you, Sweet Cheeks? There’s that fun stuff, then something out there bit me; that’s probably infected now,” Out of the corner of my eye I saw him lift a hand. “Just look at these, as black as night; probably gonna have to cut ‘em off. I was out in that frozen hellhole for days with only a hoodie for protection; it’s a miracle that I’m still breathing.”

“So you were outside the barrier,” Shining said, accusingly. “What were you doing outside?”

I felt Ares lean himself onto me more. “Look Susan-”

“It’s Shining Armor.”

“Whatever, ‘Becca, all I remember was walking back to my dorm. I blinked and I was in the fucking arctic.”

“Language, Ares, language,” I chided gently as we turned the corner toward the hospital ward that was in the castle.

“So you aren’t from around here?” Shining asked.

“No Alice, I’d know if I lived around a bunch of alien dog-”

“Ponies; we’re ponies,” I corrected.

I felt Ares stifle a chuckle. “Ponies huh? I guess you kinda look like one.”

“You have ponies-”

“And we’re here!” I brightly said, looking up at Shiny. “Shiny, could you get Doctor Stitcher please?”

Grumbling, my husband did as he was asked, walking in a different direction as I carried the human into the empty ward and gently put him on a bed. Now, seeing the poor creature really up close with no fight left in him, he looked almost shrunken, his skin pale with bluish lips and bags under his eyes.

Placing a blanket over him I said, “Don’t worry, Ares, we have a very good doctor from Canterlot,” he snorted weakly, closing his eyes, but I just ignored him and continued, “She’ll fix you right up.”

“He attacked me,” Ares muttered tiredly. “That husband of yours took one look at me and charged me. As soon as I dropped him I had fifty of those armored horses--”

“Ponies,”

“--Ponies, sticking spears in my face and throwing chains on my back. I would have said something if they hadn’t attacked first.”

Frowning at that little bit of information, I gently nuzzled him again. “I’m sorry if-”

Ares waved my apology away. “It’s fine. Your guys attacked me, I probably gave your hubby a concussion; as far as I’m concerned, we’re even.”

“Are you always going to be difficult?” I asked with a huff, levitating a chair over to myself and plopping down.

Ares cracked open an eye to stare at me. “Don’t you have some princess shit to do, or something?” He said, ignoring my frown at his language.

With a dainty wave of my hoof I got comfortable in my chair. “Actually, because of you I don’t have to go over boring paperwork, and it’s nice to talk to somepony, even if it’s some odd creature that likes to talk,” I told him with a giggle.

The human snorted. “You should be thanking me for kicking your boy’s ass then.” He looked down at his blackened claws with a grimace. “It’s crazy, I can’t feel my hands but I can still move ‘em. It’s really gonna suck losing these fingers.”

I patted him on the side. “Don’t worry, we can fix those ‘fingers’. The doctor’s a unicorn, and she knows what she’s doing. If I had to guess you’ll be out in a day or two, then we can get you home.”

Instead of comforting the creature like I thought it would, it just made him snort. “Talking ponies, unicorns, and a super doctor that also happens to be a unicorn? I’m really not in Kansas anymore…” He looked back down at me. “Princess-”

“Please, Ares, you aren’t one of my subjects. You can just call me Cadence.”

“Whatever you say, Candy,” he said with a little smirk.“So, what is this place called again? The Crystal?-”

“I’m not going to answer your questions until you start acting a little-”

“Less like a dick?” Ares helpfully said with a grin, making my eye twitch.

“Not the language that I would’ve used-”

“Look, Candy, you don’t look like a babysitter, so-”

“Actually, I was a babysitter when I was younger.”

That caused the human to blink. “Really? Next you’ll tell me you were a librarian.”

I shook my head. “No, but my sister-in-law Twilight is.”

Nodding slowly, Ares closed his eyes again. It looked like he had fallen asleep in the silent, silent room…..

It wasn’t long before I finally snapped, “Weren’t you going to ask me a question?”

The human gave me a smug smile, his eyes still closed. “Oh, can’t Candy take a little bit of silence?” He asked teasingly.

I crossed my hooves. “Are all humans so talkative?” I snipped. “Could you just ask the question?” I exasperatedly said, Ares’s smile fading from his face.

Sighing, he muttered, “I’m sorry, Princess, I’m just tired. I'm a bastard when I'm tired,” He let out a little weak snort. “Here I am talking to some alien pony… Here I am poking fun at an alien pony, and all I can think of is how nice it is to be warm again.” He chuckled. “Boy, am I shitty ambassador for mankind,”

Keeping my thoughts about him calling me an alien to myself, I unfurled a wing and wrapped it around the human’s ‘hand’, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I think you’re doing a pretty good job; I mean, I was way worse the first time I-” I stopped as the heard the sound of multiple hoofsteps coming toward us.

“Well, it looks like the doctor’s finally coming!” I said as brightly as I could, tucking my wing back into my body and turning to see my husband and an orange unicorn walking side-by-side, three nurse fillies trailing behind them. “Hello Dr. Stitch!” I said to the rather stern looking pony that levitated a clipboard over.

“Dr. Stitcher, if you would, Princess,” The mare said in that professional, and slightly annoying, voice of hers. “Your husband has a mild concussion, by the way; please make sure that he doesn’t sleep tonight. Now, is this the ‘creature’?”

Without another word the doctor swept past me, looking Ares up and down, the human looking down at her with a small grin. “What’s up Doc?”

Ignoring him, the doctor brought the clipboard right to her face and started to frantically write. “Hm, it seems like the creature can speak; maybe it mimics ponies voices, like parrots can,” she muttered to herself.

“Yes he can,” Ares said, “So you’re a-”

“It appears to be a biped, hairless with five appendages at the base of-”

I cleared my throat loudly, “Um, doctor,” I said, trying not to roll my eyes when she huffed at me. “Ares here needs to be healed; I think your analysis can wait.” Canterlot ponies, I thought as the doctor rolled her eyes, walking over to the side of the bed to stare at Ares muzzle-to-muzzle.

Using a baby voice, the doctor said, “And what is the widdle-”

“First off, doc,” the human snapped, “your bedside manner fucking sucks. Secondly, get the fuck outta my face, your breath stinks. Third, and this is doctors in general, all of you fuckers are worthless. The nurses are the ones that do all of the work, and you dicks just write the prescriptions. So, to summarize everything, fuck you, fuck your lab coat, fuck that horn on your head, and, you know what? Fuck that ugly orange color you’re sporting there, sweetheart.”

Silence echoed throughout the ward, so I took a little opportunity to look at everypony's reactions.

Personally, I thought that the stuck-up Doctor deserved that, so I thought it was pretty good. Ares looked quite pleased with himself, despite still looking terrible. Shiny was grinding his teeth angrily; I think I need to speak to him about Ares… And finally, the nurses; all three were quietly giggling at their shocked boss.

Clapping my hooves together I said, “Well, doctor, Ares, you’ve met each other huh? Shiny, while these lovely mares help Ares, can I speak to you outside? We need to talk about a few things.”

Spinning around, I made my way to the entrance of the ward, my husband following as chaos erupted between Ares and the doctor.

Closing the door behind us, I turned to face my disgruntled husband. “Shiny,” I said, “Could you tell me what happened with you and Ares?”

He snorted, “I already told you Cadence, that thing attacked me,” He rubbed his head gently. “So now I have a concussion. That thing needs to get thrown into the dungeons.”

Feeling a headache coming on, I sighed before calmly saying, “Shiny, I don’t care who attacked who, you saw how he looked. He must have been out there for days and he was hurt and hungry, so I can understand why he would of done it. Did you hear him ramble? The poor dear must be terrified; that or he missed talking to somepony. I can also understand why you did it,” I nuzzled him. “When was the last time you had a good sleep?”

Shiny looked at me, letting out a tired sigh and slumping down. “I attacked him first,” he whispered in shame. “I thought he was a Yeti so I charged him…”

I laid a wing over top of him. “We’ll come back tomorrow, and you can apologize,” he nodded, standing back up. I gave him a sly wink. “You know, Shiny~” I purred, “The doctor said that you couldn’t sleep tonight, and I have just the thing to keep you awake~”

I’ve never seen a stallion’s face change from depressed to happy so fast as he sped away toward our bedroom. “ComeonCadenceletsgo!” He shouted over his shoulder as I giggled.

“I’ll be there in a second,” I called to him, trotting back into the ward to see Ares bathed in a magical glow, Doctor Stitch frowning in concentration as she healed him.

“Almost… there…” she grunted to the nurses behind her, each of the white fillies pushing carts toward the bed. “And, done.” Cutting the magic off she wiped a bead of sweat from her brow. “Creature, you were quite injured,” she said to the human, who weakly snorted, his eyes closed.

“Step on a Lego, Doc,” he muttered, before struggling to open an eye to look up at her. “Am I supposed to feel like a bucket of smashed assholes right now?”

She grunted, straightening her lab coat. “The spell I used to heal you was a general regeneration
formula, since I don’t know what the hay you are,”

“Not a doctor...doc, use the baby words,” Ares blinked, “Wait, you guys have magic?”

Rolling her eyes the doctor said, “Yes, we do have magic, Mr Ares. And to put it in a way you’ll understand, the spell forces your metabolism to accelerate your healing, which is why you feel like a ‘bucket of smashed assholes’, as you put it,” She motioned for the nurses forward and they swarmed the poor human, offering him food, extra blankets, or asking if the sweetie needed anything or if he was uncomfortable.

I couldn’t help but smile before turning around with a pep in my step. I had kinda finished my paperwork for the week, I had met and sort of befriended a strange creature, and it was because of the creature that I was going to have a little fun time with my husband.

All in all it turned out to be a pretty good day.

Author's Notes:

*GASP* he's writing a multiple chapter clopfic? One that doesn't rip on Flash Sentry? And one with Cadence as a married mare?

Burn him!

*rolls eyes*

Anyway, this was done because of a pretty good Forum post for the .Human on royalty group. *cough* plug in *cough*

I decided to make it a multi chapter thing because you can't justify this whole Cadence-falls-out-of-love-with-Shiny-yada-yada thing in a one-shot without a shit ton of angry comments.

So I decided to make this one of those 'you done learned something' and a 'is there really a bad guy?' fic.

So... stay tuned I guess...

Oh, can anyone tell me the really old joke?

Author's notes are hard.