Rather calmly, I sat down and began making an itemized list of all the advantages I had over the Black Twins. It was a refreshing break from being angry.

My hatred training had been going pretty well. By extending my tolerance, I was able to go further without another rage-induced auto shutdown of my mental facilities. Twilight seemed to think that it made me generally more mellow when I wasn’t trying to get mad. That comment helped me get angrier, like some kind of irate feedback loop.

As I made the list, I felt some annoyance. Every time I wrote down something, I would think of a way the Black Twins had demonstrated that they could counter it. Swords had been crossed off, as had groin kicks. I kept thinking of new things, only to abandon them.

Eventually, I was left with just one single advantage. Luckily, it was a big one. They don’t know I’m from Earth. I could still pull human tricks on them. Namely, the .50 caliber Desert Eagle.

My current base of operations was the library. I was back to sleeping on Twilight’s couch, and every time I thought about that, I had to fight to keep the anger down. Trixie seemed to enjoy the easy access to books, however.

Twilight had initially been against the two of us sharing the couch. Trixie and I, that is. Twilight sure as hell wouldn’t have gotten anywhere near sleeping with me, regardless of how much either of us didn’t want that anyway.

I had relented, however, because Trixie was a remarkably motionless sleeper. She was still growing, but the two of us could still fit on the couch together. Twilight eventually ok’d the arrangement when I reminded her that I was in no way interested in sex with ponies, especially not ones who thought I was related to them.

One huge change had been made, however. Trixie gave me the sad puppy dog eyes and asked me to stop drinking so much so my breath wouldn’t be bad. Unwilling to have an adorable little heart attack, and unable to quickly find a new place for her to sleep, I had relented.

And it sucked. I could now only get drunk in the mornings, and that time today had already passed. Getting bored, I looked out the window. An airship passed overhead with some familiar-looking ponies aboard. Maybe members of the extended Apple family?

I didn’t pay much attention to the airship itself. Such things were gaining popularity in Equestria, but none of them were quite as high tech as the one I used to have. Still, it seemed like something to check out, so I got up. “Hey Trix, are you busy?”

She looked up from the pile of magic textbooks Twilight had lent her. “I could use a study break.”

“I think the Apple family is having a reunion or something. It’ll probably be boring, but they do make the best apple fritters in Equestria.”

Trixie jumped up quickly with enthusiasm and the two of us left the library.

Sure enough, there were more Apples than you could shake your stick at. I figured that in such a group, there was a chance that maybe one of them was gay and would enjoy that.

On the other hand, I’d never seen such a gathering of rednecks outside a NASCAR race, so maybe this was not a place for stallion-snugglers.

Apple Bloom and Babs Seed quickly grabbed Trixie and tried to make a Crusader breakaway, but Applejack quickly hauled them back. Trixie agreed to at least stay around to keep them company.

I left her there, and after having an apple fritter, headed back to town. I was thinking about finally getting started on the problem of Fillydelphia Cybernetics. I would be more actively pursuing the Black Twins, except they came and went at will, and I would have to encounter them before I could kill them.

Speaking of, they were at the community athletic center when I walked past.

I attempted to hide before they saw me, but my surprise and hatred caused me to rip off a long string of swearing, completely blowing my cover. The gun wasn’t finished yet, and I still needed to test-fire it, not to mention that it was back at the library in pieces.

The two of them saw me, looked at each other, and shrugged. Concentrating their magic, they focused on the athletic center’s swimming pool. It was concrete and set in the ground. Pretty soon, it was still concrete, but slowly rising free of the earth.

I stared in horror as the giant tub of water slowly floated into the air. A few ponies that hadn’t gotten out fast enough and still floated inside seemed to be terrified. The pool continued to rise higher and higher. Then it turned over.

A huge tidal wave splashed downwards to the ground and spread out rapidly, sweeping towards me. I turned tail and sprinted for the library.

“Twilight! Get everything off the floor! I hope you have water damage insurance. Everything that is about to happen is the Black Twin’s fault, not mine, I swear. Did you see the pool? They flipped the bitch!”

She poked her head out the window. “What did you say? You shouldn’t scream and run at the same time.”

Fortunately, Twilight didn’t miss the huge wall of water, and with a surprised yell ducked back through the window. As I burst through the front door, I saw that she’d done everything I’d said.

With a gasp, I realized that the disassembled gun parts were still lying in the bottom drawer of the desk I’d appropriated from the library as a workbench. I yanked the drawer out and held it over my head just as the flood hit the tree building.

A few windows were blown out with the force and water cascaded in, but with my warning, Twilight had managed to save everything. I looked in the drawer. The pieces of the Desert Eagle were still dry. Good.

After magically drying the floor out and putting everything back, Twilight and I walked out the door, our hooves squishing in the mud. The damage wasn’t catastrophic, but in a town like Ponyville where floods, and consequently flood insurance, weren’t common, it would probably be a hard blow to the residents.

I believe in sharing hardship as much as anyone else, but it seemed like kind of a dick move for the Black Twins to not keep this between just them and me. I still couldn’t figure out what their overarching plan was.

The Monstrosity aircraft was as undamaged as always, but the engines had been flooded. It would take a while to get them back in condition. I wouldn’t be going to Fillydelphia today.

I decided to work continuously until I finished the gun. It would keep me busy. The next time the Black Twins showed themselves, I vowed to be ready. Armed and ready.

The afternoon and evening progressed rapidly, and I managed to get everything put together even without Trixie’s helpful magic. I had made up some cartridges, and I took half of them—one magazine’s worth—with me to test.

I passed by Sweet Apple Acres on my way to the Everfree Forest. Their barn had collapsed for some reason, and Apple Bloom looked distraught that they had no robot to help. Trixie, however, seemed to be helpful enough by herself and the framework was going up rapidly. I noticed Granny Smith, never the most active pony, looked more lethargic than usual. Maybe she’d come down with something.

Continuing on into the woods, I found a nice out of the way place and set up my target. It was a piece of paper with a crude representation of the Black Twins drawn on it. After pinning it to a tree, I stepped back several paces.

The loaded magazine went into the gun with a satisfying click. I dropped the slide and it chambered the first round just like it should. I wondered how I was managing to do the intricate maneuvers with hooves—something I really should have considered before building the gun. Either way, I didn’t seem to be having too much difficulty. Chalk it up to earth pony magic and don’t think about it too much. Smiling, I aimed at the drawing. “Suck a whole bag of badger dicks!”

It was not a great one-liner, and I made a note to come up with a much better one.

The first and subsequent shots hit their mark, splintering the tree behind the target. I was certainly glad I had worn hearing protection. The gun thundered loudly and powerfully. It made me very happy.

I pulled the earmuffs off after I had fired every shot in the magazine. I’d expended half the ammo I’d made, and had no more on me at the moment. Still, it was a satisfying and successful test.

My thoughts turned to my one-liners. Instead of coming up with an awesome one on my own, I could draw a lot of inspiration from movies and TV and it wouldn’t sound cliché because the Black Twins didn’t know I was from Earth.

A male voice suddenly spoke from behind me. “As far as handguns go, you could have picked better than a Desert Eagle. At least you saved it from the rust that flood would have caused.”

“And ‘badger dicks’?” said its female counterpart. “Are you from Wisconsin or something?”

My eyes nearly bugged out of my head. They totally knew I was from Earth.