If perchance a pessimistic personality has perplexed you,
Provoking you to pout while in the pits,
Then perhaps I may prescribe a panacea to your problems.
It's no placebo and no pill. It's the perfect palliative.
For your pains the piece you need's a pal.
A particular pal named Pinkie Pie.
Pinkie Pie's a peculiar pony, and the perfect pal.
When she perceives your pungent pain,
She'll produce a plan to pacify problems.
Probably per a party.
For Pinkie is a party pony-the premier of Ponyville.
You'll partake in pie, play and parley
With peaceable, propitious pals.
After participating in a Pinkie party, I can Pinkie-promise
You'll be permeated with a powerful pleasant perception.
You'll be pleased and positive, your pains perished,
your personality powerfully positive.
Parties and pleasure plentifully proximate Pinkie Pie.
So let's proceed to Pinkie Pie and the party powers you pine for.
Presently, you will perceive that Povyville's professional party producer,
Our pal, the puerile Pinkie Pie, is perfect pony.

Author's Notes:

Abundant alliteration's arduous. Although I adore it.
Apparently I got tired of rhyme and decided to try something different. The previous day was Talk Like Zecora Day. The two may not have been unrelated.

And I don't care what my name is. I am not going to be writing anything involving extensive alliteration with the letter J. That would be insane.
Pinkie Pie is best pony.