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Necromancy Coffee Break

by Sarcasmo

Chapter 2: Shaky Cup

Previous Chapter

“Soon, my precious. It is almost time. Soon we will go and finally get our answers,” Luna said as she gingerly caressed the thermos the same way one would caress the belly of a soon-to-be mother. The aluminum container also held the gift of life; this, Luna was sure of.

Almost time it was indeed. She had raised the moon hours ago. Or maybe it had only been a few minutes; it was hard for her to tell. By now, she had given up on counting time simply in units of clock-hand revolutions and had opted for the simpler method of counting cups of coffees consumed instead. By that measure, time was moving forward at a rapid pace.

She tenderly placed the thermos on the ground and slowly ran the tip of her hoof on its side.

“You really are a beauty, aren't you?”

The only answer she received was her distorted face staring back at her, grinning a conspicuous grin. It had conceived the exact same plan as herself.

“I know I shouldn't. I really shouldn't. But I can't resist any more! Please forgive me.”

She grabbed the thermos and quickly unscrewed the cap, before filling it with coffee and greedily drinking up. She screwed the top back on and carelessly threw the now empty vessel to the side, landing right next to its two predecessors. Fortunately, she had still kept two more of them in reserve she could fall back on. But at the same time it meant she would have to be on the move pretty soon; otherwise her clandestine venture might come to an end before she had a chance to utilize the freshly-brewed coffee for its intended purpose.

She walked up to the door and opened it a crack. As expected, there was nopony in the long hallway. Even those pesky guards who were assigned to stalk her around the clock needed their sleep and when she had told them she would retire to her room after raising the moon, they had believed her gullibly.

Still, she'd rather be safe than sorry and, the two thermoses tucked into her saddle bags, she decided to jump out the window instead. She flew along the castle walls until she had rounded the entire structure, and within a matter of seconds, she had left the castle grounds and was flying over the city.

The cold night air brushed her sides as Luna nose-dived towards the streets of Canterlot. It was an invigorating cold that made her feel alive, perfect for a night like this.

And it was truly a wonderful night, one of those which, even if all her subjects were awake, they could never fully appreciate. They were all sound asleep in their beds, all lights extinguished, completely oblivious to the wonders across the sky that were passing by their window side. Maybe for the better, Luna deemed, as hers was an operation that demanded peace and quiet and darkness. She scanned her surroundings and lowered herself another story.

She was immediately hit by a neon light beam. Grievously wounded, she fell to the ground a giant cloud of dust that quickly gathered more and more bystanders. Once the smoke had cleared, she needed only a moment to assess just how much attention her little crash had drawn and quickly teleported into a nearby dark back alley.

Luna's heart was beating like a jackhammer. No matter how she looked at it, she couldn't piece together what had just happened. Were the changelings attacking with some sort of blinding ray technology? Or had her guards tracked her down and used a devious method of making sure they could keep up with her? She carefully peeked around the corner.

There stood her attacker, out in the open: a neon sign reading '24 Hours Tattoos'. It wasn't alone. It stood in a sea of other lights, bathing the city in all colors of the rainbow. If the magic in her horn wouldn't have told her otherwise, Luna could have sworn her sister had decided to raise the sun early today.

And with the lights came the noise. Such an incredible amount of noise. Even during its busiest hours, the castle never quite managed to generate this level of it. Even when she covered her ears, the sound waves of a nearby bass speaker were shaking her entire body.

But most amazing of all was the amount of ponies out on the streets. They were roaming the streets by the dozens, entering a multitude of bars, clubs, and even the tattoo parlor that had so violently assaulted her. It left Luna absolutely speechless.

Although it didn't leave them speechless. “...Princess Luna...” they were calling out to her, faintly, yet unmistakably. “...Princess Luna...” over and over again. They were asking for her. They wanted her with them. She had permission to join their festivities.

“Excuse me, Princess Luna?”

This time the voice came with a little tap to her flank. She quickly turned around to find it coming from a cream-colored mare half a pony-length away from her.

Luna came just a little bit closer.“What is it, my little pony?” she asked, trying to give the mare her best make deers lick salt from her hooves-smile – a necessary measure considering the mare was cowering before her like a timid fawn.

After a few moments, the mare stood up, almost straight. “It's just...” She heavily fidgeting with her forelegs. “I don't know how to put this, but... c-could I get back my picnic basket?”

Luna stared at her, baffled. “What?”

Without a word, the mare pointed at Luna's right hindleg, blushing beat red. Looking down, Luna found a lovely wicker basket, with a red-white checkered blanket poking out on one end. Apparently, she had stepped in it when she teleported into the ally – one of the inadvertent side effects of blindly and aimlessly teleporting about.

“I'm sorry,” Luna said, immediately removing the basket and levitating it over. “It was an unfortunate accident. I didn't look where I was going. Hopefully I didn't damage anything.”

The mare grabbed the basket with her right hoof and quickly went through the contents with the other. “N-no, it's quite alright. I like my sandwiches a bit squished.” She uncovered the remnants of a daffodil and daisy sandwich. “And in pieces...”

“Well that won't do,” Luna said. “Seems to me like you need some new sandwiches. And seeing as I'm the one responsible for your loss, it is my responsibility to make amends.”

The cream-colored mare looked back up in shock. “Oh, no, Princess,” she hastily replied. “That won't be necessary. I'm not that hungry anyway. And besides, I'm sure you have more important things to do.”

Luna waved it off. “Nonsense! There is nothing more important in the Lunar Code of Conduct than the reparation of a debt, no matter how it was obtained.” She glance around the busy street behind her. “Now, do you happen to know if there is some sort of sandwich shop where we could obtain any?”

“I'm afraid there isn't, Princess,” the mare said. “Not at this time of night, anyway. I'm telling you, it's not a big deal. I made those sandwiches myself, so it's no loss at all. You really don't have to trouble yourself with any of this.”

“Made them yourself, you say...” Luna pondered the idea for a bit. “That's it! If all else fails, we can simply go to the kitchen in Canterlot Castle. I'll just wake the head chef and he'll show me how to make some.”

“N-no that really won't be necessary.”

“I insist.” Grabbing the mare by her left foreleg, Luna started to drag her towards the street. “It won't be any trouble at all.”

They were halfway down the alley before the mare could voice any protest. “Wait!”

Luna slowed down immediately, waiting for what she had to say.

The mare started with a sigh. “There might be an alternative,” she said softly. “There's an all-night burger grill not too far from here. I mean, it's technically not sandwiches, but I don't mind, and if you don't mind, it would be a lot closer and a lot easier I think.”

Luna was beaming from ear to ear. “Of course I don't mind. It sounds delicious,” she said, yanking the cream-colored mare once more and shoving her out into the streets. “Lead the way. The quicker we get there, the better.”

The mare shot one pleading glance backwards, but Luna had already moved up beside her. Hanging her head for the shortest moment, the mare lead the way.

For Luna meanwhile started a sightseeing tour like none other, getting to see everything up close she had only been able to glance at from the alley. She had seen these streets before, countless times in fact, but now they had transformed from a plain static cocoon into a lively, multicolored neon butterfly. Every shop had a little sign in it, demanding her to drink this or wear that or save one percent per year of life on spectacle frames (which would be a very sweet deal for Luna in case she ever needed glasses). She wouldn't have the time to try all of it in one night.

She turned to the mare beside “Say—” she began, but cut herself short. “I never asked you your name, did I?”

“No, you didn't,” the mare replied, blushing slightly. “But it's quite alright, Princess. I don't mind. I'm not offended.” More as an afterthought she added: “It's Bon Bon, by the way.”

Luna began anew: “Say, Bon Bon, is it always this lively around here? Or is this some kind of special occasion that has the ponies cavorting all through the night?”

“Well, not always,” Bon Bon replied, turning her head to the much larger alicorn. “It's much more quiet on weekdays, but for a Friday, this is pretty normal.”

Fridays. Luna concluded they should receive a special place in the Royal Schedule as a time of nightly exploration and fun. She would put it into her day planner first thing coming back to the castle.

Bon Bon interrupted her thoughts. “We're here by the way,” she said, pointing to a small shop in front of them. “This is the burger joint I was talking about.”

“Then let's dig right in, shall we?” Luna said, walking right up to the counter.

The stallion behind the counter greeted her casually: “Welcome to Curd's Burgers. How can I help—” He almost screamed when he actually laid eyes on his customer for the first time. “Holy crap! It's Princess—”

He was interrupted by a slap to the back of his head. “Did you just say 'holy crap' in front of a princess of Equestria!?” the slapper chided.” To the back with you, you layabout. Go cut up some more buns.”

The slappee obliged without a word of protest. Only when he was gone did the other stallion turn to Luna. “Excuse my good-for-nothing son-in-law. He was born in a cave and adopted the local manners. Now, let me just say that I'm honored by your visit and that I will do anything to make your experience at Curd's Burger as pleasurable as can be. So, what can I get you, Your Highness?”

“Let's see...” She quickly went over the many colorful pictures. They all looked invitingly succulent. It was impossible to choose just one.

“I don't know.” She turned to Bon Bon. “You've been here before, haven't you? Why don't you just pick something and I'll take the same.”

“A-alright, let's do that,” Bon Bon said, more sneaking than walking up to the counter. “I'll have two large hayburgers. One with extra pickles.”

“And I'll have the same,” Luna decided.

“Certainly,” said the stallion behind the counter. “They'll be done in three minutes.”

Three minutes later, the two of them picked up their order and took them to one of the nearby tables. Luna eyed her hayburger carefully. “This doesn't look like the picture at all,” she observed.

“They never do,” Bon Bon said. “But don't let that fool you. I can assure you, they're absolutely delicious.”

It wasn't too reassuring. Luna went back to her burger, picking it up and carefully balancing it in her hoof. She sniffed it, deeming it non-toxic. Hesitantly, she took the teensiest bite.

Immediately her eyes went wide. She removed the top bun and looked at the seasoned haypatty below, before she licked it off.

“What's that red stuff?” she asked Bon Bon.

“It's ketchup.”

“Ketchup, you say.” Luna put her burger back together, taking a big bite out of it. “I could have sworn it was ambrosia.”

Bon Bon smiled at her weakly. “If you like it that much, here's some more,” she said hoofing Luna the complementary ketchup bottle on the table.

Luna's eyes went even wider. “You mean I can have as much as I like? I could empty the bottle onto it?”

“Sure you can. But I have to wonder: don't you have any ketchup inside the castle?”

“We do have some condiments...” Luna thought back to one time her and her sister were served pea soup for lunch and she asked for some salt. The cook responsible ran down to the kitchen crying, locking himself in the larder, refusing to come out for twelve hours straight. When it came down to it, the chefs employed at Canterlot Castle were a surprisingly sensitive bunch. “...but it's best not to use them.”

Although that rule didn't apply here. She emptied half the bottle onto her burger and gobbled it down in a matter of seconds. She was still savoring the taste when she looked over to Bon Bon and noticed something peculiar.

“Aren't you going to eat yours?” she asked.

“Not right now,” Bon Bon replied, wrapping up her meal and putting it into her basket. “A friend of mine is organizing this event and I promised I'd bring her a snack before it is over. Hence the picnic basket.”

“I see,” said Luna through a mouthful of ketchup with burger. “What kind of event is she organizing?”

“They call it 'Singing And Dancing The Night Away',” Bon Bon said enthusiastically. “It's this thing were they provide instruments for anypony to pick up and try them out. There's professional musicians around to guide and help them, so nopony is helplessly lost. The goal is to get ponies into musical instruments and of course enjoy themselves all the way until the sun is up. But of course it isn't just about trying new things; there's a designated area where more advanced ponies can jam together and everypony is encouraged to dance and sing along.”

“Where is it?” Luna asked, wiping her face after having finished her eating.

“Platinum Park in Rumpton.”

“Rumpton!?” Luna grinned excitedly. “That's on my way! Would you mind if I come along?”

Bon Bon's eyes shrunk to the size of pinpricks. “O-of course not, Princess. I'm sure they would be honored to have you.”

“Great! Just let me throw away these paper plates and let us be on our way.”

Bon Bon waited patiently, and once Luna had come back, she was again the one leading the way. Although this time around, Princess Luna paid less attention to her surroundings and more attention to her company.

She looked over Bon Bon carefully. “This event you were talking about – Singing And Dancing The Night Away – that is really important to your friend, isn't it?”

“You could say that,” Bon Bon said. “She was certainly excited and kept talking about it the past two weeks.”

Luna flattened her ears against the back of her head. “Could it be that she said something about wanting you by her side?”

Bon Bon responded with a smile. “Oh, don't worry about that. I've already been. I only went back to fetch the two of us a little something to eat, which—” She turned her head away slightly. “—turned out to take a little more time than I expected.”

Instantly, Luna hung her head. “So I've been holding you up this whole time, haven't I?”

“No, of course not.” Bon Bon giggled a little. “Well, technically yes, but it’s nothing to worry about. It was nice to spend some time with Lyra and see her this happy, but she was busy with the music anyway. I think she'll hardly notice I was gone this long.”

“In any case, I sincerely apologize for the hold up. I never intended to—Heavens and earth! What is that building over there?”

“Which one?”

“The big one with all the ponies waiting in front.” There was a long line of more than a hundred ponies standing where Luna was pointing to.

“You mean the Bitlodeon? That's just a cinema. A pretty old one I think,” Bon Bon explained.

“If so many ponies are waiting on it, it must be something good. We should go inside and check—” Luna looked her companion in the eye. “Although on second thought, we probably shouldn't. No more interruptions.”

Bon Bon giggled some more. “We can spare a few minutes, I think.”

“Great! Then let's make it quick.” Before she finished her sentence, Luna was already sprinting for the front door, not understanding a word of what Bon Bon was shouting after her. There was a side door right next to the line, which all the waiting ponies completely ignored. What Luna found when she burst through the door was certainly surprising.

“This is rather underwhelming,” she said. “I expected something a little more exciting if it had so many ponies waiting in front of it.”

“That is because this is only the lobby,” Bon Bon said, having barely caught up. “You have to go inside the theater to see the actual movie.”

Luna turned around in surprise. “This is some sort of theater?”

“Kind of. But you need a ticket to get in. And like I was trying to tell you, waiting to get one will take forever.” Bon Bon pointed to the long line of ponies only slowly advancing forward.

Luna frowned. “And there I was already getting excited. I would have really liked to know what these modern theaters are like.”

“Excuse me, Princess Luna?”

The two of them needed a moment before they found the source of the voice. It came from an usher hiding behind one of the doors opened a crack. She motioned for them to come over.

“I'm sorry, but I've overheard your conversation,” the usher said. “If you just want a short glimpse without having to wait in line for a ticket, I can probably sneak you in. The film is almost over anyway. So if you want...”

“Do we!?” said Luna.

“Then come right this way.”

They turned two corners in complete darkness, until they had reached the seating are. There Luna saw the silver screen for the first time in her life. She was immediately captivated by the fictional world before her.

For a few moments, she remained completely motionless, with no visible awareness of her surroundings. Then she broke into a chuckle so loud, it could only be appropriately referred to as the Royal Canterlot Chortle.

“Did you see that!?” she asked Bon Bon once she had calmed down a little. “That pie hit him square in the face! A pie! In the face! Are all movies this brilliant?”

Bon Bon didn't have any time to answer. Luna's little outburst had drawn the attention of every last member of the audience and they had formed an impassable confluence all around her. Many of them had started to formally bow.

It was all so much, Luna had no idea how to react to any of it. “Hi everypony,” she said, hoping it would lead somewhere, anywhere really.

“Hi Princess Luna!” the crowd replied. Their eyes were glued to her the same way they were to the screen moments before. Meanwhile, the movie continued to run unnoticed.

Luna looked about the countless faces. “What can I do for you?” she asked.

Most of the crowd answered with simply more gawking. Only one member had the courage to step up and make his request heard. “Would you sign your autograph for me?” he asked. “I have a quill with me you can use. Just sign right here on the movie ticket.”

The crowd shifted its gaze, first on the inquirer, then back to Luna.

“Sure,” replied Luna with a smile. She was met with cheers by the crowd, everypony joining in on the request and asking for an autograph of their own. No sooner had she signed the original inquirer's ticket, when there were already three others under her nose.

She had signed about a dozen of them, when her eyes, roaming about in search of whose to sign next, spotted Bon Bon in the back, trying to grab her attention for quite some time now. But whatever Bon Bon was trying to say Luna couldn't hear over the noise the crowd was making. Luna simply nodded to her, hoping it wouldn't be anything too important. Bon Bon seemed content with that, as she returned a smile before she walked off to the side. In the meantime, many more tickets had appeared in front of Luna's face.

More than a hundred signings and a developing carpal tunnel syndrome later, Luna gave the last ticket back to the last pony, who instantly trotted off, jumping for joy. She let out a sigh now that she was finally free again.

“So Bon Bon, what was it that you wanted?” was the first thing she said. She didn't receive any answer. “Bon Bon?” she asked into the emptying theater, but the mare in question was nowhere to be found.

Luna ran out into the lobby. “Bon Bon!?” she shouted again and again into every corner of the room full of ponies, but the result was always the same. It became evident that Bon Bon had left the premises.

Fortunately, Luna knew where to and immediately left the building. “Excuse me, my little pony,” she asked the first passerby she found on the street. “Can you tell me which way Platinum Park is?”

“Princess Luna!” The passerby was flabbergasted for a moment but soon found his words again. “Sure thing. It's down the street, then the third street to the right and a five-minute walk from there.

“Thanks,” Luna said as she darted off towards where the passerby had pointed.

She made the five-minute walk in less than one, fast enough to catch Bon Bon as she entered the park. Surprising to her, once she had caught up, Luna was met with a big smile.

“Done already?” Bon Bon asked. “I thought you'd take longer.”

“No,” said Luna with a slight delay, “I finished fairly quickly. But I must say, I'm a little confused. Why did you leave me alone?”

Bon Bon cocked her head. “I didn't want the hayburgers to get cold, so I went on ahead. But you said you were fine with it and that you would catch up.”

“It may be possible that I didn't catch everything you said. Or anything, for that matter.”

Bon Bon giggled. “I guess it doesn't matter, since we're here anyway. Listen; you can hear them already.”

Luna pricked up her ears. There were only a few isolated notes audible at their distance, but as they came closer and closer, these notes soon merged into a full melody.

Luna was delighted. “I know this one!” she told Bon Bon excitedly. Without a moment's hesitation, she ran towards the source of the music, finding a gazebo with a dozen ponies making music inside and several dozen more in front, singing, dancing, and having fun. She danced right into the middle of it all. Taking the thermos from her saddlebag and shaking it like a rainstick, she bawled the lyrics to the familiar song:

“You put your left hoof up-up,
And put your right hoof on top,
You spin around and don't stop,
That's how you do the Pandeponyum Polka.

You put your right hoof down-down
And move your croup to the sound
And once again spin round-round
To dance what's called the Pandeponyum Polka.

And should you trip and fall-fall,
It doesn't matter at all,
Then on the ground you'll crawl-crawl
Some other form of Pandeponyum Polka.

To everypony's surprise
You laugh it off and rise-rise
Cause such a silly demise
Can't stop you from the Pandeponyum Polka.

And don't you mind the scoff-scoff,
Just brush that dirt right off-off,
Because when push comes to shove
You always have the Pandeponyum Polka.

And if you're feeling alive,
As you continue to jive,
You know you'll always survive
The dance that's called the Pandeponyum Polka.”

When the music stopped and Luna left her trance, Luna found herself the center of attention, everypony around her cheering her on. She awkwardly waved to her admirers, which fired them up even more.

Bon Bon rushed over to her side. “That was amazing!” she said. “I've never seen anypony dance like that.”

Luna blushed. “It was nothing, really. I just let that invigorating rhythm take me over, and that was that.”

“Bon Bon!”

They both turned around. The voice belonged to a mint-green mare rapidly approaching them through the dissipating crowd. “Bon Bon,” she said, “you never told me you know Princess Luna.”

“I didn't,” said Bon Bon. “Not until earlier tonight, that is.” She turned to Luna. “Princess Luna, this is my friend Lyra.”

“Pleased to meet you,” said Luna.

Lyra stared at her in pure amazement. “That was an incredible show,” she said after a moment. “Did you just improvise all that, right here on the spot?”

“You mean the Pandeponyum Polka? I'm afraid I picked up that tune when it first came out. That must have been... more than a millennium ago I think. It was rather popular during its time.”

“I bet it was,” Lyra said. “Oh, I have so many questions for you. What about the—”

“Can't that wait?” Bon Bon whined. “We still haven't eaten and I'm starving. Let's just find a good spot and finish our hayburgers there. I'm sure Princess Luna will join us. You can ask her all the questions you want then.”

Luna nodded.

“Hayburgers? Didn't you say you'd bring—” Lyra was interrupted by the growling of her stomach. “I guess you're right; we should eat. After all, it's only 2 a.m. We still have some four hours to go.”

Luna jumped in shock. “2 a.m.!? Already!?” She stuffed her thermos back into her saddlebag and strapped it on tightly. “I'm sorry, but I have to go.” Without leaving Bon Bon or Lyra any time to say goodbye, she took off into the night sky.

The evening had been fun so far, but Luna didn't go out to have fun. She went out to fulfill a plan, and her plan was one that demanded the darkness of night. If she didn't hurry, she'd have to postpone it indefinitely, hoping another opportunity would come up soon. That was not an option.

Her destination was her and her sister's old castle deep inside what was now the Everfree Forest, or more specifically, its former burial site. She could spot the old crypt miles ahead from the sky. It was were it had always been; right behind the west wing. She landed right in front. Despite not looking its best anymore, time had been more kind to it than to the rest of the castle. After all, it wasn't a place build for the living. These were places built to last.

Luna climbed down the steps to the catacombs below, her trusted luminescence spell leading the way. She faced a labyrinth of long, winding corridors stuffed with countless tombs. She had to check each one of them individually, as there was no clear system behind their placement. It took her almost an hour until she finally found the one she was looking for.

It was a tomb like all the others: a plain stone sarcophagus let into a cavity in the wall. Its only distinguishing feature was the small plaque at the front.

Here lies
Curtsey
Curator of the Canterlot Archives
Dedicated Servant to the Crown

Luna put down her saddlebag and took out the thermos. “I don't know if you would be okay with this, Curtsey. I'm sorry if you're not, but I need a couple of answers.” she said as she unscrewed the top of the thermos. “I really hope this works.”

She dipped her hoof into the thermos and sprinkled drops of coffee all over the plaque, watching them slowly trickle down. Dissatisfied with the result, she started to recite random incantations in the Neighsite language she had picked up from her old court necromancer a thousand years ago.

“Lauschet auf, ihr finst'ren Mächte,
Die ihr seid des Todes Meister.
Ich, die Königin der Nächte,
richte mich an euch, ihr Geister.
Euch stell ich die Bitte,
Geister ohne Glück,
Schickt aus eurer Mitte
Diesen hier zurück.”

She sprayed some more coffee onto the tomb.

“Sollst nun leben,
Alte Seele!
Die Befehle
Hier zu Ruhen
Sind nicht die, die ich gegeben.
Musst es nun nicht länger tuen.”

She paused for a moment. There was no sign that any of it was having an effect. The coffee simply lay in little driblets on the tomb and on the ground. If any of it was going to have a chance at working, Luna would have to take it up a notch. This time, she filled the entire thermos cap and poured it on top while shouting her words.

“Ignoriere nicht mein Flehen.
Bist du lieber eine Leiche?
Seele, du sollst auferstehen,
Aus dem fernen Totenreiche.
Hol dir nun das deine,
Das auf Erden ruht.
Seele, jetzt erscheine
Hier in Fleisch und Blut.”

In a fit of desperation, she took the entire thermos and emptied it on top of the sarcophagus.

“Grabe, grabe,
Klimm' die Stufe,
Dass die Hufe
Boden greifen
Und erneut in vollem Trabe
Über diese Erde streifen.”

Still nothing happened. A feeling of complete and utter shame at her failure arose in Luna. She didn't know what exactly she had expected, but it certainly had been something other than nothing, for which she felt all the more silly. With her head hanging, she quickly wiped off any coffee stains and left the catacombs. Back on the surface, she hugged the shadows all the way back to Canterlot.

She didn't want anypony to see her. She didn't want to see anypony. She just wanted to conceal herself and forget about her silly little idea. Once she had reached her room and hid herself under the blankets, she lowered the moon a few minutes early. Before the sun had come up, she was already asleep.

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