Dear reader,

I am not Lemony Snicket. However, I do share the same side of the schism as he, and have decided to partake in one of his most famous activities; research of volunteers.

I will not be following the Baudelaire Orphans, like he did, however. I will be following two volunteers that were in his subject's lives, however, even if it was for very brief instances of time.

I must warn you, this is not a particularly pleasant tale. Enclosed in this recounting of several unfortunate events is a sugar bowl, a secret organization that spans dimensions, and quite a good deal of chromatic ponies. I would suggest putting this story to rest for good, and to instead read a different story involving colorful ponies, one with a happier ending.

I have made a vow to recount the events Phil and Captain Widdershins go through in the crapsaccharine world they have fallen into, but you (hopefully) have not made a vow to read such sordid tales, and can still depart before being depressed by such a terrible tale.

With all due respect,

Regi D. Ar