The Life of a Non-Brony

by BronyWriter

First published 18th of November, 2013

TD's life in Equestria after the events of Wanderings of a Non-Brony

After the six year journey around the planet in Wanderings of a Non-Brony, The human TD Harrison Powell finds himself in Equestria for good. He sees no choice but to settle down in Ponyville, ready to live the rest of his life as best as he can.

This is his life.

Edited by Marioland1 and Strike89

Home?

We took the next available train back to Ponyville. I didn't say another word to any of the princesses. Not out of anger, but... I just couldn't do it. I couldn't be around Celestia at the moment. I think she understood though. She paid for a private car for the eleven of us.

I didn't want to put a damper on the whole day. I knew that the Crystal Fair was supposed to be fun and all that, but... well, I'm here with ponies forever. In a weird way, despite everything that I had been through, the Crystal Empire was the site of my greatest failure. It was the culmination of six years of effort; of fighting, of traveling, of struggling to survive. All to reach an end result that everybody told me was going to happen anyway.

So, of course, that left me with a question. Was it all worth it? What was the point of nearly dying far too many times for... nothing really? If I could go back, I'd tell myself to go back to Equestria after I learned to fight from Tycho.

Of course, being the thick-headed dunce that I am, I probably wouldn't have listened.

I lean my head against the window, allowing Oswald to nuzzle up close to me. He's perched on my shoulder, resting his head on mine. He's always been really perceptive of my moods, and I think he knows that something is wrong. He can't possibly know what. As far as I'm aware, he still thinks that I gave birth to him and am his mother, but he's smart enough to know when I'm down.

The rest of the ponies are sitting a few benches away from me, all with as subdued of moods as I had. I see Twilight, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash having a hushed discussion that I can't make the details out of. Pinkie, Rarity, Spike, and Fluttershy are just looking contemplative. Sweetie Belle is nuzzled up close to Rarity, and Apple Bloom and Scootaloo are having their own hushed conversation. Occasionally one of the ponies glances my way, but none of them say anything. I'm grateful for that.

The sun begins setting on the horizon, and an image flashes in my mind's eye of Celestia, flying in the air with her horn illuminated, moving the entire sun herself while Luna moves the moon. At least there is still some order for them. They are in control of what happens around them.

I still can't believe it. I... I'm going to wake up soon, right? I'm going to wake up and the Crystal Fair hasn't happened yet, and I'm getting ready to go home. Heck, as much as I love these guys and Oswald... I might take the last six years being a dream if it meant that I get to be home.

Or would I?

A small frown crosses my face as I begin to consider the idea. Given everything that I've gone through, everybody that I've met and formed relationships with, all the things I've done, how I've developed as a person... would I just erase all of that, even knowing I'd be here for the rest of my life?

Huh. I don't think so, actually. I know the TD that first came here would have, but... I guess I'm not that guy, am I? It's strange to think that I could have changed that much in six years. I mean, everybody changes in some way over that long of a period of time, but it's odd to think that I've changed to the point where I'm comfortable around ponies at all, but... right now they're my closest friends.

I glance over at Oswald and can tell from the way that he isn't moving much that he's sleeping. That bird could fall, and frankly has fallen, asleep anywhere. It does remind me that I'm pretty tired myself. I suppose that I could sleep through most of the train ride back to Ponyville. It would stop me from remembering my situation for that much longer, and I need something like that.

I manage to sleep through pretty much the entire train ride, waking up just as the train pulls into the Ponyville station. I open one eye to see Twilight walking over to me, presumably to wake me up, but once she sees that I'm awake, she nods and begins walking out of the train. I sit up and stretch, something that wakes up Oswald, and he flutters off of my shoulder onto my backpack. I stand up and put the backpack on, and follow Twilight out of the train. She slows down to walk beside me once I'm close enough.

"We've been talking, and we decided that you can stay with me while you get back on your feet. I'm not sure if your old house is still available, but we'll look around, okay?"

I nod. "Thanks," I mumble, "I guess I do need a place to stay until I get that all figured out. Just..." I hesitate and uneasily scratch the back of my neck. "Just don't tell anybody that I'm here yet, okay? I don't want anybody except you guys, Spike, and the Crusaders to know just yet."

Twilight nods. "Okay, I'll tell the others to not say anything."

"Thanks." Looking at the Ponyville train station once we got off, I'm glad that it was dark out once we arrived. It means that hardly anybody is around, meaning that a huge crowd of Ponyvillians waiting to get onto the train wouldn't see me and get really excited that Ponyville's resident human was back for good. The town is much the same way, deserted, as the rest of the Mane Six, Spike and the Crusaders pick up their luggage and we walk through the town on our way to Twilight's library home. Everybody is pretty much asleep by this point, so we don't actually run into anybody. I'm grateful for that.

Looking around, it shocks me just how little Ponyville has changed. It is all exactly how I remember it. It makes sense to me though, as I doubt that a small town such as this would change very much at all. If I learned anything about the Ponyville folk in my six months here, it's that they don't really like drastic change all that much. Sure the town did change when Twilight arrived and she added her unique brand of crazy to the town, but other than that it didn't change much at all. I am kind of grateful for that, now that I think about it. I need a little stability and simplicity after everything that I've gone through.

We reach Twilight's house after a short five minute walk, and Twilight uses her magic to open the door to the library, and we all file inside quietly. Spike, who has been dragging his feet the whole walk to the train station from exhaustion, immediately walks up the stairs and slides into his bed. Good to see he's outgrown that basket of his.

The ponies all sit on the floor of the library, and I lean on one of the bookshelves. We don't say much at first while we all try to think of something to say. I take a deep breath and start out. "I already asked Twilight this, but if you could not spread around that I'm here that would be great. I don't want other ponies to know that I'm around just yet. I'll let them know when I'm ready."

"Of course, TD," says Rarity with a nod. "Whatever you need just let us know."

"In the meantime we'll look inta gettin' you a house," says Applejack. "Ah ain't sure if yer house is still available, but I'll look into it tomorrow."

I give her a grateful nod. "Thanks, AJ."

"Is there anything else we need to talk about?" Twilight asks. "I mean... are there any more questions or favors you have for us TD?"

I take a deep breath as I mull over her question, but slowly shake my head. "No. I think that all I really want to do is get to bed so that I can get some more rest. I want to figure out what I'm going to do from here on, and I need a clear head to do that."

Twilight nods. "Of course TD. I'll show you my guest room. You and Oswald can stay here as long as you need to."

"Thanks." I turn my attention to the rest of the gathered ponies. "I can't thank you all enough for everything. Just know I appreciate your support more than you can know." I sigh and shake my head. "I'll see you later, I guess."

"Of course, TD," says Fluttershy. "You take all the time you need. We'll be here for you."

The group gives agreeing nods and grunts, as they begin to file out of the library. Pinkie is the last one out, and she turns to me and gives me a small smile before walking out herself and shutting the door behind her. With the library empty, Twilight beckons me forward and leads me to a guest room on the second level. The bed looks comfortable enough, and just large enough for me. I thank her and put my backpack down next to it while Oswald perches on the bedside table. Twilight leaves the room, and I plop down on the bed without even bothering to take even my shirt off. I decide that maybe, just maybe, I'll slide under the covers for a little warmth in the night.

As I settle into the warm blankets and sleep starts to take me, a single thought crosses my mind.

I'm here for good.

I'm Gonna Emo Out

The ponies gave me some space like I asked, and I was grateful for that. After I woke up, Twilight knocked on my door and asked me if I wanted anything from the market, and I gave her a list of some comfort foods that I felt would help me out a little bit. I wasn't going to eat my freaking vegetables, I was going to splurge. I think she understood where I was coming from, because she got me everything on my list.

Including the Griffonian vodka. I'd pay her back for that one.

It has been two days since then, and the only beings I've had any interactions with are Oswald and Twilight when she comes to bring me my food. I'm sitting against the wall of the guest room, bottle of vodka in one hand and the other curled around a giant tub of cookie dough ice cream. I groan and take a swig of the booze, grateful for the burn that I feel as it goes down. It's the only thing that helps the hangover I have from when I did the exact same thing last night.

So what have I been doing in this room here for two solid days? Uh... well, I read and re-read Wanderings of a Headstrong Human. That's always fun, I guess. Reminding myself of a time when I had a little bit of hope for the future. Didn't matter that it was a slim fool's hope, but I had something to look forward to. Aside from that, I sit there and mumble whatever comes to my mind. Oswald is a patient listener in that regard. I also think about how I'm stuck here for the rest of my life. Heck, in fifteen years I'll have spent more time on this planet than I have on Earth. That's a sobering thought, for sure.

Not literally though.

I groan and run a hand through my hair. It occurs to me that I should shower at some point soon. Eh, I will when I stop moping like I have been for the past few days. I have a plan for some of the things that I'm going to do to get the rest of my life going when I'm done feeling sorry for myself, but for now, I'm going to sit here and... whatever.

I glance down at my tub of ice cream. The thought goes through my mind that I should eat it before it melts, but Twilight put a cold spell on it for that very reason. I'll eat it when I feel like it, which is not right now.

I deeply exhale as I put the bottle up against my head. It’s my only friend. Except for maybe Oswald, he's the only one who understands me. I'm going about this in a bad way, I think, but he doesn't judge me. He's okay with what I'm doing, right? Right.

I hear hoofsteps coming up the stairs, and my mind interprets it as Twilight asking me what I want for lunch.

No... wait. That's not right. Twilight only has three or four legs, and I hear a lot more than that coming up the stairs. A lot more. On that note, its only ten-thirty. I groan when I realize who it is. Twilight has brought her buddies around to see me. I think she's tired of me acting like this under her roof... tree branches... leaves... whatever.

Knock, knock goes the door.

"TD? Are you in there?" Yep. Twilight.

"No. I snuck out while you weren't looking."

I'm lying, of course. The window in this room is too small for me to do that.

"Gracious, he sounds worse than I thought," says Rarity. I don't know if she thought that I could hear her or not, but... eh, I can't bring myself to care too much about the comment. "Er, TD? Can we talk to you for a few moments?"

I sigh and take another swig. They'd come in even if I said no. "Fine."

The door opens, and I look up to see the Twilight and Co. file in. They all gasp when they see me, except for Twilight, whom I think could gather I look like this. I mean, I haven't showered or shaved for two days, I've spent that time nursing a bottle of vodka and eating crappy food... I can't imagine I look like I'm ready to go to the Gala, which I'm never doing again at any rate thank you very much.

Rarity is the first one to speak, her grimace quite clear on her face. "TD, you're looking positively dreadful!"

I scoff and roll my eyes. "And your hair is purple and meticulously styled. What's your point?"

"Uh, TD? Are you drunk or something?" Rainbow Dash asks. She peers down at my bottle. "On second thought, don't answer that. It's kinda obvious."

I look down at the bottle myself. Three-quarters empty. I slowly nod and swish the liquid around. "Yeah, I might be a little drunk. Have been for the past two days, I think."

Rarity frowns and leers at Twilight. "And you bought him that?"

"I didn't think he'd drink it that fast!" Twilight whispers back.

"Well then you clearly weren't thinking," Rarity says stiffly. I sigh and raise the bottle to my lips again, but I find myself hindered when a blue glow engulfs the bottle and tears it out of my hand. "No, I think you've had quite enough, TD. You're really going to damage yourself if you keep drinking like this."

I scoff and wave a hand at her. "Aw what do you know? I'm not going to be doing this forever. Let me have my booze until then."

"Absolutely not, darling." Rarity walks over to the small window and, before I can do anything to stop her, she dumps the rest of the alcohol out. Jerk. Satisfied, Rarity puts the bottle down on my bedside table where Oswald hisses at it. Huh, maybe I was drinking a little too much. Rarity turns back to me. "Now, then, TD, we've come to talk to you about your plans going forwards. You're not going to sit in here for the rest of your life drinking, moping, and eating junk food."

I groan and rub my temples. "Look, I already told you that I wasn't planning on it, okay?" I shrugged. "I had a plan on the next few days even when I started this whole thing."

"What was that?" Fluttershy asks.

I take a deep breath and lift the tub of ice cream into my lap. I stare into it as if it's going to provide answers, but it doesn't. It does look good, though. "My plan was to 'emo out' for three solid days. I was going to sit in here and be completely depressed for three days, then when that was over, I was going to pull it together and get to trying to figure out what to do with my life. I'd go outside, I'd shower, I'd look for a house and see if I could get my old job back..." I shrug again. "Just whatever. It would be a three day cleansing period of all of the worst of my negative emotions."

Rarity raises an eyebrow at that. "And you really think that would work, TD? You don't think that you'd just keep sinking deeper and deeper into your moping until you were worse than the sad mess you are now?"

"I can beat it," I retort. "I beat everything else that got in my way."

"TD, that's not how it works," Rarity says dryly. "Besides, I question why you would want those feelings at all, much less for three solid days."

"I'm gonna feel it anyway, so I might as well get it all out of the way now," I grumble. I look over at the other five. "Well? Do you agree with Rarity on this one?"

Applejack sighs and grimaces. "Well TD, Ah can't say that Ah do, but yer an adult, so you can make yer own choices." She walks over to the middle of the room and sits down. "Having said all of that, Ah think that fer the rest of the day, y'all should get yer mopin' done in front of us. We can help you out, sugarcube, so no need ta be doin' this alone."

I want to retort, but it crosses my mind that she may just be right. Oswald, while he's the best phoenix a guy could ask for as a companion, isn't much for two-sided conversations until I learn to decipher his squawks and chirrups. I slowly nod. "Yeah, I could use the company, I guess."

Applejack smiles at me, and it about to respond when Rarity cuts her off. "After a shower, TD."

Eh, fair enough.

I was surprised how much a shower could do to get one thinking again, and I got out of the shower feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. Of course, I wasn't so refreshed that I wanted to go out and integrate myself into pony society again. That would have to wait until tomorrow.

At Twilight's insistence, we moved the group down to the basement so as to have a little more room to talk and whatever else we wanted to do. I was a little more sober after the shower, which I guess is good. So here we are now, all sitting in the basement to help me through the last eighteen or so hours of depression before I get on with my life. I'm leaning against a back wall while Twilight has cleared the floor so the rest can sit on it. Oswald is perched on one of her machines, looking down on all of us.

"So... how are you, TD?" Twilight asks, kicking the conversation off. "I mean, I know you're down and all, but any specific thoughts that you want to share now that we're all here?"

I sigh and run my hand through my now clean hair. Truth be told, there were a million thoughts that I had to possibly share, but there was one above all that really stuck out to me. One I had been mulling over since I realized I had failed.

"What was the freaking point?"

I grimace and lightly bang the back of my head against the wall.

"What was the point of everything? What did I get out of my six freaking year journey?" I glance over at Oswald, and a small smile crosses my face despite myself. "Except Oswald, of course. And a cool set of armor and changeling powers in a few places, but..." I shrug. "Except for Oswald, those things I could really do without. If I didn't have a set of armor that I hopefully don't have to use again or changeling powers that... could be useful for a few things down the line, my life wouldn't be worse. If I had to go back, knowing everything that I do now, I would have come back to Ponyville right after I learned to fight from Tycho. Maybe right after I found Oswald."

"You would have missed out on stuff like meeting Mesud and Kathyrine?" Pinkie asks.

I grimace at the question. "Both of them come with getting tangled up in a nasty assassination plot that eventually leads to a bloody military coup. Mesud specifically leads to a lead that gives me too much false hope. Don't get me wrong, I like them, but..."

Grr. That just makes me sound like I'm unappreciative of everything they've done for me, like all of my one-of-a-kind experiences mean absolutely nothing at all. Mesud liked me and Kathyrine was starting to warm up to me a little bit. I met some beings on my travels that I really liked.

And some ones that I didn't so much, but I either killed them or did something that led to their deaths.

"Oh and that's another thing!" I say, speaking my thoughts out loud. "I freaking had to kill things to get by! And I'm not talking rabbits either, though that too. I'm taking actual sapient, or sentient, whatever, creatures that had lives that I just took away." I glare at the floor and cross my arms. "Sure they wanted to kill me, but I don't like the idea that I killed three beings!"

It is three, right? Yeah, Purgle, Chrysalis, and that assassin griffin that Aepnet hired to take me out in my room.

"Well, I can't say that I can relate to what it feels like to kill another being, TD," says Twilight, "but you did what you had to do, right?"

"In Purgle's case, yeah," I grumble. "With those other two? I beat Chrysalis to death because she pissed me off. Sure, I probably wouldn't have gotten out another way, but I attacked because I was mad. Same with that griffin assassin in Mesud's palace. I didn't mean to kill him, but when I hit him in the back of the head that hard I was pissed off." I groan and leaned my head back again. "My kill count is three beings higher than I'd like it to be, but I can't do anything about it. If I had just gone back to Ponyville after finding Oswald, I wouldn't be put in a position where I would have to have killed anybody. I'd prefer that.

"On top of all of that, there's the aspect of me hurting you guys by just walking off into the night like I did. I can't imagine you liked it when I did that very much."

"Oh TD, we know you did what you thought was right," says Fluttershy. She gives me a small smile. "We're not mad at you for that."

Anymore. Twilight was pretty pissed when she saw me again, but I don't think she's mad about that at this point. At least, I hope not.

I instead opt for another shrug instead of saying that out loud. It would only embarrass Twilight.

I'm brought out of that train of thought by Applejack of all ponies. "TD, do you wanna know what Ah think of all of this? Why Ah think it was the best thing for ya ta go on that trip ya did, even though it was real dangerous and ya almost got killed too many times?" I incline my head in a nod. "Closure." Applejack pushes her hat up on her head and gives a knowing nod. "Think about it: if'n y'all hadn't gone on that trip of yours, would ya have ever known without a doubt that you had no way home? No, you wouldn't have. It would have been a nagging question fer the rest of yer life. You would have spent yer time wonderin' if ya had done the right thing by just accepting Princess Celestia's word and not even tryin' ta go home." She snorts and smirks at me. "Ah may be misreadin' you, but that doesn't sound a whole lot like the TD Ah know."

I give an amused scoff and a smirk of my own. It's a fair point, to be sure. I wouldn't have been able to live if I was always wondering if there wasn't some other way home that I had missed. I would have to go out and find it for myself... which is exactly what I did and why I did it. Huh. I'd never thought of it like that.

"Makes sense to me," I say after a few more moments, "and... I think you're right. It was worth it just to know that I tried, that I gave it my all." I scratch the back of my neck and wish that I still had at least a little bit of that booze left. "It still hurts, though.

"Of course it does, TD," says Pinkie, "but that's what we're here for, silly."

"We want to help you, our friend, through this time," Rarity agrees.

"Anything that you need, just let us know and we'll help you," Fluttershy chimes in.

"You don't have to go through this alone, TD," Twilight says with a smile. She puts a hoof on my shoulder. "You never did."

There's that thought again: that these ponies are my friends. It's sappy and ridiculous when you think about my history, but... it's true. It's completely true and I couldn't deny it if I wanted to. Up until a few days ago, I hadn't seen or heard about them in six years, but they still consider me a friend. It's hard not to believe it when that's the case.

For the first time in a while, I start to feel a little better.

Well, the third day has passed, so it's time for me to do what I said I would. It's time for me to start moving on with my life. I have purged most of my bad feeling about living in Equestria forever, and I'm going to keep moving forward.

Most of my bad feelings. There's still that pang of emotional hurt that I get every time I really think about home. I mean, I don't think that's ever going to go away. I know I'm still going to be depressed about it for a long time, but I think I've started the recovery process at least a little.

Well, after a shower and a shave, I start off my day helping Twilight and Spike out with the cleaning of the library, particularly my room. Today is the day that I reveal to Ponyville that their old resident human is back, but I'm putting it off a little bit. There's one mare in particular that I want to talk to first, and she's going to be busy until the afternoon.

After helping Twilight clean, Rarity and Fluttershy come by to talk to me about finding me a new house. My old one is currently owned by somebody else, but Rarity put all of my things in storage in the event that I did come back, so I'm good on furniture and that kind of thing. They brought the information of three or four houses in the Ponyville area for me to look at, and I think I actually found one that looked pretty nice, all things considered. It was a little more extravagant than my old house, but it was affordable if I got my old job back.

So yeah, my day is spent doing that kind of thing until the afternoon. Once it rolls by, I know what I have to do. The four of us have just finished working out the details of my new house, so I'm ready. I stand up and stretch, alerting Oswald that I might be on the move. "Well, girls, it's been a pleasure, but I have somebody that I'd like to see today."

"Of course, TD," says Fluttershy with a smile. "You go on ahead. We can get the paperwork for your house going later today."

I incline my head in a nod, grab Reginald, say my goodbyes, and walk out the door. The warm sun washes over me, and I realize just how much I missed being outside. Oswald too is particularly pleased by it, and he spreads his wings contentedly. I smirk at him and make my way over to my destination. I take mostly back ways so that I don't run into anybody. I want to see her first. The rest of them can wait.

Well, given that I'm a master at this whole walking business, I reach my destination after only a few minutes. It looks exactly like I remember it. The simplistic design, the bell tower above it, the immaculate grounds... yep, the Ponyville schoolhouse hasn't changed at all since I've been here. I can only hope that Cheerilee hasn't changed too much either.

As is normal for a warm day, the door of the schoolhouse is propped open to let some air in, thus I can hear the voice that can only have come from Cheerilee quite well as I walk up. She sounds as chipper as ever. Hope she stays that way when she sees me.

I walk up the steps of the Ponyville schoolhouse, and Oswald perches on my shoulder. She sounds like she still has a class going on, so I opt to merely stand in the doorway when I reach it. Yep, she hasn't changed much. I don't see a wedding ring around her neck, so she's still single. Figures. She always said she was married to her job. She's a little older obviously, but it's not totally noticeable unless you really look. She smiling and standing in front of a class of about fifteen kids, none of whom I recognize. Well, the old class would be the Crusaders' age, so she wouldn't be teaching them, would she?

"Now class, I know we have ten minutes left, but I want to get in a few more things before we leave," Cheerilee says. She looks down at a notebook she has open. "Before we do, does anypony have any questions about the other species that live around Equestria?"

One of the foals raises her hoof, and Cheerilee smiles and points to her. "Yes, Ruby Shine?"

"Uh... Ms. Cheerilee..." My stomach clenches and I flinch back when I see the filly point to me. "What's that?"

Cheerilee raises an eyebrow in confusion, but turns her head to see what the foal is pointing to. The second she sees me, her eyes widen to a size I didn't think was possible, and her jaw drops. She doesn't say a word. She just stands there staring at me like she's seen... a human that left randomly who has been gone for six years that just now showed up out of the blue.

I clear my throat and nervously scratch the back of my neck. "Uh... hey, Cheerilee. How's it going?"

Cheerilee blinks once, and she seems to snap out of her stupor. She stutters out a few half-words that I can't understand before slowly turning her head back to the class. "Class is dismissed. Have a good day."

The foals uneasily get out of their seats, and I step inside and lean against a wall to let them file out once they're ready to go. Part of me hopes I'll get to know them in the future. I probably will, seeing as how I'd still love to teach them about my world.

Once they're all gone, I walk up to Cheerilee, who is still staring at me, unblinking. I give her a nervous smile. "Uh... surprise."

Now, I expect a few reactions from her. Happiness, relief that I was okay, you know, stuff like that.

I do not expect her to push herself onto her hind legs and punch me right in the face, knocking me back into some desks and sending me to the floor.

"YOU HAVE GOT SOME NERVE COMING BACK HERE LIKE THAT, BUSTER!!"

Ah. She's not happy, I see.

Well, seeing me attacked like that has Oswald all riled up. He ignites his wings and spreads them out to their limit and hisses at Cheerilee. Rather than intimidating her, she turns her fiery glare to him. "OH YOU CAN JUST SHOVE IT!" Yep, she's really mad. She stomps a few steps closer to me and leans down until her face is right next to mine. "How do you think you can just waltz back here and be all 'hey, Cheerilee' after what you did to those poor foals six years ago?!"

"Well..."

"Do you even care about them, TD?" she snarls. "Do you care about the fact that I had to walk into class one day and explain to my students that I didn't know where you were; that you could be in danger and there was nothing any of us could do about it?! How do you think I felt having to answer the question of 'did TD leave because he doesn't like us' when I didn't know the answer myself?!" She leans forward even further until her snout is touching my nose. "DID YOU CARE ABOUT THOSE FOALS AT ALL?!"

Despite the situation, I can't help but chuckle a little. It isn't helping her mood in the slightest, but it keeps me level-headed. "Well, during my travels, I walked right into the hive of Queen Chrysalis, you know, that bug that attacked Canterlot during the royal wedding, and she threatened the foals here so I beat her to death with my bare hands." I give her a little smirk. "So yes, I really do care about them."

That takes some of the fire out of her. She leans back a little more, allowing me to slide back a bit and sit up. I take a deep breath and touch my cheek where she hit me. Yeah, that will leave a nice little Cheerilee hoof shaped bruise. "Look, I really do care about them, and I really do care about you. I hated how I had to run off like that, but I didn't feel like I had any choice."

"Of course you did, TD," Cheerilee growls. "You may have had to go, but could you have at least told me what you were doing so I could have found a good, gentle way to break it to the foals why you had left? It would have left me with the truthful answer that you still cared about them."

"I know, I know..." I grimace and rub the back of my neck. "I know that I hurt you by leaving like I did, but I thought it was the best option. I knew that you and Twilight and her friends would have spent time trying to talk me out of it, and I didn't want that." Cheerilee's glare hardens, and I raise a defensive hand. "I guess I could have at least left you a note saying that I still liked you guys."

"It would have been the decent thing to do," she says, venom dripping from every word. "What you did was dumb, TD. Do you have any idea how dangerous the outlands are?"

I snort and roll my eyes. "I kinda traveled them and visited every country. Yes, I do. I survived okay, though."

"Anyone try to kill you?"

"Uh-huh." I shrug. "Nothing that I couldn't handle in the end, though. I got out of the Schunie death match and the Griffonian political nightmare okay, though."

Cheerilee's eyes widen and her jaw drops again. "That... that was you?!"

"I take it you heard about them?"

Cheerilee scoffs and rolls her eyes. "TD, I'm a teacher. I make it a point to keep up with big news, even from other countries, in case I learn about something that can help me teach my students. I didn't think the 'strange creature' was you!"

I shrug again. "Well, it was." I take a deep breath and straighten up a little more. "Look, I'm not going to deny that it was a little dumb to travel all over the world hoping somebody would get me home. It was especially dumb to do that and not at least tell you that I appreciated you and everything you did for me."

"More than a little." Huh. There's still some venom in her voice, but it's less pronounced now. I don't think she's going to hit me again at any rate. She takes a deep breath and looks over at Oswald. "So... you got a phoenix."

I nod. "Yep. I wouldn't have made it past the diamond dogs who forced me to work in their mines if it hadn't been for him."

Cheerilee groans and facehooves at that. "Is there any form of trouble that you didn't get into during your travels?"

I chuckle and shake my head. "No. I don't think so. As you can see, though, I got out of it okay. I killed the minotaur I got in the death match with, I killed Chrysalis, I got out of the political nonsense in Griffonia, I'm not working for the diamond dogs anymore..." I tilt my head in a sort of shrug. "I'm fine, Cheerilee."

Cheerilee rolls her eyes, but I can tell that she's a lot less angry at me. She sighs heavily and walks over next to me, sitting down beside me. "So... I guess you're back in Equestria for good now, right?"

"Yep. We're going to be working out the details of my new house later this afternoon."

"Yeah, Featherweight moved into your old one." Cheerilee takes another deep breath and shakes her head. "I'm sorry for punching you in the face."

I snort. "No you're not. Besides, I've done my fair share of it, so it's time I got punched in the face myself."

"Yeah, well, I'm sorry I hit you hard enough to bruise you, then." Cheerilee grimaces and pokes at the floor of the schoolhouse. "I guess you have to tell me where you've been then, right?"

I smile at her and lean back against one of the desks. "I'd love to."

Author's Notes:

And here... we... go. Sorry it took so long to get out. I think you're going to like some of the things that I have planned, though. I'm excited to present to you The Life of a Non-Brony.

27-Reintegration

"So that all happened, huh?"

"Yep."

"No embellishments?"

"Heh, not as far as I'm aware... mostly."

The sun is dipping low over the horizon as Cheerilee and I recline against the side wall of the schoolhouse. I just finished telling her my entire six year journey. I have to admit, she was a really good listener. She gasped at all the right parts, she laughed when I did, and we generally had a good time while I told the story.

Did I tell her that I am part changeling now?

Uh... no. Not really. I kinda want to keep that on the down low. I know Ponyville wasn't a place where the changelings attacked, but that doesn't mean that all of Equestria wasn't majorly paranoid when Canterlot was invaded. There isn't really any reason to tell her.

Whatever.

Well, now that the story is done, the two of us are sitting in silence. My face is still a little sore from when she punched me, but nothing too bad. I'm sure that I have a noticeable bruise. Twilight probably won't be too happy about that. Well, maybe I deserve it a little after not letting them know where I was, but hopefully Cheerilee has gotten it out of her system.

After a few more moments of silence, I decide that it might be a good time to catch up on her end. "So... what's new with you?"

Cheerilee scoffs quietly and shrugs. "Nothing as exciting as you. I've tried the dating scene a few times but never came up with anything more than a few months." Cheerilee grimaces and shakes her head. "One of my coltfriends looked like he would work out longer than that, but he wanted to move to Manehattan for work in the middle of the school year."

"And it goes without saying that you would never leave your students, especially not then."

"Exactly," Cheerilee says with a nod. "Of course, that ended that one. My life has been pretty much the same ever since." A small smile crosses her face. "But I like it. If I wanted to teach in a big city I could, but I prefer the small town feel."

"Same. I've been to a lot of those big cities outside of Equestria. I like it here more." I scratch Oswald's head feathers and shrug. "And now I'm here for good."

Cheerilee glares at me and crosses her forelegs. "You mean it this time, right? I'm not going to wake up one morning to find out that you've left again."

I smirk at her and do the motions that go along with a Pinkie Promise. "Pinkie Promise that I won't. If I do leave, I'll tell you, and I'd only leave to re-visit some of the nicer places that I went to for a vacation, or something like that. I'd come back to Ponyville. I'm..." I take a deep breath and run a hand through my hair. "I'm here for good now."

Cheerilee puts a comforting hoof on my shoulder and gives me a small, sad smile. "It'll be okay, TD. I know that you really wanted to get home, and I'm sorry that you couldn't."

My face goes neutral and my gaze travels to the floor. "Yeah."

Cheerilee leans against my shoulder and gives me a comforting nuzzle. "You're going to do alright, TD. I think that things are really going to start working out for you now that you're back."

I chuckle and lean my head against the back wall. "I'm going to have approximately fifty percent fewer assassination attempts and death matches."

Cheerilee snorts at my joke. "Yeah, well, one can only hope."

"I just have to get through the inevitable Pinkie Pie party celebrating my return. I know I didn't quite want one, but..." I shrug. "It's going to happen, so I might as well get it over with."

"I think that some ponies around here are going to be really glad that you're back, TD, my old students in particular." Cheerilee smiles at me. "They missed you, you know? They're going to be really excited to have you back."

"Well, I'm glad to be back... in Ponyville, at least." I grimace. "The rest of the world is a little too unstable for my taste. I know you guys have Ursas coming through town every once and a while, but at least they're not targeting me directly."

Cheerilee snorts. "Yeah, well, knock on wood there, TD."

Oof. I can't even imagine what it would be like if one of my old political enemies sent an Ursa to kill me. Having said that, my three enemies were all dead, so I guess I don't have to worry too much about that.

"So what are you going to do now exactly?" Cheerilee asks. "I mean, how easy do you think its going to be to transition to being on the move constantly for six years to settling down in a small town just like that?"

I grunt and wave my hand. "Pretty simple. I'm going to get my old job back as an all around worker for the city then move into whatever house Twilight can find for me."

Cheerilee cocks her head. "And you'll just do that for the rest of your life?" She shakes her head and puts her hoof on my shoulder again. "I meant more long term. You don't want to be a window washer for the rest of your life, do you?"

I pinch the bridge of my nose and extend one of my palms in her direction. "I hadn't exactly thought about that. I only just got back, you know. Let me at least find out what my new house looks like first, okay?"

Cheerilee laughs and nods. "Fair enough, TD. I can always help you get a teaching post if you want."

I shrug and stand up. "Maybe. I'll have to think about a career that I want. Teaching does seem like a likely option, but on the other hand, you're the resident elementary school teacher around here."

"You could be a secondary education teacher."

"Could be."

I take a deep breath and shrug. I grab Reginald and Oswald takes that as the cue to take off and land on my shoulder. "Well, it's been fun... and a little painful, but I've got to go about getting my old job back and getting a new house. I'll let you get back to work, okay?"

Cheerilee gives me a warm smile and stands up. "Well good luck with all of that. I know that there are some good houses around here. I know you'll find one that you like."

With one more round of goodbyes, I walk out of the Ponyville schoolhouse. Well, that was interesting, to say the least. I didn't expect Cheerilee to punch me, but, you know, a lot of things happened to me that I didn't expect over the past six years. Why would stuff like that stop now?

Well, it's time for me to get my old job back. I know it's late, but Mayor Mare should still be in her office. She doesn't tend to leave until well after sundown if I remember right, and Twilight did tell me that she's still the mayor of Ponyville. I suspect she runs every year unopposed... if she allows elections to take place at all.

Wouldn't that be hysterical?

Anyway, I'm coming up on Town Hall, and I'm starting to see townsponies going about their daily lives. most of them are packing up their stalls for the day. At least, until they see what used to be Ponyville's resident human walking down the street. Then they stop everything that they're doing to stare.

Huh, you know, that reminds me of when I first came to Equestria. Walking down the street and having the entire town stop so that they could all stare at me like they hadn't seen anything like me. Well, they hadn't but in this instance they probably thought that I was dead or something. That's ignoring the fact that I have a phoenix perched on my shoulder, of course.

I smile to all of the townsponies and tip an imaginary hat to them. I greet them all by name as I walk by the individual ponies. None of them say anything. They're all too busy staring dumbly at me, which is just fine with me. It'll hit them soon enough, and they'll talk to me, maybe read the book, and they'll move on. You know, just like what they did when I came to Equestria the first time minus the book.

I reach Town Hall and open the door to walk inside. It looks very much the same as it always has. The entrance hall has had some touch-ups, but nothing too extensive. Just something to make it a little neater. Mayor Mare's office is up the stairs. I take the stairs two at a time until I see the large oak door with her name emblazoned on it. I reach it and knock on the door.

"Come in."

Yep, it's still her. She does sound a little older, and I'll bet that some of her mane is actually gray this time around. Maybe the whole thing. I don't know, I never actually bothered to ask how old she was when I came to Equestria the first time. I guessed in her forties or fifties, but I didn't think it polite to get specifics. Having said that, it was a sobering thought that given how long ponies lived, she would still probably outlive me.

I open the door and see her sitting at her desk, leaning her head against one of her hooves and scanning some paper or other. "Just a moment. I want to finish this up. I'll only be a second."

"Take your time."

I lean against the wall and cross my arms. My position means that Oswald can't comfortably perch on my shoulder, so he flies to the back of a nearby chair. We stand in silence while Mayor Mare reads the paper, but after a few more moments she sighs and shakes her head. She pushes the paper aside and looks up at me.

"Now, what can I do for..." Her eyes widen when she realizes who she is looking at, and she lets out a loud gasp. "By the grace of my twelfth term! TD?! What are you doing here?!"

I smirk and shrug. "Oh, you know: my global quest to find a way back home failed in every way possible so I'm back in Ponyville. I came to ask for my old job back." I straighten up and walk over to a nearby window. I run a finger down it and examine the finger. "Whoever has been cleaning these hasn't been doing as good of a job as I did. These are rather dusty, don't you think?"

Mayor Mare blinks a few times to clear her head before shaking said head and blinking a few more times. "Er... y-yes. If that's what you want then I think that we can do that." She pulls a piece of paper over to her and jots a few notes down on it. "I think that I still have your contract around here somewhere. I just have to pull that out and get it notarized again and you can begin work on Monday."

I give her a two-fingered salute. "Kind of you."

Well, now I have my old job back, so that is a plus. When I get my house, I can now start paying the mortgage and paying back whichever one of the Mane Six paid the down payment so I could start living there right away.

I open the door to Twilight's house and see her laying on a large pillow and reading a book. She looks up when she sees me come in and smiles at me, but her smile quickly falls when she sees the rather spectacular bruise on the side of my face. "Uh, TD? What happened to your face?"

"And a good evening to you too, Twilight. Might I say that you're looking fine."

Twilight frowns at me and stands up. "I'm serious, TD. That looks like it hurts."

I shrug. "Eh. Not too much. As for how I got it, well, let's just say that Cheerilee was less than pleased that I just showed up out of the blue and was all ‘hey, Cheerilee.’"

Twilight's eyes widen, but then promptly narrow. "Cheerilee did that to you?"

I frown and hold out a hand. "Hey now, let's not declare any jihads before we've considered her perspective, yeah? I did kind of leave her hanging with a bunch of upset foals to give an explanation to when she had none herself."

"That doesn't justify hitting you!" Twilight retorts.

"She says to the guy who has punched the princess of the sun not once, but twice."

Twilight rolls her eyes and uses her magic to shut her book. "I still don't like it." Twilight walks over to a bookshelf and slides the book into its proper spot before turning back to me. "And what does jihad even mean?"

I snort and lean against the wall. "Emotional crusade for an idea or principle or a holy war."

Twilight rolls her eyes and shakes her head. "Whatever. I guess I'm not going to chew her out, but she'd better not do it again!"

"Oh, I doubt she will. She just acted out of surprise and a little repressed anger." I shoot her a sly grin. "You had some too if I recall correctly."

"Yeah, well, I didn't punch you in the face."

"You wanted to, though."

Twilight huffs and waves a hoof and I know she doesn't want to discuss it anymore. Fair enough. "So, my house, then. We got everything taken care of?"

Twilight nods and uses her magic to levitate some papers over to me. "These are the details. It's a few blocks away from your old one. About a block from the market and Town Hall, so you don't have to walk too far to shop for your food. It's a little farther from the lake, but with all of the walking that you've been doing I don't think you care, really."

I take the papers and shake my head. "No, not really."

"It's a little bit bigger to account for Oswald. That does mean that the mortgage is a little higher, but you should still be able to afford it."

"I live pretty cheap."

"Well, then I assume you want to move in as soon as possible?"

I nod. "No offense to you, but definitely."

Twilight returns my nod and takes the papers back from me. She puts them in her saddlebag which she puts over her back. "No offense to you either, but I think that's a good idea."

Well Twilight rounds up her posse and leads us all to my new house. It is in a more residential area, so I'll actually have neighbors this time around. The sun is just about to set, so we really have to get going, but I don't have much to move in, so we know that it wouldn't take very long.

My new house is pretty simple, just like my old one. It has a light blue paint job and is one story. One window on the front, another on the back, thatched roof, just like most of the Ponyville houses, a small basement, a kitchen, bathroom, single bedroom, all the stuff that a bachelor with a phoenix needs. Rarity rents a cart and gets all of my stuff out of storage, which again isn't much. Just a bed, desk, chairs, table, and fridge. With all of our help we have that moved in within twenty minutes once we reach my new house.

By nine-thirty the sun has set and I am now officially moved into my new house. All of my furniture is settled, my papers are in order with a payment plan, Reginald is leaning against a wall, my fridge is running, and I have named my house Manderley. Why? Because I say so.

I have to say, having a house that I am now tied to makes the whole thing seem so much more... final. Like I can't deny it at this point if I wanted to. I have a house and a job in Ponyville now. I can't leave. I'm here. It's over. I... failed, I guess. I'm a Ponyvillian now.

Well, okay, heh, maybe I won't go that far. I was still born and raised on Earth, I'm just... going to be living here for the rest of my natural born existence unless portal magic or technology really advances in the next sixty or so years. Ug. My head is starting to hurt just thinking about all of it.

Well, I say my goodbyes and thank yous to the rest of the group and they all leave for their respective homes. I shut the door and Oswald perches on the chair next to my bed. I take off my shirt and slide into said bed. It has been a long, interesting day, mostly filled with talking to Cheerilee; my favorite part. As for what life has in store for me in this "quiet" village, I don't know. It's got to be better than what I came from around the world.

I decide to table those thoughts. I'm tired right now. I settle into my blankets and close my eyes.

Author's Notes:

Next chapter...

...

TD and the Mirror Pool

27-TD and the Mirror Pool: Gathering Armies

It was some months before anything exciting happened to me aside from the inevitable Pinkie Pie party. It was both a party celebrating my return and helping to cheer me up be letting me know that I'm supported and loved by the community around Ponyville. Almost everybody in town turned up, especially all of the foals that I taught. Well, they aren't foals now, though. They are all young mares and stallions by this point.

Let's see, what are they up to? Diamond Tiara has her own jewelry business now. She had worked for her father at Barnyard Bargains for about three years until she could get enough money to buy a run-down shop to make and sell her jewelry. Her attitude has really turned around in the past six years, and she is far more... l dunno, mellowed out might be the phrase. Less cruel? She seems to not get her self worth from putting others down now. Like I said, she bought the store with her own money from her own work. She told me it was more meaningful that she didn't use her father's money. I couldn't agree more, really. She's nicer to the Crusaders too, but not 100% super friendly, of course.

Silver Spoon got nicer too. She is working at a restaurant making high-end desserts. She and Diamond Tiara are roommates in their own house a block or so from mine.

Featherweight moved into my old house about six months before I got back. He's working as a photographer for the Ponyville newspaper, but he's taking night classes in physics and chemistry. Snips is learning to be a barber, Snails is a gardener, and I've worked with him a few times since I've gotten back, Twist has a small candy store, and Dinky is a budding veterinarian who got her dog paw print cutie mark a year after I left. Apple Bloom works at the Acres, of course, but she also gets work as a repair pony. Given that this is Ponyville and it has disasters every now and again, well, let's just say that the Apple family is in a more comfortable financial state. Sweetie Belle is getting singing lessons, but she and Scootaloo are rooming together in a small apartment. To support themselves, Sweetie Belle is working as a secretary for Mayor Mare, and Scootaloo owns a small sports equipment shop.

Cheerilee's old class is doing pretty well, I'd say. I've met up with all of them many times since I've been back, often to lunch for one-on-ones to catch up. They really missed me, and I missed them too. They have all loved meeting Oswald, though. As a matter of fact, most of the town has taken quite a liking to him. He's always around with me when I'm working, so he's had plenty of interaction time with the ponies around here. He enjoys most of the ponies around here too.

Except Cheerilee.

Well, he doesn't flat out hate her, he doesn't hiss at her every time she comes around like he would somebody like Aepnet or Purgle were they still alive, but I can tell that he's wary around her. He never takes his eyes off of her when she's around unless I address him directly. He hasn't forgiven her for that punch, even these many months later.

Ah well. He will someday, I hope. Phoenixes can't have that long of a memory, right? Well, probably, actually.

Anyway, I decide not to dwell on all of that right now. It is time to wash some windows. Town Hall needs a good scrubbing down since it has gotten a little dirty in the however long since it's been cleaned before I got back. I'm going to be very thorough in cleaning it, let me tell you. The better the job the more money I make, right? I have to support myself and a phoenix, after all.

I spray my rag with window cleaner and am about to start washing the window in front of me when I hear ponies walking up behind me. I turn around and smile when I see the Mane Six coming up. I tilt my head in a nod, but my smile fades when I see how worried they all look. Fluttershy especially is breathing heavily and her ear is twitching nervously. I frown and put the window cleaner down.

"What's up? Is something the matter?"

"TD! It's just awful; simply horrendous!" Fluttershy says. She flies up to me and grabs my shoulders. "A timberwolf came to my cottage from the forest going after my chickens! I scared it off with the stare, but I didn't notice that it had already torn a hole in the chicken coop fence. When I came out to feed the chickens an hour later, they had all gone into the forest!"

"After some mythical promised land, no doubt," I grumble. I groan and facepalm, but in a rare moment of lack of foresight, I facepalm with the hand holding the rag with window cleaner on it, smearing the window cleaner all over my face. I give a grunt of disgust and begin wiping the window cleaner off of my face. "I take it you want my help to get them all back because I'm now a master of chasing chickens?"

"Oh it's not just you, TD, we're enlisting many ponies to help get them back." Fluttershy whimpers and begins rubbing her hooves together. "They could be in danger!"

"And they are, no doubt." I finish wiping the window cleaner off and set the rag down on top of the bottle of window cleaner. "Okay, I'll go help you find them. Just let me go get Reginald."

Fluttershy throws her hooves around me and squeezes me in a crushing hug. "Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!" She releases me and points towards the forest. "We haven't a moment to lose!"

Twenty minutes later, I'm following Twilight, Rarity and Applejack into the Everfree Forest armed with Reginald and my knives. Rainbow, Pinkie, and Fluttershy have gone a separate direction. Oswald is flying high and ahead of us, his keen eyes better suited to finding the chickens from above. As I walk alongside them, I rue the fact that I have to get involved with this kind of thing. I mean, do I particularly care about walking through the Everfree Forest? Not at all. I mean, I did every other dangerous thing in the world. Why should I care about this? I'll fight a timberwolf, sure.

I do not, however, want to go through the forest looking for said chickens, then catch them and lead them back to Fluttershy's cottage. I'll probably have to help fix the fence, too.

I sigh and turn to Twilight. "So I have an idea. You can put tracking spells on things, right?" Twilight looks up at me and nods, something I return. "So I think it would be a good idea to put tracking spells on Fluttershy's chickens so in the event that this happens again, we can just go straight to them instead of having to wander through the freaking Everfree Forest hoping to find them. I mean, how--"

My words are cut off when I take a misstep and begin falling. With a yelp, I suddenly find myself sliding down a rather large hill, tumbling head over heels while hearing my companions calling to me. I'm not aware of where I am going, I can only hope that I land on something relatively soft that isn't a manticore or something like that.

Well, fate has it that I land on the hard ground instead, knocking the wind out of me for a moment. I groan and lie on the ground while I regain my breath before pushing myself back onto my feet. I hear Twilight calling to me, and I look up to see her on the hill. Turns out the drop was concealed by some rather strategically placed bushes. Stupid Everfree Forest. I cup my hands around my mouth and call back to Twilight. "I'm okay! I just got the wind knocked out of me!"

"That's good!" she calls back. "Try to find a way out of the forest! We aren't too far in! We'll regroup at the edge!"

"Got it!"

I rotate my shoulders to ease some of the stiffness in them that was gained from the fall for a moment. That done, I piked up Reginald and one of my knives that had fallen out during the fall. Okay, time to get out of this forest. I would hope that nothing else would go wrong, but I do see a bunch of brambles in front of me. I grimace and use Reginald to knock them aside as I walk through them, but some of them still catch on my clothes and stick me. This is not turning out to be a good day. I really don't see how it could get any worse.

So that's a perfect time for the ground to give out under me, of course.

With a shriek of pure terror, I find myself falling straight down into an unknown pit or cave of some sort. This is it. I'm going to die in the forest going after some chickens after everything that I went through over the past six years. Brilliant, just brilliant.

However, I see something below me that gives me a little hope. Instead of hard ground, I see a small lake of some sort below me. It's better than solid earth. I close my eyes and hold my breath in preparation of the impact. I hit the water and fully submerge.

I hold on to Reginald as best as I can. I'm not losing it in here. It's too precious to me to just let go, and I don't know how deep this thing is. I begin kicking and paddling with the arm not holding Reginald, and slowly begin rising to the surface. I break the water after a few seconds and suck in air like I haven't taken a breath in a week.

I chuckle and run a hand through my hair as I bob in the middle of the lake. "Well, that was something, wasn't it?"

I swim to the shore and toss Reginald onto land first before pulling myself out of the lake. The water drips off of my and pools below me as I slide about fifteen feet away from the lake, allowing me to gauge my surroundings for the first time.

It doesn't look good, I can tell you that. Aside from the hole in the ceiling, there is nothing that I can see that can get me out of here. It's just walls. Well, that and some glowing mushrooms and moss. So I suppose that I have some sustenance for a few days before I slowly begin starving to death. Well, that or Oswald uses his connection to me to find me then go get help. That would be pretty nice too.

At any rate, I think that the first order of business is to get dry. I can just sit here in wet clothes all day. Maybe I can... uh... burn the mushrooms or something?

Wait... no... my clothes are dry.

I frown and run my hand down my shirt. Yep, not a single drop of water on them. That's odd, to be sure. There are still puddles of water from where I got out of the pool, so I know that the water clung to my clothes. I look over at the water and gasp at what I see.

It's moving.

It's taking shape like the liquid metal terminator from Terminator 2. The large pool that I made coming out is rapidly forming into two pools that is starting to rise. Not only that, but it's changing color too. They're starting to look like...

No...

It can't be.

They're starting to look like... me.

But it is. The two pools of water are starting to form into replicas of myself. After a few more seconds... there they are. Two mes. They look almost exactly like me, but there are slight differences. The one to my left has a slight smirk on his face and a goatee. His hair is red like mine, but a little more red. Like fire. Mine was that color when I was younger, but mine has started to dull since I've gotten older. The other looks a little more embarrassed about the whole thing. He is clean shaven, but his hair is so blonde it's almost white. Again, mine was the same way when I was younger, but toddler years younger. I stare in shock at my two almost clones. Suffice to say, this is not how I expected the day to go.

"Dude, no way."

The one with the goatee scoffs and crosses his arms. "You can say that again. I didn't expect this to be how I came to be either."

I raise my eyebrow and cross my own arms. "So you know what's going on?"

Goatee nods. "Yes I do. We came from the pool when you fell into it. I cannot speak for my counterpart, but I can say that I have a fair few of your memories. Not all, but a fair few."

"I see." I look over to Blondie. "And you?"

Blondie bites his lip and shrugs. "Eh... well, I remember foals." His uneasy demeanor fades at the mention of the Ponyville foals. "Yeah, I remember teaching them in Cheerilee's class. I like them. I like everybody in Ponyville, really."

At the mention of Ponyville, the eyes of Goatee flash red, and he bares his teeth with a glare. "Screw them! I don't even remember foals! What have the rest of them ever done for us?! They force us to live among them like a freak and do their dirty work, especially that... Celestia."

Wow, even I never said the name 'Celestia' with that much venom and hatred behind it. Sure I felt hatred for her before when she brought me here, but never that concentrated amount. I... am beginning to have some doubts about the natures of these two. It's not my good and bad sides, is it? That would suck big time. My good side I know I could control, and he would understand the need. My bad side, however. Not so much.

This isn't going to be very easy, I'm gathering.

"Okay, I guess the question is what now, then?" I say carefully. "I mean, there can't be three TDs going around Ponyville, it's just not feasible. I'm not even sure..." My eyes widen when I realize what happened. "Of course! The Mirror Pool!"

Blondie frowns and cocks his head, but Goatee looks quite pleased. "What?" Blondie says.

"The Mirror Pool." I walk up to the waters and look into its depths. "Pinkie Pie told me that she used this once to make a bunch of copies of herself. That's where you two came from. I think you're a little different from me because I was submerged instead of saying the rhyme."

"Rhyme?" Goatee looked into the pool and his smile widened ever so slightly. "You mean ‘I solemnly swear not to be scared at the prospect of being doubly mared.’"

Crap.

Sure enough, yet another TD crawls out of the Mirror Pool. He straightens up and smiles at Goatee. "I suppose I have you to thank for my creation?" Goatee nods and TD Clone #1 nods. He looks at me and Blondie. "You're a bit different. Did he mess up the first two times or something?"

"No!" I point to myself. "I'm the original! I have a hunch that Goatee is my bad side and Blondie is my good side."

Blondie shoots me an appreciative look while Goatee raises his eyebrow at me. "Bad side? How can I be your bad side? I haven't really done anything yet. All I did as look into the Mirror Pool..." With that he looks into the Mirror Pool yet again. "And say 'I solemnly swear not to be scared at the prospect of being doubly mared.'"

And we're up to four TDs now.

"DUDE?!" I grab Goatee's shoulders and spin him to face me. "What the heck?! Stop making clones of me!"

Or at least, I assume they're clones of me and not him specifically. They don't have goatees and look exactly like me.

Goatee smirks at me and pushes me off. "Okay, firstly, you can't tell me what to do. You may be the original, but that doesn't mean you're the lord over me. Secondly, why not?" Goatee chuckles and rubs his hands together. "The world can always use a little more TD."

"Can't argue with that," TD Clone #2 says.

"Or a lot more TD." Goatee turns back to the Pool, but I have other ideas. I'm not letting him make more TDs. I'm not sure what he's planning, or even if he's planning anything, but there is only one me, thank you very much, and I like me. I can only hope that Twilight can send them back before they cause any damage. Still, I have to stop him now or else things are going to get even worse. I rugby tackle him before he can say anything else.

Well, it's on now. He's just as strong as I am and is the clone that knows all of my fighting moves. Figures that Blondie is a pacifist because the one glance that I catch of him between punching Goatee in the gut shows me that he's slowly backing away from the whole thing. The other two TDs are standing there looking at us with amused looks on their faces. I admit, I've always wanted to see me fight myself, but I never wanted to be involved.

Well, since I'm fighting my bad side, it means that he's willing to do cheap shots. He morphs his hand into a pony hoof the size of Big Macintosh and slams it into the side of my head, sending me flying backwards. So he has my shape-shifting powers too. Wonderful. I wish I had thought of that.

I lie on the ground, having dropped Reginald by this point, clutching my head and trying not to thing of the spectacular bruise I'll have if I'm lucky. Maybe I've even fractured my cheekbone. I groan and roll onto my back to see that he has picked up Reginald and is twirling it casually. "Look, there's no need for me to hurt you any more than I have to, but I want to invade Canterlot to get some revenge on Celestia. Why?" He gives an amused scoff. "Well, it sounds fun and what else am I supposed to do? Just sit around and wait? No, I know that Celestia's guard is far weaker than I am, especially with these powers of mine." He turns to the two normal clones. "You can shape-shift, right?"

The two clones look at each other, then down to their hands. The one on the left forms his hand into a bear claw, while the one on the right changes his into tiger claws. "I guess so," says Clone #2.

Goatee nods. "Right. I can give Celestia a real run for her money, then." He chuckles and squats next to me. "Think about it! An army of a thousand yous marches upon Canterlot, wiping out the royal guard, not killing, of course, I'm not a total barbarian, and we get our revenge on Celestia for bringing you here, and Luna for snapping your spine. We can teach them that the human race is not something to be trifled with, that we are powerful and that they should have respected you from the beginning." He shrugs. "I'll leave her alone once she's a bloody pulp on the ground then take my army somewhere, I... haven't thought that far ahead, but we'll have our revenge on her." He straightens up and extends his hand. "What do you say?"

A look of utter disbelief crosses my face. "Invade Canterlot to beat up Celestia? You really think that will work? How do you even think we're going to get out of here? Create a ladder of TDs?"

Goatee snorts and shakes his head. "Of course not." He motions over to what looks like a pathway that I somehow didn't notice before. "We'll just leave through the front door. If it's blocked then, well, we have all of the labor we want, don't we?"

"Your plan still sounds stupid! You think Celestia can be hurt by the likes of me or you?!" I snort and facepalm. "My evil side is dumb."

"More like single-minded," Blondie mutters.

"Whatever." I slowly sit up and shake my head to clear it. "Your plan isn't going to work. There is no way it's even feasible! You can't even get an army there!"

Goatee chuckles and pats my head. "Let me worry about that, okay? For now..." Goatee grasps Reginald more firmly in his hands. "If you won't join us..."

Crap. He's going to knock me out, isn't h--?

I wake up some time later outside of the cave. I groan and gingerly touch the spot where he hit me to knock me out. I hiss when the stinging feeling courses through my head. Man, I really hate my evil side. I look around to find that I am leaning against a tree on the outskirts of the forest. Reginald and my knives are gone, which isn't good. If Goatee got an army of me, he has to go through Ponyville to get to Canterlot. I don't like the idea. I especially don't like the idea that the TDs that he's creating are loyal to him just because he's their creator. Well, actually, since he was their creator, his evil side is probably a touch more prevalent in them. That would make sense.

I slowly stand up and begin walking back towards Ponyville. I'm not that far from Fluttershy's cottage, but I can see that she's not there already. The chickens appear to be back in their coop with a repaired fence, so that's good. What's not so good is that the town is in utter chaos as I approach. Ponies are gathered around the Mane Six, led by Twilight who is giving some speech to the town. I see that the TDs have already been through here. To my delight, Oswald is perched on the podium that Twilight is using.

I raise my hand to get Twilight's attention. "Twilight! It's me!"

The townsponies turn and Lily shrieks. "It's another one!"

Twilight glares and charges up her horn. I squeak and duck just as the beam she fires whizzes over my head.

"Real me! Real me!"

"How do I know?!" Twilight jumps off of the podium and stomps over to me, her horn glowing. "How do I know that you're not some straggler left behind for some nefarious purpose?"

"I was taking a bath when you came to ask me about publishing my book!" I sit up and hold out my arm to stall her advance. "You crashed me through five walls when I punched Celestia, I asked you about the magic of music when I was confused that you were all singing at the Gala, I pied Blueblood at the Gala, I hit Celestia again there and Luna snapped my spine!"

Twilight has stopped now and looks less certain. Her horn is no longer glowing, and she is frowning. Her friends have come up beside her and are giving me wary looks. At that moment, Oswald flies off of the podium and lands on my shoulder. He coos and nuzzles the top of my head happily. I look up at Twilight with an expectant look, and she breathes a sigh of relief. "That's good enough for me. Oswald reacted quite adversely to your clones." Twilight turns to the crowd. "It's the real TD."

The crowd breathes a sigh of relief, and I stand up and dust myself off. "What happened to you, TD?" Rainbow asks. "Your face makes you look like you've been in a fight."

"I was." I jerk my thumb towards the forest. "When I was separated from the group, I looked for the way out and the ground gave way underneath me. I fell straight into the Mirror Pool. It created my good side and evil side, and my evil side made an army to march upon Canterlot. I tried to stop him, but he knocked me out."

Twilight nods and sighs. "Yeah, that matches up. I'm not sure how many TDs he made exactly, but he took over the train station and is transporting his army now. They were too dangerous to risk fighting them without any organization, TD. Your evil side was especially one that I didn't want to mess with." Twilight whimpers and her ears flatten. "To make matters worse he took Spike. I tried to fight them off, but they took me by surprise and there were too many. He took Spike so that I couldn't send word to Princess Celestia that he's coming!"

"Can't somebody fly over there?"

Rainbow Dash shakes her head. "He took Scootaloo too. If he sees any Ponyville pegasi in the sky he'll hurt her." Rainbow growls, but I can tell by the way her legs are shaking that she's scared too. "I don't want to risk it. Besides, if he gets off of that train and they're ready for him then he'll know we did it and hurt her. If something happened to her and it was because of an order that I gave..." She shakes her head. "No. I'm not doing it." Her determined look returns and she turns her head to Canterlot. "But we're going after them."

"If they're in Canterlot then they'll be more distracted," Twilight says. "They're there for Celestia, not Scootaloo and Spike. We can find them and get them out of there!"

"I think we'll all need to help." I grimace and look to Canterlot myself. "We'll need our own army to fight his. The Royal Guard isn't going to be enough, especially since Celestia isn't going to know what's going on. Celestia may see an army of TDs coming to Canterlot, but the attack will still be a surprise."

Twilight sighs and shakes her head. "I think you're right, TD."

"But we cannot fight them!" Rarity insists. "They are far more powerful than we are!"

"But we have magic that they don't!" I point out. I turn to Twilight. "Twilight, you know a spell that can send clones back to the Mirror Pool. Do you think that it is possible that you can infuse the magic with that spell with objects?"

Twilight's frown deepens and she taps her lower jaw. "I... I don't know. I hadn't thought about it. I could try."

"Then do it. Because one touch with those weapons and they're back to the pool. Also, maybe you can experiment with water from the pool and focus the magic so that it only works on beings with the same essence as the pool? That way no originals get sent back."

Twilight nods again. "I can try. We have nothing else to lose, really."

I nod again before walking up to the podium. I stand in front of the gathered Ponyvillians. "Mares and gentlecolts of Ponyville: an army of mes is marching upon Canterlot because my evil side wants revenge upon Celestia and Luna for everything that she has done to me!" I sigh and rub my temples. "Yes, it's one of those days." I shake my head and wave my hand. "Anyway, it is up to us to help stop them! Mares and gentlecolts... it's time to prepare for war."

“Er... before we do, TD...” I look over at Rarity with a frown. I see that she is frowning too and looking between me and Twilight. “What was that about Twilight walking in on you taking a bath?”

Twilight and I blush furiously.

Author's Notes:

By the way, the "27" I've had in the title for the past two chapters references his age.

27-TD and the Mirror Pool: The Invasion of Canterlot

Oh it can be such a drag having useless servants.

Imagine what it's like, being born as one of the ultimate paragons of the pony race in every conceivable way, but then you have to be reduced to barking orders at dullards all day as if it is some job of some sort that life forced upon you. I mean, servants are there to make the lives of us superiors even better! They can hardly do that when they fail at even the most menial tasks provided. Then when you rightfully reprimand them for it, all they can say is "yes, Prince Blueblood" and "I'm sorry, Prince Blueblood." Then comes the groveling. I would think that Auntie Tia would hire far better. She is the ruler of all of Equestria! I surmised that she was smarter than to hire rabble.

But no, my lunch is slightly burned once more.

I sigh and push my plate away from me. I understand what they mean when they say that life can be miserable. There is no reason that I should be tortured so. Could this day get any worse? I walk towards the window and stare out it, the wind blowing slightly through my immaculate mane. I don't understand why life must be so difficult. We live in a utopia, in no small part because Equestria has some of the best royalty in the history of existence. It's not as though we live in fear of wa...AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

No.

N-no.

I lean forward and squint in the direction of the train station. It looks like... the Gala Human. Not completely ridiculous in base theory, I suppose. Auntie Tia and Auntie Lulu did state that he was not able to go back to the barbaric lands from whence he came but... did he just begin breeding? Theoretically preposterous as there aren't any other humans here, but...

There are dozens, hundreds even, of him. They're pouring off of the train like an unstoppable tide! They're... they're coming straight for the castle.

Well, the servants must have cooked my food more poorly than I previously surmised if this is what I'm hallucinating. I mean, an army of Gala Humans coming straight for the castle like this... it's ridiculous. There's no way in Equestria that... that...

Uh...

Whuh....

"AUNTIE TIIIIIAAAAAA!!!!!"

I turn tail and run straight to Auntie Tia's throne room where I know she is holding court. She can solve this and send... all of him to the moon!

I burst into the throne room and slide a few hooves across the waxed floor, almost running into some undesirables, which would have just made the whole thing worse, quite frankly. Auntie Tia was sitting on her throne and giving me a puzzled look when she should have been gearing for war. Of course, in all fairness, I had yet to tell her the issue. I ran up to her and gave her a quick, customary bow before pointing wildly towards the nearest window.

"Auntie Tia a crisis is occurring! The Gala Human has arrived!"

Now, there were several different ways that she should respond to this piece of distressing news: anger that he dare set hoof in our beautiful city, a call to war to defeat him, and so on. Irritation towards me is not the proper way! She doesn't have to frown at me!

"Prince Blueblood, while TD is not technically an Equestrian citizen, I have granted him all of the rights of one. He is more than welcome to come to Canterlot whenever he desires."

My pupils shrink to pinpricks and my left eye and ear twitch. "A-Auntie Tia, surely you jest. The Gala Human is not allowed to come to Canterlot whenever he desires to invade!"

Ah, now there is the proper reaction! She looks far more bothered now. Her frown is one of confusion, and she's looking out the window as if she's not sure whether or not to believe me. Well, she should believe me because I'm right! That beastly thing has come with an army of his theoretical lessers and is coming to take over Canterlot! She slowly stands up and gives her full attention to the window.

"Prince Blueblood, I know that you and TD, and that is his name and I'd like for you to refer to him as such from here on out, have not always gotten along, especially after the Gala, but to say that he is 'invading' is a little strong, wouldn't you say?"

"NO!" I wail. "He brought an army! They just left the train station!"

This really confuses her, and I admit that I'm just as confused by her confusion. What part of what I just said did not make sense?! The Gala Human is attacking with an army of his ilk! We're all doomed unless she does something posthaste! She walks over to the window, looks out the window in the direction of the train station, and screams.

Yes, I never thought I'd hear my Auntie Tia scream, but it seems she just did. It was a short scream, and she covers her mouth with her hoof immediately, but she screamed nonetheless.

"I'm sorry. So sorry, everypony," she says with a little quickness. "It seems that TD has found a way to multiply himself and is marching upon Canterlot." She gives a little chuckle that rightfully holds no humor and turns to the senior most guard member. "Lieutenant, assemble a token force to meet this army. I want to know what he's doing and why."

The lieutenant saluted and ran off with three other guards following behind him. I let out a most princely whimper and look up at Auntie Tia, not afraid, per se, of looking through the window again, but I surmise that it might be a poor choice. I got enough of a shock when I saw the army of humans the first time, thank you very much. I begin following Auntie Tia out of her throne room.

"Auntie Tia, are you sure that fighting the human is wise? I mean, wouldn't it be more prudent to send him to the moon where he doubtlessly belongs?" I flatten my ears and look towards a window. "He really should be banished from Canterlot at any rate. You know I'm right!"

Auntie Tia glowers at me and continues walking towards what turns out to be the direction of her room. "Prince Blueblood, I don't have time for your nonsense at the moment. TD will not be sent to the moon. He will explain why he cloned himself in such a manner, but you must remember that he hasn't even done anything yet."

As if on cue the next thing that the two of us hears is screams and the sounds of a battle outside of the castle walls. We gasp and rush towards a window to see that the army of humans is right outside of our doorstep and the token force is lying in a battered heap at the army's hooves. I let out a, I assure you, most princely scream when I see that the humans in the front of the army have all changed their forelegs, or whatever the heck they have, to other animal's limbs, ensuring their easy victory.

"This is horrendous, Auntie Tia," I mutter. "You can't beat all of them, can you? There are far too many!"

"Prince Blueblood be silent or remove yourself from this hall!" Auntie Tia ignites her horn and the large gate to the castle begins closing. The guards standing outside of it quickly rush inside, the last making it in just as the gate slams shut. The human horde begins pounding on the gate to try to smash it down, but Auntie Tia puts a protective shield over it. They won't get in so easily! It seems like we have won the day!

I do not understand.

TD has been fine, from what Twilight has been telling me. A little depressed, perhaps, particularly in the first few days since his return, but on the whole he has been doing well from what I understand. But this? This is not something that I expected. This is not something that I even thought was possible! How could TD clone himself to this degree? It doesn't seem like something that he has the means to do! He is not a magical being, and there is no way that Twilight would agree to clone him like this. Though for that matter, I'm not sure which TD is the original. Upon closer examination, the one who seems to be leading them does not look exactly like TD. Mostly like him, to be sure, but not exactly like him. His hair his brighter red, and he has a goatee. Of course, TD is by no means barred from growing facial hair or dying his hair, so it could still very well be TD.

It matters not, I suppose. I still have to figure out how to repel the invaders and get to the bottom of all of this. I turn to my nephew. "Prince Blueblood. Go get Princess Luna. I do not care if she is tired, tell her that it is an emergency. TD is attacking the castle for reasons yet unknown to us."

Prince Blueblood bolts down the hallway towards Luna's room. Good. At the very least that gets rid of him for a brief moment. The last thing that I need right now is Blueblood. An army of TDs is trying to break down the gate to Canterlot Castle, and I need to find out why. I take wing and fly out to one of the battlements to see TD's army trying to smash down the gates. I land above them and take a deep breath, letting a feeling that I had not let fester inside of me for quite a while go.

"BE STILL!"

Even clones of a sometimes insufferable human cannot ignore the Royal Canterlot Voice from the goddess of the sun. They all cease pounding on the gates with their changeling hands and stare up at me in awe. I give them all my most impressive glare and flare out my wings. "Explain yourselves at once! Where is the real TD?!"

The group of TDs look at each other and, to my great annoyance, smirk and laugh. The one with the fiery hair and goatee pushes himself up to the front of the crowd and looks up at me. He is holding TD's staff and has TD's knives, so he is admittedly the best candidate for the original.

"We'll call me the original, TD, Celestia, and I'm here with my fellows to make sure you answer for what you did to me."

My mouth twists into a snarl and I motion to the unconscious soldiers. "And them? What did they do to you?"

"They got in my way," he replies with an irritating amount of ease and nonchalance. "I wasn't here for them, I'm here for you." His smug smile widens ever so slightly and he taps his staff on the castle gate. "I will do the same to any who get in my way. I'm here for you, Celestia, and I will not be denied my prize."

"I am no prize!" I snap. "You will disband your army at once! Surrender, or face the consequences!"

"Consequences?" He laughs and shakes his head. "The consequences are for you not surrendering, not me. You and that sister of yours are to come out of the castle for us to do with as we please. You will not be killed or sexually abused, but beyond that I make no promises." His eyes narrow and he slams his staff on the ground. "You didn't respect me, Celestia! I was a chess piece to you! I was just something for you to lord over! Something to not take seriously, and now you will face the consequences!"

"I have no idea what you are talking about, TD!" I snarl. "I have nothing but the utmost respect for you! I have tried to do nothing but help you in every way that I could!"

"Lies!" he snaps. "It's all lies! You tore me from everything I knew and loved and I just sat there and took it like a wimp! I should have done this six years ago!" TD lets out a growl and slams his staff into the palace gate, sending a ripple through the shield I have put up. "Your day of reckoning is upon you, Celestia. It's time to pay your dues."

It is at that point that Luna lands beside me, glaring at the army of TDs on the ground as well. She has undoubtedly heard what he has been saying, and she doesn't like it any more than I do.

"Thou art being foolish, TD Powell!" Luna shouts. "We have no ill will towards thee, now or ever!"

TD laughs again and his army joins in. "Well, that's too bad, then, because I have every bit of ill will towards you two that I can muster, and that is quite a lot, let me tell you." His amused expression fades and his expression once again turns to anger. "Come out and face your judgment day! Your payment to me is long overdue!"

"You could not beat us in a fight, even with your numbers!" Luna insists. "Beyond that, we do not even have a wish to fight thee!"

TD stares up at the two of us, giving us impressive glares. We say nothing for a solid minute, but eventually he sighs and nods. "Very well. On your head be it." He turns to face his army. "We have the entirety of Canterlot before us, boys. Celestia and Luna are too busy hiding, so they clearly don't care what we do with it. Burn it. Burn it all."

Luna and I gasp. This is truly not the TD that we know. He would never callously do something like this. He would never do anything like this at all. I turn to Luna. "Assemble the guard and tell them to attack. We must protect the citizens of Canterlot at all costs. If TD hurts a single one of my little ponies, I will make sure that he is severely punished." Luna nods and flies off.

It is time for war.

I will give TD this: he is well armed, well trained, and resilient. His order to attack the ponies of Canterlot and burn the city was just a ruse, a ruse that I should have seen through. It was all to get me to open the gate. I should have known. The second that we rallied our soldiers and opened the gates so that our earth pony and unicorn soldiers could get through, he ordered a mass charge to get through the gates. My soldiers fought valiantly, but in the end they were not trained to fight beings like TD. As a matter of fact, they are not used to fighting in general. Now that I think on it, they were defeated this easily when the changelings invaded Canterlot as well. That aside, the army of TDs is larger than my soldiers, more numerous, they are armed, they have opposable thumbs, they have changeling powers themselves, and a ferocity that my little ponies have not seen before. The ones not airborne found themselves quickly overpowered, and my shield spells could only do so much against such a tide. I rue that TD's army suffered barely anything resembling casualties. A few superficial spear wounds hardly amounts to anything that I would call positive.

It is getting ugly, and I'm not sure what to do.

To make matters worse, the army has taken civilian hostages of my staff. If Luna and I are seen fighting, then they will harm my staff and then begin burning Canterlot as promised. There are too many to stop. They are after our surrender. Nothing less.

For now, we are holed up in my throne room with what is left of my guard and staff trying to keep the army out. Luna and I are holding the doors shut with our magic, but they are pounding on the doors. I fear that they will soon break them down.

"This is hopeless, Tia," Luna whispers. "We could fight, but he has his forces patrolling Canterlot to begin sacking it for that very reason."

"I know, Luna, let me think." I sit on my throne and stare at the only entrance to the throne room. The very door is shaking as the army pounds on it. All around me the moans of wounded soldiers echo, reminding me of what's at stake and that I really do need to train my army to actually fight. If this was a threat that was willing to kill, we would not be in such a good position. That is saying something, considering that we are in an extremely poor position. I have sent six letters to Twilight, but I have received no responses.

If I fight then they harm my staff and burn Canterlot. I have no illusions that I'd beat the army, of course. They're not magically more powerful than I am. However, what would the cost be? Most of my staff maimed and half of Canterlot in flames? If I fire up my horn in defense of my ponies, this will be the result. I do not want to give in to a terrorist, but it seems that I have few other options.

"Lulu, What are we going to do?"

BANG. BANG.

The pounding on the door is getting louder. My shield spell will hold, but I do not know how long it will be before TD decides to sack Canterlot because we do not surrender.

"We cannot just surrender to him, that would show that we are weak and give opposing forces a blueprint to defeating us."

BANG. BANG.

"And I do not wish to fight, for it could lead to the deaths of too many of my subjects." I slowly get to my hooves and walk over to my sister who is staring at me, unblinking. Her eyes betray her worry, and I know that she is just as scared as I am.

BANG. BANG.

"The city may be lost, Tia." Luna looks to the door and flattens her ears. "We are unsure of how to defeat this foe. His forces are too numerous and well trained. We do not wish to give in to him, but at the moment, that seems to be the only option."

"I refuse to believe that, Luna!" I snarl. BANG. BANG. "I refuse to believe that our situation is completely hopeless! We can defeat TD if we just think! There has to be some situation that we have not considered!"

BANG. BANG.

The guards and servants whimper as the banging on the doors gets louder. They are trying harder to break down the doors now. They won’t, not with my magic, but I'm worried that he will order the burning of Canterlot if we do not come out soon.

"But We do not wish to give in to a terrorist such as he!" Luna snarls. "To do so would present ourselves as weak and ensure that he does not come to justice for this most heinous of crimes!"

"I know, Luna, but the fact remains that right now it's going to take a miracle for us to get out of this.

That's when I hear a phoenix caw.

"Thanks, Oswald. Now they all know we're here. Thanks a lot."

Twilight smirks and walks up next to me. Our army is exiting the train that thankfully returned to Ponyville right after it dropped off the army of TDs. Pretty convenient for us, but I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, no pun intended.

"It's okay, TD," Twilight says, "Now Celestia knows we're here too. She'll try to send help our way so that we don't have to do all of the fighting ourselves."

I snort and cross my arms. "Really? Because Goatee's army has probably wiped out the guard already. Our best bet was the element of surprise." I wave my hand and shake my head. "It doesn't matter. We have the weapons."

I take a few steps back and look back over at the Ponyville army that has assembled. Most of the town showed up and is wielding whatever weapons and armor they could muster: Brooms, pots, pans, sticks, cooking ladles, tennis rackets, the list goes on. I'm worried that they're going to get hurt, but if Twilight's plan goes right, then casualties should be very minimal once the other TDs discover what they're up against.

I take a deep breath and look over at Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom. Apple Bloom is wielding a hammer in her mouth and Sweetie Belle has a croquet mallet in her telekinetic grasp. Rarity and Applejack originally tried to dissuade them from coming, but considering that Scootaloo was in danger, there was no talking them out of it. They geared up with the rest of the town.

Of course, one might wonder what advantage the townsponies have over the changeling powers of my clones. Well, Twilight did it. She figured out a way to fuse her anti-Mirror Pool magic to the weapons. One hit from any one of the weapons and the clones go straight back to the mirror pool. My goal is to get a small force to Celestia to explain things to her, then have her use the same magic to give us extra firepower. It's our best bet against a frankly superior fighting force.

But we can't think of that right now. It's time to begin fighting. The ponies begin lining up in their battle formations and I take my place in front of them. I look out into the city. My clones fill the streets, many of them holding torches and harassing the Canterlot citizens. Apple Bloom leans in close to Sweetie Belle "Courage, Sweetie Belle, courage fer Scootaloo."

I growl and adjust my helmet, relishing the feeling of my armor on despite the fact that I wanted my adventuring days to be behind me. I turn to the gathered ponies and begin jogging up the line.

"Rainbow Dash and Applejack, take your group around the edge of the city and look for Spike and Scootaloo."

Rainbow Dash salutes with both her wing and the large stick she has for a weapon. "Group ready."

"Pinkie Pie and Rarity, follow Twilight down the center. Fluttershy, take your group directly to the castle to try to contact Celestia." The other ponies salute and I quicken my pace. "Forth, and fear no darkness! Arise! Arise ponies of Ponyville! Pots may be shaken, sticks may be splintered! A sword-day, a red-day! Ere the sun rises!"

The TDs have noticed us now. They are beginning to form a battle line directly to where we're about to charge. Most of them have changed their hands to something more powerful, and they're giving war shouts of their own. Apple Bloom leans in next to Sweetie Belle again. "Whatever happens, we gotta stick together. We're Cutie Mark Crusaders. We'll look after each other."

I take my own charged weapon, a tent pole, and run down the line, tapping the extended weapons of the gathered Ponyvillians because this is so cool and I really just crossed something off of my bucket list. "Charge now! Charge now! Charge! Charge for ruin, and the world's ending!" I swing around and point my makeshift spear at the gathered army of TDs. "DEEEEAAATH!"

I expect to hear a loud, rallying response, but all I hear is silence. I turn around, a bemused expression on my face, and see that my army is looking at me with equally bemused, and in a few cases utterly terrified, expressions.

"Uh, what's that about 'death,' TD?" Applejack asks. "Ah mean, we ain't exactly plannin' in dyin' here."

I groan and facepalm. "No... I don't mean literal death. I was just being cinematic. I..." I wave my hand and turn around. "Whatever. Let's just try it again." I clear my throat and raise my tent pole high. "VICTORY!"

This time it has the desired result after a few moments. The ponies seem to gather what I'm doing, and they respond in kind. "VICTORY!"

"VICTORY!"

"VICTORY!"

"VIIIICCCTOOOORRRRYYY!!!!!"

"VICTORY!"

I swing my tent pole forwards. "Forth ponies of Ponyville!"

And with that, the charge begins.

"VICTORY!"

I can almost hear the theme music playing as the army of Ponyvillians charges forwards towards the mass of TDs. The ferocity of their war cries and shouts is having the desired effect, and I can see a slight bit of nervousness behind the expressions of the TDs on the front line. Still, they stand fast with their own makeshift weapons and changeling hands. Well, more's the pity for them. Twilight planned for that. As we get closer, Twilight, who has no weapon, ignites her horn and levitates dozens upon dozens of stones off of the ground. With another burst of her horn, they become charged with anti-Mirror Pool magic.

"Hold!" I shout. She's not quite in range yet. Close, but we need to be really close to get the maximum effect. They have no idea what's coming. "Hold!" Closer now. More TDs are coming. Geez, how many of me did this guy make? "HOLD!" We're ready. I turn to Twilight. "NOW!"

With another burst from her horn, Twilight rockets the rocks towards the front line of TD clones. The vast majority of them connect, and the TDs that are hit instantly expand and evaporate into bright light that begins traveling back towards the Mirror Pool. The best part is that she doesn't need a large stone or a direct hit. Any touch of the magic sends them right back. As such, the first line of TDs is almost completely wiped out. Twilight lifts more rocks and sends out another volley, sending many more back to the Pool.

It's by that second volley that they understand what is happening, and my clones begin to retreat. The genius of Twilight's plan, though, is that by this point we are close enough that we can start running them down. The clones are quickly overtaken because ponies, particularly pegasi, are faster than they are. Weapons come down and TD clones are quickly sent back to the Pool. Given that I am wearing armor and have Oswald next to me, Twilight knows darned well which TDs are not me, and she acts accordingly. She is blasting them left and right.

The TD army is in full disarray. They didn't expect to come up against a foe that could just blast them aside without a second thought. Most of them aren't even attempting to fight, and the ones that are are only fighting for a second before getting tapped by whatever weapons the ponies have and sent back to the pool. Since the spell doesn't send back things that aren't from the pool, the armor is also enchanted, so any attempts to strike the ponies also gets them sent back to the pool.

Long story short, we're winning. Easily.

I run towards the castle, smashing any TDs that get in my way. Obviously Twilight started out the battle with the highest KO count, but I am going to give her a run for her money if I have anything to say about it. Besides, I have a score to settle with a certain goateed somebody who I surmise is in the castle trying to get to Celestia. I follow Fluttershy's small strike team towards the castle and see that the gates are conveniently opened for us already. I hold my tent pole in one hand and a charged rock in the other. It's time to end this madness.

I run into the hallways of the castle and see even more TDs. The strike team and I quickly engage them, and the TDs soon learn how we broke through the main army with such ease. With our enchantments, they don't stand a chance, and it is not more than five minutes before we have them routed and running. We advance towards the throne room with little trouble.

There he is.

We round a corner, and there he is: the source of all of my problems thus far. Goatee. He is standing in front of the throne room door, organizing a group of TDs to try to pound it down as Celestia is presumably inside. Beside him is Blondie who has his arms wrapped around Spike and Scootaloo, both of whom are being guarded by four TDs armed with royal guard spears.

"GOATEE!!"

He spins around and sees me standing there with the strike team beside me. Well, part of it, anyways. I have ordered Fluttershy to take a few ponies to fly around to the throne room windows to try to contact Celestia. He glares at me and tightens his grip on Reginald. "YOU! I thought I made it quite clear that you were to stay out of my way if you did not want to join me!"

"And I thought I made it clear that your idea to invade Canterlot was stupid!" I retort. "And I'm right! Your army is in shambles! Any high ground you have is gone!"

He smirks at me and chuckles. "Oh, I doubt that. Even if you broke through, I doubt that there is really a way for your rag-tag team to actually break my army. We'll win the day."

"Oh yeah?" I return his chuckle and take the enchanted stone out of my pocket. "If that's what you really think."

I wind back and throw it as hard as I can. It connects with one of the TDs guarding Spike and Scootaloo, and with a scream he is sent back to the Mirror Pool.

Well, I can hazard a guess that Goatee didn't see that coming. His jaw is dropped and his eyes are widened in surprise at the blatant loss of one of his troops like that. "It's like that all over Canterlot," I say with no small hint of smugness. "My Ponyville army has wiped out your Mirror Pool one, and we'll be sure to destroy the Pool after this." I take a step towards him and twirl the tent pole. "You can't win. You have already lost."

Goatee blinks once and closes his mouth. He looks between me, then back to Scootaloo and Spike. His eyes narrow and he points at Scootaloo. "Kill her!"

Oh no he didn't! Bad side or no, I'm not letting him do that. With a battle cry, I swing my tent pole down and it connects with the head of the TD about to stab Scootaloo. He is sent back to the Pool just as I spin and hit the TD standing next to him. The strike team is engaging the meager amount of TDs around Goatee, and I have just hit the fourth TD, leaving Spike and Scootaloo free.

"Run!" I call to them.

They waste no time in doing so. Blondie lets them both go, and they bolt in the opposite direction away from Goatee, who would have already killed me if looks could kill. He lets out a scream of utter fury and runs towards me, swinging Reginald as he does. Well, it won't do him too much good. I'm just as good with this tent pole here, and I only need one good shot. I charge towards Goatee, readying my weapon for the final strike that will put an end to all of this. Once the mastermind is down, the whole thing can end. All we really need to do is mop-up anyway.

Of course, he still has one more trick up his sleeve, one that I didn't see coming.

As we reach each other, he suddenly drops Reginald and slides on the ground. I swing downwards to hit him, but I play into his hands. He wraps his arm around Blondie and uses him as a human shield. My blow connects with the side of Blondie's head. He doesn't even have time to grunt before he evaporates into light.

Okay, I know that Blondie probably would have had to go back to the Pool anyway, but... DUDE!!! Not cool!

I don't have time to think about that, though. What did Tycho teach me? Be prepared for anything. He'd be disappointed in me if he could see me now. Goatee uses my shock to pull out one of my knives and swing it at me. I thankfully notice just in time what he was up to, but I didn't pull back soon enough to avoid injury. It is the Diamond Dog knife, so it slices right through my glove and into my hand. I gasp in pain and drop my weapon. Goatee swings the knife again, but I jump back and it glances off of my armor.

Oh, it is on now.

He uses a guard spear and slaps my tent pole away and I dive towards Reginald. I pick it up and leap to the side just as he starts wildly swinging the knife and the spear at me. I don't care if the spear hits me, I'm wearing armor and he's wielding it one-handed, meaning he can't get a good swing with it, but the knife is a separate issue. That could cause some serious damage. I already suspect that I'll need some stitches to my hand. Or phoenix tears.

As if on cue Oswald begins flying around his head, doing his very best to annoy him. Oswald isn't really all that fond of beings that try to hurt me, and this guy did just that. Oswald pecks at Goatee's head, forcing him to swing his weapons at Oswald, who easily dodges. I, in turn, slam Reginald into Goatee's head. He flies back into the wall, clutching his head and dropping his weapons. I run over to my knife and quickly pick it up so that he cannot use it. He tries to get up, but I slam Reginald into his head again.

He is down for the count, and I could not be happier about it.

I groan and lean Reginald against the wall. I undo my gloves and look at the knife wound on my left hand. Yeah, that's another scar for me. Oy. Because I don't have enough of those already. Would this one count as being self-inflicted if it's by a clone? I have no idea.

Whatever, I need to find my tent pole so I can send this guy back to the Mirror Pool where he belongs. I look around for a moment and see it lying a few feet away from him. I walk over to it just as the door to the throne room opens up and Celestia walks through it. I give her a glare and pick up the tent pole. "About time you got involved."

"He threatened to burn Canterlot if I did. Considering I had no army, I did not see a way for me to feasibly get involved without bringing harm to civilians."

I scoff and tap the tent pole on the ground. "Really?" I roll my eyes and rub my temples. "Whatever. It doesn't matter now. Ponies from Ponyville solved the problem themselves once again, leaving you to--"

"TD WATCH OUT!"

Fluttershy's voice rings through my ears and I turn around to see Goatee standing behind me, a knife raised high. His look of pure fury is unlike anything that I ever thought possible from myself, and I shamefully admit that I freeze for a brief second. A brief second being, of course, all he needs to do whatever he wants. He swings the knife down directly towards my neck.

All of a sudden, I hear the sound of something colliding with flesh and bone. Something that sounds like a rock, as a matter of fact. I see Goatee rapidly expanding as all TDs do when hit by anti-Mirror Pool magic, and before I can process exactly what has happened, Goatee has evaporated into a ball of light that is zooming towards the Mirror Pool back in the Everfree Forest.

The hallway is silent as everypony stares in awe at the pony who just saved my life. I myself never imagined that Cheerilee would ever look like that. She's standing in front of me, her foreleg extended as though she just threw something. Something like the glowing rock at my feet. Her mane is disheveled, she's littered with small cuts, bruises, and dirt, and a long cut is running down her face from the middle of her forehead halfway down to her jaw. She has a glowing guard's spear in her mouth, and I imagine that she would have thrown that if she could have or had the time.

Slowly Cheerilee opens her mouth and the spear, which I have no doubt that she used, rolls out and clatters on the floor. She glares at the spot where Goatee used to be. "Nopony. Threatens. My. Students."

And with that, Cheerilee turns tail and nonchalantly walks away.

Wow.

Guess it doesn't matter that Scootaloo hasn't been Cheerilee's student for a good two or three years now. Once Cheerilee's student you always get her seal of protection. So I guess if somepony hurts Sweetie Belle thirty years from now Cheerilee's going to put out a hit on that person.

Wow.

I turn to Celestia and blink twice. "Well... there you go. I think that's all of them. He was the leader for sure."

Celestia shakes her head and runs a hoof through her mane. "So you are the real TD, yes?" I nod. "I figured as much based on Oswald's behavior and Fluttershy's testimony."

I nod. "Yeah, real me. I went into the Everfree Forest after Fluttershy's chickens and fell into the Mirror Pool."

"Ah." Celestia closes her eyes and lowers her head. "The Mirror Pool. I should have known. That does make sense." She opens one eye and looks over at me. "So you fell in and it produced him?"

I nod. "Yeah, and the blonde one, whom I guess you didn't see. Basically falling into the Mirror Pool produces your good side and bad." I shrug. "From what I could tell, Goatee was the side of me that harbored resentment for everything and wanted revenge against you. He--"

I'm cut off when Twilight runs up to Celestia. Well, more like limps. I can see that she has a cut across one of her cheeks and a few bruises, but a rather nasty gash on her leg. However, she doesn't seem too concerned with any of that. I can't imagine why. We've won, after all. She looks really scared, actually. Like the whole world is about to come crashing down. "Princess Celestia! We... have to..."

Twilight collapses on the ground in front of Celestia and Celestia sits in front of Twilight, wrapping her in her wings. "Twilight, what's the matter?! What happened?!"

Twilight takes a few deep breaths and points out to the window. "S-statue garden. W-we have to get the Elements of H-Harmony now!"

I frown and tilt my head. "Why?" I look out the window. "Does it have anything to do with those cotton candy clouds? Because I didn't do that."

"Cotton candy clouds?" Celestia's eyes widen. "Discord!"

It is right then that I vanish from the throne room.

Author's Notes:

Yes, I have a reason for Discord in the story.

We also have here our first piece of TD fan music!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nsYcHgZZHY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nsYcHgZZHY

27-Curious Chaos

Well, looking at everything that has happened over the past six years or so, I have a theory that I have bad days in twelve hour periods. My bad day starts when the sun goes up, and is not allowed to stop until the sun goes down. Given that Celestia has not yet lowered the sun, my wretched day is not allowed to be over yet. Sure I've already had to fight an army of myself after getting knocked out with my own staff (and I know Redheart is going to want to check me for any concussion symptoms after that) but now something has caused the clouds to turn into cotton candy, and whatever it is has taken a vested interest in me.

Wonderful. Simply amazing, if you think about it. Why doesn't this happen to me every day? I mean, why not?

I feel myself land on what I expect to be solid ground, but what instead feels like... gumballs? I crack one eye open and find that I am resting on an entire mountainside made entirely of gumballs. I open my other eye and sit up to see what the heck is going on. I assume that I was transported here by whomever decided that an army of mes wasn't quite enough for one day, but I don't see him or her or it around anywhere. I'm not foolish enough to assume that means that I can just head out and escape. The mountain made of gumballs would make that a challenge, even if I wasn't theoretically being stalked by some being of untold power.

Well, no sense in wasting the day about it. I assume that I have another fight ahead of me. I shakily push myself to my feet and grasp Reginald, waiting for whatever brought me here to show itself so we can fight. I don't have to wait long for the show to get going, as I hear a mocking voice all around me.

"Well, well, you are the most interesting specimen. I think even someone like myself could learn a lot from you."

I wheel around, Reginald at the ready, but the uneven footing of gumballs means that I stumble slightly. I do not fall, so I don't make a fool of myself. "Where are you?!" I call out. "Show yourself!"

The disembodied voice laughs uproariously and not a little mockingly either. "So full of spunk. So full of spirit! I think I'll make you my personal court jester when I take over Equestria again."

I spin around, swinging Reginald as I think that I hear the voice coming from behind me, but I hit nothing but air. This is just going to get worse, isn't it?

"Ooh, temperamental, I see." A flash of light appears behind me, and I whirl around to see what appears to be a tree made of balloons that has just appeared out of nowhere. "It's really going to get you into serious trouble one of these days. If nothing else it will make you go prematurely gray, something I don't think would look quite so good on you."

"You know, it's been a while since I've had any meat," I growl. "Why don't you come out so I can catch the chicken who prefers to taunt me from the shadows?"

"Chicken?" The voice lets out a loud caw of a laugh that I have no problem admitting really grates on me. When I get my hands on whoever is doing this... "Chicken, you say? Oh, my dear fellow, is that really the limit of your imagination?"

With one more flash my tormentor appears, reclining on one of the branches of the balloon tree like he hasn't a single care in the world. He has the body of various different animals, and it doesn't take a genius to figure out who this guy is. Even if my roommate wasn't a brony who I'm pretty sure had a figurine of this guy around somewhere (I'm not sure, it's been a few years) I could tell who he is. My angry glare fades away and a small smirk appears on my face.

"So, we meet face-to-face at last. The human Celestia brought into this world versus the Equestrian bird doo receptacle. I gotta say, I don't favor your odds."

That gets rid of his smug demeanor. Mr. Formerly-A-Statue sits up in the tree and pushes up a pair of large, bulky sunglasses he has been wearing to get a better look at me. He gives me a slight glare. "I'm still convinced they're aiming for me. You try to make them miss when you can't move."

I make a show of shrugging. "Eh, but I don't have to wonder what that's like." I snort and begin twirling Reginald around. "I wasn't defeated by a buncha shiny necklaces. In fact, I haven't been defeated at all."

No need to tell him all the times I have been, of course.

Discord raises an eyebrow at me. "I take it you feel that you don't need to tell me all the times you have been defeated?"

My smug smile fades and is replaced with a small frown. "Of course," I grumble. I shake my head and wave my hand. "Whatever. It's not important. What is important is that you back off and leave me alone!" I grasp Reginald in both hands and get in a fighting stance. "I've dealt with too much today to have to add a mad chaos god to my plate too. You wanna go screw with somepony, fine. Go fight Twilight and her element buddies." My small smirk returns. "Heck, why not them, Celestia, and Luna? If you're so powerful then it should be no problem, right?"

"Flippant, how charming." Discord gives an exaggerated yawn. "But it really won't help you out here." Discord leans back in the tree and idly plucks one of the balloon branches off of the balloon tree. "So just what exactly is your plan, hmm? Are you going to strike me, or something? Are you going to hit a god?"

I snort and my smirk widens. "Actually, yes. It's kind of what I do. I've punched Celestia in the face twice and I beat the queen of the Changelings to death."

"Chrysalis is hardly what I'd call a god," Discord deadpans, "but it's unimportant. You say you've struck Celestia twice?" He turns his attention back to me, his eyebrow raised again. "You make a habit of striking those who can obliterate you without a thought?"

"Well, whaddya gonna do?" I relax my fighting stance ever so slightly. "Obviously it's not too big of a deal if I'm still here, right?"

"Well if not, then you should have no trouble blocking this."

Before I can do anything, Discord lobs the balloon he's been idly batting up and down in the air at me. Now, college student TD would have just dumbly stood there, but twenty-seven year old TD has reflexes a little better than what I had when I first came here. I leap backwards a few inches until I'm sure the balloon will miss me, then swing out at it with Reginald. Of course, I expect it to go flying back into Discord, or at least towards him, but to my utter surprise, the balloon literally screeches to a halt in midair, meaning my swing goes way over it. I'm thrown off balance for a second, but that second is all the balloon needs. It begins its assault in my direction again, and this time it's too fast for me to block it. It collides with my head and I discover rather quickly what it's filled with.

Paint.

I'm knocked off of my feet and I hit the gumball ground, barely holding onto Reginald as I try to spit out the stray flecks of paint that got into my mouth. I hear Discord's cawing laugh and I wipe my eyes in time to see him doing figure eights with his body in front of me.

"You should have seen the look on your face! Absolutely priceless!" Discord continues guffawing and out of nowhere he pulls out what looks like a Polaroid photograph. "In fact, why don't you see it? It's too rich!" He flips the photo in my direction, but I extend my hand to block the view. I don't really care to see what I look like the moment I get hit by a paint balloon... again. I already know what I look like when that happens. It's called senior prank day in high school.

Shut up. I didn't throw that many.

Comparatively.

Whatever, I'm matching wits with a chaos god. A chaos god who seems to realize that I won't look at the photograph. He's put it away by now, but his smug smile remains. I give him my best glare. It's freaking pink paint. Bright pink paint. What's more it has a rather... strong aroma to it. You ever opened up a paint can and deeply inhaled? That's all I'm getting right now. Paint fumes.

And boy is it making me a little loopy.

I try to maintain my glare, but it's a little difficult when your left eye keeps sliding in and out of focus every few seconds and your mouth is twitching. I let out a low groan and try to wipe the area around my nose clean.

"Whasdddaddiss..." I hiccup. "Whatddis this ssshhtuff?"

Discord giggles and does a midair backflip. "Why, it's paint, of course! Not just any paint..." Discord snaps his paw and the daylight shifts immediately to nighttime. I barely have enough presence of mind to register that I'm... glowing. "It's pink glow-in-the-dark paint!"

And it's making me high as all else.

"Gbrmgh." I slowly raise my changeling arm. It feels like it's made of solid iron, but I can't help but raise it and stare at it. I change my arm from human to pony, then to changeling, then back to pony. Finally I look over at Discord and give him a grin that would make the Cheshire Cat jealous. With one more burst of my changeling magic, I turn my arm to perfectly mimic the one of his eagle claw.

That really gets his attention. Discord frowns at me and floats over to me. "Now now, TD, there are manners to be observed. My eagle claw is my own."

I giggle and begin snapping the talons of the claw like I've seen him do so many times. I point to his hoof. "Lookie! Your hoofsie is a boat! Now it's a rattlesnake! Now it's a Peter Piper Picked a Pack of Pickled P-P-Puh-Puh..." I raise both arms to the heavens and give a loud shout. "JALAPENOS! PETER PIPER IS A MEXICANO!"

I'd regret this. I'd really, really regret all of this. I don't know why, but I couldn't stop. It's the paint. I swear it's the paint. I'm high as a kite; I'd never say this kind of stuff otherwise.

I'd just think it.

I'd think just it.

It just think I'd

Just... uh... thinkie dink.

Mexicano. Yes, Peter Piper is that. I shoot to my feet and begin twirling Reginald like a baton and doing the Can-Can. Discord looks suspiciously like a pinata all of a sudden.

"¡Dale, dale, dale. No pierdas el tino! Porque si lo pierdes ¡Pierdes el camino!"

With that, I swing Reginald at Discord's head as hard as I can.

"Ah ain't never seen nothin' like it; not even from Pinkie Pie."

"A most bizarre display indeed."

"Do you think he's really sick? Do you think that whatever did that to him permanently hurt him?"

"Fear not, dear Fluttershy. Discord's magic does not have any permanent affects. It's easier for him to work his will that way." I hear Celestia lightly chuckle. "Though I must say, that was a most unusual display."

I let out a small groan and realize that my eyes are closed. I do a quick mental check and I don't seem to want to unhinge Canterlot from the mountain for the sake of making the mountain into a Mount Rushmore knockoff featuring myself, Kareem Abdul Jabbar, Leslie Nielsen, and Keyser Soze.

Well, not currently, anyways.

Some days are just like that, even without the hallucinogenic paint. I slowly open my eyes to see that I'm back in Manderley with both princesses, the Mane Six, Oswald, and Cheerilee looking worriedly at me.

So given how small my house is, everybody is pretty cramped. They don't seem to care, though. I think they're all just concerned that I'm okay. I shake my head to clear it and sit up on my bed.

"What happened?" I groan. "How long have I been out?"

"Only a day," Celestia assures me. "You have no more ill effects from Discord's magic."

"Ah... that." Despite myself, I can't help but blush. Oswald is giggling, so I know whatever I said had to be embarrassing. "I don't want to know what I did, do I?"

"You didn't do too much, TD. I decided to put a sleeping spell on you to both counteract the effects of the spell and prevent you from embarrassing yourself further."

Well that's good at least. Still, I don't miss the twinkle in Celestia's eye, nor the way that her serene smile has turned mischievous. She has a thought, and she can't help herself.

"However, I must say that in time you were awake you said the most unusual things." She exchanges a grin with Luna. "I think the best one was when you looked at me and said 'I'm not racist or anything, but you shouldn't be all black. Only New Zealanders should be all black."

I groan loudly and throw my covers over my head while the gathered ponies have a small laugh at my expense. I want to curl up and disappear. "It was the paint fumes!" I wail. "It was the magic paint fumes, I swear!"

"I know that, TD." A magical aura engulfs my comforter and it is rolled back, exposing my head to the gathered ponies again. I shoot Celestia a small glare that she is completely unfazed by. "The effects are gone and you are in control of your mental facilities once more. Discord cannot harm you."

My glare fades and is replaced with a curious look. I look over to the Mane Six and see that they are wearing their Elements. "Speaking of that, what happened to him? I take it he's not ruling Equestria and this is, ironically, the last bastion of sanity left on the planet?"

Celestia lightly chuckles and shakes her head. "No, TD. I followed the magical trail he left when he took you. I took the Elements there and we sealed him back into stone." There's that twinkle in her eye again. "I must say, TD, you made quite the perfect distraction."

I sigh and rub my temples. "I'll bet I did." I glance over at Celestia and Luna. "Tell me I at least connected with his skull when I swung Reginald at him."

Celestia waves her hoof. "We'll discuss all of the details of what happened on the mountain later, TD. Right now there is an important task I have for all of you."

I raise my eyebrow and sit up off of the bed. "I'm listening."

"It's best if I just show you, TD, though the others are aware of the starting point," Celestia says.

I grab Reginald, which is leaning against my bedside table, and get to my feet. Oswald lands on my shoulder and affectionately nuzzles the top of my head. I smile at him and wait for all of the ponies to file out of Manderley before exiting my home. Outside is something that is truly a sight to behold. It's Discord, and he's back in his statue form. Instead of the terrified expression that he had on his face last time, he appears to be rubbing his chin with a perplexed expression on his face. Almost as if he's seeing something that he can't quite understand.

Sigh. No prizes for guessing what that was.

I walk up to Discord and tap his eagle claw with Reginald. Yep, he's definitely in stone. I look back at Celestia. "Okay, so what are we going to do with him? I know you, and I know that dismantling him isn't what you have in mind."

Celestia chuckles and shakes her head. "Indeed it is not. I have something far greater in mind for Discord, TD." Celestia walks up to Discord and puts a hoof on the statue. "I believe that if the right approach is taken, Discord may be reformed, and his powers may be used for good."

"WHAT?!"

Yeah, that wasn't just me that shouted that, but everybody outside of my house except for Luna who seems rather uneasy about the whole thing. She walks up next to Celestia and gives the statue an unsure look. "Art thou sure of this, Celestia? What if he is unreceptive to their efforts?"

"Then we seal him in stone once more," Celestia replies evenly, "but I do not think that will be the case. She turns to the gathered group, and I can see that I'm not the only one who thinks that she's lost her mind. "Can I count on you to help me reform Discord?"

I blink once and look between the statue and Celestia. I lightly scoff and shake my head. "Celestia, you've officially gone mad. I think I punched you too many times and it's scrambled your brains." I ball my fist. "Maybe one more would fix things, hmm?"

Celestia smiles serenely at me and lightly chuckles yet again in a way that only she can. "TD, I assure you that I do not need to be struck by you for a third time to have full access to my mental capabilities, but I thank you for your concern for my well-being."

With that, she ignites her horn, tears Reginald out of my hand, and bops me over the head with it.

Not hard enough to hurt a lot, obviously, but it stings a little. Of course, seeing me attacked has Oswald in an uproar, and he screeches at Celestia and ignites his wings, flying into her face and spreading his feathery appendages to their full extent. Rather than be fazed by this, Celestia continues smiling serenely.

"I'm sorry, dear Oswald, but I think that even TD would admit that that has been a long time coming."

"I'll admit that that's been a long time coming," Twilight grumbles.

I rub the spot where she had hit me and glare at her. I snatch Reginald out of the air and pull it away from Celestia, grumbling unflattering things about her personal hygiene and intelligence. Celestia doesn't really seem to mind, though, and Oswald lands back on my shoulder after hissing at Celestia one more time.

Good phoenix, Oswald.

Celestia decides to ignore me for the moment and turns back to Twilight. "Now, can I trust you to do all in your power to reform Discord? I feel that he can do much good if he were to be brought to the side of good."

Twilight looks just as uneasy as I feel, but if I know her, I know she would never resist a test from Celestia. She's going to give this her all, and somehow I'm going to get roped into it too. I glance down at Cheerilee who is looking longingly at a bar across the street. Right there with her on that one. Maybe if we get a few seconds we can sneak there for a drink.

I lean down next to her. "You know you don't have to be here. Nothing ties you to them in the "Element of Harmony, saving Equestria" thing."

"You'd think that," Cheerilee grumbles, "but Princess Celestia specifically requested that I be here. I suppose it's because of how I fought in the Battle of Canterlot."

I raise an eyebrow. "Is that what they're calling it now?"

Cheerilee sighs. "Yes, and I'd imagine that's why Princess Celestia isn't going to help reform Discord. She's needed in Canterlot to repair the damage the... er... yous made."

"Charming." I grimace and look over to Celestia who is nodding. Her body language tells me that she's on her way out of here. Maybe I can trip her up with Reginald as she's walking away...

Eh, I'll get better chances to get back at her. For now we have to deal with Discord. Celestia spreads her wings and addresses us all. "I know that this seems like a challenge, but I believe that you can do it. Good luck to all of you, my little ponies... and TD."

I snort and cross my arms as I watch the two princesses walk away. As I watch the two of them step onto their chariot, a sinking feeling appears in my stomach and my smile fades. I watch the Mane Six circle around the Discord statue. They're about to release him. Cheerilee and I exchange a look, and I can tell that we're thinking the same thing: let's get some cover.

27-Waxing Profound

Twilight licks her lips and braces herself for whatever is about to come. She cracks her neck and looks over at all of her friends. "Okay, girls... and TD, I'm not totally sure what's going to happen when he's released, but we'd better be prepared for anything. He's likely not going to be happy that he's in stone for a third time."

I groan and rub my temples. I feel a steadily mounting pressure behind my eyes, and I don't like it. "For goodness sakes," I grumble.

What am I doing here? I sigh and watch the Mane Six discussing strategy about how best to go about this. It seems Fluttershy will be a linchpin in their plans. Celestia asks me to reform the god of chaos right after the whole Mirror Pool incident alongside Cheerilee. So what, we don't have any magical artifacts, and I'm not beholden to Celestia...

Hmm... I hadn't thought about that before.

What do I do if I don't want to do this? Just because Celestia asked, should I go ahead and ignore the sinking feeling that I have and the increasing feeling of "I do not care about this?"

Well...

"Alright." Twilight ignites her horn and the gem on her Element begins to glow. "Here it comes, girls! Be ready for--"

"Wait, wait, wait!"

Twilight's horn powers down and so do the Elements. She frowns and looks over at me like I've lost my mind. "What is it, TD? Are you not ready, or something?"

"You're gosh darned right I'm not," I grumble. I sling Reginald over my shoulder and look down to Cheerilee. "That bar is still open. Let's hit it and forget this nonsense."

The Elements gasp in unison and even Cheerilee raises her eyebrow. "TD, you can't just leave this now!" Twilight cries. "We're about to release an ancient chaos god for the sake of reformation! We really need your help!"

"Oh yeah? How? Why?" I give Twilight a slight glare. "Look, it's great that you want to reform this joker and all. It's a noble cause that I support in full and if you need a donation I'll put some coins in the coin box when you come through, but let me be frank on my position here." I cross my arms. "I don't want to come across as conceited, but it's not really my business. It's Celestia's plan. I don't have some magical necklace that can rein him in if he gets too out of control, and neither does Cheerilee." I glance over at Cheerilee who is looking at me with a marked interest. I know her. She's pretty perplexed as to why Celestia would ask a random school teacher to reform a chaos god, even if she did fight well in a large battle. "Which leads me to one conclusion: Celestia is using Cheerilee and I as chess pieces. On my world, the nerdiest of us call it a 'Batman Gambit.'"

"Y'all ain't a chess piece ta Princess Celestia, TD," Applejack snaps. "She wouldn't give ya somethin' she didn't think you could handle."

"But that's just the thing: why should I handle it? I have no personal stake in this!" I groan and shake my head, cutting off Twilight who is about to speak. "I get it: it'd be great if he was reformed, but I don't see why that's a job for either Cheerilee or myself. I have had quite enough adventures both today and in the past six years. I know what this guy is like." I glare at the statue. "He threw a racism-inducing paint bomb at me. I'm not willfully inducing contact with him."

"TD I'm surprised at you!" Rarity stomps in my direction and glares at me. "Princess Celestia has asked you to do this as a way to help all of Equestria!"

"Uh-huh, I get that." I return her glare with one of my own. "But if she really wanted my help she should have been a little more straightforward with me about what exactly she wanted. This bizarre vagueness, while admittedly completely characteristic of her, isn't something that's endearing her tasks to me. If she wanted me to help, she should have just told me why."

"TD, I'll admit that Princess Celestia can be a little vague sometimes about what she requires from us, but if she requested the help of you and Cheerilee then there is a very good reason!" Rarity's eyes narrow and she takes another step towards me. "Walking away now is both selfish and rude!"

"Oh give me a break!"

All of us turn to the source of the voice, and to my surprise, it was Cheerilee who had spoken. She is giving Rarity her own glare, something that caused Rarity to drop hers. Cheerilee walks on front of me and goes snout-to-snout with Rarity. "If anyhuman deserves some time off it's TD. After everything he's gone through, I don't see why Princess Celestia had to add this to his plate too. It's asking too much of him, especially since he isn't one of her subjects. If TD wants to sit this one out, I think he has every right to."

Whoa.

Go Cheerilee.

I shrug and take a step towards the bar. "You can't talk me out of this. I realize that she asked, but, let's be honest here, I really, really do not want to do this, and I don't have superweapons aiding me. I'm sorry, girls, but I'm sitting this one out."

"TD, I'm surprised at you!" Twilight cries. "We need your help! Princess Celestia specifically asked for the two of you."

I nod at her. "Yep. Like I said: Batman Gambit. I personally see it as Celestia viewing Cheerilee and I as chess pieces." I cross my arms. "And I don't want to be a chess piece against something that splattered me with trippy racism-inducing paint. If you really, really, really need me, come find me. Otherwise..." I grasp Reginald and begin walking towards the bar. Is it a bit mean and rude of me to just walk off like this? Yeah, I can't deny that, but again, I don't see what I can do. Discord's going to behave better if the ponies he has to go against have superweapons around their necks. Otherwise Cheerilee and I are just going to be targets for him.

Speaking of which...

I turn back around and look at Cheerilee. I incline my head towards the bar. "You coming, Cheerilee? You wanna sit this one out too?"

Cheerilee sighs and gives a single nod. "If you don't want to do it then I don't see any reason why I should be involved either." She turns to the Mane Six and gives them a sad smile. "I'm sorry, girls, but I think that I'd just be in the way."

With that, Cheerilee trots to catch up to me and we walk into the bar together, leaving the baffled Mane Six behind with the statue and all of the trouble that it causes.

I open up the second door to the bar and allow Cheerilee to walk in first. She smiles and thanks me, and I walk in after her. Inside the bar is about a dozen ponies all relaxing, drinking, and chatting with each other. I smile at the scene. It's exactly what I need after everything that has happened over the past few days.

We go a little ways in and see Lyra Heartstrings standing behind the bar making drinks for the one or two ponies who are sitting at the bar. She smiles at the two of us and motions to two empty chairs at the counter. I nod back and the two of us make our way to the chairs and sit down.

"Afternoon, you two." Lyra puts two napkins down in front of us. "What can I get for you?"

"Double scotch on the rocks," Cheerilee says with more than a hint of fatigue. If I had to guess, everything that happened yesterday was getting to her a little bit too. She still has a bandage on her face from the fight.

I am about to give my order to Lyra when I notice that Lyra's ear is wrapped up in bandages too. I frown and cock my head. "That come from the fight?"

Lyra smirks and looks in the direction of the wounded ear. "Sure did. I know that you weren't there for the aftermath, but most of us had nicks and scratches. I got this from you when you took a guard spear and stabbed it at me." She shrugs. "Just a little cut. Managed to dodge in time that it only took a small bit off the top."

My own expression falls and my stomach clenches. So my clones did some damage to the Ponyvillians, huh? Great. That's just freaking great. Ponies getting hurt because of me. Lovely. I mean yeah, Cheerilee obviously has a cut on her face that I'm sure will leave a nice scar under her fur, but I didn't know that most of Ponyville that went to the fight got injured. Lyra must have noticed my demeanor because her smile turns comforting and she puts a hoof on my hand.

"Hey, we were all glad to do it. You didn't intentionally fall into that pool, and your evil side took Spike and Scootaloo. There weren't any casualties, just a few bad cuts here and there."

"And you lost part of your ear," I grumble.

Lyra snorts and rolls her eyes as she illuminates her horn and takes a bottle of scotch off of the shelf behind her. "Oh however shall I survive?! I lost one tenth of my ear in a large battle where I helped save Canterlot and the princesses and now have a badflank battle scar to show off to stallions!" Lyra tilts her head back and drapes her foreleg over her forehead. "Whatever shall I do?!"

I grimace at her and cross my arms. "I still don't want anypony getting hurt because of my actions."

"They weren't your actions, TD, they were his." Lyra pours the scotch and the ice into a crystal glass and puts it down on Cheerilee's napkin. "This kind of thing is about the worst of it that any of us got. There weren't any fatalities. At very worst some of us had to get three or four stitches." Lyra shrugs. "I don't think it's that big of a deal, and neither do any of the others that I’ve talked to." Lyra's gives me a confident smile and puts the scotch back on the shelf. "Besides, we're all national heroes! Word on the street is that there's going to be a large stained glass window in our honor. I'd trade a little more of my ear for that."

I grunted and waved my hand. "No, let's not, okay? You lost enough of it."

"I'm sure I did." Lyra shrugs and motions back to the shelf of alcohol. "What can I get you?"

"Screwdriver."

"Coming right up."

Cheerilee and I sit in silence for a few moments while Lyra makes my drink. Cheerilee takes a few sips of her scotch and shudders when she feels the burning liquid go down her throat. She still gives a pleasant smile, though, so I know she liked the kick. However, her smile falls just as quickly as it comes, and I can tell there's something on her mind.

"TD?"

"Yeah?"

"Speaking of wounds received in the Battle of Canterlot, I take it you've noticed the bandage on my face." Cheerilee takes a small breath and glances over at me. "And I can guess that you can gather how I got it."

I grunt and rub my temples. "I'd rather not guess. I don't like to think of anybody hurting you."

Out of the corner of my eye I see Cheerilee give another small smile, but once again it fades rather quickly.

"I know you can gather generalization, but I was talking more specifically in this instance." She puts her hoof on the bandage. "Do you know the exact chain of events that led to this scratch?"

I shake my head, but before I can answer, Lyra is back with my drink and a small bowl of peanuts which Oswald happily digs into. She sets the drink in front of me and I take a sip before answering. "No, I can't say that you've told me yet. We haven't had a lot of time to talk."

"Naturally." Cheerilee grimaces, leans back in her chair, and crosses her forelegs. "TD, the clone of you that gave me this scratch wasn't wielding a weapon, his left hand was a tiger paw."

Ah, yes... I think I can see what she's getting at now. I grimace and I don't have to be an expert in reading mares to know that Cheerilee knows that I know what she's getting at.

"TD, why did one of your clones have a tiger paw? Was that a feature that the Mirror Pool gave them?"

"Er..." I uneasily stir my screwdriver with the tiny straw and a hint of a blush appears on my face. I chance a glance at her and instantly regret it when I see that she's looking sternly at me. I realize that I can't get out of it. I sigh and bow my head.

"No. It wasn't. It's something that they got from me. I picked it up during my travels, and I think that you can guess where."

Cheerilee nods. "I think so."

I click my tongue and rest my left arm on the bar. "Yeah..." with a burst of green flame, my left arm now is now a perfect representation of Cheerilee's foreleg. Cheerilee's eyes widen, and she slowly reaches out a hoof to poke my changed arm.

"That's quite the ability, TD," she says quietly. I turn my head fully towards her and my stomach clenches when I see that she has a look of hurt on her face. "But why didn't you tell me? You told me every detail about your travels but you neglected to leave out that your left arm has changeling powers?"

"Left arm, right shoulder and leg, and some of my face," I mutter.

Cheerilee closes her eyes and flattens her ears with a quiet, pained sigh. "TD, why didn't you trust me with that? I assume that Twilight and her friends know?"

I give a single nod. "And the Crusaders and princesses."

Cheerilee grunts and facehooves. "And you just decided not to tell your best friend?! Why?! I thought that you trusted me more than that, TD." I don't say anything. I merely change my arm back to normal, allowing Cheerilee to put her hoof on my hand. "TD, you have shapeshifting powers. That's quite a significant part of your trip! You just decided to tell Twilight and her friends, but I'm so worried about you that when you come back I punch you in the face and you don't tell me a rather significant detail that you gave out to others? Why?"

Well, let's just say that I feel like a total idiot now. Should I have told Cheerilee about my changeling powers? In hindsight yes. I know that I can't justify any decision that I gave, especially since I told Twilight and friends but not her. As a mare that I do see as one of my closest friends... yeah, I can see why that would hurt her. I sigh and force myself to keep eye contact with her.

"Well..." I click my tongue. "Gosh this sounds stupid now, but... I was worried how you'd take it. After the changeling invasion of Canterlot, they don't quite have the best reputation around here and I didn't want you to get freaked out. Twilight and Co. were all a little unnerved, and Princess Celestia shot me with a beam of magic when she found out."

Cheerilee snorts and rolls her eyes. "Oh come on, TD. I'm a big mare. I can handle seeing that a friend of mine whom I haven't seen for six years has come back with changeling powers."

I actually manage a snort and a smirk with that. It shows that Cheerilee is still taking this with a touch of humor and isn't one hundred percent mad at me. Just eighty percent mad at me and fifteen percent hurt that I didn't trust her enough to tell her.

And yeah, I'm feeling pretty rotten about it.

"I guess I don't really have any excuses. I can only say that I'm sorry, Cheerilee." This time I can't help but not meet her gaze. "I can't say much else."

Cheerilee gives me a small, sad smile and puts a hoof on my arm. "I forgive you, TD, but just tell me next time, okay?"

That gets a smile out of me, and I can't help but snort. I look up at her and give her my best smirk. "Alright, I'll tell you the next time that I gain shapeshifting powers."

Cheerilee looks at me flatly and crosses her forelegs. "Not good enough, TD. You have to tell me next time you gain any type of special powers." She narrows her eyes and pokes my chest. "I'm not giving you a loophole that easily."

I giggle and go to take a sip of my screwdriver, but decide to eschew my straw and drink it straight from the glass. It's too tiny of a straw anyway.

"I was hoping you'd forget it. With the rate I gain superpowers, I would have the means to not tell you about any of them."

"Oh?" Cheerilee puts down her glass and raises an eyebrow at me. "And what other superpowers are you hiding from me? You have a wildly improved physique, changeling powers, two or three fighting styles under your belt, you're a more accomplished blacksmith, and all that on top of the sarcasm powers you already had when you came here. What other powers are you hiding from me?"

I raise my hands in mock-indignation. "Why madam, I'm hiding no more powers from you! Those that you have mentioned are the only ones that I can think of off the top of my head."

Cheerilee's eyes narrow and she points a hoof at me. "That had better be true, TD. I wouldn't want to have to get angry at you all over again."

Good, she's happier now. Would I say she's completely over the hurt? No, but she recognizes that I'm sorry and that I didn't mean to hurt her and I'll do better next time, so she doesn't feel the need to press the issue. On top of that, now we're joking about the whole thing, thus easing the tension that there was beforehand.

Kind of reminds me of the arguments that I used to get in with my family back home, only... er... with a pony, I guess.

Of course, that is the moment that Lyra chooses to walk by to reveal that she's been listening in on the whole thing. She has a smirk on her face, and as she walks by she snorts.

"Sheesh. Just kiss already, you two."

As my dear friend Fluttershy would say...

Eep!

"We're just friends, Lyra!" Cheerilee and I say at the exact same time, much to my relief. However, that doesn't erase the blushing that we're both doing.

So yeah... that happened.

Cheerilee and I both clear our throats and avoid eye contact for a few moments. It's hard to think of something to say after the local bartender insists that you have an inter-species kiss with your best friend.

Well, uh, let's move on.

Cheerilee seems to agree with that, as she takes a longer sip of her drink and glances out the window of the bar. "So, how do you think that the Elements are doing?"

Grateful for the subject change, I take a long pull from my own drink and shrug. "Eh, they've probably reformed him by now already. Celestia will come down from Canterlot and give them a job well done, give Twilight a gold sticker on her report for the week, and that'll be that. Celestia will have more superweapons at her disposal."

"TD, I hardly think that Princess Celestia only wants Discord reformed for military purposes."

I shrug and take another sip of my drink. "Maybe so, but it would be a deterrent, wouldn't it?" I put my drink down and cross my arms. "Think about it. Celestia is a master psychologist. If Discord is reformed through friendship and forms an emotional attachment to any of us, then if Equestria is threatened by war, then Discord is going to do everything within his considerable powers to make sure the war either doesn't happen or we win handily before any of us can get hurt."

Cheerilee doesn't respond to that particular line of thought, but I can tell from her expression that she doesn't think that I'm completely wrong per se. Instead she merely drains the rest of her glass and taps the bar to signal to Lyra that she wanted a refill. I raise an eyebrow at her.

"Two double scotches? Geez, Cheers, are you more skilled at drinking than I surmised?"

"I went to college, TD," Cheerilee replies evenly, "and even after I graduated I learned that there are just some days when the students act up, you have a ton of paperwork, and the superintendent is breathing down your neck to get more work than you think you're capable of done in a time shorter than you'd like. I'm no alcoholic, but every few months I'll have a few drinks with dinner or after grading stacks of papers."

"After? Never before?"

"Before once. Never again," she replies, flattening her ears in embarrassment, "but enough about that. I'm curious as to why you didn't want to help with Discord. I understand that you dislike that Princess Celestia sees you as a chess piece, but is there more to it than that?"

I sigh and rub my temples. Truth be told, I didn't come in here to have a conversation about this, but she asked, and after the whole arm thing I'm not just going to say no.

"Yeah, there is." I lean back in my chair and drain the rest of my drink before continuing. "I don't want to be a central player in the events of this world."

Cheerilee tilts her head and looks at me quizzically. "What do you mean?"

"What do I mean? Well, hmm..." I tap my chin thoughtfully. "Everybody makes an impact on the world around them in some way, right? Well, I don't quite want my impact to be on any larger of a scale than it already is. You know what all I did. I walked into two separate countries and without even wanting to changed the political and in one case socioeconomic landscape of the country for years, decades, heck, maybe even forever! I won a Schunie death match, and if I ever go back I'll be almost revered by the beings that live there. Griffonia is probably off-limits for me for the rest of my life, given what was happening when I left there."

"So what does all of that have to do with this?"

"It's that I came back to this country to get some peace and quiet and not have to deal with that kind of thing anymore. Look around you." I motion to the other patrons of the bar. "Do you think they worry about the semantics of how to reform chaos gods or repel changeling invasions? No, they don't. Most, if not all, of them have a simple, quiet life, and that's why I came back to Ponyville. Just because I'm a human who is living here, is very world wise, and has ties to the Elements doesn't mean that I have to be involved in every single big thing that goes on here. Something kidnaps a foal and we have to go kick their plots? I'm all for that because that is hopefully simple and I'm not being used. I'm doing it of my own free will without orders from Celestia."

Cheerilee looks at me thoughtfully for a few moments, chewing over what I have to say. I can gather that it's an odd thing coming from me, Mr. Traveled All of the Known World, but if she thinks about it it should make sense.

"Now, I'm not disagreeing with your perception at all, TD," Cheerilee says after a few more moments, "but there is one thing that interests me. You say that Princess Celestia isn't your princess, but you live here, follow our laws, would presumably be tried in our courts if you broke them, have been given all of the rights of a citizen, and plan to continue living here for the rest of your life." Cheerilee takes a restrained sip of her drink before continuing. "Of course you weren't born here, but, and do forgive me for saying so, knowing you, if you have everything else in place, isn't Princess Celestia... sort of your princess?"

I pause with my hand halfway up to order another drink as my mind registers her argument. Was I an Equestrian subject if all of those elements were in place? If I was, that did make Celestia my princess. Hmm. There was only one logical way to handle that.

"Cheerilee, I'll agree to forgive you for saying so if you agree never to say so again."

Was she wrong? Maybe, but I didn't want to think about it that way. Celestia didn't see me as one of her subjects, and that was good enough for me.

Well, maybe she didn't see me as her subject to my face, but if push came to shove and she really felt like she needed to give me an order, would she play that card? Yeesh. I don't want to think about it. I wave my hand to signal to Lyra to get me another screwdriver. Once she does, I feel free to start up the conversation again.

"Anyway, you can see my point about it, right? You guys are all my friends. Some ponies, like you for instance, are really close to me, like the friends I had on Earth." I take a sip of my drink as a thought enters my mind. "Maybe I want to get a halfway decent job, settle down and... start a family maybe? Who knows." I shrug. "Not sure how that last one would work exactly, but stranger things have happened to me."

AKA, everything else in the universe.

"What I don't want to do is get involved in the dealings of gods." I put my glass back down and give Cheerilee a knowing look. "And you don't either, I'll wager?"

Cheerilee smiles and finishes her drink. She puts her glass down and shakes her head. "Not at all, TD. I'm like you. I teach foals in a small town and that's just the way I like it. I was offered a teaching post in Manehattan when I graduated top of my class, but I turned them down to come here. I couldn’t live in the city."

At that moment, the ground vibrates, and I hear the unmistakable laugh of none other than Discord himself right outside the bar, followed by Twilight saying something to him. Cheerilee glances out the window of the bar. "It sounds like they're doing something quite interesting out there. Want to go take a look?"

I snort and pick up my glass for another sip.

"Cheerilee, my friend. There is literally nothing I'd rather do less right now."

Author's Notes:

Am I the only one who finds it ironic that TD has an antagonistic relationship with Celestia, who is voiced by Nicole Oliver, and he is best buddies with Cheerilee who is voiced by... Nicole Oliver?

Yes? Just me? Okay. Good.

27-I Hate This Stupid Nonsense

And so here we are.

Just enjoying each other's company like two good friends. We're both still drinking, but not enough to get intoxicated. Cheerilee, as she said, built up her tolerance in college and through the trials of teaching, and I built up mine during my time with the minotaurs.

Oh yeah, did I mention that minotaurs love their ale, and Turgis made darned sure that while I was his apprentice I was going to as well? I got so freaking wasted that first time he gave me three tankards to drink.

But I digress. I'm rambling and this is really about Cheerilee and I.

After we heard Discord out there and decided not to go investigate, we just decided to keep talking about life. She tells me about her new students, whom I have gotten to meet, and they are just as awesome as the foals that I was teaching when I first came to Equestria. I tell her more details about my life on Earth and my plans going forward.

And it just goes on like that. Two beings, each a different species, just hanging out with each other like the world doesn't exist, and it's just the two of us. It's one of the better moments that I've had in the past few months. Heck, it's one of the best moments I've had in years.

And then it all gets shaken up when the door opens and a certain white, sun plotted alicorn walks through, a beaming smile on her face. She doesn't seem to be mad that we've walked out on her plans, something that, I must admit, is freaking me out a little bit.

The ponies in the bar, Cheerilee included, all bow low as Celestia walks up to the two of us. She inclines her head in a nod towards me, her large smile never leaving her face. I take a sip of my third screwdriver, draining the rest of it and setting the glass back down on the bar. I have a suspicious look on my face. I don't like her smile.

"Celestia." I give her my own greeting nod. "How's the thing with Discord going?"

"Oh, not going, TD, went." Her voice is light and full of mirth, so I'm guessing that it went fairly well. "Discord has promised to use his magic for good and not evil. He is reformed." Her smile flickers for a moment and her next words come out as a mumble. "Mostly."

"Charming. How did Twilight and her friends manage that?" A small smirk crosses my face. "A reform spell? Having the Elements scramble his brain? Or maybe they put the Elements on the setting that they did when they blasted Luna with them."

Celestia gives another light chuckle and shakes her head. "No, nothing so gauche, TD." She puts a hoof on Cheerilee's shoulder and alternates looks between the two of us. "In fact, you two were instrumental in his reformation."

Uh...

My smirk fades so completely that one would think that I've never smirked at all. I don't like where this is going, and I really don't like that Celestia seems to love where this is all going. Given our rather antagonistic relationship, I don't really like the idea that she knows something that I don't about what's going on, and that she can lord it over me for a while.

Thankfully, she cuts that time mercifully short.

"You see, TD, before Twilight released Discord, she wrote to me and told me that you had walked out on the task I had given you and taken your good friend Cheerilee with you. I wrote her back to tell her that I didn't mind in the slightest and that they should go on with the reformation plans that they had for him." To my surprise, the twinkle in her eye left, and her smile turned more matronly, almost as if she was proud of the two of us. "You two have a very strong friendship. I daresay it is as strong as the one that Twilight has with the rest of her friends. It comes out in the way that you two interact with each other. When Discord was released, he immediately wanted to antagonize the two of you, but Twilight threatened to imprison him in stone again if he did that, so he merely decided to observe you two. He saw your friendship and, on top of not being turned into stone again, he decided that he wanted something like that, or at the very least, to understand it."

"Twilight told me that you two argued and had a brief falling out in your time here. Discord saw that and thought that it was a wonderful way to spread chaos, but then you two forgave each other. He saw your friendship strengthen and develop, and he wanted to know what that was like." Celestia looks out the window of the bar. "I daresay that Discord and Fluttershy are going to become very close in the next few months."

"So let me get this straight." I fully turn to face Celestia, a rather impressive scowl on my face. "You knew that, because you made a request of me, I would walk out, take Cheerilee with me, Discord would target us, Twilight would prevent him from doing that, and in doing so Discord would see our friendship and want that for himself, thus starting the path to reformation."

The fact that she placed the statue directly across the street from a bar and invited Cheerilee is suddenly starting to make a lot more sense.

Celestia nods and continues smiling serenely at me. I know I generally like smiling, but is it wrong that I hate that particular one? It just screams "I'm pulling the strings and I love it."

"TD, do not see this as a manipulation, see this as a testament to the strength of your friendship with Cheerilee." Celestia's serene smile falls, and she quietly sighs and lowers her head. "But I also understand if you do see it as a manipulation on my part, even though I did not intend it that way." Celestia raises her head and leans forward until she is well within punching distance. "I understand if you do what you feel you must do. You may fire when ready."

So tempting.

So, so tempting. It's not like I haven't punched her in front of a large crowd before. Even though this one is smaller, there would still be witnesses. Every pony in the bar is watching us. The ruler of all Equestria walking into the bar isn't something that goes unnoticed. But that's pointless at the current moment. What I'm thinking about is... do I punch her? She seems to be willing to take it like a man. Er... or mare, as it were.

I...

Well...

Sigh.

I groan and rub my temples. I slowly shake my head and wave her off. "You know what? It isn't worth it this time." I gave her a sideways glare. "But don't think I'll be so lenient next time."

Celestia lightly chuckles and straightens up. "Yes, sir."

With that, Celestia ignites her horn and pours herself a double whiskey straight. After downing the whole thing in one gulp and putting five bits on the bar and three in Lyra's tip jar, Celestia turns around and walks away. Before exiting the bar, she looks back to me with a smile. "You did a great thing for Equestria, TD, and all because of your friendship with this mare. You were never in any real danger."

And so she leaves.

The bar is dead silent as everybody stares at the door that Celestia has just walked out of. But only for a moment. Within ten seconds, the subdued chatter resumes, and everypony goes back to their drinks. I groan and turn back to the bar. I chance a glance at Cheerilee, who has a vague smile on her face that I don't really like.

"What are you smiling about?" I grumble. "You see something you like?"

"It's not really that, TD," Cheerilee admits. She looks back over to the door of the bar then back to me. "It's just that, don't you think that Celestia only offered to let you punch her just because she knew that you wouldn't?"

I thunk my head on the bar and wave a hand at Cheerilee. "Don't remind me."

28-Oswald

Ah, ‘tis a lovely morning. A lovely morning indeed.

I ruffle my wings to stretch them out and hop from the backpack to the bedside table. From here I have a clear view of the kitchen where my mother is making breakfast for the two of us. A meal of eggs, fish, and toast. A veritable feast! My mother's cooking has vastly improved from the time when I was first a chick. Somehow I thought that mothers were supposed to regurgitate worms and other such insects for their brood, but my mother has never done so, choosing instead to hunt our meals. I cannot complain, save for the fact that the first meal she attempted to provide for me could have spelled the end for me already. ‘Twas not something befitting proper digestion.

I fly over to the counter and observe mother's food. It seems that it shall soon be ready, something that sits very well with me. I admit that I feel the normal grumble in my stomach that I often have upon awakening after the darkness puts me to sleep. No matter. Mother does well in providing for the two of us. She is often hard at work caring for the ponyfolk that inhabit the town where mother has chosen to make our ornate nest.

Mother notices that I have landed next to her, and she scratches my head feathers in the manner that I have come to enjoy so. I nuzzle her shoulder, and she laughs. I love my mother's laugh. It's oddly masculine, I'll admit, but I am aware that my mother is of a different species than I. Tis likely normal for females in the far off land that Mother hails from.

"Morning, Oswald. You sleep well?"

Indeed I did, Mother. My rest was uninterrupted by anything that may be malicious in the darkness. I hop from the counter onto Mother's shoulder. I take it we have you to thank for that. You are indeed fearsome.

Mother chuckles and takes the pan of eggs and fish off of the stove. She distributes the eats 'mongst two plates and takes them to the table. She sits down, allowing me to hop off of her shoulder to my plate. We both dig into our food, and I discover that it is as good as it has ever been. Mother does do a wonderful job of caring for me.

Once our breakfast has concluded, Mother takes a few moments to put our dishes in the sink. I stay at the table and observe her doing so. I would help, but, well, I attempted to do so once, but it was admittedly not a successful endeavor. However, Mother was quite prompt in putting out the fire, so there was no real harm done.

With our morning meal completed, Mother went to complete her morning hygienic routine. Once that was completed we were off. ‘Twas an unfortunate reality of our situation, but I was being raised by a single mother. She did not have a mate to call her own, which was something that I think she was pining for. Maybe that's why she spends so much time with that nasty stripe maned brute that struck her when Mother did nothing more than give a friendly greeting. Still, they seem to enjoy each other's company now, and I trust that my Mother knows best. Still, I would be quite upset if my mother did take the pony for a mate, only to find herself in an abusive relationship. For the time being, though, Mother is cordial to her, and so I shall be too as a dutiful son.

She should still beware. The stripe maned mare could still be a wolf in sheep's clothing.

The two of us exit our abode, and I feel the warm sun wash over me, heating my feathers and rejuvenating me. Fire bird that I am, the sun brings me great joy. When Mother took me on our great journey, we went through a densely forested area where the sunlight was sparse. I did not care for such an experience, and relished the precious few moments where the light-giver shone through the trees.

Well, it is time for Mother to begin her work for the day. We start at the building in the center of the pony town. Town Hall, I think Mother calls it. She has gathered cleaning supplies, and will work to make the windows sparkle. I take a place on a nearby railing, and Mother sprays the window with cleaning fluid.

I must confess that I originally thought that such fluid might have a pleasurable taste to it. I quickly discovered upon sampling it that I had erred in my assumption. Mother was amused, but I vowed to never make the same mistake twice. Of course, I surmised that I could have erred in thinking that it wasn't pleasing. Of course, it is feasible to imagine that I sampled it once more, just to be sure. I learned that some things should not be tested more than once.

Well, Mother's workday passes without incident for a few hours. She cleans Town Hall's windows fairly easily, and she goes to some other small job. I'm not not quite sure what that job would have been, because it turns out that her progress was halted by somepony large flying in on a chariot that matches her considerable size.

Ah yes, the white devil.

Were she not the bringer of my glorious sun, I would not treat her with the same level of cordiality that I treat the stripe maned pony. This one I can tell mother has clear disdain for. ‘Tis not something that gives me much cause for shock. This horrid creature struck Mother on the head with her own weapon! Mother is quite hardy in that the blow was not very effective, but that matters not.

Still, I am surprised that Mother would continue to interact with this nasty pony. Why, even now Mother is walking up to her to presumably greet her. I do not like it. Not one bit, but she seems cordial enough at the moment. She doesn't seem inclined to strike my mother once more, at any rate.

"Celestia." Mother inclines her head to the white pony. "What brings you to these parts? Discord acting up again?"

The white pony laughs and shakes her head. "No, nothing so dreadful, TD. I'm merely coming to visit my student."

Ah yes, Discord. I remember that rogue. That mismatched thing that some mad scientist stitched together, no doubt. He's living with the yellow bird pony now, if I recall correctly. He is occasionally antagonistic to Mother, something that gets me in a state of choler. Even he doesn't strike my mother like the white and stripe maned ponies do, though.

Mother and the white pony are still chatting, however. Their conversation is their own, so I do not disrespect them and listen in. I instead look at the chariot the white pony arrived on. It's quite a marvel, and very ornate, something that--

Wait...

Wait...

What's that thing resting on the side of the chariot? It looks like...

A she-phoenix!

Ooh.

I must admit that this does catch my interest. I have yet to come across a she-phoenix before. I must admit that I have pined for such a meeting. I'm not getting any younger, and I'm sure Mother would appreciate some grand-chicks. I take wing and land next to the she-phoenix, who gives me a bored look but otherwise doesn't acknowledge me.

My goodness. What does one say to the first she-phoenix one has ever met? I can't even begin to think. This isn't something that I am a master of; talking to females. The only female I really converse with is my mother, which hardly gives one proper experience when dealing with someone your age.

Well, there's nothing else for it. I cannot stand here and stare at her all day.

Hello there.

The she-phoenix gives me another bored look, but does not respond.

My name is Oswald. Oswald Q. Phoenix, but my mother merely calls me Oswald.

That turns her head to me. Her eyes glance over at my mother, and I can see a trace of amusement in her air, but she still does not respond.

What is your name?

Philomena. She finally gives me attention and a name! What joy! You're an odd fellow, aren't you?

Well, I'd hardly use that adjective to describe myself, but I suppose that I can be just as odd as any. I look back to the white pony and Mother, both of whom are looking at the two of us. They both seem rather amused, but they don't appear to object to my attempting to converse with her. I look back to Philomena. So, your name is Philomena. Such a lovely name.

I suppose it is.

Encouraged, I scoot an inch closer to her. I like you!

Drat, Oswald! You are doubtlessly moving at a faster pace than she is comfortable with! A pox upon my slippery tongue. I must choose my words more carefully if she deems me worthy of a second chance at her affections. At it stands, she's looking at me like I've lost my mind. She may not be far off from the mark. Curse her beauty for making me take leave of my senses.

Er... She tilts her head. Are you okay? You seem rather nervous.

YES I'M FI...! Uh... I take a deep breath and ruffle my wings. I mean, yes, I'm doing well, thank you. How... how are you doing?

Okay, I guess.

"Well, it seems that our phoenixes are getting along swimmingly, TD," the white pony says with a grin.

Mother nods and crosses her uppermost appendages. "It looks like it."

"I suppose there isn't any harm in allowing them to spend time together while I meet with Twilight." The white pony takes a few steps towards us and pats Philomena on the head. "What do you say, Philomena? Would you like to spend the day with Oswald?"

Er... Philomena regards me suspiciously, and I give her my best, most confident smile. Sure, I guess.

Wonderful! I spread my wings and look in the direction of Whitetail Woods. I have a most charming spot out in the woods where I can take you. Does that sound pleasing?

I suppose so. Philomena spreads her own wings, and the two of us take flight towards Whitetail Woods. We reach it in a few minutes and fly a little ways in, landing on a tree branch in a small clearing near the edge. I smile and give a contented sigh.

It's quite peaceful, isn't it?

Philomena looks around, observing the forest. Not a creature is in sight, and we hear nothing save the chirping of a few birds. Yes, I suppose that it is. You spend a lot of time here?

I nod. Yes, it's my favorite thinking spot. I do love my mother, but all creatures need a little alone time.

I can understand that, though I get precious little time with my mother. She's too busy with ruling a nation. Philomena raises herself to her full height and puffs out her chest proudly. Though how many beings can say that their mother raises the sun every day? None but me, I'll wager.

I scoff. Yes, yes, I'm sure it's quite amazing. My mother doesn't do anything quite so grand. We lead a simple life, and that's the way we like it.

Yes, about that... Philomena is giving me another of her quizzical looks. Is he okay with you calling him 'Mother?' I mean, that's a female term, isn't it?

Now it is my turn to look quizzical. Yes it is. That would mean that it is right for me to call her my mother. I fail to see why you called her the other way.

Um... because your "mother" is male. Believe me, there's nothing female about him.

Er... are you quite sure? Hmm, this was a perplexing observation indeed. She was there at my birth. She was the first creature I saw. Does that not make her my mother?

Not if he's incapable of giving birth to you. I see a hint of a smirk in her eyes that I don't quite like. I'm not saying he's not your parent, but he's definitely male. Can't be your mother if he's male.

Male. My mother is male? Well then that would make him...

My father!

Oh...

Well, that's a strange turn of events indeed. Now that I reflect on the matter, that would explain the... genitalia.

Well, this is an unexpected realization for me. I shift nervously on my tree branch and stare down at the ground. Do you think this will change our relationship? I cannot imagine that it will, but I cannot be sure! I do not think that I can look at her... er, him the same way anymore!

Philomena snorts and rolls her eyes. Oh give me a break. It's not that bad. You're being dramatic.

I snap my head up and give her my best glare. Well excuse me, but it's not every day that you find out that your mother was really your father the whole time!

Yes, yes, I'm sure it's quite horrifying for you. You and your father will have to have a long heart-to-heart about why you've gotten his gender wrong for your entire life. Philomena shakes her head and looks around at the forest surrounding us. So until then, I suppose I can be here for you if it gets too much.

I smile with my eyes and nuzzle up close to her. To hear her say that is a little calming, I must admit. I'm not sure what's going to happen between my mo... father and I now, but I do not see him as a petty being. I am sure he will understand my perspective and why I erred on the matter of his gender.

I do appreciate that you are supportive of my feelings. Mayhaps this could be the start of a friendship between us.

Could be. She looks back in my direction and gives me a pointed look. Though I take it that's not what you had in mind when you first approached me, is it?

Well... I... I am ashamed to admit that I blushed a little bit. There was some truth to her words, but to hear my intentions laid out by her so bluntly was a touch jarring. One never likes hearing words of that nature. I guess that I had romantic intentions, if you would like the truth of the matter. I have never before seen a she-phoenix, if you do not mind me saying so.

Yeah, I can kind of guess that. Philomena shrugs with her wings. I'm open to the idea. I don't see many he-phoenixes either. The only other one that I've had any kind of contact with is... Her eyes narrow, and she says her next word with an impressive amount of venom. Pee-Wee

Pee-Wee? You mean the phoenix attached to that dragon the purple pony keeps around as a servant?

Yes, she growls.

Hmm. I fail to see why you dislike him so. I personally find him a fine fellow. A bit clumsy, perhaps, but I sense no trace of ill intent behind his actions.

Oh yeah? You ever have a refrigerator fall on you and the only way to avoid it is to position yourself so that you go straight into the freezer? Goodness me, I can almost hear her beak grinding from here. Well meaning he may be, but that dolt is gonna burn down that library someday. Mark my words.

Well I doubt that he will--

I don't wanna talk about Pee-Wee anymore. Philomena grunts and shakes her head. Not now, not ever. If I never see that dolt again it'll be too soon. She looks back in my direction. So, you want to have me as a romantic partner, then?

I would find that agreeable.

Okay. Go ahead, then.

Er... what?

I tilt my head and look at Philomena as though she has taken leave of her senses. I'm sorry, I may misunderstand you, but you don't mean... intercourse?

Philomena groans and facewings. Yes I mean intercourse. What, isn't that what you wanted?

But we've only just met! I ruffle my wings nervously. I-isn't this a little quick for that kind of--

Oswald? Just shut up and do me.

Ah... yes. I gently clear my throat. Very well, then.

No offense to the ponies, but Father did say to never look a gift horse in the mouth.

Well, that was... rough, but certainly not altogether unpleasant. I take it that she was so quick to the idea because her mother never lets her leave the castle without supervision from herself.

But, I cannot see any reason why I disliked the experience, though we did part ways soon after. She stated that I was "not too bad" and that we could repeat the experience when next we met. I told her that I found the idea agreeable, and she flew off to join her mother. I presume she will keep this interaction between the two of us, as will I.

With nothing else to do, I take wing and fly back to my father. I see him on top of the roof of a local eatery repairing the roof. He looks up when I fly close to him and smiles. "Hey, buddy. You have a good time with Celestia's bird?"

Yes, I'd say that I did. I sigh and shake my head. Though I will say this: we cannot live without females, but they do confound me so.

Author's Notes:

I know this one was really on the line, but I wouldn't do it if I didn't feel like I had to.

I'll also try to get a third chapter out today.

29-Hearts and Hooves Day

So, it's Hearts and Hooves Day.

Hearts and Hooves Day. Yeah.

Somehow, though, I doubt that this holiday is based off a saint who was beaten, beheaded, and buried secretly. This doesn't strike me as the kind of world that would commemorate a martyrdom with a lovey dovey holiday.

Although it could be. I'm not sure.

Anyway, the thing about Hearts and Hooves Day is that one needs a date for the holiday. However, I... I suppose that I do want a date. I want one in that I know who I would ask out if... uh... yeah.

Gulp.

I sit up in my bed and look over at Oswald who is staring at me. I give him a weak smile and scratch his head feathers. "Today's the day, Oswald. Today's the day that I finally ask her out." I take a deep breath and glance over at the calendar. "I mean, what better day than Hearts and Hooves day, right? I think that she'd find it romantic and... uh... appreciate the gesture."

I bite my lip, but decide that I might as well get out of bed. If I can't get out of bed then I can't very well ask the mare I... have an affinity for out.

I do my morning routine, hoping that a hot shower will get rid of the butterflies in my stomach. No such luck. In fact, despite the fact that I take a twenty minute shower, it goes quicker than I can imagine.

Oy. This day is going to be something else, isn't it? Just work up the nerve, TD. What's she going to say, "ha, ha, as if" and slam the door in my face? Well, it wouldn't exactly be the first time. Once a door was slammed in my face and I didn't even notice the door. We were in the middle of a field.

It was pantomime.

Whatever, I never saw her again, nor will I. I'm in ponyland forever, so there's not much chance of seeing her again.

Can't focus on that, TD. Focus on the mare you want to ask out today. Nothing else matters. Just the mare you want to ask out. I... it's no big deal, right? Okay...

I stand outside of my door and stare at it, wondering when I'm actually going to open it up and walk to the house of the mare I want to ask out. I know I'm being dumb. Really dumb, but I can't help it. It's me: TD Harrison Powell! I have nothing but dislike for the show My Little Pony, and I really dislike the situation I'm in. But, here I am, about to ask a pony out.

I'm being dumb. Just go for it, TD. Just go for it. The worst she can do is laugh in your face and slam the door, thereby destroying your confidence and your perception of your relationship. But no, she wouldn't do that, would she? Of course not. I slowly walk out the door and into Ponyville.

I begin walking through town and notice, to my complete lack of surprise, that there are quite a few couples out and about. The outdoor seating in the restaurants I pass are all full to the brim, and the weather outside is perfect. I don't see a single cloud in the sky. That's good, I guess. Yes, if my date and I want to take a walk we don't have to be worried about getting rained on or anything like that. Well, unless Rainbow Dash decides to prank us, but even she wouldn't sink so low. Any other day, maybe, but not today. Not on Hearts and Hooves Day.

One of these days I'm going to have to ask about the "hooves" portion of the name. Hearts is obvious enough, but hooves? I know these are ponies and they never run out of horse puns, but it makes no sense.

After about five minutes of walking I reach Carousel Boutique. I crack my neck and quickly move up to the front door and pound on it. Rarity did mention that she liked my improved physique, so maybe...

I pound on the door as hard as I can. If Rarity is in The Zone, and in a day like today she very well may be, she would likely not register that somebody is knocking. However, it seems my efforts paid off, and within a few seconds Rarity opens the door. Her mane is frazzled and she has a few pins behind her ears, but she smiles when she sees me.

"Oh, good morning, TD. How are you on this fine Hearts and Hooves Day?"

"Uh..." I run a hand through my hair and glance to my sides to make sure that nobody is watching. "That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about. Can I come in?"

Rarity raises an eyebrow and gives me a quizzical look. "I suppose so." She steps aside, allowing me entrance into her boutique. I walk past her and she shuts the door beside me. "What's this about, TD?"

I take a deep breath and turn to face Rarity. "So... it's Hearts and Hooves Day and all, right?"

"Well spotted, TD. What's your point?"

"And ponies usually ask each other on dates during this day, yes?"

Rarity raises her eyebrow even higher and a hint of a smile plays at her lips. "That is the point of the holiday, yes."

"So..." I bite my lip but decide that it's best to just say it. "I have somepony that I want to ask out and I need your advice."

Rarity's vague smirk turns into a full blown smile and she lets out a squeal of delight. She runs up to me and pushes herself onto her hind legs, putting her forehooves on my shoulders and her face in mine. "Ooh this is absolutely marvelous! Details, details, details! Who is it?"

I bit the bullet and told Rarity who I want to be my marefriend after she goes back on all fours, and she begins giggling and bouncing up and down. "I kneeew it!" she sings. "You two make such an adorable couple. I thought that it was only a matter of time before you actually got the nerve to ask her out."

"Yeah..." I uneasily rub the back of my neck and a slight blush appears on my face. "So like I said, I kind of need your advice on the best way to ask her out. I figured that you'd know how."'

"Well I am just beyond honored that you would choose me as your tutor in the matter." Rarity's grin widens and she nudges my leg with her elbow. "You wouldn't be the first to ask me such questions, but I guarantee that I have never disappointed in my advice."

"Good." I give a single nod. "Yes, very good." I take a deep breath and lean against one of the walls of her boutique. "So what can you tell me about asking out a mare?"

Rarity giggles and waves her hoof at me. "Having never asked out a mare myself, I can only tell you what it's been like when a stallion vies for my affections and what I have observed about my own feelings on the matter." Rarity's smile falls, and she suddenly takes on the demeanor of a strict professor. "Do not be fake in your intentions. A mare can sense that kind of thing immediately, and it will end in nothing but disaster for you."

"Okay." I nod. "Good start."

"An extension of that rule is to always be yourself. Your doubtlessly future marefriend loves you for you." Rarity reaches up and puts her hoof over my heart. "Don't deceive her by trying to be something you're not."

"Okay."

"A third thing is compliments!" Rarity's smile returns and she begins pacing in front of me. "Mares do so love it when their coltfriends, or in this case humanfriend, compliment them on whatever positive attributes they have."

"Yes. Yes that's a good one too, though I've already been doing that every now and again."

Rarity stopped pacing and gave me a flat look. 'Every now and again? Oh please, darling, you're going to have to do a little bit better than that. I'm not saying that every word out of your mouth should be flattery, but as much as she and you feel comfortable with. Do what feels natural, TD."

"Okay." I deeply sighed and nodded. "Yes I agree with that. What about date ideas, particularly first date ideas?"

Rarity snorted and rolled her eyes. "Oh please, TD, I'm hardly the mare to ask about that. If you want to ask her out then you know her rather well, don't you?"

"Yeah."

"Well then there you go," Rarity said happily. "Just do what you already like doing, but add a touch of romantic flair to it!" Rarity giggled again and rubbed her hooves together. "This is a new step in your relationship, TD, but it's a young step. It's perfectly okay to do what you used to do in the beginning." Rarity shrugged and waved her hoof at me. "Of course, once your courtship of her develops further you have to think outside of the box a little more, but I stress once again that if you know her, you will know what she likes and how best to cater to those interests in a way that will strengthen the bond."

"Right..." I slowly nodded and my gaze trailed down to the floor. "Right." I glanced back up at Rarity. "But there's one more thing I'm worried about. Say we start going out, but we break up. She's my best friend, and I don't want to lose that, particularly in my situation."

Rarity chuckled and gave me a comforting smile. She put her hoof on my arm. "TD, if I'm right about the strength of your relationship, if you do split she will want to keep that relationship. You are her best friend too, and she does not want to lose that any more than you do." Rarity tilts her head in a sort of shrug. "Will it provide a rocky period in your relationship? Doubtlessly, but as a dating couple you would endure that anyway. Romantic relationships are never easy, TD. I want to warn you of that now."

"I realize that. I've been in some relationships before." I shudder as I remember my first girlfriend. Go out on a date and the next day she breaks up with me, but she still leads me on for months making me believe that we can get back together. Well, that's not happening this time! This time I'm going to really be a man about all of this.

Which has started with asking a talking pony for advice on dating another talking pony. How odd my life has become.

I run a hand through my hair and straighten up. "Well, Rarity, I think it's time for me to go now. I have a date to get."

Rarity smiles at me and puts her hoof on my leg. "I'm sure you'll do fine, TD." Her smile fades and she taps her lower jaw thoughtfully. "I read one of the notebooks you left Twilight before you went on your six year journey. There was some quote that I found in there that I think applies, but I can't quite remember..." Rarity's smile returns, and she waves her hoof at me. "Ah yes, I remember." Her smile turns a touch sultry. "Go get 'em, tiger."

I can't help but laugh at that. I say goodbye to my romantic tutor and walk towards the door of the boutique. As I go to walk out of it, I hear Rarity mumble something that I don't think she intended me to hear.

"I can't wait to design the wedding dress! I'll have to retake TD's measurements for his tuxedo to account for his more muscular physique, of course, but that shouldn't be too--"

I've walked out and shut the door behind me by that point. Talks of wedding dresses for my potential future marefriend might be a bit fast. I mean, I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I'm trying to ask out a pony. A candy colored talking pony, but a pony nonetheless.

Now armed with a little more of a plan than I had before, the air seems purer and the sun brighter as I walk towards the home of the pony I will ask out today. There's even a slight spring in my step. However, as I get closer and closer to her home, that spring is gone, and the butterflies are acting up in my stomach again. Oh my gosh, what am I doing? We're perfectly fine as friends, right? Maybe she doesn't even want to move to the next level. I don't have to tell her that I was thinking about this...

No, that wouldn't work. Rarity is going to pump me for every conceivable detail, and I can't just tell her that I chickened out at the last minute. She'd march me to my crush's house and force me to ask her out, much to both of our chagrins. She would want it to come from me.

I'm almost there now. I can see her home on the horizon, and every step brings me closer. Oh gosh, here it is. Before I know it I'm on her doorstep. Just one knock and this happens. I slowly raise my hand and, before my brain knows what's happening, my arm takes control of itself and raps on the door three times.

There's no going back now.

Unless she's not home, of course. I don't think that she had any plans for today, but you never know. She could be out with a bunch of single friends.

Except that she's not.

The door opens up and she pokes her head out of it. She smiles when she sees that it's me. "Hello, TD. How are you this morning?"

I give her a weak smile and swallow with much difficulty. "I... uh, I'm fine. H-how are you?"

She shrugs. "Oh, you know how it is. Another Hearts and Hooves Day without a date. I'm not really surprised."

"So you don't have anybody to go out with today?"

She shakes her head. "Nope. Not at all."

I so desperately want to phrase my next sentence with dignity and articulation. She deserves nothing else, but my brain has better ideas.

"Sodoyouwannagooutwithmethen?"

She gives me a puzzled look and tilts her head ever so slightly. "I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I couldn't quite make that out."

Oh for goodness sakes, why does this need to be so difficult? I just have to say it. Just that and the worst part is over. I slowly take a deep breath to center myself before trying again.

"I said, if you don't have any dates today... would you like to go out..." Good grief, TD, just say it. "With me?"

I have to admit, through all of our time together I've never seen her smile so wide. Her eyes are sparkling, and before I know it, she has wrapped me up in a tackle hug that knocks me to the ground. "I'd love to, TD!" she cries. "I'd absolutely love to!"

Well, I guess that means yes, then. I guess today I'm going out on a date...

With Cheerilee.

Author's Notes:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ji4IQR9Zbwo

Happy Hearts and Hooves Day

29-Celestia

Such an odd thing, love. It changes us, shapes us into the ponies we are going to be for the rest of our lives in one way or another. Even failed relationships with ones we love can teach us valuable life lessons about who we are and who we can become. We learn how to better mesh with those we care for, and for that I am glad that there is such a thing as love.

Hearts and Hooves Day is today, and I must say that it is one of my favorite days of the year. There is nothing that I love more than to see my little ponies happy and harmonious, and Hearts and Hooves Day is one of those days that epitomizes happiness and love. Cadance, as the princess of love, could not be happier on days such as that.

I stretch my wings and step off of my throne. Day court has ended for today, and I need to eat, lest I have a lack of energy to get through the day. We cannot have the ruler of Equestria tired and hungry at only four o'clock in the afternoon, can we?

I walk down to my private dining room, greeting what few members of my staff that I see around me. Most of my staff is either in a relationship or married, so I have given them the day off. Even those that are not in relationships are thrown a party near the end of the day, and it is not uncommon for my single members of staff to walk out of the party with mare or coltfriends of their own.

I enter the dining room, and to my surprise, I see my sister Luna sitting at her normal place munching on some toast and drinking tea. It is a rare occurrence indeed that I see her out and about during the daytime, but I am not adverse to spending whatever time I can get with her. I take my place next to her, and she looks up from her breakfast. She smiles at me, and I return it.

"Good morning, Lulu. Are you not able to sleep well enough?"

Luna shakes her head and puts her teacup down. "No, We merely decided to awaken to see Hearts and Hooves Day." Luna looks out the nearby window and tilts her head. "Such a holiday was not around prior to my banishment, as you know, and We have not bothered to be awake for it until this year. We were curious."

I nod and pour a cup of tea for myself. "Yes, it's a wonderful day, isn't it? I'm glad you decided to wake up for it."

"When did it come about?"

I chuckle and add three scoops of sugar to my tea. "It is only fifty or so years old. It's based off of a pony who lived five hundred years ago named Hartsenhuves who went to Griffonia and married the pony couples who were living there." I grimace when I remember the injustices the griffins inflicted upon my ponies that long ago. "It was illegal for pony couples to marry in Griffonia, but he did so. So when the griffin nobility found out, they beat him, beheaded him, and had him buried secretly in an unknown location." I quietly sigh and shake my head. "When we wanted a romantic holiday, he was the natural choice to center it around."

"Indeed." Luna turns back to me, and for a moment she goes strangely quiet, as though she is contemplating something. A slight frown crosses by face, and I open my mouth to ask Luna what is wrong, but she beats me to it.

"We observed Ponyville for an hour or two, and a most surprising being is now in a relationship."

My slight frown turns into a smile, and I take a sip of my tea. "Ah, has my student finally learned to love? Has she found a suitable coltfriend, or is it one of her friends that is now dating?"

"None of the above. 'Tis TD Powell who has found himself a marefriend."

I freeze with my teacup halfway to my mouth. My eyes widen, and it takes a moment for my brain to register what I have heard.

"Oh... TD has found a marefriend, then?" I slowly nod and put my teacup down. "I assume it's Cheerilee."

Luna nods. "Yes, we observed the two of them at a restaurant eating one of the Hearts and Hooves Day special meals reserved for couples. He was holding her hoof."

"I see."

As ruler of all Equestria, there are times when I have to suppress my emotions. Often so, as a matter of fact; it helps me be a fair and just ruler. I have gotten quite good at it over the centuries, and there are few ponies who can guess my mood or tell when something is wrong.

Unfortunately for me in this instance, Luna is one of those ponies.

"Sister?" I glance over at her to see that she is frowning. "What is the matter? You have always stated that it is your wish for TD Powell to be more comfortable and integrated into our society, and We would say that this is proof of such a thing. He has found love, and on Hearts and Hooves Day to boot!" Luna tilts her head again. "What could be better for him?"

Confound my sister for catching my demeanor. I had hoped to keep my feelings on the matter to myself.

Of course she is not done. She was always quite perceptive when it came to me. Her eyes widen and she actually flares out her wings in surprise. "Tia thou must be joking! You cannot say that you are... in love with TD Powell!"

I chuckle slightly, but there is a hint of nervousness about it. "No, I most certainly would not say that. At least, not in the same way that Cheerilee is in love with him."

Luna narrows her eyes and crosses her forelegs. "And what, praytell, is the difference?"

Whatever trace of a smile that I had is gone, and I let out a quiet sigh. "It's quite silly, really, and I don't know whether or not to call it a silly schoolfilly crush, but..." I fully turn towards Luna to look her in the eye. "You know how our ponies act around us. There is a constant air of either pretense, brown nosing, or flat out fear in our presence. Even at the most casual of gatherings none of our ponies can truly relax around either one of us. There is always a feeling that they have to do and say every single conceivable thing correctly or else we will lose our tempers with them, despite the fact that it has never happened."

"So what does that have to do with TD Powell?"

A small, sad smile returns to my face, and I look back down at my tea, gently stirring it with a spoon. "TD is one of the three exceptions to that. There's him, Pinkie Pie, and you. A rather poor percentage of the millions of ponies we watch over."

"Tia, he has struck you twice now. We hardly call that being relaxed around you," Luna says flatly.

I lightly chuckle and nod. "Yes, I can imagine why you would see it that way, but I do not." My smile fades and I take a spoonful of my tea and let it drip back into my teacup. "It's that he is so... honest around me, and I adore that. He has no pretension, he is not nervous, he does not see the need to kiss up to me for any personal gain... Not even my own student can do that. You recall how she panicked when she discovered that her friend took Philomena from me as if I was going to smite them both where I stand. TD does not fear such things, and he does not care if what he says is rude to me. He's just... honest. Bluntly so, but completely honest. He sees me as Celestia, not some aloof ruler."

"Tia, We think thou must have taken leave of thy senses!" Luna scoffs and shakes her head at me. "He is such because he has contempt for you, stemming from the fact that you tore him from all he knew and loved and have since used him as a chess piece, the most recent example being Discord a few years ago."

Ah yes. Those issues. I push my teacup aside and rest my head on my forehoof. "Yes, and if I had known a better way to reform Discord I would have taken it, but I knew that the first few dominoes in his reformation would have been seeing the strength of his and Cheerilee's relationship. Was it manipulative of me? I suppose so, but I do not think that could have been helped." I motion a hoof in the direction of Ponyville. "All TD did was be a friend to Cheerilee and have a few drinks with her in a time that strengthened their relationship. Because Discord saw that, he reformed and now he is happier not being encased in stone and Fluttershy is happier in that she has a new friend. I'd call all of those things positives, wouldn't you?"

Luna stares at me as though observing me for a few moments, but she eventually slowly nods. "We suppose we can see your logic, but TD still did not appreciate it, nor you striking him on the head with his Clovevellian staff."

I shrug. "Yes, well, I admit that was merely me being playful, and it did not harm him. Had it, I think he would have lost his temper, but he did not."

"We also snapped his spine over the back of a chair the last time he struck you in front of Us," Luna deadpans. "Mayhaps he remembered the experience and chose to refrain from doing so again."

I shook my head. "No, I do not think that is the case. He would have stated his anger if he was angry, but he did not. TD is not a man who hides his emotions, is he?"

"Indeed not," Luna says stiffly, "but We still cannot fathom why thou would enjoy his company, and why hearing news of him courting the local schoolmare would bring thee discomfort."

"It's because, despite our antagonistic relationship which has admittedly improved over the years, I do wish that I had a better relationship with TD. Would I call it a crush? I do not think so, but to hear tell of him becoming closer to my little ponies, but knowing that somebody who has an attribute regarding me that is rarer than anything else I know has a poor relationship with me..." I sigh and rest my head on the table. "I do not want him to hate me, Lulu. I know that were we even cordial to each other than bluntness and honesty on his part would remain. He doesn't act like that around me because he hates me, he acts like that because that is who he is, and he does not have the disadvantage of growing up with the notion that we are literal gods." I grimace at that notion. "Despite the fact that we are anything but. TD treats me as Celestia, not Princess Celestia, and I regret the mistakes I have made regarding him."

"Indeed?" Luna grunts and folds her wings and uncrosses her forelegs. "Then what hast thou done to atone; to show him that thou wishes not to use him but to instead be friendly with each other?"

"I must admit that I am at a loss for exactly what to do, Lulu." I poke at my ethereal mane idly. "I dislike the fact that I have once or twice used him as a chess piece, but it has always been for the good of many. I know he does not see it that way, but I have to. I used him to reform Discord to prevent any chance of Discord breaking free and causing some serious damage again. Is that worth his ire? I'm forced to say so."

"But such a thing has not arisen in years, Tia."

"But his resentment remains. I can tell that he's uneasy around me even still. Our phoenixes like each other more than TD and I do." I shake my head and look over at my tea which is surely cold by now. I should cut my losses on that, I suppose. I use my magic to make the tea in the cup evaporate and pour myself a new cup. "I do not know what to do about him, Lulu. I do want a better relationship with him, but I fear that everything that I have done to him has ruined the chances of that forever. I would love another friendship with somebody who treats me like as I am."

"Mistakes and all, it seems."

I nod. "Mistakes and all."

Luna sighs and shrugs with her wings. "We do not know how. Mayhaps you need to re-read some of Twilight Sparkle's friendship letters? There could be an answer in there for you. Barring that, just treat him with kindness, We suppose."

"Yes, that could work." A small smile crosses my face and I raise the teacup to my lips. "Maybe I should re-read some of those friendship letters."

"Barring that you could always ask him to make out with you."

I must say, even since we were naught but fillies Luna has always known the perfect thing to say to make me spit-take. She has not lost her touch.

Author's Notes:

6 chapters in 5 days. That should make up for the month or so of inactivity, right?

29-Duo

So what does one do when they have just asked out a pony? Well, the first thing one does is they drop off their phoenix at Fluttershy's house so that there are no distractions while they hang out together. Then they go to lunch, which is where we were now.

Given that Cheerilee and I aren't rolling in the bits, we went to one of the lower end, but still kind of classier restaurants in the area. I tend to avoid restaurants because they don't often have anything that caters to my particular palate, but this one had a few things, and they had a Hearts and Hooves Day couples special to make it even cheaper.

So here we are now: sitting on haystacks and smiling at each other. Our food remains mostly untouched, though we did take a few bites when it arrived.

"So..." Cheerilee begins.

"So..." I agree.

Her smile turns into a vague smirk. "How long did it take you to work up the courage to ask me out, and how long has this been coming?"

I chuckle and rub the back of my neck. "Yeah, well, it took from the time that I woke up to the moment I asked you out to work up the nerve..." Deep breaths, TD. Deep breaths. "As for how long this has been coming? Well... I can't really say." I shrug and eat a potato fry, as they call them here. "It's hard to pinpoint the moment when I figured out that what I felt for you went beyond the love two best friends have for each other. When I realized that I w-wanted to... uh..." I take yet another deep breath to calm the hurricane of butterflies in my stomach. "Ask you out, you know?"

Cheerilee gives me a comforting smile and puts a hoof on my arm. "TD, relax. You don't have to worry about me saying no anymore. I already said yes. I'm your marefriend. You can calm down now."

"Marefriend," I mutter. I give a single chuckle and poke at my food. "I never imagined that I'd ever even have a marefriend. You know my background."

Cheerilee smirks and crosses her forelegs. "You're telling me. Remember how we met?"

"Sure do." I look towards the Ponyville schoolhouse, my eyes catching a blue mare that somehow looks vaguely familiar, but I wave the thought aside in lieu of an answer. "Sweetie Belle brought me in for show and tell a day or two after I was brought here by Celestia."

"Yeah." Cheerilee turns her own attention to the schoolhouse. "If you had told me right then that around nine years down the line I'd be dating the weird creature in front of me, I'd have called you crazy."

I chuckle and raise my glass to her a few inches. "Same to you, of course."

"We make an odd couple, TD, I don't think that anypony, or human for that matter, can deny that."

I shrug and drain the rest of my water before responding. "I know some people out there would be okay with it, I guess. If I've learned anything from movies it's that the odd couples are always the ones that people tend to like seeing the most. The dynamic isn't stereotypical, so people are always curious as to how the relationship is going to work."

"Speaking of movies..." Cheerilee motioned in the direction of town. "What do you want to do after lunch? There are some Hearts and Hooves type movies that have come out recently. Do you want to go see one?"

"Sounds good to me," I say as I pick up my fork. "We'll finish up and try to catch a showing of something, then go from there."

Cheerilee agrees and the two of us continue talking and finishing up our meals. I have to admit that it's... different, hanging out with her like this. Have Cheerilee and I had lunch together before? Yeah. Have we gone to a movie before? Definitely, but not as marefriend and boyfriend. I can tell that there's something... different about the dynamic between the two of us now. I get the feeling that she feels much the same way.

It's... kind of nice.

That's not to say that I'm not a little conflicted about it, of course. She is still a pony, and that's going to make our relationship a little more complicated than if I was dating a woman. Am I physically attracted to Cheerilee? No. Is she physically attracted to me? No. That's going to make our relationship a little bit different.

What about going forwards? What if we do get married? How is that going to work? What if she wants foals? Are we just going to try some crazy sciency stuff that I'm not even sure would work? Even if it did, what kind of baby would come out? Do I want a pony child or would it be nice to have a human one? Could I raise a human child in this environment? What about a pony foal? That's going to be weird explaining that dad is a species found nowhere else on the planet. Maybe If I...

Uh...

You know what, TD? Maybe you should worry about the movie times for your first date before you worry about what your kid is going to be like.

That's the kind of thing that's a few years down the line, despite the fact that Rarity already has the wedding outfits designed.

Cheerilee must have noticed my uneasy demeanor, because she is frowning slightly and her head is tilted. "TD? Is something the matter?"

Guess I wasn't as subtle about my train of thought as I had intended.

I smile back at her and wave the hand holding the fork. "Yeah. Everything is great. Just thinking about stuff, that's all."

"Oh?" Cheerilee pushes her empty plate aside and puts her napkin on top of it. "What kind of stuff?"

"Er..." I chuckle nervously and rub the back of my neck. "Like... what if you and I got married and wanted kids? How would that work? Do we try some sciency/magic stuff that nobody has ever attempted? Is that even possible? Do we adopt? How do we help the foal come to terms with a human father? What--"

"TD?"

"Yeah?"

"Let's just worry about the movie times for the first date for right now, okay?"

I look down at my own empty plate, then back to my marefriend, who has her forelegs crossed again, but there is a hint of amusement about her. I give a small smile and push my plate aside. "Fair enough."

"Oh, Massive Muscles, however can I thank you for saving me from those ruffians?!"

Massive Muscles flexes his biceps and sweeps the impossibly trim unicorn mare in front of him off of her hooves, spreading his wings and taking to the air. "There is no need to thank me, Sweet Flank. Your beauty and grace is thanks enough."

Sweet Flank blushes and fans herself with one hoof. "Why, Massive Muscles, you are a true gentlecolt. You sure know how to make me feel like a real mare."

The music swells as Massive Muscles and Sweet Flank slowly lock lips, the sun setting behind them. Tears of joy pour down Sweet Flank's eyes while Massive Muscles caresses her back.

Meanwhile I'm ruing the fact that we're only half an hour into the movie. Bad chick flicks are inter-dimensional, it seems.

All around me are couples who seem to be enjoying the movie about as much as I am. The unicorn couple beside us are mirroring Sweet Flank and Massive Muscles, and a glance behind me in the theater shows that they're not alone.

It is Hearts and Hooves Day, but that doesn't make me feel any less uncomfortable. I look over at Cheerilee who is looking evenly at the screen. After a few seconds she leans in close to me.

"TD... this movie is awful."

Oh thank goodness she agrees. I know her, and I know that this isn't her taste in cinema, but if this is her idea of a date night, then there will be boundaries that have to be set.

"I agree," I whisper back. "Plus all of the couples making out around us is kind of creeping me out."

"Really?" Cheerilee says with a raised eyebrow. "You don't want to follow Lyra's advice? It is Hearts and Hooves Day."

"That was two years ago!" I hiss back. "How do you even remember that off the top of your head?"

"That was the day an ancient god of chaos was reformed by our friendship and, more shockingly, you decided not to punch Princess Celestia when you had the chance. That's the kind of thing a mare remembers."

Well... I don't suppose that I can argue with that. I mean, I remember the line too, but I had to be reminded of it. "It doesn't really matter, I guess," I say as I glance at the screen again, which I instantly regret now that Massive Muscles and Sweet Flank are back at one of their houses and Sweet Flank is running her hoof down the base of her lover's wing. Man, I really wish Equestria had IMDB so I would look up what movies are rated and why. "What matters is that this movie is awful, and I do not wish to continue watching. Do you?"

Cheerilee giggles and shakes her head. "Not in the slightest."

Oh good.

I take great delight in standing up from my too small seat and walking out of the theater with Cheerilee right behind me, listening to the oral passions of more than just two ponies named Massive Muscles and Sweet Flank fade away. Sheesh. The movies that some ponies make.

"Okay, so now that we're out of the same torture room that they filmed the Clockwork Orange Ludovico Treatment in, what do you want to do now?" I ask. "The day is still relatively young."

"Well since movies are cheaper for couples we could go see a better one," Cheerilee suggests, walking over to a large board that displays the showtimes next to the ticket booth. "Might want to ask about the genre and quality first, though."

"Seconded," I grumble. "That was painful."

Cheerilee rolls her eyes before looking back at the board. "Well, I assume romance is out, despite the date."

I shrug. "I dunno, Cheerilee, those kinds of movies aren't really your cup of tea either, are they?"

Cheerilee smirks and shakes her head. "Not in the slightest, TD. But, tis the date, I suppose, so I thought I could grimace and bear it for one day."

"Yeah, there's no need with me." I lean against a nearby wall and look at the board myself. "Anything here look good to you?"

"This one looks interesting. Killer Cyborg from the Future! Could be fun, don't you think?"

I nod and straighten back up. "Couldn't be any worse than what we saw."

Though on Earth a title like that indicates that the movie was directed by Ed Wood, but here it could be something different. Cheerilee and I walk over to the ticket booth and buy two tickets to... er... Killer Cyborg from the Future!

Very Hearts and Hoovesey.

We walk into the theater, which is just about as packed as the last movie, and find two seats about four rows from the back just as the final trailer ends. I try to find a comfortable spot in my too small seat as the theater darkens and the movie begins.

It opens on a desolate wasteland. I can tell that what we are seeing was once a city, but war has ravaged it. War with weapons that humans would look at and want for their arsenals, I'd wager. Words flash across the screen in blocky white letters.

Canterlot 2029 A.D.

A.D. standing for After Discord, of course.

The camera pans left and a metal aircraft flies overhead as beams of magic fire across the screen. The camera cuts to a giant machine that is rolling over pony skulls, crushing them underneath its surprisingly tank-like treads. It shines a magic light out into the night, firing beams of bright blue magic out at anything that it sees. The camera then cuts to a lone pony, dirty and battered, running for her life across the destroyed terrain as the machine fires at her. The machine hits something important, and an explosion rocks the frame. This is already far superior to the last film, and something about the way this has started tells me that I'm really going to like this one.

The machines continue their search, presumably looking for more ponies to destroy as more words flash across the screen.

The machines rose from the ashes of the megaspells that destroyed the princesses. The war to exterminate ponykind had raged for decades, but the final battle would not be fought in the future. It would be fought here, in our present.

... Tonight

...

... Wait a second.

This all looks vaguely familiar. Am I...?

Am I watching a ponified version of The Terminator? That... would make sense. I did write down every detail of the movies I had on my laptop in the notebooks that I gave to Twilight, and The Terminator was one of the movies that I had on my laptop. It seems that some movie executive somehow got ahold of that particular notebook and made a movie out of it.

That I am now watching with my marefriend on Hearts and Hooves Day nine years after coming to Equestria. A ponified version of The Terminator.

I glance over at Cheerilee who is staring that the screen much more intently than she was with the last movie. I suppose a megaspell war that destroyed both princesses is interesting, and I'll admit that it is. It wouldn't be the first time that Celestia and/or Luna were killed in a movie. It's a quick and easy way to let the audience know what the stakes are. I asked Celestia about whether she minded that she dies in movies. She laughed and said that when they go to see those kinds of movies, her and Luna "place bets on which of us will bite it first."

But I digress.

Is it odd watching a ponified version of one of my favorite movies? Yeah, it totally is, particularly on a first date with a member of another species, but I'd rather see ponified Terminator than no Terminator at all. I have to say that they were pretty faithful to my notations. It was pretty much a shot-for-shot remake of The Terminator.

But do you know who the actors were who played Sarah Connor's roommate and the roommate's boyfriend? The same two actors who played Massive Muscles and Sweet Flank. When they came on the screen Cheerilee and I both said "no way" at the same time, then giggled to each other at the synchronicity of our words, which came at an odd time because Massive Muscles was talking about feeling up Sweet Flank's horn.

Long story short, Cheerilee and I had an absolute blast watching the movie. I had seen it a bunch, so I knew what was coming, but she had never seen it. She found it highly tense, and whenever the Terminator would come close to catching the damsel in distress heroine "Sapphire Corona" and her valiant, masculine pegasus protector "Knife Runner," she would tense up and wrap her forelegs around my arm until danger had passed, meaning that she was squeezing my arm pretty consistently throughout the last quarter or so of the film.

Eventually good triumphed over evil, roughly speaking, and the film ended the exact way I had dictated it. The lights came on and the crowd cheered and stomped their hooves in the way I had come to associate with clapping. I have to admit, for the technology, and for the fact that they were all ponies, they could have done a lot worse. A lot worse. Maybe I'll become a screenwriter for pony film companies and make millions with Earth movie ideas. Couldn't hurt to at least send them the script to T2, considering how faithful they were to my script for the original.

"So, what did you think?" I ask as we walk out of the theater.

"I liked it," Cheerilee responds, a large smile on her face. "Tense, good effects, well acted for the most part... it was a fun film."

"One of my favorites on Earth."

Cheerilee gasps and stops in her tracks. "That was an Earth film?!"

I smirk and nod. "Sure was. It wasn't called Killer Cyborg from the Future! on Earth, though, it was just called The Terminator."

"But how did they manage to make an Earth movie?" Cheerilee gives an incredulous scoff and shakes her head. "That's an almost infinitesimally small chance that they'd come up with the same idea."

"They didn't. It was in one of the notebooks I left Twilight." I shrug. "Guess the right pony picked one up."

"Guess so," Cheerilee mutters. She frowns and tilts her head slightly. "Was that the only one that you left in a notebook?"

I shake my head. "Nope. I had six movies on my laptop. So, if in the six years I was gone you watch movies about a cop who has to save a building of hostages from terrorists, a crime family where they youngest son eventually becomes the Don of the family through ruthless murder, a film where three travelers are kidnapped, tortured and murdered by a crazy bushman in an isolated terrain, one where a cop goes to an island to find a missing girl but the villagers are unhelpful and in some cases downright creepy, or one where a bunch of jewelry store robbers just failed a heist but are trying to figure out who sold them out to the cops, then you watched an Earth movie. All five of those were movies that I left in the notebooks for Twilight."

"Well I can't say that I watched all of those movies, but I certainly heard about all of them," Cheerilee admits. "I did see the heist one and the cop/hostage one, though."

Great. Just great. So the ponies have been remaking my movies, and I only got to see one of them. Figures.

I'm about to respond but three familiar blurs run right past the two of us, shouting at the tops of their collective lungs.

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS TERMINATORS ARE GO!"

I hear Cheerilee squeak and rush towards the blurs. "No! You already have your cutie marks!"

The three blurs screech to a halt revealing, of course, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo, all three of whom are grinning mischievously at the two of us. Cheerilee, recognizing that she's been played, grimaces and flattens her ears. "Ha, ha, girls. I take it you enjoyed the movie?"

"Did we ever!" Scootaloo buzzes her wings excitedly and hovers a few feet into the air. "The explosions and magic fights and the lasers and the killer cyborg terminator thing... it was awesome!"

"Glad you liked it," I said with a smirk. "We enjoyed it too."

"Yeah, it was a pretty good film," Apple Bloom agrees. "Ah liked it when..." Apple Bloom's smile falls and is replaced with a confused look. She frowns at the two of us and tilts her head. "Wait... the two of you are hangin' out... together... on Hearts and Hooves Day?"

Ah. Yes, did I mention that the Crusaders had become remarkably more perceptive in the years since I had come to Equestria? The other Crusaders immediately pick up on what Apple Bloom is getting at, and for a few awkward moments the trio stares at the two of us with wide eyes. What's worse about this situation is that we can't deny it. We are dating now. Now, again, Cheerilee and I have hung out a lot of times. We are best friends, after all. However, the fact that we're hanging out together on Hearts and Hooves Day is obviously setting off some alarm bells in their minds. Alarm bells that don't happen to be wrong.

Before Cheerilee and I can say anything, the Crusaders dash off, presumably to their clubhouse, which they do still use, leaving the two of us staring at the empty space they used to inhabit. After a few seconds Cheerilee slowly turns her head to me.

"So, the Cutie Mark Crusaders just figured out that we're dating. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

I shrug. "I don't know. We weren't hiding it. We had lunch in public. Then again, it is the Crusaders. They were the ones who gave you the love poison." I scratch my chin thoughtfully. "Do you think they have something planned?"

"If they don't, they will soon."

I can't argue with that, and knowing the Crusaders, I have no idea if I should be excited or worried.

Author's Notes:

So, who here would pay to see ponified versions of The original Wicker Man, The Terminator, Die Hard, The Godfather, Wolf Creek, and Reservoir Dogs?

29-Out to Ponyville

I had forgotten how wonderful it was to have a significant other in my life. I never really had any serious girlfriends back on Earth, especially since I was taken to Equestria before I could ask my best friend out on a date, so this was frankly new territory for me. I'm old enough that marriage is certainly a possibility, and the same for her. She's only nine months older than I am.

But like I was thinking earlier, that's a little ways away. We just finished up our first date, after all. I'm currently walking her home after our time in the park together. We got takeout dinner and ate it at the park while watching the stars come out. We laid back on the grass and she snuggled up next to me, draping her foreleg over my chest.

We reach the front door of her house and stop just outside of it. She smiles widely at me and begins rocking back and forth on her hooves in the stereotypical manner of a girlfriend waiting for her boyfriend to kiss her after the first date. I have to admit, I'm a little wary of that. I didn't expect that she wanted something like that.

"I had a great time today, TD," Cheerilee says, taking a half step towards me. "I'm glad you worked up the nerve to ask me out."

I chuckle quietly and nod. "Yes, so am I. We have to do this again very, very soon, yeah?"

"Oh, very soon, TD." She's getting really close now. "Before the week is out for sure." She smirks and looks in the direction of town. "Though we may want to figure out what the Crusaders are up to before we think about a second date."

"Can't argue with that," I say, rubbing the back of my neck. During the walk back to her house I've decided that I should go with "nervous." Better to chide oneself for being cautious where they're concerned then curse oneself for being overly optimistic. "If I know them, though, they'll put their elaborate plan into action soon enough."

"Yes, I suppose so. Until then..."

Cheerilee puts a hoof on my shoulder and pushes down, which I take as a signal to get down on my knees and hug her, which I am more than happy to do. We hug for a few moments before I break away.

And then she leans in and kisses me full on the mouth.

No I'm not teasing this time like I was with Twilight, whom I have never kissed and I'm not sure why those rumors are circulating, Cheerilee really is kissing me. I'm not really sure how to react to that right now. My brain is completely numb. I mean, yeah, she is my marefriend and that's what dating couples do, but there's the whole species thing...

Before I can think of what to do, Cheerilee breaks the kiss off and looks into my eyes, a blank expression on her face. "TD?"

"Er..." I blink once. "Yeah?"

"Was that any good for you?"

Oh geez, now I really don't know what to say. I mean, she is a pony, so no, not really. Not that I've had much experience with kissing, particularly recently, but I--

"Because it wasn't for me." She gently clears her throat and raises a foreleg to wipe her mouth. "Not that you're a bad kisser! It's just that... I guess... physically, you're not like a pony."

"Er..."

"Oh well, I guess..." Cheerilee shrugs and takes a half step back. "We can just cut that part out of our relationship then."

"Er..."

Still trying to figure out what all just happened. I wipe my own mouth with the back of my hand and slowly nod. "Yes. Yeah, I think that's fine. We can stick to hugging, I guess."

"Yeah." Cheerilee shrugs again. "I guess next date when we go back to one of our places and start doing it we can just close our eyes and pretend."

That one clicks in my brain right away. My eyes nearly bulge out of my head. "Wait... what?!"

"Well goodnight, TD." Before I can say anything else, Cheerilee opens the door to her house and walks inside, leaving a highly bewildered TD standing on her porch wondering if maybe I haven't completely misinterpreted the physical aspects of our relationships, and if so, how long she's been hoping that I'll ask her out for this very reason. I'm not standing on her porch for very long before she opens the door again, poking her head out of her house with a deadpan expression on her face. "I am, of course, kidding, TD."

"Oh..." I blink twice and take a deep breath. "Of course." I shake my head to clear it as my brain starts to re-boot from the major shock it just went through. "Yeah, of course. Ha ha. Joking."

"Goodnight, TD."

"Goodnight, Cheerilee."

Cheerilee gives an amused shake of her head and closes the door behind her.

So that happened. I can't believe that I was just out-snarked by my marefriend. The whole snark thing is my gig. I roll my eyes and begin walking away from her house towards Fluttershy's to pick up Oswald. I can at least talk to him about all of the weird things that happened today, though I'm not sure how much advice he'll be able to give. He can't talk and doesn't have a girlfriend. I chance a glance back at Cheerilee's house to see that Cheerilee has pulled the curtains back on one of her front windows and is lying in front of it with a very self satisfied smirk on her face.

Man, I picked the weirdest one, didn't I? Figures. Though I honestly wouldn't have it any other way. I certainly wouldn't want a stick in the mud. I'd want a marefriend that I could banter with. Besides, it's not like I didn't make crude jokes with my friends back on Earth. I scoff at Cheerilee and make a show of rolling my eyes before turning around and heading back to Fluttershy's to pick up Oswald.

Saturdays are awesome.

For me they mean my day off, which means sleeping in and doing whatever I want for the entire day as opposed to just a small fraction of it. It tends to mean hanging out with Cheerilee in the evening after she's finished grading everything for the week, as we both have work on Friday and she's spending the evening preparing on Sunday. If I know her, and two or three years of this being our ritual I'd think I do, she'll want to hang out later.

I was too tired after picking up Oswald to do any confessing to him, but he did regard me with a suspicious look when I got him from Fluttershy. Not sure what that was all about, but it's not like I had anything to hide. Sure Cheerilee and I wanted to take the release of the knowledge of our relationship slowly, but aside from that I didn't really have anything to hide. I mean, it's not like we're ashamed of it or anything.

Well, maybe the kiss. Ponies don't need to know about that. I didn't even mention it in passing to Oswald or Fluttershy.

I sit up in bed and notice that Oswald is still sleeping, perched on my backpack with his head under his wing as per usual. Some things just do not change, and that's how he always slept on my journey around the world. I glance over at my bedside clock and see that it is about half past eleven. Nice. Slept way in. Still, I have to get up and do something with my day. Cheerilee probably won't be done with her work until sometime in the evening, so I have most of the day to myself.

As I'm pondering that marvelous fact, I hear three loud knocks on my door. I frown and get out of bed, throwing on yesterday's clothes so that I can answer. I walk over to the door and open it and see, to my surprise, Big Macintosh standing on the other side of my door. Odd. I'm not sure why, but I didn't even know he knew where I lived. I tilted my head in a greeting nod.

"'Sup."

He returned the nod. "'H'lo."

"What can I do for you?"

Big Mac blinked once and took a single, calculated breath. "Didn't mean ta be eavesdroppin' none, but Ah walked by mah sister's clubhouse 'n her 'n her friends were discussin' what ta do 'bout you 'n Ms. Cheerilee. How you two 'r special someponies now."

"Oh... er..." I uneasily scratch the back of my neck and bite my lip. A vague tidbit pops up in the back of my mind. Something that Cheerilee said at some point in the distant past but seems really, really relevant right now. Her and Big Mac are exes. Now he found out that we're dating and now a stallion as big as I am and a hundred times stronger is on my doorstep.

"Look... yeah, we're dating now." I do my best to put on a brave face. He hasn't even said anything and already he's freaking me out. "What of it? We love each other. We've been best friends for years now and we realized that it was... uh..." I shrug. "Something more, I guess."

"Ah ain't denyin' that," Big Mac says with an unnerving evenness. "Ah only came ta say one thing."

Oh boy, here we go.

"Now, Ms. Cheerilee and Ah are good friends too. We did have a brief period where Ah courted her, even after the love poison, but it didn't work out as you can see." Big Mac takes a step towards me and I take a step back on instinct. His eyes narrow and I know this isn't going to be good. "Ah still love Ms. Cheerilee like a friend. If you break her heart or hurt her in any way Ah'll snap you right the eff star, star, star in half. Ya got that?"

Oy. One of these speeches. I had been foolish to not expect one. Having said that, it's not like I could expect one from Cheerilee's parents. As a matter of fact, I've never expected anything from her parents. She doesn't talk about them. I should know as her best friend. I've asked once or twice and she just changes the subject. She doesn't have any siblings that I know of either, so it seems that Big Mac has taken it upon himself to give me the "you'd better not" speech.

Well, okay, then.

I clear my throat and recover the step to establish a little more dominance in the conversation. "Look, Cheerilee and I love each other, and I would never hurt her. Besides, I know that ponies like Rarity would kill me if I hurt her."

"Well Ms. Rarity can get in the Celestia dee star, star, star e dee line if'n you hurt Ms. Cheerilee, 'cause Ah'm gonna get to ya first!" Big Mac snaps with more than a little sharpness to his voice. "Ah know y'all ain't a bad guy, even if ya've had some pretty bad stuff happen to ya, but don't you dare hurt Ms. Cheerilee. She's a real good mare. One of the most down-ta-earth ponies Ah've ever met." Big Mac's expression hardens into a glare and he pokes me in the chest with his massive hoof. "You treat her right."

"I will, I promise!" I say, stumbling backwards a tad from the force of his poke. "Sheesh, you'd think I was out to break her heart from the way you're talking to me, dude!"

"Ah never said that," he says, his expression returning to the careful neutral that it always was. "Just treat her right and we'll be good." With that, he gives me another nod. "Good talkin' to ya."

And he just walks away without another word. I guess he said everything that he needed to say and made me sufficiently terrified. Well, I am pretty terrified. A little annoyed too, if you want the truth of the matter. I mean, nobody likes getting that speech.

Yeah, I couldn't resist flipping him off with my right ring finger when his back was turned. It's the same idea, but it's not quite flipping him off.

So there.

Having said all of that, I don't like the fact that he said that he overheard the Crusaders talking about it. If they were talking about it when they were, say, running through town when a large portion of the townsponies were out and about for Hearts and Hooves Day then somepony likely heard it, and in this town, stuff like that spreads like wildfire. The human from another dimension is dating the schoolteacher? Wow, that would even get back to Princess Celestia, I'll bet. Well, I'm sure it will get back to her anyway, but we'll just have to see where this all goes.

I decide to spend most of the day inside just hanging out with Oswald. Not because I'm nervous that if I go out I'll be accosted by dozens of ponies begging to know details of my relationship with Cheerilee. Why would you think that? Don't be silly. It's just that I had a long day yesterday and want a little peace and quiet today before I go hang out with Cheerilee today. That's all.

Not because I'm surprised that Rarity hasn't already been by my house begging to know how it went.

Big Mac sure came by in a hurry.

Oy.

Well, five o' clock comes, and I figure that that's as good a time as any to come out of my house. Cheerilee and I usually meet somewhere in town, usually Sugarcube Corner, as it's one of the places that usually has stuff that I can eat, and we just hang out together. There's no indication that that would change just because we're dating, so I take a deep breath, get dressed for reals this time, and walk out the door into the wolves' den.

Well, I wasn't immediately accosted by a throng of ponies demanding to know if Cheerilee and I had made out yet, so that's good. Maybe they were all just at dinner or something. I walk through town towards Sugarcube Corner where I assume we'll meet to decide what to do on our second date and see that everything looks pretty normal overall. The streets are a little emptier than usual, but again, it's dinnertime.

I start approaching Sugarcube Corner and smile when I see that Cheerilee is already there waiting for me. She sees me and Oswald coming and smiles. She walks over to us, and I kneel down for a hug.

"Hey, TD. How's my new boyfriend doing?"

I chuckle and rub her back for a second before standing up. "Doing well. Spent the day doing absolutely nothing of consequence as is befitting a good Saturday. Yourself?"

"Oh, same old same old." She turns around and we begin walking towards Sugarcube Corner. "I had my students write a one page paper on some local wildlife they saw around here, so I was grading those."

"Some good stuff?"

She shrugs. "Same old, if I have to be honest. When you teach the same assignment for ten years in the same town there really isn't much that your students do that surprises you."

"SURPRISE!!!"

Eff star star star!!!

I open the door to Sugarcube Corner and see, to my total, well, surprise, that it's decked out in party decorations, complete with a large banner hung from the ceiling saying "TD and Cheerilee." Underneath said banner are a grinning Cutie Mark Crusaders and Pinkie Pie.

So this is what they were planning. I admit, I expected something a little more... explosive than a Pinkie Pie party. There's even some restraint shown in the guest list. The Mane Six are all there, obviously, as well as the Crusaders and a few other townsponies like Lyra and Bon Bon and such. You know, friends of ours. All of them are grinning eagerly at us, waiting for our reaction.

I gently clear my throat and look over at the Crusaders. "So you told... everyone, then?"

Sweetie Belle nervously chuckles and looks down at the ground. "Well, not exactly."

"See, we wanted to do something awesome for you two now that you're very special somepony and human," said Scootaloo.

"So we were talkin' 'bout it on our way to the clubhouse and it seems that..." Apple Bloom copies Sweetie Belle's look. "We weren't exactly quiet enough. Some ponies kinda... heard us."

I quietly sigh and look down at Cheerilee who is giving the Crusaders a blank stare. "Well, there you go, I guess. I suppose it spread like wildfire from there?" The Crusaders nodded in unison. "Such is the nature of this town, I suppose." I shrug and walk further into Sugarcube Corner so that I can close the door. "Well, if there's a party for us we might as well enjoy it. It does look pretty fun."

A smile finds its way to Cheerilee's face and she nods. "Yes, it really does." She leans in close to me. "Just as long as there isn't 'Spin the Bottle.'"

"Doesn't look like it," I whisper back.

Well, the party breaks out after that with the ponies all coming around to congratulate us on our relationship. Most of them are saying how they've seen this coming for years now, which is vaguely amusing, I suppose. Cheerilee is taken by Lyra and Bon Bon to a corner of the shop for what I assume is gossip of some sort, leaving me and Oswald to get some food. I walk over to the food table and take a cupcake helpfully labeled "hay free." It leaves me unprepared for the pink mass that pops up beside me, the wide smile still on her face.

"Heya, TD!" Pinkie chirps. "Were ya surprised?! Were ya?!"

I snort and look over at Cheerilee who is giggling with her friends. "In hindsight I shouldn't have been, but I most certainly was, yes."

"Awesome!" Pinkie giggles and nudges my side with her hoof. "You and Cheerilee make such a cute couple! Just don't go too fast with the physical stuff, okay? My Pinkie Sense told me that you two were locking usta for a bit there, and on the first date, too!" Pinkie's smile turns sly. "Oh, TD, you really know how to make the mares swoon."

Of course she'd know. I finish the bite of cupcake I had taken and glance around the confectionery. "Er, so Pinkie, about me and Cheerilee kissing, could you keep that to yourself? We kind of want to keep that private."

Pinkie draws a hoof over her lips in a "zipper motion" and vigorously nods. "No problem, TD. You're right. How often you lip lock and with what level of passion is your business entirely."

She's teasing, TD. You just have to keep reminding yourself that she's poking fun at you.

"Well Ah think that it's wonderful that Cheers is finally with someone that Ah think is gonna be real good fer her," Applejack says as she walks over. She stops next to Pinkie Pie and her eyes narrow, reminding me of a certain red stallion I talked to earlier today. "Though if you break her heart Ah'm gonna--"

"I know," I say, holding up a hand. "You're gonna snap me right the eff star, star, star in half."

Applejack shrugs. "Ah was gonna use dashes."

"Huh?" Rainbow Dash walks over next to Applejack, her head tilted slightly. "You were gonna use me for what?"

"Er... no, sugarcube, Ah was just threatenin' ta kill TD."

Rainbow Dash's eyes widen and she flares out her wings. "What?! Why would you do that?!"

"Fer breakin' Cheerilee's heart, or--"

"You already broke Cheerilee's heart?" Rainbow Dash scoffs and shakes her head incredulously at me. "Seriously, dude, you could at least wait until after the party."

"I didn't break Cheerilee's heart!" I insist. "Applejack was just letting me know what would happen if I did ever break Cheerilee's heart."

"Oooohhhh." Rainbow Dash nods and folds her wings back at her sides. "That makes a lot more sense." And just like that her eyes narrow. "Though she has a point. If you hurt Cheerilee I'm going to snap you right the eff Applejack, Applejack, Applejack in half!"

Oh for goodness sakes.

Not gonna lie, the party was pretty fun. I think that was because of the smaller guest list, though. I know Pinkie Pie has been known to invite all of Ponyville to her parties, but it was just friends. Cheerilee and I didn't get as much time as I would like to talk to each other, and that was a bit of a downer on the evening. We had kind of planned it for us, you know? Still, it was good to get it all out of the way. Our relationship was completely public now, so we didn't have to worry about any of that being a problem.

Eventually the party ends and the guests start to leave. It's nighttime now, which is unfortunate, but the day isn't one hundred percent over yet. Cheerilee and I are tired, but I'll be darned if I'm going to let that get in the way with spending at least a little quality time with her. Currently we're both at the doorway of a now closed Sugarcube Corner.

"We had a great time today, Pinkie," Cheerilee says with a smile. "Thank you again for the party."

Pinkie waves her hoof at us. "No problem at all, you lovebirds. You go do whatever it is you want to do now. I'll clean up." She begins waving goodbye at us so fast her hoof is a blur. "See you two later!"

"See you," I reply.

With that we leave. The second the door closed behind us our smiles fade and our shoulders slump. Yeah, Pinkie parties are fun and all, but boy do they just drain you, especially if they're four and a half hours like that one was. I turn my attention to Cheerilee, whose expression is completely blank, but I can see the exhaustion in her face. "So what did you think of all of that? Our relationship being so publicly stated?"

Cheerilee sighs quietly and shrugs. "I don't know. We never really decided to hide it, did we? Besides, you were holding my hoof in an outdoor restaurant on Hearts and Hooves Day. They were just celebrating us, so it's not like I can be mad at them."

"Having said that, it was a shock and a touch invasive," I mutter.

"Yes, I suppose it was." She clicks her tongue and shakes her head. "But it's over now and it was fun. There's no need to be mad at them, I think."

"Yeah, I agree." A slight grimace crosses my face and I tap my finger against my side. "Having said that, I was looking forward to some time with just the two of us."

"Well we could still go do something." Cheerilee's smirk that I've come to love so much crosses her face and she looks up at me. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

I return her smirk and nod. "I think so."

Twenty minutes later I've dropped off Oswald at Manderley and Cheerilee and I are going out on a proper second date. We walk up to the box office and are both quite glad that we're just about to make the next showing. I stop in front of the ticket booth and nod in greeting to the teen working behind it.

"Hello. Two for the next showing of Killer Cyborg from the Future!"

Author's Notes:

I promise that the dialogue between Cheerilee and TD at Cheerilee's door is as raunchy as this story is going to get. Oy...

29-Chaotic Love

So I've now held down a marefriend for a week now. That's really going to give my record for "longest relationship" a run for its money. I didn't really have much luck with the ladies back on Earth, and I had a little too much luck here in this universe. I remember Kathyrine quite well.

Still, I suppose that was her dearly departed dopey dad who forced us both into that, but whatever. It was still one of my more successful relationships.

Ponyville has gotten used to the idea that the local human is dating the schoolmare. I mean, if you ask any of them, and I have, then they saw it all coming, which I suppose in hindsight makes sense. With how often we hung out, most ponies saw dating as the next natural step for the two of us.

So here we are on our fifth date at my house, having a nice quiet dinner with each other and discussing how it's been since we last saw each other and caught up this morning. I've made myself some fish and chips, and I made her a mushroom steak to replace the fish. We're smiling fondly at each other and eating our food slowly, as most of our evening has been taken up by talking, something that I'm completely okay with. We've both had a pretty long week.

Cheerilee finishes her bite of mushroom and sighs contentedly. "I must say, TD, I'm quite glad with how things are working out between the two of us. I wasn't sure if things would be like this if we started dating, but I'm rather liking the direction that our relationship has taken."

I smile and lean back in my chair. "I agree, though, to hear Ponyville talk, they're already planning the wedding."

"Yes, I imagine that Rarity has already made my wedding dress and Pinkie Pie is already thinking about decorations and Applejack food, but..." Cheerilee's expression turned pensive, and she tilted her head thoughtfully. "I suppose that is the logical step, isn't it?"

I shrug and nod. "Yeah, I suppose it is."

I've already been around to jewelry stores looking for a ring.

What? I know it's only date five, but with how long we've known each other I don't think it's the worst idea to not have a ten year engagement, or something like that. I'm just looking. Sheesh.

Aw geez I'm thinking about marrying a pony. A talking pony with human emotions, but a pony nonetheless. A pony I have kissed and who has said raunchy things to me. This relationship is completely and utterly weird and I am enjoying every moment of it. Who'da thunk it? If you had told me when I first came to Equestria that the schoolteacher would be the pony that I'd likely marry, I'd have punched myself in the face.

Then the universe would have exploded because alternate realities, or something.

Whatever. I'm on a date with the pony I love. Focus on that now.

I pop a french fry into my mouth which gives me time to think of what I want to say next. Having said that, I do think that that's a sign that a relationship is going well: when two people can just enjoy each other's company without the need to fill any silence. And that's what we're doing now. We've already heard about each other's days, and we don't really feel the need to fill the conversational void with petty nonsense. We can just enjoy eating dinner together, and we both really like that.

We sit in silence for a few more moments before Cheerilee decides that it's proper to break it. We do have to talk sometimes, after all.

"TD, why are your french fries blue with pink polka dots?"

I... what?

I look down at my french fries and, sure enough, they have the odd design that she had observed. I know that I hadn't made them like that, and Cheerilee wasn't a unicorn, leaving only a few options as to how my french fries had come to look like that, none of which were very appealing.

I did have one prevailing thought as to why they were that way, and it turned out to be the absolute worst one. I put another fry into my mouth, delighted that it still tasted the same, and stare straight ahead at my marefriend without so much as blinking.

"Just ignore it, Cheerilee. My fries aren't important." By this point her mushroom steak has turned baby blue and sprouted bat wings, so I figure that she's going to be less open than I am to just ignoring her food. "So, I believe you were saying something about teacher evaluations?"

Cheerilee blinks once, but she's observant. She realizes that I know darned well what's going on, and after a few seconds a look of comprehension crosses her face. She nods once and smiles placidly at me. "Yes, that was yesterday. This mare named Thinking Brain came by and observed my for the day. She gave me... uh..." Cheerilee moves her head slightly to the left and looks at a spot behind me. "TD, your bed is upside-down in the air."

"Just ignore the bed, Cheerilee. Tonight is about us." I eat another french fry, but this time it tastes like pure sugar. I don't care. I'm not letting him get to me. "You were saying something about Thinking Brain?"

Cheerilee looks back to me and forces the smile back on her face, despite the fact that her steak has now long since flown out the window, taking her plate, fork, and water glass with it. "Yes, she gave me top marks, as per usual. She told me to keep up the good work and she might suggest a five percent pay raise."

I give an impressed nod, despite the fact that the salt and pepper shakers have unscrewed themselves and poured out all of their contents onto the table to compliment the fact that all of my furniture is now flying around the room. Undeterred, I grab a pinch of salt and sprinkle it onto my half eaten fish, not even caring that it'll likely make it taste awful.

"That sounds good. Mayor Mare is thinking about something similar as I've been branching out a little more in my work." Yep, the salt made my fish taste like I'd dipped it in pure mayonnaise, but I still will not let him get to me. He wants a reaction. "I'm thinking of taking some classes in carpentry and plumbing so that I can branch out even more and do some work that way." I shrug. "Could be a good way to get some extra cash while I try to think of what I want my career to be." I snort and finish the last bite of my fish. "It's hard not having a cutie mark sometimes to tell you what your special talent is."

As if on cue the white flash that I have come to associate with getting a cutie mark flashes across my chest, and I get that much more disheartened about this whole thing. I don't want to look, I really don't, but my eyes are autonomous in that regard, and I look down at my chest for a brief moment. It's a crudely drawn picture of me holding a stick that I can only assume is Reginald. I have googly eyes and dizzy spirals over my head.

Don't react, TD. He wants you to react. If he knows he won't get a reaction out of you then he'll leave you alone and not pull stuff like this anymore. I take a deep breath and cross my arms to cover up the picture. "But, you know, I'll figure something out, right? I mean, I don't want to be a handyman all my life, but at the same time it's still a steady job."

Before Cheerilee can respond, the salt and pepper on the table begins moving of its own accord and arranging itself into what turns out to be letters. Large salt and pepper letters on the table that spell out one word.

KISS!

I tried. I really, really tried. I slam my hand on the table, something that doesn't affect the salt and pepper words at all and shoot to my feet. "Show yourself!

Dammit.

All I had to do was ask, of course. With a flash of light none other than the "reformed" god of chaos himself appears in my house, sporting a wide grin. He flies over to me and wraps me in a crushing hug.

"Oh TD, you just had to ask! I've always wanted to be invited into your home!"

"I didn't invite you in, you were already here!" I say through clenched teeth as I push him away from me. "This is breaking and entering!"

Discord gasps in mock indignation. "Why TD, I was outside of your home the entire time until you requested that I show myself. I couldn't very do that with no nearby windows, so I took it as an invitation to come in!" Discord giggled and did a backflip in midair. "I hope you don't mind the re-decorating I've done around here, but I do so want to be comfortable when I'm at a friend's home."

It's probably not the best idea, but it's the best one that I had at the moment. The second Discord stops spinning, he pauses in front of me, his grinning face right in front of mine. I do the only thing that I can think of at the moment with my temper simmering like it is.

Yep.

I headbutt him.

Of course it only makes him laugh, but it also makes me feel a little better. I hear Cheerilee facehoof behind me as Discord flies backwards. "Why TD, I thought that when you went up against gods you used your fists! Headbutting is a little outside of your repertoire, is it not?"

I give Discord my best glare and cross my arms. "Celestia gets punched in the face, you get headbutted, Luna gets kicked in the shins, and Cadance gets thrown out the window. What do you want?"

"What do I want?" Discord's ensuing laugh could have probably been heard four doors down. "Why I want to congratulate you! You see, I've been out of the country for the past few weeks and I only just got back and heard the news!" Discord puts his talons and paw to his cheeks and squees. "You're dating!"

Discord snaps his claws and the room flashes white. When the light dies down, Cheerilee is in a red, sparkly cocktail dress and has her hair done up, while I'm in a tuxedo. We're both sitting back at my table, which is clean, save for the two new plates of food before each of us. Fish and chips for me, and a mushroom steak for her. Discord is standing next to the two of us in a waiter's tuxedo with a pencil mustache and a towel draped over one arm. "It's about time that the two of you found love, and who better to love than each other!" Discord pours us each a glass of red wine. "It's so romantic!"

"It was before you came here, Discord!" I growl. "Cheerilee and I were having a perfectly nice date with each other before you butted in!"

"Oh, TD, let's not be so angry! This is love, after all!" Discord's eyes turn into hearts, and he extends his arms far enough that he can hug both of us. I glance over at Cheerilee who, despite everything, has a slightly amused smirk on her face. "You two make such an amazing couple. Why I'll bet that you two would make the hungriest changeling hive full again!" Discord flies into the air and begins reclining on the ceiling, still grinning broadly at the two of us. "Why, your love is so strong that it inspires me! I just want to share it with everypony!"

Discord snaps his fingers again, and a flash of light appears behind me. I turn around and, to make a bad time worse, I see Celestia standing on top of my bed, an utterly bewildered look on her face. Discord giggles and extends his arms again to pick both Cheerilee and I up from our seats so that we can all face Celestia.

"Don't they look like the cutest couple, Celestia? You wanted TD to integrate into your society better and now he has!" Discord presses Cheerilee and my cheeks together and forces us to nuzzle. "Just look at how in love they are! Just look at how deep their friendship is!"

Before Celestia can say a word, Discord snaps his claws and she vanishes. It gives me enough time to try and wiggle out of his grasp, but Discord beats me to it and drops us both to the ground. I'm gonna kill him. I look around to see where Reginald is, because this calls for some decisive action.

Of course Discord isn't done. He's now floating in the air, tapping his lower jaw thoughtfully and looking down at the two of us. "Though I will say that I do spot a little problem with your relationship. I know I asked you to kiss earlier, but does that even work with one of you as a pony and the other one as this gangly pinkish white thing?"

"You wanna trade remarks about looks I can go at it with you all day, Discord," I say just as I see where Reginald is. Gotcha.

Discord scoffs and waves his paw. "Oh let's not be so serious. I'm only trying to help you." His gleeful look reappears and a light bulb literally goes on above his head. "I've got it! I know how to help you!"

I lunge for Reginald but it's too late, he's already snapped his claws again. I collide with my bed just before reaching Reginald, but I hear something that makes me not care that I didn't quite reach Reginald.

I hear Cheerilee squeak.

I quickly turn to look back at her, and gasp when I see what he's done. She's still in her cocktail dress, but now she's...

Human.

She's on two legs and trying to maintain her balance, never having walked on two legs before. Her expression is one of utter shock, though I...

Am not adverse to this particular change.

I try to stand up and walk over to her, but I find myself unable to do so as I crash to the ground the moment I try. I look down at myself and become thoroughly pissed off when I see that Discord, instead of admittedly doing both of us a favor, he's turned me into a pony. A peach furred, red maned earth pony.

And Cheerilee isn't any happier about it than I am. All trace of amusement is gone from her expression, and now she is giving Discord a glare that I would imagine that she reserves only for her very rowdiest students. She points a finger at Discord threateningly.

"Oh you are in for it now! Playtime is over, Discord!"

With that, Cheerilee begins awkwardly running over to Reginald, reaching out for it so she can finish the job that I wanted to start. Discord, rather than get the hint that he overstepped his bounds when he changed our species, snaps his claws once more. When the light fades, I'm human again and in my normal clothes, and Cheerilee a pony and isn't wearing anything again, but is still on two legs. Her eyes widen and she begins wobbling. I quickly stand up and catch her just as she begins falling. Somehow she falls just right that when I catch her it looks exactly like it does in the movies. Despite everything that is happening, she smiles lovingly at me in a sort of "my hero" kind of way. I can't help but return it as she pecks me on the cheek.

I know darned well what's going through both of our minds. We're about to beat up a chaos god, who I am beginning to doubt is really reformed. Cheerilee's expression leaves no doubt in my mind that she wants to kick his rear too. I gently set her down and we both turn to Discord, killing glares on our faces. I take a moment to grab Reginald before we start the fight though.

I am pleased to see that Discord's smile is gone. He actually, to my surprise, looks a little pensive. He's rubbing his lower jaw thoughtfully again and staring down at the two of us, not quite out of reach of Reginald. It gives me a little pause, him not laughing at us anymore.

"You really are a pair, aren't you?" he says after a few moments. "You both running to the same stick to defeat me, trying to work together to get me out of the house..." Discord sighs and slowly begins floating to the floor. "Hmm... interesting."

"Interesting?" I twirl Reginald in a threatening manner and get in a fighting stance. "What the heck is going on? Are you getting revenge for when I hit you, or something?" I relaxed my glare and my stance slightly. "Er... I did actually hit you, right?"

"Knowledge is power, TD," Discord says with a wave of his paw, "but the point of all of this was for me to test your relationship under duress, and I've made some interesting observations."

"Like what?" Cheerilee says suspiciously.

"Oh, things," Discord says with a shrug and a sigh. "You, my dear Cheerilee, could have left at any moment when things got out of hoof. Some mares would have stomped out in a huff because the date wasn't going well. Instead you stayed right with your beau and even rushed to fight with him when you felt I crossed a line." Discord's smile returned and he leaned down closer to me. "And there were a few things in there for my own personal amusement, but oh well."

"Discord..." I scoff and shake my head before pointing to my door. "Get out."

"So serious..." Discord shrugs and floats over to the door. "I just want to say that I think the two of you are going to work out. You really do love each other, don't you?"

Before either of us could say anything, the door to my house bursts open, revealing Celestia and Fluttershy. The former looks seriously pissed, and the latter has her ears flat and an uneasy smile on her face. Discord's own small smile completely falls when he sees the look of pure fury that Celestia is giving him.

Awesome.

I smile and lean Reginald against my bed before sitting down on it and patting the spot beside me so Cheerilee can be comfortable while we watch the fireworks. Discord chuckles nervously as Celestia takes a step towards him, her wings flared.

"I believe when you were reformed we set some rules, Discord," Celestia growls, venom dripping from every syllable. "And I believe you've broken a fair few of them."

"Well I don't know about that," Discord says, scratching the back of his neck uneasily. "Though maybe one or two."

"Indeed." Celestia glances back at Fluttershy. "He's in your care."

Fluttershy nods and steps inside the house where she nudges Discord's paw to get him to move. "Now Discord, we talked about this. You can't break into pony's homes to test their romantic relationships for your own amusement. It's not polite."

Discord rolls his eyes, but follows Fluttershy's promptings and floats out the door. "Yes, well, I won't do it again."

He says more to Fluttershy as they exit my house, but I really don't care enough to listen. Celestia watches the two of them go and sighs quietly when they're far enough away. "He may be reformed, TD, but every now and again he can't help himself. He has to go back to his old behavior, if only for a little while in a small way."

"Yeah, well, I guessed that he was finally getting retribution for me hitting him, or trying to hit him." I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "I can't really be sure."

"He did it for his own amusement, TD," Celestia says simply. "I'm sorry he ruined your evening."

"It's fine." I glanced over at the table where, as it turns out, the food was the only thing that was still there. I look down at Cheerilee and put an arm over her shoulders. "It's not over yet."

30-Getting Older Isn't Necessarily Bad

"Happy Birthday, TD!" a chorus of ponies calls out, triggering a small smile from me, despite the event.

Yep, I turn thirty today. The big three zero. Three decades of life. All that jazz. Not a spry guy in his twenties anymore, am I? I mean, I'm still spry, I'm not that old, but thirty... man.

Pinkie Pie, being Pinkie Pie of course, had to throw me a birthday party, especially for a milestone birthday like this one. She's been doing that a fair amount recently. All of the Mane Six and Cheerilee had their thirtieth birthdays last year, so I've finally caught up in that regard. Most of Cheerilee's old class is starting to turn eighteen too, so I'm beginning to feel old.

Of course, Pinkie Pie's decorations haven't helped in that regard. My party is decorated like something that a goth would want to have for their party. A lot of the decorations are black with white gravestones imprinted on them saying "you're getting old." To top it off, a giant fake pony Death dummy, complete with scythe, has been set up in a corner with a cardboard speech bubble over it saying "don't worry, I'm just here for the cake."

She's just joking, of course, and I'm taking it in good humor. I laughed when I saw the decorations. My family did the same thing for my father when he turned thirty back on Earth. Now I've just blown out the candles of my birthday cake, a gravestone of course, and Pinkie Pie is cutting it up for everyone. My party is fairly small compared to what Pinkie usually throws, just Cheerilee, Oswald, the Mane Six and whichever of Cheerilee's old class could show up, so the Crusaders, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, Featherweight, Twist, Dinky and Berry Pinch.

Cheerilee has her forelegs wrapped around my arm, and nuzzles my shoulder as I take my slice of cake. "Happy Birthday, TD."

I smile at her and rest the side of my head on the top of hers. "Thanks. Love you, Cheerilee."

"I love you too." Cheerilee accepts a piece of cake from Pinkie Pie who is smiling knowingly at the two of us. Well, probably more at me, considering what I've been up to lately. Oswald chirrups on the back of my chair and nuzzles the back of my neck. I must say I'm feeling rather loved at the moment, which is nice. I've been dreading this particular birthday for a while now, and as such, I can't completely get into the party. Mostly, but not completely.

Cheerilee notices the fact that I'm a little down; that my smile isn't quite as wide as it could be or that it doesn't reach my eyes. It's hard to hide emotions from her. We've been dating for close to a year now. She frowns at me and tilts her head. "Is something wrong, TD? Were the decorations we picked out too macabre, or something like that?"

I snort and take a bite of my cake as I shake my head. "No, nothing like that. It's just..." What smile I have fades, and I quietly sigh. "Firstly, thirty is kind of a rough birthday. I mean, there is no denying that I'm getting older now. When you're in your twenties, you're still in the same decade range as the time when you were twenty and twenty one, and so on. There's still a certain youth to being even twenty nine. Thirty, though? Thirty is different. Now the back of my mind tells me that I'm on the wrong side of being young and carefree. Now my adult life has well and truly begun." I give my marefriend a wry smile. "Despite the fact that my twenties were filled with enough things that would make any guy have to grow up immediately if he wanted to make it through them."

Cheerilee smiles at me and lovingly rubs my forearm. "It's going to be fine, TD. You're going to make it through everything and be okay. You've come too far to let something as silly as a birthday signifying a new decade of your life get you down."

I chuckle and move my free arm to run my fingers through her mane the way she has come to like. "Yeah, it's not that bad. Or should I say, it's not the number one thing worrying me."

Cheerilee raises an eyebrow and tilts her head. "Then what is?"

"It's how long I've been here." I motion around. "How long I've been in Equestria. Ten years in a few months. That's half as long as I was on Earth. In another ten years I'll have spent more time here than I did on Earth." I grimace. "Once I hit that point, am I pretty much an Equestrian? Am I an Equestrian now, having spent ten years here with no chance of getting back?"

Cheerilee pauses for a moment, carefully considering what I'm getting at. She takes a bite of her cake while she thinks everything over. After a few seconds, she swallows her cake and slowly nods. "TD, I don't think that you're an Equestrian, now or ever. The man that I love would never see himself that way. He's too devoted to his home planet. So much that he traveled all of the known world trying to get back to it." Cheerilee gives me a wry smile of her own. "Do you really think that you're an Equestrian, TD? Sure you've lived here a long time and Creator willing you're going to be around with me for far longer than that, but you're still from Earth, as far as I'm concerned. I mean, back on Earth, if somehuman went to live somewhere else for a long time, are they part of that country?"

I shrug. "Depends on the person, how long they're there, and how much they like it there, which is what's bugging me a little bit." I lean back in my chair and pull a bowl of peanuts over to me so Oswald can have something to nibble on. "As much as a younger me would hate it, Equestria is my home. When I found out that I couldn't go back to Earth, I could have gone anywhere to live except for Griffonia and maybe some of the minotaur lands, but I chose here. Like it or not, I'll be spending the vast majority of my life here." I tilt my head. "So does that make me an Equestrian at least on some level? I mean, I'm an Equestrian citizen in all but name."

"TD..." Cheerilee chuckles lightly and nuzzles my arm. "Does it really matter? In the end you're here, and we're together, and I don't want anything to change that. Think about this: if you are an Equestrian or not, how does your life change? Does the direction it takes differ if you happen to be one or the other?"

I frown thoughtfully and lean back in my chair as best as I can, given that it's a touch small for me. "Huh..." I give a vaguely amused scoff. "Now that you mention it, I guess it doesn't change all that much if I'm one or the other." I smirk at Cheerilee. "I guess I'm just freaking out mostly because of the age thing. You know how it goes. You get older like this and you wonder what you're life is going to be and what it is."

"Oh I know that for sure, TD," Cheerilee says with a smile. "You recall how much I was freaking out during my thirtieth birthday last year? Saying that I didn't know if I was really that good of a teacher?"

I chuckle and take my arm out of her grasp so that I can give her a little hug. "Yes, I do remember that. I told you that you were a wonderful teacher and that you've touched the lives of all of your students. They're doing great."

"Exactly. You got my through my mental crisis and now I'm doing the same to you." Cheerilee grabs my arm again and nuzzles my shoulder. "What are significant others for if not for letting the other know when they're being the wrong kind of silly?"

I can't help but laugh at that. With Cheerilee and I, that's been a big part of our relationship, and it's really strengthened it. I know that I've definitely had my moments when I need somebody to talk some sense in me, and Cheerilee is not afraid to do that, and vice versa.

She's... she's the best that a guy could possibly want in a marefriend, human or no. Our relationship isn't perfect, but... all things considered it's pretty good. I mean, I love her, and she loves me. As I finish my slice of cake and talk to some of my other party guests, I begin to understand something. I look over at Cheerilee who is just... happy to be around me for the sake of it, and I'm happy to be around her. I've never had that with anyone else.

As the party goes on around me and I start thinking about life, I realize, I mean, truly realize that I have something really amazing with this mare, odd as it sounds.

And you know something? I don't want that to get away.

The party goes well, and I'm not so freaked out about turning thirty anymore. I mean, once the day is over and everybody isn't focusing on the fact that I'm thirty now, it's easier to focus on other things that freak me out.

Heh, I don't know why this is so daunting. I mean, she's going to be all for it. We've been dating for around a year now. So... this is the next logical step, yeah? Okay, maybe I'm not freaking out about that as much as I am that everything goes perfectly. I only get one shot at this, so I really have to make it count.

I exit my house and walk a few blocks down to the jewelry shop owned by Diamond Tiara. I think that she would really appreciate it if I did what I'm going to do there, and she does actually have the best prices around. I open the door to her shop and a small bell above the doorway jingles, letting Diamond Tiara know she has a customer. She is cleaning a display case with her mane done up in a bun to keep it out of her eyes while she works. She turns to me when she hears the bell and smiles. She sets the rag and cleaner down next to the case and trots over to me.

"Good morning, TD, Oswald." She extends a hoof and I bump it with my fist. "You're here earlier than usual. I didn't think that I had you on my schedule to clean the windows today but..." DT shrugs. "I've forgotten before."

I give a single, nervous chuckle and shake my head. "I'm not here for work, Tiara. I'm actually here to do a little shopping."

Diamond Tiara raises and eyebrow and the corners of her mouth subtly curve up. "Ah, you and Cheerilee have your anniversary coming up, don't you? Gonna get her something nice for whatever you're doing?" Diamond Tiara smiles and nudges me in the direction of a display case of fine necklaces. "If I may suggest something here? Or maybe a bracelet of some sort?"

"Uh, actually..." I gently clear my throat and scratch the back of my neck. "I would like to see your... uh... rings."

"Rings?" Diamond Tiara tilts her head, but after a few seconds she breaks out in a wide smile. "Rings. Right! Yes, I have some excellent stuff for you to look at!" Diamond Tiara walks behind the counter and reaches under it to produce two black felt cases full of rings. "Made all of these myself. I've got rings for everything you could want, though most of my customers for rings are unicorns, but I've got some nice chain necklaces to put the rings on for non-unicorn clients."

"Good." I walk over to the cases and begin examining the rings. "Yeah, these do look nice."

Diamond Tiara's smile widens and she puffs out her chest slightly. "Yes, I know. I'm pretty good at these. I've got rings that will tell a mare anything that you want to say. 'I love you,' 'I think this will make you even more beautiful,' 'happy anniversary,' and so on." Diamond Tiara pushed the cases closer to me so that I could get a better look. "When you give this ring to Ms. Cheerilee, what do you want that gift giving to say to her?"

"When she receives this ring, the message I'm going to try to get across is 'Cheerilee, will you marry me?'"

I hear a quiet gasp and thud, and look up to see that Diamond Tiara is now sitting on the floor, her eyes wide and her forehooves over her mouth. I think I broke her brain a little bit. It's a solid ten seconds before she even so much as blinks.

"TD..." Diamond Tiara lowers her hooves and stares up at me. "Are you saying that... you're going to ask Ms. Cheerilee to marry you?!"

I smile and put a finger on one of the rings. "Yes, as a matter of fact. That is what I am saying."

Diamond Tiara lets out a loud squeal and shoots to her hooves, a beaming smile on her face. "Silver Spoon, Silver Spoon, Silver Spoon!"

I hear groaning and the sound of hooves on steps as Silver Spoon comes down the stairs of the flat they share above the store. Her mane is disheveled, and there are bags under her eyes. "What is it, DT? I was sleeping. You know I worked late last night."

Diamond Tiara ignores her friend's grumbles and runs over to her, throwing one foreleg over her shoulders and pointing at me with the other. "TD's gonna ask Ms. Cheerilee if she wants to marry him!"

All trace of fatigue evaporates from Silver Spoon's expression, and she gasps and widens her eyes just like Diamond Tiara did. "No... way."

I raise my hands in a sort of shrug. "Way. I'm here to buy the ring."

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon let out a synchronized squeal of pure delight so high pitched that I think the fruit bats from Applejack's orchards might be on their way over. Oswald ruffles his feathers and lets out a low, guttural squawk that I had come to recognize as annoyance, so I assume he didn't care for the noise either. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon begin bouncing around me and singing.

"TD's marrying Ms. Cheerilee! TD's marrying Ms. Cheerilee!"

I chuckle and turn my attention back to the rings. "Well, not quite yet. I have to, you know, buy the ring and propose first."

The two stop bouncing and immediately rushed behind the counter. Diamond Tiara grabs the cases and pulls them back under the counter. "Unacceptable scrap metal, that's what those are."

I raise and eyebrow and tilt my head with a frown. "Uh... I thought that they were pretty good."

"Exactly!" Diamond Tiara shuts and locks the small glass doors to the case housing the rings. "They were only 'pretty good!' We need something a lot better than 'pretty good' if you're going to be proposing to Ms. Cheerilee!"

"Well, I..."

"Come along, TD!" Diamond Tiara walks out from behind the counter and begins nudging me to a back room of the shop. "Spoon, flip the sign. Diamond Jewelers is temporarily closed while I make something actually worth this occasion."

"You got it, DT!" Spoon says as she walks from behind the counter to the door.

"Excellent. Now you..." Tiara continues nudging me towards the room, despite the fact that I'm going willingly now. I know the mares around here. If they get something in their heads you cannot talk them out of it. "Are going to come with me and we're going to design a ring special for Ms. Cheerilee! We're going to get her the best ring ever if it's the last thing I do!"

Well, at least she's in full support of the idea.

I enter the room that Tiara is pushing me towards where she has her soldering set and she directs me towards a chair. "This shouldn't take too long, but you might want to get comfortable." Diamond Tiara cracks her neck and puts on a pair of safety goggles. "This is going to be something you're going to remember forever."

Silver Spoon walks in just as Diamond Tiara gets her materials together and gives me a wide smile. "She's in The Diamond Zone now, TD! Your ring for Ms. Cheerilee is going to be amazing! But not as amazing as her future husband, I’ll say!”

I lean back in the chair and Oswald perches on the back of it as Diamond Tiara begins making the ring. I really hope it's amazing. I mean, I'm sure it will be, but I hope it's... perfect, you know? Like the second I look at it I know it's the ring for her.

As Diamond Tiara works, Silver Spoon drills me for details about my proposal. I tell her that I'd rather keep that a secret for now, as I want to make sure that everything works, but I do tell her that I'm planning on doing it this upcoming Saturday, as it is my turn to choose what we're doing on that particular date.

I've got everything planned out in my mind, and it is my dearest hope that it all goes smoothly. I mean, I'm sure even if a few things go wrong, the fact that I asked her if she would marry me and she said yes will make everything else seem a little less important. Now, if I don't do a good job at it then it'll be disappointing, so I have some pretty cool plans.

Diamond Tiara is finished surprisingly fast for what she's doing. It's not more than half an hour before she pushes up her safety goggles and brushes aside a loose strand of mane. She lets the ring cool by spraying some substance on it out of a squirt bottle. Silver Spoon glances over at me and giggles. "Just you wait, TD, this ring is going to be amazing!"

"It is." Diamond Tiara's voice cuts through the room as she stares down at her latest creation. "It is. This... this is something that I think you can give to Ms. Cheerilee when you ask her to marry you."

For goodness sakes, the suspense is killing me. I mean, this is my freaking engagement ring we're talking about here! I want to see it! Thankfully Diamond Tiara feels that she doesn't have to keep the suspense up too long. She takes a deep breath and slowly, gently, places the ring on a padded tray and walks over to me with the tray in her mouth, allowing me to see the ring for the first time.

Wow.

She's right, it is amazing.

It's two kinds of metal, one green and one blue, wrapping around each other before meeting at the top of the ring to form the base for the small diamond that she has chosen for the ring. The metals have a nice shine to them, making the ring look like it's glowing. Diamond Tiara puts the tray down on a table next to me and smiles fondly at the ring as I gently pick it up to examine it.

"The metal is gold, enchanted to look like different colors. The blue represents Earth and the green Equestria. Two hearts meeting as one."

"It's..." I blink once. "Amazing. Yeah, this is definitely the one." I gently put the ring back down on the tray. "How much?"

Silver Spoon squeaks again and Diamond Tiara smirks at me. "Hundred bits."

"A hundred bits?" I look back down at the ring. "That's all?"

"Yep." Diamond Tiara's smirk widens ever so slightly. "Why? Would you like me to charge you more?"

"No, that's not it," I say with a wave of my hand. "It's just that I've looked one or two other places for rings and, well, a ring like this would be easily eight or nine hundred there."

Diamond Tiara scoffs and rolls her eyes. "Sharks. The lot of them. And they wonder why ponies are starting to come here a lot more often." She shakes her head and nudges the tray closer to me. "Hundred bits for the ring. Another ten for the gold chain, okay?"

I nod and stand up. "Yes. Definitely okay."

"Excellent." Diamond Tiara picks the tray up in her mouth and we all go to the front of the store. Diamond Tiara sets the ring down on the counter and picks a nice gold chain that she loops through the ring to create a nice necklace. I pull out my bit bag and set down six twenty bit coins on the countertop, which Silver Spoon scoops up and puts in a cash register. She hoofs me my ten bits worth of change while Diamond Tiara puts the necklace and ring in a small black box.

"Here you are, TD." She extends her hoof and I take the box from her, gently putting it in a brown paper bag that Silver Spoon gets for me. "Good luck, TD." Diamond Tiara smiles and nudges my side. "Ms. Cheerilee is a very lucky mare, do you know that?"

I snort and a small smile crosses my face. "Well, I think I'm the luckier one in this relationship, but I do think that she will be very happy."

"She'll be ecstatic, TD!" Silver Spoon cries. "I hope everything goes perfectly!"

"Me too, Spoon." I take a deep breath and run a hand through my hair. "Me too."

Saturday rolls around quite quickly, especially since I bought the ring on Thursday. I told Cheerilee that we were spending the day together, so she made sure to get all of her grading done earlier than that. As per usual, I drop Oswald off at Fluttershy's so that Cheerilee and I can have some alone time.

Now Cheerilee and I are walking through town, me having just picked her up at her house. I'm carrying a picnic basket filled with sandwiches, drinks...

And the ring.

Cheerilee doesn't know where we're going yet, which is good. All she knows is that we're having a picnic together. I think she presumes the local park, but not quite.

We're relatively silent as we walk through town, which is fine by me. I have butterflies in my stomach as it is, and I don't want to give away anything. If we talk and I sound nervous then she'll know that something is up and this won't be as good. We walk past the local park, but as we do I notice that Cheerilee glances at it, almost as though she expected that we would go there. Well, we've gone there for picnics before, but today is a little different. She doesn't seem to mind, though. I know she trusts me.

Within another five minutes we've reached our destination. I smile down at my marefriend and nod when she looks up at me.

"TD, not that I hate spending time with you anywhere, but I'm curious as to why you chose this random field."

I chuckle and spread the picnic blanked out on the ground. "This isn't just any field, this is the field where the Crusaders found me when I was first transported here."

"Oh?" Cheerilee frowns and looks around. "Yes. That's right, it is." Her frown turns into a smile and she sits down on the blanket. "Good choice for a spot, TD."

I sit down next to her and open up the basket. I take out two paper plates and put our respective sandwiches on and hand out the water bottles. We sit in silence and eat for a few minutes, her eyes never leaving me. I look up from my food and see that there is a hint of uncertainty in her eyes.

"TD? Is something wrong?" She tilts her head. "You've been unusually quiet today."

I smirk and give an amused snort. "Yeah, I suppose that I have been. It's just..." I run a hand through my hair. "I've been thinking, you know? About us. Our anniversary is coming up, you know, so I was thinking about our relationship. Where we've been and all that."

Cheerilee nods and finishes her sandwich. "Makes sense. I've had similar thoughts."

"Yeah." My hand inches towards the picnic basket. "There's a lot to think about. There's a lot that I had to consider, and still have to consider. A movie I saw back on Earth, can't quite recall the name, had a quote in it that my parents said perfectly described relationships like ours." I took a deep breath. "I'm gonna lean up against you, you just lean right back against me. This way we don't have to sleep with our heads in the mud."

Cheerilee smiles and puts a hoof on my knee. "I'd say that about sums up relationships like ours, yes."

"Yep." I nod and pull the basket right over to me. "See the thing is, though, that I was doing some thinking, and I realize that... I never want to sleep with my head in the mud, so to speak, and I don't want you to either. What we have, Cheerilee, well, it's amazing, and its ours."

Cheerilee's smile slowly starts fading, and her eyes start going wide as what I'm saying begins to click for her, but I keep going.

"Life can be hard, Cheerilee. I know that better than most. We can get through it together. We can lean on each other when the rain comes pouring down so neither one of us has to sleep in the mud. Then, when the rain stops, we'll help each other up and keep right on going. Together. Forever." I reach into the basket and my hand grasps the little black box. Cheerilee stands up and puts a hoof over her mouth, tears shimmering in the corners of her eyes. "We can do it, Cheerilee. I've gone through a lot of life and done a lot of things. Some good, some not so fun, but I know without a doubt that we can weather any hardships, and... I want to do that with you. So..." I shift until I am on one knee and produce the black box. Cheerilee quietly gasps and the first tear streaks down her face.

"Cheerilee..." I open up the box revealing the ring. "Will you marry me?"

"TD..." Her voice comes out barely louder than a whisper, and she reaches out to gently touch the ring. "TD... I..." Another tear streaks out, but she slowly begins nodding. "Y-yes, TD." A single sob escapes Cheerilee's throat, but I know that her tears are tears of joy. "Yes. Yes!" There is much more conviction in her voice, and her face is nearly split by the smile she has on. "Yes, TD! I will!"

With my own wide smile, I take the ring out of the box. Cheerilee lowers her head, allowing me to slip the necklace around her neck. It fits perfectly. Cheerilee looks back up at me, her eyes puffy and red, but her smile wider than I have ever seen it. Before I can say anything else, Cheerilee throws her forelegs around me in a crushing hug, something that I have no problem returning. Cheerilee leans her head against my shoulder and nuzzles it.

"I love you, TD."

"I love you, Cheerilee." I run my fingers through her mane and lean my head down on hers, relishing the fact that I have never been happier in my entire ten years in Equestria.

No, forget that. I've never been happier in my entire life, and for the first time in a long, long time, I feel that things are going to work out just fine.

Author's Notes:

No, it really is. I know that I've put TD through some crap, but I'm not going to kill Cheerilee or something before the wedding. That's a little much.

30-Finding Out About the In-Laws

Promotions... are always nice.

My favorite one so far has been the promotion that I just received from "boyfriend" to "fiancé." Cheerilee is also rather pleased with the promotion she received from "marefriend" to "fiancée."

The non-brony side of me, which is still a little there, is admonishing me for daring to marry a pony. I mean, yeah, there are several things wrong with that on Earth. You try to marry a pony on Earth and some places will shoot you for it, I'm sure.

Here though? In Equestria? I don't care. Cheerilee and I love each other, so what's the big deal? Besides, I'm the weird one here, not her. This is a pony society, a society that I am now marrying into.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: if you had told me ten years ago...

You get the picture.

What food we have left is forgotten as Cheerilee and I instantly delve into wedding plans. Where are we going to have it, who's coming, what the color scheme is going to look like, what color she wants the bridesmaids dresses to be, and so on. Even in those initial moments I realize that we have a loooonnng way to go before we can actually get to the "I do" part unless we want to go to a courthouse or straight to Celestia for the ceremony.

Hey, with how many favors Celestia owes me--infinite at this point--she wouldn't begrudge marrying us, I think. I think she'd actually be honored by the sentiment. A peace offering from us. We decided that we would ask Twilight about it.

I run my fingers through Cheerilee's mane and she nuzzles my forearm as we lie back on the picnic basket, just enjoying each other's company.

"Fiancés," Cheerilee whispers, nuzzling her head into a niche in my shoulder. "We're really getting married, aren't we?"

I chuckle and put my free hand behind my head. "Sure are. I haven't really wrapped my mind around it either, and I've been planning basically since we started dating, but really heavily for weeks now."

Cheerilee raises and eyebrow and looks up at me. "You've been planning to propose since we started dating?"

I tilt my head in a shrug. "Sure, why not? I mean, like I said, I didn't want you to get away from me. You make me happy, Cheerilee."

"And you make me very happy, TD." Cheerilee gives a content sigh and nuzzles my chest. "The only problem is the physical aspect of our relationship, I suppose, but we can work that out when we get to it."

"I suppose so."

Truth be told that was bugging me a little bit. If Cheerilee is going to be my wife, then that was a valid point. I mean, yeah, Discord did change our species a while back, but I didn't exactly want to go ask Discord to do that every time we felt like getting physical. Still, it was an option, and I hadn't thought of a better one, as uncomfortable as it was. I wouldn't put it past Discord to be watching to see when he could work his chaos magic, unfortunately.

Again, though, we can cross that bridge when we get to it, which is admittedly sooner rather than later. It being a few months after the beginning of the year, we wanted to have our wedding before the year was out to give everyone time to plan.

"So," I begin, breaking the silence that had fallen over us, "what do you say that we spend the rest of the day planning? Get some things together so that we have one or two less things to worry about when it comes to crunch time?"

"Mhm. I think that's a great idea."

I gently move to stand up and Cheerilee moves her head away from my shoulder. I get up and she extends her hoof so that I can pull her up. "So, where do you want to go first?" I ask as I begin loading things into the picnic basket. "I was thinking Rarity's since she's had our outfits designed since we started dating, I'll wager."

Cheerilee nods and begins folding up the blanket. "I think that's a good place to start. Like you said, it would be one less thing to worry about, especially since I think you're correct: she has had the outfits made since we started dating."

"She was already planning them when I asked her for advice in asking you out." I put the blanket in the picnic basket and pick it up so that we can head on over to Rarity's. "So I think she's hoping that we'll ask her about it any day now."

"I would imagine so."

Cheerilee and I begin walking towards town, each of us with a slight spring in our step and a giddy feeling in our chests. We're getting married, and we couldn't be happier. My mind still hasn't completely wrapped around it. An irrational part of my brain tells me that I'm going to wake up any minute now, the proposal having not yet happened. But no, the rational part of my mind is dominant, and I realize that this is real. Cheerilee is my fiancée now.

Yeah, I know that I keep saying it, but man, I still have to fully realize that it's real.

Oy.

We pass by my house and drop of the picnic stuff before heading over to Rarity's. The sign in the window of her shop says "open," so we open the door and walk right in when we reach it. The bell above the door jingles, and Rarity comes out of her workroom, a smile on her face and a sewing needle behind her ear.

"Well, good morning to you two." Rarity walks over to Cheerilee and gives her a hug. "Fancy seeing you here. Is this a casual visit, or a business opportunity?"

"The latter." Cheerilee points to the ring around her neck, and Rarity leans in to take a closer look.

"Ooh, blue and green gold intertwined. I like it." She glances back up at us. "An anniversary present, yes? You need outfits because you're doing something special?"

"Rarity, that's an engagement ring." I walk over to Cheerilee and put a hand on her head. "I just asked her to marry me."

Silence fills the boutique as Rarity stares blankly at the two of us. She keeps alternating her looks between me, Cheerilee and the ring. Every now and then she'll slowly blink. After almost a minute Rarity gently clears her throat. "Engagement ring, you say?" She fixes her gaze completely on the ring. "Yes, well I suppose..."

Before we can say anything, a wide smile crosses Rarity's face and she leaps into the air with a high pitched squeal. "YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED!!!" She zooms over to us and pulls us both in to crushing hugs. "You're getting married! Oh I knew it was only a matter of time before you proposed, TD! You two are absolutely perfect for each other!"

"Er... yeah, I think so too," I say as I try to wiggle out of her grasp. No dice, and I have to wait until she lets us both go. "We're here to see if we can't commission some wedding outfits."

The bear trap that is her hug springs open, sending Cheerilee and I stumbling backwards. "Of course!" Rarity ignites her horn and begins pulling the two of us over to her workroom, a maniacal smile plastered on her face. "I've had ideas for your wedding outfits since you first told me of your intent to court our dear Cheerilee. It's been a few years so I just need to confirm the measurements I have on file for the two of you!" Rarity's horn powers down, and we both stumble forward as we find ourselves not trapped by her magic anymore. Rarity wheels around and fixes us with her crazy grin.

"Okay, who's first?!"

There is, I've found, one downside to being more muscular then when I came to Equestria: Rarity's measurement time. She took Cheerilee's measurements rather quickly, but mine required... a few more hours, and I'm not happy about it.

"Fun fact: when I get out of here, I'm going to spend every cent of my next paycheck on gasoline so I can burn this wretched place down."

"Uh-huh."

"Just so you know, when you let me out I'm going to bribe whoever I must to get your name legally changed to Slartibartfast."

"Uh-huh."

Yeah, we're doing this again.

"When this freezing spell is lifted I'm going to buy as much dye as I can, and then I'm going to dye your coat mustard yellow while you sleep."

"That's nice," she says nonchalantly.

"On a different subject, when I'm free, I'm going to take your cat and punt it so hard I'm going to rip a hole in reality and create the entire Colquitt family, as well as change the Cleveland Browns into a curling team."

"Won't that be interesting?" she responds blankly, however I see a slight look of confusion cross her face at this one. Seems she still hasn't figured out the context of that one.

"On an unrelated note–"

"TD, for goodness sakes, I'm almost done! Do we have to repeat this?"

I glance up at Cheerilee who is covering her mouth with her hoof to prevent herself from giggling. I give her a small smirk before looking down at my captor. "Yes, every time you cast a freezing spell on me, we will have this exact conversation." I scoff. "I don't even know why it was necessary! I mean, I would have done this willingly, you know."

Rarity sighs and measures my forearm again. "Sentimentality, I suppose. A feeling of nostalgia for the days when you first arrived. Either that or I knew this might take a while and this is indeed the more comfortable option. You've been standing for two hours, but you aren't getting sore yet, are you?"

"I also walked around the entire planet for six years," I retort. "Kind of built up a little tolerance for that kind of thing."

Rarity clicks her tongue and rolls her eyes. "Yes, I can see that. Your measurements have changed dramatically since your arrival, though I've found that ten years does tend to do that to a pony, or in this case human, at any rate." Rarity shakes her head and ignites her horn, and feeling slowly returns to my body. "In any case, I'm finished. I'll have the outfits made as soon as I can." A wide grin crosses Rarity's face as she starts to put her supplies away. "So, when is the date?!"

I shrug. "We haven't set a date yet. We want to do it before the year is out."

"Well I think that sounds positively wonderful, you two." Rarity ignites her horn and a few bolts of fabric fly off of her shelves. "You just let me know what color schemes you two picked out, and I'll work around those. Of course you're always welcome to come to me for advice on the subject."

"We just might do that, Rarity." Cheerilee and Rarity exchange a brief hug. "Goodbye. I look forward to seeing what you have."

With that, Cheerilee and I walk out of Rarity's shop, leaving her to her mad schemes. I know they'll be good and all, but why on Earth did I have to be put in a freezing spell like that? Oh well, what's done is done.

"Say, it's about dinnertime." I point to a restaurant that we're passing. "You wanna get something to eat?

"I'd like that."

We change our direction and head to the restaurant, where we are seated immediately in an outside seat. On hay, naturally, but since I'm not ingesting it I should be okay.

As we peruse the menus, it starts to really hit me. I'm getting married. I just proposed to my marefriend of almost a year, and my best friend for even longer and she enthusiastically said yes. Man, if only my family could see me now. They would have some words for me. Given my unique situation I can't say what those words would be, but they would be interesting, that's for sure.

Family...

Huh... family.

You know now that I think about it...

I put my menu down and fold my hands on the table. "Say Cheerilee, I think I recall something that's kind of important."

Cheerilee puts her own menu down and raises her eyebrow. "Really?"

I nod and begin idly spinning the menu on the table. "So you know all about my family, but every time I ask about yours you change the subject. Saying it's too personal. I know I haven't asked in a while, but given that we're about to be married..." I narrow my eyes slightly and lean forward. "I think it's about time you tell me. I mean, I want to know what kind of family I'll be marrying into, or even if there is a family to marry into at all. I think we're a little devoted now for us to be keeping big secrets like that."

Cheerilee's ears have gone flat, and she's looking away from me just as she normally does when I ask this question, but I'm not budging on this issue this time. She can have little secrets, I guess, but her parents isn't one of the ones she should hide from me. Besides, if we're going to be husband and wife, this is kind of important.

It's a solid thirty seconds before Cheerilee slowly closes her eyes and sighs almost inaudibly. She nods and rubs one temple. "Yes, I suppose you're right, TD." She shakes her head and cracks her eyes open. "No, there's no supposing about it. I'm sorry for keeping it from you all these years it's just..." She fully opens her eyes and looks up at me. "It's not really something that I like to talk about. My parents and I didn't exactly part on the best of terms."

I cross my arms and nod. "I'm listening."

"Very well, it's just..." Cheerilee flattens her ears and bites her lip for a moment. "I was born and raised on a farm near Baltimare. My parents owned an orange orchard, and I spent my youth working on that farm with the assumption by everypony that my cutie mark would be orange related. But, uh..." Cheerilee looked down at the ground. "It didn't exactly turn out like that, obviously. My parents didn't mind that I tutored other foals in my class for a little extra money, they said it was good that I earned money of my own so that I could start learning to manage my finances, but when teaching became my cutie mark..."

"They didn't quite care for it," I finish.

Cheerilee looks back up at me, her eyes wide, and she shakes her head. "No, not in of itself. They were very proud of me the day that I got it. My father told his friends that it showed that I 'had real brains in me.'" A small smile crosses Cheerilee's face, and she leans her head against one of her forehooves. "It's just that the assumption was that I'd continue to work the farm and tutor in my spare time for extra money, like I had been doing. I... uh..." Cheerilee gently clears her throat. "Didn't quite want to do it that way. Once I got my cutie mark, I wanted to do teaching full time."

"Makes sense. It was that that your parents took issue with, then?"

Cheerilee nods and she closes her eyes. "We had a rather nasty fight about it. I wanted to go to Canterlot U to get my teaching degree, and they wanted me to take some night classes so that I could still tutor, but continue to work on the farm. With the help of a few friends I got out of there and went to Canterlot U to get my degree, then came here because there was a good spot open."

"I see." I take a deep breath and slowly nod. "I see. How old were you?"

"I was sixteen years old. I came to Ponyville when I was nineteen."

"Alright." I see out of the corner of my eye that the waiter is walking up to our table, ready to take our orders, but I wave my hand to get him away. He nods and goes to another table. I turn my attention back to Cheerilee. "So if your parents were here now, what would you say to them?"

Cheerilee subtly shrugs and rubs the back of her neck. "Well, I'm not sure. It's been almost fifteen years since we've talked to each other. They didn't so much as write when I was in college, and even if they did, I suppose my stubborn pride would have made me not answer anyway."

"Do you regret that? Do you wish that you had a better relationship with your parents?" I tilt my head slightly and raise one eyebrow. "Because maybe it's just me never getting to see anyone in my family again forever, but if I had the chance to reconnect, even if we were estranged before, I think I'd take it."

"I know, and the amount of ponies who know about that who have told me to re-connect is close to one hundred percent. I just..." Cheerilee grimaces, and a quiet groan escapes her lips. "Some of the things that were said left scars. I'm sure that some of the things that I said left scars too, but I'm not sure they've healed enough for me to reconnect."

"Really?" I scoff. "Not even fifteen years later?"

"I know, I know..." Cheerilee goes back to rubbing her temples. "And I know that you especially wouldn't really be sympathetic to the situation, having completely lost your entire family forever."

"Look, Cheerilee..." I reach out a hand and place it on her hoof. "I get it. You hurt each other, and I can see being mad for a few years, but fifteen? You guessed that I wouldn't be sympathetic to the situation, and... well, you're right. I'm not. Not after all this time. If I could reconnect with my parents, I would in a heartbeat. Now I'm not saying that reconnecting with your parents is a condition of our marriage, I love you and I want to marry you, but..." I can only shrug when I see how deflated she looks. "Just think about it, okay?"

Cheerilee quietly sighs and pokes a hoof at her menu. "Okay. I'll think about it."

Author's Notes:

In terms of all of the "Cheerilee death" theories, I only have one thing to say.

Dammit, it you people are fucking insane!!!

You're sadists! You're all sadists!

Jeez...

30-Ruined Relationship

So, TD is getting married.

I stare at Twilight's letter, still hardly able to believe it. Yes, him and Cheerilee clearly love each other, even a blind pony could see that, but it is still an odd thing to actually see in front of you. Knowing TD like I do, and seeing how far he's come, it is like... hmm...

Now that I reflect on the matter, I do not know how to compare an alien being that I brought here who has punched me in the face twice and is now marrying one of my subjects to anything. Even with my vast amount of experience I do not know what to make of it.

But there is one thing that I can say with certainty: I have put off my heart-to-heart with TD for far too long. He's been here ten years and I have not truly spoken to him the way that I should have not long after he came back from his travels. I know I spoke with Luna a while back and indicated my desire for a stronger relationship with him, but...

The right time never seemed to come along.

Or maybe that is me being cowardly. I am on occasion capable of such a fault. I do not know why, but TD brings out another side of me that I have not felt for centuries. Who knows? Maybe Luna is correct and it is a slight crush on him. Given that he is about to be happily married, I do hope that is not the case.

Still, I must have that talk with him. It is far past time for that.

I sit down at my writing desk and begin drafting a letter to TD, requesting that he meet me at the castle for a talk. I doubt that he will refuse, but I am unsure. At first I feel that it is best to write some long letter explaining what this will be all about. It will be eloquent and TD will really understand me, and will desire to come to Canterlot to speak to me. We will have a good talk about our relationship.

TD, I would like you to come to Canterlot so that we may have a small talk the Sunday after next at five. Here is some money for the train ride. I look forward to speaking to you,

Celestia.

Or that too, I suppose.

I put twenty bits into a small bag and put the bag inside of the letter before igniting my horn and sending it off to TD. When he gets the letter, I imagine that he will send a prompt reply. It would be nice to hear from him sooner rather than later.

It is not more than ten minutes before I see a scroll materialize before me. I pluck it out of the air with my magic and unroll it. As expected, it is from TD.

Sure. See you then.

The days between his reply and our meeting go slow, but somehow fast at the same time. During the week and a half of waiting the days seemed to move at a snail's pace, but once each day was over I felt as though it had gone by in a blur. It is odd how that works, I think. Still, the day of our meeting has arrived, and I find myself standing in the middle of my throne room, Philomena perched on the back of my throne. I begin massaging one of my forelegs with the other to prevent myself from pacing. I am still unsure of why I am this nervous. It does not hurt when TD strikes me, nor will he this time.

At least, I'm fairly certain of that. He was so brash that he swung his Clovevellian Staff at Discord, though as far as I'm aware neither of us have told him whether or not he actually made contact.

I am taken out of my thoughts when the doors to the throne room open, and TD walks in with Oswald perched on his shoulder. Oswald looks behind me, and takes wing. I follow his flight and see him land next to Philomena, who nods at him, and both of them spread their wings and fly out of the room. Well, at least our phoenixes get along.

I turn my attention back to TD, who has stopped just in front of me and is looking at me with a hint of suspicion. I would gather that he would like to hide such thoughts from me, but being me, I can read even his expressions.

"Good evening, Celestia." He gives me a single nod. "You wanted to talk?"

I return his nod. "Indeed I do. We need to have a conversation that may be as much as ten years overdue, TD."

He raises one eyebrow and crosses his arms. "Ten years, huh? That's a long time to put off a conversation, Celestia."

"Well to be fair you were absent from my country for six of them." I give a slight wing shrug and beckon him onward. "But we are having it now. Have you eaten yet?"

He shakes his head and follows me toward my dining room. "No, I haven't. It's not quite my dinnertime yet, though if you're offering I'll eat something."

I nod and open the door to my private dining room. "Well I do have some food if you wish to partake. Mostly fruit and some pastries. A cake as well."

I could see a hint of a wry smile on TD's face as he takes his seat to the right of mine. I put a plate in front of him and he takes a few apple slices and pastries as I take a slice of cake for myself. As I set it on my plate, I glance up at TD, who is munching on an apple slice.

"So," I begin, "you are to be married to Cheerilee. Congratulations."

He nods and finishes his apple. "Thank you. We've set the date at five months from now." TD smirks and pours himself a goblet of orange juice. "Or five months, three days, eleven hours, nine minutes, and fifty seconds, but who's counting, right?"

"Indeed."

Before I can stop myself, I play my hoof a little early, I think. I want to ease into this, but even I sometimes say some foolish things.

"I can pay for your wedding if you desire."

Neither my comment nor the supposed subtext behind it goes unnoticed, and TD freezes with his goblet halfway to his mouth. He blinks once and slowly lowers it, his eyes fixed on me. He puts his goblet down and gently clears his throat.

"Is that what this is? Is this whole meeting just to get on my good side, Celestia?" He quietly scoffs. "If it is, that's a rather... interesting start, I'd say."

"TD..." I sigh and shake my head. "Do not think that I have this compulsive need to be liked. I am fully aware that there are ponies out there who are highly critical of me and do not hide their opinions. It's a super minority, but it is there." I pause for a moment to pour myself some tea. "But, there are some out there who I do wish that I was on better terms with, and, despite our history, you are one of them, TD."

"Hmm." TD leans back in his chair and tilts his head. "Interesting. So you want to pay for my wedding as a way to get on my good side, is that it?"

I groan and wave my hoof. "No, TD, that is not it at all!" His look of disbelief tells me all I need to know about his thoughts on that, and I grimace. "Well, I admit that that was part of it, I suppose, but I also feel that I owe you many favors, and if paying for your wedding helps you out even a little, then I would like to."

"Favors." TD clicks his tongue and leans his head against his hand. "Well, I can't deny that yes, you do owe me some favors, and that is why Cheerilee and I were talking. As a sort of peace offering..." He glances up at me. "Do you want to officiate our wedding? Like I said, we've already paid for it for the most part, but do you want to be the one who marries us?"

A wide smile threatens to split my face, and I reach out a hoof to touch his forearm. "Yes, TD! I would be absolutely honored to officiate your wedding."

TD nods, and a slight smile crosses his face. "Good. That's good, then."

"One thing did stick out to me, TD..." I retract my hoof and my smile fades. "You called it a 'peace offering.' Does that mean that you too wish that we had a better relationship than the one that we have?"

TD takes a deep breath and shrugs his shoulders. "I'm still not sure, you know? I mean, yeah, ten years is a little long to have a grudge, especially since I've become quite happy here, but at the same time there are still..." He hesitates a moment. "Things, you know? Like that thing you pulled with me and Cheerilee and Discord. You used me as a chess piece and, I know you didn't intend to, you then came into the bar to gloat about it."

My mouth curves down in a subtle frown. "TD, I did not go into that bar with the intention of gloating."

"Yeah, well..." TD raises an eyebrow for a moment and picks up his goblet. "You didn't mean to pull me into Equestria and yet... Luna didn't mean to snap my spine and yet... I didn't go into Griffonia expecting to get pulled into political drama and yet..." His gaze flickers up to me. "Cheerilee and I have talked about that many times, and we both agree that, whether you intended it or not, there was a little gloating in there."

I could not argue with him. Now that I reflect on the matter I can see why he said that. Though in my defense, had Twilight or Fluttershy come in and said that to them they would not have seen it as gloating. Having said that, however, they were not the orchestrators of my plan, merely...

Well...

TD would see them as pawns, I imagine.

Maybe he was not so far off from the truth.

I flatten my ears and grimace while taking a deep breath. "TD, I did what I felt I had to do. Was coming into the bar gloating? I suppose that it was, but involving you and Cheerilee was the best way for me to reform Discord. It was the lesser of two evils that helped a long term good. I think I was just... giddy that everything had worked out the way I had hoped and let my excitement get the best of me."

"Yeah, he taunted Cheerilee and I during a perfectly nice date, then taunted us by changing our species for kicks to rub it in our faces that we can't really get physical." TD rolls his eyes. "Yeah, really good for everybody there."

"TD, he has improved since then. He is not so antagonistic to you or your fiancée now, is he?" I cross my forelegs. "He is doing a lot better."

"He turned my fiancée into a human knowing exactly which button that would press," he says through gritted teeth. "That's not something either of us have forgiven him for."

"TD, I'm not saying that what he did was right, but he has improved." I sigh and take an apple slice off of the platter in front of me. "Discord's magic has also been used for many good things since he was released from stone, good things that have improved the lives of Equestrians everywhere." I eat my apple slice, not for a moment missing his glare and grimace in my direction. I swallow my apple and give TD a small smile. "TD, I understand why you would be upset about that, but I inconvenienced you for a few minutes to better the lives of everypony for centuries, maybe millennium to come. I'd count that as a fair trade-off."

TD scoffs, but he doesn't retort, so I can see that he agrees with my reasoning on some level. I gently put a hoof on his shoulder, and he glances up at me, not returning my kind smile.

"TD, I do not like manipulating ponies or humans. I do not want to be seen as a chessmaster, even though there are many times that I have to be. I feel that it is dishonest, and I do not like that. I care deeply for each and every one of my little ponies."

I swallowed the bite of my pancake that I had just been chewing and glanced over at Luna, who was reading the newspaper with a cup of coffee in her magical grasp and a pair of pince nez glasses balanced on her muzzle. I sighed, looked down at my plate of half-eaten pancakes and shook my head.

"I don't care for Fancypants."

To my left I heard a coffee mug shatter.

I push that memory out of my mind and focus on TD, who is strangely silent. I decide to press the advantage that I have been given.

"TD, our relationship is not a good one. You have obviously forgiven me enough that we can have a cordial conversation, but..." I sigh and take my hoof off of his shoulder. "TD? May I be frank with you?"

"I earnestly think that would be a good idea."

"Good." I take a moment to refill his water goblet before continuing. It gives me a moment to collect my thoughts. "There are very few beings on this planet who treat me the way that you do. I do not mean in the sense that other beings hit me, you are the only one in the history of time who has intentionally done that and not been obliterated, but you are refreshingly blunt around me. You don't grovel when you see me and you do not fear me in any way. You are one of the few around who is like that."

TD is frowning, but his frown is one of uncertainty. He hasn't interrupted me, nor has he begun laughing or ranting, so I take that as a sign that he is interested and continue.

"In an odd way, were our relationship better, you would likely be one of my closest friends. You do not treat me as Celestia the princess, you treat me as Celestia the pony, regardless of what happens between the two of us. I... I do wish that we had a better relationship, TD, and I realize that I have not done enough to make things up to you. My mistakes regarding you far outweigh the positives, and I highly regret that. I want to try, TD, I want to try to make it up to you."

TD stares at me for a few moments, his expression rather blank. I have said my piece, so I will wait for him to respond.

"So..." His voice cracks and he clears his throat. "So you want to make it up to me. Do you want to make it up to me so that I'll like you and you'll have a new friend, or are you doing it because you actually care about me and are upset that you hurt me?"

"Honestly?" TD nods. "Both, TD. The former is more selfish than the latter, I'll admit, but the answer is both."

"Hmm..." TD leans back in his chair and crosses his arms, an eyebrow raised. "Interesting. I... believe you, strangely enough."

"Oh?"

He nods. "Yeah. If you were trying to hide something you would have just said the second one, but you said the first one, even though you knew it was a little more selfish, thereby showing that you're honest, making me more likely to believe the second option." TD deeply exhales and runs his hand through his hair. "So yeah..."

"And what do you wish to do with that information, TD?"

TD shrugs and sits up. "Well, I guess... I guess maybe I can give it a chance. Like I said earlier, I don't want to hold grudges for ten years. I'm currently seeing firsthand how nasty that kind of thing can be for both parties involved, so I would like to try to move on a little more, yes."

My heart flutters, and a wide smile crosses my face once more. "Well I'm very glad to hear that, TD. If your future wife does not object, I think we should spend more time together as friends. Maybe she can join us as well."

"I'd like that, and I think that she would too." TD clears his throat again and stands up from his chair. "Speaking of that, Cheerilee and I have a date later today to do some more planning. I'll let you know about when the wedding is. Luna can come too if she wants."

"Well, I look forward to hearing from you about that," I say as I stand up from my own seat. "I wish you a good day and a wonderful time with your fiancée."

He tilts his head in a small bow. "Thank you. Have fun dealing with the nobles and court and whatever it is you do during the day."

My smile turns into a slight grimace as I remember that I have a rather nasty dispute waiting for me to solve after this, but I push the thoughts aside for the moment. I walk TD out of the dining room and back to my throne room where our phoenixes are perched on the back of my throne. Oswald notices TD when he walks into the room, and he takes a moment to nuzzle Philomena before talking wing and landing on TD's shoulder. As I thought before, I do like that our phoenixes seem to be good friends.

With that, TD gives me a two-fingered salute and walks out of my throne room to go back to Ponyville. When he leaves I take a deep breath and walk over to Philomena, who is staring at me with her head tilted slightly. I give her a smile and extend my foreleg, which she hops onto.

"That went as well as I had hoped, I suppose. He is a good man, and he did not deserve the things that I did to him." Philomena chirrups and I nuzzle the top of her head. "But hopefully things will improve between us. I am excited to officiate his wedding. That should be a good time to fix some of the mistakes at least a little bit."

I turn my head and look at the door to the throne room. "Or at least I hope so."

It is many hours later before I re-enter the dining room after a rather taxing day in court to see my sister already there with a plate of food. She looks up at me when I come in and the two of us exchange a smile, though mine has a touch more exhaustion behind it. I quite look forward to being done for the day.

"Good evening, Tia. How did your meeting with TD Powell fare?"

"It went very well, Lulu, thank you for asking." I sit down and pour myself a cup of tea. "I think him and I are going to be on much better terms from now on. The events of today are a good first step."

"Oh?" Luna raises her coffee mug to her lips. "And what happened today that gave you that perception?"

"Well, I think it was about the time that we went back to my room and, oh what's the expression, 'passionately made out' that gave me that idea."

Revenge is a sweet thing. It may have taken me over a year and more victories on her end in that time, but I finally got Luna to spit-take.

"T-Tia!" Luna sputters, ignoring the coffee that was now all over the table. "He... he is to be married! He is betrothed to dear Cheerilee! That is adultery!"

I shrug and take another sip of my tea. "Well, it was just a one-time thing, Lulu." I click my tongue. "Maybe. It's up to him. I for one enjoyed it immensely. Besides, Lulu, me having a physical relationship with him was your idea. If you recall, you were the one who suggested that we make out. Well, that’s what we did."

Luna's eyes shrink down to pinpricks, and her jaw is nearly on the floor as she tries to think of something to say. I cannot help myself, and a wide smile crosses my face. The smile does not go unnoticed, and Luna slowly puts the pieces together. After a moment, her expression turns into a scowl and she wheels around in her chair and roughly grabs the coffee-stained newspaper in front of her, her next words coming as a growl.

"Shut up."

30-I Think I Feel a Song Coming On

So, Celestia wants to become besties.

Hmm...

I'm not quite sure what to think about all of that, honestly. I spent the entire train ride home pondering the notion, but I'm no closer to thinking up what to do with that information now than I was when we left.

I sigh and put my house key down on the table while Oswald flies over to land on the headboard of my bed. At least he has a good relationship with Celestia's bird. They always fly off to do... some phoenix things when Celestia comes to town and we run into each other.

But a legitimate, true friendship with Celestia after all these years and all that she has done to me? I mean, I've long since forgiven her for tearing me from Earth. Ten years is far too long to hold that grudge. Besides, I've had some amazing things happen to me here on this planet, first and foremost, obviously, being my upcoming marriage to Cheerilee. I walk over to a calendar that I have next to my bed that has each passed day marked off in red marker.

Only one hundred and six days to go.

I'm looking forward to my date to talk about wedding plans, and she should be here any minute, but I can't shake the whole Celestia thing. Well, Cheerilee will no doubt want to hear about it. I still think it's a big headache, to be honest.

Wait...

Uh...

I know this feeling.

I have a feeling welling up in my chest that gets worse every time I think about Celestia. It's one that I've felt a few times before. My first exposure to it was at that fateful Grand Galloping Gala. It's...

The Magic of Music.

The feeling is like a ball in my chest, and to my horror it begins pushing itself up my throat as the background music begins playing. I glare at the ceiling and stomp my foot on the ground.

"No, we're not doing this! We're not doing this, and especially not about Celestia!" I stomp my foot again and Oswald looks over at me with mild interest, but the feeling intensifies, as does the background incident. It doesn't feel like a villain song either, so I don't think that I'll be plotting to take over Equestria anytime soon to rule as a dark king with Cheerilee by my side. Pity.

I hate this. I really do. It's about to start and I can't do anything about it. I... just...

Dammit.

"Oh Celestia, what you do to me!
You cause bafflement, don't you see?
I was happy at home! Life was so divine!
Then you thought 'Friends? TD will be mine!'

Oh Celestia, you are so cruel to me!"

I am really not doing this. The Magic of Music may have taken total control of me, but I'm going to go down kicking and screaming. The classical background music swells as I feel another verse coming on. Not going to happen. My mouth is forced open to sing, but I shove my fist in. I'm not singing about my feelings.

"Ug Cuerehia! Ih eh o ruh ee!
Nug fin ugh ri Chihee!
lh is oh uhih ohih, I in i ur aulh!
Hen ill ih ee oh ruh oooh?"

I don't even want to know what I was supposed to be singing there. I really don't care. Now, it's not like I have a bad voice. Far from it; I was in choir in high school, but this was something else entirely. Singing about Celestia while classical strings played in the background was just too much for me. Oswald is looking at me like I've absolutely lost my mind, and when Oswald is looking at you like that, you know that something has gone wrong somewhere. I mean, he doesn't question me, but I imagine that he is kind of considering calling the ponies in white coats right about now.

I have to sing four more accursed verses of whatever wretched prose the universe has deemed that I should sing before I hear a loud knocking on my door. Instantly I feel the Magic's hold over me die, and I shoot to my feet, a large smile on my face. I open the door to my home and see Cheerilee on the other side. However, instead of the smile of hers that I love so much, she is instead frowning, and her eyes are full of concern.

"Are you okay, TD? I was going to knock, but then I heard what sounded like choking coming from inside your house." She raises an eyebrow and tilts her head. "Are you sick?"

I sigh and chuckle, though it has no humor behind it. "No. It's silly, really. It's just that the Magic of Music took hold for a little bit and I... fought back."

"Ah." All look of worry washes off of Cheerilee's face, and I step aside to let her walk in. "That makes sense, I suppose. So what were you singing about?"

"Well, my talk with Celestia was interesting." I walk her over to my dining room table and we both sit down. "Basically she wants to be friends, and is willing to put a lot more effort into that happening. She's even accepted the offer to officiate our wedding."

Cheerilee's eyes light up, and she put a hoof on my arm. "TD, that's great! Not everypony gets the honor of being good friends with Princess Celestia herself! If she wants to make it up to you, why wouldn't you want that too?"

I grunt and shrug. "I don't know, and that's what's bugging me. I don't know what to think about it. Given everything that has happened between Celestia and I over the past ten years, I don't know what to do about that kind of offer. I mean, I don't want to hate anybody, but I'm just wary of Celestia, that's all." I sigh and thunk my head on the table. "That's what I was singing about. I had inner emotional conflict that I didn't know what to do with, I guess."

"Interesting." A wry smile crosses Cheerilee's face. "So, is the song over? Can we get to our wedding planning now, or are you just in the middle of the break, and I get to hear what a lovely singing voice you have?"

I snort and roll my eyes. "I hope it's over. It wasn't a long song, but I'm not singing about my feelings towards Celestia. I'll talk about how much they frustrate me, but I'm not singing about them." I sigh and rub my temples. "It's just irritating, not being in control about things like when I can or cannot sing about my feelings."

Cheerilee chuckles and wraps her forelegs around my forearm. "Well, I still think you're manly, even if you are forced to sing about your feelings." Cheerilee nuzzles my shoulder, and I smile down at her and run my fingers through her mane. "So what did you talk about specifically?"

"Well..." I lean back in my chair and rest my head on the back. "What I got is that she wants to be my friend because I treat her like Celestia the pony, not Celestia the princess. I don't just bow and grovel at her hooves whenever she walks into a room, I nod at her and continue drinking. She's not some aloof figure to me, she's just... Celestia, and she cherishes that."

"Interesting." A glower crosses Cheerilee's face, and she releases her grip on my forearm, and instead wraps my whole upper half in a crushing hug. "Well, she's not getting you! You're mine! She can go pull some other poor sucker from some poor other dimension if she wants her own pet human, but you're my fiance, and she's not going to take you away from me!" Cheerilee grins and nuzzles into my chest, letting out a contented sigh as she does. "So there."

I copy her grin and try to nuzzle her the way that ponies do. She giggles and rubs my chest with the tip of her hoof as I continue running my fingers through her mane.

"So what are you going to do about Princess Celestia?" she asks after a few moments. "Are you going to try to become better friends with her?"

My smile fades, and I can't help but replay the event in the castle in my mind. I mean, yeah, I don't want to hold a grudge against Celestia forever, but on the other, I think that a friendship with her would just be... weird. I mean, considering our history, we're not exactly friendship material, despite what Twilight and her buddies would say. She is officiating my wedding, but that's just a step towards repairing our relationship, not furthering it. To me we have a long way to go before we get to the stage where we can be called friends. In the ends I settle for a shrug.

"I'm not sure. I can guess that Celestia probably won't want to give up, and I'm not sure how to feel about that either. Do I accept her friendship, or do I just let things happen the way I want them to happen? What do I want to happen? I'm so confused and I don't... uh..." I blink once as I feel something familiar well up in my chest. "Uh-oh."

Cheerilee frowns and tilts her head. "What? What's the matter."

I shoot to my feet and hold out my hand as if to forestall the advance of some invisible force that's about to overcome me. I glare at the... nothing around me and shout at the ceiling.

"I'm not doing it, you hear?! I'm not duh..." My voice cracks, "I'm not doing it in front of my fiancee!"

"Doing what?" Cheerilee slides off of her own chair and takes a tentative half step towards me. "TD, you're starting to scare me. Is something..." Her worried expression melts away and is replaced with a coy smile as it clicks in her mind. "Is the Magic of Music taking hold again, TD?"

I grind my teeth together, refusing to even acknowledge that with a nod. "I'm not going to do it!" The feeling is pushing itself up more. Any moment now I'm going to be forced to, and then I'll look like a ditz in front of my marefriend.

Cheerilee giggles and pokes my leg. "You know, TD, there's nothing wrong with it. Even stallions have it happen to them sometimes. It's just part of the natural order of things." She trots over to my bed and slides down on it, grinning like the Cheshire Cat the whole time. "You might as well just show me what a lovely singing voice you have."

"I... I absolutely refuse!" I sputter. "Not in this context, and not like this!"

"Oh come on, TD. Be a good sport!"

"I will not be a god spuh... I will not be a good spuh..." I snap my mouth shut as the music begins swelling up behind me. I know that Cheerilee can hear it, because she's looking all around her with that same grin on her face. Some unseen force is slowly forcing my mouth open, as it seems nature did not intend for anything to not sing when it freaking told them to sing.

I say it again: dammit.

I cannot understand, Celestia's game!
Her actions towards me, have been totally lame!
If I--

I'm not doing this! I shove my fist in my mouth yet again.

--guh muh nou buh,
nih nur hurr ruh oo.
I oh ik ereshia,
I uh cheehee!

And Cheerilee is loving every minute of this, of course. If I thought that she was smiling widely before, now she's having the time of her life. I'd tell her to get out and to let me suffer in peace but, well, fiancee. She's going to have to see me at my very lowest at times, so she might as well get used to it.

So I guess for now I just have to glower and bear it. It's not like I can go up to Celestia and say "I'll be your friend if you go into your secret room that I know you have and turn off the switch that makes me sing whenever the Magic of Music wants me to."

Though the thought of at least asking about it is sorely tempting.

But then, it's over. The stupid song is over. The feeling subsides, the muffled lyrics stop coming out of my mouth, and the background music fades into the distance. I take my fist out of my mouth, a suspicious expression not leaving my face.

But nothing comes up again. I think it's over.

I rub my temples and collapse on my bed, glancing up at Cheerilee, who is smirking down at me. After a few moments she giggles once and kisses my cheek.

"Sweetie, this is why I love you. Only you would be so concerned about your pride in this area, that you'd challenge the laws of reality to a duel out of sheer stubbornness." She lays down so that she can snuggle up closer to me, something that I have no problem with. I wrap my arm around her shoulders, and she lazily lays a foreleg across my chest. "And if I do say so, I think you came as close as you could have to actually winning."

"Always the silver linings with you isn't it?" I snark. She raises an eyebrow and looks up at me with a slight glare, but I give her a smile and gently ruffle her mane. "Just teasing. Love you, Cheers."

"I love you too, TD." She pauses for a beat. "And you have a lovely singing voice. I should hear it uncensored sometime."

Oh for Pete's sake.

Author's Notes:

Well, I know this wasn't the longest chapter, but I had fun writing it.

Also, I know that a few people are genuinely interested in TDlestia. Well...

/story/122018/31/td-the-alicorn-princess/the-sermon-of-princess-antares

Also, this chapter is brought to you by Redd's Apple Ale. Four bottles of it. And two Nostalgia Critics and one Plinkett review. And a few episodes of Darkwing Duck and a luau complete with a Maori haka. So don't blame me for... whatever.

30-The In-Laws

And so we continue to plan our wedding. It's going as well as can be expected, and we are both going nuts about it. With only a month and a half until Cheerilee becomes Mrs. Cheerilee Powell--won't that be interesting--crunch time is closing in on us. Changes are coming to Ponyville, my friends, and they are coming fast.

We talked and decided that Cheerilee is going to move in with me, rather than the other way around. My house is a little bigger, so it can fit the three of us comfortably enough. Should we have a foal or two, we'll probably have to get Manderley 2, but for now, we're cozy. So, Cheerilee put her house on the market, and it looks like a buyer might be interested. Well, that's one more thing off of the list of to-dos.

But there's one more thing that has been bugging me lately that I failed to address. More specifically, I failed to bring it up to my fiancée again, and with our wedding on the horizon, I figured that the time was now to talk about it once more. I wouldn't feel right getting married without this being resolved.

The in-laws.

If Cheerilee and/or I didn't at least make a token effort to talk to her parents to let them know that their daughter was getting married to a... something, I think that would strain their already fractured relationship even more if they ever did try to get in contact with her, and they found out she got married. I think it would be great for them all if they tried to get back in contact because of this. Yeah. That's what I was thinking.

I just... hadn't broken this idea to the future wife yet, that's all. I'd put it off probably too long, considering that the wedding was so close, but now was as good a time as any.

Cheerilee and I sat in my dining room, enjoying an afternoon meal as a break from a few wedding plans. We are both smiling, as per usual when we're around each other, but on the inside, I'm freaking out. Oswald is perched on the back of my chair, and I'm shooting him glances. I've talked with him a few times about what I'm planning on doing. Or rather, I've monologued to him while he patiently listened.

No sense beating around the bush with it, though. I take a deep breath and lean back in my chair, my smile fading.

"Cheers, we need to talk."

Her own smile fades, and she raises an eyebrow. She puts down her half-eaten sandwich and pushes her plate away. "Oh?"

I nod. "Yeah. This is actually a talk that I wanted to have long before this, but with all of the wedding plans, I guess I just kept putting it off." I straightened up in my seat and put a hand on her hoof. "Cheerilee, I know this isn't going to be the most pleasant, but I want to talk about your parents again."

Cheerilee's left ear flickers, and her gaze trails to the floor. "And why would you want to talk about my parents, TD?"

My resolve falters slightly. I don't like seeing my fiancée upset like this, but now that I've brought it up, I can't just go back on it. I clear my throat and cross my arms. "Well, because we're getting married, and I just think that it would be a good idea to at least try to get back in contact with them, you know? If you got in contact with them down the line and you already got married, maybe even had a foal, then I think that would hurt them a little, ya know? They'd have missed out on some really big parts in your life."

"Even more," Cheerilee mutters.

"Exactly." I lean back in my chair and run a hand through my hair. "So, I think it's time that you or me, or even both of us, go talk to your parents. Now I'm not gonna force you, and I'm obviously not gonna love you any less if you decide not to, I just want you to think about it is all. I mean, you haven't talked to your parents in what, almost fifteen years?"

"Yes, I believe that's correct." Cheerilee sighs and shakes her head. "I'm not sure, TD. I mean, yes, I'd love to have a good relationship with my parents again, but I'm worried about what will happen when I see them."

My mouth twists into a frown. "She says to the guy who not only hasn't seen any member of his family in over ten years, but any member of his species, and will not do so again. From my point of view, if you had even the chance to re-connect with your parents again, why wouldn't you?" Her ears flatten, so I give her a comforting smile. "Look, I get it: you haven't seen them in almost fifteen years, so you're worried that when you do see them again, there will be some bad blood between the two of you; that they might slam the door in your face and never want to talk to you again, but what if that's not the case? What if you walked up to their door, and they welcome you with open... er... forelegs?"

Cheerilee gives a single, weak chuckle at my half-joke, and manages to look back up at me. "Yes, TD, that is what scares me. It's what's scared me every time I've thought of my parents since I left them when I was sixteen. I don't know if I could handle trying to get into contact with them after fifteen years and having them just slam the door in my face. I don't know what that would do to me, and trying that now, just before our wedding?"

Hmm, I hadn't thought of that. If they did slam the door in her face, and she did get depressed from that, as she would, then that would put a real damper on our wedding. Conversely, if they welcomed her back, then that would make our wedding even better. Risks, risks, risks. I take a deep breath and shrug.

"Ultimately it's up to you, Cheerilee. I obviously can't force you to try to get back in contact with your parents again." I can't force her to do anything. This is a matriarchal society.

Cheerilee nods and straightens back up fully. "Yes, and I appreciate you not pushing me too much on the issue, and I can see why you would not understand why I wouldn't jump on the chance to re-connect, especially since, as far as I'm aware, they're still just a single train ride away."

"Yeah." I shrug again. "And don't think that I think you're a bad pony or anything. I get it: fourteen years is a heck of a long time, and anger can either dissipate or fester in that time. Just think about it, that's all I'm asking, okay?"

"Okay," Cheerilee mutters with a nod. "I'll think about it."

"Good." I click my tongue and clear my throat. "Now with that aside, have you thought of a Best Mare yet?"

Cheerilee's smile returns, a little wider and more genuine. "Well, I was thinking of Berry Punch. You?"

My gaze flickers over to Oswald. Because sure. If I'm gonna marry a pony, might as well have a phoenix as my Best Man.

A week later, I walk back into my house after a long day's work, and put my cleaning supplies back in my storage closet. I yawn and lay down on my bed, while Oswald perches on the backboard. I smirk up at him and reach up to scratch his head feathers, but my arms aren't quite that long, so he has to hop from the backboard to a spot right next to me for me to do so.

"Ugh, not a fun day," I mutter. "I cannot believe that Lyra managed to trash that much of town with that experimental spell." I rolled over and fluffed my pillow a little. "Still, Apple Bloom's cutie mark is right. Wouldn't have made it through today without her." Oswald chirrups, and I chuckle. "Yes, I hope tomorrow will be easier. It's Saturday, so I have my day off with Cheerilee for more wedding plans." I raise my head and grimace when I see the mess that is my house. "Gotta organize this place a little more before she moves in, though."

Before I can do anything else, I hear a knock on the door. I groan, not really wanting to do anything but take a nap right now, thank you very much, but slide out of bed and walk over to the door. I open it up, and smile when I see my fiancée on the other side. However, my smile fades when I see that she is not smiling. As a matter of fact, she's looking at the ground and shifting uncomfortably.

"Hey, Cheers." I tilt my head. "Is something up?"

"Yeah." She takes a deep breath and manages to look up at me. "I've been doing some thinking about my parents, and, well..." She takes another deep breath. "I realized that you're right: I should try to at least talk to them again, especially if we're going to get married. Fourteen years is too long to ignore them. I want to... I want to try to talk to them again."

I admit, hearing her saying that makes me a little nervous too. I mean, these are the in-laws that I might be meeting, but even beyond that, this is going to be a huge moment in Cheerilee's life either way it goes. At this point in our relationship, any event in her life that's significant for her, is also significant for me on some level. Such is the way things go in devoted relationships.

At any rate, hearing her say that makes me nod and take a deep breath of my own. "Okay. I'll get us train tickets to Baltimare for tomorrow then."

Cheerilee flinches back. "Tomorrow?"

"Yep. You want to see them, and we can't put it off forever. I know tomorrow is free for you, so unless you'd like to do it today..."

"You're right..." Cheerilee glances in the direction of the train station. "It would be best to do this as soon as possible. I've put this off for fourteen years, and I shouldn't put it off anymore."

I don't know if that was her gaining resolve, or reservation on her part.

By nine A.M. the next morning, Cheerilee and I board a train for Baltimare. We don't expect an overnight stay, I have some work tomorrow anyway, so we don't pack anything. Cheerilee is completely silent, and I have a comforting arm around her shoulders. Baltimare is the closest city to Ponyville, so the ride will be a short one. Too short for my fiancée, I'd wager. Only a few hours.

I can't imagine what's going through her head. I mean, for me, I'd be so excited that I couldn't breathe. Seeing my parents again after fourteen years? Man, that would just be the greatest. Now, would they be pleased that I'm marrying a pony? Eh, probably not that, no, but after fourteen years, they might not care. Cheerilee, though? I mean... hmm. The two obviously didn't part on the best of terms, and she pretty much ran away from home to get away from them, something they could very well have taken personally. As it is, though, I think her showing up like this is going to be one heck of a surprise for her parents. Something will get resolved one way or another, I'll wager.

Before either of us can fully register it, though, the train whistle blows, and the train slowly comes to a halt. I hear Cheerilee sharply inhale, and she tightly wraps her forelegs around my forearm. I give her a comforting smile and run my fingers through her mane.

"Easy, Cheers. It's gonna be okay."

"How do you know?" she whispers, her ears flattening.

"Because I'm here, and whatever happens, I'm going to help you through it." I stand up and start to pull her up. "Now come on, let's go see your parents, alright?"

Cheerilee takes a deep breath and slowly nods. "Okay, TD." She stands up. "Okay."

We exit the train with Oswald flying behind me, and I pay for a taxi to the closest we can get to the farming outskirts of Baltimare. Like the train ride, Cheerilee is completely silent, something that, this time, irritates me just a touch. I kind of want to talk to her about her plans with her parents either way they reacted, or even if they had moved and we couldn't find them. I get it, she's scared as all else about seeing her parents again, but I would like to go into this with at least a little bit of a plan.

Ugh, I just had to hope that they didn't see her and then slam the door in her face right away, leaving her completely heartbroken. I love her and all, but I just cannot stand seeing her like that.

I hardly notice the sights of Baltimare as we pass through the outer edge of the city on our way to the farming area. I'm only looking at my fiancée. The thought crosses my mind that next time we come here, especially if today goes well, then we'll have to look at the city in a little more detail, but for now, it passes me by without me taking much notice.

This is all resting on Cheerilee right now.

It's roughly an hour's ride before I notice that the buildings are behind us now, and that I'm now seeing farmland. Lots and lots of farmland. In the distance I see large fruit orchards, but for the moment, we're passing by what looks to be wheat fields. Yeah, we're pretty close, I'd wager, but I'd best make sure. I glance up at Oswald to make sure that he's still doing okay, which he seems to be. He's fallen asleep, which is unsurprising. I shrug and look back down at Cheerilee. She still has her head resting on her foreleg and is staring in the distance at nothing in particular. I reach out and poke her shoulder, causing her to jump. She looks back at me, her eyes wide, before she sighs and takes a deep breath, a small smile gracing her face.

"You scared me, TD."

I chuckle and lean back. "You were way out of it. Thinking about your parents?"

Cheerilee snorts and leans against my shoulder. "That obvious?"

"It kind of seems like the time." I motion around to the farmland. “We seem to be getting close, am I right?"

"Yes." Cheerilee sighs and looks out into the horizon. "I recognize one or two of these farms, actually. The families had foals that I played with growing up, but..." Cheerilee scans the various farms and I hear her squeak. Her ears flatten, and she wraps her forelegs around my arm again. I frown and look out into the farms and grimace when I see an orange orchard. I motion to it.

"Is that it? Is that your home?"

Cheerilee nods, and I can hear her breathing get a little faster. I wrap my other arm around her and squeeze. "Easy, Cheerilee. I'm here. It's gonna be okay."

"I know," she whispers.

It's not more than ten minutes before the taxi stops near a small dirt path that leads to a white farmhouse at the orange orchard. I gently nudge Cheerilee out of the taxi and follow her out. I pay the taxi driver, and he thanks me and runs off, leaving Cheerilee, Oswald and I alone. There's no going back now.

At the end of the dirt path, just a few feet from where we've been dropped off, is a small red mailbox with its flag up. Cheerilee walks up to it, and once again squeaks. I frown and look where she's looking, and see two names on the side. Orange Picker and Sky Flier. Underneath the two names on the otherwise very well kept mailbox, I see what looks like scratch marks. In fact, it looks like somebody had attacked the side of this mailbox with a key, or something like that. I narrow my eyes and lean in closer to examine the scratch marks, as it looks like there's something underneath them, and I see what appears to be letters. On one end of the length of the scratch marks, I see a "c" and on the other, I see two "e"s. The scratch marks look just long enough to cover up the name "Cheerilee."

I sigh and look down at my fiancée, who is sitting on the ground and wiping her eyes with the back of her hoof. She sniffles and looks up at me. "I... I guess they r-really don't want to see me anymore," she whimpers.

I click my tongue and put my hand on her head. "Hey, there's no reason to believe that. They did that fourteen years ago, right? They could regret it."

"Maybe, but..." Cheerilee stand up and shakes her head. "I can't do this, TD. I can't walk up to that door and hope that they don't slam it in my face."

"Fine." I cross my arms. "Then I'll do it. You go take a walk and hang out in the orchard, or something, and I'll go talk to your parents."

Cheerilee's eyes widen, and she touches my leg with a hoof. "No, you don't need to do that! W-we can just go home!"

I shake my head. "Nu-uh. We came this far, and we're not stopping now. Either you come up with me, or take a walk through the orchards while I talk to your parents. Take your pick. We're doing this, Cheerilee."

Cheerilee flattens her ears and looks out into the orchard. "You go, TD. You go talk to my parents. I'll go take that walk; see the orchard again. I might as well in case they want me to leave."

"Alright." I nod and turn towards the thin wooden door of the farmhouse. "You go have your walk, then, and I'll talk to your parents."

"Okay." Cheerilee takes a deep breath and looks out into the orange trees. "Okay." She wraps one of her forelegs around my waist and squeezes tightly. "Good luck, okay?"

I chuckle and run my fingers through her mane. "Thanks, Cheers. I'm sure it'll be okay. You just relax, and I'll take care of it for now, okay?"

"Right." Cheerilee lets me go and starts slowly walking in the direction of the orange trees, leaving me standing on the little dirt road leading up to the farmhouse.

Well, this is it: time to meet the in-laws. I'd always imagined that it would be... dramatic in a different way. I mean, sure, there's always the basic drama of telling two parents that you want to marry their daughter, but when you're doing that at the exact same time that you're trying to reconnect them with said estranged daughter, the stress levels go through the roof, as I'm sure one could imagine.

Nothing else for it, though. I have to be strong for Cheerilee, and that means going up to the farmhouse and knocking on the door.

I take a deep breath to steady myself, then give a single nod to Oswald. I crack my neck and walk up to the door, each step making my legs feel heavier and heavier. Somehow the simple, charming farmhouse begins looking more and more like the house from that one horror movie that I saw back on Earth with my mother. Somethingville Horror.

Laaaaa ah. Laaaa ah. La la la la, la la la.

Or something like that.

Anyway, I reach the door and raise my hand to knock. I falter for a moment, but realize that I have to be brave for Cheerilee.

So I knock on the door three times.

Okay, now there's really no going back. I've only doorbell ditched nine or ten times in my life, but I'd never do it here. Especially not now. I exhale and straighten out my shirt to make myself a touch more presentable. That's when I hear it.

Hoofsteps.

My stomach clenches, and I shift nervously where I stand. A million different scenarios run through my mind, a fair amount of which center around my being a species previously unknown to 99.9% of Equestria. They could think that I'm some monster out to destroy them. Then, once I establish that I'm not, I have to tell them that I'm marrying their long lost daughter.

I hear the hoofsteps stop on the other side of the door, and the creak of the hinges as the door swings open, revealing an orange coated earth pony stallion with three oranges for a cutie mark, and a dark orange mane that's already graying at the edges. As the door opens, he has a friendly smile on his face that gives me a little bit of courage... but that courage wanes, as the moment he sees me, the smile evaporates so thoroughly, it might as well not have been there at all. Instead, now his expression goes completely blank.

Heh.

I gulp and scratch the back of my neck. "Uh... are you Orange Picker?"

The stallion's eyes narrow a fraction of an inch, but he tilts his head in a single nod. "Yup." A moment of silence falls between us before he speaks again. "Da Tartarus 'r you?"

I give a single chuckle with no real humor in it, and clear my throat. "I'm a human, Mr. Orange Picker, sir."

"Uh-huh." Orange Picker's starts looking behind me. "And... wut exactly 's a human..." He peers at Oswald for a moment. "And a phoenix doin' on my doorstep?"

"Well, I'm here to talk about your daughter, Cheerilee."

His gaze instantly snaps back to me, and his eyes widen. "Cheerilee? Y'... y' know my daughter?"

I nod. "Sure do."

"Y' know whure she is?"

"Uh-huh."

Orange Picker grunts before turning his head back to inside the house. "Sky!"

From inside the house another voice replies. A mare this time. "Yeah?"

"Got a... human at th' door."

"Human? What's a human?"

Orange Picker shrugs." Dunno, really, but he says that he knows Cheerilee."

The house is silent as the mare doesn't respond right away. That doesn't last too long, however, as I hear the sound of running coming from inside the house, and I see a teal pegasus mare with a light blue mane, which also has the gray creeping up, bolting towards the door. She's going fast enough that I start to wonder if she's going to stop in time, but just as she reaches the door, she digs her hooves into the floor and flares out her wings, bringing her to a complete stop.

"Cheerilee?" She looks first at her husband, then at me. "This..." She blinks once and tilts her head. "Oh... is that what a human is?" Orange Picker nods, and she returns it. "Right... right. Well, this thing knows where Cheerilee is?"

I grimace and cross my arms. "I'm not a thing, thank you very much, I'm a 'he.' Yes, though, I know where your daughter is."

The mare, whom I'm going to presume is Sky Flier, rushes out to me, and leaps on her hind legs, flaring out her wings for balance, to put her forehooves on my shoulder. I can't miss the wild look in her eyes.

"Where?" She shakes me once with surprising strength. "Where is my daughter? Please, sir! I haven't seen my little filly in fourteen years, nine months, three weeks and nine days!"

Well, ah, hmm... Cheerilee shouldn't have worried about her mother, then.

I chuckle, this time with a touch more humor, and gently push Sky Flier off of me. "Well, she's not so 'little' anymore, really. She's going to be thirty-one in a few months here. As for where she is..." I motion out towards the orange orchard. "She's taking a walk through the orange o--"

I don't have time to finish my sentence. Sky Flier takes wing and flies straight into the orange orchard, screaming Cheerilee's name. I blink once and look down at Orange Picker.

"I guess she missed your daughter."

Orange Picker took a slow, deliberate breath. "Yup. Guess so."

"Did, uh..." I hesitate for a moment and tilt my head. "Did you?"

Orange Picker doesn't respond, instead choosing to walk past me and into the orange orchard. I shrug and run a hand through my hair before Oswald and I follow him.

Well, we're able to follow Sky Flier's cries pretty well, and as such, we know exactly which direction she went. That won't really help us find Cheerilee unless she went in the same direction, but it's a start.

As it turns out, I needn't have worried. After a few minutes of walking, I hear Sky Flier give a loud gasp, followed by one that I recognize as coming from Cheerilee. I put on a little more speed and jog to where I hear the two voices coming from, and reach a little clearing in the trees where I see it.

Cheerilee and her mother are both sitting in the grass, crying their eyes out. Sky Flier has her forelegs wrapped around Cheerilee's shoulders, and Cheerilee is leaning into her mother's chest, one of her forelegs draped over one of her mother's. Her mother is saying something that I can't quite make out through all of the tears, but, in all honesty, I don't really mind. Anything said is really for them. I smile and lean against one of the trees, while Oswald perches on one of the branches of said trees. It looks like everything is going to turn out to be okay.

Orange Picker arrives on the scene, and he stares at the two crying mares before him. He takes a deep breath and blinks once, and for the life of me, I cannot read his expression. Cheerilee looks up and sees her father standing there, and she extends a foreleg to him.

"Hi, Daddy," she says in a quiet voice.

Orange Picker gives a single nod. "H'lo." Slowly, Orange Picker walks up to his daughter and, when he reaches her, he touches her outstretched hoof. As he does, he sits down beside his daughter and puts his other hoof on her shoulder. "H'lo."

Cheerilee lets out a noise that's a cross between a laugh and a sob, and leans her head on her father's shoulder. Sky Flier sniffles and wipes her eyes before turning her head to me.

"You brought our daughter back to us. We cannot thank you enough."

I gave her a two-fingered salute. "No problem. I was happy to do it."

"I haven't seen my little filly in almost fifteen years, and now she comes back with a..." A slight frown crosses Sky Flier's face. "A human, is that what you're called?"

I nod. "Yep, but my name is TD. TD Harrison Powell, but everybody just calls me TD."

"TD." Sky Flier returns my nod. "I see. And how do you know my daughter?"

"TD and I have known each other for almost ten years now, Mom," Cheerilee says, wiping her eyes with the back of her hoof. "He's been my best friend for a long time, but he proposed a little while back. We're going to be married in a few months."

Both parents' eyes went as wide as dinner plates and they locked me in their gaze while at the same time saying in perfect unison...

"What?"

30-Approval

And things had been going so well too.

Cheerilee was happy, her parents were happy, and I was happy. We were all really, really happy and now... I'm not really sure what her parents are thinking. They're both just staring at me with wide eyes and dropped jaws. I'm shifting nervously, and Cheerilee is looking between her parents with a nervous expression on her face.

"So... let me get this straight," Cheerilee's father says after a solid minute of silence. "You're plannin' on marryin' this human in a few months?"

"Yes, Daddy," Cheerilee says. "We've got almost everything planned."

"Er..." Her father blinks once and alternates his looks between the two of us. "He's not a pony, Cheerilee. He's not even somethin' I've ever seen before."

Cheerilee pushes herself to her hooves and glares at her father. "And?"

"Well, it just ain't somethin' I expected from ya, Cheerilee. I mean..." Her father uneasily rubs the back of his neck. "How are ya gonna have foals with him? Have ya been intimate with him at all? Can ya be? Is that possible? How am I supposed ta know he's best for ya?"

"Oh give me a break, Dad!" Cheerilee stomps a few steps closer to her father, her glare turning positively deadly. "That is just rich coming from you! I seem to recall stories of how Grandma and Grandpa weren't really thrilled that you married a pegasus! You put me down for wanting to teach, then we see each other for the first time in fifteen years and all you can do is disapprove of the man who is going to be my husband? TD loves me, Dad! He loves me more than anything! He'd go to the ends of Equestria for me!"

Yup.

"Now TD and I love each other, Dad. We're going to be married whether you like him or not, and please..." Cheerilee's fiery glare dies down, and her look turns into a pleading one. "Please don't do this to me again. Don't look at something I love and say that it's not important or not the best thing for me. I'm a grown mare, Dad. TD and I have known each other for ten years, and I know what kind of man he is. Trust me when I say that he will be very good to me."

Cheerilee's mother stands up, puts a hoof on Cheerilee's back, and looks over at her husband with a pleading expression. "Orange, we just got her back. I don't want to lose her again, especially not when she's found somepony who has made her happy."

Orange Picker lets out a quiet sigh then looks over to stare at me for a few seconds. Unnerving, but that's what future in-laws are supposed to do, I guess. Finally, he gives a subtle nod and runs a hoof through his mane. "Yeah, I guess if he makes you happy then we have no cause ta make you think twice about marryin' him." He takes a step towards Cheerilee and puts a hoof on her shoulder. "I just want what's best for ya, Cheerilee. I've always wanted that."

Cheerilee groans and lowers her head. "Oh Dad." She puts a hoof on her forehead. "When are you going to understand that I might know what's best for me? I've been living on my own for almost fifteen years now. I think it's time you understand that I'm a grown mare who can make her own choices and recognize which ones are good and which ones may not be."

Cheerilee's father continues his silence for a few moments longer, opting instead to stare at his daughter. "Well," he says eventually, "if'n ya feel that this human is the best thing for ya, then... then Ah guess Ah'd like ta make some amends and trust ya." Cheerilee's father gently pulled her into a hug. "'M sorry, Cheerilee. Ah just got ya back, and Ah didn't wanna find out that you were makin' some big mistake. If you don't think you are, then Ah don't think you are either."

I grin as Cheerilee and her father go in for a hug, something that her mother is quick to join in with. I turn to Oswald who is studying the scene with his usual contentment. I chuckle and scratch his head feathers.

"Well, Oswald, looks like things turned out okay."

Well, with that settled, Cheerilee's parents invite the two of us to stay the night. It would be longer, but we both have jobs to get back to the day after. Having said that, now that Cheerilee and her parents have re-united, we'll be seeing a lot more of them. They'll be coming to the wedding, of course.

The five of us go back to the farmhouse for a nice dinner and catch up time. Given that Cheerilee has been gone for fifteen years, they kinda want to know what she's been up to aside from marrying the only human on the planet, something they're still interested about.

I'm sitting at the table next to Cheerilee with Oswald perched on the back of my chair, eating chocolate covered frozen orange slices for our dessert after our dinner of salad with orange slices in it.

Yes, the whole "we'll use the fruit we grow in all of our food" thing is in no way limited to the Apple family.

"So," Orange Picker says, pushing aside his empty plate, "you've been teachin' Ponyville foals, and you met this'un when one of yer students brought him in fer Show and Tell?"

Cheerilee nods and puts down her cup of orange juice. "Yeah. He had only been in Equestria for a few days at that point. He hit it off with my class immediately by teaching them one of the games he played as a child."

"Well I think that just sounds lovely," Sky Flier says before turning to me. "So Princess Celestia brought you here from your planet, huh? I assume the two of you have talked about that a few times. I can't imagine what it must have been like to wake up and see somepony like Princess Celestia there."

The room fills with a rather awkward silence as Cheerilee and I exchange a brief glance. I gently clear my throat and put a forced smile on my face. "Well, let's just say that Princess Celestia and I are doing a lot better. I've gotten over what she did. Besides..." My smile becomes more genuine, and I grab Cheerilee's hoof. "If she hadn't done it, I wouldn't have met your daughter, and we wouldn't be getting married."

Orange Picker grunts and shrugs. "Yeah, that's true. Though if ya don't mind me sayin' so, that's still weird ta me; Cheerilee not marryin' a pony." He shrugs again. "Ah well. Better than a griffin, I suppose."

I raise my eyebrow and tilt my head. "Really? Why wouldn't you want your daughter to marry a griffin?"

"Too warlike fer my tastes." Orange Picker grimaces. "Didja hear abou' that civil war they had a few years back? I didn't care enough to get all of the details, but it was some coup or somethin' when somethin' went wrong with the royal family. Princess Kathyrine was supposed ta marry someone and it never worked out."

Cheerilee and I exchange yet another awkward glance. "Er... I think I did hear about that," I say, ignoring the "warlike" part, given the tendencies of my own species. "I was like you, though. I didn't care enough about it to want to get involved."

Technically not a lie.

"Reasonable enough. Ya like to keep to yer own business." Orange Picker gave me an approving nod. "Ah respect that. Means a stallion has his priorities straight and can focus on what's important like his family."

"A man who doesn't spend time with his family can never be a real man," I said, echoing my favorite Earth movie.

Orange Picker nodded. "Yep. I guess you saw that movie too."

Oy.

"Anyway, I suppose it's getting a little late." Sky Flier stands up and begins collecting our empty plates. "I suppose I'd better go up and make your beds for the night if you're going to be staying here."

I raise an eyebrow and give Sky Flier a confused look. "Er... 'beds?' As in plural?"

"Of course," Sky Flier says as she walks into the kitchen with the plates balanced on her wings. I hear her put them in the sink before she trots back into the room. "You and my daughter aren't married yet, Mr. Powell. We wouldn't want you doing anything unsavory to her under our roof. Besides..." Sky Flier comes up behind a facehooving Cheerilee. "I'm sure my little filly would love to see her old room again."

"Yes, Mom, I would, but..." Cheerilee puts her hoof down and gives her mother an exasperated look. "TD and I are engaged, and don't do that kind of stuff. We don't even kiss! I don't think you have to worry about us doing anything."

"Yep, yer gonna be married," Orange Picker agrees with a nod. "But you ain't married yet, and as long as yer in our house, yer gonna behave like a proper engaged couple and not start any unseemly behavior."

I hold back a grumble at that. I mean, it's not like Cheerilee and I haven't had sleepovers before. Did we do anything? No. Well, I ran my hand through her mane and she rubbed my chest in between back rubs, but I don't think that's what they're worried about.

"Look, we're not going to have sex or anything, if that's what you're worried about. Cheerilee and I tend not to get too physical."

"Good, then tonight will be no great tribulation," Sky Flier says with a nod of her own. She begins walking towards the stairs. "I'll make the beds in the guest room and Cheerilee's old room. I'll be down in a few minutes."

Cheerilee and I exchanged a rather disappointed look. I mean, what's the point of being out with your marefriend if you can't even snuggle up at night? I mean come on, it's not like we're going to do anything.

Orange Picker snorts and crosses his forelegs as he watches us. "You two 'r actin' like a couple a teenagers, ya know that?"

"Yes, Dad, I can see how you'd think that, but I don't quite see it that way," Cheerilee mutters. "We're both thirty, you know."

"Yup, so I've heard." Orange Picker stands up from his chair and stretches out his forelegs. "But as long as you're here, you're gonna behave like a proper engaged couple. No funny business."

I roll my eyes as I hear Oswald giggle behind me, something that draws a small smirk from Orange Picker. "See? The bird agrees with me."

"For Celestia's sake," Cheerilee mutters.

Sky Flier comes down the stairs a minute or so later, smiling warmly at the two of us. "Well then, you three, your beds are all ready." She turns her attention to Oswald and tilts her head slightly. "I wasn't quite sure about the phoenix. Will he be sleeping in your room, TD?"

I stand up from my spot at the table and nod. "Yeah. He will. Probably on the headboard or something." If I had brought my backpack, he would have settled in nicely there.

"Good. Well, then, I'm off to bed." Sky Flier smirks at her husband and runs a wing down his back. "We'll see you three in the morning then, okay?"

"Okay," Cheerilee and I repeat.

With that, the two of them head on upstairs to their room. Cheerilee and I look at each other, then, with an unspoken agreement, we follow after a few moments. When we reach the top of the wooden staircase in the farmhouse, Cheerilee points to the first door on the left.

"That's my room from when I was a little filly." Cheerilee smiles and walks up to it. "I haven't seen it in a long time."

I copy Cheerilee's smile, and the two of us go into her room. My first impression is... simplicity. I've seen Cheerilee's house a ton of times, so I know full well that she's not the kind of mare to go over-the-top with her decor. She's a teacher, so that's often not an option anyways. The walls are all a nice sepia color, with very few things on them. The only things I can see are a calendar from fifteen years ago, still on July where Cheerilee left it, a clock on the wall opposite the bed, and a faded poster of some colt band from the days of yore. I raise my eyebrow and walk up to the poster. Hoof Lickin' Good. I snort and look down at my marefriend.

"Hoof Lickin' Good? That was the name of your favorite band?" I scoff and look back to the poster. "These colts don't look much older than thirteen."

Cheerilee chuckles, but I see a bit of a blush at her cheeks. "Yes, well, I was young, okay? All of the fillies liked Hoof Lickin' Good." Cheerilee closes her eyes and a contented smile crosses her face. "Let's see, what was that song of theirs that every filly sang for months on end? Ooh filly, I wanna hold you so tight. I wanna stay up with you all night, ooh filly. Come away with me. We'll rock Equestria together, ooh filly. We'll be together forever and nopony's gonna ever break us apart!"

I groan and facepalm as she finishes the song. "Seems that some things are inter-dimensional. I had hoped that boy bands wouldn't be one of them."

"Oh stop it, TD," Cheerilee says with a playful push. "You liked silly stuff when you were that age too, I'll bet."

I shrug. "Sure, I suppose."

Cheerilee goes to respond, but is cut off by a rather spectacular yawn, something that triggers one in both Oswald and I as well. "I think it's time for bed, TD."

I stretch my arms behind my back and nod. "Yep. I guess I should get over to my room, then."

Cheerilee shoots me a grin and wraps a foreleg around my waist. "Oh come now, TD, Mom and Dad are already asleep. I don't think they'll really care if we sleep in the same bed tonight, right?"

I return her grin and begin moseying over to the bed. "No, I guess not."

Cheerilee and I slide underneath the light green covers of her bed, after I take off my shirt, and Oswald perches on the back of a chair next to a small desk. I give a contented sigh and wrap my arm around Cheerilee's middle.

"Goodnight, TD. I love you."

"Love you too, Cheers. Goodnight."

The room is silent as the two of us snuggle close together for the night. I can't even hear a noise outside of the house. This place is quieter than even Ponyville. Total silence.

An idea enters my head with a grin, and I lean next to Cheerilee's ear to break that silence.

"Ooh filly, I wanna hold you so tight. I wanna stay up with you all night, ooh filly. Come away with me. We'll rock Equestria together, ooh filly. We'll be together forever and nopony's gonna ever break us apart!"

Cheerilee giggles and nuzzles my hand. "You're ridiculous, TD."

"Might be."

Our moment is broken by Sky Flier's voice shouting at us through the walls.

"Hey! Separate beds, you two!"

Cheerilee and I both sit up with a groan, me glaring at the door.

"Third door to your right," Cheerilee says with a sigh.

I grumble to myself as I get out of bed, something that Oswald notices. He hops onto my shoulder as I walk out of the room. Before I leave, I turn to Cheerilee with a hint of my former smile. "Sleepover when we get back?"

Cheerilee smirks and nods. "Totally."

The next morning saw us back to Ponyville, as Cheerilee's parents had to get to their farm work and I had to get to my job for that afternoon. Leaving for Cheerilee, well, many tears were shed by all except me and Oswald, but Cheerilee gave her parents her home address and promised to send them a wedding invitation. We still had a few of them left around.

I think Cheerilee and her parents are going to be making up for lost time. If nothing else, they'll be there for the weeks leading up to the wedding.

By nine-thirty the two of us are on our way back to the train station on a taxi Orange Picker hired for us. I have my arm around Cheerilee, who is looking contemplatively out at the horizon. I smile at her and run my fingers through her mane. "So, I think that went rather well, don't you?" My smile falters. "Aside from the whole bed thing."

Cheerilee chuckled and leans her head against my shoulder. "Yes, it think that it did too. I'm really rather surprised by it, but definitely not disappointed." Cheerilee wraps her forelegs around my arm. "I think that my parents and I are gonna be okay, you know? They seemed to like you well enough."

"As well as they could, I guess," I say with a nod. "I mean, there will always be some unease with meeting the guy who wants to marry your daughter."

"True, but I think that it went as well as it could have between the two of you, knowing them."

"So any thoughts about the whole thing now that you know it was so easy? That they did want you back?"

"Yeah, I obviously wish that I had tried to get into contact with them a lot sooner. I mean, We missed out on fifteen years of each other's lives. That's not something we're ever going to get back."

"But you can make up for it now,." I lean my head on top of hers. "I get it: you're never going to get that back and it's disappointing. No arguments there from me. It's just that I think that if you focus on that, it could hurt what you want to have going forward."

"I guess you're right." Cheerilee is silent for a moment before she gives a single chuckle. "It's almost surreal. I didn't think that I'd ever see them again, but now I have my parents back in my life. I..." Cheerilee pauses and looks up at me. "Er... that wasn't tasteless of me to say, was it?"

I chuckle and wave my hand. "No, I don't think so. I'm not jealous of you, Cheers. I love you. What makes you happy makes me happy. Do I miss my parents? Yeah, of course I do, but I'm not going to go ruin today for you by being jealous or upset, which I'm not."

Cheerilee smiles and gently nuzzles my forearm. "Thank you, TD. I love you."

"And I love you too." I run my fingers through her mane again. "Now, when we get back to Ponyville we'll have to have that sleepover, okay? Maybe do some planning of our honeymoon?"

Cheerilee closes her eyes and gives a contented sigh. "I'd like that."

30-The Marriage of a Non-Brony

One day.

One day and I'm not going to be single anymore. I'm going to be married. Cheerilee isn't going to be just Cheerilee, she's going to be Mrs. Cheerilee Powell.

Mrs. Cheerilee Powell.

Mrs. Cheerilee Powell.

Mr and Mrs. TD Powell.

Mr. TD Powell and Mrs. Cheerilee Powell.

Gosh that all sounds really weird when I think about it, but we'll be a family. Me, her, and Oswald. What a weird family we'll be. A human, a pony, and a phoenix. I'll be interested to see what happens if we throw a foal into the mix. He or she might balance out the weirdness. I mean, we couldn't get any more weird, right?

Well, I guess I should never say never, especially when it comes to weirdness.

Given that the wedding is tomorrow, we're at crunch time. Rarity has double and triple checked my tuxedo to make sure that it is absolutely perfect for the wedding day. She's even managed to make Oswald a phoenix-sized jacket and bow tie which Oswald took to quite nicely. We've had to alter the ceremony a touch, given that Oswald is my best man, but I think it's going to be pretty awesome.

All that to say, maybe I'd better look into fully publishing Wanderings of a Headstrong Human, because this wedding is draining the savings of both Cheerilee and I. Sure, Applejack is giving us a great deal on the food, we don't have to pay anybody to officiate because Celestia's doing it, and Rarity's giving us our outfits for dirt cheap.

If you think that's all that goes into a wedding you have another thing coming.

"Discounts" and "dirt cheap" don't mean "free." The same thing goes with renting out Town Hall. Again, Mayor Mare allowed a discount because Cheerilee and I have both given years of good service to Ponyville, but still not free. Then there's the decorations, the DJ, everything that goes into the reception, and just... a million billion other things that you'd never even think of. Oh, and, of course, the honeymoon. To Saddle Arabia.

Cheerilee's idea. She wanted to see some place I had gone on my great adventure, and that one seemed the best. We considered Zebrica, but I'd honestly only been to one little town in Zebrica. I didn't see much else, whereas I saw the capital of Saddle Arabia.

Currently Berry Punch, Lyra, and Bon Bon have taken Cheerilee for a night on the town for her bachelorette party, the details of which they refused to tell me about. I, for one, would rather they don't get Cheerilee some sexy dancer stallion as sort of a "last hurrah" before she's a married mare.

As for my bachelor party? Well, there wasn't one. I know, I know, that's a tradition before marriage, but I don't have any close guy friends here, so there's not much for me to do. All of my good friends are mares, and mares can't throw a guy a bachelor party. I mean, I guess I could have had Spike do it, but after what he did for, and during, Shining Armor's bachelor party...

Yeah, no. Just... no.

So, I'm having a nice night in with Oswald. The two of us are just kind of hanging out, going through the last of the wedding details. I think everything is settled. Cheerilee has her dress, which I have obviously not seen her in. I have my tuxedo all settled, and Town Hall is ready for not only the wedding itself, but the reception as well. But that's not the biggest thing that I'm dealing with while Cheerilee's out with her friends.

I'm dealing with the boxes.

Specifically the boxes of Cheerilee's stuff.

Yep, we managed to find a buyer for her house, and she officially moved into Manderley with me last week. Between that and the wedding preparations, things have been more than a little hectic, but we've made it work with a lot of help.

I groan and lean back on the couch, looking at the massive amount of stuff that Cheerilee has brought with her. Despite having lived in Ponyville for coming up on four years now, my house was a little bare. I just didn't need that much stuff. I mean, it's not like I can buy a big screen TV or anything. I had just what I needed and very little in the way of decoration, especially since I didn't have family photos or anything. Now that Cheerilee is going to be living here, that's changing big time. Manderley is going to look a lot more... Cheerileeesque very shortly, and I don't know where to put it all.

I sigh and reach up to scratch Oswald's head feathers. "I can't wait for all of this to be done," I groan. "Thank goodness she didn't need to bring her furniture."

Yeah, we looked at our collective furniture, decided what we'd need, then sold off the rest. It helped pay for the wedding. I click my tongue and stand back up, walking over to a box labeled "fragile: dishes" I open the box and took out a white ceramic plate with a flowery design on the edges. I walk over to the cabinet where I stored my dishes and put it on top of my plain green ceramic plate.

That's when it really hits me.

It's funny what does it to you. Your mind can't register something that's about to happen to you, so your brain continues on like everything's normal until it all hits you. I walk back over to the couch and sit down on it, holding my head in my hands.

"Oh what am I doing, Oswald?" I moan. "I mean, what the heck am I doing? I'm marrying a pony. Cheerilee's going to be my wife this time tomorrow so..." I raise my head and look over at Oswald, who is staring at me with his head tilted. I take a few deep breaths and lean back. "I mean, this is for good, right? I mean, I never want to divorce her. We might even consider adopting a foal somewhere down the line, and... wow." I scoff and scratch Oswald's head feathers. "Oswald, my friend, life as we know it is about to be over."

I grunt and glance over at the clock. Ten fifteen. I can totally go to sleep now. The wedding starts tomorrow at one, so that means getting up at about seven for everything. I lean my head back and close my eyes.

"What if after a few months she starts to think I'm a bad husband?" My eyes shoot open and I raise my head. "What if she gets cold hooves and just doesn't show up tomorrow? What if--"

I'm cut off when Oswald gives his low, guttural growl of annoyance and cuffs me on the back of the head with one of his wings. I cross my arms and look over at him to see him leering at me. I give him a weak smirk in return and run a hand through my hair. "Yeah, I guess you're right, buddy. No sense in playing the 'what if' game right now, huh?"

I stand up and walk over to the small window next to my door, looking out into the dark streets of Ponyville. Somewhere out there my future wife is having a good time with her friends. My wife tomorrow. I take a deep breath and decide to call it a night. I'm too nervous to get any more unpacking done, and if I stay up any later, I'm going to be too tired for tomorrow. Cheerilee isn't going to be back tonight, as all of them are staying at Lyra and Bon Bon's. I'm not allowed to see Cheerilee until she walks down the aisle, so there's no point in staying up and waiting for her. I take my shirt off and walk over to my bed, sliding underneath the covers as Oswald flies over to perch on my backpack. I settle in and try not to think about all of the numerous ways that tomorrow can go wrong.

She could get cold hooves and not show up.

She could tear a huge hole in her dress.

Her mane could catch on fire somehow. I dunno, just somehow.

Changelings could invade the wedding like with Cadance and Shining Armor!

Town Hall could blow up with everyone inside! Or without everyone inside; either way is still a disaster!

Someone could steal my tuxedo and I'd have to find something else to wear.

Some of the guests could end up not coming.

Celestia could have some urgent business and not show up to do the ceremony.

I could spontaneously combust!

I groan and rub my temples. I can't think like that! I just have to hope it all goes well. It's not going to be so bad. This time tomorrow Cheerilee and I will be snuggled up in a nice bed in Saddle Arabia as man and wife.

"Mrs. Cheerilee Powell," I whisper to myself. "Mrs. Cheerilee Powell..."

My alarm clock goes off, and my eyes immediately snap open. Today's the day. The day I get married. No more bachelor TD from now on. I'm going to have a wife in a mere six hours.

I sit up in bed and notice that Oswald has woken up too. I smirk at him and turn my alarm clock off.

"Alright, buddy. I guess it's time." I get up and put on a t-shirt and some shorts before heading off to the bathroom for my morning routine. After my shower, I head on down to the kitchen and make myself some toast. It's... all I can really stomach at the moment. Oswald lands next to my seat and I push two of the three pieces of buttered toast I made over to him. I'm sure I'll get something to snack on later. Pinkie Pie will make sure of that.

Ugh. What's going to go wrong today?!

I sigh and begin rubbing my temples. "Am I being dumb, Oswald?" Oswald gives me a little caw, his mouth full of toast, and I chuckle. "I mean, I'm so paranoid about all of this. Cheerilee loves me and I love her, so this is... this is going to be okay, right? There are a ton of ponies around to make sure everything goes as perfectly as it can." I take a deep breath and finish my toast. "As good as it can."

Before I can do anything else, I'm startled by a trio of loud knocks on my door. I grimace and walk over to the door to open it. To my lack of surprise, I see Pinkie Pie, Twilight, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash all standing at my doorstep grinning widely at me. What does surprise me is when Pinkie Pie launches herself at me, wrapping me in a tackle hug. I barely manage to keep my balance as Pinkie Pie squeezes my middle with a surprising amount of strength.

"You're getting married!" she squeals. "Oh this is just the bestest day ever!"

"Congratulations, TD," Twilight says, walking into my house to pry Pinkie Pie off of me. "We're here to get you ready."

"Er... okay." I deeply inhale, partially out of nerves and partially because I can now that Pinkie Pie has been pulled off of me. "So, how is Cheerilee doing? Have you seen her?"

"Ah ah ah, TD," Pinkie says in a condescending tone, waggling her hoof at me. "The groom isn't supposed to see the bride before the wedding, remember?"

"She's alive, healthy, and she'll walk down the aisle to marry you. That's all you're getting from us," Rainbow Dash says. She grabs one of my hands and Twilight grabs the other in her magic. "Now come on, TD! Time to get you ready! We wouldn't want you to be unprepared for your own wedding, would we?"

"No, I suppose not," I say with a sigh as I get dragged down the road towards Town Hall. Oswald is flying beside me, looking on at the scene with what I think is amusement, if I can read his expressions correctly.

We get halfway to Town Hall before the mares decide that they can trust me not to bolt on them. When we reach it, I don't see anybody else there. if I have to hazard a guess, Bon Bon, Lyra, and Berry Punch are with Cheerilee already, getting her mane done and whatnot.

The mares lead me to a back door and into a large storage space, which has been outfitted with a mirror, a curtain for me to change clothes behind, and the padded hangars from which my tuxedo is hanging. I see Rarity busying herself with the tuxedo jacket, and she smiles at me when she hears the six of us come in.

"Ah. Hello, TD. Welcome to the groom's side of Town Hall. You are expressly forbidden from crossing the main room of town hall in any way shape or form, as that is the bride's side." She glances over at Oswald. "The same goes for you." Oswald gives a little hiss of annoyance, but Rarity rolls her eyes and turns her head back to me. "Now, it's eight-thirty, so we have four-and-a-half hours to pull this all off. If you do what I say when I say it, that should be plenty."

"Well we'll leave you to it, then," Twilight says. "Pinkie's going to help AJ with the food, so the reception will be all set, TD. Fluttershy? Rainbow? Care to help me do some last touches on the decor?"

Rainbow grins and salutes. "On it!"

With that, the rest of them exit the room, leaving me with Rarity. She immediately herds me behind the curtain and gently levitates my tuxedo pants over to me.

"Come out the moment those pants are on, TD! This is going to be much easier if I can see you while I make sure everything looks okay."

"Yeah, yeah," I grumble, taking off my shoes, socks and shorts and putting the tuxedo pants on as carefully as I could so as to not wrinkle them. Once that was finished, I came out from behind the curtain and Rarity put my other clothes in a brown paper bag.

"Now, then..." Rarity pulls me over to her and begins looking over the tux pants to make sure everything is fine. "Tell me how you're feeling, darling. I've never been married before, but I can imagine that you're scared out of your mind."

"Understatement of the millennium," I grumble. "In some ways the death match with the minotaur warlord who wanted my head was less unnerving than this. I mean that was..." I scratch the back of my head. "I dunno, I felt a touch more in control of that whole thing, you know? And if it goes poorly, well, then I'm not around to feel the after effects. But here? If everything goes wrong the happiness of the rest of my life will be at stake, and I have to live with a 'what could have been' and I hate those."

Rarity snorts and takes my shirt off with her magic, now that she's certain that my pants are all settled. "Honestly, TD, I think you're being paranoid. Cheerilee loves you dearly. She's devoted to you and you're devoted to her. I see absolutely no reason why you aren't going to end the day married. If Town Hall burns down and everything we've worked for turns into ash, Cheerilee will be content just having Celestia do the wedding ceremony. Just as long as she gets to call herself Mrs. Cheerilee Powell at the end of the day."

"I know," I mutter, extending one arm so that Rarity can put my tuxedo shirt on. "We love each other. We love each other a lot, and nothing's gonna change that, but I hate feeling so out of control about an event this big, you know? I know I can't micromanage everything, but this is supposed to be the happiest day of our lives. I want it to be perfect, you know?"

Rarity smirks at me and gently pats me on the back as I begin buttoning up my shirt. "Of course I do, TD. I may not have been a bride before, but I know what it's like to want everything to go perfectly." Rarity chuckles quietly and levitates the tuxedo jacket over to me. "I know fashion shows aren't exactly on the same levels as getting married to the love of your life, but the feeling is certainly one that I have experienced."

"So any advice on how to settle this terrified feeling?"

Rarity gives a light chuckle and has me extend an arm so she can slip my tuxedo jacket on. "Oh, I don't know if any mere words are going to do anything for you, TD, save for 'I now pronounce you man and wife.' All I can recommend are deep breaths, drinking sips of water, and telling yourself that Cheerilee loves you. She will marry you no matter what."

"Yeah," I mumble as I button my tuxedo jacket and Rarity gets my bow tie. "I guess so." I look over at the clock while Rarity ties my bow tie. Nine-ten. Three hours and fifty minutes.

With my tuxedo all settled, I get my dress socks and shoes on while Rarity turns her attention to Oswald. I have to admit, I was unsure of how Oswald would deal with having a tuxedo jacket and bow tie put on, but he is perfectly still while Rarity does her work. Once she's finished, he flies over to the mirror and looks himself over, tilting his head slightly as he does. After a minute or so, he nods his approval and lands on the back of a nearby chair.

"Well, it's good to see that he likes it," Rarity says with a smile. "And you look rather dashing in your tuxedo as well, TD." Rarity takes a deep breath and begins gathering up her supplies. "Now, then, I'm afraid that I must get over to the bride's side of Town Hall, TD. Cheerilee's dress is going to look even more amazing than I'm sure you're picturing it. I promise you that."

I give Rarity a weak smile and gently sit down on the chair Oswald is perched on. "Thanks, Rarity. I'm sure it will look amazing."

"It will, darling."

With that, Rarity walks out of the room, leaving me alone to figure out what to do for the next three hours and forty five minutes. On Earth I'd just pull out a phone and play some game on it, but here...

Well, I'm sure that they're not just going to let me stew for four hours.

Sure enough, after about fifteen minutes, three and a half hours to go, Applejack comes in, her coat, mane and hat covered in splotches of flour. She grins at me when she sees me. "Well howdy do there, TD. How ya feelin'?"

I chuckle and stand up. "Terrified."

Applejack scoffs and waves her hoof. "Now there's no need fer that, TD. Ah promise that Cheerilee's gonna marry ya. Now..." Applejack beckons me to follow her. "We need ya to look over everythin' to make sure that it's okay. Ah'm sure that it is, but we'd just like ta make sure, ya know?"

I nod and follow her out of the room, Oswald flying behind me. Applejack leads me into the main room of Town Hall, where the decorations have been put up.

So, Cheerilee and I, after much deliberation, decided on the same blue and green color scheme that makes up her engagement ring. There are different shades of it all, of course, but that's the general idea. Rows and rows of chairs have been laid out, with a split down the middle for the aisle that my bride-to-be will walk down with her father. Then I will meet them and take Cheerilee away from her father as tradition dictates.

Now, normally there's a bride side and a groom side, but since all of my friends are her friends, that didn't really happen in the strictest sense. Sure, her parents are on the side she'll be standing on, but the rest of it will be pretty much spread out. The Mane Six and the Crusaders are on my side, while the foals she has taught over the years and their parents can pretty much sit wherever they want. All of the seats are going to be filled, so there's no real issue of favoritism.

I look around the main hall at all of the banners and flowers and ribbons and whatnot, and give a nod of approval. Everything looks ship-shape from where I'm standing. The small stage/alter thing that they've put up front looks pretty good, so that's nice. I take a deep breath and look down at Applejack to nod my approval.

"It all looks pretty good."

Applejack smiles and gives a nod of her own. "Yep, Ah think so too. You 'n Cheerilee are gonna have a real great weddin' if Ah do say so myself."

"Yeah." I put my hands on top of my head and start taking a few deep breaths. "Oh man, this is really happening, isn't it?"

Applejack chuckles and nods. "Yep. Sure is. Yer gonna be fine TD, so don't worry about it."

"Rarity said the same thing," I mutter.

"And she was right." Applejack reaches up to put a hoof on my side, looks at her flour covered hoof, then thinks better of it and settles for a smile. "Ah know this has ta be scary, but this is gonna be the happiest day of yer life. Fer the both of ya."

"I know." I run a hand through my hair and take a deep breath. "I know that Cheerilee and I are going to be happy together... provided that everything goes well enough today."

"And it is," Applejack says with a reassuring nod. "Y'all have a lot of friends who are gonna make sure of that."

I take another deep breath and look all around the main room of Town Hall, internally repeating a new mantra to myself.

It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay.

The hours tick by as slow as molasses, but somehow as quick as lightning at the same time. Funny how that works. I spent most of it looking around the wedding and making sure that everything looked okay. I heard that Cheerilee did the same thing, but I never caught a single glimpse of her. I know it's supposed to be bad luck for the groom to see the bride before she comes down the aisle, but just a little glance would calm me down. Seeing her smile, you know?

As the time ticked down, wedding guests started to file in. As per tradition, it was my job as the groom to greet them all. So, that's what I spent most of my time doing. I admit that did calm me down a little more. Seeing a bunch of ponies come in to congratulate me on my happy day. I caught a brief glance of Cheerilee's parents, but that was cut off when Berry Punch, dressed in her light green bridesmaid dress with her mane done up, came and brought them to the bride's side.

To my surprise, everypony we invited came to the wedding. I mean, we didn't invite a thousand ponies, and everyone we did invite, save for Celestia and Luna, already lived in Ponyville, so as I ran through the guest list in my mind as well-dressed ponies filed in, I realized that everyone showed up.

That's one less thing to worry about.

At noon sharp, I hear the sound of a chariot landing outside Town Hall as I'm greeting Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, both of whom trot over to my side of the aisle. I give a slightly amused scoff and walk out of Town Hall to see, of course, Celestia and Luna stepping out of their large chariot. I note with some interest that of the four ponies pulling the chariot, two are Celestia's guard, and two are Luna's cat-eyed bat ponies. I didn't think they tended to be up this early.

Gotta say, those guys always slightly give me the creeps. They have canines, for goodness sakes.

Anyway, Celestia and Luna, both wearing only their regalia, as per the wishes of both Cheerilee and I, as we didn't want them showing Cheerilee up, walk towards me, large smiles on their faces. To my mild surprise, Philomena is flying next to Celestia, something that triggers a happy little squawk from Oswald. Philomena returns it with a little nod and lands on Celestia's back as the two princesses stop in front of me.

"Good afternoon, TD," Celestia says, extending her hoof so that I can shake it. "I congratulate you on this most joyous of occasions. Both my sister and I wish you well on this happy day."

I smirk at Celestia and give her a nod. "Thank you, Celestia, and thank you for agreeing to do the ceremony."

"Oh it is my pleasure, TD. Nothing makes me happier than bringing you and Cheerilee together on this most joyous of occasions."

"You have come a long way, TD Powell," Luna agrees with a nod. "You are not the same man brought here that long decade ago."

I snort and cross my arms. "You're telling me. If I had known back then that this would be my future..." I shake my head. "I wouldn't have even conceived of it. I keep going back to that first day I met Cheerilee, when Sweetie Belle brought me into her class for show and tell. Now here I am ten years later marrying her. Funny how life works out like that, you know?"

Celestia chuckles. "TD, living as long as I have has taught me many things. One of the most important ones is that life never turns out the way you expect it. I know you will have a good long life, and see more instances of that than you can count."

"I don't doubt it." I take a deep breath to force the ever rising feeling of unease in my stomach down. I glance at my watch. Forty six minutes to go. "Well, I suppose you two should come in, then."

"I suppose so," Celestia says. "We are eager to see all of your hard work come to fruition."

I lead Celestia and Luna inside the room, and the entire crowd of ponies gasps when they see the two of them. The low murmur of conversation dies down, and everypony stands up to bow. Celestia raises her hoof and the ponies all rise.

"Good afternoon, everypony. It warms my heart that all of you came here today to witness the joyous union of TD and Cheerilee. I will be performing the ceremony when we begin shortly. Now if you'll excuse my sister and I, we must go speak with the bride."

I point towards a door that leads to the bride's side, and the two of them give a slight nod of thanks before walking through it to greet my very, very, very soon-to-be wife.

And so I spend the last forty five minutes of time before my wedding just chatting things up. Talking to a few of the guests. I mean, most of what they say to me is exactly the same: "congratulations" "I'm happy for you" that kind of thing. Still, it was nice to know I'm supported.

But then...

Then I look at my watch and see that it's one o' clock.

My wedding has begun.

Celestia and Luna come out from the bride's side, and I excuse myself from my conversation with Featherweight. I glance at Celestia, and the two of us exchange a nod. I slowly walk up to the altar, just as I practiced at the rehearsal yesterday, while Oswald flies next to me and perches on a stand we set up for him. I glance over at Sweetie Belle, who is sitting at an electric piano that we've set to "pipe organ." She meets my eye, and I give her the nod. She returns it, and begins playing some traditional, slow wedding music. The crowd falls silent instantly, and Celestia and Luna walk down the aisle to the music. Nopony stands for them, that's for the bride, but most do bow their heads briefly.

I take a deep breath as Celestia takes center stage, and Luna takes her place to the right of me. We wait a few moments for the music to stop, then Celestia takes half a step forward and spreads her wings, her radiant smile plastered on her face.

"Mares and gentlestallions, fillies and colts, I welcome each and every one of you this grand afternoon to this most joyous of events. Today we are all here to witness the holy matrimony of Cheerilee and TD Harrison Powell. It is my belief that today will be a wonderful day for us all."

Celestia inclines her head towards Sweetie Belle, who grins and takes a phonograph out from behind the piano. I grimace, but this is what Cheerilee wanted, and I can't really say no to her. Not on a day like today. Sweetie Belle puts a record on the phonograph and puts the needle down, and what should start playing?

Ooh filly, I wanna hold you so tight. I wanna stay up with you all night, ooh filly. Come away with me. We'll rock Equestria together, ooh filly. We'll be together forever and nopony's gonna ever break us apart!

The members of the crowd old enough to get it are chuckling as the door to the bride's side opens up, and Lyra comes prancing down the aisle towards the stage. She reaches it and takes her place on the bride's side, just as Bon Bon hops and skips down the aisle after her, wearing a grin that I usually associate with Lyra. She takes her place, and Berry Punch comes down the aisle, as expected. In a display of flawless timing, she takes her spot right as the song I'm growing increasingly not fond of ends.

Thank goodness.

And that's it, then. There's only one more member of the wedding party that we have to wait for.

I bite down on the inside of my lower lip as Celestia begins speaking again.

"Matrimony is the most sacred form of friendship, and today we celebrate the friendship of TD and Cheerilee. No longer will they be apart, but they will soon be two souls joined together." A hint of a smirk creeps up in Celestia's smile. "But, we cannot do that without a certain somepony, and so..." Celestia folds her wings and backs up, nodding to Sweetie Belle one more time. This is it. The moment I've been waiting for pretty much since we've started dating. Sweetie Belle begins playing the piano once more, the crowd gets to their hooves and the doors to the bride's side swing open.

And there she is.

My breath dies in my throat when I see three of Cheerilee's students hopping down the aisle and swinging rose petals to pave the way for my bride.

My bride.

She's walking next to her tuxedo-clad father, wearing her wedding dress. It's a simple dress, in keeping with our tastes, but that doesn't mean it's not beautiful. It's plain, sleek, and white, with small, subtle rose design linings dotting it. Her mane is in a braid interwoven with flowers. Her head is crowned with a circlet of small flowers, which her veil is attached to. She is also wearing pure white shoes, similar to the kind Celestia wears.

The flower fillies move aside, and Cheerilee and her father keep coming down the aisle. They both stop three-quarters of the way to the stage, which is my cue. I step off the stage and go down to meet her. Just like in the rehearsal yesterday, except... not. This isn't like the rehearsal at all. This is real. My mind can't really register that this is actually happening.

For the first time in a few days, Cheerilee and my eyes meet, and we don't need to say anything. Just what we're conveying in our eyes is enough. We love each other so much, that today we're going to commit the rest of our lives together. I take Cheerilee's hoof, allowing her father to go stand in the front row of the bride's side next to Cheerilee's mother, and I lead Cheerilee up to the altar, where we take our places in front of Celestia. Her smile goes its widest yet, and she gives us both nods.

"It is my greatest pleasure to stand here today to join the two of you in holy matrimony. I have seen your relationship grow, and I can say beyond the shadow of a doubt that your love is as as strong as any I have ever seen before. You have both come such a long way in your lives together already, and I cannot wait to see what the future has in store for you." Celestia turns her head to Cheerilee and inclines her head to her in a small bow. "Cheerilee, you are a mare who has already accomplished much in her life. You have taken generations of foals, and helped them grow into the best mares and stallions that they can be. I am confident that you will find the same successes in the rest of your life in everything you do. TD is very lucky to have a wonderful mare like you as his wife."

Cheerilee returns Celestia's small bow with one of her own. "Thank you, Princess Celestia."

Celestia nods again, then looks at me. Once more, I see her usual serene smile is blemished with a bit of a smirk. "And you, TD." Cheerilee, Celestia, and I share an almost imperceptible chuckle. "I know your coming to this world was sudden and unexpected, and I think we can both agree that this particular turn of events was not the one either of us expected when you punched me in the face those times."

The entire crowd lets out a little bit of a chuckle, save for Cheerilee's father, whom I hear say, "wait, he did what now?" I imagine Cheerilee's mother is too shocked to say anything.

"Your drive and passion led you on a six year journey around the planet, during which time you refused to give up. You did not come back the same man that you were when you left, but I can say that that same drive remains. I have every confidence that you will apply that same passion and drive to your relationship with your wife. You two will be very happy as long as you are together."

With that, Celestia and Luna both bow their heads and spread out their wings. The lights in the room dim, and the two of them begin singing a chant in harmony that reminds me of Gaelic music.

"Eluceat amor vester in saecula. Gaudium caritatis tuae repleatur. Amor sempiternus, stabilis est et laetus. In me in virtute; do coniunctionis.

When they finish, they fold their wings back at their sides, and the lights come back up. Celestia nods to one of the colts of Cheerilee's class, who is carrying a pillow in his magic, on which rest two golden rings on chains. "Bring forth the rings, my dear."

The colt shakily bows his head at being addressed by Celestia herself, and slowly walks up to the stage to stand next to Cheerilee. Celestia turns her attention to Cheerilee again. "Will you, Cheerilee, take TD Harrison Powell to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold? Will you love him, comfort him and keep him, forsaking all others to remain true to him? In sickness and in health, in poverty and in wealth, as long as you both shall live?"

Cheerilee's smile became so wide that it threatened to split her face, but it had nothing on how my spirit soared when she spoke her next words.

"I do."

She said "I do."

She really does want to do this whole marriage thing!

Cheerilee takes the wedding ring on the right off of the pillow, and I kneel down in front of her so that she can put it around my neck. She walks forward a few steps and gently slips the chain around my neck. I'll put the ring on my finger later, but this is for the best right now.

With that done, Cheerilee steps back and I stand up, causing Celestia to turn her attention to me.

"Will you, TD Harrison Powell, take Cheerilee to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold? Will you love her, comfort her and keep her, forsaking all others to remain true to her? In sickness and in health, in poverty and in wealth, as long as you both shall live?"

The words are out of my mouth before I can even register it.

"I do."

The ring bearer walks up to me, and I take the other ring off of the pillow. I walk up to Cheerilee and slip the ring around her neck.

"It is done, then," Celestia says, spreading out her wings once more. "By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Cheerilee and I look down at each other, both of us smiling wide. We're married now; we're really married! About that whole kiss thing, though...

Cheerilee and I both think of the right thing to do at the same time. With a synchronization that can only come from being husband and wife, we both turn our heads at the same time to speak to Celestia.

"Nah, we're good."

Author's Notes:

Translation of the song that Celestia and Luna did: "May your love shine forth through the ages. May your lives together be filled with happiness and joy. Your love will be eternal, unchanging, and joyous. By the power in me, I bless this union."

30-Reception

Married. Holy moley, I'm married now. Married.

In lieu of a kiss, I kneel down, and Cheerilee and I give each other a crushing hug. I don't run my hand through her mane the way she likes, Rarity would kill me for messing up her mane on her wedding day. But you know what? I'm not sure either of us really care. We're married, and that's what matters. Cheerilee leans into my shoulder and gently nuzzles me.

"I love you, TD," she whispers in my ear.

I give a single chuckle and nuzzle her back. "I love you, Mrs. Cheerilee Powell."

I become aware of a noise all around us, and I look up to see that every single one of the ponies is stomping wildly, cheering the new union that is us. I even notice that Cheerilee's mother is crying and her father is smiling in what I can guess is approval.

Well good. Even if he hated this idea, nothing can stop us now. Not Celestia, not him, not friggin' Discord. Cheerilee and I are married.

Whew.

I stand up and smile as the two of us turn to the crowd of uproariously applauding ponies. Cheerilee wraps her foreleg around my middle, and the two of us stand there and bask in the support of the ponies cheering us on. They think we can make this whole thing work. Yeah, we can, can't we?

After a solid five minutes of stomping, Cheerilee and I are allowed to go to one of the back rooms of Town Hall while all of the guests begin setting up for the reception. I would like to help them out, but man, I don’t even bother to ask. The list of ponies who won't accept help from either of us totals everyone who showed up to the wedding. Believe me, everyone in Ponyville can be stubborn when they want to be.

Cheerilee and I reach the back room that had been set out for us and immediately sit down on chairs that we see in the middle of the room. We both breathe a sigh of relief, and Cheerilee leans her head on my shoulder.

"We did it," she whispers. "We actually did it." She looks up at me with a happy smile. "How are you feeling now?"

I take a deep breath and lean my head back. "Exhausted. You've had that moment when all of the stress that's been keeping you going all day washes away, leaving you tired from all of the energy you've burned, right?"

Cheerilee nods and nuzzles into my shoulder. "Of course. But you can't be too tired yet, Mr. Powell. We've got an entire reception to go through, not to mention that train ride to Saddle Arabia. Rest when we're in the couple's suite in the hotel."

"No choice, Mrs. Powell."

And you know? Not much else needs to be said. Everything that we could have said about how happy we are to be together was communicated when we said "I do." For now, we can just bask in each other's company; enjoying our first private moment as husband and wife. Our first of many, I hope.

But it, unfortunately, doesn't last as long as I'd like. We only get five minutes of silence before there is a knock on the door. We both grimace.

"Yeah?"

"We're ready for you guys, TD," Twilight says. "Princess Celestia and Princess Luna really helped clear up!"

I know Twilight can't see my grimace, but, you know, this is all for us. Our entire honeymoon is going to be spent doing just what we want to do.

"Okay, Twilight. We'll be there in a moment." I look down at my wife, who tightens her grip on me and nuzzles my shoulder. "You ready?"

"Yeah, I guess." Cheerilee lets me go and stands up. "It's just a few hours. Then we can have two whole weeks in Saddle Arabia to ourselves, right?"

"Yup. Besides..." I smile and stand up myself. "It'll be fun."

Cheerilee returns my smile. "Of course. If nothing else, my parents are going to want to ask you what Princess Celestia meant by you punching her in the face."

I laugh and nod as the two of us leave the room. Twilight escorts us back into the main room of Town Hall, where the chairs and stage have been replaced with a dance floor in the middle surrounded by circular tables covered in white tablecloths and red and white rose centerpieces. In the front of the room is a long table where the wedding party sat. Most of the guests have already taken their places at the various tables, including a slightly larger one for Celestia and Luna.

But there's one table near the one in the front with no one at it. In fact, it looks like it's surrounded by picture frames. I frown and the two of us walk over to it. When we reach it, Cheerilee and I both pause.

Yeah, it's picture frames holding pictures, but it's who's on the pictures that gives us pause.

I... I haven't seen a picture of my family in over a decade.

I quietly exhale and reach out to grab the picture frame. It's a photo I recognize, too. It's a picture of my parents and sister that I took after my high school graduation. I took it so that I'd have a picture of them when I went up to college. My parents and my younger sister. I glance over at Cheerilee who is staring wide-eyed at a pair of photographs next to mine. Hers are of two pairs of elderly earth ponies. I can vaguely see some facial features that look like they were passed down to Cheerilee. I glanced down at her and put a hand on her back.

"Your grandparents?"

Cheerilee looked up at me, a watery smile on her face. "Yeah. I was pretty close with all of them. The last one died about a year before I met you." Cheerilee sniffles and wipes her eyes before looking at the picture of my family. "Your family?"

"Yeah. My parents and my younger sister, Kristen." I pick up the photograph and shake my head in disbelief. "I had... almost forgotten what they looked like, you know?"

"We are glad we could do that for you, then," I hear Celestia say from behind me. We turn around to find Celestia and Luna standing behind us, wide smiles on their faces. "For your dear wife it was simple enough to obtain pictures, but for you..." Her smile falters for a moment. "I hope you don't mind that Luna used some mind reading, but we felt that you'd appreciate this."

"You know, I think..." I taps the picture frame. "I think I'm completely okay with it. My family got to come to my wedding. That's... you can't imagine how amazing that is for me."

"Think of it as our wedding present to you," Luna says with a nod. "Those frames are magically protected as well. ‘Twould take much to damage them. They are yours forever."

Before I can say anything else, Cheerilee lunges forward and wraps her forelegs around Celestia. I smirk and throw my arm around Luna for a pseudo hug.

"Thank you so much," Cheerilee whispers. "This is amazing."

We hear a round of applause behind us, and realize that everypony has been watching the whole thing. I chuckle and put the picture frame back down on the table, allowing Luna and Celestia to go back to their seat. We go to the long table and sit down at our spots in the middle. All of our plates of food have already been set out, eliminating the need for ponies to serve us. We have a small snack and dessert table set up in the back for after-dinner stuff.

We sit down and motion for all of the guests to dig in. After the wedding, we feel that food would be best before all of the speeches and dancing and whatnot. As I pick up my fork to dig into the piece of chicken that Celestia managed to get for me, Cheerilee's father leans in towards me, a slight frown on his face. "So I'm glad you liked her gift to ya, but what was Princess Celestia sayin' about you punchin' her in the face? I mean, is that her jokin' or somethin'?"

I chuckle nervously and rub the back of my neck as Cheerilee giggle behind her hoof. "Er... no. Remember when you casually mentioned that it must have been a shock for me to wake up here to see Princess Celestia? Well, I kinda punched her in the face. Then I kinda did it again at the Grand Galloping Gala a few months later." Cheerilee's parents stare at me with wide eyes, but I raise a placating hand to them. "Now now, we've gotten better. She offered to let me punch her in the face a third time, but I declined after a lot of thought. I resisted my normal urges."

"I..." Cheerilee's father blinks once. "Why is this a thing for ya? She's the princess of all of Equestria! Ah'm surprised you've never got in trouble for it!"

I snort. "I wouldn't say that. Twilight, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash kicked me and smashed me through five walls the first time I did it, and the second time I did it, Luna snapped my spine over the back of a chair. Celestia made sure I was okay both times. If she hadn't, we wouldn't really be having this conversation."

"I wouldn't think so," Orange Picker says dryly. "It's a stupid thing for ya ta do!"

"Yeah, well..." I shrug. "Haven't done it in almost ten years."

"And you're not gonna do it again," Sky Flier says with a nod, triggering an eye roll from Cheerilee.

"You never know where life is going to take you." I take a bite of my chicken and look out into the crowd of ponies, all of whom seem to be enjoying themselves. We haven't brought out the champagne quite yet, but that's for later. Everyone glances at us every now and again, and I give them a nod when they do.

"So, TD, how's that... meat?" I hear Cheerilee's mother ask.

I smirk at the question. I know she knew that I was omnivore before this, but she's never actually seen me eat meat before. I know to her it used to be a living creature, but I'm the kind of guy who pillaged nests on my six year journey. If I saw one of those "Eat Moar Chikn" cows--wish I could remember the name of the place that had those commercials--I'd hit it in the face with a sledgehammer and eat well that night. I give my mother-in-law a chuckle and swallow my bite.

"Delectable. Perfectly cooked, nice and tender, excellent seasoning..." I tear off another strip with my fork, something that gets a flinch out of her. "Just the kind of stuff a guy wants to eat after not eating red meat with the regularity he did back on his home planet. It's too expensive in Equestria to eat that often."

"So that's a rare treat for you, then." Sky Flier nods. "I see." She turns her head to Cheerilee. "And this doesn't shock you?"

Cheerilee shakes her head. "Not really, Mom. I mean, the griffins, minotaurs, Diamond Dogs and dragons all eat meat, and I do extended lectures on all of them to my students. It's not difficult to imagine TD eating meat." She shrugs. "Or watching it."

"I see." Cheerilee's mother takes a bite of her salad to think over her words before responding. "So... you wouldn't try to eat anything like that, would you?"

I become very interested in finishing my meal as Cheerilee easily shakes her head. "Of course not, Mom. I'm not a meat eater. I'd never even think of trying chicken, or anything like that."

Man, I could never lie to my parents that well. But the story of how I held her unkempt mane out of her face while she threw up the entire piece of chicken she ate isn't one we really want to tell them, especially not today.

Hey, she was curious, and... I was too, alright? She told me she didn't mind the flavor so much.

But other than that, things go pretty well. No big disasters happen. I'm TD Harrison Powell, and I always have disasters, especially when I don't want them, but now... now things are going pretty well for me.

It's kinda nice.

How is the universe going to balance it out, I wonder? The wedding itself was perfect, so the reception is going to be a disaster? Lot of things could go wrong still.

No, TD! Nothing is going to go wrong! It's going to go fine... right?

After another twenty minutes or so, everybody has pretty much finished up the main course, so Berry Punch grabs an unused bread knife and taps it against the side of her water glass. Half of me expects the glass to shatter, but Berry Punch has some sense, and hits the glass with the flat of the knife. The entire hall goes silent, as Berry gets to her hooves.

"Mares and gentlecolts, princesses and..." She falters for a moment. "Phoenixes. In lieu of the Best Stallion doing the wedding speech, because, well, he's a phoenix and he'd awkwardly squawk for a few minutes, it has been decided that I will be doing the traditional toast." Bon Bon and Lyra both put their hooves up to their muzzles to hide their giggling, something that makes me a touch nervous. However, I know that a bit of a roast is all part of the wedding toast. Berry Punch takes a sip of her drink and clears her throat before continuing.

"Now, then, TD..." Most of the ponies in the room chuckle. "For the past ten years, it has been a major mystery all around Ponyville about what exactly your name stands for. I imagine that in the down time between the ceremony and the reception, you finally told your wife, which might just be the greatest wedding present you could give her. Thankfully, I've decided to not leave everyone in the dark, so..." Berry picks up a nearby piece of paper. "Here are some of the best guesses I've heard for what your name stands for."

The entire crowd is giggling, and even I have a large smile on my face. This should be good. Berry cracks her neck and pretends to put on a pair of glasses.

"Number one: Total Domination." A giggle goes through the crowd. "Number two: Thraequusymachus Demetriquus."

I snort and roll my eyes. "I hardly think my name stands for the names of two ancient pony philosophers."

Berry shrugs. "Worth a shot." She looked down at the paper again. "Number Three: Thwack! Down!"

That one gets the biggest laugh yet, as I figure it would. I glance over at Celestia who is giving me a vaguely smug smirk. I shoot her a look that plainly says "never gonna let that one go, huh?" and she responds with a subtle shake of her head. I roll my eyes and turn back to Berry.

"But all joking aside," she says, throwing the paper down, "you have been very good to my dear friend Cheerilee. I know that you two are going to be extremely happy together as long as you both shall live, or whatever the wedding vow is. Sometimes I think that she might be crazy for marrying this..." She spins her hoof. "Thing that the Cutie Mark Crusaders found lying in a field somewhere and brought for Show and Tell, but then I think of all of the things that she's done ever since I've known her and, well, I think that you might be the crazy one." Berry Punch grins. "And I like that! But speaking of crazy..." Berry Punch gives a signal, and Applejack and Twilight leave the room, coming back a few seconds later with trays of champagne and sparkling cider, which they begin placing in front of the guests. "Cheerilee, of all of the things you've done, this might be the most bizarre." She shrugs. "Well, other than being obsessed with Hoof Lickin' Good when you were a filly, but that was before I met you, so I'm not quite sure if that one counts."

Cheerilee blushes and flattens her ears when the guests chuckle, and I can see her mother smirk at that. I can imagine that Hoof Lickin' Good was the subject of many conversations in their household before Cheerilee moved out.

"But that aside, you two are the craziest couple I've ever met, and I just know it's going to work out primarily for that reason. You're too ridiculous for it to not. I can see beyond a shadow of a doubt that you two love each other more than anything, and that's just amazing to see. It's been a pleasure to watch you two grow and develop your relationship over the years." Berry Punch picks up her glass and raises it. "So TD, hurry up and get Cheerilee a foal so that I can be "Cool Aunt Berry Punch" and totally spoil him or her."

Now I'm blushing. I don't know if that would even work.

"That aside..." Berry Punch tilts her glass slightly. "To TD and Cheerilee. May the rest of your lives be filled with joy."

The rest of the crowd repeats her statement, and we all raise our glasses and drink. Berry Punch finishes her champagne in a few gulps, sets it down with probably a touch more force than necessary, and wipes her mouth with the back of her hoof.

"Alright, screw that sentimental happy nonsense. Let's party!"

The crowd cheers, and Cheerilee and I dutifully stand up and walk over to the dance floor for our first dance as husband and wife. We give each other awkward smiles, as we are both aware that this is going to be kind of weird. Even standing on her hind legs Cheerilee is shorter than I am, and our dance is going to be more like her leaning on me and stepping around. But it's the symbolism of the thing that's going to make it romantic, and we picked a relatively short song for this very reason.

We reach the middle of the dance floor and turn our heads to Sweetie Belle, who has taken up her position behind the DJ stand. I give her a single nod, and Cheerilee gets on her hind legs and puts her forelegs around my shoulder. However, before, Sweetie Belle can push the button to start the song, she's interrupted by Bon Bon.

"Wait wait, that looks ridiculous!"

Cheerilee and I look over at her, both of us with a slight glare on our faces. "Yeah, we know, but we love each other, so who cares, Bons?" Cheerilee growls.

"Well, I'm just saying that it would be easier if you were the same species is all," Bon Bon says, holding up a placating hoof. "Like if Cheerilee was a human, you know?"

Wait...

A wide grin crosses Bon Bon's face, as she knows I've already figured it out. She raises her hoof, and it morphs into an eagle talon, which she promptly snaps. I see a flash of light beside me, and when it fades, I turn and see that Cheerilee is... human again. She looks down at herself, her eyes wide, before looking back to Bon Bon.

"I... er..."

I ignore the muttering of the crowd, and the fact that Celestia and Luna have gotten to their hooves. I have no doubt that they're not happy. Bon Bon giggles before snapping her talon again. In a flash of light, she changes back to a he. A rather familiar he that I in no way invited to my wedding.

"Gosh darn it, Discord," I growl. "You weren't invited!"

"Oh come now, TD, I'm just doing you a favor," Discord says, flicking a piece of lint off of the bridesmaids dress he's still wearing. "You get to dance with your wife now! Think of it as my gift to you two."

"I..." I grimace and look over at Cheerilee. "Yeah, okay, that... yeah. Thank you. Thank you a lot. But barging in like this isn't appreciated!"

"Yeah," Cheerilee growls, letting go of me. "Besides, where's Bon Bon?"

Discord rolls his eyes, but snaps his talon, causing a rather miffed bound and gagged Bon Bon to appear beside him.

"DISCORD!" Celestia, Luna, Cheerilee, the Elements, Berry Punch, Lyra, and myself all shout while the rest of the crowd mutters nervously.

"Fine, fine, I guess you would want all of the bridesmaids at the wedding." Discords snaps his talons again, freeing Bon Bon and setting her gently on the floor.

"You are insufferable!" Bon Bon screeches. "I have half a mind to gather a bunch of stones and make you a bodysuit to trap you in forever!"

"Yes, well, I'm sorry about taking your place, but like I said..." He grins and spreads his arms out towards Cheerilee and I. "You two can dance now!"

"And that's the only reason I haven't banished you to the moon, Discord," Celestia growls. "We talked about this before, remember?"

"Yes, yes I do." Discord shrugs. "He wouldn't let me give him his wedding gift any other way though, would he?"

"When did you even switch places with Bon Bon anyway?" Lyra asks. "I've been standing next to her all day!"

"Hmm..." Discord taps his chin thoughtfully. "I believe the first thing that I heard was 'so hurry up, TD and give Cheerilee a foal so I can be Cool Aunt Berry Punch.'"

Well, that's a pretty big relief. It means that Discord hasn't been impersonating Bon Bon all day. Just for the past few minutes or so. She still got to see everything.

"But I can tell when I'm not wanted," Discord says with a shrug. "I just wanted to tell you congratulations on the whole wedding thing. The spell will wear off once you're on your way to your honeymoon."

"Right..." I motion to the door. "See you, Discord."

Discord snaps his talons and is gone again.

"Jerk," Bon Bon mutters, glaring at the spot where he had been.

"Yes, and this will not go unanswered," Celestia says with a frown of her own. After a moment, a smile crosses her face. "Having said that, it was a nice gift."

Cheerilee and I look back at each other, and our smiles return full force. She gets to be human the whole reception? Heck yeah! I look back over to Sweetie Belle and give her a nod. She returns it and presses the "play" button. Slow, romantic music begins playing, and Cheerilee once again wraps her arms around my neck. I put my arms around her waist, and the two of us begin swaying to the music. She's still a little clumsy, having not really walked on two legs before, but given that her spine is now designed for it, she's taking to it much easier. She smiles and leans her head on my shoulder, completely content. We continue swaying until the music ends, after which, the audience applauds.

And since Cheerilee is a human... we finally get a kiss. I mean, a real kiss.

We break apart, gigantic smiles on our faces. We don't need to say anything. We just know that we love each other and want to spend the rest of our lives together, and that's enough for the two of us. If nopony else was here, this would still be an amazingly perfect day, just as long as we got to be married.

"I love you, Mrs. Cheerilee Powell."

"I love you, Mr. TD Powell."

"But there's one thing we still have to do."

Cheerilee smirks at me. "Yes, I agree."

I turn to the audience. "We gotta really party!" I point at Sweetie Belle. "Hit it!"

Sweetie Belle grins, pushes down on the "play" button again, and loud, enthusiastic music begins playing. Cheerilee and I start wildly dancing to Livin' La Vida Loca. Would a version for today be Livin' La Vida Cheerilee? Ah, who cares? We're having a blast!

After a minute or so of us... well, we wouldn't call it dancing, but it's nice, the rest of the crowd slowly starts spilling onto the dance floor and dancing along with the two of us. Even Celestia, Luna, and Cheerilee's parents get in on it. Cheerilee and I hold hands to keep ourselves together amidst the enjoyable chaos, which just makes the whole thing more awesome.

Eventually the song ends, and Sweetie Belle turns the music player off, allowing Orange Picker to stand up on a chair. "May I have your attention, please? In a few minutes, we are going to be cutting the cake, but first, a more important ceremony must take place first." Orange Picker bows his head to Princess Celestia, who nods back at him and ignites her horn. A document appears out of thin air next to her. "The signing of the marriage certificate!"

The crowd cheers, and Cheerilee's father leads the two of us to the head table, which has been magically cleared away and cleaned since the songs. Celestia sets the document down in front of us, and puts a pen down next to it.

"TD, if you would."

I nod and pick it up, signing where necessary. I pass it over to Cheerilee, who takes it in her hand. She bites her lip and looks down at the pen. "I'm not so sure I can write with my hand. I've never done it before." Cheerilee shrugs. "Might as well do it the normal way, then." So, to my amusement, she puts the pen in her mouth and signs the paper that way, quite well, actually. Berry Punch goes next to sign as a witness, and for me we put one of Oswald's talons into some ink and have him stamp the document. Celestia assures us it's legal now because she says so.

"Alright, everypony," Celestia says, taking the document and making it disappear, "I think it's time for cake."

Luna snorts and rolls her eyes. "'Tis always time for cake with thee, Tia."

Celestia gives a sarcastic chuckle. "Yes, well, I was talking about their cake."

"Right here!"

We all turn to the entrance and applaud when we see Pinkie Pie coming into the room, wheeling a giant cake in front of her. Cheerilee and I grin and walk up to it when Pinkie Pie stops just before the long table. Featherweight gets behind us with his camera, he's been taking pictures all day, thank goodness, and snaps a shot of Pinkie cutting the cake for the two of us.

"Alrighty, you two, who's going to feed who first?" Pinkie chirps.

"I think I will," I say, picking up the plate Pinkie has put the cake on. Cheerilee rolls her eyes, but dutifully walks closer to me and opens her mouth, ready for the cake.

Which I pick up and--mostly--smash in her face. Cheerilee squawks as best as she can with a half a mouthful of cake, and she nearly topples over as the crowd absolutely roars at the display. She manages to regain her balance, and grabs a napkin that Pinkie offers her to wipe her face off with.

"TD, what in Equestria was that?!" she sputters. "Feed me the cake! You're supposed to feed me the cake, not assault me with it!"

I shrug nonchalantly. "Bit of a tradition where I come from, I'm afraid. Sorry if I surprised you." Except not at all. If Featherweight snapped a picture of the exact moment that I got her, I'll be happy forever.

Cheerilee isn't so amused.

"Oh is it now?" She tosses the napkin aside and takes an ominous step forward, an evil smirk spreading across her face that I'm not really enjoying. "Well, then, who am I to not incorporate some of your Earth customs into our wedding? Pinkie!" She holds out her hand. "My cake, please."

I sigh and hang my head, but I still have a grin on my face as I walk up to my vengeance-driven wife. When I reach her, I raise my head and open my mouth in anticipation of the inevitable attack.

She doesn't disappoint.

Foregoing picking up the cake and even mimicking feeding it to me, she abandons all pretense and just smashes the whole thing in my face. Some does make it into my mouth, I do so enjoy chocolate and Bavarian cream filling, but as for the rest of it? I'm going to need another shower. A napkin isn't going to cut it.

Cheerilee takes the plate off of my face, and I feel someone put a napkin in my hand, which I use to begin wiping the cake off with. Much to the amusement of the crowd. I can even hear Oswald giggling behind me. When I can finally see again, I notice that Cheerilee still has that evil smirk on her face.

"I'm so glad that I was able to do that with you, TD," she says with no shortage of smugness in her voice. "Any other fun Earth wedding traditions that you haven't told me about?"

I finish wiping my face off and throw the napkin in a nearby trash can. "No, none that I can think of."

"Well that's too bad. You looked quite silly with all of that cake all over your face."

With that settled, Pinkie Pie moves on to cutting the cake for the rest of the guests. Cheerilee follows up our cake war with throwing the bridal bouquet behind her to all of the eligible bachelorettes in the crowd. Of all ponies Twilight manages to catch it, something that makes her blush and Celestia chuckle. I follow that up by shooting Cheerilee's garter out, where it is caught by Big Mac.

Of course, the dude is taller than everyone else there, so of course he got it.

So since they both go it, maybe Big Mac and Twilight will...

Nah.

Following that, the main wedding party takes a bunch of photographs. A ton with Cheerilee and I, some with the two of us, the bridesmaids and Oswald, the two of us and the princesses, the two of us and her parents, and so on. We're going to have a lot of pretty amazing pictures to put in our wedding album. But the interesting thing, especially for when we have a foal, is that all wedding ceremony pictures are going to be of Cheerilee as a pony, but all reception pics are of her as a human.

Well, our relationship was always kinda weird like that. It makes sense in context, right? Still, the first time any foals look at the pictures is going to be an odd experience for him or her.

And... after that, it's pretty simple. The two of us just go around doing whatever we want as the hours tick on by. We get another piece of cake each, eating it correctly this time, dance to a few more songs, greet, and get congratulated by, every pony in the room at some point, take note of all of our wedding gifts and arrange for them to be sent to Manderley once the ceremony is in order.

Basically, we just enjoy ourselves. We just make sure that we're having fun, and that our guests are too, and we all just bask in the joy that is our marriage. We eat snacks from the buffet snack table, we dance to the crazy music we've picked out, we swap stories and catch up... it's just awesome.

But, it must end. At least for us.

I glance at my watch and realize the time. I nudge Cheerilee, who is talking with Lyra and a much less irritated Bon Bon to get her attention.

"Hey Cheers, it's eight-thirty. Our train leaves in forty five minutes."

Cheerilee's eyes widen, and she gets to her feet. "My goodness! We'd best be heading out then, yes?"

"Indeed." I bow and motion to the door. "Saddle Arabia awaits!"

"Well, then..." Lyra stands up on her chair. "Mares and gentlecolts may I have your attention please?" The crowd noise dies down, and the music shuts off. Lyra nods approvingly. "Thank you. It has come to my attention that the train carrying the bride and groom to their honeymoon destination of Saddle Arabia leaves in forty five minutes. As such, I believe that it is time for the happy couple to be on their way."

The crowd cheers, and they follow the two of us out to a carriage that has been hired to take us to the train station. Of course, it has the horseshoes tied to the back and a banner that says "just married" as well.

"Your luggage is in the trunk, TD," Celestia says, walking up to the carriage. "Have a safe trip, and say hi to Mesud for me if you happen to run into him."

I chuckle and nod. "I'll be sure to do that. We are in the capital, after all, so maybe I'll catch a glimpse of him. I know if he sees me he might want to stop and chat for a moment."

"Probably, but at any rate, you two have a train to catch."

I look over at Cheerilee, who is being hugged goodbye by her parents. She breaks away and walks over to me, allowing me to open the door to our carriage for her. She steps inside and I quickly follow, shutting the door behind me. Once the driver knows we're set, he takes off to the train station.

So, my father is married now, and I have a mother to call my own. An actual mother. Not, ah, a mother misinterpretation. I must admit that I have warmed up to the stripe maned pony. She has proven to be a kind and loving pony, and my father does love her.

So I suppose that I will be calling her “Mother” now, despite her not having anything to do with my hatching like Father did. For their marriage trip, I have been told that I will be staying with the yellow bird pony who likes other animals. The one that my own mate has stayed with once. I have stayed with her before myself while Father and my new mother are spending time together. I watch their wheeled transportation go with some sadness, but they will be back.

I hear something flutter close by, and turn to see Philomena land next to me. I coo happily, and the two of us nuzzle each other.

You’re gonna miss them, huh?

Of course I will. But they will be back. They always are.

I guess. Philomena moves a bit closer and nudges me with her wing. You know, if you’re feeling lonely tonight, the party isn’t over, and there are a lot of empty rooms...

Yes! I say immediately.

The moment Cheerilee and I realize that the wedding party is behind us, we both breathe a huge sigh of relief, like a huge weight has been lifted off of our shoulders.

"It's over," Cheerilee groans. "All of that planning and worrying and high energy on the go stuff of today is over." The moment she says that, she's engulfed in a flash of white light that fades away just as quickly, leaving Cheerilee sitting beside me as a pony once more. She looks down at her body and clicks her tongue. "I suppose it really is over, then."

I sigh and nod, sort of wishing that she could be human forever. "Yeah, but hey at least we're together for the next two weeks. Just the two of us spending time in Saddle Arabia. And nothing is going to go wrong if I can help it." Cheerilee raises an eyebrow and crosses her forelegs, causing me to roll my eyes. "Okay fine. I'm hoping that things don't go terribly wrong. Today went pretty smoothly, Discord aside, and even he kind of worked out for the best. Unless you ask Bon Bon."

"Yes, she's not going to take that one lying down," Cheerilee agrees with a nod. "She didn't want to miss a moment of my wedding, and she certainly didn't want to spend any of it tied up who knows where with Discord impersonating her."

"Yeah, Discord still needs to learn the concept of boundaries," I grumble. "Remember when he made a mess of that one date?"

"Of course I do," Cheerilee says, leaning against me and wrapping her forelegs around my arm. "Today wasn't the first time Discord turned me human."

"Well, that and the mushroom steak I made for you sprouted wings and flew out the window, on top of the part where he teleported Celestia onto my bed." I sigh and rub one of my temples. "He does stuff like that."

"But none of it really matters now, does it, TD?" Cheerilee gives a contented sigh and nuzzles my arm. "We're married now, and things are going to be even better than they were before."

The carriage stops at the train station after a few more minutes, and I step out to open the other door for my wife. The driver takes our luggage out of the trunk and levitates them beside him as the two of us walk to our train. One of our wedding gifts was that Cheerilee's parents paid for a private sleeper car to Saddle Arabia, so our tickets already waited for us at the station. We made it with twenty minutes to spare.

The driver hoofs the bags over to a porter, who escorts us to the private car when he sees our tickets. He opens the door, allowing us to walk inside after I take my carry on bag from him. The car is rather nice. It has a small kitchen, closet, bathroom, shower, and two fold out beds. Of course, we'll only be needing one. Cheerilee and I look at the interior of the car, then at each other, and nod. We spend the next ten minutes taking off our wedding outfits, and by that point... we're really too tired to do anything else. We walk over to the bed and both slide into it, and are out like a light before the train even starts moving.

Author's Notes:

I imagine Cheerilee's father with Sam Elliot's voice. Now you do too.

If you want to make this chapter a reality for me, help me get married here!

But in the spirit of one part of this chapter, what do you think TD's name stands for?

Next chapter is the last one of the wedding arc.

30-Honeymoon: The Beginning

The train comes to a halt, and I crack one eye open to see my wife snoozing peacefully beside me. I gently brush a stray lock of her mane aside, and my smile falters slightly when I see the faint scar from the Battle of Canterlot when she fought, well, me, I guess.

Does it count as pre-spousal abuse if we weren't dating yet, and it wasn't really me? I don't know. I think everyone would probably say no.

I hear the commotion of the passengers departing the train, and decide that it's time to wake her up. I run my fingers through her mane, causing her to groan and shift in the bed. She opens one eye and sees me awake, so she smiles and nuzzles my arm.

"Good morning, Mr. Powell. Did you sleep well?"

I nod and sit up in bed. "I'd like to think so, Mrs. Powell. But now is the time for us to get up, I think. We have arrived at our destination. Saddle Arabia awaits."

Cheerilee makes a noise of contentment and leans her head against me. "Sounds wonderful."

The two of us reluctantly slide out of our surprisingly comfortable bed, and I go to the storage container to grab our stuff. I take our suitcases out and lead Cheerilee through the crowded hallways of the train out into the blazing, humid land of Saddle Arabia. She flinches when the hot air rolls over her, obviously not used to this kind of humidity. Ponyville, and even Equestria as a whole, tends to be kind of low key in that regard. I guess that's what happens when you have pegasi controlling the weather.

"Ugh, it's hot out here," she groans. "I didn't expect that."

I shrug and grab the rest of our luggage from the porter. "After a few hours at most you'll barely notice it. There were a lot of places on Earth where the humidity and temperature changed drastically from place to place, so this is kind of normal for me. Being this hot during the day does mean that it'll be pretty cold at night."

Cheerilee gives me a sultry grin and swats my leg with her tail. "Well, then, I guess we'll need to snuggle up to keep each other warm, won't we?"

I grin and nod. "Sounds about right. However, until that time comes, we have a lot of Saddle Arabia to see, and we need to go find our hotel so we can drop off our stuff and go see the sights." Now that the crowd is starting to disperse, we have a lot more room to move around, allowing me to try to find some sort of map of the city to find our hotel. It shouldn't be far from the train station. "I think it's right about--"

"HALT!"

In my shock I nearly drop the suitcases, but I manage to hold on to them as I turn to see two Saddle Arabian soldiers armed with spears walking towards us. Cheerilee and I exchange an uneasy look, but I put the suitcases down and face them directly.

"Yes?" I say. "Can I help you?"

"What is your business in Saddle Arabia?" one asks as they stop in front of us.

"We're on our honeymoon," I respond calmly. "We were just looking for our hotel so we could get that going, actually."

The two soldiers exchange a look of disbelief before they turn back to me. "And you have proof of this?" one asks.

I shrug and reach into one of the pockets of the suitcase closest to me. I pull out both of our passports, itinerary, train tickets, and hotel reservations. I take a step forward and offer them to the soldiers, who look at them suspiciously. I had figured that I would be known a little bit around here, since, you know, I was a personal guest of their sultan, who does still rule Saddle Arabia. I suppose not all of the soldiers got the memo about who I am. Really, though, it hadn't even been four years since I was last here. Maybe these guys are new?

"Her passport checks out," the first soldier says, handing Cheerilee's passport back to me. "As for you, I don't even know what the heck you are."

I sigh and rub my temples. Here we go again. "I'm a human. I've lived in this world for around ten years now. I spent some of that time in this country, if you recall. Do you remember the whole incident with the Griffonian leaders that came to a head here? Yeah, I was caught in the middle of that."

The soldiers flinch and their spears lower in my direction a few inches, something that makes me take a step backwards. I could fight them if I had any of my weapons on me, but I left my knives and Reginald back in Manderley, and I am nowhere near as good at hand-to-hoof, or whatever, combat to compensate. Not to mention that Saddle Arabia was a friendly country to Equestria. It would be a rather poor idea to start something here, especially on my honeymoon. I'd prefer not to spend it in a jail cell, especially if Cheerilee got thrown into a separate one.

After a few moments, the soldier holding my papers grunts and hoofs them back to me, allowing me to put them back in the suitcase.

"Sir, I'm afraid that you'll need to come with me. Your passport is no good, nor are your hotel papers."

I back up another inch and raise my hands. "Whoa, whoa, they're legit, I promise! Celestia herself had that made for me!"

The other soldier snorts. "Yeah, and Sultan Mesud personally made my spear for me."

"Speaking of," I say through gritted teeth, "if you talk to Sultan Mesud and tell him that TD is back in the country, he will be most pleased, and displeased with whomever arrested me."

"Yes, quite." The soldiers lower their spears towards me, causing me to back up even further. "You'll have to come with us until we get this all sorted out. We assure you that failure to comply will be met with force."

"Oh for..." I groaned and pinched the bridge of my nose. "It isn't enough that I was almost assassinated in this country? You gotta arrest me now, too?"

"TD, maybe we should just do what they say," Cheerilee says nervously, putting a hoof on my leg. "Sultan Mesud can get it settled for us, okay?"

"Yeah..." I grimace and look down at my visibly nervous, bordering on scared, wife, but as a husband, I now have to do what's best for her, you know? Getting the two of us in more trouble would be the opposite of that. "Alright," I say after a moment. "We'll come along peacefully."

"Glad you're seeing things our way." The soldier motions to one of the station's exits. "Now, if you'll follow us to the carriage that Sultan Mesud has sent for you."

"Yeah, I..." I freeze and blink once, not really sure I heard that right. "Say again?"

"A carriage is waiting for you. Sultan Mesud sent it for you. I wasn't lying when I said that your hotel reservations were no good." The first soldier grins at me. "After all, Sultan Mesud cancelled it, refunded it and the train ticket here, and moved you to one of the royal suites in his palace for the duration of your honeymoon. He called it a wedding present."

I roll my eyes and shake my head. "He can't help himself, can he? He pulled a similar kind of prank the first time I met him. Said that because I ate at his table I had to marry one of his eligible daughters."

"What?" Cheerilee says flatly.

"That's his sense of humor, I'm afraid," I say with a sigh. "But hey, I'd take him over Purgle any day of the week." I pick up our suitcases and nod to the soldiers. "Lead the way."

The two nod and lead us out of the station, where a simple carriage is waiting for us outside. The biggest feature about it is that each of the windows have the sign "Just Married" hanging from it. Cute. The soldiers take our suitcases and load them into the storage compartment, allowing me to open the door for Cheerilee so she can get in. Once she's settled, I quickly follow and close the door behind us. I sit down on one of the velvet seats, and she lays down and puts her head in my lap as the carriage starts moving towards Mesud's palace.

"You know, TD, I really thought we were going to have a problem there," Cheerilee groans.

I snort and roll my eyes as I begin running my fingers through her mane. "Yeah, me too. I mean, what else is new for me, right? Our wedding went so well that the universe had to balance it out somehow."

"Which is why you need me around to lean on whenever the universe decides to continue its 'I Hate TD' campaign." Cheerilee grins and pokes my nose. "I don't know how you survived without me in the first place."

"Honestly? Neither do I." I smirk and lean my head back in my seat. "This is going to sound overly sentimental, but the moments in my life when I was the most successful, especially during my journey, were when I had somebody to lean on. The people made sure that I would get out alive, sometimes putting themselves at risk to do so. I definitely wouldn't be alive if it weren't for some of them." I look back down at my wife and rub behind her ear. "And now I have someone like that forever, don't I?"

Cheerilee gives a noise of contentment and nuzzles my leg. "So do I."

We reach the palace of Sultan Mesud after a two hour trip, which Cheerilee and I spend just relaxing with each other, something that we both need after the whirlwind of work that is wedding preparations. When we pull up, Cheerilee sits back up, and I exit our carriage so that I can open up the door for her, allowing her to hop out. I grab the suitcases from the back of the carriage before turning to the steps of the palace, where Sultan Mesud and his wife Naida are waiting for us, flanked by many guards. I cannot help but notice that Mesud has a large, mischievous grin on his face. Gee, I wonder why.

Cheerilee and I walk up the steps of the palace, her with a little trepidation. Princess Celestia is one thing, but she's an Equestrian citizen in a foreign country meeting that country's monarch. That's a lot of pressure, I'm sure. Thankfully her husband has met this tricky sultan before, so I am quite aware of his personality. As we get closer to Mesud, I smirk at him and shake my head.

"You really did have us going there," I say as the two of us stop and give him a quick bow. "After all, it wouldn't be the first time I'd been given that kind of a welcome."

Mesud gives a hearty laugh and walks up to me to slap me on the shoulder. "I do apologize if you felt legitimate fear, but I did not feel that I could help myself."

I roll my eyes. "Of course you didn't."

"Naturally." Mesud turns his grin to Cheerilee, and walks up to her. He takes her hoof and kisses it. "And you must be TD's darling wife Cheerilee. I welcome you to my country. You will always be welcome here."

Kiss my wife on the hoof, does he? Okay, two can play at that game. I smile at Naida, put our suitcases down, walk up to her, take her hoof, and kiss it. "Sultana Naida. It is delightful to see you again. I trust you are well?"

Naida giggles and nods. "Indeed I am. And you?"

"Delightful." I turn around to see Mesud rolling his eyes and Cheerilee giving me a slight glare. I return her glare by having my smile not falter an inch. I go back to the suitcases and pick them up. "Now, then, if it's okay with you, I would like to drop off our stuff so that Cheerilee and I may get our honeymoon going."

Mesud nods and motions to the entrance of the castle. "Of course I do not mind, TD. This is the time for the two of you to be together as husband and wife. I will lead you personally to our best room in the palace."

I thank Mesud, and the entire group walks into the palace, which is noticeably cooler and less humid than the outdoors. He leads us through the ornate hallways of his palace until we reach a solid oak door with gold leaf designs embedded in it. It strikes me as something out of The Lord of the Rings, really. Mesud pushes the door open and leads Cheerilee and I inside.

The room does look pretty amazing. It has a large, four-poster canopy bed, complete with curtains around it to give us both privacy and to block out the sun, I'd imagine. The soft carpets make me regret having shoes on, as I can imagine that it would feel really good on my bare feet. It has a kitchenette, a bathroom, and a large wardrobe that I assume is for our stuff. Overall, I'd say that we're going to be living in the lap of luxury for the next two weeks. Perfect for a honeymoon.

"Wow," I say as I look around the room. "This is pretty awesome. I really don't know how to thank you."

Mesud chuckles and waves his hoof. "Nonsense. You are my guests, and I am nothing if not a hospitable sultan, especially for one such as you, TD." He inclines his head to me in a slight bow. "I will leave you two to it, then. Saddle Arabia awaits you."

"Thank you very much, Sultan Mesud," Cheerilee says as she bows to him. "I don't know what to say."

"You said thank you, and that is enough for me." Mesud smiles warmly at Cheerilee. "And enough of this 'sultan' and 'bowing' nonsense. Feel free to be casual around me in private. All of this bowing is odd."

Cheerilee straightens up immediately. "Oh... y-yes, your Majest-- uh, Mesud. I'll remember that."

"Excellent." Mesud nods at the two of us. "On that note, I shall leave the happy couple be."

Cheerilee and I watch Mesud and Naida leave the room, and once they shut the door behind him, Cheerilee deeply exhales and sits on the carpet.

"That was nerve wracking, TD," she says before taking another deep breath. "That was a monarch of another country!"

I nod and open up the wardrobe to being unpacking the suitcases. "Uh-huh, I'll bet. But as you can see, he's pretty casual." I roll my eyes. "Unless you bring assassination plots into his country. Then he can get a little irate. But don't worry about doing anything to make him angry. I don't think you can short of flat-out intentional disrespect."

"If you say so." Cheerilee stands up and walks over to me to nuzzle my side. "Either way, I cannot believe that he would do this for us! We basically just got a honeymoon for free from the sultan of Saddle Arabia! Do you know what this means for our funds?"

I smile and nod as I begin putting my clothes away. "Oh yeah. Between this and what we get from our wedding presents, we'll have saved enough cash to upgrade Manderley a bit more."

Cheerilee grins and wraps a foreleg around my waist. "Sounds delightful."

"Good. So that's..." I pick up one of my shirts and frown when a small bracelet comes tumbling out of it. I pick it up, and frown when I see that Cheerilee doesn't seem to recognize it either. I look at it closer and see that it's a simple black bracelet, but it has two small plastic charms hanging off. One of a human, and one of a pony.

"What is that?" Cheerilee asks, taking the bracelet in her hoof.

"I have no idea," I mutter. "I didn't pack it, and I don't recognize it from anything. It's obviously something made with us in mind."

"Yeah, but these charms don't seem to look like either of us specifically. Just a human and a pony."

"Uh-huh." I kneel down next to the suitcase to see if there is anything else in there that I didn't pack. "Maybe it's a wedding gift that got packed by accident? But I can't imagine who would have given it to us, or who put it in there. Maybe... ah, I think I have something."

I check the shirt one more time and see a small piece of paper inside. I unfurl it and see that it is a note written in handwriting that I don't recognize. Cheerilee frowns and looks over my shoulder to read it.

To the happy couple:
I've seen that you have some problems with being different species and all, and I wanted to make that right. You two do look so adorable together, and I would hate for your relationship to suffer because of unfulfilled physical desires. So, here's a little something to help out with that. Have fun!

Cheerilee and I stare in horror at the note. Not because of the contents itself, but because of the ornate, complex, loopy initial at the bottom of it.

D.

And we both know of only one "D" that had any interest in us being different races. Cheerilee yelps and drops the bracelet like it's a big spider, and I pull her away from it. We both stare at it for a moment as if waiting for it to explode.

"Well..." Cheerilee gulps. "Discord has switched our races before. I mean, we did get that awesome dance and amazing kiss at our wedding. Maybe this will be like that?"

I rub the stubble on my jaw and take a deep breath. "I don't know if we can take that chance. I mean, he is Discord, after all. He may say that he's reformed, but even if I could throw him into outer space, I still wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him."

"Neither would I," Cheerilee admits, "and I don't see why he thinks we would trust him after what he did at our wedding and that one date, but..."

As if getting frustrated with the current conversation, the bracelet autonomously shoots into the air and rockets towards the two of us, causing Cheerilee and I to go backwards like Neo in The Matrix. Yes, even after over ten years I still remember "Bullet Time."

However, it is all for naught, as the bracelet quickly shifts directions and zooms toward Cheerilee too fast for either one of us to stop it. It loops around her exposed right foreleg and shrinks down until it stays on at about the ankle. Before either of us can do anything, she's enveloped in a flash of white light, and once the light fades, my wife is...

Human once again.

Cheerilee and I stare open-mouthed down at the bracelet, which is firmly in place on her now human wrist. I shakily move my hand and place it on hers. I gotta admit, even after sharing the dance at the wedding, this feels... weird. My wife's hoof isn't like this. I can tell you how her fur feels without even looking. So this... feeling her skin and knowing it's the same mare is just off to me. I look into my wife's eyes, which, while now as small as mine, are as wide as they'll go.

"Mr. Powell?"

"Yes, Mrs. Powell?"

Cheerilee takes a deep breath. "I think I completely understand what this thing is for."

I slowly begin nodding. "Yeah, I do too."

I mean, there might be a clop scene ahead. It is their wedding night, and they are both human now, so it's really not weird at all that they're... doing what they're doing. So yes, here it goes...

Probably.

Maybe.

I sigh in contentment as I sink deeper into the soft mattress, waiting for my wife to join me in bed. Everything in the past few days had been so stressful, and now it is time for bliss. I crack one eye open and see Cheerilee in the bathroom freshening up before she joins me in bed. She shouldn't be long now. I stretch out and pull the comfortable blanket over me as I listen to her hooves walking on the tile floor.

Clop, clop, clop, clop.

I don't know what it is, but there's something oddly soothing about the sound of her walking around and her hooves hitting the ground. I open an eye again and see that she's at the sink, brushing her mane. She finishes up, puts the brush down on the counter, and puts her hoof back down on the ground with a clop. With that finished, she begins walking back to me, the hard sound of clopping hooves on the tile being the only noise in the room until Cheerilee begins walking on the carpet to the bed. I smile lovingly at her, something she returns, as she goes over to the other side of the bed and slides under the covers. I roll over and wrap my arms around her, causing her to wrap her forelegs around one of my arms and nuzzle it.

"Goodnight, Mr. Powell," she coos. "I had fun today."

"As did I, Mrs. Powell. We should have more fun tomorrow."

"Definitely."

With that, Cheerilee claps her forehooves together with a clop clop, and the lights go out.

Somehow it's the next morning when I wake up, despite it being early afternoon when the two of us started unpacking. I roll around in bed and see my wife, a pony once again, snoozing peacefully beside me. I smile fondly at her and run my fingers through her mane, something that causes a smile to appear on her face. Still, I guess I'd better let her rest for the moment while I get ready for the day. I slide out of bed and hop into the shower, something that makes her wake up, if the sound of her shifting in bed is any indication. I quickly finish my shower and dry off just as Cheerilee enters the bathroom. Before I would have asked her to wait while I dressed, but, heh, well, not anymore, I guess. She grins seductively at me and flicks her tail at my leg.

"Good morning, dear," she says, taking her toothbrush and manebrush out of the small travel case. "Having fun so far?"

I return her grin with one of my own. "Oh yeah. I think yesterday was a better start to our honeymoon than we imagined. Somehow, I think it might go uphill from there."

"Well let's hope so," Cheerilee says, turning the shower on and adjusting the temperature. “We've got a lot to see. Some of it has to be good."

"Better than when I was last here," I say with a half grin/half grimace. "No assassins this time around."

Cheerilee grunts in agreement and steps into the shower. "Let's hope so."

We spend the next twenty minutes or so getting ready, which is mostly me getting dressed and making sure that we have everything for our day and her doing her morning routine. Once that's all settled, we head on out of our room, chattering excitedly about our day. We nod in greeting to the different Saddle Arabians that we pass, all of whom nod back. None of them seem particularly fazed by us. I think Mesud told them all about us. That, and I would imagine that a few of them remember me from when I was here last.

But then, something happens.

My eyes widen and I stop in my tracks, something that causes Cheerilee to stop, too. She frowns at me and tilts her head.

"What? TD? Are you okay?"

I take a deep breath and run a hand through my hair, still staring ahead. It stares back at me. I put the small backpack I have down next to Cheerilee and sigh.

"Cheerilee, I just want you to know that whatever happens, it's all okay."

Cheerilee raises an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

I crack my neck and begin moving my arms around. "I mean that it's all going to be fine. Whatever you see, it's not actually that bad."

"TD, you're starting to scare me."

I chuckle and grin at the familiar griffin standing about thirty feet away from me, who is also warming up.

"Not yet, probably."

I barely have time to blink before the griffin charges. I don't even flinch, and I begin my charge half a second afterwards. I hear Cheerilee yelp, but there are certain things that need to be done. The griffin tries to get the upper claw by flying into the air, but I'm ready for that, and taller. I jump up just as she spreads her wings and wrap my arms around her barrel, using my weight to send us both to the ground. She recovers quickly, and rolls so that she's on top of me. I uppercut her beak just as she goes to attack my shoulder joint. She's barely fazed by it, but her blow to my shoulder is noticeably weaker and less accurate.

With her distracted, I punch her in the stomach, something that allows me to move out from under her and get on her back while she recovers. She squawks and begins bucking, her powerful wings slapping every part of me that they can reach. She grabs my hand and is just about to start twisting it when a shout breaks through our fight.

"ENOUGH!"

Somehow, despite the fact that we're both trained fighters, the two of us flinch back. I immediately get off of her and stand up straight, while she folds her wings. I can see her tail flicking uneasily. I guess it comes from years of teaching foals, but something about Cheerilee's tone let us both know that she is now the one in charge. Her glare could probably melt boulders.

"What. Are. You. Two. Doing?!" she screeches before stomping over to the griffin and poking her chest. "And just who do you think you are, buster?!"

"Uh, Cheerilee?" I flinch back when she turns her glare to me. "This is Kathyrine. You remember her from my story?"

Cheerilee's glare softens, and she turns her head back to the griffin with a more curious expression. Kathyrine scoffs and smirks at me.

"Geez, dude. You sure know how to pick 'em." She flicks her arm forward and imitates a whip cracking. "Figures you'd go for the tough ones."

I roll my eyes at that. "No, no, nothing like that." I return her smirk with one of my own. "And I recall her schoolteacher voice freaked you out, too."

"You still haven't answered me," Cheerilee grumbles. "What was that?"

I shrug. "Just a little sparring match. Nothing too dangerous. We weren't trying to hurt each other."

"Much," Kathyrine adds.

I nod in agreement. "Right. Much. I guess you could say that we were just saying 'hi' after not seeing each other for however many years. I'm certain that you and Berry Punch have a different way of greeting each other than, say, Twilight and I do."

"Yes, and it isn't by beating the cutie marks off of each other," Cheerilee says through gritted teeth.

"Neither one of us got cutie marks, dude," Kathyrine points out.

"My point being," Cheerilee says a little more forcefully, "I don't know why you two would greet each other with a fight."

I shrug again. "Eh. Nostalgia, maybe? I dunno. We did it a lot during the assassination stuff a few years ago."

Cheerilee groans in annoyance and facehooves. "Of course. Makes sense to me."

I chuckle and turn my attention back to my ex-forced fiancee. "So, you've been living here for the past three or four years?"

Kathyrine shrugs and stands up. "Eh, mostly. I've traveled a bit. Gone to Equestria a few times. Baltimare, I think. Las Pegasus, too. Never once stepped paw inside Griffonia, though!" Kathyrine glowers and scoffs. "I don't miss it at all."

"Neither do I, to be honest."

Kathyrine shrugs with her wings before looking back at Cheerilee. "So, this is your pony wife, huh? You're on your honeymoon?"

I smile happily and nod. "Yep. We got married a few days ago, and now we're out to see Saddle Arabia in all of its glory."

"Cool. You two should have fun, then." Kathyrine lazily motions to the exit of the palace. "You definitely have to hit the big market in the center of the city at some point. Go early in the day or when it's about to close. You won't have to deal with the huge crowds or the heat, then."

I nod approvingly and look down at Cheerilee, who returns it. "Yeah, that sounds good. We'll be sure to do that."

"Cool." Kathyrine smirks at us. "Well, then, I'll leave you two lovebirds to it. Don't go getting into too much trouble."

I chuckle and shake my head. "No, I'm hoping that I used all of that up during my journey. We're looking for fun here, not life threatening trouble."

"Well it is Saddle Arabia." Kathyrine spreads her wings in a dramatic gesture. "You never know."

Yeah, I'll bet.

Author's Notes:

As if I'd honestly actually write a legit clop scene. Me writing honest to goodness clop is one of the ten signs of the FimFiction apocalypse. For reference, the list is:

1. Pen Stroke writing a legit Cupcakes story
2. Me writing clop
3. Skeeter the Lurker announcing that he will no longer sign his name at the bottom of each of his comments
4. Short Skirts and Explosions putting out three stories in a row under 2500 words
5. Cheerilee's Garden and/or Rainbow Factory make it onto EqD
6. Knighty giving control of the site over to Regidar
7. Parasprite and Chengar Qordath get together to make a Winningverse story.
8. Alondro just not doing what Alondro does anymore. Take that how you will...
9. Rainbow Bob announcing that he's leaving the site to focus on his passion of writing G3 fics.
10. Kaidan decides he will now only write MLP crossovers with Sex and the City, Eat, Pray, Love, and Nicholas Sparks stories. (non-grimdark)

30- Honeymoon: Saddle Arabia

The hot, dry air of Saddle Arabia washes over the two of us as we head outside, making us flinch for a moment before steadying ourselves and walking down the steps of the palace. I have to admit: maybe it's just my training kicking in, but I started to feel nervous as we walked towards the market. I mean, it's my duty as Cheerilee's husband to protect her, and there were a lot of strange beings around, and I didn't even have Reginald with me, and...

I look down at Cheerilee who is happily humming some tune I can't place. She's not worried. She's with me, and that's all that matters. A smile slides onto my face and I push thoughts of anything bad happening out of my mind.

We begin following the directions that Kathyrine gave us, taking our time to enjoy the sights of Saddle Arabia. We can already hear the market, but we have all day for that. Even in the distance, we can see that the market is full of beings of all different species. I'll still wager that I'm the only human there, though. Wouldn't that be a honeymoon surprise?

We enter the market, and I gotta say, the noise makes a guy not able to hear his thoughts. Just the chatter of all of the various beings stall shopping and haggling for everything the vendors sold. Cheerilee and I push our way through the crowd, trying to see if we could make it to any stalls just to see what was available.

Okay, I have to admit: I didn't expect it to be this crowded. I mean, I knew it would be packed, but I didn't think that we'd have to push through every being on the planet just to see a few stalls. It kind of makes me think that spots in the market must be desired just by virtue of the profits you'd possibly make every day. I make a note to ask Mesud about it later.

Still, though, I'm not a fan of it. It'd be too easy to get separated from Cheerilee in the crowd. I can take care of myself easily enough, but I'm not so sure about her. I feel a hoof on my back, and I look down to see Cheerilee right behind me, pushing through the crowd with the best of them. We smile at each other and cut through the crowd to the nearest stall.

An elderly Saddle Arabian is manning it. He seems to be selling some kind of bead necklaces. He flashes us his best "used car salesman" face as we approach.

"Good afternoon to the mister and missus," he says in a thick Saddle Arabian accent. He grabs one of the necklaces off of a rack and drapes it over a foreleg like it's a Rolex. "Very good price for you today. Thirty bits or forty-five dinars. Can't take gryphs, I'm afraid. Economy still no good after new government. Useless. Bits and dinars still fine."

I smirk and lean in to whisper in Cheerilee's ear. "Didn't know I destroyed Griffonia's economy. My bad, I guess."

Cheerilee hides her laugh behind a hoof. "It does seem like the sort of thing you'd do, doesn't it?"

"Not intentionally!" I insist.

"Will the happy couple buy, or are they just looking?"

"Looking for now," I say, tapping my chin thoughtfully. "We might come back. You know of any good places to eat in the meantime?"

The vendor snorts and waves his hoof. "Hungry? Doubtful. Young ponies in love are very seldom hungry. Doubt you're much different. Food is fleeting, but something like this..." He runs a hoof over one of his necklaces. "These can be memories that last a lifetime!"

"We'll keep that in mind," I say, tilting my head in a nod. "Good day, sir."

As we push our way through the crowd, Cheerilee looks back at the stand with a bit of disappointment. "He really did seem insistent, TD. I almost feel bad for not buying from him."

I shrug. "Eh, if we spend our bits that way, we would end up buying from every single vendor here. Of course let me know if you see something you want, and we'll get it no hesitation." I raise my eyebrow. "So... did you want one of those?"

Cheerilee shakes her head. "Well, no, not really."

"Good, then let's keep looking around then, shall we? I don't know about you, but I think he was wrong: young ponies in love are very frequently hungry."

"Especially after spending all night... burning calories," Cheerilee says with a sultry smile. "Maybe we should find something here to thank Discord for that."

I snort and chuckle. "You know, I never thought I'd hear you say that, Cheers."

"You and me both."

As we continue walking around, looking at the stalls and not buying anything, I have to admit that I'm not completely enjoying the market. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's completely epic and everything, but I'm not a guy who really enjoys being in large crowds like this. I can sense that Cheerilee is feeling much the same way as I lead her down an empty alleyway just so we can have a moment to ourselves.

"Dang, that place is crowded. If you want to keep going we can, but it's draining me," I say.

"Me too," Cheerilee admits. "I think it was a good place to start, but an ultimate dud, in my opinion."

I shrug. "Well, not everything about Saddle Arabia can be awesome, I guess. We can spend a little more time looking around here to see if there's something that catches our eye but if not, I think the nearby river does boat rides, or something."

Cheerilee smiles and nods. "I think that's worth at least looking into, after we find something to eat, of course."

"Of course," I say, moving closer to the wall of the alley when I notice a group of about four Saddle Arabians coming our way. "I think I saw some kind of food district between here and the palace, so we just have to go through that crowd again to get to it."

Wait... okay, those Saddle Arabians are getting kind of close. In a "hey, there's plenty of room in the alley, so you don't need to get this close" kind of way. I move closer to Cheerilee, hoping that I'm imagining things. Cheerilee notices too, and her smile starts fading.

Like I said: really hoping I'm just being paranoid.

But I'm not.

The four of them stop in front of us, blocking our way out of the alley. One of them even pulls out a knife.

Well darn.

"Bits and nopony gets hurt," the one closest to us says in a raspy voice. "Rings, too." Cheerilee whimpers and moves closer to me.

Hearing my wife whimper in fear, yeah, that doesn't really put me in a good mood. Ever. I ball my fist and begin looking around the alley for something to defend ourselves with.

"Bits and rings? Well, sir, I'm afraid that we don't run a charity here. What kind of rings are you even talking about? I think I saw a bell tower not far from here." My eyes land on a discarded broom. Bingo. "If the bell is chipping, you can get bits of that, and ring it. You win and nobody gets hurt, just like you said."

The Saddle Arabians all chuckle as I nudge Cheerilee in the direction of the broom. It's not far, and they're not in the way of it.

"We got a comedian here," says another mugger. "You some sort of clown thing? Is that what you are? Me and the boys here have been taking bets."

"No, no, I'm no clown," I say, reaching down and taking the broom. To my delight, it's one of those where the handle can unscrew from the actual broom part. I begin unscrewing the broom, putting myself between the muggers and Cheerilee. "Why? Do I look like a clown?"

"Don't know what you look like," says the third mugger. "You bleed like everything else, though, right? Give us what we want and you don't have to bleed."

"I actually don't bleed, thank you for asking," I reply, tossing the broom aside and keeping the handle. It's not Reginald, but it should do. Cheerilee is glancing between the attackers and me, her look of fear slowly being replaced by one of uneasy interest. "You see, I'm a sort of ancient spirit. I've been here longer than you, and I'll be here long after you're gone. My specialty is fighting."

The group laughs again and draws closer. "Right," says the first one again, motioning for his friend with the knife to come closer. "Well, if you don't get it, you don't get it. We can just clean the blood off of whatever we take."

"So you're officially going to attack us, is that it?"

The Saddle Arabian grins and nods.

Busted.

Before anyone can do anything, I take advantage of the fact that they're all pretty close together and lunge forward. I haven't lost too much speed or power in my down years back in Ponyville, so when I swing my makeshift weapon at the first mugger, he doesn't even have time to react before he's falling to the ground, completely unconscious. Before the other three even know what's going on, I've already hit the second mugger in the head twice with the broom handle. Were I wielding Reginald, that might have killed him. As is, he just falls down unconscious.

Well, good things can't last forever, so the remaining two ditzes eventually figure out that I'm fighting back. Rather than run away like smart beings, the one with the knife clumsily lunges for me. Given that my weapon has more reach than his, it's easy to step back a bit and hit him until he's down. I don't even give the fourth one a moment to start running before I hit him right underneath the jaw, taking him out of the fight as well.

All told, the whole thing takes probably about five to ten seconds.

Content that none of them will be trying to attack me anytime soon, I turn back to Cheerilee with a small smirk and a shrug.

"Well, they wanted to hurt you, and I'm not going to give bozos like them our money, and especially not our rings."

Cheerilee, for her part, keeps alternating wide-eyed looks between myself and the downed would-be muggers. I mean, I know that she knows that I'm capable of holding my own. On top of her hearing about it from me, she read the book about it that Twilight gave me, but I'm sure that reading about it and seeing it are very different things.

"TD..." Cheerilee blinks owlishly. "That was very... brave a-and impressive, I suppose."

I frown and put the broom handle down. "Er... it didn't freak you out, did it? Seeing me do that? They scared you, Cheerilee. They wanted to hurt you. I'm not going to let anything even think about something like that."

"I'm not really sure, TD." She shakes her head. "Not about you fighting back, that's fine because you're right: they wanted to hurt us, but seeing you do something like from your adventure firsthoof is a little..." She blinks again. "Different."

I grimace and rub the back of my neck. "Bad different?" I look down to the entrance of the alleyway and see some other Saddle Arabians muttering among themselves at the sight before them. I give them a slight shrug before turning back to my wife.

"No, I don't think so," she says. "You didn't kill them, and you only did it as a last resort to protect me." She rubs the back of her neck and shakes her head. "But I never thought I'd see you do something from your adventure."

I would respond, but a pair of Saddle Arabian soldiers are coming down the alleyway, already grimacing at the sight before them. Or maybe that's the typical "soldier look."

"Greetings, human," says the one on the right. "It seems Sultan Mesud was right: you can't help but get into trouble."

I roll my eyes at that. "Well, trouble usually finds me. I tend not to go looking for it, you know? Especially not on our honeymoon."

"Right." The guard on the right sighs and pulls out a pair of hoofcuffs, which he secures on the forelegs of one of the unconscious muggers. His fellow does the same. "We'll deal with this, okay? You go back to your honeymoon."

I kick the broom aside and beckon Cheerilee onward. "With pleasure."

Once the excitement wears off, the two of us go get some lunch. We find a nice little corner cafe where Cheerilee and I share a relatively quiet meal. I can tell that she's still chewing over the events in the alley at the same time she's chewing over her food. But, as the meal goes on, she does open up a little more, and I start seeing that smile of hers I like so much. By the end, she's even laughing at some of the dumb jokes I'm telling. Although, every time I glance down the street, I see two Saddle Arabian soldiers nearby, not so subtly watching us. Eh, if I can avoid having my wife being scared again, I'll take it.

After lunch, we hit that boat ride place that I brought up earlier. It's actually kind of nice to just spend time together in peace and quiet, just taking in the sights of Saddle Arabia. I am kind of surprised that I'm not getting more looks from the population, but my guess is that they don't mind me because my bits are just as real as the next pony's. And yes, Saddle Arabian money is also called bits. Kind of like how both America and Australia call their currency dollars, I suppose.

But yeah, the boat ride. It's peaceful. It's far less noisy compared to the market, but not out of the way. We can still see the goings on of the nation around us as Cheerilee leans against me with my arm around her shoulders. The pegasus pony rowing the boat is humming some sort of calming tune as he rows, and I'll bet that if I heard the lyrics to the song, it'd be about love.

That actually ends up taking a good four hours, so once we finish, we head on over to the same cafe for dinner and dessert. We would choose a different one but, well this one has steak in it.

After that, we walk around Saddle Arabia, enjoying the beauty of the place as the sun goes down and the fireflies come out. If we'd timed it right with the boat ride, it'd probably be the most romantic thing ever. Then again it was probably closed at this point.

But the day does end, and we find ourselves walking back to our room in the palace. We don't see either Mesud or Kathyrine as we go into the palace, but I'm sure we'll have plenty of time to talk to them later.

I have to say, I haven't been this tired since Tycho made me run laps around an entire city. We still have thirteen more days of this to go.

Excellent.

I let Cheerilee shower first. After finishing it up myself, I brush my teeth and walk over to our bed, where Cheerilee is already laying under the covers, with only her head showing. I smile fondly at her and sit on the opposite side.

"Did you have fun today, Cheers?"

She smiles and nods. "I did, other than..." Her ears flatten. "That part."

My own smile fades, and I lean back in bed. "Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I mean, it was stupid of me to lead us down that alleyway. I'll be more careful next time we need to get away from the crowd, okay?"

"Well, I suppose that can't hurt, but if our new bodyguards are any indication, we won't need to bother with being extra careful."

I chuckle and shake my head. "So you saw them too, huh? Not very inconspicuous, were they?"

"Not in the slightest." Cheerilee leans her head against my arm and lovingly nuzzles it. "But that aside, I will say that one good thing came out of what happened today. I got a live demonstration of the fact that I have a husband who will protect me no matter what. That's the kind of thing that makes a mare feel good, you know?"

I smile down at her and run my hands through her mane. "I'm glad."

"But, you know what else makes a mare feel good?" Cheerilee's smile turns seductive, and she pulls her forelegs out from underneath the covers, revealing that she's wearing, of all things, socks. She gives me a look not unlike one a tiger would give to a deer it just caught. Seems I can't get out of this one. Good.

I smile and take the bracelet off of the bedside table. I hang it on her muzzle, something that causes her to roll her eyes.

"Funny joke, TD, but..." She grins and nudges it in my direction. "Your turn."

And so our honeymoon continues much as it did the first day, excluding the attempted mugging and fighting for Cheerilee's honor thing. We just spend two weeks experiencing Saddle Arabia in all of its glory.

And each other.

Somehow the days drag on, much to our liking, but by the end of our trip, it feels like it's just been a few hours. Unfortunately, the day does come when our honeymoon ends. I can't really describe what it feels like when that happens. On one hand, it's too bad that our fun trip together has ended, but on the other hand... well, it's not like we're going to go to our respective homes once we arrive in Ponyville. We get to spend the rest of our lives together. She's not going to her house and me to mine. We're going to our house. And you know? It's one of the best realizations that I've ever had.

In a rather cool move, both Mesud and Kathyrine see us off. I'm kind of surprised that Mesud would take a break from his duties just for that.

"Well, TD, I hope you enjoyed your time in my country," he says, tilting his head in a little bow. "You are always welcome, and you always have a place to stay should you find yourselves in Saddle Arabia once more."

"I really appreciate that," I say, returning his little bow. "After these past few weeks, I certainly wouldn't say no."

"If nothing else we need to fight again," Kathyrine says with a nod. "For real this time, without interference."

Cheerilee glares at her, but I smile and nod. "Absolutely. We'll have to see just how soft you've gone."

"Right back at ya."

The train horn blows, and ponies are going up and down the platform, letting people know that the train will be departing shortly. I reach my hand out for some handshakes.

"It's been a delight," I say. "Until next time, yes?"

"Absolutely, TD," Mesud says. "Do say hello to Celestia for me when you see her next, will you?"

"Will do."

The train horn blows again signaling that, no really, it's time to go. We step into the private car that Mesud has gotten for us just as the train begins starting up. We wave out the window at our gracious hosts, who wave back. Well, Mesud waves back. Kathyrine punches her palm with her other talons before giving me the "I'm watching you" motion. I return it before walking away from the window and laying down on the bed next to my wife.

"TD, that was simply magical," Cheerilee says, draping a foreleg over my chest. "I really think that this is going to work out."

"Agreed," I say. "This honeymoon has shown me that the next several decades of our life are going to be pretty awesome."

"I love you, TD," Cheerilee says, resting her head in my lap. "You really are the best husband a mare could ask for."

"I do try," I say with a chuckle. "Love you too, Cheers."

Our train pulls into Ponyville Station several hours later. I collect our suitcases and lead Cheerilee off of the train. Gotta say, I'd rather gotten used to the humidity of Saddle Arabia. Even though it's summer, Ponyville feels a little chilly without so much moisture in the air. It's not bad, though.

"So, do you want to go drop our stuff off at Manderley before picking up Oswald, or after?"

"Let's go before," Cheerilee says. "That way we're not dragging our stuff through all of Ponyville."

"Makes sense to me."

As we walk down the street toward our house, we are greeted by several of the townsponies, who all smile and wave at us. As we're about halfway home, we run into Applejack, who's packing up her cart for the day.

"Well howdy do there, you two," she says, putting a nearly empty bucket of apples in her cart. "You have a good time?"

"Come on, Applejack, you know they did," Cloud Kicker says as she flies overhead. Something about the way she says it makes me pause for a moment before responding.

"Er... what did she mean by that?"

To my horror, Applejack sighs and facehoofs. "Well, the day after y'all left, we were all just kinda doin' our own thing. Like usual. Ah was sellin' mah apples with Apple Bloom, and the market was pretty busy, if Ah recall. Then... Discord showed up."

Oh no.

"He showed up wearin' a shirt with your faces on it, bouncin' up and down in the middle of the air and twirlin' sparklers around. He was shoutin'..." Applejack taps her jaw in thought. "Ah think he was sayin' 'all hail the happy couple.' Givin' the randomness of it, it wasn't too hard to put two and two together. Especially when he 'let it slip' what his weddin' present to you two was."

That. Son. Of. A. Bitch.

"DISCORD!" Cheerilee and I shout at the same time.

Author's Notes:

I also have a Patreon!

And some patrons: WesFox134
Razer Brony

32-In Sickness...

"Hey Cheers. How was school today?"

I close the front door behind me and smile at the sight of my husband sitting on the couch, Oswald perched behind him. I trot over to him and sit at my usual spot.

"Very good, TD. I have a few papers to grade, but nothing that will keep me up all night."

"Good." TD runs his hand through my mane, inadvertently straightening out a few knots in it. "I made soup for dinner, I hope that's alright."

"You know it is," I say, poking his nose. "Unless it's some kind of pony meat soup that you wanted to try out."

"You know it is."

The three of us head over to the dining room table, where TD has already set out three bowls. He walks over to the stove and turns it off, peering into the pot of soup. I assume it's vegetable, or something of that nature. He's only made meaty meals a hooffull of times in the two years we've been married. For the both of us, that is. I couldn't stop him from eating his fish.

Good heavens, my parents would be mortified if they discovered I've been building up a slow tolerance for meat ever since I've married this man. Speaking of...

"Mom and Dad want to come out to visit sometime next week," I say, pointing over to a discarded pile of papers, one of which is a letter from my parents. "I'll be making up the guest bedroom around then."

"Sounds good," TD says, putting the pot of soup down in the middle of the table. "Any particular occasion that I've forgotten, or is it just a social call?"

"Just a social call," I respond as I set out napkins and spoons. "They want to see how we're doing." I shoot TD a wry smile. "Though if I'd married anyone else, I'd probably be getting questions about when you're going to give me a foal. I can see it in my mother's eyes every time the topic comes up. She wants a grandfoal really badly."

TD chuckles and begins filling up the bowls with the soup, taking a moment to nudge Oswald away from his bowl. He can't start until we're all ready, after all.

"Well, I guess we might be getting to that point soon enough," he says, setting my bowl down in front of me. "I think we're pretty stable right now, and the universe isn't balanced unless I'm enduring some form of chaos."

I roll my eyes as he sits down beside me. "Well, the past few years have been pretty quiet, haven't they? Maybe you just needed me to help you out."

"Couldn't be happier about that," TD says, grabbing my hoof. "But you know something's going to come up. After twelve years in this universe, I've figured out the pattern."

"You're the kind of man who fights the Magic of Music in a duel out of sheer stubbornness," I reply in my best teacher voice. "If anybody can break the cycle of a chaotic life, it's you."

"We'll see. I plan on having a lot of life left. When I reach the end of it in several decades, we'll compare notes to see how I did."

I roll my eyes again. "I suppose we'll have to. Until then..." I plunk my spoon into my bowl. "Let's eat. I'm starving."

I wouldn't trade my position as Ponyville's school teacher for anything, short of TD. To see the foals come into my classroom ready and eager to learn, then comparing that to the end of the school year when I get to see what kinds of mares and stallions they're growing into, is one of the greatest joys in my entire life.

Having said that, some days are absolutely horrendous.

"So he threw up right in the middle of class?" TD says, flinching back slightly. "Dang, that couldn't have been fun."

"It's not been fun the past times it's happened, and it wasn't fun today," I groan. I raise my head off of TD's lap and shoot Oswald a glare. "And it's not funny. Don't think I can't see you laughing behind your wing!"

TD smirks and scratches Oswald's head feathers. "Ah, you know him. Can't take anything too seriously."

"I wish he would sometime," I grumble. "If I had to guess, this is just the first instance of this kind of thing. I've been a teacher long enough to know when Pony Pox is going through town. Given that a sick foal came to school, well, I can see that being a problem in the near future."

TD grimaces and changes from running his hand through my mane to scratching my back, something that gets a murmur of content out of me.

"You're not going to come down with anything, are you?"

I shake my head. "Oh, I doubt it. In my first few years as a teacher, I got sick all of the time. Foals can be little disease carriers when they put their minds to it. After those first couple of years, I started to get an immunity to common diseases. Pony Pox comes through Ponyville every couple of years or so, and I haven't caught it in a while. At worst I'll just be missing a few students for a week or so. They'll probably start getting it in rotation, then once it passes it passes. No real harm done."

"Nothing I wouldn't have gone through if I'd become a teacher on Earth," he muses. "Other than maybe the occasional falling bucket or ladder, my job doesn't have that kind of risk, now does it?"

I give Oswald another glare to forestall any giggles from him. It's his fault TD bruised a rib when the ladder fell. I swear, TD stumbled upon the one phoenix in Equestria who is neither intelligent, nor graceful.

"Well, you're not going to be doing that forever though, are you?" I say, keeping my glare on Oswald. "I mean, it's a nice job and it pays well enough to support the two of us once it's combined with my paycheck. I don't know about you, but I can't see fifty year old TD climbing up that ladder to wash the top windows of town hall."

"Neither can I," he admits. "But the time will come when I get a better job. Maybe if we have a foal or two and we need some extra bits to support him or her. One day at a time, though."

"Fair enough."

"But, until that point, how about dinner?"

"And that should be it for today," I say, shutting my lesson plan folder. "For those of you who made get-well cards for your classmates, please hand them in now."

Hoof. Hoof them in. Not hand them in. I've been doing that a lot more lately. Thankfully my students know whom I'm married to and have gotten used to it.

The students get out of their seats and get in a single-file line to give me their cards for their sick classmates. Enough of them have gotten it that I'm pretty sure we've reached the end of Pony Pox season, which will be nice. That's fewer students who need to catch up on schoolwork.

"Bye, Mrs. Cheerilee," Ruby Shine says, waving at me from the doorway of the schoolhouse. "See you tomorrow!"

"Bye," I respond with a smile. With the last of the students gone, I neatly stack the get-well cards and put them in my lesson plan folder, which I then deposit in my saddlebag. I can't wait to get home to be honest. Today was a rather taxing one, and I'm certain that TD will be back from his own job by the time I return.

As I make the short journey to our house, I notice a few ponies giving me looks of concern. Odd to be sure as things have been going rather well for the two of us as of late. It's not been a perfect marriage by any stretch, but nothing out of the ordinary, I think. It takes Twilight of all ponies to break the suspense.

"Hi, Cheerilee," she says with a pained grin. "So is TD feeling any better than earlier today?"

I blink owlishly at her. "Er... what? What do you mean? What happened to TD this morning?"

"Uh..." Twilight tilts her head at me. "You mean that nopony told you that he threw up at work today? He really looked quite bad. Rainbow had to help him get home." Twilight grimaces and flattens her ears. "Did Rainbow not tell you afterwards?"

I don't stay to hear anything else. By the time it clicks with me that TD is sick, I'm zooming home, papers flying out of my saddlebag behind me. I burst through the front door and slide across the floor of the entryway, nearly hitting the wall. I regain my balance and run towards our bedroom.

"TD!" I call out. "TD are you okay?!"

My response is a groan of pure misery, and I nearly break the door down in my efforts to get inside. TD is lying on the bed, Oswald perched over him and dripping tears onto his head. TD himself has wrapped himself in a blanket with a bucket next to him. I run over to him and press my hoof on his forehead, flinching back at the heat radiating from it.

"TD, what happened?!" I cry. "What do you need me to do?"

"Oh, nothing much happened," he croaks. Goodness, it sounds like he's been gargling razor blades. "I just had a bit of a cough this morning then a few hours later, I threw up uh... just about everything I ate in the past few days." He smirks and shakes his head. "So it just figures that the exact moment that my body figured out that it hated just about everything was the one I happened to be standing on top of a ladder leaning against Barnyard Bargains." TD grins when he notices my involuntary flinch. "It was pretty much as awful as you'd imagine. I haven't really been able to get up off of this spot." He takes a deep, pained breath. "If it weren't for Oswald, this could be much worse."

"Hang on, TD..." I run into our bathroom and pull open the medicine cabinet. This sounds like a really bad case of the Pony Pox, but I've never heard of it being this bad. I take out an instant thermometer and rush back over to TD, who is back to mere groaning. I press the sensor against his forehead to get his temperature and my eyes widen when the reading comes in.

104.2

"How bad is it, doc?" he croaks. "Can I die now, or do you want to keep me alive for some sick reason?"

"TD, I think we need to get you over to a hospital!" I reset the sensor and take his temperature again just to make sure I didn't mess up somehow. 104.3.

TD groans in pure misery and rolls up into a ball on our bed. "Cheers, I really need you to kill me now, okay?" He wraps the blanket tighter around himself. "I can't do this anymore. Just let me go."

"Just hold on, TD, I'm going to get help!"

I run out of our house, looking around for anypony that can help us. Maybe Redheart is around somewhere? Seeing nopony like that, I run straight to the hospital hoping that somepony there can help TD.

"How is he, doctor?" I whimper. "Is he going to be okay?"

"We're doing everything that we can, Mrs. Powell, but for right now we'll just have to wait and see how he reacts to the medication."

I groan and lean my head on Twilight's shoulder, letting her rub my back for comfort. The rest of her friends dropped everything that they were doing when they heard about what was wrong with TD.

"It's just Pony Pox," I groan. "How can Pony Pox hit somebody so hard like that?"

"Well if I had to guess, it has something to do with the fact that TD does not originate from Equestria," Dr. Stable says. "He doesn't have the natural immunities to our diseases. I'd say he's been lucky so far to not have this happen before now. My guess is that he hasn't caught it yet because he wasn't in Equestria the last time Pony Pox did its rounds. Among other factors, I imagine. Maybe his human biology has something to do with it."

"So then what can we do, doc?" Applejack asks.

Dr. Stable takes his glasses off and begins cleaning them against his lab coat. He's stalling for time.

"As I said, we'll have to see. I haven't ever seen a case of Pony Pox this bad before and I have no idea how the usual medication will react with his immune system."

"Is... is he going to die if he doesn't get well soon?" I whisper. Dr. Stable hesitates, and that's all I need to know. I take a step forward and glare at him. "Doctor, will he die if the medication doesn't work?"

The room is silent, all eyes on Dr. Stable. After a few moments, he lowers his head. "Yes. He will. With how his fever has been, I'm surprised that he isn't dead already. I suspect that it has something to do with the phoenix tears."

A pair of tears streak down my cheeks, but I manage a watery smile. "Well..." My voice breaks, and I need to clear my throat to continue. "Well, he has always been v-very stubborn like that. I-If a minotaur can't take him down, th-then..."

I collapse onto my haunches, breaking down completely. Applejack and Rarity both wrap their forelegs around me as the rest of them stare down at me with various looks of sympathy.

"And we can't do anything?!" I wail. "He can't die now! He's too young! W-we were talking about maybe having a foal!"

"I'm so sorry," Dr. Stable says. "I wish I knew how to help him, but I've done all that I can do. Even with the help we've given him, we may have just slowed it down. I'm sorry."

"Twilight!" I whirl around to face her. "R-remember that healing spell that Princess Celestia used when Princess Luna broke his back?! Maybe that will fix him!"

"I can try," Twilight says, materializing a scroll and quill.

"Anything will help," Dr. Stable says. "He has days, if that, and he's just going to get worse. The phoenix tears merely bought him time."

"Can I see him while we're waiting for Princess Celestia?" I ask.

"I'm afraid not," Dr. Stable says with a shake of his head. "He's in quarantine right now. The only beings around him are a few doctors and nurses in hazmat gear and his phoenix. We can't risk a new strain of Pony Pox getting out."

"So I can't see him at all?" I ask quietly.

"Well..." Dr. Stable sighs and rubs the back of his head. "I suppose you could see him through the observation room, but only you. I warn you though, it's not pretty."

"I know that, Doctor," I say through gritted teeth. "I was with him when I brought him in."

"I suppose you're right." Dr. Stable looks around at Twilight and her friends. "Alert me when Princess Celestia arrives. If you could all wait here until that time, it's best if just Cheerilee sees him. We can't have too many ponies in the observation room."

"We understand, Doc," Applejack says. "Just let us know if we can do anythin'."

"Until Princess Celestia gets here, there's nothing to be done."

Dr. Stable turns and beckons me to follow, which I do without hesitation. He leads me through the sterile halls of the hospital and I can see various doctors and nurses shooting me looks of sympathy. I suppose I should be appreciative that I have their support, but I can't focus on anything but making TD better.

We reach the observation room, and I whimper at the sight of my husband. He's completely unconscious with the only sign of life being a slight rising and falling of his chest and the heart rate monitor beeping every few seconds. An oxygen mask is secured over his mouth and nose and both arms have multiple IVs in them. One of them is connected to a bowl which Oswald is crying into.

He's... he's looked better, I suppose.

"Why aren't the phoenix tears helping?" I whisper. "They heal anything, don't they? Why aren't they working here?"

"My guess is that they heal physical injuries, and do not do much against viruses. I’m also guessing that Oswald's tears are strengthening TD's blood cells, and that's what's keeping him alive. I'm not too sure that it can last forever."

"I know," I mutter. "Oswald can't cry forever. I suppose that Princess Celestia will know what to do."

"One can only hope."

The door behind us opens up and a young nurse walks in, her head low and her ears flat.

"Uh, Dr. Stable, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna are both here."

"Both of them?" Dr. Stable says, an eyebrow quirked.

"Yes, Doctor." The nurse motions to the room outside the one we're in. "They're outside right now."

Dr. Stable yips and runs over to the door. He doesn't make it all the way before both princesses come in. The doctor and nurse both drop into bows but I stay on my hooves, staring at the two of them without blinking.

"Can you help him?" I whisper as they approach the observation window. "You fixed his back at the Gala, so can you save him here?"

Princess Celestia stares at TD unblinking. TD would know what she's thinking. Somehow he always does. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna exchange a brief word before turning back to me.

"We will do everything that we can, though I warn you that I cannot fix him as I did in the Gala," Princess Celestia says. "That was a physical injury. That spell mended his spine and re-connected dead nerves. I had a specific place to work with. Here, from what I can see, there is a virus attacking every cell in his body. My sister and I will do what we can, as I said, but I cannot merely wave my horn over him and fix him outright."

My jaw wobbles and tears began falling down my face. "I can't lose him, Princess Celestia. Not now. Not this soon."

Princess Celestia smiles at me and puts a hoof on my shoulder. I flinch back a little. I guess I've never gotten used to royalty being informal with me.

"All hope is not lost, dear Cheerilee. I have my student looking for an answer in her library, and I have even asked Applejack to find your zebra friend to see if she can offer any insight. We will not give up. I truly believe that TD will be fine."

"Okay," I say with a sniffle. "If you're sure."

"I am. If I know your husband as well as I think I do, he'll pull through. He's simply too stubborn to die like this."

I half laugh/half sob at the quip. I want to think that they're right, but something is attacking TD right now that he can't just punch and make go away. He's helpless and I can't see him like that.

Princess Celestia and Princess Luna encase themselves in health shields and enter the quarantine zone. They ignite their horns and begin working their magic on TD. I lean in hopefully, half expecting to see TD open his eyes and give Celestia that half amused, half annoyed look that he has whenever she helps him out.

But he doesn't move. Nothing changes at all. The princesses just keep doing what they're doing and the machines keep beeping.

I turn around and trudge out of the room. Princess Celestia did say that Twilight was looking into something. Maybe I should go see her. Maybe she's found something. Maybe Princess Celestia and Princess Luna will fix him. Maybe I'm a widow at thirty three. I put a hoof to my neck and feel the wedding ring around it. I try to think of what TD would do in this situation. Probably walk around the entire planet trying to find some rare plant to help me.

I find myself standing outside of the library at some point. I suppose I've been so lost in thought that I didn't notice that I've left the hospital. I sigh and walk into the library. Maybe Twilight has found something.

"Oh, hey, Cheerilee." I look over to see Twilight standing next to a bookshelf with Zecora. Twilight has an open book floating in front of her that I suppose she's been leafing through. "How is he doing?"

"Not any better," I mutter. "Princess Celestia and Princess Luna are with him now. They're going to try to help him, but I don't know."

"Well, if they can't help him..." Twilight and Zecora walk up to me and Twilight flips the book around so that I can see what she's been reading. "Maybe this can."

I peer into the pages of the book, and my eyes widen when I read what Twilight is getting at.

"The Neverherb?" I look at Twilight, then back to the book. "I've never heard of it."

"It only grows on a specific mountaintop in Zebrica," Twilight says, motioning to Zecora. "But if the book is right, then it will cure almost any ailment."

"Well then what are we waiting for?!" I shout. "Let's go get this thing!"

"Well hold on," Twilight says, holding up a hoof. "If circumstances were any different, we'd be on a train to Zebrica right now, but there's a slight complication."

"Oh, what?"

"Well you see, there's this dragon that lives on that specific mountain..."

Author's Notes:

You ever been in so much pain you just want to die? I have. It's called multiple kidney stones.

Help support me on Patreon

If I get up to 700 bucks a month, I'll quit my job and focus on making videos and writing pony full-time.

Join these delightful people as my patrons!
WesFox134
Razer Brony
Dawson Schawang
Jim Kieger

If I missed someone, let me know.

32-And in Health

"I don't care about any dragon. I'm helping TD."

Twilight and Zecora look at me uneasily, but I don't falter for a moment. "I'm getting that flower. I don't care what it takes."

"Cheerilee, you realize that we're not talking about Spike or even those teenage dragons that TD ran into on his journey? This is a 'you are smaller than just one of his scales' kind of dragon," Twilight said.

"Oh, well that changes my mind! I guess I'll find my best black veil to wear to TD's funeral!" I retort. "A widow after two years. What a delight! I guess I'll just have to get used to my students calling me Miss Cheerilee again!"

"Cheerilee--"

"Don't 'Cheerilee' me, Twilight!" I glare at the two of them, making them take a few steps back. "TD would do the same for me! Heck, you'd do the same for Spike or any one of your friends! I'm going to go talk to that dragon, and I'm going to save TD's life!"

"But there has to be another way!" Twilight replied. "I mean, what about the bracelet the two of you use? Maybe pony medicines would work on him then!"

"It doesn't work like that," I mutter. I go back to a conversation that Discord, TD and I had earlier. "The bracelet really only changes the form of whoever wears it. It doesn't change the essence. Discord doesn't have that power. Biologically speaking, he'd look like a pony, but still be a human. It's..." My mouth goes thin and a pair of tears drip from my eyes. "It's the same reason he can't get me pregnant."

That certainly triggers an awkward pause from the three of us, but I put a stop to that quickly. Every second I waste is one less second I have to save TD.

"I'm doing this with or without your help," I continue. "If you magically stop me, I will never forgive you, Twilight. I will never say another word to you again." I take a deep breath, and I know my next words are a mistake even as I say them. "And TD's blood will be on your hooves."

Twilight flinches back as if I've slapped her, and Zecora's absolutely glaring at me. I don't really care in the moment though. I'll certainly apologize later, but TD is more important than Twilight's feelings. I know that much.

"So how about the name of that mountain?"

I hop off the train carrying me to Zebrica and look at the horizon for any sight of my target. Bliss Mountain, they call it. I find it ironic given the creature that inhabits it, but I suppose it is more likely a reference to the Neverherb.

I have nothing but my saddlebag at my side and a few bits. I don't know if they take that kind of money here, but I'll figure out something. I have to get to that mountain as soon as I can.

"Excuse me, miss?"

I turn my head to see a local walking up to me with a grin that all but telegraphs that he thinks I'm some weakling with an easily taken bit bag. Oh I am so not in the mood.

"You look lost, miss." He stops in front of me, that insufferable smile not fading at all. "Is there anything I can do to help you? I assure you that I know my way around."

"Not interested," I say, walking toward the exit of the train station. "I have to get to Bliss Mountain."

"Ah, you're in luck!" The zebra says, his face lighting up. "I run a ferry service that will take you right to the bottom of the mountain. I feel like it would be your best bet. There are dangerous things around here that could take advantage of a pretty thing like yourself."

"Yeah, like you," I snark. "Oh, and I'm going to the mountain to talk to a dragon. I think I can take care of myself."

That gets him to shut up for a moment. Not long enough, though. His oily smile comes back just as quickly as it left.

"Ma'am, I would advise against that. You see, the dragon is sleeping right now. He will be more receptive tonight when he's woken up. In the meantime, for a few bits I can take you to a hotel and get you onto the first available shuttle to Bliss Mounta--"

I probably shouldn't do it. But I'm past the point of caring. This bozo is just in my way.

I wheel around and cold-clock him. Not very hard, but I hit him hard enough to know that I'm not going to tolerate him. Stupid con artists.

Well, of course, the zebra falls down clutching his muzzle, wailing like I just threw him underneath the train. Great. His cries attract the attention of a few nearby guards armed with bladed boots. He alternates between pointing at me and his bruised muzzle and babbling about assault and attempted murder. I don't even think that the guards who came to help even knew what he was saying. They got the gist, and they surrounded me, one of them pulling out a pair of hoofcuffs.

Just peachy.

If the parents of my students ever get ahold of any copies of my mugshots, things will go poorly. As a teacher, I'm supposed to be better than that. Never resorting to physical violence is something that I impress upon my students, and it has lessened the consequences of many a schoolyard argument.

Although, I'd never admit it to any of them, but sucker punching that stupid con artist did feel rather nice. Unfortunately, I'm now sitting in a Zebrican holding cell with a chain on one of my hind legs keeping me secured to the wall. It's not like I'd try to escape anyway! How could I? I groan and sit down on the uncomfortable bed in the cell. Every moment here is one less that I have to save TD.

And I've been in here for hours.

The door to the dungeon opens, and I let out a quiet sigh. Probably some official here to tell me that I'm going to be deported back to Equestria tomorrow, or even worse, that I'll be standing trial here. My jaw wobbles at the thought, and I put my head in my hooves.

"Mrs. Powell, I'm here to discuss the incident," said the voice of a zebra who stopped outside of my cell. "Now if you--"

"I just want to help my husband," I say quietly. "That's the only reason I came here. I just want to get to Bliss Mountain, get something, then go home."

"Er... yes, I've heard something to that effect." The zebra clears his throat. "But, ah, assaulting known con artists isn't the best way to go about that."

"He wouldn't leave me alone. He wasn't going to leave me alone until he got every last bit in my coin purse," I growl. "I know it was wrong, but I can't afford to waste any more of my time. I have too little of it as it is."

"I figured. If you're here for the Neverherb, things must be dire for your husband," the zebra says, sympathy in his voice. "But there are certain regulations for this kind of thing. We've already begun preparations for your deportation back to Equestria. I'm sorry, but that's the way it has to be."

"I can't accept that!" I screech, shooting to my hooves. "I have one shot to help TD, and I'm not going to let it slip by me because some... some... f-fucking prick couldn't leave me alone!"

Not helping, Cheerilee. Goodness, I never swear. This isn't going to help TD. I think I've even managed to scare the zebra official standing outside my cell. He's looking at me like I'm some kind of madmare.

"Uh..." He blinks once. "Look, I'm sorry about what you're going through. Really I am. But do you realize what's on Bliss Mountain anyway? A giant, fire-breathing dragon! Our kind has been trying to get rid of it for centuries, but it's never gone for more than a few months or so. Even when it is gone, we don't take any of the Neverherb. We tried that once, and it didn't go well. It just seems to know when its mountain has been disturbed. After a few hundred years, we've stopped trying."

"Interesting story, but I have to do it," I say through gritted teeth. "You would too, in my position." I get up off of the bed and walk over to the bars. "In fact, what do you have to lose by me going over there? In fact, you'd have everything to gain. If I'm successful, then we'll just go our separate ways. If I fail, well, you don't have to do a lot of paperwork to deport me back to Equestria, do you?" I shoot him a half grin. "I'm a teacher. I know what it's like to have to do a lot of paperwork."

The zebra hesitates for a brief moment. "Well, I don't know, Mrs. Powell. I'm not the kind of zebra who would let you throw your life away like that. Are you sure Princess Celestia can't do anything?"

"She's doing all she can right now," I reply. "She's pumping magic into him as we speak, but it's just delaying the inevitable." I frown at him. "If you really don't like it when ponies throw their lives away, then let me try this. Otherwise you're sentencing my husband to death! You have the power to save his life. Just let me go, and I won't bother you again."

"Well..." He bites his lip. "I don't think that it would..." He sighs and lowers his head. "I'm so getting fired for this. They're always telling me that I'm too kind-hearted."

My heart leaps for joy, and I step back from the bars. "So you're letting me go?"

"I will escort you to Bliss Mountain, but only to the base. You'll have to climb the wretched thing on your own. If you really are set on doing this, don't just take an herb. You'll have to get the dragon's permission, and he rarely gives it. Only when doing so would work to his advantage." He opens the door and unlocks my chain. "So I hope your husband is really important."

"He single-handedly wrecked Griffonia's economy, and changed Schunie's for decades, if not centuries." A wry smile crosses my face as I rub my leg. "That's the kind of thing he does by accident."

The zebra sighs again. "If you say so."

Five hours later, the zebra and I are standing at the base of Bliss Mountain. I look up as much as I can and can barely see the peak. This... might be more difficult than I thought. The zebra gives me a tired look.

"His cave is just straight up. If you're successful, it would be best if you leave Zebrica immediately and not return for a while. If that con artist sees you at the train station, he's going to cause you problems."

"I have every intention of making it back to Equestria today," I respond, trying to find the safest possible route up. "You don't have to worry about me."

"Good." The zebra points at a large opening about two-thirds of the way up the mountain. "He's in there. Sleeping, most likely. I hope the mere act of waking him up doesn't anger him enough to burn you alive. Though if it does, his fire is hot enough that you wouldn't even feel it. One moment you'd be looking into the cave and before you can even blink, you're in paradise."

I gulp, but it doesn't deter me. "Thank you. I can take it from here."

"I hope so."

Without another word the zebra turns around and walks away, leaving me alone to scale the mountain. It doesn't appear to be a difficult hike per se, but it's relatively steep. It will be a strain on my legs.

No sense wasting the day about it.

I begin the climb, my eyes locked on the cave above me. I look away from it for a few moments to see if my path is clear. I don't see anything that could be the Neverherb, but I'm not even sure what it's supposed to look like in the first place.

Time passes quickly as I continue my journey. I can feel evening falling on the land. I don't want to be here at dark, but if I have to be, I will. The cave is getting closer as I'm walking up the mountain. So far nothing dangerous has appeared. I suppose that's the one benefit of the dragon living on this mountain. Nothing else dangerous would live here, for fear of being hunted.

My legs are starting to hurt after a while, but I don't stop to rest. Every time I feel like my legs might give out, I remember TD in the hospital bed, and I get the strength to move forward.

I don't know how long the hike takes. Hours, I'd imagine. I still have sunlight when I reach the mouth of the cave, but that hardly seems to make a difference. I look into the cave, and it is pitch black inside. The light doesn't reach more than about ten hooves into the cave. I won't even be able to see the dragon.

"Uh... h-hello?" I call out, my voice echoing through the cave. I set one hoof inside, and a chill runs down my spine. Every instinct I have screams that I'm in danger and I need to leave.

No, I can't leave. TD wouldn't leave. He'd be brave and charge right in.

Before I can do anything else, a loud booming voice echoes from the cave.

"Come inside or go away."

I flinch back at the powerful voice. I can just imagine the size of the dragon that produced it. But he did invite me in. I take a few deep breaths and slowly begin walking into the cave. Soon I can't see anything in front of me.

"Why have you come?"

"Please..." I gulp and swivel my ears, trying to pinpoint the exact location of the voice. But it seems to be coming from all sides. "I'm here to ask about... about the Neverherb. I was told you have it and don't let anypony take it. My husband is very sick. He'll die without it. So--"

My breath dies in my throat when I see a giant ball of fire rushing towards me. I squeal and throw myself to the ground. The ball of fire splits in two and forms a semi-circle behind me, completely blocking my exit. I can't go back now.

I look away from the fire, and I'm forced to confront the reality that I am a small, insignificant part of this world. Before me, lying on a pile of gold and jewels so massive that it would make even Canterlot look like a slum, is a gigantic black dragon. His eyes, easily twice my size, are open and staring straight at me. I want to speak to him, but I can't. I have no doubt that he could kill me without having to exert himself in the slightest. The ball of fire lighting the cave is the least of his efforts, I'm sure.

He shifts, and I hear the treasure underneath him clink as it moves with him. He doesn't stop staring at me.

"I do not give away the Neverherb lightly. I have done it three times in the past century. Once for your princess, once for my mate, and once for a griffin king. Why should I give it to you?"

"My husband is sick, and he'll die without it."

"You have already said that." His reptile head moves closer to me, and I can see his fangs. The smallest one is easily three times my size. "Many have tried to have me give them the Neverherb. Many have tried to steal it from me. Many mothers and wives have come to beg my help. Why are you different from them?"

"I guess to you I'm not, but you've just told me what an uncaring, selfish being you are!" I growl, giving him my best glare. "Do the lives you end mean nothing to you?! Do you care at all that you're sentencing innocent beings to death?!"

His eyes narrow. "Do you care about the ant that scurries around beneath you? Do you weep for every leaf that dies in winter? Your life on this planet is meaningless to one such as myself. Only your precious pony princesses have seen the time past that I have." He chuckles, and another shiver rolls down my spine. "When I blink, you, your husband, your great-great grandfoals will be nothing more than dust. Such is the briefness of your time here."

"Why did you give the herb away those last few times?" I ask. "What was so important then?"

"I like the climate as it is," the dragon responds. "My actions ensured that my interests would be furthered. Your husband has no such claim." The dragon closes his eyes, curls his head and neck around his treasure, and idly flicks a claw in my direction. "Go away. Should you disobey me and try to take the herb, there will be nothing left of you before you make it five steps, Mrs. Pony."

"That's Powell, to you!" I growl, desperation creeping into my voice. "Not 'Pony’, Powell!"

"Powell?" The dragon's eyes snap open, and his head snaps over to me, close enough that I can see my reflection in his eye. "Mrs. TD Powell?!"

"Y-yes..." I slowly begin backing away. "Yes, we've been married for a few years now." I tilt my head. "How do you know him?"

The dragon doesn't respond. Instead he lets forth a booming laugh that begins shaking the cave around us. A few rocks even fall from the ceiling.

"Your husband is a most interesting being, Mrs. Powell," he responds after a moment. "He ran afoul of my great-great-great nephew some years back. Or should I say, my nephew ran afoul of him. He still can't see out of that eye."

"Oh..." I gulp and back further away from him, but not too close to the fire. "I'm... sorry?"

"Don't be. That boy is an idiot." The dragon lets out another throaty chuckle. "He made my entire collection of Gryphs useless. Completely threw Schunie into disarray for a few months. Your husband is quite the unique being." He grins at me, and I can't tell if it's supposed to be comforting, or if he's about to eat me. "A being as chaotic and stubborn as him deserves better than to die young. If for no other reason than I'm curious to see how he shakes the world up next."

For the first time, a glimmer of hope appears, and I stop backing up. "So you'll help us?"

"A being like that has to be saved. Maybe he'll accidentally make my bits worthless, while making the Gryphs worth more than some of my gems." His expression turned serious as he straightens up. "Leave my cave. Just above me is a small patch of bright blue flowers. They are what you seek. Take one, and only one, or I won't care what kind of being he is. He'll be the one to join you in death."

"I understand," I reply, tears of joy nearly falling from my face. "I'll only take one and then leave your mountain. Thank you."

"Go, then. Do not interrupt my sleep again."

"I won't I promise!" I say, backing away as the fire behind me begins fading. "I'll leave as soon as I can! Thank you! Thank you!"

Oy. I have to say, I've felt better. I've felt worse once or twice, I think. Being shot in a death match would definitely rank pretty high, but I've felt better.

I groan and bring a hand up to my head. It feels really heavy and stiff, like I haven't been using it in months. I hear a familiar chirrup behind me, and a small smile crosses my face. I crack one eye open to see Oswald perched on the bed, nuzzling my shoulder. I quietly chuckle and reach out a hand to scratch his head feathers.

"Hey, buddy," I say in a gravely voice. I don't miss the IV in my hand either. Guess I was sicker than I thought. "How's it been?"

Oswald chirps something I can't understand and hops closer to me, resting his head on mine.

I groan again and try to sit up, but that doesn't really work, so I try opening my other eye. Geez, it's really bright in the room.

"How long was I out?"

"About a week or so," a familiar voice beside me says.

I manage a small smile and turn my head to see Cheerilee sitting beside my bed, holding one of my hands in both of her hooves. She looks like she's been crying.

"Hey, Cheers," I mumble. "You doing alright?"

She lets out a half laugh/half sob and nuzzles my hand. "I am now. We were worried that we'd lose you."

"If I was sick for a week, I can imagine why."

"Even once we got the Neverherb, it was kind of touch-and-go at some points, but we saw improvements almost immediately."

A slight frown crosses my face. "Neverherb? What's that?"

"It's what I had to go get to make sure you wouldn't die." A tear streaks down Cheerilee's face and she nuzzles my hand again. "Even with Princess Celestia, Princess Luna and Oswald helping you, we would have lost you without it."

"Oh." I blink and let my head sink deeper into my fluffy pillow. "So how did you get it?"

Cheerilee smiles at me and runs a hoof through my hair. "Do I have a story for you."

Author's Notes:

Help support me on Patreon

Join these delightful people as my patrons!
WesFox134
Razer Brony
Dawson Schawang
Jim Kieger

If I missed someone, let me know.

Hey, the TV Tropes page needs more love!

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Fanfic/TheNonBronyverse?from=Fanfic.TheNon-Bronyverse

And yes, some of you might think that the scene between Cheerilee and the dragon was inspired by something. You're right. 100 BronyWriter points if you can guess which scene that would be. Not Bilbo and Smaug. Don't even bother guessing that.

BronyWriter points have no value, and are useless in every conceivable way.

33-Offspring

"Mail call."

I get up off of our couch, rather unwillingly I might add, to see what Cheerilee has brought in. It looks like the usual stack of bills and such. Though one of them should be my paycheck from the town. That is always rather nice. I've been putting in a lot of overtime lately.

"Did you already look through it?" I ask as Cheerilee gives me the mail.

She shakes her head. "Nope. I'm not exactly in the mood to open up bills right now."

I give her a fake glare. "Oh, and I am?"

"You're my husband. You have to protect me from the evils of this world," she says with a nod as though that settles the matter.

"Says the mare who ran into a dragon's cave to help me."

"That was different. That was a dragon. These are bills."

"Uh-huh." I begin flipping through the mail, putting the usual bills aside, right next to my expected paycheck. Good. We now have enough money to pay the bills and have enough left over for, I dunno, a movie or something.

Okay, it's not that bad, but it sure feels like it sometimes.

I toss a few junk items onto the table, but stop when I get to something I don't recognize. It's written on familiar parchment, but I can't quite remember why it's familiar.

"Yeah, Twilight gave me that one," Cheerilee says. "Said it came in just a few minutes before I made it to the post office."

"Odd." It feels heavy, like something's in the envelope. I open it up and turn it over. A few bits come spilling out, much to my surprise. I set them next to me on the couch and read the letter.

TD, your presence is requested in Canterlot immediately. Here's train fare for you and your wife. Do not disobey me,

Celestia.

P.S. bring the bird.

Oh dear. What now?

I give the letter to Cheerilee, who spends a few seconds scanning it. She reads it again as though it will uncover some sort of hidden meaning if she does, but when that fails to happen, she hoofs it back to me.

"So... what now?"

I fold the letter up and set it on top of the bills before gathering up the bits and counting them. Yep, looks like just enough for train fare.

"Well, I guess we go."

"But it's a school night!" Cheerilee points out. What if we're not back in time?"

"Well, then throw some lesson plan together for Twilight. I think the school district will understand if you can't be there because of a royal summons from Celestia herself."

"I suppose." Cheerilee sighs and rubs her temple, a habit she's picked up from me. "I'll go get a folder ready. If Twilight can't do it then I'll have to get a note to the superintendent so that he can find a substitute. I hope we don't have to cancel school for the day."

"Nah, I'm sure it won't come to that." I slowly stand up off of the couch and put the bits in my pocket. "But for now, I think we'd better go. I don't know about you, but I think the letter sounded rather irritated."

Given everything that I'd done to her, I can't imagine what I could actually do that would irritate Celestia. This is the mare that offered to let me punch her in the face after I'd done it twice already.

Hmm. Now that I think about it, I might not want to go. I've seen Luna mad at me, and while it was a trying time for both myself and my spine, it's the usual type of temper tantrum sort of thing. But it's the ones who take the longest to get mad that scare me. When they lose it, there's no stopping them until they get it all out.

But... no. No. Celestia wouldn't do that. She seemed to be irritated not angry. She could get angry if I didn't show up.

One thing does interest me, though: the post script. Bring the bird? I turn my attention to Oswald, who is looking at the letter curiously.

"Dude, what did you do?"

We arrive in Canterlot later in the evening. Neither Cheerilee nor I have said much. We can't begin to guess what has gotten Celestia so irritated all of a sudden.

We approach the palace, and the guards don't even bother to ask for our identification or why we're here. They just step aside to let us in. In fact, we notice that every pony we're seeing moves aside. One of them even points to the throne room, so I guess that's where we have to go.

Oh jeez, they all already know what the big deal is. Dang it, I hate being left in the dark like this.

We reach the throne room and it opens up for us right away. Celestia is pacing in the middle of the room, while Luna looks at her nervously. She gives me an uneasy glance. Oh dear, I think I'm in for it now. Maybe I should run. Just throw Cheerilee over my shoulders and bolt out of here. Go live with the griff... no, not there. The minota... no, that's out. Zeb... no, Cheerilee still isn't really welcome there.

Maybe Saddle Arabia? No, they have an extradition treaty with Celestia. That's ignoring the fact that I'd never make it out of the palace.

Celestia notices that we've entered, and she hits me with the best scowl she can muster. Come on, TD, you've fought her before. Sort of. She shouldn't scare you!

Probably.

"Follow."

She's never given me a command like that before. Really not good. Cheerilee and I exchange an uneasy glance. I seriously have no idea what I could have done!

We don't disobey, though. We merely follow Celestia. I want to ask Luna what the deal is, but I don't think Celestia would allow that. I'm not even sure Luna would tell me.

We walk down a few hallways before entering what looks like... Celestia's room? Never thought I'd see this! It looks fairly well maintained, with a big set of pillows in the middle in lieu of a bed. Lots of books, of course. A small kitchenette with some dirty dishes in the sink. Weird.

But that's not really what is drawing my attention. No, it's the fact that Celestia has stopped and has fully turned her glare on me.

"TD..." She sighs. "I know we've had our share of differences in the past. I know that we've not always seen eye-to-eye on many things. In fact, the rational part of my brain says that you are not to be blamed for what has occurred." Oh dear. "Regardless, this..." She steps aside, revealing the source of her ire. "Is not okay."

Oh.

Yeah, I can see what the issue is. Ah... dang. Not really sure how we're going to deal with this one. I rub my temples for a moment before looking over at Oswald.

"Really, dude? Seriously?"

Oswald chirrups happily and flies over to the nest made up of different random materials, such as strips of cloth, book pages, and pillow stuffing, and lands next to Philomena who, to my horror, is sitting on a trio of eggs. Phoenix eggs, naturally.

So, I guess Oswald knocked Philomena up, then.

"I see..." I grimace and rub my chin thoughtfully. "So, I guess I know what has you so miffed, then." I quirk an eyebrow at Celestia. "But it's not like this isn't a two-way process, Celestia. I'm pretty positive that both of our phoenixes had a part in this. And even if I didn't know that they were... together, you didn't either."

"I know," Celestia says through gritted teeth. "But that does little to help me get over the shock of waking up this morning to this." She motions to the nest with her wing.

"I'm sure, but..." I take a step closer to the nest, causing Philomena to hiss at me. "What exactly do you want me to do about it? What are we here for? You could have just said 'come to Canterlot, Oswald and Philomena have eggs' or something like that."

"I suppose I overreacted a touch," Celestia mutters, staring at the nest. "But we do have to discuss what shall be done."

"Well, you know more about phoenixes than I do," I point out. "How long have you had Philomena?"

"Around five hundred years," Celestia replies.

"Exactly. And this has never happened before?"

Celestia shakes her head. "This would be the first time Philomena has taken a mate. I have done a little research on phoenixes, but I hardly know what this process will be like."

"So does Oswald have to stay here?" I ask. "At least until the hatching?"

"More than likely," Celestia responds. "Phoenixes are family creatures. I think that Oswald will be here for quite some time, at least until the eggs hatch."

I look down at Cheerilee, hoping from some input from her, but she's just staring at the nest, as if entranced. Somehow, I feel that I shouldn't disturb her. She'll let me know what she's thinking in due time.

"I guess he's staying here for a bit, then."

What a joyous day this is! I nuzzle up to my mate and look down at our nest.

"We have eggs of our very own!" I say happily. "My mother and father now have grandchicks, and it seems that I too shall now become a mother."

"Father," Philomena corrects.

"Yes, that one. This is a day for celebration, my dear!"

"Yes..." Philomena nuzzles up to me. "Yes, I suppose it is."

Celestia gives Cheerilee and I a room in the palace for the night while she does more research on phoenix families. I can't really argue it at all. She's the one who would know what to do. At least she's calmed down. She doesn't look so irritated with me.

Cheerilee hasn't said a word since she saw the nest. She's just been deep in thought, almost going through the motions of the day. I'm kind of worried about her, but I know her well enough to understand that she's thinking things through, not going brain dead.

I finish brushing my teeth in the bathroom of our suite, and am frankly ready for bed. Celestia has sent word to Ponyville that Cheerilee and I probably won't be home for a day or two. I have to admit, this will be kind of a nice break. It's too bad we left the bracelet back in Ponyville, but it might not be the best time for that kind of thing.

Maybe if we have to stay longer I'll pop back home and get a few things.

I put the toothbrush away and take a small drink from the sink before exiting the bathroom. To my surprise, Cheerilee is on the other side, blocking the way out with a determined look on her face.

"TD, I want a foal."

"Oookayyyy."

And I walk back into the bathroom and shut the door behind me.

Wait, so did she just say what I think she said? I mean, I know we've been talking about having one, probably adopting since I can't get her pregnant, but to have her say it like that, like she wants one right now... Yeah, I admit that it shocked me.

Wait, right, speaking of that, she's probably still outside the door. Oops. My bad.

I gingerly open the door and poke my head out. She's looking at me with a questioning look on her face. It'd be cute outside of our current situation.

"So... sorry about that. You just surprised me."

"It's okay," Cheerilee say slowly, taking a few steps away from the door so I can get out of the bathroom.

"Right." I leave the bathroom and sit down on our bed. She hops on next to me and leans her head on my shoulder. "So... a foal, huh?"

"Yeah," she says. "When I saw the eggs, I just... I don't know, I don't want to say snapped, but I feel like I need to have one. I know we've just been talking for the past couple of years, but I think it's time to commit." She begins idly rubbing my arm. "I love all of my students dearly, of course, and I love you and Oswald, but a foal of my own..." She shakily sighs, and I feel a tear dripping onto my arm. "That's a relationship I want badly."

"Yeah, I know the feeling," I confirm. "We have been talking, and we are probably in a place where we could add a foal to the mix relatively smoothly." I begin running my fingers through her mane, triggering a contented noise from her. "Of course, it won't be a perfect transition, but I think we can make it work."

Cheerilee looks up at me with wide, watery eyes, but I see a smile on her face. "Really? We'll probably have to adopt. Are you sure you're okay with that?"

"I am. We've known I can't get you pregnant for years now. And I'm not using some other stallion to give you the foal you want. No, we'll adopt and get the foal we want, and we'll give some foal the family he or she always wanted."

"It's going to be a difficult process. I'm not sure how long it will take."

"As long as it needs to, just as long as we get to help a little filly or colt find a family."

A thought crosses my mind, and a small smile crosses my face. "Well, I know she might not be the most receptive at the moment, but I think there's someone we can ask to help speed the process along."

Celestia does owe me many, many favors, after all.

As it so happens, Celestia is more than willing to help us out when it comes to adopting a foal. I mean, her main goal for me has always been to be happy and surrounded by ponies who love me, and who I love in return. She loved that I married Cheerilee, and if she can help with us becoming more of a family, of course she'd go for it.

It's a good thing too, because I can't see any orphanage looking at our crazy family and thinking "yes, let's put an orphan foal in with this mare married to a weird alien thing with a pet phoenix."

We definitely do not fit the traditional family scheme, that's for sure.

Good.

We do manage to convince Celestia to lend us Oswald for whenever we actually go out to meet any of our prospective children. Oswald is as much a part of the family as anyone, and it'd be wrong of us to have him come home from Canterlot to find that we have a foal. And yeah, we've talked and done some research, and we came to the conclusion that it is best that Oswald stay in Canterlot at least until the eggs hatch. Once they do, we'll figure out something from there. Given how fast phoenixes grow to adulthood, we've talked about finding mates for the chicks once they mature, and letting them into the wild that way.

But I really doubt that plan is going to pan out exactly as we hope. Because it literally never does. I used up the one favor fate would grant me during our wedding.

Unfortunately, we have to go back to Ponyville without Oswald. All of our upcoming weekends are going to be spent in Canterlot Castle until further notice, though. That way we can still see Oswald.

Well, that and the largest orphanage in Equestria is situated in Canterlot.

I have to admit, it's a daunting idea. Cheerilee and I are gonna go in and start the process of adopting a foal. It could be any one of them. There are hundreds of possible new family members there.

But even with Celestia's influence, it still takes a month before we can even go into the orphanage to meet some children. Lord knows how long it would take if we didn't have her help.

But the day does eventually arrive. Oswald, Cheerilee and I find ourselves walking into the Canterlot Home for Fillies and Colts. Oswald needs a break from Philomena anyway. I mean, she's not abusing him or anything, but it has to be tiring being around her all the time and away from Cheerilee and I. We're his family first and foremost. No idea when the eggs are gonna hatch, though.

"This is it, Cheers, Oswald. Are you ready?"

Cheerilee moves closer to me as we walk down the plain, non-threatening sepia tan walls of the orphanage. We can hear the sound of foals coming from the various rooms we're passing, and that's when it really hits me. We're actually adopting. I'm gonna be a father soon.

"I'm as ready as I can be," Cheerilee says, nuzzling my side. "I have to admit that now that we're here, I'm really nervous." Cheerilee grimaces as we reach the hallway leading to the matron's office. "What if we're bad parents? What if the foal is psychologically damaged from some event in his or her past, and we can't help them? What if they decide they hate us and--"

"Cheerilee, I think we're going to be fine," I reassure her. "I mean, sure, this is going to be new for all of us, but we also live in Ponyville. We have dozens, if not hundreds of ponies who are going to help us and our new son or daughter through whatever problems we may have. I'm sure Celestia and Luna will help however they can, too."

"Maybe," Cheerilee mutters as we stop outside the door. "I don't want to begin this and have it not work." She looks up at me with wide eyes. "What if I'm not ready to be a mother?!"

"No one is truly ready to be a parent, that's what my parents always told me. Parenthood is a journey for both parents and children. Both sides figure it out as they go along. As long as we give the foal all of the love and support we can, I think we'll have nothing to worry about."

"I guess," Cheerilee mutters.

"I know so." I knock on the door in front of us and hear a mare on the other side say 'come in.' I push the door open, and we're greeted with the sight of a cluttered, but not messy, office. Filing cabinets take up a fair portion of the room, and the desk in front of us is loaded with papers. Behind said desk is an earth pony mare with a brown coat and a frazzled tan mane. She looks middle aged. Maybe fifties or so? Early sixties? She also has a pair of glasses balanced on her muzzle, and a cutie mark of one hoof holding another, as if pulling somebody up.

Kinda reminded me of the poster of Schindler's List, actually.

The mare smiles kindly at us when we walk in. "Ah, you're the three o clock. How wonderful to have you here. I'm Helping Hoof, the matron of this fine institution." Before we can respond, she pulls some papers off of her desk and starts reading them. "Yes, yours is the most unusual situation, and I'm not talking because of your species, Mr. Powell. We have non-ponies coming in to adopt all the time. Mostly expats or beings married to ponies. You know the type. But you're unusual because it's not every day, or at all, really, that I get a letter from Princess Celestia herself asking me to help you two out."

"Yeah, well, we figured that if she could help speed the process along, we'd give a foal a family as soon as we could," Cheerilee says.

"Makes sense to me," Helping Hoof says, motioning to a pair of chairs in front of her desk. Cheerilee sits at one, but they're a bit too small for me, so I elect to remain standing. Doesn't stop Oswald from perching on the back of one. "But yes, we've spent a lot of time and effort trying to match you two to a foal who would be happy in your home. We have a few possibilities, but we haven't told them that they're having an interview with you. That way if you bond really well with one of them, the others won't be let down because they were expecting an interview."

"Makes sense to me," I reply.

"Good, good. To business, then." The mare sets down the papers and picks up a manila folder from a stack she has standing next to her. "I'm sorry if I'm being quick about this. I know this is a big decision for any family, but, well, there's lots to do around here and not enough hours in the day. Of course you can spend as much time with the foal you are talking to as you'd like, but if you were thinking about not doing an interview today, now is the time to tell me."

"I think we want to," I say, holding Cheerilee's hoof. "You say you have some prospective foals in mind?"

"I do," the mare says. "You are obviously under no obligation to interview with any of them. I just ask that you be sensitive to the needs of the foals. Some of them..." Her smile falls, which highlight the bags under her eyes I didn't notice until now. "Well, Princess Celestia tries to make Equestria a utopia, I know, but every society has its bad sides. Sometimes some of the foals we take care of get caught in the middle of that."

"We're here to do whatever we can to help," I say. "When can we get the interview started?"

"Right away," Helping Hoof says, her smile returning. "I'll lead you to interview room one, and you can get set to meet your possible new daughter."

"Daughter?" Cheerilee says as she gets to her hooves. "So you already have somepony in mind for our interview?"

"Oh yes," Helping Hoof says, putting the folder down and standing up herself. "Her name is Comet Screech. She's been with us for almost eight years now."

Comet Screech. Not a type of name I'm too familiar with. Something about it seems... different.

No, no, I can't judge her just based off of her name. That would be silly. I have to meet the pony in question first.

We follow Helping Hoof out of the room and down another hallway. I notice a sign posted on the walls of the hallway pointing to the right saying "Interview Rooms." We walk in silence toward the room, with Cheerilee and I exchanging the occasional glance. All around us are rooms, sort of like classrooms, if I had to guess, where we can hear foals talking, with the occasional adult pony speaking up, too.

We reach a room with a placard next to it that says "Interview Room One." Helping Hoof opens it up, and we see that looks kind of like a doctor's office waiting room. Cheerilee, Oswald and I go inside and Cheerilee sits down on one of the chairs. Since I was too big for that, I opt to sit next to her on the floor. Oswald takes his usual spot on the back of the chair.

"Well, I'll be fetching Comet now," Helping Hoof says. "That's the name she usually goes by. But, ah, I'll let her talk to you about that. I shouldn't be a moment."

"Thank you," I say. "We'll be here."

"Be right back."

She closes the door, leaving us alone in the room. Cheerilee takes a deep breath, and I grab onto her hoof.

"This is almost surreal, TD," she whispers. "Our new daughter might walk through that door in a minute."

"I know. Exciting, isn't it?"

"After all of these talks about adopting, it's strange to think that we're actually here." Cheerilee bites her lip and a worried look crosses her face. "What if we're not good enough?"

"Hey, I'll bet she's thinking the same thing right now, okay? We're going to be fine, and regardless of what happens here, I think this will be a positive experience."

"If you say so. I just don't want to disappoint her, whether we adopt her or not."

"I don't think we will."

I'd never tell her this, because it's not the best thing for her, but she's verbalizing all of the thoughts that are going through my mind at the moment. I've been asking myself each and every one of these questions since Celestia got us the interview.

Before we can say anything else, the door to the interview room opens. Cheerilee, Oswald and I give the door our undivided attention. We see a grey blue hoof push the door open further. No turning back now.

The door opens fully, and we see our potential daughter for the first time.

A bat pony.

Author's Notes:

I think confused Cheerilee is hilarious.

Help support me on Patreon

Join these delightful people as my patrons!
WesFox134
Razer Brony
Dawson Schawang
Jim Kieger

33-Four

Somehow the door closes shut by itself behind the bat pony.

No, not "bat pony." Her name is Comet Screech.

Though, with a name like that, I should have guessed she was a bat pony. Still not what I was expecting.

Comet stares at my side. We stare at her, waiting for the first move. I know she's just a filly, but the fangs poking out of her mouth and the large cat-like eyes staring straight at me are a touch unnerving. She has a greyish blue coat and dark purple mane. I do notice that she has a cutie mark already. It's a bloomed nightshade flower and stem.

Interesting.

Comet does eventually stop staring at us. She looks at each of us in turn, blinks once... then begins laughing her head off.

"Okay, okay, you got me!" Comet says, her voice sounding like a cross between a young Twilight and a young Fluttershy, with a hint of Rainbow Dash thrown in. "This... this is good." She keeps laughing and bangs on the door as if someone is on the other side. "Good prank. Good prank. I get it, I'm never leaving. Good one."

"Er... Comet?" I finally say. "This isn't a prank. We're actually here because we want to adopt."

Comet rolls her eyes at us. "Uh-huh. Sure. Absolutely. An earth pony, a phoenix and a ghrmpherana... whatever you are, want to adopt me."

"It's true," Cheerilee says gently. "We can't have foals of our own."

"Gee, wonder why," Comet says sarcastically. Maybe she'll fit right in. "I'm still not sure if you're real or not."

"I'm real," I say. "I'm a species called a human. Only one of my kind on the planet. Princess Celestia accidentally brought me here about thirteen years ago now."

"Uh-huh." Comet frowns at us. "Okay, let's say I humor you. What then?"

"Well, we'd like to get to know you, Comet," Cheerilee says. "Tell us about yourself."

"What's to tell? I've been here pretty much my whole life." Comet walks over to us and, to my surprise, moves behind me and begins pressing her hoof into my back between my shoulder blades. I turn my head back to look at her, my eyebrow raised, and I see a look of approval on her face. Odd. "I'm the only bat pony here. Parents dropped me off when I was a foal. Not sure who they are or where they went."

"Well, you have to have likes and interests," I point out. "What's your cutie mark? It looks like a nightshade flower."

"It is," Comet says with a nod, peering up at Oswald, who stares right back at her. "Got it when one of the dumb kids here got really sick. The teachers here had no idea what was wrong with him, but I smelled cleaning chemicals on him. They found out I was right, and boom, cutie mark in poison control or something."

"Interesting."

"Isn't it just?" Comet snarks, moving back in front of us. She flutters her leathery bat wings and sits down. "I think more cloak and dagger stuff is typical of bat ponies. I don't know because I've never met any other bat ponies. Saw one when Princess Luna came to see us one time." Comet's tufted ear flicks uncomfortably, but I decide not to comment on it.

"So do you have any friends here? Anything you like doing?" Cheerilee asks.

Comet shrugs. "Nope, not really. Kind of alone around here. Maybe it's because I sleep a lot during the day sometimes." Comet rolls her eyes and crosses her forelegs. "The joys of being a nocturnal pony forced to stay awake in the day."

"I see." I exchange a glance with Cheerilee, who shrugs at me. I shrug back before looking back to Comet. "So... if we did decide to adopt you, would you like that?"

"I guess," Comet responds. "Where do you live?"

"Ponyville," Cheerilee responds.

Comet frowns at that. "Ponyville? What's a couple like you doing all the way in Canterlot for something like this, then?"

"Well, we reviewed our options and we decided to try here," I respond. "Plus Princess Celestia helped a lot."

Comet gives me a flat look. "Princess Celestia. You're buddies with her?"

"Well, like I said: she brought me here from my home world thirteen years ago. So yes, I know her."

"I'd say you're lying, but I can't say otherwise, can I? Still don't know what you are."

"A human. I told you that."

"Yes, yes, but I don't know what a human is." She tilts her head at me. "In fact, I don't even know what your names are."

"Oh, of course." Stupid to not start with that. "I'm TD and this is my wife Cheerilee." I point to Oswald. "This is Oswald."

"Oswald," she says as if testing the name out on her tongue. "TD the human thing, Cheerilee the earth pony and Oswald the phoenix. All one happy family." She looks back at the door, almost like she expects somepony to come through it. "Now you're sure this isn't a prank?"

"Positive."

"Uh-huh." Comet sighs and lays down in front of us. "So... what do you two do?"

"Well I work for Ponyville, and Cheerilee here is the local teacher."

"Local teacher?" Comet raises an eyebrow. "Like the only one?" Cheerilee nods. "Damn, that must be kinda stressful."

"It can be, but it's something I love dearly. I wouldn't trade a moment of it," Cheerilee says, ignoring the profanity.

"Sooooo... if I came to live with you, I'd go to school and you'd be my teacher?"

"I suppose so. If that's okay with you. Ponyville does only have the one elementary school."

"Huh." Comet frowns and rests her head on her forelegs, idly poking at a loose thread on the carpet. "What's your house like?"

"Homey, I like to think," I say with a smile, taking Cheerilee's hoof. "We've really worked at making it a nice place."

"And I'd have my own room?"

"You would."

"That I could decorate how I wanted?"

"Within reason, yes."

"Weird." Comet's eyes don't leave that loose thread. "You ever share a room with a half dozen other ponies? It's not that fun. Like at all. I mean, shit, some of the other orphans snore like crazy. Sounds like a damn chainsaw going off half the time."

Cheerilee and I exchange an uneasy glance at the continued profanity, something that Comet picks up on. She flattens her ears and looks a little guilty.

"Sorry. Ms. Hoof says I shouldn't say words like that."

"It's okay, Comet," Cheerilee says. "I mean, yes, it is best to not say those words, but we're not mad or disappointed or anything."

"Not yet," Comet mumbles. "But you will be. They always are. A bat pony like me is a novelty to a lot of ponies. There's not a lot of us around, and most of us work for Princess Luna anyway." She glances back up at us. "How many bat ponies have you seen in Ponyville anyway?"

"Well, I've only ever seen bat ponies in Ponyville when Princess Celestia and Princess Luna came to our wedding," I admit. "You're right, I guess. I don't see bat ponies around, but that doesn't mean we see you as a novelty, Comet. We don't care about your tribe. We just want to get to know Comet Screech."

"Maybe, but like I said: I'm a novelty. Novelties wear off," Comet mutters.

"And have we given you any indication that would be the case?" I ask. "We didn't know you were a bat pony when we were first told about you."

"And do you think you'd be happy with a family who loves and cares for you?" Cheerilee asks. "If you're open to it, we'd love to give you that."

"Maybe." Comet stands up and looks back at the door. "I mean, it's not like I really have much of a choice in the matter. I'm just a filly. You two are the adults who can decide that stuff."

"We wouldn't do it if we thought it would make you unhappy," I insist.

"I guess." Comet shrugs with her wings. "But I gotta get back now. I..." Her ear flicks. "Something."

It's a pretty weak non-excuse, but we don't want to push her. She's obviously conflicted about this whole thing, which makes sense. It sounds like she's been burned a lot by potential families. On the other hand, though, we don't want to rush into adopting her just to make her happy. I mean, of course we want her to be happy in our family, but we want it to be for the right reasons.

Having said all of that, I like her already. She can speak fluent sarcasm. Cheerilee and I never talked about it openly, but for my part, any foal we adopted would have to know how to wield it at least a little. Comet knows it very well. She’s also profane, but we'll work on that if we become a family.

Comet walks out of the room without saying anything else, and we just let her go. If she needs space or time to think about all of this, then we absolutely want to give that to her. If she's not going to be happy with us, we'll respect that.

"Well, I think that went well enough," Cheerilee says, standing up from her chair. I nod and stand up, too.

"I think so. I can tell she has some emotional problems, but nothing too unusual, I guess." I shrug. "I don't know, you're the teacher. You're probably more familiar with this kind of thing than I am."

"Marginally, I suppose," Cheerilee says. "I have had a few adopted foals in my classes over the years, yes. I can't say for sure what she's dealing with beyond the usual stigma that comes from being an orphan, especially one whose parents left."

"I'll have to agree, I suppose. But for now, let's go talk with Helping Hoof again, yeah?"

"Sounds like a plan."

The three of us walk out of the room and back to Helping Hoof's office. I think I remember the way back well enough. Of course, it helps that everything is conveniently labeled. We reach the door and knock before entering. Helping Hoof is smiling at us from behind her desk, and motions for us to sit down again.

"So, how was your time with Comet?"

"I think it went relatively well," I said. "She's kind of nervous around us. Especially given that she doesn't know what I am."

"Well, I think that's fair," Helping Hoof says with a shrug. "I didn't know what you were until Princess Celestia herself explained the situation to me." She chuckles. "It's not every day that she puts in a word for somepony hoping to adopt."

"Well, what's the process going forward?" I ask.

"I'd say a few more interview sessions together, maybe even a few hours on the town," Helping Hoof responds. "It's all about building a relationship between you and the foal before you adopt."

"Makes sense," Cheerilee says.

"There was one thing, though," I say, thinking back to the interview. "She walked up to me and began pressing her hoof into my back. She didn't say why, but I thought it was odd behavior. Do you know anything about that?"

Helping Hoof shrugs. "Yes, I've heard about her doing that to prospective fathers. She's never actually said why she does it. Must be a bat pony thing, but I can't imagine what it would be. I've never really had the opportunity to ask another bat pony what the deal is with that. I wouldn't worry too much about it, though."

“Speaking of,” I begin, “you both said she’s been here her whole life, just about. What’s the deal with that? How did she get here?”

“Her parents dropped her off right after she was born,” Helping Hoof says. “I’m not sure of all of the details, but they’re alive, as far as I’m aware.”

“So did you wake up one morning and find a basket with a little bat pony filly on your porch, then?”

Helping Hoof gives me a wry smile. “Nothing so cinematic. The process was done through the hospital she was born at. Once the parents filled out some paperwork, they sent her over here.”

"Alright." Cheerilee and I look at each other, and she nods. "So when can we see her again?"

Helping Hoof smiles at us and opens up a folder that I assume is Comet's file. She jots something down on a sticky note and puts it in the file before responding. "Well, it's up to you, really. Our foals here are available for interviews any time. You just let us know when you'd like to schedule another interview, and we'll set it up for you."

"Chocolate for Cheerilee, strawberry for me, and triple fudge flutter nutter whipped delight with hot fudge, caramel and a maraschino cherry on top for Comet." I put the tower of ice cream and toppings in front of Comet, who gives it a look best suited for a predator eyeing a particularly tantalizing piece of prey. She snatches the spoon I hand to her in the crook of her foreleg and shovels a massive bite into her mouth. She chews for a bit, but I can see her eye twitching.

"Gave yourself a bit of a brain freeze there, Comet?" Cheerilee asks with a grin.

"Worf ih." Comet rubs the side of her head and swallows her bite of ice cream. She groans as the brain freeze dies down, but once it does, she gets another bite, though one noticeably smaller than the last.

"Worth it indeed," I mutter to myself with a small smile before taking a bite of my strawberry ice cream.

"Fanks ur ish by a ay," Comet says through her mouthful of ice cream.

"You're welcome, Comet," Cheerilee says before amending, "if I understood you right."

"Sorry." Comet swallows her next bite. "Anyhoo, So you said you're a teacher, and you're a janitor essentially, right?"

"Essentially," I confirm, leaning back in my chair. I take another bite of my ice cream while I come up with another thought. This really is a good ice cream place. "I wasn't born here, though. Did I mention that?"

"Dunno," Comet says with a shrug. "I don't remember it if you did." She frowns and tilts her head. "So where were you born, then?"

"An entirely different dimension, actually. Princess Celestia brought me here when she was messing around with portals."

"That sounds like kind of a dick move," Comet says, raising her eyebrow.

I shrug. "She didn't do it on purpose."

"If I burn down the orphanage playing with matches, I didn't do it on purpose," Comet replies. "Still a dick move."

"I was kinda mad at her for a little bit there," I admit. "When she told me she didn't have the power to send me home, I didn't accept that right away. I left Equestria and traveled the entire world to find a way back home."

"Really?" I see a spark of interest in Comet's eyes. It makes sense to me. She's never really been outside of Canterlot, and I've been to roughly every country all over the world. "Didja do any cool stuff?"

"Oh yeah, lots of cool stuff," I say, finishing off my ice cream. "Scary and dangerous stuff, too."

"You're being redundun by saying that!" Comet says eagerly. "What's some of the cool, scary and dangerous stuff you've done?"

"Firstly, the word is redundant..." Comet rolls her eyes causing Cheerilee to giggle a little. "Secondly... hmm. Let me think of a good one."

"Didja get in some kind of big fight where you were up against overwhelming odds and kicked ass and totally destroyed everything?" Comet begins swinging her spoon around like it's a sword.

I chuckle and toss my ice cream bowl into a nearby trash can. "Actually yes. I got attacked by a minotaur warlord and six of his underlings on the road to Schunie."

"I don't know what a Schunie is, but didja totally wipe them all out?" Comet continues swinging her "sword" around. "Didja drop-kick one right into the sun?"

I snort and exchange an amused glance with Cheerilee. "No, but I wish I could have. The warlord was some rotter named Purgle. He challenged me to a death match, which as you can see, I won. He wouldn't have even had the opportunity if I wasn't working as a blacksmith's apprentice while he came along for some armor repairs, or something. But yeah, I fought him using techniques that another minotaur chieftain and the blacksmith I was working for. They taught me how to throw knives, and that was on top of the fighting style I'd learned from the zebras."

"You still good at throwing knives?" Comet asks.

I shrug. "I haven't really had an opportunity to try for a little while. Ponyville has a rather small supply of minotaur warlords or scheming griffin emperors."

"That we know of," Cheerilee chimes in.

"Right, there could be some hiding somewhere. Fluttershy's probably."

"You'll have to show me some moves once you a--" Comet's smile fades away, and she suddenly becomes very interested in her ice cream. She takes a small bite and bobbles her head a bit. "I mean... yeah, that sounds really cool."

And like that the jovial mood is gone. I grimace and take Cheerilee's empty ice cream bowl to the trash. She's really getting her hopes up with us, isn't she? She thinks we're this great couple, but I'll bet she's waiting for the other shoe to drop. She's spares a quick glace at Cheerilee who shoots her a comforting smile.

"You go on ahead and finish that up, Comet, then we'll think of some other fun thing to do today, alright?"

"Yeah..." Comet tries for a hopeful smile, but it doesn't work. "Sounds good."

"So, what do you think?" Cheerilee asks me as we recline on our bed after a few more weeks of spending time with Comet. She's resting her head on my chest.

"Well, I think things have been going pretty well," I respond. "Oswald likes her, so that's an obvious plus. And... well, I think she's a pretty cool kid."

"A bit profane, but we can work on that."

"True."

When I say a bit profane, I mean she knows all seven of George Carlin's seven dirty words, on top of the other common swear words. There is even a song that some of the foals sing about it, last I heard. When we talked to Helping Hoof about it, she let out a long-suffering sigh and said that profanity between the foals is just something that happens. I can understand that.

"So..." I begin. "You said 'we can work on that'. Does that mean that you want to adopt her?"

Cheerilee looks up at me with a smile. "Yeah, I think I do. I don't know about you, but I've really grown to love her, and I look forward to the time we spend together. To me, having her officially become part of the family is the next logical step." She tilts her head at me. "And you?"

"You know..." I return Cheerilee's smile. "Yeah, I think so, too." I rest my head on the headboard and begin running my fingers through Cheerilee's mane. "Comet Screech Powell. I can see it."

"I guess the only other thing is... does she want that?"

I shrug. "She seems open to the idea so far, but if we asked her with the intention of going through with it as soon as she said yes, I'm not sure how she'd respond. She's clearly become more comfortable around us."

"And I really think she'd like Ponyville. It's a relatively peaceful town, and you know that all of the ponies here would welcome her without question."

"I do."

“The Pinkie party alone is going to be something else. I'll be curious to see her reaction to that."

Cheerilee nuzzles my chest and murmurs contentedly. "We're really doing this, aren't we? We're really adding a foal to our crazy family."

"You know what, Cheers? I think we are."

A few days later, the two of us are back at the orphanage. We want to start filling out the paperwork to make the adoption official, but first we need to ask Comet.

Helping Hoof leads us through the halls of the orphanage, but this time, instead of taking us to the interview room, she takes us to the rooms of the foals. We stop in front of one labeled with six pony names. One of which is Comet Screech.

"She's in there alone," Helping Hoof says. "You talk to her as long as you need to, and if she's okay with it, then come to my office and we'll get the paperwork ready. She can be Comet Screech Powell by this afternoon."

"Really? That quickly?" I question.

Helping Hoof chuckles. "Normally no, but I can't imagine how nice it must be to have Princess Celestia in your corner. She's pushing it through. Her word on your character means a lot."

"Makes sense, I suppose." I look down at Cheerilee and smirk. "Well, I guess we're stopping by Canterlot Castle on the way home. She did say she wanted to meet the foal we adopted."

"True," Cheerilee says, nodding. "I'm anxious to get this started. You said she's in there?"

"She is. Just go in and talk with her."

Alright. This is it.

Helping Hoof goes back to her office, leaving Cheerilee and I alone to talk to Comet. I take a deep breath and open the door. Comet is lying on a bed on the far side of the room. Her little area of the room is sparsely decorated. There are a few posters of some kind around her bed. They look like Iron Maiden album covers, actually. I guess she has a small taste for the macabre, which is fine by me. We'll absolutely let her put those up in her room.

What? They look cool, alright?

Comet raises her head when she notices we've come in, and stares at us, unblinking, as we approach her. I shoot her a friendly smile.

"Hey, Comet? How's it going?"

She finally blinks. "We'll see, I guess." Her shoulders are tense, and her wings are slightly extended as though she wants to fly away. She flutters them nervously when Cheerilee and I sit down on the bed next to hers.

"So, we've made a decision about adopting you," I begin. Comet flinches back slightly and flattens her ears. Dang, she really has been burned a lot, hasn't she? We haven't talked about it, I can see why she wouldn't want to, but I can see it in her eyes.

"A-and?" she whispers.

"We decided to adopt you, if that's what you want," Cheerilee says, a warm smile on her face. "We'd like to be your parents. If you say yes, then you'll spend the night in your new room in our house in Ponyville. You'll be Comet Screech Powell before the day is over."

Comet's eyes widen, and she alternates looks between the two of us as though expecting that we'll say we're kidding. Well, we're not. Not at all.

"Really?"

I nod. "Really. All you have to do is say the word."

Comet continues staring at us. She can do that all she likes, but we're not going to go back on our word. She's an awesome kid, and we want to have her as part of the family.

After a full minute of silence, she spreads her wings and leaps over to us, wrapping her forelegs around me as best she can. She nuzzles into my chest, and I wrap my arms around her in a comforting hug.

"Celestia dammit, I never thought I'd get out of this place...." She looks up at me, and I can see her eyes watering. "D-Dad."

I chuckle and hug her closer. Cheerilee joins in on the hug, allowing Comet to nuzzle one of her forelegs.

"Hi M-M-Mom," Comet whispers.

Mom. Dad. She just called me Dad. I have to admit, as much as I've been looking forward to this moment, hearing her actually call me that is surreal. I can't imagine that Cheerilee feels differently about it.

"So, Comet Screech Powell," I begin. "What do you say we go make this official?"

An hour later, we're finished signing the paperwork. Comet is officially the fourth member of our crazy little family. We spend a few minutes packing up all of her stuff. It all fits into one saddlebag, but she'll get more stuff to decorate her room.

Oh man, her room. This is going to be so awesome! A process, for sure, but one that I think we'll all be happy with.

"You're going to love Ponyville," I say as we all walk towards the palace. We still need to introduce her to Celestia, as per her request, and it wouldn't hurt to check up on Oswald either. The eggs aren't even close to hatching yet, as far as we're aware.

"I hope so... Dad." Comet giggles and flutters her wings happily. "It's a small town, isn't it?"

"Pretty small," I confirm. "A lot smaller than Canterlot, that's for sure."

"You've never been outside of Canterlot, have you?" Cheerilee asks. "I think I remember you saying that."

"Nope. Never once," Comet confirms. "This'll be interesting." She frowns and tilts her head curiously. "But aren't we going there now?"

"Soon," I say. "First Princess Celestia wants to meet you."

"Oh." Comet quirks an eyebrow at that. "Really? Why?"

"Well because she's a big reason we got to adopt you so quickly, and like I said, we're..." I frown thoughtfully. "I don't know if I'd call us 'friends', but I think we're certainly on better terms than we were."

"Because she tore you away from all you knew and loved and you punched her in the face, right?"

I chuckle and nod. "I did. I punched her a few times." A grimace crosses my face. "Once was even at the Grand Galloping Gala right in front of Princess Luna. Luna got mad and broke my spine, actually. Celestia had to fix it."

"Princess Luna broke your spine once?" Comet asks. "Dang, harsh."

I shrug. "Eh, just like with Celestia, we're friendly now. Better than we were."

We enter Canterlot Castle, and I let one of Celestia's servants know why we're here. He bows to us and leads us to Celestia's private dining room of all places. I guess we were expected.

Celestia is already inside with Luna, to my surprise. Both have a few guards around them which means that yes, there are some bat ponies. This'll be interesting. I'll have to ask Luna some questions about bat ponies when I get the chance.

"Good evening, TD," Celestia says with a smile. "Cheerilee. And this is little Comet Screech, is it not?"

"Uh-huh," Comet says, staring at the other bat ponies. "Dad said that you wanted to meet me."

"I most certainly do," Celestia says, giving her a motherly smile. "TD and Cheerilee are very special beings, and I wanted to meet the wonderful filly that they've made part of their family."

"Uh-huh," Comet says, flying up onto the table, allowing Celestia and Luna to look at her. Cheerilee and I take a seat as well. "Dad says he punched you in the face a couple of times."

Celestia chuckles and nods. "Yes, he did. Your father reacts to shock in a most interesting way."

"But I don't do it anymore," I point out.

"I guess that would be bad," Comet confirms with a nod. She looks over at Luna with a raised eyebrow. "And Dad says you broke his spine one time."

Luna's smile fades, and she nods sadly. "It is true."

"Yeah, kinda weird. Don't you think that makes you a bit of a..." Comet pauses and spins her hoof around as if thinking of the word. Luna frowns at her.

"A what, child?"

"A cock."

Were I drinking, I would have absolutely spit-taked all over the table. I don't want to enable that kind of speech, but... yeah, it was a pretty good burn.

Luna's guards don't seem to think so. They flare their wings out and start baring their fangs and hissing at Comet in a rather unsettling way. Comet glares at them, gets to her hooves, bares her fangs, flares her own wings out, and hisses right back, matching each hiss in her direction with one of her own. It looks like some sort of bat pony dominance thing.

"Peace, Night Stalker," Luna says, pushing one of her guards back. Despite herself, I can see a look of vague annoyance on her face. "The child didn't mean it like that."

Yeah, she probably did.

“And we do not say things like that, Comet!” Cheerilee says.

Not in front of her, anyway.

"Uh... yeah, sure," Comet says, noticing Cheerilee's glare. "Sorry."

"No harm done."

Now that she's actually our daughter we'll have to have a long talk with her about using those kind of words. I get that it's part of the culture in orphanages, especially among the older kids, which in turn makes it trickle down to the younger ones. But, yeah, we'd prefer if she not say that kind of thing.

But seriously though, in this instance I found it rather amusing.

"Yes, well, anyway," Celestia says, trying to diffuse the situation, "You've never been outside of Canterlot before, am I correct?" Comet nods in confirmation. "Well, I can assure you that you will love Ponyville. I sent my protégé there and she fell in love with it. It's a very nice town to live in."

I can see it on Comet's face. She wants to say some kind of snarky response, likely dealing with Twilight wanting to get away from Celestia however she could. She holds back, though. I think she knew she was pushing her luck with what she said to Luna.

"Yeah, I look forward to it." Comet responds neutrally.

"I am eager to hear about your time there."

We shoot the breeze a little more, but not for too long. Both princesses have princessey stuff to get done, so we leave after an hour or so. I don't miss the glares that Luna's guards give Comet when it's time for us to go, nor do I miss that she has no problem glaring right back at them.

"So, what did you think of them?" I ask as we make our way to the train station.

"I guess it's cool to meet the princesses," Comet says. "I do kind of wish I could talk to Princess Luna about bat pony stuff, but I'm not sure she likes me. Her guards don't."

"And why do you think that is?" Cheerilee says, motherly disapproval in her voice.

Comet sighs and flattens her ears. "Because I called Princess Luna a cock."

"Right," I say as we reach the station. "Yeah, it's best not to say those kinds of things, alright, Comet? You're not in the orphanage anymore. You're living with us."

"Okay, Daddy."

Daddy. She called me Daddy! I'll never totally get used to that. So... awesome.

Daddy.

Daddy.

She calls Cheerilee Mom.

Comet Screech Powell.

And our daughter makes four.

Author's Notes:

Okay, so yes, bat ponies can be adorable. No, that's not Comet. She hasn't been drawn by anyone. Here's the artist of that particular vector. http://zee66.deviantart.com/ He does a lot of bat pony vectors.

Help support me on Patreon

Join these delightful people as my patrons!
WesFox134
Razer Brony
Dawson Schawang
Jim Kieger

33-Family

"Ah, good morning, you three. How may I help you?"

Cheerilee and I both smile in greeting at Rarity, while Comet looks around the boutique, her eyes drinking in the sights. Rarity smiles fondly at her before turning her focus to us.

"Well, we're here for some Nightmare Night costumes, Rarity," I begin.

"Indeed? But Nightmare Night isn't for another month and a half," Rarity says.

"We know, but we also know how you get swamped with orders once it starts getting closer," Cheerilee says. "We'd like to order ours before you hit that rush. Just to make things easier on you."

Rarity gives us an appreciative smile and floats a measuring tape over. Presumably for Comet, as she should still have the measurements for Cheerilee and I on file.

"Well, I'd be more than happy to accommodate you," Rarity says. "I certainly do get swamped with orders, so this will be nice. Things have been rather slow lately, so this will be perfect to keep me busy. Now..." She turns her focus to Comet and beckons her. "If you would please step forward so I can take your measurements, Comet."

"Okay, Miss Rarity," Comet says, walking up to her.

"Just Rarity will do fine, Comet. No need for formalities among friends. Now, if you could please spread your wings..."

Comet dutifully complies, and Rarity wraps the tape measure around her barrel, floating over a spare scrap of paper and a quill to write down the measurements. She works in relative silence for a few moments before speaking again.

"So, what kind of costumes were you looking for? Something themed, or will each of you have an individual costume?"

"We're thinking about individual outfits, but we're not totally sure," I reply. "We have a few ideas about themes, but nothing concrete."

"Are you also looking for advice on costumes?" Rarity asks. "It's rare that a customer comes in and they don't know exactly what they're after."

"Well, I did have one idea." I walk over to Comet and put my hand on her head. "See, it's a character from a movie that I liked when I was a younger man. Basically the character has dirty brown pants and a dirty wool red and green striped sweater."

Rarity's magic fizzles out, and her tape measure floats to the ground. She's looking at me like I've absolutely lost my mind.

"W-wool g-green and red stripes?" she gurgles out.

"Yeah. Kinda ratty looking. I already have a hat for it, and I'm making his claw with one of my old work gloves."

"R-red and green..." Her eye twitches, but she forces a smile on her face. "Aha... this is some kind of jest on your part. A wool red and green striped sweater is... from of my shop..." Her eye twitches again.

"Not joking, Rarity," I respond as Comet nuzzles my leg. "I mean, it's--"

"--a Nightmare Night costume!" I groan as we walk back to Manderley. "Seriously! I'm not going to wear it to the Gala or anything!"

"I'm not sure she cared, TD," Cheerilee says, a poorly hidden smile on her face. "You'll either have to figure out a different way to get it, or pick something else."

"Yeah, like a fashionista!" Comet says, flitting beside us. "Then you can show mean ol' Miss Rarity how to make real dresses!"

"Oh ha ha," I say flatly as we enter our home. "That would make her less annoyed with me, I'm sure."

"But wasn't annoying her the whole point of asking for that costume?" Comet says, landing on the coffee table. She hops off when Cheerilee gives her that motherly glare she's gotten pretty good at. "Seriously, the look on her face when she figured out what you were asking for."

"It was more about me trying to relive some of my culture. You remember some of my stories about my home planet, right?"

"Yeah," Comet says with a nod. "Not about that weirdo, though. I thought you were making him up to annoy Miss Rarity."

"Well, I wasn't," I respond, taking a spot on the couch and sinking into the rather comfy cushions. "I'll give you the story about Freddy Kreuger later."

"At least she had time to take Comet's measurements before she threw you out," Cheerilee says, walking into the kitchen to get something going for lunch. "Now we won't have to go back until she's cooled down."

Comet and I listen to the sound of Cheerilee filling up a pot with cold water for tomato soup, I think. She'll probably start on the grilled cheese soon, too.

"Oh, by the way, my parents are coming over next week," Cheerilee says from inside the kitchen. "They're just dying to meet Comet."

"Grandma and Grandpa?" Comet says, perking her tufted ears up. She turns to me and tilts her head. "Are they cool?"

"Well, they let me marry your mother, so I think so. It's gotta count for something at any rate."

"I guess."

"I wouldn't say that you need to be on your best behavior around them..." Cheerilee pokes her head into the room and leers at Comet. "But no swearing. They won't like that."

"I think I've gotten better," Comet says, raising her hooves defensively. "You made your point with the soap."

Yeah, several times.

"I want them to spoil me rotten," she continues, lazily nuzzling my hand. "If I sing my swear word song around them then they'll get the wrong idea about me!"

"How very virtuous of you," I respond, scratching behind her ears.

It's been two weeks since we've adopted Comet, and things have definitely changed in the Powell household. Pinkie still hasn't found the right time to throw her a party, probably because Comet keeps expecting her to. We haven't enrolled her in Ponyville Elementary yet, as we're not sure if now is the right time. I've been spending some time homeschooling her until we finally figure out what we want to do for this semester. Next semester we're definitely enrolling her into Cheerilee's class.

Once Cheerilee finishes up the grilled cheeses and soup, we eat and chat about our days. I took an early, longer lunch break to go see Rarity about our costumes, so I have a little additional time to spend time with my family.

My family.

A wife and a kid. I still can't believe it sometimes. I wonder what my younger self would think of me sometimes. He hates Equestria, but in ten years he'll marry a pony and have a half-pony/half-bat as a daughter. If I could go back and let him know what his future was going to be like, he'd probably flip. Heck, I'd be interested to go back to when my younger self was watching the show, pause time and the video on a picture of Cheerilee, and let younger me know "yep, that pony right there? She's your wife." Just to see my expression.

Okay, I can see why fate likes messing with me sometimes. It can be kind of fun.

Don't tell fate I said that.

Lunch does end, though, which means that I have to get back to work. Cheerilee and I are alternating time off to take care of Comet until we figure out something more permanent. Twilight, maybe? Anyway, it's my turn to be working for now. I help Cheerilee clean up the dishes, hug Comet goodbye, and head off to my job.

"So when's he gonna be back?" I ask, sitting in front of the door and nervously flicking my tail.

"Oh, probably around five or six," Mom says while wiping down the table. "But it's the last day of his turn, so once he's back, it'll be my turn to go to work for the day for a week." Mom chuckles and mutters something under her breath about good Equestrian maternity leave. I don't know what she's talking about.

I get up off the floor and fly up to my room. It's so... roomy! I don't have to share it with five other foals, which is kinda weird. Back at the orphanage, I thought that's how all foals lived, except ones with really rich parents. Mom and Dad say they're not really rich, but with a house like this, I'm not so sure about that. They have space for me to have my own room. Only rich families have that. That's what some of the other foals at the orphanage said.

I land on my bed and circle few times before lying down and nuzzling into my pillow. Like, a real feather pillow. It's so crazy soft! I did hear Mom and Dad talking about how they might get me a cloud pillow for Hearth's Warming Day, but I don't know about that. I've never laid on one of those before, but Miss Rainbow Dash says they're the best.

It's been two weeks since Mom and Dad took me home from the Canterlot orphanage. We've been back a few times to see Oswald because he knocked up Princess Celestia's phoenix. I like him already.

Seriously. A real family. Me! All of those other parents who thought about adopting me either changed their mind when they saw I'm a bat pony, or just didn't think I was good enough for them. Just figures that it would be an alien and his wife and pet phoenix before I finally found a home.

I smile and pull my blanket over me. Nice and warm. Miss Fluttershy made it for me. A lot of stuff in my room was made for me by other ponies. Miss Fluttershy made my blanket, Miss Applejack made me some bookshelves, and Miss Twilight gave me some books. I've already read most of the Daring Do books, but these ones are special because they're mine. I have a stack of "Welcome to Ponyville" cards that Mom's class made for me. Miss Tiara gave me a silver necklace. Miss Apple Bloom made me a little stuffed timberwolf that I named Albert.

Sheesh, so glad I have a lot of practice not showing emotion. I smiled and thanked them all for their awesome gifts. I'm just glad I made it until I got back in my room before I started crying. Thank Luna Mom and Dad didn't walk in. I can't imagine what they would have thought of me if they saw me hugging the blanket, necklace and timberwolf while reading the cards and just bawling my eyes out. Guess I got a little overwhelmed. Lame. I've read Dad's book. He did a lot of cool stuff and never got scared and definitely never cried. I can't have him see me cry because I'm happy about a stuffed timberwolf.

I reach under my covers and grab said timberwolf. He's sturdy, so I know I can't damage him when I squeeze him. He's nice to have during my afternoon naps. He makes me feel safe.

Mom says I'm not supposed to go near any real timberwolves.

It's weird, though, I've talked to other foals, and they say they hate taking afternoon naps. I, for the life of me, can't figure out why. I mean, come on, you get to stay up later! Maybe it's just because I'm supposed to be nocturnal, but whatever. I like them. If nothing else, it's a good way to pass the time until Mom or Dad come home.

I wake up at about five thirty. Guess I was more tired than I thought. I'm still a little tired, but I can't go back to sleep now because Dad's almost home, if he's not home already! I hop out of bed and run down the stairs and see Mom on the couch doing some paperwork. That's why I could never be a teacher. Your homework is reading other foals' homework! The same thing over and over again, too! Blegh. Imagine getting a cutie mark in assigning and grading homework. I think that's what Mom has.

"Is Dad home yet?" I ask, sitting down next to Mom and nuzzling her side.

"He got home about ten minutes ago," Mom replies, returning my nuzzle. "He's napping right now, but he'll be awake for dinner."

"Okay," I say, hopping off the couch. "I'm gonna go upstairs, too. I'm still a little tired. I just wanted to see if Dad had come home yet."

"Sounds good, dear," Mom says, smiling warmly at me. "Dinner should be in about an hour. Anything in particular you want?"

"Don't suppose we could try some of Dad's chicken tonight, could we?" I ask, giving her my best cute, innocent eyes. "You said you've gotten fine with eating it, so I should have no problem!"

Mom smirks at me and rolls her eyes. "We still have to ask Princess Luna about what happens when a bat pony eats meat. If she says it's fine, then of course we'll have it. Until then, we wouldn't want you getting sick. I did the first time I had chicken. My body wasn't ready for it, but it's gotten used to eating meat every now and again."

"Exactly!" I point out. Even if bat ponies can't have meat normally, then I should start having it as soon as I can so that my body gets used to it!"

"Not tonight, Comet. I promise we will, though."

"Fine," I say, raising a hoof in surrender. "I'll hold you to that. I will become a carnivore! You'll see! Princess Luna will say that I can eat meat, and then I'll eat nothing but meat for the rest of my life!" I begin backing away up the stairs, trying to keep a straight face as Mom gives me an amused smile. "Om nom! The vicious bat pony shows no mercy! I'll hunt meals for the three of us like Dad did in his book!"

"Speaking of your father, try not to wake him. He had a long day," Mom says as I continue backing up the steps.

"I won't! Gonna try to go back to sleep until dinner myself."

"Goodnight then, Comet."

I bound up the stairs and leave Mom to her work. Her icky work. I think about going to my room, but stop outside of Mom and Dad's room. My stomach clenches up and my tail begins flicking as a thought crosses my mind. I haven't tried it out yet with him. He's not gonna be mad at me for asking. That'd be stupid. At worst he says he can't do it right now. But maybe I can try...

I nudge the door open and slink into Mom and Dad's room. Dad's sprawled out on the bed completely asleep. He's not even under the covers. That's good for me, I guess. I take wing and fly over next to him. He doesn't stir at all when I land next to him.

My stomach clenches tighter as I begin staring at his back. I've always wanted to do this, and when I asked one of Princess Luna's guards about it, he said that it wasn't me being weird. All bat pony foals nestle into their daddy's back. But I've never had a dad to do that with until now.

I'm being stupid. Yeah, that's it. I take a deep breath and slowly, gently lay down on his back. I curl into a ball and lay my head between his shoulder blades. There's a nice niche there that's a good spot to lay my head.

"Yes, Comet?"

His voice cuts through my thoughts, making me flinch. Ooh, now's the moment of truth. I nuzzle the spot where I've laid my head.

"Half of the point of even having a daddy is so that you can lay on his back. It's where bat pony foals go to be safe."

"Indeed?"

"Uh-huh," I confirm. "It would be better if you had wings to wrap around me like some kind of blanket, but it's fine. I feel safe on here anyway."

"Is that right?" He begins shifting underneath me. "Well, then, get off for a second and let me get in a better spot here. I'd hate to roll and have you fall off the bed, or something. Just give me a moment."

A moment! I've wanted to lay on my dad's back for years! Now I'm finally gonna get to do it and he wants a moment to get more comfortable! Come on, Dad! You can't tease me like that!

No, no, it's just a second. Then I can get right back on and be safe.

I hop off and he moves to the middle of the bed. I think for a second that he might just be asking me so that he can roll over and I can't get back on, but once he's finished moving, he pats his back. I smile and curl up in a ball on his back again.

Yes, this is nice. I don't know what I was worried about at all. I'm safe here. He really wants to be my dad. I nuzzle his back and pull his blanket over the two of us. It's not quite the same as wings I think, but I don't care. I've been waiting for this moment for years. I sigh contentedly and close my eyes. I can already hear him lightly snoring. Sleep sounds like a good idea. I am still kinda tired.

My eyes have only been closed for a few seconds before I hear the door to Mom and Dad's room open again. I crack one eye open enough to see Mom smiling lovingly at the two of us, a hoof over her heart. She watches us for a few moments before walking up to the bed and laying down next to us. She drapes a foreleg over Dad and I, and Dad grabs one of her hooves.

"Love ya, Cheers," he mumbles thickly.

"I love you too, TD," Mom replies. "And you, Comet. I'm thankful every day that we get to have a filly as wonderful as you for our daughter."

Mom closes her eyes and nuzzles up closer to Dad, who's already fallen asleep again. After a few minutes, I can hear Mom's light snoring, too. I give a contented sigh and let the warmth of the blanket wash over me. I've been dreaming of this moment since I can remember, and It's finally here.

I have a family. A real family. Not an imaginary one, not one that I've drawn during art class, but one that I can call my own. They're not going to go away when I wake up.

I let that thought carry me to sleep.

Author's Notes:

Normally I'd send this to my editor, but I wanted to get this out to you guys on Christmas. So yeah, there will probably be more typos than usual.

Merry Christmas, everyone. You guys are amazing. I seriously could not do what I do without you guys. I'm thankful for you every day. Don't let anybody tell any of you that you aren't awesome people. You are. Everybody have a wonderful day. You deserve it.

33-Bratty Little Sister

As much as I love spending time with my paramour, I must admit that I am glad to be taking a break from all of that. There is a certain comfort in the simplicity of one's home. Plus it will give me more of an opportunity to get to know my new sister. From our limited interactions I can tell she's an odd sort, but Mother and Father do love her, I can tell that much.

However, that doesn't mean that I particularly care for getting stuck with foalsitting duties.

"Now, we're just going to be gone for a few hours. I've made you some sandwiches and put them in the fridge, so you shouldn't get hungry. If you need anything and can't find us in town, go find Twilight or one of her friends. We've asked Twilight to pop on by in an hour or so to check on you."

"Yeah, yeah, Dad, it's fine," Comet says, a confident grin on her face. "You and Mom go have a fun date. Me and Oswald are gonna be fine, aren't we Oswald?"

She turns her confident grin to me as if expecting that I'll give some sort of confirmation to her statements. Well she won't get any. If I could throw her to Canterlot, I still wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her.

"We're giving you a lot of responsibility, Comet," Mother says. "We're trusting you here."

"And I'm not gonna abuse that," Comet replies, nuzzling Mother's side. Ooh, she's trying to butter her up. I sense some ill intent from her. I'll give her a chance, though. Perhaps I'm merely reading into things.

"Well good," Father says. "If you get hungry after dinner, there are a few apples in the fridge, too. Help yourself."

"I will, Dad." Comet's smile is a little too wide for my tastes. She's up to something.

"But don't touch the chicken."

Comet gasps and raises a hoof. "I wouldn't! Princess Luna hasn't talked to you yet about how bat ponies react to chicken."

"Sounds good." Father kneels down and hugs Comet. "You be good, and we'll be back in a little bit."

"Just go, lovebirds," Comet says, poking Father in the chest. "I'll still be here safe and sound when you get back. It's Ponyville! Nothing bad happens in Ponyville."

Content that Comet will behave herself, Mother and Father say their goodbyes to me. I assure them that I will successfully "hold down the fort" as it were. They leave a few moments after, leaving me and this bat winged foal to our own devices.

"Welp..." Comet yawns and scratches her chest. "I think they'll have fun. Time for dinner, wouldn't you say?"

"I suppose so, though I have already eaten."

Comet hops on over to the refrigerator and opens it up. As promised, two sandwiches rest on a plate inside. Comet carefully takes them out, along with an apple, and brings them over to the dinner table. She forgets to shut the fridge door afterwards. A rookie mistake when dealing with them, I've noticed. With some effort, I close it in her stead.

Comet eats silently, occasionally glancing at me while I sit on the back of a chair, observing her. She finishes one sandwich and takes the apple. She bites into it with her fangs and, to my surprise, sucks the whole thing dry with one gulp. She tosses the dry core next to her plate and shoots me that grin again.

"Most ponies think that's why we have fangs: to suck fruit dry. I dunno. I think they were used for hunting before."

"Yes... quite," I reply, studying the apple. I've never seen such a thing.

After a few more minutes, Comet finishes up her remaining sandwich and pushes her plate to the side. She stretches and cracks her neck with another yawn.

"Well gee, Oswald. That was a feast, wasn't it? Gotta say, I'm still a little hungry. I'm a growing filly, after all. I need nutrients."

I don't like where this is going.

Comet hops off her chair and makes her way back to the fridge. "Maybe a little bite of chicken wouldn't hurt. It's not like Mom and Dad are gonna notice if I just take a little piece."

Oh no you don't!

I take wing and intercept her before she reaches the fridge, igniting my wings and hissing at her. That should scare her away. Or so I thought. Instead, she spreads her own wings and hisses right back at me. If she thought she could intimidate me like that, she is sorely mistaken. I'm reasonably sure that she can't even light her wings on fire!

"Come on, Oswald, don't be a spoilsport! It's just one little bite of chicken. Lighten up!" She smirks at her poor joke.

"Never!" I reply. "Mother and Father gave their orders, and since I'm in charge, you will follow them to the letter! No chicken for you!"

Comet scoffs and rolls her eyes in a way that only a young one can. "I can't understand you, Oswald."

"That's because you are a numskull!" I narrow my eyes at her. "You'd best return to your room and think about obeying our parents."

Comet takes a step forward, but I give her another mighty hiss. She glares, but doesn't make any more attempts to go past me. She rolls her eyes and groans. "You never let me have any fun."

"If your idea of fun is to purloin uncooked farm animals, then I worry about you!"

Comet flicks one of her ears in irritation then, to my surprise, she moves to a spacious spot in the kitchen and looks back at her tail. It flicks aimlessly as Comet crouches down in a pouncing position. Before I can comment on the absurdity of her actions, Comet pounces, reaching out to her tail as if it's some insect she wants for dinner. As expected, the movement of her lower half means that Comet's tail moves out of reach. Undeterred, Comet pounces again, snapping at her tail.

I must admit, watching my sister chase her tail is an oddly adorable experience.

Unfortunately, her motives are not entirely pure. She leaps after her tail and misses it, as expected, but I miss the true nature of her jump. She spreads her wings, stopping herself in midair, before twisting and jumping in the direction of the fridge. I barely react in time to block her. We exchange a few more hisses, but I do not budge.

Comet groans once more, but turns around and leaves the kitchen. At least she had the sense to not duel me for the right to the fridge. She'd have to prematurely trigger my rebirth cycle for that, and I'm certain she'd be rather surprised at my ability to regenerate in front of her. Thankfully she sees the folly in such actions and chooses to return to her room.

Or not.

Within a few moments, she comes down with her copy of Father's book in her mouth. She sets it down on the floor just outside the kitchen and lays down in front of it. She opens it up to a presumably random page and begins reading.

"Whoa! So cool!" She puts a hoof up to her forehead. "Unbelievable!" She turns to me with a large grin and points down at the book. "Hey Oswald, did you know that Dad fought a minotaur and won? Then he went and fought griffins!"

"I do know that, you dunderhead, I was there for all of it! I saved Father's life several times!" I perch on the back of a chair in the kitchen and smile smugly at her. "How many times have you saved Father's life?"

"I think it's awesome." Comet picks the book back up and sits down at the kitchen table. She points to some random passage. "I mean, those silly turkeys tried to kill my dad, but he sure beat them!"

I suppose she thinks that she's being terribly clever by scooting her chair towards the fridge an inch at a time. Well, she's not. I take wing once more and put myself between her and the fridge. She growls and snaps the book shut before getting to her hooves.

"Come on, Oswald, you're being ridiculous!" She flares out her wings. "You can't stop me forever!"

"I don't need to stop you forever. Just for a few hours," I respond coolly. "By that point Mother and Father will be home and we'll put this ridiculous business behind us."

She resumes glaring at me for a few moments, but eventually she sighs, closing her eyes and bowing her head. "Okay, Oswald. You win. I don't want Dad's chicken anymore. I think I'll just have another apple."

"Ooh that is absolute poppycock, you deceitful rapscallion! You will not beguile me with your blatant attempts at delinquency, Little Miss Scofflaw! You shall not pillage this cooling device for any ill gotten gains!

Comet growls at me and bares her teeth, making sure to show off her fangs. "Just one bite of chicken, Oswald. That's all I'm asking for! We can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way!"

"I was just about to say the same thing to you!"

I will give her some credit: she's a slippery little thug. She took to the air immediately, or at least, as much as one can inside, and dove towards the fridge. The poor fool forgot that I, too, possess wings, so I blocked her. She actually had the gall to tackle me! It didn't hurt, but I found it annoying. It stunned me enough that she found herself in a position to throw open the fridge and take out the entire packet of chicken! I recovered my senses in time to see her tear it open with her fangs and take a big bite out of one of the pieces!

A pox upon her! I admit that half of my anger came from my damaged pride, but Mother and Father would hear of this!

I couldn't really do anything at that point, much to my dismay. She shot me that smug smile once more and returned the chicken to its rightful place, commenting that she found it to be "okay." She promptly returned to her room.

I must admit that I felt like a failure. I had a single job: make sure Comet didn't get up to any mischief. She is a slippery foe, and I resolved to not be fooled by her ever again!

Twilight checked on Comet soon after, not knowing of her trickery. She seemed to think Comet was some sort of little angel. It sickened me, but Comet ensured that I wouldn't be able to speak with Twilight on the matter of Comet's thievery by speaking with her the entire time she was there. Though now that I reflect on the matter, I don't suppose that Twilight had the power to punish Comet, even if I had successfully communicated the truth of Comet's foul deeds.

To make matters worse, Mother and Father didn't listen to me when I tried to explain the situation upon their return. Perhaps they were merely tired from the events of the day and would have preferred to deal with Comet's disobedience the next morning. Now that I reflect on the matter though, the sounds of their rambunctious lovemaking implied that the day hadn't worn them out as much as I originally suspected.

Fortunately for me, fate seemed to have other plans. One that would restore the balance of justice. Granted, it began its plans the next day.

"Hgurklguh!"

"That's it, Comet. You're okay," Mother soothes.

"Hugrrrguh!"

Sweet justice, and I'm not even taking into account the additional punishment that Mother and Father will soon bestow upon her.

"You seemed fine last night," Father says as he rubs his daughter's back. He frowns and taps his chin. "Maybe it's something you ate?"

"It most certainly is!" This will be delightful. I fly over to father and nudge his shoulder. He smiles at me and scratches my head feathers.

"Don't you worry, buddy. Comet's gonna be fine. I think it's just some kind of stomach bug."

"Yeah, I think so t-- hgurbrlguh!" Comet groans and leans her head on the toilet seat.

I poke Father's shoulder again before flying out of the room. When Father doesn't follow, I repeat the process.

"What's up with him?" Mother asks, frowning at me.

"Dunno," Father says with a shrug. Comet manages to stop vomiting long enough to glare at me.

"Don't you dare," she growls.

"Don't he dare what?" Mother asks.

"Nothing! Nothing at all!" Comet gives Mother an unconvincing smile. "I didn't say that."

Aha! What poetry! She provided the means for her own downfall!

"I think I'd better go see what Oswald wants," Father says, standing up. "I'll just be a minute."

"I'm sure it's nothing, Dad!" Comet groans. "He's just dumb bird!"

Say what you will about me. The hour of your doom is upon you. I can handle any insults you sling at me. Nothing you say will change your fate, dear Comet.

I lead Father to the kitchen and nudge the refrigerator door. "So it was something she ate?" Father asks. "I don't know what that would have been."

"You will soon, Father!" I did try to keep the glee out of my voice, but at times my will is weak.

Father opens the fridge and scans it for a few moments. He doesn't seem to understand what I'm getting at, so I fly down and nudge the meat cooler. He opens it up and takes out the packet of chicken I direct him toward. Even though the bag is closed, it's easy to see one of the pieces has a chunk torn out of it. It does not take much brainpower to deduce the culprit! Father grimaces and sighs.

"I see."

"Tattletale!" Comet roars from the bathroom, but it is too late.

"Comet, we need to have a talk," Father says as he puts the chicken back in the fridge. “Partially about how you have to cook meat before you eat it."

Busted.

Author's Notes:

Help support me on Patreon If I reach 700 bucks, I'll start doing this full-time.

And I released a new story a few days ago! Hitmare

Join these delightful people as my patrons!
Razer Brony
Wesfox134
Dawson Schawang
Jim Kieger
Andrew Denton
SADE789
Balnar
Canary
Jack

34-Fighting

I did not want to deal with this bull right now.

Or something, I dunno. The day didn't necessarily have anything in it that went wrong, all things considered, but sure as heck nothing went right either. The day had no rain, metaphorically speaking, but storm clouds hung overhead for the entire day, and I couldn't curl up in bed next to my wife and just forget that I had responsibilities like an adult. I roughly shoved the door of my house open and trudged inside. Comet instantly runs up to me like a dog and flies up to about shoulder height so that she can wrap her forelegs around my neck.

"Hey, Daddy!" she says happily. "How was work today?"

"Eh, it was alright," I say, giving her a weak half-hug before prying her forelegs off of me. Normally I love hugs from Comet, but when I'm in kind of a foul mood, being restricted in any way is just the worst. Comet doesn't pick up on my mood, which I guess is good. I don't want to bring her down.

"You wanna play toss-disk at the park today?" Comet asks. "It's a really nice day out, and I can catch anything!" A slight frown crosses Comet's face as she crosses her forelegs. "Or what did you call it? Brisby?

"Close. Frisbee," I say, allowing myself a small smile. "We'll see though, Comet. I need to take a nap first." Ideally a very long nap. One that would take me to the weekend. Alas, it's only Tuesday, so I have three more days of work to go.

"Oh," Comet says, visibly deflating. "But after your nap, then?"

"Don't see why not," I say. Maybe I'll feel better after I get a nap in. I'm not even sure how I'm going to make it up the stairs to my bed.

I yawn and trudge into the kitchen, where Cheerilee is sitting at the table with a huge stack of papers in front of her. Looks like the paperwork from her inconsistent maternity leave has caught up with her. Her sub must have sent over all of the work she needed to get done. I can already see the tension in her shoulders and the bags under her eyes.

"Rough day?"

Cheerilee grumbles back a response I can't quite make out. I've known her long enough to figure out when she's in a foul mood.

"I've got all of this and Comet was rowdy all day," she groans. "We're going to order-in for dinner tonight."

Oof, that's when you know it's bad. Cheerilee insists on making as many home-cooked meals for the three of us as possible.

"Whatever," I mumble.

I head on over to the fridge and take out a carton of milk. Deciding that the effort of putting it all in a glass isn't worth it, I open up the carton and drink out of it directly. I take a few long gulps before Cheerilee clears her throat behind me. I turn around and get the full force of one of her glares.

"You know I don't like it when you do that, TD," she growls.

I shrug and give her a slight glare back. "Look, I've had kind of a hard day. I just needed a drink of milk, okay? Just relax."

"You know I don't like it when you do that," Cheerilee repeats. "We've talked about this before. It takes two seconds to put it in a glass."

"Oh yeah?" I retort. "Well, sometimes two seconds is two seconds too many. Lighten up, Cheerilee. It's a freaking carton of milk."

"Don't you tell me to lighten up, TD," Cheerilee replies, capping her pen and throwing it onto the table. "We've talked about this many times. Put your Faust-damned milk in a Faust-damned glass or don't drink any Faust-damned milk!"

"Really not the best time to pester me about this, Cheers," I grumble. "It's milk, not some freaking gem that I have to cut just right."

I raise the carton to my lips again, but I'm cut off when Cheerilee shoots to her hooves. "Don't you dare, buster. You put that milk in a glass or you put it away."

"Shut up, Cheerilee. It's a sip of milk. I did not go through the day I had just to get pestered by you about how I can drink milk in my own house!"

"Your house?!" Cheerilee snarls. "Oh, so it's just by your grace that Comet and I are living here, then? You're the one who decides how things work?"

"Oh that's not what I said and you know it!" I snap. "Don't you put any freaking words in my mouth!"

"I think you were pretty clear about what you said!" Cheerilee says. "Your house, not our house!"

"Okay, fine, our freaking house! But considering that part of our is my, then get off of my back about how I drink my milk!"

"Which, might I add, I paid for!"

I snort and tighten my grip on the carton. "Oh, is that right? So because you bring in a little more money and you were the one who went shopping on the day you got this milk, suddenly you paid for it?" I humorlessly chuckle. "That is just rich. Just go back to your papers and let me drink my milk in peace."

"Then put it in a glass," Cheerilee says through clenched teeth. "Here, I'll even get one out for you because it's so much effort to walk three steps to the cabinet to get one!"

"So what, I'm some kind of an invalid now? I can't get the glass on my own?"

"Apparently not, seeing as how you couldn't before!"

Cheerilee moves toward the cabinet, but I take a step to block her. "Cheerilee, don't you freaking dare." Cheerilee glares at me before taking another step toward the cabinet. That was enough for me. "I said don't you dare!"

With that, I throw the carton of milk to the floor with such force that it practically explodes, showering our kitchen and everything in it with milk. Time seems to slow down as Cheerilee and I stare, drenched in milk, at the broken carton on the floor. I take a deep breath and wipe my face with the sleeve of my shirt.

"Hey Cheerilee? We're out of milk."

The corners of Cheerilee's mouth twitch up at that, which triggers a similar reaction with me. In moments both of us are laughing at the sheer lunacy of what just transpired.

"That might have been the dumbest thing we've ever argued about," Cheerilee giggles.

"It definitely ranks pretty high up there," I agree. "Come on. Let's clean this up."

I grab some paper towels while Cheerilee soaks some rags in the sink. I grimace a bit when I notice that some milk got on the paperwork Cheerilee was doing. I'd help her fix that once we cleaned up the kitchen a bit. I pick up the empty carton and toss it into the recycling bin before soaking up the big puddle underneath it. Man, I should have drunk a little more milk before I threw it onto the floor. Or maybe just not have thrown the milk at all. That would probably have been a better idea.

"You know, Comet probably heard all of that," Cheerilee says quietly.

Instantly whatever levity that was there before evaporates. I grimace and toss the wet paper towels into the trash. "Yeah, she probably did. We're going to need to go talk to her once we've gotten all of this cleaned up, then.”

Gosh, I remember what it was like when my parents fought. They didn't fight a lot, the fights were mostly just like what Cheerilee and I just did, minus throwing milk and stuff.

Actually, the one time they mentioned things getting thrown, it was chili on a white carpet.

Anyway, Cheerilee and I work in silence until the milk was all cleaned up, then walk on up to Comet's room. If I knew her, she'd be under her bed where she always was when she got scared. I guess it was some sort of bat pony thing where she went somewhere dark to hide and blend in. Cheerilee and I go into Comet's room, and I kneel down next to her bed. I pull up the cover and look underneath and sure enough, I see a small, shadowy blob shivering underneath. I grimace and exchange a sad look with Cheerilee.

"Comet? You okay?" Comet merely whimpers in response, which doesn't make me feel any better about the whole thing. "Comet, we've stopped fighting. We weren't ever really mad at each other, we just both had hard days, that's all. We were wrong to take it out on each other."

"'M sorry I made you mad by asking to play Brisby today," Comet whispers. "I didn't mean to. Don't get a divorce, okay?"

"Hey." I slide underneath the bed and wrap Comet in my arms. "Our fight had nothing to do with you, okay? Mommies and daddies just fight about stupid things sometimes. It doesn't mean that we don't love each other, or that we're going to get a divorce. We would never do that."

"You know how sometimes foals can argue about silly things on the playground?"

Yes, but I maintain that Batman is better than Superman or Iron Man, and that Nightfire is better than Golden Eye, I thought.

"Well mommies and daddies can sometimes argue about silly things, too. We still love each other very much, of course," Cheerilee says. "I can't say that it's right, but it happens."

"So... sometimes parents are just as silly as foals?" Comet asks weakly.

I chuckle and nod, drawing her closer. "Oh yes." I lower my head closer to her ear, but not so close that I hurt her. She does have better hearing than Cheerilee and I put together, after all. "Just between you and me, grown-up ponies and humans, only really act like they know what they're doing. We're just as confused about how to live life as everypony else."

"Really?" Comet says, looking up at me with wide eyes.

"Oh yeah. It's just that when grown-ups are silly, we're silly in different ways."

"Sometimes," Cheerilee chimes in.

"Right, sometimes. You just heard two grown-ups acting like a bunch of foals having an argument on the playground. Silly of us, isn't it?"

Comet allows herself a small giggle and nuzzles into my chest. "Yeah, I guess it is."

"Of course it is," I respond. "No guessing about it. Now." I scoot out from under the bed, holding tight onto Comet. "How about we all go to the park and play some 'Brisby'?"

Author's Notes:

I had another chapter in mind, but we'll do that one next time around. I figured this would be a good one to relax with, I guess you could say.

For the people who were upset that Comet, TD and Cheerilee didn't really get time to bond with each other, I added a segment of the chapter where they adopt her, where they're talking and eating ice cream. That should help.

Ug. Thursday and Friday sucked. On Thursday I had another seizure on my way to work...

Right on the sidewalk. Thankfully not in the middle of the road.

Then Friday was a double at work. All kinds of fun, working for eight hours while popping pain pills!

On another note, I'm all paid up for both Everfree Northwest and BABS, so I'm excited for those! I'm a VIP liaison for Denny Lu (the director of Season 5 and 6) for BABS, so I'm also excited for that!

Also, once I figure out how, I want to start doing Lets Plays on Youtube. No idea how yet. Got a decent mic for it, though. Imma be the next Markiplier, or something!

As usual, help support me on Patreon If I reach 1500 bucks, I'll start doing this full-time.

Join these delightful people as my patrons!
Razer Brony
Dawson Schawang
Jim Kieger
Andrew Denton
SADE789
Balnar
Canary
Jack
Po
Comma-Kazie

BTW, if there are any patrons who donated to get the reward of having their name at the end of each chapter but you don't see your name here, please let me know. Patreon updated and now I can't actually see my list of patrons. Or at least, it's much harder to find for some dumb reason.

34-Published

"And after that, we can get some ice cream! Ooh, and after that I can buy you some toys! Would you like that?"

"I sure would!" Comet says, a gleeful smile on her face. As I suspected, Cheerilee's mother has taken to the idea of having a grandfoal with great zeal and Comet is equally pleased by the relationship. They've known each other for all of fifteen minutes and already Sky Flier is promising to undermine all of our parental authority and spoil Comet.

"Now Mom, let's not get overly carried away here," Cheerilee says, crossing her forelegs while Orange Picker and I look on in vague amusement. Or at least, I think that's what the expression on his face is.

Sky Flier rolls her eyes. "Oh don't be such a spoilsport, Cheerilee," she says, waving her hoof at my wife while Comet mimics the motion. "I just want to get to know my granddaughter, that's all."

"Yeah Mom, I'm only a filly once," Comet replies, giving Cheerilee Bambi eyes.

"She's gonna spend ten years worth of savings on this filly," Orange Picker grumbles to himself.

"Oh I'm sure it's not going to be as bad as all that," I say, leaning back on the couch.

"You say that, but we got a dog a few years after Cheerilee left. That didn't end well for my bit bag."

Okaayyy, I'd need to get the story on that one later.

"Speaking of bit bags, it appears that adopting a foal hit our finances a little harder than we thought it would, even though Celestia paid for the actual adoption process," I say, lowering my voice and leaning in close to Orange Picker so that he's the only one who can hear me. "There were just a million hidden expenses we didn't see coming."

Orange Picker frowns at me. "You okay? Yer gonna be able ta feed her and my daughter, right?"

I wave my hand at that. "Oh yeah, that's not going to be a problem, nor is rent or utilities. It's just that once we take those expenses out of our paychecks, we're left with pretty much nothing in the bank. We've drained through our savings pretty quickly. A lot of them were one-time expenses, like buying her stuff for her room, but things are getting really tight around here." Cheerilee, Comet and Sky Flier go into another room to get lunch, allowing me to lean away from Orange Picker a little more and get the volume of my voice back to normal.

"I'm me," I say. "We have enough money to live okay enough if things stay fine, but with me they never do. Plus it's Ponyville. You would not believe how high insurance premiums are for a town this size. We're one big disaster away from being in a bit of a spot."

"Yer about ta ask me for money, aren't you?"

My eyes widen and I raise a hand defensively. "What? No! I was more asking for advice. You've raised a kid before, so I was wondering if you had any tips."

"Hmm." Orange Picker rubs his jaw thoughtfully. "How many one-time expenses are you dealing with versus constant expenses? Is it a matter of you just needin' to tighten your belts for a few months then you can have a little more ta spend?"

"I don't think so," I mutter. "At least, not in a very meaningful way."

"Hmm." Orange Picker leaned back on the couch. "Truth is, Ah never really had that problem. Our farm exports oranges all across Equestria. We've never had enough ta buy Canterlot Castle, but we've never really had money troubles either. Mah best suggestion is to find somethin' ta supplement yer income."

"That's what I was thinking, but I don't work little enough to get a second job. Neither does Cheerilee. I'm not quite due for a pay raise either, otherwise I'd focus on that. Like I said, we're not in such dire straits that I'm not going to be able to feed Comet, but..." I sighed and put my head in my hand. "I know this might sound silly, but I've really started to re-think some stuff now that I'm a father, you know? Back when it was just Cheerilee and I, things were sort of a give and take. We both had our personalities and likes and interests and whatnot but at the end of the day, we were two rational, thinking adults who figured out this whole 'living on your own' thing well enough. Both of us actually had a little more money than before because we were combining our incomes. That was kind of nice.

"It's changed a lot since we've adopted Comet. Now instead of two adults, now it's a husband and wife completely in over their heads trying to provide for, and not screw up, this awesome filly. I used to think that I'd gotten things mostly figured out. Sure, Cheerilee and I have had a few rough patches in the four years we've been married, but no challenges on the scale of raising a kid." A wry smile crosses my face. "And that includes the dragon."

"Yeah, Cheerilee told me about that," Orange Picker says, his mouth going thin. "Ah can't say Ah liked it, but Ah do know that Ah woulda done the same for Sky."

"And I for her and Comet," I reply with a nod. "That aside, being a parent has changed a lot for me. I didn't used to know what failing as a man would be. Maybe doing something so bad that Cheerilee left me? I do know now. To me, I've failed as a man if I can't provide for my family. I know that Cheerilee makes a little more than I do and that's fine with me. That's not the problem. If the lights ever go out in the house, if Comet doesn't feel safe and loved in her own home, if she opens the fridge and nothing's in there, if she goes to sleep at night and doesn't feel completely safe... well, that's how I know I've failed as a man. As a husband. As a father. Sure, the three of us are getting by fine for now, but what if something comes up?" I grimace. "Which it will. Like I said: I'm me. The world isn't spinning right unless something either is going wrong or is about to go wrong. Every time I get complacent, something happens, and it kind of freaks me out to be honest."

"Oh, it can't have happened every single time you've gotten complacent," Orange Picker says. I give him a flat look and he responds with the closest thing to an apologetic grin I've ever seen on him.

"You wouldn't be surprised by that if you ever read my book," I respond. "I went through more stuff in six years than a lot of people go through in their entire lives." I groan. "So much crap."

"Well, if you ever publish it, let me know," Orange Picker says. "Ah would be interested to read it. You n' Cheerilee keep makin' references to this 'amazin' journey' of yours, but Ah've never actually heard any of the details."

"Well, it's quite the story," I say with a grin. "Comet and I both have a copy. She couldn't put it down once I gave it to her. It has lots of action and political intrigue and seeing the world, so I can see how that would appeal... to..." I blink and straighten up. Of course! Why didn't I think of this before?

"I think I may have it."

"Okay, now hold it still. Smile. Comet, a little closer. Cheerilee, put your foreleg around TD's waist. Yeah, just like that. Now hold it... on three... got it!"

Twilight smiles and puts the camera down, allowing us to break away from the pose we've been holding. "I think this is going to look really good!"

"It had better," Comet grumbles. "That took too long!"

"Oh come on, it didn't take that long," I respond, scratching Oswald's back. "Now we can go get some ice cream."

"Oh, you're right, that didn't take too long after all!" Comet says, perking her ears up.

"So how long will this whole process take, TD?" Cheerilee asks.

"Well, now that we've got the picture for the dust jacket, we just need to find a publisher. I already have a few potential ones to ask and then we'll be set. Maybe a few more edits and add-ons here and there."

"And then you'll have the best selling book in all of Equestria!" Comet says, hugging one of my legs.

"I doubt it, but that would be pretty cool," I say with a grin.

Then our finances would be a lot better. I have to admit, I'd really like to be in a position where my family is comfortable financially. I could afford all kinds of stuff for them and we'd be prepared for any big disaster. Maybe I could even pay off Manderley, have a cool vacation somewhere and...

Heh, I'm getting a bit ahead of myself, I think. It'd be cool, yeah, but I really doubt it. Any money I make from the book would help, though. Good thing, too. I know I said that I'd be able to afford to at least pay my bills and get food for Comet and Cheerilee, but... I dunno. For the moment I can, but I failed to factor in some stuff for Comet's schooling. By virtue of it being a public school she gets in for free, but then there's supplies and money for field trips and... just a million other little things. Then there's an upcoming doctor's appointment for Comet, followed by a dentist appointment. Most of the stuff I'm worried about affording are luxuries I suppose, but I never wanted Comet to feel like I couldn't afford the things she wanted. I obviously wasn't going to get her everything she wanted all of the time. I didn't want to spoil her or anything, but if Hearth's Warming Day was a little bare because Mom and Dad didn't have enough money, that would hurt a lot.

This book had better work out.

"So have you found a publisher yet?" Mayor Mare asks as I clean her windows.

I smile and wipe off some cleaning fluid. "Yeah. Parrot Publishing, I think it's called. They're supposed to be one of the better ones out there. Celestia pulled a few strings to get my book in there. I'll be interested to see how it goes."

"I see," Mayor Mare says as she signs a few pieces of paper. "And when will the book be published?"

"It hit the shelves about a week ago," I respond. "I haven't found out how well it's selling yet, but it's early. I'm not sure how often I get royalties from it, I think it said that how often depends on how well it sells, but I think I kind of got lost over that part in the contract. I had Twilight read it over, so I know they didn't put anything bad for me in there."

"Well I wish you all the best then, TD," Mayor Mare says with a smile. "And speaking of royalties..." She hoofs me a piece of paper. "I would just send this to your house as usual, but since you're right here, I figured I'd save a bit on postage."

"Ah, yes, thank you." I smile and put my paycheck in my pocket. "Cheerilee should get hers soon too, if she doesn't have it already."

"And will you be mailed checks from your book?"

I shake my head. "No, they managed to set up some kind of direct deposit thing. That way they save on any postage, or something like that."

I finish wiping down the windows and stretch a little bit. "Alrighty." I put my cleaning supplies in my work bag, even though it's been thirteen years since I was on Earth I still refuse to call it a saddlebag, and sling it over my back. "Same time tomorrow, then?"

"Sounds good, TD," Mayor Mare replies with a smile. "Though I may need your help with some boxes tomorrow. It shouldn't be anything too complicated."

"Cool. See you then."

I exit Town Hall and make my way to the bank. I needed to deposit this before the checks for things like my mortgage bounce. I was pretty sure that once we got all of the bills paid we'd be able to get something nice for Comet for her upcoming birthday. Nothing big, but something. Of course, even if we couldn't get her too much, the Pinkie party that was surely coming might make up for that.

As I approach the bank, I see two familiar ponies walking in that direction as well. I smile and pick up my pace a bit to catch up to my wife and daughter.

"Hey, Cheerilee, hey Comet," I say once I'm close enough.

"Hey, Daddy!" Comet says happily, flying off of Cheerilee's back to wrap her hooves around my neck. "How was work?"

"It was work," I respond with a shrug.

"Mom taught me about Saddle Arabia today," Comet continues, nuzzling my cheek before landing on Cheerilee's back again. "She taught me about the big war Sultan Messid had to get into to get the throne!"

"Mesud," Cheerilee gently corrects.

"Yeah, that one." Comet's smile fades into a frown and she sits on Cheerilee's back so that she can cross her forelegs over her chest. "But Mom said that now we have to run errands." She sticks out her tongue at the perceived torture Cheerilee is putting her through.

"Oh, it's not that many," Cheerilee replies, reaching back to nuzzle Comet. "Just the bank, then the market."

"Aaand maybe some ice cream after that?" Comet says hopefully.

"We'll see, Comet," Cheerilee says.

Comet sticks her bottom lip out in a pout. "Hmpf. 'We'll see' is Mom talk for 'no.'"

"It means 'we'll see,' Comet," I reply.

We'll see our bank statement then do the math after that.

We reach the bank and I open up the door so that Cheerilee and Comet can go in first. Thankfully we seem to have caught them on an off hour, so there's no line. Lucky us. Lucky Comet. She doesn't have to spend an hour being bored.

I walk up to the teller and take my check out of my pocket. Comet mumbles something about being hungry, so Cheerilee takes a paper bag out of her saddlebag and pulls out a plum for Comet to start nibbling on. I smile at the teller and slide the check over to her.

"Hey, I need to deposit that."

"Of course, Mr. Powell." The teller takes the check and staples it to the top of some papers. "Also, you have a letter."

I frown and tilt my head. "A letter? Why wasn't it sent to my house?"

"I think it's because it was sent with a deposit," the teller explains. She leans down and begins leafing through a filing cabinet. She pops back up and slides it over to me. "I'll get this deposited."

"Thanks," I say absentmindedly, looking over the letter. I raise an eyebrow when I see it's from Parrot Publishing.

"What is it?" Cheerilee asks, walking closer to me. Comet also looks up in interest, forgetting the half nibbled plum she's cutely holding in her hooves.

"I dunno, but it's obviously something to do with the book." I tear off the top of the envelope and take the letter out. I scan it for a few seconds. Maybe it's just some...

My eyes widen and my jaw drops open a little. I just... I don't...

"What, TD?" Cheerilee moves closer to me and tries to see the letter. "What does it say?"

"I... holy moley."

Dear Mr. TD Powell,

We are excited to inform you that sales of your book Wanderings of a Headstrong Human have exceeded initial expectations. At the time of this writing, nearly half a million books have been sold and we are making a second run to re-supply all of the major book chains, which have all run out of copies. Pre-order sales are accounting for another approx. 250,000 sales.

We have directly deposited 758,842.95 bits into your account. We shall inform you of any more deposits when they are made available. Should you wish to make yourself available for any book signings or readings, we can arrange that, should you choose not to do it through a third party.

If you have any more books to write, do not hesitate to send them our way. Thank you and congratulations,

Printing Press
Head editor at Parrot Publishing inc.

"Ho. Ly. Shit."

Comet gasps and puts a hoof over her mouth. "Oooh, Daddy said a bad word! He needs soap, doesn't he, Mom?"

"Not now, Comet," Cheerilee says breathlessly, scanning the letter for herself. "TD, I can't believe it."

"Neither can I," I admit. "But, ah... I guess we don't have to worry about money anymore, huh?"

"It doesn't look that way, no." Cheerilee smiles and looks back at Comet. "Comet? I am officially saying 'yes' to ice cream now."

"Yay!" Comet cheers.

The next few weeks are kind of a whirlwind. The news of my book sales finally reached Ponyville a day or so later, so I became kind of the talk of the town. Ponies stopped me on the street to congratulate me on my success, with a few even asking when the next one was coming out.

I doubted there'd be a next one, but hey, you never know. I was set up pretty well from this one.

Since I'm not a complete jerk, I gave Twilight a bit of the cut, seeing as how she actually wrote it all down and organized it. Initially she didn't want one, saying that her stipend from Princess Celestia plus the money she made as the town's librarian were enough for her, but I insisted. She agreed to a five percent cut of whatever I made. Even still, she was shocked when I presented her with a check for roughly thirty eight thousand bits. She demanded a smaller cut after that, saying that it was way too much money for one mare and a baby dragon.

Well, three-quarters of a million bits was too much for one family of four.

Comet, Cheerilee and I traveled all over Equestria doing some book signings, which I refused to be paid for. I had too much money as it was, and it was just going to keep coming in. I didn't need more from scrawling my name in a few... thousand books.

Okay, yeah, it got pretty tiring sitting on a chair and signing my name. My hand cramped up after a very short while.

Well, eventually I found myself back at Manderley with my family. I laid in my bed with Cheerilee snuggled up next to me, rubbing my bare chest.

"It's been a crazy month," I mutter.

"It has, but I've been having fun with it. Comet's having the time of her life."

"Of course she is. She went from an orphanage where parents kept passing her over because she's a bat pony to being the daughter of the most famous contemporary author in Equestria right now. That's gotta be a little overwhelming for her." I groan and rub my temples. "I still can't believe it sold that well."

"Well, to be fair, it's a first hand account of some wildly significant events of our time. You were there for a Schunie death match, the start of the Third Griffonian Civil War. You killed Queen Chrysalis, whom Equestria is still mad at for the stunt she pulled at the Royal Wedding. You fought assassins, you traveled the world, you met sultans and emperors and warlords. Plus you're a person from a completely different dimension. Most of all, Princess Celestia herself endorsed the book, saying everything in it is true. How can a book like that not sell well?"

"It does have its appeal, that's true," I admit. "I guess it's the same reason the Daring Do books are so popular."

"Yes, though you have a ways to go yet before your book sells as many copies as the Daring Do books."

I chuckle and run my hand through her mane. "Yeah, I suppose you're right."

A knock on the door brings me out of my thoughts. Cheerilee and I both frown. I slip out of bed and throw a shirt on.

"Who could that be?" Cheerilee asks.

I shrug. "Dunno. We're not expecting anybody, are we?"

"Not that I know of."

"Hm." On a gut feeling, I grab Reginald before I head down. When I'm about halfway down, I hear the knocking again. "Yeah, yeah, I'm coming!"

I reach the door and open it up revealing, to my surprise, a pair of bat ponies. One male and one female. The male one smiles at me and steps forward.

"Mr. TD Powell, yes?"

"Ummm." I frown. "Y-yeah?"

"I'm Night Shadow and this is my wife, Comet Screech."

My frown deepens at that, triggering a small chuckle from Night Shadow. "Yes, we named our daughter after her mother. As I'm sure you suspect, we're Comet's parents, and we're here to take her home."

Uh...

I blink once, alternating looks between the two bat ponies. Finally after a few seconds, I nod, flip them both the double bird, then slam the door in their faces.

Author's Notes:

Help support me on Patreon If I reach 1500 bucks, I'll start doing this full-time.

Join these delightful people as my patrons!
Razer Brony
Dawson Schawang
Jim Kieger
Andrew Denton
SADE789
Balnar
Canary
Jack
Po
Comma-Kazie

BTW, if there are any patrons who donated to get the reward of having their name at the end of each chapter but you don't see your name here, please let me know. Patreon updated and now I can't actually see my list of patrons. Or at least, it's much harder to find for some dumb reason.

Also: this is my headcanon: TD's birthday: November 13th. And yes, on the specific year he was born, that particular November 13th happened to be a Friday.
Cheerilee's birthday: June 6th
Comet's birthday: April 24th

34-Bats

Perhaps I wasn't clear about my feelings on the matter, because they knock on the door again only a few seconds after I close it.

"Mr. Powell, if you would just let--"

"Get off of my porch or I will make life hell for you," I respond quite reasonably.

"Mr. Powell, we just want to explain--"

"Unless you are explaining that you're just about to take one hoof and put it in front of the other to take a long walk off of a short pier, we have nothing to say to each other ever again."

"Comet--"

"Is my daughter, do you understand? As I'm sure you know, I recently came into a lot of money. I will throw it all away to bleed you dry."

"We didn't want to give her up, Mr. Powell!" the female one said. "If you just give us a chance to explain what happened, I'm sure you can see why we're here!"

"You're here to get Comet. You already said that." I lean against the door and tap Reginald against it. "Not happening. You filled out paperwork to give her up for adoption, so you have no more rights to her than Discord." I open the door a crack and put my hand through the hole, my middle finger extended for a moment before closing the door on them again. "Buzz off. She's my daughter."

"Mr. Powell, please be reasonable!" the female one says.

"Reasonable?" I open the front door just enough to poke my head through. "Okay, how's this for 'reasonable?' I spent more time raising Comet and loving her just today than you have in her entire life! You have no claim to her in any way, shape or form, do you understand that? I gave Comet love! I gave Comet a father! I gave Comet a home! You gave Comet to an orphanage!" I move my head back and slam the door. "Get off of my porch now."

"TD?" I turn and my stomach drops when I see both Cheerilee and Comet standing at the foot of the stairs, looking at me with uncertainty. "What's going on? Is something wrong?"

"Is it ponies who want to be mean about your book?" Comet asks. "Like those ponies in Fillydelphia who said it was all lies?"

"Comet?!" I hear the mare shout from the other side of the door. She begins banging on it and shouting Comet's name.

"What's going on?" Comet whimpers, backing away. "Who are they?"

"It's us, Comet!" the stallion shouts. "We're your parents! Your real parents!"

"Excuse me? Cheerilee snarls, throwing the door open and glaring at the ponies on the other side. "That's just rich! The last time you saw Comet was when you were signing paperwork to send her away! You are no more her parents than Discord is!"

"Discord didn't carry Comet for eleven months and neither did you!" the mare responded, poking Cheerilee in the chest. "Comet isn't your flesh and blood!"

"Oh yeah, if Comet is your flesh and blood, why did you give her up?" I retort.

"Well..." The bat ponies look uncomfortable at that. "We didn't want to, but at the same time, we weren't really in a position to care for a foal at the time of her birth," the male one says.

"So..." Comet walks up to me and nuzzles against my leg. "I'm an accident?"

The fire goes out of all four of us when Comet asks that. I reach my hand down and stroke her mane.

"Hey, you are not an accident, alright? You are a wonderful filly."

"B-but i-if they didn't mean to have me, and gave me up when I was born, doesn't that make me an accident?" Comet whimpers. "I-if I wasn't then they would have kept me."

"Comet, we made a mistake," the male says. "We want to make it up to you now. You'll be happy, you'll see."

Comet glares at the male and backs away. "I'm happy here! If you really want me to be happy, you'll leave me alone!"

"Comet..." The male tries to move a little closer. "If you come home with us, I'll let you ride on my back the whole way. You--"

Comet flares her wings and begins hissing at him while backing away, but I can also see tears brimming in her eyes. He tries to get into the house, but a little nudge from Reginald stops that. A look of desperation crosses his face as he reaches out to my daughter. "Comet, if you'll just--"

"FUCK YOU!" Comet roars. With that announcement, she begins spinning a tapestry of profanity directed at her parents that I have not heard before or since. The words she spews at them would make George Carlin shed a tear of pride. The four of us can only stand there in shock as she calls them every single nasty name under the moon. It's... actually kind of impressive.

Eventually she wears herself out and bolts to her room. The bat ponies try to get in to talk to her some more, but once again I nudge them back with Reginald.

"I think she made her feelings on the matter quite clear," I growl. "Now you will get off of my porch and away from my house and daughter."

"Mr. Powell... I..." The male glares at me. "What have you been teaching our daughter?!"

"Oh, that's us now, is it?" Cheerilee snaps. "If you must know, she picked up those words at the orphanage which, if you recall, you put her in!"

"And if we're being honest, I agree with everything she just said." Cheerilee and I back away from the door frame. "Goodbye."

"We're going to get her back, Mr. Powell!" the mare insists. "We'll do any--"

I slam the door in her face again and lock it.

"Fuck off."

"Yes, that is my assessment, too," Cheerilee agrees. "Fuck off."

We walk away from the door, but I don't doubt that the bat ponies are still there, hoping that we'll give our daughter back to them. No, I can't even say back to them. She was never theirs to begin with.

"We're going to have to do something about this," Cheerilee mutters as we walk up the stairs to Comet's room.

"Yeah, I know," I mutter. "We really just have to last the night. Then we can get Princess Celestia over here to personally explain adoption law to them."

"But what if they don't listen?" Cheerilee whispers fearfully. "What if they try to foalnap Comet? We could never see her again!" She puts a hoof on my leg. "Maybe we can go back to Saddle Arabia until Princess Celestia--"

"No, we're not doing that," I growl. "I'm not letting those stupid ponies run me out of my own house. We're staying here, and we're going to let Comet know she's safe here. Always."

"You're right. I'm still worried that they might try something."

"If they do, we'll handle it." We reach Comet's room and stop at her door. "For tonight, Comet's going to sleep in our room with you. Lock the window and put the curtains over it. I'm going to make sure they don't do anything."

We open the door to Comet's room and move over to the bed. I lay down and scoot underneath it, where Comet is shivering.

"It's okay," I soothe. "They're not gonna take you away."

"I'm not an accident!" Comet whimpers. "I don't wanna be an accident!"

"You're not an accident, I promise. No filly as wonderful as you could be an accident." I gently put my hand on her back. "I know your dad scared you, but neither of them are going to take you away. I promise."

Comet sniffles and scoots closer to me, allowing me to wrap her up in a hug. She nestles into my embrace and nuzzles my arm.

"You're my daddy."

I finish strapping my knife belt on just as I reach the door. I move Reginald to my left hand and open the door. The bat ponies are gone, but I doubt that they've given up. Besides, just because they're not on my porch anymore doesn't mean they're not around my house. They're bat ponies. The night is their element. It's just past midnight at this point. I've got about six hours until dawn. I can keep them away until then. I'll do whatever I have to to keep my family safe. I take a lap around my house and don't find them, so I move to my porch and sit down on the rocking chair. It is pretty late, so I have to hope that I don't fall asleep. I stay still in the chair, Reginald firmly in my grasp, as I begin singing about leaning, just as my great-grandfather did before me, according to family legend.

Leaning. Leaning. Safe and secure from all alarms.

I scan the darkness in front of me. None of the houses are stirring and I see nothing moving. I can't hear anything from inside my house either and, if they did appear, I would definitely hear Cheerilee fighting them. I left her with one of my knives. Every twenty minutes or so I do another lap around the house, just to make sure they aren't around. I don't see them. My gut says they've left, but I don't want to take that chance. Not with Comet on the line. They aren't going to lay eyes on her ever again, if I can help it. Heck, I kind of want to take their copy of my book and tear out the picture of Comet, just so they can't see her that way either. They don't deserve to call themselves parents, not after what they did.

What a fellowship. What a joy divine.

Gotta stay awake for Comet. Occasionally I can feel my eyelids start to droop. I had a long day even before all of this started, but I stay awake. I should have made myself some coffee. Too bad Equestria doesn't have such a thing as energy drinks.

Leaning on the everlasting arms.

Gotta keep my family safe. Nothing else matters right now. I'd burn every copy of my book if it meant that they never had to worry about being safe in our house, or anywhere.

Eventually I see the sunrise and, after one more lap around my house, I know that we're fine. I go back inside, still locking the door behind me, and go into my room. Cheerilee and Comet are sleeping soundly, knowing I'm protecting them. Cheerilee still has the knife on her bedside table. The window is still locked with the curtains over it. Seems like we made it. I do a quick check through the house just to make sure. Seems good.

Ug. Maybe I take a day off of work to make sure everything is okay. That and to take a nap. I'm sure Mayor Mare would understand if I take a day off because two bat ponies are trying to foalnap my daughter.

I'll think about all of that later. For now, I need to go snuggle up with my wife and daughter.

"Nightmare Night, what a fright, give me something sweet to bite!"

"Oho, aren't you just adorable?" Mrs. Cake says, putting a hoof on her chest while Comet gives her the cutest look she can. Which I’ll admit is pretty cute, especially given her costume. "And what are you this evening?"

"I'm a character from one of Dad's stories back on Earth!" Comet rotates to show Mrs. Cake her whole costume. "His name is Snoopy!"

"We're all characters from those stories," I say as Mrs. Cake puts a hoofful of candy in Comet's bag. "I'm going as Charlie Brown..." I motion to my yellow shirt. "And Cheerilee here is Lucy."

"It seemed like a fun idea," Cheerilee says, adjusting the blue dress she's wearing. "And I think the costumes turned out pretty well."

"Rarity does good work, yes," Mrs. Cake agrees. "You'll have to tell me the story about Snoopy later. Maybe that can be your next book? Earth stories?"

"Possibly, if I wanted to do another one." It's actually not that bad of an idea, provided I can remember a lot of them. I haven't seen a single reference to an Earth story outside of the notebooks I left Twilight in over thirteen years. Those might be a good thing to organize and publish next.

I did need to try to get credit for the Earth movies that had been adapted in Equestria. I doubt I'd get any money from that, not really sure I'd want any anyway, but it'd be nice if ponies knew those were Earth stories first. Especially given that the pony version of The Godfather won six "Celestias", AKA, the pony version of the Oscars.

I push those thoughts aside as we say goodbye to Mrs. Cake. I check my watch and see that it's just about ten PM. "Hey, you two, it's just about time to hit the Nightmare Moon statue for the candy offering."

"Cool!" Comet says, bouncing up and down in her excitement. "Where's that?"

"Right over there." Cheerilee points to a group of foals gathering around Zecora. "Wait a second and I'll walk over with you."

"Aw come on, Mom, I'm not a foal," Comet whines. "None of the other fillies have their parents around!"

Yeah well, none of the other parents have to worry about their fillies being foalnapped, either. We did want to explain that to Comet, but at the same time we didn't want her to be scared going around on Nightmare Night. Nightmare Night should be creepy, not terrifying. The scares should come from fake danger, not the danger of being torn away from your parents. Was that irresponsible of us? Maybe, but Comet shouldn't have to spend the whole night looking around hoping those two bat ponies aren't around.

"I promise to not do anything to embarrass you," Cheerilee says gently. "I really just want to see you having a good time at the statue with the other foals. You won't even know I'm there."

Comet huffs and rolls her eyes. "Fine. As long as you really won't say anything to embarrass me."

"My lips are sealed," Cheerilee says, leaning down to nuzzle Comet.

"Are you coming too, Dad?" Comet asks.

"In just a moment," I respond. "I just have to check on a few things first, then I'll be right behind the two of you."

My wife and daughter head out towards the group while I walked over to a duo standing by the punch stand, talking with one another. They just looked like two ponies dressed as timberwolves having a good time. Nothing odd about them. Or they wouldn't look odd, if they weren't scanning the crowd every few seconds, not even really paying attention to their conversation. I walked up to the punch stand and grabbed myself a glass, not making eye contact with the two of them.

"Anything yet?"

The one on the right shakes her head. "Nothing so far, Mr. Powell. Of course, it is Nightmare Night, so they're probably disguised."

"Perfect time of the year for them to get close to Comet," I mutter. "I don't like how they just disappeared after I kicked them off of my porch. It's why I think they're going to use some illegal method to get to her."

"Well, so far they haven't done anything illegal, which is why we haven't arrested them," the other one says. "On that note, we did some research into the two of them. Seems like they genuinely are Comet's biological parents, unless they're identity thieves, which I find unlikely."

"At the end of the day, I really don't care who or what they are. They're not getting my daughter."

"Was that fun, Comet?" Mom asks as we walk back to the main square.

"Totally!" I reply, buzzing my wings in excitement. "We all got to be scared but not really, and I got to get rid of those hard candies that I don't even like anyway!" I wrinkle my nose at the idea. "Why does Miss Colgate give out those mints anyway?"

"Well, she's a dentist, Comet. She doesn't want to give out candy loaded with sugar." Mom chuckles a bit. "It's a step up from my dentist at Nightmare Night when I was a filly. He used to give out tiny tubes of toothpaste."

"Eew!" I stick my tongue out that that. "That just defeats the whole purpose of tonight! The whole point is candy and dressing up!"

"Well, and the legend of Nightmare Moon."

I roll my eyes. "That too, I guess, but mostly candy and dressing up."

"I suppose I can't argue too much with that," Mom agrees. "Still though, don't eat too much of it, and once it's time for bed, you need to do a good job of brushing your teeth, especially your fangs. We wouldn't want to go see Miss Colgate after-- OOF!"

Mom flies back as a shadowy figure tackles her. I hear her cry out in pain when she hits the ground, but before I can do anything, a pair of hooves grabs me from behind and lifts me up. I try to shout but before I can, the pony who grabbed me quickly muzzles me. I start thrashing, but the pony is too strong.

"Comet, calm down! It's just us, your parents!" says the mare who tackled Mom. I stop thrashing for a moment and glare at her. She's not my real mom!

"It's all gonna be okay soon, Comet, I promise!" the stallion holding me says as he wraps a rope around my barrel, pinning my forelegs and wings down. "You can lay on my back the whole way home and feel safe."

I can't cuss them out because of the muzzle, but if I could, I'd start shouting swear words at them that would make the words I said earlier sound appropriate to use at school. I throw my head back and smack the stallion who says he's my dad but totally isn't right in the mouth. He grunts in pain, but doesn't let go.

"Let's get her out of here, Shadow," the mare who is definitely not my mom says. "We can explain it to her once we're all at home."

I begin thrashing and trying to scream again as my real Mom tries to crawl over to us.

"You let her--" Mom hisses in pain and grabs at her side.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Powell, but we need our daughter back," the stallion says as he begins dragging me away.

"She's my daughter you bas--" Mom shouts in pain as her side hurts again.

"We're sorry, Mrs. Powell," the mare says. "We're really sorry."

The two begin flying away with me into the Everfree Forest. I guess the stallion isn't really all that strong, since he doesn't fly up too high. I try to get my wings out of the rope, but it's too tight. I whimper as I keep thrashing. I don't want them to take me away! I wanna go home!

"Comet, if you keep thrashing then I could drop you and you could get hurt!" The stallion says. "If you just calm down--"

He stops talking when a knife thuds into a tree just inches away from his head. The two of them freeze when they hear my actual daddy's voice.

"The next one is going into your neck, I swear to God."

The three of us look over to Dad who is holding a knife in each hand. He's so mad he's shaking, but even I can tell he wouldn't miss if he threw another knife. It's really scary to look at him like that, but still way less scary than these crazy ponies taking me away from my mommy and daddy.

I hear the stallion holding me gulp as he and the mare gently land. He doesn't let go of me, though. "Mr. Powell, I just--" He stops talking when Dad winds up to throw another knife. He's not even blinking.

"You read my book, I presume. It's how you found Comet," Dad says, his voice a hundred percent still, even though he's still shaking. "If you haven't, let me update you on some of the things I've done. I got in a fight with a minotaur warlord and won. I got in a fight with a griffin assassin and killed him, too. I beat Chrysalis to death for threatening Cheerilee's students." Dad slowly lowers the knife. "So, what do you think I should do now, hmm? You attacked my wife and kidnapped my daughter. I have killed many times for far less. I'm friends with Celestia herself, who actually helped me adopt Comet. If you hadn't run off, she would have come down and personally explained to you why you two have absolutely zero rights when it comes to Comet. If I killed you both right now, the courts, the princesses, heck the entirety of Equestria would see it as my absolute right. I'm protecting my family."

Dad takes a few steps forward and he glares at them. "What was your end game anyway? Did you think I'd give up and just let you have Comet if you got her out of Ponyville? I traveled the entire world for six years clutching to the vain hope that I might be able to go home. I wouldn't give up on finding Comet if it took me fifty years, which it wouldn't because Celestia would have the entire guard scouring Equestria for you. Heck, if you fled out of the country, I have friends all over the world who would help me. Good luck starting a new life in Saddle Arabia when the sultan there would send his army after you."

The mare decides that she's okay with being stupid and tries talking again. "Mr. Powell--"

Half of my dad's face turns into green fire, and when it stops, that half of his face is all twisted and weird looking, while his teeth are razor sharp fangs. He lets out a freaky inequine shriek that even freaks me out a little bit, and it definitely shuts that stupid mare up. I guess he figures that they're not gonna talk again, so he changes his face back.

"So, here's what's going to happen now. You're gonna let Comet go. Drop her right now." He winds up to throw his knife again. "NOW."

The stallion lets me go, and I land on the ground since my legs and wings are still tied up. I quickly begin crawling over to Dad as best I can, but he comes up to me and cuts the rope and muzzle off of me. We back away from the two bat ponies while I call them a bunch of things that would get me soap in my mouth on another day. I fly up and throw my forelegs around Dad's neck, trying my hardest to nuzzle up to his back.

I'm safe here. I'm on my dad's back. I'm safe here.

My jaw wobbles a little bit as Dad keeps talking to them, but I don't start crying. Dad wouldn't cry. He's strong, so I should be too.

I'm safe on my Dad's back. They can't hurt me anymore. I'm safe here. I'm safe here.

Some more ponies come up to us and put the two bat ponies in hoofcuffs and take them away. I hope they never get out of jail! Dad starts glaring at the ponies who didn't take the other bat ponies away.

"Where the heck were you?" he growls.

"We didn't have enough ponies to scan the entire party, Mr. Powell. The Ponyville police force isn't that big!" one of the ponies says. "Doesn't help that some of us kept getting called away to deal with minor disturbances. We don't have enough ponies to do both jobs!"

"Clearly. I had to do part of it for you." Dad doesn't let the police pony say anything else. He just turns around and walks away. He doesn't say anything to me, but he's still shaking. Guess he's still really mad. We go back to where the two of them grabbed me as I see a nurse checking to make sure Mom is okay.

"How is she?" Dad asks, kneeling down next to Mom. She smiles at him and he grabs her hoof.

"Nothing life-threatening," the nurse says. "I think she might have broken a few ribs, though. We'll know more when we get some X-rays at the hospital."

I whimper at that. I don't want my mom to have to go to the hospital. I guess Mom heard me, because she smiles at me. "I'll be fine, Comet. I just have to take it easy for the next little bit, that's all."

I wanna believe that, but I'm not sure I can right now. What if those two bat ponies come back then they could attack Mom again?! I don't like that idea. I don't like it when they take Mom away in an ambulance. We get to ride in it with her while the doctor checks on her, but I don't like it. Dad got my bag of candy for me, but I'm not in the mood to eat any right now. I haven't let go of him since he saved me. I'm still holding on to him. Dad's still shaking, though. I guess he's still mad at those ponies for trying to take me away, but he doesn't look mad like he did in the forest. He has one hand on one of my forelegs and another is still holding Mom's hoof. He looks kind of scared, but that can't possibly be it. He doesn't get scared. I nuzzle into Dad's back. It helps me feel safe.

We get to the hospital and the doctors take Mom away to check her ribs. Dad lays down on a couch so that I can lay on his back and be safe after taking off my costume's ears and putting them in my candy bag.

Mom's gonna be fine. She's gonna be fine, and I am too. I'm on my dad's back. It's safe here. They can't get me anymore. Everything's gonna be okay. Daddy saved me, and Princess Luna is gonna make sure they never hurt me again. It's all gonna be fine.

I hope.

Author's Notes:

Hey, the TV Tropes page needs more love!

Help support me on Patreon If I reach 1500 bucks, I'll start doing this full-time.

Join these delightful people as my patrons!
Razer Brony
Dawson Schawang
Jim Kieger
Andrew Denton
SADE789
Balnar
Canary
Jack
Po
Comma-Kazie

BTW, if there are any patrons who donated to get the reward of having their name at the end of each chapter but you don't see your name here, please let me know. Patreon updated and now I can't actually see my list of patrons. Or at least, it's much harder to find for some dumb reason.

34-Parents

I sigh as I watch Comet and Cheerilee snuggled up against each other, fast asleep. True to the doctor's guess, the bat pony mare broke three of Cheerilee’s ribs. I could only thank God that they were clean breaks and no bone fragments were there to do any real damage. For now, Cheerilee needed rest. Comet needed rest after everything that had happened. I'd caught her crying when she thought I wasn't looking. I didn't say anything about it, of course. She'd be embarrassed, and she didn't need that right now.

I stand up from my chair and gently stroke Comet's mane. She stirs but doesn't wake up, merely tightening her grip on Cheerilee's foreleg. She’s safe now. Both of them are. Content with that, I walk out of the hospital room to get some fresh air. As I walk through the hallway, many of the doctors and nurses give me sympathetic glances, but I largely ignore them. I trust them to take care of my wife while she's recovering. Plus those stupid bat ponies are in jail. They can't hurt Comet anymore.

I exit the hospital and begin walking around town. I get more sympathetic glances from the townsponies, and one or two of them even tries to talk to me, but I'm not interested in equine interaction right now. Or at least, not the kind they'd give me. Words of sympathy and empty platitudes about how everything's going to be alright, even though I nearly lost my family.

Again.

Never again.

After a few minutes of aimlessly strolling around Ponyville, I finally look up to see where my legs have taken me. The Ponyville police station. My mouth goes thin and I make a call. I open the doors to the station and enter. The mare working the front desk looks up from whatever she's doing and grimaces.

"I want to see them."

The mare sighs and runs a hoof through her mane. She doesn't even need to ask who I'm talking about.

"They haven't been processed completely yet, and it would be better if you waited until they were actually incarcerated in the Fillydelphia prison we're sending them to. However, as their accuser it is your right to speak with them." She reaches underneath the desk and grabs a few pieces of paperwork. "If you truly want to, you'll need to fill this out and sign in."

I quickly scrawl my name on the sign-in sheet and snatch the clipboard out of her magic. She nods and leaves the desk for a moment, presumably to talk to some nearby officer about my visit. I lean against the wall and fill out the paperwork as fast as I can. Part of me thinks it's a stupid idea, seeing them this soon after they tried to take my daughter away from me. On the other hand, part of me has to see them. I need to know why they thought this was a good idea.

Or maybe I just have to yell at them some more. I have every right, don't I? I dunno. Cheerilee would probably tell me that I'm acting with my emotions, rather than my brain, but she's not here right now, is she? She's in the hospital with broken ribs. Those bat ponies saw to that.

When the mare comes back, I toss the clipboard onto the counter and she takes the forms and begins filing them away. Another police officer opens up the door leading to the back of the station and beckons me to follow her.

"What have they been saying?" I ask as we walk towards the holding cell. "Any weak pleas about how they deserve to be Comet's parents?"

The cop frowned at that. "It's not department policy for us to divulge what happened during the initial incarceration. We're only allowing you back here because you're their accuser, thus you have a right to speak with them. You'll only be allowed twenty minutes, and we'll have an officer there the entire time to make sure nothing bad happens."

"You worried that they'll escape and attack me?"

The officer doesn't respond to that. She doesn't need to, then. Her opinion is pretty clear. I guess that happens when your best option to stop your daughter's kidnappers is throwing knives at them.

We don't say anything else while we go to the holding cell. Not that I care to hear what she has to say anyway. I'm just here to talk to them.

We reach the holding cell and the officer unlocks the door so that I can go through. She follows me inside, where another officer is waiting next to the cell itself. I stop in front of it and the other officer tells me the same thing the first one did. He'll be watching, twenty minutes, blah blah blah. The first officer leaves, saying something about finding me a chair. I don't care about that. I care about the two bat ponies sitting in a cell in front of me. The stallion has his forelegs around the mare's shoulders as she's crying into his chest. I just stand there and stare at them until the stallion seems to notice that they aren't alone anymore. He looks up, his eyes widening when he sees me. He nudges the mare to let her know I'm there. She looks up and stares at me fearfully, like I'm here to kill them.

Well I'm not. Even if I could I wouldn't. I'm mad, madder than I've ever been before, but I won't hurt them. They can't hurt my daughter anymore, so there's no point. I take a deep breath and cross my arms.

"Why?"

The stallion clears his throat. "Mr. Powell, we didn't want to do it that way. We weren't thinking."

"I have yet to hear such a gross understatement in my entire life," I growl. "You wanted Comet back, so your brilliant idea was to drag her tied up and gagged through the Everfree Forest." My eyes narrow and I take a step toward the cell. "If I hadn't wanted Comet to have blood all over her, I wouldn't have even bothered with the warning shot. You'd have been dragging Comet away from her family one moment, then the next you blink and wake up in Tartarus."

"It's not like that Mr. Powell," the mare whispers.

"Then what is it like, huh?" I snap. "You came to my home and told me you were going to take my family from me! I am not going to lose my family again, do you understand me? I already lost one forever, then you tell me you're breaking up the last shot I have at a happy life?" I scoff and shake my head. "What gives you the right?"

"Nothing," the mare says quietly. "Nothing gives us the right. We knew that in the beginning. It wasn't too long before we regretted giving Comet up, but at the same time we knew we'd made our choice. We couldn't go back on it, and Comet certainly didn't deserve parents who had already done that to her, even if she was too young to remember it."

"She's always going to remember this," I respond. "Any time she thinks of you two, she's going to remember you trying to take her away."

"I know, and we were wrong, Mr. Powell," the stallion admits. "Very, very wrong. We were just... emotional. Not thinking straight."

"Why were you even thinking like that at all?"

The mare's jaw wobbles as she wipes her eyes with the back of her hoof. "W-we were wrong, we see that, but... we wanted another chance. One more chance to make things right for our foal." She sniffles and looks back up at me. "About a year ago I became pregnant again. When we found out, we were so happy. Finally we'd get to make up for the mistake we made with Comet. We figured that she had to have been adopted by a loving family by that point, so we resolved to never let our foal feel that she was unloved or unwanted.

"The pregnancy went smoothly, other than the normal bumps that come with being pregnant, and when it came time to deliver, we knew we'd get to make up for the worst mistake of our lives." A small smile crosses the mare's face as she leans her head on her husband's shoulder. "When our filly was born, she didn't cry. She just looked up at me, and I could tell she knew who I was. If she could have, I bet she would have smiled at me." The smile disappeared in an instant. "That was the first thing I registered about her. The second was her ragged breathing. The doctors took her away almost instantly. They wouldn't tell me what was wrong for another day when I was well enough to get out of bed to see her in the NICU. They said on top of her lungs not being developed enough, she had a heart condition."

The mare began sobbing and she wrapped her forelegs around one of her husband's forelegs. "We had to watch her waste away while the doctors did everything they could to save her. One in a million chance of a foal developing that condition at birth, they said. I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to think that I'd lose a second daughter right after she was born, just like the first one. I spent every waking moment by her side. She had an oxygen mask on at all times. They fed her through an IV. She was always twitching, but she'd stop when I'd touch her. I'd just put my hoof on her little head and she'd stop. I'd lean down and whisper 'my little Night Sky. My little angel.' During the scant few hours I was resting, Shadow would be there. She'd stop trembling at his voice. A-after f-four days of that, I was standing with her when it happened. Sh-she opened one of her tiny eyes, weakly reached a hoof out to touch my leg, a-and then..."

The mare begins sobbing too hard to keep going. I don't even know how she made it that far, to be honest.

"We didn't know what to do," the stallion continues. "We didn't leave out house after it happened except to get food. How could we go back to normal after that? After a few months we began slowly recovering as much as we could. Not that you ever truly recover from something like that. We heard about your book and thought it would do us good to get lost in stories of far-off adventures where no matter how bleak it looked, good triumphed in the end over adversity."

I didn't though. I fought for six years and lost. I feel that they don't really need to hear that, though.

"We got to the end and saw your family photo," he says. "We couldn't believe it. Our little Comet with the man we'd just spent a week reading about. For the first time in a long while we knew where she was. After everything that had happened, we wanted to try again. We'd lost one daughter and did a great injustice to the other one. We thought that maybe, just maybe, we could get her back and do right by her. Even if she wouldn't like it at first, we'd help her understand that we love her and want to make up for what we put her through."

"She spent eight years being rejected by family after family after she was rejected by you the first time," I say evenly. "When we adopted her, she cried and said she never thought she'd get out of that place."

The stallion flinches back at that. "We did wrong by her. We knew that mere days after we'd given her up, but by then it was too late."

I take a deep breath and lean back in the chair that had been given to me during their story. I simply stare at the two of them for a few moments, trying to get my thoughts together.

"She's happy where she is now," I say after a minute or so. "You want to do right by her? Leave her with the family that would do anything for her without hesitation. She's been my daughter for less than six months, but already I'd die for her if I knew it would keep her safe." I stand up and push the chair back. The officer indicates to me that time is almost up.

"I'll be getting a restraining order that only Comet can overturn. If at some point she wants to see you again, that will be her choice that I will let her make." I sigh and turn away from the cell. "Beyond that, I won't be pressing charges. Once you're out of here, leave Ponyville and do not come back."

"Mr. Powell, I--"

I don't even let them finish before I walk away.

Cheerilee and Comet are both still asleep by the time I get back to the hospital. I sit back down in the chair I've spent most of the day in and hold my head in my hands. I can only stare at the floor, thinking about everything that's happened over the past week. I hate it all. I just want Comet to be safe.

"Hey, Daddy." I look up and see that Comet has woken up. She's giving me a small smile. I return it and ruffle her mane a bit.

"How's it going?" I ask.

Comet shrugs. "Okay, I guess." Comet's expression changes to one of intensity and fear. "Mommy's gonna be okay, right?"

"Of course she is," I say with a comforting smile. "She's going to be just fine. We all are."

"Okay." Comet close her eyes and nuzzles Cheerilee's leg that she's holding on to. "Can we go home soon?"

I nod. "Yeah, we'll go home really soon. Tomorrow at the latest."

"And they're not going to try to take me away again?"

I shake my head. "No. They're not. Nobody is going to try to take you away again." I give Comet's hoof a loving squeeze. "You don't have to worry about that anymore. You're my daughter. No one is going to hurt you ever again."

35-Awkward

Time to go exploring.

Mom and Dad aren't home right now. They're going to see Oswald about the eggs. Dad says they're kind of close to hatching now, so they need to help Princess Celestia keep an eye on them. They didn't make me go because if I did, I'd just be waiting around while they talked to Princess Celestia, and that would be so boring! Miss Twilight or Miss Applejack are going to check on me every few hours just to make sure that I'm not in any trouble. Or getting into any trouble.

I could not get into any trouble, and that would probably be for the best, buuuut Hearth's Warming Day is coming up, and that means presents! Ever since Dad became stupid rich after his book--like, we have so many million bits--Hearth's Warming has become totally awesome! Back at the orphanage, we'd get a present or two because ponies would donate stuff, but nothing like what I get from Mom and Dad! And Miss Twilight, and Miss Pinkie Pie, and Miss Applejack, and Grandma and Grandpa and a lot of other ponies, too!

So awesome!

With only a week to go, Mom and Dad have already done a lot of their Hearth's Warming shopping, and that means the presents are in the house somewhere. I've hidden my presents to Mom and Dad underneath my bed, so there's no way that they're gonna find them. I got Dad a novelization of one of his Earth stories that got turned into a movie, something about some guy who stabs people in the back to cut their spines, which I think is awesome, even though Mom and Dad won't let me see that movie. I got Mom a bottle of nightshade perfume because of my cutie mark. I think they'll like them.

Anyway, there's still the matter of my presents.

I nudge Mom and Dad's room open and slink in real stealthily. I guess since I'm alone and all that I don't technically need to be all stealthy, but since I'm a bat pony and all of us are pretty good at that, I do it anyway because it's fun.

Let's see. Let's see. Presents. Where would Mom and Dad have hidden their presents to me? I poke my head underneath the bed, but I don't see anything like that. Just some dust bunnies and a few little odds and ends. Nothing worth noting. Blegh. I mosey over to the extension of their bedroom. They obviously wouldn't be in their bathroom. That would just be silly. The closet is my best bet if they've actually hidden them in their room, which they probably did.

I fly up to the doorknob and turn it. I frown a little bit when the door doesn't open. It's locked, or stuck, or something! If they are in there, there's no way that I can get it. Grrr. Why is my cutie mark about poison detection, and not lockpicking? Or why not both? I would totally be okay with a cutie mark that represented both.

Grumbling to myself, I land and begin trotting out of the room. As I do, Mom's nightstand catches my eye. I know it's unlikely, but maybe there’s something hidden there. I grin and trot over to it. My grin goes away when I see that there aren't really that many places to store good presents. That's too bad. Whatever, I just need to think a little better. It doesn't look like they're in here at all. Maybe the basement or the attic? Since we moved into another Manderley that is bigger than the one we had when I first got adopted, there are more hiding places for good presents. Still, it's not like I want to peek and see all of them. That would ruin the fun of Hearth's Warming Day. I just wanna see one little measly present so I know what I'm in for.

Just as I decide to give up and check other parts of the house, I notice something on the top of the table. It's a bracelet with charms on it. One that looks like a pony and another that looks like a human. I think I've seen it once or twice when I've been in here before, but I've never given it too much thought. It's not like I ever see Mom wearing it or anything. So why would she just have it out?

Hmm. Weird. Maybe there's something cool about it?

I reach out and grab the bracelet. Nothing magical happens when I do. It just looks like an ordinary bracelet. Shrugging to myself, I slip the bracelet over my foreleg. It shrinks down to fit on there, which is really neat! Then I see a bright light for a second and, when that's over, something about me feels different. Something doesn't seem right. I flutter my wings in confusion. They're still there. I scratch my foreleg... wait.... foreleg? I look down at myself and my eyes widen.

Whoa!

I open the door of my house and step aside so that Cheerilee can come in first. She nods in thanks and I follow after her once she's inside. Gotta say, those train rides to and from Canterlot can be kind of exhausting. I usually sleep on the train, but I still wake up tired. Canterlot is a much more... draining city than Ponyville. I've always lived in quiet suburbs, other than when I lived in Schunie for a year, so the big city isn't really for me.

"So, the eggs are coming along well, it seems," Cheerilee says.

"Looks like it," I agree. "Princess Celestia will let us know when they actually hatch. I just hope no one is in the room when they do. They need to see Oswald and Philomena first."

"Yes, speaking of that: given that Oswald is... Oswald, and Philomena seems to be the brains of the two, how intelligent do you think their chicks are going to be?"

I shrug. "Dunno. Could be geniuses. No real way to tell until they're older. I didn't figure out that Oswald was Oswald until he was just about fully-grown. That took a few months."

"I suppose we'll find out, then." Cheerilee puts her saddlebag, hat and coat on a coat rack, and I do the same for my jacket. We put our boots on the shoe rug and shake a bit to warm ourselves up. I guess I need to turn on the heater. Gotta tell you, those things cost a pretty penny, but it was worth it for a house of this size.

"Comet, we're home!" Cheerilee calls out as she walks through the house. "We... oh."

"Oh, um... hi, Mom," I hear Comet say from around the corner. "What... what are you doing here?"

"I live here, Comet," Cheerilee says flatly.

I frown and walk to where my wife and daughter are talking. The second I turn the corner I can see what the problem is. My eyes widen and I put a hand over my mouth. In hindsight, I guess I should have seen this coming. We were foolish to not put the bracelet away or lock our bedroom door, but after our last time using the bracelet, we weren't really thinking about whether or not Comet would find it. Seems like she did.

Comet gives me a sheepish grin and a wave. "Uh... hi, Dad."

I never thought I'd see my daughter as a human. She's about chest level to me, with shoulder-length hair. She still has her bat pony eyes and leathery wings, but the latter are poking through a dark purple shirt she's wearing. She's also wearing a pair of black jeans and our bracelet around her left arm. At least she has the decency to look embarrassed.

"So, fancy seeing you here," she says lamely.

"Yes, fancy seeing you here like this," I reply. I motion over to our dining room table. "Sit down, Comet. We need to have a talk."

"Am I in trouble?" Comet whispers.

"We'll let you figure that one out," Cheerilee says.

Comet instantly perks up. "Oh, well then I'm not in trouble."

"Just..." I point to our table again. "Sit down, Comet." Comet huffs, but she walks over to the table and sits down at her chair. She's been like this for a few hours now if she's gotten that comfortable with walking on two legs. Cheerilee and I take our seats opposite her.

"So, Comet..." Cheerilee clears her throat. "We know a filly of your age is curious about some things and likes to go exploring, especially when Hearth's Warming Day is coming around."

"I'm sorry for going into your room," Comet mutters, rubbing her arm.

"We'll get to that in a moment," I reply. "First, we want to explain why we have a bracelet that changes your species and, more importantly, why you should never ever touch it." I take a moment to steady myself. This is not a talk that I wanted to have with her for a few more years. She's only nine, for goodness sakes. Going on ten, but still. "So... when a mommy and daddy, who are married, love each other very much--"

"They lay down wherever, probably a bed, but a floor or bathtub or the ground works, too. I'm not even sure they need to be laying down, but it's probably more comfortable that way, but it still can be just against the wall," Comet interrupts. "Then the daddy sticks his ding dong into the mommy's hoo ha and then, like, I dunno, just sort of keeps in in there until daddy stuff comes out? The older fillies at the orphanage didn't really tell me that part." Comet frowns thoughtfully and tilts her head. "So, it can only be a mommy and daddy, right? Because some of the teenagers told us that they fucked all the time, which didn't totally make sense to me, since Miss Hoof said that you had to be a mommy or a daddy to do that. She didn't call it fucking like the other foals did, though." Comet's frown deepens. "But I remember that one of the teenagers there got herself pregnant, so that technically made her a mommy, right? Some of the other foals called her foal a double bastard, which I thought was kind of a dick thing to say. But would it be okay for her to do more in and out, since she was a mommy? That's another thing the foals there called it. But I heard some of the teenage fillies say that they got really mad when the teenage colts only did in and out for like a minute, so I'm not really sure what's going on there."

Cheerilee is double facehooving, and I can't really blame her. I myself am staring in utter shock at my daughter and what she just said. I clear my throat and only manage one simple word.

"W... wow."

"Firstly, Comet, civilized ponies do not call it... effing," Cheerilee begins.

"Fucking?"

"Yes, that," Cheerilee groans. "It's better to say sex, or intercourse, or making love."

"Oh." Comet shrugs. "I've never heard the other two."

"They are better to use," I confirm. "Besides that..." I clear my throat again. "When a mommy and daddy love each other very much, but they're a different species, they have to find ways around that if they want to get physical. Sometimes, or once, a spirit of chaos will give them a really awesome wedding gift which allows the mommy or the daddy to change their species to match the other one."

A look of dawning horror crosses Comet's face. She slowly looks down at the bracelet around her arm, her eyes wide. She shakily gulps before looking back up at us. "So... this... this is one of your... sex toys?"

"No, no, nothing like that!" I insist, which Comet looks relieved at. Too bad I have to crush that relief. "It's more like a sex... tool."

Comet pauses for a moment while she registers what I've just said. Before Cheerilee and I can say anything, Comet shoves the bracelet off of her arm and leaps off of the chair, transforming back into a bat pony halfway through. She lands on all fours and bolts in the direction of the stairs.

"EEEEEWWWWWW!" Comet spreads her wings and begins flying up the stairs. "Showershowershowershower!"

Cheerilee and I exchange an exasperated look before I grab the bracelet and we walk up after Comet. I stop at the bathroom door and hear water running for the shower. I knock twice on the door.

"By the way, Comet. We knew you'd try looking for your presents when we weren't around. We had Miss Twilight hide them."

Comet lets out a loud, pained groan.

35-Pre-interview

I frown and tear open the strange envelope I have just received in my mail. It doesn't look like fan mail--I've made a deal with the post office that allows me to get it, but not in ten ton sacks--and it doesn't look like junk mail either.

"What's that, TD?" Cheerilee asks, looking up from her paperwork.

"I'm about to find out."

"Who's it from, Daddy?" Comet asks, closing the fridge door behind her with an apple in her hooves.

"Not sure yet. We'll just have to..." I take a letter out of the envelope and unfold it so that I can read it. "Hmm. It looks like its from a magazine."

"Oh, did we win a free cruise to Mexicolt again?" Cheerilee deadpans.

I chuckle and sit down on the couch. "No, nothing like that. They just want to do another interview with me in honor of the third run of my book." I chuckle and toss the letter aside. "Nothing too big."

Comet flies over to me and takes the letter in her hooves so she can read it. "So, why don't you ever do any of those interviews?"

"Well firstly, if I did, I'd have to do a lot of them, and they can get pretty exhausting."

Comet frowns and tilts her head. "But you just sit there and talk. You don't do anything, really. You're not running around."

I smile at Comet and ruffle her mane. "No, not the kind of tiring that means I just need to take a nap, although that certainly helps. I guess a better word would be 'drained.' Traveling around and being the center of attention all of the time takes a lot of energy, even if I'm just sitting there and talking."

"Oh." Comet looks back down at the letter. "But these ponies say they're gonna pay you ten thousand bits if you do."

"Pocket change, Comet," I say with a smile. "When you have millions of bits, ten thousand doesn't seem like too much money."

"Well, you could always give it to someone," Comet replies, giving me Bambi eyes. She's been my daughter for just under a year, so I'm not going to fall for that.

"You already have a good sized allowance, Comet," I respond. "There isn't much you could really do with ten thousand bits, other than a college fund. Or, you could set up a college fund if we hadn't already. We don't need the bits."

"Well, while Comet's motives might be a little selfish..." Cheerilee gives Comet an amused look. "I can't actually fault the idea. We could just donate the money to some charity or organization."

I shrug. "Could do that, yeah."

"It says here that they want to interview all of us, not just you!" Comet grins and flutters her wings in excitement. "That would mean that they'd want to talk to me too!"

"Yes, it would," I agree.

Comet hugs the letter close and hits me with another dosage of Bambi eyes. "We gotta do this, Dad!"

"It would be fun to do just one," Cheerilee chimes in. She rests her head on her foreleg thoughtfully. "I have never been interviewed before."

"Well no, that's not true. You did one for the Ponyville Press a few years back. The one about education standards in Equestria."

"Oh. Yes." Cheerilee facehooves. "Yes, that's right. I did do that. Either way, though, that's still not as interesting as being interviewed in a national magazine. That could be something to write home about to my parents."

"I guess." I chuckle again and look down at the letter still in my daughter's hooves. "So Comet's obviously in favor of it..." Comet nods vigorously. "And you don't sound too opposed either, Cheers." I gently take the letter back and give it another look. "It looks like they'd need us in Manehattan."

"Ooh, we haven't been there since your book came out the first time!" Comet says, clapping her hooves together. "This is gonna be awesome!" Comet puts her forehooves on my arm and once more gives me a pleading look. "Can we go see Phantomare of the Opera when we're there. Pleeeease? And can we also go stay in a really nice hotel with room service?"

"Oh..." I look at Comet, who's giving me her best cute look. Cheerilee has fully stopped doing her paperwork, and is looking at me intensely. At the end of the day they both know I will be the one that's doing most of the work.

But hey, who am I to say no to my wife and daughter.

"Alright. Let's go to Manehattan."

"Yay!" Comet shouts, flying up into the air and doing a backflip. "We're going to Manehattan! We're going to Manehattan!"

"I'll see about getting a substitute for the trip." Cheerilee walks up to me and wraps her forelegs around my neck. "I think we'll have fun."

"I'm sure we will."

"So, what kind of questions do you think they'll ask you?" Cheerilee asks.

I shrug. "I have no idea. I guess we'll see."

Author's Notes:

So this time I wanted to do something a little different, as I'm sure you gathered.

For those of you who have been following me since the first TD story, you likely remember the "reader interview" chapters that I did. Well, I want to do that again. In the comments of this story, ask TD, Cheerilee, Comet, or any combination therein any question you would like. No hard R questions, please. So yeah, if you ever wanted to know something about them, just ask. At the end of the day, these are only slices of TD's life that we're getting. There has to be other details about it that we're not seeing (unless I wanted to make this story a billion words long) and if you want to know them, just ask it!

35-Interview

"You ready, TD?" Cheerilee asks as we wait in the wings next to the stage inside Manehattan's City Hall. I smirk at my wife and lean against the wall, making sure I don't wrinkle my suit.

"Come on, I've done this kind of thing a ton of times. I'm past the point where I get worried about a crowd watching me. Death matches do that to a guy." I tilt my head. "What about the two of you? This isn't some school paper. This is one of the biggest publications in Equestria."

Comet scoffs and waves her hoof. "Oh come on, Dad. What do I have to be nervous about? I'm not showing up to this plastered like other celebrity daughters, so I'm not going to say anything too dumb."

"Yeah, like swearing," I say, narrowing my eyes. "No cursing."

Comet groans and rolls her eyes. "Dammit, Dad, I'm not gonna fucking swear."

Cheerilee lightly cuffs Comet over the back of her head, which only makes her giggle as I groan and rub my temples.

"Comet, I swear..."

"I'm just kidding!" Comet says, nuzzling my leg. "I won't do it in front of everypony."

"I hope that little joke was worth the soap," Cheerilee grumbles.

Comet's ear flicks, but she manages a grin. "Yeah, a little bit."

"Powells? We're just about ready for you," says a young pegasus mare with a pencil behind one ear and a clipboard tucked into her wing. "We're just going to introduce the host, then you come onto the stage. Be ready to go in about two minutes."

"Sounds good." I turn to Comet and glare at her. "No swearing."

"Dad, I'm not gonna--"

"None."

"None," Comet repeats, raising a hoof in surrender. "I promise."

"Pinkie Promise?" Cheerilee says, shooting me a grin.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Comet grumbles, waving her hoof.

"Good, you'd better keep that," I reply. "If you don't Miss Pinkie Pie will set you on fire."

Comet's eyes go wide. "Wait, what?"

"Powells, you're on!"

"Come on, Comet," I say as Cheerilee and I take to the stage. Comet hesitates for a moment, then follows after us.

"Dad, I'm serious, what do you mean by that?"

I ignore Comet and take my seat across from the beaming host, all while waving at the crowd and giving them my best "Peyton Manning Smile." Comet takes the seat next to mine and begins enthusiastically waving at the crowd. She has the largest smile on her face that I've ever seen. Cheerilee sits next to Comet and rolls her eyes in amusement when Comet motions to herself in a "come on, cheer for me, baby!" sort of way.

Eh, I'll let her have her fun, so long as she doesn't milk it too much. I can see why she'd be enjoying this, though. I even see excitement in Cheerilee's expression.

"Good afternoon everypony, I'm Fast Talker," says the orange unicorn with a sharp grey suit and immaculately slicked back light red hair, "and welcome to my show Interview Live, where I interview celebrities for the pleasure of a live audience." He turns from the audience to face me, lighting his horn to float a notepad next to him. "And today we have a very special set of guests. Ones that I certainly never thought I'd get the opportunity to interview, mostly because I didn't even know one of them could exist!" He shoots his hoof out to point to me. "A brand new species to Equestria, and indeed the whole world, and author of Wanderings of a Headstrong Human, which has just spent its fourteenth month on top of the Canterlot Times' bestseller list, am I correct?"

"Fifteenth, actually," I say.

"Ah, my mistake." Fast Talker turns his attention to Cheerilee and Comet. "And today we also have your lovely wife and adopted daughter Cheerilee Powell and Comet Screech Powell. Tell me, Ms. Comet: how are you liking Manehattan so far?"

"It's so awesome!" Comet squees. "We got to go see The Phantomare of the Opera!"

"A true classic! I've seen it three times myself!" Fast Talker clears his throat and flips to the first page of his notebook. "Now then, Powells: we've gathered a series of questions from ponies all across Equestria, and I have a selection of the best ones here for you today. Are you ready?"

I give him a small shrug. "Ready when you are."

"Excellent. Okay, first question. One I've been curious about myself." He nods to me. "Mr. Powell, on top of being a totally different species, you spent some time imprisoned by the wretched Changelings and Queen Chrysalis. You thwarted their attempts to turn you into one of them, but you were still turned into a changeling on some level. My question is this: how extensive are your changeling powers? What can you do with them?"

Ah, I should have seen this one coming. So far it had been one of the more talked about moments in the book. Equestria never really felt that it got proper revenge for the whole wedding thing, even though the zebras had done a pretty good job killing all of the changelings that were blasted there. So to read about a guy who went in and, despite all odds, beat Queen Chrysalis to death was pretty nice for them. Even if some still worried that I was under her control.

Because you can lead a horse to water, but you can't always make it believe the truth that the water isn't filled with explosives. Or something.

"Well, that's a good question," I begin, raising my hand. With one burst of flame, I changed it to match Fast Talker's hoof. The crowd 'oohed', while Fast Talker nodded in approval. "Basically I have one arm, one leg, and some of my face that I can change into whatever I want, within reason. And yeah, sometimes that includes fictional beings, just so long as they're not over-the-top. I can't change into a giant troll or a murderous robot. They have to be things that wouldn't be too much bigger than me. So I can change my hand into a bear claw..." I promptly do that. "But I can't change it into the paw of the biggest bear that ever lived."

"And the biggest question that comes with changeling powers has to be if you can actually feed off of love. Can you taste it, or something like that?"

Well, if that's what you want to call what Cheerilee and I do in the bedroom...

"Nah, not really," I reply. "I love my wife and daughter, and I know they love me. I don't think that I'm energized by that love like a changeling would be."

"Does it hurt?"

"Nope. it's kind of a pins and needles feeling for a few seconds, actually. Like when your leg falls asleep."

"I see, I see," Fast Talker replies with a nod. "And have you ever considered using your phoenix tears to cure yourself?"

I smirk at him. "And why would I want to do that?"

"Just asking. I want to know everything about this. Anyway..." He looks back down to his notebook. "Our next question is this: would you consider going on another journey around the world to show your new wife and especially your daughter the places you visited on your epic journey?"

"Eh, I dunno. Someday, maybe." I smile at Cheerilee. "We kind of did. Cheerilee and I went to Saddle Arabia for our honeymoon and stayed with Sultan Mesud. Kathyrine was also there. I, ah, heh, don't think it would really be a good idea for me to go back to Griffonia. I don't really think that would be a fun experience. Same with Schunie. Maybe Zebrica, though."

"Do you still keep in touch with any of the friends you made?"

I shake my head. "Not really. It's not like I asked for their contact information, or anything. I suppose if I wanted to start a correspondence with any of them, Sultan Mesud and Kathyrine would be the easiest. I just don't know if either of us have any time for that kind of thing. Maybe someday."

"Possibly. Speaking of, though..." Fast Talker turns his attention to Cheerilee. "Your husband was once forcibly engaged to the crown princess of Griffonia. That obviously didn't end up working, and now you two are happily married."

"Yes we are," Cheerilee says, smiling at me.

"And the world is better for it. However, my question is this: have you had to fight off any other advances for his affection? Have you ever seen other mares giving him the 'googly eyes', if you will?"

The crowd giggles like a bunch of third graders, though Cheerilee rolls her eyes. "Well, on the whole I don't think that is as much of a problem as it could be, given that TD is a completely different species. Most mares just aren't physically attracted to him. However, there is the occasional mare attracted to his wealth and influence. Whenever a mare like that comes along, I just... talk to her and get her to see things my way."

Comet shudders, and I shift uncomfortably in my seat. Cheerilee makes it sound so nice and cordial.

"'Harlot' was the first swear word Mommy taught me," Comet mutters to herself, unheard by the host.

To be fair, I can see why Cheerilee would have been opposed to a slightly tipsy mare telling me I had the "nice shapely plot of an earth pony laborer" when we were at a book signing.

"On the whole, though, TD is my husband, and we love each other very much. Nopony is going to get in the way of that."

"Awwwww," says the crowd in unison as I take Cheerilee's hoof. Comet sticks out her tongue at our display of affection.

"A romance for the ages," Fast Talker says. "So nopony has ever given you any grief for marrying a completely different species?"

"Nope," Cheerilee replies. "Everypony around Ponyville already knew TD and what kind of man he is. Besides, inter-species marriage happens all the time and nopony thinks anything of it."

"Are you certain about that?" Fast Talker asks.

Cheerilee rolls her eyes. "There are, of course, always those speciesists who say that our species should remain 'pure' and that any foals born of those relationships are 'half-breeds', but I don't put any stake in that, and neither should anypony else."

"There are those weirdos who would call me a 'half-breed' myself," I point out. "My parents were from two different countries. I know it's not quite the same, even on our world, but the idea applies."

"And if somepony really wanted to get into it, I'd point out that one of my parents is a pegasus," Cheerilee says.

"What would you say is the strangest thing about being married to a human, Mrs. Powell?"

"Oh, probably his culture. There are some places where his and mine align, obviously, but there are other things that he's told me that make absolutely no sense at all." Cheerilee wrinkles her nose. "Like the football. A bunch of grown men get together in body armor and fight over a leather ball, running into each other at full speed to get it."

"Best sport in the world," I say with a smile.

"If you say so, TD. I prefer soccer."

"I see. Now, another question for TD: you don't have The Magic of Music in your world, correct?" I nod. "Right. So my question is this: how have you adjusted to that? Are you affected by it in any way? If so, is it annoying?"

Comet has already burst out into laughter, her little legs flailing in the air. Even Cheerilee has a hoof over her mouth to hide her laughter as I give the two of them a flat look. Yeah, yeah, laugh it up.

"It... was an adjustment, that's for sure," I grumble. "The Magic of Music and I have a little understanding. I understand that it's in its nature to make me sing, and it understands that it's in my nature to fight it tooth and nail the whole way." I lean back in my chair and stare at the ground thoughtfully. "Sometimes, though. Sometimes it actually really works out. When it's not trying to make me sing some new song about my feelings, some cool stuff can happen. For example: thanks to The Magic of Music, I can remember all of the songs from my homeworld that I liked and listened to frequently, and I can sing them way better than I used to. I remember one night during the Ponyville talent show. I was going to sing one of my earth songs called 30,000 Pounds of Bananas. It's a fun little song that would have really entertained the crowd. Instead, The Magic of Music took hold. I got up there on the stage, and the magic let me know that wasn't what I would be singing."

Cheerilee and Comet have both stopped laughing, and are now listening to me with rapt attention. I can tell they both remember this.

"I took the microphone and started singing this song called Lose Yourself." I chuckle a little bit. "I know, right? Me. A rich man born and raised in a middle-class neighborhood. Not really my place to sing that one. But that's what The Magic of Music said I had to do. So I did. Instead of the laughing of the crowd from my original song, everyone was totally silent through the whole thing, just listening to me perform. Once I was done, nobody applauded. I didn't wait for it, either. But afterwards, though, a lot of ponies came up to me and told me how much they loved it. I guess it was just more... impactful. Worked out in the end. And yeah, it was one of my Earth songs that I brought here, but it never took off in Ponyville the same way it did in cities like, say, Manehattan."

"And Daddy got to say 'motherfuckin’' in front of everypony and nopony got mad," Comet mutters, again heard by only me.

Well, yeah, The Magic of Music isn't a censor.

"That is all very interesting. Alright. Next question." He smirks at me. Oh boy. "Princess Celestia." The crowd titters a bit at that one. "What's your relationship like with her now? You've obviously punched her in the face a few times which, I will admit, I was a bit shocked by that when I first heard about it."

I shrug. "I don't react to extreme shock very well. There were some other factors that went into the punches, which I won't really go into because they're not important. Suffice to say, we're on much better terms now. She performed my wedding ceremony, after all. We still see each other every now and again. We're cordial. I'm not sure about 'friends', but we're better."

"Would you punch her again?"

I smile and nod. "Oh yes, definitely, if the perfect situation arose. I'd much rather punch someone like, say, Queen Chrysalis, though."

"Do you think you could beat Princess Celestia in a fight if no magic was allowed?"

The crowd titters at that one again, while I lean back with a grin. "Oh, I have no doubt."

"Indeed?" He turns his attention to Comet. "And you, Comet? Would you punch Princess Celestia like your father did?"

"Well I can't punch Princess Celestia like my dad did because I don't really have hands."

I'm so glad we adopted a snarky foal sometimes.

"Buuut other than that..." Comet grins and nods vigorously. "Oh, yeah, totally. If she let me."

"You've raised your daughter well, Mr. Powell," Fast Talker says. Not sure if he's being sarcastic or not. "Speaking of that, tell me about your home life, Comet. What is it like being raised by a one-of-a-kind being and a teacher?"

Comet huffs and crosses her forelegs. "They never let me cheat on my homework. Mom is my teacher, but I never get to call her 'Mrs. Cheerilee' like the other foals do, which I guess I'm okay with, because that would be kind of weird. 'Oh, the bell rang. I'm going to find my seat Mo-- I mean Mrs. Cheerilee. Now the late bell rang. See you at dinner Mrs. Ch-- I mean Mom.'" Comet shrugs. "Whatever, though." Comet instantly brightens. "But since my dad is a new species that's also a magical species 'cause of his changeling stuff, he does all sorts of neat things! I like it when he tells me stories about his homeworld. Plus he's still totally awesome at throwing knives! I once threw an apple up as hard as I could, and he hit it right in the air!"

I did, and that was a really fun day. The special kind of fun day that you can't tell Mommy about because she really wouldn't like it if she found out I was showing you how to throw knives. And lo and behold, she wasn't very happy about that.

"But even though my dad is rich and famous..." Comet puffs out her chest a little. "The other foals in school don't really treat me any different. Maybe it's because Mom is the teacher. They didn't treat me bad because I'm adopted, so they didn't treat me different when Dad got money. Some of them are my friends, too!"

"Would you ever want your parents to adopt another foal for you to play with?" Fast Talker looks at me. "Have you ever given that any thought?"

I smile and scratch Comet's back. "No, I don't think so. We have our little Comet here, and we love her very much."

"And if I had a brother or sister, I might have to share my stuff!" Comet says, much to the amusement of the crowd.

"What's your favorite subject to learn about in school?"

"History!" Comet says happily. "I like learning about the wars and stuff, and it's really neat learning about my dad's world, too. I like stories about political assashina-whatever killing the best. Especially when they use poison."

"Naturally. And that brings me to my next question: Cheerilee, how has your teaching changed since you married this man?"

Cheerilee shrugs. "Not as much as you'd think. When TD first came to Equestria, I'd set aside a portion of every day so that he could teach us about his world. I still do that from time to time, but there are a lot of core subjects that I have to cover. I'm only teaching them up until middle school. Learning about Earth is fascinating, but it's also important that my students learn how to read and write and such. I guess the biggest change is that I now have a husband and a daughter in my life, but TD mostly takes care of Comet when I'm at work."

"So TD is the stay-at-home father?"

Cheerilee nods. "After the book took off TD didn't need to wash windows around Ponyville anymore. I suppose I take care of Comet when she's in my class, but when I have conferences and things of that nature, TD takes care of her."

"Makes sense. What are some of the things he's been teaching your class?"

"I'll field this one, actually," I said. "I know that I've already started to infuse Equestria with some of my culture back on Earth with my movies and music, but I am now officially announcing a second book on Earth culture. Everything I can remember. I have no idea when it's coming out or how long it will take to write, but that's the next book."

The crowd mutters among itself while Fast Talker looks at me with interest. "Indeed? You're not satisfied with the amount of money you already have?"

I snort at his joke. "Well, actually, that's the second important point. I have enough money to live on for the next several lifetimes. Barring something completely unforeseen, I won't be making much money off of the next one. It will go towards the creation of a charity that deals with education. It will hopefully create some better funded and equipped schools, especially in places like orphanages. It's going to be called 'Hands in Education' or H.i.E for short."

"Well, that sounds positively delightful. I look forward to seeing how well that does."

"As do I."

"So, speaking of new things: have any new markings appeared on Reginald since you came back to Equestria?"

"Yes, actually. The two biggest ones represent my marriage to Cheerilee and when we adopted Comet."

"That's lovely," Fast Talker says which, if the 'awww' noise the crowd makes is any indication, they agree with that. "Now..." Fast Talker leans forward with an eager glint in his eyes. "Here come the most important questions: your world, TD. We have quite a few questions about that. We've gotten some details, obviously, but we'd like to know more. Starting with now that you've settled here and made a life, would you ever go back?"

Ah. yes. I get this question sometimes. I can see why. It's an important question. One I've thought about many times. I mean, yeah, I know I can't. I've resigned myself to that fact. But what if?

"Well..." I pause to think of my answer a bit more. "I don't totally know. I guess it would depend on the circumstances around it. If I got the opportunity to go live there again, I don't think I would." I turn my head to Comet and Cheerilee and smile. "I've made my life here. I have a wonderful wife and daughter now. Yeah, I'll always be a human, and I'll always miss Earth and my family there on some level of course, but I've settled down. I don't think it would be a very good idea for me to bring magical talking ponies onto my world. I think the culture shock would be a bit much, and I think the entire planet would freak out."

For several reasons. One of the big ones is that Cheerilee is a character from a well known TV show. Comet's species is also known. I'm not sure if MLP is still going on Earth, but I'm positive that there would be people who knew darn well who Cheerilee is. Plus there are a lot of scientific implications. Oh, so there are alternate universes where our fictional stories are real. Whoa. We'd never get a moment to ourselves.

"However," I continue. "If I knew I had a way to get back home to see my family I would take it instantly. I'd especially like to take my wife and daughter, too. Just for a visit. I know my family would just be happy to see me again. Just so they know I'm alright. I can't say that they would instantly adjust to my family here in Equestria, but overall, once they heard everything I'd done, I think they'd be proud of me. "

Maybe if I ever get to bring my family, I can have them wearing the species-changing bracelets from Discord the whole time. Hmm. An interesting idea.

"And what if Earth found Equestria on its own? What if another portal opened up and humans came through?"

"Hmm. That one is trickier. I suppose I'd be roped in as some kind of ambassador for my species, being the only one who understands pretty much all of the cultures on this planet, on top of a lot of the ones from Earth. If the two worlds wanted to open up some sort of communication back and forth, I guess that wouldn't be a problem, just as long as everything stayed peaceful. That's the big thing for me. It's not like I could really stop either one if they got the idea in their heads. My recommendation for both sides would be to keep in mind that neither one wants conflict, and any contact could be really beneficial to both cultures, so long as neither one went overboard."

"A fair point. But what if just one human came through? Similar to what happened to you."

I tilt my head thoughtfully. "I mean, I guess that wouldn't be too bad. For me, that is. I'd kind of like to have another human to talk to. Maybe get caught up on some current events back on Earth. That would be really neat. I can't say how they would take it, of course. But yeah, again, as long as it was peaceful, that would be pretty cool."

"And Comet and Cheerilee. Would you ever want to visit Earth?"

Comet scoffs. "Duh. Of course I would! Maybe not live there, because I like Ponyville, but maybe if I got to meet Grandma and Grandpa and Aunt Kristen that would be really awesome!"

"And it would be really nice to get some first-hoof experience on a lot of the things that TD has talked to me about. Maybe we could go to one of those football games he likes so much."

"And Earth movies! I wanna see an Earth action movie!"

"So I guess what we're saying is yes. We would love to. Not to live, but at least to visit."

"I think that would be really nice." Fast Talker straightens up and readies his notebook. This next one is going to be good. "Now, final question. This one's for TD: what does--"

"My name stand for?" I say with an amused grin. "I get that one a lot."

Fast Talker chuckles a bit. "Yeah, I can see why. But the question remains: what does it stand for?"

"Thomas Donald."

The atmosphere is sucked out of the room as the jaws of everypony totally drop. It's been the source of contention for years about just what my name stands for. To hear me just casually say it... even Cheerilee and Comet are looking at me in shock. It's a huge revelation.

Or it would be if...

"I'm just kidding. That's not what it stands for. It doesn't stand for anything."

The crowd lets out a half-amused laugh at my little joke, and Cheerilee rolls her eyes. Comet is laughing out loud again. Yes, Comet, I do think it was a good one.

"Well, Mr. Powell, I can say that you truly are the snarker I've heard about. Well done." Fast Talker turns to the crowd and waves at them. "That's all we have for you today. Join me next week when I interview A.K. Yearling about her upcoming Daring Do book. Goodnight everypony!"

"So, did you have fun?"

"Oh yeah, I had a ton of fun!" Comet says happily. "I got to be on stage and answer questions about stuff! Not hard questions like Mom's tests. Just questions about me!"

"It was exhilarating, I must admit," Cheerilee says. "But at the same time I'm looking forward to going back to the hotel room and taking a nice long nap."

"Ugh. Same here," I admit. "We'll conk out for a little bit, then find somewhere neat for dinner, alright?"

"Sounds good."

"Mr. Powell?"

We all turn to face the pony who has just approached me. I frown when I recognize her. She's one of Celestia's messengers. This can't possibly be good.

"I have a letter for you. It's urgent."

Dang.

I sigh and take the letter from the mare. She tilts her head in a bow to me before walking off. I break the seal and unfurl the scroll to find out just what Celestia wants from me this time.

"Well, what's it say?" Cheerilee asked. "Am I actually going to get that nap?"

"Not here, no. You should be able to get one on the train." I roll the scroll back up and put it in my pocket. "We need to get our stuff and head on over to Canterlot. The eggs just hatched."

Author's Notes:

Whaddya think? You wanna see a chapter where TD and his family visit Earth for a week, or something? Maybe as a separate story? The Earthly Experiences of a Non-Brony.

Hey, the TV Tropes page needs more love!

Help support me on Patreon If I reach 1500 bucks, I'll start doing this full-time.

Join these delightful people as my patrons!
Razer Brony
Dawson Schawang
Jim Kieger
Andrew Denton
SADE789
Balnar
Canary
Jack
Po
Comma-Kazie
Not Tom

BTW, if there are any patrons who donated to get the reward of having their name at the end of each chapter but you don't see your name here, please let me know. Patreon updated and now I can't actually see my list of patrons. Or at least, it's much harder to find for some dumb reason.

35-Baby Phoenixes

We decided to take the next available train to Canterlot, much to Comet's disappointment. I know she wanted to see more of Manehattan, but we promise her that we'll come back for a vacation in the next few weeks, depending on what happens with the eggs. On the plus side, we'd probably have Oswald back in the near future, although we had no idea on what we were going to do with the baby phoenixes. I wasn't totally clear on how they normally acted, but Oswald and Philomena were unusual in how they spent so much time around their "parents." Maybe that was because of their unusual upbringing and non-phoenix parents.

Regardless, we were on a train to Canterlot about an hour after we got the message from Celestia. The interview had worn us out more than we thought, so we spent most of the train ride sleeping.

We arrive in Canterlot a few hours later and go straight for the castle. We're greeted by a few servants who take our luggage so they can move it to one of the guest rooms. From there, a few of the guards lead us to the room where Oswald and Philomena have made their nest. Celestia and Luna are already there.

"Ah, you're here," Celestia says. "Good."

"Yep. So..." I walk past Celestia and my eyes land on the nest. As expected Oswald and Philomena are there. In front of them on the nest are three baby phoenix chicks, happily chirping away.

"Awww! They're so cute!" Comet squees. She walks up to the nest and tries to touch one of the chicks, but Philomena hisses angrily at her, igniting her wings and flaring them out. Comet rolls her eyes. "Yeah, that's not going to work. Oswald does that all the time."

"Regardless, little Comet, it is best that you do not try to interact with their chicks," Celestia says. "Phoenixes are very protective of their young."

"Fine," Comet grumbles.

"So, what now?"

"Well, as you know, phoenixes mature rather quickly. They will be fully-grown in a matter of months. From there we merely attempt to find them mates, if they do not connect to anypony here. They saw their parents first, so we do not have to worry about that. I admit that Oswald and Philomena are unusual in that they have stayed with the two of us since birth. I suppose that is because they are attached to non-phoenixes. Some instinct, perhaps? I have not studied it in detail."

"So they could attach themselves to someone in the castle before we manage to find them mates?"

"It is possible, yes," Celestia responds. "For the moment, though, they will be taken care of by their parents. I have left the window open in my room so that Oswald and Philomena will be allowed to hunt at their leisure."

"Well, you're Philomena's mother, right?" Comet says, inching closer to the nest again. "Maybe if she can't do it then you can regurgitate worms and stuff for their chicks, right?"

Cheerilee rolls her eyes and pulls Comet away from the nest by her tail. Philomena is visibly glaring at her, as much as phoenixes can glare, that is. Surprisingly well, actually.

"So we've seen the baby phoenixes... so do you need our help with anything?" I ask. "They seem like they'd be largely self-sufficient for the moment."

And just as I say that, one of the chicks decided that he rather likes the idea of going to explore the world out on his own. Before anyone can stop him (or her, I'm not totally sure) he takes a few shaky steps forward right out of the nest. Now, being a bird one would think that he would have the foresight to spread his tiny wings and begin flying. But nope, he looks perfectly content falling like a stone toward the ground. Just before he hits, he's engulfed in a golden aura and lifted back into the nest.

"Good catch," I say to Celestia as Philomena wraps the chick up with a wing.

"Well, I can say that she is her father's daughter if she's going to be doing things like that," Celestia says, a wry smile on her face.

"We have been wondering about that. Hard not to," I say. "Though that does remind me: what's going to happen when the chicks are out of the nest? Do we get Oswald back at that point?"

"I think so," Celestia replies. "Given how connected he is to you, I cannot see him simply moving on once his young have left."

"Great, does that mean that I have to share my room now?" Comet groans, sticking her tongue out.

"No, nothing like that." I chuckle and ruffle Comet's mane. "Oswald will probably go back to sleeping on my backpack. On the other hand, we do have an extra guest room that we could use. We could make it into Oswald's room."

"As long as he's not living with me then whatever." Comet glares at Oswald, who has no problem glaring right back. "He tattles."

"And why would that be?" Cheerilee asks, her tone a touch reprimanding.

"Because he's not a phoenix. He's a rat."

"Uh-huh. At any rate, it will be nice to have him back in the family," Cheerilee says. "It's been odd to not have him around much."

"As long as I don't have to share a room with him, that's fine with me," Comet mutters.

"Don't worry, he won't," I assure Comet.

Oswald's coming back soon. I grin at the thought. After spending six years with only him for company, it's odd to not have him around anymore. Hopefully we can find mates for the phoenix chicks sooner rather than later. Our little family seems incomplete without him. It's nice that he's a father now, but we're going to take some steps to make sure that he doesn't knock Philomena up again. I'm not sure I'd like it if he was gone for another year.

"Whatever else happens, we'll have a complete family again," I continue, putting my hand on Cheerilee's head. "The human, the earth pony, the bat pony, and the phoenix."

Isn't life just weird?

Author's Notes:

I do realize that I should have put this chapter on the end of the last one. I thought I had enough material to make a full chapter out of this bit, but I didn't. Dang. To make up for that, I'm going to do my best to focus in this story for a little bit. The next story arc is...

Well...

It's something. I've been planning it for years. Like, two or three years. If I was only allowed to write one arc for Life of a Non-Brony and have that be the whole story, I'd pick this one. I'm not going to make you wait four months for the next update. So yes, go read the chapter that I published with this one.

37-Back to the Empire

I have to say, I never thought that I'd actually go back to the Crystal Empire. The last time I was here I was forced to come to terms with the fact that I would be in Equestria forever. No going home ever again. I guess it just goes to show how far I've come along in...

Holy cow, was that seriously ten years ago?

I shake the thought out of my head and lean back on the seat in the private train car I've gotten for the four of us. Twilight, Rarity and Fluttershy are also in the car with us, talking with my wife and child about something or other. Jeez, a wife and child. It still sometimes hits me, even with how long it’s been. Cheerilee and I celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary just a few months back, and we adopted Comet almost four years ago.

Ugh. Comet. She's going to turn thirteen here pretty soon. She's still a filly in my eyes, even if her voice is changing and she's growing at a rate much faster than I'd like. I still remember the days when she was a little filly who could rest comfortably on my back. Of course she still tries that from time to time. Not that I mind, really.

Eh, she'll always be my little filly, no matter how old she gets. Though I'm going to have to start grabbing Reginald to make sure that no colts make any advances on her that they shouldn't. Ponies mature a bit faster than humans do, so it's not out of the question that Comet is going to start getting looks from the opposite sex. And giving them, too.

Not if I have to say anything about it, though.

Man, have I seriously become that over-protective father that I always rolled my eyes at? Good grief, I have changed.

We pull into the train station about five hours later. When I see the tall crystal buildings that make up the Crystal Empire, I still get a twinge of sadness in my gut. This place had the final moment of six years of fighting. I might still avoid certain areas of the empire, though. Yes, Cadance and Shining Armor are putting us up in the palace, but I'm definitely going to avoid the room where the portal failed. If I didn't see the Crystal Heart either, I wouldn't be terribly upset. Shame that particular outcome wasn't likely, given that powering it back up was the whole point of the fair. I could deal with it, I guess. It would be bad for Comet and Cheerilee if the biggest moment of the whole event didn't have me there because I excused myself just before it all started. I could deal with it.

The four of us left the train, allowing some porters to take our luggage to send it over to the palace. That left one less thing on my plate. I didn't let them take Reginald, though. I don't know why I brought it, to be honest, other than the fact that it helped relax me a little bit. Same thing with Oswald: spend six years with the thing and it feels weird to not travel around with it. Besides, it's me. Bad things attack me all the time. I'd rather be able to defend my family if it came down to that.

At any rate, thankfully we're only coming to the Crystal Fair as guests, so I don't have to help with any set-up this time around. After a twelve hour train ride, I didn't really feel like setting up booths and jousting areas. It'd just be me and my family relaxing. Heh, maybe I could go back to the dining room of the palace and tell some stories. Maybe of Earth. It might be difficult to remember Earth stories, though. I'm getting close to forty after all.

We're led to the palace by a few guards. Odd, really, seeing as how usually it's some servant that takes us over. When we arrive, I see that Celestia, Luna and Cadance are already there. I smile and give them a small wave, while Cheerilee bows to them. Comet, being my daughter, only gives them a single nod of her head. That's my girl.

"Hello, everypony," Celestia says, smiling at our group. "I trust the train ride over was comfortable enough?"

"Not too bad," I confirm. "We mostly just spent it playing games and napping on occasion." I raise my eyebrow and look around at all of the guards around us. "So, uh, looks like there's been some added security since I was here last. Anything going on?"

Celestia lets out a small laugh and shakes her head. "No, TD, nothing is happening. We have merely added some security volunteers to help out with making sure that the fair goes smoothly. Nothing more."

I shoot Cheerilee a glance. I don't buy it for a second. I saw guards around every door when we entered the palace, and I spotted a few patrols around town. Security was nowhere this tight when I was here last. Still, it's not like Celestia would just tell me what was going on if I pushed her on it. If I asked her then she'd either give some vague answer, or just insist that nothing was wrong and that I read into things too much. If there is something up, she'll handle it, I guess.

Either that or she'll get Twilight to fix the problem for her like she usually does, but as far as I'm aware, they left the Elements back in Ponyville. Maybe I am just reading into things too much. Whatever.

The four of us reach our room, and I see that I have a rather nice look out into the main courtyard of the palace. From this high up, the crystal ponies look like ants, scurrying around trying to get everything set up for the fair. I smile at the sight and head on over to the extremely comfortable bed, which I happily collapse on. Comet flies up to me and perches right on my back.

"So, when's the fair starting?" she asks. "I want to try crystal corn."

"Well, not for another five hours," Cheerilee says, laying down on the bed next to us. "What do you want to do until then?"

"I wanna go exploring!" Comet chirps. "This place is really cool!"

"It sure is," I mumble, closing my eyes and nestling deep into the pillows. So comfy.

"Kinda weird that there are so many guard ponies around," Comet observes. "Maybe they saw a single fly and have spent days trying to catch it, completely stopping set up for the fair."

I snort at the idea. "I'll bet that's what it is."

"Totally." Comet lays down and nuzzles the spot between my shoulder blades. "You gonna go to sleep, Daddy?"

"I think a short nap is in order after that train ride. The beds in the private car are nice, but nothing like this."

"Fair enough," Cheerilee says, nuzzling me before sliding out of bed. "Come on, Comet. Let's do some exploring."

"Cool!" Comet says, hopping off of my back. "You coming, Oswald?" Oswald chirps something in Phoenix that I can't understand. "Eh, well, suit yourself. I wanna see the throne room!"

"We'll see if we can," Cheerilee replies. "If not, we can maybe look at some of the set-up for the fair. As long as we don't get in the way."

"Oh we won't, we won't." I can almost hear the grin in my daughter's voice. "We won't knock over anything, either, since Oswald isn't coming with us."

Oswald hisses at Comet, who merely giggles at that. I allow myself a smirk before moving underneath the covers of the bed. "At any rate, I'll see the two of you later. I shouldn't be asleep for that long. Just an hour or so."

"Sounds good. I'll see you later, TD. I love you."

"Love you too, Cheers." I yawn and feel myself sink into the pillow. "See you soon."

"Alright, enough chit-chat, lovebirds! We've got a palace to see!"

"Alright, Comet. We're going."

I hear the door to our room open, then close as my wife and daughter walk out of the room. I yawn and move deeper underneath the covers before letting sleep take me.

My eyes open up a little while later. I glance at the clock near my bed and see that I've been asleep for about an hour and a half. I sit up in bed and stretch my arms, feeling refreshed. Oswald still has his head underneath his wing, and I think I can even hear some light snoring from him. Ah, I'll let him sleep. He'll know where to find me when he wakes up. I quickly glance outside the window to see that the fair is still being set up, but a lot of the booths look finished. They should be ready to go in a few hours. I admit, despite everything that happened the last time, I'm looking forward to the fair. It was fun, even if everything that came after it was soul-crushingly brutal.

I rub some sleep out of my eyes and leave my room, quietly closing the door behind me so that I don't wake Oswald up. He can be kind of cranky if you wake him up in the middle of a nap. Best let him rest. With that settled, it's time to find my family. They couldn't have gone too far. I wasn't asleep that long. They're probably still exploring the palace. Or maybe they got caught up in the library, or something. I walk through the halls, stopping when I see a guard on patrol.

"Excuse me, have you seen my wife and daughter lately?"

The guard stops and thinks about it for a second. "Uh... yeah, I think I saw them not too long ago. They were headed to the throne room."

"Alright. How long ago was that?"

"'Bout ten minutes, I think."

"Cool. Thank you."

The guard nods back to me, and I make my way to the throne room. They've probably not been there that long. Maybe they got in a conversation with Cadance or Shining Armor. Either that or Cheerilee's trying to stop Comet from sitting on the throne. I chuckle to myself at the thought. Princess Comet. That would be something else. Profanity might be the second language of Equestria if that happened.

To be fair though, she has gotten a lot better about that. She usually only swears when she's angry, hurt, or when she meets someone she thinks is a real jerk. Far fewer casual swears.

I reach the throne room and I frown when I see that there aren't any guards around. Usually there are some posted at all times, even when Cadance and Shining Armor aren't there. Or at least, I would assume so. That's how it works for Celestia. It's especially weird with the tightened security around here. I shrug and open the door to the throne room. Maybe all of the guards are with Cadance setting up the fair. I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for all of it.

However, when I go into the throne room, there's nobody there. No Comet and no Cheerilee. Either I beat them here, unlikely, or I just missed them. There's not too much to explore in an empty throne room. They probably went out to check out the set-up for the fair. Best place to check next.

However, as I turn around to leave, I hear a loud rumbling behind me. I spin around and my jaw drops when I see the floor near the throne opening up. My gut says that I probably shouldn't blindly walk over to see what happened, especially not without my knives or Reginald, but... eh, nobody called me smart. I gingerly walk up to the large hole that has appeared in the floor and see stairs leading down to darkness. A secret passage? Cadance never mentioned this! Maybe Cheerilee and Comet triggered it when they were in here somehow.

"Cheerilee? Comet?" I call down into the hole. I don't get a response. Maybe it's a large secret passage and they're far beneath the palace? It's worth a look, at least. I run a hand through my hair nervously. Not sure why. Sure, I've heard the stories of Sombra, but they killed him, right? Even if something untoward lived down here during his reign, they would have gotten rid of it, right?

Curse my curiosity. It's going to lead to bad things. Maybe not today, though. If my wife and daughter are down here, it would be best to find them. I slowly begin walking down the steps. I wish I had a lighter or a flashlight or something. However, once I get down a dozen steps or so, I see a light shining in the darkness.

"Cheerilee? Comet?"

No response. Hmm. I start to wonder if they are down here, and if they are, did they get into some kind of trouble? I should have run into them by now if I was only ten minutes behind them. Still, if they are in trouble, I don't want to just assume that they aren't down here. They could need help.

I reach the bottom of the stairs and don't see some long hallway. Instead, I only see a single door with a gem just above it. Either Cheerilee and Comet aren't down here, or they went through the door.

Yeah, yeah, brilliant deduction, Holmes.

I slowly reach out and grab the handle of the door. Maybe I'm just being paranoid. Maybe this door just leads to some interesting secret room and my family is just exploring that. Maybe it--

The mare and I giggle as we stumble drunkenly into my house. I run my hand down her back, stopping at her wings and sliding my fingers down one of her pinion feathers. She shudders in delight and flies up to me for a kiss. I gotta admit, it's gotten easier kissing a pony. Not too bad anymore.

"So, where's this magical bracelet of yours?" she croons.

"Bedroom," I reply with a grin. "Discord gave it to me."

"I can't wait to see it. I wonder what you'd look like as a pony."

"Not as much as I wonder what you'd look like as a human," I respond, picking her up. "What's say you and I find out?"

She plants another kiss on my lips. "Sounds like a plan to me. Although are you sure nopony else is home?"

I scoff and make my way to the bedroom. "Completely. Cheerilee's at some conference, and Comet's playing with her friends. It's just you and me for the rest of the afternoon."

I open up the door to my room and toss the mare onto my bed. She flicks her tail to the side and spreads her hind legs for me. I lick my lips and move over to the bed, where I pick up the bracelet and twirl it around my finger.

"You ready?"

"Come and get me."

I move onto the bed and slide the bracelet around her foreleg. When the flash of light is gone, I see an exceptionally attractive human woman lying on my bed. She sits up and we begin hungrily making out, pausing only to tear my shirt off. She rubs my chest and nips at my ear while I rub my hands around her body. She's just about to go for my pants when a single voice stops us.

"Daddy? Are you home?"

I curse and get off of the bed. The mare frowns at me and tilts her head. "I thought she wasn't supposed to be home yet?"

"She's not," I say through gritted teeth. "Just... hold on a second. I'll get rid of her."

"Get us some drinks while you're down there."

I nod, then open up the door and follow Comet's voice. She's just about to hit the top of the stairs when I reach her. She smiles at me and is about to fly up to hug me, but stops. She frowns and tilts her head, sniffing the air around us.

"Uh... is something going on, Dad?" she asks. "Is... is somepony else here?"

I smile comfortingly at Comet. "No, no, nothing like that. What are, um, what are you doing home so early?"

"Apple Seed wasn't feeling well. I think it might be something she ate. Food, though. Not poison. I would be able to tell if it was poison."

"Right, yeah, that's too bad. So, um... I'm kind of busy right now, so if you could actually see if another friend can play with you today, that would be great."

Comet's frown deepens. "Why? Are you writing another book? That doesn't make sense. Why are you writing it from the bedroom?"

"It's just comfortable in there, that's all. Now off you go."

Comet sniffs the air again. "Who do I smell? There's somepony else here. It doesn't smell like Mommy."

My eyes narrow, and I glare at Comet. "It doesn't matter, just get out of here."

"But who is it?" Comet tries to move past me, but I block her. "What's she doing here?"

"Nothing! There's nobody else here! Just listen to me and go play with your friends!" I feel my anger rising. What a stupid kid. I always hated how nosy she is.

"But other mares shouldn't be in the bedroom!" Comet insists. "If Mommy--"

And then... I hit her.

Comet squeals in pain and falls back down the stairs, stopping on the middle landing. She doesn't move for a second, but slowly gets up and curls into a ball in the corner. I see tears brimming in her eyes, and I don't doubt that she'll have a black eye.

"I'm sorry, Daddy," she whispers, curling her tail over her body protectively.

"Fine. Then get out of here and just leave me be. Go play with your friends. Just get out of here and stop bothering me." I scoff and shake my head. "But you can't help yourself, can you? You just--"

It's at that moment that I feel something pulling me back.

"TD? Are you okay?"

It takes my brain a moment to realize that I'm not in that Hell anymore. I'm not the cheating husband and abusive father. It was just a terrible vision. After another moment I realize that I'm shaking, and tears are pouring down my face. I feel a pair of familiar hooves wrap around me, and I let out a single sob.

"TD, it's okay," Cheerilee says. "Whatever you saw, it wasn't real."

I sniffle and sob again before leaning into Cheerilee's chest. "I'm sorry," I whisper. "I would never do that to you."

"I know, TD, I know. Whatever you saw was fake. You're a good man, TD. I've never doubted that." I look up at Cheerilee, who smiles comfortingly at me and squeezes me closer. "It's okay, TD. Nothing is going to happen. Just relax. It's all going to be okay."

My eyes widen when I see Cheerilee turn her head in the direction of the door. "Cheerilee, don't!"

I hum to myself as I finish the final preparations for lunch. Grilled cheese and tomato soup. Comet's favorite. She should be back from playing with her friends soon. I smile when I hear the front door open, and I set the stove to a simmer before heading to the main room. TD is practically skipping. I don't think I've ever seen him so excited.

"Well, what's got you in a good mood today?" I ask.

"Something awesome has happened!" he cries, wrapping me in a tight hug.

"I figured that. Don't leave me in suspense. What happened?"

"Celestia finally figured out the portal! She can send me back home!"

My smile slowly fades, and I break away from the hug. "O-oh. Uh, home? Like back on Earth?"

"Yeah, isn't it amazing?"

I weakly chuckle. Maybe he's pulling a prank. "W-well, what about Comet and I? We have a life here. I don't know how well Comet would adjust to Earth."

"I know that," TD says, waving his hand at me. "Don't worry. It's just me going back. It's gonna be fine for you two. You'll have my money to take care of you."

Yes, he has to be pulling a prank. This is ridiculous. "But we don't care about the money. You're my husband. We've been married for years, and--"

“Yeah, yeah, I get that. It's been great, Cheers, it really has been. But it's past time for me to go back to where I belong. To my real home. You know? I'll always love you and remember you fondly, but--"

"Don't Cheerilee. Don't look."

Cheerilee sniffles and leans her head on my chest, hugging me tighter. She nuzzles me and takes a deep, shaky breath. "Don't leave me," she whispers.

"I would never, okay?" I run my hand through her hair and squeeze her a little. "Even if a portal back to Earth appeared, I wouldn't go. I belong here with you and Comet. This is my home."

"Right. I know that, it's just..." Cheerilee shudders. "That was so real."

I weakly chuckle and nod. "Yeah, yeah it was."

"What did you see?"

My weak smile fades, and I take a moment to adjust my sitting position so I can hold my wife closer. "I, uh... I was cheating on you. I hit Comet."

"Hit Comet?" Cheerilee looks up at me with a frown. "TD, you'd rather lose your hand than do that."

"More than that. I'd rather die than do that to her. I know what I saw in the door was ridiculous, but..." I have to take a deep breath before continuing. "I don't know if I worry about doing that so much as just generally being a terrible husband and father, you know? I know I mess up with that sometimes."

"I mess up with being a wife and mother sometimes, TD," Cheerilee replies, nuzzling my chest again. "We're all imperfect. You don't have to be afraid of being a terrible husband and father. You are a wonderful man, TD."

My response is cut off when I hear hoofsteps coming down the stairs. I look up to see Celestia and Luna coming toward us. Luna has Comet perched on her back. I smile comfortingly at Comet and stand up.

"Hey, Comet."

"Is everything okay, Daddy?" Comet asks uncertainly.

"Yeah, yeah, everything is fine. Just a nasty old door. Nothing to worry about. It's..."

My eyes widen when I see that Celestia is looking through the door. Just like Cheerilee, her eyes are glowing green. She's seeing something. After a few seconds, though, she blinks and manages to look away from the door.

"I see. This is lingering magic from when Sombra ruled the empire. This must be the trap Twilight informed me of during her report when they finally recovered the Crystal Heart.” Celestia walks over to Luna and gently nuzzles her before continuing. "It would be best if I find some way to disable this. I would not be beneficial to have somepony else run across it."

"What's so bad about this door anyway?" Comet asks, flying off of Luna's back and landing in front of it. "Does it--"

"Comet! Don't!"

"Hey, Daddy! Mom! Is dinner almost ready?"

Mom and Dad smile at me as I fly into the dining room. "Yeah, should be about ten minutes," Dad says. "Before we get to that, though..." He points to my spot at the dinner table. "Sit down. We need to talk."

I shrug. "Okay." I sit at my spot, while Mom and Dad do the same thing. "So what's up?"

"Well..." Dad grimaced a little bit and grabs Mom's hoof. "See..." He chuckles and shakes his head. "I thought this would be a bit easier, but..."

"Oh you've practiced this a hundred times, TD," Mom says, nudging Dad with her shoulder. "Let me do it." She turns to me with a comforting smile. "Comet, TD and I have been talking and we've decided... well, I don't want to say we've changed our minds about having you around, but... I don't think we thought adopting you all the way through."

"W-what?" My stomach tightens up and I look at Mom, then Dad. "W-what do you mean?"

"It's not you, per se, Comet, it's just that... uh..." Dad runs a hand through his hair. "We just..."

"Are you giving me up?" I whisper.

"Well, I guess if that's how you want to put it then... yeah," Dad says.

"I can't think of another way to say it either," Mom agrees.

"B-b-but..." My jaw wobbles, and tears begin pouring from my eyes. "Was it something I did? I can do better, I promise! Just tell me what to do!"

"Well, it doesn't really matter, does it? I mean, yeah, you've done some stuff we don't like, but I'm sure your next parents won't care about that. They'll love you," Dad insists. "Hey, I can even talk to your real parents and see if they'll take you. I'm sure they would."

"But YOU'RE my real parents!" I cry. "I don't wanna go!"

"I'm sorry, Comet, but this is the way it has to be. You won't be unhappy, I promise. We'll put in a good word for you at the orphanage if your real parents don't want you either."

"But I don't wanna go! I'm sorry! Whatever it is I'm sorry! I can do better! I--"

I finally manage to slam the door shut with Celestia and Luna's help. Fucking door would just not close. I can't imagine what Comet saw. I turn to my daughter and see that she's lying on the ground, completely unblinking. Cheerilee rushes over to her and scoops her up.

"It's okay," she whispers. "It wasn't real. It was all lies. Whatever you saw wasn't real."

Comet begins shivering, but after a little more coaxing from Cheerilee, she gently leans her head against Cheerilee's chest.

"Momma," she whimpers.

"I'm here, Comet, I'm here. Nothing's going to hurt you. You'll be okay. Don't worry."

"Don't wanna go," Comet whispers.

"You won't. You won't ever need to go." I kneel down beside Comet and begin stroking her mane. "We will never give you away. You are our daughter forever. Nothing will ever change that."

I take a deep breath and look up at Celestia with a glare. "Some security you have here. This wasn't an accident. Somebody opened up this passage."

"I agree. We will do everything we can to catch whoever is responsible."

"Bang up job so far," I growled. I took Comet out of Cheerilee's forelegs and held her close, allowing Cheerilee to stand up. "We're going back to our room. I don't think we're going to the fair today. We'll probably head back to Ponyville." I grunt in disgust. "I'm never coming back to this stupid place again if I can help it."

"Whatever you need to do, TD. Take care of your wife and daughter."

"Right. We'll be in our room. Don't disturb us unless the fucking palace is on fire or whatever. Also, destroy that fucking door."

I walk out of the throne room without another word. I feel Comet's tears dripping on my shoulder as I carry her to our room. Once inside, I put Comet on the bed before lying down on my stomach.

"You can lie on my back if you want to, Comet. I want you to feel safe, okay?"

Comet sniffles and nods before crawling on my back and curling up in a ball. Cheerilee lays down beside us, and I grab her hoof.

"It's gonna be alright. It wasn't real. We'll be fine."

37-Pain

We make it back to Ponyville later that night.

Comet still has her forelegs around my neck, holding on to me for dear life as we exit the train station. From her light breathing I can tell that she's asleep. Neither Cheerilee nor I are saying anything. Not sure what the heck you say to being forced to see your deepest fears. I rue that it's too late for taxis to be around. I don't really want to walk through Ponyville with all of our luggage. Cheerilee has some of it on our back, but between Comet and the other suitcases, it's kind of an awkward walk. That's the least important thing right now, though.

After a twenty minute walk, we make it back to Manderley. Oswald yawns and flies up to his room. He slept on the train ride over, too. The rest of us did not sleep after we woke up. We just silently left the Empire, right as the Crystal Fair was going on. I do kind of regret that Comet and Cheerilee didn't actually get to go. Maybe other years. Not for a long time, though. The Crystal Empire is not a happy place for me.

I set our suitcases down by the front door. I'll get to them tomorrow. No need to unpack right then and there. Cheerilee and I both go up to Comet's room, where I gently pry her off of me and set her on the bed. She groans and holds onto my hand, but I slide it out of her grip and pull the covers over her. She nuzzles into her pillow and moves her hooves around, looking for her stuffed timberwolf. She finds it after a few seconds and squeezes it close to her.

"We love you, Comet," Cheerilee whispers, stroking our daughter's mane. "We have never regretted having you for a daughter for a single moment."

Comet nuzzles Cheerilee's foreleg and mutters something that sounds like "momma." I smile lovingly and ruffle her mane as her light breathing resumes. I take a deep, quiet breath before Cheerilee and I leave the room, leaving the door cracked open slightly so we can hear Comet if she wakes up. With that settled, we go into our own room and collapse onto the bed. I slide my shirt off and Cheerilee leans against me, rubbing her hoof on my chest.

"That wasn't right," Cheerilee whispers. "Nopony should have to see anything like that."

"No. That was..." I shake my head. "I can't believe it happened at all. One thing I can guess is that it was not an accident. Somebody opened that up hoping somebody would go down there. I'm not sure if it was meant for me specifically, but with everybody else out setting up the fair, I'm not sure who else it could be."

"So are we being followed? Spied on?" Cheerilee uneasily glances out the window as if expecting to see some monster appear. "Are we safe here?"

I smile comfortingly at her and wrap my arms around her, holding her tight. "Yes, of course we are. Nothing is going to get us here. Celestia is looking into it. I'm sure that she'll have it all figured out in a few days and we'll all be totally fine. It might have even been a misunderstanding or an accident of some kind."

"You're a terrible liar, but thanks anyway." Cheerilee closes her eyes and nuzzles into my chest. "I'm sure you're right about nothing happening to us, though. If some enemy from your past has come to get us, they'd have a hard time finding you in Ponyville."

"You see? Nothing is going to happen." I begin running my hand through her hair, and after a few seconds, I can hear her light snoring. I smile lovingly down at her.

However, even I can't help myself from uneasily glancing out the window too.

"So did they find anything out?"

Twilight shakes her head as she re-shelves a few of the books. "Not that I know of, TD. We're not sure why the floor opened up like that."

"Well, somebody had to do it, so that's a start. It didn't just open up on its own. You told me it takes dark magic to open up, right? How many ponies could do something like that?"

Twilight grimaces and moves to another stack she has beside her. "I don't know. Whatever the answer is, it's not good. Sombra is the pony that comes to mind first, but we don't even know if he's still alive." Twilight briefly blushes before continuing on. "That and you killed all of your old enemies, right?"

Now it's my turn to be a little uneasy.

"Yeah, I guess so. It's not like one of the griffin dukes would have snuck into the Crystal Empire and done something like that. They're kind of easy to notice and they wouldn't use tactics like that." I shrug. "Besides, if they wanted to kill me, and I'm not sure why they would, they'd just send somebody to poison me or something. Nothing too elaborate."

"Hmm. So..." Twilight paused for a moment, a book floating beside her as she thought. "What about Chrysalis? Princess Celestia said that you didn't kill her permanently, right? She could have regained her strength and is coming after you now."

I frowned at the idea. Chrysalis. Yeah, she made the most sense. She could have snuck in and opened up the door while nobody was looking. Still, it wasn't a perfect fit. "How would she even know that it was down there?" I asked. "It's not like you printed it in a newspaper or anything."

Twilight shrugged and resumed re-shelving. "It's possible she found out somehow back when Sombra was still in power. Princess Celestia told me that her and Sombra were in talks to become allies before Princess Celestia and Princess Luna defeated him."

"Hmm." I lean back a little in my chair. "I don't like the implications of that."

"Neither do I," Twilight admits. She finishes shelving the last book and turns back to me with a smile. "I'm sure that Princess Celestia and Princess Luna will have things settled in a few days. They'll find whoever did that and life can go back to normal."

I smirk as I stand up. "Yeah. Normal in Ponyville. Right."

Twilight chuckles and picks up another stack of books. "Normal for us, then. I'll see you later, TD. Let me know if there's anything else I can do."

"Will do." I give her a two-fingered salute. "See you later."

I put the library books I'd checked out under my arm, then left the library to get back home. Maybe I could continue my second book a little more. Comet was at a friend's house, Cheerilee was at a meeting at the school, and Oswald had gone off to regenerate. I had the house to myself for at least the afternoon.

I walked into my house and put the books on the entryway before making my way up the stairs. Just before I reached the top, I heard my wife's voice behind me.

"TD?" I turn around and smile at her.

"Hey. You're home early."

Cheerilee shrugs. "It didn't take as long as I thought it would."

"Unusual, don't you think? You're always talking about how the superintendent drones on for hours."

Cheerilee sticks her tongue out and walks up the stairs to meet me. "I think he had somewhere to be. He wanted to make it quick and just give us the rundown."

"Us?" I frown. "I thought it was a private meeting."

"I thought so too. Guess he wanted to call in a few more teachers from the high school."

I shrug. "Eh, wouldn't be the first time he changed plans on you."

"Nope, and it probably won't be the last." Cheerilee grins seductively at me and nuzzles against my leg. "Since we have the house to ourselves for a little while..."

I grin and pick Cheerilee up before making my way to the bedroom. "Yeah, that sounds like it could be a fun idea. I was going to get some writing done, but this feels like a much better way to spend the afternoon."

I carry my wife over the threshold of our room and throw her down on the bed. She sits up and pulls my shirt off before going in for a kiss. I frown and pull back just before our lips meet. Cheerilee gives me a pouty face as she lays back down on the bed. "What's the matter lover boy?" She grins and flicks her tail aside. "Don't you want some of this?"

"Uh yeah, I do. I really do." I raise an eyebrow. "Shouldn't we get the bracelet first?"

A brief look of confusion crosses Cheerilee's face so quickly I thought for a moment I'd imagined it. It's quickly replaced by another seductive smile as she reaches for the button on my pants.

"We can use some toys if you want, sure." She licks her lips once she undoes the button. "You are going to have the time of your life this afternoon."

"Cheerilee, hold on." I back away and button my pants back up. "What's gotten into you? It's the bracelet." I motion to the drawer we keep it in. "You know, the one thing that allows us to have sex with each other?"

"Oh. Right. Yeah." Cheerilee scoots up to the pillows and rests her head on them, her legs still spread enough to give me a good view of everything. "Yeah, get the bracelet."

"Cheerilee..." My eyes narrow. "When we were on our honeymoon and we went into that alley, what happened next?"

Cheerilee shrugs. "I don't know. That was, what, five or six years ago?" Her seductive look returns. "I was too busy doing you to remember what else we were doing."

I uneasily chuckle. No, I'm just reading into things. This is weird. Usually she goes for the bracelet before I do, and she's never tried to kiss me when we're not the same species since our first date. But maybe she's just... really into it right now. Not thinking clearly. I lay down next to her on the bed.

"Yeah, I guess that makes sense." I put my arm around her shoulders, and she leans into me, her hoof slowly rubbing down my leg. "Hey, remember when I got back from my trip around the world?" I tighten my grip on her shoulders. "I don't think I've ever seen you so happy to see me."

"Well why wouldn't I be?" She nuzzles my chest. "That moment you knocked on my door and I saw you again... it was one of the greatest moments of my life."

"Yeah." I move my arm up and wrap it around her neck. "You're not my wife."

With one swift motion I grab the thing pretending to be Cheerilee and slam it against the wall. It claws at my hand in a vain attempt to escape my grasp.

"TD," it wheezes. "What in Equestria has gotten into you?"

"You're not my wife!" I roar, slamming it against the wall again. "You haven't gotten a single thing right about her since I've seen you! What the hell have you done with her?!"

The thing sighs and rolls her eyes. "I wanted to do more research, but no, we were ready." With a burst of green fire, the thing changes back into a changeling. With an unholy screech, it slams its hoof right in my elbow joint, causing me to falter in my grip. It takes the opportunity to wiggle out and sink its fangs into my hand. I scream in pain and out of instinct shrink back to put pressure on the wounds that I'm sure will leave nasty scars. The changeling lets out a hiss of a laugh and spreads its wings. Before it can do anything, I grab Reginald from my bedside and swing it at the changeling, colliding with its head and sending it flying into the opposite wall.

Using my advantage, I grab one of the knives from its hiding spot in my bedside table and rush toward the bug, completely ignoring the pain in my hand. It tries to stand up, but I smash Reginald into its skull again. I stomp on the changeling's chest, preventing it from getting up before grabbing one of its wings. With one swipe I sever it completely. It screeches in pain as a small trickle of green blood pours from the wound. Ignoring the bug's cries, I smash Reginald into its head one last time, knocking it out cold.

A changeling had replaced my wife.

A changeling had replaced my wife. I take in a few deep, shaky breaths as I think of what to do next. Is Cheerilee still at the meeting or have they taken her? If they have taken her, are they keeping her somewhere or had they... killed her?

No, they hadn't done that. They didn't need to. They needed to use her as bait to get me if I tried a rescue operation. I nudge the changeling and it groans in pain. Good. I hadn't killed it. Yet. I needed to get information out of it first.

Twenty minutes later, I walk back into the library with a large bag over my shoulder. Twilight, still re-shelving her books, turns to me and smiles.

"Oh, hello again, TD." She tilts her head. "What's in the bag there?"

I toss the bag on the floor and the thing disguised as my wife instantly pops out, its eyes wide. It sees Twilight and instantly crawls over to her.

"Oh Twilight! Thank goodness you're here!" It grabs ahold of one of her forelegs and points an accusing hoof at me. "I don't know what happened, but TD has gone crazy! He hit me and knocked me out!"

Twilight's eyes widen and she tries to back away. "I don't--"

"That's a changeling, Twilight." I stomp over to the thing, which tries to crawl away. I grab it by the tail and pull it back over to me so I can slam my foot into its back, keeping it in place. "This thing took my wife!"

"I have no idea what he's talking about," the thing moaned. "TD, just let me go and w-we can get you some help!"

Twilight bites her lip and alternates looks between the two of us. "Um... yeah, so..." She clears her throat. "I do kind of have a spell to check for that."

"Twilight, it's me, Cheerilee!" the thing says. "You don't have to cast any spell, just help me with TD!"

"Yeah, not happening," I growl. I reach into my pocket and pull out the severed wing. "Unless you think that I just picked this up while hiking somewhere."

Twilight grimaces and lights up her horn, sending a spell directly into the thing pretending to be my wife. Its disguise instantly fades, leaving a snarling, thrashing changeling on the floor, still missing its wing. I point down to it. "See?"

"Yeah, uh... this is a problem." Twilight rushes over to a nearby table and writes out a quick letter to Celestia, I assumed. "Hold on a second while I..." She rushes off into another part of the library. "Spike! Spike I need you to send out a letter to Princess Celestia!"

The changeling tries to maneuver under my foot so that it can bite me again, but I grab its head and slam it onto the floor. Any other thing I'd worry about doing some brain damage, but not this thing. Rage courses through my body and I smash its head on the ground three more times until it stops wiggling. I can see the green blood underneath the changeling's head, but as long as it lives long enough to tell us where Cheerilee is, I don't care how much I hurt it.

Twilight runs back into the room after a few more seconds. "Okay, I've sent a letter to Princess Celestia, so she should be here soon. I..." Her eyes widen when she sees the groaning changeling and the blood. "TD, what did you do?!"

"It was moving around. I stopped it from moving around."

"TD if you kill it then we can't ask it anything!" Twilight sits down in front of it, careful to avoid any of the blood, then begins casting a few spells. "This isn't what Cheerilee would want you to do, TD. Just... calm down and we can figure this out."

"Calm down? Calm down?! This thing could have hurt my wife! If anything hurt one of your friends or Spike, would you stay calm?"

"Probably not, TD, but freaking out isn't going to get us anywhere." She sighs and stands up, running a hoof through her mane. "There. I healed it enough that it should be able to tell us anything once Princess Celestia gets here. I also cast a freezing spell on it. It's not going anywhere right now."

"No it isn't." I kneel down next to it and grab the back of its head. "It's not going anywhere anymore, is it? Wonder what Celestia's going to want to do to you once we get everything we need?" I change my hand into an eagle's claw and gently run one of the talons down its neck. "I hope she lets me have you."

"TD, you don't want to do anything like that!" Twilight insists.

"Oh yeah?" I look up at Twilight and smirk. "You're talking to the guy who beat Chrysalis to death just for vaguely mentioning that she planned to hurt Cheerilee's class at some point in the future. Now I'm married to Cheerilee and she's taken her." I press into its neck a little more, relishing the whimper it gives. "What do you think I should do now?"

"Nothing!" Twilight grabs the changeling in her magic and yanks it away from me. "TD, this isn't like you! We'll talk about this when Princess Celestia gets here. I get it: you're scared and upset and you don't know what's going to happen, but torture and planned murder isn't going to get us anywhere!"

"Oh, yeah, I'm sure it'll just tell us all of its plans if we ask nicely." I scoff and shake my head. "No, this isn't going to be pretty."

"TD, if you hurt it then Chrysalis or whoever else is doing this might hurt Cheerilee in return. You don't want that."

Before I could answer, the door to the library bursts open, and Celestia and Luna rush in.

"You said you found a changeling?" Celestia says, stopping beside me.

I motion to the thing. "Yeah, it impersonated Cheerilee. Caught it when the damn thing just about tried to rape me." My fist tightened and I had to hold back from wailing on the thing while Celestia and Luna could stop me. "I think it might have taken her."

"Very well," Luna says, moving to my other side. "We shall determine what is behind all of this." She glares at the changeling. "And it will tell us."

The thing hisses in laughter again, grinning at Luna. "I look forward to seeing what you think you can do."

That does it. I rush over to the thing and slam my fist into its head. "What did you do to her, you bastard?!" I roar. "I'm gonna rip you to pieces once--"

Celestia encases me in her magic and yanks me back, stopping me just before I hit my head on the floor. I begin thrashing to escape her. I won't let her stop me. I'm going to make sure the thing tells me everything before I kill it.

"TD, that is enough!" Celestia commands, tightening her magical grip on me so I won't thrash around as much. "I promise you that we will find out what happened to Cheerilee, but hurting it will give us nothing!"

"We must request that you go home now, TD," Luna insists.

"Oh no you don't. You're not going to make me just stay out of this!"

"Yes we will," Celestia says calmly. "This is not the first enemy we have interrogated, it helps nopony if you're here yelling at it and trying to harm it." She slowly eases her grip on me. "Return home, TD. You still have a daughter to take care of. She will need her father to help her while we locate Cheerilee."

At the mention of Comet, I stop trying to get out of Celestia's grasp. I take in a few shaky breaths while she completely lets me go. "Yeah. Comet." I slowly get to my feet and run a hand through my hair. "Comet. Yeah. I'll..."

"We shall inform you of the results soon, TD." Celestia gives me a comforting smile. "Do not worry yourself. We shall return your wife to you unharmed."

"You can't promise me that and you know it," I growl. "But yeah, I'm going to get Comet. Just..." I close my eyes and shake my head. "Just get me my wife back."

Without another word I leave the library.

They'll get her back. They have to. I can't lose another family. I can't do life without Cheerilee. I have enough money to raise Comet.

No, I can't think like that. We'll get her back and in a few days we'll all look back at this as a stressful time, but one we all got through okay.

Was Cheerilee hurt? Scared? Not even sure what's happening? Or is she snarking at her captors and repeatedly assuring them that I'd come to kick their plots into next year? I manage a small smile at the thought. Yeah, that one sounds right. She'll come back and we can laugh and joke about what happened. No worries.

I take in a shaky breath and wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. We'd get her back. We'd get her back.

I flinch back a little bit when something lands on my shoulder. I look around wildly until I notice that it's just Oswald, freshly reborn. I give him a shaky smile and move my hand up to rub his back.

"H--" My voice cracks and I clear my throat. "Hey, buddy. Doing good?"

Oswald says something in phoenix-speech and rests his head on mine. I manage a weak chuckle as my house comes into view. I want to grab a knife and Reginald before I go to get Comet. I don't want to be unarmed if something happens along the way. I open the door to the house and walk inside.

"Hey, Dad!" Comet bounces up to me and nuzzles my leg. "How are you doing?"

"Uh..." I blink in surprise. "I thought you were still at Apple Seed's."

"Yeah, but her Mom had something to do so she dropped me off here." Comet grimaces. "It's fine, though. We can always hang out tomorrow."

"Yeah." I reach down and ruffle her mane. "Yeah, sounds good."

Before either of us can say anything else, Oswald lands on the railing of the stairs and hisses at Comet, igniting his wings and flaring them out to their full extent. Comet flinches back before running behind my legs.

"Dad, what's going on? Why is your phoenix mad at me?"

No. No, I'm reading into things too much. It's fine. Oswald is just...

"Not sure," I whisper. I clear my throat and run my hand over Oswald's head. "It's okay, Oswald. I've got everything under control." I look down to Comet and smile at her. She smiles back and nuzzles my leg again. "He's just being a goof."

"Oh, that makes sense." Comet's smile widens a bit. "So, do you want to do anything today?"

"Yeah, totally." I sit down on the stairs and pat the spot next to me. Oswald follows Comet with his eyes, glaring at her.

It's fine. Oswald is just irritated with her because she, I dunno, moved my backpack out of his room. I wrap my arms around Comet and pull her close.

"Hey..." I gently stroke her mane. "I know this is gonna sound weird, but I've been reminiscing. Thinking back to when we adopted you."

"Oh yeah, that day was awesome!" Comet nuzzles my chest. "I'll always be glad I met you and Mom."

"Yeah, me too." I chuckle as I think of something. "I remember when we met Celestia and Luna after the adoption. What... what was it you called Luna again? I forget."

Comet frowns in thought for a few moments before shrugging. "I don't think I remember either. 'Your Majesty' maybe? Sounds about right."

"Yeah. That's right. I might be thinking of something else."

Without another word I grab its jaw and twist, instantly breaking its neck. Green flame engulfs it as it falls to the ground, revealing the changeling pretending to be my daughter.

All I can do is stare ahead, my mind utterly blank.

Author's Notes:

Before you ask, no. This wasn't based on the Season 6 finale. I've been planning this arc for years.

37-Brutal Victory

They'd taken Comet.

They'd taken my wife and daughter just to get back at me.

It wasn't right. I'm supposed to be the one protecting them, not putting them in harm's way because of things I've done in my past. If something happened to them and they... I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't do this without them. I'd get them back. I'd get them back and make sure that I killed Chrysalis permanently, even if that meant the extinction of the entire changeling race. Anything to keep my wife and daughter safe.

I trudge through Ponyville as if in a trance, dragging the dead changeling behind me. Oswald is flying close by, occasionally nudging me with his beak. I ignore him. He can't help me right now unless he can lead me right to Cheerilee and Comet. I do vaguely remember how he seemed to sense that the changeling wasn't actually Comet. I guess that could be a useful thing in the near future.

All around me I can hear gasps and murmurs. I can imagine why the sight of me dragging a dead changeling behind me might cause some uneasiness. Ponyville hadn't been hit with changelings like Canterlot had, but they had all heard the stories. Enough that they would recognize them. I didn't doubt that they had started to think that Ponyville might have an infestation. Maybe we did. I doubted that the only two changelings in the area were either being interrogated by Celestia or dead behind me.

I push the library door open and walk inside. Celestia, Luna and Twilight are all standing around the captured changeling, who'd been secured to the floor with magical chains. All three ponies turn around when they hear me walk in, and their eyes immediately widen at the sight of me. I toss the dead changeling at their hooves.

"Comet," I say blankly. "This one was pretending to be Comet."

"I was afraid of that," Twilight mutters. I grunt in response. Twilight grimaces and motions back to the captured changeling. "We're close to finding out where they are, TD."

"As they are part of a hive mind, it is more difficult to discern where exactly they have hidden your wife and child, but it will not be long," Luna assures me.

The changeling looks down the body if its fellow, almost as if studying it, before he looks up at me and grins. He lets out that hiss of a laugh again. "You have no idea what tortures they are enduring," it cackles. "We'll keep them alive just long enough for them to watch you die. Or we might not kill them. They'd be delicious."

Before anybody else can do anything, I charge directly at it and slam my fist right into its jaw. I keep hitting it and screaming obscenities, not even caring that my hand is starting to bruise from hitting the hard chitin. Once again Celestia pulls me away from it, but she's not going to stop me this time."

"TD, that is enough!" Celestia insists. "I understand that you're upset, but--"

Her magical grip on me fades when I smash her right under her eye. She cries out in shock more than pain, but it gives me time to charge at the bug again.

"TD, stop it!" Twilight cries, grabbing me in her magic while the changeling starts laughing at me again. "This isn't helping anypony!"

"Get the fuck outta my way, Twilight!" I roar, balling up my fist to hit her next. Before I can, I'm wrapped in a golden aura and lifted into the air.

"Get him out of here, Tia," Luna says. "We shall handle this from here."

"Don't you dare stop me, you bitch!" I screech, flailing in Celestia's grasp. "Get their location from it and then give it to me! I'm going to make it scream! Chrysalis will cry when she sees what I've done to it!"

Celestia carries me into the kitchen and rotates me until I'm face-to-face with her before letting me go. "TD, I cannot allow that kind of speech. I know this must be difficult. I cannot imagine how this must feel for you, but killing that changeling before we can find out where they are will not help them or you. I must insist that you calm down."

"Oh what the heck do you know?" I growl. "Just... just..."

My jaw starts wobbling, and tears begin welling in my eyes. My breathing becomes shaky and I slide onto the floor with my back to the fridge. Celestia cautiously walks up to me, her wing extended. I take the offer for what it is and lean into her embrace, not even caring that tears are streaming down my face and my breathing is becoming marred with audible sobs. I don't even bother trying to control it. I know I can't.

"Shh," Celestia soothes, gently rubbing my back as she pulls me in closer. "It will be alright. We will find them, I promise. They shall not be harmed."

"I don't wanna lose them," I moan, holding on to Celestia as though she is the only one who could stop this nightmare. "I can't."

"And you won't, TD," Celestia insists. "Through our interrogations we have confirmed that it is indeed Chrysalis who has taken your family. I can only surmise that she is doing so to get revenge on you. If that is the case, she will not harm them."

"I just hate that she's using them to get to me," I reply, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. "I'm supposed to be protecting them, not allowing them to be pawns in some kind of crazy revenge scheme."

"I understand, TD. Believe me, I feel that Chrysalis has made a grave error in taking your family. I have been considering a means of dealing with her in a more permanent fashion lately. I cannot have her foalnapping any more of my subjects."

I feel a flicker of hope at that. "So when we get them back you can make sure that she won't come after us anymore?"

Celestia nods. "Yes. As long as there are changelings then she in of herself cannot die. As a result, I feel that some sort of stasis is required. Perhaps even making her into a statue like I did with Discord." Celestia sighs and shakes her head. "I would not do it if I felt I had any other choice, but she has forced my hoof."

"Yeah." I take a few deep breaths, wipe my eyes again, then get to my feet. "But before you get to that, I'm going make her suffer. The last thing she remembers is going to be pain like she never realized was possible."

Celestia's expression turned dark as she stood up herself. "No. You won't. Torturing her will get you nothing. What I wish for is justice in a form that will protect my subjects. What you desire is nothing more than revenge. If you decide to take your revenge then you will find more problems arise than even I could foresee. Let my sister and I disable her, then you no longer have to worry about her foalnapping your wife and child again. If she is killed then she can go into hiding again, and we will have missed our chance. On top of that, she may not take such a theatrical method of gaining her revenge again. Changelings are not beings that are easily stopped if they truly wish to infiltrate an area. If you have your revenge, you will not be the only one to pay for it."

"Yeah, yeah, I got it!" I snap. "We'll talk about that once we've gotten my family back, okay?!"

Celestia stares at me if if she's studying me for a few seconds. I shift uncomfortably, ready to say something else, but before I can, she speaks herself. "Very well. As I said: we are close to discovering their location. If all goes well, we shall have your family back by the morning."

"Good. Let’s get back to it, then."

I try to leave the kitchen, but Celestia stops me by putting a hoof on my shoulder. "Actually, I'd like you to stay in here, TD. You being in there helps nopony right now, and we need this to go as smoothly as possible."

"I'm not going to do anything else," I snap, slapping her hoof away. "I'm fine!"

"You are not fine, TD. You are understandably hurt," Celestia insists. "Right now I must insist that you stay here. I promise that my sister and I will discern the location of your family in short order, but it will take longer for us to obtain that information if you are there. It will focus on you, which will heighten its defenses. I am not asking you to stay here for the rest of the night."

"Fine, I'll stay here!" I glare at Celestia. "But wherever they are, you're taking me with you to come get them. I'm not just going to sit by and wait while you try to fix the problem."

Celestia stares at me for a few more seconds before letting out a tired sigh and nodding. "Very well. I do not suppose I could stop you at any rate. I only ask that if you do come along that you do not seek your revenge. That is critical to preventing this from happening again."

"I got it, Celestia, now would you please find out where my family is?!"

"Of course." Celestia turns around and walks out of the room. Just before she reaches the entrance, she turns back to me and gives me a comforting smile. "We will find them, TD. I promise you that."

With that little promise she exits the kitchen, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I sit down at the kitchen table while Oswald perches on the back of the chair next to me. Heh, I actually cried in front of Celestia. Sheesh. I know the situation sucks and I never want my family to endure anything like this again, but I thought I could be a little stronger than that. I can't show any weakness right now. I needed to help my family, then I could think about maybe getting a little emotional.

My mind wanders to the changeling they're interrogating. Maybe they'll let me have it once they're done. Or what, are they just going to throw it in the dungeon? Just let it go? Definitely not that last one. I wouldn't let her do that. If I couldn't get revenge on Chrysalis herself, maybe I could get the changeling who pretended to be my wife as a consolation prize. Already killed the one pretending to be Comet.

I can't say how long it takes for them to finally get back to me, but when they finish up, all three of them file into the room, grim looks on their faces. My stomach tightens up and I shoot to my feet.

"Where are they?"

"She's taken them to the Everfree Forest, TD," Celestia says. "They're holed up in our old castle."

"Oh." I nod and lean against the table. "Oh. So what are we going to do about that?"

"It is a complicated issue," Luna admits. "The Everfree Forest, as you know, is a very dangerous area. We do not know the exact number of changelings she has brought, but we do know she is not alone in there with your family. Given the dangerous nature of the forest, it would be unwise to charge in with an army, but a small strike force bears the risk of being overwhelmed."

"I'm not totally sure about that," I point out. "She wants me more than anything. She's not going to risk me being killed before she can get ahold of me. Since she didn't take me right away, I can only gather that she's set a trap for me."

"Possibly, yes," Celestia admits. "On top of that it would be difficult for a large army to pass into the forest completely undetected."

"So a small strike force it is." I crack my knuckles. "So when are we going in?"

"Given that time is of the essence, I feel it is best to go in this evening. We need time to prepare for our attack."

"Fine." I nod in the direction of the changeling. "And that? What are you going to do with that?"

Celestia and Luna exchange an uneasy glance before responding. "What we have decided is that we shall deal with it upon Chrysalis's capture," Luna replies. "It is obvious we cannot simply let it leave."

"If you don't want to deal with it, I will." I smirk at them. "I already got the last one. Why not give me this one?"

"We will not do that," Celestia says with a frown. "I have no intention of letting you torture it. We shall deal with the changeling once we have captured Chrysalis, not before." Celestia's frown turns into a glare. "You are going down a dark road, TD. Do not let your desire for revenge overtake you."

"Fine. Keep the damn thing. Whatever." I return her glare. "But don't you dare stop me from going to get them. I'm not sitting at home."

"I have already given you permission to come along," Celestia points out.

"I don't need your permission!" I snarl. "You're not my ruler, Celestia."

"Perhaps not. However, you are an Equestrian citizen. I will not have you endangering your fellow Equestrians by running off in some mad revenge scheme." My hand tightens into a fist, which she notices right away. her eyes narrow and she lights her horn. "Do not force my hoof. You are emotional right now. Go home and prepare. We shall meet at the edge of the forest at dusk."

And if that's true, I have a bridge to sell you.

"Fine." I brush myself off and push past her. "I'll see you then."

I make it to the edge of the forest an hour before dusk, where the strike team is already gathering. They look like they're just about to leave. I reach the group and walk up to Celestia, a smirk on my face.

"You look like you're ready to go."

I see a faint frown crease Celestia's face. "Yes, we finished preparations just before you arrived."

"Excellent." I look out into the small crowd of ponies. It appears to be a group of six guards all dressed in light armor, alongside Twilight, Rainbow Dash and Applejack, each of whom is wearing a light chainmail shirt. The other three are standing beside a tent that I can only assume is for the medics. Makes sense to me that they wouldn't want to do any direct fighting. I myself am only wearing my chainmail shirt underneath my usual clothes. My armor isn't very heavy, but it'll still slow me down more than I'd like. I'm armed with Reginald and my belt of knives.

"Hey buddy..." I tap Oswald’s claw. "Can you go help out the medics? I think you'd be a big help."

Oswald mutters something, then flies off to the tent, landing on Fluttershy's back. She smiles at him and reaches back to pet him. Normally I'd be happy to let Oswald fight alongside me. Heaven knows he's done it enough, but we don't know what's going to happen, and his tears will certainly be invaluable for any wounded. With that settled, I walk over to the fighting half of the Mane Six.

"So, interesting to see you coming along," I say.

Rainbow Dash confidently smirks. "Oh yeah, we're totally going to kick their plots! We're going to send them back with their tails between their legs!"

"Well Princess Celestia actually wants to capture Queen Chrysalis so she doesn't do something like this again," Twilight points out. "Otherwise we could have to do this again."

"Yeah, yeah, I got that," Rainbow Dash says with a wave of her hoof. "But she's gonna regret messing with us!"

"Hold on there, Dash. Let's get orders from Princess Celestia before we all go runnin' off," Applejack says patiently. "We don't wanna go do somethin' foolish."

"Right. Still..." I begin tapping Reginald on the ground. "If at all possible, leave Chrysalis to me."

Twilight flattens her ears. "TD, let's--"

"End of discussion." I walk back over to Celestia and Luna who seem to be discussing something. "So, let's head out."

"In a moment, TD," Celestia says. "We need to decide--"

"Well, if you're not ready, I am." I sling Reginald over my shoulder. "Come in after me when you want to get serious about this."

"TD, wait!" Luna grabs me with her magic and holds me back. I'm really done with that today. "We do not wish for you to go in alone. Merely wait a few moments until we have finalized our battle strategy."

"You mean finalized your plans to keep me away from the battle? You had all day to figure out what you wanted to do." I tighten my grip on Reginald and glare at her. "I'm coming along, Luna. You wanna stop me? You're going to have to hurt me quite a bit. I'm here now. Every second you waste is one I could spend getting my family back."

Celestia closes her eyes and sighs before shaking her head. "I suppose you are correct. Very well." She opens her eyes and glares back at me. "But I must remind you again: if you find Chrysalis, do not kill her. Merely incapacitate her. Otherwise she will come back for her revenge again, and it will not be so elaborate."

"Yeah, yeah, I got it," I reply, waving my hand. "Can we just go now?"

"I suppose so." Celestia turns back to the strike team and spreads her wings, letting them know that she's ready to speak. They all stop their conversations and turn to her, the guards instantly snapping into formation. "Mares and gentlecolts, time is of the essence. The Everfree Forest is dangerous, so you will have to work together to make sure you all survive. This mission is not without its risks, but I believe we shall be victorious. Our objective is my sister and I's old castle. Let us be quick. I do not know how many enemies we shall face, but I do know that they will not defeat us."

Yeah, they won't do it again. I've heard the stories from the wedding.

"You have your orders," Celestia continues. "Let us begin."

Good enough for me. I grip Reginald in a fighting stance and instantly charge into the forest. I don't go so quickly that I can't see the rest of the strike team behind me. They're the ones who know exactly where we're going, after all, but it can't be too far away.

As I move through the forest, I see a flash of red and yellow out of the corner of my eye. I turn to face the thing in a fighting stance and see that it's a manticore. Yeah, not really in the mood to fight one of those things. I will if I have to, but it'll just be a waste of time at the end of the day.

Wait. Something's off. It takes me half a second to realize it, but the manticore isn't charging. In fact, it isn't moving at all. It's just leaning against a tree. That's when I see it. Blood. A lot of it. Blood is streaming from the manticore's neck as if its throat has been ripped out. I gingerly walk up to it and nudge it with Reginald. Yeah, definitely dead. My eyes narrow. What the heck is a dead manticore doing here? Before I can think on it further, I look around to see if what killed the manticore is around. Instead I see something else beyond it. Several piles of sticks that look like they could have been timberwolves. Beyond them is a dead crocodile looking creature.

"What the heck?" I whisper. Something is slaughtering the wildlife. I suppose Chrysalis doesn't want anything to get in my way. I push those thoughts away. It'll just make it easier for me to wipe her out.

"What happened here, TD?" Twilight whispers as she walks up to me.

"Chrysalis is killing anything that could stop me from getting to her. She's laying her trap, and if I want to face her, I need to spring the trap." I nod in the direction we've been walking. "How close are we?"

"Not too far," Rainbow Dash says, landing next to me. She grimaces and backs up a bit, trying to avoid the blood. "There's should be a path leading us there, right?"

Twilight nods. "If they haven't hidden it."

"Doubt they would have," I point out. "She's trying to make sure I get to her."

Before Twilight can respond, an inhuman screech comes from behind us. I whip around just in time to see half a dozen changelings charging at us.

"SKREEEE!"

I swing Reginald at the closest one, and a crack echoes through the forest as it collides with its head. Twilight lights her horn and blasts two out of the air, just as several green flames erupt around us. Celestia, Luna and her guards charge into the swarm of at least three dozen changelings, blasting them out of the sky with magic and weapons. Twilight notices one of the changelings is standing up, so she blasts it with her magic while Rainbow Dash and Applejack join the fray. I slide one of my knives out of my belt and throw it directly into the neck of one of the nearby changelings. It gurgles and grasps at its neck as it falls to the ground.

"You're going for kills?!" Twilight cries as she blasts another changeling away.

I don't respond, choosing instead to rush over to the dying changeling and pulling my knife out of its neck. With one hand I knock another changeling aside following that up with a swipe at another one with my knife. Even as I'm fighting them I can tell that they aren't fully trying to harm me. Of course not. Chrysalis wants me for herself.

Well then, let's get to that.

I leave the rest of the strike team to fight the changelings. I'm not going to waste any time, and they have Celestia and Luna to help them. I rush over to the slightly overgrown path, stopping only to bat any changelings that get in my way aside. I only pause to finish off any changelings on the ground. Once I reach the path, I bolt in the direction of the castle.

As I rush away from the battle, the forest gets surprisingly quiet. I still notice a few dead animals near the path. It isn't too long before I break through a nearby treeline and see a rickety rope bridge across a giant chasm. If the bridge doesn't hold then my Equestrian life is going to be over very quickly. I gingerly put one of my feet on the nearly rotted wood and put a little pressure on it. It creaks but doesn't crack or break. I take a deep breath and put my knife back in my belt, then move onto the bridge. It creaks and swings, but it holds my weight. I crack my neck and begin running over the bridge. With each step the wood groans, but it doesn't break. I make it to the other side without any real issue. If this was a movie then one or two of the planks would have broken under me, leaving me hanging on for dear life.

I slowly move into the castle, scanning my surroundings for any changelings. It wouldn't make sense for me to be attacked now, given Chrysalis's behavior so far, but it doesn't hurt to be careful. I step into the castle itself, almost expecting to be attacked by a dozen changelings the second I walk in. Nothing happens. I can't hear anything, not even crickets in the distance.

It'll just be her and me, then.

Now there's just the issue of where her and my family are. I assume they'll be in one of the areas of the castle with the roof still intact. I take a guess and go down the nearest corridor. I look through each of the rooms that I pass, each one empty. Just as I think that I've taken the wrong way, I hear voices at the end of the hallway. My eyes narrow and I rush in the direction of the voices, stopping just outside of the large room at the end of the hall. The door is cracked open slightly, allowing me to peer inside. Chrysalis is strutting around the room, a smug look on her face. She seems to be monologuing. Right in front of her are two cocoons, one holding Comet, and the other holding Cheerilee.

"--and once he arrives, I'll destroy him quickly, leaving him begging for mercy at my hooves. I will see the fear in his eyes before you watch me destroy him!"

"Ha! That's what you think," Comet says smugly. "My daddy's not scared of anything!"

"I think you kind of underestimate him," Cheerilee points out. "He's beaten you already."

"And he will not do so again!" Chrysalis snarls. "I will make him endure tortures the likes of which he cannot even imagine!"

I've heard enough. I push the door open with Reginald and stand in the doorway. The three of them notice me, and all of them smile for different reasons.

"Daddy!" Comet says happily. "Go kick her ass!"

"Cheerilee, when we were on our honeymoon, what happened when we went into that alley?" I ask, my voice blank.

"Oh, uh, you beat those muggers up."

"Comet? When you met Princess Luna, what did you call her?"

"A cock!" Comet says gleefully. "Not as much of a cock as this bug here, though."

Cheerilee is smirking, but her face falls when she sees my expression. It's a mix of blank and complete rage. She gulps and looks over to Comet. "Comet, close your eyes. Don't look, okay, baby?"

Comet rolls her eyes. "Come on, Mom, I wanna watch Dad wipe the floor with her!"

"Comet don't look!"

Chrysalis cackles and buzzes her wings. "Yes, child. We wouldn't want you to see my destroy your father. I assure you that even though you will not see it, you will hear his pained scre--"

While she's not looking I charge. I hit her so hard several of her teeth scatter on the floor. Her ear-splitting screech of pain almost makes me want to cover my ears, but I'm not done. I don't even let her stand up before I begin smashing Reginald into her head. She manages to raise her head, and I hit her head in the opposite direction, causing it to snap to the side. She gurgles and lights up her horn, managing to tear Reginald out of my hands. I shift my hand into a bear paw and slap the side of her head. She manages a whimper and tries crawling away, but I grab her by the hind hoof and drag her back over. She tries lighting her horn for another spell, but I swipe at it with the bear paw, completely breaking it off.

"Please," Chrysalis croaks, but it's way too late for that crap now. I pull one of my knives out of my belt and swing it down. It's time she paid for what she did.

No. If I kill her then I'm just going to have to go through all of this all over again. Instead of plunging the knife into her gut, I aim for one of the legs, but my brief moment of hesitation is all she needs to knock me aside. I hold onto her to prevent myself from flying away, but in her struggles, my hand gets too close to her mouth. Before I can do anything, she gets my left pointer finger in her mouth and snaps her jaw shut.

I cry out in pain as I fall back, staring in horror at the stump here my finger used to be. The top half has been bitten off. My rage begins building again, and I slowly begin pushing myself back to my feet. Chrysalis is still down from my attacks, but she glares at me when she hears me get to my feet. I rush over to where Reginald has fallen and scoop it up. With my weapon back, I charge. Chrysalis barely manages to get halfway up before I slam Reginald into her head. She collapses without a sound. But she could still get up. Maybe she's just playing dead. I have to make sure. So I hit her again. And again.

And again.

But I stop before the fourth time. I don't want her to die.

When she doesn't get back up, my adrenaline slowly starts to fade away, and I collapse down next to her. Now that I'm closer, I can see that she's still breathing. She won't be getting back up anytime soon.

"Dad?"

My eyes snap open and I shoot to my feet. Comet and Cheerilee are staring at me. Cheerilee is blank, but Comet is looking at me with a little uncertainty, almost like she doesn't understand. I quietly gasp and rush over, almost stumbling in my haste. I pull another knife out of my belt and begin cutting the cocoons away. I pull the goo away as I'm cutting, nicking my fingers a little bit. Comet and Cheerilee try to help me push the cocoon out of the way. It's a solid five minutes of cutting, but they slide out of the cocoons. I throw the knife down and pull them into a crushing hug. I never want to let go. I'm never letting this happen again.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. "I'm sorry this happened."

"Don't worry about it, Dad," Comet says, nuzzling my neck. "You came and got us! I always knew you would. She kept saying that she'd kill you and stuff, but I knew you'd never let that thing beat you!"

I turn my attention to Cheerilee and run my fingers through her mane. She's staring up at me, her eyes watering. "Your finger," she whispers.

Comet sticks her tongue out. "Blegh. Dang, Dad, you sure you have enough scars?"

At least she can be chipper. I force a smile on my face. "Yeah, I had too many fingers anyway. Might need to have a medic take a look."

"Yeah," Cheerilee whispers. She leans into my chest and nuzzles me. "Yeah, that's probably a good idea."

"Mom told me that when one of those retarded bugs tried to take her away she broke its nose!" Comet says happily. "Guess she learned that kind of stuff from you?"

A ghost of a smile appears on Cheerilee's face as she pulls away. "I could have gotten away if they hadn't brought in another five to dogpile me."

I weakly laugh at that. "You'll have to tell me all about it." I stand up and turn to leave, moving Comet's head until she looks forward. I can't let her see what I did. I turn to the door and flinch back when I see Celestia standing there. I grunt and motion to Chrysalis. "There. She's not getting back up for a while. You can do whatever you want to. I have my family back now."

"Indeed you do," Celestia mutters, but I don't miss the glare on her face. I narrow my eyes, but don't say anything. "The battle out in the forest has ended. There are medics waiting for the three of you outside of the castle."

I slide my knife back into its sheath and pick Comet up, holding her against me with the hand that still has all of its fingers on it. She wraps her forelegs around my neck and nuzzles up into my shoulder. I grab Reginald with my other hand and begin walking out of the room with Cheerilee following quietly behind me. Celestia isn't saying anything, but I've known her long enough to get a general inkling of what she's thinking. She's pissed. Bet she thinks I went too far, or something like that. I stop beside her and lean in to her ear.

"I didn't kill her. You get to do whatever you want to her now. I don't care." My eyes narrow, and I hold Comet a little closer. "But don't you dare think that you get to be judgey."

Her eyes narrow a fraction of an inch, and her jaw tightens, but she doesn't respond. Whatever. Chrysalis is her problem now. Without another word, the three of us walk out of the ruined throne room.

37-All Out

Once we leave the old castle, we're met almost instantly by several of Celestia's guards and a few medics. Nobody I can see has anything worse than a few superficial cuts, so I have to guess that the worst fighting happened between Chrysalis and I. Rainbow, Twilight and Applejack are standing off to the side, no doubt discussing everything that has just happened. It's Applejack who first notices me, and she motions at the other two. They turn and bother instantly rush over to me as I put Comet down.

"TD! What happened in there?" Twilight cries, no doubt noticing my mangled finger.

"Dad kicked her ass, that's what!" Comet says with a smirk. "She got in a hit I guess, but that just made Dad even more awesome!"

"Comet, how about we calm down for a bit," Cheerilee says as she pulls Comet closer to hoof her a water bottle. "I'm sure everypony is tired."

"Yeah," I mutter as I sit down. I take a water bottle of my own and don't protest when one of the medics grabs my injured hand in her magic. Given that there isn't anything to actually sew back on, she lights her horn and begins cauterizing the stump. I'm so exhausted from everything that I barely even flinch. My family is safe. I know that it's them, but out of the corner of my eye, I can still see Twilight casting a spell on them to make sure. She smiles and nods when the spell confirms that it's them.

The medic is wrapping my finger in a bandage and checking me over for any other wounds when Cheerilee walks over. Comet is relaying the story of what happened to Twilight, Applejack and Rainbow Dash, so she's fine for the moment. Cheerilee looks a little more... down. Her gaze flicks to my injured hand, but she doesn't comment on it. Instead she sits down next to me and leans against my shoulder.

"Hey," she whispers.

"Hey," I mutter back. "You okay?"

She subtly nods and wraps her forelegs around me. "I pretended for Comet, but... I don't think I've ever been so scared in my life. I didn't know what was going to happen, I couldn't do anything to protect Comet, and she kept talking about how she was going to kill you. If she had--"

"No, don't think like that," I insist, returning her hug with a tight one of my own. "She didn't. Celestia's stopped her, she's never going to hurt anyone ever again, I'm fine, you're fine, Comet's fine..." I take a deep breath and close my eyes. "Everyone is fine. We're all safe from her forever."

"Okay," Cheerilee whispers.

A ghost of a smile crosses my face as a thought strikes me. "Heh, I guess she'd be it, right? Out of all of the villains in my travels all those long years ago, she was the last one who could have been a threat. Aepnet, Purgle, and those Diamond Dogs are definitely not coming back to get me. Guess Chrysalis didn't count on me being... me."

Cheerilee lets out a brief, almost humorless snort. "I guess so. But knowing you, something's going to happen. Maybe Kathyrine will be taken over by the Nightmare and come swear revenge against you for winning a sparring match."

I let out a grin and actually chuckle with some amusement. "Yeah, that'd be interesting. She'd have to take on all four of us, though. No chance she'd win."

"Oh, of course not," Cheerilee agrees. "If Chrysalis can't stop us, who could?"

"Definitely," I reply. "She'd try to attack us, but we'd be ready. Comet would distract her by swearing at her a bunch, allowing you to charge and use that earth pony strength of yours to knock her over. Oswald would light me on fire, and I'd finish the fight before she really knew what happened."

Cheerilee giggles and nuzzles my side. "Sounds about right."

And so the two of us just sit for a while, leaning on each other through the chaos.

Once the medics clear us, we go straight home. Anyone who wants to be debriefed can be debriefed later. Right now the four of us just want to go home and crash. Even the excitement from Comet has faded away, and her wings are drooping a little bit on the ground. When we finally reach our house and I push the door open, I can see that it's almost three in the morning. Yeah, that sounds about right.

I pick Comet up and carry her to her room while Oswald flies up to his. She lets out a noise of contentment and nuzzles into my chest. I manage a smile and put her down on her bed when we reach her room. Her eyes are already closed when I pull the covers over to her, and her hoof reaches out to snatch Albert off of the bedside table so she can snuggle with him. I tuck her in tight and she nuzzles the pillow.

"Goodnight, Comet," I whisper. "You're safe now."

Comet smiles and adjusts under the sheets. "You were awesome, Dad," she mutters. "Really kicked her ass. Bet she'd think twice about trying to get you again."

"Yeah, but we're not going to have to worry about that anymore," I insist. "Celestia and Luna have her in stone, so she can't hurt anyone else." I ruffle her mane a bit before standing up and walking toward the door with Cheerilee. Before I exit, I turn back to her. "Love you, Comet. Goodnight."

Comet doesn't respond. I can hear her light snoring. Good. She needs sleep after everything. I leave the door open a crack before Cheerilee and I drag ourselves to our room. I collapse onto our bed without even taking my clothes off. Given that I'm wearing a chainmail shirt, I probably should. I groan and roll off of the bed to begin getting out of my armor so I can get proper sleep. I toss it on the ground to be picked up later and drop my knife belt right next to it. With that done, I plop right back into bed next to Cheerilee, who is already out. I smile and pull the comforter over the two of us. She murmurs in contentment and rolls over to snuggle with me. I wrap my arm around her and let sleep take us.

We're safe. No one is going to hurt us ever again.

When I open my eyes, it's still dark out. Huh, I thought that I'd sleep longer than that. My bedside clock tells me that it's only five in the morning. Unless it's five the next day, my body woke me up way too early. I look over and see Cheerilee conked out next to me. Good. If she and Comet slept until the next day, that would be fine with me. As much as Comet enjoyed seeing me kick Chrysalis's behind, the whole ordeal probably drained her a ton. Being in those cocoons probably didn't help either.

I would know.

My stomach growls and tells me that if I'm up, I could at least find something to eat. Cheerilee and I went shopping a few days ago, so I we should have some things to snack on. I slide out of bed and quietly walk out of our room. Cheerilee mutters something and I freeze, worried that I've woken her up, but after a few moments, she relaxes and I hear her light snoring resume. I quietly make my way down the stairs to the kitchen, but pause when I see something.

Or rather, someponies. Two of them.

For pete's sake.

A glare crosses my face, and I flip on the main room light. As expected, Celestia and Luna are standing in my living room. Ugh. Seriously?!

"Did you actually break into my house?" I growled.

Luna shook her head as the two walked up to me. "Your ordeal drained you all. You are still asleep. We are in the realm of dreams, right now."

I grunt and facepalm. "Okay, so I'm dreaming." I look down at my hand where my finger is still missing. Guess the dream explains why it isn't hurting. "So what do you want?"

"We have come to discuss the recent events with you and Chrysalis," Celestia says. " We have some... concerns."

I roll my eyes and lean back against the wall. "Is she coming back? Did I kill her?"

Celestia shakes her head. "No. She is in stone and will not hurt anypony ever again. We will shortly begin making efforts to help the changelings. No, our concern is your... methods in defeating her."

I straighten up and raise an eyebrow. "I didn't kill her. So what's the issue?"

"TD, I understand that you needed to incapacitate her, and that she would not have been defeated easily," Luna began. "However--"

"Let me stop you right there," I say holding a hand up. "You feel like I went too far to stop her?" I scoff. "Are you kidding me? She'd already come back for revenge, kidnapped my family, and she'd just bitten my finger off. All bets are off at that point."

"TD, if she had not been put in stone, your attack would have left her a vegetable," Celestia said. "You--"

My eyes narrow and I rush up to her. "No. No, no, no, you don't get to be like this," I snap. "You put her in stone! Not like that's the most fun thing either."

"Putting her in stone is more akin to stasis," Celestia countered. "She would not have been aware of anything. Discord's powers make him an anomaly in that regard, but--"

"No, see, you're doing it again," I growl. "But let me get this straight. I just want to understand exactly what's going on here." I clear my throat and alternate between looking at the two of them. "You saw what I did to her and thought it was a bit far. So, after you put her in stone, you wait until I'm asleep, then go into my dream to lecture me about what I did to protect my family!"

Both of them frown at me before Celestia speaks up again. "TD, I understand needing to protect your family, but I merely have concerns about your methods. You kept attacking her when she was no longer a threat."

I scoffed and shrugged. "How was I supposed to know that she wasn't a threat anymore? She could have been playing possum. She'd already bitten my finger off. I wasn't going to let her take me by surprise to get another shot in."

Luna's eyes narrow. "Was that really the reason, or--"

Oh, that did it.

Now, if the two of them weren't coming to scold me for what they saw as excessive, they might have taken some time to think things through. The number one thing to think through was that this was my dream. Meaning of the three of us, I was the one in control.

Should have thought of that before they ignored everything about my perspective on things.

"You wanna know something, you two? I get that you're out to protect your subjects and you don't like too much violence and you want to make sure everything is okay. Having said that? You can be real cunts."

Before they can respond, the floor opens up and vines shoot out of them. They wrap themselves around Celestia and Luna before the two of them can even move. Luna lights her horn, but with a wave of my hand, the spell dies out.

"You know what I'm really sick of?" I growl, walking over to them, keeping myself ready if the two of them try to break out. "These fucking double-standards that you hold me to. Oh, if you or your little ponies do it, it's fine, but heaven for-fucking-bid that TD does anything out of line!"

The two of them try to struggle out of the vines, but they're not budging.

"TD..." Celestia begins. "What--?"

"I hit you in the face? Boom! Twilight and her friends beat the hell out of me with no repercussions! I finally find somebody who I want to spend my life with? Well we can't have that without threats of violence if I make a mistake!" Celestia opens her mouth to reply, but I clamp her mouth shut. "I protect my family? The only ones here who make it so that I actually feel like I have a home here? That I'm not some freak living in a land somewhere he'll never truly belong? Well, you come into my dreams to 'have a discussion' with me about how I went too far!"

"TD, that wasn't our intention," Luna insists.

"Then what was your intention?" I ask, turning to her. "You didn't exactly come to see if I was doing alright. What were you doing? You immediately launched into lecture mode. Why? What possibly benefit did you think would come from this? Making me feel like a horrible person for protecting my family?"

"We just wanted--" But I cut Celestia off again. I grabbed her by the throat and leaned in close to her ear.

"Maybe I did go too far. Maybe I did hurt her too much. Let me ask you this." I narrow my eyes and lean in a few inches further. "What if it had been Luna?" I glance over at Luna. "What if it had been Celestia?"

Celestia flinches slightly, and I know that I've gotten to her. Yeah, not so easy to be high-and-mighty when you actually get it, is it?

I let Celestia go and take a few steps back. "Let's say that that an evil entity came through my door right now and was going to possess Luna again and turn her into Nightmare Moon. What would you do, Celestia? Would you just stun it?"

Celestia doesn't respond. She just stares ahead at Luna. Yeah, thought so.

"No, you'd destroy it. You'd crush it with every bit of your power, to hell with the consequences. And if it was left as a wreck afterward? So what? Luna is safe." I shake my head as the vines holding them down recede. When they're free, neither of them say a word. "What, no condescending retort about how I did something awful and you would have done differently?" I walk back up to Celestia and nudge her head up until she's looking me right in the eye. "Cheerilee, Comet and Oswald are all I have. I have some friends here, sure, but in terms of a family? They're it. I lost my family once. I lost everything once. All of my friends, all of my family, everything connected to all of my life experiences, all of it. I can't do that again. in fact, this isn't even the first time Comet has been kidnapped. Those idiots that claimed to be her real parents kidnapped her on Nightmare Night. I've never been so scared in my life than when I saw Cheerilee lying on the ground with broken ribs and telling me that they'd taken her. Now someone has them who is going to hurt them. Badly."

I take a deep breath and let Celestia go. Both her and Luna are just staring at me, unsure of what to say.

"I'd do it again," I continue. "I'd do it again, and let's be honest here for once: you would, too. If Chrysalis had Luna, you'd destroy her. You might have even killed her. Probably would have. You have your subjects to love and watch over, but in terms of family? You two have each other, and you both know what it's like to completely lose that."

When the two of them don't say anything else, I scoff and shake my head. "Let's say it happens. Chrysalis has Luna and you use a little too much force to stop her. Celestia, why would you go that far? You had her beat. Luna was safe, right? You just about broke every part of Chrysalis. How could you? Luna was safe."

None of us speak for a few minutes after that. Glad they finally get it. They're not the perfect ponies they say they are, and I'm not some pony who is willing to go along with everything that they say. I may be an Equestrian citizen, but they aren't these infallible goddesses to me. They're just as much hypocrites as anyone else can be. It's Celestia who breaks the silence.

"I... I'm sorry," she whispers. "I don't know why, but I failed to understand. I think we've both always failed to understand, and of anypony, I should know most what it is like to lose everything like that." She goes over to Luna, and the two nuzzle each other. My anger starts to fade away, but not completely.

"Yeah, you should have understood," I growl. "If I lose them, what am I left with? Some friends? They're not a substitute for a real family, no matter how close. What were you left with? Which friends you had through those thousand years made up for losing Luna?"

"None," Celestia mutters. She takes a deep, shaky breath and looks over to me. "All I can say now is I'm sorry. You have been through much in these last nearly twenty years. More than almost anyone I have ever met. I lost sight of that."

"As did I," Luna chimes in. "You have had precious few bright spots in your life since you arrived."

"Yeah. So you're sorry. Great." I take a deep breath and rub my temples. "I'm sure you two have more stuff to do. Talk to you later."

After a moment, both of them look to each other and nod. "Yes, we do," Celestia says. "We will... talk later." The two walked over to my door, but before they left, Celestia turned back to me. "If you need anything. Anything at all--"

"Just go."

With that, the two of them left.

Then I woke up.

It took me a few seconds to realize that I was back in my bed. Cheerilee was sleeping peacefully beside me. I quick glance at the clock told me that it was just past eight in the morning. I rolled over and scooted closer to my wife. She was safe. Comet was safe. I wasn't going to lose either of them. Cheerilee let out a happy mutter when I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her closer as I slowly drifted back to sleep.

I wake up the next morning, still holding Cheerilee. I look at the clock and see that it's one in the afternoon. Yeah, guess we were really tired.

I feel Cheerilee shift in my grasp, and she rolls around to face me. She gives me a smile and nuzzles into my chest.

"Good morning."

I smirk at her. "Afternoon."

She raises her head and looks at the clock. "Yes. Right. Afternoon." She drapes her foreleg over my shoulders. "How are you, TD?"

I grimace and shrug. "Okay, I guess. I'm just happy that you and Comet are safe." I look down at my injured finger. "And am a little annoyed that I only have nine and a quarter fingers."

"Yeah, are you okay?" Cheerilee asks, looking up at me with worry. "Does it hurt?"

"It probably will when the pain management spell wears off, but for the moment it's just a bit of a twinge. My biggest issue right now is..." I sighed and closed my eyes. "Celestia and Luna came to see me in my dreams last night."

Cheerilee frowned. "What? Why? To make sure that you were okay?"

I shook my head. "No, they came to berate me about what I did to Chrysalis. They think that I went too far. They said something about how I'd have left her a vegetable if they hadn't put her in stone."

"Oh." Cheerilee sighed and scooted closer to me. "I can't say that I know what it's like to be in your position, TD. However, given everything that's happened to you over the course of the last seventeen years, I can't say that I would have done differently."

"Glad you think so, and..." A small smile crossed my face. "I think I managed to finally get through to Celestia and Luna. They've never really understood me and why I do what I do. It wasn't until I made it personal that it finally clicked for them."

"Oh? How did you do that?"

"I asked Celestia what she would have done if Luna had been the one taken by Chrysalis. Given that she lost Luna for a thousand years just like I lost my family on Earth forever, it finally stuck and they listened to me for once."

"Yes, I can see why that would have clicked for Princess Celestia," Cheerilee said. "What happened to us was horrible, but it was made more horrible because of what you've been through. Some days I don't know how you made it through."

"Same here," I admitted. "But I guess I just took it one day at a time. I always found something to drive me. On my journey it was the hope of going home and some days just flat-out survival. Now that I'm back, it's you, Comet, and Oswald. Pretty important things to keep going for."

"Yeah." Cheerilee looked up at me. "So what are you going to do about Princess Celestia and Princess Luna?"

I shrugged. "Nothing right now. I think we both need to stay away from each other for a bit, but I hope that their understanding sticks." I smile and hold Cheerilee closer to me. "And you know? I think that it did. Maybe going forward things will be better for all of us."

Author's Notes:

Yes, I updated the story to hopefully something less stupid. I do kind of like this better. But for those of you who want the original chapters...

https://docs.google.com/document/d/120lPFsuD7vx-22BwhUAFznGjOraM5ozzSb5t4cd-mwc/edit

40-Prepping

I love sleep. I don't get enough of it. Being a nocturnal pony in the day means that my sleep schedule is way off of what it should be, but I've had to adjust. Once I get my job, whatever that is, I'll try to find something where there is a night shift that I can take. I am a bat pony! I am the night!

Right now I have to be the morning when Dad knocks on my door to get me up. Blegh.

"Comet? Rise and shine, sleepyhead. We've got a big day ahead of us. Early bird gets the worm, and all that."

Yeah, well, the second mouse gets the cheese.

I poke my head out from under the covers and glare at the door. This is the worst part of the day, for sure. Why can't I stop time and just sleep as long as I want?! That would be the best superpower ever. Unfortunately, I don't actually have that superpower, so there's nothing I can do when Dad knocks on the door one more time before cracking it open and poking his head in.

"Comet? Time to get up. I want you to have breakfast before we head out to your advisement meeting."

I groan and slowly slide out from underneath my wonderful, warm, dark comforter. I don't know how Dad can be so awake. My clock says that it's six-thirty in the morning! Six-thirty in the morning! I'll bet Discord or somebody like that made that time. It wouldn't be the worst to stay up until six-thirty, but waking up? Yucky. When I'm out on my own then I'm never going to bed when it's dark out ever. I'm a bat pony, for Luna's sake! Praise the darkness!

"Hey, Comet, did you sleep well?" Dad asks, stepping aside so that I can leave the room. I just grumble in response and trudge in the direction of the bathroom for my shower, glancing in the direction of Oswald's room. Dumb bird gets to sleep in. "I'll take that as a no, then. Well, you've gotta at least be excited for today, right? Advisement for your high school career path is pretty exciting! Back on Earth, they just threw us in and let us figure it out as we went along."

"Wonderful," I grumble as I go into the bathroom and lock the door behind me. "And you're sure that they don't do high school at night?"

Dad chuckles. "No, not in Ponyville, I'm afraid. But hey, it's not going to be so bad." I open up the door to give Dad my best bleary look before closing it and turning on the shower. "Fair enough. In any case, breakfast should be ready by the time you're ready, so you don't have to worry about that."

I grumble something under my breath and slide into the shower once it's warm enough. Thank Luna there's something good about the morning, or else I might just go completely off my rocker here. Dad still keeps in shape after the stuff with the changelings, but he's not as buff as he was when him and Mom adopted me. He's got more of a wiry strength instead of muscle. Either way, I'm too strong for him to actually drag out of my room now. But then I'd get in trouble and my academic career would whatever I don't care right now. Shower warm.

Unfortunately, I can't stay in the shower forever, so I finish up and get out, drying myself off before trudging down the stairs to the kitchen where Dad is at the table reading a newspaper while Mom has eggs going. I walk over to the cabinet for a bowl for cereal.

"Excited, Comet?" Mom asks as she mixes cheese into the eggs. "This is a big moment for you."

"Uh-huh," I grunt, pouring the cereal. "Yeah, really excited."

"You up late last night?" Dad asks with a disapproving frown. "You knew you had to get up early today."

I groan and plunk the spoon into the bowl. "I wasn't up too late, Dad! Jeez, just get off of my case, alright? I'm a friggin' bat pony! We kind of like the night."

"I got that, and I'm a night owl myself, but you're going to be working on, what, five hours of sleep?"

Three, but why let them know that?

"Yeah, yeah, I'll get to bed earlier tomorrow." I take a bite of cereal as Mom puts a plate of eggs in front of me.

"You nervous, Comet?" Mom asks as she sits down next to me and pours me a cup of coffee. I instantly snatch it and down the whole thing, causing Mom to give me a flat look. I put the cup back down and start on the eggs.

"Yeah, I guess," I reply. "Not like she's gonna be mean, though, right?"

"Nah, I'm sure she's really good at what she does," Dad replies. "You wanna go somewhere to celebrate once the day is over, Comet? I'm sure Pinkie Pie has some good stuff at Sugarcube Corner."

My ears actually perk up at that. If there's one thing that hasn't changed since I was a filly, it's my sweet tooth. Back at the orphanage, we didn't get candy or sugary things all that often, so when we did get them, they were coveted. They were like dirty magazines and cigarettes in prison. If a filly stole some of somepony else's candy, it meant a bitch was about to get shanked. Metaphorically speaking. Mostly. They were also good betting materials, since we didn't really have bits. It's one of the big reasons that we tended to ask to go get ice cream when we met up with prospective parents. In any case, a trip to Sugarcube Corner wasn't anything to just turn down. I actually managed a smile.

"Yeah, I guess that sounds like a good idea."

"Sugarcube Corner it is," Dad replies with a knowing smile. Ugh. It's not as cool when I know that Dad only brought it up because he knows me too well and is using psychology on me and stuff.

We finish up breakfast and I head upstairs to brush my teeth before we head out. Mom and Dad are already ready to go once I grab my small saddlebag and make it downstairs. Dad opened up the door for the two of us, then we headed out. Since it was early, all of the stalls for the market were still being set up and Miss Derpy was in the middle of her rounds. She'd somehow gotten a little more coordinated and better at delivering mail to the right house as she got older. Don't ask me how. I always thought that it would go the other way.

The air isn't too chilly as the three of us walk in the direction of Ponyville High. Mom and Dad try talking to me, but I don't really respond with any thing substantial. I'm not going to admit it to them, but I'm a little nervous about this. My school experience was a little wonky since I spent a lot of time in the orphanage's educational system with various she groups, then homeschooling from Mom after I got adopted, so actually going to a school where I'd be for four years with children around my age is odd to me. Guess it's my last chance to actually make friends for a long time.

I flinch back a bit when I see that we've turned down the street for Ponyville High. It's actually kind of imposing. Dad was telling me that a lot of high schools back on Earth look like they were designed by people who also designed prisons, but this isn't quite that bad. It's not as quaint and friendly as Mom's schoolhouse, especially since it's, like, twenty times that size or something, but at least it isn't gray concrete. It's still made out of brick, but the color isn't quite as warm as the rest of Ponyville. It's painted green and gold, but it's not as vibrant. It sticks out like a sore thumb, as Dad would put it.

It doesn't look very welcoming.

As we get closer, I can see that there are a lot of ponies going into the school. I'm gathering that they're all parents and freshmares like me. Out of a vain sense of hope, I scan the crowd to see if there's maybe another bat pony in the crowd, but, surprise, surprise, nothing. All day ponies. Well, what else is new?

When we finally make it in, we're directed toward a large gym and given a number. Mom, Dad and I sit on the bleachers and just kind of pony watch. A lot of the fillies and colts look as nervous as I feel. Their parents are probably talking to them about how they're gonna do great, and they'll be straight-A students and make valedictorian and all that. Wonder how many are going to be D-minus students who end up living in their parents' basement for years.

"Number five-five-nine!" a stallion close to us calls out. "Number five-five-nine!"

I look down at the paper in my hooves. Five-six-zero. Oh boy.

"Looks like you're next," Mom says, wrapping a foreleg around my shoulders. "You'll do fine. I'm sure they're all nice ponies here."

"Yeah? Were all of your teachers and faculty nice at your high school?" I ask. Mom and Dad both pointedly look away from me. Yeah, that's what I thought. I huff and look back down at the paper. "Right. Whatever. I'm sure you're right."

"And even if one or two of them aren't that great, I'm sure that they'll be the minority," Dad chimes in. "Most of my teachers in high school were perfectly nice. My advice is to sit in the front of the class, do your homework, as awful as it is, and ask questions. It'll show them that you're actually there to learn and not just try to coast through every thing with a C average."

I sigh and roll my eyes. "Yeah, yeah, whatever," I grumble. "Not sure if I want to do that for every class, especially if the teacher is a co--" I stop myself just in time. "Uh, a pony who isn't as nice."

"And no swearing," Mom says, narrowing her eyes at me. "Especially not in front of the teachers. They're not going to like that."

"Grmph. I'm gonna be--"

"Number Five-six-zero!" the stallion calls out, causing me to squeak and jump a little. I get up fast enough that I almost trip over my hooves and smack Mom and Dad in the face with my wings, but I save myself just in time to not crash and make the whole gym look and probably point and laugh. I hop down to the floor and walk up to the stallion, hoofing him my paper.

"Uh, I'm five-six-zero."

The stallion nods and motions to the double doors leading out of the gym. "Alright. If you'll follow me, I'll take you to Miss Mind."

"Okay," I whisper as I begin following him.

"You'll do great!" Mom calls out after me.

"We believe in you!" Dad adds.

Ugh, come on, guys! You're embarrassing me! In any case, I try to console myself with the thought that the other ponies probably didn't hear Mom and Dad, and follow the stallion down a few hallways to the councilor's office. I want to ask him about how the process works, but my nerves get the better of me and I stay quiet. There are enough ponies around me that he might not hear my anyway, which I guess is fine. It's not a long trip anyway.

We reach the row of doors and the stallion pushes one at the very end open before stepping aside to let me enter.

"Miss Mind? I have Miss Powell here for you."

I take a deep breath and walk up to the door, keeping my head high to make her think that I'm not as nervous as I actually am. When I walk in, I see a kindly looking earth pony mare sitting behind a desk. She doesn't look that much older than Mom. Few years, maybe. She smiles when she sees me and motions to a chair in front of her desk.

"Of course, of course, come in Miss Powell!" I nod back and sit down at the offered chair as the stallion closes the door behind me. Miss Mind flips through a few folders before finding one that's probably mine. She flips it open and places it on the desk in front of her. "Now, introductions are in order. I'm Bright Mind. I'm one of the guidance councilors at Ponyville High. You are Miss Comet Screech Powell, correct?"

"Yeah, that's me. You can call me Comet," I reply.

"Comet it is, then. Now, then..." She puts a pen down on the table and steeples her hooves. "Your cutie mark is a nightshade flower, if my information is accurate."

"Yeah, that's right," I say. "Got it when I was seven. Usual age, I guess. One of the colts at the orphanage got into some cleaning chemicals and I smelled them on him, which told the caretakers what he'd gotten in to."

"Interesting. So, do you have any ideas of what career paths you want to pursue, then? There are several opportunities for a pony with a talent like that."

"Uh, I dunno," I reply with a shrug. "Maybe medicine something?"

"The medical field would certainly be benefited by somepony with your talents. Toxicology might be an interesting avenue to explore." Miss Mind grabbed a sheet from a set of stacks on her desk. "So you have a good sense of smell, then?"

"Oh yeah," I say with a smile. "Smell, hearing and vision. I can use echolocation if I really want to, but..." I shrug again. "I'm awake during the day for the most part, so I don't have to all that often. But yeah, good smell, too." I sniff the air around us. "So the filly in here before me uses a coconut-based shampoo. A little too much of it, based on what I'm getting here." I give Miss Mind a slight smirk. I love doing this. It both impresses ponies and freaks them out a little bit. "And you switched conditioners a few days back, right?"

Miss Mind's jaw dropped open slightly and she blinked owlishly at me. "Er... yes, that's true. Quite remarkable. Quite remarkable indeed. No wonder you managed to smell the chemicals on your classmate."

"Yeah, it's pretty neat." I lean back in my chair a bit. This isn't so bad. Not sure why I was worried. "So is there anything other than medical? I mean, I could work for Princess Luna as an assassin, or something!"

"Eheh, I'm not sure about that portion of it," Miss Mind says with a wry smile. "However, the guard is certainly an option as well, both the Lunar and Solar. Forgive me if I'm not..." Miss Mind spins her hoof. "Intimately familiar with the relationship between thestrals and Princess Luna."

"You can just call us bat ponies," I reply with a roll of my eyes. "I don't care about being PC. Anyway, yeah, I guess we're a little closer to her than Celestia. We don't worship her or anything for the most part. Some ponies do because we were created by her night magic, but on the whole we just see her as the better princess."

"I see."

"Yeah, it's pretty neat, I guess." I clear my throat and motion back to the folder. "So should I, like, take a couple of classes in each, then?"

"You can certainly do that," Miss Mind says with a nod. "Of course, I am not here to demand that you do anything. I'm merely here to advise you, nothing more. You can take whatever classes you desire. You're not limited in any way."

"Right, right. Makes sense. Might as well give it a go, then. You have a list, or something?"

"I do," Miss Mind confirms, picking up a set of papers stapled together and hoofing them over to me. "The freshmare classes are on the first three pages. Front and back. On top of any classes you will be taking for your potential career options, there are also the general education requirements of Ponish, social studies, math and sciences."

I stick out my tongue as I begin flipping through the lists. Never been one for math or Ponish classes. Not really wild about social studies either, but science can be kind of interesting if you get the right classes. From what I can see, most of the freshmare core classes are pretty standard. Not a lot of variation, except for the science ones, which have three or four options. Miss Mind hoofs me a form for my classes, and I start filling it out with the ones that look interesting, including a medical class and a gym class to keep me in shape in case I want to go the guard route. The rest are those doubtlessly boring gen ed classes. I try to pick the ones that sound the most interesting, but "Intro to Physics" can't possibly be any good.

Blegh.

Out of random curiosity, I flip to the back pages to see what kind of classes the juniors and seniors can take. A "Sports and Relaxation" class catches my eye. Dang. Why can't that be for everypony?! In any case, I've filled out the form after about fifteen minutes with some advising from Miss Mind. Once I'm done, I slide the form back to her.

"Well, I hope you enjoy all of your classes, Comet," Miss Mind says as she stands up, prompting me to do the same. "As I said: I'm not here to tell you what your high school path should be, so if you don't feel called toward the medical field or the guard, feel free to come meet with me and we can discuss whatever you need. I'm here to help you."

I smile back at her and nod. "Yeah, sounds good. I'll let you know. Thanks a lot for your help."

"Any time, Comet. Any time."

As she closes the door behind her, I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding in. It wasn't quite as bad as I thought it would be, but I had two very different career options before me unless I wanted to be an army medic, or something. Not too sure about that. In either case, it was at least good that I didn't have to pick one today. That would have been way too stressful.

I make it back to the gym where Mom and Dad are still sitting on the bleachers talking to each other. Mom notices me first, and the two of them stand up and smile when they see me coming up to them.

"Hey, Comet! How was it?" Mom asks.

"Uh, yeah, it was good," I reply. "Got one of each gen ed classes, a gym class, and a medical course."

"Medical class, huh?" Dad says. "You thinking you'd enjoy being a doctor?"

"Well, she suggested toxicologist because of my cutie mark and stuff, which does sound interesting. The gym one is in case I wanted to be one of Princess Luna's guards or something."

"Huh. Well, I hope you enjoy all of your classes, at any rate," Dad says. "It's gonna be a big change, that's for sure."

"Yeah, yeah," I mutter with a roll of my eyes. "Not sure why I have to take four years of Ponish. I speak it just fine!"

"Part of high school, I'm afraid," Dad says. "I myself couldn't stand the math or science classes, but I got through most of them okay. However, now that we have all of that out of the way, who's up for that trip to Sugarcube Corner?"

Me!

Author's Notes:

BTW, I actually took a sports and relaxation class in college. It was pretty awesome. For two of our classes, they got out mats, put on relaxing music, and let us take a nap. The yoga bits weren't as fun.

40-Twenty

I pour another drink and leaned back in the chair, taking a deep breath as I look out of my living room window. The sun is slowly lowering, bathing the room in a pleasing orange and red glow. I take a sip of my drink just as I hear the hoofsteps of my wife coming into the room.

"TD? Are you okay? You've been looking out the window for an hour now."

"Yeah, I'm fine," I mutter before finishing the drink. I consider pouring another one, but it's probably best to stop. Save it for more occasions. "Just thinking is all."

"Oh? About what?" Cheerilee asks as she pushes a chair over to me and sits down. I allow myself a small smile. She's older than when we met. Much older. Twenty years will do that to a pony. Or a human, for that matter. Her mane is slowly starting to dull a little bit, and she's finding more gray hairs than she used to have. Not that I look much better, really. I probably look a lot older than she does. I've been through a lot.

"It's been twenty years, Cheers," I mutter, looking down at my hand and focusing on where my pointer finger used to be. "Long time. Longer than I thought. It went by so fast, didn't it? I remember when we adopted Comet. She was so little. When did she grow up? She's starting high school in a few days."

"Yeah, don't remind me," Cheerilee says with a groan. "She's almost too big to fit on your back."

"Almost."

"But why are you reminiscing now?" she asks, putting the cap back on the bottle. "I've never seen you do this."

"Yeah." I take a deep breath and put my glass down before scratching at my neatly trimmed goatee. "It's been twenty years. Or rather, twenty years and eighty-five days. When I came to Equestria, I was twenty years and eighty four days old. So as of today..." My eyes twitch toward the bottle again. "I've spent more time in Equestria than Earth."

"Oh. Yeah, I can see how that would be hard," she says, leaning against my shoulder. "I can't imagine being taken from your home world like that."

"So I was pondering if I was more Equestrian than Earthling now. Or Canadian-American. However you want to put it. I've certainly been shaped by my Equestrian experiences more than my Earth ones. Just my trip around the world shows that. If I'd stayed back home, if I was never pulled into Equestria, I'd probably be teaching fifth grade in a small town. Now I'm rich beyond my wildest dreams, I have you, I have Comet and Oswald, I've had some amazing experiences and..." I look back down at where my pointer finger used to be again. "Some not so great ones. Even when I was pulled into Equestria, I wouldn't have predicted that things would turn out like this.

"Well, nopony knows who they're going to look like twenty years into the future. When I woke up the day that I met you, I didn't know that I'd be meeting a being from another world who I would go on to marry and adopt a bat pony with. I know most beings think they have a general idea of where their life is going to go, but I've found time and time again that they're almost never correct. Even Princess Celestia, who's immortal and has seen countless scenarios play out and has made a lot of plans, can never really know what's around the corner. I think you're proof of that."

"Yeah. Celestia." I chuckle and shake my head. "Man. That whole situation. You know, though? I'm glad I'm here. I know I never would have said it back when I was first brought here, but even through all of the bad stuff, I'm still glad that I'm here. I'll always miss Earth, of course. I'll always miss my friends and parents and sister." I glance back at the bottle that Cheerilee has closed up and consider opening it up again for a brief moment before deciding against it.

"I don't really know how to feel right now, though," I continue, tracing the rim of the glass with my finger. "I mean, yeah, I have you and Oswald and Comet, but I lost my old family. I'm from Earth and I grew up there, but I've seen and done amazing things here. I don't know if I should feel happy or sad that I've spent more time here. I feel weird, regardless."

"I don't see why you can't feel both," Cheerilee points out. "The emotions of one fact don't negate the other ones. I know this is hard for you, but we're all here. That's never going to change. You're not wrong to feel the way you do, TD. Not at all. You've been through it."

"No kidding," I mutter. "I"m forty, but I look like I'm in my fifties. Time has not been kind to me." I sigh and rub my goatee. "But I'm chugging along, I suppose. Not much else to do."

"Well, we'll chug along with you, of course," Cheerilee says, rubbing my chest and nuzzling my neck. "You've had a strange life, TD. Nopony can deny that. You're the strongest being that I know. I hope that someday, somehow, you get to at least see Earth again, but in regards to you being Equestrian versus Canadian-American, I think you're still an Earthing at heart. You've had amazing experiences here, but nopony can take away the experiences you had on Earth that made you into the man that you where when you came here."

"I guess so." I take a deep breath and place my glass back on the table before wrapping my arm around Cheerilee. She scoots her chair closer so that she can lean on me more comfortably.

And so the two of us sit there watching the sun sink behind the horizon.

Author's Notes:

I've been on this site for seven years. I've been writing TD for about that long, too. November 23rd 2012. Since then, I've written dozens of stories, met a ton of awesome fans, made some great friends, shared a lot of laughter, done panels, stood for photos and gave out autographs. I've met several people who work on the show, Lauren Faust helped make the unity candle for my wedding, I've gotten better at writing, I've done things that I'm going to look back on quite fondly. This time in my life has been spectacular, as far as the fandom is concerned. I've also been married to a wonderful, amazing woman and had the cutest baby ever to live who smiles whenever he wakes up in the morning and sees Daddy.

If I didn't have a crazy roommate with Pinkie and Twilight plushies with a drawing of Pinkie on the fridge who insisted that I watch the show... I don't know if I have any of that.

And to my readers, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. If it weren't for you and your love of this snarcastic human, I don't think I'd still be in this fandom. But your support has given me the drive and passion I needed to take this somewhere. You're all awesome.

And jeez. I hadn't updated this in a year, then I put out three chapters in two days. Just like old times!

40-First Day

I'm alternating between wishing that there was still time between the advisement day, and glad that my first day of high school is finally here. I have a bunch of interesting classes, and some not so interesting ones, and they should at least, on the whole, be fun, I guess.

I take a deep breath and walk into Ponyville High, sparing one last glance to Mom and Dad, who are waving me off and saying encouraging things. Hopefully they won't do that every day. It probably won't be more than a few weeks or so before this all becomes routine, and I can just fly to school like the pegasi.

I adjust the strap of my saddlebag before opening it up and checking my school schedule. It occurs to me that I probably should have spent a day actually seeing where all of my classes are, but there's also a map on the back of my schedule. That's nice. Looks like my first class of the day is chemistry with Professor Beaker in room 115-B. Alright. I look up at the signs leading to each of the hallways which are helpfully labeled with which pod of rooms they lead to. I find the one with "100-120." Looks like I have my destination. A quick glance of the clock tells me that I have fifteen minutes. Easy.

I know that I have a locker, but all of my books are in my bag, so I won't need to drop them all off right this second. I'll probably try to find it after school so that I'm not wasting time getting to class. It's not like my locker is going anywhere, right?

As I walk through the crowd of high-schoolers, I note that none of the pegasi are flying to their classes. Darn. It would definitely get me around much faster if I could just spread my wings and fly where I needed to go, but it was kind of a faux pas to fly indoors in some place that wasn't a gym or something like that. Plus a bunch of rowdy teenagers flying around where most of the staff couldn't get to them would be an issue.

Turning right at the 100s, I begin glancing at the room numbers. All of them seem to be A. Let's see. B. Where are the B rooms? Hmm. Did I miss something? I reach 115-A and look around just in case I missed it. Nope. No B rooms. I glance at the clock nearby. Still ten minutes. It shouldn't be an issue. I turn away from the room and continue walking around the pod. My ears perk up when I see a set of stairs. Of course! That should be where all of the B rooms are. I quickly go down them and see that my suspicions are correct, and it isn't more than a minute before I find my room.

Alright. Piece of cake. Upon entering, I see that most of my classmates are already there. Instead of regular desks, the room is filled with long black tables that seat four ponies apiece. Uh... do I have an assigned one, or is this kind of a "pick an empty spot" kind of thing?

"Ah, good morning, Miss Screech," a voice beside me says. I turn around to see a thirty-something stallion with a yellow coat and powder blue mane and a bubbling beaker for a cutie mark smiling at me. I could ask how he knew my name specifically, but, heh, I don't think that he's had many bat ponies in his class.

"Hey." I nod to him. "How's it going?"

"Quite well, Miss Screech," he replies. He motions to one of the tables which already has two ponies sitting at it. One is an orange unicorn mare, and the other is a light silver pegasus. "You can sit at that table with Miss Silver Shine and Orange Peel"

"Sounds good." I walk over to the two of them, and a little stress goes away when they both smile and wave at me. At least the two of them shouldn't be catty jerks, or something like that. I sit down at the empty seat and put my saddlebags next to my chair.

"Hey, my name is Silver Shine!" Before I can respond, she throws her forelegs around me and hugs me tight. "I'm a hugger! We're going to be the best of friends! You, me, and Orange Peel!"

Orange Peel sighs and rubs under her horn. "Silver, we talked about this. You have to at least know her name before you start making her uncomfortable with your hugging stuff."

"I already know her name! It's Comet Screech!"

She lets go of me, and I feel like I've just gotten out of a vice. I gasp as I can finally breath again and start rubbing my sides. She's got an iron grip. "Uh, I me--"

"Come on, weren't you paying attention?" Silver asks with a frown. "Professor Beaker just said so."

Orange Peel grunts and shakes her head. "Forget it." She extends her hoof to me like a normal pony, and I shake it. "I'm Orange Peel."

"Yeah, like, Professor Blackboards just said that!" Silver says.

I frown. "But you introduced yourse--"

"This is so exciting!" Silver squees, clapping her hooves together. "I love meeting new ponies!"

If this chick and Pinkie Pie ever get together, I think Ponyville might explode. I need to keep them apart however I can.

Before I can say anything else, she frowns and tilts her head at me. "So, like, you're a bat pony and stuff, right?"

I exchange a look with Orange Peel whom I can already tell is the sane one of the group. She only rolls her eyes and shakes her head as I look back at Silver. "Your observation skills are on point."

"Huh, yeah." Silver taps her jaw. "So, like, you're a bat pony, then. Don't you guys sleep during the day or something like that? But since you stay awake during the day, how come you're a bat pony?"

Orange Peel groans and double facehooves at this idiotic lunatic. "Holy Celestia, Silver you can't just ask somepony why they're a bat pony."

"Oh, sorry," Silver replies, flattening her ears at me. Before I can get in another word, she perks up again. "So hey, we swear to Celestia and stuff, right? Do you guys swear to Luna?"

"Uh... yeah, sometimes, I guess." No need to tell them that my swearing tends not to involve princesses.

"Cooooool!" Silver replies. "You're, like, so exotic! With the eyes and the wings and stuff!" She grins and nudges my shoulder. "I'll bet you could get any colt or filly in the school if you wanted."

I flinch back. "Well, not fillies. I'm straight."

"I am in pain," Orange Peel moans. "Why am I friends with you, again?"

"Because I get better grades than you and we've known each other since before we got our cutie marks," Silver replies with a wave of her hoof before turning to me. "Anyway, so do bat ponies--" Silver gasps and puts her hooves up to her mouth. "Oh no! Oh no, I'm sorry, but I didn't even think about it! The PC term for you guys is thestral, right?"

"Bat pony is fine," I say through gritted teeth.

Silver lets out a loud, exaggerated sigh of relief and pulls me into another hug. "Yay! I didn't offend you!" She releases me and tilts her head with a frown. "Or should I call other bat ponies threstrals, but since we're bestest friends I get to call you a bat pony?"

"No, we're all fine with the term bat pony." I'm beginning to sympathize with Orange Peel.

I'm starting to wish that I got here a little faster so that I could sit next to Orange Peel. Either that or get a different table entirely, since that would mean Silver Sine would be on my other side, but I could ignore her and talk to Orange Peel. Maybe I can still do that. I lean forward past Silver. "So, uh, your cutie mark is about oranges?" Orange Peel smiles and nods, no doubt happy to change the subject.

"Yeah. I'm from Dodge Junction originally. My family competes with the cherry business there. I think we do alright."

"Great," I reply with a smile. "My mom's family grows oranges, too."

"So wait, bat ponies grow o--"

"It's the orchard right outside of Baltimare," I continue as I shove my hoof into Silver's mouth.

"Oh, yeah, I know that one." Orange Peel's eyes narrow and she gives me a fake glare. "I know which one you're talking about. What's it like growing sub-par oranges?"

I scoff and buff my hoof against my chest. "Wouldn't know. My grandparents grow the best oranges in Equestria."

"Still not sure how bat ponies grow oranges," Silver says after taking my hoof out of her mouth.

"I'm adopted, alright?" I growl. I don't fucking care what my fake parents are doing. Sure, they can grow oranges. Whatever. "My mom is an earth pony and my dad is a human."

You know, maybe I shouldn't have said that specifically. Again, Orange Peel is taking it rather well, looking at me with interest, but Silver's eyes are wider than I've ever seen them, which is currently saying something. Somehow I feel like I haven't even seen the extent of her madness quite yet.

Instead, she surprises me.

"Cool!" she says in a still energetic but relatively normal tone. She puts her saddlebag on the table and pulls out a well-worn copy of Dad's book. "Your dad is pretty awesome! I especially liked the bit with Chrysalis." She doesn't notice my flinch. "I had some family in Canterlot during the wedding. My mom did some of the bridesmaids' jewelry. But I got lucky when I got the book and was in Baltimare when your dad was doing a signing." She opened the book up to the first page and showed me. Definitely my dad's handwriting.

To Silver. In this life you can be oh so smart, or oh so pleasant. I tried smart. I recommend pleasant.

Okay, I'm not sure why she's talking like a normal pony now, but I'm not going to argue against it. She seems nice enough as long as she stays relatively calm. Living in Ponyville for as long as I have means that I deal with Pinkie Pie a lot, so I know about crazy ponies. Maybe Silver is better when she's calm. She seems like it at any rate.

"Yeah, definitely like the part with Chrysalis," Silver says, running her hoof down the cover of the book before sliding it back into her saddlebag.

"Okay, class, now that you've had some time to get to know your table buddies, it's time to get going!" Professor Beaker says from the front of the room. We all turn to face him, with only a few ponies still whispering to each other. A quick look from Professor Beaker stops that. "Thank you. Now, we're actually going to start out today with a little experiment. Something to show you what kinds of things we'll be getting up to over the course of the school year." He motions to the table next to him, which has several boxes on it. They seem to be filled with beakers and bottles of some kind. "If one pony from each table could carefully take one of these boxes back to their group, we can begin."

Orange Peel decides that she's going to be the one who gets it, which is fine by me because she's the closest to the table. She's not gone for more than a few seconds. When she gets back, the three of us start taking the various materials out of the box and setting the beakers into the black holder. Orange Peel also takes a laminated sheet out of the box, as well as a couple of dry erase markers.

"Alright. So this is pretty simple," Professor Beaker says once everypony has their boxes. "You just need to follow the basic formulas on the sheets, and once that's all settled, you should have the correct chemical reaction, but be careful!" Professor Blackboard smirks at us. "If you use the wrong chemicals, or the incorrect amount, you won't get any reaction at all. Don't worry, though: all of these chemicals are perfectly safe. If by any chance you spill some on yourself, you can just go to the water station over there." He motions to something that looks like a water fountain. Guess that's to make sure that ponies who stupidly pour hydrochloric acid on themselves.

Well since he seems to be done talking, the three of us crowd around our sheet. Hmm. Doesn't look terribly complicated. Actually, maybe we don't even need it. I guess for the measurements, but outside of that, we should be fine.

"Okay, so the first chemical we need to use is--"

I don't let Orange Peel get any further before I grab all four bottles and pull them over to myself. I take the caps off of them and lean in for a sniff. Hmm. One of them is definitely water, so I doubt that it's one of the bottles he wants us to use. The other three actually smell like something that you'd use for something like this.

"What are you doing?" Silver asks, tilting her head at me. "You're not going to figure out what's in there just by smelling them, are you?"

"Sure I am." I push the bottle of water over to them. "This one is water." I tap on the middle bottle. "This one smells like vinegar, and I'm not quite sure about the other two, but if I had to guess..." I push the far left bottle aside and pull the beakers closer. I glance at the sheet for the measurements, pour the required amount in each beaker, then dump them both into the third beaker. It instantly starts bubbling over to the surprise of my tablemates.

"Whoa! That's so cool!" Silver says, scooping up a hoofful of bubbles.

"Wait, how could you tell what was in the bottles?" Orange Peel asks, staring at the bubbles which had already started to putter out.

"Yes, I am quite curious about that myself," Professor Beaker says as he walks up to our table with a slight frown. "Students usually take longer than about, ah, thirty seconds to figure this out.

I shrug and poke at the remaining bubbles. "What can I say? I'm a bat pony. We have really good smell, vision, and hearing." I turn around to the table next to us with a smirk. "For example, I can already tell that they're about to make sludge." The three ponies at that table freeze with two beakers in their grasp. They were about three seconds from messing this up. My guess is that they didn't want to actually do the work, so they just picked some random chemicals and decided to go with it.

"Very impressive, Miss Screech," Professor Beaker says, tapping his jaw. "I can foresee you doing well in this class." He points to the laminated sheet that we've been given. "As long as you also learn the science behind it. Your admittedly impressive sense of smell will only get you so far."

"Yeah, yeah, I used the sheets for measurements. I'm not completely dumb."

"I look forward to what you'll do here, then." Professor Beaker turns back to walk up to the front of the room, but stops at the table I had pointed at. "Oh, and Miss Screech is correct. That combination will just make sludge."

I chuckle and lean back in my chair wile my two table partners, and a bunch of other ponies, probably, stare at me with open-mouthed shock.

"Oh. Em. Celestia!" Silver squees. "You have, like, the best sense of smell ever!"

I smirk and quickly glance around at the other tables in the room. Most of them are glancing in our direction, probably disappointed that I didn't pick their table. In any case, I think I did a good job.

Science ends and the three of us walk out of our class. I pull out my schedule and see that gym is next on my list.

"Oh, you have gym next, too?" Silver says, glancing over my shoulder to see my schedule. "Neat. I guess we're going in the same direction, then."

"I've got Ponish class in 206A, so I'll catch you two later," Orange Peel says, motioning to the nearby stairs. Dang. I was kind of hoping that it would be the opposite. Silver is kind of... chatty. Oh well. I don't want to be rude, so I follow alongside her. She seems to know where the gym is, after all, so no reason not to stay with her.

"So is your dad the coolest guy ever?" Silver asks with her usual massive grin. "I mean, just reading his book and the stuff with the death match and the griffins and the changelings is totes mind-blowing!"

"Yeah, he's pretty cool," I reply. "I know that teenage fillies aren't supposed to think that their dad is all that awesome and yeah..." I roll my eyes. "He's got his problems with that. I don't think he knows that I'm not a little filly anymore."

"Pshhh." Silver waves her hoof at me. "That never goes away. I've talked to a few of the seniors around here and even some college freshmares about it, and they say that their dads aren't any better about that. My dad sure isn't."

"Is he the kind of dad who likes to say how pretty and wonderful his beautiful filly is?" I ask with a grin.

Silver rolls her eyes. "Yeah, yeah. He dotes on me, though. A little possessive, really, not that I can blame him all that much. I'll bet your dad spoils you too, right?"

I shrug. "Not really."

I mean, unless you count going into combat to save me spoiling me. Most dads don't do that for their daughters.

"So you're a sophomore, right?" I ask. "What's it like here?"

"It's super awesome!" Silver replies, hopping into the air in a way that reminds me a little too much of Miss Pinkie. "I mean, it's like a normal high school, I guess, but there isn't anything too crazy. You've got your cliques and stuff. Normal. But I don't know if the school has ever had a bat pony go here before!"

Oy.

"I'm sure I'm not the only bat pony that's ever gone here," I say with an eye roll. Sure, of all of the four pony tribes there are far fewer bat ponies than the other three, but that doesn't mean that we all live and work in Canterlot for Princess Luna. I mean... a lot of us do, but not all. There has to have been another bat pony that's gone to Ponyville High at some point. Or lived in Ponyville at all.

The two of us make a turn into a long hallway, and my heightened sense of smell can already pick up that this is the gym. I can smell the locker rooms five doors down. Granted, even if I wasn't a bat pony, I still think that I'd be able to peg where they were.

We enter the gym to see a half-dozen of our classmates already sitting on the floor in front of an aquamarine pegasus mare holding a clipboard with a whistle around her neck. She glances at us as we walk in, followed by another half-dozen classmates. The bell rings, and the mare's gaze briefly flicks up to the ceiling before she waits for the last of us to take a seat.

"Morning, students," she says, glancing down at her clipboard. "Name's Miss Rapids. River Rapids. But I'm your teacher, so you're going to call me Miss Rapids. As you can all guess, I'm one of the gym teachers here. I'm also the swim coach, in case any of your ladies want to try out for the swim team." She sets the clipboard down and begins pacing back and forth in front of us. "So, welcome to your Sports and Conditioning class. Not gonna lie, this isn't some cupcake course were we just toss a hoofball between all of us. Over the course of the school year we will be going through various activities such as hoofball, tennis, track, swimming, bowling, buckball, and so forth." She turns to us and gives us a nasty grin. "Only the strong will survive."

Wow, this one seems like a real class act.

"Don't mistake me, though..." She holds up a hoof. "I'm also going to make sure that you're all taken care of and such. I'm not going to be the kind of gym teacher that pushes you so hard that you collapse from exhaustion and dehydration. I'm not here to kill you. I'm just here to keep you in shape and help you see the limits you can push yourselves to." Her eyes narrow. "But I'm not a fan of quitters. I've been doing this for fifteen years, and I know the difference between a pony who is at their limit and one who is quitting. I can't abide quitters."

Well, at least there's that. I don't quite fancy myself as a quitter. I was raised by a man who walked around the world for six years trying to get home. He did not quit until literally everything was exhausted. My dad didn't raise me to be no quitter.

"Alright, so I'm just going to get a feel for how you fillies do and give you a bit of a warmup." She points a hoof at me. "You Miss Screech?"

Oh brilliant, Miss Rapids. You figure that one out all on your own? Seriously, I think the only reason I'm getting pointed out today is, well, I'm a bat pony.

"Head over to that locker." She motions to one on the opposite wall. "Inside you'll find a bag full of soccer balls. Bring them to me, if you don't mind."

I shrug and stand up, fully intending to get the soccer balls. "Oh, sure."

Miss Rapids smirks at me. "Oh, so you do mind?"

I screech to a halt so fast that I have to flare my wings out to prevent myself from tumbling forward. I slowly turn in her direction, my eyes narrowed.

"Well I do now."

With that, I plop down on the floor and cross my forelegs. As I expected, Miss Rapids doesn't take too kindly to my quip at all.

"You wanna run that by me again?" she growls.

I shrug again. "Sure. You asked me if I minded getting the soccer balls, I said sure, like a dickweed you said that cliche thing everypony says about 'oh, so you do mind', then I found out that I do, in fact, mind getting the soccer balls." I barely hold back an amused snort. "That about sums it up."

Miss Rapids slowly walks up to me and stands over me, trying to look intimidating by towering over me. It actually... kind of works. I get the feeling that in another life she was a drill sergeant.

"Fifty pushups." She bares her teeth at me. "Now."

As fun as it was to quip, and as much as she frankly deserved it, I get the feeling that I shouldn't fight her on this. I roll over and begin doing pushups. She watches me for a solid minute, then turns to the unfortunate colt next to me. "Would you mind getting the soccer balls?"

"N-no, Ma'am," he squeaks before scampering over to the locker to get the soccer balls.

Now, I'm a pony who is decently in shape. Mom and Dad make sure that I eat healthy, and flying tends to burn off a lot of calories. Having said that, about twenty pushups in, I'm starting to feel the burn in my forelegs. Uh-oh. Definitely don't want to piss this teacher off. If she's starting at fifty for a minor cheeky comment, then I'm not sure what she'll do if I show real defiance. All of the soccer balls have been passed out and the groups have formed when I'm at forty. Silver is standing next to me idly tapping on the soccer ball she has in front of her. I guess she's my partner, then.

Forty... one.

Forty... two!

Forty... th... three!

"Are you okay?" Silver dumbly asks. "We're partners for kicking the soccer ball around, by the way." She tilts her head. "Are you almost done?"

I glare at her and grit my teeth as I try to do the last hoofful of pushups. Forty... seven.

F...f...forty... eight!

Forty... nine!

With all of the limited strength that I have left, I slowly push myself up. Fifty! With a loud groan, I collapse onto the ground and groan. Okay, definitely not getting on her bad side again. Before I can say anything to Silver, Miss Rapids walks up to me with a slight frown.

"You gonna talk back like that again?"

For a moment I desperately want to. Seriously, not cool. I mean... yeah, teachers generally don't like it when you talk back to them in general, but I guess it's best to not piss off a gym teacher. The Ponish teacher probably won't have me drop and giver her fifty if I snark at her. For the moment, though, I just giver her a little nod. She nods back and motions to a nearby water fountain.

"Take ten. Get a drink of water. Rest for a bit." She extends a hoof, and I gingerly take it, allowing her to pull me up. I'm a little wobbly, but I don't fall down again. I start limping over to the water fountain before she puts a hoof on my shoulder, stopping me. "You respect me and I'll respect you, Miss Screech. I don't care who your dad is or what he's done, you can't talk to me like that."

"I'm not some spoiled little rich girl," I growl through gritted teeth.

"If you say so." She flicks her hoof to the water fountain. "Take ten."

I limp over to the water fountain and instantly begin sucking water down the second I press down on the pedal. I instantly feel a little rejuvenated, but I can already tell that I'm going to be sore for the rest of the day. I hear what sounds like somepony kicking a ball in my direction, and I turn around to see Silver trotting up to me, expertly kicking the soccer ball around. Huh. Hidden talent, I guess.

"Let me know when you're done so that we can start." She motions to the other colts and fillies around us. "Miss Rapids wants us to just practice kicking the ball back and forth.

"Right," I groan before taking another sip of water. I motion to Miss Rapids as Silver begins bouncing the ball off of the wall. Seriously, is she on the school team? "What's her problem?"

"Dunno. She's kind of a private pony," Silver replies as she kicks the ball into the wall with her left hind hoof, then, as it bounces back, she jumps and twists in the air, allowing herself to kick it back with her right hind hoof without missing a beat. "I've heard that she was married to one of the teachers here a few years back. Mister Blaze, or something like that. Or maybe they weren't married, but they were just together. I don't know." She frowns and tilts her head. "No, they were married. Yeah, I think that's it. Either way, they split up and he moved to Manehattan to teach... something. Miss Rapids was pretty torn up about it."

She gently kicks the ball one more time, allowing it to roll over to her after it hits the wall. She puts her hoof on the ball to stop it. "'Least that's what the seniors said happened when they were freshmares. She doesn't talk about it that much."

"Huh." I take a deep breath and stretch out a bit. Yeah, I'm going to be sore, but I don't feel like I'm about to collapse and die anymore. I glance back at Miss Rapids and see that, yeah, she looks like she's got this... weight on her back. Dunno. She looks a little world-weary for a pony of her age.

Maybe she isn't the best pony to snark to, and not just because of the pushups thing. In any case, I guess me and Silver should kick the ball around like Miss Rapids said. Although, I feel thoroughly warmed up.

The rest of the day is pretty uneventful. Silver and I don't have any more classes together, but Orange Peel and I manage to snag the same math class. Not looking forward to that, if I'm being honest. I don't know when I'll ever need to use geometry! I mean, if I'm going to go into medical school then it's probably good for me to know some math, but physics? Egh. Biology is probably going to be more my speed. It doesn't help that the stallion teaching it is the most boring thing to have ever lived. In Ponish class the teacher has us write up a little one page paper on our favorite book and why we like it.

She says that I can't do mine on Wanderings of a Headstrong Human.

Dick.

Social Studies looks like it's not going to be the best either. A lot of it is going to be recap, especially since I have a teacher as a mom. I mean, she teaches elementary school, so it's going to be a little more advanced, but I know the history behind a lot of this stuff. Although, I idly flip through the syllabus we've been given as the teacher talks and see that one of the last topics covered is...

The latest Griffonian civil war. The one that has Dad smack-dab in the middle of it. Heh.

I wonder what he'll think about that.

I finish my day with economics. As the teacher goes through the syllabus, I can see that we're going to do stuff on the stock market. Then there are some case studies we'll be looking at, one of which is... the minotaur death match that Dad was in, and the effect that it had on Schunie's economy.

Wow. So I'm pretty sure that that little section is going to be pretty easy.

Thankfully economics is the final class of the day, so once we're done, I put the econ syllabus into my now heavier saddlebag and follow the mass of students toward the school's front entrance, though I can see that there are some side exits. I'm pretty sure that Mom and Dad will be waiting for me at the front entrance, though. As we near the entrance, I actually see some of the pegasi take to the air just to get out of the building. Not a bad idea. I spread my wings and hop up, allowing myself to just glide out into the fresh air of Ponyville.

Freedom!

Only four more years of this to go.

Ugh.

I hover a bit so that I can spot Mom and Dad, and I can see them in a group of other parents. I angle my wings and land next to them.

"Hey, Comet," Dad says, ruffling my mane. "How was today?"

"Did you have fun?" Mom asks, throwing a foreleg around my shoulders for a hug. "Are you excited for the school year?"

I groan and drape a foreleg over my eyes. "I dunno. I don't think this is going to be very easy."

"Eh, you'll get the hang of it soon. You're smart," Dad says as the three of us walk away. "What's say the three of us head down to Sugarcube Corner for some end-of-day milkshakes?"

I manage a weak smile as the soreness from gym class starts to catch up with me. My legs wobble a bit, but I don't stumble. I'm going to take the longest nap ever when we get back from Sugarcube Corner. Maybe I'll even sleep until I need to get up for school tomorrow.

"So Dad, you are not going to believe some of the things that they're going to teach in my econ and social studies class..."

40-Textbooks

Comet flops down on the floor of our front room and groans. I poke my head out from around the corner and smirk as she tries to push her seemingly several-ton saddlebags off of her. I guess she got her textbooks today. I chuckle and walk over to her to help unbuckle them.

"How was school today?" I ask.

She murmurs something I can't understand before rolling on her back to more easily massage the bases of her wings. "Wonderful," she groans. "Totally top-notch. You sure I have to do this for another four years?"

"'Fraid so," I reply. "Though we could probably see about maybe importing one of those extending bags for you. I'd give you mine, but the decades have not been kind to it."

"Yeah, yeah," she mutters. She slowly reaches out and flips one of the sides open before pulling out a six inch thick textbook. She glances at the cover before holding it out for me. "There's a bunch of stuff in here about you."

Curious, I take the book and look at the title. Modern International History. Hm. I flip to the table of contents and scan it until I see something familiar. Schunie Human Death Match pg 107-145. Well, might as well see what they're saying about me. I lean back against the wall and turn to the right page.

The Schunie Human Death Match, as it would later come to be called, took place on March fifth 1075 After Harmony and involved a unique creature known as a "human" (seen in fig 12) and the leader of Clan Banag, Purgle the Mightiest.

I rolled my eyes. Of course he would call himself that.

It is unknown what slight one committed against the other to warrant the death match, but the scholarly consensus is that Purgle the Mightiest was the aggressor, though some accounts state that the human made a grave, deliberate insult to Purgle the Mightiest. Spectators of the initial challenge are scarce, as it is unknown where the challenge was even initiated. Accounts vary between outside of the local city hall, a local blacksmith shop, and even outside the city walls themselves. Given the fluid nature of the city's population, facts are hard to truly come by. Many of the locals give varying accounts of the events. Members of Clan Banag are unanimously unwilling to discuss the matter. Several historians believe that they have determined the location of the blacksmith shop where the challenge was supposedly issued, but the owner also refused to comment.

I snort and shake my head. I could see some ponies coming up to interview Turgis and him shooting them down instantly.

"I said that I ain't talkin' ta ye! Go away before I give ya a right big cuff on tha head for botherin' me!"

Something like that.

"Interesting so far, Dad?" Comet asks as she pushes herself up to a sitting position and taking a half-dozen other equally large textbooks out of her saddlebags, alongside a few notebooks and a pencil case. I shook my head and flipped to the next page.

"Super crazy. I should contact them about it. I lived through it." I roll my eyes as a thought strikes me. "Or they could just read the dang book."

Comet shrugs. "Guess it's an older textbook made before the book came out."

"My book has been out for six years," I grumble. I hold my place in the book with my finger and turn to the first few pages. Yep, this particular textbook has been out for three years. Great.

"Yeah, Luna forbid textbooks ignore primary sources," Comet says, shaking her head. "Anyway, I'm going to get a snack. Let me know if you see anything crazy."

"Will do," I reply, going back to my place in the book. Maybe I should talk to the ponies who wrote this. Even if they looked at it as a more exaggerated series of events, there at least had to be stuff they saw as legit in there, like Purgle challenging me to the match outside the blacksmith shop. Made me wonder what was in the rest of it. It also made me wonder if some company in Equestria had a textbook monopoly just like on Earth. I dunno. Maybe Ponyville High bought their textbooks on the cheap and this was an older edition.

Though if I knew textbooks, the newest version had three different sentences from the one I was holding and nothing else. In any case, what was this one saying about me? I walked into the living room and plopped down on my favorite comfy chair to continue reading, scanning the pages until I find stuff about me.

The Schunie Human Death Match took place on March fifth 1075 A.H. and resulted in the human being the victor after a mere twenty minute fight. Details of the fight vary wildly, with some even attributing the human's victory to magical powers he previously did not showcase prior to the death match. Such powers include pyromancy, telekinesis, teleportation, and advanced strength. Most historians agree that the human did not showcase such abilities.

Well, all of that would have been rather nice. It would have meant that the fight would have been over in thirty seconds instead of the twenty minutes the textbook stated. I could have seen how long he would have lasted while dodging gigantic fireballs in that heavy armor of his.

I amuse myself with that visual for a few moments before returning to the textbook.

Very little is known about what happened to the human after the death match, but he did reappear several months later during the events of the Third Griffonian Civil War. (See pages 175-200 for more details)

Well, I was definitely going to have to do that.

What is known is that the human suffered severe injuries as a result of the fight, and spent several days in medical treatment. The human had a supply of phoenix tears which helped speed up his recovery and may have even saved his life. Once he had fully recovered, the human left Schunie.

The results of the death match went far beyond the death of Purgle the Mightiest. Clan Banag was nearly destroyed over the course of the following years, as infighting among the clan as to who would take over as the leader led to a small civil war with the victor not being determined for over two years. The issues were compounded by the severe loss of the clan's wealth after the death match. Clan Banag bet heavily on Purgle the Mightiest winning the death match. The reported odds for betting were 250:1 in favor of Purgle the Mightiest, and as such, Clan Banag bet over ten thousand dinars on their leader, thereby costing them over 2.5 million dinars after his defeat.

Ha.

Clan Banag's wealth and status in Schunie evaporated overnight, and none of them have stepped hoof in the city since their leader's failure. Their loss of wealth hurt them more during the following their clan's civil war. Now many of the surviving members of Clan Banag have been folded into other clans, with the current number at less than fifty.

Welp, I don't see them lasting all that long, then, if they're still around. It is a little bit too bad. I mean, I'm sure that not all of the minotaurs in Purgle's clan were horrible people, but thems the breaks. It's not the first time it's happened in their culture, and it definitely won't be the last. Heck, it might not have even been the last since I was there.

After the obliteration of Clan Banag, the power shifted in Schunie to the point where two of the largest clans banded together to take over the city in all but name. The de facto rulers are Bludworth the Wise of Clan Charint, and Grorim the Just of clan Rakput. With their combined wealth, power and numbers, they are the unquestioned leaders of the minotaur people.

Huh, I'd have to ask Twilight about that the next time that I saw her. I know that when I went to Schunie, Bludworth told me that the city was set up so that one clan couldn't really take over. Sure, it took two, but the mere fact that the city was largely under control of essentially co-rulers was really interesting. From what I gathered, it would be the first time that had happened in Schunie's history. It kind of made me wonder when one of them would take power and be the real undisputed ruler of the minotaurs. Power is a fickle thing, though.

The human then traveled to Griffonia, where he was first officially recorded in the capital city of Iselin, though there were unconfirmed reports about him fighting with some local security volunteers by lighting himself on fire. Most experts agree that if he did so, it was as a result of phoenix fire instead of some innate human ability.

The book goes to some other topic setting up the Griffonian society before it actually gets back to what I did, so I skim through those parts a bit. I got the general idea of relevant information when I was there, so it didn't really interest me all that much. It did give a little history lesson about Aepnet's reign, so that was kind of interesting. After a few seconds of flipping through the book to find the relevant pages, I finally ran across a section that involved me.

Accounts vary on how exactly the human came to be engaged to Princess Kathyrine. Some say he saved her life and the emperor used a little-known law to force the engagement. Others speculate that the two of them met during the human's journey, and that they struck up a close friendship that eventually turned romantic.

Uh... no.

Regardless, the engagement appears to have been part of the cause of the Third Griffonian Civil War. With the human engaged to Princess Kathyrine, that closed the door for any of the heirs of the other clans to marry Princess Kathyrine and take the throne for themselves. The possibility was there for Kathyrine to refuse all suitors and rule herself as empress upon her father's death, as Empress Kathyrine the Second did in 547 A.H. Regardless, the engagement fell through despite the wishes of the human and Princess Kathyrine, as Emperor Aepnet used it for his political gains to attempt to wipe out one of the larger rival clans. He failed, and when his machinations came to light, Clan Fromme started their coup backed by the other major clans. The Third Griffonian Civil War lasted from 1076 A.H. to 1078 A.H. and resulted in Aepnet's overthrow and the installation of the head of Clan Fromme taking the throne. Princess Kathyrine was under the protection of the Saddle Arabian leader Sultan Mesud at the time. During the course of the war, Clan Guiteau was nearly wiped out, with Clan Byck also suffering heavy casualties, including the death of Duke Byck himself.

Huh, that was a detail I hadn't managed to pick up. Guess it was a little crazier than I thought.

All told, the casualties of the Third Griffonian Civil War numbered two hundred and fifty-five thousand dead and twice that number wounded. A fair portion of Iselin was burned to the ground, and many surrounding towns and villages suffered serious damage as well. Emperor Fromme had to put down a smaller insurrection after his ascension to the throne.

I grimace at that. I didn't like the idea that something I was involved with lead to that much death and destruction. From what I had gathered in some cursory research of Griffonia, it wasn't the first time something like that had happened, but the idea that I'd been a player in that, however briefly, doesn't sit well with me. It makes me wonder how everything would have been different Aepnet had just not gone through with his silly plan to destroy one of the other clans. Ugh.

Little is known about the human's whereabouts during the war, but scholars are divided on whether or not he left the country before the war, or was an active participant in it. There aren't records of his actions after he left Saddle Arabia, so it is hard to say what happened to him. There have been no confirmed sightings of him fighting in the civil war, but his disappearance from record indicates that something happened to him.

I frown at that. Seriously, my book came out before this silly textbook did! The record of were I was and what I was doing is right there, including a firsthand account of these important events! Scholars wonder where the death match was issued? Yeah, read the book. Can I shoot fire? No, read the book. Where was I after Saddle Arabia? Read the friggin' book!

I snap the book shut and put it down on the coffee table, grimacing a bit. I don't mind that I'm in a textbook, I think it's kind of cool really, but the fact that they didn't get a lot right, or that there was a lot of 'speculation' regarding who I was, what I was doing, and where I went next kind of sits wrong with me. You have a primary source right at your disposal. I mean, yeah, textbook, but it's not like it's some book from three hundred years ago.

After a few minutes of me stewing for a bit, Cheerilee comes in and tilts her head when she sees my face. "TD? What's the matter? Are you okay?" she asks.

"I dunno." I motion to Comet's textbook. "I'm in Comet's history textbook, but it isn't exactly accurate all the time. It's like they didn't read my book at all."

"Huh, interesting," Cheerilee replies, walking over to the book and flipping it open. She finds the pages I was talking about, and the room is silent as I watch her scan the pages. Once she's done, she scoffs and closes the book. "Are you sure this isn't right, TD? I mean, you might have fire powers that you never told me about."

I snort and lean back in the chair. "Promise that I don't have any. It would have made a lot of stuff so much easier, though. I could have at least singed a few feathers on Aepnet's head. That would have been nice."

"No doubt," Cheerilee replies, hopping onto her chair next to me. She motions to the textbook. "So what are you going to do about it?"

"Well, write to them and tell them about how much you hate it," Comet says, flying into the room with a plate of apples and peanut butter balanced on one hoof. "Maybe then they'll retract it and the school will have to stop teaching it, and I won't have to carry it around all of the time." Comet tilts her head in thought as she places the plate down next to the textbook. "In fact, I'm sure that my math and science textbooks have bad things about you in them. You should do that for those books too."

"Nice try," I reply with a roll of my eyes. "But writing to them isn't the worst idea. I know that it probably won't matter for your school this year, but maybe the new edition will be a little more accurate." I shrugged. "Worth a shot.

A few weeks later, I take our mail out of the mailbox and begin flipping through the letters. It's mostly junk and bills (though it's nice to never have anything about my mortgage, because I paid for my house in cash) but I stop when I see an unfamiliar envelope. My first thought is that it might be something from Celestia, but we haven't talked in a few years other than some cursory pleasantries. Oswald hadn't knocked Philomena up again as far as I knew. I scanned the envelope and my eyebrow raised. It was from the Equestrian Textbook Society.

Huh, guess they got my letter.

I toss the rest of the mail down on the coffee table and sit down to open the letter from the ETS. Comet is still at school, and Cheerilee is at work, so I have the house to myself for a bit. I put up the footrest and begin to read.

Dear Mr. Powell,

We here at the Equestrian Textbook Society appreciate your letter. I can understand why seeing yourself and your exploits in a textbook would make you want to make sure that the story was told correctly. However, we have to consider multiple sources when we make our textbooks, and while your book was certainly an enjoyable read, there are other sources to take into account when we're coming up with the full picture to make sure that the book is as accurate as possible. If you found anything highly offensive, please be sure to let us know and we will take everything into consideration for any future editions. Thank you for your letter and have a great day.

Sincerely,

Quality Learning, head of the Equestrian Textbook Society.

My eyes narrow. Yeah, I totally understand the need to have more sources to get the big picture. Obviously the more you have, the better. Any good historian can tell you that. However, when I read that some scholars can't get some basic details right like where the death match challenge was issued, I begin to wonder what research they did and exactly what sources they used.

With nothing else for it, I grab some paper and a quill to pen my response.

Dear Mr. Quality Learning,

Thank you for your reply. As somebody who was going into education before I came to Equestria, I, of course, understand the need for multiple sources. I did learn some interesting things from the book regarding the aftermath of some of my exploits after I had left Schunie and Iselin. However, it's the details regarding me where I begin to take some issue. I realize that some of them were rumors from locals added into the book as a sort of amusing perspective of events (I cannot now, nor have I ever had the ability to shoot fire. It was indeed my phoenix that caused me to catch on fire when I fought those security volunteers) but there are some basic details that even a cursory read of my book will tell you. Purgle the Silly did indeed challenge me to that death match outside of a blacksmith shop I was apprenticing at. I don't see how that's a question when you have my book right there in front of you. The term "enjoyable read" does, I feel, come with some connotations that it is a stylized, exaggerated, vaguely fictionalized version of events. As somebody who actually went through the events in question, I can assure you that I did not give any falsehoods in my telling of the events. I will admit that not every detail may be perfect given that it all took place over the course of six years, but any major event is told truthfully and without exaggeration. All of it was crazy enough as it was. I don't need to exaggerate death matches and assassination attempts.

Sincerely,

TD Powell, head of the Powell household and popular autobiographical author.

I seal it up and drop it off in the mailbox. I do wish that Equestria had e-mail, but for now, this will have to do.

"You have some mail, TD," Cheerilee says as toss a banana peel from my lunch. "I think it's from the textbook ponies."

"Hm. Maybe they've decided to fix their books," I reply, taking the letter from her. "Let's see what they have to say."

Dear Mr. Powell,

We here at the Equestrian Textbook Society appreciate your letter. I apologize if you feel that I implied that your book was a fictional exaggeration. We certainly took a lot of it into account when writing the latest edition of the textbook. However, as I said before, we have to gather up a lot of sources to get the big picture when writing a textbook. You stated your intentions to become a teacher, and that you understood our perspective on that matter. I assure you that we vet our sources quite thoroughly, and we do our best to provide the clearest picture of major historical events. You were not the only person involved, after all, so other sources are required. If you found anything highly offensive, please be sure to let us know and we will take everything into consideration for any future editions. Thank you for your letter and have a great day.

Sincerely,

Quality Learning, head of the Equestrian Textbook Society.

I sigh and toss the letter on the table, allowing Cheerilee to grab it and read it for herself. I guess this was going to become a thing. So be it. I get some more paper and a quill as I listen to Cheerilee giggle from the other room.

Dearest, most respectable Quality Learning,

We here at the Powell Household appreciate your letter. I apologize if you think that I was implying that your textbook was poorly written, poorly researched schlock. I know you would never intentionally mislead the foals of Equestria with fictionalized versions of influential world events. As someone coming from a world where textbooks can fall under the above description, I can verify that you seemed to try your best. However, as someone passionate about education, I too would like to see as much of the truth taught in school as possible. As a father, I would hate if my daughter was exposed to falsehoods in the classroom.

In the pursuit of that goal, I was disappointed that your wonderful, educational textbook got a few basic facts wrong. Like, seriously basic. I did not have any kind of romantic relationship with Princess Kathyrine, nor do I plan to do so. I find that the real version of events would make a far more interesting textbook, and instead of presenting two possibilities, you simply tell what happened and expand on that for further analysis of both the events, and griffin culture of the time period. Your book is theoretically a tool to enrich the minds of the impressionable fillies and colts throughout Equestria, after all. If you wish for me to provide additional insight on the events portrayed in the book, I am more than happy to do so.

Respectfully,

TD Harrison Powell, head of the Powell Household and accomplished Blade Runner (seventeen of them and counting!)

"Oh, I'm sure he's going to love that," Cheerilee said with a roll of her eyes as she finished my letter.

"I'll bet. Be surprised if he writes back." I shrug as I stuff the letter in the envelope. "We'll see, I guess."

"Dad! Dad! Dad! You got another one!" Comet says excitedly, dropping the letter in my lap before sitting across from me on the couch. Cheerilee pokes her head out of the kitchen and smirks as she takes her place next to Comet.

"Alright, alright," I reply with an amused smile. "Let's see what they said."

Dear Mr. Powell,

We here at the Equestrian Textbook Society appreciate your letter. If I didn't know better, I would suspect that you are taking this in jest. However, for the sake of professionalism and giving you the benefit of the doubt, I will think otherwise. We would certainly be interested in any additional information that you have to provide for us, and we'd be happy to compare it to our other sources to improve our textbook. As times change, perspective on events shifts as society evolves and new information comes to light. Your book certainly did that, and we appreciate its invaluable contribution to our work, and if you look in the sources, you will see that we have indeed used it as a source when compiling our information. As always, if you found anything highly offensive, please be sure to let us know and we will take everything into consideration for any future editions. Thank you for your letter and have a great day.

Sincerely,

Quality Learning, head of the Equestrian Textbook Society.

"Ooh, the gauntlet has been thrown!" Comet says with a grin. "What are you going to say back?"

"Well, get me your textbook first. I might want to head on down to the library to check them out before I pen a response.

Greetings and Salutations, honorable and venerated Quality Learning,

I have indeed looked through the sources in your book and cross-referenced them with what actually happened, and I would like to share my perspective on it, as well as some basic truths.

Primary source (prahy-mer-ee sohrs): an artifact, document, diary, autobiography, recording, or any other source of information that was created at the time under study. It serves as an original source of information about the topic. Examples include photograph of the first Summer Sun Celebration, recording of a speech by Princess Celestia, or the hit book Wanderings of a Headstrong Human By TD Powell, Foreword by Twilight Sparkle, © 1185 A.H.

Secondary Source (sek-uhn-der-ee sohrs) : a document or recording that relates or discusses information originally presented elsewhere. A secondary source contrasts with a primary source, which is an original source of the information being discussed; a primary source can be a person with direct knowledge of a situation, or a document created by such a person. A secondary source is one that gives information about a primary source. In this source, the original information is selected, modified and arranged in a suitable format. Secondary sources involve generalization, analysis, interpretation, or evaluation of the original information. Examples include The Schunie Death Match: Analysis of Culture and Economic Change by Critical Thinker © 1179 A.H.

I could go on, but you get the idea, I'm sure. You, and especially your company, are the height of intelligence and class in the field of Equestrian learning. I must stress that I understand the importance of gathering multiple sources, but it seems to me that a primary source (see above definition) would be of more importance than a secondary source (see other above definition) especially when the author of said primary source is alive and of sound mind to relay any information that you wish. I do not have any issues with the bits about me shooting fire and whatnot. I understand that those testimonies are closer to local legend than something you're trying to portray as fact. Also it's really cool. You keep inviting me to tell you what I take offense with, so I shall state it with no uncertain terms:

1. The death match took place outside of the blacksmith shop, not town hall or outside of the city.
2. Princess Kathyrine and I never had any sort of romantic relationship. Occasionally we beat the hell out of each other, but it was strictly platonic and mere sparring when we were mad. The engagement was not called off despite our wishes. Neither of us wanted it. It's one of the reasons we beat the hell from each other.
3. I did not participate in the Third Griffonian Civil War in any capacity beyond being a part of the events that led up to it.
4. I did fight the security volunteers. My phoenix did help me.
5. It is hard to say "it's hard to say what happened to him" after the events of the civil war when I obviously live in Equestria. I suppose that wasn't interesting enough to make it into your book.
6. I was not the aggressor against Purgle. He was mad that he wasn't able to hunt me for sport. Also, while his clan may have called him that, "Purgle the Mightiest" is a severe misnomer. "Purgle the Silliest and/or Whiniest" is a far more accurate term.
7. Use my name. You know it. Don't just call me "the human."

Since you seem to not be interested in a more detailed analysis, I'll leave it there. If you would prefer one, I am more than happy to accommodate you.

With the utmost respect and reverence,

TD Powell, Slayer of Purgle the Silliest, (temporary) Destroyer of Queen Chrysalis, Survivor of Assassination, and General Badass.

Comet was rolling on the floor by this point, and even Cheerilee hadn't been able to stifle her laughter.

"I don't think they'll respond to that, TD," Cheerilee says between chuckles.

"I doubt it, but it'll feel good.

I'm surprised when the next letter arrives. I naturally wait until Cheerilee and Comet are home before reading it.

Mr. Powell,

I appreciate your zeal for the truth. However, I admit that I took some offense to your definitions. I would prefer that this not devolve into petty snipes at each other. This is, after all, an important subject. We will take your suggestions into consideration.

Sincerely,

Quality Learning, head of the Equestrian Textbook Society.

"I think he's getting mad," I say with a smirk.

"I think so," Comet replies.

I sigh and grab more paper.

Dearest, most smartest, most kind, patient educator of our young Quality Learning,

Offense was certainly not intended. I merely want to set the record straight. Why, if you had just promised to make the changes (then followed through, I'd check) this honestly amusing waste of paper wouldn't be needed. Regardless, I must praise you for your stubborn insistence that you gather every source possible, no matter how preposterous. After a thorough investigation of all of your sources, I find some of them to be laughable, and would like to ask you which brand of whiskey/bourbon/gin/girly drink/prison toilet wine that you chugged with gusto which deluded you into believing that some of them were a good idea so that I may try it for myself. One of your wonderful, carefully vetted sources was a horrible mistranslation of a fictional novel based on the death match written in the Saddle Arabian language that a "historian" misinterpreted and wrote a paper on. I laughed for fifteen minutes when I saw the whole thing. It was glorious. I didn't even need to be drunk. Regardless, I must respectfully, gracefully ask that you consider your sources a little better.

Sincerely and with the most humility possible,

TD Harrison Powell, he who punched Celestia, he who pied Blueblood, he who has done a lot of awesome things and come out a better, more awesome person for it.

The next letter isn't as complicated.

Dear Mr. Powell,

Go soak your head. No I don't want you to send that, Ms. Penny. Stop dictating. Oh really? Well fine then, send the damn thing. Who cares?

Sincerely,

Quality Learning, head of the Equestrian Textbook Society.

I snorted and shook my head. Wow. Time for another one.

Dear wonderful, sarcastic, intelligent, aware head of bookie learning for foals Mr. Quality Learning,

If you provide the buckets, I'll bring the hose and we can do it together. Also, you need to give your secretary clearer instructions. Or don't. It's more amusing that way.

Sincerely,

TD Harrison "Danger" Powell, Equestrian Snarcasm Champion ten years running.

After putting the last letter in the mailbox, I turn to my family and shake my head. "I don't think he'll write back."

"No, probably not," Cheerilee agrees. "I don't think he'll update the textbook either."

"Probably not."

"Well, I'm going to have to read all of my textbooks to make sure that you're not in them," Comet replies as we go inside to get dinner going. "If it's always going to be this interesting, I want you in all of them!"

"You know, Comet? Me too. Me too."

Author's Notes:

I didn't mean to get preachy about textbooks, but as somebody who did several years of college and blew a ton of money on them... screw textbooks.

Anyway, sorry this took so long to get out. I'll try to be better about updating in general. Though I do have --> two new stories out if you --> want to read more.

My list of awesome patrons!
Oce
Keytiri
Opium4tmassS
Twisted Code
James
Andrew Denton
Canary in the Coal Mine
Karl Kornel

You can be an awesome person, too, as I have a --> patreon and for some reason a --> Ko-fi, whatever that is.

42-Draining

It started out like any other day in Ponyville.

Well, any normal, non-monster-y day, that is.

So yeah, a pseudo-normal one. To be fair, it's gotten a little bit better now that Celestia has gone through her list of all of the crazy things that could threaten Ponyville. Even the Everfree Forest isn't quite as bad now that a lot of the dark magic has been drained from it over the last twenty-plus years I'd been in Equestria, (though the clouds still move all on their own! Oh noes!) so overall it led to a substantial decrease in craziness, which in turn led to a substantial decrease in my insurance premiums. Not that it was as big of a problem these days ever since I'd released a second book of Earth stories that stayed at the top of the bestseller list for six months (not to mention the money I made working on the movies) so if money wasn't a problem after I released the first book...

On the plus side, let's say that the Ponyville schools are much better funded than they were before, though I had to decline their offer of naming Ponyville High after me. Comet would never be able to handle going to a school named after her dad.

In any case, it started out like any other day. Cheerilee and I have just finished breakfast after getting Comet out the door for school. Somehow my little filly is almost done with her junior year of high school. When did that happen? I'm glad she's made friends at school. It's too bad that Orange Peel and Silver Shine are going to graduate, but she still has other friends she's close with like that sophomore filly. Cozy something or other.

I drain the last of my coffee and stand up to gather our breakfast dishes while Cheerilee gets ready for her own classes which start at eight instead of seven like Comet. I plop them into the sink and turn the water on to start washing them.

"Anything fun planned for the kiddies today, Cheerilee?" I ask as she's putting papers in her saddlebag.

"I'll do my best, but it's always been tough getting my students to enjoy fractions," Cheerilee admits. "We have show-and-tell today, so that should help a bit."

"Wonder if anybody is going to bring in any merch from one of my movies," I respond with a smirk. "Trippiest thing to go to Barnyard Bargains last month and see Star Wars figurines on the shelves. It makes me wonder if I did the right thing introducing that particular series to Equestria."

Cheerilee shrugs. "Well, everypony loves it." She jokingly glares at me. "I have had to confiscate more than one fake lightsaber, though, so thank you for that."

I roll my eyes and start stacking the clean dishes on the drying rack. "Eh, the cut I get from sales helped double the size of your schoolhouse, so it's hard to complain too much."

"Yeah, yeah." Cheerilee glances over at the wall clock. "Speaking of, I'd best get going if I don't want to be late." She walks over to me for a nuzzle and an ear scratch. "See you tonight."

"See you then."

With that, she walks out, leaving me alone in the house. I walk over to my favorite comfy chair and plop down on it, pulling the lever to lean me back with a contented sigh. Got the whole house to myself. Oswald will probably sleep in until noon like usual, so that leaves me with four and a half hours to do nothing. I briefly consider just shutting my eyes and dozing off again until something wakes me up, but a nagging thought in the back of my mind reminds me that we haven't done our weekly shopping yet, and unless we want to have jelly wraps for dinner, I'd best get to that. I stand up and take a minute to open up an upper-floor window so Oswald can get out if he wakes up before I come back. I grab my magically extending wallet and relatively new extending bag for the groceries and head on out.

The weather is a touch nippy given the time of day, but not so much that I'd need to put a sweater on or anything. The stalls should all be opening up, which means that they have all of the best stuff available. I whistle a simple tune to myself as I approach the closest stall, Applejack's.

"Mornin', TD," she says as I approach. "Family off at school?"

"Yup. Figured I'd get the shopping done while I have some time to myself. So yeah." I motion to her crop. "Three of each, I guess."

"Comin' right up," she says with a nod and begins gathering them up. "Everythin' good at home?"

"Definitely," I say with a nod. "Comet's already looking at colleges. She's ready to be done with high school, though she still has a year and a half left, so she'll have to tough her way through that. She's smart, though, so I'm not terribly worried about that."

"She was thinkin' medical school, right?" Applejack asks as she finishes loading up the apples.

"Yeah. I think she'll do well. She's got the grades for it." I grimace as I exchange some bits for the apples. "Not like me, though. My high school junior and senior grades weren't the best. She's a harder worker than I am."

Applejack gives me a wry smile. "Says the guy who traveled around the world for six years and got into all kinds of trouble."

I scoffed and waved my hand at her. "Yeah, but none of that involved calculus." I shrugged. "In any case. "How are your family doing? Big Mac and Sugar Belle got a hand on their kids yet?"

"Hopin' so," Applejack replied. "They wanna start helpin' out on the farm soon, so that's good. Them and Pinkie's twins are inseparable, though."

"Saw that at the last party," I said with a light chuckle. "At least they help calm Pinkie's twins down a bit."

"Sure do." Applejack straightened up and buffed a hoof on her chest. "Good ol' Apple Family level-headedness."

"Right." I glance back at the line that's started to form and put the apples in my bag. "Well, I won't keep you longer. You have a great day."

"See ya, TD. Come back soon, ya hear?"

"Will do."

Well, always nice to talk to some friends. No better place to share some gossip or do some catching up than the Ponyville market. I do some more chatting with the various vendors as I get my groceries, usually asking about our respective families and whatnot. A lot of the ponies were single when I first arrived in Equestria had gotten married and had foals over the years, which didn't do a lot to make me feel less old. Ponies lived much longer lives than humans, so forty was middle-aged for me, but not quite there for them. As such, getting married and having foals around my age wasn't completely unusual. Though Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Fluttershy were married to their work (though Fluttershy's relationship with Discord was... undefined) and Twilight was going to be an old librarian, even if Celestia was still giving her stuff to do.

As the hours went on, I decided to stop by Sugarcube Corner for some lunch. They'd expanded their repertoire over the years, so it wasn't a bad place to get some soup and a sandwich these days. Blame Pinkie's husband for that one. The Cakes didn't mind, since it brought in more business.

I reach the bakery and am just reaching out for the door when I hear muttering behind me. The uneasy kind. I frown and turn around to see ponies gathering around another one who was standing on the town news box. The stallion didn't look particularly happy, so this probably wasn't news that Blueblood had been lost in the Everfree Forest forever. I sighed and turned to face him just as he cleared his throat.

"Hear ye, hear ye, citizens of Ponyville!" he began, drawing more ponies to him. "Princess Celestia has given out an order for all ponies to return to their homes immediately and stay there until further notice! A grave threat has come down upon Equestria! A magic draining centaur named Tirek has escaped from Tartarus, and it is imperative that you all return to your homes for your safety!"

I frowned deeply at that. Uh... that wasn't very good. Not very good at all. Since I didn't have any innate magic that I knew of (though it's not like I'd been tested to see if I'd absorbed some in the last few decades) but Cheerilee and Comet definitely did, and after everything with Chrysalis... yeah, I'm not letting that happen again. I wade through the panicking ponies in the direction of my house. If this Tirek character was actually coming to Ponyville, I wanted to be armed in case he got here before I could get my family to safety.

I burst into my house and run right up to my room, not even bothering to shut the door behind me. I throw open the closet and pull out Reginald and my throwing knives, attaching the knife belt to my waist before running into Oswald's room, where he was still perched on my old backpack, fast asleep. I nudge him with Reginald.

"Come on, Oswald. Up and at-em. We gotta go get Cheerilee and Comet, like, now."

Oswald groans and moves his head out from under his wing to give me a bleary glare. I groan and kick the backpack over, eliciting an angry squawk from him. "Now, Oswald," I growl. "I might need you to set something on fire."

He sighs, but spreads his wings and follows me out of the house. Several ponies are already running toward the Ponyville schools to get their kids. A few of them glance over at me and see that I'm armed, so they begin running a little closer to me. I make it to Ponyville High, where several ponies are already crowding around to gather up their children. I push through them. I don't need to get caught up in a crowd where I couldn't move. Yeah, all of these ponies are getting their kids, but...

I mean, trouble finds me easier than them. I know it's Ponyville and they've pretty much all lived through this stuff, but I've lived through stuff like this for twenty-two years. I'm not taking any risks here.

I make it into the school and realize that I don't actually know where Comet is. It's not like I asked for her school schedule or anything like that. On top of it being mostly irrelevant, it would be weird. Gosh darn it, I don't have all day to scour the school for her. I don't know how I'm gonna--

"Attention all students, this is Principal Blackboard. I need everypony to go to the gym to await pickup by your parents. I repeat, everypony must go to the gym in a calm and collected manner to await pickup by your parents."

Oh. Thank you for the help, pony on the intercom. Thankfully enough I've been to the school enough in the past few years so that I don't have to stumble around. I'm still surrounded by a sea of ponies, but at least I know where Comet will be. Although, considering that now there are students and parents filling the halls, I'm not making any real progress.

Though if I brought a series of sharp knives into a school for any other reason...

As I scan the crows of students, my heart leaps when I see a pair of leathery bat wings in the crowd. Well, only one pony that could be. I hopped over a pair of earth ponies and landed right next to Comet, putting my hand on her back. She looks up at me with confusion for a moment before flying up and hoping onto my back.

"So what now? Ponyville hasn't really had any problems like this in a while."

"We'll talk about it when we get out of here. Something something monster. Something something gotta go get your mother."

Comet sighs and I can imagine that she's rolling her eyes.

"Only in Ponyville."

"It's not the best place to settle down if you want to have a quiet, simple life," I agree as I spot a side entrance. I manage to get through and open it up, allowing Comet and I some breathing room. Given that most ponies were going through the front entrance, we were pretty much alone aside from one or two ponies who had already found their kids.

"Well, so you say we're going to go get Mom?" Comet asks, hopping off of my back as Oswald meets up with us.

I nod as we start walking in the direction of the Ponyville schoolhouse. "From what I've been told, there's this magic draining creature named Tirek coming to mess us up. I want to get the four of us to Manderley until it all blows over. Twilight and her buddies should handle it. If not, Celestia should. Or Discord. Whoever. I don't want to get involved unless I absolutely have to."

"Definitely." Comet perks up a bit as we get closer to Cheerilee's schoolhouse. "So I guess this means that I don't have to have math class today. Maybe not for a long time!"

I roll my eyes at her. "I know you think it's boring, but--"

"Oh, hey, Mom! Dad got me already."

Cheerilee is standing at the gate of the schoolhouse, doing her best to keep her students in the building until their parents arrived. She glanced over to us when she heard Comet's voice and gave all of us a relieved smile. She wraps a hoof around my leg and nuzzles my side when we reach her.

"So a monster, huh?"

"Looks like it. Once you get everybody with their parents, we're headed right home to barricade ourselves in until this is done. I don't know about you, but I'd rather not get involved in this if I can he--"

I'm cut off when I hear screaming and the usual panicking of something going wrong. I grab Cheerilee and Comet and shove them into the schoolhouse before turning to the small group of ponies around me. "Alright, get inside everybody! Get inside now!" There's a stampede as the parents and foals charge past me into the school. Once they're all inside, I poke my head in. "Lock the door. Don't open it no matter what you hear!"

I slam the door shut behind me and pause until I hear it lock. Alright. Hopefully nothing bad will come our way. I'm not going to just head out looking for this Tirek guy, leaving Cheerilee and the rest of them undefended. Of course, I'd rather have a platoon of royal guards protecting the school instead of forty-two-out-of-his-prime TD. Unfortunately, this is what we have.

Ugh.

I turn to Oswald who's perched on the gate. I hop over the gate and rub my temples.

"So it's fine, right? I'm not going to have to deal with this Tirek guy? I mean, when have I ever had that kind of bad luck, right? When have I had to deal with some madman coming to hurt everypony?" Oswald gives me a flat look as I take a few deep breaths to calm down. Yeah, yeah, I know. I really, really know.

I'm about to respond when I hear stomping coming up the road. It isn't more than a few seconds before I get my first sight of what I can only assume is Tirek. I grimace and straighten up. Sheesh. Not going to be my day, is it? I ready myself and crack my neck as he stops about twenty feet in front of me.

"Well well well. What are you?" I don't like his nasty grin. This is going to turn into a fight, isn't it? "Do you have new magic to taste? Who are you protecting in there?"

I sigh and start stretching to warm up. "I"m TD. I'm just this guy, you know? I don't have any magic, and there's only buckets of baby food inside. Stuff goes for a lot in the open market. And the black market, for that matter."

Tirek gives me a confused look for a moment before narrowing his eyes and stomping closer. "An insolent one. We shall see if you have magic to drain." With that, he opens his mouth wide and begins inhaling like he's Kirby. Alright. Guess that's how he drains magic from ponies. Oswald and I exchange a glance before I shrug and take one of the knives out of my belt. I wind up and throw it straight at his mouth, intending for him to get a little stabby surprise in this back of his throat which would have knocked him out pretty quickly. However, with speed that I didn't see coming, his horns lit up and caught my knife before it hit.

Crap.

He bares his teeth and shoots it back at me. I throw myself down and dodge just fast enough that I don't get my own knife in my neck. I shoot up as Oswald takes flight behind me and taps the back of my head, lighting me on fire. Tirek's eyes widen, and he takes a step back. Heh, this never fails to freak people out. I raise Reginald and charge at Tirek, swinging at him and connecting with the side of his head. His head snaps back, but he recovers in half a second, and he shoots more magic at me. His attack clips my side before I can dodge completely, throwing me into the fence and shattering it and extinguishing me.

Ugh. Thank goodness the town council voted against making the fence metal because it "wouldn't have fit with the look." Oswald flies straight at Tirek, but he swats him out of the air before Oswald can do anything, causing a pile of ash to hit the nearby tree.

Uh...

Thankfully Oswald is, you know, a phoenix, so with swirl of magic, Oswald regenerates. The distraction has given me enough time to get to my feet and draw another knife. I throw it at him, and this time he isn't fast enough to stop it. I don't have the time to be completely accurate, so I don't get a good enough hit, but I hit enough that it left a nice little gash on his arm. He roars in pain and shoots out another blast of powerful magic at me that I barely managed to dodge. It left a decent crater where it landed.

Okay, this isn't good. Any mathematician and... whatever the calendar people are called will both tell you that I'd aged a few years. I'm not the spry young man that I once was, and I can't dodge this guy forever. Although, even if I was younger, this guy is a little more powerful than Purgle. If I don't get better help than an irritating phoenix that he could knock out with one blow, I'm going to be in a lot of trouble, which means that nothing will stand in the way of him draining my wife and daughter, not to mention the other ponies barricaded in the schoolhouse.

Gosh what I wouldn't give for a BFG right now.

Just as he is about to try to blast me again, I hear one of the most wonderful things ever. Another pony.

"TD!" Twilight cries as her and her friends charge toward us. Yeah, it's not like they are spry ponies either, but forty for them is much younger than forty for me, so I like the idea of the six of them handling it. Plus Twilight has, you know, magic and all that.

Tirek turns toward the ponies and grins. "Ah, ponies. You come right to me with your tasty magic. Stand still this won't hurt--"

Yeah, but me smashing Reginald into the back of your head will. I'm not as strong as I was, but Reginald is, and an unbreakable staff hitting you is going to knock you out for a bit, especially if it's followed by Twilight shooting a beam of magic of her own into his face. Maybe we can make some bobble-head Tirek figurines, with real life as an inspiration. He recovered faster than I wanted and shot a laser beam of magic at the Mane Six that caused them to scatter.

It's nice that Twilight and her friends are still fighting together, but they don't have the Elements of Harmony anymore given that nasty business with the black vines. Their friendship is great and all that, but Fluttershy and Rarity aren't really fighters. Twilight is still the best magic user in the world short of Celestia and Luna, Rainbow is still stupidly fast, and Applejack's kicks could shatter my legs forever, but I don't quite like the idea that Tirek will go for the weaker ponies.

He seems to have the same idea.

He turns to Fluttershy and fires up another blast. Rainbow barely manages to push her out of the way before Tirek obliterates her. I pull another knife out and hurl it at his head. It glances off one of his horns and chips it. It doesn't bleed magic like I wanted, but at the same time, I hope that it would at least throw him off a bit. I know that chipping a unicorn's horn can mess their spell-casting abilities a little bit.

Now, Tirek was extremely strong. That wasn't a question. However, he wasn't the most... graceful of creatures. Nor did he seem particularly smart. He swung in my direction, leaving an opening for Rainbow Dash to smash her front hooves into his side, sending him flying.

Okay, now that he's actually on the ground, we can actually keep him down. Twilight wraps him in her magic as he thrashes about and says something about him being Tirek and blah, blah, blah. I give Twilight a tired look and plop down on the ground.

"Hey you six. How are things?"

Well we beat this loser," Rainbow said with a smug smile. "When Princess Celestia told us that there was some magic-draining monster attacking Equestria, we were hoping for something a little more intimidating."

"Rainbow, focus," Twilight growled. "He's still dangerous. We need to contact Princess Celestia so that we can give all of the magic he drained back then put him back in Tartarus for good."

Tirek stopped struggling and glared at us. "You will not defeat me," he growled, looking at Twilight. "I can already tell that your magic is powerful, pony. Once I've drained you, I will be unstoppable!"

I sigh and flip him off. "Yeah, yeah. At least this one wasn't too bad." The seven of us gather around him, and I'm glad that all he can do is glare." I kick him in the leg and scoff. "Magic-draining centaur. Not what I thought I'd get when I woke up this morning." I nudge my knife belt. "You sure I shouldn't just finish him off?"

Twilight frowns at me. "TD, we don't just execute prisoners that are helpless on the ground. Princess Celestia will want him back in Tartarus."

I grunt and shake my head. "Whatever. Just as long as he's not a problem anymore."

Tirek's grin turns nasty. "You ponies are so weak. If you had any sense you'd take this human's offer at once. Instead, you fall for my trap."

Wait, trap?

Uh-oh.

We've barely managed to move before Tirek breaks through Twilight's magic with his. He snatches Fluttershy and Rarity in his large hands and inhales. Their eyes turn milky and their cutie marks disappear as their magic drains out of them. To make matters much worse, Tirek grows an entire foot.

I react as quickly as I can, but Tirek throws Rarity at me, knocking me down. He throws Fluttershy at Rainbow Dash, leaving Pinkie, Applejack and Twilight left to attack. With his increased magic, he casually flicks Twilight's attack away, and I notice that the cut on his arm that I gave him has healed up.

He blasts Oswald out of the air, leaving him as yet another pile of ash. Rainbow Dash charges at him again, but for funsies, that just gets her drained. Pinkie and Twilight both blast him, Twilight with her magic and Pinkie with her party cannon. It takes Tirek several precious seconds to wipe the pie filling out of his eyes and pull the streamers out of his horn, allowing Twilight, Applejack and I to start wailing on him. He swats around, trying to knock one of us down, but we don't let up. Several bruises have appeared on him, and the pie filling in his eyes means that he can't get a good shot off with his own magic. That doesn't mean that he's not dangerous. We all still need to avoid the random blasts he's shooting out, or we're going to get our heads blown off.

To my supreme irritation, he manages to get enough pie filling out of his eyes that he can see out of one eye. Unfortunately, he sees me. Double unfortunately, I'm in the middle of an attack that I can't pull back from. He shoots his hand out and manages to wrap it around my neck, lifting me in the air and holding me in front of himself in a human shield.

"Enough!" he roars. "You will end this now or I'll snap his fragile little neck!"

The remaining members of the Mane Six all pause with horrified looks on their faces. Yeah, I don't like that I'm playing the damsel in distress either.

"Stay still, ponies," he growls. "It will be easier for you if you don't resist."

"Let him go!" Twilight growls, gathering what I can already sense is a ton of magic around her horn.

Tirek scoffs and squeezes my neck a little more. I have no doubt that I'll have some rather spectacular bruises tomorrow... if I make it to tomorrow. It's kind of less likely, now that I think about it.

"I won't hurt him as long as you stay still and let me drain your magic." He nodded to Rainbow Dash, who was on the ground shivering and groaning. "You won't die once drained, but if I snap his neck, he will."

"I don't really need my neck anyway," I wheeze. "It might be a good idea to teleport away and get Celestia and Luna, yeah? Heck, even Discord."

"If you don't stop that spell his death will be on your hooves forever," Tirek snarls.

"If you do, I'll send this megaspell right after you that'll leave you nothing more than ash on the ground," Twilight retorts.

"He'll be dead!" Tirek roars.

Twilight narrows her eyes and takes a step forward. "So. Will. You. Or maybe you won't be. Maybe you'll just have to live the rest of your life as a head and half of a torso."

Tirek bares his teeth, but takes a few steps backward. "So it seems we are at an impasse, then. If I hurt him you'll obliterate me, but if you try anything, his blood will be on your hooves."

Now, what's worrying me, other than my possible impending death, is whether or not Twilight even knows a spell like that. She's good enough to make something like that up on the fly, but the splash damage could do some serious damage. Like "hurt the ponies in the nearby schoolhouse" bad.

"Well, we're in a Mexican standoff," I grumble. "I guess it's time to reach a deal, then."

"I suppose so," Tirek says with a raised eyebrow. "Do you have anything in mind, pony?"

Twilight grimaces and slowly nods. "Yes. You let me teleport my friends and TD away, give their magic back, and in return..." She takes a deep breath. "You can have me."

"Oh gosh, this," I grumble. I can only imagine that she'll teleport them to the library so that they can find Spike and get a message to Celestia, who is hopefully already on her way with everything she can muster. I'd prefer if she'd gotten here earlier, but she surely had some reason or other. I mean, she does just like Twilight to handle her nonsense, and I can see her being worried about Tirek draining them. I mean, I guess if Tirek drained Celestia and Luna then he'd be unstoppable and all that, but hey, risk it sometimes. If Twilight can maybe possibly have a spell that blows his head off, then they definitely could.

"You?" Tirek smirks and taps his chin. "With your magic I'd be unstoppable. You'd be delaying the inevitable."

"Let me worry about that," Twilight says. "Do we have a deal?"

Tirek chuckles and nods. "Very well. You get your friends back, and get to drain you."

"Don't do it, Twilight," Rainbow groans. "He'll just come after us later!"

"Just trust me," Twilight says.

"I wouldn't," Tirek says. "But..." He opens his mouth and several balls of magic shoot out, each of them going into one of the downed members of the Mane Six. I look to Twilight, whose eyes flicked down to my knife belt. I grimace, but reach down and grab the hilt of one of them. She has something in mind. Well, she's smarter than me, so okay.

Once the other members of the Mane Six have gotten their magic back, they're surrounded by Twilight's magic and vanish, leaving only me, Twilight and Tirek. Said Tirek chuckles and loosens his grip ever so slightly.

"You are a fool. Do you think that I can't drain you then kill him?" Tirek says. "You have no way to stop me, and he has no way to get free." He shakes me a bit. "Any last words, human?"

I smirk just as Twilight's horn lights again.

"How about 'yippie kayay, motherfucker?"

I draw my knife and stab it into the joint of one of Tirek's fingers. He howls in pain and drops me just as Twilight hits him in the face with a flash spell. He stumbles back and I draw one of my knives as I fall. I twist in midair and hurl it at his head. Unfortunately for him, I manage to hit him right in the eye.

That can't be fun.

He trips as he tries to run back, allowing me enough time to get up and draw my last knife. I jump on top of him right in the path of his swinging fist. It's encased in Twilight's magic and it's pulled back just before it hits me, allowing myself to land right on his back. With as much strength as I can muster, I grab his head, pull it back, and plunge the knife right into his neck.

Turns out Arnie was right: if it bleeds, you can kill it.

He gurgles and twitches as blood starts pouring out of his neck. I slide off of his back and back away so that I don't get caught by his dying punches. It isn't more than a few moments before he stops twitching and lays still.

I take a deep breath and flop against a nearby tree as I watch several balls of magic shoot out of Tirek's body. "Ugh, I need a vacation."

"Y-yeah," Twilight says, doing her best to not look at Tirek. "I wasn't... really expecting you to do that. I thought..."

"If it works, it works, and you have more real estate in Tartarus for the next nasty thing," I grumble as Oswald lands on my shoulder, resting his head on mine. "Uh... we should probably clean that up before the foals come out of the schoolhouse before they're traumatized for life."

It isn't more than about an hour or so before Celestia and Luna arrive with a cleanup crew. They manage to cast an illusion spell on Tirek's body so that all of the ponies hiding in the schoolhouse don't have to see the bloody mess that I made. I meet back up with Comet and Cheerilee before being taken aside to meet with one of Celestia's medics. I really don't have anything worse than some bruising, but a lot of that is around my neck where Tirek had me. I'm really lucky that it wasn't much, much worse. I have Comet under my arm snuggled up against me while Cheerilee sat in front of me with a slight frown.

"Why does this kind of thing keep happening to us?" Cheerilee says with a sigh. "I imagine that you'd rather not go through this over and over again."

"Nooooo," I groaned, tenderly massaging my neck. "I'm not sure how I lost a step. I did really well against Chrysalis. I have experience fighting magical monsters."

Cheerilee's frown deepens ever so slightly. "TD, that was five years ago."

"I know, I know," I mutter, waving my hand at her. "But hey, we're going to run out of monsters eventually, right? I just wish that Twilight had figured out that box that popped up when she put the Elements back in the tree." I scoffed. Since I beat Chrysalis twice, Tirek, and a mad minotaur, shouldn't that mean that I get to become an alicorn, or something like that?"

Comet chuckles and nuzzles my side. "That'd be pretty cool, Dad."

"Ugh, doubt it." I slowly stand up and stretch as well as I can. "Well, I don't know about you, but I'd like to get home and go to sleep and not wake up for a week."

Before I can, a certain tall, white sun-plotted alicorn walks up to me with a carefully neutral expression on her face. I give her a two-fingered salute but already know that I can't get out of this one.

"Celestia."

"TD."

"Comet," Comet chimes in.

I let out a quiet snort and ruffle her mane before turning my attention back to Celestia. "What do you want to talk about?"

"I just wanted to congratulate you for your bravery in stopping Tirek. You've done Equestria a great service."

"'Twas nothing," I assure her with a wave of my hand. "Just, uh, post a list of ancient abominations that might show up someday, alright? I don't want a surprise like this in the future, and I'm not exactly getting any younger here. I'll be fighting the next monster using Reginald as a weapon and a cane at this rate." I shrug. "Besides, it wasn't just me. I would have gotten totally crushed if Twilight and her friends hadn't gotten involved."

"Yes, Twilight," Celestia said thoughtfully. "She did do a wonderful job. Perhaps it's time... far past time..." She grunts and nods to me. "In either case, if you need anything, let me know."

"Will do. For now, I want to go home."

"Of course. Rest easy, TD."

"Hope so."

With that, I head on out. Comet looks back at Celestia for a few moments before jumping up to fly next to us. "That's the longest conversation you've had with her in half a decade."

"Yep." I shrug, then hiss in pain as I find out why that's a bad idea. "In any case, let's go home and rest. Once I'm feeling better, we can see how much of the town Tirek destroyed, and hope that Sugarcube Corner is fine."

Author's Notes:

My list of awesome patrons!
Oce
Keytiri
Opium4tmassS
Twisted Code
James
Andrew Denton
Canary in the Coal Mine
Karl Kornel

You can be an awesome person, too, as I have a --> patreon and for some reason a --> Ko-fi, whatever that is.