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Chaos Next Door

by Sketchy Changeling

Chapter 2: Chapter 1: We Are NOT Friends

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“YOU’RE my new neighbor!?” Eric asked in disbelief.

“That’s right,” said Discord. “Aren’t you the lucky one?”

“’Lucky’ isn’t the word I’d use,” the human thought. “But Luna told me that Celestia was talking to a friend of hers about moving next to me. You’re telling me you’re that friend?”

“Friend? Well, that was rude of Tia,” said Discord.

“Rude?”

“Of course! I’m not Celestia’s friend, I’m her boyfriend,” the creature said with a matter-of-fact tone.

Eric’s immediate response was laughter, “Ha! Yeah right! As if Celestia would hook up with some freaky dragon!”

“That’s draconequus,” Discord corrected. “I’d appreciate it if you got my species right.”

“You know what I’d appreciate? You getting my house back to normal and getting out!” Eric demanded.

“Ooh… harsh. That’s not very neighborly of you.”

“Says the freak that broke into my house and rearranged my furniture.”

Discord rubbed his chin in a mock thinking pose and said “Fair enough,” he snapped his fingers and returned Eric’s house back to normal, the sudden change in gravity sending the poor human falling to the ground.

“See you around, neighbor,” the draconequus said as he disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving Eric sitting on the floor, wondering what the hell just happened.

“I wonder if it’s too late to move to a different part of Canterlot,” he said to himself.

Eric never did move to a different part of Canterlot, but it definitely wasn’t from lack of trying. In fact, the very next day after Discord moved in, he went searching for a new house. Over the following days, he tried to find a place that was nice, but they all had one thing or another that bothered him.

One house, for example, was too small, even for a man who lived alone.

Another was okay, but it was too far from work. Eric didn’t like taking long commutes.

There was one that didn’t even have a bathroom, and that was an instant turn-off.

There was one place that Eric thought was perfect, but if he wanted to afford it, he’d have to work two jobs for at least five years.

Ultimately, he decided that his only option was to put up with Discord as a neighbor, no matter how much it bothered him. He’d just be one of those annoyances in life that you’d just have to put up with.

Having the embodiment of chaos live next-door to you was no picnic. On the weekdays, whenever Eric came home from work, he’d always find his door unlocked and his house rearranged in some random way, with Discord sitting on a floating couch watching him get frustrated. On the weekends, the draconequus would pop up at random times and just laze around like a certified bum, all while venting about his relationship problems with Celestia and eating food from the fridge.

Discord called it “neighborly bonding”. Eric called it “breaking and entering”.

Whenever Eric went out, either by himself or with Luna and Azure Gem, Discord would always tag along, much to the human’s chagrin. While Luna and Azzy didn’t mind as much, there were still those times where Discord would, to put it nicely, overstay his welcome.

This routine continued over the next year, and while Eric’s gotten used to his neighbor’s antics, he still didn’t like them.


One cloudy Friday morning, Eric found it difficult to wake up, as he did every Friday morning. After getting himself awake and walking downstairs, he went into his kitchen and peered into his fridge, but then he did a double take at what he saw, or rather, what he didn’t see.

“The hell?” he said. “Where are the waffles? I just bought a pack three days ago.” He wondered how he ran out of the breakfast food so quickly, but then he remembered Discord’s visit from yesterday. The guy practically binged on his waffles, and at four in the afternoon, no less. Eric told whim what little sense it made, only for his neighbor to respond with “What’s the fun in making sense?”

“Goddammit, Discord,” the human said under his breath.

“You called,” he heard from behind him.

“AAGH!” Eric yelled, jumping in surprise and bumping his head on the ceiling of the fridge. He hadn’t been surprised by Discord’s presence for a long time, mainly because he never showed up on weekday mornings.

“I know I normally don’t make an appearance this time of day, but I thought I’d mix it up a little,” the draconequus explained. “Showing up in the afternoon every day was starting to get boring, so I decided to do something different.”

“You could always not show up at all, Discord,” Eric sarcastically suggested. “Now there’s something different.”

“It’s also boring,” he argued. “Besides, why wouldn’t I want to visit a friend?”

“Okay, two things:” the human said. “One, we AREN’T friends, and two, you’re not visiting. You’re breaking in.”

“You seem to be getting more and more sarcastic every day, Eric,” Discord remarked.

“Well, I have you to thank for that,” he replied. “Now get out. I have to get ready for work.”

“Why do you have to work? What’s the point?”

“So I can have money to pay bills, buy food, and have an occasional night out.”

“You sound like Celestia.”

“I’m glad I do. Frankly, I don’t see how she puts up with your bullshit half the time. You have no job, you bum around my house, and you totally take her for granted. It’s a wonder why she hasn’t dumped you for good instead of continuing this on-and-off thing with you.”

Discord sighed. “Well, you know those princess types. They never seem to know what they want. Wait, you don’t know, because you don’t have a marefriend.”

“What is this, high school?” Eric asked. “Grow up, Discord.”

“I’m just observing the differences in our love lives,” he said innocently. “I have a marefriend in Celestia, and you have a mare friend in Azure Gem.”

“What’s the difference?” Eric dared to ask.

“The difference is that little space between the words ‘mare’ and ‘friend’. A little space called the friend zone.”

“Piss off,” Eric said dismissively. “Besides, I don’t even like Azure like that.”

“Keep telling yourself that, Eric” his neighbor said teasingly.

“Why are you still here!?” he yelled.

“Alright, alright, I’ll go! Yeesh!” Discord said as he poofed out of Eric’s house, leaving behind a puff of smoke, as always.

“Ass,” Eric said under his breath as he looked back into his fridge to find something to eat. “I guess I can just heat up some leftovers from last night,” he said with a sigh. After his breakfast (if you could call it that), Eric got himself showered and dressed and got on his way to work.

“Morning, Print,” he said to his boss as he entered the bookstore.

“Mornin’ Eric,” said the stallion. “The new student employees are gonna be showing up at around twelve-thirty this afternoon. Most of them are new, so can you show ‘em the ropes for me?”

“No problem,” Eric said with a smile. “I still haven’t gotten used to the fact that school ends at noon here.”

“Oh, and another thing,” said Print Stock.

“Yes?”

“Well, you’ve been working really hard since I hired you over a year ago, and I think you deserve some compensation for it,” the pegasus said as he looked under his desk for something. “Now where is- Ah! Here it is!” Print Stock emerged from under the desk holding a shirt, one that looked very similar to the one Eric was already wearing.

“For your trouble,” he said as he tossed the shirt to Eric. When he caught it, he noticed some words printed on the upper left-hand side.

“Assistant Manager?” he read with curiosity.

“Congrats, Eric!” said Print cheerfully. “You’ve been promoted! And that comes with a raise, too!”

“Really?” he asked in disbelief. “Thanks, boss!”

“Don’t thank me, kid. Thank yourself. You earned it,” the stallion said as he smiled at his employee.

Eric went to the bathroom and quickly changed into his new shirt, and despite the fact that the only difference between the two shirts was what was printed on the front, he felt like a new man.


Later that day, Eric decided to leave for lunch at eleven instead of twelve since he was going to be needed at the store at twelve thirty. As per his usual routine, he walked across the street to the coffee shop where Azure Gem worked.

“Hey, Eric!” she said as he walked in. “You’re here early.”

“Well, I decided to take an early lunch, Az,” he replied. “Is that an option for you?”

“One second,” she said as she went into the back to talk to her boss, only to come back a minute later and say “Alright, let’s get going.”

Eric and Azure went to their usual lunch spot, and proceeded to chat while they waited for their usual meals. “I’ve noticed that you’re much more chipper today,” she said. “Did Discord finally move away, or something?”

“While there’s nothing in the world that would make me happier, it’s not that,” he answered. “I got promoted to assistant manager at my job.”

“Well, congrats. Does that comes with a raise?”

“You know it! I’ll be stacking paper to the ceiling now!”

“Okay, let’s get back down to Earth, Eric,” said Azure. “You’re an assistant manager at a local bookstore, not the CEO of a business firm.”

“Still,” he said. “More money in my pocket is always a good thing, Azzy.”

“Well, you can’t argue with that logic,” she said. “We should go out and celebrate. You, me, and Luna. Maybe this Saturday?”

“Sounds like a plan,” said Eric.

“Now, going back to what you said about Discord, how you said that there’s nothing that’ll make you happier than him moving away,” Azure said with a slightly more serious tone. “You don’t’ really mean that, do you? I mean, the guy is annoying, but-”

“Trust me, Azure,” Eric interrupted. “You wouldn’t understand unless you were in my position.”

“Still, I’m sure you don’t completely hate him,” she said. “Plus, there’s gotta be something that’ll make you happier than seeing him move away. I know you’re not that cold-hearted.”

Eric sighed. “No, I’m not,” he said admittedly. “There is one thing that would make me happier…”

“Like getting one of your stories published?” asked Azure.

“Huh? Oh, yeah, that…” Eric said half-heartedly, although Azure Gem didn’t notice it. In actuality, he was thinking about something entirely different. Over the year that he’s gotten to know Azure Gem, Eric developed (in his words) an interest in her. He did think she was pretty, and that she was fun to be around, but he never openly acknowledged the possibility of him being attracted to her, not even to himself. Even so, it was the idea of Azure having an “interest” in him that would truly make him happy more than anything else.

“See, Eric?” she said, snapping him out of his deep thinking. “Despite all the crap you talk about Discord, you still kinda consider him as a friend.”

The human furrowed his brow. “Trust me, Az. The LAST thing that I’d consider Discord to be is a friend,” he said with finality.

The unicorn merely chuckled at him. “You’re really stubborn, you know that?”

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“I mean that it’s hard to get you to change your mind about something, like you’d never consider an alternative possibility,” the mare explained. “Normally, I’d find it annoying, but with you, it’s kinda cute.”

“How so?” Eric asked with a raised eyebrow.

“The faces you make when you try to deny something, that’s how,” she said.

“You’re weird,” said Eric.

“And I wouldn’t have it any other way,” said Azure.


As Eric walked home from work later that afternoon, he reflected on his day. He had some fun introducing the new employees to the store. There were only three of them; one of which was a part-time employee before, but it was still nice to have someone to talk to besides Print Stock.

His mind then wandered back to what Azure Gem told him earlier that day. Was there really a possibility of him accepting Discord as a friend?

“Nah, she’s crazy,” he thought, waving it off. “There’s no way I’d accept that guy as a friend.” Eric then thought about what Azure said afterward. “Aw man. I am stubborn. I hate when that mare is right.”

When Eric reached his front door, he heard Discord talking to somepony on the other side. “Shit,” he thought. “Don’t tell me he brought a friend!” He immediately opened the door, and was surprised to see that his house was just the way he left it this morning. Discord was sitting on the living room couch, though, so this meant that he decided not to mess up Eric’s house for once. He walked over to the Draconequus to see what was going on, and he saw that he was levitating a phone close to his ear. The phone was on speaker, so Eric was able to hear who was on the other line.

“Discord, I rarely have any spare time on my hands these days. I’m just asking for a short night out.”

“Well, I can’t, Tia. I’m busy tonight.”

“With what? You don’t have a job.”

“I have stuff to do around my house,”

“Yeah, right. Chances are you’re lazing around at Eric’s.”

“He is,” Eric answered with a smile. He loved it whenever Celestia gave Discord the business.

“Will you shut up?” he mouthed to Eric as he tried to make another excuse. “Well, I promised my marefriend I’d help here out with something,” he said.

“I’M your marefriend!” Celestia said, followed by a frustrated groan. “Honestly, you’re unbelievable, Discord. You have nothing but free time, but you can’t set aside one night for me! It’s like you have no priorities!”

“I have plenty of priorities!” he argued.

“Not you do not!” she snapped back. “Seriously, I don’t know how I can even-” Celestia was interrupted by Discord’s pressing of the “End Call” button.

“She has a point, you know,” Eric said.

“She just needs to calm her nerves,” Discord said dismissively. “She’ll be fine.”

“Don’t you think that you’re taking her for granted?” asked the human. “Maybe you should think about how she feels. She’s swamped with work almost all the time, and all she wanted was to spend one of her rare moments of spare time with you. Maybe you should start treating her more like a mare and less like a flank call.”

“Wow, Eric,” said the draconequus. “I didn’t realize how much you cared.”

“I don’t care,” he said. “Not about you, at least. I’m only saying this because Celestia doesn’t deserve to be treated the way you treat her.”

“Suuure,” said Discord. “Well, I’m going out. I’ll mess up your house tomorrow, okay?”

“Greeeeat… I look forward to it,” Eric said sarcastically as his neighbor poofed away. “Now, I gotta buy more waffles.”


The next day, Eric made his way to work, but when he got there, he saw something through the glass window that really surprised him. Discord was speaking with Print Stock. He wasn’t sure what it was about, but he tried to figure it out from what he could see. He didn’t want to enter the store and draw attention to himself. He saw Print reach for a box, a box that looked really familiar. The stallion then took out an extra large shirt and handed it to Discord.

“Wait a second,” said Eric. “He’s not…”

Unfortunately, Eric suspicion was confirmed when Discord looked at him through the glass and held up the shirt in front of him with a happy smile. Eric’s initial feeling of surprise and suspicion slowly became one of dread and horror.

The shirt read: “STAFF”.

Next Chapter: Chapter 2: Who's the Boss? Estimated time remaining: 1 Hour, 13 Minutes
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