Rarity entered the library last, several minutes after the others and long after the sun had set. "Sorry for being late darlings, but I had to make sure nothing flammable stayed within Sweetie Belle's reach."

All the others nodded, except for Twilight. She rocked back and forth on the ground with hairs sticking out of her mane and one forehoof in her mouth. Rarity's snout scrunched up and she felt a chill run up her spine as she noticed just how inappropriately Twilight was sucking her hoof.

When Twilight realized Rarity was finally here, she locked the door with her magic and stood up.

"What's the matter, Twilight?" Rarity asked kindly, earning nods from her friends before she looked around. "And where's Spike?"

Twilight rubbed the back of her head awkwardly. "I sent him to Sugarcube Corner with enough bits to gorge himself with sweets for the whole night."

Rarity's eyebrows shot up her forehead. "What possible problem could you have that Spike can't hear about?"

Twilight looked down. "Sex."

Rarity cocked an eyebrow as the others pricked their ears. "What did you say?"

Twilight's head hung lower. "Sex."

"Darling, if you don't speak louder, we won't hear-"

"I LOVE SEX!"

Cold dread settled in Rarity's gut as she reeled back. She'd read enough one bit novels to know what would happen next. "You had us all come here," she slowly enunciated with a slight shake in her voice, "without Spike..." She took a step back as beads of sweat trailed down her forehead and into her brow. "...in your locked house..." Another step. "...to inform us that you 'love sex?'"

Twilight nodded meekly.

Rarity ever so slowly breathed in and out. She couldn't panic; in fact there was nothing to panic about. Absolutely nothing. Twilight just wanted help, a normal, platonic help. She stepped tentatively forwards, a trembling smile upon her lips.

She would take this like a lady.

"LET ME OUT OF HERE!" she shrieked as she turned around, leapt at the door and started battering it madly with her forehooves.

Rainbow rolled her eyes and shook her head with distaste. Muttering an insult that would earn her an eternity of dress-wearing revenge from Rarity if heard, she turned to Twilight. "How does that make you lose your marbles?"

Twilight sat down on her haunches, utterly crestfallen. "It's becoming an obsession... a burning need." Rainbow hid a cringe at that. "I can't think of anything else." Her lips pursed into a miserable pout. "And it's already creating problems. Just look!"

She pointed at Rarity. Applejack and Pinkie had dragged her away from the door and she was now breathing in a paper bag provided by a concerned Fluttershy.

"That's not a problem, that's just Rarity being Rarity," replied Rainbow.

Rarity spoke up before she could add anything. "Have you..." She inhaled deeply into the bag. "Have you actually been sleeping around?"

Twilight's cheeks burned. "No... But I've been reading books, many of them, and every time I reach that part I can't help but reach down with my hooves and-"

A panicked Rarity sprung up from she lay and silenced her with a hoof on her lips. "That's enough details for now!"

"No kidding," Rainbow commented under her breath.

Tears pricked Twilight's eyes as she spoke on. "It's getting unbearable! I'm even thinking of... of..." She started crying.

Rarity's eyebrows drooped in empathy. "Of what, darling?" she asked, apprehension and concern warring mercilessly within her.

"Of who, rather!" A sob made her quiver. "Celestia... I'm entertaining these thoughts about her!"

Rainbow Dash turned green and her dinner threatened to add itself to the conversation. "Isn't she like your mother?"

"That's exactly the problem!" Twilight cried out in anguish.

Fluttershy patted her back gently. "We'll help you get through this."

Twilight went on, undeterred. "It goes beyond Celestia! I want all of you as well!" She thrust her muzzle into Fluttershy's face, whose eyes widened. "Like you, Fluttershy! I want to kiss your pouty lips, taste your skin, bend you over and run my tongue up and down your-"

"Enough details!" screeched Rarity as she jumped on Twilight to silence her.

Fluttershy, for her part, had fainted and lay frozen on the ground, stiff legs high in the air and a very pale pink coloring her face. Applejack tapped her forehoof on her own whereas Pinkie fanned her with a piece of paper she'd grabbed from a shelf.

Rainbow shook her head in dismay once more. "You really need to get laid." She strongly suspected her comment was directed at more than one pony.

Twilight burst into tears. "See!? I'm a freak!"

Rainbow Dash watched her sadly before her ears perked up as soothing words came to mind. "A freak is someone's who way different from the norm, right?" Twilight nodded. "Well, trust me when I say you're not a freak for loving sex."

"How do you know that?"

Rainbow glanced sideways.

*****

Last week

Rainbow Dash opened the three letters the mailpegasus had just brought her.

'You are cordially invited to the annual Canterlot Celebration of Carnality, presided over by Fancypants!'

'You're invited to the yearly Cloudsdale Pegasus Super Gang Bang, overseen by Spitfire!'

'This is an invitation for Mayor Mare's monthly secret orgy at town hall!'

A groan rose to the heavens. "Oh come on, how many times do I have to tell them I'm not interested!?"

*****

"I just know." Rainbow scuffed at the ground awkwardly before changing the subject. "Guys, do any of you have an idea for helping Twilight?"

Three 'no' echoed, one of them trembling and panicked. So much for the element of generosity, Rainbow thought wrily.

Twilight's shoulders sagged. "Oh." She unlocked the door with her magic. "Sorry for bothering you."

Rarity left with a "Ohlookathetimehopeyou'llgetbetterBYE", and Rainbow vowed to make her pay for letting down Twilight like that. But that would come later. She draped a foreleg around the sobbing unicorn and tugged her close as Applejack and Pinkie dragged Fluttershy out.

"Twi," she said softly, "I promise we'll find something."

Twilight nodded weakly and let go of the hug to slump into a chair. Rainbow left without a word, wings hanging lifelessly by her barrel.

Half an hour later, a smash echoed and the library shook, startling Twilight. Discerning the noise and shock to have come from beside the entrance, she trotted out and was met with silence. She glanced at her heavily dented mailbox and saw some papers sticking out the slit, then looked up and witnessed a clumsy rainbow trail waning in the night sky above.

She blinked in confusion and turned back to her mailbox, eyes lingering on the three letters.

Once she'd come back inside and read them all, she squealed like a schoolfilly.

**********

The next morning, Rarity bade Twilight goodbye with a hoof along with all her friends, concern etched on her face. "I'm worried," she confessed as Twilight disappeared from view, "leaving like that, all on her own, to meet the princess for who knows how long, when we know how she feels..." Her eyebrows and ears drooped, guilt over treating her so badly twisting her insides. "Can you believe Celestia calling her just now? What a horrible timing!"

Rainbow Dash merely nodded. "Oh, I can believe it," she answered. "I just hope she remembers to use protection," she added almost inaudibly.

"What was that?"

"Nothing, nothing."

**********

Twilight knocked on a side door of town hall uneasily, heart throbbing with an uncomfortable mix of embarrassment and anticipation. A slit in the door opened, revealing two prying eyes. They remained on her for a long while, making Twilight squirm. Finally, the slit closed and the door swung open.

"I don't recall inviting you," Mayor Mare said, glaring disapprovingly.

Twilight meekly showed her the invitation.

Mayor Mare took it in her hooves, eye quickly scanning down the letter. Once finished, she looked back at Twilight with pursed lips.

"Are you a virgin?"

Twilight slumped to her haunches and clapped her forehooves awkwardly together a few times. "Yes," she replied weakly, looking down.

The older mare's grin threatened to split her face. "We love virgins."

She whisked Twilight inside with one strong tug, and double locked the door.

**********

Backed with a trusty cloud-walking spell, Twilight trotted to the Wonderbolts academy, an odd and painful-looking sway in her hips. She sat on her haunches and winced a little, though the soft clouds eased her pain. She pressed a button and the doorbell rang loudly. Spitfire opened the door swiftly and stuck her head out, looking right and left before settling on Twilight.

"I was waiting for Rainbow Dash," she stated simply. "She never comes," she whispered to herself with audible disappointment.

Twilight just handed her the invitation, with more confidence than last time.

Spitfire ignored it and instead looked her up and down. Twilight blushed and giggled, twirling around to give her a whole view, and both actions strengthened when she saw unbridled desire brewing in Spitfire's eyes.

"I've always wondered just what you unicorns could do with your horn," she said, licking her lips.

Twilight giggled again when the pegasus pulled her inside before triple locking the entrance.

**********

With a strange gait and a song in her heart, Twilight walked to Fancypants' vast mansion. She rang and waited until a hoofmaiden opened. Twilight eyed her critically, noticing well-hidden suspenders beneath her dress with her recent expertise. She nodded in approval at her swaying hips as she led him to Fancypants' office.

The hoofmaiden bowed low before Twilight before opening the door and leaving her for their dialogue.

Fancypants just stared at her nervously, tapping his forehooves together. "Take a seat, please," he requested docilely.

Twilight blanched slightly. "No, no, I'm good."

Fancypants swallowed a light bump in his throat. "What owes me the pleasure?"

A wry grin stretched Twilight's lips. "I hear something about a celebration."

Sweat beaded on Fancypants' forehead. "Does Celestia know?"

Twilight shook her head.

He heaved a long sigh of relief. "Then, are you here to join us?"

Her only reply was a little trick with her tongue she'd learned in Cloudsdale, and a drooling Fancypants' jaw dropped.

Twilight barked in laughter as he sprung from his seat and dragged her all the way to the celebration room, locking the door four times.

**********

Princess Celestia blinked once. Then twice. Then more times than she cared to count.

Her eyes dawdled on the letter as she reread it for the nth time. Comprehension eluded her, though she understood every single word.

'Dear princess Hung-up

Friendship is for pussies! Sex is way better.

Your least faithful student, Twilight 'Unfathomable Depths' Sparkle

P.S. Your ass rocks my world.'