My life, is, nothing. Everything thing I stand for, means nothing. I’m just a body, a little nothing in a bigger picture. But so is everyone else I know, the people I fight with, or I fight against. Even the fighting means nothing, the only reason I’m fighting is because someone else needs money. I’m just a PMC, a man with no name, or purpose. The only thing I’m good at is being human. But even that's stretching the truth. Being human means, you can have feelings, emotions, thoughts. But, I don’t even have those. Like I said, I’m just a body, following orders against my will.  

Emotions building inside me, thoughts clustering in the endless void that is my mind. Feelings that I wish I could take out on someone or something, but to no avail, I just stare, at nothing, do nothing, nothing but follow orders, because that's all I was born to do. Taking orders from someone, against my will, and do them without a thought in mind. Even if I try to show emotion, they are quickly taken away. Only if, “The System” wants to see me in fear, and watch me suffer. But, I deal, I have to deal, I can’t do anything, but deal and again, follow orders.

I didn’t chose this life, I was born into it. Straight from my mothers arms, into training, then into war. Right now I’m only 18. I shouldn’t even be here in the middle east. I shouldn't  be part of the Praying Mantis PMC Corp. I shouldn’t have to be trained into war. But of course, they needed bodies, and the only cost efficient way to get them was to raise children into the training, then inject them with nanomachines, and ship them out into the proxy battles that rage across the globe. Of course, the war economy needs to be feed, and we in the Outer Heaven, make it happen. But, really, it’s just the system controlling us and making us do it. I don’t have a choice. But, there is something inside me, something the system left behind. The feeling of fear. But during war, this had grown to the feeling of death. I, don’t want to die, but, I don’t want to live the proxy life anymore, and that's the only other option.

Then why aren’t I dead yet, I should have died a long time ago, is there something for me here in this life. Is that the only reason why I’m alive? Am I supposed to do something with my existence, or is my life just wait for the right time to give out directly under my feet. I will soon find out.

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Today, like any other day started out the same. Patrol around, stand guard at the gate, maybe patrol some more, then engage in the daily proxy battle that would last for maybe 4 hours, and then, guess what? Patrol more. This just became a normal routine for me, except for the proxy battle, even though they are almost the same every time.  Run somewhere that has cover and stand there while you get your ass shot at until you can engage. Then just wait around for a Irving to come, or an air strike. Then run away like the devil himself has you in his crosshairs, cause, knowing your luck theres a sniper somewhere with a hard on for his trigger finger.

Then when you get back to base, rest for a bit, then patrol. But, for some reason, today seemed different. It’s maybe around 2000 hours and I was called for the night shift this time. Of course, not trying to smack the commander in the face cause this was the third time this week he called me, I left without word and took my normal route around the bases walls. Now this is where I find myself, walking along the bases walls, staring straight ahead with wandering eyes. I might happen to catch a glint of something and make me turn my head, but not really look at it, turning for just enough time to see it’s not a muzzle flash, then snap back to eye up front.

My feet already aching and my hands were falling asleep as I try to keep them awake by shaking up once and a while. My eyes were heavy with fatigue, and my nanomachines weren’t trying to keep me awake. The moonlight shined down upon my uniform, making the black BDU under my assault vest turn a grey lightblue, as my gun shinned right back up to the stars above. I look to the stars gleaming in the dark sky and stare at it’s all mighty wonder and try to think.

‘Who, would not want to see this spectacular display of stars and planets, it’s beautiful.’

I could feel a hot tear form in my eye as I tried to fight this sudden urge to bawl up and cry as I look down at the sandy dirt.

“What was I doing, just patrolling for no good reason? Doing someone or something's dirty work, for no reason? Fighting a fake war because of some stupid war economy?’

For the first time ever I really could hear myself think, it’s been a while, the pure fact of me voicing my opinion about myself, to only myself, was just amazing, it felt amazing. But, I could only think for so long until my vision was caught off guard by something.

A brown cardboard box.

At first I ignored it, looking away, but my confusion raced as the box suddenly jumped. Not a whole jump, but enough to catch my attention once again. I reach for my face scarf as I pull it down from my mouth as the sweet and spit rag flapped on my assualt vest and now hangs from my neck, that to shines from the moonlight above. I lift my goggles up into the resting position and shift my way over to the box.

It moves again, this time a little softer, I could see it move as if something were walking around in it. I stopped dead in my tracks. I nearly slapped myself,

‘What the fuck am I doing, I’m supposed to be on watch.’ I thought.

I almost turned around when my suspicion rose over my obligations as I soon found myself kneeling beside the box in front of me. It was strange, the box wasn't dirty, like it was just put there two seconds ago. The four flaps above it were folded over into it’s shipping position. It was just a box, why where, why me, was I supposed to ignore it? More questions popped up, but I Ignored them all together. I couldn’t wait any longer. I stood up and rested my rifle on my back as I went for the flaps. I flipped one open and looked inside.

Suddenly my vision seemed to not even believe myself as I searched my locked brain for answers. All I could see was some sort of rainbow tail, it twitched as it brushed against the boxes walls.  

‘What kind of creature is this, a rainbow tail?’ I thought to myself as the other questions didn’t seemed to matter anymore.

I went for the other flaps as my mind raced, fumbling with them as I quickly opened the rest of the covers. When the box was completely opened I stood back up and looked in wonder.

For there before me, was something I couldn’t explain, my mind nearly exploded from the constant assault of questions that was being fired by my eyes. It was, i-it was a blue, p-pony. Not just a pony, but a Pegasus. My mind sputtered once again, it was a she. She was so, young, and innocent, why was she here? What purpose did she serve in this proxy war? Then the realization struck me like a freight train as I really looked at her carefully. She, was not of this world. But, in that case, why would she be here? In my, horrible, proxy fighting, controlled, war savvy planet.  

I didn’t think for much longer as I could feel S.O.P reawakening inside my body. My head began hurting as my memories began to fade away.

“No, No, NO, you, can’t control me you son of a bitch, don’t take is memory away from me like you did EVERYTHING ELSE!!! I won’t fucking let you!!!!!” I yelled as I grabbed my helmet and began stumbling around as I tried to hold on to the ponies image. The migraine grew larger as my vision became blurred. Tears squeezed from my eyes as sobbed, trying not to bawl out. I fought the system tooth and nail with everything I had, and then some. I was brought to my knees as the pain in my head grew too strong, I was pushed to the brink of insanity as the only this that was in my mind, was the snapshot of the pony.

Any way possible I hung on to her. S.O.P grew stronger as I could feel her falling from my minds grasp. My stomach turn and tossed up my dinner as I clinged to my head as I convulsed on the ground. My eye became bloodshot as they blurred more and forced me into a permanent state of pain and suffering. I stumbled over to the box as I took another look at the filly, with my, blurred, burning, leaking eyes.

She wasn't sleeping anymore. She was awake, and she was staring right back at me. Her eyes, her innocent, child like eyes. Their purple glow illuminating my cold dark heart as It was now beating faster as my brain worked harder to shun the system and stop it from making me forget her. I threw myself onto my back, and closed my eyes as tears squeezed from them. I wasn’t trying to hold back tears anymore, I was straight up crying.  

But, just as it started, it stopped. My eyes widened as I could feel the pressure come off me as I looked to the night sky.

I had won.

For once, in my life, I fought for something I wanted, not for no reason, but for a purpose. I stood up faster than I ever have done before, nearly puking a second time. I Looked around to see if anyone was near me, luckily no one was near. I breathed in through my nose and exhaled through my mouth. The cool night air taking over my hot lungs as chills were sent down my spine as I made my way over to the box once more. Again, meeting the pony face to face. She was beautiful. Her big eyes meet mine as I could have died from a cuteness overload as the previous battle with them system seemed worth it. Her eyes shined off the moonlight as her violet eyes had now a small ring of sky night blue surrounding the edges.

At that moment I spoke up and cleared my throat.

“Hi, uh, sorry about waking you up, uhmm, what are you doing here?”  I asked as I put my hand on my knee. She sort of looked around at the surrounding walls of the cardboard prison and then looked back up at me with utter confusion.

“Can, can you speak?” I asked now talking in a lower voice so that it was easier to understand me. She shook her head and put on a expression that said, ‘no’.  

“Well, at least you can understand me.” I said now almost sitting on the ground in front of the box. The cool night winds began to pick up as the breeze brushed past me and entered the walls. She, was shivering, she wrapped her tiny wings around her and tried to keep warm. I didn’t know what to do, I never had to deal with something like this in my life before.

Was I just supposed to leave her here? No, she’ll freeze to death out in the cold before the sun comes out. I tried to think over more answers but as I looked down to the pony, her face was now buried into her right wing. She shivered more as her shivering matched her breathing. I couldn’t take it anymore, it wasn't my place, but, I quickly looked around for something I could wrap her in. I searched hi and low around corners and even under the sand near the box. Finding nothing I returned to the box. She was still shivering. She was not going to die here, not on my watch.

My body began to act as my mind quickly  caught up to it. I unbuttoned my assault vest and  slid it off. I turned it sideways so that I could make some sort of little pocket by closing off one side of the vests arm holes. Now I have a make shift basket I could carry her in.

“Alright, lets hope this works.” I said as I went over to the pony. I tapped on the box gently, not trying to startle her. She looked up at me with her wondering eyes. I pointed to her, and then I lifted the assault jacket up so she could see it. I then turned it sideways so that the bottom was facing her I then pointed to her again then to the open hole that I held in my hand. She didn’t understand. Frustrated I tried some other hand motions. I put down the jacket and pointed to her again. I wrapped my arms around themselves  and rested my hand on my upper arm and made a, ‘burrr’ sound with my mouth. Then pointing to my jacket again, I tried to make a motion that meant, “warm.”  I ended up doing the shivering one again, but this time shaking my head , “no.” she understood me then.  I smiled. I picked up the vest again in it’s awkward position in one hand  and I used my other one to reach for the pony.  At first she was a little hesitant, then after I put her in my arms, she tried to escape, but, she was too weak. I then fitted her inside the open part of the upside down vest as I tried to make her warm by holding the bottom three holes tighter as I tried to cut off as much cold as possible. She kept squirming around as I felt the weight of her four hooves tap around on my left arm. Soon enough, she became warm has she finally settled down and curled up into a half ball.  

“Good.” I said softly smiling at my success. I turned around only to be meet with the walls of the base. I was still here. I couldn’t go in there, they might take her away, or experiment on her, or, worse. I turn around in an attempt to find her shelter and began to walk ahead of me, an alleyway was in front of me.  A light from a street lamp on the other end lit up the far side. I began to walk for the light trying to push the base out of my newly formed mind. The alleyway was dark and old looking, like itself was tried too. Reaching the light at the other end I looked around for any PMC or Militia patrols. Luckily this street was abandoned, only a few builds still stood as others were missing walls that had crumbled to the ground from explosions.

I walk along the sandy street as I find myself looking in builds to see if they are occupied by anyone, or if they were pretty much covered from all sides. After wandering for what seemed like forever, I finally found one. A building that actually had a door, four walls and a roof. I moved over to the door and rest an ear on the wooden barrier. Nothing made a sound on the inside. I tried the handle.

It opens. I push it open quietly and move in. The room was dark. But, a window in the back of the room let some light in as the streaks of moon shined down upon a couch. It was very torn in multiple areas, but it will have to do. I take the resting filly and the assault jacket and place it down on the couch. The sudden misplacement she felt made her perk her head up. She looked at me as I sat down beside her and rest my hands on my knees. She shifted her body so that her head stuck out where my head should be in the assault jacket. She looked cozy and snug, and overall the most adorable thing I would be seeing for a while.

She smiled, she was happy, warm, and out of harms way, for now.

And if she was happy, I was happy. I finally did something good for once.