Etpinego/ Applejack
"Penelope" Xamspona Tevopi/ Twilight Sparkle
"Skittles"/ Rainbow Dash
"Bubbles"/Pinkie Pie

“What… the… fuck.” I said aloud as I stood back up, continuing to examine these newcomers.

‘That’s it! This has to be somewhere in Japan. Only they could think up something as crazy as genetically mutated, multicolored, naked busty beauties. Maybe this is their version of Jurassic Park for businessmen; except for dinosaurs you have these girls,’ I reasoned to myself, because right now the lavender one in front of me defied all forms of my logic. ‘Seriously, I mean even those guard girls look like they could be on the cover of SI’s swimsuit edition, and what’s up with their outfits? Is there some kind of medieval fair going on here? Or maybe they’re some kind of ceremonial guards, what with that bronze armor and those blue colored push brooms on their helmets.’

The five of them were taken aback for a moment as I stared at them. I could make out the guards gripping the shafts of their spears a little tighter. It might have been because of the fact that I easily stood head and shoulders over these women, and even though I may have thought that I could overpower them if the time came to it. I didn’t want to run the risk of being skewered by those spears like a shish kabob, so I thought it would be wise to try and ease their minds on my danger to them.

“Now ladies, I don’t want any trouble. I’m just looking for some help for my friend here and a way out of here.” I spoke to them in as easy sounding of a voice as I could.

”Cey ger wieo?” the leader, who I had decided to nickname Penelope after that cat from those old Pepe le Pew cartoons, replied in a tone best described as surprise before a smile came across her face, and I watched her attitude do a complete 180, “Cey ger wieo Equis?”

The only reply I could give her was a confused look and a shrug of my shoulders, because I still didn’t know what the hell any of them were saying. For all I knew she was wanting me to be some ritual sacrifice or some sort of sex slave to repopulate their species.

‘Wow, really need to lay off the porn.’

Yet, unlike my encounter with Etpinego, Penelope seemed to catch on pretty fast as I saw the smile fade a little. Then she seemed to remember the blonde haired woman who was currently lying on the ground behind me. She looked like she was about to say something again but never got the chance as my vision was blocked by a rainbow. A very angry sounding, feminine rainbow.

“Lic mihr, alex lec cel aupor celev pun sel Etpinego!” the angry rainbow yelled as I felt something hard poking me in the chest.

After allowing my eyes to adjust to the assault of color on my irises, I was allowed a better look at the offending thing in front of me. Lo and behold it turned out to be yet another woman, although she was a sky blue in color and had a perky little body that just screamed athlete. Her magenta colored eyes were currently burrowing into mine while one of her hard fingertips was currently trying to break through my sternum. The cyan colored wings on her back were fluttering at an almost languid pace, yet somehow defying physics and keeping her hovering about two feet off the ground so that she was looking me squarely in the eyes. The wind coming from the beating of her wings caused her prismatic hair and tail to float gently in the breeze created by each beat of her wings.

“Vemsa Hewl, zavs lex! Li ettiev av fi pualkir!” I heard Penelope yell from behind this new woman.

Part of me was hoping to all things holy that she was telling ‘Skittles’ here stop poking me in the chest, mainly for two reasons. First off, it was really starting to hurt. I mean I didn’t know what the material that covered the last knuckle of their fingers was made up of but it was pretty hard. Secondly, it was really starting to tic me off as I could already feel the frown forming on my face.

“Ciel Hewl, li emis yu ercimir dyun. Li liptin qi alir ai nav hahgoi if sqi azcidi, eh izir texglih qi y huk isnoa qi fego.” I heard Etpinego say from behind me, hopefully pleading my case to these other ones. Skittles looked a little confused as she looked between Etpinego and Penelope, but continued to poke me all the same.

Okay. Now I was really starting to get pissed and I tried one more attempt at civility, “Please stop poking me.”

Skittles took notice of my warning tone and replied with one of her own, “Vo, e avno ki evi c’el. Qi emrs vhep cel.”

I quickly grabbed the offending hand, which must have startled her because she immediately fell back to the ground. Gritting my teeth I tried to keep my anger in check as I towered over her and brought her close enough so that our noses were almost touching.

“Stop! Poking! Me!” I told her with suppressed rage, enunciating each syllable so as to get the message even through our language barrier. I gave her hand a slight squeeze to emphasize the point, causing her to give a whimper in pain as she kept looking at me with eyes that rivaled mine in intensity.

She desperately tried to pull away from me, but my grip was too strong for her. Her wings which were once beating so slowly were now furiously thrashing about, throwing swirls of wind at me and even hitting me a few times. I heard Penelope yelling at me but I didn’t pay much attention as I was trying to get my point across. Suddenly a purple light flashed from the left side of my vision, effectively breaking my concentration.

Turning towards the source of the light I found Penelope glaring at me again as the horn on her head glowed the same purple color as the light that had blinded me. The guards that were once behind her were now standing at the ready in front of her, their spears pointing directly at me.

“Pix. Liv. Ko.” She said as the glow on her horn grew brighter.

Now I didn’t have to be a linguist or even a rocket scientist to know what she was saying. Looking at the rainbow-haired woman out of the corner of my eye I began to contemplate letting her go for a second, but another look at the tips of those spears made me decide to let her go. Once I had released her she flew over to Penelope’s side and began to whisper in her ear.

I couldn’t make out what they were saying from where I was, but judging from the shocked reaction from Penelope and the now wary look that they were both giving me something told me that gaining their trust was going to be a little harder than I thought now. Part of me thought about making my way back into the forest but I figured if they could fly, then catching me would be easy. It wasn’t until I heard Etpinego’s voice behind me that I was broken out of my thoughts. At least she would get so help.

“Pa’w soec ip ki. C’el emrs yu ercimir dyun.” She spoke to me in a calming tone, her emerald eyes pleading with me. I just wish I knew for what.

With a sigh of surrender I leaned over to sling my backpack back to my back, before taking a knee in front of Etpinego. Swiftly, I picked her up in my arms bridal style, being mindful of her hurt ankle, and turned to the group before walking to them. The guards raised their spears, pointing them at my face, but a word from Penelope caused them to lower them hesitantly. Stepping past the guards and directly up to Penelope, I looked down at her as she looked up at me. She was trying to put on a brave face, but the look in her eyes and splayed ears told me all that I needed to know. She was afraid of me.

With a quick glance to Skittles I saw the same look, although she was better at hiding it. I gently set Etpinego on her good foot and waited for Penelope to support her before letting her go. Etpinego was swiftly wrapped into a warm embrace by the other two women, shielding her in a cocoon of arms and wings. I had to smile a little as the other two fussed over Etpinego’s injuries and rubbed her cheeks with their own in a display of affection. Apparently she meant a lot to these two.

Now knowing that she was safe with her own kind, but figuring my display against Skittles had ruined any chances of receiving help. I turned around from Etpinego and the other two so as to take my leave of the situation. Unfortunately, my progression was halted by the points of the guards spears once again, and to be honest I had had about enough of this false hostility towards me.

True I had lashed out against Skittles but that was only in reaction to the provocation that she was provoking and my retaliation only reached to the limit of stopping said provocation. Brushing the spear points away from me gently with the back of my hands I moved to leave again. The guardswomen obviously thought differently of this, as they halted me again; choosing to make their point literally as they pressed the tips against my chest. Clenching my hands into a fist my knuckles let out a popping sound as my grip tightened and I watched as their eyes widened a little.

From behind me I heard Penelope say to me something that Etpinego had said earlier.

“Alex ei cel?”

Looking back over my shoulder I see that Penelope is now standing almost directly behind me. Both her and Etpinego are looking at me with the same expecting eyes, while Skittles was glaring at me again as she had an arm and wing protectively wrapped around Etpinego’s shoulder. I thought about ignoring them entirely and making my way through the guards, but my line of sight was distracted by some fast approaching colors from behind these three. Said colors soon turned out to be three more women approaching.

‘Are there any guys in this place? Maybe the whole sex slave idea isn’t as far fetched as I thought.’ I had to humorously think to myself as my mind briefly turned to more lustful thoughts.

“Hi there!” A pair of blue eyes yelled at me as they appeared suddenly in front of me, almost scaring the crap out of me as I fell back on my ass.

“Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you people! Don’t any of you girls know anything about personal space!” I yelled at them as I heard them giggle at my misery. That was until it clicked that whoever this new woman was, she had spoken to me…in…English.

This new woman in question reminded me of bubblegum for some odd… glaring… pink… reason. I mean that she was literally pink from her curly shoulder length hair and matching tail all the way down to her little pink toes that she was currently bouncing on. Speaking of bouncing, she had to seriously be the bounciest woman I had ever seen, human or otherwise. I was so mesmerizing to watch her bounce around that I almost forgot what she had said to me.

“Wait a minute…-“ ‘Bubbles’ stopped hopping as I spoke and graced me with her bright blue eyes again and the biggest smile I had ever seen, “-do you speak English?”

Bubbles rolled her eyes as she blew a raspberry with her lips, “Of course not silly billy that would be ridiculous. I just know how to say ‘hi’ and this explanation.”

I was dumbfounded as I could feel one of my eyes begin to twitch, “You can’t be serious.”

She cocked her head in that same confused manner that I had become very much acquainted with today, “Alex?”

With that I felt a blood vessel somewhere in my head pop as a migraine began to spread through my skull. That was the last straw as I stood up, glaring at the women currently surrounding me. I noticed the other two newcomers that had arrived with Bubbles. One was pure white, minus a highly styled purple hair and tail that formed a single flowing curl, and placed squarely on her forehead was a white horn just like Penelope’s. The other one I couldn’t make out much except for her long rosy pink hair and butter yellow fur, and the fact that she seemed to like to hide behind the white woman.

Penelope and the others were talking to each other off to one side, while I stayed with the guards fuming over not being allowed to leave. I could only imagine what they were talking about as I occasionally saw one of them look over or point in my direction. Skittles and the new white one both seemed wary, while Bubbles and Penelope seemed to be agreeing with whatever Etpinego was saying. The butter colored one didn’t seem to lean one way or the other as she stayed silent and refused to look at me.

As they continued on with their debate, I was feeling quite bored and even thought about maybe trying to strike a one sided conversation with the guards. But one glance at their frowning faces made me reconsider it.

‘Probably would be a boring conversation anyways.’

“Eric?” I heard Penelope say as she walked over to me. I was taken aback for a moment on how she knew my name, but quickly dismissed it; remembering that I had told it to Etpinego.

I nodded my head in agreement, which quickly caused her to smile obviously happy about such a small victory in breaking our language barrier. Expecting her to just start rambling on in their language again, I was surprised when she begins to use her hands to act out what she was trying to say. Clever girl.

“Mu aohurz my liptpun sy mymir Etpinego. Ai assed moi my cel e qis sel yew e sy zempeki.” Penelope said while pointing between Etpinego and myself before making a walking motion with two of her fingers and pointing to the town in the distance.

Relieved that they were still willing to help me I gave her a grateful nod, to which she graced me with a smile that almost rivaled Bubbles in intensity. She then gave a command to the guards, who are quick to obey and formed a perimeter around me. Whether for my safety or theirs I’m not sure but I decide to stay ignorant to the truth on it. Penelope then had everyone stand around her as I watched her horn glow a bright purple again, which spread out till it had enveloped everyone in its light.

Then in the same flash of light that heralded their arrival, they were gone leaving me alone in the clearing. Looking around at my open surroundings I found myself a shocked and a little hurt at being ditched by these women right after they seemed so willing to help. That was when my unbreakable wall of control finally burst.

“Son of a bitch!” I yelled at the top of my lungs as I threw up my arms in frustration, “You know what? Fuck this place! Damn women have been nothing but trouble since I meet them!”

Frustrated and angry at everything and in desperate need of something alcoholic, I began to pace back and forth ranting about all my misfortunes.

“First I have to get sucked out of a perfectly good plane to land in some God forsaken forest; which would have been fine because at least I was still alive. But then I have to come across some hybrid pinup girl taking a bath in a stream and struttin’ her stuff for the whole damn world to see. Not that I’m complaining about that, because she has a world class body. But it couldn’t have just been that, nooo. We had to be attacked by fucked up wooden wolves on steroids and I had to be used like their own personal chew toy. Only for them to just up and fall apart like a Jenga tower.

“Then a moment of chivalrous weakness and bouncing bosoms, I had to help her out of the woods in hopes of finding help in getting out of here. Instead I come across the land of Mutated-Multicolored-Medieval-Naked-Amazons that only seem interested in annoying me and making me a kabob. And to top it all off just when it seems that they might actually help me they instead dump me like some kind of prom night dumpster baby, without so much as a thank you!”

By now I was breathing heavily as my anger calmed down and my mask of control made its way back on to my face. I was about to say “fuck it” and continue down the road till I found someone who was willing to help me, when I was blinded by another flash directly in front of me knocking me on my ass as spots floated in my eyes. Penelope stood before me again with her guards with an almost embarrassed look on her face.

“I wish you would stop doing that.” I told her as I stood back up rubbing my eyes before crossing my arms and setting her with a stern look, “What do you want now?”

She began to play with a few strands of her hair, all signs of her confidence from earlier gone as she looked at everything but my eyes.

“Wys hivba lex.” She whispered in a quiet voice.

Seeing that my poor mood had upset her unsettled me, so I let out a sigh trying to release my tension from earlier as I laid a hand on her shoulder. Her body jumped a little at the touch and her eyes immediately locked onto mine as I give her a reassuring smile and a gently squeeze on her shoulder.

“Sorry for snapping at you. Friends?” I asked as I held out my other hand.

She seemed to perk up a little by seeing that I wasn’t upset at her as she shook my hand. Figuring it was the best time to get introductions out of the way I pointed to myself like I did with Etpinego.

“Eric Broussard.”

“Wypujil Xamspona Tevopi.” Was her reply when I pointed to her.

I had to scratch my head at that, “Good grief girl that’s a mouthful. Do you have a shorter name?”

I tried to emphasize my point by pointing to her and then making a small gap between my open palms meaning small. After a few times it clicked and she let out a cute little giggle.

“Xam.”

Smiling I extended my hand again which she took in one of her own and shook it gently, “Hi Xam.”

“Hai Eric.” She replied with a smile and part of me knew I was still in store for more surprises.

Author's Notes:

Edit: Because some people wanted a version with the translated Equis I decided to link it here.