Trevor, Clean Whistle, and two of Trevor's new army, both pegasi, stood outside of the kitchen's swinging doors. They seemed to be decorated with streamers, and glued on confetti. On the top, the words 'Pinkie Pie's Kitchen of Deliciousness' were written in what looked like pink marker.

"You go first." Trevor whispered to Clean.

"What? Why do I have to go? You go." He whispered back.

"Such insubordination! I could have you shot and court martialled back on earth!"

"What's 'court martialled'?" One of the ponies asked.

"Well, it's where you-" Trevor was about to explain, but a loud crash came from the kitchen. They aimed their weapons towards the door.

"Alright, fuck it, let's all go."

"Agreed." They all said.

"One, two, THREE!" They all charged ... except Trevor, who patiently walked as they crashed through the doors. Trevor tried not to laugh as they scrambled to their hooves.

"Jesus, you guys are pussies, their's nothing even in here."

"Wait, really?" Clean Whistle looked around the rather small kitchen. "That shouldn't be possible."

"Why not?" Trevor raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"Their's always someone in here, whether they're cooking or cleaning." Clean explained. "Pinkie Pie especially. She basically lives in here."

"Ain't that the truth!" Trevor heard a high pitched voice behind him. Trevor immediately turned around to see the beaming smile of Pinkie Pie, he almost jumped. All four ponies readied their weapons.

"Oh, put those down, you sillies!" She said, innocently. "I'm on your side!"

Trevor didn't move. "I don't believe you."

"Hmm, fine." She stood on her back hooves, and stretched her fore hooves to her sides. "Then kill me if you want. I won't even move."

Trevor raised the ax, but then, realizing she wasn't moving at all, slowly lowered it.

"See? I'm telling the truth." She went back on all four hooves.

"Why?"

"Celestia turned into a big meanie-pants ever since she found that icky looking bag." She explained. "I mean, killing and turning a whole bunch a people into ponies? Hello!? Telltale signs of cookoo craziness!"

Trevor raised an eyebrow. "Icky bag?"

"Some weird looking bag that she wears around her neck. Every now and then, when someone angers her, she pulls something out, throws it at them, and their's this big black tornado! It spins round and round and round..." She spun her hooves in circles. "And POOF! They disappear."

"Huh, sounds..." Trevor thought for a moment. "Icky."

"I know, right?"

"So, wait." Clean Whistle raised a hoof. "Then why did you help her with the invasion?" Trevor remembered this, and his anger started to rise.

"You better have a good answer for that." He growled.

Pinkie was saddened when she remembered, her hair less poofy than it was. "I really didn't want to. Honest I didn't." She recalled. "When Celestia told us to help, I stayed here in Equestria, saying I had to 'say goodbye.' Really, I just didn't wanna go. When Rarity ran, and was captured later, I got really scared, and decided that, if I didn't wanna end up brainwashed, I had to help with the invasion."

Trevor thought long and hard, studying Pinkie Pie for any signs if she was lying. "Hmm ... I believe you."

"Really!? Great!" She swooped him up in a big hug, squeezing the life out of him.

"IF YOU DON'T PUT ME DOWN RIGHT NOW!" Trevor threatened. "I WILL PULL ALL OF YOUR HAIR OUT!"

She immediately put him down. She rubbed the back of her neck. "Eheh, sorry."

"So." One of the ponies raised his voice. "Will you help us?"

"I'm afraid I can't." She admitted. "She's still very scary. But, you know what I can do?" She zoomed off in a direction, and came back, holding a tray of cupcakes. "Feed you! Can't have a revolution on an empty stomach!"

At the prospect of food, Trevor's stomach growled. He picked one of the cupcakes, eyeing it suspiciously, as Pinkie Pie passed the cupcakes to the other ponies.

Clean Whistle was the first to take a bite. "Mmm, this is pretty good. Trevor, take a bite." This prompted the others to bite as well.

Except Trevor, still suspicious. "Come on Trevy, it ain't gonna bite ya!"

Trevor tentatively took a bite, chewing slowly. When swallowing, he still felt normal.

"So?" Pinkie asked.

"Pretty good, I guess."

"That's it? Just 'pretty good?" She seemed disappointed.

""What do you want me to say? My tongue is dead from so many drugs, it's a miracle I taste anything."

"What are drugs?" Pinkie asked, innocently.

"Candy of the gods." Trevor answered, vaguely.

"Ooh, can I try some?"

"Maybe after all of ... this." Trevor suddenly felt tired. Very tired. "Oh, what the hell?"

"Ooh, Trevor, I don't feel so good." He heard Clean Whistle.

"What the fuck did you ... put in the-" Trevor started to pass out.

"Just fall asleep, Trevor." Pinkie said, slowly. "And dream."

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Trevor awoke with a start, and found himself in a large desert. A very familiar desert.

"What the hell? Is this ... Sandy Shores?"

"It sure is, T."

Trevor turned around to find the source of the voice. Turning, he noticed he felt different. He looked down, and saw two legs, covered by stained sweatpants, and a stained white T-shirt.

"...the fuck? Wasn't I just a pony?"

"A pony? Are you high again Trevor?"

Trevor looked up, and saw a dear friend,

"Micheal? Holy shit, Micheal!" Trevor ran to him, and gripped him in a tight hug. "You're human again!"

Micheal was weirded out by his friend, but returned the hug nonetheless. "Uh, sure I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

"I thought she ... where's Franklin?"

"Yo dog, I'm right here." Franklin spoke up.

"Oh Franklin, thank fuck, you're human too!" Trevor hugged him as well. He didn't hug back.

"You trippin' out or somethin' man?"

Trevor let go of him. "She ... Celestia. She turned you into these mini horses."

"Celestia?"

"What the hell are you talking about Trevor?"

Trevor looked back to his hands. "Was it ... all just a dream?"

"Sounds like you had a fucked up dream dog, you gotta lay off the smack, man."

Trevor looked back up to Franklin. "Yeah, I ... I guess I do." He realized what he just said. "Wait, no, fuck that."

"Ha ha, good to see you're back to yourself T." Micheal pat his back. "Come on, we got a job to do."

"Really? What job?"

Micheal raised an eyebrow. "The bank job? The one over in that small town?"

"Didn't we ... already do that?"

Micheal started to worry. "Are you sure you're alright, T? We can postpone it if you need some time."

"No, no. I just ... that was the longest dream I've ever fucking had."

"How long was it?"

"Two years."

"It's only been a couple of hours, dog. We found you lyin' out here, muttering something about pie."

"Huh, weird." Trevor looked around a bit. "Alright then, when do we hit the bank?"

"In a couple a' hours, but if you need a minute..."

Trevor waved his hand. "No, I'm fine. Let's go."

"Then follow me to the van." Micheal started walking towards a big, black van. As they all climbed in, Trevor kept thinking about the dream.

"Jesus, that was a weird fucking dream."

"What happened, dog?"

"Well, their was this queen, who was this horse with wings and a horn, right? And she was invading the planet with all these other horses, calling themselves ponies, turning other humans into brainwashed ponies. She turned all of us into ponies, but somehow I was still normal, and a couple years later, I was trying to kill her."

"Sounds like the dream of a schizophrenic six year old girl." Micheal laughed.

"You callin' me a girl, Micheal?"

"Nah, T. Relax. It was just a joke."

"Whatever, I'm just glad it's over." Trevor leaned his head back on the wall of the van, and looked outside of the window. He noticed a bright blue flash, and then, darkness.

"Uh, guys. Why is it suddenly night?" Trevor asked, but no answer came.

"Guys?" Trevor looked to the front of the van, and what he saw horrified him. Micheal and Franklin were ponies, a blue unicorn, and a green pegasus, respectively.

Trevor tried to open the door to back, but found his hands were hooves again. "Oh no, NO NO!" Trevor started to panic as he fumbled with the handle.

"You should stay in the van, T." Micheal slowly said, as he and Franklin turned around. "Where were going, we don't need to do jobs anymore."

"Yeah man, it's great there." Franklin said. They slowly approached Trevor. "All you have to do is submit."

"I ain't submittin' to nothin'!" Trevor finally opened the door, but all that was outside was an abyss. He turned around.

"Submit, submit, submit." Both of them started to chant.

Trevor turned back around, and saw Celestia flying towards them. "Submit to my will, Trevor Phillips!"

"Fuck you, ya genocidal cunt!" Trevor leaped from the van, into the darkness below.

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Trevor opened his eyes slowly, adjusting to the dim light.

"Ugh, what- where am I?"

He tried to rub his eyes with his hoof, only to see he was tied down. "What the hell?" He struggled to get loose, but to no avail.

He looked to his left, and saw Clean Whistle tied down as well. To his right, he saw the other two ponies, also tied down.

"I knew I shouldn't have trusted that bitch! God dammit!" He screamed, as he struggled with the rope more.

"Just relax, Trevy." He heard a distant, female voice. "You're not getting off that table."

"FUCK YOU, YOU PINK COCK SUCKER, LET ME OUT SO I CAN SKULL FUCK YOU!"

"If you're trying to convince me to let you go, you're not doing a very good job." She appeared from the darkness in front of the table. "Not that I would anyway."

"WHEN I GET OUTTA HERE, I WILL RIP YOUR GOD DAMN HEAD OFF!"

"That's 'if' you can." She was wearing an apron, and had a large knife in her hoof. For a brief moment, Trevor wondered how she was holding it. "Now shut up, I need to concentrate." She went over to one of the ponies.

She pointed the knife on the bottom of his collarbone, and started cutting downwards. Feeling the sudden pain, the pony awoke, screaming his lungs out. This woke up the others. Locating the source of the screaming, they started to panic as well.

Pinkie Pie stopped around his stomach, and shook her head. "Now look what you've done, you've awakened the others." She started slicing again, and stopped just above his crotch. She put the knife to the side, and grabbed the two sides of the wound, and pulled them apart. The pony screamed in agony, trying to escape. But no matter how hard he tried, the rope wouldn't break. He started fading in and out of consciousness, as Pinkie poked and prodded his organs. Once she found his heart, she stabbed it. The pony screamed for only a moment, before dying.

"You psychotic bitch! What, was all that you said a lie!?"

"No, some of it was true." She went over to the next pony.

"NO, PLEASE NO!" He screamed.

"I didn't want too. At first." She reached into his mouth, and pulled out his tongue. "But, when I saw my first human turn into a pony, I realized, I somewhat enjoyed it." She cut it off, and blood started killing his mouth. "That final look of terror on their face, as it's replaced with utter glee." As the pony was drowning in his blood, she quickly cut him open, and found his lungs. "I thought to myself, 'That look, it's so ... funny." She sliced open the left lung, and watched as it filled with blood. The pony coughed, and blood splattered on her face. She didn't mind. "Now, with the war over, I needed to find some way to see that face again." The pony died before she realized it. "Oh shoot, I missed it. Anyway, Celestia will sometimes let me take one of the servants and remove the enchantments, but now that they're gone, I can have all the fun I want. So thank you Trevor."

"Don't mention it, NOW UNTIE ME YOU CUNT!"

"I'm afraid I can't do that." She slowly approached him. "You see, you've already killed one of my best friends, and no-"

"Two." He interrupted her.

"What?"

"Two. Rarity's dead, that's why the enchantments are gone." Somehow, even though he's about to face death, he chuckled.

"Y-You killed..." She was stunned.

"Yep. Stabbed her in the stomach with a mannequin stand, put a red hat on her." He laughed harder.

"YOU EVIL PONY!" She stabbed his leg.

"AGH!" He felt the burning begin to return. "Yeah! But before I did, I snapped her horn off to kill some of her guards!" He was laughing as loud as he could at this point.

"DIE, YOU HORRID PONY!" She went straight to his heart.

It didn't pierce his skin.

She was surprised."W-what-?"

"AH, WHAT THE FUCK IS THE MATTER!?" The fire completely overtook him. "CAN'T EVEN STAB A MAN WHO CAN'T MOVE!?" He managed to break the bonds, and grabbed her throat. "AND I AM A HUMAN BEING, NOT A PONY!" He threw her across the room, and broke the rope around his legs. He got off the table, went over to her, and picked her up by the throat.

Carrying her, he went back to the tables, and tied her down on one. "Now then, now that the patient is secured, it's time I get my nurse." He went over to Clean Whistle, and cut the rope.

When he got off the table, he thought for a moment. "Wait a minute, I'm a stallion Trevor."

"IT'S JUST FOR THE FUCKING MOMENT, NURSE WHISTLE!" He screamed. "Now, please grab the anesthesia." He pointed to a hammer.

"But, that's a-"

"JUST FUCKING GET IT!"

Scared, he quickly grabbed it, and went next to Pinkie. "Now, please apply a dosage to her head."

Not wanting to incur Trevor's wrath, he smacked Pinkie's head. She screamed in pain.

"Hmm, it seems we need a heavier dose." Trevor nodded to Clean.

"Uh, Trevor?"

"It's 'Doctor Trevor', and, yes, nurse Whistle?"

"Isn't this a ... little much?" He said, nervously.

"Nurse, may I remind you of who we are working on, and why we are working on her?" He waved his hoofs around Pinkie. "Now, anesthesia."

Clean raised the hammer, and hit her again. She fell unconscious. "Now, time to make the first incision." He grabbed the knife, and cut down the middle of her chest. "Now, do you know what's wrong with the patient, nurse?"

"Um, a completely inoperable cancer, which means we must kill her quickly?" He said. "Uh, Doctor Trevor?"

"Now Nurse, it isn't right to falsify patient records." He said officially. "No, their are foreign objects inside all of her organs, and we have to get them out!"

"Oh god." He muttered.

"Religion is not going to help the patient at this point, nurse." He said, as he started to cut open her stomach. "Hmm, strangely empty, maybe she's just hungry!" He grabbed Clean Whistle. "Hey, what's inside their?"

"Oh ... oh no." Clean threw up all over Pinkie organs.

"There we go, nutrition given." He let him go. "Now, we must see if she's breathing right." He cut open her lungs, and stood on the table. "It seems to be filled with a fowl smelling liquid." He said, as he pissed inside it. "It's probably normal." He got off the table.

"Trevor."

"This looks cancerous." He cut out her liver.

"Trevor!"

"Ahh, it seems her colon has some blockage." He stuffed the liver inside it.

"DOCTOR TREVOR!"

"Yes, nurse Whistle?" He said, holding one of her eyes.

"She's dead!" He pointed to Pinkie, deader than a doorknob.

"...Oh." He put the eye down. "Way to ruin my fun." He said, sadly.

"You ... y-you..." Clean Whistle stuttered. "FUCKING PSYCHOPATH!" He gasped, and covered his mouth.

"Hey! You swore!" He made his way towards the door. "Now then, come along Ron." He stopped in his tracks.

Clean tried to follow him. "W-who's Ron?"

"...An old friend. Someone I trusted enough to run my business when I was gone." He started walking again.

"You owned a business?" Clean asked.

"Another story for another time, Clean. Now, let's get going."

"Hey, wait a minute." He stopped. "How come that knife didn't kill you?"

"Hmm? Oh that?" He said. "It's this weird... thing I can do. It makes me able to not feel pain for a while. I call it 'the fire'"

"Really? You think maybe that could kill Celestia?"

"Nah, it only protects me, it doesn't actually kill anyone. Only I do." He said. "Now, where's Applejack?"

"She might be at the orchard at this time."

"Great, let's go."

Author's Notes:

>Inb4 Trevor is OP, also, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU.

Sometimes, I just write shit like this so I can get it out of my head. It gives me headaches if it sits too long.