Twilight Eats a Hamburger

by PonyTom

Chapter 1: Chapter the Onlyth

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Twilight Sparkle looked at the clock.

Spike sighed and shook his head. She had been eying that clock near constantly the whole day. He had no idea what it was she was waiting for, but whatever it was, it had her on edge. He had asked her a few times, but she never gave a direct answer - sometimes she would get into a lecture about vitamins, chemicals, and various other things he barely knew, and sometimes she would talk to him about theories of psychology. He knew she was dodging the question, but if it had her this on edge, he was willing to leave it be; he didn't need to relive the LAST time she was this nervous about receiving mail...

He shuddered as he remembered that night....

'Twilight? Twilight, Rarity is at the door and she needs--'




"That image will be burned into my brain for the remainder of my natural life won't it..." he said to himself as he tried to banish the memory once again. Afterwards, Twilight sat him down for a long, detailed lecture about what he had seen... more detailed than he could have ever wanted and, in fact, asked her to not go into. He knew things he had no business knowing about her as was. Still, he grew past it, and she seemed to forget it herself entirely - he wondered if she used magic? If so, she should have at least wiped his memory first.

Just then, there was a knock at the door, and Twilight immediately shot up. Instead of walking, her horn glowed and she teleported right out of the house...


... And right next to the mail mare.

Derpy jumped at surprise as Twilight stood next to her, eye twitching. "Oh! Derpy! You're here! What a pleasant surprise! What do you have for me? Anything good? In a box maybe?"

Derpy blinked her uneven gaze - Twilight could see her lazy eye shift it's aim each blink, but then she smiled jovially. "Oh yes! A box! Its got some kind of special spell on it or something, cause it's REALLY cold!" She reached into her bag and withdrew from it a box, placing it before Twilight, who hoofed her a few bits before picking it up. "Now, I just need you to sign he-" Twilight interrupted her by popping her own quill from her house, signing each line, and then without another word, disappearing again. Derpy blinked a few more times before smiling jovially. "Have a nice day!" With that, she flapped her wings and took off to continue her work.


Twilight popped back into the house with the box levitating next to her, her expression anxious. Her mane was out of sorts, and she seemed to be filled with nervous energy as she turned to Spike. Slowly, she took a few breaths to calm herself down, then smiled kindly, albeit still somewhat nervous. "Spike? I'm going to give you the rest of the day off. I'm going to be in the lab doing a few experiments... if anypony comes in, can you tell them I'm busy and take messages?"

Spike nodded. "Uh... sure... Twilight..." Part of him wanted to ask what was in the box...


But that curiosity quickly left him. "Have fun with your experiments..."

Twilight nodded and turned to the door, stopping and turning, giving him a glare. "And do NOT come in here! At least knock first if it's important!" With that, she resumed her sojourn into the depths of the lab, shutting the door behind her. Spike shuddered a bit.

"Won't be a problem..."


Twilight trotted down the stairs into the lab and set the box on the nearest workbench. She looked around her lab for a minute as if making sure the coast was clear - after all, Rainbow Dash occasionally let herself in and invaded Twilight's privacy more times than she cared to consider, and Pinkie Pie seemed to be able to be anywhere at anytime she chose, but that couldn't be helped until she could figure out how to Pinkie-proof her house. Once she was certain she was alone, Twilight gulped and let her magic gently tear at the tape holding the box shut, and opened it. Inside was a large mess of paper wrapping with an enchantment - a cooling enchantment. This allowed it to preserve it's contents regardless of where they went, though she knew that it probably would only last so long, and that it's fragile cargo would need to be transported to a proper cooling device soon.

Focusing her magic onto the wrapping, she let a few beads of sweat trail her brow as she peeled it apart. Her lip twitched, and her stomach churned as she unveiled the prize within the wraps.

A pound of meat.

Something Twilight knew that common ponies did not was that ponies were not, in fact, limited to vegetarian diets. Sure, their teeth were designed to eat vegetation, and it was better for them on a nutritional scale, but they had no problem in eating or digesting meat; really, at worst, they didn't make use of the entire thing.

That was where her scientific curiosity ended. The rest of the idea was simple.

'I'm going to eat this.'

Another thing that ponies did not know was what Twilight had done during her adventures in the Human World...


"Mmm..." said the lavender-fleshed girl as she took a bite of the strange, exotic meal. "I've never eaten anything like this where I'm from...... it's so... so tasty!"

Fluttershy seemed to frown. "Oh... I... uh.... d-didn't know you liked that kind of food..."

Twilight quirked a brow. "What's wrong with it? Is it unhealthy? Made from some kind of rare plant?"

Fluttershy stared at her as if she were insane. "... You've never eaten a hamburger before...?"

Twilight shook her head. "Nope! I uh.... I mean... sure I have! But... but I uh.... just never really considered... where it came from?" She put on a fake smile. Twilight would rather seem ignorant than totally out of place in this new world - she was having trouble blending in as it was. Fluttershy, however, did not seem convinced.

"... Uh... you... you do realize you're eating meat... right?"


Twilight stared at Fluttershy before looking down at the burger. She slowly let her hand move to peel the bun up. While much of the view was obscured by a slightly melted slice of cheese and shredded lettuce, she could see well enough a dark brown slab of food. She leaned down to sniff it. Looking back up to Fluttershy, she grimaced. She had no idea what to do... if she should throw it away... or give it a proper burial.

"They killed a cow to make that burger..." said the meek girl with what almost sounded like contempt. Twilight gulped and stood up.

"I uh... I... gotta go..." she said as she took the burger and walked out of the cafeteria.

Fluttershy smiled a bit. It seemed odd that Twilight didn't know what a burger was made of... did she perhaps help some poor soul see the light? To realize that eating animals was wrong? She liked to hope so... and she smiled to herself in this possibility. She would talk to Twilight later on...

Meanwhile, Twilight drew distance from the cafeteria, and, once she was sure she was alone... jammed what was left of the burger into her mouth. After swallowing it down, her eyes filled with tears. "It... it's so tasty.... this... this is what happiness tastes like...!"


"Hmm... you know... I need to research more of the Human world when I can..." she said to herself. "There seems to be an age-time inconsistency between that world and ours... we were all the same age, and the Crusaders were closer to us in that regard than they are in this world..." She tapped a hoof to her chin. "Maybe humans age differently from ponies?" Shaking her head, she refocused. "No, Twilight! Focus on the task at hoof! This meat will spoil if you don't either cook it or contain it soon!" She levitated the beef and brought it towards a freezer. Placing it in a box with particular preservation spells in place, she let her magic yank from it a small section before putting a lid on the container and stuffing it into the freezer - placing it far in the back where Spike would never think to look for it (not that he'd have any reason to. The freezer only ever had a bunch of chemicals in it - which is why she had to make sure that container would not allow any 'run off' to seep into it).

Twilight moved towards a burner stove. It was normally used to heat chemicals, but she had worked to assure she was ready for this next step. She pulled from a hiding place but a single frying pan and set it on top of the stove. Turning it on, she made sure the heat was just right and ready to cook the slab of meat in her possession. After a few minutes (that seemed to her as hours) of waiting, Twilight was certain that it had reached the proper warmness, and without further hesitation, slapped the piece of beef onto the pan. It met with a 'slap!' following by a loud sizzling noise.

It was music to her ears.

Using her magic, she levitated from another hiding place a book. The book was old, worn, and damaged from time, and originated from the Griffin kingdoms; a book on cooking meat. Unlike ponies who, as a kingdom, became almost singularly vegetarian, the Griffons still enjoyed meat. In fact, the very beef she was cooking was rush delivered from there. Really, had it not been for the magic spell preserving it, there was no way it ever could have reached her, and she didn't know if she could go all the way to the Griffon kingdom just to indulge in a burger. Quickly, Twilight went to work putting just the right amount of spices on the beef as the book instructed. Eventually, she had to flip the meat to let the other side get warmed up; to her pleasant surprise, the side it had been laying on was now a pleasant, delicious dark brown, filled with delicious meaty goodness, and more satisfying sizzling rewarded her effort.

Already the lab was beginning to smell of the beautiful scent of beef, and she felt like she might jump onto the foodstuff before it was finished. 'No' she reminded herself, 'It will taste better once it's done and prepared properly...' And so, with patience and just a hint of anxiety, Twilight turned from the burger as it cooked and gathered a few more odds and ends. A plate, a single slice of cheese, some lettuce... yes, this was going to be an amazing meal.

Eventually, after what felt like an eternity of waiting... the burger was cooked. Levitating it from the pan with her magic, she withdrew two buns from a nearby container (even she felt it was concerning how many things she had managed to hide around this lab, and how much trouble she had to go through to sterilize it to assure she wouldn't be chemically poisoned by her own 'experiments') and sat them on the plate. First, the meat, followed by the cheese being laid on top of it, and then the lettuce. She set a fork and a knife with them - never knew when you might need to cut the food. Placing the other bun over top of it, she grinned a wide grin.

Then, her stomach started to churn.

It wasn't the food, she hadn't even eaten yet. She shrugged, and took a bite. Her eyes widened, she placed her hooves over her cheeks, and she moaned almost lustfully at the heavenly taste. It was as if Celestia had raised the sun over her taste buds, and brought them new life. She felt tears well in her eyes at the beauty of the sensations she felt all over.

Until her stomach began to cramp and gurgle.

Twilight swallowed the meat she had been eating and placed her hooves on her stomach. While it was not related to the beef she was currently eating, she knew it probably had SOMETHING to do with food. It was no mystery what. It was what the body does with food. And it needed to do it RIGHT NOW.

Biting her lip, she simply turned and rushed up the stairs and burst out of the basement in a hurry. Spike saw her dart past. "Yo, Twilight, you alright?"

"Bathroom! BATHROOM!"

The door upstairs slammed and Spike grimaced. "Ugh... that mare... so yeah, as you can see, she seems to be done with whatever she was doing, Fluttershy."

Fluttershy, who was standing just a short distance from the dragon and sipping on a cup of tea, smiled. "Oh, thanks. I'll ask her when she gets out of the bathroom...." She looked past Spike and down into the basement. "What is she doing anyway?"

Spike shook his head. "Beats me... and I don't care to find out. I'm going to go see if Rarity's doing anything. Wanna come with?"

Fluttershy nodded. "I can follow, but I've got to talk to Twilight first..."

Spike shrugged and, with that, the little dragon turned and walked towards the door, opening it, and stepped out of the library, closing it behind him. Fluttershy turned and looked back up the stairs where Twilight had hurried. She blinked and sniffed, smelling some sort of strange aroma coming from the basement. It was a pleasant smell, but unfamiliar. She turned to look up the stairs again, feeling curiosity get to her.

'I shouldn't...' she said quietly to herself...

But curiosity got to her. That smell was too powerful.

She trotted down the stairs and into the laboratory. It seemed a bit odd - there was a frying pan on the stove, as if it were just a kitchen stove. On the workbench there was a plate, a fork, and a knife - and on that plate was a sandwich with a single bite taken out of it. Stepping towards it, she felt the smell beckoning her, calling her. The sandwich she beheld was still warm, and itself unfamiliar. But it smelled so heavenly.

'I REALLY shouldn't...' she told herself.

But it smelled too good.

Eyes darting left and right, she took the knife and cut off a single slice of the sandwich - she hoped Twilight wouldn't get mad... maybe even not notice it... but mostly not get mad. Taking the bit she sliced away, she gently, cautiously placed it into her mouth and closed it over it and chewed.

And instantly was hit by a world of savory taste she had never experienced before.

Her eyes widened as she placed her hooves to her cheeks in near extacy, letting out a small moan of satisfaction as she chewed on the mystery substance. Had Twilight invented a new kind of food? She didn't think she dabbled in the cullinary sciences, but she wouldn't argue with the results.

"Oh my... this is heavenly...!"


Fluttershy turned to face Twilight who stared at her in surprise. The mare blinked a few times and blushed. "Oh, I-I'm sorry Twilight, I smelled something delicious and I had to investigate and I simply had to have a bite, please don't be mad at me..."

Twilight shook her head, staring at the sandwich and Fluttershy. "Y... you DO know that that's a hamburger right....?"

Fluttershy blinked. "... A what...?"

"Hamburger... with meat... cow meat..." said Twilight, although after that last word came from her mouth, she regretted saying it.

Fluttershy's eyes widened. She quickly turned her head to stare at the sandwich. The sandwich with meat. Cow meat. The meat of a cow that had once been alive, but no longer was. The sandwich she had just taken a bite out of. Her mouth moved wordlessly, and her expression shifted from confusion to utter horror.

Fluttershy slowly turned to face Twilight. "I.... ate... m... me...." Twilight looked at the pegasus mare in deep concern. Fluttershy began to tremble. She turned pale, and felt utterly sick. She lurched forward and vomited onto the floor, causing a somewhat shocked Twilight to step back. Fluttershy looked up to Twilight, eyes filled with tears, and perhaps a hint of betrayal. Without another word, she ran out of the basement crying. Twilight followed her up until she had reached the library door, watching Fluttershy actually take flight and soar away in tears. Ponies gathered around and looked to her, confused, looking for answers. She frowned. What could she say. She shook her head sadly and shut the door as she stepped back inside, making her way to the basement.

She simply stared at the sandwich a few minutes. The reverence she had for it earlier gone. She wanted to want it. She wanted to feel her mouth water. But now, as she stared at it, she simply saw a siren song that had broken her friend's heart... maybe even scarred her for life... maybe even ruined her friendship.

Twilight grimaced and took the meat from the buns. The cheese was melted to it now. With a sigh, she focused her magic into the slab of beef and the cheese, and incinerated it.

She didn't think she could ever eat meat again. Now, she had to talk to Fluttershy... but she wouldn't lie. She would tell her the truth. Of her experiences in the other world. Of the call the burger gave her. And of how sorry she was that her friend had unwittingly eaten from a living being.

It was the very least she owed her friend.


It had been a full day before Twilight found herself at Fluttershy's doorstep. She was too nervous to come earlier, and now she felt anxiety threatening to consume her. She took a deep breath. "This is for Fluttershy..." she reminded herself. She brought her hoof to the door and gently knocked.

"Y-yes...?" she heard from the other side.

"Fluttershy? It's Twilight... can we talk?"

Silence returned to her. Twilight frowned.

"Fluttershy.... please? I want to apologize... but... not... not out here..."

At first there was more silence. Slowly, the door creaked open a crack, Fluttershy looking at Twilight through it, her eyes seeming uncertain and somewhat nervous. She expected as much. Twilight looked at her with pleading eyes. "Please let me in...?"

Fluttershy slowly opened the door, but didn't seem to want to look Twilight directly in the eyes as the alicorn stepped into her cottage and gently closed the door behind her. "Fluttershy... I'm... going to cut to the chase. Yes... I got hamburger meat. Beef. From a cow... and yes... I was going to eat it..."

Fluttershy didn't say anything. She didn't look at Twilight. It made the mare worried, but she pressed on.

"... I-I... when I went to the human world... I ate some... I didn't know until I had eaten most of it... but.... it was so tasty..." She gulped. "I... I couldn't control myself. I mean, when I came home, at first, it was nothing, but then I got a craving, then it became obsession... and then.... I... sort of..." she brought a hoof to the back of her neck. "... I sort of... sent an order to the Griffon Kingdom... for.... the beef..."

Fluttershy still said nothing. Twilight was practically in tears now. "Fluttershy, I'm really, really sorry! I-I-I knew it was wrong, and I know we're supposed to be vegetarians, but... but I... I couldn't help myself..." She sniffled. "... I... I didn't mean for this to happen... and... please forgive me... I'd do anything to make it right..."


It was soft, but hopeful. Twilight smiled. "Y-yes! Anything!"

Fluttershy seemed to think, before turning to look up to Twilight. "... Give what's left to me... so we can give... HER... the cow the beef belonged to... so we can give her the best burial we can offer her..."

Twilight nodded. She didn't think she could bring herself to finish it anyhow. It wasn't so much that she thought it was wrong... as it was what it had nearly cost her. With that, Fluttershy wrapped her forelegs around her friend and whispered a weak, but few words.

"Thank you, Twilight..."

Twilight returned the embrace, tears in her eyes. "No Fluttershy... thank you..."


It had been a simple funeral. It had been a week since Fluttershy had accidentally eaten from Twilight's secret burger session, and things had returned to normal. As Fluttershy placed a rock in the field with other rocks dedicated to animal friends who had passed on, she and Twilight bowed their heads in silent mourning. Once all was said and done, the two mares parted ways, and Fluttershy returned to her cottage, and shut the door behind her. It felt good to give a creature a proper send off, even if the underlying circumstances were so grim.

She smiled to Angel, who looked up at her with a little concern on his face. Normally, he was irritable... but when Fluttershy had to do something like this, he was always so sweet. She smiled and patted him on the head comfortingly. "It's okay, Angel baby... mama's alright." She looked up and sighed. "Mama's going to be in the basement for a bit tidying up... can you be a good boy and stay upstairs?"

Angel nodded. She was probably trying to distract herself from her sadness, he knew. He would let her have her space. With that, he bounced off to his own devices. Fluttershy smiled and trotted back out of her house, towards the cellar doors on the side. Opening them, she trotted down the stairs. She stopped, looking around behind her, and inside. Then, she shut the doors, and locked them.

She hurried to a pile of boxes and pulled them open. From one, she pulled a frying pan, a plate and some silverware, as well as a small, portable, plug-in stove. From another, she withdrew a bag of buns, and pushing them aside, revealed her storage freezer/fridge; she rarely used it, and so nothing ever thought to even consider it. Prying it open, she withdrew some cheese and lettuce from the fridge, and from the freezer a mysterious box.

"Twilight doesn't have to know that the box we buried was empty, right?" she said to herself as she bit her lip. She almost wished Angel were here... but... no... he could never know.

"... J-Just this slab of meat... just a few burgers... then I'll never eat meat again..." she promised herself as she plugged the stove in and fired it up.


Author's Notes:

For the record?

I'm no vegetarian. I love burgers. :D

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