Marcus skipped into Ponyville, happily repeating, "Fun!"

The citizens of Ponyville looked on in awe at the supposed Hunter of the Everfree. Was this what the Royal Guard had so much trouble hunting down? Sure, it was muscled and scarred, they thought, but it looked so...innocent. Even though there was a rumbling every time its feet touched the ground. And every time its feet didn't touch the ground.

"STAMPEDE!" A helpful citizen yelled out, and the population of Ponyville promptly followed his advice as they came outside to see what all the commotion was about: A massive mech made of giggling Marcuses that would not stop repeating "Fun!" piloted by the real Hunter of the Everfree. A game of cat-and-mouse ensued as the mech chased the herd around Ponyville, the chorus of "Fun!"s creating a catchy tune. The only rational pony left was Twilight, shaking under her covers in her bed as Spike stroked her hair and whispered "It's going to be okay, Twilight" into her ear over and over.

"P-p-princess," she managed to stutter, "we need to ask the Princess for help."

Spike immediately complied and wrote a desperate plea for help before sending it to Celestia. They had only waited but a tick before Princess Luna teleported directly on top of the Twilight-shaped mound next to Spike. ""HUZZAH," Luna bellowed, "THINE BELOVED PRINCESS HAS COME TO DELIVER HER PEOPLE UNTO VICTORY! REJOICE, AS THE FIGHT SHALL TAKE NARY BUT A BLINK OF AN EYE!"

"Um..." squeaked the crushed Twilight, "Where's Princess Celestia?"

"THOU REQUESTED A PRINCESS'S BOON, DID THOU NOT? AND ARE WE NOT PRESENT HERE BEFORE THINE VERY EYES, MAJESTIC AS A HORNED PEGASUS?" Luna bellowed.

"No offense, Luna, but no one likes you. Whenever someone says Princess, they mean Celestia. I mean, seriously. You tried to commit genocide, and now you just mooch off your sister and revel in scaring little kids. No one takes you seriously. Just make yourself useful and get Celestia over here so we can stop this hunter-what's-his-face." Twilight sighed. "And you are a horned pegasus. You can't say you're as majestic as yourself."

"BUT WE HAVE IN OUR POSSESSION A PLAN THAT CANNOT FAIL. WHY MAY WE NOT SIMPLY BANISH HIM TO THE MOON? WE NOW KNOW THE BINDING, WE ANALYZED IT THROUGHOUT OUR PROLONGED EXILE UPON THAT LUSTROUS ORB, SO IT WOULD BE NO TROUBLE TO-"

"Hush, Luna. Just get Celestia, will you? And stop crushing me, Your Royal Fatness."

"DOTH WE TRULY POSSESS SO LITTLE RESPECT AMONG OUR SUBJECTS, AND SO MUCH WEIGHT UPON OUR THIGHS?" Luna whimpered.

"Have you looked in a mirror recently?" Twilight confirmed.

"BUT...OUR SISTER SAID WE LOOK BEAUTIFUL JUST THE WAY WE ARE..." Luna sobbed.

"Well, that's why Celestia is so great. 'Our most exalted queen, Celestia of the Sun, is rightfully our leader because she is kind to others, no matter how overweight or unappealing to the eye they are, unless they are enemies of the state,' from 365 Reasons Why Our Most Exalted Queen is Rightfully Our Leader. I've memorized that book from how many times I've read it as a kid. That's why Celestia picked me over all those other kids that drew on their copy. I put mine on an altar and worshipped it daily." Twilight paused to roll a pony corpse off of her balcony, ignoring the screams and smoke coming from below. "So you see, Celestia is so gracious that she even forgave your treachery to the state. Of course she would spare you the knowledge of how voluptuous your thighs and buttocks have gotten." She looked up just in time to see Celestia land in front of her as Luna ran off streaming tears. "Princess Celestia, you've got to help us! Marcus is going to destroy all of Equestria at this rate! We've got to do something! What is your master plan, o radiant one?"

"Summon the Mane Six, Twilight. We have work to do," Celestia answered.

"Who?" Twilight asked, confused.

"Your friends, my most faithful execution-er, student. Student who executes orders. Very well, might I add," Celestia stammered.

"Oh, them! Will we be unleashing to full potential of the Elements of Harmony on this menace to our society that despises equality, for it is unnatural?" Twilight squeed.

"No, Twilight, the Orbital Friendship Cannon will have to wait, despite it seemingly being able to solve all of our problems. No, we shall win today through the power of non-weaponized friendship. We will ask it to please stop killing us." Celestia ordered.

Twilight protested, "Is that really the smartest thing to-"

"ARE YOU QUESTIONING YOUR MOST EXALTED QUEEN?" Celestia interrupted.

"I'll call them right now, o omniscient one." Twilight bowed before running out onto her balcony and calling her friends. Once they had all assembled on top of the library, Celestia yelled out, "HUNTER OF THE EVERFREE! COME AND MEET YOUR MAKER!"

The Marcustron "Fun!"ed and turned around, giving the pony horde a chance to escape. "CELESTIA!" Marcus shouted. "THERE YOU ARE! WITH THE SECRET OF THE MIRROR POOL NOW KNOWN TO ME, NOTHING CAN STOP ME FROM SAVING THE WORLD NOW!"

"REALLY?" Celestia shouted back. "WELL WHAT ABOUT-ow, this is hell on the throat. cough drop please. thank you, twilight-FRIENDSHIP!"

"YOU REALLY THINK THAT CAN SAVE YOU NOW? I HAVE YOU BEAT, CELESTIA, AND YOU KNOW IT!" Marcus laughed.

"TELL US ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS. WHY ARE YOU SO ANGRY? WE JUST WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND!" Celestia encouraged.

The Marcustron shut up for the first time in its existence. "WAIT, SO YOU'RE SERIOUSLY NOT GOING TO TORTURE ME WITH YOUR MAGIC OR SOMETHING? YOU'RE JUST GOING TO STAND THERE SPOUTING RAINBOW CRAP?" Marcus questioned.

"YES," Celestia replied. "Ow."

A tumbleweed tumbled in the background as everyone present stayed silent.

Suddenly, Luna burst in in a Nightmare Moon costume she stole from Rarity. "WE HAVE COME TO-" She was rudely interrupted by the Marcustron smashing its fist onto the balcony, instantly killing everypony but Spike. Partly because he has dragon scales, partly because he needed to survive for plot reasons, and partly because he's a dragon, so "everypony" wouldn't affect him. He picked himself up from the rubble of the destroyed tree house (not treehouse, mind you) and tried to sprint up the Marcustron's arm before it retracted, but it just swatted him off with the other hand. Undeterred, he climbed up the back of the Marcustron and covered Marcus's eyes. Blinded, the Marcustron stumbled about until it tripped over the stump of the library and exploded in a brilliant explosion of Marcuses. Spike was slammed against the stump and landed next to Rarity's head. "Good enough," he shrugged, and began making out with it.

[/hr]

Marcus jolted awake with a gasp and looked around. He was fine, but he had to make sure. He sprinted out of the Mirror Pool cave and lept through the treetop until he had a good sight of Ponyville. It looked just as it had yesterday, but with the occasional cheer and faint shout of "Happy April Fool's Day!" Marcus sighed and leaned back against the trunk of the tree he was in. It was all just a dream. But that idea with the Mirror Pool...

Marcus grinned. He had work to do, plans to make, traps to set.

This was going to be the end of Celestia and her minions. The end at last to a story no man should have to endure through.

The end at last.

Author's Notes:

So, here we have me trying to do a comedic criticism of MLP while experimenting with 3rd-person omniscient. Hooray.

If you didn't get the equality joke, that came from the Season 5 advertisment. The one with the capitalist mono-black Mane 6 hating on the mono-white socialist society that Sparkle what's-her-face made.

Once again, not actually completed.