As realization kicked in that Fluttershy was no longer with me, I looked away from where she and the other ponies were standing moments ago. I couldn’t believe that she was gone… just like that. It all happened too quick, which made it even harder for me to accept it all. We’d been through so much together. For her to be taken like that…

“So is that it for me then?” I spoke aloud. “Yeah, I guess so,” I answered myself. I wanted to keep crying, but I had literally run out of tears. I let my head hang low as I walked into the bathroom. I turned on the water and splashed two handfuls in my face, then turned it off. As my face dripped with water, I looked into the mirror at myself. My eyes were red from all the crying, and I looked like a wreck. I stared into the mirror for what seemed like an eternity. Then, out of pure rage, I slammed my fist into the mirror. Shards of glass lodged themselves into my hand.

“Ah shit!” I cursed. I held my wrist as I clenched my right hand in pain. I started to pull out the pieces of glass as my hand bled out. I threw the shards onto the floor along with the other pieces of the broken mirror. I turned the water back on, even with a few shards of glass in the sink. I ran my hand under the water, then I went to grab some medical gauze from the cabinet. I wrapped up my hand, put the rest of the gauze away, then walked back to the living room.

I plopped down on the couch and unstrapped my hidden blade from my left arm. I threw it on the table and held my injured hand. I let out a sigh.

“Why would I fucking do that?” I asked myself. I let out another sigh as I quickly decided to get back up and walk to our, or rather, my room. There was another mirror in there. I didn’t intend to break that one. I looked at myself in the full body mirror. I continued to hold my hand as I looked at myself. Whereas earlier that day, I could have looked into that mirror and said to myself, ‘I look like the happiest and luckiest guy on Earth.’ Now, looking into that mirror, all I could have said was, ‘Fuck my life.’

I let my body find comfort on my bed as I lounged out. I looked up to the ceiling and remained silent. That is, until I started talking again.

“Why? Why would I let her go like that? Was it really right for her?” I asked myself. I had no answers for myself. All I did was look up at the ceiling. On certain nights, I would do such a thing with Fluttershy while we talked about whatever came to mind. We would always talk about the craziest things that came to mind.

“I’ve sure got a lot of memories on this bed,” I spoke to myself. The one I never got was one of Fluttershy and I having sex, but we always agreed that us doing it as we were was kind of weird. I mean, a human fucking a pony from another world? I just couldn’t do it, and neither could Fluttershy. But we didn’t have a problem with it.

I wiped my eyes with my left hand and sighed again. I sat up in bed after a while of lying there and doing nothing. I figured I might as well eat something. I got up and headed for the kitchen. I held my right hand to my body, as it was still bleeding a bit, as my left hand worked its way through the refrigerator and freezer.

“I need a fuckin bagel.” I took a bag of bagels out from the freezer and set them on the counter. Then, I got the butter out of the fridge, and placed that on the counter. With my bagel already cut into two slices, I popped it in the toaster. I decided to watch some TV while I waited. I threw myself back onto the couch and turned the TV on. As the TV turned on, the newest episode of The Walking Dead came on. I had already watched it, and I wasn’t exactly in a mood for the dark, depressing world of that show. And so began the channel surfing.

But, I just so happened to flip the channel to the Hub Network. And wouldn’t you know it, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic was on. The one thing that I didn’t want to watch more so than The Walking Dead, and I had to flip to it. But, as I went to change the channel, I found that I was unable to do so. It was one of the episodes from Season Two, where Fluttershy tried to be more assertive. It was the moment where she had just completed her little performance on the stage at the Assertiveness Seminar (or whatever the fuck it was called). As Iron Will held her up, she made that dorky face that would always make me laugh. Even when Fluttershy saw her face when I showed her the episode, she couldn’t help but laugh with me.

But, this time, seeing that face didn’t bring a smile to my face. Hell, it didn’t even bring the slightest smirk. I just looked at the screen, focusing strongly on her eyes. Her beautiful eyes. I was lost in them, as I always would be when she was here with me. I felt my lower lip quivering, and my eyes starting to water. I turned the TV off as the scene changed and got up. I headed back into the bathroom and looked to where the broken mirror frame was. Then, my eyes panned down to all the broken shards of glass.

I started to rummage through the glass, looking for the biggest piece I could possibly find. I cut myself a few times in doing so, but for some reason, I didn’t care. Once I found the biggest piece of glass, I picked it up in my left hand and held it there. I felt it a bit to see how sharp it was.

“Hmm, maybe you can help me.” I pressed my index finger against the glass, to find that it was indeed very sharp. I chuckled a bit. I then raised the glass up and looked at myself in the reflection.

“Look at yourself. You’ve really got nothing left. She’s gone. Why continue on?” I lowered the shard momentarily, then raised it back up to the right side of my throat.

“One clean cut should do it,” I said, gripping the glass a bit tighter. As I pressed the glass gently against my neck, I felt its coldness run through my body.

“I’m sorry Fluttershy.” But, as I spoke those words, I heard her voice, quite distinctly in fact.

“Matthew… please… don’t…” she spoke. I lowered the glass again and looked into it. In the glass, I saw Fluttershy. She was softly smiling at me, and I couldn’t help but smile back. My eyes started to tear up, but I nodded my head to her.

“Okay Fluttershy… you win.” I dropped the glass to the floor. But, as it hit the ground, I realized something.

I couldn’t just end it like this. I had no right to do so. I had to stay alive to keep the love between Fluttershy and me alive. If I ended it all here, that love would be gone. I couldn’t do that. Knowing that, I had no intentions of killing myself any longer. I stood up and looked at the glass shards. I had to get all this crap out of here as soon as I could.

The ringing of the toaster snapped me out of my suicidal trance. My bagel was ready. I sucked on my finger, as I had cut it a little bit. I walked into the kitchen, grabbed a butter knife, and spread the butter on my bagel. With my food ready, I got myself a drink, and sat back down on the couch. I turned the TV back on to find the episode of My Little Pony still running. I watched it for a moment, but decided that it would be better if I didn’t. I turned back to The Walking Dead as I continued to eat. As I ate and watched, I thought to myself, as if I was speaking with Fluttershy.

‘Don’t worry Fluttershy. I won’t be checking out anytime soon.’

Author's Notes:

I originally planned for this to be Chapter 1: Matthew. The next chapter would have been Chapter 1: Fluttershy. But, I found that that didn't really make a lot of sense. It did in my head, but not when I looked at it if it was going to be up on the actual story. Basically, these chapters are going to just be numbered normally. Simple enough.

So, this chapter basically shows that Matthew is already losing it. I don't feel like I'm going to fast with this though. I feel like it's right for him to feel this way. He did, after all, just lose the love of his life. The next chapter will be for Fluttershy, and will most likely occur at the same time as this one. Think of it as though every two chapters will be occurring at the same time or something.