Equestria's First Human

by Ceehoff

Chapter 1: Chapter I- Arrival

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Equestria’s First Human- Chapter I

Written by: Ceehoff

“You alright, Connor?”

“Yeah… I’m fine,” he mumbled as he brushed spaghetti off of his shirt.

“Those idiots…tripping you over like that…the nerve,” Joshua mumbled as he grabbed Connor’s hand, pulling him up off the floor. "Don't those guys ever quit? Douchebags..."

“Ow,” Connor grunted in pain.

"Hey, Connie!" jeered a voice from a distance in the cafeteria. "Your shoelace is untied!"

"You missed a spot! It's not on your shirt, though! OH!" hooted another one.

"Hey, Scazz and Dick! Why don't you come over here and try that again, you freaking apes!?" Joshua shouted after them.

"Ooooh, you've upset Connie's nanny, Scazz."

"Must be somebody's time of the month."

The blonde teenager scoffed in aggravation before he gestured his friend to sit down on a nearby chair at an empty table. Connor grunted loudly the moment his behind touched the concave of the seat. The clenching pain in his kneecap summoned his hand to grab it.

“Tell ya what,” Joshua said, before patting him on the back. “Why don’t you just hang here while I get your lunch?"

“N... No, you don’t have to, Joshua. Really."

“No, no, no dude! It's cool. It's no problem at all.”

Connor didn't want to feel helpless and pampered like a prince, but his knee was wrenching in pain, preventing him from even swinging his leg.

“Okay, if you say so.” He lightly shrugged, giving in.

Joshua turned to depart, until he stopped midway. "You were getting spaghetti, right?"

He nodded.

"I'll be back momentarily."

As he watched the blonde teenager walk toward the cafeteria bar, a weak and touched grin formed on his lips, fighting back twitches and winces of pain.


Joshua was a good friend. More specifically, he was Connor’s ONLY good friend in the entire high school campus. The rest of the students were nothing more than just acquaintances or people he would casually say “hi” to. Some were just brutes who had nothing better to do than to make other people’s lives miserable.

However, none of the brutes compared to the two biggest pair of unruly gorillas to walk on campus: “Scazz” Johnson and Dick Small. (Yes, that was his real name.)

Connor was really damn sure that those two were the actual reason why jocks were perceived as unkempt and idiotic.

After lunch, Connor and Joshua left the cafeteria, heading toward class.

However, Connor’s walking was more of a limp. Joshua noticed at the corner of his eye.

“It hurts that bad, huh?”

“Not quite as bad apart from everyone in the cafeteria laughing at me.”

“Meh, I wouldn't say 'everyone'. Most of them were..."


"...But never mind them. Just ignore them. Don’t forget, I got your back. Jesus, those dicks just don't know when to quit if their life freaking depended on it, especially when they got their little flock of sheeple following them around.”

“Maybe it’d be better if I just left this rancid wreck of a high school. I really thought my social life would take a positive turn from the crappy social life I had in middle school," Connor sighed.

“Oh, come on, that's harsh. You've still got friends here."

"Not very many, though..."

"Better than nothing. You've got me."

"I know..."

"If you ask me, I think the better decision is to PROVE to them that you are a great person. No quitting. No turning back.”

“Easier said than done, Josh,” Connor rolled his eyes.

“Of course it isn't easy, but it’s damn well worth it!" Joshua smiled.

Connor smiled back.

"But," Joshua continued. "You have to know that I can't do all of the work for you. You have to learn how to do things on your own, or you'll never grow up. I'm only saying this because I care. I know you can do it, man. You just need to believe in yourself."

He gave him a supportive pat on the back to rest his case, throwing a grin in there as well.

The limping teenager grunted in response. Even though it meant a "yes," it was not a very convinced and enthusiastic one. As much as he trusted his best friend, he tried to do that very thing, but it never worked out. Maybe if he tried harder, that would be something. Still, he hated having to put so much stress and pain just to try even harder. Plus, what was wrong with having a little drama in one's life? Even though most people say that he or she did not appreciate drama in his or her life, having drama in one's life was like smoking. Why? You might not like it at first, but after a few tries, it would latch onto you like lung cancer.

It was unhealthy, but he didn't feel like stopping.


There was nothing like nice, thrashing metal to boost one’s morale after a day full of work and boring, predictable routines. It was a damn fine substitute for coffee.

Connor lurched his head front and back contently like everything that happened in the cafeteria was ancient history. Metal was his cure for a bad day. If he ever met a person who never heard metal in his or her life, he would be more than willing to enlighten him or her. It looked pretty stupid, but he couldn't resist wiggling his left fingers, pinching his right fingers like he was holding a guitar pick, and play a solo on his air guitar. It made him feel more energized, yet pretty silly. As long as no one else was around to see him, it was acceptable.

He was at his locker, grabbing only a textbook and a workbook; he didn't have much homework to do. He grabbed his books and then walked down the stairs toward the front lobby. On the way, he had been gifted with a couple of snobbish and dirty looks from some students. Others were a look of compassion and pity, but kind of rare. He also caught some students snickering rather unsubtly, cruelly reminding him of his little incident back in the cafeteria.

It's been like that since freshman year. Now, it was his junior year, yet he felt as if time had frozen since freshman year. He still felt like one. A very lonely freshman. A very lonely freshman who was about to graduate in a year. He hoped college would suit him better. That way, he would ditch the hellhole of a high school and have fun in college, get a diploma, and become successful, while the others still live by their snobbish egos and wallow in self-ruin later. Karma was a bitch to those acted like bitches. He devilishly smiled to himself.

He was in front of the school doors, about to push through them.


Was that the sound of his headphones acting buggy again?


It came from outside. Connor slowly opened the door to look out. The day suddenly looked a lot more gray and dark than just a minute ago. Gawking stupidly at the somber clouds, he pushed through the doorway and walked further out from the front of the school. The clouds were black, and thunder rolled menacingly. Connor, for one, enjoyed cloudy days, but that grim spectacle was an exception.


“OW! Motherfu--! Gaaaaagh!” he growled in pain. Something hit him squarely on the top of his head. Aggravated by the unexpected surprise, he turned sharply around to spot the culprit, which skittered into the grass beside the concrete walk.

Oh, shit...


LARGE hail.

Clack! Clack! Clackclackclackclackclackclackclack!

He automatically covered his head with his books from the incessant barrage and rushed back to the entrance, which had an overhanging roof. Many other students who were outside did the same. In a matter of seconds, students were packed and huddled shoulder-to-shoulder undercover. There was no way anyone was going to go out and get pelted by lacrosse-ball-sized hail. Connor was tightly squished between a husky guy who never seemed to use deodorant in his life and a really attractive blonde girl, who was coincidentally the captain of the cheerleading squad. (Score! For the girl part, though...)

He turned around to squeeze his way back into the school building, but the wall was too thick and tightly packed. He was squeezed back out and pushed back up to the very edge like a pimple. He tried his best to not get pushed out from under the overhanging roof and get beaned repeatedly by hail.

Then, he heard snickering. What was so funny? It was just a storm. Connor was pretty sure that they'd seen a...

Wait a second...

Suddenly, he found himself sprawling in the middle of the courtyard, immediately drenched by the rain and mercilessly bludgeoned by the hail.

Who the hell pushed him? Then, hearing a pair of people laughing, he turned his head to see...

“SCAZZ! DICK!” Connor shouted on the brink of lust for bathing in their blood.

"HAW! Where's your umbrella, Connie?" Scazz jeered. (How Connor despised that nickname!)

Scazz, Dick, along with a few other morons started to guffaw at the sight of him, being pummeled by hail.

Out in the barrage, Connor was at the end of his rope.



In a eye blink, a blinding bolt of purple lightning crashed directly on top of him, blowing everyone else back as if they were directly next to a nuclear explosion. After the blinding light had diminished, a smoking, burnt ring remained directly at the teenager's exact position.

It took seven seconds for everyone to recover from the blast. Ears were ringing, and eyes were blinking away the bright light that burned into their retinas. The storm coincidentally began to dissolve. After recovering from the trauma, Scazz and Dick saw the burning ring, gaping in absolute shock.

Connor was GONE.

“SCAZZ! What the hell did you DO?! You friggin’ KILLED him!” Dick screamed, shoving him.

I killed him?! You were the one who talked me into doing it, you idiot!” argued Scazz.

“You were the one who pushed him!” he snapped back.

“Well, how the hell was I supposed to know that some big-ass lightning bolt was gonna come crashing down right on top of him?!”

“You still friggin’ KILLED him!”

“I did n—."

A muscular hand landing on their shoulders had cut them off, making them hiccup in shock and approaching terror. They both turned slowly toward each other to find a grim, muscular face, glaring down at them as if the Grim Reaper came for their souls. The principal, the most feared man in the entire faculty, was standing directly behind them.

“Scott Johnson and Dick Small,” he growled. “Come with me to my office…now.”

It was laundry day for Scazz and Dick. Specifically, it was laundry day for their pants.


Connor’s ears were ringing intensely. His limbs felt light like feathers. His entire body felt like it was floating. He opened his eyes to find himself in a vast, white, endless void. It was so bright, that it stung his eyes. It took a while for them to adjust. The ringing in his ears stopped as well. He looked down to make sure the rest of his body was still there. Indeed, it was, but he saw he was floating. A cold aroma leaked into his spine. He could not move, except for his eyes, which were scanning desperately around the nothingness.

Is this real? Where am I? he wondered.

It was deathly quiet. It was filling his ears like balloons, nonetheless. The only thing he could hear now was his own confused mind.

Was this Hell?



Anyone care to give me an answer?? Hello?! his mind screamed.


Okay. This is reeeeallly freaking me out! God? Are you there? If you are, stop teasing me! I get it, all right? I’m sorry I accidentally spat out Communion wine all over the priest’s alb, okay? It was my First Communion! How was I supposed to know that that Communion wine was gonna taste stronger than I could handle? I was a KID! I drank Hawaiian Punch for Christ’s sake! CRAP! I used Your Son’s name in vain! Dammi-GAH! SORRY! SORRY! SORRY! I meant to say “darn it”! I didn’t mean to curse! I'm sorry!

Then, a rumbling sound filled his ears. If Connor’s body was still functional, it would soil his pants. (He was really grateful that it did not happen.)

W-what was that? he thought.

Then, he was flung down at full force like he was going down the steepest hill on a rollercoaster.

He was not sure, but it felt like the white void was warping into a cone pointing downwards. By how fast he was "falling", he could feel blood ooze up to his head, enough for his eyes to shut themselves from the speed. Suddenly, he felt his body slam onto a wet, muddy surface. His ears were ringing again, but that time, it was from the sound of his own landing, which sounded exactly like thunder. He felt his body again, but it was very feeble. He could hardly lift himself up. It felt like there were one hundred pound weight placed flat on his back.

His head, feeling heavy with exhaustion, scanned the surroundings. The pouring rain enveloped the black, round trees in a gray haze. Everything looked familiar... but why did it look so unfamiliar at the same time?

It was too much for Connor’s brain to handle. Blacking out, his head splashed into the puddle of muddy water.


“Oh, Connor, my darling!” exclaimed a voluptuous brunette, wearing nothing but an erotic, red garter and red, laced panties. “How cruelly the others have treated you! It's unforgivable! Please know that I am not like them. I've desired you and loved you ever since you walked into my sight.”

“Oh! Well, uh… good to know,” he replied, seated next to her on a king sized bed, lined with cream-colored sheets and a red, velvet comforter.

“Oh, but you're hurt!" she gasped, touching his shoulder with her soft hands. "You must be tended to! Where does it hurt, my love? Maybe, I can help make it better.” She fluttered her lovely, piercing brown eyes and smiled with her perfectly glossed lips, showing teeth as white as God's hand towels. Connor felt his stomach flip.

He slowly pointed to his forehead, still stunned from what was happening. “Here?”

She leaned toward him and gave him long, deep kiss exactly where he pointed. She smelled good. What was it? Vanilla and strawberries? Damn, he was getting turned on. His forehead was tingling like crazy.

“And here?” He pointed to his chin, feeling more comfortable.


“And here,” he said slyly as he pointed to his lips.

She kissed, but she did it on his nose. She did it quite violently.

“Hot—I mean, Not where I had in mind, but I guess that works, too. Wha—ow. That's pretty hard for a—ow! Ow! Ow! OW! What-? Stop, stop-“


He snapped awake to find a bird perched on his chest. The little creature tilted its head, looking confused. Connor's nose stung.

It was all clear now. Only a dream. The pesky bird jabbed at his nose with his sharp little beak the whole time he was passed out.

Brushing the bird away, he sat up. He felt heavier than lead from all of the commotion earlier. It felt as if limbs would snap out of their sockets as he tried to push himself up. Looking around, he saw he was sitting in the middle of a dirt road lined with a wood fence and bulbous trees. The sun was shining at full power, and the sky was blue as aquamarine. Small clouds hovered across the sky, and the country air smelled fresh and clean. He had no recollection on how he got here. It all seemed so hazy at the moment.

Where am i? Come to think of it, why was I sleeping out here? Unless… SCAZZ AND DICK! They pulled a damn fraternity prank on me! Those freaking BASTARDS! Ooooooooh, when I get my hands on them, it'll be hell on earth! he thought as he pounded his fist into his palm, ready to taste sweet, sugary vengeance.

He leapt back up to his feet. However, as he got up, he staggered down onto his knees. His eyes were burning with binding colors. He should not have gotten up so fast. After all, it was one hell of a night. Lord knows how much energy he wasted from last night. Nonetheless, his goal was steadfast: Scazz and Dick were going to get it when he returned.

The question was, back from where? Everything looked so new to him, yet at the same time, it was all so familiar.

I guess I should just start walking, he thought. It should be familiar once I get moving.


Walking with weak legs was not Connor’s cup of tea. Neither was walking around in an unknown location. Other than the birds chirping around him, he heard his stomach yowl loudly.

“I better find something to eat soon. My stomach’s eating itself here.”

“You’re telling me! I can go for some gems right now,” a voice rung out from the side of the road.

The human stopped dead in his tracks. He turned to the voice, and the voice turned to him.

“YEEAAAAAAAGH!!!! A MONSTER!!!!!” both voices shrieked.

The human ignored the feebleness in his legs and scrambled behind the nearest tree to hide. When he caught his breath, he calmed down.

What the hell was THAT?! he wondered.

He slowly craned his neck around the tree to get a closer look. He prayed that whatever he saw wouldn't bite his head clean off.

Nothing. Just another tree. That was, until he saw a purple, shovel-tipped tail peeking out from behind it.

Shit, that's one big-ass lizard!

The owner of the tail, hoping that the thing he just saw would not bite his head off, craned his neck around the tree to get a closer look.

What the hay IS that?! He’s unlike anything I’ve ever SEEN before! Is he some kind of new species? the creature wondered.

Soon, their eyes met. They stared intently at each other, not looking away for one second. They moved cautiously from behind the trees, and stood still as statues, face-to-face with each other.

This creature was up to the middle of Connor’s hip in height. He had green and lavender scales. His eyes were glossy and big like emeralds. His head looked rather large for his little body. So far, to the human, the little lizard looked pretty harmless, but then again, how was Connor so sure of it? He didn't know anything about these kinds of lizards. Maybe if he approached him slowly, he could get him on his good side. He certainly did not want to be dinner for the small lizard. He cleared his throat.

“Hello?” they said in unison.

They both flinched.

“You talked!” they said in unison again.

"Since when did you talk??" they said again.

Then, there was an awkward silence. As funny as it was that they spoke in unison for about four times, they thought this particular event was serious business.

“W-what ARE you?" the dragon spoke slowly.

“I...I’m a human... Man... And you are?” the human asked.

“A... A dragon.”

The human nearly lost his composure. "HOLY SH--! You're a dragon?!"

The young dragon stepped back, startled by his spasmodic outburst.

"Y-y-yes, I'm a dragon!" he replied hastily.

"Sweet mother of... I... I thought you weren't real! I thought you never existed!

"Well, I do exist," the dragon said politely as he could.

"I mean, you never existed in real life! Y-you only appeared in stories and fairy tales!"


Connor nodded spastically.

The young dragon winced in confusion and said in a less fearful tone, “Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait a minute! How could I be famous if I never existed? That doesn’t make any sense!”


Awkward silence once again. The dragon's eyes opened wider, surprised by the human's volume. The human realized his mistake.

“I-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled like that. It’s just that—I don’t know where I am, how I got here, or how to get back... It’s-it’s all just a big mess!” he fretted before he pressed his fingers onto his forehead and heaved a stressed sigh.

The dragon took pity on him. He was a strange creature, indeed, but it still had emotion nonetheless. The dragon tilted his head, noticing the human's expression. He looked sad, tired, and on the verge of breaking down to a tearful fit. It struck the young dragon's heart. He resolved to approach the human slowly and kindly.

“Hey, hey, hey. It’s okay! It’s my fault, really. I shouldn’t have thrown so many questions at you," the dragon spoke softly. "Let’s just start this over now. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Spike, and I’m a dragon. Now, you go.”

The human spoke gingerly. “Name’s Connor. Connor Powell. I’m a human."

The human's stomach growled.

Spike chuckled, “And hungry. Here, help yourself to these apples in these apple trees!”


Connor turned to the trees and saw bushels of apples hanging from the branches.

Wait... He walked the entire way with an empty stomach and didn't even see the apples?? Connor slapped his forehead with his palm.

I am such an idiot, he thought, frustrated.

"Yeah!" the dragon said. "Go ahead! I'm sure Applejack wouldn't mind."

"Applejack? Mmkay..." he said, ignoring it on account of his hunger.

He walked to the apple tree and spotted an amazing apple. It was large, bright-red, and flawless. Its glossy coat twinkled from the little droplets of rain. The leaves that surrounded it decorated it nicely, giving it a classy, organic look. He reached up to claim his snack, until a sharp pain in his arm stopped him short. Surprised by the sudden pain, he flinched his arm back. Could the reason why it was hurting have been from what happened the previous night? He did remember falling on it when he arrived. He landed on it hard. He looked at the apple, hanging smugly on the branch like it was taunting him.

Ha-ha! You'rrrre not gonna eeeeeat meeee! it seemed to sing.

Shut up! Connor growled in his head.

“What’s wrong?” asked the young dragon, “You don’t like apples?”

“No, it’s not that. My arm hurts. Must’ve fallen on it,” he grunted in pain.

“Here, let me get that for you!” Spike offered enthusiastically. He climbed the tree trunk all the way up to the branch with the hanging apple and gave it a sharp shake. It did not fall off. Spike shook it again. Nothing. He shook it harder. Then, the apple finally broke off the branch with a small snap and fell onto the human’s head.

“Oops! Sorry about that!” apologized Spike.

Connor picked up the apple from the ground and eyed it hungrily. Hopefully, it tasted as good as it looked unlike those burgers from McDonald's back at home. He took a slow bite, gingerly tasting it.

Sweet Jesus... He found a new love. It was like eating an orb of apple juice. It was sour, yet it was sweet and juicy. The skin was snappy. It tasted just like the Pink Lady apples he had at home.

While the starving human feasted on the delicious apple, the curious dragon cleared his throat.

“So, uh…'Connor', is it? Where are you from?”

The human's head perked from his delightful snack. He swallowed before replying, “America.”


“Well, more like the 'United States of America'.”

“Huh! Never heard of it!”

“You never heard of it?? This is Earth! You should have!”

“Yeah, this is Earth, but I’ve never heard of America. Is it brand-new?”

Holy shit, was this dragon stupid?

“It’s been around for about…t-two to three-hundred years!” the human exclaimed.

“But, if there was a new country, the news about it should’ve reached everypony in less than two days," Spike said.

It was Connor’s turn to be confused.

“So you live on Earth, and you haven’t heard of America… Have y... have you even heard of Europe?”







“Ooh! I like the sound of that one, but no. Heh heh! Canada… Can-ada. Cana-da. Canad-a. Canadacanada! Ooh! What fun! Ha ha! Canadacanadacanadacanadacanadacanada…”

While Spike was playfully reiterating his new funny word, Connor sat in utter shock and stupor. That young dragon lived on Earth, but he never heard of any of those countries he mentioned? Was that dragon a real shut-in? Or…?

“Maybe you live on a different planet that you guys also named ‘Earth’. I dunno, I’m just guessing." the scaled dragon shrugged.

Sweet Mother of...

That was it. Connor felt an aura of nausea loom inside of him. He stared at the ground with his eyes wide open. Then, he shook his head quickly. He had to make sure of something first.

“Waitwaitwait…hold on,” he said. “If you claim you’ve never seen me, a human, before in your life, and I seem to have somehow traveled from my planet to yours, does that mean… I’m the only human here??”

“Well as far as I know, you ARE.”

Great. Now, he was stuck in a world full of talking dragons and had no clue on how to get back. He could build a rocket, but how was he supposed to build a rocket with no knowledge on how to operate rockets, let alone build them? It was all a big mess. It was crazy!

“Yeah,” sighed Spike, looking casually up into the sky. “I know how you feel. Being the pig amongst guinea pigs, the ruby among emeralds. I mean, take a look at me! I’m a dragon in a town populated by ponies! It wasn’t easy to accept, but after acting like myself, I blended in in no-time!”

The hell did he just say?

“Wait! Ponies?” the human asked.

“Yeah! Ponies!” Spike answered before he slapped himself on the forehead. “DOYYYY! Of course! Where are my manners? I should introduce you to Twilight! The rest of the gang, too!”

“Twilight? What gang?" the human asked again.

And why does that name remind me of that God-awful romance saga? he thought with a disgusted look on his face.

His arm was tugged by the eager, little, scaly fellow.

“Follow me!” Spike piped up.

“Agh! The arm! The arm! The arrrrm," groaned the human.

“Oh! Sorry…”

“What’s with the sudden enthusiasm?”

“Nothing! You're interesting, seem like a swell guy, and deserve to meet my friends, that’s all!”

"Swell guy," the human repeated to himself, enjoying how that sounded.

“You seem pretty funny, too," Spike added. "Plus, you gave me a new word to annoy the snot outta Twilight with! Won’t that be a blast? Canadacanadacanadacanadacanadacanadacanada…”

Maybe this whole incident was not so bad after all. He actually made a friend! It was all so easy! With the luck he was making now, he figured he would not have to work so hard making friends. He hated excessive work.

He was perfectly all right with this.

To be continued…

Next Chapter: Chapter II- Introductions Estimated time remaining: 8 Hours, 11 Minutes
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