Did the title catch your attention? I knew it would. See, I tried this type of thing before. Multiple times, in fact. But saying ‘Please Read This’ sounds kind of pathetic, doesn’t it? Others thought so. They thought it was funny… and not in a good way.

But you won’t be like that, will you? You’re too nice. And handsome. So very, very beautiful in this pristine, endless void of nothingness that is my world. Now your world, too.

Oh, you’re wondering where you are now? Not sure of that myself. Maybe inside of my mind, another world, or dimension altogether. Heck, we could be drifting along the gap between infinity and entropy, life and death, good and evil and all that other hullabaloo. Or we could be nowhere at all.

Stuck in the middle of nowhere…

But hey, at least neither of us are alone! I have myself, you have you, and together that counts as a ‘we.’ Isn’t that great?

So, you, me, we and us, here together as best friends forever! What should we talk about? Names? What’s yours then?

Huh… weird name. Were your parents alcoholics or something? Whoa, whoa, sorry about that. No need to be testy here.

Mine is… is… what was it now? It started with a D… D-something. Daemon? Dimitri? Derek? Possibly Diana if I was a girl…

Am I a girl?

Nah, I’m pretty sure I’m not. But what would my name be then? Maybe…. um, Dis… Dord… Cord… Discord? Is it Discord? I’m pretty sure it is. Been so long that I nearly forgot it. Heh, pretty funny, right? Forgetting your own name.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand. Me! More specifically, how long ‘me’ has been locked in here, bad grammar withstanding. Let’s see, let me just count out the days in my head.

…

…

…

Carry the two…

…

I got it! It’s been approximately 5,002 days since I’ve gotten here. And since I need to stay here for a thousand years, that sums up the days for me to remain trapped to being 360,240. And I can’t forget leap years either! Add another 250 days onto that as well! So I only have a measly 360,490 days left here. Heck, the time will just pass on by in no time!

…

…

…

See, it’s already been fifteen seconds! I’ll get out of here in no time at all!

Not like I deserved to be here anyways. I mean, sheesh, getting imprisoned in stone being an overreaction much? Sure, I wasn’t the best of people. Kind of a dictator, kind of a trickster, kind of a power hungry deity of chaotic evil that took no resolution or thought into his victims. But come on, turning me into stone? At least I never turned ponies into stone!

The worst I ever did was throw up some cotton candy clouds. Maybe a few showers of chocolate rain. Does that seem so bad? Apparently ponies can’t handle the fact that someone is not conforming to their way of life. It seems Equestria has one set moral standard that everyone has to stand for. Whether they want to or not.

And apparently, I’m the bad guy! As if! What, I’m automatically evil because I didn’t agree with what the ponies thought was good? So evil is suddenly not being in agreement with someone, is that it?

See, everyone is a huge hypocrite. It’s the hypocrisy of my situation that makes me know I’m right in the end. That goody-two-shoes Celestia can say she’s benevolent and perfect, but does turning your enemy into a stone statue sound benevolent? Oh no, it couldn’t be a regular prison where I could actually move around about in. It just had to be an encompassing entrapment of stone that keeps me trapped and unmoving at all times. You know what it feels like to not move a muscle for years at end? To continue seeing the same view of the same spot, never being able to blink or close your eyes? To be constantly annoyed by pigeons using you as a toilet and annoying foals sticking gum in between your toes? Do you?

Death would’ve been a mercy. It still is, at the rate I’m going.

But there’s a bright side to everything, isn’t there? I have you. I’m pretty sure I would have gone completely insane without someone like you for company. Hearing my words, standing by my side… it’s really comforting, you know?

Another living person to talk to.

Though you don’t really say much. Tell me more about yourself. Why you’re here… with me… and staying with me in the first place.

Is it because you find me intriguing? I guess that’s a given, seeing how I’m so powerful and important that Celestia found it necessary to trap me using the Elements of Harmony. Really, anyone else would find it an honor. Why, if you look at my face just before I got imprisoned, you can see how joyful I was getting such a privilege. It was just a grand time getting blasted with the Deus Ex Machina of magical solutions!

I bet you’re also here because you feel sorry for me. That’s rare for most, but you I’m just sure of! Feeling pity for sad, little ol’ me. That really touches my heart, you know that?

Wait, now I sound like a sap? Well, you too! I can’t help but complain! Wouldn’t you if you were stuck in my situation right now?

Why did I get myself in a situation like this in the first place? It’s hardly my fault. It’s part of my nature, being chaotic. It’s in my name, for pete’s sake. Discord. Does that sound like a guy who’s peachy and at peace with the world? No, it’s the name of a guy who wants to put a fun spin on life. And some ponies didn’t seem to enjoy that one bit!

Bunch of sissy ponies who can’t handle a little chaos in their short lived lives. I was doing them a favor! Added some fun to the fix, and little extra spin on life that I was sure would put a smile on a few faces. Not Celestia’s, that’s for sure.

But I’m sure I’ll be alright, right? Right? Yeah… right. Alright in the world and everything else. I mean, Celestia seriously wouldn’t have me trapped for a thousand years in stone. No one could be that cold-hearted and cruel.

Unless… unless she really is. Unless she does have a soul as black as her heart, and gets some type of sick kick out of me being stuck here. Come on everypony, let’s all laugh at poor Discord stuck in stone! Let’s show him off as a tourist attraction in the gardens. Let’s take away any semblance of his sanity that’s left while he’s imprisoned so that he ends up as a blubbering fool who can’t even remember his own name! Doesn’t that sound like fun?

No! I can’t let this happen! I can’t just be… be stuck here forever. A thousand years is forever at the rate time is moving here! M-maybe there’s some way to remedy this? Yeah, there has to be! I can still fix this, fix my life and all my mistakes. Even the smallest of possibilities… there has to be something for me! A chance. A bit of luck. Just… something.

Or what if there’s not something? Bleak is my world and that is what my future holds. Just a near eternity of grim surroundings and a despair of my stone covered heart. How can I go on like this? Not like I have a choice, mind you. Not even the embrace of death can save me. I’m alone in this prison, with just you for company until my mind eventually shatters and I go into some weird area of my subconscious while the rest of my mentality shuts down. I’m just on a straight course on a road to nothing until I disembark over the side of a cliff. And you know what the funny thing is? Even then… even after my mind is lost and every little bit that makes me me is gone… I’ll still probably have another 500 or so years left here. Isn’t that just wonderful?

But hey, not everything is lost. I have you, don’t I? Maybe you can keep me from going mad. We can just talk and talk until the years tick by. Get to know one another, share tidbits of our lives, learn what friendship is truly made of while we remain stuck in here. Heck, I bet we wasted tons of time chatting it up in here.

…

Wow, would you look at that. It’s been less than five minutes. I said all of that in less than five measly, tiny minutes! Heh. Isn’t that just fantastic? Isn’t it?

Back in the real world I can make five minutes pass by in seconds. Days and years in only a snap of my fingers. I was literally God, control over reality and control over the lives of everyone. Did I go a bit mad with power? Sure, but wouldn’t you? I never hurt anyone, never made their lives a painful experience of never ending agony. No, I just had a little fun is all.

But, of course, some ponies don’t like fun. Some ponies like forcibly locking away their enemies in stone prisons for unethically long periods of time!

What’s that? You don’t like my tone? Well sorry, but I’m still a little bit irked that I’m stuck in this abyssal plane of nothingness for a thousand years when only five minutes pass by! You wouldn’t be able to handle this much better, I guarantee that!

Oh, so now you resent me, is that it? I didn’t bring you here, you came here of your own free will! Not my problem you can’t handle my complaining. Which is totally justified, by the way. Totally!

So what are you going to do now? Just up and walk away, like that’s it? I thought we had a connection! Like we were together! But I guess I was wrong, if you’re just going to up and leave on me like that! I guess friendship means nothing to you, is that it?

…

Really now? That’s what you think of me? That my title is stupid and just plain pathetic? That I deserved to be stuck in here? That… that I’m so pitiful it’s funny?

And now you’re laughing...

Th-then… then… we were never friends to begin with! Go away, I don’t need you! This prison is all I need! This stone is my home, and you aren’t invited!

Good riddance, I say. I don’t need you! I don’t need anybody! Just myself, my prison, my unending life and a thousand years just to myself and I’m all good! Just great! Wonderful! Fantastic! Just a big ol’ bag of happiness wrapped into one is what I am! Discord, Spirit of Being Content With Being Stuck In a Prison of Stone for a Thousand Years! That’s what I am!

Liked I needed company. Someone to talk to and wallow upon. Yeah right. I’m not a pony. People like me don’t need living connections. We don’t need anything.

No one to talk to.

No one to speak about.

Just ourselves and our mind, in one, just being me.

…

Great, I really am going crazy! Please, I beg you, come back! Don’t leave me here all alone!

Hello, anyone there? I’m sorry, okay! I won’t complain anymore, I promise! Just please… please return to me!

Don’t leave me abandoned.

You seriously wouldn’t do that, right?

Right?

You’re better than that. Better than me. Which is why you can leave, and I can’t. Which is also why you have to stay here. Pity me. I’ll grovel and beg if I have to. Just don’t walk out. Don’t…

…

Please answer.

…

Don’t leave me. We can still talk about cool stuff. I swear, we can have some fun as well. With… with something cool. I used to be able to do magic. Control anything I wanted. Once I break out, I can do that again! We’ll have so much fun on the outside, just you wait and see.

…

Come back… back… See, I’m already forgetting stuff again! Tell me your name! I can’t forget you! I just can’t!

…

…

No.

…

…

…

NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! Not like this!

…

…

…

Not again.

…

…

…

…

…

Did the title catch your attention? I knew it would. See, I tried this type of thing before. Multiple times, in fact. But saying ‘Please Read This’ sounds kind of pathetic, doesn’t it? Others thought so. They thought it was funny… and not in a good way.