A Sailboat, Two Mares and a Crate Full of Rum

Chapter Five

Foursomes Are a Rummy Business

***

"I'm huuuuu-"

Octavia's hoof shone radiantly, reflecting the beauty of the sunlight, as it crushed elegantly against the back of Vinyl's head, colliding with the white mare pleasantly. "No you don't!" the cellist ordered sternly.

Vinyl glared at her ma- civil partner. "First of all, it's 'No, you aren't'. Sheesh, Tavi, learn your grammar!" The DJ rubbed the back of her head in a familiar motion, used to such insinuations from her mare. "Secondly, yes, I am. I'm huuuuu-"

Octavia needed but lift her hoof, and Vinyl had ceased the wailing immediately. Good. She's learning. "We should turn back and get some food at the port, then sail again."

Vinyl did a spit-take on thin air. So did Lyra. Bon-Bon watched worriedly as her wife tried to regain her breath, while Vinyl's face grew red with embarrassment. "Tavi!" she hissed violently. "You can't turn back once you've set sail! It's against the pirate codex!"

"Firstly, we're not pirates!" Octavia exclaimed, standing her ground. "And secondly, there's no such thing as a pirate codex!"

"There is." Lyra glared at the cellist. "Codex Pirata, written by Captian Mormane the Moustached himself!"

Octavia raised her brow. "That's a stupid title for a book." And a stupid name for a captain. Who would name a pony based on their facial hair?

"It's Latin," Vinyl chimed in, taking a step back so that she was standing near Lyra, opposite her civil partner. Who was now offending her very worldview. Suddenly, Bon-Bon really wished she were somewhere else.

"Well," Octavia chuckled, "it's not like you speak Latin, Vinyl."

The cook's words were met with silence.

"Um, Tavi..." Vinyl chuckled sheepishly. "I do speak Latin. It's the international pirate language, after all..."

Octavia furrowed her brow with a deep frown. What?

"Me too," Lyra called out. "Learned it ex libris."

Octavia cast a lost, longing glance at Bon-Bon, in whom she sought help and salvation. The captain's wife smiled weakly. "Um, I don't speak Latin." Octavia sighed in relief. "I can only read simple texts and write a little."

Octavia's eye twitched dangerously. "I will murder you. All of you."

Bon-Bon eeped. Vinyl and Lyra exchanged knowing looks.

"See, my dearest Lyra," Vinyl began, putting on a monocle that she'd taken out of... thin air? At least so it seemed to Octavia. "Simple, ignorant ponies always restrain to violent measures."

"Resort," Octavia hissed. "The word you want is 'resort', dear."

"Aye, my learned colleague." Lyra nodded, putting on a top hat (Octavia's mind refused to think about where the mint mare had got it from) on top of her pirate cap. Which was utterly ridiculous. "Octavia is a naive simpleton indeed."

The double blow from Octavia sent both the Captain and the Lieutenant tumbling backwards. Bon-Bon eyed the hoof-fighting technique with fear and respect. Octavia wiped the sweat off her brow. "I will be in the hammock if you need me." She glared at Vinyl and looked pointedly at Lyra. "And you'd better not need me." With that, she trotted off.

"Wow, Octavia really likes it rough, doesn't she?" Lyra sat in place, rubbing her forehead with a wince.

Vinyl copied the action. "You can't imagine. Like, that one time, when we bought the rope and the baseball bat-"

Bon-Bon closed her eyes, covering her ears with her hooves. "Too! Much! Information!"

Lyra eyed her mare sadly, then turned to Vinyl with a sigh. "Bonnie has never been into kinky stuff."

"Well, that can be amended." Vinyl wiggled her eyebrow. "A simple foursome, and all your fantasies come true~"

Lyra frowned, but rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "You know, you might have a point... After all, we're stuck on this ship... Just the four of us..."

Vinyl nodded with a smile. Just as planned. "I suggest you discuss it with Bon-Bon while I go check up the kitchen. Maybe Tavi overlooked something?" She did not reveal that, as she ran off to the kitchen, she did it with the sole intent of giggling and squealing like a little filly. "Foursome, foursome, foursome~" she cooed, prancing in glee. Suddenly, her gaze fell on a crate in the corner, tucked neatly beneath an old sail.

Vinyl gulped. Can it be?

***

"And that's why foursomes are so good for health," Lyra explained as Vinyl emerged from the kitchen, levitating a huge wooden crate. The look on Bon-Bon's face showed confusion and disbelief.

"Lyra, I really don't think it's a-"

"Guess what?" Vinyl interrupted, waving the crate in front of Lyra's eyes, the wooden object still covered by the sail.

"Food?" Bon-Bon asked with hope in her tone.

Vinyl shook her head. "Something better." She threw off the sail, revealing the contents of the crate to the two mares.

"Rum!"