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The Hitchhikers Guide to Friendship (ON HIATUS)

by DarkWing

Chapter 1: Prologue

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Prologue

*IF YOU HAVE NOT READ THE HITCHHIKERS GUIDE TO THE GALAXY SERIES I WOULD SUGGEST DOING SO BEFORE READING THIS. IT WILL USE QUOTES AND REFERENCES TO ALL OF THE SERIES AND NOT JUST THE MOVIE! MANY A SPOILERS WILL BE GIVEN.

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Space... is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly hugely mindbogglingly big it is...

- Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy Author.

"What?" Screamed Zaphod Beeblebrox, after hearing the ultimate question. "How in gods name is that the ultimate question? It makes no sense."

"Nothing we've done has made any sense ever." Ford Prefect shrugged. "It only makes sense that we continue this nonsensical streak."

"Nobody is going to give us money for THAT. We'll be the laughing stock of not only our universe," Zaphod yelled. "but all of them."

"Why?" Asked Arthur Dent, the man who held the answer to the question of 'What is the ultimate question'. The answer to the question was simply the number forty-two. But nobody understood the answer. Not even the giant computer that calculated the ultimate answer knew. "It's not our fault that this is the question, as simple as it is."

"Six by nine? How could THAT be the ultimate question?" Zaphod yelled. "People have killed to find the question to the ultimate answer. And now that we know the question which has been answered."

Marvin let out a deep, depressing groan. It was the kind of groan where it sounds a shiver down your spine and you think to yourself 'That groan is so depressing it's making me depressed'.

"Does anybody want to know what I think?"Marvin asked.

Ford, Trillian, Zaphod andArthur stared at the massive headed robot for an answer. After several second of silence someone finally asked.

"Fine, what do you think Marvin?" Zaphod asked impatiently.

"I think everything is just horrible." Marvin said, in a tone so depressing, it would make millions of adults fall to their knees and weep had they been their to witness it. Luckily all the people on the ship are either too stupid or too oblivious to be affected by Marvin. Most likely both.

Zaphod hit Arthur on the back of the head.

"What was that for?" Arthur asked.

"What was what for?" Zaphod asked back to Arthur.

"What was the reason for you hitting me?" Arthur told Zaphod.

"Oh no reason." Zaphod replied. "I'm just annoyed, that's all."

"That's a stupid reason." Arthur yelled.

"Ah there's my reason. I hit you because you're stupid." Zaphod retorted.

"Shut up." Trillian yelled. "Stop your idiotic bantering. Now we need to know, what comes next. We know the ultimate answer is forty two, and we know the ultimate question is what is six by nine. What do we do now?"

"Want to know what I think?" Marvin said speaking again.

"No!" Yelled Arthur, Ford, and Zaphod.

Suddenly the ship started shaking wildly.

"Sorry about that folks, seems like something is making me shake." Said the Heart of Gold.

"How incredibly amazing. I would never have guessed." Arthur said getting up.

"What was it." Zaphod asked, just to fall on to the ground after getting up, due to the ship shaking again.

This isn't fun. thought Zaphod.

What is happening thought Arthur.

This is terribly depressing thought Marvin.

"Well folks, it seems we are under attack by another ship." The ship chirped happily. "Should I see what they want?"

"Yes." Screamed Zaphod, attempting to get up, but failing due to the increasing violence of the shaking.

After several minutes of everyone stumbling to get up, Arthur decided to speak.

"Maybe we should stay on the ground, you know, because we can't get up anyways?"

Soon enough everybody gave up the notion of standing up, and after millions of nano seconds, the ship came back.

"I have some good news and some bad news!" The ship said. "Which would you like to hear first."

"Whats the bad news?" Zaphod yelled.

"The kind people behind us decided that they want kill us." The ship said, slightly louder.

Arthur just stared at the control panel of the ship. Arthur thought he was more or less making eye contact with the ship, when in reality he was mostly looking at the ships kidney. "

Well then what's the good news?" Arthur asked, saying silent prayers to a god he rarely believes in.

"You've all had fantastic lives!" The ship chirped, then soon the ship started making horribly loud beeping noises.

"No I haven't! I've had a terrible life." Arthur screamed, trying to be audible over the increasing sound of the ships emergency alarm.

"I'm sorry. I guess I only have bad news then." The ship said, trying to comfort Arthur. Not known to the ship, however, this made Arthur sick.

Ford then jumped up and ran to the controls of the ship. He looked at the giant red button that read 'DO NOT PRESS'. He then glanced at the others on the ground, all of them with a worried expression on their face.

"I'm going to press it." yelled Ford at the others. He then raised his hand in the air and slammed the button down as hard as he could.

The ship started stretching in every which direction, in impossible angles and wonderful shapes. It always confused Arthur as to how being flattened never killed him. Then he thought to himself why doesn't it kill Zaphod? Soon the ship stopped. Soon after, that everything stopped and Arthur experienced a slight falling feeling. The ship broke through the atmosphere of the planet and started speeding towards the ground. Arthur opened his right eye to get a good look around. Everything in the ship is more bright than he remembers. He then has trouble getting his footing, and decides to crawl on all fours, due to being unable to stand on his two feet. He crawled to the side of the ship and looked out the window and proceeded to shield his eyes. Never in his entire life has he seen anything this bright and happy.

In fact, it was so bright and happy that Arthur then proceeded to projectile vomit all over the window. After several seconds, Arthur wiped the bile off of his lips and looked at his hands. He then noticed that he no longer had hands. This made him throw up yet again. He then looked around to see the others, but he could not see them. There was just a couple of horses, much like ones back on earth, but all had vibrantly colored fur. Where is Trillian? Where is Ford? Please tell me Zaphod is dead! Arthur thought to himself, before flying into a wall.

Next Chapter: Chapter 1 Estimated time remaining: 26 Minutes

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